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#its my special interest and so important to me it brings me sm comfort and joy
fangs-animereview · 1 year
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i am just so ecstatic about the quality of this season. the pacing is well done. everything was taken as seriosuly as i hoped. save for a few grievances with bakugous lines ,they haven't butchered anything serious. shigarakis backstory is going to be so great. im so happy.
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papergirllife · 3 years
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First Love
Lucas Wong / Yukhei
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"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"
Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)
A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!
Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.
But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.
Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.
You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.
You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.
It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.
It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.
The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.
At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.
So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.
That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.
Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.
At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.
Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.
You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.
You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.
You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.
The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.
When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.
“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.
“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.
“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.
Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.
When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.
‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.
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At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.
A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.
“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.
“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.
“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.
“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.
“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.
“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.
“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.
“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.
“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.
“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.
Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.
So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.
“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.
“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.
“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.
“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.
He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.
When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.
“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.
You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.
You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.
“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.
Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.
“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.
“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.
Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.
Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.
Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.
The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.
“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.
“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.
“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.
“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.
“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.
“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.
Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.
So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.
“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.
Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.
The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.
When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.
Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.
Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.
Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.
So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.
Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.
Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.
You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.
Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.
Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.
“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.
“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?
So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.
Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.
Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.
“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.
Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.
“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.
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When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.
Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.
‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’
You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.
You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.
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Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.
That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.
He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.
Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.
His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.
The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.
It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.
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It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.
“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.
“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.
“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.
“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.
You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?
“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.
“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.
“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.
“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.
“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.
“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.
“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.
“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.
Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.
He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?
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Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.
It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.
Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.
Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.
Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.
He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.
When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.
He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.
The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.
“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.
“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?
“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter
“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.
“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.
“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.
You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.
Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.
“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.
Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.
“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.
“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.
“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.
You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.
He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.
When it was around three, you received a call.
“Hello?”
“...”
“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.
“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.
“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.
“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.
You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.
“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.
“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.
“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.
You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.
About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.
“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.
“What?!”
“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.
Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.
You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.
Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.
“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.
“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.
You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.
All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.
The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.
When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.
“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.
Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.
“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.
“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.
“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.
“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.
You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.
You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.
“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.
“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.
“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.
“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.
“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.
“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.
“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.
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When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.
Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.
Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.
“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.
“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.
“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.
“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.
“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.
“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.
Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?
“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?
“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.
“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.
“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.
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“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.
“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.
“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.
“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.
“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.
“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.
“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.
And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.
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“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.
Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.
“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.
“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.
“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.
“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.
“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.
“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?
“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.
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When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.
You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.
“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.
“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.
“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.
When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.
“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.
“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.
“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.
“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.
What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.
“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.
“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.
“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?
“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.
“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.
“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.
“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.
“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.
“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.
“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.
“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?
Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.
You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.
“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.
“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.
“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.
“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.
“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.
“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.
“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.
Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.
“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.
“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.
“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.
“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.
“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.
“Sounds delicious.”
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You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.
“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.
“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.
“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.
“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.
“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.
“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.
“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.
“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.
“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”
“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.
“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.
“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.
“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.
“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.
“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.
“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.
“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.
“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.
“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.
“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.
“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.
“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.
“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.
“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.
The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.
“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.
But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.
“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.
When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.
Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.
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It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.
His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.
You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.
Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.
Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.
“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.
“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.
“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.
“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.
“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.
“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.
“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.
“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.
“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.
“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.
“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.
“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.
Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.
“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.
“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.
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The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.
When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.
She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.
She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.
Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.
Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.
“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.
“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.
“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.
“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.
“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.
“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.
“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.
“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.
You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.
Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.
“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.
He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.
Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.
“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.
“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.
“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.
“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.
“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.
“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.
“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.
“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.
“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.
Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.
The end.
227 notes · View notes
kippentrash · 5 years
Note
(1/?)The fact that I thought them saying long distance was a metaphor for how the relationship is slowburn is probably far fetched right? I think Rachel will show up in 3x14, that would be some conflict possibly because Marty is shown running with Buffy :o If I'm gonna be honest I think Muffy will get together romantically but once I meet Rachel I'll either be like "love this new character!" or "i want to cry why are you this way" JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU
(2/?) Tyrus tangents always welcome! My heart broke for both of them. Cyrus is already insecure as we’ve seen and this can’t be good for his self esteem :( TJ is obviously going through something and I’m worried for what it is. Did Kira make him insecure? Or was it something different? Either way this emotional conflict (as you pointed out) feels almost bigger than the gun. Because Cyrus trusts Tj at this point, the gun situation was the thing to cement that
(3/3) Totally agree with being outsold like this episode, while hurtful in aspects was so GOOD. We’re seeing Jonah growth, Muffy and Tyrus growth and I am here for it!! Bexie not having a wedding I was actually okay with? Hopefully Andi’ll be okay too. My cats a Burmese! He just reached his 1st year yesterday :) you have a dog??? What breed? How old? Sorry I love dogs they are great animals -ghostie anon
So like this turned out pretty long bc I addressed pretty much everything you mentioned (most elaborately the buildup and teardown of Cyrus) plus more here and there. Like, I’ve typed a lot before, and I’ve put things under a cut before, but this is LONG. Like when I first got into the fandom and typed a weeks worth of responsed for the Andi Mack Month prompts long. SO UNDER A CUT IT GOES LOL (I’m sorry again for it being practically a 5 page essay ;w;)
To summarize: Rachel will definitely be an interesting aspect of the ep, the things showed of Cyrus’s insecurities plus the fact that somersaults are ‘their thing’ makes it all the more painful, I’m really excited to see what specifically they chose to do with TJ and his insecurities, Jonah’s doing better and I don’t want Jandi to ruin that, this episode has some cool parallels to 1x11, and this episode set up so much with each of the relationships I’m ready to see unfurl. Oh and rip Andi bigtime this episode.
Oh and so you don’t need to scroll all the way down, THAT’S SO CUTE MY FRIEND HAS A BURMESE TOO!!! He always looks like he’s constantly terrified lol I don’t think he likes me. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!! Doggos are amazing I have a yellow lab and I wub her sm
OKAY ONTO MY HELLA LONG RESPONSE TO YOUR ASKS I LOVE YOU AND IM REALLY SORRY IN ADVANCED 
Ooo that’s a cool thought! Maybe maybe! All I thought about the long distance thing is it was to show that Marty has changed a little during their time apart and that it was a plot device to show that Buffy’s competitiveness can cause her to get in over her head still, as well as you know the Marty worrying stuff. But that’s actually really interesting I hadn’t thought of it that way! I wonder how slow burn they can make it though considering how little is left for them to work with.
Pretty much anything Muffy related will cause conflict when it comes to Rachel tbh. Like just them standing next to one another with her knowledge will be something because of the sheer amount of sparks flying between them when they so much as look at each other LOL (You can see my Muffy stan jumping out). And I’m all for it! No offense Rachel, I know you probably make Marty happy and stuff but like… Muffy. I’m honestly kind of curious how Marty and Rachel’s relationship is going to be portrayed considering it’s going to be sunk FAST and I’m pretty sure Muffy will happen extremely soon after so. We’ll see how that goes. Because Muffy is definitely endgame at this point in my opinion, whether it be ambiguous because Rachel and Marty just broke up and they want to find security in the newly rebuilt relationship they have before starting anything or something they show with full confirmation and commitment on screen.
I’m trying my best to have NO expectations of Rachel so we’ll see what happens when I meet her lol. There’s no character in this show at this point I have ZERO opinion on I think (watch me remember some as soon as I finish posting this lol), so I’m pretty sure that I’ll definitely form some feeling about her in the single episode she’s in. But I’m kind of hoping they’re not that strong of feelings. So we’ll see how that goes I don’t want to feel bad for her but I also don’t want to just despise her for being a buffer between Muffy so. WE SHALL SEE WE SHALL SEE.
As for Tyrus, oh my GODS right? Looking at it from Cyrus’s perspective might pain me even more than looking at it in TJ’s. 
TJ’s the one person who’s constantly believed in him and never seems to be ashamed of Cyrus, and then this happens. He was the first one to tell Cyrus not to let anyone, even himself, tell him what he can’t do. Then take into account that somersault is one of those big moments in Cyrus’s life where TJ was there and believed in him and didn’t seem to be ashamed or put off by it, even though Cyrus and Andi had insisted it was something Cyrus was incapable of. Both him and his best friend tried to warn TJ against it, yet TJ didn’t give up on Cyrus and was so proud when he was able to do it. But now that same thing that TJ had once been proud of and shown no judgment towards and is something Cyrus considered to be their thing is what TJ winds up opting out of. 
It brings me back to s2 when Cyrus said “He wants to be friends with me. Who knows why.” And it makes me really want to cri everytiem. Like you said, the gun situation built up their friendship even more and established its solidarity, and you can tell they got even closer after it. He thought they were comfortable and that he was as important to TJ as TJ was to him (which he IS), especially after the whole “only person I can talk to like this” thing. So TJ not telling Cyrus something, along with that ‘something’ negatively having to do with something he thought was special to both of them, must be a real punch in the gut.  Maybe Cyrus is more secure in himself than I’m giving him credit for and is just feeling betrayed, but I think it’s more of both betrayal, humiliation, and questioning of their whole relationship (which I think I’ve posted about already lol). 
AND THEN if you take when he and Jonah were supposed to wear matching jackets together and compare that to him and TJ in this scenario, I’d think that this feels even worse. TJ was the one brought up doing a matching costume in comparison to him bringing up the jackets with Jonah, and instead of just being a jacket from a random sports game he didn’t care for, this was an inside joke that he emphasized was their thing. So it was bigger and more important. This may be me reading into it too much, but considering being ditched in a situation like this is now something that has happened to him before due to the Jonah thing, he might feel even worse about himself for letting it happen to him twice.
I’m putting a lot of emphasis on the fact that it’s their thing, because even though Cyrus and TJ both saying that in the episode was cute for the simple fact that they say they have a ‘thing’, I feel like by saying that it also draws attention to the importance of what the costume was in their relationship. It was them both being proud of having a ‘thing’ and ‘inside joke’ together. And I kinda keep in mind that Cyrus and TJ had been talking about the costume and its importance to two different people trying to stand their ground against two different costumes. They know both of them found the costume funny and was a cool joke between the two of them, but they didn’t necessarily know how much importance it held for the other. But one party backed out of something that actually holds importance and emotional value for someone they claimed they didn’t really hang out with much and with no warning at all. If it were me my anxiety would make me wonder whether it had actually been important to them at all or if it were all in my own head. ;=;
This scene just feels so built up from so many different times we’ve seen Cyrus feel insecure, and now that TJ’s become someone he doesn’t find himself feeling insecure around and someone he instead finds comfort in, having it all compound into TJ no longer being someone who he can feel he trusts makes it so much worse. Especially since it related to something he felt was important enough to them that he’d opted out of the GHC+Jonah costume.
And on TJ’s side I feel so bad that he feels like turning down Kira for Cyrus is something that wouldn’t normally be accepted, and I’m really curious what route they’re going to go in terms of which aspect of what she said had caused him to change his mind, because really there are a few different things they can go about using. They can draw it on the lines of peer pressure and social hierarchy, fear of being too obvious with how he treats Cyrus, make him question himself/his sexuality, etc. and whatever route they do take will essentially come back to TJ’s insecurity. 
But like I said, TJ’s never seemed to be ashamed of being close to Cyrus before and has never seemed to care about how being friends with Cyrus (or ‘a person like Cyrus’) might affect his image before, so I’m really interested to see what part of his insecurities caused him to ditch Cyrus. He’s in so much pain when he sees Cyrus (Luke OUTSOLD) that it makes me wonder what pushed him to even consider hurting both himself and Cyrus in the process. Especially when you consider the line from 3x7 where he talks about how if he knew Reed had a gun, he definitely wouldn’t have brought Cyrus. So yeah, I’m really curious and hope to see them actually specify what part of her threat caused him to decide to change his mind. They pretty much need to have him give some explanation to Cyrus in order for things to mend themselves.
I also wonder if TJ will feel bad enough about this to avoid Cyrus himself or if TJ’s insecurities will cause him to feel like he doesn’t have the right or can’t talk to Cyrus without it being risky, or if Cyrus will be avoiding him after this or anything. This seems like a big argument type of thing. No TJ next episode means no confrontation for at least a period of time in-universe, and I don’t think it’ll be Buffy and Andi policing Cyrus again this time. Cyrus is his own person, they know that and acknowledge that more than ever after the gun incident, and I think they know whatever he does in regards to TJ will be his own decision and will support his decision like the good friends they are. People are upset at them for jumping to conclusions about TJ ditching Cyrus but fact of the matter is their friend is extremely upset over something TJ caused, and they’re being protective. Sort of like when Amber had done some bad things to Andi, it took Cyrus and Buffy some time on their own to lower their defenses. Plus, looking at Cyrus’s face when he was about to cry after TJ leaves with Kira tells me that while the gun thing wasn’t that personal, this definitely was.
Please say that it’s not a plotline they shove offscreen for an episode like they did with Jonah and Libby before coming back to it. At least show Cyrus having some distress about it and talking about it with maybe Buffy or something. And please please please Andi Mack I beg of you stop hurting TJ like this he’s already gone through so much and he’s NOT EVEN A MAIN CHARACTER SALKDJASKLDJ Anytime he does something like this it will give me flashbacks to “classic TJ” and I DON’T WANT IT TO (okay yes I do because it shows it’s a powerful line and they’re using it to provoke me properly but you know what I mean)
Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. This poor boy. He’s growing into his own person and becoming more understanding that while he should take others feelings into account he also needs to pay attention to himself instead of just always putting on a brave face which I love. But jfc he has the worst timing to make these decisions. Andi already had so many other things just crashing down around her, adding his anvil to the pile was definitely an oof.
I really hope that now that they’re emphasizing both how Andi does not want to be the next ex in the lineup as well as how Jonah finds being in a relationship too demanding that it’s actually building up to a single Jonah endgame, or at the very least an ambiguous endgame. They have it pretty set in stone at this point that Andi and Jonah are fine with their friendship and that Jonah’s been getting himself into relationships he is most definitely not ready for, so with so few episodes left I can’t see how they can turn that on its heel and result in Jandi endgame without some major logic gaps. 
For the love of EVERYTHING Jonah take some time to be single. Amber always needing a boyfriend pales in comparison to you always getting a girlfriend even though you don’t even seem to want one???
Also random but I really like how his decision to not partake in the group costume paralleled 1x11 where Andi decided to not just make decisions to make Jonah happy. I feel like this episode in general paralleled bits of 1x11 here and there tbh. Maybe I’m just reading into it too much but not just Jonah and Andi making their own decisions instead of making everyone happy, but the whole costume aspect vs the prison uniforms, Cyrus wanting to back out of Mt Rushmore vs wanting to change into his own outfit for picture day, Buffy helping Cyrus find an replacement vs Buffy helping Cyrus find a way to use the prison uniform well for his picture, and Jonah not participating in Mt Rushmore just for Andi vs Andi not giving up on her movement and taking off the uniform just for Jonah are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head! I haven’t seen anyone mention it and it’s not like its a big obvious parallel, but it’s just some things I started thinking about after comparing Jonah and Andi’s ‘were we ever’-esque speeches.
AND FINALLY MUFFY, TYRUS, AND BEXIE PLOTS OPENING. 
Like you said, I love the develpoment they’re giving Muffy and Tyrus! Muffy’s being given time to show that they fit like puzzle pieces even after not talking for awhile and that even after they haven’t talked for awhile and left on not the best of terms, they still clearly care for eachother whatever way that is at the moment, and I can’t wait to see how they add to that care and their dynamic as we get to see the rest of Marty’s episodes in the season. Tyrus getting angst specifically related to their relationship like Muffy’s ‘I want it to be real/I don’t want it to change’, Bexie’s proposal(s) and last name decision, and Jandi’s… well Jandi’s everything since pretty much it’s always something personal blown out of proportion for Jandi is something I didn’t expect and am actually excited for the more I think about it! Like yes it’s going to pain me until the show is back, but I’m not opposed to the angst itself lol. So I’m ready to see how they grow and to what extent they grow by the finale!
Bexie not having a wedding I’m actually okay with too. Like there’s really no rush to get married, if they decide later down the line they do want to have a wedding or just want to officiate it that’s fine. They’re engaged, and they’re committed to eachother, and that’s enough for them if they can be a family. Of course, eventually they’ll probably want to go through with at least something small in the future (if you think hypothetically not with the confirmation they’re gonna have a wedding in show) that’s fine too. Honestly, considering they didn’t even go through the process of beginning to date again before proposing, I sort of think it’d be good for them if they prolong the wedding. There’s no time frame a wedding needs to occur post engagement, right?
I do feel bad for Andi though, since she was so excited and working so hard with Cece to plan for the wedding, only for it to not happen since of course it’s not her wedding and she can’t make them get married if they don’t want to. This episode was just so mean to her oh my gosh, from her parents’ marriage to her group costume, they were things she was so excited for but had to rely on others which ultimately fell through and she just can’t do anything about it really. PLUS trying to work out a friends’ relationship and make it work for them even though it’s really not something she should need to get involved with must’ve exhausted her. Trust me, I know. I know the feeling for both the being excited for something but commitments fall through and the feeling of how tiring it is trying to help friends in a relationship understand their own relationship. Lmao.
I think that was about it in response to what you said. Sorry again that it’s so frEAKING long and if you read this far (whether you’re ghostie or you’re just a random passerby on this LONG ASS POST) you a real one and I love you
I should have applied to TyrusChat with this much commentary i stg SLKAJDLKSAJ except I was too socially anxious to apply and have such disorganized thoughts to dump. Whoops.
I hope this made sense. It took me like 2-3 hrs to type this all out while discording my friends (not related to Andi Mack), so yeah. Hope this was a fun read and is somewhat coherent since it’s 2am. No proofreading we die like… dead people.
OVERALL: As you put it best...
“JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU “
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teampandawang · 6 years
Text
NCT 127 Reaction: first date
By: Aria
Genre: Fluff // Suggestive (just a little)
TAEYONG You both have been chatting about 2 months since you got introduced by a common friend. He has always been really cute with you and this time wasn't going to be the exception. A week later of your first meeting he went on tour, so you didn't get time to spend together. But he arrived back at Seoul yesterday and invited today to your very first date. You were really excited and he was literally rushing at home trying to pick the perfect outfit for you. "Johnny!" He called his friend. "I need your Johnny's Fashion Evaluation." He said trying to speak in english. "That's not the way to pronounce that, you jerk." Said Johnny while facepalming. "But if you're asking me about your outfit I think it's on point. And get off, you're gonna be late." He arrived at your home and knocked the door loudly, because he was really flustered. You opened quickly. And he just felt his heart stopped. You were wearing a cute summer dress with sneakers, a kind of weird combination that defined you. But he found it, on you, adorable. "Y/N, how it's it possible to look that beautiful?" He said covering his face with a hand. "I think you're the one that has to answer that question, Taeyong." You said with your blushed head. He smiled while kissing your forehead and holding your hand tightly. "Let's go, baby. I want this night to be as perfect as you." 
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TAEIL You are really shocked about how much romantic he is. These days talking and hanging in the studio together have proof you that he was really interested in a true and worthy relationship. You got home after a hard day after work and you found that someone let a roses’ bouquet at your dining table with a box besides. You looked for them with dreamy eyes, reading a small card: 'I'll take you at 8pm. Wear it, please. ~Taeil' You smiled and hurried to getting ready for your date. It surprised you the cute way he used to ask you out. He arrived punctual. You opened the door and he dropped his jaw. He couldn't resist and give you an unexpected soft peck in your lips leaving you speechless. "Let's go, babe. I have something to you." He said while holding your hand. He took you to a rooftop classy restaurant where you felt like a princess. He always looked up at your face saying how beautiful you were. You got out of the restaurant early so you went for a walk at the beach, where he started singing to you and carrying you as a bride. 
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JOHNNY
This man is like fire, literally fire. He have been flirting intensely since you met at SM's were you started working as a new make up artist. He asked you out and you couldn't say no. He found you the most beautiful woman in the world so he had the need of showing everybody that you are his. He waited for you after work at the entrance of the building and since he saw you he smirked proudly, putting his arms around your waist and pulling you to his body. Then he kissed the corner of your lips without leaving a playful smile. "You definitely look like the hottest girl in the block." Said and you slapped playfully his chest with a shy smile. "Oooow! Are you blushing, baby girl?" Asked feeling attracted to your red going face. "Come here." Said approaching you to his body again. "Where are we going?" You asked kissing his cheek and brushing softly his hair with your fingers. "We're going wherever you want to. Your the queen here, so you decide." Said Johnny winking and feeling how you couldn't stop staring at him too. "I don't know." You spoke puckering. "I want you to surprise me." "I can think a lot of things to do with you, but they're not at least appropriate as a first date." He pronounced with a husky voice and kissing you. 
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YUTA Yuta is the sweetest boy you have ever known. He was always worried about how you are and how you feel. You were talking for a month but he was on tour, so you couldn't hang out. But yesterday he came back, and he asked you for a date but you woke up today with a cold. "Are you feeling good? Do you want me to get there right now?" Said desperately. "Yes, Yuta. I'm feeling better." You answered trying to calm him down. "But I think I have to cancel our date. I'm sorry." You literally whispered sadly. "No way, Y/N!" He shouted suddenly hanging out and leaving you confused as fuck. You just waited thinking that he might has been called to work, or his phone's battery got off, etc. But you woke up from your thoughts when the ring bell sounded. "Hi, Y/N." Yuta said taking your face between his hand and kissing your forehead. "Babe, you're hot. This cold is killing you." 'This boy is a total drama queen.' You thought. "What are you doing here? Don't you have so much work to do?" You asked confused. He just smiled. Oh! That healing smile was all you needed. "Yes, I have. But seeing and taking care of my girl is way more important." He said leading you to the couch. "What about buying takoyakis and cuddling all night long?" You smiled as agreement and hugged him softly. 
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DOYOUNG Doyoung was feeling really nervous about your date. He was going to a photoshoot at a natural park with the group and he found it as the only opportunity of seeing you because he was busy with the last comeback. The boy were flattering on Doyoung about taking his date to practically work. But he tried to ignore them while they went for you at the group's van. It stopped in front of your house and he opened the car's door for you. You sitted in front of Doyoung and he smiled nervously. The boys kept the jokes and he felt uncomfortable, trying to make his way to catch your attention. You were the only one who could bring peace to him. At the photoshoot you were amazed of how good looking he was. Absolutely breathtaking. And you waited for lunch patiently to finally spend time with him. When the moment has come he held your hand and carefully leaded you to a place in the woods. You saw a picnic rug surrounded by lights, making the mood even more romantic. "Surprise!" He coed softly. "Sorry for not being able to make it greater for you, something that you really deserve." You looked up on him with shiny eyes and giving him a peck. "Are you kidding me? This is precious." He shocked and hold you on a firm hug kissing your hair. "Y/N, it is precious all the times I'm with you." 
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JAEHYUN
Gentleman is an adjective that describe Jaehyun perfectly. He was always keen on seeing you feel comfortable and smiling. You were his priority. But you have never spent a lot of time together. He wanted everyone to know about your potential relationship and he found the perfect opportunity to showing you off. For that night it was prepared the SM's Gala and the members of the company were allowed to take someone with them. So Jaehyun decided that he was taking you. A luxurious car arrived to the entrance of your apartment's building. He stepped out moving toward you fascinated. He hold your hand and kissed its back. "You're literally shining, Y/N." He said leading you to the car. You responded blushing with a soft smile. You arrived to the place where the event was going on and entered right to the red carpet. He was confidently holding your hand and posing smiling of happiness because of you by his side. Then, at the coctel some business man from the company got closer to you. "Good evening, mr. Jung. We didn't expected you were dating." Said one of them with a funny smile. "I think I just found the one. And I was not letting the opportunity of introducing her to everyone." He said without leaving his gaze on you. They smiled and went to greet the other members. "Jae, tell me I'm not bringing you problems with the company." You said worried about the attitude the business men acquired currently. "How is it possible that my girl is thinking she's getting me into trouble?" He said attracting you to his body and kissing your cheek. "You're everything in my life, never a problem."
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WINWIN You just met him at your best friend's party. She knew him since they were childs. You always listened histories about their childhood together. But during those years you haven't been introduced to him. But this day you literally fell immediately for his cuteness. And he fell for you too. He preferred calling you everyday than texting. He complimented always your voice and encouraged you to start a singer career. "Y/N, did you listen that the company is looking for new singers?" He asked excited. "Why don't you audition for it?" "Sicheng, I have told you that I am not as talented as you say." You answered at the phone while facepalming as the stubborn girl you were. "How can I convince you? Hmmm... What if we got an ice-cream?" He mentioned. "I can't believe you're trying to persuade me through a date!" You said laughing. "And I know you won't say no." Sicheng said before hanging out, leaving you misplaced. He took you off of your apartment as soon as he arrived. Drove you to the mall where some music was sounded loudly that made you start humming. "Here goes again the girl that 'can't' sing." He mouthed while smirking and passing you a chocolate ice-cream. You smiled thoughtful and gave him a curious gaze. "Can we be together if I work for SM too?" He smiled at your question. "You're gonna be my girlfriend come what way."
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JUNGWOO
You have tasted the sweetest flavor of the life beside him. Being cute was his speciality and obviously the thing that you liked about him the most. And he felt awesome when you literally melt for his cuteness. He wanted to take you out to spend some great time together because you only saw each other at work. But he wanted to have you in another situation to demonstrate how much he liked you. The night fell over the city and you stepped out of your place meeting him at the entrance of your block. He handed you a bouquet of tiny flowers and smiled deeply. "I'm glad you accepted my invitation, Y/N." Jungwoo said a little shy keeping a notable distance between the two of you. You decided to take initiative and leaned to him leaving a peck at his cheeks. "I've never spent this opportunity of hanging with such a wonderful man." His face went red at the fact of you saying he's cute. He felt like the ice was broke so decided to hold your hand taking you by walk to the Autumn Fair at the nearest park. There were plenty of games and contests where you spend at least the whole night laughing at each other. Then you went to a shooting stand where Jungwoo showed his skills, winning a cuddly toy. "Which one do you want?" He asked hugging your waist timidly. "The Snoopy one! It reminds me of you." You pointed the toy like you were a small girl. "Why everyone says I look like that cartoon?" He said laughing. 
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MARK
He was different than all the boys you were used to date in the past. He seemed to be more mature, even for his age. His confidence and funny attitude caught you since you met him at a fansign (where you went accompanying your best friend), and he managed to ask slyly for your number. You were chatting for weeks literally 24/7. He always sent you memes or weird photos of his band mates. And he was dying for seeing you again. Mark Lee: 'Hey, Y/N! What are you doing tonight? 🤔' You: 'I guess I'm procrastinating... As always. 😂’ Mark Lee: 'Want to grab some pizza together, or may go to the cinema?' You: 'I'm in!!!' You couldn't believe he was asking you out. The mere fact of him chatting with you was strange, and now being asked by an Idol for a date was the craziest thing you could have ever thought about. The night came quickly after an evening of you trying to find out 'the perfect outfit' desperately. But you got ready just in time when he called announcing his arrival. He smiled flirty taking you by your waist and pecking your lips with no doubt. Then he freed you from his arms and winked at your blushed face. This boy is rushing. "You look prettier when you are blushing." He said without leaving the smirk out of his lips. You arrived to the nearest cinema and picked the first movie you found. While the movie was going on he couldn't stop watching you, until you decided to annoy him throwing popcorn against his face laughing. You both started laughing really loud while the people at the room started shutting down you. He managed to tickle you and you lost yourself in laughs again. He was really close and that made you nervous, but he didn't hesitate kissing you softly. When the movie ended he couldn't stop staring at you sure that he didn't found love, but it found you.
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HAECHAN Meeting you was one of his greatest accomplishments at high school. He went to a summer music camp where you were too. You empathized really good and spend a lot of activities together. When the camp was over you kept in touch with daily callings and texts. It was great finding someone who shared lots of interests with you. The music and dance was passion that literally joined you. But Donghyuck still being a little shy about you. He was feeling something he has never experimented then, he felt he just fell in love unexpectedly. He was encouraged by his group's friend to ask you out. But before he did it they needed to insist for entire weeks. At the end he decided to take the risk. "Y/N, what if we go out tonight?" He said quietly. "Do you want me to meet you somewhere? , or..." You questioned him. "No, no!" Donghyuck said quickly and making his voice louder. "I'll pass for you at 7pm, is it great?" "Yes, I'll be waiting." You answered excited about your very first date, literally. He was the first boy with whom you were going to hang out. And you were the first girl he wanted to love. He came to your home after an exhaustive photoshoot by his Hyungs feeling proud of their 'grown baby'. He was kinda embarrassed but managed to get to you at time after all the jokes. You greeted him at your place. He practically stopped working when he saw you. His heart beats started to go by double speed. He brought some flowers that fell off his hands when he saw you. His chin hitting the floor. He held your hand closer to his chest, looking at your eyes with dreamily eyes. You decided to make the next step by yourself, giving him a peck on his lips’ corner.
 He suddenly blushed and took you off your place, leading you to the place his friends helped him to book for you two.
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Conspiratorial ramblings about USUM...
Soooo... that trailer(?) for USUM has got me thinking back to the SM announcement. “It all comes together”. There wasn’t really an explanation for that in-game, but if USUM is referencing all the cosmic/weird stuff in previous games...
...Might as well list all of it and try to work out how it could fit together, right? All of the left-over mysteries?
KANTO
Well, there’s not really a lot...
Except Clefairy. The Clefairy line are from the Moon. They have a mystic moon dance.
So, Pokemon can come from outer space. That’s been established for 20 years now. It’s canon. No one disputes it.
So... what is a Pokemon, if it’s not necessarily something that’s only found on Earth...?
The Clefairy also dance around meteorites in HGSS... I’ll come back to that.
JOHTO
What are the Unown?
They’re freakishly powerful in large numbers but not very strong at all alone. In fact, they may be the weakest of all fully-evolved Pokemon simply because they only get one attack and that’s Hidden Power. Come on, even Cosmog got two moves, and at least Magikarp gets Flail...
In fact, they are so strong that they can create gods, if we count the Arceus event as canon (and I see no reason why the concept shouldn’t be).
That said, they only do the god-creating thing in the presence of Arceus and presumably at its command. So what’s the relationship of Arceus and the Unown?
HOENN
Where did those dimensional distortions come from? Most of it was Hoopa’s fault but Palkia, Dialga and Giratina were in special rifts that didn’t look like Hoopa’s handiwork.
More meteorites, like with the Clefairy, but this time relating to Deoxys. We know that Deoxys was created by the Ultimate Weapon in the ORAS verse, but what about in RSE? Remember, the RSE verse is still canon, just a different canon. It had no Kalosian War. So where did that Deoxys come from?
What happened to the Emerald canon? We can assume that the Ultra Beasts attacked the Battle Frontier, but how did they get there in sufficient numbers to be a major threat to the Frontier? And what happened after Annabel fell into the SM verse?
Looker washed up on the beach of the ORAS Frontier with no memories. This made me think during the UB quest that Looker would be a Faller, but he never was. Or at least, Nanu wasn’t aware that he was a Faller if he was one, and I feel like their superiors would at least have informed Nanu. So what happened to Looker’s memories, why was he on the beach, and where did he get that Audinite?
(Interesting note: Looker wasn’t in RSE. Obviously this is because he was introduced in Platinum, but ORAS made a point of bringing him in anyway. That, and he keeps reappearing and being developed in a way that no other character is. Is Looker more important than GF is letting on...?)
SINNOH
What is Arceus’s deal? If it’s God, why can it be caught? Did it lose its power? And if so, does that have anything to do with the Unown?
This is a really minor question, but since the Distortion World was in the “trailer”: how does Ultra Space interact with the Distortion World? US is outside of normal spacetime, so we can assume it’s seperate from our world’s twin, but can an Ultra Wormhole open in the Distortion World?
(Because if it can, that raises the possibility of Cyrus meeting one, and that’s kinda scary.)
What became of Cyrus, and did his Commanders ever find him?
That building in Hearthome. Sorry, there’s no way that’s a community centre. That’s a religious building, right down to how it’s designed and everyone acts inside. And yet, there’s no mention of a Legendary Pokemon. Am I reading too far into this or is something else going on?
UNOVA
N and Ghetsis’s relationship. There’s a massive resemblence, but N is somehow adopted? What gives?
The Abyssal Ruins. The “trailer” showed them, so they’re important. They contain an alphabet never seen anywhere else, items that can’t be found anywhere else, and have some kind of weird effect to flush people out. Oh, and they venerate an unknown king, which could be one of the brothers... but which one? Why only that one?
When did the splitting of the Original Dragon occur? That civilisation was “at its peak” 2,500 years ago. That’s WAY too close to the magic 3,000-year mark for my comfort. If it was at its peak 2,500 years ago then it’s plausible it could have been founded 500 years beforehand and thrived, and if the brothers apparently had a hand in shaping Unova, then that might mean Unova was founded 3,000 years ago.
That’s especially interesting because Unova is set in New York, which is a much later settlement than any others shown in the game. (There were Native Americans in the area before that, true, but it’s based on the modern New York aaaaand somehow I doubt Native Americans factored in much to the creation of Unova’s backstory. Unfortunately.)
The Entralink suddenly became much more interesting with the return of Burnett, since it’s connected to the Dream World/Interdream Zone. It’s literally a portal between alternate realities. Looking at the importance that ORAS and SM have given to alternate realities, that’s pretty interesting. Is there a connection between the Entralink and the Ultra Beasts?
Elgeyem/Beheeyem. They’re aliens, right? So how did they get to Earth? It’s a similar deal to Clefairy...
KALOS
The Lumiose ghost girl. Yes she’s based on an urban legend, but every other creepy thing in Pokemon has made sense in context. We get no context for the ghost girl. Who is “the one” and does this girl have any connection to the train station message?
The statues of Reshiram and Zekrom in Parfum Palace. Why those two Pokemon? If you take into account my previous point about Unova potentially being founded 3,000 years ago, and compare that with Kalos’s timeline and those two statues...
...then you’re almost forced to conclude that there’s a link between Kalos and Unova. France colonised a good chunk of North America. NY was British, I grant, but the real-world comparison isn’t too far off. The real-world comparison therefore begs the question of whether Kalosians founded Unova...
...and if so, where did the hero brothers come from? We know who Kalos’s king was 3,000 years ago and what he was doing at that time, and we know the brothers are royalty. We also know what his brother was doing. Were Unova’s kings their sons?
It was a Lucario that first Mega Evolved according to XY, but Rayquaza had a Mega Evolution before that according to ORAS. So this power got suddenly granted to lots of different Pokemon via the ultimate weapon... but that begs the question of why Rayquaza could do it when nothing else could. Why was Rayqaza just more receptive to Infinity Energy? If it was Arceus it may make a little more sense, but...
ALOLA
If the Z-Ring can be used for Mega Evolution, does that mean that Z-Power is Infinity Energy under a different name? That’s not as odd as it might seem. No Alolan Pokemon can Mega Evolve, and no Mega Stones are natively found in Alola, so it’s not a stretch that people wouldn’t realise they were the same thing...
(But what does that mean for an RSE-verse Alola? No Infinity Energy = no Z-Power = no Z-Moves = the island challenge is totally different...)
Why is Alola such a focal point for UB activity?
What’s with those empty plots of land?
Mohn is bugging me. He’s a Faller, right? But since when do Fallers end up back in their original universe? 
Yep, I’m calling it: the Mohn of Poke Pelago is USUM’s Mohn and SM’s Mohn is going to be in USUM.
The guy in the desert who was given “star pulses” by a Lunatone/Solrock which were then passed down to a “group of wonderful men”. Many people suspect this is a reference to the O-Power men in ORAS and thus Mr Bonding. That scene with Mr Bonding’s creation was never explained. Why is it being brought up in a game without O-Powers?? Are we going to find out what his deal is? Because seriously, what the heck?
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celosiaa · 3 years
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aaa i was listening to a bunch of rusty quill videos bc im looking for voice claims for my characters and i got rly emotional and then i started an episode to try and listen for sasha and just hearing the begging music almost made me start to cry , in a positive way ofc ! tma is something rly important to me and even if im not interested in it much anymore (though i still casually dabble ofc, i would never fully give it up) , hearing it will always stir something in me . that music strikes such an eerie yet homely feeling im not sure ill ever be able to describe . the sound of the old tapes during the early days is so nostalgic and brings such a sense of coziness to me but like im being watch ,, its something so special and unique- i dont rly know abt others experiences with it but i think thats part of the reason i adore it so much ! but theres also u and ur blog and writing and everything abt the tma side of tumblr that just makes me love tma even more . i found ur blog probably right before the peak of my tma hyperfixation- i loved it sm and i wanted to look at art and so i downloaded tumblr for the first time and i think it was art abt emma that brought me to ur page. i spent the whole night just scrolling through your entire blog to read every emma post youd ever made to try and make sense of all of it . you and emma opened a whole other part of tma that i didnt have and i loved it . u gave me a way to enjoy tma in a way i didnt before . i remember sending my first ask and it wad abt emma making friends and jons reaction and i did it anonymously bc i was like scared for some reason ig ? i quickly got over that seeing how nice and welcoming u were . everyday id constantly be on tumblr waiting to see if youd posted . id send in a million ask bc u opened my brain to so many new ideas with emma that i was so excited to share . i remember how u shared u were an aspiring doctor and u had an opinion on an episode u wanted to share and so i dmed u to talk abt it and i talked abt how i wanna be a therapist and i had similar feelings abt a recent episode bc or that and u encouraged me on wanting to be a therapist to help right those wrong feelings and to make a difference- that interaction is something that has and will stick with me . its probably a helping factor in my continued passion for wanting to be a therapist . u were incredibly kind and understanding and it is always a wonderful time getting to talk with u, through ask or through dms . u made an even safer place in my safe place that i was, and am so grateful for . i am sure you’ve managed to do the same for so many other ppl . so thank you so so much for being the amazing and kind and welcoming person u are connor . 💛💛💛
Oh my god 😭😭😭 I don’t know how I missed this being in my inbox!! This is just the sweetest thing ever. You are so kind and so special and I am so excited that you will be out there working in the mental health field one day!! Thank you for all the incredibly creative ideas and all the encouragement you’ve sent me 💖 I’m so glad you feel comfortable here even if TMA isn’t your main thing anymore!! You’re always welcome in my inbox 💖 I hope you have had a beautiful day!!
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dear-saxifrage · 4 years
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yesterday, I performed Caroline shaw’s “to the hands” and Mozart’s requiem in d minor with the collegium at Harvard. I don’t know what I'm going to do without collegium: an elite group of musicians who take it so, so seriously, and who dedicate significant portions of their life to this type of creation. of communication. how could it have really happened?
the choir concert was nearly canceled in full. due to the coronavirus pandemonium, Harvard put a halt to any 100+ gatherings, and that included our concert. we were informed of this only twenty-four hours beforehand; so, we ended up performing on-stage with our orchestra to eight camera, live-streaming and recording, and an empty house. it felt strange. it felt romantic. I couldn’t help but think of the moment as a true requiem. we sing to the dead who we cannot see, but ‘know’ are with us; similarly, we sung to a non-physical audience only reached through a camera. we sang to the dead; we sang to a nonexistent audience; we sang with ‘people watching over us’ from all over the world. it felt exhilarating. it was, in fact, the most exhilarating concert I've performed in. who was responsible for bringing the energy? the choir. we couldn’t rely on audience electricity, and at first, it was shocking! to turn to the right, to sneak a peek at the faces of audience members before your conductor runs out -- we couldn’t. I still tried to, anyway, and felt for the second time a puzzlement at the empty pews.
I think I blacked out during the concert. I went to that special place in my head -- the one all musicians have -- and sung there. it’s so strange, to immerse yourself in that zone so fully. it was a reverie of a type, I think. when I finished a movement, I'd “look up” at Andy and consciously think, “oh right. I'm here, in sanders.” of course, we’re canonized from likely the earliest age to the sound and style of Mozart -- everyone follows and copies him -- so when say that his music ‘feels right,’ it certainly does, because of how he rules the musical hegemony. in spite of that, though, I did feel a certain respite in the music. there was so much cooperation in the piece. not on voice part outshone the other. we all depended on the other to do well; yesterday may as well have been a masterclass in learning to let go. 
I don’t think I'll ever forget that beautiful, beautiful, beautiful melismatic line of the altos and trombones in the Kyrie of movement one. the dynamic and physical lowering of the choristers and conductor during this part too -- just so beautiful -- we all build up together. that’s what hope feels like, I think. an alto, a trombone, and a forthcoming bass line. there is something so heart-beatingly rhythmic in the sixteenth note ascents: da-da-da-da and da-da-da-da. it was actually during this part that I teared up. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be performing this gorgeous piece with this particular choir, under this particular director, with this particular situation: an empty audience. what is the music for, then, if no audience? CAN the music be for ourselves? I think... I think the music can be “for” anyone. it seemed to have special meaning though yesterday... who was I singing for, if anyone?
I have to think about this. right now, I think I was singing for past versions of myself; specifically, Sydney last year during this very time. I fell into a deep depression last year during this time, and I sung a requiem then, too. then I fell into it. I couldn’t stop mourning the dead. I couldn’t stop couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop. grief took over my life -- grief for myself, for my utter resignation, to my disenchantment, for my cousin, for sora, for the kind of person I was allowing myself to become when I was with Tyler. it was all so shocking. that requiem inside of me lasted for a long time. hints of it would come out, too: I would just cry in my bd sometimes, wanting to just clench my toes and kick out, feeling absolutely helpless about my entire situation. that requiem came out when Tony stark died -- I sobbed that entire night, especially on my solitary drive to the gym. I was just throttled. so utterly hopeless and without light in my eyes. I didn’t think I would ever be myself again; I couldn’t smile, bring myself to experience satisfaction.
that requiem haunted me in South Africa, too, but a small part of it was opened by the friends I made there. to see that others cared about me -- were interested in me beyond sex -- that felt interesting. I am so thankful for that beautiful, gorgeous experience in life. I don’t think I'll fully comprehend its place in my life; the people I needed came to me, even when it felt like I would collapse inside of myself. scared, I left phoenix for boston and stayed in that airport for twelve hours, and met my choir for the first time in a month. I had jetted out of boston a month before because Chris had died and I just couldn’t take it. I had to leave. but when I saw my friends, it felt like everything would be OK, even if I wouldn’t be. I remember seeing Kat’s beautiful haircut and feeling at ease. (beauty and change and choices were still possible.) Emma said hi to me, and I breathed again. Hirsh hugged me hello and I thought that new friendships were possible, and even worth pursuing again. then I sat next to Jon on that extraordinarily long flight, then on the bus, and my world burst open. to have been in the proximity of such a thoughtful, smart human and to have never known! I am still so scared of the blinders we put up, as humans.
we sang every day. we sang in nelson Mandela’s house. we saw wild birds; sunsets burning red. hiked the drakensburg mountains and rejoiced in the exquisite beauty of hanertsburg. 
when that next semester started, fall 2019, I felt rejuvenated and okay. parts of me were still unkempt, but my friends had rejuvenated me -- as they have done, again and again, in different locations and at different times -- and I experienced a wonderful semester. started dating. failed in every dating scenario possible. failed some more. started a newer, more robust gym routine; wrote more; sang more; slept more. over December, I even tried out dating an ex; it failed, obviously, because he’s my ex for a reason, but I tried. it was fun, then it became irritating. I clipped its wings.
then something really amazing happened -- I was told we were to sing the Mozart requiem. I entered my spring semester scared of a few things: 1) that I might get sick like I did last year, with all those illnesses, 2) that I would become depressed again, 3) sinking into a pit of listlessness, 4) losing friendships, and 5) failing in my attempt to forge a meaningful sexual relationship. 
in order, I'll address these things. I have been exceptionally healthy; sleeping has done wonders for me, and it seems so basic, and it is. it is the panacea. I haven’t become depressed; for one, I didn’t play a video game that killed off my main character since I was seven. I also didn’t isolate myself; in fact, I became hyper-social, and started to seek comfort in rekindling friendships and solidifying others. this relates to my fear of losing friendships. I think I've finally learned that friendships don’t end, not really; they fade, and that’s it. you pick up where you left off. you text or call each other sometimes. but most of all, you don’t give up. you just don’t -- or at least I don’t. I'll never give up on my friendships; each and every last one is important to me, no matter how minuscule our interactions may seem. and lastly, I don’t want a partner; I can’t have a partner. I'm moving soon, and the last time I did some shit like this, it went awry. I know now, going forward, if I move, I must put a clean end to something in order to maintain the benevolence and integrity of the relationship.
yesterday, then, may have been a type of loving exorcism. I gave up the ghost, yes, and everything followed, in the midst of chaos. I sang my heart out in this requiem and prayed for my dead self. the self that saw no way out; she saw blackness and felt neither resistance nor encouragement. to the Sydney that thought it was over last year, it is not, and it wasn’t. I also think I sang to Chris, too. I have an image of viewing him from the top of the water, seeing his white face shocked at the cold and the roughest of the waves, hands reaching up. then I also have an image of his view: seeing the light filtering in from the waves, the bubbles gushing up -- everything but him rushing to the surface -- and realizing with horror that he is sinking as the water becomes darker and the waves slam him into the rocky cliffside. 
dies irae. it is the song of apocalypse; of death. but what followed this? what preceded it? following dies irae is tuba mirum, one of the most beautiful and triumphant trombone solos ever written. preceding it is the requiem and Kyrie itself; lord have mercy. I think the point is that death and the spark of life are literal seconds. they happen. a candle flick. it just happens, it means nothing good nor bad. and, god, the requiem has finally left my body. I needed it gone. I needed to let you go. 
because while the grief of losing you will come again -- a tidal wave, a one-hundred-foot wall of blue -- it will not be soon. it will come when I can sense it. I never want my grief to stop hurting, ever, but it needs to stop in its consistency. 
and that’s all I have to say for tonight.
-sm
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