So I have a new headcanon that eventually, Jack will write a cookbook. After years of watching Bitty cook, Jack picks up a lot. At first, he's shy in the kitchen and looks to Bitty for reassurance and guidance. Gradually, he dives into cooking with gusto. Much to Bitty—and Bob's—delight, he becomes more fearless and adventurous in the kitchen.

With Bitty's busy schedule, Jack begins cooking more meals at home. He approaches Nate the team's dietitian for info on cooking for athletes. They have long chats and Nate gives him lots of books and recommends some online courses if Jack is "really interested." Which he is!

Jack then finds himself making lunches for the guys. Tater draws a cute little cartoon of Jack with a chef's toque that he tapes to the nook wall.

Like everything Jack approaches, he is 110% and is diving into the science of food, particularly in relation to the athlete. Bitty is charmed beyond belief.

"Honey, this is delicious and you have definitely outdone me when it comes to cooking for the team."

"Euh, thanks, Bits."

Jack blushes but feels good when he brings food for the Falconers. And blushes even more when the guys chirp him as they happily dig into Jack's creations. It's then that Jack finally understands, truly understands what Bitty feels when he cooks for others.

Soon, FalcsTV is always abuzz about Jack's cooking, especially with Tater's What's in Zimbonni's Kitchen? segment. So, it's no surprise when Bitty's agent approaches Jack about a cookbook for athletes.

"Bits is the chef, not me," he quickly replies.

But Bitty's agent, and Bitty, smile. Soon the book debuts and, of course, it's a hit.

Shitty and the team chirp Jack within an inch of his life.

"What's with the beefcake photo, brah?" Shitty razzes (as the pride shines on his expression).

Bitty quickly shushes him.

"The publisher knows what the masses want, Byron."

Jack's a little embarrassed, but ultimately, he doesn't care. He's proud of the work he's done and smiles as he puts a copy of Eat More Protein next to all of Bitty's cookbooks in their kitchen.

Random Check Please head canon…

Jack saw Bitty in one of his last figure skating competitions while idly channel surfing one blustery January Saturday afternoon. Jack doesn’t normally watch figure skating, but short blonde guy with a flair for the dramatic caught his eye. He didn’t catch the skater’s name, but he was impressed with his speed on the ice. Jack didn’t watch the full routine, and changed the channel before he got a good look at the skater’s face.

It never occurred to him that it’s the short, blonde hockey player that showed up at Samwell his junior year.

Not until Shitty stumbled across a YouTube video and shared the link on the group chat.

A Comprehensive List Of Jack's Canon Chirps

"Bittle, HEADS UP!" [Bitty passes out] "…Or get into fetal position at central ice. That's also an option."

"You've never seen the sun rise from a rink, eh? Thought you were a figure skating champion."

Bitty: "A fist bump! I didn't know you did those." Jack: "Ha - you gotta work for them."

"The sad thing is, I can tell he's lying not because of the library part? But because he'd never leave a pie unattended."

"Oh and Bittle, before I forget. This summer? Eat more protein."

"When you get Youtube famous don't go out and chirp me all over the internet, eh? 'Night."

"How many of those tweets do you start with oh my god y'all?"

"It's way too easy to make you laugh. Make sure you tweet that." [looks over Bitty's shoulder to make sure he tweets that]

[texts Bitty a smiley face] [follows up with:] "Sorry that was a typo."

"You only tweeted twice while we were working, Bittle. That's a record."

[Bitty gets knocked over] "I guess you're looking for extra checking practice, eh, Bittle?"

"We should get going and let Bittle here text about his walk to class."

Bitty: "E-excuse you, but my kitchen is no place for checking!" Jack: "…Your kitchen?" Bitty: "Well, the kitchen! Now move your big -- uhm." Jack: "My big…?"

[At Thanksgiving] "All that turkey's gonna make you slow for tomorrow, Chowder."

[To a kid wearing a Brad Marchand jersey while asking for Jack's autograph] "You know this isn't me, right?"

"17." [At Bitty's confusion:] "That's the number of pies you baked in September. In case you were wondering where your time went."

"I'm sure you'd be done [with your history essay] too if you had tweeted it. Is that an option?"

[looks at Bitty's tweets] "I said where'd you get that camera not is that the camera you use. Come on, Bittle."

[finds Bitty's surprise cookies] "I'm surprised your cookies got through costumes Bittle."

"I told my mom about all your tweeting? She says you're not following her. I'm more surprised than offended, Bittle."

"Shitty, don't you think I should get a tweet transcript or something since he quotes me so much? For legal purposes."

"Hey, Bittle. That Daily reporter didn't rope you into an interview after that jump?"

[after meeting Farmer] "She was nice, eh? Cute. …I bet you're texting about our lunch now."

[Nursey accidentally hits a kid in the face with his hockey bag] "Nice check, Nurse."

[in the middle of the night] "I figured you'd be up baking a pie or three."

[Bitty gets shoe-checked] "Hey, it's no shoes, no shirt, no service, Bittle."

"Whose shoulders are you going to sit on at Spring C, Bittle?"

[Shitty tears up while kissing the ice] "Crying a bit there, eh?"

[SMH buy Bitty a new oven] Bitty: "I need to bake something right this second!" Jack: "Stop crying first."

"If we move the kitchen table out, you can bring your bed in."

[About graduating] "The biggest change is probably my diet. Less pie."

"And hey, it's a bit different than you and Lardo, eh? Since everyone knew you were in love with her since sophomore year."

[during Falcs Faceoff] Teammate: "Heard you've never lost one a these, I'm scared." Jack: "Yeah, you should be."

[Gets chirped for dating Bitty] "This is a Samwell hockey record. Chirps lasting longer than the ones re: Holster & Esther S." Holster: "…Jack." Jack: ":)"

Nursey: "Yo, Bitty do you remember any French?" Jack: "No." Bitty: "I can speak for myself, Mr. Zimmermann." Jack: "Well. Not in French."

[To Marty & Thirdy] "Hauling your kids around on a sled just about wore you guys out, eh?"

[To Tater] "Potato champ needs more sleep, eh?"

"Bitty? Hey, bud, come on, say something -" [Bitty passes out] "Or you can pass out at center ice. I'm getting deja vu."

My Check Please Fic Masterpost! 🏒✍🏻

👉🏻 Find me on ao3 at nostalgicplant!

Season of the Witch

Zimbits | 2k | Magical Realism AU | Complete

Bitty has three major problems: First, he is in love with his best friend. Second, he is magic. Third, he has no idea how to address either of those. A not-too-serious magic AU.

Sloshed With Gold

Zimbits | 14k | NHL!Bitty and Photographer!Jack | Complete

Lardo calls in a favor. It involves Boston Pride, photography, and a certain blonde-haired NHL player that Jack can’t get out of his head.

ᴇxᴛʀᴀꜱ

Podfic read and mixed by @chaoskiro

"boston pride hq playlist" by @ohyoufool

Creation Myth

Cowritten with @montrealmadison

Zimbits | 24k | Canon Divergence | Complete

Jack Zimmermann overdoses the night before the draft and becomes the face of the Aces anyway. It goes about as well as you would expect.

ᴇxᴛʀᴀꜱ

"what happens in Vegas" Official Playlist by @ohyoufool and @montrealmadison

Fic Binding Video by @ohyoufool

Call of the Champions

Lardo/Camilla, Zimbits | 13k | 2002 Winter Olympics AU | Complete

“Couldn’t find a mini American flag. Ran into an angel in the hallway. Don’t worry about it.” She shrugs her jacket tighter around her neck. Shitty blinks. “That’s a lot. I was doing shots with the bobsled team in the bathroom.” In the middle of a medal hunt during the 2002 Winter Olympics, Lardo manages to find something else she wants just as bad as the gold.

ᴇxᴛʀᴀꜱ

"Call of the Champions: A Lamilla Winter Olympics AU" Playlist by @jubileesbian

Official art by @virgoscringe

Austin

Zimbits | 18k | Canon Divergence | Complete

Bitty: a lesson in bitterness. “Say please,” Bitty breathes, something swelling inside his chest. Jack looks dazed, drunk at the sight of Bitty above him. “I’ll do anything you ask." He fills the space between them with his offer. “If you beg.”

ᴇxᴛʀᴀꜱ

"austin" Official Playlist by @ohyoufool

OMGCP Fic Rec BINGO - Day 3

(Previous BINGOs here and here)

it's canon to you • rocky shore by wit (@parvuls)

One of the things I like best about Check, Please! is that by focusing on big moments on the page, Ngozi leaves so much room for us to imagine all the things that might have happened in between those big moments. This fic by @parvuls covers the first part of Year 3, as Bitty and Jack navigate their new relationship and all its complexities, including Bitty's anxieties about sex and the secrets they're keeping. It includes all of those missing moments we didn't see in the comic, but we know must have happened in order to get them to that solid place they're at by the time they come out to their friends. (And remains canon-compliant in the process!)

subverted trope • You and Me, We're a Miracle by PorcupineGirl (@porcupine-girl)

I love a good soulmate fic, but sometimes I have a hard time suspending my disbelief when two would-be soulmates discover their connection and are suddenly in love. This soulmate fic subverts the trope by establishing early on that Jack doesn't have a name on his wrist, and is okay with it. He still manages to fall in love. @porcupine-girl's world building is always top-notch, even in a short fic like this, and her headcanon for deeply in love, smitten Jack is so close to my own that I know I'll finish reading any fic she's written with a goofy smile on my face.

free spot • Nature by foryouandbits (@foryouandbits)

When I want to get lost in a fic, I choose something by @foryouandbits. This AU, in which the members of SMH are performers in a Cirque du Soliel-like troupe, is probably my favorite of theirs. It recreates the Zimbits story we know and love in the terms of this specific AU. All the plot beats are there: a traumatic backstory for Bitty, a Zimmermann family legacy, SMH found family, and Bitty and Jack working together to overcome Bitty's fears. It also has one of the most romantic scenes of any Zimbits fic I've ever read.

short fic (under 1K) • Poems for Jack by YourPalYourBuddy (@ivecarvedawoodenheart)

This is exactly what it says on the tin. Two years of Bitty and Jack’s developing relationship, remixed into poems from Bitty’s POV. His humor, frustration, and growing feelings for Jack are all there. The fact that the author was able to pull this off in only 445 words yet still hit all the important canon plot beats is nothing short of remarkable. 

you weren't sure you'd enjoy it but REALLY did • [podfic] Hockeyed Up by read_by_Sophie (Sophie)

This pick might be cheating a little because this is one of the first fics I read in the fandom and I immediately loved it; this author’s characterization of Jack just felt so right to me and continues to be a fic I return to when I need to get into Jack's head for my own writing. The fic I chose for this spot, though, is the podfic version of Hockeyed Up. I only started listening to podfic a few years ago; I had never been able to get into audiobooks and I wan’t sure I’d like podfic any better. However, needing something to listen to during a long run and not enjoying any of the books I’d downloaded on Libby, I decided to try listening to a podfic of a familiar fic. This one was about as long as my run, so I chose it. And I loved it. And now I listen to podfic on the regular. But this is the one that started it all, and it’s a favorite so I re-listen to it at least once a year. Bonus: the author/reader of this fic has a French-Canadian accent, which really adds to Jack’s characterization since it’s from his point of view. (This is also my commercial for podfic: this fandom has so many wonderful podficcers; if you haven't tried listening to podfic yet, you absolutely should!)

“Now you’ve done it,” Ransom says, clearly annoyed before he perks up. “Hey, if Bitty likes the same crappy music as you, does that mean I can pass off my duet duties to him?” Holster fixes him with a glare. “Duet duties are for life bro. For life.”

Ransom and Holster have some very interesting opinions on friendship duties (chp. 1)

I hear symphonies in my head by lilbookofkell (AO3) Check Please! – General – Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmermann #Canon Divergence #Coming Out #Getting Together #Music #Mentions of Homophobia

Eric listens to a lot of music. Life is never so bad that it can’t be fixed with baked goods and the right soundtrack, and he’s really good at providing both, if he says so himself.

I see all the bob and Alicia have a loving yet unusual marriage posts, and I offer Bob and Alicia had an incredibly Normal and Perfect marriage. It’s so so Normal and Perfect, haven’t you seen the magazines?

They met due to the circles of fame intersecting. Bad Bob of hockey royalty, and Alicia of the newest Hollywood name having a Perfect Whirlwind romance, followed by the white wedding of the season. The tabloids loved how Normal and Perfect they were despite all the fame. Bob with his hockey greatness and Alicia with her award studded acting career. They looked so good together, and they had Jack because Perfect families have Perfect children. And weren’t they lucky to have a son? Their perfect boy, so eager to do the right thing and please his nanny, his parents, his coach? To make their perfect family proud? Alicia makes her movies and Bob makes his goals, and Jack is raised by a revolving door of Nannies who fade politely into the background when Bob and Alicia can spare the time for parenting.

Jack gets older, a latchkey kid with a famous family and hockey to keep him occupied. And Jack is good at hockey, he loves hockey, he loves how hockey makes his family proud. And he gets older, and keeps getting better and better. And if sometimes Jack’s a little distant, perhaps a little anxious, the doctors have the meds for that. And Bob and Alicia don’t have to worry about it, because their family is Perfect and the tabloids love them, and their house is Perfect in the magazines, and Jack is succeeding. And if Bob and Alicia sometimes find themselves as strangers, passing one another in their perfect hallways, passing their son as he passes them by too, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that their marriage feels hollow because the magazines think they’re perfect and all their family and friends think they’re perfect too.

And they are perfect. Until the draft happens, and the veneer that has kept their lives a bubble of denial is torn away with an overdose and a son who might not make it past the night. And Bob and Alicia realise that they haven’t been perfect, that their family isn’t perfect. But moreover, they realise that actually, they don’t need to be perfect. Their family only needs to be happy, and that starts with their marriage, and it starts with being there, properly, for their son.

And it’s only by trying to pull each other close to heal all the wrongs do Alicia and Bob find that their marriage becomes unusual but loving. They accept that their son is unusual, but they love him. Jack isn’t the Perfect Son the way the tabloids have always talked about, but fuck the tabloids, because they love Jack for who he actually is. And moreover, that they also love each other for who they are.

Mr. & Mrs. Eric Richard Bittle

and

Mr. Robert Zimmermann &

Mrs. Alicia Carter Zimmermann

invite you to celebrate

the marriage of their sons

-

Eric Richard Bittle Jr.

and

Jack Laurent Zimmermann

-

Saturday, the twenty-ninth of June

two thousand and nineteen

at eleven o’clock in the morning

-

Reception to follow

Some autistic Jack head canons I’ve been thinking about regarding Jacks acceptance of his autism

Bob and Alicia knew he was autistic from a very young age but don’t tell him out of a misplaced thought that he’ll be better off not knowing and that he could be “more normal” that way

They esp don’t want the press to find out bc god knows what headlines they’d write

so Jack grows up knowing he’s “different” bc of how other people treat him but not knowing why

He gets officially diagnosed right after his OD when he really starts going to therapy regularly but he feels like it’s just another thing that makes him “fucked up” so he tries to mask even harder

Jack is esp sensitive to noise and he can get overstimulated easily. This makes hockey games hard sometimes. Usually he’s so focused on the hockey he doesn’t even notice how loud the arena is, but sometimes his head buzzes and he gets so overwhelmed that afterwards he has to just lay in the dark not speaking or moving for hours after the game

When he’s home, Bitty lays on top of Jack like a weighted blanket which is one of jacks favorite things. Bitty will feed him finger food and have him drink water to make sure he’s physically fine while Jack is nonverbal

When it’s an away game Bitty gifts Jack Monsieur Bun and Jack runs his fingers over the little stuffed animal and it calms him down

Things get better for Jack when he stops thinking of autism as something that means he’s a fuck up

it’s actually bc of Bitty he realizes this. He sees just how much stim toys and accommodations help Bitty with ADHD but sees how ashamed Bitty is of using them and when he tries to convince Bitty to use them when he needs them Bitty raises an eyebrow and goes “I’ll do it if u also stop being ashamed Mr. Zimmermann” and Jack goes “…oh…”

Once Jack gets some stim toys he realizes that he’s actually been stimming his whole life to calm himself calm down when he’s overwhelmed: the way he’d rock back and forth on the bench, the way he’d chew on his mouth guard, the way he’d tap his thighs in repetitive patterns, etc.

As he starts to mask less he finds that sometimes he’ll verbally stim by reciting people’s hockey stats on the bench (he memorized the stats for most of the NHL when he was a kid but mostly these days it’s Bitty’s stats) or flap his hands around

When the press see him do this he doesn’t really respond and just stares at them blankly until they move on… he doesn’t really see how him being autistic is their business

That changes tho when some other NHL Player in their division starts campaigning for AutismSpeaks and all of a sudden Jack is checking this man really hard constantly and getting into little fights with him

Of course people notice and he gets asked about it at a press conference

And Jack goes “well he’s either an uninformed idiot who should look into the orgs he works with before he does or he’s a piece of shit who represents a piece of shit organization” and he goes on this rant about all the shitty things AutismSpeaks has done/advocated for

And when the press asks him why he knows so much about it he goes “bc I’m fucking autistic. Y’all always called me a hockey robot with no emotions I’m surprised it took you this long to figure it out.” And then he walks out of the press room

Bitty gives him the biggest hug and kisses afterwards and makes Jack his favorite pie (but not before they have hot sex)

Shitty calls him the next day and is like “bro I’m so sorry I called u a robot and made fun of u bro that was so ableist of me bro”

And Jack rolls his eyes and says “when the press called me an emotionless robot it always struck a nerve but with u it was always fond… u always stayed behind to explain jokes I didn’t get or play with my hair or whatever. U had my back and it was a joke… plus how do u know that I’m not actually a robot beep beep boop boop

Jack becomes an advocate for autism while he’s playing and then once he retires he does lots of fundraising and such

At first Bob and Alicia don’t get why he would want everyone to know that he’s autistic but after a serious talk with Jack they understand that they were thinking about it the wrong way. They were never malicious but they raised Jack during the peak of the “vaccine autism scare” and so subconsciously thought of autism as a curse

Jack jokes that thank god they didn’t actually understand that autism wasn’t a bad thing bc then they might have become Autism Parents tm and they’d have shitty puzzle piece tattoos

Chapters: 1/4 Fandom: Check Please! (Webcomic) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Shitty Knight & Jack Zimmermann Characters: Eric "Bitty" Bittle, Jack Zimmermann, Shitty Knight, Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, Adam "Holster" Birkholtz Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, Roommates, Developing Friendships, Figure Skater Eric "Bitty" Bittle, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Vlogger Eric "Bitty" Bittle, Oblivious Jack Zimmermann, Idiots in Love, Shitty Knight is a Good Bro

Summary:

Heading into their sophomore year, Shitty gets dibs and leaves Jack to once again deal with the prospect of living with a complete stranger.

This is fine; Jack can handle this.

He just wishes his new roommate would stop avoiding him.

New fic time!! And it’s the roommates AU I’ve been meaning to write for ages...enjoy! <3

Headcanon that Jack makes funny voices for all the animals in cute animal videos he shares with Bitty while they're in bed drinking coffee in the morning.

* shows Bitty a video of a beaver at someone's door waiting for a snack, makes deep gruff voice*

"Look, lady, just let me in your damn dam and gimme my apple."

* shows Bitty a video of a kitten flailing in its cage, makes squeaky voice *

"Did I turn the stove off?! Are the muffins burnt? What even is life!?"

Bitty, sipping his coffee, is eternally charmed.

So, you know how sometimes figure skating competitions take place at hockey rinks? What if Bitty ended up figure skating thru high school, and traveled for competitions and one day when he went to practice at the rink early one morning, a Junior League hockey team is finishing up their practice. While he's warming up, he notices a sad eyed boy still sitting on the bench. So once the zamboni gets to work, Bitty decides to sit with the other boy. After introducing himself, the boy mumbles that his name is Jack. Bitty can tell he's very unhappy, but doesn't pry. Instead he starts asking Jack about his team, where he's from, and the like. The longer Bitty keeps talking, the less Jack mumbles out answers and actually looks at Bitty when he responds. Jack is just starting to crack a smile at the story Bitty is currently telling when a blond boy comes out yelling for Jack to hurry up already. Suddenly Jack's whole demeanor changes back to the sullen boy Bitty had first seen sitting alone. Jack mumbles a farewell before shuffling past Bitty. But Bitty grabs his arm before he gets to far and while blushing his face off asks of he can have Jack's number. Jack looks shocked at the request and Bitty almost tells him nevermind before a smile twitches at the corner of Jack's lips. So Jack tells him his number quick before heading off to change. Bitty is beside himself that he actually managed to ask a cute boy for his number and actually got it! So he's obviously distracted all of practice and Katya is getting frustrated with him. He falls on a jump landing and hears an obnoxiously loud laughter. He looks to the far side of the rink and sees the blond kid along with a couple other hockey boys and Jack. Most of the boys look like they're enjoying his failure, but Jack is looking at him with a hard to place intensity. When their eyes lock, Jack gives him a small nod. Bitty pushes himself up as Katya orders him to do it right this time. Bitty skates towards the far end if the rink and builds up his speed before he launches himself into a perfect jump and proceeds to snow the hockey boys before skating back towards Katya. When he's done with practice, he finds a note taped to the rink door. It reads 'thanks for getting the guys like that, they can be assholes sometimes. Don't forget to text. -Jack Z.' Bitty can feel himself vibrating and he pulls out his phone and types out a 'hey, it was great meeting you today! I don't know if you're able to, but if you're staying close to the rink, maybe we could meet up tonight?' He gets an answer almost right away, as if Jack had been waiting for his text. 'I'm sure i can sneak away after the game for a bit ;-)'

I saw several people wondering how to participate in this bingo event. so this is how it goes: you look through your recs, you fill out the card, and... you post it 😉

to make this even more interesting, every author that gets tagged in a bingo card is now challenged to fill their own. I said what I said.

---

main character is a side character to fail better by orphan this is an unusual rec for me since the main character is camilla collins, and the main relationship explored here is jack/camilla. but really, I adore it because it's a rare example of an outsider pov on jack through the eyes of someone who likes him, and maybe sees more of him than he know. there's something very sad about jack at this point of his story, but his and canilla's awkward attempts to make something real of what they almost have are really endearing. plus: even if jack didn't fall in love with camilla, I definitely did.

still a WIP Increasing Engagement by always1895 I have a problem of hoarding WIPs and occasionally checking on them like I'm waiting for them to return from the war. this is one of those WIPs. there are two things I can never turn down, and those are social media fics and an enemies to lovers arc. just know my ass is sat down for whenever this fic is finished, and yours should be too. (*) if anyone knows the author's tumblr handle, please tag them!

short fic Patient as Pie by @edgarallanrose no fluff hits quite as hard as zimbits fluff. this short fic has jack being needy and affectionate and domestic, and it just makes me warm and gooey inside whenever I read it. which, you know, is often.

inspired you to write Two Things Only by @thewesternredcedar I'm going old school with this one, because whenever I think of a fic that inspires me I think of the summer I read this fic six times to get through my own fic. this may be in my top ten favorite fics of all time. it has endless amounts of pining, hilarity, silliness, and to top it all off, it's set during my favorite time to read about: right after graduation and before Y3. it does such a good job of nailing that jack and bitty essence that I just can't help coming back to it for inspiration.

bookmarked recently (...ish) say my name (and call me a liar) by @weneedtotalkaboutfic it may be cheating to rec a fic that was written for you, but uh, I don't care. this fic just hits all the right spots. it's smart, it's funny, it's mysterious, it's sexy, it's emotional. it has both super slow-burn and whatever the opposite of that is, thanks to a wonderful two-person-love-triangle. and if that's not enough, the real star of this fic is jack zimmermann and the journey of his sexuality and his happiness, which just blew me away.

BONUS: canon divergence But this place still stands, this place remains unchanged by @doggernaut I already have my bingo but I have more to rec, so. this fic is a really fun glimpse into a future that could've been, and it's supported by a wonderful ensemble cast (of both canon characters and realistic-feeling OCs). this fic made me laugh out loud and clutch my chest, and even though I knew where the story is headed, I couldn't wait to arrive there with it.

BONUS: isn't on AO3 lighthouse au by @appalamutte this is one of those tumblr snippets I wish I could will into becoming a full fic. just that one scene, along with the bonus background, made me fall instantly in love. historical au's can be hit or miss for me, but this was so unique and so intriguing, and (as already established) I can't resist a good enemies to lovers action.

BONUS: FREE here you come again by @ivecarvedawoodenheart honestly, no one rips my heart out of my chest quite like syd does. the first time I read this I was too emotional to think thoughts, but the second (and third, and fourth) I was just like: tell me everything about this. immediately. the phrasing lives in my head rent free? this short fic literally does.

"Really Quite Bad at Home Repair" Bob Zimmermann

I was discussing amusing family anecdotes with @peonyaurora today and that got us thinking. Bob Zimmermann was really busy during the formative years when he might have learned about home repair, but once he retires he likes doing stuff around the house. He’s...not always successful

AKA: Bad Bob Zimmermann as unfortunate DIY things that have happened to my family members.

Knocked a large spider off the house and onto his bare leg, tried to shoot it off with the power washer, removed some skin.

Tried to tap a piece of the toilet hardware back into place with a hammer, shattered the entire toilet bowl

Knocked a lamp over while carrying a 2x4 to the basement

Superglued his own fingers together

Lost control of a mattress he was trying to slide down the stairs and it embedded in the drywall at the bottom

Ran over a yellow jacket’s nest with the lawn mower, panicked and ran inside. They were chasing wasps out of their house for days

Built a table that sagged so much in the middle everyone’s glasses would slide down it.

These are some of Jack’s favorite stories to tell, especially when his parents try to embarrass him with tales of his childhood. (feel free to add your own)

Do you ever just think about Jack Zimmermann getting kind of tipsy at his wedding reception and singing “I Walk the Line” to Bitty? Because I think about that all.the.time.

Eric regrets now leaving his phone on the bench because there is no way anyone is ever going to believe him that Jack Zimmermann, who has probably been skates since before he could walk, tripped over his own two feet on-ice.

Eric misses out on potential blackmail (chp. 1)

I hear symphonies in my head by lilbookofkell (AO3) Check Please! – General – Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmermann #Canon Divergence #Coming Out #Getting Together #Music #Mentions of Homophobia

Eric listens to a lot of music. Life is never so bad that it can’t be fixed with baked goods and the right soundtrack, and he’s really good at providing both, if he says so himself.