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mbti-notes · 3 months

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Anon wrote: (INFJ. 21) I am ashamed and isolated because my sense of fun doesn't coincide with people and society's sense of fun. I don't drink, smoke or go to nightclubs, and I hate those kind of things, but at the same time I feel I am not allowed to have fun and connect with others in any other way but that, and it makes me feel disconnected from humanity.

Your thinking seems quite extreme and one-sided. Society is a big, big place; we're talking thousands, millions, even billions of people. There are many different kinds of people with many different kinds of interests. Social isolation tends to make people very small-minded. By your own admission, you have been isolated a long time, which means you simply haven't seen enough of the social world to make objective and reasonable judgments about it.

I am a very serious and uptight person in real life but I actually enjoy doing childish things. I like going to amusement parks, dodgems, go-karts, arcades, inflatables, camping, some type of toys like stuffed animals and dolls (I don't collect and I am not obsessed with them though), exploring abandoned places, games such as Just Dance, Twister and housey-housey, jumping and doing acrobatics on trampolines, but also some socially acceptable things such as dancing, skating and barbeques, but I repress everything and I never “have fun” in real life.

I have done almost all of those activities with my friends, and we are all well into adulthood. I've even done them with my parents and their middle-aged and elderly friends of all stripes. I see absolutely no reason to hang our heads in shame. You wouldn't even know about many of those activities if they weren't popular enough to make money and continue to exist. Even if it's true that the majority of people around you don't take an interest in them (which is, again, very few people given how small your social world is), it doesn't make those interests any less valid. Are people not allowed to simply like what they like? Are any of those interests morally wrong? It sounds like there is something very off about your moral judgment, which speaks to a need to improve your moral reasoning skills. Poor moral reasoning is one major reason people suffer from excessive guilt or shame.

As a consequence, I am stuck in a limbo where I am miserable and bored but I also find the things that majority of people do boring, so I am not allowed to do anything. I am not someone who wants to be a child forever, I do have a genuine purpose (which, by chance, happened to be something that's the opposite of childish in society's eyes), ambition and career prospects in life, if that's the “grown up” thing you need from me to prove I'm not a complete extraterrestrial freak.

I have zero interest in judging you. Question for reflection: Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Due to projection, self-critical INFJs always imagine that they are being judged by everyone. This can compel them to try to get ahead of criticism or disprove negative judgments. These quests are a waste of time because 1) you can't avoid criticism in life, and 2) you can't change people's minds when they are intent on believing the worst.

What you can control, though, is how you judge yourself. Shame comes from the way you judge yourself. If you have a problem with being too self-critical, the first step is to own the problem and admit that you are the one doing the judging. Criticism can only trigger you when there is something within you that believes you are deserving of it. There is something about your way of evaluating yourself that needs to change.

Obsessing about how the world doesn't live up to your expectations is merely a distraction. Blaming others for how you feel is one common way to get stuck in Ni-Ti loop. Shame is your emotion; you generated it and it is up to you to understand why. Toxic shame is a serious issue and I have written about it before. It involves 1) believing what others say without critical reflection, as well as 2) believing the worst of yourself even though there is no rational reason for doing so. Given the distortions in your beliefs, it sounds like your toxic shame runs deep, perhaps it's a good idea to get professional help for it.

Sometime ago I found myself together with some early teens so the only thing I spoke about with them was careers because I felt that was the only thing I was allowed to do. I don't need to be told it was weird and socially inappropriate to only ever talk about future professions with those children because I fucking know already. When they started playing catch I wanted to join but I didn't, and I thought it was shameful, twisted, sick and deranged of me to want that, I felt like a pedo so I left.

Pedophilia is defined as sexual attraction toward minors. Are you saying it's impossible for an adult to enjoy innocent play with children because of having sexual feelings? If so, then, yes, that would make you a pedophile and you should indeed avoid children. If not, then why wouldn't you allow yourself to have fun with them, especially since fun is what you really need? Children tend to be accepting and love to play with anyone who is willing to chill and have a good time.

The division between "child" and "adult" is not as black-and-white as you believe it is. There is no legal or moral reason that adults cannot enjoy some activities that children enjoy. You seem to have concocted some very extreme beliefs and inflexible rules about what you can/can't do when socializing. Why?

When INFJs get stuck in Ni-Ti loop, they are resisting Fe development, so they unconsciously invent all manner of false beliefs to hold themselves back from getting the socializing they need. This situation with the children is a good example. If you believe adults shouldn't play with children, how are children meant to learn about the world? They require a positive influence from their elders and you could step up and fill that role for them. Yet, you can't, because you have a personal problem with feeling "childish" and it is too uncomfortable to confront, so rejection of yourself leads to rejection of the kids, thus losing a good opportunity to socialize.

When people stop themselves from fulfilling important needs, such as social needs, they suffer terribly. How can you be happy by constantly depriving yourself? If you treated someone else that way, it would be considered abuse. Why are you abusing yourself?

I think it all started when, other than joining the “adult world” and noticing I can't have fun with others because they don't share my sense of fun, a friend of mine told me I was “childish” for liking to explore abandoned places, and it hasn't left my mind ever since. My requited crush (ESFP) also told me I was weird once, and I started to feel even more ashamed because he's socially adept, popular and belongs to the world, and also kinda conformist because he does and is everything that society deems socially acceptable and enjoys it.

The real issue isn't "childishness" at all. The real issue is you were invalidated and it hurt because you lack the emotional and intellectual tools to handle criticism. Human beings are social creatures and need a sense of social belonging, so invalidation and criticism aren't pleasant experiences for anyone. No society is perfect. Every society has great diversity of personalities and you are bound to run into people who are very different from you, which means there's no avoiding invalidating experiences in life. What matters most is how you choose to respond to those experiences.

On one extreme of the spectrum, people stubbornly stand by what they believe even when everyone tells them they are wrong; on the other extreme of the spectrum, people just believe everything they are told without second thought. If you genuinely want to get out of Ni-Ti loop, you have to actively counter extreme and unreasonable thinking patterns whenever they appear in your mind. The healthy middle ground is to listen to what people say, in case they are making a valid point, and then do the critical mental work to evaluate it objectively, in order to extract truth and utility.

What you've done, through Ni-Ti loop, is taken the pain of invalidation/criticism and run off into the land of extreme thinking, eventually getting lost there. You exist on both extremes of the spectrum. On one hand, you just believe whatever negative thing people say about you, which leads you to feel ashamed. On the other hand, something within you can't agree with what was said, which leads you to stubbornly or angrily defend yourself. When you get stuck in such extremes, it is logically untenable, which means it causes psychological instability. What started out as a small hurt of invalidation/criticism has now been blown out of proportion into something so painful that you need to invent false beliefs to rationalize the terrible position you find yourself in.

These kinds of negative thinking patterns indicate a dire need for you to improve your emotional intelligence. The first step is learning to accept and embrace all of your feelings and emotions so that they don't always get blown out of proportion. Your feelings and emotions are important messages that help you maintain good mental health. However, when you don't process them properly, they have the potential to damage your mental health.

For example, it is quite reasonable to feel hurt by invalidation, but it is unreasonable to descend into shame, anger, and rage spirals in reaction to the hurt. You ought to reflect on the hurt, patiently and compassionately, in order to understand its true meaning. Perhaps it is simply informing you that those people are not well-suited to be your friends. You can try to deny the reality of the situation, or you can accept reality and keep moving forward to seek better social opportunities. There is always a better response you could choose.

Being around him makes me feel even more inadequate and self-conscious and I am terrified of him finding out the childish things I like doing because somebody “normal” such as him would think I am a weird mentally ill freak and that would shatter me to pieces because it would be the ultimate disconnect from humanity for me. So I disappeared and cut all contact with him so that he doesn't find out who I really am and starts using it against me.

Have you done something morally wrong? If you have, then it would be right for people to call you out and shame you. If you haven't, then other people's judgments of you are invalid, perhaps to be taken as proof that they are not relationship-ready, unable to be the friend/partner that you need them to be. If that were the case, the best thing to do would be to let the relationship go so that you could find something better. Use your Ni: What are the implications of continuing to tie yourself to his judgments and then blame him for your hurt? You would be stuck in a vicious cycle of fear and loathing with him indefinitely. Is that really how you want to spend your life? Once again, there is a better choice to be made.

I know everybody thinks I am a weird and deragend freak, so I isolate myself and I never express myself because I don't want people to ridicule and reject me for that again. I know I display a childish and simple-minded mindset, so fucking what? Are my insecurities socially unacceptable now as well? Am I not allowed to feel like this because it's the symptom of a “childish person with low ego development”? I only have this mindset because it's the same mindset everybody else has. How am I supposed to navigate the world otherwise?

"Everybody" thinks you're a freak? "Everybody" has this mindset? More examples of extreme thinking. Unless you have literally talked to everybody in the world and can provide concrete proof of their beliefs, then what you have here is a distorted or false belief, based on your own overactive imagination. Yes, rejection doesn't feel good for anybody, so it is reasonable to be afraid of it. But it isn't reasonable to take that fear and turn it into self-righteous rage. Does it make you feel better to rage against the world? Only for a moment, and then you go back to feeling like you're nothing. Unfortunately, it doesn't solve anything and doesn't get you your dignity back.

It's no use to pull a “gotcha” on me because I reprimanded my crush for being conformist while being a conformist myself. I am just bitter and envious that he manages to do it successfully and be part of the world while still feeling free in doing so. The other reason I avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist is to prevent myself from getting triggered by him.

"Pull a gotcha"? Like many socially challenged INFJs, you seem to have a habit of "mindreading", i.e., assuming you know what people are thinking/feeling or presuming to know what they will say. This habit is very destructive to relationships due to causing unnecessary misunderstanding. Socially challenged INFJs also have the habit of making up an image of people in their mind, and that's what they're really interacting with rather than the actual person. Since you're basically just talking to yourself, shall I leave you to it?

If you really already know all about people, then you should be able to resolve your socializing problems yourself and succeed in every relationship... yet you can't. A common way Ni-Ti loop mentally traps you is by making it very easy for you to believe that you know "The Truth" when you're actually just keeping yourself willfully ignorant of evidence to the contrary. The result is, you live in your own imaginary world. To get back to seeing more clearly (dominant Ni) and functioning well in society (auxiliary Fe), it is necessary for you to open your mind and make it more flexible to seeing the full truth. For Ns, feeling the mind get more and more inflexible is a huge red flag that something is wrong with the way they're thinking.

In running this blog, I am often forced to point out problems with people's beliefs only because it's necessary to correct them to reach the next stage of growth - not because I take sadistic pleasure in being pedantic and "pulling a gotcha". To be honest, I deeply dislike the tedious task of wading through the maze of people's distorted beliefs, which is one of the many reasons why I'm not a therapist. If you're going to believe I have ill-intentions and just want to put you down, you really shouldn't ask me for help, because nothing I say is going to get through your paranoia anyway. It would be a waste of time for both of us.

Are you gonna tell me to grow some balls, get over it and become a well-adjusted person? That's one part I predicted, but I also thought I could also get some useful or enlightening advice on how to get over my shame and reconcile my socially unacceptable interests with my bond with others. I just want to feel accepted for who I am and also “belong” and find my tribe, ideally, but I don't know how. It might not seem like it, but I genuinely want to change and have more courage, I was just letting off some steam. If you are wondering why I am a backlogged and underdeveloped individual like you did with the other INFJ not long ago is because I've previously been a hikikomori for 7 years on a Ni-Ti loop. I had this “childish interests” problem even as a teen, but it was nowhere near as severe as now. I used to completely repress my Fe before and I felt no need for relationships because I didn't know how to keep my Fe in check and, as I predicted, now it's out of control and I feel like a weak loser after my crush has made these repressed and unfullfilled needs of mine resurface. I'd rather you not publish my message but only your answer, in case you'll write it. I already know I am deeply gonna regret sending this to you but it's for the best.

"Grow some balls" is not something I would ever say because I believe that it's wrong to use gendered insults. Are you aware of the crude and vulgar way in which you talk to yourself?

Whenever you interact with people, you are taking an emotional risk, so socializing does indeed require some courage. You are risking the possibility of getting rejected. You can accept the risk gracefully and keep moving forward in life, or you can twist yourself up over it and get stuck in fear and pain. You get to choose.

I have made it clear on the contact page that when people send their questions to me anonymously, I will publish them publicly. I can't respond well if I can't make direct reference to the things you've said. But it's important for you to go back and review everything you've written for two other reasons:

1) Self-Reflection: You need to understand that hurt people hurt people. Your lack of self-respect comes out in how little respect you have shown to me. You don't get to rattle, rant, and rave and then, when you feel better, pretend like you didn't say all those things or that the things you said were meaningless, which is what many unhealthy FJs do. It is disrespectful to dump your emotions on someone, presume to know what they will think and say, and then try to control how they respond to you. I'm not your servant to order around. That is not what healthy socializing should look like.

Even if you could find some friends to be your "tribe", it's likely that you wouldn't be able to keep them for very long because of how easily you get triggered into tertiary loop. There is actually nothing morally wrong with your personal interests despite what the people around you say, but there is something wrong with how your unresolved hurt inadvertently causes you to hurt others.

You need to be a good friend in order to keep good friends, which means you have to face up to all the ways in which your extreme thinking leads to toxic behavior, in terms of misunderstanding, misjudging, and mistreating others. When your initial stance in relationships is defensive, distrustful, and antagonistic, you're making yourself unapproachable and unlikable. This only feeds into Ti loop self-sabotage, by repelling people before they reject you.

2) Self-Awareness: The purpose of my blog is to explore ways to improve self-awareness through type development. An important aspect of personal growth is the willingness to confront the truth of oneself. All the things you wrote above are a reflection of you, your beliefs and your values. If you don't like what you wrote or feel ashamed of it, it's a good opportunity to review and reflect on why.

To break out of Ni-Ti loop, you need to face up to: the extreme thinking patterns; the false beliefs distorting your worldview; and most importantly, the deep unresolved pain you feel from isolation and alienation. How can you heal a wound if you're not willing to look at it, tend to it, and apply the required medicine? Yes, it stings, but it is sometimes necessary to endure growing pains in order to grow.

There are things you can do to heal tertiary loop and I've witnessed many INFJs do it. But you have to be willing to take an honest look at yourself and change what needs changing without always falling into the habit of beating yourself bloody. There are several things you need to improve upon in order to break out of tertiary loop:

emotional intelligence: learn to accept, feel, listen, and understand negative emotions such as shame, rather than run from them, defend against them, or give in to them

self-esteem: admit that you are human (rather than always trying to live up to an unreasonable/unrealistic ideal image) so that you can finally hear and fulfill your psychological needs, which would help you feel better about yourself

self-worth: understand that it is okay to need and want love, and most importantly, believe that you are deserving of it, but learn to look for love in the right places

moral reasoning skills: learn to analyze moral issues intelligently so that you can make sound moral judgments on your own, otherwise, you will always be easily led astray by criticism

social skills: learn what it means to interact with real people rather than your image of them; learn to treat people with more respect and acceptance if you hope to receive respect and acceptance; learn to speak up and draw boundaries whenever you encounter people who are hurtful or toxic

communication skills: learn to express yourself authentically, sensitively, calmly, and assertively so that you are not always at the mercy of others in social situations

conflict resolution skills: there is no perfect way to socialize because conflict is inevitable; accept conflict as a fact of life and learn good strategies for minimizing and resolving it

I have already written about these topics before and recommended books on the resources page. Tried-and-true knowledge already exists for your self-improvement. The final question is whether you are actually serious about learning and changing.

With access to the internet, it is easier than ever to find people with similar interests as you. To achieve a goal, a person must be focused and determined. Focus all your attention on refining your search methods, rather than getting distracted by pointless criticism.

I suggest you broaden and systematize your search, instead of wasting time on the wrong people. The more time you've invested in someone, the harder it is on you if the relationship must end. Therefore, it is in your best interest to show your true self at the start of a relationship so that you know the truth and can make a fully informed decision about whether someone is a good fit for you.

Don't walk around believing that everyone should be your bff, otherwise, it is your own unrealistic expectations that will always do you in. It doesn't ultimately matter what is or isn't "mainstream". Everyone has a right to their own interests as long as they're not harming anyone, and a good friend/partner should be able to accept and appreciate legitimate individual differences. Pick your friends and partners carefully.

#infj #ti loop #criticism #shame #ask

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amuhav · 7 months

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1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 10, 17, 20 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), 23, 25 for T A Y U I N.

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

All of his time back in Abor'sai? lmao. I mean, sadly he's already forgotten anything good about his childhood, so he's left with mostly just the negative experiences that came after. Though, maybe surprisingly, I would say any of the more positive experiences with his father would be top of the list, because they're one of the few things that make him regret leaving without a word. And makes it harder for him to just put the whole place and everyone behind him.

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

How damaged he is under the layers of self-preservation. And how desperate he is to be understood and accepted, despite his pathological self-sabotaging to stop that from happening.

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

Lack of faith in other people, and by extension never letting himself have any peace or happiness, too willing to believe it will only lead to more harm. By never trusting anyone or sabotaging anything good that happens to him, it becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophecy that feeds further into his worldview that everything will hurt him if given the chance. I think he's become more aware of that, but until recently, no, he didn't see it as a flaw of his. He just saw it as protecting himself from the inevitable.

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Pretty far. Tay tends to put his survival and his immediate wants and needs ahead of anything else. He doesn't usually hurt people just for the sake of it, only if he thinks he'll gain something or he considers them to have wronged him, believes they eventually will, or if he sees them as a threat in any way. But he's generally the type to do so in indirect ways; manipulation, lying, maybe a lil theft etc. I guess I'm not saying he wouldn't take a life, if he really felt he had to, but what I am saying is he certainly would try not to. Physical harm or confrontation is certainly not a go-to unless he hasn't much choice.

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Uhhhhhh. His moral compass is kinda skewed towards Chaotic Neutral anyway lol. I don't think you'd easily convince him to do anything truly heinous if he had no reason to. On the other side of the spectrum, you'd probably also struggle to convince him to do anything too good that didn't also benefit him in some way, not unless he truly felt some obligation to do so, or ultimately agreed with the premise under all that outward bluster. In which case, you'd still have to be pretty convincing to overcome that self-preservation instinct of his, especially if whatever it was would make him vulnerable. For example, a lot of the time he'll be more likely to double down rather than take ownership of a mistake, because that would be a sign of weakness oh shit I'm realising he inherited this particular trait from his mother ignore me goodbye.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Uh, once I actually had a grasp of his characterisation? Honestly, not much at all lol. I meeeean, there are definitely some points in CotS where I wouldn't have necessarily gone where the ~votes~ did, yet I still think the ways they played out, and all his actions within CotS have remained in character (which is honestly impressive when you think about it like that LMAO). But overall he's one of those characters as a writer you just... kinda instantly know them? Like, you connect with them in a way where you just know how they think and feel in almost any given situation without even ever having to give it much thought. Which I feel is pretty rare for me at least lmao.

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

not to sound basic bitch, but I guess Modern Day? I can't really see him in any other genre than that or the Fantasy one he's already in. But maybe... if we're talking more parallel universe AU rather than full genre/setting swap AU... one where he never left home? Because while I will always believe leaving was the best option for him, I don't know if things would have necessarily gone as badly as he thought they were heading...

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

everything um. leading on from the last question I guess ahaha... The bit that hasn't happened yet in the story. And again, not the leaving itself. I think leaving is the best thing he ever did for himself. But I feel ~a little guilty~ for the misunderstandings that lead up to it at least the way I have it planned because I haven't finished writing it yet so that might change I guess lolololol. That, or having him forget just why Ailos seems to hate him so much. Because it informs so much, not just of their relationship but so much of who they both are and how each of their lives came to be the way they are, but to Tay it all just seems so entirely without rhyme or reason. It's like an elephant in the room between them, but one Tay can't overcome because he doesn't even know it's there, and Ailos can't see past it nor work around it, and Tay not even knowing it exists only makes him all the more bitter. (which, like, not to excuse anything lmao, just. ya know. something something hurt people hurt people something something.)

Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

lmaoooooooo. Tay? noooooo. never. jealousy? what's that, even? asdfghklkshhhh. I don't know if he necessarily ever recognises feelings of jealousy for what they are, at least not immediately without time to actually think about it, but yeeeeeah. It is definitely not an unusual response lmao. Jealous lil bean lashes out, usually at whatever he most considers to be the root cause of his pain (I'm so sorry Eve I woulda dragged my boi to apologise right away I stg 😭) And speaking of, manifesting as a rather strong sense of possessiveness lmao.

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Happiness. He doesn't trust it. Like, real happiness, not just momentary glee at getting whatever he wants/needs in a particular moment or a plan working out for him, but true, actual-to-goodness happiness and feelings of contentment. It feels like a trap waiting to spring. So he fights it.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Despite all his flaws, his ability to overcome. He's so broken, and he deals with a lot of things so poorly, but he's still trying. Still surviving, still trying to find a place in the world when I think so many would have just given up and accepted defeat. And that deep down, even if he doesn't indulge in it or trust it, he still has a heart, and hasn't lost all his humanity (or the fae equivalent? lmao) along the way.

#ask my characters #Tayuin Eth'salin #maybe one day I will have actual banners again #but today is not that day 💃🏻

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 7 months

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It's eight in the fucking morning in my time zone Amane why

(T2) Q9: What does love mean to you?

Who asked that?! You knew it was going to go horrendously wrong! You had to have known how much emotional pain Amane would inflict by answering this!

Amane: To spread mercy without limits

audgsh bkh sahlmd0ifpm,<ADSXPXÑ

[Magic] But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can really think it’s great. See isn’t it a great thing?

"It" being, you know, getting punished and tortured.

Mercy. It's mercy. Being judged. Being punished. Because she's weak and sinful and horrible and an Animal and-

[Magic] Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

Because Amane doesn't deserve happiness, does she? She doesn't deserve a second chance or an opportunity to change, because she's awful and horrible and how dare she want to eat cake, how dare she show compassion and put a little napkin on a cat's leg, how dare she get something wrong and not be perfect at all times and how dare she not know exactly what the people who love her so so much don't want her to do. Come on, she's fucking 12, surely she shouldn't make any mistakes ever no matter what.

[Purge March] If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out This is the magic that stops that from happening

Can't you see how horrible she is? If she eats cake or goes to an amusement park or dares to be a child, then horrible horrible things will happen. She's so ruinous and corrupt and sinful, can't you see the damage she causes?

That's why it's mercy, you see? Because if they punish her and teach her how wrong she is for having any desires of her own ever, then she can change and be better and be a good girl! See, she's such a good girl! She doesn't even complain when she's electrocuted and drowned and beaten and- because she knows running away from pain is sinful and horrible and how dare she want to be safe and healthy, but by getting punished she can change and become better! She can reach paradise! She has to live like this, she needs to repent for her sins, because she can't bear the thought of having regrets when she dies because she's always so close she needs to be good and now because what if the next time they don't pull her head out of the water until her heart stops beating-

They could give up on her entirely and just put down this sick animal like a cat, but they don't! Because they love her! See, they're merciful! Because they haven't given up on the horrible monster that *gasp* put a napkin on a cat's leg! That can only mean they're being merciful. They still have hope she can discard her entire personality and become the perfect little girl who never does anything wrong.

And she loves them too, you know. That's why she needs to show them when they're wrong. That way their souls can be saved. She can't hate, because hating someone is selfish and horrible and she doesn't deserve the ability to hate. To not punish them would be giving up on them, that wouldn't be very merciful, would it? So she needs to show them when they did something wrong.

Her mother killed a cat, she broke the rules, she broke her vows. She wasn't strong enough to control her urges. So now Amane needs to show her mercy by accepting her weakness and fixing her. And oh, what's this? She's begging Amane to stop? That's weakness too, you know, you're not supposed to run away from punishment. So Amane will have mercy on her by punishing her for that, too.

Maybe once she stops moving, she'll go to heaven instead of hell like the sinful blasphemer unforgiving monster unrepentant sadist Amane hates her so much die die die disappear she is. Isn't Amane just so merciful?

I have so many more thoughts. I just- I can't, I can't put them in order right now. I probably got things wrong in this manifestation of my sadness, I don't have the mental power to think properly right now. She's just- Amane, audhgigcmNULÑkl m

#cw child abuse #cw cults #cw indoctrination #i am so hurt #i am so sad #i am enranged at her parents #i am not normal #i am not well #i am crying i am anl kasfjn i #milgram #amane momose

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sunshine-tattoo · 2 years

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so I saw someone confused as to why so many of us have referred to stolas as "closeted" before remeeting blitz. Since different sexualities and genders are pretty widely accepted in hell.

it's because closeted doesn't just mean hiding who you are but also not getting a chance to experiment and find out for yourself.

stolas got engaged at 11 years old. Perhaps he was allowed to date or at least fuck other people before his wedding at 18, but I doubt he did much considering how shy he is and how much he values connection.

He also was probably trying to be loyal to Stella out of a misguided attempt to make their future marriage happy.

I do not know if he (or stella) would be allowed to be with other people after the wedding.

My guess is yes (since it's Hell) just as long as they only produced young with each other.

But stolas, as stated by him at the ending of "the circus", very much wanted to make the marriage work.

So he stuck with her and didn't date anyone else.

"But wouldn't he have realized he wasn't sexually attracted to her?"

Maybe, maybe not.

Since he never really got the chance to explore and learn what he liked, he may have just given up and assumed that all sexual relationships were like this.

Ot that he was somehow broken.

A thought held by many queer people before discovering themselves.

Blitz completely changes stolas's mindset about himself as a sexual being.

He realizes that the problem was with who he was with, not himself.

He also realizes that he isn't undesirable the way Stella always said.

Because blitz actively wants to fuck him.

Yes, it is a complicated situation with the book and blitz's reasons, but there is no doubt that blitz finds stolas attractive and enjoys sex with him.

Because if he thought stolas was unattractive, he would not have stayed the whole night. He would have done things fast and bolted.

But he didn't. Because owl boy is a hottie and the sex they have together is really good.

It's also why he never tried to get out of the full moon arrangement.

Blitz is clever. If he didn't wanna fuck stolas, he would have found a way out of it.

But he doesn't get out of it because it's a win-win for him: have amazing mind-melting kinky sex with a gorgeous man and then get the book to run his business.

It is even implied that blitz has come over (or stolas has gone to his place) to fuck during times other than the full moon.

Because it's something that they both very much enjoy.

The sexual comfortability they have with each other at the end of "truth seekers" is proof.

There are definitely problems that need to be addressed. Like the social inequality between them and both of their unhealthy emotional baggage.

But in terms of the purely sexual aspects, which is what this post is about, these two are doing excellent.

#helluva boss blitz #helluva boss analysis #helluva boss #stolitz #stolas #helluva boss the circus

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mdhwrites · 7 months

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So do you ever think that the whole Cat God thing in the Amphibia felt kinda out of left field? Like aside from Anne rambling when high on painkillers (which is not good foreshadowing), the Cat God feels like it came out of nowhere with barely any build up and only really exists purely so they wouldn't have to end the show with Anne 100% dead.

So... I really like it. It's maybe one of the few really good fake out deaths out there because it would have genuinely sucked if Anne were dead at the end of the series but having her briefly die for once has an actual POINT to it in the story, as well as one other part I like about it that I'll get to. Most things that do this sort of death can't say they have a real point to it. For them, it's just a heroic sacrifice to show things are serious and then it's various levels of questionable of how they turn it around when they get back. *glares daggers at Kingdom Hearts 3*

Amphibia is all about change though. How change can be painful, how it can be great, the good, the bad, and what we must sacrifice for it. A story about change that never addresses death is arguably incomplete in its themes. Death is one of the most painful changes in our life after all and rarely do we get to have a choice in the matter. Rarely does it get to mean something. Anne at least got to have it be her choice and to have it be in order to save the world she loved and change it for the better, while the Core wanted to change it for the absolute worst.

So her dying makes sense. It's kind of just the natural final note for the theme to go out on. So how do I justify the god coming out of nowhere?

Well, a lot of it has to do with Amphibia's writing. For once, not just that it is a looser sort of show with a better comedy focus than something like TOH. No, this time it has to do with the writing around the stones and around the god. The stones are always portrayed to us as gifts. Even Aldrich says it is their greatest treasure and that no one knows where they came from. They have prophecies about it. It's very BIG fantasy. Not High Fantasy but BIG, the sort that includes gods and what not. Honestly, one could argue it's taking cues from Greek storytelling in that way with chosen heroes, divine gifts, etc. like that.

So when the god appears and says the stones were all a game/test... Yeah, I buy it. They are unfathomably powerful, they aren't fully known by anyone, no matter how much anyone claims to understand them and all you have to do for their full power is to ask. Send a prayer to the one who made them.

But it gets better. I LOVE that it was an offhand thing for the god that then got annoying. That they decided to change things for no reason by giving mortals unlimited power and had to scold itself for TEN THOUSAND YEARS for what a mistake that was. It treated life as a game, fucked around and found out.

Which actually brings us to the final thing: The fact that Anne's kindness is rewarded. While community and change are major themes of the show, the driving force behind pretty much the entirety of the show is compassion and understanding as what brings about positive community and change. In her sacrifice, she showed the ultimate compassion she could for her world, her friends showed understanding by knowing they shouldn't stop Anne if this was her choice and for that, she is given the chance for godhood.

But Anne doesn't back off from her choice. She accepted death and she doesn't see herself as a queen. She isn't about to become like Sasha or the Core and take power just because it's in front of her. Not when she's made plenty of mistakes during the show. In that humility, she is given a chance to finish growing but they don't take back the impact on the theme. She still accepted the ultimate change. She even accepted it over power over everyone because she didn't just assume it'd be a purely positive change for everyone.

And all of that is part of why to me, the catgod works. Admittedly, from a pacing standpoint, it's about the only way to pull Amphibia's tone back to where they can start cracking jokes and what not and have an ending that feels like Amphibia rather than some dower, bittersweet farewell which is in and of itself smart for the show.

There's a LOT in Amphibia like this. Where if not for smart, cohesive choices made on all levels, and a genuine understanding of what it is on all levels, the choices wouldn't work or they'd be stupid or rushed, etc. like that.

But Amphibia is smart enough to make it all work, almost like a capricious god playing with a world, though not without a couple cracks at the fault lines. But that's just texture since a perfect product is a boring product.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#amphibia

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acourtofthought · 10 months

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What would be your reaction if SJM said the next book was by Elain and Azriel?

It is...

What would be your reaction if she announced that the next book was Elain and Lucien?

(What kind of reactions would you have in these hypotheses).

If Elain and Az were endgame and announced as being next I would first apologize for what was clearly my misinterpretation of the books before it 😂

And I would probably like the book. I like every trope and I have loved every SJM pairing she's given us. I was excited for the continuation of Feyre and Tamlins story in book 2 only to ADORE Feysand. I really liked the idea of Dorian and Celeana, loved Celaena and Chaol but definitely understand why they weren't meant to be. Nesta is not one of my favorite characters however I do like she and Cassian together. I mean, I did like the thought of E/riel at one point so it's not like I don't see the appeal. I just began to notice things that I missed the first time around and my opinion changed after I started deep diving into the books but that's ONLY because it's what I think the author has been telling us and that's only because I began to really pay attention to how she has written in the past. But that doesn't mean if SJM turns around and says, "nope! E/riel is who I want!" I'm going to boycott her. If that's who she wants then I will allow her to lead me along in her vision. I'm not the one writing these characters so if she says, "E/riel is endgame and this is how I'm going to make that happen" then I'm going along with it because that's the story she's telling.

If that happens though, I would like for Elain to call out Az for a few things. I hope that things I consider "wrongs" between them are acknowledged moving forward, that she finds out he didn't support her searching for the trove and gives him hell, that he was interested in her for the wrong reason (three brothers / three sisters).

I would be sad over the missed Elucien opportunity. With Lucien and Elain, I do think SJM has a chance to give us a story that feels new and fresh, something different than we've ever seen from any of her other characters. Not only because their personalities are so different than others she's written about but because we've never gotten the POV from a character who has known with certainty that they have a mating bond with someone else. But again, if SJM wants E/riel than I believe in her ability to have it all make sense by the end.

If she announced Elucien, I might momentarily pass out 😂

I hate desperately wanting things, it's a very consuming feeling for me. As a result, I hate the feeling of disappointment, it's very soul crushing, so I try to be happy and content and accept things as they are. Which on one hand is a good thing (I think) but on the other hand, I could see how I might come off as complacent at times because of it. Like, maybe I could be doing so much more with my life but rather than pushing and failing, I live in a happy bubble where the stakes aren't too high.

With that said, part of me hates that I would really love to see Elucien happen because I know it's just a book and I know that it's not going to be anything that truly matters regardless of who is endgame and I wish I wouldn't have gotten so obsessed with the series because I hate knowing I might now be disappointed (this is why I like series AFTER they're complete and I can search for spoilers to better prepare myself) 😂. And I've put a lot of time into writing posts on my blog and I've spent a lot of time interacting with those in the fandom so if I'm wrong, that's a long way to fall😂. It doesn't help knowing that I now have people online who hate me and would love for me to be wrong.

So if Elucien is endgame, I think my heart will momentarily stop and I can't imagine how euphoric it will feel to not only know that I'd be getting to read an entire book about two of my favorite characters but also that I actually figured something out 😂. That I was able to pick up the authors hints and that I don't lack reading comprehension, that I'm not misogynistic for shipping Elucien, that I'm not "delusional". It's not that I believe any of those things however, I can't pretend like it's fun reading them.

At this point, I think we're probably all ready for news, regardless if it's the news we want to hear or not. I personally don't think she's been building E/riel as endgame since book 2 however I know E/riels do. And Elucien did become mates in book 2 but we still don't know what they'll do about their bond. That means both sides of the fandom have been waiting for answers since as far back as 2016 and that is a looooong time.

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ladysophiebeckett · 8 months

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So, what do you think would have happened if Betty had indeed ended things with Armando? Outside of El Meson de San Diego, he tells her: We're through then, is that it? If she had said yes, would Armando have respected her choice? Would he try to convince her to give him another chance? Request a definite explanation as to why she had changed so much and ended things? Or maybe be would've accepted it? This is one possibility that he gave her, but I don't think he was prepared for the worst tbh it's also interesting that Betty didn't choose to end it right there and then because for her it was already over, right? I'm curious to know since when you think she buried the relationship.

It's also interesting that Armando didn't choose to end things at Mario's place. It just hit me while reading your comments that Betty intended on ending things that night at his apartment (she had also tried to end it before and urged Armando to mend his relationship with Marcela instead), I never saw it like that before, but now I'm seeing this scene on a different perspective. This was the perfect escape for Armando tbh he never would have known about her first time which only made him feel even worse, and their second night wouldn't have happened which had a huge impact on him. The fact that he never even looks at another woman after this night is actually insane, the hold it had on him? Their first night also meant a lot to him, but he continued to be a flirt and the way he behaved with Adriana Arboleda and treated Betty indicated he hadn't changed that much. After their second night, he only got kinda flirty with the models the day he hits Nicolás outside Inesita's house, but other than that it was obvious that he was crazy over Betty. He was also over the top flirty with Alejandra, but I always saw it as a move to make Betty jealous and show her that he wasn't indifferent to this beautiful woman and neither was she. When he rejected her advances afterwards, that was the definitive proof that he had changed for good.

As always, reading your comments is such a delight. Sorry for the long ask.

dont apologize for the long ask. you've given me a lot think about.

lets go fm the top--if betty had tried to break up with him at el meson, would he have accepted it? no. he would have demanded an explanation bc fm his end, in his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong. i dont think betty would be able to give him an explanation that doesn't give her away and we know she doesn't intend to tell him that she knows the truth. so even if she did try to end things, no he wouldn't have accepted it.

let's revisit what actually happens in canon--they have a huge fight outside the restaurant. he accuses her of having a thing with nicolas, which she does not take well. she throws in his face his treatment of her, how he didnt want to be seen with her and he says that that's not true. he tries to kiss her and she rejects him and then he calls her out on it-- 'me tento todo el tiempo alla en ese sitio si? a que la besara, a que la acariciara. y ahora no quiere que la bese? pero yo si quiero besarla. me muero, me muero por besarla'

--in his mind betty's sending mixed signals. and when she finally gives in to his kiss, to him its confirmation that she still wants to be with him. but her verbal rejection of him, he doesn't understand it. and he kind of refuses to look deeper bc the next day he's like 'i need to know if that kiss means that we're gonna continue on as we always have been'. even the card he writes doesn't quite acknowledge what really happened that night; he says it was a beautiful night because he got to kiss her again but doesn't understand why she left him. no acknowledgment about why they fought or how he treated her for the majority of the evening.

i think it's clear that something is definitely wrong but armando vehemently refuses to see the bigger picture.

I'm curious to know since when you think she buried the relationship

Not 'buried' but more like 'ended it and didn't tell him about it'.

Unfortunately, i have to talk about the letter.

Note: this is my interpretation of things from Betty's pov. Feel free to disagree.

The letter maims Betty but what really kills her is watching Armando read the letter. It's overhearing his conversation with Mario. It's Armando saying 'si, yo hago todo al pie de la letra. sabe que? usted es mi heroe'. We see her watching him read the letter, not acting shocked by it, we see her watch him rip it up as the instructions asked. We see her holding back sobs. That is what kills her.

From that moment on, I think Betty mentally breaks up with him. She doesn't let him take her home anymore, a boyfriend privilege he didn't know he had. She tires to reject him, doesn't want to kiss him. Doesn't want to go on dates with him. Why? Because he's not her boyfriend anymore. And leaves it up to him to figure it out.

When he says 'entonces terminamos?!'---she already did. The times she gives into kissing him, is Betty relapsing on a ex that will not get the hint that it's over. And Armando doesn't realize how over it's been until la junta directiva when he sees the letter in his folder. (side note, he says post junta directiva that he understands now why betty was acting the way she was acting and i just want to say, no he doesnt get it yet but that's another type of post)

re their second night:

betty gave him an out and he refused to take it. like many times before. the conversation they have at mario's place, when she points out all reasons why a relationship like theirs, out in the open, would never survive. all the things he himself has thought of, in regards to his own image, his class, his family. It pains him to see her talk about it, to hear her talk about herself in such a way. In addition to knowing that he made her feel like she didn't matter to him (the arboleda incident wasn't just a case of jealousy it was about betty feeling like she wasn't enough to keep him or his attention). he could have let her go that evening. he could let her end it. when she tries to leave, he panics (foreshadowing) and stops her. that is all armando. that is his free will. he can't let her go thinking she doesn't matter to him. she matters far too much to him now that it's too late for him to turn back.

armando and his ability to be faithful to betty vs marcela--i have an ask to respond to about that in more depth but the short answer--he wants to be faithful to betty bc her jealousy doesn't come from a place of possessiveness. it's comes from betty feeling inadequate. and he doesn't want to be a reason for her to feel less than. he wants her to know that he desires her, that he loves her (and only her). after the arboleda incident, he better understands her and wants to reciprocate how betty makes him feel. (like he is special to her, like he's the only man in her life that she loves).

I can't speak on the Alejandra scenes bc....I dont like to watch him with her. I can't give you my interpretation, whether i agree or disagree bc just watching Betty and everyone tell her about her makes me sad. I will have to refresh myself on that. but yes, his rejection of her is proof not only that he changed, but that the love he feels for Betty, despite her indifference and his time away fm Bogota, it's still there. And no other woman can sway him, even if given the opportunity to move on.

#ysblf #betty la fea #anon #ask

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alpacahat67 · 1 year

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When I tell you I've literally been DISSECTING this image for so long trying to figure out why Malleus, Idia, and Leona are the only ones looking out of their coffins I MEAN IT.

And within my dissection, I have made an observation.

Those three are literally the only ones who didn't particularly WANT their role as housewarden. It was either dropped into their hands or others pressured them into it.

Now, I doubt that's the reason why the three are looking out of the coffin while everyone else isn't because Kalim was also given the position with little work solely because he is a prince. So... I've yet to figure it out. A friend and I have theorized that it might relate to their past? Their relationship with Malleus? Their life and mindsets??? Give me your theories I might make a post one day. ANYWAY.

I don't know if Malleus' whole housewarden story has been canonized, but with him being the heir to the throne of the Briar Valley, I can only assume it's because of that? It would make sense, though. Chances are Malleus Draconia wouldn't accept any role below that of the highest one he can achieve. But I doubt that really helps his whole "feeling isolated from one's peers" thing. In fact, it probably makes it worse, considering the fact that he isn't even invited to the mandatory housewarden meetings. Idia and Leona's situations are very similar. Both of them weren't originally interested in the role, despite the fact that not having perks that a housewarden has such as not having to share a room being horrible is one of the few things both of them can agree upon. And neither of them liked answering to those they viewed as below them, I'm sure Leona being born with a silver spoon in his mouth and Idia likely having served the role of a leader solo before book 6 ever occurred didn't help. But both of them were kind of pushed into the role by their peers. Leona says in his Birthday Boy vignette that his dormmates basically BEGGED him to take the position of dorm leader and he did when he was a sophomore. It seems that Idia was personally asked to become housewarden in what seems to be around very late sophomore year?? So a little before current events in-game but don't quote me on that one. He tells Azul in his dorm uniform card that, while he originally turned it down, Ortho's "Nii-san can do no wrong" attitude + the fact that he was objectively the most capable in Ignihyde eventually got to him and he accepted the role. I don't doubt an amount of forcing, most likely Crowley feeding his ego until he finally said yes, occurred as well.

That's not to say all three of them hate the role. I'm sure all of them harbor some amount of hatred for it, there's just some things that are tedious about the job. Idia doesn't like having to care for those beneath him, Leona doesn't like the burden of having to sort out issues within his dorm (and housewarden meetings), and Malleus is still separated from his peers despite the fact that he probably has the most optimistic view of his role out of the three. But it's something they have to do and all three of them have some sort of reason as to why they stay. All three of them harbor some amount of care for their dormmates and upholding the spirit of the Great Seven their dorm represents. Leona enjoys not having to work very hard, Ortho being proud is probably a big reason as to why Idia stays, and honestly, I don't recall much about Malleus but you're doing great sir never change. And I'm sure there's more, but I'm sort of half asleep writing this.

Oh, yes. At the very least, Idia and Leona enjoy the whole not having a roommate.

This is a bit of a braindump post so please be nice to me thanks.

#twst #twisted-wonderland #leona kingscholar #idia shroud #malleus draconia

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ash-and-books · 10 months

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Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb: A Black teen desperate to regain her Ivy League acceptance enters an elite competition only to discover the stakes aren’t just high, they’re deadly, in this searing thriller that’s Ace of Spades meets Squid Game with a sprinkling of The Bachelor.

You must work twice as hard to get half as much.

Adina Walker has known this the entire time she’s been on scholarship at the prestigious Edgewater Academy—a school for the rich (and mostly white) upper class of New England. It’s why she works so hard to be perfect and above reproach, no matter what she must force beneath the surface. Even one slip can cost you everything.

And it does. One fight, one moment of lost control, leaves Adina blacklisted from her top choice Ivy League college and any other. Her only chance to regain the future she’s sacrificed everything for is the Finish, a high-stakes contest sponsored by Edgewater’s founding family in which twelve young, ambitious women with exceptional promise are selected to compete in three mysterious events: the Ride, the Raid, and the Royale. The winner will be granted entry into the fold of the Remington family, whose wealth and power can open any door.

But when she arrives at the Finish, Adina quickly gets the feeling that something isn’t quite right with both the Remingtons and her competition, and soon it becomes clear that this larger-than-life prize can only come at an even greater cost. Because the Finish’s stakes aren’t just make or break…they’re life and death.

Adina knows the deck is stacked against her—it always has been—so maybe the only way to survive their vicious games is for her to change the rules.

Review:

Ready or Not meets The Bachelor with a dash of Ace of Spades in this story about a Black teen who will do anything to get her Ivy League acceptance back, even enter an elite competition against other girls, the only problem? No one told her it was literally a life or death game and these girls are out for blood. Adina Walker has had to work for everything she got but it was all taken away in a moment of rage where she fought another student and then all her acceptances to colleges were rescinded... but now she has a plan: seduce a Remington to secure her spot in the prestigious Remington Games which state that all you have to do is beat three events and the winner will gain money and power to their hearts content, and that means she can get back into her Ivy League school. Adina doesn't realize that Pierce Remington, the boy she nearly sleeps with has ulterior motives for getting her into the games, even when his girlfriend is already another player in the game and knows what Adina did. But when bodies start dropping and Adina realizes that all the other contestants are willing to kill for the prize and that the real prize is being married off to a Remington boy she needs allies and if that means seducing the other Remington boy, Graham, the failure of the family, then there's nothing she won't do to survive. Along for the ride is Saint: (the girl who stole MY heart) a girl who only came to the games to network and get her family's business another partner and is the only true friend Adina has, Esme: the girl who got Adina expelled and was her ex-best friend until their fight and who hates Adina but needs this competition to help her family escape the embezzlement issues, Hawthorne: Esme's best friend who is quiet but will do anything for Esme because she's in love with her (I loved Hawthorne's story so much), and Penthesilea: the girl groomed to become the next Remington wife, Pierce's girlfriend, and the one who seems calm. I have to say I absolutely adored Saint, Hawthorne, and Penthesilea so much, like these were girls after my own heart. Hawthorne's toxic but insane love for Esme?? Give me that book please. Saint was a real one, seriously what I wouldn't have given for Saint or Penthesilea to be the love interest for Adina rather than the bland Remington boys, seriously such wasted potential, because you can only imagine HOW GREAT OF A STORY THAT WOULD BE. Penthesilea, truly one of the most interesting characters of the entire book, she was seething with anger and I was happy she got her say in the end. Overall its a really fun read that keeps you interested until the end!

*Thanks Netgalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing, Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #their vicious game

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maschotch · 2 years

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I've gone a little deeper about Emily's past in my fic 'Unrequited' and 'As It Was'. I'm just obsessed with her character and the backstory both she and Hotch have. And I just finish reading the little backstory you did about Emily and I loved it!!

i’m really not much of a jemily fan (partly because i think fanon characterizations of jj are completely delusional, partly because i think fanon characterizations of emily are beyond insulting, and mostly because i cannot fucking fathom what anyone could possibly like about jj), but i went ahead and read those two pieces because i figured you came into my inbox already knowing that. it’s just… not how i see either of those characters. not even necessarily the shipping aspect, even ignoring my reservations about jj, but because of the way i think emily approaches relationships

this sounds hypocritical after writing about emily + family, but i feel like emily doesn’t really care about her biological family anymore. at least i’d like to. i’d like to think she’s accepted that she’ll never be what her mother wants and that she’ll never get what she wants from her mother. she’s 36 when she joins the bau—surely that’s enough time to realize she can’t hold onto those childish fantasies anymore. not that i disagree with what i wrote, i just think it's given her a complex ab family rather than it actually being something she truly craves. it was a setup for her life: she wasn't meant to be with others, which is something she eventually tries to change about herself

i’m a big fan of low-empathy emily, so i feel like she has to put active effort into caring about relationships. as a child raised by an extremely distant parent, she probably chalked it up to never having connections growing up, so she never learned how to make connections in the future. it’s easier to assume she’s broken, and it’s easier to blame her mom for it

but really, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with her, she’s just different. at some point i think she had to wrestle with that: it’s hard to think she fell into the job best suited for her personality just by coincidence. being a spy requires that cold, calculating observation and analysis of relationship dynamics. she can view things objectively because she isn’t naturally inclined to get emotionally attached. she can witness unfathomable horrors without a flinch—things that would rock jj to her core, things that would perturb the unflappable hotch. she knows she’s better equipped to handle those types of experiences because having empathy was never really a priority. (it's part of why i think she was the only one who could've walked through hotch's apartment that day: she wouldn't get distracted)

that being said, i don’t think connections are impossible for her. the bau proves that, declan proves that. but i think that was a conscious choice on her part: she had seen enough—caused enough—pain and grief to realize that she should feel guilty for it. so i think she wakes up every day and decides to care. she decides to be a good person. eventually she confronts that she's tired of living a life she doesn't feel like she could be proud of

she’s not heartless, by any means. she just doesn’t become emotionally involved until she comes to the logical conclusion to do so. she has a soft spot for kids because they haven’t had a chance to truly know themselves and the world they live in. she loves the team because of how deeply connected they are to each other. so, when push comes to shove, she’s always willing to leave if it means keeping them together. it’s easy to make that choice because she loves them: in season 3 when the choice is between her and hotch and she knows hotch’s loss will devastate them; in season 6 when she’s making them potential targets for doyle’s vendetta; in season 7 when she feels the tension that never quite settled upon her return. i don’t know if any of the others would’ve made those decisions as easily, even if it was the best choice for them as a whole. not even hotch, who is terrified that his proximity is enough to hurt people he cares about. she’s detached in a way that can separate her from others, but she’s able to turn that into her strength: whether that means manipulating her way into terrorist organizations or walking away from the only chance at a family she's ever had just to keep them safe

i have my bits and pieces of evidence for it that i can scrounge into a semi-believable character analysis, but ultimately i think it’s so i can enjoy more of her character without getting irked by aspects of the archetypes she could fit that would typically annoy me. i’d like to think she’s above some of that: she’s too cool to have mommy issues, too badass to spend years pining over relationships, too self assured to be insecure about her decisions, too smart to let anyone see through her.

i say all this as a hotch fan, who has traits very similar to these. but it suits him. it makes him more interesting, to know that there’s a vulnerability behind his stoic appearance. but with emily i think it’s far more admirable for her to choose to suffer because she wants to care. minimal loss is the perfect example of that: she makes the logical choice to put herself at risk because she wants to protect reid. she’s not running away from who she is anymore, and she’s not really fighting it either. she chooses to be a good person, not out of guilt or even love, but because it’s something she values.

for me, emily is the cool brooding hero who could be a villain so easily. maybe, in an earlier time in her life, she was. but she’s done being selfish. she’s willing to make sacrifices for others because she decided that living by a code is better than living for nothing at all, even if it causes her pain. guilt and love—two burning sensations that were so opposite yet so intrinsically linked—were burdens she chose to bear so she wouldn’t feel so hollow anymore. and it does cause her pain. so, so much pain. to me, it makes her endlessly more fascinating. i’d rather her be a knife that dulls its edges than something soft chiseled to a jagged point.

#aljkhsfgjk was halfway through breakfast when i saw this in my notifs then got so worked up reading the fics that i just HAD to say smth #now--thirty minutes later--my toast is cold and forgotten #and im trying to decide if i feel mean enough to actually post this #asks #emily prentiss #i really just. don't like emily in most ships #i think ppl who ship her w tsia or derek are slightly more forgivable--they retain her fun energy #but with jj and hotch?#they just.. its just... its not her #she doesnt pine like that #even if i actaully liked jj i just dont think emily would waste her time with someone who's too scared to accept herself #idk im just so TIRED of queer ships where the main source of angst is rejecting their own sexuality #especially with the bau... htey know themselves better than that #not all of them! i think jj and spencer struggle to come to terms with it (jj moreso)#but derek? hotch? emily? penelope? they have deeper darker secrets that far outweigh whatever shame they may feel from being gay #if anything i think their homosexuality (bisexuality imo) is a relief for them... a breath of fresh air.. smth they can love ab themselves #an outlet... physically and emotionally... suckin n fuckin to forget how much they hate themselves #bc they DO hate themselves #but they're not plagued by the.. by the SHAME jj and reid have #theres a difference i think #and people can project if they want--thats totally fine #i just dont think it suits their characters

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departed-pronouns · 1 year

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Scrolling through my timeline now is letting me look and see a wide arrange of thoughts and reactions. But something I notice from almost everyone right now that has something to say about 911 and it's lackluster last season and season final. Is that they never expected Buck and Eddie to get together. I don't just mean the people who say they never saw the romance, that's a given, but they are saying it as if it was a forgone conclusion and they're saying that it's because we shouldn't expect to see characters presented as queer.

And then on the other side there are people who really wanted it and believed it was possible. There are people who wanted it but kept their expectations low because there's always a chance that your ship wont sail. There were people that just wanted canon confirmed Bi buck or canon confirmed queer Eddie in any form the show gave.

But in their posts on tumblr, on twitter, reddit or discord. They always have to add after saying they saw the possibility of it, but that they wouldn't be surprised if it didn't happen. After 911's last episode people who posted about Buddie were saying they were disappointed but they weren't surprised. There are people posting that they expected to be disappointed and people posting that you should have seen it coming and just accept that it was never going to happen.

And honestly, why not? Tell me why. Things have to change some time for the better. Why not see that change now? Why not be disappointed about this? When really by now we should be to a point where one fan pairing that's queer doesn't go canon should be just as meh as if a fan hetero couple does. Why just accept it's never going to happen.

I mean maybe I wont get to see something like this in my life time. But I'd like to think one day we could do something as simple as watch tv and see people on it being all different shades of queer. See two guys who were only written as straight suddenly show queerness because like, in real life that's something that happens, people realize things late in life. People present a certain image and when you get to know them more you find out hidden depth. Characters aren't even real and this annoying rule that fiction has to be held in this chock hold because people in real life are homophobic/transphobic/just terrible in general and can't seem to handle, well, differences.

Maybe that day when I can log online and say two fictional characters would be cute together and not end up in some online discourse over it will also be the same day me or any other person that's different won't have to live in fear in real life. Can be unique but not considered 'other' and 'wrong' Because yes for a lot of people this may just be 'oh no the pretty people I want to see together on tv didn't get together'. But to some it's another way of pointing out how what a lot of us are is wrong and gross. And to people like me it's another reminder that I don't live in a world where what I am is normal enough to just be on tv. To just be out there and not given a second thought.

In this specific fandom, for this show, lots of people point out there's already Hen and Karen, and there had been David and Michael. As if that fills some quota the queers have that doesn't apply to straight couples. We didn't see anyone saying Buck or Eddie shouldn't have girl friends because there were already too many straight couples on the show. Hell, with this fandom I've had someone tell me if I want to see a gay couple, go watch a completely different show. Cause Lone star has Carlos and TK. It's like a backwards slide, enough queerness on this, move along to something else.

Frankly I think seeing people say 'I know this could never happen' is more depressing than the ship not sailing. And I wish when I or other people brought up our disappointment about this sort of stuff. It wasn't boiled down to us being silly about ship. Right now one of the very real ways I can fight against prejudice is by finding and supporting queer media and trying to support the general medium embracing and celebrating and representing queer people in real ways.

Sure it might not be on the same level as when I protest legislation that is being passed that strips away peoples rights. Which is still happening because we can't change people's misinformed views on real life issues, and we can't do that if we can't even get past token rep in shows.

#911 #fandom #this fandom #other fandoms #any show or movie or book or game #SPN #teen wolf #it's depressing that I could think of three shows I like that all fall under the umbrella of this issue #god damn it I'm gay and I'm tired #and not the cute kind of tired that I can't get to sleep at a decent time #I'm tired of so many fights on so many fronts and I'm so angry that one of the things I have to deal with involves a show I like #and what really gets me is that someone will look at this and scoff at and mock that I have this view on a tv show.#As if media isn't a powerful tool that's used to shape the cultural zeitgeist

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unhingedselfships · 1 year

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So I was asked to elaborate! And here we are. Cause I'm procrastinating. Lmfao.

H. - Tool (Ænima 1996)

This one, kinda hit pinnacle of her side of the dynamic for me. I latched onto it hard.

Kadokura is an objectively "bad" man. She knows this very well. She knows he manipulates, and that she is not separate or an exception to/from that. There is darkness in him, and he brings out the darkness in others. If he can be bothered to.

He hurts people. Literally and figuratively, herself included. And she lets him. She knows, and she allows it, accepts it, at times even craves it.

It's unhealthy. She's unhealthy. She doesn't mind.

Freak - Sub Urban ft REI AMI (Thrill Seeker EP 2020)

And here we see perfectly normal totally healthy Kimi again. (/s)

As far as I can figure, Kadokura collects people. And if they weren't monsters, chances are, he'll make them into one. Kimi will do anything for the validation and praise she needs. It's almost... Pathetically desperate.

DEVIL - Shinedown (ATTENTION ATTENTION 2018)

This one is almost... Playful? On Kimi's part. And includes an unnamed and irrelevant 3rs party. But it basically comes down to Kimi telling someone to watch themselves because "the Devil", Kadokura, is aware and waiting. A warning to tread carefully, because someone much more dangerous than they're prepared for, is just in the other room.

Under the Water - The Pretty Reckless (Hit Me Like A Man 2012)

Given the background she has here, in a messy sort of way, Kimi views Kadokura as a savior. She was crying out for someone, anyone, to save her, and then there he was. Serendipity.

The Remedy (3 Kord Scissor King) - Puscifer (Money Shot - Your Re-Load 2016)

This is also almost playful. And Kimi getting a bit... Big for her britches, as my mother would say. It's a sort of, telling off anyway who dares to cross her boss. When someone she loves, is devoted to, is treated or spoken of poorly she can get. Mean. They've become "lowly" in her eyes. Unworthy.

Dance with the Devil - Breaking Benjamin (Phobia 2006)

This one's mostly self explanatory I think. I'm sure she's been warned away, by more than one person, but. She's never been very good at listening. This can only end terribly but. Oh well.

Fragile Minds - Silent Theory (Delusions 2016)

A peak into how she's doing with her devotion. Not well lmao. She is willing to give anything and everything. Her mind, her body, her soul, her life. She'll break herself for him, in any and every way. Whatever he asks. She destroy herself if asks. And she knows it isn't ok. That she isn't ok. She doesn't care. It scares her sometimes, the depth of her feelings, but she wouldn't change it. Not for anything.

There is also an element here of, what he could shape her into. She isn't much, physically speaking. But with the right guidance, I think she could be a kind of dangerous. Not to mention how easy it would be, with the right push, to make her snap.

Devil's Playground - The Rigs (Black 2015)

I feel like Kadokura has a way of making even the worst parts of society look appealing somehow. This is sort of a "welcome to my world, it's fun, I promise" kind of track.

Do Bad Well - KSHMR, Nevve (Do Bad Well Single 2019)

This one is fun. In terms of symbolism and what not, I definitely view Kadokura as something of a devilish character. If I were to assign him an arcana, that would be it. But the life he's given her, certainly isn't hell. Devil's in heaven indeed. Couple that with a healthy does of enabling. Here we are.

There is also an element of "whatever you do, do it well", a "take pride in what you do". Commit to it, basically.

(there was also an amazing conversation on his reaction to being called Daddy. Hilarious 😂)

#yakkimi #yakkimi playlist elaborations #kadokura specific edition #i had fun with these ngl #might deep dive the rest too #majimemegoro #feel free to weigh in #id love to see what you think c:#persona social like devil for Kadokura XD #i should do a silly post of what all Kimi's social links would be lmao #Kadokura feels very the devil is a gentleman to me idk

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whickerfurniture · 2 years

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.· 👫 — 𝑪𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆／𝑫𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆 . · au where they live in the same town somehow idc i know donnie isn't from americana but i need my corny good girl x bad boy ship please

Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier

July by Noah Cyrus

Absolutely none of this has been approved by Ella first so take it all with the biggest grain of salt imaginable and strap in for 900 words of nothing at all

Catherine takes one look at Donovan Marshall and knows everything she needs to know about him. One look was all she needed to know he would leave her heartbroken, if he was given the chance. He would be no good for her, no good at all. A boy like that doesn't change, no matter how much you love him, and he will drag you down with him. He will laugh as he drags you both to hell. Catherine only needs that one look, and yet she doesn't stop looking at him. He catches her attention from her peripheral vision, and like an open flame, she cannot help but stare. Her friends tease her for it, when they finally notice, but Catherine takes it all in stride. He's handsome, she admits. She can look, without it meaning anything.

Her family aren't exactly religious, but she was raised with a healthy amount of respect for Christianity. Something about his use of the occult feels almost scandalous, in a way that makes her heart race. She wishes she was brave enough to follow him into it. Because wouldn't that just piss her parents off, more than anything else? If she ruined their perfect image by showing up to school with a pentagram on her shirt, or carved the anarchy symbol into her desk. They'd be called, from whatever stupid holiday they were on, and be forced to pay attention, then. She wonders if just being close to him would be enough, like it could rub off onto her.

She hears from more than half the girls in the school that he's no good, that his odd charm brings nothing but bad luck. There is nothing Catherine wants more, than something people tell her she shouldn't have.

ii.

The first time Catherine actually talks to him, she makes a fool of herself. She's a step behind him the whole conversation, on the back foot, defensive. He flirts with her, but she knows it means nothing. She likes it anyway. She thought she was better than this, better than other girls. She thought she was better than to be wooed by a guy who probably didn't even know her name. He gives her a lazy smile, and her knees go weak. In her limited experience, she'd never felt anything quite like it. Like sitting at the top of the rollercoaster, and waiting for the drop. She talks too loud and too fast, and she can't help herself. She doesn't even know why, in truth. From everything she'd heard, getting Donnie's attention wasn't hard, the trouble was keeping it. And she didn't really want to keep him, she told herself. He was nothing but trouble. But, it was the cliché, for her to go for the bad boy. To have the story in her back pocket, something she could take out and reminisce over when she was middle aged, with a kid of her own. She takes a breath, and maybe a drink, and tries again. Because he might be insane, but he also seemed fun, in a way that not many people in her town were. And sometimes, the story was worth it.

iii.

She watches him carve his initials into a tree with a knife she definitely didn't know he had. Maybe she should feel put-off by that fact. It certainly wasn't a green flag, that he had hidden weapons. But maybe she was just naïve. Maybe she should have expected it. A person with a bone collection probably wasn't completely stable, and this was what she signed up for. Besides, he didn't threaten her with it, or make her feel like she should be threatened, as low as the bar was. So, she rolls with it. So what, he's got a knife. So what, he made a joke about bombs that didn't really sound like he was joking. That was just who he was, and Catherine had to accept that, if she wanted to be around him.

He teaches her to shoot a gun, and she's never felt more alive in her life. She hold in her hands the power to take someone's life. Sure, she didn't hit the can even once, but she tried. She felt the recoil up her arm and into her shoulder, and the ache is delicious. She turns to him and smiles wildly. She finds out holding the gun and holding Donnie don't feel different at all.

iv.

When they do inevitably crash and burn, Catherine pretends it doesn't bother her. She knows she drove him away. She was too much, she always was. He needed more, and less, than her. It was her fault, and she wanted nothing more than to go back and do it all again. She jokes with her friends that no good comes from fucking someone like Donnie, and she means no good at all. She reduces it to just sex, she minimises the pain he caused. She pretends that he didn't get under her skin, and that part of him still didn't live there.

She writes down all her feelings, just to purge them from her system, but looking at the notebook makes her feel ill. She sneaks out one night, and goes into the woods, and burns it. She watches the flames eat away at the paper, and pretends its cleansing her as well. Pretends it's burning away his touch. Then, like she's in a trance, she reaches out to touch it. She burns her palm, an awful, blistering wound. She cleans and wraps it at home, and tells people she burned it making tea. She hates tea. She picks at the wound, every time she thinks of him, until hearing his name causes her pain. She will train herself out of wanting him, at the expense of her health.

She knew from the first look Donnie would be bad for her, she just hadn't expected to like watching him ruin her.

#this is very bad and was not edited even though it definitely needs it tbh #⌞i have seen them fall⌟ catherine forsyth #i wanted a fire motif through it but i am not great at that so it's.. there #⌞try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you⌟ catherine + donnie

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ducknotinarow · 9 months

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💭 for all Splinters: Technology, Flowers, Regret, Change, and Dreams

| 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 — send 💭 + a topic to receive a headcanon about said topic.

87: The softest rat of them all I swear ;3;

|Technology|

"I was never all that great with it."

Do not let this man around it he is good in the kitchen with appliances and such but outside of that? He not really all that great.

HOWEVER he is often amazed by Donatello's inventions often believing Donatello is truly one of the greatest minds to ever come to be. He dose love to try and encourage that even as well even if a lot of what Donatello comes up with tends to fly over his head and leaves him clueless. Though he dose wish Donatello would understand that just because his inventions don't always turn out perfect the first time around doesn't mean it reflects on to himself. He want them understand that his son can make mistakes but he should learn from them. Such a smart turtle and yet so unwilling to learn only ever focused on that he got it wrong.

|Flowers|

"Many believe in the meaning behind flowers from the type and color of the petals."

Flower of course have their whole language and meaning and often when given comes down to these meanings. But they also hold meaning not just on their own but together Flowers often just represent joy and pleasure in life. Splinter was someone who was forced to leave his home. With not a penny to his name he took to living in the sewers. But he did his best to make a nice life for himself. Creating a home even caring for the turtles that soon fell into the sewer with him.

YES I AM CALLING THE TURTLES HIS FLOWERS ;3;

They brought joy and pleasure into his life, even after they mutated Splinter took to caring for them as his own and saw them as family. Splinter clearly had his life brighten by having the company of those little turtles in his care.

|Regret|

"hmm It is hard to say."

Of course he could and dose hold regret over many things. Such as taking in Shredder as a student could count but then he wouldn't be where he is now. And Splinter has come to love the odd circumstances around his life as it is now so holding regrets would be like wishing away everything he has now. Fate is funny and sometimes it takes you to places you never could see yourself in the first place.

|Change|

"Well becoming a rat would of course play a big change in my life." I feel yes becoming a Rat is always gonna be one of the biggest changes but for Splinter I feel going from a teacher to human ninja to training the mutant turtles he finds himself in charge off after being betrayed by a student before to seeing his newest students more like family is a far more of a change for him to experience through. The turtles even seek to help turn him back to a human and fear that if given the chance to go back to living as human he may choose it. Maybe at one time he may have even but? No Splinter loves the life he has now. He knows you have to make your own happiness and he has for sure took to his new role.

|Dreams|

"If I can ever have one single wish granted I want it to be for my sons." Splinter doesn't need to return to being human, he doesn't need to go back to his old life at all. He had accepted what he has now. But all he truly dreams for is his sons to have good lives themself. Sure they may never get to live a normal life themself but Splinter would still love for them to reach a happy peaceful life. He is pretty happy they have all seemed to be finding something outside their hero work that brings them some kind of hope. Leoanardo learning to enjoy life outside ninjutsu. Raphael seeming to wish to better himself. Donatello, exploring other aspects of life. Michelangelo coming into his own. He just dreams they can have a life that just keeps allowing for all of this.

:readmore:

03/07: Lowkey love that only 03 and rise but i dont write that one splinter has been like grey XD Personally this is my favorite Splinter same with the 07 movie I feel they really sold the teacher/parent role best here.

|Technology|

"I can answer my phone but even then I get a bit confused."

Splinter and tech do not go together very well, you can't really blame his mutation either considering his sons find ways to take to it just fine so it really is just his age I would say that effects him. Splinter was already a pretty old rat when he found the turtles and took them to his nest so even with one of the effect of the mutation slowing down his aging it still make for him to be a old rat. Most of what he has learned however is mostly based of observation and the Ancient one's home wasn't exactly very modern it's self. Just not something he has really gotten himself to accustomed to seeing how he even struggles with the remote for the tank Donatello puts together.

|Flowers|

"Flowers that have bloomed or are in the process of blooming often represent birth, the end of a long winter, or the beginning of spring, life after death, beauty, youth, and joy."

Splinter is some one who tends to focus more on the meany lessons life has to offer even down to something like flowers. While he may not have a favorite flower or think on them like some may Splinter dose enjoy their meaning and feels it's another learning tool from nature.

One of Splinters biggest hang ups in his life enough to even expose his vengeful side was the death of his master Yoshi. He even saw them as his own father figure which is why he not only takes on their last name but in a sense feeling it was on him to take up his Master's mission from utroms to defeat Shredder. It's also a lot of why he doesn't trust the Ninja Tribunal since he blame them for Yoshi's death. But much like how flowers represent death as stated they also represent a life after it.

Splinter lost important person in his life but he gained far more later. He got his sons. Who he named after artist from a book he found. He has learned that life contuines on even after hardship. No matter how many times his sons have lost a home he's been good about reminding them at least they have each other. No matter the loss they go through he finds the joy in fact they are still together.

|Regret|

"A parent will always carry many."

Lets get a bit more into some 07 territory. Splinter knows that often tough choices deeply impact his family. And one of his choices he made is part of that. Splinter knows he will not be around forever. Either he will one day pass or he will give up his life for his sons. Which SAINW shows is in fact the case of one death he had. Splinter simply needs to make sure his sons will be okay for when that time comes. Leonardo acting as Leader also sort of makes him the head of their family. So, where it may come off as Leo getting special treatment if anything it's Splinter setting down a weight on to his son's shoulders that he must struggle to bare. So yes, Splinter set Leonardo away.

He know they have their own issues and troubles to overcome but he never doubted that Leo would in fact return. He wasn't blind to what was going on with the rest of his sons and he was far more aware of what they all were going through. But much like how he sent Leo on his own journey in a way he sent them all on one. They all look to Leo and where that makes for a good team Splinter knows this makes them relay to heavily on Leo all the same. They need to learn how to be a team. And sometimes being a team means owning up to mistakes.

Splinter knows his choices may bring pain to his family and he regrets when his choice may just not have been the right one. But it's a regret he always holds. Was there a better choice? Was there a better way?

|Change|

"We should never fear change."

Splinters life has been full of nothing but change, he went from living in Japan to becoming a pet. To living in New York to a father of four. To humans coming into their lives. His life has always be changing and even with his old age he has learned to go with the flow and try and make the best of all the changes he has found himself part of.

|Dreams|

"I have a reoccurring one often. I am gone from the world but I find my way back to my sons. They can not see me, nor feel me. Even if I try to reach them. But Despite how sad they all are, they are not alone."

Splinter spent his whole life telling his sons not to go to the surface. he feared for their safety and often this lead to a lie or two because he thought it was keeping them safe. But if they never left or went out on their own? They wouldn't have the friends and family they have now. One day he will die but he takes peace it in because he knows his sons will still have family looking over them. They will have April, they will have Casey, and so many more and so much more.

2012: man I feel he gets a lot of unnecessary hate I really actually like 12 splinter a lot even with how I head cannon Raph's feelings towards him.

|Technology|

"It is not my department of expertise but my son Donatello seems to love it."

There's not much to say that hasn't been stated on others Splinter may be a bit younger compared to other versions. But he still isn't one for technology. Splinter lived a more humble life away from it since his family was very traditional family. Though he is a bit better about taking to technology

|Flowers|

"My family's symbol is a bell flower."

Splinter was born to a peaceful Ninja clan, that he was going to take over so he studied and honed his skills all to prepare for that day. Yoshi was a bit cocky in his young age due to a lot of it. But he even saw Saki as his brother when his father adopted him into the family. He fall in love when Tang Shen and they even started their own family. However, when asked to leave and start a new life. Yoshi said he couldn't leave his clan he felt he had a duty to hold to his clan as the heir after all. Which of course would soon come to bite him. Since he soon lost both his clan and his family in one night thanks to his adopted brother.

Yoshi tried to start over in New York in his dead family name but you do see him passing on his family's ways to his sons. He teaching them in the ways he learned still holding a lot of his traditions and culture as well. Seeing as you can see the turtles know Japaneses (thought I feel they all in the least understand it but may not all speak it fluently) To the routines they seem to hold to. And just how they seem to carry themselves at times.

|Regret|

"...many. But my biggest regrets will go to my four wonderful sons."

Splinter isn't a perfect person nor father. I don't agree he is the worst though. He is very involved in his sons lives there to give them advice and such as they grow up but also allowing them some freedom to break away and learn on their own. When Donnie wanted to try a new weapon he thought was more for him (metal head) he let them he didn't try and talk them out of it. When his Sons started to want and be protectors to the city he only asked them to be careful only times he got more stern was when their safety came into question something he did out grow.

But he regrets not spending more time with them, from the day they all mutated Splinter had to protect them from the Kranng chasing after them. Splinter just never felt a moment of peace not till they found their home at last. Somewhere they were safe. But He still held so many fears from his life before. And in part he knows those fears have to do with not always being the best at being a father to his sons. He loved them and even when presented a chance to be human again? He had to think about it because he just couldn't leave his sons behind. But he knows he cause some hurt to each of his sons. He tried to repair them but you never really know how long you have to live.

He regrets he left them to soon.

|Change|

"Life is full of change."

Splinter is a lot of different people in one person. He is Hamato Yoshi a ninja master, and leader. He is willing to do what he must for a mission. He is Hamato Yoshi a father and husband to a dead family, he lost everything even his own body left with nothing and forced to hide away in the sewers with what little he did have. He is also Splinter a mutant rat who is proud of his four sons everyday and loves them with all his heart. But even if he is good about giving lessons to them from his own experiences doesn't mean he himself has learned them and did need time to learn. But as much as he has passed down to them he learned from his sons. He learned to start a new, to love again and four times over at that. He learned to be a father and a teacher and had to struggle on when he should be one over the other not something he was always the best at sometimes he was a teacher when he should have be a dad and other he should been their teacher but was more their father.

|Dreams|

"I simply dream of a day my sons never have to hide again."

Splinter had to spend the rest of his life hiding away, he even picked eating Alge and worms over human food just to keep his sons and small family safe. He knew the risk of his sons going up top knew they be hated, hunted down maybe even killed. And not once has he not feared and prayed to his ancestors to keep them safe. He just dreams and hopes for a day his sons don't have to live in hiding.

SF: I know the game takes from the IDW comics but I sort of take bits here and there to make up my take. For one he is just a rat who was in Yoshi's care

|Technology|

"I am not too versed with it"

Splinter that parent that when his sons show him something on thier phone he assumes its a meme and that one of thier friends posted it well holding the phone five miles away from his. Poor Donatello because if splinter ever finds his way on the net you know he's clicking things most know they shouldn't meaning donnies gonna need to fix it up xD

Honestly it for the best he just don't have much involvement with tech he can handle appliances and the TV and that all he needs considering the man loses his cell all the time that if it's even charged in the first place but he will scold his sons for not answering thier own u_u

|Flowers|

"Wilt fast but we always look forward to when they are in bloom."

Sonce Splinter was taken from his sons he has sort of become more appreciative of what he has not that he wasn't before. A far more humble ppstiin before now he sees what he has in a different light because he just never knows when he could be taken from it all. Splinter last moments with his sons could have been the night he was taken from them. Why the mystery man held him captive and never tried to killed him when he easily could? Splinter will never know but it has given him a new perspective on his life. So his sons will be dealing with extra dad love now that he back home with his family.

Not sure when else I can fit this in BUT ever since Raphael brought Casey to thier home Splinter has basically adopted them as his fifth son. And April as his daughter so he's dad behavior will be also dealt on to the humans of his family because he could have lost them as well and that makes him sad u_u so I hope they are ready for Splinter to extend that even further yes he will ground you Casey >:I

|Regret|

"Anyone who loves long as I had is bound to have a few. Even if they can not always control what creates those regerts."

Splinters regerts are things out of his control but he still hold them. He regrets not giving his family a better life. One where they have to fight even when things are. Not directly related to them. He regerts not keeping them safer. He regerts things he couldn't even know would happen but he still regerts it. He wishes he could give his sons a lofe free from worry. But it's not thier fate

|Change|

"We must accept change because it will always find us."

Changes always happen I feel when you a mutant you understand this better than anyone. Dosent mean Splinter likes them. But some he is fine with after all he dose now have six kids he loves.

|Dreams|

"I am worried I am still in a dream."

When Splinter was taken away he wasn't really in his own body. His body was gone along with some of his possessions but it was as if he had been pushed out his body. Like a part of him was removed everytime some of his was thrown out to his sons. Sometimes he wonders if he was turly ever freed or is he is simply dreaming he has been returned and his sons are still being forced to play this game. It's why he's become even more outwardly affectionate just in case it's real henwants his sons to know how loved they turly are.

#muse| splinter #muse| hamato yoshi #madamkezzie #muse bio: splinter #muse bio: hamato yoshi #[children have to be free to lead their own lives aflockoffeathers]#[ the greatest honor is having you for a son forthehonorandtheglory]#((i might have missed some other tags I could put buuuut i forgot some XD))#((Sometimes I might not be to direct on the words you gave me))#((didnt make these too long so they wouldn't get to long lol))

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