#its so annoying i think ppl should start thinking before just assume but this is just a personal thing im not that angry at anybody lol
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hi, sorry if this isnt a good blog to send this to i just dont know where to turn atm (if this isnt a good blog to ask for help plz lmk where would be better, soz). im 22 and figuring out im sapphic & im trying to join online lesbian spaces but everyone seems so anti-babydyke and im starting to notice that being a lesbian is more about discourse and infighting than it is about wanting to kiss a lady. i thought it was about kissin ladies and thats what i want but how do i make other lesbians not hate me? i feel like all of the other lesbians expect me to have a PhD in lesbianism before i call myself that, before i consider a femme attractive, its like i have to pass thru all these hoops to prove myself even to other queers that im a real lesbian because i can name every lesbian historical figure. again super sorry if this is a bad blog to send this to i do not have a clue who to ask about this or anything im totally lost rn lol (genuinely sorry for literally being that annoying baby dyke ppl complain about rn. ignore me if you want im not gonna be tilted. thx for listening
This isn’t a bad blog to send this too. I’m just genuinely sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry if I don’t have a way to help. But I’ll try my best!! And maybe some more people in the comments will be able to help in ways I can’t.
But just know I’m sending you lots of love and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever else is happening, your sexuality really is just simply who you are attracted to. And that’s okay. You are enough ♥️♥️
(I’m also going into this assuming you are at least 18+, so I apologise if I’m wrong on that )
Firstly , you aren’t just seeing things. There is definitely a lot of infighting in the community. Like a lot. I would say it’s typically more intense and in your face online then it is IRL, but I’ve also seen IRL gay groups go really deep off the end with with this stuff.
From what I have read and from people I have talked to, this has sadly sort of always been a thing. We just have different waves of it and different things it might be focused on based on the time period and the world events affecting that at the time. I think in general it’s a very human thing that allllll groups do, but when you are in a marginalised, oppressed and small group of people it can feel a whole lot more concentrated and obvious because there is less room for it to go.
Again, this is just based on conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read, so take it with a grain of salt. But there has also been misunderstandings, disagreements and different beliefs on what things are , what they mean and who should do what in the community. Ranging from politics to fashion to marriage to sex to identities around butch/femme and what it means. For one piece saying something you have another saying something different.
This can cause a lot of confusion and infighting amongst people. A lot of tension at times. And because of trauma a lot of people tend to want to be around people with similar alignments in understanding and belief.
A lot of things can affect that like age , location etc.
But none of that is a reflection of you or your worth or your sexuality. And there ARE people in the same boat as you. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
There have been waves in the past of some women using and or claiming lesbianism to be a response to sexism. We are currently living in the time after that. And because of that a lot of opinions and thoughts and actions taken place are in a response to that wave. Be it people trying to push it , denounce it , confused by it or hurt by it.
I think this has lead to some of the scaffolding of the current culture we have today.
I understand that need and drive for community and the horrible feeling that can come along when the said community feels like it is in shambles. I feel that way a lot too. And I’m sorry I can’t take that away.
I feel like I’m rambling at this point I’m sorry.
I just want to say though there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. We all figure this stuff out at our own pace. Anyone who treats you poorly for not knowing something or just genuinely not showing interest in it is on them. Your lesbianism doesn’t mean you owe anyone an opinion or a certain way of dressing or feeling. The only person you owe is yourself and that is to show kindness to yourself and be around people who respect you and love you for the wonderful lesbian that you are.
EDIT : I just re-read and you said you are 22 I’m so sorry I missed that 😩
#I’m so sorry if this wasn’t helpful#I think I went more off on my idea of why and less on how to fix it#but I’m sending you lots of love#I hope you have a wonderful day ♥️♥️#asks#anon#answered
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hm I know this seems like I'm just whining to whine and I understand that living with your parents throughout your childhood is the norm but I'm actually so tired of people asking "where are your parents/do you live with your parents/did you come with your parents?" when I meet people like if we are at a event where ppls families are in attendance why can't you just ask if anybody came with me instead of asking about my parents like not everybody has parents or lives with them etc I know it's just a little thing and I'm coming across as bitter and annoyed but I genuinely am, and then it gets even more annoying because then when you tell people you didn't come with your parents they want to know why and in my case I hate having to explain that I was in foster care because explaining something like that isn't something that can be summed up in a sentence like OMFG and it's so fucking annoying to me like just ask if I came with anybody instead of just assuming I came with my parents 😭😭😭
#as i said i know asking ppl about their parents is the norm but i wish ppl would actually think about of ppl#actually have any some ppl have been disowned or have dead parents or just dont want anything to with them anymore#its so annoying i think ppl should start thinking before just assume but this is just a personal thing im not that angry at anybody lol#im more annoyed at ppl wanting to know why i was in foster care because i hate airing out all my business like that#it involves alot of abuse and very traumatic stuff and then i feel bad when i do explain it because i feel like#ive ruined that person's day by telling them about all the stuff that happened to me like omds#the most annoying instance was when i was at work and this girl kept asking me why i dont live with my parents#and she wanted me to explain why i was in foster care and i was just like. its not really any of your business 😭#just know i dont live with my parents and i used to be in foster care in fact you don't need to know if i live with#anybody or not 😭 like why are asking if my parents are together etc LEAVE ME ALONE
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Did you guys hear abt the situation where a man pretended to be a trans women in order to get into a sorority? lol the situation is crazy but no one seems to be focusing on how insidious it really is. basically last year on tiktok young women started posting their process of rushing at the university of Alabama and it got so much attention. this year it was the same except a person named Grant tried joining. He's gay, wheres makeup and skirts, goes by she/her pronouns and everyone assumed he was trans and was backing him SO HARD to get a bid. He posted everyday for rush week and would get hundreds of thousands of views and he never once corrected anyone and made it clear he isn't trans. he finally got dropped completely on pref day (after getting dropped from every sorority except 2 before rush even started) and made a video basically stating that he isn't trans after letting everyone think these sororities were transphobic. even got articles written abt it where they also dragged black women into it bc of course they did. he talked abt how it's the lefts fault for assuming he was trans and how its hypocritical it is to label him and everyone is eating it up and i dont understand why no one is talking about how a literal grown man pretended to be a women until it benefitted him. ppl have just ignoring how problematic and disgusting what he did was. sororites specifically at bama state that you have to be a woman or at least identify as one to be allowed in. Grant said himself he isn't a woman so why does not only him but his supporters not understand why he was cut? the sense of entitlement from men never ceases to amaze me. he's literally a man, and everyone is acting like he was deserving of a spot made for women. women have so little spaces to ourselves and now even this is being infiltrated and everyone is supporting it??? you aren't owed a spot just because you're a man who likes make up and skirts. that doesn't make you a woman and to believe you should be a part of a sisterhood just bc you get along with women is weird and selfish. and he keeps saying how annoyed he is that everyone was assuming, why not correct anyone??? people are saying he let us think he was trans to gain support but i think it was more calculated than that. he didn't just want viewers to think he's a woman, he wanted the organization to think he was one as well in order to get it. and now that they don't want him at all he can come clean. and no one sees a problem with that. people are also saying how this is a loss for the trans community bc it makes them look bad but no one is talking abt how we literally just witnessed a man pretending to be a woman in order to gain access in womens spaces and how scary that is and what it means for us. men are not entitled to everything just bc they feel like they deserve it. the amount of support grant has gotten is wild to me.
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i actually don’t think ppl understand how little the younger generation has been taught about navigating online spaces. this isnt just “they are so entitled and stupid lol” bc i feel like thats just an excuse to feel intellectually superior and like they were personally lazy and thats why they never learned.
when i was growing up we were taught how to type at a keyboard. proper placement of fingers. internet safety (dont give up out your full name, address, parents names, where you go to school, etc). how to look something up and do research, filters on various archives and engines, and how to troubleshoot things
to us these are basic skills for using the internet. requirements really before we were let loose on it. did we always follow them? no. but then when we didnt other people will quick to point and say it was our fault (even when it could be really inappropriate to do so and is was just victim blaming)
but that was because the internet had not invaded all of our lives yet. using the internet required you to know how to type, read, and navigate it. not everyone could afford to buy a computer, and dial up was slow as shit and inconvenient. then people started putting their babies in front of tablets like they did TV and let them loose on youtube, then youtube kids. smaller social media sites aimed towards kids vanished bc they werent as profitable. facebook killed privacy and now the goal was to extract as much ad revenue as possible. this is the internet they grew up with: short form content filled with ads, plastering your name around, and only being able to hop from content to content without much control
and because these kids have grown up with a tablet in their hands since they could grip things and react to lights on a screen everyone just assumed they knew how the internet worked. that they all just figured out these skills we used to teach people. that they learned to type the most efficient way, that they wont give out personal information, and that they know how to look something up and evaluate academic sources. i mean look, they can navigate youtube by just typing in a bunch of random words and typing to find a video that doesn’t look like shit, obviously they know how to format a question and use filters!
except they don’t. not to mention the rise of unrelated hashtags to reach as wide an audience as possible means once some of these kids get to ao3 their brains are programmed to skim over them and just click on whatever title sounds interesting. they don’t know how to search for stuff without just typing related terms and tropes into the search bar and don’t know how the filtering works, even though AO3 doesn’t have any more complicated of a filtering system than most other archives.
you can blame their parents and say they’re lazy pieces of shit who should have taught internet safety and never gave their kid and ipad, but it goes deeper than that. the death of TV wasn’t caused by them. underfunded education systems that didn’t teach them this weren’t caused by parents. this is a society wide issue and should be more concerning than “teenagers are annoying online” because corporations have just trained an entire generation of kids to not be able to fact check or stay safe online and rely on them to curate content for them because they never learned how to do it themselves. and this is only gonna get worse if we don’t address it and talk about it and the root issues without going “its those damn kids that don’t know how to take care of themselves, back in MY day--”
#inb4 anyone says they are 14 and taught all this in school: great im glad u were genuinely#a lot of ppl in ur generation werent.
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So I've got a gender neutral 1st name and it always winds me up because everyone assumes I'm a man (funnily enough my dad also has a gender neutral name and has the opposite problem. When we're together and have booked something in our names, ppl always mix them up lol)
Every email gets a Mr. And they start referring to me as he. When my names called for anything and I step forward they are like oh no I'm looking for x not you dear. When I answer the door ppl get this weird look on their face and always double check the name they've been given even when I'm like yep! that's me. It's always really annoyed me. It was always a thing in school.
When I worked in an office taking calls nobody would accept my name the first time they heard it. They'd either call me by a different more feminine name, ask me to repeat myself or be like I thought you said...X and laugh and I'd be like. I did. Its always annoyed me because its so unnecessary. You don't need to guess someone's gender. You don't need to tell them they've got a man's name. Not to mention, I know they'd do the exact same thing if I was a bloke. Because it's 100% a unisex name.
Most ppl I speak to with a gender neutral name tell me this, its definitely not just me and my reaction (politely correcting them) is one of the more measured ones I've come across. Some ppl will start shouting lol which while I understand their frustration, is unnecessary. People should try not to assume, but let's be real, they didn't choose to be someone who's inconsiderate in that way, it's socialisation. (Which frankly, I do think we should try and address more at large cause unisex names are great when people remember they are unisex! It's a tool against sexism with cvs and emails and stuff. It means it's less of a problem if your kid isn't the gender you thought they were, as long as they like their name they save a bit of money they would have spent legally changing it on everything. Unisex names make sense! There's a logic there.)
Anyway the point to all of this is. I've always been frustrated by the feminine versions of stuff. Most of them were added later (man used to just mean human), and they largely mean something completely different. Queen does not have the same connotations as King ok. What's that post where the op is like the only time I want to be a man is when the guy selling me a kebab calls everyone but me brother? I get it!!! I really get it!! I've always spent a lot of time with men and I'm irrationally jealous of all my friends being 'brother' and 'mate' to each other when ppl awkwardly call me by some feminine alternative that barely means the same thing.
So in recent years I've decided to lean in to it. Something i only feel is possible, largely because in recent years I'm so much more comfortable with my gender. It always felt like something that had been imposed on me. I didn't want to be a man but I was so jealous. I didn't really want to be a woman either, if society was right about what being a woman meant. But I know now that's not what being a woman is at all. I've spoken about this before but I feel I owe the trans community a great debt, because it was in hearing their stories and hearing about what gender meant to them, that I really began to see that it was possible to love being a woman! Trans women showed me that there's a joy to be found in expressing my gender. It's not imposed on me, I'm choosing to express the parts of femininity that matter to me. I'd support trans rights anyway because they are people and deserve to be treated well as they express their own body autonomy, just like anyone else. But I'm passionate about the messages underlying their community (those of self love and seeking happiness. Loving your gender and being free to express it) because I know they are right!! I feel like I need to keep telling people because honestly, I feel like trans women have given me a gift, in showing me what it is to be proud to be a woman. I'm proud to share my gender with women like that.
If I want to refer to myself as a guy, or a dude, and say I feel like a king for winning something, and let my friends call me brother too; well I'm free to do so, if I feel those terms are gender neutral when I use them to refer to myself then they are. That can't make me any less of a woman because thanks to the influence of trans women I've finally embraced being a woman. I love my gender, I love being a woman and if I want to be a woman who's using gender neutral terms of address, then I can be. I'm no less a woman than any women who want to use the terms I'm personally uncomfortable with. Loving who you are and loving your gender is about keeping the parts of that gender expression that make you happy and leaving the rest for the people that do want them.
Anyway. This post is brought to you by me seeing the humour in the fact that because I now use guy and dude to refer to myself, and do so in settings online where nobody even knows my name, I'm now optionally letting people assume I'm a man without them even seeing my name. Which is pretty funny tbh considering I've spent my whole life being mad about ppl assuming I'm a man when they see my name in an email and trying to avoid it. So yeah, gender neutral names, I'm a fan all round.
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watched s11ep1
i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance
lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading
enjoy:
hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale
(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)
anyway
episode starts off with a tense scouting mission
it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately
i imagine that will continue for a while
rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up
obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec
as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)
never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun
yes, she is super hot using it
yes, daryl watches her do it
anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife
just fuck already, jfc
titles!
cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes
BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there
istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him
oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk
cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick
cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”
she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”
no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst
daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go
bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!
moving on
cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc
for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!”
this will be a common occurrence
but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”
so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well
speaking of executions
there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool
this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”
(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)
anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”
it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!”
it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”
(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)
(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)
anyway, moving away from that briefly
i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez
and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel
they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)
zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”
cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”
but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important
two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood
but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”
(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)
i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch
the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”
their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones
they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”
sure enough, yumiko is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister
the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”
tragic backstory to be continued ig
back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic
they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away
but dog runs away!
and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears
#priorities
the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death
which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part
like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”
anyway
my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE
the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end
anyway, cue credits!
final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)
the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!
-diz
#i didn't mean to recap the entire fucking episode lol#sorry#it's to make up for my lack of content lately#or something#anyway#caryl#twd s11ep1#twd s11 spoilers#dunlap tp
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Allright. Elliott thread that nobody asked for. Part 4
The words you read seem to be some alien gibberish? Try these first:
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Don’t worry guys. It will be over soon, I promise.
Bevore we start: This happened yesterday.
And I basically turned into that iCarly gif, where she’s on the Computer, sippin’ her drink and goes: interesting.
Because look who we have here. Our future husband acting all self-aware? Right after I assumed in my last post that he never talks about the possibility of his failure...
Elliott, do you know that I talk shit about you on Tumblr?
Please stop breaking the 4th wall...
To safe at least some of my ‘credibility’, he followed this up with something along the lines of:
“No, no...I am not fishing for compliments. Which does not mean I don't appreciate them ;) “.
Sure. Whatever.
In comparison to that:
A few in-game days previously, I had a cut-scene with Leah, where the player can suggest that she should organise an art show. And there, Leah openly communicated her fears of ppl not liking her art. I was surprised about how open she was, given that it was probably her 2nd heart event or something (?). It's interesting, how Leah (who I perceived to be more reserved than Elliott), was so willing to let us know about her insecurities. Meanwhile, Elliot seems to brush these thoughts aside rather quickly and returns to his nonchalant, graceful self.
I always thought that from the two of them, it might be Elliott who is more vocal about his emotions. But now, Elliott doesn't seem to wear his heart on his sleeves as much as I thought he would. Which changed the way I think about him quite a bit. Maybe he is more likely to hide behind platitudes and a self-assuring smile, after all.
And what can we take from this, when we would want to write, let’s say a scene with Leah/Elliott friendship dynamic?
What do you guys think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyways, before I was so disgracefully exposed, I was roasting Elliott’s life choices. To which I now gladly return to.
You see, the "issue" I see with Elliott is, that he plays into a trope:
The brooding hermitic author, who turned his back onto society in favour of finding inspiration in nature.
While this might sound thrilling and "romantic", we know that Elliott is not the best candidate to conform to this lifestyle. Just compare, how we as the player, manage to form quite strong relationships with everyone in Pelikan Town just by talking to them regularly.
We see Elliott outside the beach-area quite often. But aside from Leah, he does not seem to interact with anyone much. I don't know if there are statements about Elliott made by other characters, to have some inkling on how they feel about him. But its quite remarkable, how all other friendships outside to his connection with Leah, are not explicitly known as canon (?).
After a whole year living in this town, previous to our arrival, I would suggest, that Elliott might still be very much an outsider. He even remarks how, with our arrival, it will be nice, to no longer be "the new guy" in town.
But the problem with that might have been Elliott's reservedness, to begin with. Polite, but yet, maybe, quite impersonal. All pleasantries and platitudes as mentioned above. It all plays into Elliott's refusal to experience the comforts of a normal lifestyle in favour of pursuing his art.
And I love how Elliott just brushes that aside as if its nothing. I'd really love to know: what would have been his plan b, if his debut failed?
Worst case cenario: What would he'd done, if he ended up stranded in Pelikan Town, penniless and unsuccessful?
Where would he go? Is there a place he can return to? A previous home, previous friends?
I don't think so.
But, dedicated, impuslive, sweet, dumb Elliott just thought to himself:
“I can do that. How bad can it be???, it will be fi~ne.It will be marvellous!
Authentic, truly!
It will be superb pictouresque and that is all I need to write my novel....”
Thanks Yoba. You’ll keep doing that please.
And then we also have interactions of the likes of:
“People have scaped a living off the sea for thousands of years....
I just go to the grocery store.”
A different thought I had on Elliott kind of plays into what I already said previously. But I will adress it as its own topic.
The downside of Elliott’s ego.
As much as we explored the rather whacky / chaotic elements of his character and how he does stupid shit for prestige itself, it is interesting to see what happens when the player challenges his self-dramatisation.
I keep re-thinking if and to what degree Elliott can laugh about himself.
He is not one for self-deprecating humour, I think.
I can imagine that to be more Shane’s thing.
We see different scenarios, in which Elliott reacts differently to things not going his way. One of the positives is the whole “A tiny crab made a home inside his coat pocket”- story. I have seen two interpretations of this scene. And both are dependent on the tone, in which you read his dialogue. One group thinks he is just complaining yet again.
On the other hand, you could read it more like:
“My, look what we have here. Can you believe that [y/name]?!“.
I think that Elliott does not appear to be angry or annoyed at all in that scenario, too. He could have vented to the player, how he needs a new coat, now. But he simply leaves it at that. And you know what?
But, there are other times, where Elliott reacts negatively to the player not doing what he wants you to do. Meaning: your reaction to him or your behaviour in a specific situation. Let's look at his 2nd (?) heart event at the Stardrop Saloon. He comes up to the bar, finds himself in the mood for company, and orders wine for you and ale for himself.
New Headcanon:
That little crab still lives there! It will probably live there long after you two get married. And he will feed it scraps from the dinner table even though you ask him not to.
Whatever...Sounds Cute.
My first reaction to that was: “aw, wHaT a GeNtLemAn!!!”. My second reaction was my inner feminist having a temper tantrum because: “how dare a man, to assume what I want to drink!”
New Headcanon on Elliott and gender roles, anyone? Or is it given, that with him being a good old fashioned lover boy, his expectation on any relationship dynamic might be more traditional?
As much as I find Elliott charming and all, this could be a great red flag and, again, beautiful material for character-conflict. Maybe Elliott needs to learn to not take everything at face value. Maybe he needs to learn, how to take a joke. Especially those made at his expense.
However, when the question arises, what the two of you should drink on, he will not laugh if you say “your doom”.
This is not something he sees as sarcasm or as a joke. In fact, you lose 50 friendship points! Like holy shit. That in itself is not much, but its a game-penalty. He is actively reacting negatively toward you. This is one of the few times, where your decision actively has an impact on the friendship-metre. Of course, that statement could be delivered in a non-joking matter. Which then justifies his reaction.... sure.
But even the fact that Elliott chooses, to not downplay or gloss-over your comment, leaves me with the following interpretation:
He hoped for a charming, flirtatious interaction. All you had to do, was to play along. But you ruined it.
Just imagine a situation with a little bit of miss-communication and a version of Elliott that is a little too proud for his own good and *chef's kiss* we have drama.
Me to Elliott and Farmer-OC: fight! fight! fight! fight! :D
All of you reading right now:
omg can't you just chill??? We are here for the fluff :(((
Also: depending on how it's written, that could be one of Elliott's major character flaws. The one that is not cute at all!
__________________________
I wanted to take some jabs at Elliott's likes and dislikes. But as it turned out: Yes, you can turn Duck feathers into quills. I had this funny headcanon that Elliott wanted to be extra special by choosing duck feathers as his preferred writing instrument. And I was all like: “use a pen!!”.
But then I found out about the Unobtainable Weapons-List and Elliott’s pen is one of them. Okay, whatever.
And then I asked google how to make quills. And while duck feathers are not the preferred or most popular option, there is also nothing that would speak against it, as long as the feather’s shaft is durable enough. So that theory has flown out of the window pretty quickly as well.
The only thing that comes to my mind instead is, how Elliott would still need a digital manuscript for publishing. But me screaming: “Where is your Laptop Elliott??? You need a computer! Its the 21 century!!!” is not half that funny anymore.
I guess I’ll end it here.
I hope you enjoyed this completely useless stream of consciousness.
I will now continue playing Stardew Valley and indulge in all my other quarantine-born obsessions.
I wish you a wonderful day and happy farming.
#stardew valley#stardew elliott#sdv#sdv headcanons#stardew valley headcanons#sdv elliott#elliott stardew valley#stardew valley elliott#elliott sdv#elliott stardew#it ends there#i am done#byebye#sdv fanfic
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Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser ask from episode 43 (2x04)
AKA Serkan’s episode.
There is also speculation about episode 44 based on the fragmans and a few random asks
(Asks under the cut)
Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I still get chills when watching the diary x video scene and the final one.. Finally the truth is out to both Serkan and Kiraz! And that fragman! 😍 but It seems like Aydan filing for custody will be the new drama, do you think it will last long? Because I highly doubt that they will give solely happy edser and Kiraz in remaining episodes..
My full episode thoughts are here, but I agree the diary and video scene was spectacular. It makes me teary every time.
I’m also psyched that the truth is out. Truthfully, I was one that wanted Serkan to find out at the end of the first episode, but now I concede that it was better to draw it out a bit to really build everything up to this episode and his journey to letting go of his fears. What a character arc they gave him. They really explored Serkan and what drives him this episode and it was a treat-- a painful treat-- to watch it all unfold and for him to finally admit what had driven him to push her away all those years ago and what was still holding him back in the present.
As for what’s next, that’s a great question. I agree that it’s unlikely we’re going to get happy Edser family from here on out, there has to be some obstacles and drama before we get to the end. The Aydan custody drama will clearly be the conflict in episode 5, but I don’t see it as any real barrier for Eda and Serkan. We see in the second fragman that Eda is already confronting Serkan about it, so if Aydan is doing something underhanded they can’t draw it out too long.
I assume that while the custody thing may cause a wee bit of miscommunication between Eda and Serkan, I think it mostly will serve as fodder for Aydan and Ayfer’s relationship dynamic and give the supporting characters something to run around and chase after while Eda, Serkan and Kiraz actually start forming their new family unit. If anything it might serve as a catalyst for Serkan. Picture it, Eda confronts Serkan about it and Serkan is like “I don’t know anything about that, I wouldn’t do something that would hurt you or Kiraz, but I do want her, I want us.” You know, serve to clarify things.
There are probably a few episodes of family drama in store for us as everyone, including Eda, Serkan and Kiraz adjust to this new reality. I assume once the euphoria of having her Baba back wears off for Kiraz, she might ask some questions that are hard for Eda and Serkan to answer. We shall see.
Anonymous asked: i don't think i've cried THIS much at an sck episode... in like ever lmao. i was full on silent sobbing at serkan watching kiraz's baby videos.. but the scene i really loved the most was the one where they have it out after that fancy dinner. it was EVERYTHING we needed to hear serkan's POV and i almost can't believe a lot of us got the "can't have kids" theory right. i have loved so much this season how edser have communicated, even when it's painful and hard.. it was sorely missing for them.
I know! The communication! I don’t think they’ve ever communicated like this. Of course their issues were not as deep and nuanced back in the first batch of episodes so going this in-depth wasn’t necessary, but they didn’t communicate like this when dealing with Babaanne or when it was really needed after the amnesia era.
Honestly, so pleased the “can’t have kids” theory was correct. It goes so far in explaining his actions and thought process when pushing her away, as distorted as that thought process was. It truly was selfless, because I’m sure all he wanted was to hold her tight and never let go, but it was also so unnecessary. Their love story has just been so tragic, but if you think about how many things were stacked against them, it’s also stunning that their love has persevered. They were so opposite and unlikely to fall in love to begin with and then you add in all the things that stood in their way, meddling mothers, family secrets, Serkan’s father being responsible for her parents death, evil, rich, powerful grandmother using everything in her considerable arsenal to keep them apart, psycho stalkers, kidnapping princes, crashing planes, amnesia, brainwashing and abusive exes, plotting “friends,” tumor, cancer, separation!
To come out of all of that and to see they are clearly still in love with one another... well they really don’t have any other choice. They should get married immediately with no pomp and circumstance just so they are legally tied together. So when the next tragic, catastrophic thing comes along it will be that much harder to pull them apart.
Anonymous asked: deniz and burak are the most harmless "3rd party" characters we've ever had in the show that it almost makes me laugh when ppl get so insecure about them.. especially with burak, knowing that he's gonna be melo's love interest, even if i don't want it. like, sure serkan is naturally gonna be jealous, maybe possessive, because of "buba" but it's all being shown right now as light comedic relief.. i've seen some people REALLY take it to heart when it really doesn't seem like it's that deep lol.
I know, it’s all so mild. They also aren’t actually even third party love interests, because there is absolutely zero interest from either side of the main pair. Both are there to a) serve plot purposes and b) show that neither Eda or Serkan is interested in anybody else. It’s nice, we get to see that while they both have had options, neither has been able to move on and both have chosen to remain alone.
As for driving the plot, Burak’s presence was necessary because they needed someone who Serkan thought was Kiraz’s father, and Deniz was necessary because they needed someone who would do whatever Serkan wanted when Serkan wanted to force proximity with Eda.
Looking at the fragman, the real “triangle” might be Buba - Kiraz - Baba but I also think that will mostly be played for laughs. A way to give us some “Drain the pool” and “Burn the flowers” type jealousy moments from Serkan, since that was a hallmark of Ayse’s early writing.
However, I can see why some folks were put-off by that vibe. Because, yes, if you’ve been standing in as a male-figure for the 5-year-old daughter of the woman you’re tying to woo (let’s not pretend that’s not why Burak takes such an interest in Kiraz) and the father that the 5-year-old has been wanting and pining for actually re-enters the picture, maybe you don’t need to force your way in and have “Buba day” the day after he returns. I’m not saying you can’t have it ever again, I’m saying you let the family have some alone time and figure things out. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would postpone such an outing. However, it looks like Serkan is not put off so easily and we know he doesn’t lose, so it will probably lead to humorous scenes.
The good thing about this is that it shows that Serkan won’t sit passively by. Here Burak is giving him an out, Serkan can have his day back, go to work, he can slide into fatherhood slowly, but looks like Serkan is going to have none of that and is going to crash their fishing outing. How’s that for someone who said he wasn’t ready for fatherhood a mere 24-48 hours earlier?
Also it’s worth noting that Kiraz doesn’t see Burak as a father-figure, if she did she probably would have joined Ayfer and tried to get her mom to marry him. Instead she’s been almost obsessed with her father, talking about him, dreaming about him, wanting him and was very quick to correct when someone mistook Baba and Buba. Also she wanted Buba to meet her father. So Kiraz wanting to spend time with him isn’t a slight, in her mind he’s a friend, an uncle and with all the upheaval keeping their plans might feel safe to her. We’ll see.
martha0206 asked: Hi! I love your pinned post. That moment was perfect. Also, I loved the sad and emotional scenes as well as the funny ones. The episode was amazing!!! ❤ Serkan made Kiraz dream come true and I've rewatched that scene and cried because it's too beautiful and touching 🥺 K: Dad? S: Happy Birthday, my daughter 🥺😭❤
Ahh... this post that was pinned. Thank you for the kind words, I also love that scene. I just love it because it’s such an EXTRA thing to do, putting on the astronaut costume and making an entrance like that, but both Serkan and Eda have always been so extra that it works for their little family.
I love that he made Kiraz’s dream come true in the most dramatic way possible. But beyond being dramatic, it was the perfect way to signal that no matter what fears or hang-ups Serkan had, he’s committed to getting over them and he’s ready to go all in on fatherhood. A perfect way to show not only Eda that he’s serious, but to show all their friends and family he’s serious. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AYFER? He’s back and he’s going to be her daddy, and there is nothing you can do about it!
Anonymous asked: do you think the writers goal is to make us hate Ayfer and Aydan? because its just a deeper and deeper hole for these two and I don't understand if they're supposed to be a happy family at the end. I actually realized going back that Ayfer never really developed into liking Serkan/Edser, she just accepted him one day and that was that but with Aydan, her character development was top tier up until episode 29 came along and she never recovered. Now I just want them gone.
LOL, I think this is a pretty popular sentiment among fans.
Personally, I need to see how badly Aydan is meddling in the next episode. If it’s fairly inept meddling that just causes some mild misunderstandings but also serves as a catalyst for an Edser conversation about the future, I probably won’t get too upset with her. However, if her meddling is more competent this time and she gets them into real trouble or causes real problems, then I’ll get annoyed with her. Although, I have to say if we need a few episodes of drama, I would rather this sort of controlled, family drama (meddling mamas causing a misunderstanding about custody) then, you know, other melodramatic things that certain other writing teams used to do... like kidnappings and obsessed stalkers.
As for Aydan, I can’t help it, even though I can never forgive her transgression in 29, I feel sorry that she lost out on so much of her granddaughter’s life. So if she wants to come in and cause headaches and drama for Ayfer (not Eda, Kiraz and Serkan... but Ayfer) then I have no problem with that. As far as I’m concerned those two can run around for the next few episodes playing cat and mouse while Eda/Serkan/Kiraz quietly form a family.
Honestly, I don’t think they want us to hate Aydan, because they give Aydan funny scenes and relationships outside of Serkan with Kemal and Seyfi and even Engin and Piril, but I have wondered if they want us to hate Ayfer. Because Ayfer doesn’t get any redeeming scenes. I mean we’re talking about a woman who managed to raise her orphaned niece and her niece never wanted for love and turned out to be a strong, smart, confidence, successful woman... sooooo she must be awesome, right!?! NOPE. I mean to take a character like that, who had to have been so instrumental in Eda not feeling lonely like Serkan did, but then make her so unlikeable... it has to be on purpose.
Anonymous asked: I loved this episode of sen cal kapimi. I wasn’t so mad at the pregnancy thing. I know lots of fans are but I really liked how they made Eda and Serkan emotional and we could understand them better. I just hate how all the people who don’t like the show anymore have turned into toxic haters. It’s so frustrating. If she show isnt working for you, then why do they keep watching? 🙁
This happens in every fandom where the show keeps going and takes turns that some fans don’t like. My best advice is to not expect others to change or to stop watching or stop hate tweeting/posting, but to take steps to change your own experience so they don’t ruin it for you. I can’t tell you how many people I currently have muted on twitter. Lots. I don’t want to see the cynical, nasty tweets day in and day out about this show, the writers etc. Twitter has always been hard to take because so many people post their knee-jerk responses there and often choose to word vomit their first emotional response which for some people is mostly negative. That is true for every fandom, and has been true for this fandom since I started looking at responses there.
So to protect yourself, seek out people who are enjoying the show and post content that you want to see and mute, unfollow or even block those who make your experience worse.
You’ll never regret curating your experience.
Also I don’t really consider this fandom toxic. Sure there’s negativity about the storyline and internal drama about a variety of things, but after you’ve been though shipwars that get hella toxic and include fans trying to destroy actor’s careers and who attempt to use social justice issues to bully their fanon ships into existence on a constant day-after-day basis for years, this is nothing. This fandom is a daisy-lined, sunlight walk in the park in comparison.
Anonymous asked: For the way they treat their child's SO, I prefer Aydan over Ayfer. Ofc Aydan has been selfish & rude to Eda but Aydan saw her as a respectable foe even when she didn't like Eda. Even now her ire has been directed more at Ayfer than Eda. Ayfer eventually accepted Serkan but never seemed to like him. I get why she thought he was bad for Eda but often her anger has been unwarranted. Ironic how mad she was at him for keeping a secret from Eda for 2 weeks. Even now we see how Ayfer's anger sways Eda
I also prefer Aydan over Ayfer, here’s my recent post on it.
The problem is not that Ayfer never liked Serkan, the problem is that Ayfer never care that Eda did like him. Ayfer can dislike him all she wants as long as she doesn’t interfere, but oh wait, she has interfered, time and time again. She’s used guilt and manipulation in attempts to control Eda at every turn, to the point, at times, of not caring that she was forcing Eda to sacrifice her career as well as her love.
It will be interesting to see Ayfer’s response when she realizes Eda is going to let Serkan into their lives. Will she double down on badmouthing Serkan and pressuring Eda not to get involved with him, or will she smarten up and back off? I think we know the answer to that.
Anonymous asked: Hii! I’m curious what they will come up with for the remaining episodes, I mean, drama-wise, cause no way will Ayse give us 7 episodes of Edser x Kiraz happy family time 🥺 but sure, that is also reasonable since Turks need drama to keep watching
You know, as I said above, I’m very curious about this. To be honest I didn’t really expect Eda and Serkan to be at this emotional place by the 4th episode. I mean they’re not totally ready to get back together, but they’ve both made it obvious that they still love one another, and that is kind of a big milestone in a romantic story.
Seriously, my assumption prior to the season was that we’d have these initial finding out episodes, and then Eda and Serkan would still be sort of outwardly pretending that they didn’t want to get back together, or still angry at one another, but then they’d be forced together by Kiraz. You know there’d be some parent trapping, and a handcuff episodes and then Kiraz would manipulate them into living together and we’d get all sorts of domestic sexual tension scenes. Now these things may still happen to some degree, but Edser is starting from a very different outward emotional place than I thought they would be. I assumed we’d get another 4-5 episodes of slow burn, forced proximity before they admitted things and got engaged. But now it feels like their feelings are out in the open and they could decide to get married at any moment.
So we’ll have to see how the writer’s decide to chart their emotional journey over the remaining episodes. One thing I’m sure of, there are some wonderful scenes coming our way.
Anonymous asked: I'm back and happy to say that Engin delivered!! THAT is how you use a side character. (Not whatever they were doing with Ayfer for what seemed like half the episode) This was a perfect scene for these two and had no business being as emotional as it was
Oh, yes, as I said here in my episode thoughts, the Engin/Serkan scene is the one that really started me crying on first watch. Anil was really fantastic in that scene and it made me realize how sorely I had missed Serkan/Engin as male best friends who actually talk about their emotions. Where was that guy when Serkan was being brainwashed and manipulated by Selin!?! Oh yeah he was in the hands of inept writers.
Glad the real Engin is back!
Anonymous asked: Serkan's vehemence against wanting kids, and his dislike of kids in general, make so much more sense with what was revealed.. we just had to be patient! I can't imagine wanting something so much, having it be your "dream" and being told it's impossible.. Serkan's method of dealing with it was trying to convince himself he never wanted it in the first place and trying to dislike the topic altogether. no wonder he was never close with Can either as an uncle... how heartbreaking!
Yes, I absolutely think that was part of it. He dealt with the fact that he couldn't have children by outwardly adopting the attitude that he never wanted it, even though he still knew deep down that it’s all he wanted with Eda.
Heartbreaking indeed.
Anonymous asked: i hate to think of more drama when it seems like we have such a fluff-filled episode next week.. but this week's conversations b/w edser have me thinking.. do you think a possibility of reoccurrence of his tumor, or just a scare could be coming as one of their "final" hurdles. except this time instead of making his mistakes from the past, he'll do it right this time. obviously everything will be resolved happily, but i was thinking of the possibility of this when serkan was discussing his health
While anything is possible, I don’t see a reoccurrence of his tumor happening because they had a scene where the doctor said he was in perfect health and that since it had been five years he now had the same chance of occurrence as an ordinary person. However, I suppose it’s not impossible that they give him some sort of scare so that he can prove he’s changed and that they won’t abandon his family if that sort of adversity comes again.
Honestly, if I was Eda, I would make him go to therapy as a condition of them getting back together. Make sure he develops some coping skills for the long haul.
Anonymous asked: the ending of the last episode was equivalent to ep 11 but kiraz version for me.. the whole build-up of serkan initially thinking he can't be her father - a good father - and his fears about leaving them both halfway culminating in him saying kiraz is a miracle, that she's perfect.. watching her home videos to showing up WHEN IT MATTERED!! for his daughter.. ugh i'm so glad there was that build-up, but also that it wasn't stretched out over multiple episodes.
Yes, I agree it was all really well done. It did feel like we had all the build up we needed to truly appreciate the moment and to appreciate Serkan’s extraordinary character arc.
He truly rose to the occasion at the right moment, and I love that his grand gesture not only made Kiraz’s dream come true, but it showed everyone his growth and acceptance of his role as her father.
Anonymous asked: can they just bring back Tahir - him and Melo had so much potential. let's just say he finally quit working for Babaanne and decided to come back to Istanbul to find Melo 😊
Yes, please! He really liked her! Though she never really liked him, lmao. She could have gotten there with time. Though, I guess if she really likes Burak I can get behind it. And by that I mean I won’t bitch about it too much. No promises. We shall see.
Anonymous asked: Anon here! Thank you so much for that explanation!!!! It seems really interesting, might just have to give it a chance now! Thank you kindly 😊😊
It’s a fun show and I do recommend it. Let me know if you start watching!
#Sen Çal Kapımı#Sen Cal Kapimi#edser#sck episode discussion#sck discussion#edser discussion#serkan bolat#sckask#asklizac#anonymous
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on fujoshi and fetishization
Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.
I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.
I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site.
Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):
1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights
and
2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).
I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic.
That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom.
Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom.
The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.
Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.
A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~.
That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long.
STORYTIME LOL!!!
In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.
At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die?
Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.
I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday.
This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life.
Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|
I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.
Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.
And one more thing - can we just be real here?
A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.
god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name
idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site
*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!!
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Anger Issues - Harry Holland
Requested? Nope. I’ve been meaning to write this for so long and decided “fuck it” whether ppl will read it or not lmao what’s important is I finally release some decent content and I like it and that’s important.
Pairing: Harry x Reader
Words: 4,307
Masterlist
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"Please wait here and the doctor will call you when it's your turn." the assistant tells you before leaving the waiting room. You look around and see two guys there. One of them had his hands in his pockets, his hood up, and his head nodding along to the music going through his earphones. In short, he looks like your average everyday mysterious emo guy from high school. The other guy looks the total opposite. He was like the guy everyone liked, but not exactly popular. He was on his phone, chuckling from time to time. He was wearing a blue sweater and some worn out jeans.
You sit across from them and the two guys look at you. You give them a tight-lipped smile. Emo guys rolled his eyes, but the guy next to him smiles back at you. It wasn't a fake smile either. It was a genuine smile.
'Seems like a nice guy.' you thought to yourself.
The less emo guy puts his phone in his pocket and starts up a conversation, "I've never seen you around here before and we're here every week. What-"
"Can you just shut the fuck up, Thomas? Why do you have to talk all the fucking time?? You're so fucking annoying. Maybe that's why your girlfriend left you for that other guy." emo guy snaps.
You and 'Thomas' look at him. While you were shocked at his mini outburst, 'Thomas' looked like he was used to it, though. "You don't have to speak like that whenever you're annoyed at someone, Harry." Thomas tells him in a soft and comforting voice.
"Wow. Look at you being a big brother for once!" Harry says sarcastically. "And the brother of the year award goes to...Thomas Stanley Holland! Give it up for him everybody!" He claps his hands. At this point, you and Thomas are beginning to feel uncomfortable. Especially you; you've never met these people before.
Thomas looks at you with a sorry expression, "I'm sorry about Harry. Anyway, I assume you heard my name already-"
"Of course she did. She has ears, dipshit." Harry mutters under his breath before taking his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it.
"You can call me 'Tom'." Tom smiles, ignoring Harry. "What's your name?"
"Y/N." you tell him. Tom nods before looking at Harry then at you. He gets up from his seat and immediately sits next to you. You were a bit... scared. A stranger suddenly sits next to you after his brother shouts at him in anger isn't exactly an ideal way of meeting and getting to know someone.
Tom seems to notice your change of demeanor and chuckles, "I won't do anything, don't worry. It's just nice to see someone else in this place on a Saturday morning. It's usually just me and him and sometimes Sam, our brother, tags along too. But most of the time, just me and him."
You nod and feel yourself getting comfortable with Tom. "So, why are you alone? It's hard seeing a psychiatrist alone for the first time. I mean, it's not Harry's first time here, that's for sure. But if I were in your place, coming here with someone closest to me would make me feel less scared and nervous. Even if they don't go inside the room with you, it's nice to know that there's someone in the waiting room who's waiting for you and who's there for you every step of the way." Tom rambles.
"My parents dropped me off and then they said that they'll come back for me when I text them as soon as I finish here." you tell him truthfully.
"Well, they're shitty parents." Tom crosses his arms, "No offense."
"None taken." you chuckle. "They are shitty parents, though." Tom laughs and shakes his head.
The door opens and the current patient quickly in tears. The patient practically ran, not giving you a chance to see if it were a girl or boy. You look at the direction they came from and see the psychiatrist standing there. You look at the psychiatrist in fear.
You turn to Tom and whisper, "Why the fuck was that patient crying? Is this lady batshit crazy? Does she always make them cry??"
"Of course not." Tom whispers. "All I know about that last patient is that they're always here three times a week. I know, because I've asked before."
"Harry, you can come in now." the psychiatrist smiles at him. Harry rolls his eyes and stands up, getting his backpack (which needed to be washed) from the floor.
"You'll get through this today, Harry! I'm right here." Tom smiles at him, cheering him on as if Harry were to compete at something. Harry looks at him, gives him a fake smile, and the middle finger before entering the room, the 'click' of the door being closed was heard immediately after he went in.
"Now it's just you and me." Tom says. "What do you usually do here when you're alone waiting for Harry?" you ask curiously, obviously bored out of your mind.
"I just go on my phone. Sometimes I bring my homework and do it here. But since I don't have homework at the moment, I'm as free as a bird." Tom answers. "Speaking of phone, let's exchange numbers! It'll be so much fun having a new friend!"
Thomas Stanley Holland was too bubbly for your liking.
But you exchanged numbers anyway.
Even social media usernames.
After two hours of chatting with Tom, you come to realize that he's genuinely a nice and friendly guy. You really had fun talking to him. Harry emerges from the room with the same mysterious emo look on his face. "Let's go, Thomas."
"Hey champ! How was it?" Tom smiles.
"Are you fucking mocking me?" Harry asks, his temper slightly rising.
Judging by the little time you've known Harry, you've come to conclusion that he's in therapy for his anger issues. You notice that the little things seem to tick him off. The dude's a fucking time bomb.
"Harry, I was just asking nicely. I didn't mean to offend you. Please don't get mad at me." Tom says in that comforting and soft voice.
An outsider would think that they're complete strangers who are fighting, because at this point, it's hard to believe that they're siblings.
"I wouldn't have gotten mad if you just followed me when I said that we should go home. I wouldn't have gotten mad if you didn't open your fucking mouth." Harry said in sort of a Draco Malfoy tone.
Tom looks at you and quietly says, "I'll text you." He stands up and follows his brother on his way out.
"Y/N, it's your turn." the psychiatrist says.
"Welp, here goes nothing." you say to yourself before going in the room and closing the door.
"Hello Y/N. I'm Dr. Joanne Moore. But you can call me Joanne, so that it's less intimidating." Joanne smiles. "Please take a seat and make yourself comfortable."
Joanne motions for you to sit on the couch while she sits across from you on the spinning office chair everyone loves. You do as she says and you let yourself relax as your gaze wanders around the room. The room was neither small nor large and the only light source was the sun shining outside; its rays coming through the window.
"I understand that you're new here. Where are you from?" Joanne asks.
"New York." you reply. Joanne hums and nods, "Why did you move here?"
"My father is English and my mother is American. My mom told my dad that maybe it'd be best to move to a new environment. She's basically sick of New York. Around the time she said that, my dad got offered a new job here with a salary higher than what he was paid back home. Then, the rest is history." you respond. You've been repeating the same response to your neighbors and to everyone you meet, so you completely memorize it like the back of your hand. You can say shit in your sleep.
"I see. Welcome to London." Joanne smiles. You mutter a small 'thank you' before leaning back on the couch.
"Would you like to tell me why you're here?" Joanne asks.
"I thought you'd never ask." you lightly chuckle.
-
"Y/N, is that you?!" you hear a familiar voice from your left side. You turn your head and see Tom with a smile on his face, "Oh my god, it is you! I didn't know we had the same school. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Um, I didn't think it was necessary?" your answer came out more like a question.
"Of course, it's necessary. We're best friends now!" Tom grins. He looks behind him and says, "Guys, come here!" A group of guys walk in your direction with Harry following behind them.
"Guys, this is Y/N the girl from therapy." Tom introduces. "Y/N, this is the gang: Harrison, Sam, Jacob, and of course you know Harry."
"Hi everyone." you smile politely.
"Hey you don't have an accent too!" Jacob smiles. "I'm from Hawaii. What about you?"
"New York." you smile proudly. You were beginning to feel homesick and talking about New York would make you feel much better.
"That's so awesome! I've been there once. It was family vacation and I had so much fun there! Maybe there was a slight chance we bumped into each other while I was there or something." Jacob tells.
"Are we going to class or are we going to stand here all day while Jacob tells his New York escapade?" a voice from the back startles everyone even though they knew who it belonged to. The five of you look at Harry and mutter apologies to which Harry replied with "whatever" and rolling his eyes before leaving the group.
"My twin has left, lady and gentlemen." Sam says to all of you.
"Wait, he's your twin?" you ask in shock.
"Yup." Sam confirms. "Hard to take in, right?"
You nod in agreement. "Let's go to class. I don't want to be late on my first day." you chuckle nervously.
"You'll be fine! We'll probably have classes with you." Harrison says, calming your nerves a bit. "Good luck if you have a class with Harry, though. He's hard to work with. He kind of wants to do his own thing, but he helps even though he's like that."
Harrison's heads up about Harry made you not want to share a class with him.
Luck wasn't on your side, however. As soon as you enter your first class, which is history, the only empty seat was next to Harry. You take a deep breath before walking to the empty seat next to him.
"Oh great." Harry mumbles. Understanding his issues, you bite back a reply and just take in everything that's happening. Everyone is talking to each other except for you and Harry despite the fact that you know each other. To be fair, you aren't close with him. You're closer with Tom, so you didn't know what Harry liked to talk about.
Just then, the teacher arrives and everyone went to their proper seats. The teacher looked like she was in her mid 30s. She looked nice.
"Before we start, we have a new student from New York." she smiles at you. "Please, introduce yourself to everyone."
Harry turns to you and sees your shocked face. Upon seeing that, he chuckles and shakes his head, "Just get it over with." Hearing Harry being normal sounded so foreign to you, but you took his advice and went on to introduce yourself.
"You don't have to stay here in front. Just stand up and tell us about yourself." the teacher says.
"Okay, um, my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I'm from New York. I just moved here, like, a week ago. So yeah...that's it I guess." you awkwardly say and you sit down.
"Welcome Y/N! I hope you enjoy your stay. My name is Mrs. Smith and I'll be your history teacher." Mrs. Smith says. "Speaking of history, let's get started."
Mrs. Smith began to discuss for the rest of the time. Five minutes before the class ends, Mrs. Smith tells everyone that they'll have a project that'll be done in pairs. You didn't know anyone in class except for Harry and Harrison's warning is at the back of your head. So to say that you didn't know what to do would be an understatement.
"I already have a list of pairs and I'll dictate it." Mrs. Smith says.
'Thank god.' you mutter under your breath.
'Fucking hell.' Harry rolls his eyes.
"Y/N you'll be paired with Harry." Mrs. Smith smiles, before continuing. You look at Harry and he looks at you unimpressed.
"I don't usually allow anyone to work with me, but since you're new and you're practically best friends with my brother, I'll give you a chance. That's as far as I can go with being nice to someone." Harry tells you. You just nod, still kind of intimidated by him. "Also," he says again, "back the fuck off when we're out together. I don't like it when people invade my space." Harry fakes a smile and puts his stuff in his bag. You just stay quiet and do the same.
When Mrs. Smith dismisses the class, Harry immediately left. Of course, you followed. You didn't want to be alone in a room with people you didn't know. You'd much rather be stuck with Tom even though he talks too much and is too bubbly. You'd also prefer if you were stuck with Harry and even though he gets angry all the time and he hardly says anything to you, at least he's someone you know.
As soon as you leave the room, Tom and the rest were there to greet you. "Hey!!!" they all greet cheerfully.
"Oh my god what the fuck did I get myself into?" you ask yourself, putting on a smile for them nonetheless.
"Congrats! You survived your first class in your new school." Jacob says. "Are you ready to go through the rest of the day?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." you respond. It wasn't even at least half of the day and you were already tired. Tom and his friends seem to have a lot of energy and seeing them really energized makes you tired.
-
Saturday comes around again and you're back at therapy. You walk in the waiting room and see Harry there. Now, it's awkward. Like last week, you sit across from Harry and begin to mind your own business. 'He did say "back the fuck off", right?' you think to yourself.
"Tom has a dentist appointment in case you're wondering." Harry's voice startles you. You look up from your phone and see him already looking at you. "It's just me today. Sam is at his part time job and I don't want to bring my youngest brother, Paddy to this depressing place. I don't want him to end up mentally messed up. He doesn't deserve that."
How the fuck are you going to respond to that?
"Oh, I see." you says, still not sure what to reply. "Thanks for telling me, I guess."
"What'll you do after this?" Harry asks curiously.
"I'll probably just walk around or go sight seeing. My parents are on a business trip and all my siblings have their own lives now, because they're older than me." you tell him truthfully. He nods and says, "I have nothing going on at my place at the moment and I want to get away."
You shrug, "Go ahead, then. No one's stopping you."
Harry just stares at you and it's beginning to freak you out, because you don't know if he's going to burst or not. Finally, after almost a minute of silence and staring at each other Harry speaks up, "Do you have money on you?"
"Excuse me?"
Harry rolls his eyes, "Do you have cash right now? I have some stashed in my backpack right now."
"Um, is that even importa-"
"Just answer the fucking question, Becky." Harry says, clearly starting to get annoyed. "Yeah, I do. Why does it matter?" you gulp.
"Good." Harry says. "We'll talk later after your session. It's my turn now." As if on cue, the door opens and the patient from last week quickly runs past you and Harry. He stands up, grabs his backpack and enters the room.
To say you were confused was an understatement. Why was he suddenly talking to you? You decided to text Tom about it.
To: Tom
Hey man hope the dentist thing is going well for u. Harry just said the weirdest shit and idk what to say or feel. Send help xo
You didn't expect a reply, so you went on Instagram and just scrolled through it until it was your turn.
-
After your session, you were surprised to see Harry waiting for you. He looks up from his phone, takes out one of his earphones and asks, "Ready to go? I'm starving." You just nod and off you two went.
Both of you end up at a sandwich shop far from the building. You both eat in silence and it's beginning to feel awkward; for you at least. Harry seemed fine.
"Let's leave London." Harry says all of a sudden, making you choke on your sandwich. "Jesus, are you okay?" he asks with no concern, whatsoever. He's more worried about both of you causing a scene.
You finally calm down and nod, "Now I'm okay. Where are we going?"
Harry shrugs, "Anywhere we set our mind to. I haven't been outside of London for years. Maybe we could go somewhere to experience a new environment or whatever."
"...London is my new environment." you explain to him.
"I know, dipshit." Harry rolls his eyes, "but you wanted to go sight seeing, don't you?"
"Yeah, around London not outside London."
"What's wrong with going outside of London?!"
"Why're you pushing for us to go outside of London?!" you rebutt.
"BECAUSE I HATE THIS PLACE!!" Harry yells causing everyone in the shop to look at both of you. You flinch at his words and you didn't know what to say. Harry angrily stands up, kicks the chair, and leaves the shop. All of the customers and employees look at you with pity.
"Poor thing." one customer said.
"Wow, worst boyfriend of the year award goes to that guy." the other said.
You gather yours and Harry's belongings and run out of the shop, hoping you're not too late to catch Harry. After looking left and right, you see him standing not too far away and you approach him.
"Hey," you say softly, "you know what? Let's go outside London." You decided that maybe Harry hasn't been getting what he wanted that's why he's always angry, so you'll give him a chance. You also started using the same tactic as Tom: speaking softly which is quite difficult and tiring, but if Tom can do it, so can you.
Harry looks at you and nods. Without saying a word, he grabs his bag from you and walks to the train station. Not wanting to get lost on your second week in London, you rush to follow him before you lose him in the crowd.
-
"So where are we?" you ask Harry.
"Dorset." Harry responds. "It's probably my favorite place. I don't know why, but it calms me down. I usually go here alone, but I don't want to be alone at the moment." You nod, you understand the feeling.
You and Harry walk around and he shows you the different spots he likes to stay and relax at and somehow, both of you end up on top of a hill. The view was remarkable. It was different from your view in New York and different from your view in your room back in London. This view gave you peace and you're starting to understand why Harry likes it there so much.
You both sit on the grass and sit in silence. Taking in the smell of the sea while your hair was following in the direction the wind is blowing. "How long do you usually stay here?" you ask Harry almost in a whisper.
"Until it gets dark." Harry responds. "Sometimes I don't go home at all. Not like anyone would care anyway. It's boring back at home to the point where it doesn't feel like home anymore. Back in London I just live in a house with three brothers, a set of parents, and a dog named Tessa. Being with them doesn't feel like home."
You nod, "Is that why you go to therapy?" You knew it wasn't your business to ask, but he's starting open up to you about the things he's feeling.
"I think you already know why I go to therapy. I had an episode at the sandwich shop." Harry laughs bitterly. "Maybe the question should be asking me is how I ended up like this."
"I wasn't always like this, you know. Believe it or not, I was like Tom." Harry admits. You didn't say anything, though. You wanted to, but you figured he needed to let it all out.
"It happened two years ago. Kevin, my best friend, and I were walking home from school. We didn't know the bullies from school followed us, but when we noticed them it was too late. For some reason, I was an easy target. So they took my money and taunted me and all that shit. I was used to it, but Kevin had enough. He punched one of the bullies and soon, they were nearly killing each other. I tried to stop them, but two of them held me back while I watched how the 'leader' of the group punched the life out of Kevin. Maybe someone saw what was happening, because the police came. The 'leader' threw one last punch and pushed Kevin before running. The two guys who held me back pushed me forward and ran away too." Harry tells you, his voice becoming shaky.
"I immediately went to check on Kevin and panicked when I didn't feel a pulse. One of the policemen called an ambulance. Then we arrived at the hospital and he," Harry takes a deep breath, tears falling freely down his cheeks, "he was dead on arrival. I guess he got pushed really hard and his head collided on the concrete with so much force. Lethal damage."
"Ever since then, I never forgave myself. I could've done something; anything. But I was just there, watching as my best friend die right in front me." Harry sniffs. "I can't help, but blame myself. He intervened to save me. If I only knew that saving me would lead to his death, I wouldn't have let him. I would've just gave the bullies what they wanted so they can leave him alone. He was the only one who understood me and he knew my secrets."
"I lived with that guilt every day ever since that happened. I could never forgive myself. My family tried to help me move on, but I couldn't. Every time they helped, I pushed them away. Then I started to get irritated with everything they did, like, why can't they leave me the fuck alone?! My parents decided it would be best for me to go to therapy seeing as I won't let them help me. Tom went with me the first time, because I was irritated with him the most. He kept bugging me. And of course, up to this day he still accompanies me." Harry says, wiping his tears.
"So," Harry chuckles lightly, "that's my story. What's yours?"
You chuckle too, "There's nothing special about it, really. My parents just think that there's something wrong with me, but that's not true. At least I think it's not true." Harry just nods for you to continue.
"I'm the youngest in my family. I have three older siblings and they're all married now. My parents are obviously so happy. In fact, they're so happy that they forget about me...all the time. Every time we have this little family lunch or dinner, my parents always ask about how my siblings are doing and shit like that. I've tried, you know? I've tried to push myself to talk to them, but whenever I do, my parents dismiss me and they tell me they're busy or they tell me to shut up, because one of my siblings are talking and it'd be rude to interrupt. I got tired and I just didn't try anymore." you tell him.
"It sucks, man. I have no one to turn to when things get tough. I have no one to be excited for me whenever I have good news. I feel so alone. I only had three friends back in New York and to be honest with you, they weren't even near the level of becoming my best friends. Sure, we hung out and stuff, but I was always their last choice to hang out with. If everyone else is busy, they call me and my stupid ass would answer immediately. Thank god we moved here. New environment is good." you sigh. "I'm really glad I met you guys, though. Tom talks too much, but he's alright. I now have one best friend; how cool is that!"
Harry laughs lightly, "Well, now you have two."
You look at him and give him a small smile, "Are you sure? I'm no Kevin, but I'll try."
"I don't need a new Kevin. Just be you." Harry says, nudging you slightly. "It's nearly getting dark. Should we head back?"
"Sure." you smile. Both of you stood up and grabbed your things before leaving. From that moment on, something told you that you wouldn't be alone anymore and it felt great to finally have someone by your side.
* * * *
Feedback please?
Tagging my mutuals: @sweetdespairbarnes @myblueleatherbag @fanficparker @tommysparker @lcvelyparkers + @justasmisunderstoodasloki (bc this person is nice to me sksks)
Want to contact me?
#harry holland#harry holland imagines#harry holland one shots#harry holland fanfiction#harry holland fanfic#harry holland fic#harry holland x reader#harry holland x y/n#tom holland#tom holland imagines#harrison osterfield#haz osterfield#sam holland
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not in any way excusing anything, but I did see in the yt comments that there were a good number saying “my submission was also hitler jokes, so sad it didn’t make it in” or “I submitted a nazi one but they only used my mine craft one” or sth. I really do think they could’ve picked better green screens to show, but I also think the fanbase has a good number of edgy “dark humour is my personality” straight boys. Which is sad bc the eboys r actually funny and don’t need to rely on edgelord humour
its not the first time they made edgy jokes though, the whole eboys channel is just them bluring things out.
youre right, their audience is straight white edgy dudes, and thats why they should be more careful with these jokes and not encourage it. maybe they should wonder why their white fans feel comfortable sending them jokes about hitler. while they arent directly responsible for their audience, they still influence them, whether they like it or not. each of them has at least 1 million subscribers, they have a huge amount of teens looking up to them.
the blatant misogyny and racism on british youtube has been there for too long. ksi gets called the n word in every one question go video and his audience laughs. elena bateman appeared in a callux/sdmn video and she got r*** threats because she.. talked? speaking of sidemen, the comment sections under their videos are always the most toxic ones. in the blind dating/tinder videos the girls appearing on them get so much hate.
back to the eboys, they always shift the blame to their viewers, dont they? i vaguely remember george making a video on someone and then the audience attacked them and george fully said he had nothing to do with it. he has 3.5(?) million subs, he knew damn well if he made a video on someone his audience would go over to their channel and send hate. and then everytime after that, whenever he made a video on someone he made a half assed disclaimer stating that he doesnt want his fans going over there.
personally, i dont care if someone makes edgy jokes. its not for me, but i just let it go bc i know its a lost cause. its the fact that they dont make their views clear and they dont take responsibility when they fuck up. millions of views means power, and as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility. the fact that their content attracts right wing white dudes means something, they just dont want to think of that something.
also, are we ever gonna talk about how they treated fraser, one of their loyal friends? this wasnt an edgy joke, this was something they did irl that affected an actual person, and their audience managed to gloss over that too. and then they, yet again, made edgy jokes about fraser on the channel and even made a "whos the fifth member of the eboys" video. gross. throw the whole channel away.
and ofc they probably said "we talked about it and its fine" but fraser is the one who has the least fans and he is the one who got screwed over, so its possible fraser just said a dry "its ok" and decided that it was just not worth it.
im mentioning fraser, because they did him dirty and its yet another thing that gets glossed over. while fraser wasnt my favourite, he was the only one who was actively talking about social issues, politics and his views. out of all of them, fraser is the least likely person to attract right wing members and he was the one that was left out. i dont know if it was bc they found him boring or annoying or bc he had less subs than everyone (i dont think thats the case), but they basically stole his idea.
its not a coincidence that alex gets the most shit, and its not bc of ***** (we can talk about That can of worms some other time). under the true geordie christmas podcast (the first one) you can see all the white dudes whining about alex. under every willne/memeulous video he appears in, you can always easily find ppl talking shit about him. this was happening even before *****, and every old imallexx stan can back me up on this. alex always got the most shit out of everyone. is it bc he wears pink? is it bc he is not masculine? is it bc he is bi? is it bc he talks more than their faves and they think he doesnt deserve it? (notice how they also had a problem with elena talking -- talking over straight white male comedians is a crime for them)
my point is, white edgy dudes tend to find a couple other white edgy dudes and just "gang together". these white boys project their beliefs on their favourite youtubers and assume that their faves have the same beliefs as them (even though, logically, we all know the eboys arent right wing members,they dont see it like that. they see white dudes joking about hitler).
what usually happens is that this fantasy of theirs starts to crumble. a beautiful example is idubbbz. his audience LOVED the fact that he said the n word, and the r slur, and the f slur, and all kinds of fucked up stuff. they worshipped him.
you know what happened? he found a girlfriend. they did NOT like her, at all. his gf decided to start an only fans. and suddenly, idubbbz wasnt the king anymore. he was just ian, a "simp".
as someone who reads the comments while watching videos i have noticed something. the dudes who talked about ian's gf talk the same way as the dudes talking about will's gf, mia. just something i noticed.
anyway, this reply is too long, im sorry... i just wanted to get some things off my chest and you gave an opportunity to do so. this isnt an attack towards you or anything like that, this was just me rambling.
english is not my first language and i havent proofread this so there are some mistakes in there. some things (fraser) werent really relevant, i just wanted to talk about them
#i cant believe i said with great power comes great responsibility#queue the anon stans calling me cheesy#el speaks#memeulous#memeulous critical#youtube critical#george memeulous#idubbbz#idubbbtv#imallexx#willne#will lenney#james marriott#inabber#anon ask#ask answered#sidemen#ksi#elena bateman#callux#british youtubers#british youtuber#eboys#commentary crew#rant#personal rant#rants n rambles
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Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,6)
Good ep with lots of character insights! kinda felt long, too.
-TOHRU!!
“you dont carry a photo of your dad“, “all you ever talk abt is your mom” & “you have a serious mother complex” Thank you hiro!!!! finally the show is acknowledging tohru’s dark thoughts/ troubled past/ mom issues! This means more tohru focus. She HAS mom issues (grief) & her attachment to her mom is not presented as a cute trait. It is questionable (a coping mechanism). She was really in loss of words in front of hiro. Her happy mask failed her. The I’m Okay mask that fooled everybody to think she’s over her mom’s death after only 4 months. her awkward laugh came out weak, defeated & so painful.
-Tohru‘s flashback contains snippets of where her issues started. A younger kyoko & tohru, her dad’s funeral? I see a shrine? or incense next to his picture. Kyoko closing the door on tohru? then kyoko’s death as tohru stands alone in what used to be their flat..Tohru whispering “its okay” to herself repeatedly is heart breaking.“we’re always together” is tohru’s mantra. This is her coping mechanism, keeping her mom alive in her heart & memories...otherwise..tohru’s alone. It’s so frightening being alone after a loved one’s death. cuz death is final. there’s no visits, words, sightings between you & them. There’s only the memories. Once these are gone...you are truly alone without them. Tohru being an orphan plays more into this.. she truly has no one to face the world with. The sohmas? a “found family”? how long will tohru be with them? how long she’ll stay with them? a day will come when each pursue their life/career/future...She’ll be alone again. Tohru’s journey is about dealing with grief. After perfecting her mask thro the night. she’s so falsely bubbly & happy. she fooled all the ppl she’s with. Except for the trained eye of tohru’s cat.
Kyo’s subtle development:
The show is acknowledging that it is easy to miss kyo’s character changes since his thoughts are blocked from the audience. However, while the show insists to continue to block kyo’s inner thoughts for plot reasons, it tries to make up for it by making kyo’s subtle character changes noticed by other characters within the show. Since season 1, many characters have commented on kyo’s changing behavior, season 2 Kazuma, Kumintsu & now momiji. he’s becoming less angry, more into joining the others & overall kinder. His tone is calmer, too. He didn’t even get angry at Ayame when he barged in his room in SE02 ep,2. These changes resulted from kyo reflecting on his behavior & consciously modifying it even if we didnt hear his thoughts. I must say, that as much as I’d love to hear kyo’s thoughts abt himself, I’m loving that the show is using visuals to show the change. It is fun to watch & analyze! Although it also means, I might miss some.
- Kyo & tohur’s beach scene is representation of his growth. I’m impressed the show used that small convo Kyo & tohru had in ep,2. I never thought that could be worked into the plot. Kyo is a good listener. Him noticing her faulty swimming style & coming for the rescue is cute. His tone is interesting, it was a mixture of fondness of her silliness, tiredness from her not-so smart antics, & joy of making her laugh. What’s really interesting is that kyo moved in front of everybody. Before, he was fond/kind/concerned for tohru when their alone. He wouldn’t behave like that in front of the others. But now, this kind of behavior has become so normal to him that he subconsciously shows it in front of others. His attachment to her intensifies as he starts reading her better & better. Kyo noticing yet another tohru issue with just one glance & deducing that since everybody loves tohru, it must be caused by hiro who isn't under her spell.
Yuki & the hat:
Why is Yuki shocked that tohru cherishes the memory of being saved? Is it his inferiority complex (installed by Akito) that makes him think no one will ever cherish anything he does? Yuki had PTSD flashback right after witnessing kyo’s behavior. I think yuki is watching kyo’s changing & is hoping to change himself as well but is held back by Akito toxic words. Once again, haru is there for yuki. Whenever yuki indulges in toxic flashback/thoughts someone comes to help, whether it’s tohru or haru. It’s a message that yuki needs to notice. It is not pitch black. Hope is here. Open your eyes & look. Haru, also goes further & engages yuki & kyo in a race. Just like tohru did in SE1, Ep12. Engaging yuki into a game to take his mind off darkness.
Opening the Lid & the journey to heal:
Tohru’s journey is abt dealing with/overcoming grief. Kyo is about guilt & the right to live. Yuki is abt growth & discovering self. Each journey is extremely different. None of theses three should proceed with the same pace as the other since their core trauma, character traits, life experiences & obstacles are different. I love how much the show is emphasizing that You can’t overlook other’s struggles, simply because they react differently than you or you think they aren't moving as fast as you. These three, some of them will reach their goal faster than the other, it doesn’t mean they’re better or the other is worse. It simply means they are different people. Excellent story telling!
Must open the lid is metaphor for all three kids. I personally believe that since the show started with Yuki’s dark side in season 1, he’ll reach his goal first. Both Tohru & kyo took until the near end of season 1 for the show to actually dive into their trauma. I firmly believe they are delayed for plot reasons. Tohru is the main female protagonist, her struggle will be the show finale & oh boy..if kyo’s apology is indeed about kyoko..then him too will be delayed as well. This doesn’t mean they won’t get any development until then. No, we’ll have pieces of them here & there. But first, the full focus will be on Yuki. This also serves the shows message that not everybody heals with the same pace.
Rin & Shigure:
Rin didn’t come here to seduce Shigure. she looks troubled, sad & tired. She assumes Shigure knows what she wants & is willing to pay in exchange for it. “what I shall do with you” is chilling. I personally, don’t think he means physically. Not because shigure wont do it. He would if he wanted. But because Shigure is more interested in his goal than Rin. How he could use her to achieve his goal. His goal is Akito. he’s thinking where can he fit Rin in his schemes.
Side notes:
the shadow animation is weird as characters seem to be floating. lol.
I love momiji’s annoying little brother vibe with kyo. XD
Personally, I think the show’s overexposure of yuki’s inner thoughts steals from yuki as much as excessively concealing kyo’s inner thoughts steals from kyo.
that first person perspective of when Rin comes on Shigure is made on purpose. 1)fan service. 2) shocking viewers. 3) darker & mature shift in the show’s tone. 4)purposely creates misunderstanding abt Rin & shigure.
Kyo sulking after loosing is hilarious. dude, it’s the jeans’ fault.
The show is giving Hiro his little character growth through teaching him to be more sensitive & respectful of others’ feelings.
Hatori has a girlfriend now!!!!! YESS!
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Episode 21: The One where the Siblings Know Things
So you know how when you grow up with siblings, they get to know you in really annoying and inconvenient ways? Like, they can just look at you and Know Something is Up when really you want them to mind their own business
Apparently this is a thing even for cultivators in Ancient Fantasy China
It’s pretty great!!!
(for us, not for the siblings in the show)
(they probably just want their siblings to shut up about it already)
BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT INSTEAD LOL
The yunmeng sibs are reunited it’s all teary and happy and kind of hurt-y
Jyl: we’re all together again. Together forever, the three of us!!
*HYSTERICAL SOBBING*
IT’S A LIIIIIEEE
And NHS interrupts bc ofc he does and he gives us a little hint of wangxian
He reaches out to pat wwx’s shoulder in welcome, but wwx pulls back from it so hard there’s an awkward silence for a minute there
But wwx and nhs are bros so nhs just rolls with it
Nhs: oh, we were all so worried, everyone’s been looking everywhere for you especially jc and LWJ~!
And here jc drags him out bc god forbid anybody mention him having feelings to anybody yeesh
Wwx ends up alone in the room after that and suddenly ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing at a very slow, melancholic tempo
Wwx grabs his flute and gets lost in his head for a bit
And as he’s lost in thought, lwj walks by and sees him sitting all alone in that room
AND HE JUST STANDS THERE
observing him for a bit
lwj why are you just standing there??
LWJ DO SOMETHING
And we get the return of the Bichen Death Grip
You know the one
He does it every time he’s experiencing Emotions over Wei Ying.
STOP DOING THE DEATH GRIP OF GAY YEARNING AND GO TALK TO YOUR SOULMATE ALREADY GOD DAMN IT
(spoiler alert: he doesn’t)
(nobody in this show ever listens to me, what the heck)
Then we cut to the evil wen lair
Boring Plot Stuff happens.
Now we’re back at Qinghe and everyone’s at a dinner party!
NMJ is doing a whole toast to like, honor wwx’s return or smth
And wwx doesn’t even notice bc JK NOT EVERYBODY IS THERE
GUESS WHO’S MISSING
LWJ. LWJ IS THE ONE NOT AT THE PARTY
Yeah, so wwx is getting honored by a sect leader and everybody’s faced towards him to like, take a shot in his name
And wwx is totally oblivious
wwx is ignoring the opportunity to take a shot of alcohol
wwx is ignoring ALCOHOL bc he’s too busy STARING AT THE EMPTY TABLE BEHIND HIM
THE EMPTY TABLE THAT SHOULD HAVE LWJ
LITERALLY EVERYONE JUST CHEERED FOR HIM AND HE WAS TOO FOCUSED ON THE LACK OF LWJ TO NOTICE!!!
Eventually jc gets his attention and they finish the toast and we have nmj interrogating wwx about the lack of suibian
This Becomes a Thing
Ppl are like super offended he doesn’t have his sword
We meet Sect Leader Yao here (and we immediately hate him bc he is the most obnoxious person ever) who starts to gossip about this with everyone else
SHUT UP YAO NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU
And jin zixun chimes in
SHUT UP JIN ZIXUN NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU EITHER
GOD THEY’RE BOTH THE WORST
Anyway, the only reason any of this is mentioned is bc ppl are already turning against wwx and it causes a Moral Quandary later on for lwj
Moving on bc we don’t want to spend more time on those jerks than absolutely necessary…
We cut to lwj!! He’s alone in his designated room playing the guqin
He’s so focused on playing it well
His concentrated expression is pretty~
I think he’s playing the song of clarity or whatever it’s called (idk, it’s some kind of Magic Music)
Which would explain why he’s so intent on playing it right
BC HE WANTS TO PLAY IT FOR WWX SO WWX CAN GET BETTER
We cut back to the dinner party where everyone’s still gossiping like high school kids, ugh, but we’re tolerating it because jyl starts to give us some wangxian pie
Jyl: where’s lwj? Haven’t you two been getting along well?
JYL KNOWS WHATS UP
Wwx: is that so? (he says bitterly)
(wwx, this is your own fault. If you hadn’t been so mean to him before, he’d probs be there rn)
Eventually wwx gets fed up with the gossiping, snags a wine jar and leaves (yao is super insulted and it’s great)
Now wwx is wandering alone, drinking wine (he’s kind of a drunkard, if you hadn’t noticed yet) and HE SEES LWJ’S SILHOUETTE
Lwj is still alone in his rooms playing the guqin (~BEAUTIFULLY~)
And wwx pauses briefly to watch him
He starts walking away but stops himself a small distance later and makes himself comfortable leaning against some fence nearby AND STAYS THERE LISTENING TO LWJ PLAY
As he’s listening to lwj play, he flashes back to LWJ telling him that his wicked tricks will hurt him
EVERYBODY IS HURTING RIGHT NOW
LWJ IS ALL ALONE PLAYING HIS GUQIN
WWX IS ALL ALONE DRINKING HIS WINE
AND WE’RE ALL ALONE WATCHING THIS GO DOWN
AND THEY’RE BOTH HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS
AND WE’RE HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS
Now JC shows up to demonstrate that thing siblings do where they pick up on each other’s moods and get obnoxious about it
Jc: why do you look so gloomy? Is it bc of lwj?
JC KNOWS WHATS UP
Jc: he’s been avoiding you since we split up
Jc: why did you come here to be disliked by him?
WHY DID YOU COME HERE, HE SAYS, WHY DID YOU COME HERE OUTSIDE HIS ROOMS AND THEN JUST LOITER LIKE SOME CREEPY STALKER
Wwx: maybe i’m just bored
(his smile here is NOT his sunshine smile, it’s a very SAD smile. it gave me Depression™ )
Other stuff happens that are plotty and unimportant
There’s a scary bit where jyl get attacked by wwx’s flute but she handles it with grace bc she’s awesome
She’s like, ah, so i guess it recognizes you as its owner, you better name it then
And now wwx’s demon flute has a name. Chenqing
After that, wwx is looking at chenqing thoughtfully as ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing
And we cut to LWJ who grabs bichen and also starts looking thoughtfully at it
LWJ THEN STARTS A FLASHBACK TO WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL TOGETHER AND WWX TALKED ABOUT HARNESSING RESENTFUL ENERGY
LWJ LOOKS SO UNHAPPY HERE
We cut to the evil wen lair for some bizarre reason bc obvs we’re not here for evil wens, we’re here for wangxiantics
After THAT nonsense is done, we cut back to wwx and get to see him fail at meditation. After this he disappears for a bit.
We know this bc there’s a strategy meeting and jin zixun throws a hissy fit bc wwx isn’t there
Lwj is there and is stoically silent throughout it.
Nothing else of importance happens here
We find out wwx is out and about and sort of loses control of the resentful energy when he sees defenseless wens (the good ones!) getting bullied and whipped
It’s scary
Wwx plays his demon flute but doesn’t seem to be doing it by conscious choice
THIS IS BAD NEWS GUYS
IT WILL LEAD TO SAD TIMES FOR OUR BOYS
But for now we cut back to the strategy meeting where nothing happens but we do get some shots of lwj’s face so it’s not TOTAL waste of time
AND THEN WWX MAKES HIS ENTRANCE
DOORS SLAM OPEN WITH A STRONG BURST OF WIND
ROBES BILLOWING AROUND HIM AND HIS HAIR FLOWING MAJESTICALLY
I LOVE MY CHAOTIC BI
LOOK AT HIM
Wwx: yeah, don’t worry about the Plot Device,bros, i got this
Lxc: what are you planning to do?
Wwx: you’ll see in a month~!
After the meeting the lan bros have a scene
We haven’t had lan bro time in a while, and this lan bro time is definitely worth the wait
Lxc: why is wwx so confident he’ll be able to handle the Plot Device?
LXC JUST ASSUMES LWJ WILL KNOW THIS
BC HE KNOWS HOW CLOSE THEY ARE
BC SIBLINGS JUST KNOW THINGS
Lwj: I don’t know
AND IT KILLS HIM THAT WWX WON’T LET HIM CLOSE ENOUGH, WON’T LET HIM IN
Lxc: the deaths at yiling, were they related to the Plot Device?
Lwj: No, lxc. He’s not like that.
HE’S NOT LIKE THAT
DID YOU HEAR HIM?
HE HAS FAITH IN HIS SOULMATE
EVEN AS OTHERS ARE STARTING TO DOUBT HIM
And now our lan bro time gets INTENSE
Lwj: lxc, are there rules already set for everything in the world?
Lxc tells him no, there are no set rules in the world, right and wrong are not always clear
Lwj: if people can’t be judged simply this way, then how do we evaluate a person?
Lxc: what makes us human can’t be judged simply as right or wrong. As we evaluate others, we shall not label them black or white but know their intentions deep inside
SUCH AN INTENSE CONVERSATION
SO VERY IMPORTANT
IT WILL SHAPE BASICALLY EVERYTHING LWJ DOES FROM NOW AND FOREVER
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO WWX
(who are we kidding, this whole convo was obviously about wwx from start to finish, lxc knows this)
Oh, and now the yunmeng bros show up. They’re walking along the same path as the lan bros and they pause when they see them
More specifically, there’s an awkward pause as lwj and wwx notice each other
AND IT’S SO FUNNY BC JC LOOKS AT WWX AS SOON AS LWJ COMES INTO VIEW
AND LXC LOOKS AT LWJ AS SOON AS LWJ NOTICES WWX
BC JC AND LXC KNOW WHATS UP
THEY BOTH KNOW THEIR BROTHERS ARE HELPLESS FOR ONE ANOTHER
IT’S LIKE THEY’RE WAITING TO SEE WHAT THEIR BROTHERS WILL DO
The awkward pause ends and the two pairs of brothers reach each other and do the formal greeting bow
Once they’re that close to each other, wwx’s attention immediately goes to lwj and lwj’s attention goes to wwx bc ofc it does
BUT THEY SAY NOTHING
NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING TO ANYONE
WHAT THE HECK
COMMUNICATION, EVER HEARD OF IT BROS??
Then wwx drops his gaze and looks away
And then he proceeds to WALK AWAY WITHOUT A WORD????
Lol jc gets kind of flustered here.
He watches wwx walk away and is like ‘?!?!?’
He looks awkwardly at the lan bros, dithers for half a second, and then follows wwx
Now we’re alone with the lan bros again, And lxc is still trying so hard to wingman his bro!! Bc lxc knows whats up
Lxc: lwj, if you’re worried about wwx…
Lwj: not a bit.
And then he walks off! Just walks out on his brother again!!
LWJ I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS ALREADY
THE WHOLE ‘NO OFC I DON’T CARE ABOUT WWX’ AND STORMING OFF
WHAT HAPPENED LWJ
STOP REGRESSING
THAT’S NOT GONNA HELP
Now we’re with the Yunmeng bros
Jc: be honest with me, you and lwj decided to cut ties just like that?
(jc still knows whats up)
Wwx: he’s the one who cut ties, not me!
MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T BEEN SO MEAN TO HIM BEFORE WWX, HE WOULDN’T BE AVOIDING YOU
We cut to lwj who’s walking alone now. Some time must’ve passed but it’s unclear how much tbh
Lwj walks towards a door
wwx’s door to be exact
And he almost knocks on the door
but he chickens out
HE WAS SO CLOSE!! SO!! CLOSE!!!
HIS FIST WAS RAISED AND JUST A COUPLE INCHES FROM THE DOOR
AND HE STOPS HIMSELF???
He just stared at the door and then didn’t knock on it
I’M SO FRUSTRATED WITH YOU LWJ
AND HE JUST TURNS TO WALK AWAY LIKE NOTHING???
Thank god jyl shows up and stops him bc jyl still knows whats up
Jyl: are you here for wwx?
Instead of answering, lwj bows politely at her and turns to walk away AGAIN
(which, rude, don’t leave your future sister-in-law hanging like that)
Jyl: wait, i have a question for you
We cut to wwx who is walking to his room and he overhears lwj and jyl talking about how wicked tricks hurt the mind/body
wwx interrupts and he’s very cold about it
Wwx: lan zhan, what are you telling jyl?
Lwj: wei ying
Wwx: i remember telling you to stay out of our business
GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW ICY HIS TONE IS HERE
HE’S COMPLETELY FREEZING OUT LWJ, HIS SOULMATE
Lwj’s eyes flicker down for a second bc
THAT
SHIT
HURTED
Then he just turns on his heel and walks away
He walks away quickly
He was fleeing the scene bc it hurt so damn much
Jyl comes to lwj’s defense and tells wwx that lwj was only answering questions she had asked him.
Wwx asks her if lwj mentioned anything about what went down in Yiling, and she tells him that lwj didn’t say anything about that.
We cut to a courtyard or smth and we see wwx chasing down lwj
Wwx: lan zhan, lan zhan!
IT’S SUCH A RELIEF
HE ALMOST SOUNDS NORMAL HERE
And then lwj ruins it by attacking him with bichen
Wwx blocks him with his demon flute (and that works??? for Magic Reasons, i guess??? Pretty sure the flute should’ve been sliced to pieces but whatev)
After a brief scuffle, lwj manages to get bichen at wwx’s throat
Wwx freezes, eyes closed, and waits for the hit to land
Like he really thought lwj would cut his throat open just like that??? WHY DO YOU THINK HE’D EVER HURT YOU?? WHY?? HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH
Lwj obviously doesn’t let the hit land
But the tip of his blade stops only a hair’s width away from wwx’s throat
(it’s kinda hot, and i couldn’t even tell you why…)
(actually it’s probably bc of all that exposed neck wwx is showing)
(so open…and vulnerable…)
(…uh, moving along now)
Once wwx realizes he’s not getting beheaded today, he gets all playful. PLAYFUL!! WE HAVEN’T SEEN THIS SINCE BEFORE LOTUS PIER’S FALL!! it’s beautiful, i’ve missed it so much
Wwx: all these months, and you’ve only improved!
Lwj: it’s you who hasn’t improved at all! Where is suibian?”
And for a change of pace, we get to see wwx doing a Death Grip on Chenqing
That’s the end of the episode
SO INTENSE
SO MANY FEELINGS
SO MANY KNOWING SIBLINGS WHO KNOW THINGS ABOUT THEIR BROTHERS AND THEIR GENERAL INEPTITUDE WITH FEELINGS!!
20/10 stars for Siblings manning the Wangxian Ship.
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Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,
How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,
Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,
Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,
Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,
Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?
ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY
im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk
one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy
1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!
2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely)
bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder
3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date
leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else
4. health issues
bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you
5. bads nervous
this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)
i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now
OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO
this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date
NUMbeR tHree *airhorns*
they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal)
n u m b e r f o u r
where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him
NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them
What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options
1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy
2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy
3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other)
i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF)
i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))
ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon
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Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier
Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...
That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward
I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals...
So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`
A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure.
Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal.
We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out?
Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!
....five seconds later
I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk
I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!
My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand
....five seconds later
Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof
If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.
...five seconds later
UGH just rename Luxor to Loser
Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....
Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL
Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.
youtube
All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!!
Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.
So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture.
-
keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me.
-
"what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.
Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.
We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.
Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.
UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily*
But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately...
I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao
These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.
....five seconds later
Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.
Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me.
Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me.
My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why.
I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay
Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING.
....five seconds later
Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.
Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good.
I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me.
Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara
Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben
And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this.
I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure.
Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx
I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;)
Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.
It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...
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replies to comments!
digitalangels replied to your post “addressing the ...drama? lol on the last conversion. i dont care if...”
I'll take your conversions any day over theirs since the last time I downloaded hair from them it turned out that they just used the sims 4 textures without remapping and that's just *groans annoyed* I ended up remaking that particular hair completely since it was useless to me as it was released, no point in remapping and doing all the work on making their version usable when I can instead do it "right" from the start and enable it for more ages etc. :/
oh wow, yea i’m not familiar with their work at all but that’s the thing like...imo everyone should be able to choose whichever version works best for them. that makes the most sense to me. that version comes w the headband that i wasn’t interested in so...if people prefer that then go for it! its fine. thanks so much though, you’ve always helped and supported me and i truly appreciate you.
devotedghosts replied to your post “addressing the ...drama? lol on the last conversion. i dont care if...”
Lol ppl really tried to start it over that? The sims 2 community always has multiple conversions. Whew child.
tbh! and im most annoyed by the “and this is not the first time” as if they think i’m doing it on purpose to be mean to this simblr i wasn’t aware of before today? like come on, you can’t assume everyone’s able to track every release esp w/o lanacc (rip lol)
timeparadoxsims replied to your post “addressing the ...drama? lol on the last conversion. i dont care if...”
Several hair meshes have been converted multiple times before and this has never been a problem before, to my knowledge. Different people like different things and simmers can chose which version of a mesh better suits their needs. Like everyone else said, keep up the amazing work! Your conversions are lovely ❤
yea i’ve been in the ts2 community since 2006, even though i didn’t start creating until like 2016 and i was just ??? at original complaint on my post like multiple versions of things is normal and fine lol.
honestly i feel like it’s an issue with people who are coming from the ts4 community or smth because i noticed they’re really strict on only one person doing a recolor/rexture/etc and i legit don’t understand it.
thepixelry mentioned you on a post “addressing the ...drama? lol on the last conversion. i dont care if...”
There is nothing wrong with uploading multiple conversions of the same hairs. All conversions are done differently and the people who download them might have a personal preference. This has never been an issue before in this community and we shouldn't start making it one now. Keep up the amazing work @amidalasims.
yup i upload specifically for the people who enjoy things made the same way as me. just follow ur heart lmaooo having options is a good thing and the ts2 comm has always done it like this! legit it’s a non issue, i’ll be ignoring any further complaints tbh. thanks for your kind words!
infinitesimblr replied to your post “addressing the ...drama? lol on the last conversion. i dont care if...”
You always seem to do your best to make your conversions as perfect as possible, and it always makes me so happy to see a new download from you on my dash.
this is so sweet and genuine <3 tysm i love this
memento-sims reblogged your post and added:
in this house we stan quality conversions that...
oh my goddd thank you for the support, this is killing me i admire your creations/posts so much, anytime u reply to me/compliment me... im like about to die kjghkfhg
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