#ive been sitting on this for about a year now
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ANNOUNCEMENT: Parts IV and V of In the Netherwood are back in progress!
At first, there was only darkness. A sea of black, utterly devoid of any sound or feeling.
Time stretched on without end while you drifted through the endless void. But then, the faint smell of smoke tickled your nose, followed by the distinct scent of cinnamon and firewood.
Though you could not place it, the scent was familiar; the kind that you recognized deep in your bones, even where your memory otherwise failed you.
You hadn’t known whether your eyes had been open or shut as you floated amidst the black, but a faint orange light glowed dimly some indiscernible distance away. You struggled to move toward it, uncertain of how to move your limbs — or whether you had any to move at all. But the orange light grew larger the more you twisted, growing still until you slammed into creaky, wooden planks.
Not an ounce of black remained around you now; rather, you found yourself sitting upon an old, weather-worn floor before a great, crackling fireplace. One whose hearth was intricately painted with a distinct, hanging floral motif; one that you’d spent many nights tracing over with absentminded fingers.
As you sat up, you leaned back against the edge of a rocking chair you knew would be seated behind you, facing the roaring fire. Any residual alarm or uncertainty you had melted easily away as you looked around; for here, you could never be in danger.
Because this was a place where you were warm. Safe. Loved.
Home.
“How long has Grandfather been gone?” You asked, spinning a small wooden top against the cabin floor. Every time the toy threatened to spin too far out of your reach, you slammed a tiny hand over it, before dragging it back to you.
Warm hands, gentle though wrinkled with age, smoothed over your hair. “Six years, my dove.”
The hands urged you to sit back and lean against the legs of the person perched in the great rocking chair. You followed without complaint, your toy falling to its side, forgotten.
You hummed as those fingers began combing through your hair, working through its knots and tangles. “And my parents have been gone longer?”
“Yes,” the voice spoke wistfully. “Trying to help your grandfather.”
“The Netherwood,” you whispered softly, and you shuddered against the ominous chill skirting down your skin.
The fingers in your hair paused, and you frowned. You turned into the legs against which you’d been resting, peering up at the person sitting behind you.
There, you saw the familiar face of a home that was no more.
“Gram,” you murmured pressing your cheek against her knee. “How did you meet grandfather? Was it love at first sight?”
Your grandmother blinked down in surprise at you, taken aback at the girlish excitement shining in your eyes. But then her expression softened, and she smiled ever so gently as she brushed her hand over your cheek.
“It was,” she said simply, eyes swimming with warmth. “This village is not a welcoming place. It looks down upon outsiders. That was true even when I first arrived here. Outsiders were viewed as undesirable; untrustworthy.”
Gram smiled, and suddenly, she seemed miles away from the cabin in which you now sat. “Your grandfather was the first kind face I met when I arrived here.”
“When you first arrived?” You repeated, brow furrowing before your eyes widened. “You came from another village?” You gazed up at Gram in awe. “But that means — that means you traveled through the Netherwood! You made it through!”
Gram chuckled softly. “It is not an impossible feat, my flower.”
“How did you do it?” You sat up eagerly, leaning forward in your grandmother’s lap. “Were there monsters? Shadows? Nymphs?”
Your mind ran wild with images of creatures of various shapes and sizes from the many stories she’d told you about the cursed, ancient Wood. Ones of dragons and pixies. Of shifters that could take on the form of any animal you could imagine. Ones of nymphs, beautiful nymphs, with voices sweeter than any human melody.
“Hush, child,” Gram tapped the tip of your nose, motioning for you to turn back around and resume your place at her feet. “I will tell you the story of your Grandfather, but you must sit still.”
You groaned. You hated being sedentary, always eager to run, to talk, to find Kotoha and orchestrate some elaborate prank on the village’s crankier residents. But you loved your Gram’s stories more than most anything, and so you complied, rolling your shoulders as you positioned yourself at her feet, limbs held perfectly still.
Gram guided your head into her lap, and began sectioning your hair into pieces, to braid. As her old, wisened hands began weaving the strands of your hair together, she opened her mouth to speak.
But when Gram’s mouth started moving, no sound came out. All at once, the light in the cabin grew dimmer, the memory foggier, until it faded away like smoke in the wind.
And there was only darkness once more.
👀👀👀
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Meeting the family
Just some Raturine ideas (it could have been a fic if I could write)
Part 1. Aventurine takes Ratio with him to Sigonia-IV (a bit sad).
Part 2. Ratio retaliates (less sad).
Part 1.
On Penacony, Aventurine was forced to confront his tragic past in a rather abrupt and traumatic way. He now feels that, to make some semblance of peace with it, he has to revisit Sigonia-IV after all these years and face it on his terms.
The problem is, he's not sure he'll ever be strong enough to do it alone.
Luckily, there is Ratio. Probably. They have been in a weird sort of relationship for months now. They clearly enjoy spending time together, but they'd rather die than talk about their true feelings. Both are stumped by overanalyzing this situation. For Ratio it's "Yes, he's being playful and charming with me, but I saw him act the same way with other people, he's probably just toying with me, I shouldn't embarrass myself by showing my true feelings."
And for Aventurine: "Does he care for me in a special way, or is it just a part of his "I'll keep the damn gambler safe and emotionally stable because I'm a decent person" routine, am I a burden to him, is he deliberately being emotianally distant with me or is it just how he normally is?, I know that I'll never be able to tell him how I actually feel because he won't believe me, he'll think that I mock him, it'll just drive him away."
So, as a last resort gamble, he tells Ratio, in the most nonchalant way possible, that he's going to visit Sigonia, and Ratio can go with him if he wants. He fully expects to hear an indifferent "Why are you telling me this, why would you expect me to go with you?". Instead, Ratio is in shock.
He did do some research on Aventurine's past. So he realizes immediately how important this trip should be for Aventurine, and how real and vulnerable he's being right now, and what that offer means for their relationship. It's much more revealing than any confession Aventurine might have made. He realizes that it's also Aventurine's subtle, desperate test for Ratio's true feelings. So he doesn't even bother to say yes, he goes directly to planning.
They finally end up going to Sigonia. Imagine the most tragic road trip ever. "In this valley, most of my people were brutally massacred." "Behind that rock my mother died in my arms," "And that's where I said goodbye to my sister forever," "This is where I've been cought", "Over there are the ruins of the town where they sold me into slavery." Meanwhile, Ratio is quietly panicking: ("Veritas, you stupidest person ever, say something reassuring. Hold his hand. Do something")
At the end of the day, he would end up awkwardly putting his hand around Aventurine's shoulders. They'd just silently sit like this looking at the sunset.
(at first it ended here but then I decided to lighten the mood, so…)
Part 2.
After that, Ratio would realize that it's time for Aventurine to meet his parents. He would introduce Aventurine as a "collegue", to his amusement. As far as I know, there is no info on Ratio's family, so the following is pure HC. I like to think that his parents are alive and well. They are weird and quirky, and they love their son in their way, and they are beyond happy that their son has finally found a "colleague".
Cue all the most cheesy and stereotypical "meeting the parents" tropes.
Them immediately referring to Aven as Ratio's boyfriend (you are not fooling anybody, doc). Them being a bit skeptical of Aven first ("Our little Veri deserves only the best"). Followed by the obligatory nine circles of humiliation hell for poor Ratio, with all the child photos and embarassing stories ("Here he's 5, he's dressed up as Nuos for the Autumn Spirit Festival", "And here is him getting his first quantum nanoscope for his 9th birthday (a photograph of an awkward lanky child with thick glasses and brackets)", "Veritas, dear, remember that time when you got accepted into all these prestigious schools you applied to and cried all night because you couldn't decide which one to choose"). Them besieging poor Aventurine with all kinds of questions about himself (he'd end up sharing much more about himself than he intended to). The parents getting absolutely charmed by Aven and immediately taking him under their wing ("Feel free to call us whenever Veritas decides to be difficult", "Visit us anytime, you can come alone, we know that our son apparently has more important things to do than visiting his poor old parents")
("Oh and here are socks Grandma knitted for you both when she heard that you were about to visit")
Meanwhile, aventurine.exe has stopped working 5 minutes after meeting them, not fully able to comprehend what's going on (these weird people are so unlike his own parents, yet being with them feels so painfully familiar, and this long forgotten feeling of being a part of something big, safe, and accomodating, is it what having a family feels like?, why are they so warm and welcoming to somebody they just met, and why is Ratio so comically embarassed, shouldn't he be the happiest person ever with parents like that?)
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“They never actually got married even though they told everyone they did”
WAIT WHY
Mom is a very strong independent person who isn't afraid to speak her own mind. Like when she finds out she's pregnant with Hattie, she's not nervous or worried what Quinn will say, because with or without him she's got this, thankfully Quinn was all in on babygirl.
Quinn and Mom were always going to get married, that was the plan: get drafted, get engaged, finished school/play in nhl, get married, move to Vancouver, have a family, win a Stanley cup. They accomplish 1 ½ of those things before they found out about Hattie. Quinn already had an engagement ring picked (Luke and Jack helped him ☺️) so he moved up his proposal date. Mom said yes and they started planning a wedding.
They wanted to get married before baby was born, or at least thats what both their parents told them. And as the date got closer and things started to become overwhelming for our strong mom. The thing that set her off was Ellen wanted to add more family and friends to the guest list.
She cried to Quinn about everything. Quinn was shocked, he had never seen her cry like this before. Quinn suggests forgetting the whole big white wedding and eloping instead. They can just cancel the wedding, they don't have to explain anything to anyone, grab a friend and elope. Mom agrees and they plan the next time he's in the states to go to the court house.
But the day of her hormones are getting the best of her again. She's feeling like she's disappointing everyone, especially Ellen by doing this, and everyone's going to be judging her.
They're at the courthouse waiting for their mystery friend, Mom's upset and Quinn takes matters into his own hands. He gives her the band that matches her engagement ring.
"Let's wait Y/N. You're upset, I don't want you upset on your wedding day." Quinn rubbed his hand up and down her arm, calming her down some.
"No no. We can do it now, I want to do this now. We need to do this now, we've already cancelled the wedding. It'll be too late to schedule something else before March." Y/N wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. Quinn saw how important pleasing his mother and their family meant to her. His happy-go-lucky girl was never like this.
"Or" Quinn took her left hand, and slid the white gold sparkly band next to the big diamond. "we just tell everyone we eloped now. And later once babygirl is born, we can actually elope. Won't it be more fun to include her anyways?"
They believed the lie for so long that they eventually forgot them never tied the knot. Mom legally got her last name to Hughes, and no ever suspected a thing. Though the subject gets brought up in arguments from time to time.
#family is everything au#quinn x mom#au thoughts#quinn hughes#ive been sitting on this for about a year now
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28/01/2024
stars don't twinkle moon doesn't shine
big thanks to @nahrgles for finishing this for me after i hit a wall with colors bg and effects- chromatic aberration blew my fkn mind
pre edit transparent version under cut because i spent too much time cleaning it loll
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#shadow#sonic adventure 2#sa2#admin draws#fanart#not intended as ship theyre kinda just There but like if ya wanna tag it i aint stopping you#never played sa2 myself but ive been insane about these two for saur long now and thats like half the reason i even finished this#finished sonic generations though and i replayed this fight like three times omgfgghgh its so fun. i love them so much#those who follow my main blog mightve seen the piece by a long deactivated artist that inspired this#queue spat it out just around the time i finished this#sitting down to complete a piece that i dont finish in one sitting is rare let alone 2 (it took 3) and im pretty happy with it#still not ttoooottally happy but you just gotta let mistakes be and not ruin ur perception of a thing thats on the whole. pretty good#ive still got a bg3 wip in the works but i might have to doodle these 2 for sanity rather than sitting down after a long day#of studying infectious diseases for a final. and then making myself work on something ive wrung of most of its initial creative dopamine#MORNING EDIT WOW. THAT TRAILER HUH. 20 YEARS OF SHADOW RETROSPECTIVE HOW WE FEELING.#BC I KNOW IM ON CLOUD NINE NOW
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@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up
the best thing thats ever been mine
#tgcf#xie lian#feng xin#fenglian#fenglianweek24#my art#full color#I SPENT SOOO LONG ON THIS ONE... like not long for me. fast for me! but compared to the other ones ive done for flw. long.#this has been a few weeks of work and im very happy with how it turned out! tried to be thoughtful about how i approached the colors#and i think it really paid off! theres SO MANY COLORS in the pants im so proud of all the fabric in this...#that white fabric has so. many colors. it makes me super happy#also some of the fallen petals make hearts. btw >:o)#idk if they translate well but feng xin has top surgery scars!!! theyre both trans but xie lian is a cultivator so. he just uses magic#i KNOW when he first learned transformation magic he like BOOKED IT to feng xin to show him like 'LOOK. FLAT!!!'#and little teenxin was like 'ummm 😳 yeah. flat'#ANYWAY!!! idk if they actually look like teens here... hopefully yes. xie lian does to me at least???#or at least he looks different from how i draw him as an 800smthng year old lol. but still like himself i think!!! i hope...#whatever. point is. do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of#the tags cut me off there. thats a good thing. IF YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.#did you guys know i have headcanons about the type of tswift fans mu qing and xie lian would be. well now you know. I Have Thoughts#OKAY THATS ENOUGH TAGS I NEED TO ACTUALLY POST THIS. ILY MUAH TTYL
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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Still kind of miffed that the sequel series wasn't Olympus versus the underworld like it was kind of setup throughout PJO. like the whole ending to the underworld stuff was sort of... boring. when you look at it. like hades gets blamed in TLT despite no proof, TTC his daughter dies and her body just disappears (and it's never brought up why they couldn't find her body, like??) and his son runs away, TBotL shows how powerful and deadly children of Hades' can be
(in a way that Percy really hasn't shown with his own powers imo, like Percy and his usage of his powers doesn't really happen very much until TLO, it's generally just small things like healing himself, or swimming, etc. nothing particularly big. like the most notable event prior to TLO is blowing up that volcano, and that's fucking four books in, bro, Percy please. why is the first time you summon a hurricane in the middle of a battle, baby, please hyperfixate on something other than your sword)
anyway Nico also states that children of Hades have never been accepted at camp (why, why, why - like the implication is because no one trusts Hades, but what does that mean for his children when they do go to camp? Plus Hades saying his kids rarely have happy endings in BoO, like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, this is why my headcanon is they literally got bullied into suicide or "accidentally" killed off by other camper, and they just. fucking accepted it because they had to protect the other underworld kids and better they got beat and harmed than the children under their wing - they can handle it, they're stronger and they're not afraid of dying)
and then in one of the side stories we find out through Persephone that Hades may never have actually been on equal footing as his brothers, that Melinoe might've helped Ethan with Bob (and thus was on Kronos's side to some extent.
and in TLO we find out morpheus, born of the underworld, is on Kronos's side and also that Zeus straight up tried to kill Nico and Bianca and judging from Hades' insistence w/ trying to get Maria to agree to go to the Underworld with him, it's not a surprise to him that this happened, if anything it was anticipated - which means it had to have happened before, either with him or with anyone. he knows that if he refuses his brother's demand (his brother who is not a king to him, mind you, olympus has no bearing on the underworld) that his brother will strike and he will not be able to do anything direct about it because conceptually the underworld is smaller than olympus, and has few, probably none, allies outside of its underground walls, so he would be risking everything if he fought back at his brother for the death of his beloved and his children
it's also why my headcanon is that zeus wanted all his niblings rounded up into one place, and then he sent down the seed of "hey, kill your cousins to save the world" to his kids and there was a big all out battle, and everyone died (because it's so easy to blow up people without anyone noticing your involvement when lightning is being flung everywhere) and like. i am. jsut
this would've been so cool
but also rick probably would've effed it over so lmao because he's not the best at nuance and complex situations - see Hermes as an Olympian and a Chthonic deity, where would he sit if he had to choose, what side does he pick?
see Annabeth as a child who has grown up in camp, who views things from a logical perspective and can see why Nico would be dangerous to keep around, the risk he carries from the death that oozes off his fingertips with ease, who can see why past campers tried to get rid of him and his ilk.
see Percy who has no loyalty to Olympus or camp, he is only loyal to his friends and his friends belong to Camp, Annabeth belongs to camp, Grover is literally akin to an olympian deity right now, but Percy intrinsically feels the need to protect Nico and Nico belongs to the Underworld - what does he do when his heart belongs to different powers? does he steal nico away while his family burns and lets the kids hate him again, so long as he's safe? does he help him and watch the place he just worked so hard to save be brought to its nees? does he try to be diplomatic about it? try to mend things back together?
the complexity of it - the choices you'd have to make and the reasonings you'd have to apply to the characters so nothing seems out of place, but also so that no one is enraged by the characters they loved making decisions they don't agree with, so maybe it's a good thing this story never got told
but it would've been so cool to see, if it had
#don't worry folks i will make my own heaven vs underworld story#happy talks pjo#it's literally call pjo runoff in my wips list lmao. runoff because i forgot the word knockoff 😂#like i know where the inspo came from. it's been sitting there for like 2ish years now#but tbh ive been thinking about this concept for at least 5 years#i'm just utterly devoted to the light vs dark trope tbh
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watching stranger things while working out is so dangerous because i'll be getting Thoughts^tm while on the treadmill and have to risk my life staying balanced enough so tht i can write down said Thoughts^tm before they leave my brain forever. that being said..... it's so sad that a lot of people don't take stranger things seriously because dear fucking god. it's really so laughable when you go back and rewatch. not in a "this is bad" way but instead in a "they've literally been telling us the plot reveals this entire time since the very first moment and we didn't even know it" way. like that is CRAZYYYYYYYYY it's all right there. it's always been there. nothing is ever truly entirely new in this show it's just that we didn't know what we were looking at or hearing before because we didn't have the full picture yet. but it was there, and those "crumbs" are actually an entire meal. these bitches are crazy those two white men are CRAZYYYYYYY what da hell.... work...
#like. when you sit down and actually LISTEN....? crazy work. we been knew about one and about will literally since the first few minutes#ive been posting different versions of this sentiment for years now but thats bc it never fails to shock me#yall are getting distracted by all the 80s nostalgia and pretty lights and special effects bro pay attn to the MOTIFS... the THEMES.....#and tht little gay boy ofc ❤️
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you know i had a fun little vp idea i wanted to do for the cyberpunk anniversary but i haven't had the energy to even touch it recently so i'll just settle with saying that this game impacted me in ways i never thought it would when i first picked it up 3 years ago. i knew i would enjoy it, i had been looking forward to it for a long time, and despite a ~controversial~ launch, i had a fucking blast from day 1 (on ps4 no less). regardless of bugs and memes and public dunking, the story grabbed me like nothing else could at the time, and it reignited so much of my passion and motivation for art that i had lost in the clutches of mental illness and i'll always be grateful for that. it introduced me to so many wonderful people (some whom i carry very close to my heart), and maybe most personally surprising, it gave me an outlet to understand parts of myself that i had been too afraid to acknowledge for a long time, the courage to accept and embrace myself as non-binary, and allow myself to just BE without trying to convince myself i'm crazy. that's not what i expected from the get-go but it's been a really fun journey to be on ngl
#yeah this fandom been a little rocky in places but i would be lying if i said this community here wasn't special to me#so much love and passion and creativity to be around and be inspired by#so many people who have been impacted by this silly little heartwrenching game#devs who have poured their heart into it to deliver something genuinely incredible#its one of those strange things that really did fully change the trajectory of this little leg of my life#to think that until 3 years ago i hadn't even touched art in a decade#now there are lovely people who want to spend money on my work#3 years ago i bought my first (and only) refurbished ps4 to play this game and now im sitting on a fancy gaming laptop#ive said it before but vp has been such an important creative outlet too#its allowed me to live my dreams of being a film director. a cinematographer. a writer.#the whole game has let me be so damn self-indulgent sometimes i feel like a kid again just unashamedly playing barbie#finding the JOY of just. creating.#i learned so much about myself through an OC because of this game#it went from 'huh what is this feeling? gender envy?' to being like full blown 'oh yea. i get it now.' so much of my life makes sense kfslf#and i met people who mean the world to me on top of it all#woof anyways#i know i say it a lot but genuinely thank u to yall who have encouraged me and supported me and who enjoy the things that i make#youve made such a difference in my life without knowing it!
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ive been a dick about horror since childhood. i distinctly remember being a kid watching the nightmare on elm street movies and being like "wow these arent scary at all and i dont really like them" even when i had basically no point of comparison besides reading goosebumps and scary stories to tell in the dark. i did still watch all 8 of them though.
#i actually read a lot of childrens horror besides those two. i just dont remember what anymore#and i think by the time i saw nightmare i actually had started reading adult horror too. my mom got me reading stevie king young lmao#but honestly his writing isnt scary either even to me as a kid so. skill issue.#ghost.txt#one of these days i do want to sit down and rewatch them all since its been like. over 10 years since ive seen most of them#i watched the first one with my wife a couple years ago since she hadnt seen it before. she liked it. i still thought it was meh.#but i wanna see my adult opinions on them all. especially since ive gotten less serious over the years so i have less of a stick up my ass#about horror comedy. like i wouldnt have liked the chucky movies back then either but i really like them now
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finally watching House MD and yes i am catching up on my shows a decade late, but that DOES mean that now i can make the hypothesis that chase is another bubblegum bitch character and frankly that's worth the ten years
#house md#im on season three#by which i mean i am four episodes away from finishing season 3#i picked up knitting you see and i was like “hey i need a show i don't care about that's still engaging while knitting” because adhd yknow#except now im fucking hooked#my emotions have been toyed with#i have called 40 year old men baby girls#i have broken down laughing#i have cried full ass adult tears#i have binged more episodes than i could ever advise in single evenings#i have had to excitedly break down arcs to my mother who keeps walking by while the show is on/sitting in for an episode n then sleeping#ive also finished a cool pattern swatch and am almost done with another stuffed bunny (this one is for an old roomie) so it is working#like on the knitting-with-adhd front#i have another five seasons to go so who knows!#maybe i'll make a sweater :)
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i can't believe my high school life peaked freshman year
#i had a large and varied group of friends. i participated in extracurriculars. i helped plan a school dance. i volunteered with my club#regularly. i saw my friends frequently. i went to concerts and on trips with my friends. we went to a school dance and to football games#now and for the last 2 years ive just been sitting in my room. doing nothing all day#i fucking hate arkansas#april.fuck#i thought too much about how much i miss key club :/
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ive been switching lanes waaay too fast this week. Anyway having some mini identity crisises over how little i actually understood about nuclear fusion
#me#a shitpost can be blue#physics#i guess#tis about how i knew so little about quarks#like okay i know their names i like knew they had like charges that were colours#thatw e call colours. but id uh missed the part where that leads tp actually looking how they interact and also waves#this came from me helping my best friends little syster#with a presentation on nuclear energy#and so i was just like huh i know it works like that but like why exactly does that give off energy as a byproduct?#and then i. and then i had to sit there like. ah#its been so long since ive actually looked at physics#like interesting physics not explaining basic concepts to a kid for school#cuz i have. highschool physics at best at this point and#uh my grandfather was a phycisist and he was writhing a book on some theories when i was 2 to 3ish#and he was babysitting me and we stayed close till my early teen years#so ive actually always known just tht bit much more about particles specifically then my peers#idk its always been interesting to me#but now im coming over here like oh ive lost the#constant building of knowedge over the years that id gotten used to#because like we would cover some material in school i kinda new#id get curious and look a bunch of atuff up#but ive actively been forgetting physics for a few years now and it idk it hit#im just not keeping up with my sciences#which is a terrible blow to my little curious ass#like ive been keeping up with literary education and fashion history and phylosophy#but ive been missing the biology and physics and chemistry actually#but i dont tend to hyperfocus on theese topics so im jot sure how to keep at it#cuz i like learning stuff like that and sometimes ill go on binges of learning about curves#but idk ive been missing my dose of i guess the harder sciences part of it
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ah, so the misophonia is part of the sensory processing disorder + etc. of course.
#misophonia#okay now that im where im coming from here:#does anyone else get Murderous when they hear lawnmowers/leafblowers/etc#like instant anger. not minor annoyance but This is about to Ruin the next few hours for me#like if someone was trying to get me to join the dark side or whatever but i was in firm disagreement until That Motor revs up#i want to enjoy the sounds of spring and summer but instead its fuck BRBRBRBRBRBRBRRBRRRBRBRBRBRBRRBRBRBRBRRRR#ALL THE DAMN DAY#its fucking night time rn;#its fucking RAINING#and i have a neighbor whos mowing her lawn#shes about ot get evicted out of this house w this giant ass lawn that only she lives in but shes MOWING HER FUCKING LAWN USING OUR POWER#i want all mowers and leaf blowers to explode forever#SHES FUCKING SITTING STILL ON HER PHONE RUNNING THE WORLDS LOUDEST SINGLE PASSENGER VEHICLE#AND I CANT FUCKING TELL HER TO HAVE A LICK OF SELF AWARENESS BC I HAVE FUCKING COVID SO I CANT LEAVE MY ROOM OR CLOSE MY WINDOWS#i swear to fucking god pls get me out of hereeeeeeee#my ears hurt so bad rn i wanna cry#thats all its been for htese days of isolation: mower after mower after mower after mower#i just wanna hear the wind! or the rain! or the birds! or the frogs! OR NOTHING!!!!#i cant fucking sleep thru it either ;;;;;;;;;;;;;#and whenever i describe this frustration no one in my family really sympathizes#they ask if ive tried my headphones which is would be helpful if i hadnt tried and failed w that for years#they just shrug and say 'well it has to be done' BUT WHY DO PPL 'NEED' TO MOW THEIR LAWNS EVERY FUCKING DAY#okay shes done now. at 9 fucking pm. ill be done now
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Some1 voicing interest on Libero a Due.....🥺
#speculation nation#ladue shit#ive been very occupied with itnl but i still do have the 18k words WIP for ladue chapter 3#and i. should finish that up to post it. at some point.#i think i really should decide whether theres any chance of actually continuing it after chapter 3#bc it's a reasonable conclusion to the thing. conclusion to the arc at the very least#but i also had so much more in mind for its future.#but im not even working on discacc rn man i have NO idea how long it would take for a potential 4th chapter of ladue...#so do i wanna keep it open on the off chance ill pick it back up eventually? or be honest with myself and call it here?#either way ive been sitting on 18k words for about half a year now#and i think they should be posted before Too long...#i gotta remember wtf i was doing with it lol. i had only a tiny lil bit left to write too...#aaaagh life is so hard. why must i be a chronic longfic writer. too many things i want to focus on. so little time and energy...
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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
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