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#ive not posted in a while im sorry i feel so bad
satorugojoswiife · 3 months
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What do you think about gojo ships
I feel like I'm pretty indifferent to most of them. This is super cringe of me, but whenever I fall super in love with a character I don't often like shipping them romantically with anyone. 💀 (im delusional I know)
It doesn't help that for some reason the jjk fandom (especially twt) is weirdly aggressive about ships. I know it isn't all the shippers and it's mostly just the loud minority, but seeing so much of the discourse has kinda put me off and I don't really engage much with the ships in the fandom except for rarepairs and selfships bc alot of the time those communities are more wholesome and cozy (if that makes sense LOL)
#satofie best ship#andnajdjskdjksnfksndjdj im sorry im cringe 😔😔#anyways i honestly have no idea#its not even about not liking seeing him with others bc i enjoy seeing other ppls gojo × oc/selfships#i just for some reason dont really vibe with any of the existing gojo ships in the series#weirdly enough if i had to choose one i feel like sukugo is the most interesting one LOL they are so funny with eachother#i feel like in a different life they really couldve hit it off#i feel bad for gojohime shippers sometimes#like i personally dont like the ship but oh my god ppl on twitter are so mean about that ship i dont even know why ???#is it bc alot of them prefer him shipped with a guy ?? or they dont like seeing another woman that isnt them with him?? i dont know#but i see so much hate for it and it makes me sad bc like just move on or mute the account so u dont have to see it if you really hate it#the amount of times ive seen some big jjk account qrt a fanart dissing the ship while also getting more likes than the artists post is craz#why do ppl fight over fake people kissing.......#i remember this one account specifically that was obsessed with gojo but they were so snobby about it and like gatekeeping other fans#and they really hated gjhm and for some reason felt the need to make it into a problematic ship instead of just saying#i dont like this and moving on#but they made this whole thing abt how toxic they actually are bc utahime hates gojo#only to (in the same thread) gush over their fave ship which was nanago#and i felt crazy bc its......literally the same dynamic what#like am i missing something ?????#anyways this got a bit wild but pls be nice to eachother and respect eachothers ships#you dont have to justify why u dislike a ship you can just not like it#no need to turn it problematic
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anotherpapercut · 9 months
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hi more drug question
I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation
Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out
lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo
MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!
to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give
now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare
to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment
OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)
in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)
taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.
sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!
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mcybree · 5 months
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Random limlife Scott rant, GO!
I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.
#Okay im half joking#I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble#I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis#because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do#The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that—#Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being—#dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again#I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season#not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his—#rough relationship history#not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything#sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts#Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring#“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it#he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it#pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that#He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring#Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man#I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional#because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious#He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy#in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally#that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense#rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour#bree barks so fucking loud#asks
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deeisace · 2 months
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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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lesbianpikachu · 8 months
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Daily Compendium Selections #10
A woman lies unconscious with an interesting shield.
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gec2unow · 4 months
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you ever go to work sloppy style scared and you're like damn im gonna be real i think today is going to be Hard To Get Through with these mental illness symptoms! and then ur boss is like hey good news ur gonna be doing the samples all day today! and ur like uh oh i don't know if i can handle hours and hours of being super social with custies today im a bit too mentally ill for that! but u suck it up and u do it and ur doing it and ur like damn i think i need to go to the back for a bit i fucking feel like im about to throw up and start hyperventilating, and then when u go to the back u quick check ur phone and ur mom texted u that ur childhood dog just suddenly passed away . anyways i went out sobbing and told my boss i had to leave and here we are !
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thompsborn · 8 months
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me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3
me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep
#i say this like its funny haha#but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians#i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now#and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally#i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza#and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people#im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l#local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like#im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money#but i’ll still do what i can no matter what#i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much#which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault#i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things#and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now#i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that#but i cant#but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight#sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever#its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza#and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys#its fucking awful and despicable
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itssovaa · 8 months
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i need to draw i need to create i need to put all my ideas on paper
but i am so so burnt out
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viir-tanadhal · 1 year
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wanted to give depeche mode a chance because i knew they probably wouldn't be my thing because i've listened to violator - i like violator besides 2 songs on it - and a few 80s singles but there were stuff I didn't like with violator and it seemed like a recurring issue so i haven't really given them an in-depth listen. thought i'd just go ahead and give them a discography listen anyway to formulate my opinion so i'm up to exciter now and yeah. meh.
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underlying-purpose · 2 years
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I hate feeling really really depressed and nobody noticing a difference.
#haha go to counseling#oh can you do this for me and pay for this#oh sorry you know how hard it is for me even though i sit around all day doing nothing#its not like i expect or usually even want people to notice#but idk it feels really bad that its not noticable. am i not noticable? are my emotions not noticable?#i have these periods where i feel terrible and feel so tired and feel like i LOOK so tired but nobody blinks an eye#im walking around doing everything as usual and talking to people but i dont feel the same#and i hate it#theres so many things i feel so bad about right now but the worst part is that nothing is going to come of these feelings. nothing.#i just have to sit here and wait for them to blow over like usual.#while im stressed as hell having to pick up the fucking slack#yes i can and yes i will and yes i know#but do YOU know??? would you want to? would you care.#thats all.#vent#vent post#and i know some of this is because im running out of my depression pills#but these feelings are still real. ive been having them regardless. im just more upset because of it#i forgot one of tumblrs functions but im missing some tags that said:#hey can you help me do this or hey can you pay for that or hey sorry haha you know how hard it is for me even though i sit around all day#even though most of my time is spent working or trying to earn money through my art that barely garners enough interest to work#like yes i can and will and know but why does it feel like if i asked or dis the same things you wouldnt care?#i want help. i need help. im WILLING to help you. why do i have to reach out so far for your help when i walk up and catch you when you#just barely trip. i reach to you before you reach to me 9 times out of 10. do the fucking same for me god dammit#AND#dont be like because i know#i know i know i know i know i know#i know#i just want acknowledgement#its all i want
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postalplants · 2 years
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Venting again lol
How can "I don't think I'm more disabled than you," "I can't handle supporting you when you express symptoms of your disabilities," and "I can't handle you getting a service dog when I'm so disabled that I can't get a job" all be true? Throw in the fact that I didn't think that I could handle a job but had to for the sake of finances.
So I work, despite being so fucking exhausted by it and getting so fucking triggered every single shift I work. But I can't fucking say that! Because that's upsetting and destabilizing! You want me to be honest, but if you react like this to my honesty, how am I supposed to be honest??
I mentioned needing a service dog because I'm thinking about the fact that I'm struggling with my mental health and functioning but can't tell you that and I know that there are guarding and grounding tasks that a service dog can do that will help me do my job. And you know what! I need to get a second job because I give you the majority of my income and you still need more! You haven't asked me to get a second job but jesus christ you've done everything but.
#vent#im sitting in the work bathroom having an anxiety attack because my least favorite coworker wont shut up about me needing to retrain her#on things that ive already retrained her on while im on my fucking lunch. and it smells like shit in here and i want to cry.#and my body hurts so bad because ive been spending my days off working like a dog on things that need to get done around the house.#but i got told last night that im a deeply selfish person and all of the helpful things i do are just ways that i try to distract myself#from how selfish i know that i actually am.#the joke is that im so selfish because i told them that i need a car because i feel like i need to feel in control of my own life.#and thats selfish because apparently i control their lives by them driving me places and waiting at the hospital for me when im sick.#well. if i had a car you wouldve only had to drive me to & from my colonoscopy. and im really fucking sorry that i make your life harder#because im sick and disabled. im actually genuinely sorry and ive felt guilty for it since it happened and i tried to thank you for it and#ive been trying to do my part around the house to make up for it. and im glad that you finally confirmed that im a burden so that it#wasnt only in my imagination. you really feel like that i guess#god i cant SAY any of this because they didnt explicitly say that im a burden#they said that i controlled where they had to be when i was in the hospital and emergency room and had appointments.#its not a stretch to say that that implies that im a burden right? right?? am i crazy?#god i feel crazy.#and believe it or not these tags have NOTHING to do with the post lol.#also :) my other roommate wont talk to me until im adequately medicated :)#because im too much of a POS when im unmedicated for him to talk to me apparently.#and im the only selfish one because they give their lives up for me apparently? i guess i need to complain more about#how much effort i put in to try to help them? (i wouldnt actually do that because i dont DO things like that. even when ppl do them to me)#FUCK
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hofftrans · 2 months
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Trying to talk to my therapist about my anger issues and romanticisation of violence without also pinging off the official "have you thought about hurting yourself or anyone else" radar is like playing a game of 4D chess except if I lose I will be immediately seen as Dangerous (I am not actually going to hurt anyone or myself I just worry about how much I understand the desire to solve things with violence)
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8 million emotions in my chest for the first time in months and the only thing i can think is “it’s so good to be back”
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sunrizef1 · 4 months
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Try Again Pt.2
Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x reader
Warnings: None
A/N: wrote this while sick so it took a while sorry
Pt.1
———————————————————
INSTAGRAM
yourusername
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liked by judebellingham landonorris and 21,080,321 others
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user1 she’s so pretty
user2 WHERES LEWIS
user3 where is she???
user4 she tagged England on her ig story a few days ago but there’s some pap photos that say Monaco
user5 she’s so hot dude
landonorris six glasses for u n who???
liked by yourusername
landonorris don’t just like my comment you bitch
liked by yourusername
user6 I miss dad
user7 beautiful
user8 would it be enough if I could never give you peace… 😭😭😭
user9 the way these lyrics have nothing to do with the post 😒
user8 I just miss Lewis girl 🙄
user10 maybe we just leave them alone… just an idea
charlesleclerc 🇲🇨🤩
yourusername thought this was a compliment for me but then realized ur just in love with Monaco
charlesleclerc you can’t change me 🤷‍♂️
TWITTER
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MESSAGES
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INSTAGRAM
yourusername
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liked by landonorris jackharlow and 28,008,981 others
yourusername 🇲🇨🌊☀️
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user11 LEWIS
user12 TARGET ACQUIRED 🎯
user13 FOUND HIM
user14 Lewis i know that’s you
user15 you don’t have to hide his face girl… we won’t hurt him
user16 his apology better have been pretty fucking grand
user17 why???
user18 vibes say he fucked up
user19 not to mention the shit he pulled with that ig model after the breakup
landonorris I’m gonna find you
yourusername ???
landonorris lock your doors
f1gossip 🤭
user20 I’m not sure about this one…
user22 bad vibes bad vibes
user23 I’m so glad they’re back together
TWITTER
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INSTAGRAM
yourusername
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liked by landonorris rubendias and 16,098,234 others
yourusername back home ✈️🇬🇧
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user24 girl what happened with you and Lewis???
user25 r u okay girl???
user26 I feel so bad for her
user27 what’d he doooooo
landonorris answer ur phone nerd
user28 puppy 😍
user29 is she from England???
user30 no but she’s lived there for a rly long time, it’s how she met Lewis and Lando
charles_leclerc my love ❤️
yourusername again, I’d be flattered if you didn’t mean the dog
charles_leclerc I ❤️ your dog
user31 if you wanna keep me, you gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta love me harder 😭
user32 all my homies hate Lewis Hamilton
MESSAGES
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INSTAGRAM
yourusername added to their story!
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yourusername
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liked by lewishamilton taylorswift and 98,009,873 others
yourusername if you wanna keep me
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user33 THEYRE BACK
user34 this better stay this time
user35 love me harder caption???
user36 SO WHAT DO I DO IF I CANT FIGURE IT OUT
user35 YOUVE GOT TO TRY TRY TRY AGAIN
user37 SO WHAT DO I DO IF I CANT FIGURE IT OUT
user38 IM GONNA LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE AGAIN
lewishamilton 🖤
yourusername 🖤
user39 awwww (I think)
user40 where’s Lando
landonorris CALL ME NOW PLEASE
yourusername can’t, with my bf
landonorris since bf stands for best friend your a liar because im nowhere near you
yourusername lonely
landonorris 😠
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lewishamilton
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liked by yourusername landonorris and 83,092,876 others
lewishamilton ive gotta love you harder
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user41 the lyrics in the caption, ok thoughtful
user42 we love a man with the ability to remember the lyrics to a song he was on
user43 SLAYINGGGGGG
landonorris boo 🍅🍅🍅
lewishamilton ???
landonorris what r ur intentions with my daughter
yourusername I'm older than you
landonorris boo 🍅🍅🍅
user44 I missed them
user45 they're so adorable
user46 🥳🥳🥳
user47 love them
user48 I know Lewis did something to cause that breakup and the re-breakup but she seems so much happier with him
yourusername love you 🖤
lewishamilton love you too 🖤
user49 PARENTSSSS
____________________
Tags: @sunny44
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satoruhour · 8 months
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Thoughts on poly with satosugu
a/n: long post LOL enjoy
howd you manage to get two of the most caring yet annoying boyfriends ever??? they feed off each others energy sm it’s insane lol good luck. but not in a bad way of course. it def started out when one man of the two was frustrated with the stagnancy and the mixed signals between the three of you that gojo decided to confess and the both of you dated for a while.
geto didnt rlly wanna intrude and felt bad even tho you three were still eye fucking basically every time u were in a room together. gojo was the first to ask you about it “no because ive thought of it too” and gojo’s face lights up bc teecchnically hes been texting geto always how its been a dream to date you even tho it rubs in the wound a little. but it’s ok!!!! im sorry suguru!!! all three of you are together now !!!! 
to start off they are very physical and clingy. always need to have some part of their body on you. gojo prefers the arm slinging over your shoulders, geto prefers a more subtle arm around the waist. ppl r always starin when you three go out 😭 but it’s so cute lowkey! gojo is usually the upbeat one, suggesting dates and places to go and things to do, creating the gc between the three of you (if u didnt alr have one), keeping the relationship fresh with a lot of questions. geto contributes more to the practicality of the rs?? not to say he doesnt talk or is passive in the poly rs but he’s more of a getting groceries, lounging in the back watching the two of you talk excitedly bout digimon, and likes the household chores kind of guy.
it feels like if i say this it’s too cheesy but gojo feels like a sunrise: the dawn of a new day and the adventures that it may bring while geto is like sunsets: the dusk of winding down after the exciting day and youre always craving both. gojo and geto complete each other in countless other ways too and the dynamic you three have is super adorable.
ill highlight a few scenarios bc theres too much potential and power w/ poly stsg!! watching movies: geto us usually okay with anything u two pick out and gojo picks out some psychological horror for funsies but hes screaming into geto’s arms at every jumpscare 😭 the popcorn goes everywhere good lord. you and geto laugh (in the case youre not too afraid of horror) laugh at gojo and pepper him in kisses even when he puts the blame on you for choosing this movie. “too scared that youre placing the blame on our poor (y/n)?” gojo tsks and swats away geto’s hand but is soon distracted by you pulling u into your embrace lol <3 the usual movie positions are like this: either the both of you latch onto geto’s sides, or youre tucked into geto and gojo sits on the floor, your head in either man’s laps and your feet on the other, you squashed in the middle of them both, gojo tucked in your hug while you are tucked in geto’s <333
going grocery shopping: it’s stocking up time and geto cant possibly handle bringing back all the groceries by himself so he brings you along and also (reluctantly) brings gojo. main reason is bc gojo likes to put a lot of things in the cart and begs with his pretty eyes of his that geto always gives in 😭 youre like semi-focused on the task. you put together the grocery list but then youre getting distracted when you see the fruits section and point at it excitedly to geto. gojo is somewhere in the store. sometimes you lead the expedition, pushing the trolley as geto and gojo walk together a few steps behind hand in hand. it changes a whole lot.
sometimes geto will head off to get something and youre left to push the trolley, with gojo by your side kissing your temples walking by your side. they will both sometimes play pranks on you and go off without telling u and run around the store hoping you wont find them LMAO, or even be so so embarrassing dancing in the middle of the aisles or putting their face up to the cameras that broadcast the footage on big tvs ….. also once you guys lost gojo and you had to make an announcement at the counter to call for a six foot man to meet you two at the cashiers….
it’s easy to feel insecure sometimes, or rather not getting enough love / feeling left out bc sometimes they both click so well together you cant understand their inside jokes or they act like boys again, hitting and laughing to each other about shoko fumbling utahime again or something. they apologise profusely, feeling guilty that they even made u feel like that, esp gojo since he has a tendency to initiate a lot of those jokes which you dont understand, or talk about man things lol. youre the sole focus of their eyes always and they show it even more today by pampering you, having a sleepover ish date night, you paint each other’s nails and do some skin care, gossip a little. geto and gojo compliments you a lot, even more so during this bout of insecurity. they fight over who gives better compliments 😭😭😭😭
but either way you bring both of them in to kiss them as a thank you. it’s so difficult to choose between the both of them for cuddling too bc theyre so warm always. you curl into geto first bc on this night you guys picked your fav movie (which also happened to be gojo’s fav) but you were feeling tired asf so the former let you rest up on him while hte latter had his eyes glued. and later when geto needs to clean up he passes you to gojo gently and you adjust yourself against his lanky body <3333 “she’s just so cute, ain’t she?” geto smiles, brushes your hair out ur face, placing a peck on your forehead and another on gojo’s lips. “rest up first, both of you. i’ll come in soon.”
overall best boyfriends ever; let me highlight some more scenarios which i think would happen: coddling over you when you get your period. geto holding your tummy and massaging it while gojo feeds u snacks. fighting over the blanket between the three of you. gojo runs cold at night, geto runs a little cold too so youre usually the mediator between the two of them. “just buy a bigger blanket!!!” and gojos up and ready to head out at 3am. “go to sleep satoru the stores not open rn.” “theft exists.” “no!” sometimes youd go on individual dates when the other cant make it, esp when you three have busy schedules. either two will ALWAYS promise to shower the third in affection once they return home from the date! sometimes when you three need to visit weddings, you’d be squashed in the middle dancing with them, two towers and the shorter one in between that it looks a little comical.
fighting about whose music is the best in the car and fighting over the au, fighting abt who gets to drive. gojo tries to squeeze into the stick shift bc sometimes he misses you two in the back seat :(((( they let you sit down on public transport if the car isnt possible. scary dog privileges, two of them. gojo sneers at anyone who wants ur number and tells them off, geto glares quietly, gojo thinks its bc of him but actually it’s all geto’s doing LMAOAOAO. loving the kisses they both give you: gojo a little more excitable and geto’s sensual and slower, will also fight over who you should straddle when your making out but u give them both equal attention. one will take over the other whos preoccupied with your lips. geto littering kisses down your neck while youre busy with gojo’s lips and vice versa 💟💟💟
sigh id love to be in a poly rs with them and id love to write n*sfw but my hands hurt toodles (i do have a stsg ask that is smutty tho ... will write that soon muahahha)
hello hello!
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sserajeans · 7 months
Text
bff premium?
kang haerin x fem! reader
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synopsis: after distancing yourself from a friend you've unfortunately fallen for, the rest of the group catches onto her sour mood, and all fingers point to you
genre + others: fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers, non-idol au, high school setting, friend group is rly just nwjns + yn
notes: i swear yail update will come i just had this in my drafts and felt bad for not posting for a while!!, requested, IM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG I REALLY WANTED TO BE IN TBE MOOD WHEN I WROTE THIS 😭😭😭😭 luckily haerin posted some pics that ive gotten completely insane over.. so!
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you and haerin always had something special between the both of you.
you two met in middle school, when your homeroom teacher was assigning seats. she was a quiet kid, and so were you, but one of you had to get over it. so when the class was given a paired activity to "get-to-know each other", you were forced to come out of your shell, and haerin welcomed you (surprisingly) warmly.
it started off as a strictly-seatmate type of friendship, where you two would only interact whenever it was needed. but as you spent more and more time working on assigned activities together, you were beginning to realize that maybe you enjoyed her company more than you thought, and so did she.
eventually, you two began spending time together outside of class; during recess, lunchtime, sometimes after class in the library. it didn't take long until the both of you became really close, a known tandem. you were her closest friend, she was yours, and everyone knew that.
over time, your friends became hers as well, and so whenever everyone was free, your little friend group composed of minji, hanni, danielle, haerin, hyein, and you, would hang out together. at a clubroom, the courtyard, the gymnasium, a cafe, the cafeteria, anywhere.
but no matter how many close friends surrounded you two, it seemed clear to anyone that you were closer to each other than anyone else. the same way hanni was to hyein, and minji was to danielle.
now your feelings for haerin grew a couple years later, and you only admitted them to yourself in your sophomore year of high school. that's about four years or so since you two met, and about a year ago from today.
from the beginning, you had always found haerin pretty. it wasn't hard to admit. she was nice to look at, and the way her cat-like eyes turned into crescent moons whenever she smiled ear to ear... yeah, you knew you were enjoying it a little too much.
and it only worsened the more you got to know each other, because you found out there were so many things to adore.
the way she wouldn't stop talking about frogs, her love for tomatoes, her eyes and the way she blinks slowly when she looks at something she loves (a cat-like habit you picked up when she was watching a recipe video for an avocado dish).
the list could go on and on if no one stopped you, and after talking about it to your mom (who was very supportive of everything, by the way), you came to the conclusion that you liked haerin, in a "more-than-a-friend way".
but you had no idea, not a single clue, on what to do with that realization. what would happen if you told her? if you didn't? would she feel the same? would she be disgusted if she didn't?
crushes and romance was one of the most untouched conversation topics between the two of you, so you had no idea if she was even open to such ideas.
but the one thing you knew for sure, was that she was your best friend, and you were hers. you loved your best friend, and so did she. in a different way, or not, you felt like she still deserved to know. you hated hiding things from her, and history proves it only made things worse whenever you did.
so you decided to confess. great!
and suddenly you see her acting all lovey dovey with danielle.
well, in retrospect, they weren’t exactly being lovey dovey, and you kind of knew that.
danielle was just big on affection, as she was to everyone, and is one of the few people whose pda was complied with (or tolerated) by haerin.
and despite not being much of a pda fan, in that moment, you badly wanted to be in danielle’s place, comfortably smothering your best friend with all the love in the world.
oh, and it didn’t help that people started a couple rumors about them being a couple.
sure, everyone knew you were each other’s number one, each other’s best of best friend, but the way you two showed affection with each other was very different from the way danielle does, to again, everyone, but you didn’t care about that.
the bitter sting in your stomach seeing the two of them made you realize that it was probably a much better idea to just get rid of your feelings (you’re an idiot, you’ve had them for years. they won’t just go away). after all you didn’t want to ruin what you had with two of your closest friends.
and with that goal in mind, so began your plan to avoid kang haerin at all costs!
you’re really stupid.
in the process of avoiding haerin, you indirectly were avoiding the rest of the girls too. you mostly hung out with your other classmates from different subjects like woonhak and eunchae. and whenever you were asked about it by hanni (mostly), you shrugged it off and said it was just “school things you needed help with”.
it was a dumb excuse. everyone knew you were at least top 5 of the class. and what kind of help were you getting if you were going out to places like arcades and karaoke spots anyways?
the girls were bothered, but not as much as haerin was. she was often visibly in a sour mood, ate half of her usual cafeteria servings, and would talk a lot less than she already did.
they were worried for the both of you simultaneously, but hyein and minji put two and two together, which only doubled their worry.
initially, it was just you and haerin's separate well-being they were concerned about, but now that they realized the time frame in which you began distancing yourself matched up with when haerin's mood went down, they were now also worried about what could've happened between you two.
so they took it amongst themselves to at least know what was going on.
"haerin-ah."
"haerin."
"kang."
"kang haerin!"
haerin looked up from her untouched tray of food, her chopsticks poking around slices of beef in sauce.
"hm?"
minji sat across her as the first two to arrive in their usual lunch table.
"i was asking if anything happened between you and y/n or something..."
"oh..."
haerin looked back down and continued playing around with her food before sighing and looking back up, muttering a couple words.
"wish i knew."
"y/n-unnie! is something up between you and haerin-unnie?"
"huh? what?" you were sat in the sound proofed booth of the music room, guitar plugged in an amplifier. you squinted at hyein's figure from outside the room, putting your guitar on its stand and motioning her to come inside.
"can you repeat that? i can't really hear anything from in there..." scratching the back of your neck, you gave hyein a seat from behind the booth's drum sets.
"i was asking!" hyein took a deep breath, you raised your eyebrows signaling her to continue. "if you and haerin-unnie have something going on."
"h-huh? what? what something?"
"no not like that! i meant you know, did you fight or... 'cause she's been so sour lately! she wouldn't even give me her leftover tomatoes... she wasn't even gonna eat them! like at all!"
the expression on your face shifted to what most would identify as worry and concern.
"...she hasn't been eating the tomatoes? she loves those..."
"yeah! and so much more! anyways, minji-unnie and i deduced it was about you, so here i am." hyein gleamed with pride while you chuckled in amusement.
you leaned over to mess with the top of her head and sighed, "i'll talk to her. you don't worry about a thing, okay?"
and you kept your word to the younger girl. how could you not?
you spotted haerin alone in one of the clubrooms, cleaning up some of the materials they used for the day. knocking on the room's door startled her a bit, given by the minor flinch, but she relaxed seeing it was you.
still, you could tell her facial expression was slightly guarded, and it hurt you, but you definitely deserved it.
she turned back around to continue organizing the materials into three separate boxes, not saying a word.
"hyein said you haven't been eating the tomatoes in your lunch." you slowly took your steps towards her and stopped when you were a couole steps away on the other side of the desk she used to arrange the items. "or your lunch at all..."
she paused to look up at you and give you a short glare, before walking to move a box to the teacher's desk in the room. you followed a few steps behind her, arms behind your back as your fingers fiddled with each other.
"you shouldn't... skip your meals, you know..." you muttered, clearly intimidated by haerin’s cold facade. "health... you need to eat..."
seeing as how you still had no reply, you decided it was probably best to just go straight to the point.
"hey... i'm sorry..."
you were used to haerin not saying that much, especially when you got to know her more and she explained that it was simply just too tiring. but you were also always the exception to that.
whenever it was just the two of you, one would be surprised to see haerin as the louder one. talkative, always rambling about something, while you smiled, nodded, and gave comments whenever necessary.
"yangi, please say something"
haerin loved that nickname more than anything. it was pretty foul to pull that card, actually. you came up with it when you two were having a friendly debate over what animal she resembled.
"i don't know where you're getting cat, y/n."
"are you crazy? how are you getting frog!"
"literally everything!"
"no. you're simply incorrect. you're literally a cat in human form!"
"absolutely not!"
"whatever you say, goyangi."
"what did you just call me?"
"go-yang-i. goyangi. go. yangi."
"you're so... annoying."
"okay, yangi."
she let out a frustrated sigh, looking up at you with what felt like her eyes piercing through your soul.
"so you get to disappear on me without a word, but i have to reply when you speak to me for the first time in 8 days?"
yes, she's been counting the days.
but wouldn't you be too if she did the same?
well, you probably would've confronted her a little sooner. but it's not that haerin didn't care enough to do something about it, she just genuinely didn't want to overstep space you might've been needing.
"thats what i thought." she let go of the box, turned her back, and walked back to the desks to grab the 2nd box.
"look... i'm sorry, i really am." you immediately caught up to her with a few steps, eyes pleading with nothing but guilt.
"if you are then can you at least tell me why you were avoiding me?"
she stared at you, observing how your thumbs rubbed over your fingers, or how your breathing got a little heavy, both nervous habits she picked up.
noting how you probably weren't going to say much anytime soon, she let go of the 2nd box to face you.
"you're my best friend, y/n"
that hurt didn't it?
a reminder that that was probably all you were going to be to her.
"do you know how..." haerin took a deep inhale, it was beginning to get shaky. her mind was a mess, thinking of the best words to express the hurt you made her feel over the past few days. but she couldn't.
"nevermind."
knowing the way haerin acted added on to your internal conflict. haerin usually wasn't afraid to speak her mind when it was just the two of you, but now she is. she couldn't. and you knew it was your fault.
but were you really ready to tell her you liked her? now? you wanted to show her you were sorry, but it really wasn't that easy.
if things go wrong, she could continue the game and avoid you forever. and just like that you'd lose your best friend, ruining the group's dynamics as well.
but you figured your brain was just making up excuses for you to not tell her out of fear. what mattered the most now was letting her know you were sorry, and that hurting her was never part of the plan.
"look, i'll tell you, because i really truly am sorry for hurting you," you start off, hands in the air motioning whatever. "but i-... i need you to promise me..."
"what?" her voice was much softer now. still cold, but not sharp enough to make it feel like you were stabbed every time she spoke.
"that you won't be... weirded out, or disgusted, or leave the room. you'll talk about it with me."
"you're the one whos been avoiding the talking y/n, i hope you know that."
you often forget how quick she was with her words. it was like a whip. painful, fast, happens before you even noticed it did. you were just so used to her nicer side. she's never been frustrated with you.
"right..."
you took a deep breath, mentally composing a script of how you felt and how you were going to say it. just like the million times you've practiced to the mirror at home.
"i've been avoiding you 'cause i think i like you. or, well, i know i like you. in a more than a friend way. and i have been for a while, and i was going to tell you because i didn't like hiding things from you, but i saw you with dani one day and i just- i don't know. okay? it's stupid. i know she's like that with everyone, but i didn't like it when she was with you, so i decided that i'd rather just get rid of how i felt to make it easier and to not ruin any of our friendships. so i figured the only way to do that was if i didn't talk to you. clearly that affected us both in a way i didn't want or intend. i'm sorry i ignored you. it was selfish of me to not think about how you could've felt throughout everything."
haerin took a minute just standing there, trying to process the hell of a bomb of information you just dropped on her. her cheeks were gradually growing red the more she realized what you were trying to tell her.
"hey... hello... did you hear what i was saying... or do i have to repeat it... because i'd really rather not..." you waved your palm in front of the girl who seemed to be frozen in place. "but if that's what it takes then i guess tha—"
you stopped talking as haerin slowly approached you, wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face on your shoulder. she was careful to do so slowly, giving you a chance to move away if you needed to. she knows you're not into physical touch, and it just wasn't exactly the norm for the two of you.
"i was worried."
"hey, i've been eating fine. it's you tha-"
"no, not that. i was worried you might've overheard dani and i talk about you when i told her i like you, and that you were disgusted by it and didn't want to be... associated with me because of it. and maybe you just didn't know how to tell me so you went with the silent treatment.... i was going nuts, y/n. that's why hyein was talking about skipping lunch and whatever. all i could think about was why."
you could feel the guilt eating you up bit by bit on the inside. it quite literally broke your heart to hear haerin, the girl with not a lot of words, express the effect of what you did. it was like acid, burning up your stomach, your chest, your head. except that acid was guilt.
"oh god... i'm so sorry, yangi... the whole thing was a really selfish move and— and i should've thought about you first. i really am so so sorry..."
you held her closer and softly shifted your body weight from one foot to the other, swaying the two of you softly, somewhat like a cradle calming a baby down to sleep.
"hey... it's okay... i know you didn't mean it. i'm just glad we're fine now."
you two stay in that position for a couple of minutes, feeling each other relax over time as a result of finally resolving the conflict you had caused.
that was until haerin broke the silence.
"so... hate to be the person to ask but..."
"what are we?"
the two of you laughed for a while at how the question was so cliche and cringe yet necessary.
"yes."
"bff premium?"
"y/n!"
"i'm kidding! i'm kidding! but... i say we take things slow? get a little used to this, whatever it is, whatever it could be?"
"yeah, i like that."
the two of you smiled at each other with nothing but warmth and care, before ultimately pulling in for another hug.
"minji-unnie you owe me 2,000 won."
"hyein you're being too loud."
"huh do you hea-?..." haerin pulled away with a surprised face, interrupted by y/n quickly stomping towards the door, slamming it open to reveal minji and hyein falling forward to the floor. a result of relying on the door for support.
"seriously? i expected hyein, but minji-unnie?" you sighed in disappointment, haerin walking over to see what the fuss was all about.
"listen, it's for hanni she placed bets too."
"...lame excuse."
"KANG HAERIN!"
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