#its not me liking being like this and i WISH i didnt lose my mind every time i felt like i am losing control | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pageofheartdj · 7 months

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I get it, I get it. OCD was stereotyped into 'organize/clean freak' so much when there is so much more to it.

But claiming people with OCD cannot have it altogether isn't better!

#ocd #sometimes people WILL fit stereotypes #its not their fault their symptoms were stereotyped #i am not like all full freak like that #i have my own different weird standards that i need to fit #its not me liking being like this and i WISH i didnt lose my mind every time i felt like i am losing control #and wanting to break everything to start anew while its impossible #so i have to come up with quick rituals in mind in order to calm brain the fuck out #so i could continue functioning instead of sitting in the middle of a room paralyzed

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our-lady-of-mcr · 16 days

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#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with #my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months #i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens #but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it #i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice #and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much #and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even #when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says #and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge #and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you #still are quicker to assume im in the wrong #meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are #and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret #and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride #home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other #girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally #found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it #its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too #granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report #my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i #feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip #i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED #every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know)#keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time #i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her #self

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arolesbianism · 1 month

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Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost

#rat rambles #oni posting #like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion #like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one #while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward #well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives #which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs #idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more #its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig #also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas #like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more #it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself #enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world #like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now #I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good #it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more #as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls #as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good #theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much #especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie #because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much #as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think #show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions #shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others #I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction #metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established #rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth #oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes #idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth #just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they

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floorpancakes · 10 months

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i wish i was a cat so my flaws were still cute and adorable and i was worthy of recieving love attention and raising back to health and my brain was small enough that the discomfort and fear would give way to simple things like enjoying a little treat and looking good for photos and being loved and held and stuff

#i forgot what feeling 'normal' without pain felt like so long ago its hard to remember remembering #i guess i enjoy a little treat but i cant think of a time in almost five years ive ever felt free #i wish i could be loved in a mutually beneficial way that didnt hurt #i would make a really good cat i swear #i dont know #if i was a cat that was loved and gently healed back to health and treasured and only had to worry about churu id be ok #it sounds so cheesy wanting to be treasured cause i just dont associate that with me #even with my family my closest friends ill never be anyones special person #i shouldnt have thought about this on tumblr cause everyones just gonna immediately think about watanuki arent they #i would write a mean vent fic or two if i could being myself to be focused enough to write it #its difficult these days #dont reblog please not trying to be the fun police im just going through some really bad stuff right now #ill delete later #i need rest but it isnt coming to me and it wont really do me much good #when cats get sick and fat and their teeth mess up and their skin goes all sore and they lose their hair and they get wrinkly and in pain #everyone still finds them just like any other cat #all cats are beautiful and perfect #standards for humans are different and so is living in your own skin when it is hostile and unfamiliar and it hurts and warps your mind #its a cruel and unusual punishment and a cat would just walk it off #cats are worthy of love and i am neither worthy nor able to take it

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tgirljoker · 2 years

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#if you saw the post i made like this yesterday no you didnt #anyways #i still feel like im losing my mind a little bit #like i keep thinking for too long and it all goes downhill #every single time i swear to fuck #i hate being pitied its the worst fucking feeling in the world #i hate being known i hate being unknown i hate that i cant talk about any of this shit too #i kind of want to keep it hidden in some sort of stupid move of spite for the universe #i feel like im getting closer to hurting myself badly #i think i might be too far gone #i want to talk to anyone about anything im ever feeling but the idea of someone giving me pity is so appalling that i cant #this wouldve been the first day i havent been high at all for nearly a month but i seriously can not fucking take it #i wish i didnt have to think #i keep wanting to do something to distract myself from my thoughts and it keeps getting harder to ignore those urges #i know where the knives and pills and whatever the fuck else i would need in this house are #i think i might be doing myself a favor by comitting to it #not just in the moment but like. i dont know #i think maybe i should shut up and pretend like everything is alright again #i want to stop thinking #sigh #sorry im done

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS CELEBRATING VALENTINE'S DAY

"but admin, its early January!" yeah well if christmas stuff can start coming the second fall starts then i can celebrate valentines early/j also i saw valentines stuff already being set up at the store and its gotten me in the mood writing this at 2:30 am while playing a roblox tycoon, im fighting demons rn... so tonights writing may be a little.... off... as per usual, jeff toby and ben are written as platonic (and honestly, i think platonic friendships are just as deserving of being celebrated too!) typos and blugh-y-ness aside, i hope you all enjoy!

SLENDERMAN:

i think he might be a little behind on the tradition... so you might have to fill him in...! i think once he gets an understanding of the holiday he tries to do something for you! i think he would pick flowers from around the forest for you ! so be prepared for that! but if you have an allergy or arent really a flower person, then i think he might find you a collection of cool rocks... maybe he even carves something from wood for you! dont forget picnics, too! i think he would take this as a moment to remind you how much he loves you... its not often that he verbalizes how much he values you.... well verbalize in terms of speaking in your head... but...! 8/10 hes my wife your honor!

SPLENDORMAN:

unlike his brother he DOES know what the holiday is and just know hes going to get this huge picnic set up for you! he cant exactly go out and buy you anything (actually... most of these characters cant....) so i think he might make you something! a handmade gift! isnt that nice! might give you a flower crown as well... i think he would try his hand at making the food for the picnic, i think unlike slender he can handle digesting human food... okayish... be it because he built a tolerance or because hes built different... shrugs... gives you a bouquet of sun flowers and makes the day about YOU... he would appreciate a gift, but hes not going to give you flack for not getting him anything 8/10 i love him too i wish i wrote for him more

EYELESS JACK:

honestly given that he lives in a cabin in the woods with like. zero ties to the outside world, he kind of loses his sense of time... kind of just relies off of the weather changing through the year to gauge what month it is... and even then that can only be so accurate... no youre probably going to have to remind him or drop some hints... kind of panics at first... i think he would offer to do some services for you (not like that) such as doing some work around your place, or cooking for you... but that doesnt mean much when he already kind of does that... hmmm.... offers to take you out to watch the stars, you guys end up exchanging stories... maybe if you ask nicely, he might come out with you to the streets and stroll around with you after everyone else has gone to bed... i dont think he really does... big gestures... 7/10 i still love him too and tbh my ass wouldnt mind not getting a huge gesture or gift

LAUGHING JACK:

i think he would go all out when he sees the valentines day commercials airing on the tv. i can see him making an arts and crafts thing for you but i can also see him just outright going to a store and stealing something. what are they going to do? arrest a 7 foot clown that can disappear into a puff of smoke? yeah right... whaaaaat? no of course he didnt steal this really expensive piece of jewelry! i think he would expect something in return though so you better have gotten him something! i think he would be satisfied with some candy, and perhaps some extra affection? please? generally easy to please during this holiday since hes just happy to have you around and to himself 9/10 i love him your honor hes my other wife

MASKY/TIM:

masky does know about the holiday, for the most part, usually from media and commercials, though... im still a little eh on how i write masky and hoodie in general but shhhh. i dont think he would see it as much of a big deal, though... but he can kind of see it being a big deal to you, if it is of course. i think he would just bluntly try to ask you what you want. no beating around the bush with this one... doesnt expect anything in return nor does he want anything... but i dont think he would deny you if you wanted to spoil him... 6/10 i love me a straight forward king

as for tim i think he might try to put some more romance into his attempt and try to surprise you... might cook you dinner and decorate the place to look fancy, since i dont think he would like going out to some fancy restaurant... gives you flowers, too... doesnt ask for anything in return either but his eyes do light up a little when you get him something, bonus if its not your typical valentines gift and its something thats more relevant and practical in the long run 6.5/10

HOODIE/BRIAN:

i think i can see hoodie being a little more playful in this scenario, but not by much... hes not at emotionally distant as masky is, but hes still not easy to read. i think he would make you something... maybe its because i see brian being into art and its bleeding into how i interpret hoodie, but i think he would paint you something... or maybe he tries to set up a little movie date for you two! makes a pillow fort to surprise you, too.. very nice, very calm night.. you guys stay up all night together. he refuses to fall asleep before you... 7/10

between the two if im going to go with the artist hc brian is the better artist and is generally more confident in his ability to make something that looks pleasing to the sight orbs. be it a portrait or something based around one of your interests, hes going to be working for weeks in advance trying to perfect it... i think he might also try to take you out for dinner, too. i can see brian being a bit of a romantic sap, probably plays your guys's songs while you're driving around town together 9/10 i would actually cry personally

TICCI TOBY:

between being on the run for krilling his dad and for burning his neighborhood down + working for slenderman toby isnt around often... but he does try to still make time for you, especially when theres holidays going on! hell, he still tries to come over when its saint pattys day. he doesnt care if he doesnt have green, hes still going to go check in on you. so hands down hes going to be there for you... though i dont think he would be able to offer you anything... so you two hanging out will have to suffice. while its not traditional to give your friends anything for valentines (which i think is bs, i like giving my friends candy and homemade goods) he might... just try to go shoplift some chocolate... please talk him out of it... 6/10 its a cool hang out, you guys probably watch movies and catch up!

JEFF THE KILLER:

"ew feelings and caring about others" kind of sums up jeffs views on valentines, and as immature as it sounds, its his true thoughts. so dont expect anything from him, i mean if you ask to hang out he might swing by your place. and by swing by i mean hes going to pick the lock to your window and let himself in through your bathroom... which scares the hell out of you considering youve given him a key to your house... similar to toby the day is spent like any other, which is fine.. not terrible, honestly. you guys probably just fuck around and do what you guys normally do, 6/10

BEN DROWNED:

"ew feelings and caring about others" for ben as well but thats because hes literally a ghost kid so it makes sense for him to have that mindset, so dont expect him to mention the day to you. i think if anything he might send you a png of those dumb valentines cards or memes but stress that hes only doing it because he thinks it might make you happy... which is sweet and sad because how often does ben get to interact and befriend people? communicate with them? otherwise you guys just do your own thing, 5/10

PUPPETEER:

oh hes going to be dramatic about it. you better get him something, reader! unlike laughing jack hes not easy to please! you better not pick him up some basic card from the store, you better make it unique to him! he doesnt eat so you dont need to burn a hole in your wallet to get him some expensive chocolates or plushies.. but what does he do for you? i think he would... do something similar in return, actually. maybe its the puppet theming but i can see him putting on a little show for you, or maybe even hand making you your own toy/plushie, totally catered to you and your interests! just know hes going to want your undivided attention for the entire day, and in return youre going to have his attention as well 7.5/10

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miquella-everywhere · 1 month

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i think miquellas curse is more then just eternal childhood. i find it very interesting that it seems none of his plans ever came to fruition, the hailigtree never became an erdtree, the eclipse didnt happen, his knights sword was never given to a knight, he was torn from the trees womb, malenia failed to defeat radahn in caelid. i think his curse then is a wider reaching thing that causes both him and all his work to stay in an infant state. in the same way malenias rot causes things to decay around her miquelas eternal childhood effects everything he does too.

🤔🤔🤔

I have to say that I think you are right anon.

I have my own theories but personally, I see that Miquella has been fighting and uphill battle since the very moment that he was born. Not quite on the same physical sense as Malenia, but more in regards to how he is being purposefully stunted from achieving his true potential.

What makes Miquella so interesting to me is just straight up the existence of Unalloyed Gold; a metal so pure that it can purge the meddling of an Outer God. And as we can see, by looking deeper into what's truly going on, is that several Outer Gods are all vying for power in the Land Between. And amazingly the only one that has the power to truly put a stop to their meddling; is Miquella.

Miquella has faced resistance all his life from the looming presence of the Outer Gods. Be it the Rot that has a strangle hold on his beloved twin sister, the Greater Will which dominates the Land and terrorizes those it deems lesser in the eyes of its Order, the Frenzied Flame which slandered the Grand Caravan and wishes to burn the world to ash, or the Formless Mother and her Avatar Mohg, who has left Miquella's body as nothing more than a withered cadaver.

Miquella has been fighting an uphill battle against the Outer Gods since day one, and he is without a doubt the biggest threat to every single one of them. And that is precisely why they fear him, and wish to make him weak.

But at the same time: Miquella has vowed to become exactly what it is that the Outer Gods fear of him.

And all he needs is a Tarnished that is too stubborn to die to make his plans come to fruition.

Edit:

Okay so in terms of Malenia, she too was stunted from birth.

Like, if Miquellas whole deal is is his intelligence/faith, then Mals whole deal is her dexterity/strength. Malenia was purposely stunted with the fact that the Rot hinders her physical growth and strength, along with the fact that she is constantly losing her body/limbs to the Rot, and that she is in an eternal mental battle to make sure that the Rot does not claim her mind/very being.

Miquella and Malenia are two halves of one whole, and both of the Empyrean Twins are hindered from achieving their full potential thanks to the bullshit of the Outer Gods.

But regardless of the Outer Gods meddling, Miquella and Malenia have managed to rely on each other to enhance their strengths, and cover their weaknesses, so that they can make their ambitions come true.

#sorry i started rambling lol #i have so many feeling about miq and his beef with the outer gods #like DAMN #if rannís whole deal is giving the middle finger to the Greater Will #then miqs whole deal is giving a double bird to every outer god there is and vowing to become exactly what they fear from him #mark my words the dlc will be explore this crazy beef #míquella despises the outer gods and wants to rid the world of them #uri answers #miquella the unalloyed #elden ring #elden ring theory

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onebigbroccoli · 10 months

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More cringy shit I did in my first relationship but every-time they team up - Miles, Gwen, Hobie, Pavitr - Miles cant quite seem to sit still, hes constantly fidgeting and making some sort of sound, more often than not singing aloud while in ear shot of Hobie. This goes on for some time and his volume and confidence begin to go up but he never notices it, he thinks this sudden burst elation and bubbly feelings is just that random.

However Gwen notices this and asks Hobie if he’s noticed and he’s no dunce, of course he’s noticed and finds it incredibly adorable but hasn’t said anything in fears that it might stop. Gwen then poses the question that maybe its because of him, this surprisingly makes Hobie warm and prickly inside his gut, he feels his cheeks aflame with blush.

That night he writes Miles a letter that asks whats with the wonderful singing he’s been hearing lately, asking if he’d consider making him a sample for a song - then Hobie slowly begins to write another question - “Are you singing because of me?” Hesitating to lift the pen off the paper, a brief feeling of hesitation flooded his mind and he thought to scratch it out but couldn’t even bring himself to do it then with his heart a flutter wrote “Do you like me or something, mate?” The weight of a concrete slab rolled off his shoulders and he let out a sigh of relief.

He later handed Miles the note in-between patrols in each others universes.

Miles reading it was spiraled in a panic, unaware his entire demeanor would change each time he was around Hobie, sure he was ecstatic to be around his friends but there was something inside him pining for Hobie’s approval but he couldn’t place why. Now with his stomach a stir of butterflies and lingering doubts of just infatuation or genuine love - the answer obviously being the latter. He began to write Hobie a response but each time he’d get a few words in he’d become flustered and gitty with anticipation. So much so he never finished the letter and accidentally kept losing it over the course of the next couple weeks and was forced to restart it each time.

Edit: also feel free to use this in your fanfic or whatever couple you wish - just becoz it didnt work for me doesnt mean it cant work for someone else! Peace n Love baby!

#punkflower #miles morales #hobie brown #this did happen to me but i obviously took some liberties #its a moment that I think about from time to time

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roe-and-memory · 1 month

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the off season can get boring.

lightning hates being bored.

it’s sort of like his own personal hell, and on those chilly winter days when theres not a flake of snow but you can feel it in the air, he wishes he was still able to run late model races like he did before the piston cup. back then, he could still find a track running races in a little bit of chilly weather and he could get out and do some laps, but the piston cup doesnt work like that - they dont run in the winter, FOUR MONTHS of sitting around doing nothing until the fireball 500, and it drives him mad.

he Needs to be moving, and running around isnt what hes talking about. he needs to be in the dirt, driving at 200 mph like his life depends on it, winning something, competing in something…

doc is quick to pick up on this restlessness. you cant just live in the same house as a teenager and not feel the tension in the air when he gets told he needs to take a break. and, because lightning is his kid and he knows him better than anyone, he knows EXACTLY what lightning is longing for.

its cold, the sun is barely above the mountains of cadillac range, and lightning is sitting on the front porch in his rusteze racing jacket playing with that stupid gas station lighter that never seems to run out of fluid. doc steps out onto the porch, car keys in one hand, crutch around his opposite forearm. hes a man with a plan to get this restless kid some racing time.

kingman raceway isnt too far, maybe two hours, and doc is well aware of the schedule that lizzie plasters on her window every winter when the spokesman for the track pops into town to drop off flyers. today is a sprint race, and if hes not gonna sign lightning up to do SOMETHING then he’d be the worst father in the world.

he doesnt have a sprint car, but doc happens to know a guy, and everything is already set up. he gets lightning in the car and theyre on their way to kingman - the 19 year old in his ear the whole way asking him “where are we going?” “please tell me its not an interview, i’ll lose my mind, doc.”

“just wait.” is all he can say.

lightning raced stock and late models, not sprint, and doc can feel the slight disappointment when they pull into the track and the peculiar looking sprint cars are sitting on trailers or parked outside the garage door of the shop.

they get out and stretch before doc leads him to the ticket booth, where they’re greeted by a kind older woman, who seemingly recognizes him and ushers the two to the garage.

lightning is confused. what is even happening right now? doc is striking up conversation with some random guy and lightning is left wandering, looking around, watching the mechanics and tense drivers work away on their cars..

then, a waiver and a pen are shoved into his hands, and doc stands there with a sly grin. “you wanted to race, didnt you?”

“well, yeah. i dont know how to drive a sprint car though.”

“trust me, kiddo, you’ll get it”

#cars 2006 #cars fandom #lightning mcqueen #pixar cars #cars headcanons #memory’s headcanons #doc hudson #i dont know what this is #was thinking about writing a fic about this??? perhaps..???#i dont know why i wrote this in fic format though #ermmm ignore that

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sholangagaga · 10 months

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So I finished Ruin and. . . Hoh boy.

Per usual, everything will be below the cut (THERE WILL BE SPOILERS)

The dlc was short but it was super immersive! I was at the point where I was easily losing track of time because I was so lost in the scenery but, we're gonna go in order here of everything that happened!

First, the walkie talkies!! They're so cute, and I love how each one is related to an animatronic (or at least two of them with the Roxy Walky and the Freddy Walky)

Next, the Faz-wrench was such a neat little addition to the mechanics. It gave Cassie her own thing compared to Gregory and it tied into her background of her father being a technician. Plus, the mini game associated with it was super soothing to me for some reason!

The VANNI system and mask was also a SUPER neat touch. It felt like playing Help Wanted with the AR and electronic aspect. I loved how you had little tasks to complete to "breach the security" of each little area which ended in the Parent Node having its own little puzzle to solve in order to full breach it. Not to mention the goddamn Entity who stalked you in the AR world

A little sus that the mask was tied to Vanny, which makes me wonder if the game in Help Wanted was VR but instead of like an occulus or whatever, the item you needed to use was the VANNI mask. It would make sense considering the mask was one of the items you got in Help Wanted and it was the game that "made" Vanny herself

I wish the mask was explained more but I still understood why they didnt focus too hard on it. Maybe in the next DLC/game we'll get an explanation

The Daycare scene was just as jarring as the original game! I both hated and loved it! I did find it super interesting how this time instead of trying to turn on the generators to stop Moon, you needed to turn them on to save Sun.

When Cassie used the Faz-wrench to "create" Eclipse I was pretty flabbergasted! there was a setting, apparently, at all times to combine Sun and Moon to create what looked to be the perfect Daycare Attendant. Which confused me as to why Fazbear Entertainment would risk ever letting Moon out if they could have just gotten rid of him completely?

And it was apparent that Sun and Moon were both suffering, but Sun was more so since he seems to be the dominant personality. The way he begs for help and even thanks Cassie as she leaves is tell-tale that he was having a horrible time being alone and trapped within his own mind.

Oh well, Eclipse is my baby and Kellen's soft voice for him was wonderful!

The part with the walking Endos was awful! Just like in the original game! I'm not even gonna bother posting screenshots of them! I hated them!

The nod to the Freddy and Friends TV show was super cute, I loved it!

Monty's backstory in the Monty Golf was an eye opener as well. You see Monty's roots in the first scene as a One Man Band, playing in his swamp/bayou to whomever will listen.

In the second scene you can see his admiration towards the original band of Freddy, Chica, Roxy, and Bonnie. Notably, Monty and Bonnie seem to be looking at each other, which makes me feel like Monty was more so admiring Bonnie rather than the entire band or even Freddy. Freddy is also completely darkened/outside of the light. Which matches what we know about Monty and his inferiority complex towards Freddy and his fame as the face of FazEnt and the Pizzaplex.

In the next scene, you see Bonnie (partially cut off) giving his guitar to Monty, a passing of the torch. The final scene is Roxy "glamming" Monty up for his spot on the band

Now, this all sorta flips what we know about Monty and Bonnie's relationship on its head. In the prior game it's hinted that Monty might have shattered Bonnie in order to take his spot because he was jealous of him or hated him or whatever but. . .If that were the case, why would Monty use Bonnie's bass and wear his glasses? If he hated the guy so much, why use his items and therefor constantly be reminded of him? And why would his attraction in Monty Golf revolve around his admiration for Bonnie if the feelings he had for him were the complete opposite?

I think Monty and Bonnie were fine with each other, or at least friendly in a mentor/student way, and Bonnie being shattered was either something William/Glitchtrap/Burntrap and Vannie facilitated or could have been something where Bonnie fell from the catwalk above Monty Golf and got shattered that way.

Monty seems to hate Freddy more than anything or anyone else, judging by the decapitated Freddy statues in Monty Golf and his cutout being blacked out. and it would fit with that one ending where Freddy ran away and Monty took his place. Idk man, my brain was SWIRLING over this

Plus that whole scene/puzzle in Monty Golf catwalk was both annoying and fun with the blasters. Hate/loved it!

The addition of the jammers was a neat little touch too. It made the game more difficult while also giving you a reason to actually perceive the Entity as a threat (since sometimes the jammers locked you in the AR mode, which is the only way the Entity can catch you)

C....chowda....

Is it Chicken chowder? Seafood? it's even served in a bread bowl and I....I love breadbowls....so much.....

Poor Roxy, man.... She can't see anymore, but she still sits in front of the broken mirror in her Salon and berates herself.....

They're echoing each other.....

This is pretty heartbreaking.

Here's Cassie, presumably on a birthday or some outting to the Pizzaplex, spending time with her favorite animatronic and getting dolled up to look like her, only to end up sobbing all alone and ruining her makeup. And then here's Gregory to comfort her, implying this might've been when they first became friends.

And it explains why Cassie cares so much about him. Gregory helped her when she needed it, and now she's here to do the same

Every single part with Monty in the water was anxiety inducing and I hated it!

Oh. . .what cruel irony. . .

The one to decommission Monty was a neon sign of Bonnie, who was (presumably) either shattered by Monty or because of Monty, and was Monty's biggest inspiration and the object of his adoration. . .

Owch. . .

I was not expecting this fucking go-kart to kill if it hit you so imagine my surprise when I see this cutscene and my brain hasn't registered my flight response so I end up getting knocked out of my fucking sketchers by some kart going 30 on a small stretch of asphalt.

1/2

#this post ended up being way too long so Im gonna reblog with part 2 once i finish it #stay tuned cause im only like halfway done!#fnaf security breach #security breach #fnaf #shoucan says #five nights at freddy's #shooting the shit with shoucan #ruin dlc #fnaf ruin #security breach ruin #fnaf ruin dlc

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danvillecheese · 1 year

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why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

#phineas and ferb #phinbella #act your age #ask #this was fun you guys should ask me more stuff like this #dwampyverse analysis

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pinyeti · 11 days

Text

overwhelming day today here's the debrief

I have two humongous final projects both worth half my grade due on Wednesday and im losing my mind AND I HAVE A PAPER DUE TOMORROW MORNING AT 8AM AND I HAV.E AMIDTERM TOMORROW AT 3.30Pn, my groups suck for both projects and THEY JUST

MY GOD

I DONT MIND DOING ALL THW WORK EXCEPT IM GENUINELY SO FUCKIN TIRED OF DOING ALL THE FUCKIN WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SICK OF IT AND IM SO FUCKIN SICK OF IT IM SO FUCIN TIRED OF DOING THIS ALL THE FUCKIN TIME

and I just

I have this friend who im kinda close too but she's curt with me sometimes and we are kinda rude to each other as a joke but she just

she's rude to me sometimes on purpose and I dont know why and I just feel like she hates me and won't tell me why and I JUST I do love her and it bothers me ig and Ive had alot of issues with this friend and every time I try to solve anything

yeah

and I am having a huge body image attack which isn't that deep but whatever and my brother wlel

he's got every mental illness on the planet and makes my life a living hell I get being mentally ill makes life difficult for you but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO SEE THEM AS MORE THAN EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR RATHER THAN A FUCKIN EXCUSE?? IM NOT EXCUSING YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT ME T

pk

okay and then

today was another friends birthday and she was so

we made a whole birthday surprise thing for her and I went to alot of effort to do it and she just I invited her boyfriend and one of her other friend and she sprent the whole time talking to them and making it awkward for everyone else and I

she was like send pictures? and it just bothered me cuz she went out of her way to make it look like she hated them and if thats so then ill just not invite her to things??? cuz wth I do like my friends and this is really fuckin inconsiderate and we had karaoke but there was an issue with the mic and she was just

being really weird about ti and I felt kinda disrespected and she really doesnt fuckin care

and im so sick of this and

its like she just tolerates them for pictures and it was weird and idk

maybe I dont like her as much as I thought and maybe im the problem cuz I really tried to make it special for her and she just

she was just not having it and I tried so hard and I wish I didnt cuz I felt so stupid for caring about mics cuz when she left the rest of us were singing nd it wasn't awkward and clean up was fun even

and the thing with happened with the friend that was curt with me earlier she just we found out a guy we knew was spreading rumors about her sexuality ( his friend group did this to me first) so I asked her about it and she said yea that guy confessed to her and she told him she didnt like him like that but also that her and my other friend fought cuz this guy was being weird and I was BUSY BABYSITITNG MY FUCKIN GROUP AT THE TIME AND WE COULDNT PROPERLY TALK ABOUT IT so I called her when I got home and she got so weird and defensive about it like I was crazy and I just

I hate when she does this and I hate that I care about her more than she cares about me

in fact I know this is toxic as fuck and caring isnt measured on scales

bUT I HAVE THIS PROBLEM

I DO

I CARE TOO FUCKIN MUCH AND I WISH I COULD STOP AND I WISH I COULD EAT MY BRAIN UP CUZ IM SO SICK OF CARING OHMYGOD I WISH I COULD JSUT END MY FUC

OH AND

IM DOING 2 MURALS RIGHT

BUT MY IPAD CRASH LEFT ONE OHUGE FUCKIN MURAL GONE FOREVER

AND I DONT HAVE THE 720CM VERSION OF IT AND I HAVENT TOLD THEM YET AND

AND I HATE MY ART AND

I am president of a club and WE GOT OUR FUCKIN BUDGET REJECTED SO IM OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR NO REASON AND IM SO SICK

I need a break

#rant

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mrpsychokiller · 4 months

Text

the more ive been thinking about grief lately the more i think one of the things that haunts me the most is the fear of forgetting the thing im grieving.

in the bizarriest way possible whats sparkling this in me is my favorite monster energy flavor recently being discontinued, and i feel a certain horror at the idea that there was a day where i drank my last can of monster, and now im scared im going to forget how it tasted. like i didnt pay attention enough to the flavor while i drank it, unaware it was going to be gone forever, and so all i have now is the faint memory of what it tasted like.

they discontinued that flavor to replace it for a new, similar, cheaper to make flavor. i tried the new one and it tasted kinda the same, but not as good as the old one. im not sure if i really think that or if i just believe so because i remember liking the old one, even if it wasnt really that different. im scared of the idea that if i keep drinking the new one im eventually going to forget what the difference was at all.

my great grandma died about over a year ago. it had been months since i last talked to her. i wish i could have talked to her one last time if i knew i wasnt going to ever again. im scared of not remembering what her voice sounded like. i dont have any videos of her.

a couple years ago my childhood cat died. my mom adopted her when she was a kitten and i was a toddler, and we proceeded to grow up together for the next 16 or so years. because i was so attached to her i still have this idea she was the best cat ive ever had, and i cant help but compare the love i had for her as greater than the love i have for any of the three cats i currently own. im not sure if i really think that or if i just believe so because i remember loving her, even if do love my current cats.

its a mess of being afraid of the idea of forgetting them, afraid of the idea that the more time passes the less of them i remember, of the idea that the more time passes the more my own leftover memories of them get warped, being chewed and reconstructed in my mind over and over until i dont remember them, but remember my own memories of them. i dont love them, i remember my own memories of loving them. like forgetting them is losing them a second time. its losing them forever.

#🧃

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beepbananabus · 1 month

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Alr you gotta say the first thoughts in your head about Vanoss and Delirious GO!

it drives me insane how they are each other's exceptions (or at least, jon is to evan)

for example, evan has built up this asshole repertoire where he bullies everyone ceaselessly EXCEPT for jon. he will apologize to him (GTA when he destroyed the bear memorial (and in that same video, he killed moo by accident but didn't apologize), small GMod mistakes like misplacing props, skits gone wrong, and several other instances). he will try and amend his mistakes with him. evan will straight up ditch a whole bit just so that he can let jon join in (minecraft; the nether star fiasco (even brian who started the bit was like WTF evan)), jon will run away from the others and let only evan tag along with him (also in minecraft. they even state outright how pissed the others will be LMAO.) and share items with him for no reason (minecraft. again. chick-fil-a scene (focus on evan's inventory)), and evan will just laugh the hardest and the softest (genuinely for no reason other than jon's laugh. the joke was already over by that point) around him?? and there IS a noticeable difference. btw. im not losing my mind over this.

evan's mood will do a complete fucking 180 when it comes to jon (a little bit of a longer clip because it needs to be established what their mood was PRIOR to this and how SHARPLY it changes once jon is in the picture), even for stuff that he should JUSTIFIABLY be upset about**

(i was also so tempted to also mention all of their friend's feelings ABOUT them but this is about THEM. however, i wouldn't mind spilling about that either)

** this is a way longer tangent so ill put it under a cut (SPOILERS FOR ONE OF EVAN'S AMONG US VIDEOS INCLUDED)

video here, (starts at the timestamp, also time stamping this one bc this segment is longer than what youtube clips allows for.)

for context, jon and evan are playing among us with other people. evan is an imposter and fools around with jon (this is not an exaggeration) before locking him into storage. his imposter crewmate sneaks in, kills jon and runs off, but in the meeting that follows afterwards, jon accidentally exposes evan by not muting his mic, getting evan killed.

INSTEAD of being angry at him (yes. this is a video game but they've been pissed over lesser things), or even a SMIDGE of being upset, evan instead goes over and COMFORTS him.

LIKE. i can VERIFY to you that that has accidentally happened before and all other times, people in this game have been LIVID. they've been PISSED. these are gamer bros that are easy to launch into a cursing fit. yet he doesnt.

(yes, evan does have a rep for not exploding into anger but he shows himself being upset in other ways. none of those are present in that video.)

Notes:

6.06 - 8:40 is one of those scenes that makes me?? lose it?? /affectionately

because its a MIX of things.

evan is playing with jon here. and im not talking about like. playing as in playing the game. he's doing a bit with jon and jon only and it reminds me of like, stereotypical girls when they get a guy to chase them while giggling, like they're PLAYING TAG right now. just the two of them.

evan didnt even kill jon. evan probably WASNT PLANNING TO. he was just messing around with jon probably and was going to leave him alone after this, like i kinda wish jon didn't die to see what evan WOULD've done

just??? their fucking BANTER in general, then their soft comfort at the end?? like that is INCREDIBLY out of their gamer persona, like i cannot state this enough. they have their moments together and GODDDD YEAH.

when they're dead, prox chat is off. they didn't NEED to be that close to each other to talk and yet they are (also. grizzy is nowhere near them and yet hes engaging in the convo, meaning that presence is not mandatory)

#bob speaks #i have another reason that has to do with exceptions involving each other but that goes into a much lengthier topic #(that involves exploitation of friends which everyone might not be ready to accept)#(and the line between co-workers and friends)#i have an entire. like. library of these two fucks.

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sleepysandy · 7 months

Text

some thoughts on acftl

just finished an hour ago and i need to vent (spoiler heavy and pretty long)

stuff i liked

apollo pov

unpopular opinion but i do like the idea of an apollo pov. i think it makes sense since there are some plot points that can only be revealed through apollo. however i think the execution could be better.

at first i liked hearing about his messed up thought process and daddy issues but at some point it became repetitive. it all became about keeping evangeline captive and killing jacks which made it obvious he was just obsessed, not loved, with evangeline. i can't decide if i like it bcs it was a sorta parallel to jack and donatella but also made the reveal at the end kinda obvious.

i also expected some sibling angst?? like the brother plot was just brushed off when they were pretty close until they had a falling out then when the brother came back he poisoned him?? i cant remember but the brother tortured him too i think?? the whole anti valor arc group was never brought up again too like...

2. evajacks

they didnt have a lot of scenes together but those scenes were *chefs kiss* i also liked their development. evangeline is jaded from everything going on, she did learn to not be so trusting and really think for herself what she wants. i liked how she didnt lose a lot of her hope and optimism too.

i disagree with reviews saying that jacks wasnt good in this book since he was so different. i think that was a testament on how eva's death really affected him. i actually wasnt convinced that jacks had feelings for eva until she died in tbona so seeing how jacks so despondent and serious in acftl cemented his feelings in my mind. i feel like people would buy jacks' characterization if there were flashbacks to his past and more povs.

stuff i didnt like, its mainly about how many plot points from the previous books werent mentioned at all

i wish they used the previous characters more

kristof knightlinger was kinda hyped in the beginning, like where did he go?? i wished he and eva had at least one together that would plant doubt in eva that apollo was this perfect prince. (i kinda had a problem with the whole memories thing in general, more on that later)

i also thought that the old librarian would be important lol

i wished luc was in the book too :((( eva lost a quite a bit of her pre-north memories so luc wouldve been perfect to bring those memories back since eva did say that luc had been there for her when her dad died. also he couldve mentioned something about marisol since he wouldve been the only one in valorfell in tbona i think.

i wish lala's feelings for dane were explained more. like does she have commitment issues, does she not feel real love anymore since shes a fate, is there something going on with chaos/castor??? i wanna see more of her relationships with the other valors too but i do acknowledge that including all that is too much for a side character

chaos/castor and jacks angst!!!!! the eva and castor interactions were good but like jacks said he became a fate for castor (which is a good insight into jacks character) but i wanted to see how they interacted after castor killed eva. like your have a friend who you kinda cursed to be an immortal so you then become immortal then your friend then kills the love of your life like..... i need to see how that went down. but also your friend's crazy sister is obsessed with you??? to the point that she also curses you??? like give me friendship angst!!!!!! (speaking of, why did lala agree to be a fate too...) (also what happened to the real chaos fate??)

3. jacks past

to jump off the last point, like where were the flashbacks???? i think jacks being serious this book would make a lot more sense for more people if scenes of his friends dying in like one day and the first fox dying from the curse were shown in the book. show how much jacks blames himself with the deaths of his loved ones, thats why he was so desperate to keep eva alive.

4. jacks pov

kinda related but i feel like jacks pov was underutilized. his povs were super short and didnt reveal much about what he was doing away from eva. in contrast to apollos pov where it was shown how he was manipulating eva and the public about jacks but also his relationship wtih the valor family. wished we couldve seen how he uses the scar to know where eva is and he follows her around.

i woudve loved to see more pining from his end too

also i dont think it was ever explained how they have the telepathic link???? and why eva was immune to his powers??? was it love at first sight? it was mentioned how he watched her from the start but was it love??

5. evas family

what was evas dad's secret shop??? like are not supposed to find out?? the clothes shop was even featured in caraval but not here?? also did the mom know about the prophecy?? were the fox and key motifs on her clothes supposed to be a coincidence or bcs of how much she liked the story as a kid?? that would explain the foxes but not the keys...

i kinda wish that eva discovered something about her mom's life in the north. give her more connection to her family and maybe reveal more of her prophecy

6. memory stuff

getting majority of the memories all at once was meh for me. i wish that each side character revealed/triggered memories for eva. like luc could trigger memories about her life in valenda, kristoff for coming to north and becoming apollo's fiance then wife, lala for her curses and apollo hunting her, chaos for the stones and arc stuff so that evas letter to herself revealing her and jacks relationship could be a final piece of the puzzle.

i do like the fact that jacks kept the letter for himself and eva reading the letter didnt make her distrust jacks but bring her memories back.

7. breaking the curse

so did evas love break the curse?? i kinda thought it was leaning towards jacks love that could break the curse since it was mentioned in tbona that jacks doesnt know if he actually loved the fox but there was no big declaration of love from him.... im just confused, happy but confused

i did like the fact that the curse was 'wrong' that it was never about jacks true love but someone who could never love him. altho i have no idea how eva broke that curse and if that means donatella survived that bcs she would never love jacks

so when jacks admitted that he loved eva, did he turn human?? was that why the curse broke???

also the bells werent as important i guess?? i totally thought the bell stuff was gonna come back....

also what was all that about how eva was like the first fox??? i thought while reading that aurora misinterpreted the vision "he'll fall in live with a Fox" that jacks will fall in love a fox girl but in reality a capital f Fox but castor said in tbona that she was similar to the first fox and eva said that the little fox nickname was familiar.....

anyway thats it for now, after i reread my notes from the three books i might add to this. overall, i think the book was ok, but definitely not enough to be an finale especially for a 5 book arc for jacks. i think the book shouldve been a whole lot longer but i kinda feel like garber wanted the length to be similar to the previous books so the end felt pretty rushed. i kinda feel bad that i had more dislikes than likes when i rlly loved the first 2 books so this was so..... i think there were a lot of good ideas but the execution was not it i guess

VERY MUCH DISAPPOINTED THAT JACKS DID NOT SHOOT A SINGLE ARROW

i do get that this is a romance focused trilogy, not a fantasy so you could argue that plot points and lore shouldnt be looked into as much but the relationship and character development of evajacks could be better too... imo it's mostly jacks character that was lacking

also this did feel like a build up for an apollo book but garber said she wont write for this universe for a while so ??? kinda disappointed if there will be an apollo book bcs the amount of apollo chapters screwed jacks over but in the caraval series, the ending focused on the actual main characters at least and not so much on jacks.

#acftl #acftl spoilers

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moonshinemagpie · 11 months

Text

thoughts on beautiful sick bodies

i have some kind of joint disease that is yet to be diagnosed. im in and out of the rheumatology department of my hospital all the time now, and sometimes i get scared, or angry, or resentful, because i dont like that im 25 and might end up disabled or in a wheelchair or whatever

and i know that happens to a lot of folks, but im scared of losing my strength, and my youth, and my grace, and my dignity, and my independence, and my and my and—

but today my rheumatologist’s waiting room was completely packed, and about 90% of the patients were women, probably reflecting how these autoimmune diseases tend to dwell in our bodies more frequently. and there were all these women using a wider variety of canes and walkers and wheelchairs than i ever realized existed.

i saw one woman walking with a cane that wrapped around her forearm, so she was able to control it with her arm instead of having to press down on her wrist. and my whole body is so tired and sore, my wrists especially, and the moment i saw her cane i wanted one for myself. and then suddenly my whole perspective shifted in a way im not sure i can articulate:

she was cool. she had this dope cane and she could get around without exacerbating her pain. she outsmarted a disease. she was a fiery, beautiful genius.

and then all at once all the ladies in the waiting room seemed so cool, so unutterably beautiful.

i had crushes on all of them. the two friends maybe in their 60s who were yakking at each other, their canes occasionally clinking together as they shifted their heads together in talk i couldn’t keep up with. the woman who was sleeping across three chairs like she didnt give a fuck, took up the space her body needed her to take up, because chronic fatigue is a dick.

i heard a cane clinking down the hallway quite quickly and rhythmically. i closed my eyes and vividly imagined it belonged to someone tall, handsome, dangerous—kaz brekker came to mind, all strong and resilient and sexily masculine, because the cane clinked with such speed that it announced a certain confidence in its user.

and then the cane user turned the corner, and i saw it was a little old woman in her 80s. she was completely stooped over, her spine entirely curved, just as mine very well could be some day. and she was all the grace and beauty and cool ive ever wanted to be. kaz brekker wishes he were she. she moved so beautifully, and all at once i wasnt afraid of reaching her level of disability, not if i could move through the world like her.

I know this is really dramatic. A few weeks ago I had no idea my body was this sick. A few weeks ago I had no idea what knee pain might feel like, which seems like a joke now. But since learning that I’m sick in this way i’ve discovered how much ableism i’ve internalized. somehow being surrounded by disabled women today healed this nasty little voice that’s been eating at me psychologically while the disease gnawed at my bones.

like, hot damn. people are fucking beautiful.

#disability #disease #chronic disease #arthritis #i wrote this in 2021 and just stumbled on it again!#i still agree with this #wild to think i was scared of becoming disabled #wow i had no idea what i was in for

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