"Hachi —"

"He didn't tell me. Not exactly. But he —" Jinbei's voice falters, and Nami fights to keep her shoulders squared and her expression smooth, when he says, "— he warned me, about the kinds of things I might do that he felt might...be upsetting to you. So that I could avoid those behaviors."

Some part of Nami's heart breaks, and she smiles, faint and almost sharp, at the idea of Hatchan trying to protect her in this small, simple way. It's kind, but it's something else, too. "And based on what he said, you've...guessed."

He doesn't pretend otherwise, and she appreciates it. "Yes. Not the finer details, but...some of it."

She sits, body suddenly feeling heavy, and sinks into one of the room's plush seats. It's quiet, in the library. Just her and their newest crew member, who she does not fear. Who she does not fear. But her body remembers. Suddenly she can do little else. "What did he say?"

Jinbei would clearly rather not say, but he sits, too, and respects her too much to lie or evade. "He said it might make you uncomfortable to see me using a firearm." Her mind fills with images and sounds, the bang of a gunshot / the sight of her mothers skull exploding, viscera falling out like a spilled bowl / Nojiko's scream. "He told me to let you eat first, before myself, if there was ever a situation where we needed to eat in turns." It's been years since she's been forced to skip a meal, either because her captors decided she wasn't worthy of food or because spending even a cent on a meal was selfish, but she remembers the clutching, devouring hunger and the way her ribs felt against her skin nevertheless. "He though it would be best if I avoided waking you at night if there was any other option." His voice twists, and she doesn't have it in her to wonder what he's imagining. The first six months were the hardest, as far as sleep goes, never being allowed more than a few hours at a time because Arlong wanted to break her circadian rhythm, forcing her up at random to redo maps she knew were perfect. The years after, when she'd wake screaming and be beat for causing such a racket, and the way now she can't scream when she wakes up at all.

She swallows thickly, does not try to force the memories away, does try not to let them settle.

"Was that all?" Nami asks, her voice stronger than she feels.

"And he...suggested I shouldn't come near you generally while you're working on maps."

That has her stiffening. A too - large hand against her skull, slamming her face to her work table, smearing wet ink on her cheeks and blooming bruises beneath it. The memories always float closest to the surface when she draws maps, and that makes her so fucking angry she still wants to scream some days, because drawing maps is her passion. She loves little more. And he took it from her, transformed the simple, warm joy into a source of fear and anger. It's hers, now, but it isn't just her body that he left scarred. It's her dream. Every day, the scars fade, and she believes that someday, it'll be all hers again, but that she has a scar to heal at all is all wrong.

"Hah. That was kind of him." Her hand raises, pressing idly to her tattoo and the jagged scar beneath it. "I kind of hate how weak it makes me seem, though. That he thinks you need to walk on eggshells around me, just because Arlong hurt me."

"Not weak," Jinbei says. "I know that you're the farthest thing from weak."

Nami smiles, not looking at him, and tries to remember that he's right. "I want to tell you about it. Everything that happened." Hatchan was being kind, to tell him this. Nojiko was being kind, when she told Sanji and Usopp. She understands. But it's not their story to share. "I want you to know, and I want you to hear it from me."

He stiffens, and she can tell even without looking at him by the way his breath skips. Fishmen and humans breathe differently. She knows that, too. She imagines hearing a fishman's breath at her back while she draws a map, and is forced to consider that at least one piece of Hachi's advisements may be wise. Jinbei nods and says, "Of course."

"I'm not telling you to hurt you. This crew is like a family to me, and that means you, too. I want everything to be out on the table between us." She looks at him, still smiling, tired but not lying. "And I think we both need the reminder that we're strong enough to bear the truth."

Jinbei smiles, too, and nods again. Nami inhales.

"The reason Hachi probably thought it might upset me if I saw you with a gun — the first thing Arlong did to me was invade my village when I was ten. He took it over, and demanded tribute from everyone. My mother, she — she only had enough money for herself or for my sister and I, and she chose to save us. Arlong — he shot her in the head in front of us." She's surprised at how even her voice is, even while he heart breaks at the memory. She'd tried to help Bellemere after; tiny, trembling hands reaching as though she could put her brains back in her skull, and Nojiko had held her back. Jinbei looks, again, like he may cry, and Nami feels herself grow more tired.

He starts, "I'm so —"

"No," she says. "Don't. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You've apologized already, and I accepted it. You're not your brother, and I know that. Seeing you with a gun wouldn't scare me, because I know you're not like him."

Jinbei nods, lips thin. Nami looks back to the half - finished map resting on her work table. It's nice, that she can take breaks whenever she wants now. She lets her eyes rest there.

"After he killed my mother, he found a map I'd drawn. I don't remember what I said, but I must have gotten mad at him for touching it or something, because he realized I drew it. Even back then, I was good at it, and Arlong took me away. A man in the vilage who cared about me — he's like a father to me — tried to stop him from taking me, and he was...he got hurt, real badly for it. He almost died."

She doesn't look back at Jinbei. She thinks of Genzo's voice, ragged, barely - there, soaked with blood, I'll save you, Nami. She thinks of screaming, begging him to abandon her. It took her so long after to learn that she was allowed to let others protect her, that she doesn't get everyone who loves her hurt.

"Once he took me away, Arlong beat me and made me watch him sink the Navy ships that came close. I didn't understand what he wanted, but...he was just trying to prove to me that I was alone. That help wasn't coming. He said I could join his crew as their cartographer. I —" Her voice breaks, just barely, as she remembers the little girl, so scared, so small, who'd had to be so, so brave. She wishes she could hold her. She wishes she could tell her that it would be okay someday. "I told him I'd only work for him if he'd let me buy the village back from him someday. And he agreed."

"He did?" Jinbei sounds sincerely surprised, and Nami laughs weakly, eyes drifting to her knees.

"He did. I'd just have to earn one hundred million berries for him, and I'd have the town's freedom. And my own."

"One hundred —"

"I was still a little girl, so I — I didn't really understand just how big that number was. But I didn't...there wasn't any choice. I d - didn't see any other choice. No one was coming to save us. Either I protected the village, or...or they'd all die, like my mom did." She inhales raggedly. "It was all I could do."

"I'm sorry," he says again, and her head snaps to him but before she can tell him to stop, he says, "I'm not taking responsibility. But I am sorry that happened. That shouldn't have...no child should ever be put in that position."

He's right. Nami smiles, and allows herself a few tears. All of the others said the same, when she'd told them. It's a good reminder, that her pain was as horrible and wrong as it had felt. As it still feels, on the worst days.

"Anyway, I ended up working for him. It was more like I was his prisoner than a member of the crew. He gave me a tattoo on my arm of his Jolly Roger, like — hah, well. I guess like a brand." Jinbei's face twists, a mixture of guilt and fury, and she thinks of Fisher Tiger's last words and understands, at least a little. "He was...awful to me. Almost the whole crew was. I went without food a lot. I got beat a lot. He didn't let me sleep enough or eat enough, and he almost killed me more times than I can count. I think he expected me to die. I think he wanted me to." It hadn't felt like an option to her. She was all that stood between Arlong and the village. "He let me stop wearing chains when I turned twelve. A birthday present." Jinbei's expression contorts further. She reaches out her free hand, hesitates, and then commits, resting it over his. His eyes widen as his head snaps towards the contact, then towards her face.

She smiles, trying to comfort them both. This aches, but she's told the story to the others enough that at least the wound isn't new. The hurt is like a stone, stuck in the center of her chest — whenever she tells someone, it feels like chipping away at it.

"He was...exacting about his maps. He locked me in a little room for a long time, didn't let me see any other humans for years. It was just work and maps and getting hurt whenever I tried to rest. I couldn't breathe. When he finally started letting me leave the island, I started stealing from — anywhere. Anything I could get my hands, to save the money to buy the island. Eventually, I started stealing from pirates."

Nojiko's horror, the first time she came home, blood dripping from her mouth and wounds across her arms and chest. Who cares that I'm hurt, I got ten thousand berries right here!

It's easier, to tell this part of the story.

"They hurt me, too, but...honestly, it was still better than being at Arlong Park. Nothing that any of them did to me could match what Arlong did." She inhales slow, exhales slower. Jinbei moves his hand beneath hers slowly, so as to not startle her, and flips it so her hand rests in his wide palm. She doesn't flinch, when he curls his hand gently around hers. "That was...my whole life. For eight years."

The number seems to wound him, and his eyes lower. Nami breathes, but does not stop. She must not believe herself fragile. She must not believe him fragile, either. "I had saved a lot over the years. Arlong figured out how close I was, and he had one of the Navy fuckers he was paying off steal my stash, so that I was back to square one. They shot my sister — she lived, thank god." She'd been so scared, mind conjuring images of Belle - mere's blood in the grass, another person dead because of Nami. "I — the villagers were so angry at Arlong, and so angry on my behalf, that they...they decided they'd rather die fighting Arlong and his men than live another day like this. I tried to convince them I could just...earn the money again, but..."

Inhale. Exhale. This part is hard. It had been so strange, to go from universally despised to so, so loved, and all in a matter of hours. To know that she was going to lose the people who loved her again. "The village loved me, even if I didn't know it. They wouldn't let Arlong get away with hurting me like that, and I think they...they thought that if they died, at least I'd finally be able to escape. I wouldn't have anybody left to save except myself." Her smile turns bitter. "Idiots. At that point, I'd have just died, too."

Her hand against her scar finally falls, and Jinbei's eyes fall to the exposed flesh. The scar is audacious and ugly, but it's mostly covered by the pinwheel. He seems to only now realize how extreme the wound is. "I was so angry at him, and so scared for my family, and so sick of — of having his mark on my body, this reminder that it wasn't really my body, just his tool, and I just — I snapped. I basically tried to carve his brand off of me." Jinbei winces, eyes shining, teeth gritting. There is no fear in her that the anger he expresses is aimed at her. "It's a miracle I can still use my arm at all, honestly. Luffy found me like that, and he didn't even know the story, he just...hated seeing me suffering like that. He and the others marched off to Arlong Park. And against all odds...they won. Luffy, he — he destroyed the room Arlong kept me in, destroyed all the maps I'd drawn in captivity. Destroyed everything connected to — what Arlong did to me. After that, after all that pain, I was...finally free."

Jinbei is silent for a long, long time. Nami doesn't rush him. She needs the quiet to swallow her tears, to let the memories wash through her and leave without drowning her. Fishmen hands feel different than human hands, but she's glad that holding Jinbei's hand doesn't chafe. It feels comforting. It feels kind.

Finally, the fishman says, "how long ago were you freed?"

Nami breathes out. "Almost three years ago."

"Three years of freedom after eight years of captivity and abuse from my brother. I don't fault you for being uncomfortable around me."

"Hey, stop that," Nami commands. "Listen. I'm not uncomfortable around you. We're holding hands now, and all that makes me feel is safe." Jinbei's eyes widen, head raising to look at her face. Her lips are set in a stern line, shoulders strong. "I'm not saying that there won't be bad days where I might jump when you greet me or something or feel anxious drawing my maps around you or the memories might make things hard. But it's not about you or about you letting Arlong go. I get that way about Sanji or Brook or the others sometimes, too." He doesn't look entirely convinced, but he squeezes her hand like he wants to be. "It's not about you. It's just the memories. We've both suffered a lot because of each other's people. But I don't blame you, and I know you don't blame me. There's no part of me, not a single one, that believes you'd ever hurt me the way Arlong did." Jinbei's eyes widen and shine and hurt. Softer, she adds, "There's no part of me that believes you'd ever hurt me at all."

The older man's voice trembles, breaking like the tears flowing from his eyes, when he says, "You are — far kinder than I deserve, and unimaginably brave." She smiles again, helpless this time, as she feels her own eyes begin to well again.

"Now you know my whole story. Thank you for letting me tell you."

"I'm a part of the crew," he says, still crying, but his voice is steadying. She thinks of the singular time she'd caught Arlong crying. He'd beat her for daring to see his fear and pain, and she knows that Jinbei is much stronger than him in many ways, that he is not afraid to allow himself to feel and cry and grieve. She is, too. "You said it yourself. This crew is like family, and there shouldn't be secrets." He breathes out a stuttering laugh, his tears slowing. "It's a bit strange to adjust to how close you are all."

"Give it a month or two," Nami shoots back, teasing a little now. "Luffy will have you so overwhelmed by how stupid we all are that you'll have no choice but to adjust."

"I hope to learn from all of you," he says, free hand wiping at his eyes. She releases his palm, and the other presses to his chest, and to the symbol that had frightened her in the early days "I hope that someday I may possess a fraction of your strength, Nami."

That draws a laugh from her, startled and shy. "The others on the crew are much strong than me."

"I don't believe that," he says, and he means it. He does. Her heart feels — light and heavy both. Floating on saltwater. She is strong, she knows. "To be strong enough not only to endure that hardship, but to have coped and moved on to the extent that you have...to be honest, I envy you. Arlong hurt you far more than he did me, and yet...the strength you display with regards to him is not something I can ever hope to match."

Her brow furrows. "He was your brother. He is your brother. That doesn't excuse him, and I'll always hate him for what he did to me. But it's a hell of lot easier to move on from a villain you hurt you than from the brother that you love."

Jinbei smiles joylessly. "Strange that the same man can be both, isn't it?"

She doesn't have a reply to that. All she can say, after a long moment of silence, is, "you're strong, too." To take responsibility for what is only barely his fault, to cry to a human even though humans have hurt him, to hold the love and the hate for Arlong together in his heart and not fall apart with it.

Jinbei smiles, not looking convinced, but doesn't argue.

"Do you want to — stay with me?" Nami asks suddenly. "While I finish this map?"

His eyes widen. "Are you sure you'd be comfortable with that?"

His concern isn't unwarranted. This conversation has memories bubbling to the surface, pressing against her head — Belle - mere, pain, years of abuse. The time Arlong drowned her and then crushed her hands. A fishman's breathing near her while she draws maps. It might be hard, but — "I'm strong," she says, because she needs to. "And I think I need..." She exhales, trying to think of how to word it. "I used to be afraid of pirates, you know? Much more than I was afraid of fishmen. When I started traveling with Luffy, I was terrified of him. But every day when none of them hurt me, the fear got...smaller. The memories of my crew being good to me drowned out the memories of the crew that hurt me. And I think...I think I need memories of maps and fishmen that are safe, too. To drown out the memories that aren't." She laughs quietly. "I guess I'm being selfish."

Jinbei smiles, almost paternal, eyes still red from his tears. "I think that makes perfect sense. I'd be happy to keep you company."

Nami grins. She's sure it might ache. But she's sure, too, that he won't hurt her. Even now, years later, what a relief — to know her crew won't ever hurt her.

"Thank you."

Update on Fox Gods’ Wife

Before I pass out in bed, I managed to plot out the first three chapters of the new fic. In all likelihood, it’ll be posted on my AO3 account but I’ll post previews and teasers with official links. For projects like this, I feel like they’re too long for Tumblr and for multiple chapter works I tend to run 4000-5000+ per chapter as the minimum. If I hit my groove, I can pump out between 6000-8000+ for one chapter. I feel like that is too long for a Tumblr post. Below are the chapters I came up with. The way I plot everything is using astrology and tarot cards because I’ve always hated those maps they give out in English classes. This is a weird system I came up with that happens to work for me. If you have any questions about it or want to try it yourself, you’re more than welcome to ask me. I’m not a professional tarot card reader, but the divination aspects of tarot isn’t what I use for my writing craft anyway. 

Chapter 1

1.     The Moon: intuition, illusion, fear, subconscious, the unconscious, mystery, secrets, psychic work, imagination, falsehood, deception/deceptive people in one’s life; Masae is caught in a daydream during her break. She returns to work and gets a vague from her boyfriend. She faces a subconscious fear that Neito is somehow lying to her, but she can’t pinpoint it. As she leaves work, Masae runs into harmless spirits that she feeds her leftovers. When she finally arrives home, there is no there to greet her.

2.     Two of Cups, reversed: imbalance, disconnection, unworthiness, struggle, quarrels and misunderstandings, love not returned, a secret liaison, disharmony, cooling affection; Masae’s boyfriend eventually comes home. Neito complains about having to get dinner himself while gaslighting Masae about not texting him about what to get supper. Masae makes a weak apology (even though she doesn’t need to). Neito seemingly tries to make up his attitude earlier by flirting with her. While making love, Masae notices something odd about Neito’s behavior in the bedroom but brushes it aside.

3.     King of Pentacles: power, influence, abundance, security, material success, pragmatism, a steady, methodical, and reliable man, an older established man, businessman; The next day at work, Masae is struggling to focus on work. Her boss comes around to scold her for not doing her work properly, even though she is. Masae bites her tongue and returns to work discouraged.

4.     The Fool, reversed: carelessness, negligence, uncertainty, apathy, restlessness and boredom, the need for a new beginning, folly; Masae returns home from work again. This time she finds that Neito is home before her. He makes a barely believable story and gaslights her. Masae finds an earring in the bedroom, but doesn’t recognize it. She shrugs it off and puts it in her jewelry box.

5.     High Priestess: the subconscious, wisdom, serenity, intuition, emotions, feminine power, spirituality, inner power, the influence of women, hidden influences at work, mysteries and secrets; Masae is visited by her Aunt Emi when Neito leaves a brief business trip. Emi is a shaman of sorts and understands Masae’s secret abilities to see spirits and ghosts. Emi is convinced that there is negative energy in the home Masae shares with Neito. Masae eventually tells Emi that she’s been feeling weird, off-putting vibes from Neito and tells her about the earring she found on the bedroom floor. Their conversation is cut off by Neito. Emi leaves reluctantly. Neito chides Masae for relying on her “crazy aunt” for advice. “Thank goodness you’re not blood related. I wouldn’t want it spreading through the gene pool. You don’t honestly believe in spirits and all that nonsense do you, Masae?” Wanting to please him, she quickly denies it. Masae lies in bed, unable to sleep.

Chapter 2

1.     The Hanged Man: sacrifice, release, new perspective, surrender, letting go, seeing things from a different perspective, suspension, detachment from the material, meditation; Masae is stuck. She begins to become paranoid about Neito and her feelings towards him. She slowly begins to suspect him of something and it becomes more obvious that he’s hiding an affair behind her back. When she confronts him about it, Neito is quick to gaslight her and lie through his teeth. He makes her feel bad for even suggesting he’s cheating on her. Even after listening to him, Masae still can’t help but trust her gut feeling that he’s cheating on her. Masae slips into a depression and can’t seem to enjoy her books and manga anymore.

2.     Nine of Wands, reversed: failure, defensiveness, hesitation, paranoia, cut your losses, existing partnership has lost its glow, spite; Masae comes home to find Neito with a female guest in their home. She feels jealous, but doesn’t make a show of it while the other woman is there. Neito’s guest seems oblivious Masae’s discomfort. Once she leaves, Neito chides Masae for not letting him know when she was coming home. They have a fight and Masae stays with her aunt instead of sharing her bed with Neito.

3.     Six of Pentacles: generosity, charity, empathy, kindness, give and take, cooperation, gifts and awards; Masae comes to her Aunt Emi weighed down by fear and anxiety. She explains that she just had a fight with Neito and asks if she could stay a while. Naturally, Aunt Emi is more than happy to take her in for as long as it takes. Almost a week later, Neito arrives at the door with flowers and well-worded apology. He seemingly apologizes for his actions, however he does all of this while Aunt Emi is away and can’t warn Masae about Neito’s subtle gaslighting. Masae is so used to it, that she doesn’t notice it and takes him back.

4.     The Star: renewal, hope, serenity, clarity, happiness, light at the end of the tunnel; Neito becomes sweeter than before as if to mask something. Masae begins to have her suspcions again, but is willing to give him a second chance. In a matter of days, Neito is still sickly-sweet to Masae, although by now she doesn’t notice the subtle deceipt. Neito plans a big date night to make up for his previous behavior.

5.     The Tower: upheaval, change, awakening, shock, freedom, upsets, destruction of the old system, breakups, conflict and disruptions; Masae gets ready for her date with Neito when she gets a omninous text from her aunt. She tries not to think about it when she goes out with Neito. Everything seems to be going well until dessert. One of Neito’s exes spies them from across the restaurant. She explains that Neito is a chronic cheater and shows Masae pictures of Neito’s social media with the girl she saw at their home. Masae is so upset that she leaves the restaurant in tears.

Chapter Three

1.     The Lovers: unification, choices, harmony, relationships, partnerships, the union of opposites, cooperation; In a town called Kitsunemura, located on Awaji Island, a young couple visit a shrine dedicated to a couple of fox gods. They pray for a successful and wonderful marriage. On their way out, the woman mentions how sad the shrine looks these days because it looks so old and run-down. The chapter cuts to Shouta and Hizashi, the fox gods, apparent opposites but also (sometimes) lovers themselves.

2.     Four of Cups: meditation, resentment, apathy, discontentment, withdrawal, rest, boredom, lack of inspiration; Shouta looks around at the shrine and sighs. Hizashi is riding the cloud of accomplishment of helping yet another couple before he notices how downcast Shouta now appears. Shouta tells him that the state of the shrine won’t bring in enough people and they’ll be forced to return to Heaven (home of the gods). They can’t simply fix the shrine themselves due to limitations in their powers and drawing too much attention to the shrine (it might frighten more people away if it were to suddenly change overnight). Hizashi suggests going somewhere to alleviate their boredom. Shouta takes another look around the shrine and reluctantly agrees with the plan.

3.     Seven of Cups: illusion, imagination, unrealistic desires, possibility, fantasy, dreams; Hizashi and Shouta go to the Spirit World (the go-between world of gods, spirits, and ghosts). They go to the Gods’ Quarter where they go to an inn to drink away their boredom. While they’re entertained, Hizashi senses one of their few devotees asking for help. He’s wasted and doesn’t think much of it. He drunkenly tells Shouta, but they both end up in a stupor and fall asleep together.

4.     Eight of Pentacles: creativity, concentration, craftsmanship, focus, skill, work, determination; Hizashi wakes up with a hang-over only to discover that he’s back home. Shouta had carried him back home, but awoken early to see if there was something he could do for the shrine. Hizashi finds him at work reviving some of the plants and trees, however it has little effect as the shrine’s general appearance does not seem to improve or be able to attract more devotees.

5.     The Star: renewal, hope, serenity, clarity, happiness, light at the end of the tunnel; Shouta and Hizashi sit up to watch the night sky after expending so much spiritual energy trying to fix their own shrine. Hizashi snuggles up to Shouta and holds him. Shouta notices some stars falling out of the sky and recalls the “mortal tradition” of making a wish on a falling star. Shouta doesn’t bother exploring the tradition, but Hizashi wishes that their bosses would send someone to help them save the shrine and keep them on earth.

Week Six Roundup

Mod Note: Because of holiday and other real life stuff, Mod Tisfan is a little behind on reading everyone’s fics for this week. So if there’s no note beside your fic, don’t worry, I’ll catch up soon! Promise! I’m so excited at how much work everyone’s done!

Name of Piece Wedding Dress for Sale, Worn Once By Accident by @voodoofee Square Filled continued A3 freesquare Rating M Warnings smut, light dom/sub Summary Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Bucky finds a strange note in the elevator reading, Wedding dress for sale, worn once by mistake, with the number of someone named Tony. Bucky only knows one Tony but he doesn't think that's the guy’s name. Why else should the packages he sometimes receives be addressed to one A. Edward Stark? Whoever it is, Rebecca's wedding is coming soon and he wanted to buy her a dress. Maybe this one fits? He's pretty sure she won't mind that it has already been worn once... Chapter 8

Name of Piece: What Happens at the Beach House by @tisfan Square Filled A1: Fake Relationship Also on A03 Rating Mature Warnings: fake relationship, blowjob, accidental nudity, there was only one bed, bed sharing, pining, idiots Summary: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

“Come on, I need this,” Tony begged. “I know, I know, it’s degrading, and you’re straight, but it’s my mom. She’s not going to stick us in the same room or anything.” Narrator: She did, in fact, stick them in the same room.  

Name of Piece Quantum Realm Travel gone Wrong by @toneestark Square Filled K1 - Crossover Marvel x Marvel Rating teen and up Warnings graphic violence, zombies, hurt/comfort Summary gen

Tony Stark and Hank Pym have a way to reverse all of Thanos' wrong doings, but they need a quick trial to ensure that the technology can work. Winding their way into a worm hole through the quantum realm, they finally make it to an alternate universe and an alternate timeline, only it wasn't quite what they were expecting... 

Name of Piece Giving Him Excitations by @polizwrites Rating Mature Warnings No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Sex Toys, Vibrators, Exhibitionism Square S2 - Vibes in Public. Summary: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers Tony Stark is a sneaky, kinky SOB and Steve kinda loves it; it certainly makes their next team meeting more interesting.

Mod Tisfan’s Commentary slightly different twist on this trope. Hilarious.

Name of Piece Occupational Hazard by @novarain01 Square Filled S5 - occupational hazard Rating Mature Warnings NSFW art fill Summary 

Tony Stark, laying on red bedsheets, wearing skimpy underwear and covered with lipstick, bite marks, rope burn, and a sarcastic grin, looks up at the viewer. 

Mod Tisfan’s Commentary: you can just feeel the smug, here...

Name of Piece The Vague & the Unmistakable by @wakandan-wardog Rating general Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Fluff and Humor, Birthday Fluff, Flirting, Suggestive Themes, Not Beta Read, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant Summary:

Looking back on it, there are several things that should have tipped Steve off that today was his Birthday. (Starting with the fact that it’s suddenly clear Tony engineered every one of them.)  Square Filled: T4: writing format: five things

Name of Piece Soulmates Aren’t Just Lovers by @celtic7irish Rating: Teen  Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Forced soulbonding, Imprisonment, Abandonment Issues, winter soldier programming, Bucky Barnes is still in there, Tony Stark is the most stubborn, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Bucky needs a hug, Soulmates, TWS on never happened Summary:

Hydra wants Tony to build them Stark/Chitauri Hybrid weapons. When Tony refuses, they decide that they’ll make him more pliable. By forcing him into a soulbond with the Winter Soldier. After all, his programming should supersede Tony’s stubbornness. Right?

Square T1: Forced Soulbonding 

Mod Tisfan Commentary: Beautiful and riveting. I hit the subscribe button SO FAST. 

Name of Piece Where We Wanna Be by  @rinnwrites Square Filled A1 - Meeting Alternate Universe Counterparts Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Multiple Universes Colliding, Meeting Alternate Universe Counterparts, Domesticity, Portals, Inhumans (Marvel), Getting Together, What Could Have Been Summary:

Tony and Bucky stumble through a portal to an alternate universe and they run into themselves, in a world without Avengers….or their enemies.

Name of Piece Always by @ouzoathena11 Rating: General Audiences Additional Tags: How Do I Tag, there’s a book club, and some inside jokes, It’s really not much, just some fun, Tony Stark Bingo 2018 Summary:

Tony bringing Darcy Lewis to Stark Industries brought more than he thought- including a book club!

Square A4- Always

Name of Piece A Place to Call Home by Stark-n-Barnes Square Filled S1 - Holding Hands Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff, Neurosurgeon Stephen, Ex-Military Tony, Recovery, House Searching, Moving In Together, Marriage Proposal, Friend Reunions, Realtor Bucky, Holding Hands Summary: Stephen thinks moving in together would be a great idea, Tony disagrees. But can one, beautiful townhome change all that?

Name of Piece Schmoop - @bill-longbow Square Filled K3 - schmoop  Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark,  Additional Tags: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hopefully not Avengers 4 compliant, Schmoop, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ALL THE FLUFF, waking up together, Angst, Not A Happy Ending, Coma Summary:

Tony’s content. There’s no other way to put it. The fighting’s over, the endgame has been played, nothing to fear anymore.

Mod Tisfan Commentary I read this by accident because it’s not very long. Now I am depressed.

Name of Piece Rewards for Good Behavior by @dracusfyre Square Filled R2 Gossip Press Rating explicit Warnings sexual content, jealousy Summary Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

This is a continuation of my Dark!Tony story Positive Reinforcement (part 1 of Operant Conditioning) though it can be read as a smutty standalone. 

James gets jealous when Tony turns on the charm for his adoring public.

Name of Piece From the Heart that Bleeds by @duckmoles Square Filled A3 - free square Rating gen/preslash Warnings Post Infinity War, possible spoilers Summary

Steve spends his hundredth birthday in Wakanda, still dealing with the fallout of Thanos. He doesn't feel like he's one hundred. He feels like he's one thousand.

(In which Steve and Tony tentatively start to forgive.)

Name of Piece Slack Water, part six: Shoals by Tisfan Square Filled K2: Reunion Also on A03 Rating Mature  Warnings: Consentacles, tentacle sex, marine mating habits, oral sex (sort of? I dunno, Tony’s a fish!) Summary: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

Bucky’s never actually been free. While Bucky is discovering what freedom is like, Tony is learning everything his mate likes. Fleeing south, Tony eventually brings Bucky home…

Name of Piece Out of Touch by Mitochondrials Rating: Explicit Square Filled: T3 - Fuck or die Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Brief mention of Jarvis (William), Post-The Ultimates 2, Fuck Or Die, happy birthday steve, Dildos Summary: “I appreciate the sentiment. It’s very touching,” Tony said, and then paused, taking Steve in. “My, my, you’ve really forgotten haven’t you?” He reached to brush a hand along Steve’s cheek, causing Steve to shiver and lean down closer towards him. “You darling, brute of a man. It’s been your birthday going on six hours now. You’ve missed the fireworks? They’ve been going all week.”“I—” Steve blinked. Oh. Tony is suffering the aftereffects of some AIM engineered breeding chemical. Steve, despite his embarrassment, firmly advocates helping.

Mod Tisfan’s Commentary One of my personal favorite tropes, also, I love Ultimates, they’re so... I don’t even know the word, but their relationship is so delicious.

Name of Piece Aberrant Outcomes by @dracusfyre Square Filled K3 - Noncon Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark Additional Tags: Steve and Bucky are Not Friends, No actual rape but definitely non-consensual activity, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Groping

Summary: James inadvertently follows Captain Rogers into the jaws of a trap. 

Title: Try, Try Again Collaborator: @27dragons & @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: S3 - Fuck or Die (Tisfan’s Tony Stark Bingo) and T5 - Fuck or Die (27Dragon’s Tony Stark Bingo) Ship: Bucky/Tony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: non-con, sex pollen, hand job, masturbating, coming untouched, fantasy, oral sex, anal sex, violence, kidnapping, hydra trash party adjacent Summary: Madam Hydra’s most successful project was Snowmelt; breeding children from the Winter Soldier. When she returns unexpectedly from the dead, she decides that Tony Stark will be a good donor for a new wave of experiment children. But first, she needs genetic material. And for that, she has a special drug for Tony.

Title: Resolving Dissonance - by @dracusfyre Square Filled: T3: Slave Fic  Ship: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Rating general Warning Dark!Tony Summary  President Stark decides its time to reconcile with Captain America. 

edited to fix misattributed fic: From the Heart that Bleeds was erroneously linked to @rinnwrites instead of its proper author, @duckmoles/Kirael. I’d say I don’t know how that happened, but we all know the truth... I made a mistake! Mod Tisfan

my big bad list o’ bartimaeus fanfic recs (updated september 2020)

it’s long so I put it under a cut. [unfinished] means the fic has been apparently abandoned :(

Gen:

On Names, and Becoming Them by me malum: "You have many names," the old crone continued. "Did you know you've gained another?" Bartimaeus, in the centuries after 'Ptolemy's Gate'.

Hair by Kyuunen: Jane Farrar wishes she could lock away the razor and the shaving cream. Lock them away forever.

In the End by Volkie: In a way, she was glad. She would rather die than live in a London controlled by commoners and second-raters.

Ties that Bind by chibideath: Concerning what happens to Kitty Jones and Bartimeaus following the end of Ptolemy's gate. A story about names, hearts, and what comes with being human.

Of Uruk by electrumqueen: Five stories of origin for the djinni known as Bartimaeus of Uruk, as told to Ptolemy of Alexandria over the course of his research. Some of them might even be true.

one day you will go away from this by electrumqueen: Enkidu becomes a real boy; Bartimaeus is dubious about the process. Uruk changes everyone who comes into her walls.

coda by asdfghjkla:  a series of unrelated prompts taking place during and after the events of ptolemy's gate. spoilers for everything. mostly kitty and kitty+bart focused.

Of Pentacles, Rocking Chairs, and Presumed Deaths by yonwords: Kitty summons Bartimaeus after the events of Ptolemy's Gate. 

Far From Home by Contrarian: Bartimaeus is summoned for the first time after Ptolemy's death.

After Icarus by Bialy: The boy in the pentacle is skinny and pale, and forever twelve years old. He has dark, combed hair, and his black eyes are locked on the thick chalk line at his feet. He is regretting this form. Oneshot, five years after the end of Ptolemy's Gate.

o brother you are not by DrMeh: He's always tried his hardest to forget the difference between cowardice and courage, Nick has.

Semantics by TheAliensDidIt: Detailing the exploits of Bartimaeus of Uruk (i.e. moi), the Serpent of the Silver Plumes, N'gorso the Mighty, the Bane of Magicians, in great battles of wit and cunning... you'd best say your incantations correctly and pray your pentacle has no faults, for if there is one, I will find it.

Untitled by @notaflower whom tumblr won’t let me tag

Untitled by @joons​

Stages by @tarragonthedragon​: Faquarl's view of Bartimaeus over time changes, and ultimately, stays the same. Their very nature seems to revert them to the status quo of uneasy disdain.

three doors, three souls by @avinryd​: “B-” He clears his throat. “Bartimaeus?”(He's not sure where that name came from.)The boy blinks, then shakes his head. “No, my name is Ptolemy.” He looks expectant, as if waiting for a response.And what to respond? Does he have a name? After a moment of thought he decides, yes, he does have a name: Nathaniel. He says as much and Ptolemy smiles.“Hello, Nathaniel,” and it sounds so right and familiar in his voice that Nathaniel aches.

it doesn’t really bear thinking about by @avinryd​: "He wonders, vaguely, what might have changed if they’d lived; all three of them against the world. It doesn’t really bear thinking about, but then again, he’ll be dead in moments. Why not spend those dwelling on happier things?"

Cats by @tarragonthedragon: Prompt: Bartimaeus and Queezle being happy. Maybe one of their adventures?

Just One Yesterday by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: Bartimaeus stumbles upon an old enemy, and sees them in a new light after certain events from the last book.

a song skims over the nile, by dolokhovian: call it the earth turning.

Untitled by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: Evil Nat AU!

A Road Trip (A Disgusting Human Invention) by @tarragonthedragon: In which a magician, a spirit, and a commoner are crammed into the cramped space of a single Honda Civic and are unable to stop and shout at each other. It's not going to end well.

Bartimaeus/Nathaniel:

Thorn by Maiden of the Moon: Nathaniel was a thorn in Bartimaeus' side. But now that he is dead, now that the thorn is gone, the resulting wound is free to fester and ooze and bleed...

Chaos by Maiden of the Moon: Sometimes, I understand why he hates me.

Distractions by Maiden of the Moon: The djinn flopped backwards, rearranging his puppet's toned body and dark hair in a sexy sprawl on his master's desk. “Why?” the demon pressed, voice husky with suggestion. “Do you find this distracting?”

It’s A Harsh Thing by Existence’s Bane:  For each breath taken... 

Written Aramaic and Other Tips for Everyday Living by Kyuunen: Somehow, in the thrum of everyday life, the djinni that drives Nathaniel to near insanity is the only thing keeping him sane.

miserable company by BoltAcid: Nine cheesy, mismatched prompts and one familiar, mismatched pair.

warm chromatic by atrophie: bartimaeus is on a desk and annoying nathaniel, as usual.  

A Very Fetching Rug by ThePurpleRose: Nathaniel, you have a very feching rug in your hall." Bartimaeus plans to bring out the Nathaniel out of John Mandrake. Involves necklaces, guilt trips, soaps, coat stands and rugs.  

As We Dream by the Fire by Wit Unraveled: Time progresses and turns to evolution; seasons decay into change. Magician boys do both. - In honor of the season; there's just something about all this snow.

Untitled by @chokopoppo

Untitled Part 1 Part 2 by @princefado

no dose of emotional chemotherapy (can halt my pathetic decline) by @singacrossthemoon: For all of his sarcasm, all of his acerbic wit, Bartimaeus could not, for the life of him, remember the last time anyone had treated him with anything less than nauseating kindness, never mind such immediate, obvious distain. I think, he realized in a rush, that I am in love.

love is colder than death by izzybusiness: Bartimaeus first meets Nathaniel at eight-thirty on a Monday morning. It’s not the most auspicious of meetings. Then again, when you’ve taken a job as a barista with the sole purpose of poisoning someone’s drink, he supposes that any sort of meeting is favourable to its end. 

love is colder than death au fics by @singacrossthemoon​ [Series]

one for the money (two for the pain) by @singacrossthemoon: Or: Five times someone asks about John Mandrake, and one time Bartimaeus talks about Nathaniel. [Content warning: sexual assault]

fire and air by @transarty: Nathaniel wants to see Bartimaeus' true form - but what could he possibly expect? Bartimaeus delights and frights over this. / light bartnat and headcanon on bart's shape, feelings and a little mush  

Bartimaeus/Kitty:

Autumn Leaves and the Endless Fall by otherworldviolet: Kitty dies. This is about what happens next. [Unfinished] [Content warning: brief mention of sexual assault in Chapter 3]

Of Fire and Roses by Anti-Logic: But this was different. That place had been all gentle waves and currents, always intermingling and flowing. This was a world of fire and roses. [Unfinished]

Of Auras and Oracles by conception.creation: The trilogy is complete, but Bartimaeus’ adventures are far from over. When a prominent politician goes missing, Kitty and Bartimaeus must find him, but who is behind the mysterious attacks on Kitty’s life?

Monomyth by conception.creation: Nouda didn’t die in the Glass Palace explosion. Now Kitty must rely on her wits to survive in a post-apocalyptic London overrun with enemy spirits.

The Haunting by conception.creation: A rebel turned demon hunter treks across the world in pursuit of escaped hybrids. Now she must track down a spirit with a mysterious agenda, and nothing is as it seems.

Restless Spirit by conception.creation: Quick thinking saves Kitty from assassination – unfortunately, she’s now without a body. Can she solve her own murder in time to stop a massive conspiracy threatening Britain itself?

Panache by conception.creation: When Bartimaeus' master sends him out to win him the hand of a beautiful commoner, he doesn't expect the djinni to fall for her himself. Based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac.

That Awful Rush To Say Goodbye by cacophonyGilded: Hope is what kills you. Kitty knows that. Bartimaeus, somehow, is still learning.  

children of dust and ash by callunavulgari: Kitty summons Bartimaeus on a chilly fall day in her thirty-eighth year. Her children are at school. There is no husband. She is alone in the house, save for a fat persian who slumbers happily on a cushion in the window seat downstairs. The persian, she knows, will not wake before noon.The words are familiar to her, and she does not stumble over them. Smoke billows into the room, as expected, but instead of a creeping sulfurous stench, there is the faint smell of sandalwood and wet earth. When the smoke clears, Bartimaeus is there.

the way to the graveyard by @singacrossthemoon​: Djinn are beings of fire, Kitty realizes anew; they leave naught but ash in their wake.

Bartimaeus/Kitty/Nathaniel:

stars are projectors by asdfghjkla:  Someone is kissing her. She is not sure which one he is.

Entertainment by princefado:  In which Kitty and Bartimaeus double team Nathaniel. In a skirt. Gratuitous smut.

the root of the root by @singacrossthemoon​: The pyre burns with the misery of passion. She does not try to stop it.

Bartimaeus/Kitty/Ptolemy:

this isn’t our first time around by nighimpossible: It seems that the spirit she thought was dead and gone isn’t so dead after all. Kitty could spit she’s so furious.“This is about the worst way you could tell me you’re alive, Bartimaeus,” Kitty grits through her teeth. Her fingers curl against the countertop, nails nearly cutting into the wood.The man gives her a confused look. “Sorry,” he says carefully. “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.”

Kitty/Nathaniel:

The Matchmaker by conception.creation: Eight lousy, stinking months have gone by and Nathaniel still refuses to let him go home. Bartimaeus gets creative.

Bartimaeus/Ptolemy:

Eyeliner by Chokopoppo: Generally, I’m known for my keen eye and my acute knowledge of universal human culture. There are few others, even among humans themselves, who so completely understand the workings of their past, present, and inevitably future, as I do. Few things are beyond my scope of great knowledge.This, apparently, was one of those things.

Coffee by Chokopoppo: He would follow the boy to the ends of the earth in every cycle of time, if he could.So he does.

Choices by Chokopoppo: He needs flight, he needs home, he needs the stars and dark eyes and shifting essence and warm skin and vast great oneness and a gentle fragile voice calling his name but he cannot have both the Other Place and Ptolemy and the universe has made his choice for him.

As Far As Adventures Go, It Was Pretty Okay by jonesandashes: Judge not - developing a proper threat rapport does not happen in a day. We got better.

drives you crazy getting old by electrumqueen

and we talk of things that matter, in words that must be said  by @lupevensies

Lullaby by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: In which Ptolemy refuses to sleep because who needs sleep when there's research to be done? This forces Bartimaeus to try and get him into bed before the poor kid burns himself out. Short and fluffy.

Bartimaeus/Queezle:

Battlecry by The Sad Privateer: "You are either a genius, or the luckiest idiot on the planet," she remarks to him one day. "And I'm leaning towards the latter."

Bartimaeus/Faquarl:

Hold Your Colour by otherworldviolet: Faquarl comes to Bartimaeus with a proposition. Set during Ring of Solomon.

A Mirror Darkly by badpriestess: Two entities so alike yet so crucially different can't help but clash, but in the end they always come back to each other.

Anger Was Good by @lupevensies​

Eeeuuuggghjjjjj by meanfrogs: Bart and Faq con non suspecting people into buying terrible copper in some market stall in Ur. They hate each other and also kiss, hell yeah

Faquarl/Jabor:

Why you should never cut your fingernails in the kitchen by JTJonah: So Jabor and Faquarl are discussing ways to ruin Lovelace (as per usual) and then - you know what, we all know what you came here for, they swive okay they swive and that's all we're here for, I hope you're all goddamned happy with the results.

Indoor Voices by JTJonah: So they had just broken into a tomb in the middle of nowhere.

Khaba/Ammet:

The Master's Shadow by badpriestess: Khaba has been inadvertently cruel, and Ammet's dissatisfaction comes to a head.

Untitled by @madanach​

More Thank Your Shadow by bluebeholder

Multiple ships:

Just Hold Me Close by Chokopoppo: A series of reincarnation romance AUs, set within the writing constraints of the Songfic Challenge from the early 2000s.

quiescency by @singacrossthemoon: “What a beautiful portrait,” the teenager gasps, his admiration genuine. “Is it of me?” The boy pauses, reconsidering the picture. It is yet unfinished. He cannot recall when he started it. “No,” he says at length.

Until the Flavor’s Gone (5/?) (Biadore) - Kitschy Pixel

A/N – Hello! So at this point in the story I’d like to point out two things. First? I’m horrible when it comes to executing research so that means a lot of vague references to places that are specifically no where because I’ve never been to the West Coast ever. You’ll see what I mean as the story progresses, I’m sure. Secondly, and I’m sure you picked up on this already, but pronouns and names are subject to change whether the person is in or out of drag. I’m just mentioning this now because it’s particularly relevant in this chapter. In other words, I would like to introduce y’all to Courtney in this story. I love Courtney to bits and I’m just going to cross my fingers and pray to whatever drag deity is up there that I’ve done her some justice. Otherwise, I will cry. A lot.

In summary, Danny is back home and is trying to get back into the swing of real life. Usual language warnings apply. Additional warning for the amount of embarrassed Danny. I’m so sorry.

Chapter 5

Getting back to normal life after spending a week living out of a suitcase in a different city was always more of an adjustment than Danny anticipated. Coming back from New York was no different.

He never fully unpacked, his clothes only gradually being removed as needed. His suitcase migrated from a corner to his room, to the middle of the floor, to open and against the wall, and now resided awkwardly at the end of his bed where he’d trip over it and yet, hadn’t moved it. But at least it was at the foot of his bed in his room and he could enjoy the comforts of both instead of a stiff double bed in a tiny hotel room with a malfunctioning television.

Two weeks after he got back, Danny was finally washing the last bit of clothes from his suitcase – a pair of jeans, a black tee shirt, a sweater he didn’t remember ever wearing, and the plaid shirt. He hovered it over the washer before he tossed it in, only to pull it back out again and press it to his face. Any kind of smell resembling any portion of Roy or anything connected to him had been thoroughly snuffed out by the shirt’s continued mingling with other pieces of clothing and honestly, Danny couldn’t even remember what Roy or his apartment or anything else related to New York in general actually smelled like because that would be a tad excessive. But still, for the sake of sentiment, maybe, he took a whiff. And was disappointed.

The shirt was dropped back into the washer and began its return to the normal circulation of Danny’s wardrobe.

He padded back to his room and belly flopped onto his bed, laying there for a long moment before he dug his phone out from where it resided near his pillow. One missed text message from Jay telling him to call ASAP because exciting news.

Nothing from Roy, but that wasn’t really that surprising. Danny took a quick check of the time. It was 2-ish PM on a Friday, so Roy was probably on his way home to get ready for a show. He might get a brief message in twenty minutes or so, if he was going to text at all today. Which he had since the initial swapping of numbers. Sometimes it was a constant stream of back and forth, and sometimes (usually on weekdays) it was just a quick check in – if anything at all.

Danny would scroll back and forth through the text log sometimes without really reading it, and he found himself doing it unconsciously before his phone buzzed to life. Whatever exciting news Jay had to tell him wasn’t going to wait for his convenience.

“I was just going to call you,” Danny quipped and grinned.

“You’re lying but I don’t have time to give you shit about it. I’m on my way over to your house.”

“What? Why?”

“Because bitch, I’m going to perform tonight!”

Danny sprang up to his knees, his grin breaking into a full on smile, “Are you fucking serious? That’s awesome! How’d you manage that?”

“I’ve got ways. You need to help me pick out something to wear. Will you come with me? Emotional support and shit?”

“Sure! Wait…” Danny bit at his lip and cringed a little, “Do you know who’s going to be there?”

“Umm… I think Detox and maybe Mayhem…? Oh, but Courtney will be there, I know that!”

Danny sighed a bit in relief. Queens he could stand, at least. Not that there were many that he couldn’t stand, to be honest. He just would have to grit his teeth a bit harder around some as opposed to others.

“Then I’ll definitely be there.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Danny dressed as Danny that night, not wanting to steal any of Jay’s – or in this case, Laganja Estranja’s – thunder in any way. Jay assured him that it wasn’t necessary, but he felt he should extend the courtesy none the less. Just in case.

He was leaning against one of the make-up tables, chatting with Jay as the other started to glue down his eyebrows when an over zealous “thwack” against the table beside him startled him to attention.

“Holy fuck!” Danny clutched his chest and willed his heartbeat back down to a normal rate before he shot a glance at the grinning perpetrator. “If I die, you realize you’re at fault.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. If you die it’s from clogged arteries, not me.” The Australian accent rolled off with a sigh and a bright smile, “So, come on! I haven’t seen you since you got back. Now tell me… how was New York?”

Courtney Act, bless her brutally kind heart, took a seat next to Danny and folded her hands, making a show at giving Danny her utmost attention. She was good at that, after all. The whole making it look like she was absolutely focused on listening to you was a natural gift. Mostly because she actually was absolutely focused on listening to you when she was willing and able.

Danny shrugged one shoulder and bit his bottom lip as he thought of how to begin. “It was actually really great. I feel like we didn’t see enough of it though… like, there’s just so much!”

“Oh, I think you saw plenty,” Jay quipped with a grin before screeching as Danny gently hit his elbow, dotting his forehead with eyeliner, “Slut!” He weakly retaliated with a stripe of black liner down Danny’s knuckles before going back to his make-up.

Danny had a fleeting hope that Courtney would let the passing comment slide but knew it was all in vain when he heard the inquisitive “oooooh…?” He had the decency to clear his throat and blush a little when he turned his attention back to the blonde.

“You got some out of town action? How’d that happen?”

“Look, it’s really not that big of a deal…” Danny began, trying to smooth over the whole situation with nonchalance without giving up details. Not that he regretted what happened. He didn’t. He just didn’t feel like divulging the events of that evening to a somewhat crowded dressing room right now. With the way Courtney was eyeing him and nodding he knew he could at least delay the inevitable.

“Danny hooked up with an older queen ~and liked it~”

Danny also forgot to murder Jay and silence that stupid sing-song voice of his before starting the whole conversation. He wouldn’t be making that mistake again.

Now he didn’t just have Courtney’s attention, who was immediately perked to fifty times more interested than she was already, but had also caught the wandering ear of a nearby Detox.

“Did I just hear that Adore Delano had her first kai kai?”

Danny cupped his hands over his face and groaned loudly as he tried to reel in the whole situation before it spiraled further out of his control. “Again, like I said… it wasn’t that big of a deal,” he made sure to stress that last part with a snarl as he glared at Jay in a silent command to keep his mouth shut. The other queen just snickered gleefully in response.

That didn’t stop neither Detox or Courtney from squealing excitedly as Detox reached out to bring Danny’s face to her chest, “Oh, our baby is growing up so fast!” she mock sniffled and patted Danny’s back before pushing him back and looking at him up and down, “Okay, talk bitch. Who was it, how was it, and how many inches? Details, now.”

Courtney tugged on Detox’s sleeve as she stood up, obviously trying to grill Danny just as effectively as their sister. “Laganja said an older queen, right? How many older New York queens can you think of?”

“Guys, please…”

Danny was trying to backtrack as fast as he could, heart hammering the whole way through. Jay was now completely useless, distracted by his phone ringing, so it was up to Danny to somehow throw both Courtney and Detox off his scent and honestly? He didn’t know if he had the strength.

In the ruckus of the new challenge, Jay’s conversation went virtually unnoticed up until he happily chirped a “Thanks!” Jay beamed before shooting a side eye to Danny. Bitch, don’t you fucking dare. “Oh, and Mama… before you go… thanks so much for suggesting Bianca’s show. She actually was super helpful!”

The sudden stillness in their immediate area made Danny’s hair raise on end and all he could do was stand there and wait for the lightning to strike and claim what was left of his filthy filthy soul.

Jay – now ¾ of the way to Laganja – abandoned his routine to turn around and face the other three queens fully and simply watch the whole thing unfold. Meanwhile, both Courtney and Detox just stared at Danny in what he assumed was a mix of shock, amusement, and was that even a little bit of awe? And then Danny – beet red, quivering Danny – began to mentally check off how many ways he could potentially hide Jay’s body and not get caught. There weren’t enough, so he just settled on glaring daggers at his supposed friend and hoped it was effective, even if it wasn’t the least bit satisfying.

Courtney was the first to speak. “Well, I was going to ask if you got the whole Bianca del Rio package but from the sounds of it, Danny actually did get the whole Bianca del Rio package.”

Danny pressed his palms into his eye sockets with a groan as the attempt in humor only proved to throw sizzling oil onto his humiliation. “Great,” he dropped his hands and looked upwards, “Now that we got that out of the way… can we move on?”

He had a feeling that Courtney would have obliged, but Detox and Jay (still caught in weird Laganja/Jay limbo) weren’t quite as forgiving.

“Oh no. Hold up. I have way too many questions for this to be dropped. Starting with length, girth, and any visible blemishes,” Detox counted off each qualifier with a finger and Jay raised both of his hands.

“And it’s been a week since you promised details and I still only know about the torn shirt.”

“There’s a torn shirt?”

Any hopes of Danny getting out of this now were completely shredded and thrown to the small pack of wolves at his feet. Well, fine. If whatever was left of his dignity was going to die in this dressing room, he may as well just grab a shovel and help bury it.

“Okay…” he drew out the two syllables for as long as he could until his voice crackled and he cleared his throat. “First, I’m going to have to ask… how do you two know who Bianca is?”

Detox scoffed and pointed to Courtney, “I don’t know her that well. I only met her once. But this bitch has known her for a couple years, now.”

“We met through a super off Broadway production I was doing before I moved to the States and became friends. I heard you two went to see her show from Alyssa and I was going to ask you about it, but I definitely have to say this has taken a very surprising turn…”

“Quit stalling and tell us what happened!”

“Fine!” Danny huffed before he started smoothing back his hair and fiddling with it uselessly. “So practically the second we got to the hotel room, Ganj had to drag me to this show Alyssa had suggested. I got asked on stage, she found out why we were there, and after the show hooked me up with a spot on open mic night.”

“Classic Bianca move,” Courtney injected before pointing at Danny, “Sorry. Continue.”

“Anyway. I almost backed out of it but I decided to go ahead and do it and it was fucking amazing and God, I would kill to get in front of a crowd like that again…” Danny trailed in his story as he thought back to how it felt to sing on that rickety stage back in that dark club for the applause of strangers. He sucked in a breath and sighed when he realized Detox was trying to wave him along. “So after it was over, there was this guy and it turned out it was Bianca out of drag…”

“Okay. Now I’m starting to get it… continue. Again. Sorry.”

“He gave us make-up advice and invited us back if we had time and well…” Danny cringed a little as he tried to think about how to explain the events that led up to the night in question without giving away exactly how it happened. “I ended up going back by myself… but only because I really wanted to thank him for what he did!”

“Oh, that’s definitely a way to thank someone…”

Danny slouched and leaned his head back against the mirror before filling his cheeks with air and slowly letting it out like a deflating balloon. “And like I said… it wasn’t a big deal…” He held up a finger before Jay could even speak, “And don’t you fucking dare start with me again.”

Detox looked between the younger queens before rolling her eyes and snapping her fingers, “Okay, that’s a great prologue and everything but that doesn’t answer any of my questions.”

“What do you want me to tell you? He took me back to his place, showered, and then literally tore my clothes off before fucking me with his massive dick?”

“It’s definitely a start.”

“Well, that’s all I got.”

Courtney held up both her hands, “Okay pause! One moment here… Danny… clear something up for me. Are you… ashamed you slept with Bianca?”

The question hit Danny like ice water and he stared at Courtney in abject horror before shaking his head and backing up fast, “What? No! No no no no no…” he added appropriate hand gestures to drive home his point. “That’s not… no. No! Fuck no.”

“Okay! Okay… I was just… I was just checking. Because you know that you shouldn’t, right? I mean…”

“Listen, I liked it. Okay? I… really liked it. Maybe too much and that’s stupid because he’s literally on the other side of the country and I barely know him…” Danny paused a second as he tried to steer his rambling back to the point, “It was really good sex, I just…” Another unnecessary hair flip before Danny just pushed it back from his face and pressed his fingers into his scalp. “Look, Ganj. Good luck tonight, okay? I’m going out there, getting a drink, and cheering for you.”

They watched as Danny fled with watery eyes and blotchy cheeks, and Jay, now fully Laganja, turned to look at Detox and Courtney. “Do you see what I’m talking about?”

The other queens nodded in agreement and Courtney mused quietly, almost to herself. “Yeah… I definitely do see…”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Courtney found the quietest part of the club she could – tucked away in a corner near one of the emergency exits, where the music wasn’t quite as loud as it was everywhere else, in a narrow hallway where it was harder for people to comfortably congregate. She pulled out her phone and hit the call button, trying to do the time conversion while the phone rang.

“Who is this?” The slurred response answered on the fifth ring and Courtney leaned back against the wall and sucked in a breath.

“Hey, it’s Court…”

“How many times do we have to discuss time zones before you understand…”

“Shut up, don’t act like you were sleeping. You probably just got home,” there was an annoyed grunt in confirmation before Courtney continued, “I’ve got some questions… first being are you too drunk to talk?”

“If I say yes, does that mean I get to hang up?”

“Not really.”

“Fine. Then, no. I’m not. What’s up?”

Courtney bit her lip as she thought of the best way to approach this – from the sound of Roy’s voice, it was obvious that he had been drinking a bit heavier than usual, probably due to the weekend. But, he was still coherent enough to remain sarcastic and speak in structured sentences, so that was a good sign. Prime level of drunkenness for her to get the answers she was looking for.

“Second question then – I’ve been trying to convince you that you need to get laid for weeks – weeks – so explain why you failed to mention that you shared a night with a young tourist a couple weeks ago?”

There was a cackle, though it was hoarse and a bit weak, it still resounded in the phone before there was a beat of silence. Roy didn’t answer immediately, prompting Courtney to add, “I’m just concerned for your well being…”

“Concerned or just a nosy cunt?”

“Does it have to be exclusively one or the other?”

“I suppose not. Whatever. I didn’t mention it because it’s really none of your business. Got any more questions for me, Nancy Drew?”

Courtney was pacing the width of the narrow hallway as she wracked her brain to try to figure out how to breech the next line of questioning. There were a couple of false starts before finally, after her fifth spiral from wall to the other, she finally blurted out, “How drunk were you when you took Adore home with you?”

There was an achingly long pause on the other end and Courtney began to think maybe Roy just dismissed the question all together before finally, and quite slowly, he answered.

“I think… nope… No, I know… I only had two glasses of wine that night and I didn’t even finish the second one. Which was a fucking waste.”

So, in other words, on an appropriate curve to accommodate Bianca del Rio’s level of alcohol tolerance – he was practically sober that night. Which could only mean… “So you must of actually really liked Adore – or Danny, I guess? I know her as Adore mostly…”

“Picked up on that …” There was a sigh and a sound of rustling as Roy was obviously settling himself into bed when it became clear that this conversation wasn’t going to be quick, “Was there concern that I didn’t like him?”

“Maybe a little… Danny… doesn’t really strike me as your type?”

“I have a type now?”

“I actually don’t know if you do… do you?” Courtney took a moment and quickly gathered her train of thought before Roy could even think to answer, “Doesn’t matter right now, I suppose.”

“This phone call have a point coming up or…?”

Courtney took advantage of Roy’s pause to start pacing again and digest this new information and try to match it with what she already knew: First being Jay had been concerned with some of Danny’s behavior after they got home but wouldn’t specify what or why, until tonight when they all got to see it for themselves. Secondly, it was most definitely quite clear that Danny harbored some strong admiration towards Roy, and the obvious source of the strange behavior was his reluctance to admit it. Then finally, this newest bit – Roy seemed to, at the very least, be attracted to Danny, which was promising.

But also a bit troubling.

Which brought Courtney straight to the point of her phone call.

“Look – it’s not my place to say this but…”

“You’re going to tell me anyway…”

“Shut up for a second – It’s not my place but whatever happened between you and Danny has really thrown him for a loop… and he won’t talk about it and I know you don’t know him that well but just trust me when I say that is weird for him…” She plowed right over Roy’s slightly confused ‘okay’ and continued on, “I just need you to be aware of the situation, that’s all.”

“Right… you’re doing a really bad job of that because I’m still not sure what’s going on.”

“Yes you do, you idiot,” Courtney chided gently, “Believe it or not, because I have trouble remembering this myself, you can be super charming sometimes when you put your mind to it.”

“Okay, wait… now I think I’m catching up… hold on…” there was some more shuffling noises and a soft swear before a clatter and the finally Roy resumed, “I can’t tell you everything that’s going on between me and Danny because I don’t fully know myself but I’m definitely interested in something… just not sure what.”

“Going… going on? As in present tense?”

“We’ve been texting. Now before you start, I’m fucking tired. Are you going to give me the ‘if you hurt my child, I’ll kill you’ speech or not?”

“Adore is not my daughter. Adopted sibling maybe but I’m not old enough to be a mother, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Courtney brushed a strand of hair from her face as gracefully as she could. The effect was lost over the phone, of course, but she still felt obligated. “But in all seriousness… be careful with him, okay?”

“I’m concerned what you think I would do.”

“Well, from the sounds of it you’ve done plenty already… oh! Last question – what’s this about a torn shirt?”

“Okay. I’m hanging up now. You want details about my sex life? You can ask me when I’m sober and less likely to answer you. Good night.”

“Damn it!”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Danny was standing near the bar. In a pocket of isolation, he could stand against the wall, drink his drink, and still have a good view of the stage while he wallowed in the faintly burning embers of his humiliation from earlier that night. He almost didn’t notice Courtney step up next to him. At least that’s what he’d insist on later, anyway.

“I just got off the phone with Roy…”

“Great. How about we not talk about it?”

“He seems to like you…”

Danny did his best to keep himself slouched over but Courtney still caught the way he raised his shoulders a little and his chest swelled a little when he held his breath for a few seconds longer than he should. He tried to smooth it over with a shoulder shrug as he swirled what was left of his drink in his glass. “Doesn’t matter…” he lied.

Courtney decided that Danny had enough humiliation for the night and didn’t call him out on it. Instead, she tried to patch up the damage done by the train wreck interrogation from earlier. “Look, I’m sorry if we… well… me, specifically… I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. It wasn’t so much shock that you’d want to sleep with Bianca… Roy can be very handsome and very endearing off stage… I was mostly just surprised he’d sleep with you…” She hissed through her teeth the second the words left her lips and eyes widened at the obvious hurt that crossed Danny’s face at the implication. “Not! Like that… don’t take it like that. Oh boy…” She chewed her lip to try to get her point across a bit more gently and eloquently, “Okay… let me… back up a little. In the couple of years I’ve known Roy, I can see a lot of him in the Bianca persona he puts on stage. He’s crass and honest and sometimes it’s hard to handle…”

She sucked in a breath and searched to the heavens for all the hope that she could properly explain what she felt she needed to. “But… he’s also very genuine and helpful, with a lot of advice about a lot of things and he’s willing to share that with you as long as you’re willing to listen and pay attention…” She folded her hands behind her and shot another glance to Danny to see if he was still going to give her the time of day. So far, he hadn’t brushed her off. So she continued. “So getting you on stage, sharing make-up advice? That’s Roy. That’s just how he is. He’d do that for anyone… but… taking you home with him when he’s not almost wasted? That’s unusual… not impossible… just unusual.”

Courtney hesitated again and Danny looked at her, perplexed but still patient, obviously trying to figure out the destination of this haphazard conversation. “So… when I say he seems to like you…” Courtney verbally ventured forward, “That isn’t something I’m saying lightly or saying to just make you feel better… it’s an honest observation.” Courtney bit her lip and waited for Danny to reply. When he didn’t, she prodded lightly, “Am I making sense?”

“Kind of,” Danny swirled his drink again before he sucked in a breath and just focused on the ripples that broke the surface before he tipped his head back and downed the rest of it in one gulp. He made a face and swallowed before looking down at the bottom of his glass and clearing his throat. “So… you’re saying… that I’m not just another fuck to him.”

“I think the fact that you two are still in contact should have answered that already…” Another bit lip as Courtney pondered whether she could get away with this next question. She asked anyway, desperate to finally put this whole insanity to rest, “…is that what got you so rattled?”

“No. Not really.”

“Can I ask what it is then?”

And again, Danny was quiet – staring straight ahead now as he watched the stage. He realized now that he’d missed more than half of Laganja’s performance and failing as a supportive friend. He delayed his answer to cheer as Laganja did a death drop on stage for a half interested audience and shouted a little encouragement when the response was only a few degrees above lukewarm. He grinned as he saw dollar bills raise in the air before turning back to Courtney, only to have his face fall at the still sombre expression she wore as she waited for him to answer.

He could only shrug.

“You know what? I have absolutely no idea.”

It was another lie. The only problem was Courtney knew it, but Danny didn’t.

The Only Exception (Part 3)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,523

Warnings: language, fluff, wishful thinking, hot firemen, sarcasm, cynicism, bad jokes, drinking, sad story retelling (mentions of death and loss)

A/N: Moving right along…and yes, I used a Keep Reading line. Also, shout out to @redgillan for making my day brighter.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

“What do you mean this is my office now?” You stared at your name, which was now fixed on a plate outside of the door. “I didn’t actually agree to anything long-term yet.”

“I don’t think May cares,” Scott said with a shrug, moving inside the office. “Views are clicks, and clicks are money. That’s basically all they want right now.”

To your surprise and horror, all of your belongings were now in Leah’s office. “When did they manage this?” You stepped in cautiously, as if more awaited you inside.

“Two guys from Maintenance and one from IT were here an hour before you to set everything up.”

You reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone, sending a quick text to your so-called assistant (and so-called best friend). When were you planning on telling me about the move?

“Right now!”

At the sound of Natasha’s voice, you whirled around and narrowed your eyes at her. “You’re supposed to tell me things like this before I get to work and find everything moved already.”

“This part is actually not as bad as the other thing I have to tell you, Y/N.”

Now you were worried. “What? Explain yourself. What other amazing surprises should I be expecting?” You moved closer to where she was standing, your hands on your hips.

“Well,” Nat began, pulling out her own phone and scrolling a bit. “There were four things total. First, you have a meeting with the creative team this afternoon.”

“I knew about that,” you nodded. “Keep going.”

“You have a new office, yaaay!”

Your eyes narrowed some more. “Also knew about that, thanks.”

Natasha gave you a nervous smile. “Here’s a good one: I took the liberty of setting up a date for you and Bucky tonight, once his shift is over.”

“You WHAT?” Now you could feel the out-of-control anger rising. “Natasha! I never agreed to that! He hasn’t even contacted me, and it’s been an entire week!”

“Yeah, about that, he busted his phone on the job Monday night, and begged Steve to ask me for your number again.”

“Likely story,” you huffed, turning away to look out the window. If you were going to be stuck in this office, at least it had a view. You did your regular calming exercise. There’s the Empire State Building…

“Last but not least, May wants you to stream your show live today.”

“Live?”

“Yeah, you know, as it happens. Not pre-recorded. Live,” Scott supplied.

“Got it.” You’d forgotten Scott was even in the room, that’s how quiet he’d been. “Scott, did Leah ever have to live stream her episodes?”

“Oh shit, no, never,” he laughed. “Can you imagine how awful that would have been? We had to do at least three or four takes every episode.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Nat’s voice was grim. “May saw some article about how more and more companies are using live stream on YouTube or Facebook to connect with an audience, so she wants to try it.”

“Don’t you generally have to advertise this so they can actually get an audience?” Scott asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t look happy, either.

“Well…that’s another thing…a fifth thing, if you will.”

“Spit it out, Nat,” you growled. “What else?”

“May has been advertising it, on the site that your show links to at the end. And not that you want to hear it, Y/N, but there’s been an awful lot of interest.”

“This cannot be happening.” You moved to sit at your new desk, head in your hands. The room wasn’t spinning, right? That wasn’t a thing that happened. It was just you, feeling faint. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I believe May’s exact words were, ‘She has to do it.’”

You groaned, letting your head fall to your desk.

This day just kept getting worse.

“Okay, just the same as ever, Y/N. I’ll count down, but instead of reading questions from email, you’ll be reading questions live from the comments. Nat is going to be picking them as they come in.”

“Try not to pick terrible questions, Nat, okay?” You were still mad at her for not telling you sooner, though you knew it was unreasonable. Knowing sooner would have just made you worry that much longer.

“Fine. Just, can we get to it? It’s almost time.”

Scott nodded, checking his watch. “Okay, ten seconds.”

You glanced in the mirror, touching your hair one last time before staring at the camera.

You can do this, you can do this you can do this…

“In five, four…’

Shit, you can’t do this! Don’t do this!

“…three, two…” After another beat, Scott pointed at you.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, the Love Therapist, and I’m here live streaming today with all of you to answer your questions, and hopefully offer up some helpful advice. Let’s get right to the chat, shall we? My assistant is going to be picking questions, so if yours doesn’t get answered, don’t worry, the regular show email is still available for you to send in a question.”

Scott left the camera on you as Nat read off the first question.

“Isaac212 asks, ‘I got a girl pregnant, but I don’t really like her at all. She’s terrible, boring, and clingy as hell. What should I do?’”

You made a face at Nat, then the camera. “Well, Isaac, I’d say first of all, it doesn’t really matter what you want anymore. You have a kid with this person you loathe, and the only one I feel sorry for here is the child. Congrats, dad. Time to take responsibility for your actions, even if you hate the woman. Next question.”

When she didn’t say anything, you glanced over at her. “Aren’t there any more questions?”

“Well, actually…this question comes from user Confused in Brooklyn’s Ex-Fiancé.”

More follow up? Why would you have expected anything less… “Go on.”

“He writes, ‘I just wanted you to know that you ended a relationship the other week, and I’m still pissed off, because you gave an answer without thinking of the consequences of your actions. I hope other people think first before they take your advice.’”

There was a brief silence in the room, before you cleared your throat. “Fair enough, Ex-Fiancé. I deserve that. It was my first show, and I did give out advice that was somewhat vague, which led your former significant other down a certain path and away from you.”

You glanced to your right, to the window and your beloved city, before looking squarely at the camera. “But, if you think I caused the problems in your relationship that led to its ultimate demise, you are sadly mistaken. You need to look at yourself and the role you played in making your fiancée feel like she couldn’t talk to you about your problems, so much that she relied on a stranger from the internet for help.”

Scott was nodding behind the scenes, but you were too fired up to acknowledge him.

“It sounds to me, Ex, that you thought everything was sunshine and rainbows when it wasn’t. Were you the only one benefiting from the relationship? Were you even paying attention to the poor woman? I suggest you work on your communication skills, and I sincerely hope everything works out for you in the future. Moving right along…”

The show continued live for an hour, and by the end of it you were mentally and emotionally exhausted. The thought of going home and curling up with a nice book or binging a TV show sounded like heaven right then.

You didn’t even bother to ask permission to leave; what were they gonna do now, fire you? You grabbed your coat and phone, determined to leave work’s baggage where it belonged.

“Where are you going?” Natasha called down the hall.

Dammit; you’d hoped to sneak out before she saw. “I’m going home, Nat. I’m tired.”

“You have a date with Bucky tonight, remember?” She rushed to catch up with you, keeping pace beside you as you hauled ass down the hall.

“No. No, I cannot tonight. I’m sorry. Maybe some other time.” The thought alone made you downright drained.

“Um, well…he’s downstairs waiting.”

That stopped you in your tracks, and if looks could kill… “Excuse me?”

“Steve sorta…asked where we work and I told him.”

“Nat, I love you, I really do, but you have to stop meddling in my personal life. I didn’t ask for your help, and I didn’t ask you to set me up with Bucky again.”

“Well you weren’t going to see him on your own!”

“Maybe that’s the point!” Your voice was getting too loud, so you tried to calm down a little. “I’m not ready. I’m not.”

“You’ll never be ready,” she snapped, before turning and walking away from you.

You didn’t really have a retort to that. Maybe she was right; maybe you were never really going to be ready. Why was it that you could give good advice to strangers, but not take it for yourself?

With a big sigh, you trudged to the elevator, then the lobby, where Bucky Barnes was indeed waiting for you.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, though it didn’t quite look like it was reaching his eyes. “Ready to go?”

“I don’t know if I really want to go out tonight, Bucky,” you said apologetically. “I just had a bad day at work and I kind of just want to go home and veg out.”

“What’s wrong? I watched your show, by the way, on my lunch. That was pretty intense.”

Great. Just what you needed, for the guy you were kindofsortof seeing to see you embarrass yourself live. “So then I guess you heard the one guy who blames me for ruining his life?”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “That was something, wasn’t it.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed, glancing around the lobby. “It’s not my fault his fiancée was having doubts, but suddenly I’m the bad guy who ruined everything. All I did was tell her to evaluate things for herself. Then he goes and suggests that no one should listen to me….Ugh! Whatever.”

“Hmmm. Well, I am a fireman…I can rush you to the burn unit if you want?”

You glanced back at him to see he was absolutely kidding, his eyes now twinkling with mischief. “Hilarious.”

“Just thought I’d offer.”

“Mmhmm…” You nodded out the door. “Well, are we having this date, or what? I could use a distraction, I guess.”

“Ah, that’s the enthusiasm I was looking for,” he joked, motioning for you to lead the way.

You weren’t sure why it surprised you, but your day definitely got better the moment Bucky showed up. He’d taken great care to make sure you were laughing the whole way to dinner.

He’d taken you to a Japanese restaurant, conveniently located halfway between your apartment and the firehouse, because he personally knew the owner. When she first saw Bucky walk through the door, her eyes lit up, and she swooped in to grab him and hug him tightly. He hugged her back with such ferocity, and a fondness you’d never seen from him before.

Now the two of you were seated across from one another, at a small table near the kitchen.

The entire restaurant was comprised of the main dining area and then the small kitchen in the back, but the way it was laid out and decorated made it feel like it was twice its size. Hand-painted designs played out scenes from history and mythology all along the bright yellow walls, while heavy red curtains and red tablecloths brought you back down to reality.

So far, the date was going a little too well. “You won’t be called out again, right?”

Bucky shook his head, a small smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Not tonight, no. I swapped on-call shift with Steve so I could be here, uninterrupted.”

A warm feeling spread through your bones, seeping into your heart a little, though you’d never admit it. When was the last time someone put effort into spending time with you? It had been…well, you couldn’t recall, but it had been a long time.

Bucky must have noticed a shift in the atmosphere around you both, because he started fidgeting in his chair. You wondered what could have brought on his discomfort, when he was the one to make such a bold statement.

“I used to live in an apartment above this place,” he explained quietly, his eyes traveling to the staircase in the back of the room. “They were very gracious landlords when I first struck out on my own. She and her husband treated me like family. Her husband passed away last year, so I try to stop by and see her as often as I can.”

You let your own eyes wander over his features while he was lost in thought. His brown hair was getting a little long, and his blue-grey eyes were contemplative. His eyes had little laugh lines around them, and you saw a scar across his chin. Maybe that was from a fire fight gone awry; you’d have to ask him sometime.

When his eyes met yours sooner than you were expecting, you saw surprise flash in them. “You’re staring at me. Was it something I said?”

“No.” You shook your head, feeling your face heat up a little at being caught observing him. “You just haven’t told me much about yourself before.”

“Ah. Well, there’s not much to tell. I was born and raised upstate. My parents moved a little closer to the city, though, after…”

You were almost afraid to ask. “After what?”

His fists clenched on the table, and when he noticed, he moved his hands to his lap. “When I was eighteen, I had just left to go to school down here in the city. My parents were off playing cards with the neighbors, and they left my little sister alone.”

Bucky’s eyes dulled and his expression darkened for a moment, but he shook it away before looking back at you. “She had some kind of candle burning, then they think she fell asleep. There wasn’t much left of the house after they were done putting out the fire.”

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered, your heart aching for him. You had a sudden urge to try to fix everything, though you knew that was not only absurd, but impossible.

“That’s why I became a fireman, anyways. I wanted to help prevent other families from going through that if I could.” He averted his eyes. “So, tell me why you went into the advice business.”

It was pretty obvious that he was not comfortable talking about his past any longer, so you indulged him this one time. “I didn’t get into the advice business. I got into the therapy business, at least I wanted to.”

“Why, though?” He lifted his curious gaze to meet your eyes again. “What made you decide that was the career for you?”

You didn’t answer him for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts. After his big revelation, you didn’t want to sound like an idiot. “Ever since I was a kid, when someone else was hurting and they didn’t deserve the pain, I hurt, too. If a kid was bullied, I comforted them. If a stray cat was hungry, I fed it. I just-”

You looked down, fiddling with the tablecloth in front of you. “I’ve been told I am empathetic. Over the years, it got to be too much, and it would weigh me down. So I decided that if I could channel it into something more productive it wouldn’t hurt me as much. I don’t know if you noticed, or anything, but I have a hard time letting people get close to me.”

“It sounds like self-preservation.”

Your eyes flickered up to Bucky’s, and while you were expecting judgment, you only saw understanding in them. “Really? Because the guy on the live stream today, the one with the wedding I inadvertently helped cancel, basically told me that I’m a life-ruiner. I’m not going to be able to get over that anytime soon.”

Bucky visibly flinched, but he coughed to cover it up. “Let’s just have a nice meal and forget work and our pasts and anything else but the two of us, okay?”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all night,” you admitted, reaching for your sake. Things were getting too sad and deep here, and you didn’t want to chase him away yet.

The owner came over just then with both of your plates in her hands, and your stomach rumbled in appreciation at the delicious food she placed in front of you.

“Thank you, this looks amazing as always,” Bucky told her, laying on his typical charm with a smile. The gloom his eyes held earlier was gone, and for that you were grateful.

“You are welcome. Maybe next time you won’t take so long to visit?” She turned her eyes to you, her eyebrows raised. “And you, good for you for putting up with this one. I hope he doesn’t scare you off like he did the last one.”

That must have been a sore spot for him, because he cleared his throat and gave her a nod. “I’m sure I’ll swing by again soon.”

“Good.” She gave a sharp nod to you both, then disappeared through a swinging door into the kitchen.

“What was that about? You scared off your last date? Should I be worried?” You tried to sound like you were kidding, but you were wondering why she would bring it up.

“It’s nothing,” he shrugged, taking a bite of his food. “Don’t worry about it.”

Instead of pushing the topic, you decided to follow his lead and eat your dinner. You even beat Bucky to a clean plate, leaning back with a satisfied groan. “That was amazing, but I’m too full to move.”

Bucky laughed, the little lines you’d noticed earlier finally making an appearance as he stood. “No dessert then?” He gave you a mischievous glance as he pulled out his wallet and laid some money down on the table.

“Let me pay my half,” you offered, reaching into your bag as you stood up too.

Bucky’s hand covered yours before you got very far. “Let’s just head out. I don’t like extended goodbyes.”

“Okay.” You let him take your hand in his and lead you out the door.

Outside, under the weird orange light from the restaurant’s sign, without any warning at all, Bucky cupped your jaw and kissed you for the first time.

If he’d meant it to be a chaste kiss, you wouldn’t know, because you moved closer and deepened it almost instinctively. His other arm wrapped around your waist, locking you tightly against him.

It felt really good to be wanted.

Bucky pulled back after a moment, looking more than a little disheveled and breathing hard. “Y/N, I have to tell you something.”

“Right now, on the sidewalk?” You made a face. “Can’t we wait until we’re indoors somewhere?”

“I don’t want to go any further with this-“ he gestured between the two of you, “-without talking about it.”

“Have you murdered someone?”

Now it was his turn to make a face. “No.”

“Are you…seeing someone else?”

“No, I’m not.”

There was only one logical explanation left, and it hurt to even say out loud. You felt your chest tighten as your anxiety made its presence known. “It’s me, isn’t it? You just aren’t into me? Well, at least you tried, you know, that’s more than most men, and-“

“No,” Bucky interrupted, his hand lifting to brush your cheek gently. “That’s definitely not it at all, I just…I’m worried that when I tell you, you won’t want to see me anymore.”

“What is it then?” you breathed, feeling like your insides were tying in knots. “Because I don’t exactly have a lot of self-confidence, Bucky, and I really need to know.”

He took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly as his eyes searched yours. “It’s a long story. I-“

You could have cursed the entire planet when his (new) phone started going off, interrupting him with an emergency alert. “I thought you said you weren’t on call tonight?”

“If it’s a big enough emergency, I don’t have a choice. I’m really sorry. I don’t want to have a short conversation about this, or text about it. Can we hang out tomorrow?”

“Okay, I will carve out some time for you tomorrow. But we’re doing something that I want to do for once.”

“You got it.” He leaned over and kissed your cheek, then walked backwards slowly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Can you get home okay?”

“I think I can manage the three blocks to my apartment. Be safe.”

“You, too.” With a final wave, Bucky turned and jogged up the road to the firehouse.

You sighed, holding your bag a little closer as you walked the other way to your apartment.

There was no way you would sleep peacefully that night.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

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Joker x Reader Deadly Voice Part 30

Hiya Guys,

I can’t believe I am on part 30 and I’ve now been writing for over 4 months! Ahhh! I also can’t believe that people are actually liking and enjoying my writing so thank you guys all so much! i really appreciate it more than you can possibly understand!

Ok anyway here’s the next part, again not 100% happy with it - but I never am! So have it anyway!

I promise I will put some Joker in the next chapter?

Anyway enjoy!

Warnings: Brief mention of suicide

Masterlist

“What is this?” I asked grabbing the phone from Frost’s hand and reading the article - scanning it desperately to find what the headline could possibly mean. There was no main picture with the article, but I knew –from the title alone -it was about the Joker.

My eyes flickered over the large body of text and some of the words seem to stand out in bold to me – ‘…Joker’, ’ …met his demise’, ‘…suicide’, ‘…death’. Panic began to set into my body, my hands becoming clammy, my breaths shorter, and my heart beat unsteady. “Frost what is this?!” I repeated desperately at the screen, not looking at him as I blinked rapidly at the tears pricking at my eyes and blurring my vision.

“Read it.” He simply told me and he too seemed to be struggling with what was on the screen. I took a breath to try to get myself under control and focus on the whole article, now taking my time now to actually read the full page. It was dated from an hour earlier and the words swam and danced in front of me till I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Finally I could read it, “It’s been two weeks since the Arkham escapee ‘The Joker’ was last seen on the streets of Gotham. It is unknown if this lack of activity is signalling the end of his recent run of crime or if another attack is still in the planning.

The GCPD has so far refused to confirm or deny whether they or the Batman have apprehended the clown prince of crime, but - in a surprising twist today – reports have begun to circulate that the jesting villain may have met his demise.

So far no body has been identified but rumours on the streets of Gotham vary- some claiming there was a possible suicide attempt by the well-known psychopath; others claiming it was by the hand of the masked vigilante Batman – but with the clear theme of the psychotic clown’s death.

There has still yet to be any evidence provided to support any of the theories suggested so far and speculation still remains on the Joker’s current whereabouts. The GCPD -

I broke off there, my eyes once again blurring too much as the tears slide down my face. I handed Frost back his phone and I peeked at him through the hair that fell across my eyes – trying to see if I could catch any emotions on his face. He seemed low, his frown more sad than grumpy now, but he showed no obvious distraught unlike me. When I fully raised my head and looked at him properly he met my gaze and there seemed almost pity in his eyes – probably for me and the state I had worked myself into - but also what seemed to be concern – concern for the Joker. What had happened? Was he truly dead? Was I too late to make it to Gotham?

By this point I no longer cared what reason I had given myself to justify returning to Gotham – I could no longer lie to myself that my decision had come from wishing to save innocent civilians who got in his way. Heck, now – if the article was true – they would probably be much safer!

But I no longer cared about them – and had I ever truly? Every last person could die now for all I cared if it would only ensure he was alive. I was a selfish person, making excuses so that I didn’t feel I was an insane little girl running back into the arms of my tormentor.

But now I didn’t care anymore.

I couldn’t lie to myself or anyone else anymore. If there was even a remote chance he was alive I had to know. I had to go to Gotham and find him – dead or alive.

As I had become lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice how shallow my breathing had gotten, how shaky my hands. I began to become detached from everything around me, my head becoming dizzy and cloudy. I became so numb that I didn’t even notice Frost move towards me and I only vaguely acknowledged my knees giving way beneath me.

I never felt myself hit the floor.

When I became conscious once more I was confused.

I couldn’t recall anything from before – what day was it? Did I have a shift? Did my alarm wake me up? Why wasn’t it still chiming?

Then memories began to flow back through my mind – was any of that a dream? I could remember talking to Frost at the door, then him appearing in my living room, then him leaving. Snap shots of recollections playing across my eyelids. I could remember opening the door my front door once more to go searching for Frost, but what then –

The Phone.

The Article.

I snapped my eyes open - the bright light from the surrounding windows causing me to squint. As my eyes adjusted I noticed I was in the passenger seat of a large SUV which Frost appeared to be driving down a long stretch of open highway. I blinked some more in the daylight, my eyes still sore and raw from crying earlier, and watched the farmed fields and occasional town sliding past.

I turned to look across to the driver side where Frost was sat staring straight ahead, both hands gripping the wheel tightly.

He glanced over at me as I pushed myself more upright, shifting in my seat and groaning as I moved -  my neck protested sharply at the change in angle. “Ugh – How long was I out?” I asked, my voice sound croaky from sleep.

“About an hour.” He replied, keeping his eyes on the road. I didn’t know what to say to that, and so a silence fell between us, the only sound in the car coming from the roar of the engine and road. I sat looking forward, watching the brake lights of vehicles in front of us light up as I came to grips with the situation I found myself in and what had happened before I woke up. Why had I fainted?

“Frost.” I started cautiously, sensing his tense mood. “What happened?”

“You had a panic attack.” He informed me, “You blacked out from it.”

Well that was odd. I hadn’t had a panic attack since I was little – and never one strong enough to knock me out. I could feel my cheeks warming as I thought about poor Frost left alone to deal with a women who had just fainted in front of him. “I’m sorry.” I muttered humiliated, no longer able to look at him.

“No need to –“ he mumbled uncomfortably and became incoherent over the noise of the road.

We couldn’t look at each now, both a bit self-conscious or embarrassed about the whole thing. I kept my eyes staring out of the passenger window, acutely aware of how red my cheeks must be. I tried to take my mind off it by looking for an indication of where we were, or a road sign telling me where we might be heading.

“Frost.” I started once more, trying to break the awkward silence between us. “Are we going to Gotham?” I asked turning back to him.

He shot a quick look at me to gage how I felt about this before he gave a nod, “Yes.” He confirmed, “And before you start yelling I can explain. I –“

“It’s alright Frost. Don’t worry about it.” I said, interrupting him before he began another long speech in an attempt to convince me that this was the right thing to do. I watched his eyebrows crinkle in confusion as he continued to watch the road.

“You’re not mad that I basically abducted you?” he questioned.

“No.” I said simply like it was no big problem. “I would probably have come anyway.” I admitted, shrugging and looking back out the window. Frost still looked confused and I realised I had never told him about my change in heart about returning to Gotham. “I was going to come find you, by the way.” I clarified, glancing over at his profile, “I changed my mind - I want to go back.”

Any reactions he had to this sudden revelation he chose to keep hidden under his emotionless mask – though I thought I saw a glimpse of relief in his eyes. He was probably glad that I wasn’t going to put up a struggle, not that there was much I could do in a locked vehicle travelling way over the speed limit down a highway in the middle of nowhere.

We fell quiet again, but now that the air was cleared between us it felt more relaxed, almost companionable, and I noticed that Frost’s hands had loosened slightly on the steering wheel. I turned back to my window to watch the world fly by - the sun now almost at its highest point in the sky, though partially hidden behind clouds of different shades that lazily floated by reminding me of the never ending questions that drifted in my mind.

“Uh – Frost?” I said abruptly, getting his attention, “Are we really driving all the way to Gotham?” I knew that would take days - at least 2 days - and that would be without any breaks along the way.

“No.” He answered, glancing in the rear view mirror and signalling to change lanes, “We’re driving to the nearest airport.”

“Oh. Ok.” I acknowledged lamely, not sure what else to say and my courage to ask more was failing me. Though I now felt I knew Frost better, he still continued to intimidate me, at some times more than others and I was very aware that he that the upper hand in this situation – being the driver and actually aware of where we were. Though I had yelled and bullied him back at my house on the farm, I was no longer in my comfort zone – in fact I was probably at least 100 miles from my comfort zone – and I knew it. I no longer felt brave or strong and felt almost completely at Frost’s mercy. I didn’t like it one bit.

To take my mind off these depressing and worrying thoughts I - once again - returned my gaze to the scenery outside my window, took a deep, slightly shaky breath, and considered the reason behind the  current state of things.

There was a good chance the Joker was dead.

There was also a chance he wasn’t.

I was in love with the Joker.

If – upon returning to Gotham city - he was dead I would be heart broken and at a complete loss as to what to do about it.

If he wasn’t, I would be suddenly confronted with a very much alive and – by the sounds of it – much more psychotic joker. And still at a complete loss as to what to do about it.

So I was going into this with no plan what so ever.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. How were we even going to find him? How did Frost know where he would be? Sure he must know the Joker’s hideouts, but what if they changed? What if he was dead? Where would he be then?

“Um, Frost?” I inquired, plucking up the courage to question him once more. He nodded slightly to show he was listening, “Uh – What – what are we doing?” I asked, “What’s the plan here?”

He paused a moment, as if considering the best way to explain it, “We are going back to Gotham to look for the Joker.” He stated matter-of-factly, almost as though I was just another henchman and he was briefing me on our mission.

“Yes…” I drew out, “But… um, how are we going to find him?” I asked, nervously fiddling with my fingers on my lap.

“Our best hope is he’s just laying low at the moment.” Frost informed me, “If that’s the case then there are several hideouts he may be at. We need to head to each one and search them.” He explained, keeping his eyes ahead, not looking at me once. “Hopefully we will find him. I we don’t we may at least get an idea of where he’s gone.”

“How many places are we talking?” I asked, wondering if he was referring to 3 buildings or 50.

“A lot.” He said simply. I gulped, there goes at least my next week probably – and I wasn’t sure how much time we had left – if any.

“That’ll take forever.” I pointed out.

“You got a better idea?” He asked sarcastically, raising one eyebrow and glancing over at me. I thought about it for a bit, turning away from him to watch the white road marks slide by as I thought. There had to be a better way, a quicker, more efficient way to do this. But how was I supposed to know?

And so I spent the rest of the drive pondering different options to keep my mind from other things.

At the airport I awkwardly followed Frost around, not really knowing what his plan was to get us on a plane that would leave within the next 30 minutes.

Somehow – god knows how but I believe it involved a large sum of money – he managed to secure us 2 tickets - both 1st class too, I noted as I glanced at the ticket he handed to me. How much money did this man have?!

I had never sat in first class before – surprise, surprise – and I felt like an imposter sat in their curtain off area in a plush reclining bed-chair, each with their own private screen. Why did we have to sit in 1st class?! It was like a half an hour flight – barely enough time to have the complimentary drink! I didn’t touch the sparkling water I order, too anxious to enjoy any of the luxuries that lay before me, instead I stared out the round little port hole window at the wispy clouds and blue sky, thinking about everything I would have to deal with when we eventually landed.

I was still hopeless trying to figure out a way we could find the Joker quicker – but how was I supposed to know what to do? I didn’t know their whole operation or how things ran – how was I going to know if there was a better idea? Sure, if Frost was talking to a henchman at least they would know a bit more about everything that went on – they might actually be able to give a useful sug-.

“Frost!” I called across the aisle, where he sat reading his phone screen. He looked up at me, frowning and clearly a bit surprised at my sudden wish to talk when I had been completely silent since we’d gotten out of the car. “Do you know any henchman that might have been with the Joker?” I asked hopefully.

“There were some guys still around when I left. Why?” he asked, crinkling his forehead in confusion.

“Could you ring any of them?” I inquired excited by my brain wave and not answering his question.

“I don’t have their numbers.” He informed me, returning his gaze to his phone, “It’s all part of security. No one has anyone numbers – expect the boss - in case anyone is caught and might compromise our operation.” He explained.

“Oh.” I mumbled, feeling deflated that my idea failed, but I supposed it made sense. “So how do you communicate?” I asked – just generally interested now.

“Radios.” He said simply without looking up.

“Ok…” I said, drawing it out as I tried to think of a way to rework my plan, “Do you know where any of them live?” He looked back up - seeming to be intrigued with where I was going with this

“Yeah. It’s my job to know.” He said matter-of-factly.

“Well, why don’t we go see a couple of them first?” I proposed, “Ask them if they have any ideas where to try? It might limit the number of sites we have to hit?” I suggested a bit nervously now – self-conscious by his full sudden full interest in what I was saying and worried it was a ridiculous idea – why else wouldn’t he have come up with it?

He seemed to consider if for a bit – looking for the flaws in my plan. “Yeah. Maybe.” He eventually admitted before once again becoming glued to his phone screen. We remained in silence for the rest of the flight.

I stuck to Frost like glue when we disembarked the plane – not entirely sure what we were going to do next. I followed him as we fought our way through those heading for luggage collection and out into a large main hall. Frost strode forward through the crowd, people parting before him, whilst I followed behind like a second shadow in the space left behind. I watched the people that milled around the large hall - men with briefcases, women in tight pencil skirts and heels, young children with brightly coloured rucksacks and crew members dressed in their varying uniforms.

Eventually the signs overhead seemed to suggest that Frost was leading me in the direction of taxis, trains, buses and car rentals and I soon found myself stepping out of the elevator into the airport’s multi-storey car park.

“Wait here.” Frost ordered me as we entered the third floor of parked cars. I frown at his back in confusion at his command as he continued to walk away from me, but did as he said – remaining by the entrance.

I watched him as he walked down past the row of cars, moving in and out of the small dim spotlights that illuminated small circles of the tarmac floor. He kept turning his head slightly either way as he checked the surroundings, finally stopping side of a SUV similar to what we had previously travelled in, although this one appeared to be a deep blue colour. He moved down the side of the car and stopped so he faced the driver’s door. I couldn’t see what he was doing as his actions hidden by the rows of cars between me and him, but he seemed to be fiddling with something in front him, his arms moving in jerks and tweaks.

All of a sudden he pulled back and then tried the car door, and I was amazed when it opened. Did he already have the keys for it? Then he slid into the driver’s seat and sat there for a few more moments appearing to now be toying with something in the car. All of a sudden the car’s engine roared and erupted into life. Was he stealing that car?!

He closed the driver’s door behind him and drove out of the space before pulling up next to me. When I didn’t move from my frozen state on the pavement he leant across the car to push open the passenger door. “Get in.” He grunted curtly at me. I hesitated only for a second before doing as instructed. He quickly accelerated away before I had even closed the door and I gripped my seat tightly to make sure I didn’t fly out of the chair as I heard the tyres screech beneath me.

When I finally felt secure, the door now closed and my seatbelt finally fastened, I turned to look at his profile as he drove out of the car park. “Did you just steal a car?!” I demanded.

“Didn’t have time to arrange one.” He said gruffly, not looking at me. When I didn’t say anything he glanced at me and must have noticed the shock still on his face, “Oh come on, you can’t be that surprised.” He muttered, clearly annoyed at how long it was taking for me to adjust to the fact that he was a criminal and therefore did criminal things.

I shook my head in amazement about how relaxed he was about what he had just done had, but decided there was no point in trying to get him to understand that his actions weren’t actually legal – this was probably not the first time he had done this, and I doubted it would be the last.

Instead I moved my gaze to the window, watching the different cars that lined us on either side slide past in the pools of artificial light, trying to come to terms with sitting in a stolen car and being yet another accomplice to a crime.

Eventually we emerged into the light of the day - though there wasn’t much of it.

Gotham was just exactly as I remembered it, as I gazed out of my tinted window, the same gloomy skies and dirty streets, the same noisy traffic rushing past and people pushing their way through crowds in their thick coats. Home I thought as Frost drove us through the streets, the tall imposing office buildings towering over us. It was home and I had truly missed it - only really realising it now that I was back in the comfort of its familiarity.

After having drunk in the sights around me I turned back to Frost, “So where are we going?”

On the topic of Chinese names in Banana Fish

Warning for manga spoilers and also a lengthy discussion.

This is something I’ve been wanting to explore due to its differences in the original Japanese and the English localisation. I will mostly be discussing the major recurring characters, starting with the Lees.

The Lee family

Interestingly, the Lees have actual Chinese characters for their names in the original Japanese. They are:

李紅龍 (Localisation: Lee Hong-Lung)

李大龍 / 王龍 (Localisation: Lee Tai-Lung / Wang-Lung)

李華龍 (Localisation: Lee Hua-Lung)

李月龍 (Localisation: Lee Yut-Lung)

Thanks to this, they are also the only ones with confirmed Mandarin-pronounced names. For example, 月龍 (Pinyin: yuè lóng) is given the furigana ユエルン (yuerun) in Japanese. I'm guessing this is because the characters were actually looked up from a proper Chinese source. 

This initially made me inclined to think of the Lee family as hailing from further north of China, especially with the brief mention in volume 4 of them being descendants of the Qing Dynasty’s ruling family (Wouldn’t that make them Manchu people though? And that would open up a whole other can of worms...). 

However, it is also mentioned in volume 17 that Yut-Lung actually came from Hong Kong. So that makes the localisation’s decision to romanise 月龍 as “Yut-Lung” perfectly appropriate.

Localisation

What is it about “Yut-Lung” that makes it so suitable? It is very obviously Cantonese. The transliteration of 李 as “Lee” instead of “Li” could also be indicative of that. Setting Yut-Lung’s birthplace aside, it still wouldn't be farfetched to infer from how established the Lees are in the States plus the fact that Hong-Lung had once been based in HK, that they would be Cantonese speakers.

The eldest Lee son has also been addressed in 3 different ways. He is first introduced as 李大人 (Localisation: Lee Daai Yan), the latter half of which is probably a title of respect (I think "Daai Gor/Lou" would be a better fit though?). We later come to know him as 李大龍 (Lee Tai-Lung), and then 王龍 (Wang-Lung) which is said to be inherited from his predecessor.

Also, Yut-Lung’s attendant was renamed Suk-Leui, which sounds Cantonese (originally スウルー (sūrū)). From this, it’s clear that the localisation is making a deliberate move to depict them as Cantonese speakers.

There is a catch though. If we were to be more accurate, Wang-Lung should be Wong-Lung, Hua-Lung should be Wah-Lung, and Tai-Lung should be Daai-Lung. I have two theories here: 

The localisation is deliberately using Mandarin for the other Lees except Yut-Lung, hence affirming their earlier-mentioned family history. But this would bring up the question of: why is it not Da-Lung instead of Tai-Lung (as far as I know, the “tai/dai” pronunciation for Mandarin should be obsolete)? Are they perhaps just following the original Japanese furigana...?

You could argue that they sound similar enough for the romanisation differences to be considered minor. Especially in the case of Hong-Lung/Hung-Lung, the difference is negligible. 

Another funny thing is that in both versions, the characters are 100% speaking Mandarin whenever they speak “Chinese.” This can be inferred from both the furigana attached and the structure of the sentences itself. 

Note: I don’t know if it sounds natural or not because I don’t speak much Mandarin, just that the grammar and vocab definitely indicates Mandarin.

Example:

I mean, to be fair it’s unrealistic to expect the localisation to change it into written Cantonese, but because of this we now have another inconsistency in the loc. 

(For those who are interested, brief info on Mando/Canto differences: link 1, link 2. Note: “It would usually sound unnatural to speak Cantonese using Mandarin grammar." Also I would argue since this is a manga and therefore an informal medium (plus the charas are conversing not writing), thinking of the dialogue as being in standard written Chinese kinda makes no sense.) 

Summary:

The original Japanese is consistent in ensuring that any furigana attached to Chinese characters in names and Chinese dialogue correspond to Mandarin. However, this contradicts facts involving characters who come from or currently live in Cantonese-dominant areas (HK, Chinatowns of that era).

The English localisation made an effort to change some things into Cantonese to better suit the context, but did not extend it to the Chinese dialogue and is overall inconsistent.

Side note: ユーシス (Yousiss) is supposed to be Yut-Lung’s English/”American” name. The English localisation came up with “Yau-Si” which yup, doesn’t sound very English. My guess is that they overlooked it at first, because this tiny mention only shows up once in volume 11. It is omitted in the localisation.

Edit (7/2/2021): I’m now convinced that ユーシス (Yousiss) could actually be “Eustace.” Please see this post for details.

Shorter Wong (ショーター・ウォン), Nadia Wong (マーディア・ウォン), Lao Yen Tai (ラオ・イェン・タイ)

I don’t have much to say about “Shorter” beyond that it's a quirky English name, haha. But interestingly, in one of the Chinese dialogues, Yut-Lung calls him “肖達” (Pinyin: xiào dá) which... I’m just going to assume is a Mandarin transliteration of “Shorter.” 

“Nadia” was originally マーディア (mādia) or as the official guidebook has romanised it, Mardeer. Either way doesn’t affect much. More importantly, I think it’s safe to assume that Wong is a Cantonese romanisation. I think it would be apt if it also happened to be 黃 because yellow is the theme colour of the series... and is reminiscent of “banana (fish)” which is the reason for what befalls Shorter... :x

Lao (or Lau?) can be a Mandarin surname but it seems very uncommon. On the other hand, it could be a non-Mandarin romanisation of Liu (劉/刘). Not sure about “Yen/Yuen Tai.” Fun fact: if we took 劉 and stuck it into a kanji dictionary, we’d get the meaning “to kill” (that meaning is probably obsolete though).

Surprisingly, these names are fitting in very well with the idea that they are not supposed to be read as Mandarin. It would make perfect sense though, as Chinatowns were at that time dominated by Canto speakers, as opposed to the Mandarin of today. 

From this, I feel inclined to posit that “Sing” is either Canto or non-Mandarin as well, though there is no evidence of this intention in the original source material.

Sing Soo Ling (シン・スウ・リン)

This guy is a special case because we actually have the meaning(s) to his name, but no Chinese characters to go with it. So we would have to do a bit of sleuthing.

Since "Sing" is a localisation, it's not going to be the best place to start from. "シン (Shin)" alone is vague too. It could turn out to be Cheng, Shing, Xin, Sim… coupled with not knowing which dialect or system of romanisation to use, that creates way too many options!

However, I’m betting if the mangaka went to the lengths of researching definitions, she would have gone straight to Mandarin, or possibly Canto. So that’s where I’ve restricted my search to.

Which is it?

According to Sing in Garden of Light, his name carries the Japanese meanings of 魔神, 獅子 and 罪. The localisation translated them as “demon,” “lion” and “guilt” respectively.

You'd think that each of those would match up with all the characters in his name since it's unlikely for only 1 character to carry all 3 meanings. Unfortunately I've looked into various dictionaries with very little success. They just don’t match up at all!

Here's my speculation:

獅子

I thought 獅子 would be the easiest to start with since there can't possibly be that many characters for "lion". Which proved to be true! But that just meant I hit a dead end pretty quick. 

“Lion” in Chinese is also 獅子 but pronounced "shī zi" and "si zi" in Mando and Canto respectively. Not close at all to "shin/sing" plus they’re missing the final n/ng sound.

I was pretty stumped, but then it hit me that… hey! "Singa" is “lion” in Malay. And that led me to "Singapore" which then led me to 新加坡 / 星加坡 (Pinyin: xīn jiā pō / xīng jiā pō. The former is the official transliteration. Not sure about the latter but I think it is a Canto reading because: san gaa bo / sing gaa bo). Also: [Sin]gapore = [シン]ガポール!

"Xin/Xing" doesn't mean "lion" per se, but since it's a Mandarin transliteration of its native name, it could sort of, partly... indirectly... mean that...? I feel like I'm reaching a little here but damn, the mangaka is not making this easy.

Edit (18/8/2020): I've omitted a lot of my research in order to keep this post short and concise, but as time goes on I am more convinced that Yoshida took her meanings not from Chinese, but elsewhere. So I'm making a minor edit to include this as well:

- The word siṃhá from Sanskrit carries the meaning of “lion.” (x) 

- It seems to have descended into "sinh/sing" in languages such as Hindi (सिंह), Lao (ສິງ) and others. 

- In Thai, lion is “singto/sing” and there’s even a common given name called Sing(h). (x)

- The Sikh surname “Singh” is also said to have been derived from Sanskrit.

Combined with the fact that "singa" itself from "Singapore" has its roots in this Sanskrit word, this seems to be the strongest contender at the moment.

罪

It's possible that 罪 could be referring to not just "guilt" but "sin". After all, "sin" is close to how the average Japanese person would romanise シン (using Kunrei-Shiki romanisation). And guess what, it IS romanised as “Sin” in New York Sense and in the first edition of the official guidebook. I wouldn’t rule out the mangaka going through an English dictionary looking for the definition of “sin” because to her, it’s the same as シン. Honestly, I’m 99% sure that’s what she did.

魔神

I haven’t had any success with 魔神 which can also mean “devil/evil spirit.” The only thing that came to mind is that some kanji can be read as both “shin” or “jin” depending on the context, which then made me think of djinns? Which are evil spirits in a sense… This feels way too vague though.

Edit (18/8/2020): Still no luck here, but tumblr user sayaka19fan has suggested that "魔神" could refer to "死神/shinigami", the god of death.

But if that’s the case, why didn’t Yoshida just use “死神” from the get-go? sayaka19fan explained that it could have something to do with the taboo surrounding the word “shi (死)” or “death” in Japanese culture. Personally, I am not quite convinced because:

1) Yoshida had no problem depicting Ash talking at length about “death” in the leopard scene. I don’t see any reason why Sing would shy away from the topic/word either, unless maybe he’s extra aware of Akira’s presence, since she’s a child?

2) Also, "shinigami" is shi-ni-ga-mi (シニガミ), not shin-i-ga-mi (シンイガミ). By dropping the n (ン) sound, the entire word changes and shi (シ) alone is not Sing's name anymore.

If all 3 meanings had the same pattern of only drawing from shi (シ) then I might be more convinced, but as shown above, 2 out of 3 derive from words that can definitively be read as "sin/sing/シン". I'm inclined to think that 魔神 should follow as well, since there’s no reason for Yoshida to suddenly diverge from this rule. 

- - - - - - - -

"スウリン/Soo Ling" doesn't seem to factor into any of these at all, so I’m convinced that the mangaka meant for those meanings to originate only from “Sing.”

I feel hesitant going with 新 / 星 as his family name, since they look like extremely uncommon ones. For what it’s worth, the Taiwanese(?) Mandarin localisation has gone with 辛舒霖 (Pinyin: xīn shū lín) with 辛 being the most common form of the “Xin” surname. He also shows up in another one of Yoshida’s works, Yasha, but they went with 沈叔林 (Pinyin: shěn shū lín) there.

At this point I suppose there’s still no One True Answer. But for the sake of consistency, it’s probably best to stick with 辛舒霖 if people want to use his Chinese name.

Edit (13/10/2021): I have expanded more on Sing’s name HERE.

Final thoughts:

It’s perfectly possible that the mangaka did not think too deeply about most of these names. She once named a Chinese character キム・ヨン・タイ (kim yong tai) which thanks to the surname, ended up sounding Korean instead. Of course, you could argue that it’s another non-Mandarin variation (Hokkien?). The English localisation however, changed it to “Hong Zhe-Ming.” There’s also the fact that she has twice referred to Lao as “Lao Yen” in Japanese, which is a heinous but hilarious mash up of his surname and half of his first name. 

Yeah, this series is far from being 100% accurate in other areas as well but hey, sometimes it’s just fun to point this stuff out :p

Thanks if you’ve read this far, and feel free to let me know if I’ve made a mistake or missed anything!

Extra footnote just in case: Regarding the whole "do they speak Mando/Canto" thing, I am examining it purely from the manga's perspective. I think that circumstances in the anime are different and perhaps more complex due to the change in setting.

Even Emvoweling

Fandom: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Rating: T

Keywords: F/F, Rarijack, Flutterdash, Comedy, Drama, Romance

Also on: Fimfiction, Fanfiction.net, AO3

Rarity was in the middle of pouring a cup of tea when an explosion rocked the library hard enough to knock several books out of their shelves. "What was that?" Applejack asked, looking up from the blueprints of the planned expansion of Rarity's boutique. "Don't tell me something's tryin' to attack us." "That would indeed be unfortunate," Rarity concurred and started to fiddle with one of the straps that held her summer dress together. Applejack knew that she was preparing to take it off if a monster came in. You know you've become a capable fighter when you can worry about damaging your wardrobe in a surprise attack, she silently praised Rarity and smiled. "Ah, I'm sorry," Twilight said and got up. "It's probably nothing critical, just some machinery in the basement not doing what I want it to do." She frowned lightly. "Unless it was that one... that'd be bad... Either way, no worries, you two, I'll be right back." Applejack watched as the youngest alicorn left the table and headed into whatever lab she had set up in the basement of the Ponyville library. For long seconds, neither of the two remaining ponies spoke, and it became obvious that they were listening for cries of help. Relax, Twilight's fine. She probably has enough magic to teleport the entire library out of harm's way if she has to. Her eyes moved over to Rarity. The fashionista appeared to be completely at ease, but she knew her friend well enough to spot the small hints of anxiety in her body language. A part of her wanted to reach out and comfort her, to kiss her cheek and tell her that it'd be fine. Yeah, how about no. That sounds like a mighty fine idea in my head, but there is no chance that Rarity of all ponies is into mares, much less me. At best, she'd be weirded out. At worst, she'd shun me. She knew that her smile was about to falter - her blunt honesty was going to work against her. Think fast, girl. "So," she blurted out, "that must be a really uncomfortable dress you're wearin'." "Pardon me?" Rarity asked sharply and leaned forwards. "Did you just call the future summer trend uncomfortable?" Thank goodness. Friendly humor. Play it safe, engage in some light banter, let her do the talking. "Well, it must be mighty uncomfortable - ya tried to strip out of it at the first opportunity." Applejack smirked, and Rarity gritted her teeth, realizing that she had been had. Yes, very good! ...no, wait, hold on, did I just say strip? Did I just suggest that Rarity would strip for me? Why would I put Rarity and stripping in the same sentence? AND WHY CAN'T I PUT THE THOUGHT OF RARITY STRIPPING FOR ME OUT OF MY HEAD NOW? She wouldn't do that! She wouldn't lead me into a barely lit booth... in some night club... and strip for- STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! Rarity hesitated visibly, and for a long second, Applejack was convinced that her sinful fantasies were about to be exposed. "Wouldn't you like that?" she suddenly asked, catching the Earth pony completely by surprise. I... did she... what...? Applejack's eyes widened, but she forced herself to refrain from nodding. "Dress or no dress, you're you," she finally muttered after an awkward pause, "an' that's fine by me." The two ponies sat in complete silence for the second time within two minutes. "I... I should probably put those books back." Rarity picked up one of the books that had fallen out of its shelf and waved it around with her magic. Applejack wasn't sure if the unicorn was actually as nervous as she was or if she was just projecting her own feelings. "You do that," Applejack replied and vaguely pointed at the blueprints. "I gotta do... do the thing... with those..." Just... stop. You're a terrible liar, so why do you even keep trying? "Right." Rarity gave her friend a slightly too wide smile. "Right." During the next few minutes, Applejack did her best to look busy, but in reality, she was just staring at the blueprints of Carousel Boutique while its owner was filing away books. Let's just hope she's careful where she puts 'em. Princess or no Princess, Twilight's still the Ponyville librarian, and she takes her duties seriously. She allowed herself a grin. Just ask Rainbow Dash, who- "FICKLESTITCH!" Rarity slammed a book shut, making Applejack jump. "You okay there, sugarcube?" "I'm fine, no worries." Rarity replied, not sounding fine. "I just... I just nearly dropped an old book." She laughed nervously. "Twilight would probably throw a fit if I damaged one of her books." They both chuckled at the thought. Applejack looked over her shoulder to maybe engage in some more banter, but she hesitated when she saw that Rarity was staring at the book she had nearly dropped, apparently lost in thought. It was indeed an old book - in fact, it looked like the perfect stereotype of an old book, mostly thanks to its heavy leather cover and the embossed letters on it. The only thing distracting a bit from the look was the giant pentagram on the cover. Don't go and start making virgin sacrifices, Rarity. She immediately scolded herself for such a silly thought. Of course she'd never do such a thing - it's probably impossible to wash blood stains out of ceremonial robes. She sniggered quietly at the mental image of a distraught Rarity interrupting some ritual because she got her robe dirty. Rarity suddenly pulled over her saddlebags with a flick of magic. "I'm sorry, I need to go," the unicorn muttered, and Applejack could have sworn that her voice had cracked. She stuffed the book into her bag with far more force than was strictly necessary. "Something came up. Be a dear and tell Twilight I checked out a book. I'll return it quite soon." A brief pause. "And we'll look over the boutique expansion tomorrow." Applejack raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Is everything alright?" She frowned when she saw Rarity's face. "Are you cryin'?" The unicorn quickly wiped her tears away, smudging her make-up. She motioned Applejack to stay seated after the latter jumped to her hooves in alarm. "I'm awfully sorry, darling. It's... personal. But don't worry - everything will be right as rain! I promise!" She's lying. What happened? Did it have something to do with that blasted book? Applejack barely kept all those thoughts to herself - she knew better than to force herself into another pony's private matters, but at the same time made a note to check back in tomorrow, just in case. "Fine," she finally conceded, "but promise to call me if you need help, okay?" For a moment, Rarity seemed to consider staying. But then she turned away and headed to the door. "Of course, thanks for being such a good friend." "Yeah," Applejack whispered and sighed once Rarity had left the library. "I'll always be your good friend." Hours later, just as the sun was being guided below the horizon, Applejack arrived at home. The explosion apparently hadn't been too bad - Twilight had given her an explanation about magical versus mundane explosions, but in the end, Applejack had mostly just smiled and nodded. She had mentioned that Rarity headed home early with a book, but left out details about the nature of it. Something had told her not to mention the whole pentagram business, at least for the time being. "Hey," Big Macintosh greeted her just as she was about to walk up the stairs to her room. "Had fun plannin' the expansion?" "We... got sidetracked," Applejack replied, trying to decide how much to tell her brother. Let's just keep it to the facts. No need to freak others out. Big Macintosh frowned briefly. "We talkin' about savin' the world here? Or about you gettin' lost in your dear Rarity's eyes again?" He dodged her kick with practiced ease and chuckled. "Did you read her your poetry?" "Come upstairs SO AH CAN THROW YA OUTTA THE WINDOW!" Applejack snapped, her drawl worsening as she became more agitated. "So that's a no, then?" he called after her and laughed when she replied with a stream of profanity that would have made King Sombra blush. When she had vented her frustration, he joined her and gave her a quick hug. She leaned into him, only now realizing that she was hoarse and trembling. "I keep imaginin' signs that she might... ya know... " "Reciprocate?" Always with the fancy words. "Yeah," she whispered. "But I'm just imaginin' things." "Says who?" "Says the mare who isn't goin' to break a beautiful an' important friendship apart just because she's imaginin' things." He groaned quietly. "She's a young lady, just like you," he said. "You're only makin' this harder than it really is by puttin' her up on a pedestal." Her laugh was a lot harsher than she had expected it to be. "You're wrong - Rarity is a true lady. I'm just a farmer who occasionally plays dress-up. She is a creature of beauty and grace. Bearer of the Element of Dignity." "...I'm pretty sure it's the Element of Generosity," Big Macintosh said after a brief pause. "Well, look who just graduated with honors from the Colonel Unnecessary Corrections University!" "Captain Unnecessary Corrections University," he unnecessarily corrected her before engaging in a brief staredown to see who would crack up first. A staredown which Applejack lost. As usual. The two siblings laughed together for what felt like minutes. "Ahhh, thanks, I needed that," she conceded and gave her big brother a quick hug. "No problem," he replied. "Jus' take it easy and don't fret too much, okay?" "Fine." She headed to her room. "It's just confessing my love to the most perfect, fancy and refined pony ever, no need to fret," she added under breath and sighed. Applejack woke up with a start. It was dark outside; even the moon was hidden behind a few clouds. Everything was peaceful and quiet. Well, aside from whoever was apparently using a battering ram on their front door. "APPLEJACK!" the invader screamed. "APPLEJAAAAAAAAACK!" The gears in her head were moving slowly, but her brother was already barreling down the hallway. "Ah'm comin', yeesh!" Should I check it out, too? She gave her pillow a look. He can probably handle it. I can prolly go back to bed and just- She froze when her brain finally put a face next to the voice. RARITY! "WHERE IS SHE!?" Ponyville's fashion expert screamed when she saw that it was not Applejack who had opened the door. She was looking horribly disheveled, at least by her own standards, probably because she had not even combed her bed mane before running all the way across Ponyville in a complete panic. "What in tarnation?" Applejack's tone was somewhere in the grey area between sleepiness, panic and aggravation. "Rarity, what's-" She stopped talking when Rarity threw herself at her. "Oh thank the heavens you're alive I thought I had lost you to Pony Satan we must undo the curse because I love you even though you'll find this crush inane and I don't blame you but your eternal soul is on the line and I dreamed that you died from a heart attack and then it would've been too late to save you-" Right, she thought and gave her brother a look. This is gonna be one of those nights. Rarity seemed to drag on her shoulders, apparently coming down hard from her adrenaline rush. "Whoa, easy!" Applejack gently dropped to the floor alongside Rarity, holding her carefully as the unicorn had apparently used up whatever strength had driven her so far. "I must find a way..." Rarity gently stroked Applejack's cheek as she started to lose consciousness. "Your name... has too few vowels..." "...wait, what?" But it was too late - Rarity was out like a light. "She okay?" Big Macintosh asked quietly and gently touched her neck, presumably to check her pulse. "Not sure if 'okay' is the right word here, but she's breathin' and doesn't seem to have a fever or anything." Applejack adjusted her position slightly, making Rarity mewl in her sleep. "Poor thing must've had the mother of all bad dreams." "Should I set up the guest room for her?" She frowned. "Actually, I'm not quite sure how we'd get her there, especially since..." She tried to let go of Rarity, but the sleeping unicorn let out a high-pitched whine almost immediately. "Apple... jack... don't..." "Yeah, I think it'll be easier to just get a blanket or two here," she told her brother and gave him a sheepish smile. He raised an eyebrow. "I think Granny Smith warned us of clingy marefriends," he quipped. "I think she also had something to say about sleepin' with your marefriend before the first date." "Remind me to break your legs later," Applejack grumbled and rolled her eyes. "Also, she's not my marefriend." "That's funny, because I could've sworn that I heard her sayin' that-" "Just get those darn blankets." Big Macintosh had of course made a valid point. Crazy rant or not, Rarity had just said that she loved Applejack and that she had a crush. She didn't mean it, Applejack told herself even as she wrapped a leg around Rarity's side from behind. She's just... she's just had a bad dream, and tomorrow morning she'll tell me that none of that actually meant anything and that I should keep my silly ideas to myself. She sighed. "Why're you playin' with my heart like that, Rarity?" she asked quietly and let her head drop to the floor. When Rarity woke up again, the sun had already been raised. "Wha-" She stirred slowly at first before trying to jump to her hooves. "APPLEJACK!" she yelled before realizing that strong legs kept her pinned to the floor. "My name works jus' fine without havin' to shout it, you know?" Applejack replied, slightly grumpy after having spent the last few hours waiting for the unicorn to wake up. Cripes, how does one sleep for so long? Can't even remember the last time I got to sleep in until way past sunrise. Rarity jumped slightly, clearly not having expected Applejack to be this close. She craned her neck a little bit and blushed when she saw Applejack's strong legs hugging her sides from behind. "...ah..." "Is it finally safe to let go of you?" Applejack asked, trying to find a middle ground between sounding annoyed and signalling that she hadn't exactly minded spending the night hugging the pony she loved. "It's... yes, I suppose it is." Rarity slowly got up before stretching carefully. Applejack tried not to stare. "I... I'm sorry, darli-... Applejack." Oh? She's avoiding that word now? Applejack raised an eyebrow, and her heart skipped a beat as she considered the reasons for this. Does that mean that the word suddenly has new meaning for her now? She had agonized for hours whether or not to accept that last night's words had been more than just a delusional episode for all ponies involved, and also whether or not to finally voice her own feelings, consequences or no consequences. "About last night... what I said... you are probably thinking right now that I'm..." Rarity struggled to find the right words. Applejack took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. Let's see how well I know Rarity and her buttons. "Insane?" she filled in, making note of the way Rarity flinched. "A freak? A deviant? A corruptor of innocence?" Every word was carefully measured, pushing without breaking, borrowed more from Rarity's language of drama than from her own background as a farmer. She slowly moved towards her until they were practically standing cheek to cheek. And now to hit a softer note and see how she responds. "Afraid to tell the mare you love how you feel? Scared that she is going to reject you?" Before Rarity could voice her confusion, Applejack gently nuzzled her neck, causing the unicorn to gasp and shudder. "Still hopelessly in love?" "Oh heavens," Rarity whimpered and leaned into the touch, and Applejack silently rejoiced, all stress and anguish built up over years evaporating within that one moment. "Please don't let go... please, oh please... let this touch last forever." "Granny Smith warned me of clingy mates, but I don't think she meant it that literally." Big Macintosh won't mind if I borrow his snark for a moment, will he? Rarity huffed in faux indignation, and Applejack took that as a sign that they had successfully moved back to more familiar territory, at least for a while. "How come you are so nonchalant about this, anyway?" she finally asked and took a step back. The Earth pony just rolled her eyes. "Your dramatic confession was about eight hours ago, so I've had some time to think. The hard part was decidin' whether or not you were serious or just lost in some crazy hallucination." Rarity took a moment to process this. "I'll admit that my confession was... a little bit on the unusual side-" "In the same way that you are a little bit into fashion, yeah." "-but I'm happy that it at least broke the ice, so to speak. And I promise I will court you properly in due time, but..." "Is this about this 'Pony Satan' business? Somethin' about vowels?" Applejack raised an eyebrow. Rarity gave her a sheepish grin. "Let's talk about this at my place. I have something to show you." It was the pentagram book. Of course it was the pentagram book. Now that Applejack got a better look at it, it looked even worse than before. She frowned at the three words embossed at the top of the cover:

RULEREIGN THE HELLBOUND

"O...kay," she whispered before her eyes moved to the bottom of the cover.

PONY HELL

"Riiiiiight." "Oh, it gets so much worse," Rarity assured her and laughed in a slightly deranged way before opening the book. "Blah... blah... by opening this book, you have prepared a gateway to Pony Hell, and your eternal soul shall be subject to its law... blah... and every living creature that was within the same room as you has become subject to the same laws... blah... blah.. after dying... blah..." She kept flipping pages, as if looking for more interesting passages. Come again? "Uh, Rarity, shouldn't you be a bit more concerned about this whole Pony Hell business? Especially about the part where you just made sure that we both end up there?" Rarity looked up and into Applejack's eyes. "I already condemned our souls to Pony Hell yesterday when I opened the book in the library, so it's not like this is a new development, don't worry." "Ah, that's okay, then." When she heard Applejack's sarcastic tone, Rarity sighed. "That's why I left in such a hurry - I figured that I'd read through it to see if there's a way to get us out of this situation. There's a whole bunch of lore to go through, but it's mostly unimportant beyond the general cultural significance," Rarity was sounding a bit like Twilight on a good-slash-bad day, and Applejack wasn't sure if she liked it or not. "There's apparently this place called Pony Hell, ruled by a fellow called Pony Satan." "Those are silly names," the Earth pony blurted out, and Rarity nodded enthusiastically. "Rulereign was indeed blessed with magic power and scientific insight, but not with the ability to find good names," she agreed. "Let's get to the fun part." About a quarter into the book, the list started. Each entry had a number, and each one was a law to determine whether or not one's soul indeed ended up in Pony Hell. "Do any of those help to us?" Applejack asked. Rarity held up notes she had apparently taken yesterday and shook her head. "Unless you're actually a stallion or weren't born on a day ending with '-day,' no." "...don't all days end with that?" "And here we thought that Twilight was the scholar," Rarity teased her, and Applejack rolled her eyes, realizing that Rarity, just like Big Macintosh, had probably spent a lot of time bantering with a younger sibling. "So how long is-" "There are three hundred rules," Rarity interrupted her without looking up. "This book is really what it would look like if Twilight ever became evil: a science essay, reckless use of magic and a huge list." Applejack gawked. "Three hundred rules, and NONE help us?" "I didn't say that," Rarity corrected her and dropped the book in front of her before tapping a specific point on the right page.

#283: If your full name has an even number of vowels, you are safe and will not go to Pony Hell.

Applejack frowned and did a quick count. Her name had three vowels, which meant that she was still not safe. "I suppose I could change my-" Rarity patiently tapped the next rule.

#284: The number of vowels among all creatures who are currently being judged must remain the same at all times, or no creature is deemed safe, disregarding any other rule.

Okay, hold on. She counted the number of vowels in Rarity's name to see if she could "borrow" one from her. Two vowels. She's safe, so she can't give me one of hers. Although... "Wait, does the 'y' in your name count?" Rarity tensed up visibly and clenched her jaw, staring at some point on the floor. "N-..." She suddenly smiled, although she still didn't quite meet her eyes. "Yes, it counts. We both have three vowels, so we have to shift one vowel from one name to the other. There is, however, the next rule, which we will somehow try to work around, even though-" Is this what I look like when I'm trying to lie? "Rarity," she whispered, trying to keep the anger out of her voice, "I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me again that it counts." After a deep breath, the unicorn met her eyes... and froze. Applejack could see tears forming and barely resisted the urge to back off. "The 'y' in my name..." The tears were starting to flow freely now and Rarity suddenly lowered her head. "It doesn't count," she finally admitted. Applejack replayed the conversation in her head and cursed under her breath before pulling the sobbing Rarity into a tight hug. "Did you just try to save me from Pony Hell by takin' my place?" "I'm sorry!" Rarity cried. "But it has to be this way!" "You're not going to condemn yourself!" "I got you into this mess! And I will do anything I can to get you out of it!" She suddenly changed course: "But it's not like it matters for now, anyway. Check the next rule." Applejack slowly ended the hug and wiped away her own tears, not sure when she had started to cry in the first place. "This discussion is not over," she hissed before checking the book again.

#285: Only members of one family may go on one name change form.

"Seeeeee?" Rarity was sounding oddly triumphant for a pony whose plans of self-sacrifice had been sabotaged by a stupid law. "We're not members of one family, so we can't change our names in one action, thus violating number 284!" Applejack blinked and read the rule again. Then she looked at Rarity. Then back at the book. Then back at Rarity. "That's it?" "What do you mean, that's it?" She opened her mouth to reply, but then frowned. "Before I tell ya, I want to make it clear that you won't use this to change your vowel count. This is just... hypothetically speakin'." Rarity narrowed her eyes, her despair replaced by the fierce determination Applejack fell in love with so long ago. "Like you said, this discussion is not over." "Fine." Applejack huffed angrily before calming down. "There is a way for us to be of one family." She waited for any hint of realization and smirked when she saw none. "Lemme give ya a hint: it involves love and rings." Rarity gave her a puzzled frown, but then everything clicked into place, and her jaw dropped. "I what you and I did you just I mean-" She took a deep breath. "You want us to get married?" "Well, not right away, but it would be a-" Rarity squealed and threw herself at the struggling Applejack. "YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" "Would ya get off o' me!?" Applejack protested, but Rarity saw her smile. "I ain't marryin' nopony before the first date!" "That can be arranged," the unicorn purred, still lying on top of Applejack. Then she held up another stack of notes with her magic. "Ah, how unfortunate that these ponies never had your pragmatic-and-yet-romantic insight." Applejack took one look at the notes and inhaled sharply. "What the hay is that?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even. "Oh, those are notes that had been tucked into the back of the book," Rarity explained, unaware of the degree of Applejack's mood shift. "Some ancient ponies who also fell victim to this book. Here, look."

Braverain confirmed that, back in Rulereign's day, only the following letters counted as vowels: A, E, I, O, U. Suddenly, "Aruruhirh Cometvoyager" and "Anahecd Coldzephyr" don't sound like such great names anymore.

"Really tragic. If only Aruruhirh had thought about marrying Ana-" Rarity yelped when Applejack roughly shoved her aside and grabbed the note. "Excuse me, but we need to establish some ground rules about how to end a good cuddle. There are-" "Ah know that hoofwritin'!" Applejack snapped, her drawl returning in full force. "Oh, she is SO DEAD." She stormed out of the boutique, her eyes scanning the clouds. "Dearest, what are you talki-" "RAINBOW DAAAAAAAAAAAASH!" the Earth pony roared at the top of her lungs when she finally spotted a rainbow-colored tail dangling from the edge of a cloud. "I'm not deaf, you know?" Rainbow Dash shouted and lazily hopped down from her cloud before sailing towards them. "What's so-" "AH'M GONNA KICK YER FLANK ALL THE WAY TO NEXT TUESDAY!" Rainbow landed neatly in front of them, clearly unimpressed by the threats. "Okay, look, if this is about that one rain cloud yester-" She froze when Applejack held up the pages. "Holy smokes, you found my notes!" "Wait, why're you lookin' relieved?" Applejack asked, righteous anger quickly replaced by confusion. "Please tell me you also found the book!" "If you're talking about Rulereign's book, then yes," Rarity replied, trying to make sense of the situation. "Thank goodness! I had misplaced it after the last session at the library, and Twilight said that if I didn't find it again, we wouldn't be able to break that stupid curse at all!" Rarity furrowed her brows. "That's... not what the book says, I think?" "Yeah, but Twilight's the Game Master, so she gets to decide how stuff works, and you know how she gets about books and rules. Boy, she was really mad when I told her I had lost the book she had written just for this game. All the work she had done just to curse me and Fluttershy for trolling her campaign, and then I lose the stupid thing." "Game," Rarity echoed, staring straight through Rainbow Dash. "This. Is. A. GAME?" The fastest pony in Ponyville was remarkably slow on the uptake. "Well, yeah, Donjons And Dromedaries. You know, the game you two never really got into because-" "I DECLARED MY LOVE FOR APPLEJACK BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP TRACK OF YOUR GAMING PARAPHERNALIA?" The unicorn was trembling with rage and probably a bit of shame. "Whoa, whoa, cool your-..." Rainbow hesitated. "...wait, you finally confessed? About time! It was almost sad how you two kept mentally undressing each other whenever you were in the same room without actually taking the first step." Applejack and Rarity exchanged embarrassed looks, but then both mares smirked in perfect unison as they wordlessly hatched out a plan. "Well, yeah, I suppose we're gonna start datin' today," Applejack said. "And we will celebrate not just our love, but also our intellectual victory since we also solved the puzzle of rule 285," Rarity added casually. Rainbow Dash blinked wildly. "You guys what? Seriously? You found a way around that dumb rule?" She flapped her wings in excitement. "Tell me!" "Aruruhirh and Anahecd just have to get married, then they-" "-can swap a vowel around because they're of one family! That's brilliant! I gotta tell Flutters!" She moved to higher altitude to look around the village. "HEY, FLUTTERSHY!" she finally yelled, oblivious to the two grinning ponies on the ground. "MARRY ME!" Applejack winced as she witnessed the first surface-to-air missile launch in Ponyville's history. Fluttershy moved so fast that she was barely more than a yellow blur as she snatched Rainbow Dash out of the air and tumbled to the ground with her. "YES, I DO!" The normally timid pegasus paused briefly. "I MEAN, I WILL!" she corrected her reply to better fit Rainbow Dash's proposal. "That was terrible of us," Applejack whispered and nuzzled Rarity's cheek even as Fluttershy pressed her lips onto Rainbow's. The weather pony briefly struggled in confusion, but then returned the kiss. "Oh, please, dear, those two were at least as bad as us, probably," Rarity replied mischievously. "Now, let's head to the library - I believe we have to work a few modifications into the boutique expansions." "...second bedroom?" Applejack asked, trying not to sound too bold. "Bigger bed, darling," Rarity replied and bit her lower lip.

Author's Note: What a rush! I only realized two weeks ago that this contest was going on, and I decided to join because I needed some motivation to get me into the writing mood again. Sure, Rarity's not my number one choice for a main character, but I love a challenge. The idea for this fic actually came to me while trying to write another (far too ambitious, given the time and space constraints) entry for this contest and had originally just been one character poking fun at her: "Yes, Rarity, and you also once believed that you'd go to Pony Hell because your name had a certain number of vowels in it." The original first draft for this fic had actually been from Rarity's POV (because, well, Rarity contest), but by the time I reached the final scene, I realized that it'd work better from Applejack's POV because that would deprive the reader of proper context for Rarity's midnight meltdown. So I did the crazy thing and rewrote the entire fic nearly from scratch despite the looming deadline. (The scene I miss the most after this change is the dream that causes Rarity to freak out, mostly because it meant cutting a lengthy rant where Rarity mocks Pony Satan's general looks. I probably could've slipped it into this version, but I was already way too close to the word count limit, so it had to stay cut.) Credits and influences: The name "Pony Hell" comes from this old joke. "Pony Satan" just followed naturally because I fail at naming things. All non-canon names (aside from "Pony Hell" and "Pony Satan") were generated over at Seventh Sanctum using the Evil Name Generator ("Rulereign the Hellbound"), the Cat Being Namer ("Braverain") and the Elf Name Generator ("Aruruhirh Cometvoyager" and "Anahecd Coldzephyr" - I love those names, they're so terrible XD)