I love that, on Ted Lasso, whenever a character starts acting weird or inconsistent with the show’s themes or whatever, it’s not just that the writers were sacrificing development for comedy or drama or whatever; it’s because there’s a thought process behind it. I was getting so uncomfortable whenever Beard was referencing Nate, because he wasn’t just pissed but downright spiteful - and for a show that is so much about nein schadenfreud and taking no shit but doing no harm, Beard trying to sic the team on Nate and throwing axes at pictures of his face just felt loaded with ick. It felt like the kind of revenge fantasy you’d see play out on a 90s sitcom, but not Ted Lasso. It felt cruel.
And then, and then we find out that Beard is Nate. Beard was shown kindness by Ted (like Nate), Beard was brought up from the worse place of his life by Ted (like Nate), and after all that Beard betrayed Ted (like Nate). And suddenly every spiteful comment and bitter look makes that much more sense, because this whole saga has been so much more personal to Beard, he’s seen himself in Nate’s actions, every single moment of seeing Nate’s betrayal play out in real time has been a poisonous reminder of what he did. Of course he was more pissed than Ted was.
And even if Ted has forgiven him, those final couple of scenes clearly show that there’s a little part of Beard that has never forgiven himself. He’s been repaying Ted all this time out of gratitude, but I wonder if it was also out of shame and guilt. (Halfway around the world is a long way to go to start a new job with your buddy, but those trying to absolve themselves from past misdeeds used to make lengthy pilgrimages for a reason.) I think there’s always going to have been that little nugget that always hated himself for what he did, that made it so easy to hate Nate as well. And that makes Beard’s reconciliation with Nate that much more beautiful - he’s forgiven Nate, but maybe he’s also finally forgiving himself.
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it is fascinating to me that at the very beginning of this episode they threw in one last inescapable sign of jane's emotional abuse of beard only to end things . . . like that
i would genuinely love to know what on god's green earth and in the year of our lord 2023 was going through these writers' fucking heads
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2023 Fic Round-up
This year I wrote seven fics and 108,512 words, which is more than I thought! Here's a round-up
maybe everything that dies someday comes back (The English | Cornelia/Eli | M | 14k)
The post-apocalyptic Mad Max Fury Road zombie AU where David Melmont hires bounty hunter Eli Whipp to track down and retrieve a fugitive called Cornelia Locke.
wins this year's award for: Fic That Fulfils My Childhood Dream (writing a zombie apocalypse)
ain't practical, a world you can't touch (The English | Cornelia/Eli | G | 5k)
The Pushing Daisies AU in which Eli can bring people back to life with his touch, but has tried his best not to until Cornelia.
wins this year's award for: Deepest Cut, Zagged
The Lady With The Recorder Asks The Questions (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries | Phryne/Jack | T | 6k | WIP)
Modern-day newsroom!AU - Phryne is a star investigative journalist who breaks news as easily as she breaks hearts; Jack is just trying to do his best in the war on error.
wins this year's award for: Fic I Most Regret Not Finishing (I'm sorry!)
constant as a northern star (constantly in the dark) (Ted Lasso | Ted/Trent, past Trent/OFC | T | 10.5k)
The saga of Trent Crimm and his independent ex-wife.
wins this year's award for: Most Surprisingly Popular Fic
all the men and women merely players (Ted Lasso | Ted/Trent, Roy/Keeley/Jamie | T | 50k)
The Station Eleven!AU where the Richmond Players are a travelling Shakespearean company performing in the ruins of a post-pandemic England, and Trent is, despite the apocalypse, still a journalist.
wins this year's awards for: Longest Fic, Fic That Survived The Most Hiatuses, Fic I Am Proudest Of
well-versed in etiquette, extraordinarily nice (Good Omens, Historical RPF | Aziraphale/Crowley | G | 3k)
The Regency heist fic in which Jane Austen, criminal mastermind and aspiring novelist, pulls off the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery with the help of a certain demon.
wins this year's award for: Quickest Fic (I wrote it in four days)
speak easy, swing hard (Marvel Cinematic Universe | Steve/Tony | T | 13k)
The 1920s Prohibition era!AU in which Tony runs a nightclub empire, Steve is an aspiring artist and/or questionably undercover agent, Sam and Bucky are bootlegging their way through America and nobody knows what Natasha is up to.
wins this year's award for: Most Historical Research (I watched two seasons of Boardwalk Empire and had to figure out multiple characters' speech patterns, then transpose these to the 1920s. Also I listened to so much vaudeville)
I don't think I will be around as much in 2024, barring unexpected hyperfixations, but I wish you all a glorious year anyway! May your WIPs be finished, your ships prolific and your fandoms full of joy.
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