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dreamsndmadness · 6 days

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hellooo!!!(sorry in advance for all of the rambling)

first of all, im absolutely gushing from all of the soft moments in ch9: feyd nearly crying from being cared for, paul helping feyd with his nightmares, and feyd being protective/caring in both the breakfast scene and throughout the spice field inspections :333. It was all VERY adorable and paul finally being unhesitating about his sexual relationship with feyd and them communicating (both implicitly with paul reading feyds body language and explicitly with paul making feyd ask for what he wants), it's all very rewarding in general :)

Also, ive just been thinking nonstop about all the stuff going on with paul. so, my first theory about pauls exhaustion was because he was staying up because of feyds nightmares waking up but then i re-read it and saw paul was tired even before they shared a bed, and then i remembered that lack of sleep is a common symptom of pregnancy so thats my leading theory rn, that OR paul is staying up late reading lol. im also so interested in what paul and lady jessica are plotting, they mentioned controlling feyd and learning more about him in the beginning and then theres the date palm scene. I remember in the movies that date palms are definitely on arrakis so my first thought was that feyd was being a paranoid little freak about it but then i thought lady jessica might be trying to assess pauls health or something?? its safe to say im super hyped for the paul POV

sorry about the length and INCREDIBLY half formed theories

( •̀ - •́ ) ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

The wonderful bowl100!!

I love your questions ☺️. Omg yay!!! I’m so glad you liked the chapter. I always have a crisis of confidence when I post new chapters 🙃. Yesss. The softness. Feyd cutting the fruit and making sure Paul eats was one of my favorite moments from the chapter. It’s so hard to write moments of tenderness from him without it seeming out of character. And then he can never be honest with himself about why he’s doing things or why certain things are making him feel certain ways. Man. This guy. Feyd used his words FINALLY!!! And yes!! I’m so happy for Paul. Starting to enjoy himself. It’s so important.

Okee so here’s what I can say. You aren’t wrong about any of your guesses per say. It’s been such a joy to write from Paul’s pov because he’s a much more emotionally evolved person so I can write him being like “ah yes. This is making me feel this way!”. So one of the biggest reasons for Paul’s exhaustion is that he has been having dreams. Some of them good, some of them pretty disturbing. And yes, we will be seeing them in the next chapter. He is also (not really a spoiler cause it’s in the tags) pregnant! Another big reason! That’s going to be a plot point of the next chapter as well.

Lol the date palm scene!! You’re right on both counts. Feyd is being a paranoid little freak. He’s like “they are speaking in code!!” No you weirdo, they are talking about date palms. However, I am going to give him a little credit because he did pick up on the weird energy of the scene which is basically due to Jessica trying to draw Paul out of his funk. She’s worried about him and thinks he’s not doing well, and she’s trying to cheer him up and also trying to subtly (probably too subtly) signal to Feyd to do the same. Which he kinda gets! Cause he then invites Paul to come with him on inspection and Jessica is like “thank fucking god you are so fucking dense”. To Feyd. Not Paul. Paul can do no wrong in Jessica’s eyes lol.

Anyway! All of your theories were pretty spot on and perceptive!!! Sorry it took so long for me to respond 😔. I’ve been sick this week and it’s been a struggle. I have most of Paul’s chapter finished (it’s sitting at 5,500 words right now 😀). And I hope to edit and post tomorrow!!

Thank you as always for your lovely questions. I look at your wonderful art every day 🥹.

All the best 🫶.

#paul atreides #feyd rautha #paul x feyd #feydpaul #asks #my writing

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interruptedboney · 2 years

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｡*ﾟ◜+.*.｡⑅ Tuesday 06*09*22 ｡*ﾟ◜+.*.｡⑅

Calories consumed: 🥿 609 🥿

Calories burnt: ✨️ 20 ✨️

Net calories: 🎀 589 🎀

Breakfast: 1 slice of cinamon sugar and maple syrup toast ! 47 cals ! ♡

Lunch: scrambled egg whites with tomato, mushroom, bits of bread, and capsicum with maple syrup ! 51 cals ! ♡

Dinner: spaghetti bolognaise with veggies ! 511 ! ♡

Today has been reasonably okay! I had my psych appointment and it went pretty well! Shes specialised in EDS so it was easy to talk to her! I guess if im forced into psychology then it may as be with someone who knows stuff HAHA but oh my god im SHITTING MYSELF bc im paranoid that i could be pregnant??? Like my stomach, thighs and tits are getting bigger BUT LIKE im not even eating to gain??? The only possible reason for this would be due to my binging episodes ive had in the recent weeks? IDK HELP, im gonna take a test tomorrow AHH!!!!! Im content with my cals for today, i mean not too happy that my parents made me have spaghetti and made me have cheese on top of it but ugh its whateverrrr

#anarecyx #anorekix #tw ana shit #tw ana thoughts #tw ed diet #tw ed rant #ana trigger #4na thoughts #i will be thin #ed but not sheeran #tw ed in the tags #tw eating issues #tw ed vent #disordered eating thoughts #pr0 ana diary #disordered eating mention #ed diet #4na diary #diet

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sweet-milky-tea705 · 2 years

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Vent post. Dw im safe(currently) , just ranting. Cw sa mention, abortion, transphobia, and light suicide mention.

I live in a red state. I am not completely sure theyve banned abortion here but there are a lot of restrictions. Ive always been terrified. Absolutely terrified of becoming pregnant. Ive always been absolutely terrified of being assaulted like that. Im a paranoid person. And im so fucking scared that if something like that happened to me i would be forced to have that kid. Not to mention im visibly and openly queer in a small conservative area. I have heard the things people say about queer people here. I know its a possibility that some guy at my school could come and decide to try and “fix me”. It’s absolutely horrific. I hope this whole thing is just a scare and things will be righted soon. Because im scared. But theres also a possibility things will get worse as well. Especially for queer people like me. I wanted to try coming out to my parents soon, lightly transitioning, and changing my name legally at some point in the future. But that seems so so actually dangerous right now. I cant. I would be risking years in prison just for… being queer..? wanting to save my life..? What if i have complications during that unwanted pregnancy. I very likely might have twins. Its very possible i could die if i get pregnant or give birth. This whole thing sucks and if its not me i know itll happen to someone else. And some other person will be forced like that. It already happened in ohio. Just a few days ago. Im so fucking confused. And scared and i dont think i could.. keep living if something like that happened to me. If abortion wasnt an option i dont know what i would do. And i know theres other people like me here. So so many. Im scared for them too. And think about how many amazing women and afab people who might not be here in the near future because of this. And im mad. Im so fucking mad. I hate this country i hate the rich i hate the ignorant i hate the enormously privileged and powerful. I hate the stupid stupid people justifying this. Death to america.

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girlwithfish · 7 months

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had some painful tension y headache my last hr of work i feel it was bc of STRESS and im also spotting a lot when im at work i wonder if thats from stress or am i just pregnant or my hormones r imbalanced or have pcos Or the 8 other things google says it could be. but anyway i was in a sad mood after wrk even tho i finally picked up my meds so now i will not feel all funky and sensitive hopefully and im doing shrooms again tnte but lately the past few times ive tripped ive also been super sensitive but i think tnte will b different and im very tired rnbut im determined to have a good friday night bci. havent had a good weekend in forevah and im also rly paranoid of getting sick again or waking up to diarrh*a like last weekend that actually ruined my weekend my coworker also had the shits today nd was sixk i swear its just going around the center or smth lmao

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83bpm · 10 months

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i started having sex again like uhm last month and ever since then ive been incredibly paranoid that im pregnant. im sure this is not the case but ive been feeling fucking weird and i have this feeling that if i ever get pregnant i would know like immediately like i would be able to tell. im unsure about it just paranoid i might be feeling weird bc im about to start my period in a few days but if my period is off im gonna flip my shit

#weirdly im not opposed to havjng a baby that doesnt scare me but what scares me is my parents knowing i have sex LMFAO #thats my biggest fear bc i know they would disown me if they even found out i am dating my boyfriend let alone fucking let alone preggers #anyway im only posting this so if i miss my period and i take a test next week and its positive i can say i knew it #otherwise im just being publicly paranoid #which is embarrassing #my biggest fear really is having to buy new clothes

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aredlily · 6 years

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I feel weird.

#what if im pregnant?#to those who get periods:#do you ever have a weird period and go #even though you KNOW #there is no possible way that can be true?#cause yeah #but ive also been sick for like over a month cause allergies #so thats probably it #but its been two months in a row so you know #IM PARANOID

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anythingandeverything1d · 4 years

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This isn't pee.

Part 1: Congratulations Part 2: Im having your baby Part 3: Plum Sized Part 4: Kicks and Catch Ups

The next few months flew by. You and Harry were anxiously awaiting the baby’s arrival. Now that you were down to your last few weeks before the due date, things were coming together. You had spent the last two weeks finishing the nursery and piecing together all of the furniture. Well, Harry had done most of the work there but to be fair, you could barely walk without waddling and bending down was just not an option. Luke had come over to help as well and Harry had been grateful. He wasn't the best at following the instructions to properly build things. The nursery was finally complete though and it looked amazing. The crib, the changing station, the rocking chair, all of it out and ready for the baby. Hell, you were ready for the baby. You hadn't slept in weeks. You sat in the rocking chair, rubbing your belly and thinking back to the other night. You had only managed to sleep a few hours, but luckily Harry had been by your side the whole time.

*You rolled onto your back with a small groan. Nothing was working, you were overly tired, frustrated, in pain, and hungry. You were so uncomfortable you actually wanted to scream. Your stomach was massive, a giant lump sticking into the air and because of that, no position in bed was comfy. Literally not one, your back hurt, you hated sleeping on your side, your stomach was clearly not an option, and Harry was curled into a tight ball which meant no cuddles. On top of not being able to find a position to sleep in, you never slept more than an hour at a time. Tonight especially, you had been experiencing braxton hicks contractions most of the night, some of them leaving you in tears. You placed your hand on your stomach and could feel her kicking around. Figures, I go to bed and youre wide awake but the minute I get an ultrasound youre curled in a ball sleeping. You could feel her tiny feet pushing through the skin of your stomach, giving you butterflies and a smile. There was just something so strange about feeling a baby kick within you, and while it was strange it was a beautiful part of pregnancy that you would for sure miss. But of course, right now you just wished she would sit still and go to sleep so maybe you could also get some sleep as well. You winced in pain as you felt another contraction come on. You were focusing on your breathing when Harry rolled over concerned. “You okay babe?” he asked, his voice extra deep with sleep. You held up a finger and sat up, trying to breathe through the pain. He held your hand and rubbed your back anxiously. “Should we call the doctor and go in to get everything checked out? How regular are your contractions?” He was beginning to panic.

You took a deep breath and squeezed his hand while attempting a smile. “I’ll be okay....ohhh....Dont call the doctor....they are just Braxton hicks....” You breathed deeply and continued holding his hand. After a minute the contraction seemed to have ended and you no longer felt like you were about to push the baby out, you fell back into your pillow. “Ive been having Braxton hicks all night. Seems our little one is extra active and pushy tonight.” you laughed rubbing the massive belly. Harry lifted up your t-shirt and smiled. He pressed a couple kisses around the belly and then one to your lips. “Youre incredible, have I told you that before?”

You laughed and nodded. “Not that I wouldn't take it again though.”

He kissed your lips, “You, (y/n)” another kiss, “are the strongest, most incredible woman” his lips were pressing against yours longer this time, “I have ever met and there is absolutely no one else in this world I would want to make this amazing little human with.” As he was finished the kiss you felt another contraction coming on and you whined in pain. Harry sat next to you, pulling your body against his chest. “Breathe babe, it’ll be okay.” He sat there doing your pregnancy breathing exercises with you as you waited for the contraction to end.

“Ahh” you groaned holding onto the stomach and leaning your head back against Harry’s shoulder. “This....this “ you stopped and let out a long breath. “This is a good one.” Harry rubbed the stomach and sat with you until it was over. You looked at him with tears, “I hate this part of pregnancy.” The lack of sleep was defntitly setting in and you were feeling all kinds of emotions.

Harry sighed and kissed your cheek as you scooted back to your pillow. He got up, walked to the kitchen and came back a few minutes later with a cup of tea. “Maybe this will help” he smiled and climbed back into bed.

You sipped on the tea and felt a big kick. “Ohhh.” you grabbed Harry’s hand and placed it on your lower stomach where the kick had been. You felt another kick in the same place and Harry’s face lit up as his hand moved so slightly. He loved feeling the baby and talking to her. It was one of his favorite things to do. If it were up to him, you would be shirtless all the time so every kick the baby made could be recorded. One of your favorite things of course had been watching him during the ultrasound when it did a full kick. His mouth had fallen open as her little foot moved on the screen and on the stomach.

“That was a good one.” He smiled and kissed the spot the foot had been before replacing his hand. You moved his hand to the position you were feeling small kicks, your hands on top of his. You could feel the kick through his hands which wasnt surprising considering the amount of movement the little one had been doing all night. You yawned and Harry smiled sleepily. “Ready to try this again?” You nodded and he flipped the light off. This time, you were on your side, resting the belly on a body pillow so that it was supported a little more. Harry was cuddled up against you as the big spoon, his arms wrapping around you, his chin nuzzled into your neck. His soft breathing went down your neck, sending goosebumps all over your body. You breathed in his sweet smell and smiled. His warmth was helping you, just as it even when you weren't pregnant. Harry always seemed to be your answer when you were having trouble falling asleep. He was so perfectly cuddly, warm, and sweet. Now was no exception to that, your eyes drifted closed and you breathed a sigh of relief for the first time all night.

Your sleep did not last long. After a few hours of sleep you felt a sharp contraction and sat up immediately sucking in a breath and turning on the light. Harry shifted again and blinked tiredly. “Another one?” he asked concerned again. “Maybe we should go in..”

“No......” you let out a deep breath. “I’m okay......”“Are your sure love, this seems a little much..”You nodded breathing trying to breathe through the pain.

A few tears dropped down your cheek and Harry wiped them away with his finger. He sat up and slowly massaged your belly, gently pressing and rubbing the soft skin. “Shh little one you need to sleep now” he whispered against the stomach. You felt the baby move a little more and he continued on slowly rubbing the belly top to bottom. “Baby your hurting mommy, I need you to sleep so she can sleep too.” He pressed a kiss to your stomach and your breathing slowed as the pain did. “That’s a good baby....daddy loves you...” Your eyes were fluttering closed as the pain was leaving your body and sleep was taking over again. Harry hadn't stopped though, he began to softly sing, “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you’ll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.” It was working, you could feel her slowly settle within you, no more kicking, flipping, or shifting. “You are my sunshine baby, and while daddy is so excited to meet you, you need to stay inside there a little longer preferably with a little less pain to mommy...” Harry rubbed the belly a few more times, but you were already falling asleep again just like the baby. He kissed your cheek and continued to hum to the melody of the lullaby and whisper to the baby. You smiled and listened to the endearing things he was saying to the little one. Harry did this most nights, told the baby he loved it, how amazing it was going to be, and how he couldn't wait to meet it. You loved it, all of it. How supportive he was, how excited he was, and you were excited to see him as a dad.

“I love you” you whispered without opening your eyes.

“I love you too.” Harry pulled you close to him and continued rubbing the belly until you had fully fallen asleep. He then drifted off as well, his head on yours, his hands on the baby. *

Harry had definitely fully stepped into daddy mode. He was always hovering over you making sure everything was okay, bringing you water or food, checking your heart rate, the baby’s heart rate, and asking about contractions. He was paranoid that he was going to miss you going into labor and delivering. He had woke up crying one night from a dream where he had missed the delivery of the baby and since then, he was glued to your side. It was very rare you had time alone to yourself like you were having right now. You rocked back and forth and smiled. It was crazy to think that 9 months ago you weren't with Harry and didn't know you were pregnant. Now? The two of you had managed to work out a lot of the original problems and your relationship was stronger than ever.

“There you are.” Harry smiled. “I brought you some water.” He sat on the rocking chairs footstool and handed you a cup.

“Thanks” you took a sip and watched him look around. “It looks good.” you noted.

“It does. Think the little one will like it?”

“Yeah I do..even tho the little one will be sleeping with us for the first 6 months probably..”

“Really?” he asked.

“Mhm.”

“Thats a long time...”

“Well yeah but the baby is going to need us a lot at first..I mean they will need fed every few hours...then need diaper changes..we aren't even going to get any sleep probably...”

“But what about you know..us time...”

You laughed, almost spitting out a mouthful of water. “What about it?”

“We cant do it with the baby there. And if the baby is there for six months..”

“Why not?” You interrupted. “The baby will be asleep and won't even notice or be aware of what's happening. Plus, I think it may be a bit of time before we are ready for that again. Personally I don't want another baby right away and I know that all of these parts are going to have to heal before anything gets stuck up there.” Harry’s face twisted in confusion.

“Like how much of a break?”

You smiled and leaned forward kissing him. “I don't know Haz, but I’m sure we will be okay.” Harry frowned. You had to give it to him, right now your sex life was kind of killing it...even though you had a massive stomach and a baby inside of you, your hormones kind of made everything better. It was the one side of pregnancy that had really boosted your morale. Although the last week had been fairly uneventful for you and Harry due to the contractions and pain you had been experiencing.

Harry suddenly stood up and held out his hands with a smirk.“I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

“Mhm...” He grabbed you and helped you up, before gently pulling you out into the hallway.

“What kind of surprise?”

“You’ll see..”

“Harry...I hate surprises..”

He laughed and walked you into the kitchen. He sat his laptop on the table and grinned opening it up. “The little one is due in a few weeks..so I figured we should probably get out of the house while we can. I rented us an airbnb for the weekend... and its beachfront.”

“Really?” you turned and looked at him with a hopeful smile. “Just us? In a beach house? All weekend?”

“Yeah, no fans, no paparazzi, no family, no friends. Just us.” You smiled and kissed him over and over again. You had been craving some beach time, and some time away from everyone else. You loved your family, and Harry’s family, and Luke, but it had been a lot. Everyday someone came over to check in on you and Harry. They brought new baby stuff, enough stuff that the kids closet was already full. Your family and Harry’s family stopped by asking about the baby, how you were feeling, and to give advice. They all had their own ways of raising kids and you weren't sure you wanted to follow either exactly. You and Harry had become a little annoyed with the overwhelming surge of people in your home everyday. The only time you were alone with Harry was at night. You either slept or had sex. Not a lot of time to talk other than that. You were starting to realize how little time you had to appreciate the things you and Harry did alone. You wanted to savor every minute you could get with Harry before the baby came. You wanted to secure your relationship. The beach house would be a perfect time to just enjoy the last few days of being a couple without a kid.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Now I already packed our bags so get in the car.”

“I have to pee...”

“Oh my gosh..”

“Hey its your fault you know. You put the baby in here and it’s the one pushing into my bladder every five minutes.”

Harry laughed and nodded to the bathroom. “Fine. Fine. Hurry up, I’ll grab you a snack for the car.”

You smiled sweetly and winked. “Have I told you how much I appreciate you...”

Harry laughed and shook his head, “What do you want?”

“A sandwich...with peanut butter...and honey...and bananas...and maybe some of those mini chocolate chips..” you grinned and blew him a kiss.

“Youre lucky I love you.”

“I know...” you called while walking into the bathroom.

After peeing, you walked back into the kitchen with a groan. You had some pain and some slight contractions but nothing too serious. It was just really uncomfortable. Harry looked at you with a concerned face. “Youre not going into labor are you?”

“No...”

“Good because the beach house is kind of far from your doctor and I was really hoping we could have some time just me and you.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s just uncomfortable being this big all the time.” You looked down, the baby had finally dropped, your stomach following with it. Your stomach was massive and made you look like you were about to give birth to twins, so there was really no comfortable way to get around or do things. “This baby has a few more weeks left anyways.”

He smiled and helped you into the car. “Okay as long as you say so.” The drive was kind of painful. You had to pee every hour, your stomach had been tightening the and contracting the whole drive, and you could not get comfortable in the seat. But, after almost 3 hours of driving and 3 bathroom breaks, you arrived at the beach house. It was beautiful, a small rental sat right on the beach with a nice patio overlooking the water. Harry dropped your bags inside and then looked over at you with a grin. “Want to go for a walk?”

You nodded sticking your hand out to him, he grabbed it, kissed your cheek and walked out to the white sand, kicking off his shoes. The two of you took your time, making your way down the beach, hand in hand. You kicked sand at him and laughed, he kicked water at you in return. You watched the birds, looked for shells and sat by the water as the sun set. “It’s beautiful.” you leaned your head on Harry’s and felt him nod.

“Just like you.” You nudged him and smiled. He looked over and kissed you softly, his lips lightly hovering over yours and laughed deeply. “You are so tempting, god (y/n).”

You laughed and shook your head standing up. “Come on...I need to pee again.”

“Again? Dear lord woman you just went like 20 minutes ago.”

“Well our child keeps kicking me in the bladder plus maybe I just want an excuse to get you inside...to bed.” you winked and turned away.

“If you wanted to take me to bed all you had to do was ask.” Harry laughed and followed after you. “I hope after this one is born your bladder goes back to normal.”

“It probably won't.”

“That would be a real shame.”

“Would you still love me? Even if I have to pee every hour of the day?”

“Of course. I still love you now don't I? Plus that would just prove you gave me the best gift of all time.”

You smiled and continued on the walk back to the house. You had managed to make it to the patio door when Harry tripped walking up the stairs. You stood there laughing at him, while trying to make your way to the bathroom at the same time. All of a sudden a warm liquid made its way down your legs and onto the patio. “Harry.”

Harry shaking off his hands from falling looks down, sees the liquid and freezes. “Babe..you really couldnt wait to make it to the toilet?”

“Harry.” you repeated looking down.

Harry walked over to you and looked unsure of what to do but laughing so hard he had tears falling down his cheeks. “You actually peed your pants. I really cant believe that.” You smacked his arm and he froze looking at you again and trying not to laugh. “Do you want like a towel or something..maybe you could just jump in the pool..”

“This isn't pee.”

“No. Don't pee in the pool, I’ll get you a towel just stay here.”

“Harry.” you say again more urgently. “This isn’t pee.”

He looks at you, his mouth dropping open and his face confused. “What?”

“My water broke.”

“What?”

“My. Water. Just. Broke.” Harry stood there trying to understand everything and you were getting frustrated that he wasn't doing anything.. “Harry I’m about to go into labor.” Tears were in your eyes, you were so far from the hospital, you didn't have any of your things for the hospital, and you didn't even know how long you had before the baby was ready. Harry looked at you, saw the tears, and took a big deep breath.

“Okay. Okay. Calm down babe. Everything is going to be okay. Okay. What do we do? Do we drive back? Are you having the baby now? Should I call someone? Should I call a doctor? Should I call an ambulance? Should I-” Harry was talking faster than you had ever heard him talk and you could tell he was panicking.

“Harry. Get everything in the car. I’m not having this baby without my doctor.” You waddled towards the car. “And get me a towel...in case I leak more..” Harry nodded and started moving quickly. He threw the bags in the back seat, tossed a towel in the front for you to sit on and jumped in the car. You looked over at him anxious. “Start the car.”

“I don't have the keys.”

“What do you mean?!” You nearly screamed. You were already holding back tears and one slid down your cheek as Harry watched. You took a deep breath, rubbed your stomach and looked over. “Harry. Go find the keys.” He jumped out, returning minutes later with the keys.

“Found them! They were-”

“Harry I don't care. Just drive. Please.” You were starting to have contractions. You gripped the handle in the car and groaned in pain.. Harry looked anxiously over at you, rubbing your leg with his free hand.

“Lets go have this baby.” He said with a smile.

---

So kind of a random chapter but the baby is almost here! Any bets on if its a boy or girl? One part left in the Pregnancy Series :) Hope you enjoy lol xoxo

#one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harrystyles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

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seaspiritz-blog · 5 years

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Please read and help pregnant, disabled, LGBT girl escape bf

Hey Im so sorry but I made a SECOND post recently but its gotten way more notes than help again and its slowing down a LOT so since someone suggested I make a new post so people don’t think that its old or that I’m okay now! The date is 6/1/19 right now! TW for content!

TLDR: My name is Em I am a mentally ill, disabled 18 year old who just found out I am pregnant. I am living with my controlling, violent, unstable BF and need help leaving this dangerous environment SOON before he realizes I am pregnant and trying to leave.

I will try to make this short but I started living with my bf who is in his 20s when I was 17 because I was also being abused severely at home. I thought he could understand me bevause we both had mental problems and he seemed very sweet. After awhile he started getting very controlling, manipulative, paranoid, checking my phone and taking it, locking the door and refusing to let me leave. He has threatened to let me sleep on the street because of his paranoia that I am cheating on him/trying to hurt him/ect. He has stopped taking his medication and I have tried to work through this with him because I do love him but he has only gotten worse. He has put his hands on me, forced and threatened me into sex. He belittles me for being disabled, calls me stupid, calls me a slut, he is homophobic because he realizes I am bisexual and thinks girls are only for men. We have almost gotten kicked out because he even threatened our apartment manager. And so much more that I dont even want to list.

I will be homeless if I dont leave because I cant just handle only putting my own life at risk. I know if he realizes I am pregnant he will react very badly. I have tried calling the police on him (which he holds over me now) but they did not have enough evidence of crime. He has a long record of violence but because he is mentally ill he goes to a hospital and then gets out when he becomes violent or threatening and then it happens again when he is off of his meds.

My parents have cut me off for leaving and refuse to support me despite begging for help. I am trying to reach out to all services suggested without raising attention. If anyone has anything to spare, I can afford an apartment on my own with my disability income but I need help affording the application fees, deposit/move in costs. I can pay my own rent from there and be okay! I have no way to work because of my disabilities. My SSI would also be taken away. I have tried even sex work but that is dangerous for numerous reasons and ended badly. I have been looking into shelters but in the meantime trying extremely hard to raise money because I know I can support myself if I am able to pay move in costs. I have had bad experiences in shelters before I moved in with him.

Cashapp: dietseasprite

Paypal: [email protected]

I know this is annoying and I am so sorry. Please please boost. I am terrified of him finding out about any of this every single day and its hard when I dont know whats going on with me and he can tell Im acting weird. I would do anything at this point. Thank you for everyone who reblogs and has reblogged and continues to help me.

Ive done the math and for a cheap apartment I can afford I would need about 6000 to move out safely. Its A LOT and I dont expect to get all of this but I am trying to save on my own also whenever I can. Im currently at around 800/6000 and will keep posting updates!!

#donations #boost #signal boost #abuse #help post #help me #paypal #cash app #emergency #donation post #lgbt #trauma warning

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littleblackkdress · 5 years

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(1/3) Hey, ive been following your blog for a while now & i really love it! I really need some advice about something & hope that you dont mind me asking you cause i have no one else i can ask. So i had sex with my friend 2 nights ago (or about 2am yesterday) & we didnt use protection - i used to have the rod in my arm but i dont anymore & completely forgot in the moment. I can't be getting pregnant right now & im not sure what to do or if im being paranoid, we didnt go for very long because i

(2/3) Needed to stop not long after we started, so im sure he didnt cum however i know that pre-cum is a thing so I'm still paranoid? According to my period tracker it was 1 or 2 days after i finished ovulating so idk if that means im fine or not, im also supposed to get my period in about 11 days so idk if i should wait to see if i get my period next month before freaking out I was going to buy plan b tablets today & hope for the best but if i get them i wont have any money for the rest of the

(3/3) week so idk if i should do that. But i also dont know what i could do to fix it if i missed my period & i would potentially have to wait longer than 11 days before freaking out if i miss it cause sometimes my period is irregular & I'm supposed to get it twice next month. But im not able to tell anyone about this & i can NOT get pregnant right now

hey, first off, DM me if you need to talk more about this because I’m totally willing to message you and it’s totally not weird to me at all!

“Emergency contraception (AKA the morning-after pill) works up to five days (120 hours)”

Hun, I’d say your best bet is to buy the morning after pill. I know it’s hard, it’s money, but although the chance is slim, precum can get you pregnant. and since you’re not on the pill, your period can’t be expected at a certain time, irregular periods are totally common when you’re not on the pill. Please go out and buy the morning after pill. It’s about $50, and it will be worth it if it means you don’t get pregnant.

Best of luck, I’m so sorry this happened and that you are so stressed about this. Please know you can talk to me whenever.

#tw sex #anon #answered

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dfwemelie · 5 years

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May 2019

May 1st, nothing really that special happened today. We made icecream in Culinary and Carlos got really excited cause their were sugar cones. Izzy ate the most icecream out of all of us and hes lactose intolerant so he was hurting afterwards.

May 2nd, I was really stressed out this motning cause I havent finished my dress for the Fashion show tomorrow and it was raining and thundering. I had to stay after school for Fashion till 4 and I stayed with Scott after that until 5:30. I like staying after with him. We just makeout and talk and get paranoid about cars passing by. I think today we made out for 25 minutes straight which is a new record lol. He tops himself every fucking time and it’s so hot. Like holy shit because makeout sessions ever.

May 3rd, today was the fashion show and I was really stressed out at first but I ended up finishing my dress. The problem was that it was extremely short so I kept having to pull it down so you wouldnt be able to see my shorts under it. Seth and Aj were their watching their girlfriends and both of them took videos of me and sent it to Scotty. He said I looked beautiful. I met Kelly’s mom and sister and they seem really nice. I havent ate since Chickfila this morning and I’m starting to get really hungry/hangry. I might make me food but idk yet.

May 4th, Lots of pain occurred today. I woke up at 7:35 to get ready for the Nami Walk. Once my grandparents picked me up we got to Chickfila and headed to the Sam Houston State Park in Houston. The walk started around 9:30 and we finished at 11 only because my meme and Mrs.Pat walk so slow. It was fun overall but my feet were killing me and the back of my left leg was hurting alot and idk why. After the walk we headed to Galveston to meet up with my family. We stayed at the beach for an hour then went home. I ate a little bit and took a shower and now I’m here. I’m currently watching Thor Ragnarok cause it’s the only Marvel Avengers movie I havent seen.

May 5th, Cincooooo De Mayooooo. I didnt really do anything today besides sleep. I woke up at 3am for no reason then fell asleep. then woke up at 7 then fell back asleep at 1 till 5. I dont think I will br falling asleep early tonight cause I’ve slept so much. Scotty got to drink a margarita and I’m jealous. Also Ghala and Kaylie are so fucking cute and I stan them sooo much.

May 10th, damn. I told myself I would do this more often, bitch I havent done it in 5 days. Let’s talk about yesterday, May 9th. Scotty and I stayed afterschool (nothing new) and he was sitting down and I was ontop of him and we were making out. This BITCH flips me over to the ground, puts his hand down my pants, and…yeah…not actually touching me, just through my underwear. I was very ShOoK by this but I didnt stop him cause it felt really really fucking good. Like I’m not complaining.(I hate the word moaning so I use cake) Lots of cake was happening and he end up getting a boner. He has actually been getting them since we first started staying afterschool and I didnt know lol. I almost ended up having an orgasm but cars kept driving by and I told him if I see a car then he has to stop. I’ve never ever gotten this close with a guy. Not complaining. While cars were going by we kept telling weird sex related stories to eachother. He told me how when he was little his parents used the word dessert instead of condoms when he was around. Then his older brother told him what it meant and he was shook. On his 13th birthday his dad said he had a surprise birthday present in his drawer that didnt get opened at his party. He asked what it was and his dad said dessert. There were condoms in the bottom drawer of his dresser lol. Scotty also told me that he has personally bought different ones to use for future purposes. Now listen, I know its gonna be with me. I want our first times to be with eachother. That sounds strange but I love him and I want to lol but not now. Scotty wants me to go over to his house on his birthday to meet his parents. He also wants his birthday present from me to be us doing it. I said that’s not happening for a long ass time cause it’s too early and I’m not ready yet, even though I want him to be my first.

Different topic lol. Yesterday we got hit with some really bad weather and it fucked up my sleep schedule. I fell asleep at like 9pm then woke up at 11 then woke up at 2 then stayed awake till 4:30 then woke up at 5 then work up at 11. Like wtf??

May 12th, wow get ur shit together lol, do this more. Its official, I will be going over to Scott’s house if I get my gas laws homework packet done. My mom thinks I’m going over to Kaylies house, I hope she buys it. Im extremely nervous about meeting his parents, I’m hoping I’ll make a good first impression. Ive never met a boyfriends parents before so idk what to expect. I sent Kaylie a bunch videos about me deciding on what I’m gonna wear. I’ve decided on curled hair, light natural makeup, my blue ripped Jean’s, and either a red or blue shirt. I dont know how to act ugghhh.

Today I went over to my grandparents house and it was okay ig. My cousin Coleson came over and I was excited about that. He is my favorite cousin by far. I played basketball and ate food. I also drove from their house and back twice and I did pretty good. I wish I could talk to Scott but I dont want to interrupt his time with his mom cause it is Mothers day after all.

May 13th, I feel sick sksksks. like a vomit kind of sick and I feel like my limbs are weak and they are kinda shaking. It’s making me scared asf. I hope it will go away soon. I dont like feeling like this cause it gives me really bad anxiety and makes me have anxiety attacks. I’ve been getting alot of anxiety and panic attacks since sophmore year started

May 16th, Wow I really need to start doing this more often. Yesterday was Scott and I’s one month and he made a really cute video and I love it so much. I am still super nervous about Sunday, for alot of reasons. First I gotta meet his parents and idk how im gonna do that. I don’t know how to act or anything. Also Scott said its a shoes off house and I don’t want them seeing the cuts on my ankles. I’ll try to wear socks that cover them, I mean im gonna have to since i also wanna cover my 2 ankle tattoos. Also Scott says he wants to have sex. I don’t know if im ready for that yet. I’ve been thinking about it alot, mostly what would go wrong. Of course we would use condoms but they are only effective 98% of the time. I’m mainly worried about if I am gonna get pregnant or not. I can’t get pregnant. My life would be over. I’m saying this now, which is very contriversal, I would have an abortion. Yes its a human person who probably deserves to live but I just cant do that. I cant be pregnant. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff about sex, but the good stuff too. It supposedly has alot of health benefits. I don’t know how to do it though. Like I know how, but at the same time I don’t. Ya know? I also think we should wait to do it but in Scotts words, “I don’t plan on breaking up with you ever so we arent gonna get the opportunity to do it for a long time. So why not do it now when its gonna happen eventually.” I think im gonna do it. Talking about it makes me feel less nervous and weve been talking about it more and more since his birthday is in like 3 days. I want to talk to Kaylie about it but im scared she might say its too early. I know shes gonna support me in whatever I do, but I still want her opinion on it. I also nervous about Scott’s parents or siblings knocking on the door while we are in the middle of having sex. Scott always has his door locked which is good for the both of us. I know his older brother wouldnt bother us cause he’s like a cool brother and knows whats going on lol. I hope it doesnt happen but it might, just might be his mom checking up on us. I think im ready. Im nervous, but I want to do it with him. Im not being pressured into doing it by the way. He knows that if i dont want to do it, he won’t try, we would do what we normally do afterschool, but in his bed.

I should probably talk about what has happened today instead of talking about sex lol. Nothing special really happened. Scott wanted me to go eat lunch with him and I said no. 1. I dont like school lunches, and 2. I don’t want to sit even remotely near Derek, and 3. I don’t eat lol. I kept telling him he should go eat and he said ok. I just layed down on a couch on my phone alone. Felt like old times, when I had no one to sit with so i just listened to emo bitch music. Good times, good times.

May 17th, I had to take out my nose stud for pictures in Journalism and my piercing closed. At around 10pm I repeirced it with a thumbtack in the wall. I put a part of an earring in so it doesnt close overnight and now I have to sleep like that till I can go to the mall tmrw and get some more.

May 18th, I went to the mall and got some new piercings. I got a black star, blue ball, black hoop, purple gem, silver star, and a skull. I'm wearing the black hoop right now since it's my favorite. The skull makes me look emo lol. I'm really nervous about going to Scott's tmrw. Wish me luck

May 19th, Ok so I just got back from Scott's house. When my parents dropped me off they wanted one of them to walk to the door with me. I legit begged them not to. They wanted to make sure at least one parent was home so Scott's mom went out and waved. She also said she was Scott's mom but I dont think my parents thought anything of it since they didnt say anything to me yet about it. I met alot of people like his stepmom, stepdad, mom, all his siblings, some of his cousins, aunt and uncle, grandmas, and dog. His step dad was really funny and made alot of jokes. His step mom and I were talking a bunch about how cute JJ Watt and Tom Holland is and Harry Potter. We had pie and a bunch of us went up to his room and just messed around. His older brothers Damian and Ralph were messing with us and it was funny. My mom decided to be an asshole and picked me up 30 minutes early. I wish I could've stayed longer but Aunt Mandy and her boyfriend James are coming over to watch some wrestling thing. I'm glad I got to see Scott on his birthday. He seemed happy.

May 21st, I texted my mom yesterday about Scott, how we are dating, and how I lied and said I was at his house meeting his parents instead of going to Kaylies house. I thought I would be in really big trouble since I lied but apparently I wasnt. When I went downstairs to talk to them they were just happy i finally opened up and told them something about my personal life lol. They didn't ask that many questions about him which is a good thing cause i dont like questions, they make me feel uncomfortable. They know hes getting his license soon so my dad said we are gonna have to talk about people driving me around, other than Michael and his mom. I think it's just gonna be about not leaving the state and just staying close by to our house. At least I hope that's what it's only gonna be about. Knowing them, they are gonna put a bunch of restrictions. I'm pretty sure they would also want to meet Scotty before he drives me anywhere. They are 100% gonna make fun of him for driving a mini cooper lol, I already do. I'm actually really nervous about him meeting my parents, both sets. Ik I was nervous about meeting his but I think I'm more nervous about him meeting mine. I dont know how anyone is gonna react. Gavin is gonna be all weird and would want to talk alot lol. Gavin likes Scott, I really dont know why. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.

I took Scottys keys in Journalism today lol. It was cool just carrying them around. Made me feel like I actually had my own car even though there is a keychain with Scott's name on it. When he was walking me to class he took them back and I got offended. That's all that's happened so far lol.

May 23rd, I cried myself to sleep last night. Lol what a great way to start an entry. Basically I felt like I ruin everything I touch and somehow I was gonna ruin my relationship with Scott. He tried making me feel better but it didnt really work. Anyways, today has been kinda an off day. I dont know what it is about today, just not a good day. Haven’t been in the best mood since last night, but it’s fine..im fine. Everyone has their off days and I guess today is mine,

May 24th, Yesterday Scotty was acting kinda weird so I typed him out a little paragraph to at least try to make him happy and all he sent back was "Love you too". I'll admit, it was a little bit frustrating spending all that time on that and getting a short response but its fine.

May 25th, I'm spending the night at Kelly's, well actually I already did. We went night swimming and it was fun. I woke up at 5am cause I was in so much pain and now I'm in even more. I just love bleeding internally and having cramps that make me feel like I'm gonna vomit. I tried looking for some aspirin or advil but I couldnt find any which is just so fucking great for me. Yeah anyways, I'm in alot of pain, feel like I'm go throw up, kill me to end my suffering

May 28th, wow yeah love procrastinating this lol. I had my Journalism and Child Development finals today so basically I did nothing at school. I accidentally stole Scotts key for the entire day and I was lowkey panicking cause I didn't know if I was gonna have the opportunity to give them back. I mainly played on my phone in Journalism. We judged the class Photo Safari and my group got 1st place in two of the categories and got 2nd overall. I was really surprised the portrait of me won cause I don’t think I look that great but apparently the yearbook staff thinks so. Thanks Avery :’) Our child development final was easy. We basically just had to write down about something interesting we learned and 3 jobs associated with child care. After that I got out a piece of paper wrote down everything I was thinking cause I cant actually say it or else I think people would hate me. But I basically wrote how I think Scott doesn't understand how I am feeling and my bipolar and depression and about an Instagram comment about something I really shouldn't be worrying about. Also I was writing on their how I am a stupid piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything in her life cause she is just gonna fuck it up anyways just like she always does. I got done with that and the bell rang. I went to meet up with Scott and give him his keys then he walked with me for a little bit before he had to go talk to his teacher. Seeing him makes me happy, one of the few things that make me happy in this cruel world anymore. My dad called me and told me I had to get all of my work done tonight or else I would get my phone taken away all summer. I just don’t have the motivation to do this or anything for that matter. I’m gonna fucking fail anyways, might as well just deal with it.

I don’t feel anything anymore. No pain. No happiness. I am simply just...here. Maybe that's why I do it. To feel something...anything. I don’t care if it gives me pain I just want to feel human again.

Anyways. goodbye. Ig ill see ya in the next entry if im not already dead yet.

May 29th, today overall has been pretty good. I helped Cameron, Drew, Kaleb, Cassie, and others on the Geometry final. Which basically means I gave them all the answers. Cameron was 2 rows away from me so I texted them to him. I also took my Chemistry final today and I already know I failed that bitch. My parents are making me go to summer school for it which is no bueno. After the last bell rang I got to walk with Scott to the back doors. I don't want school to him. I'm gonna miss seeing him everyday. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means it's Izzys last day. I already know damn well I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't want him to leave but hes moving so their is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how much of an amazing friend he has been and that everything will get better in the end. I dont want it to be tomorrow.

May 30th, Last day of school and just as I expected, I cried...alot. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to Izzy like I wanted which made me very upset. I actually liked going to school, just not the learning. Seeing all my friends was the only thing I looked forward to. Now I have nothing. Once Scott gets his license we will be able to hang out but I want that to happen now, not in like a month. I said goodbye to Avery, Kaylie, Carlos, and all my teachers. I'm gonna miss it. But hey, I'm finally a junior. 2 more years then we can move to California. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. I have to go to summer school and I'm really not excited about that, I know alot of people that are going which kinda makes me feel better ig.

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invisible-allover-blog · 5 years

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creative writing

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"Too many bongs" silly bastard.

So it started when i was around 15 my cousin was living with me and my Dad, he smoked pot, so did my aunty but ill get into that in a bit. I used to sneak into my cousins room and look for crumbs of weed in his draws if i found some i would scarpe them up run into my room and roll a joint. And then off too school i went. I was on the bus right (thought i was super stoned) smelt more like tobacco but oh well i was just getting into it. I packed myself a tin of baked beens and some other garbage thought it was hilarious and sat next to a girl from highschool and giggled the whole was. That was loads of fun. Serously, it was dont mind my monotone like writing im just not in the descriptive mood you know. It gets like that after too many trips. So off on the gateway heaven to drugs (not good, dont condone. sarcasm) And then my favourite cousin, the on i grew up with just around the corner from me and i would sneak into my aunties room and scuffle around ooking for scrapings of weed on the ground we got high all the bloody time and i dont regret that for a second.. i regret it for a lot more. Im starting to feel depressed brb having some valium. I needed to take the edge off. Its unfortunate weed does that to some people. Im starting to really question the war on drugs, and wheres the fucking happy pill? I remember one time me and some of my old friends "were out the back" (where we would smoke bongs) saw her dog eat a whole lizard we cracked up so fucking hard. She literally dug it out of the ground. Its funny being a teenager and thinking your being all stealth mode while your parents know exactly what your doing. We had this weird ongoing joke that we were gagging and spewing after bongs just to see who would actually spew from it. it was hilarious. I wont write about all of that.

"a Fucking cigarette" for fuck sake.

so it all started when i was 18 i began to lose my mind. I walked outside and saw the moon beaming. i looked up to the stars and wondered if i was alone. Were there aliens above me? was i sent from above. "clearly i was delusion, says the nagging voice in my head. But i was so filled with wonder, i felt wonderful. This was after smoking a cigarette.. benson and hedges ofcourse. I felt as if i was on a trip. I didnt know whether or not there was drugs in me but looking back its okay. It was a memory... a thought maybe i should get Mr Burns with radiation poising tattood on my overly big calves. Hmm probably not. So, that was my first paranoid delusion which in retrospect is a conspiracy that many people have delved into in he past and havent given up on themselves. but was it heresay for them and experience for us? Thats the question that was just on my mind, Hmm. I was told not long after my eighteenth birthday that i was not going to "make it in life" because i hadnt been to university or finished highschool. So off in an ambulance to the nuthouse i went. Because of PSTD i wont go into it, but i will say this; dont give up before youve really understood yourself and the world. dont giv up ever. Suicide, delusions, conspiracys are memories adventures and i didnt line that up perfectly but look life is life, and there aint nothing better than that. Life is an awfully big adventure. Peter pan quote, flipped on its head for ya.

"Lulu" my baby pup.

So itd been a long hard 3 months in hospital, i had just gone through another mental beating off of the nurses. One of them pulled my hair. Cunt. In his defence i spat a pill at him cause i was sick of being over drugged. Valium, seroquel, clopixal, flouxitine, clozapine. and many acufazes... they inject the violent patients with it. I couldnt help it id gotten into my first cat fight and enjoyed it a little too much. They locked me in there and then wouldnt let me go to the toilet. So i pissed on there motherfucking floor. "Ha!" had to clean that one up didnt ya hospital. It was really in humane the way they wre treating people honestly its like american horror story back there, where the people never get out. I had a vivid dream that someone was going to kill me. i wasnt wrong they literally dressed up in all black and came for me. i woke up and remembered the one thing my ex told me "i hope you scream" and so i did and he/she ran away i had suspicions that the black hooded figure crept into the medicine room... the room noone ever walked in or out of? Hmm. i wnder what they are hiding. another DREAM i was having was that there were homeless people hiding in the bushes outside of concord waiting to kill. i guess they chose to see red. idiots. Its been a long 10 years discovering the world isnt all rainbows and butterflies. And im over the hospital trying to cover there arses. be gone with it, they are using it as a prison now, trust me. I saw the badges. I was let go, thank fuck for that. My dogs barking madly outside. PRobably seing things pretty sure my dog sees dead people "haha" or possibly shes seeing things in time. I do believe its possible but what it is is a delay in the workings of the universe. Dont tell me that i know theres time differences. I didnt go to uni to have to see to believe. Thre was a woman that was pregnant in there, she smeared shit all over the walls so im guessing she never even got let out to do that. WHAT THE FUCK! SERIOUSLY! I guess the toughst people do go through the toughest battles. Im an aussie battler. ive never used that one before, that saying i mean. i really hope my first love doesnt end his life. Same with my most recent ex he just got out of a relationship with me and went straight back to his first love, and to me thats okay. Its good, im glad. I was going to hold him back ya know? i really was he had money and everything. Thats another thing the test of time has taught me. Love and let go. Wow it just dawned on me that the saying if you love something let it go... wait im changing that if you love someone let them go, and if they go and dont come back theyve moved on positively or negatively. I cant help falling inlove with the feeling of love over and over again. He told me he was going to marry me, were just kids. I wonder if ill ever find someone to love me again. I thought i was depressed and broken hearted. and i really was, i couldnt eat i couldnt sleep i couldnt speak.

"whinging again" the fucking hospital Theyve taken so much blood off of me its unbelievable, okay done whinging.

"sex" here we go. i havent had sex in so long, it feels like years. I cant help that my thing is to make love and really connect on that level where your both in it. really enjoying it.

"by the way" the man that stalked and preyed on kids is locked in a basement getting the shit beaten out of him. I think maybe torture is enough. lay him to rest.

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