A surprisingly helpful bit of social maneuvering I've figured out from trial and error: Throughout your life, you are going to need things from people. Often, it's going to be on a deadline. And when that deadline passes, you generally want to know what's going on. So, you need to ask them.

There are two kinds of people, broadly, in this situation. The Shameless will tell you what the holdup is, with absolutely no regard for if the reason is "good enough". This is actually very helpful, because you get the real reason immediately, and can start working on a solution.

The Ashamed is trickier. People who are Ashamed are people who were often told they were giving excuses when they were trying to explain, and they'll often avoid you until they solve the problem on their own. This causes them and you a lot of stress, and often takes a lot longer to solve.

Long term, the strategy for dealing with people who are Ashamed is to provide a supportive environment where they're comfortable sharing any problems they're having with getting things done. But, there's a way to at least partially short-circuit that:

Provide an explanation for them.

One example might be "Hey Susan, I noticed that I don't have your report yet. Are you busy with other projects?" The readymade explanation signals that you're willing to accept an explanation, which is the big anxiety point.

Sometimes, you still won't get an honest answer- especially if the honest answer isn't "good enough" by the standards of the person who traumatized them. But, I've found that it often at least gets you a lie that lets you give them some slack or work around the problem.

Let's say that Susan has actually completely forgotten that she needed to do the report. She's horrified at herself, and completely unwilling to admit the real problem. But, she can now safely reply with "Sorry Jennifer, I've been swamped, and it got lost in the mix. I can have it to you in two days. Does that work?"

From there, so long as Susan gave an estimate for when she can actually do it, she and Jennifer can hash out a solution.

It's not a perfect solution, but it works astonishingly well for how small of a change it is.

I genuinely hate it when people are putting something in an alphabetical list and then the things starting with "The" are listed not under "T" but under the first letter of the second word. That is not where I am going to go to look for it. Why would you do this.

The same actions can have a very different effect depending on how the professionals handle it. When I was very small, I had a major needle phobia. I understood the need for my shots. I wanted my shots, so I wouldn't get sick. I hated being sick. I didn't want to avoid my shots. But my first fear response is hardwired for fight, and my phobia was severe.

So, in order to get me my shots without hurting myself or another person, we talked about it with my doctor, and we got some nurses in to hold me down. It required multiple nurses to hold me still for shots, because a panicking small child full of adrenaline is surprisingly strong, and they didn't want to hurt me. I think it was three the first time, and then I kicked someone, and it was four after that until I could regulate myself well enough to... not do that.

This could have easily been extremely traumatic, if it had been done differently. But because I was involved, consenting, and in fact very strongly in favor, it was not remotely a traumatic experience. It actually helped with my phobia, because nothing bad happened during the shots from my perspective, so the terror eased.

It was a wildly different experience than if I had been pinned without being asked about it, or if they'd tried to give me a shot without properly restraining me, both of which would probably have caused physical and psychological harm. I could have just not gotten my shots, of course- but I wanted them, and we figured out a way for me to have them. The key is that my wants and needs were both respected.

Also on topic of Consent: whenever somebody says "Kids should have bodily autonomy!" some guy always is like "You are too unrealistic. What will you do when a kid is seeing the doctor and doesn't want to get a shot? Would you just let them refuse the shot?"

Yeah I probably would. You're straight up asking the wrong person if you want the nice normal answer here. Doctors and nurses forcibly doing (relatively routine) things to my body against my protests when I was a small kid fucked me up so bad that as an adult anything medical related is a huge trigger for me, I've had persistent intrusive thoughts and recurring nightmares about medical procedures, and I can't have even the most basic tests and health checks done on top of it.

I hate talking about it because I can't get comfortable calling it "trauma" and I don't have any other words that are useful, but it's made my life so much harder and really scary since if I start having a weird symptom, there's nothing I can move myself to do about it.

I figured out a loophole where going to a pharmacy instead of a doctor's office for vaccines reduces some of the stress, but I was still in stress and misery for days before I went to get my tetanus shot. The repulsion is so intense it feels like I literally don't have control over myself, it feels like I can't make appointments or plans about such things out of my own free will, and so every year I have guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt about how I should get the flu shot, and it does nothing but ineffectually hurt me.

Vaccines save lives and all that, but when it comes right down to it, I don't think it's actually a net benefit to public health to give any percentage of kids lifelong psychological scars so deep and painful they're almost completely barred from accessing health care as adults.

I know I'm not the only one, far from it.

One of my least favorite things about being psychotic and having sensitive hearing is that sometimes an appliance will start making an incredibly painful noise that nobody else can hear and it's my job to figure out if it's a hallucination or if the fridge is about to stop working.

A commonly overlooked symptom of depression is anhedonia, the inability to feel joy or pleasure. The reason that it's easy to overlook is that it's easier to miss the absence of something that's not around all the time than it is to miss a symptom that causes active distress, such as feeling tired and miserable all the time.

Anhedonia is good at being a persistent undercurrent to your life. My aunt, who has major depressive disorder, related to me that she figured out that something was wrong when she looked at the daffodils she had planted blooming, and couldn't recognize the emotion that she felt when she looked at them. It had been long enough since she had felt happy that she lost the ability to recognize the emotion.

It's a particularly dangerous depressive symptom, because it robs you of the ability to feel those little spots of joy that keep a lot of people going, while not doing anything to impair your ability to function. If you don't know that this is a treatable symptom of depression, it's easy to assume that your ability to feel good is permanently broken, and decide to commit suicide because you don't want to live like that. It's not an irrational conclusion, but it is an uninformed one, and everyone deserves to have all the information when making a major decision.

This is what a lot of questionnaires are trying to look for when they ask about "loss of enjoyment". If you can't remember a loss of enjoyment because you can't remember enjoyment, then you probably have anhedonia. If you struggle to define how it is to feel "happy", "content", or "good", or how it feels when you feel those emotions, you probably have anhedonia. If you can't remember feeling any of those emotions for a week or more, you probably have anhedonia.

Symptoms commonly co-occurring with anhedonia are fatigue (often the cause), clear and thoughtful consideration of suicide, loss of desire to socialize or do activities that used to make you happy, and weight loss (due to lack of enjoyment of food).

This section is anecdotal. In what I have observed, anhedonia due to fatigue rarely responds well to depression treatment unless depression was causing the fatigue. If fatigue and anhedonia are co-occurring and are not both alleviated by depression treatment, consider other causes for the fatigue.

"In all, an estimated 795,000 patients a year die or are permanently disabled because of misdiagnosis, according to a study...Women and racial and ethnic minorities are 20% to 30% more likely than white men to experience a misdiagnosis.”

A couple notes that I forgot when I originally posted this:

It's also a common symptom of schizophrenia and schizoid personality disorder, but often doesn't respond to antipsychotics. In addition, in schizophrenia and schizoid personality disorder, anhedonia generally tends to "come and go", as opposed to depressive disorders, where when untreated, it often doesn't let up for months or years. This can make it more difficult to spot and treat than in depressive disorders.

ADHD can also have "come and go" anhedonia as a symptom, and ADHD medication has mixed results with alleviating it.

An early warning sign is if you've tried the "enrichment in your enclosure" by rolling out something new and fun or something you rarely do that generally brings you joy, and the result is an emotional reaction you can describe as "null".

A commonly overlooked symptom of depression is anhedonia, the inability to feel joy or pleasure. The reason that it's easy to overlook is that it's easier to miss the absence of something that's not around all the time than it is to miss a symptom that causes active distress, such as feeling tired and miserable all the time.

Anhedonia is good at being a persistent undercurrent to your life. My aunt, who has major depressive disorder, related to me that she figured out that something was wrong when she looked at the daffodils she had planted blooming, and couldn't recognize the emotion that she felt when she looked at them. It had been long enough since she had felt happy that she lost the ability to recognize the emotion.

It's a particularly dangerous depressive symptom, because it robs you of the ability to feel those little spots of joy that keep a lot of people going, while not doing anything to impair your ability to function. If you don't know that this is a treatable symptom of depression, it's easy to assume that your ability to feel good is permanently broken, and decide to commit suicide because you don't want to live like that. It's not an irrational conclusion, but it is an uninformed one, and everyone deserves to have all the information when making a major decision.

This is what a lot of questionnaires are trying to look for when they ask about "loss of enjoyment". If you can't remember a loss of enjoyment because you can't remember enjoyment, then you probably have anhedonia. If you struggle to define how it is to feel "happy", "content", or "good", or how it feels when you feel those emotions, you probably have anhedonia. If you can't remember feeling any of those emotions for a week or more, you probably have anhedonia.

Symptoms commonly co-occurring with anhedonia are fatigue (often the cause), clear and thoughtful consideration of suicide, loss of desire to socialize or do activities that used to make you happy, and weight loss (due to lack of enjoyment of food).

This section is anecdotal. In what I have observed, anhedonia due to fatigue rarely responds well to depression treatment unless depression was causing the fatigue. If fatigue and anhedonia are co-occurring and are not both alleviated by depression treatment, consider other causes for the fatigue.

Psychosis and schizo spec experiences are messy, and complicated, and often don't fit the societal narratives.

Many psychotic people have experiences that look like symtoms of other disorders, and strict categorization and separation between symptoms and disorders often don't take schizospec and psychotic people's experiences into account.

Schizophrenia, as an example, is commonly classified as a neurodevelopmental illness, and comes with a range of experiences of neurodivergency that do not neatly fit into any one box/neurotype, yet can be both very disabling and very profound. Similarly, most schizospec people are prone to dissociation, and there's an overlap between plural people and psychotic communities.

For this reason and others, I'm not a fan of separatism in the neurodivergent community, which too often targets psychotics, by focusing on proving that this or that group is not "crazy" like "those people".

Occasionally this takes on some insidious forms within the different communities, where "deviant experiences" of odd symtoms that don't align neatly with the narrative of the associated disorder, are dismissed as fake, problematic, harmful - occasionally as ableist in and of themselves. This narrative is actively harmful to psychotic people.

I'm not a fan of arguments that hinge on the notion that large numbers of people are lying or mistaken about their lived experience, and sincerely, as someone who has read an unreasonable amount of research throughout my studies, psychological science is interesting, and useful, but it is never exact, and it is full of biases, blind spots and bullshit science hidden behind statistics and overreaching conclusions. Pointing out bad research is not "anti science", it is in fact pro science. I am a scientist.

I consciously reject the notion that the diagnostic manuals are anything more than a semi competent attempt at making a comprehensive classification of symptoms. This doesn't mean that these constructs aren't hugely influential, or that they don't describe real symtoms, but it is important for Mad and Neurodivergent activism to move beyond this reductive understanding of mental diversity.

So while I'm happy to provide info on the definitions of various disorders etc, because it has real world applications, I am more interested in what we all have in common, and in finding solidarity across diagnostic borders.

In the end, my solidarity is with the weird kids. The quiet ones, the fucked up ones, the ones who don't feel like they belong or fit anywhere. With symtoms and experiences and diagnoses like an ill-fitting set of clothes.

I want to fight the stigma, but I don't want to fight it by assimilation. It is not our job to be "normal" or "easy to understand and categorize".

I want radical inclusiveness, and I want it now. I want the judgement of harmless odd behaviours to stop, I want the mental health communities to stop fighting each other and throwing each other under the bus in the name of being palatable.

We don't have to be palatable to be worthy. We don't have to fit into a neat little box to be taken seriously. We are all deserving of non-judgemental love and support.

Our goal should not be to be neurotypical, it should be to live happy and fulfilling lives within the circumstances we were dealt.

Us psychotic weirdos need better options than to be monsters, or to be invisible.

A commonly overlooked symptom of depression is anhedonia, the inability to feel joy or pleasure. The reason that it's easy to overlook is that it's easier to miss the absence of something that's not around all the time than it is to miss a symptom that causes active distress, such as feeling tired and miserable all the time.

Anhedonia is good at being a persistent undercurrent to your life. My aunt, who has major depressive disorder, related to me that she figured out that something was wrong when she looked at the daffodils she had planted blooming, and couldn't recognize the emotion that she felt when she looked at them. It had been long enough since she had felt happy that she lost the ability to recognize the emotion.

It's a particularly dangerous depressive symptom, because it robs you of the ability to feel those little spots of joy that keep a lot of people going, while not doing anything to impair your ability to function. If you don't know that this is a treatable symptom of depression, it's easy to assume that your ability to feel good is permanently broken, and decide to commit suicide because you don't want to live like that. It's not an irrational conclusion, but it is an uninformed one, and everyone deserves to have all the information when making a major decision.

This is what a lot of questionnaires are trying to look for when they ask about "loss of enjoyment". If you can't remember a loss of enjoyment because you can't remember enjoyment, then you probably have anhedonia. If you struggle to define how it is to feel "happy", "content", or "good", or how it feels when you feel those emotions, you probably have anhedonia. If you can't remember feeling any of those emotions for a week or more, you probably have anhedonia.

Symptoms commonly co-occurring with anhedonia are fatigue (often the cause), clear and thoughtful consideration of suicide, loss of desire to socialize or do activities that used to make you happy, and weight loss (due to lack of enjoyment of food).

This section is anecdotal. In what I have observed, anhedonia due to fatigue rarely responds well to depression treatment unless depression was causing the fatigue. If fatigue and anhedonia are co-occurring and are not both alleviated by depression treatment, consider other causes for the fatigue.

disabled people who are lifelong, permanent dependents, i love you. you are my friends and my lovers and my siblings and you are me and i am you and i love you.

i'm really despondent sometimes over the ways society sees us. how conservatives see us as burdens and drains on society, yes, and also how liberals mock our lives, how the idea of being an adult dependent is seen solely as the result of poor life choices, how everyone all across the political spectrum sees things like "getting an allowance from your spouse" and "relying on one person for housing" as cause for mockery, jokes to make, nothing but a conceptual stick with which to beat people into performing well in work and school. still others see us as childish, as pitiable, perhaps not as worthy of mockery but definitely not as worthy of being treated as a social equal, never someone you could invite into your social spheres and make an effort to include--they're just not independent, no offense to them, it just makes them so childish, i can't have an adult friendship with them.

but we persist anyway. we're here. i'm lucky to love the people i'm dependent on, i'm lucky that they respect me as a person and would never leverage their power over me, i'm lucky that they're willing to constantly self-check to make sure they're not accidentally using that power. i hope to g-d you're lucky in the same ways, because i love you. and if you're not, i love you. i'm holding your hand and i'm standing with you and i'm going to try to make a better world for both of us.

i think a big reason that I get frustrated with the "liberals have never made anybody's lives better" is that in the US it used to be legal for insurance companies to charge you more if you were sick or even just straight up deny you the ability to sign up for them if you already had a "pre-existing condition", and this was only stopped by the passage of the ACA during Obama's term. but a lot of people who talk about politics on here are too young to really be affected by that since they would have been on their parents insurance (which the ACA required insurers extend until you're 26). and this was all done via politicking and not blowing up insurance CEOs mansions or whatever.

I'm not saying that the ACA fixed insurance forever, god no. but "you can't deny someone insurance for being sick" is a massive change and people don't realize it!

Most adults want the law’s prohibition on insurers from denying coverage based on pre-existing medical conditions to stay. Two thirds (67%) of the public say that it is “very important” that this provision remain in place, including most Republicans (54%) However, only about 4 in 10 people (39%) are aware that that provision is part of the ACA.

government is trying to ban tiktok meanwhile millions of poor and disabled americans are about to completely lose their internet access at the end of april because congress wont renew funding for the affordable connectivity program

hell fucking world

I actually didn't think of this because all of the personal attendant services I've seen were through a business. Yeah, if someone's privately employing you, stealing their personal belongings is very different than stealing stock. That's not lost profit to a business, that's lost items from a person. Especially if it's something that's unusually expensive compared to the surroundings- those are often gifts or heirlooms.

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

Given the amount of wage theft that goes on casually, I do not care if employees are costing businesses profit through whatever means are available to them. I always approve of breaking laws that primarily harm customers. It's been made very clear over the past few years that businesses will make profit by any means necessary- they do not need an excuse to raise prices, and will do so whenever they think that they can get away with it.

I have far more common cause with the cashier sneaking extra stock and cash than with the business employing them. More than not caring, I actively approve of their actions and will do my best to safeguard them. The person is my priority above the business and the law.

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

In a very specific mood where I wish I could personally tell every disabled child in the entire world that they are incredibly valuable and wonderful and deserve to be treated with respect and care and that nothing is ever wasted by giving it to them.

It's amazing, the things that people will say to you to be nice when you're disabled. That you will never get anywhere in life, and that anyone who told you otherwise is lying to you. That people like you have never done anything other than lie down and die, and that your death will be a relief to those around you. That nobody like you should exist, and that it is a moral good to make sure that they don't. That your birth was the worst act of abuse that ever has or will happen to you, and that you should have been taken from your parents for it. That if you ever have biological children, that you have committed an act of child abuse by choosing to do so, and that they should be taken from you and made to behave as abled as possible. That any money spent on making sure that you stay alive is charity and pity at best, and probably a waste that could have gone to something far more useful than you. That you are disgusting, that anyone who tells you that they find you attractive is pitying you, that you will never be loved as anything other than some piteous thing to be taken care of. That you are a worthless, unloveable waste.

Oh, and that they are the nicest people you will ever meet for being considerate enough to tell you.

What nice people. Just imagine if they weren't.

"School districts that don’t respect transgender and nonbinary students’ pronouns or force them to use restrooms that don’t align with their gender identity could be committing federal civil rights violations beginning this fall.

Today, the U.S. Department of Education announced the issuance of a final rule under Title IX to protect people in public schools from sex-based discrimination and harassment. The announcement marks a significant update in federal efforts to combat sex discrimination in federally funded educational institutions. During a call with reporters, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona emphasized the administration’s dedication to ensuring that Title IX effectively serves all students by providing safe, welcoming, and rights-respecting educational environments."

Read the full piece here