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chickwiththepurpleguitar · 3 years

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For a prompt, maybe Bobby having a job in high school where he teaches guitar to kids and Emily and Mitch mistakenly sign Luke up for lessons? (Bobby just doesn't sound like a teenager on the phone) Belated congratulations on the 500 milestone, btw ✨

Here you go, friend! I hope you like it! My first jatp AU fic lol :)

Read on ao3 here:

Here’s the thing: Luke already knows how to play the guitar.

Has he ever taken a lesson? Officially? No, of course not, because he’s not a nerd. But he’s been learning from YouTube tutorials for almost six years now, been writing his own stuff for four, been the lead singer and guitarist of an epic, legendary rock band for two. He’d say he’s pretty well covered in the “knowing how to play the guitar” department, without some crusty old guy showing him the chords to songs no one’s listened to since the 60s in the grimy basement of a church two hours a week.

And yet, here he stands, on the sidewalk outside said church, guitar case in hand and a truly menacing grimace on his face, staring up at the hand-painted sign on the door detailing “Guitar lessons for kids! Room B38” in big block letters.

“Well?” Alex, who drove Luke here because Luke is currently not on speaking terms with his mother and father out of pure unadulterated spite, claps a hand on his shoulder, already stifling giggles. “You ready for your lesson, kiddo?”

“I will kick you out of the band,” Luke threatens.

“Then you can walk home.” Alex jingles his keys teasingly, then tugs Luke into a quick hug. “Come on, man, I think it was a nice gesture. Try to make the most of it, at least your parents are trying.”

Right, because the whole reason Luke’s here is because his mom thought the lessons would be a good reward for Luke passing all his classes this semester. Because she heard him complaining that Sunset Curve needed a rhythm guitarist to fill out their sound and decided that meant he needed to learn how to do it himself, even though Luke tried to explain to her that he couldn’t play rhythm guitar and face-melting solos at the same time.

Of course, she didn’t listen, and then his dad found a flyer for this guy Robert giving lessons out of the local church, and before Luke could say no, the first month’s worth were already paid for and he didn’t have a choice.

And he supposes Alex is sort of right. At least his parents know what a guitar is. At least they’re trying to be somewhat, relatively supportive of his music, instead of pushing him to apply to college or get a job over the summer like they did constantly until he ran away for six months after Christmas and almost died (he’s fine now, but that near-death experience really changed his parents’ tune).

At least they actually acknowledge that he’s in a band at all, unlike Alex’s folks, whose friends think Alex volunteers at homeless shelters in his free time, or Reggie’s, who just don’t care.

Luke knows he’s got it good, compared to his friends, compared to himself a year ago. But that doesn’t mean he’s gotta be happy about it.

“All right, I’ll pick you up in an hour,” Alex says, giving Luke’s shoulder another friendly squeeze. “Try not to pout so much, it’s unbecoming.”

Luke gives him the finger, and Alex’s laughter echoes behind him as he heads back toward his car.

And then Luke sighs, grips his guitar a little tighter, and heads inside. He’s already here, he might as well get it over with.

Room B38 is a tiny classroom deep in the bowels of the church, reserved for Sunday School or daycare or some other such activity. The door’s closed, so Luke knocks, and a voice from inside calls, “Come in!”

A voice that does not sound like it belongs to the crusty old man Luke had been picturing.

He frowns, wondering if maybe he’s in the wrong place, but tugs the door open anyway and maneuvers himself and his guitar inside.

There’s no crusty old man waiting for him. There is, however, a handsome (Luke can’t help noticing and then feels stupid for noticing), young man, no more than a year or two older than Luke at most, sitting in a comically small plastic chair and tuning an acoustic guitar.

“Hey,” Luke greets him, raising an awkward hand. “You’re… Robert?”

“Please—Bobby,” the guy corrects, laying his guitar down on the carpeted floor next to him so he can stand and shake Luke’s hand. There’s a gleam of confusion in his eyes, and he glances over Luke’s shoulder like he’s looking for something as he says, “You must be Luke’s… older brother?”

Oh, Luke is going to kill his parents. “Uh, no,” he says, clears his throat awkwardly. “No, um… I’m Luke.”

Bobby lets out an undignified snort, and then claps his hand over his mouth. “Sorry, sorry,” he says, still sort of giggling. “I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just—most of my students are in the four to twelve age range? I thought you’d be, like, eight.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “Well, I thought you’d be, like, sixty, so I guess we’re both disappointed.”

“Not disappointed,” Bobby corrects, and his smile makes Luke’s stomach flip in a way he’d really rather not analyze too closely right now. Bobby nods down at the guitar case in Luke’s hand. “Should we get started?”

Luke’s tongue feels dumb and thick in his mouth, but he manages to stammer something vaguely affirmative, and Bobby grins at him.

They settle into the kiddy chairs across from each other, and Bobby picks his guitar back up while Luke pulls his own out of its case.

He briefly considers pretending to actually need guitar lessons so that Bobby will have a chance to show off, because Bobby’s cute and funny and clearly cares about music, and Luke doesn’t know how to flirt.

But Luke also doesn’t know how to play guitar badly. So they only get about twenty minutes into the lesson before Bobby stops and says, “You don’t need me, do you?”

“I really don’t,” Luke apologizes. “I play lead guitar in a band, I’ve been teaching myself since I was twelve, my parents are just—” he starts to say stupid, then remembers Alex’s words and amends—“a little clueless about this kind of thing.”

Bobby puts his guitar aside and leans forward in his chair. “What, have they never heard you play before?”

Luke resists the urge to roll his eyes. “No, they have, they just. We’re looking for someone—my band and me—to play rhythm guitar for us? My parents asked why I couldn’t do it, and when I explained it to them, they thought ‘I can’t play lead and rhythm at the same time’ meant I couldn’t play rhythm at all. I don’t know.” He shrugs a little, busies himself with putting his guitar back in its case.

“I could.”

Luke looks up, frowning. “You could what?”

Bobby raises his eyebrows pointedly, nods at the guitar lying at his feet. “Play with you guys. If you’re still looking for someone, I mean.”

Luke’s heart skips a beat, and a warm smile spreads across his face without his permission. “Seriously, man? That’d be amazing! Here, let me give you my number and you can come over sometime and meet the band.”

They exchange information, and Luke spends a little too long staring stupidly at the contact in his phone that Bobby has named “Guitar Teacher <3”.

“Plus,” Bobby says, and Luke looks back up to see him smirking as he returns his own phone to his pocket. “Now I get an excuse to see you again. Since you obviously don’t need the lessons.”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“But, uh, maybe don’t tell your parents that. Cause I can’t give them a refund.”

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @apples-bees @reggiescrookedteeth @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @shellydominique @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard

#prompt fill #500 followers aaah!!#my fics #jatp #julie and the phantoms #fanfiction #jatp fandom #modern day/everybody lives au #bobby wilson #luke patterson #alex mercer #lukebobby #lobby

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hxlyhead-harpies · 4 years

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August (J.P.)

Hello everyone! This fic was inspired by the Tylor Swift song August. It’s a beautiful song and you should totally listen to it if you haven’t already. This isn’t like a normal song fic because I didn’t include any lyrics in the writing but It is heavily inspired by the song. I’m also super super proud of this so I hope that you all like it!

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Summary: (Y/n) falls for her neighbor, James, and has a whirlwind summer romance with him.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Angst, a PG-13 make out session, and mentions of sex, alcohol consumption

The crisp air of the lake breeze blew back your hair as you sat on the dock. It was your summer holiday and you had a month before you were forced back into the confines of school. You were reveling in the summer weather while you could, your head bent back to soak up the sun, your feet dangling into the water. The lake was seemingly your home over the summer. It was a short walk from your house and you found yourself there every day that you could escape your family. Whether you were simply reading under a tree or wading in its waters, the lake offered you solace and a hideaway.

You turned and looked behind you, catching a glimpse of the Potter’s house. It was nestled behind a few trees, sitting atop a hill that overlooked the lake. You wondered if James was there. You had known James since the early days of your youth. Sharing shy smiles at neighborhood parties. You had never gotten to know him very well as he went off to some mysterious boarding school each year. But this summer something had shifted.

On one of your earliest days sneaking off to the lake, you had run into him. His mop of messy black hair was damp and beads of water rolled off his bare shoulders letting you know he had just exited the water. He had waved politely at you and you blushed under his gaze. He was an incredibly attractive boy, and you weren’t used to incredibly attractive boys paying any attention to you. You sat down on the dock, dipping your bare feet into the deep blue water. After a few moments, you felt a presence beside you and you turned to see James. He sat down next to you and sent you a quick smile. You began to talk, something the two of you had never really done before. You learned as much as you could about him, though he gave vague details of his school life. You soaked up every bit of him that you could, basking in the attention he gave you. He flirted slightly- placing a hand on your thigh or making comments that made you flush.

As the day turned into evening you quickly became enamored with him. His dark eyes roaming over your body and his quick-witted humor made it hard not to. By the time the stars began to bleed into the sky, he had cupped your cheek and captured your lips with his own.

As the days wore on, the more you saw of James. You would spend lazy days by the lake, talking and laughing and him pressing languid kisses to your lips. It was perfect. His company was all you needed. He made you feel wanted.

One summer night you and James stumbled into a bedroom at a party, placing drunken kisses on any exposed piece of skin that you could find. The night had been filled with drinking and dancing close to him, soaking up every bit of him that you could.

He pressed you against the wall, leaving a trail of kisses down your neck. You swiftly removed his shirt, giggling when you couldn’t get it over his head. You moved to the bed, letting him lay on top of you. For a moment James sobered up slightly.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked in a whisper, his breath hot on your neck. You nodded, moving to press a kiss to his shoulder.

“I’ve never done this before,” you said softly and nervously. James kissed you sweetly on the forehead.

“That’s all right,” he whispered back. You smiled before pulling him back towards you.

The next morning you wake up before him. Your legs were tangled in the sheets as you admired James’s sleeping form. His eyelashes graced his cheek and his breathing was deep and even. He had an arm lazily draped around your waist, his hand hot against your bare skin. Your head pounded slightly from your hangover but you could barely pay attention to the pain when you were with him.

You lay on a towel next to the lake, watching as James waded in the water. His bare skin gleamed from the sun and you couldn’t help but admire his physique. You got up and slowly made your way over to him and pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder, causing him to turn around and smile at you.

Your afternoon had been filled with him telling stories of his friends from school. He told you about his best friends that he considered brothers and you laughed as he told you censored versions of their jokes. But a name kept popping up in the conversation that made your insides churn.

Lily Evans.

She appeared in almost all of his stories. She seemed to always be around him. You had asked James what she was to him but he just waved you off and told you that she was just a friend. The jealousy that bled into your bones quickly dissipated though when he leaned down to kiss you, assuring you that you were his.

You wondered to yourself if he would call you or write to you when he got back to school, telling you about the new adventures that he had been on. You hoped that he would.

You sat on his rooftop with a bottle of wine on your lips. It was well past midnight and your back was pressed against him as you stared up at the stars. He absentmindedly played with your hair as you gazed at the sky. You passed him the bottle, watching him take a sip. He seemed to be lost in thought and distracted.

“You okay?” you asked as he handed you back the bottle. He sent you a tightlipped smile.

“Just thinking about some things from school,” he said quietly, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I left some things there unresolved,” he continued. Your stomach dropped and one name crossed your mind. You wondered if he was speaking of Lily. The way he spoke about her made your stomach churn each time. Every time her name passed his lips his eyes lit up and you swore that his cheeks flushed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, putting your hand on his knee. He just smiled at you and shook his head before leaning in.

The summer changed you. You were a shy and quiet girl who never took risks but James slowly forced you out of your shell. He’d bring you on small escapades and adventures, watching you blossom into someone who loved living.

You saw him change as well. The more time with you that he spent, he seemed to become less brash and impulsive. He began to think over his words before he spoke and was a gentler person.

You never put a label on the relationship. You never felt the need to. You wanted him badly and you thought he felt the same. Every moment spent together only made your feelings for him grow. The late nights under the stars and the sweeping kisses were enough for you. And you thought that they were enough for him too.

Every moment spent together gave you hope that it could really become something. You were quickly falling for him, imagining a life beyond August together. You wanted nothing more than him.

Towards the end of the summer, you saw your friends less and less, opting to spend your time with James. Waiting for him to knock at your door or throw pebbles at your window in the dead of night. You knew you were in deep when you canceled plans with your best friend to wait by the lake to see if he would show up. He never did.

As your summer began to disappear, so did James. He rarely sought you out, and when he did, he was distant and almost cold. You felt like you were losing him.

The night before he left you sat in your room alone, replaying your memories with him. Analyzing every kiss and every moment. You had searched for him that day. But when you had knocked on his door his mother told you that he was out.

You had stolen a bottle of whiskey from your parent’s liquor cabinet and you were slowly sipping from it, hoping to dull the numb ache of heartbreak. He hadn’t even said goodbye.

Around midnight you heard a knock on your window. You turned quickly to see James’s face. Despite the hurt he had caused you, you quickly ran to the window to let him in. As soon as he stepped close to you, you could smell the alcohol on his breath. He seemed to be just as drunk as you were. He quickly pressed a messy kiss to your lips. You spent not time reciprocating. He kissed you for what seemed like hours. He kissed you until you were breathless. Suddenly, he moaned into the kiss, a name spilling from his lips that wasn’t yours.

“Lily,” he murmured against your lips. You pulled back quickly.

“What?” you questioned, your voice thick with emotion. James just looked at you confusedly, clearly not having realized his error.

“What did you call me?” you asked, hoping to conceal the tears that were threatening to spill. James furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding.

“(Y/n)?” he asked slowly. You rolled your eyes at him and pushed him off you.

“I think you should go,” you said quietly. James reached for your cheek but you swiftly swatted his hand away.

“(Y/n) I don’t understand,” he said softly. You just ignored him. After a few moments of silence, he got up and left, not even looking back at you as he exited through your window, not even uttering a farewell. When he was gone you finally allowed yourself to cry.

James had left the next morning. For a few weeks, you held out hope that he would write to you, that he’d apologize and assure you that you were his and he was yours. But no such letter came.

You had lost him. But then you thought back to that night in your room and the name he had whispered against your lips. He was never yours to lose.

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nnon-but-cwnancydrew · 3 years

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Tell me about the 5 things that make you happy and then ask the same thing to at least 10 people who have reblogged your posts before!

Thank you for the ask!

Alright here we go (in no particular order)

1) FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT! My mom is pretty much always busy with her job and my sister is always chasing the latest c-dramas so when we have the time to sit down and watch a movie without any outside distractions? Best feeling ever. (Also I don't trust them and always confiscate their phones.)

Close second and it's related to family so I'll just put it here. On most Saturdays my mother's younger brother and his family will come back for dinner and I always love interacting with my cousins. Especially my younger cousin brother! He's 9 and a total Rockhead he always used to bang his head against the rest of ours and giggle himself mad while we groan in pain. My sister and my cousin sister are closer both in age and relationship and it's always so funny to see them interacting bc they're the personification of this image:

(I don't watch The Simpsons btw so if this image has an underlying meaning I don't know it)

2) Validation. This comes in many forms. When I cook dinner on Sundays, when I fix a problem for my technological stumped older relatives or even a single like and reblog from Tumblr users. Ma'am your asks literally made my day I don't usually get asks

3) Singing! Music in general honestly. I hear a new song that I like and my soul is healed for that brief moment in time. Some of my earliest memories involve music. And my father. My father loved music. He taught me how to ride a bike with the Beatles' Let it Be playing in the background. We celebrated my first birthday at a hotel and the live band sang Happy Birthday to me. My mom still has the video and photos.

I'm in a choir and my teacher always chooses amazing SATB pieces. And while I might groan and moan over learning those old songs (mostly cus I don't learn any musical instruments and thus have the best worst knowledge of key signatures a person whose been learning scores since she was 10 could possibly have), those end results are always amazing and I never miss a performance if I can help it.

Side note I joined my current choir company bc my school choir kicked me out for being too hyperactive. Thanks guys

However, the silver lining is that I've made so many friends for life and I know for a fact that my current choir has offered me so much more than my school choir possibly could. For example, I've never flown in an airplane until we went to Hong Kong to compete in its International Music Competition (we won gold btw) and I've been to Kuching to perform for a weekend music festival.

Ahem. I got sidetracked

4) Books! Been escaping reality via those funky words engraved on dead trees circa 2009 baby! (Literally still remember the first novel I read. The Mystery of the Disappearing Cat by Enid Blyton. I didn't read the first book of the series until I was 15 bc the Mystery of the Disappearing Cat was my mom's and she had every single book in the series except for the first one.)

5) Creating in general. Mayhem. Confusion. Dinner. Sometimes I switch things up and stir all 3 together and serve them in a pot.

Okay seriously I love putting things together. IKEA furniture. Powerpoints. Meals. Puzzles. Young me would tire of the same old picture and put the puzzle together backward, with the picture lying on the table surface and a blank slate for me to piece together. (I think that's partly why you'll hardly see me write a fic here. I'm more for analyzing the details than anything.)

Probably gonna pursue a career in interior designing but I also said that about singing, a theatre career, and who knows what else so we'll see

Tagging: @voidsteffy @platanchorsociety @acenancy @the-magnificunt @bess-turani-marvin @sargentsblu @acehardy @naancypants @nancydrew428 @naceistruelove

(I really hope I didn't tag someone's main blog and side blog)

#thanks for the ask!#answered #me #not nancy drew related

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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Top 5 Favorite Louis Moments

So... have I ever told you guys that Louis is my favorite character in TWDG? No? I didn’t have to? You could tell by the everything that is my blog that he’s my favorite?

Well your deduction skills are great because it’s true-- Louis is, indeed, my favorite character and after all the nonsense going on with last week’s T5F, I wanted to talk about my boy to get that salty taste outta my mouth, y’know?

I want to talk about some of my favorite Louis moments from The Final Season, and in turn, about why I love him so much.... also this challenge of giving myself only 5 moments was just cruel and I struggled because I love nearly every Louis moment. I had to narrow it down to the favorite moments where I believe his development as a character were at its greatest, because that’s something I love about him-- his growth through the season.

Wanna give a quick shoutout @pi-creates for letting me use some screenshots for this post! I’m also doing a bit of a collab with Pi and a few others for this T5F. I thought it would be fun if they did some lists for other characters! I’ll update this post with links to their Top 5′s as they come out. :D

Pi’s Top 5 Aasim Moments @kaylee-wolf’s Top 5 James Moments @taurusicorn2400′s Top 5 Favorite Things About Violet @akemi-rose578′s Top 5 Favorite Ruby Moments

5. Appealing to Louis

I won’t spend too much time on this one because I talked about this entire scene in great detail in my Marlon character study, but I do truly love everything about it.

When you appeal to Louis, he’s pretty insistent about staying out of it... even though you can tell this whole situation is hurting him. With Marlon still having a grip on him, Louis feels like he has to side with Marlon because he’s his best friend, he’s always had his back, he’s gotta trust him... Marlon wouldn’t kill Brody like that, it just doesn’t make sense, right?

Add that on top of the fact that Louis is already established as “Marlon’s lap dog,” as Aasim puts it, and Marlon himself even implies that Louis is irresponsible and doesn’t ever step up.

So to have Louis instinctively puts his hands up like “Oh no, no, noooo I am not involved! Sorry, I like ya Clem but yeah, you’re on your own.... sorry,” makes sense with how he’s established, and you as Clementine have to sway him to your side by giving him some much needed courage and a chance to break from Marlon’s control to do the right thing, which is executed super well.

My personal favorite choice is to ask Louis if he’s really going to just let Marlon shoot me just so that he doesn’t want to get involved. You can see from his body language and facial expressions that Clementine’s words struck a nerve... he doesn’t want that to happen, that he doesn’t want Marlon to murder Clementine like this, and that he knows this is all wrong.

Also, Clementine’s “I thought you were more than that” is just.... so good. When you consider his entire arc... as far as we know, this is the first time someone has said something like that to Louis and it shows.

So he tries to talk to Marlon the first time, and Marlon intimidates and manipulates him to where you believe he’s not going to help you... and I love it. I love the way this is shot where Louis, with his hands up, slips right in front of Clementine and talks Marlon down. He sees that Marlon has a damn gun pointed at him, but he puts himself in danger to protect Clementine [and Marlon, in a way]... someone he doesn’t know that well, and he even walks towards Marlon while the gun is still pointed at him to protect her and those around him.

There’s also the other bits where Louis tries to be reassuring to Marlon, that they’re gonna help him out, that they’re all they got, that Marlon wasn’t always pathetic.... which that last one prompts the “Yeah I was, you’re just the only one who didn’t see it,” and that’s... a whole thing.

This is the first glimpse of growth we see with Louis and I love it.

4. The talk in the dorms

Okay... this scene.

I love this scene... obviously. One of my favorite’s from Ep2. After AJ is patched up and recovering in the dorms, Louis comes by to bring AJ some new clothes since his got torn up from Abel’s magic shotgun.

At this point, we already know that Louis is dealing with a lot of shit-- his best friend of 8+ years was murdered right in front of him, he’s traumatized, mourning, and hurting buuuuuut most of the Ericson crew don’t seem to care that he’s going through this. Violet keeps invalidating this pain and calling him a shithead while talking shit about Marlon right in front of him without any care. Mitch acts like Louis should be more aggressive because he was Marlon’s best friend, which results in Louis feeling even shittier.

He doesn’t know what to do about Clementine and AJ, all he knows is that them being there makes everything feel worse and he’s scared... AND on top of that, he just learned what Marlon was really like, Brody did indeed die because Marlon hit her, the twins might be alive because Marlon traded them away, AND there are asshole raiders coming to kidnap and/or murder them.

AND because he took part in the vote that got Clementine and AJ kicked out and insisted they follow through, AJ ended up getting shot by Abel’s magic shotgun and could’ve died... and Louis feels responsible for that, but he’s conflicted because this kid literally murdered his best friend that’s why they were kicked out in the first place.

Also, presumably, he’s dealing with all this by himself.

Honestly, I’m surprised he’s still functioning because that’s a lot.

Despite all that, he still sticks with Ruby in helping patch AJ up, and is thoughtful enough to bring him new clothes so he’s more comfortable. It says a lot about him, y’know? He’s still hurting, he’s still angry, but he doesn’t hate Clementine and AJ for what happened. He never did, he just didn’t know what to do. He’s still processing what happened and sorting out his feelings.

Oh and then the talk with Clementine... okay, I love the talk.

It’s quiet, sincere, and emotional. Clementine kinda begins to pry about whether or not he’s okay with them staying after AJ gets better and the raiders are taken care of, and he avoids giving her a straight answer until she pushes, to which he answers with an honest, “I don’t know, Clementine.”

Then AJ wakes up, and I love the way Louis responds to AJ asking if they’re friends again. He doesn’t lie to make AJ feel better, but he’s not a jerk about it.

And finally, we get the final dialogue prompt with him. I usually tell him I really missed him, to which he responds with, “Missed you, too. Goodnight.” and I just... it’s so good.

Honestly, Louis could’ve turned into a real bitch and not bothered, he could’ve remained angry and took every opportunity to remind Clem and AJ of how terrible they are... I can think of plenty characters that would’ve done that in his situation, but that’s not Louis. He’s not that kind of person... which is interesting when you consider his backstory and what landed him at Ericson in the first place. He’s seen what that kind of resentment, no matter how great, can lead to.

Overall, one of the best moments in his character development.

3. Louis opening up to Clementine in the music room

Oh, where to begin?

First off, not gonna gush too much about the clouis because this is a list focusing on Louis, not necessarily his romance with Clementine... I’ll only bring it up when it pertains to his character development, y’know? Second, not gonna get into the poor lead up to this scene where the writers dropped the ball with the ‘go with Violet to protect the school vs screw around with Louis and probably die’ thing. That’s a topic for another day. Just talking about the scene itself.

Because this moment is so damn good. Honestly, these last three entries I could probably do entire posts picking them apart and analyzing everything but we don’t wanna be here for hours so I’ll try to condense it the best I can.

So Louis invites Clementine to the music room because he needs up with a project. Clementine enters to find him playing a song that he wrote, and they have a fun conversation. Right off the bat, we get Clementine mentioning that they haven’t heard any music for a while [implying that Louis hasn’t been playing] and Louis responds with, “Some say you’re not about to hear it now.” which we all know is him trying to make light of people telling him he doesn’t have any music talent and like.... his face. The way it falls as the music goes from cheery to sad. The way Clementine looks at him.

I talk about Louis having a wall around him a lot. Well, that’s because he does. It’s the irony thing where the happy, loud, funny character is actually putting that on as a façade because they’re hiding behind a wall too scared to let anyone in because it’s either bit them in the ass before or no one has bothered to ever take them seriously anyway or a number of other reasons.

Louis seems to let that wall down for little bits at a time without realizing it, then when he does, it shoots right back up. A great example of this is in ep1 when he and Clementine talk in the woods. The shift is obvious, and here he’s still doing it.

He turns around and asks Clementine how they feel about their imminent deaths in a jokey tone. My favorite thing to do is here is remain silent. When you do that, he becomes serious again and in a soft voice, he tells Clementine that he’s here for her.

I find this whole sections of the scene, including the tuning the piano part, so interesting because it’s him testing the waters with Clementine, if you will. He’s inching the wall down until they’re both sitting comfortably at the piano when he begins to play his song for her. They mark the piano, and I think that seals it for him that they’re here together, that Clementine isn’t like the others who have never taken him seriously or never bother to look below the surface.

So, he takes a chance and fully brings the wall down, opening himself up to her as he thanks her for being there with him, even after everything.

Like... Louis is just so aware of people’s perceptions of him. This is a discussion that I’ve had with people before where Louis is very much a people person in the way that he’s not just charismatic, he’s observant, too.

Anyway, you can have Clementine confess she has romantic feelings for him, establishing them as a couple, or you can remain friends but now you’re super best friends. You know me, I go the romance route because clouis.

I do wanna point out that Louis does have romantic feelings for Clementine no matter what you pick, but if you do wish to remain friends, he’s incredibly respectful of that. There’s no bitterness, there’s no pushing. He’s maybe a little sad for two seconds before he realizes that he has a new [and probably better] best friend and embraces it. He’s just happy to have Clementine at his side.

As for the romance, I will never get over his reaction to Clementine confessing. His face? So good. Then he becomes so giddy talking about how he was hoping Clementine felt that way and “Holy shit, it’s me!”

Then he names the song he wrote after her and they smooch~!

uhh sorry, said I wasn’t gonna gush about clouis but can’t help it... and hey, in my defense, it does pertain to his development because this relationship influences him greatly.

What else can I say? It’s fucking great.

2. Louis finally shares something from his past & plays Don’t Be Afraid

Yeah I’m combining them, they go hand in hand okay.

Listen.... like I said before, I could write an entire analysis of Louis in this scene, but I’m gonna reel it in.

We finally get the reason Louis was sent to Ericson in the first place-- he was stupid rich with parents who gave him whatever he wanted except singing lessons, and being the spoiled child he was he didn’t take kindly to that... so he broke into his father’s credit card accounts and faked an affair in order to break up his parents marriage, and then when it was all said and done, he threw his fathers words back in his face.

Like.... I’m pretty fucking sure not a single one of us thought this was going to be the case when it came to Louis giving us his backstory.

He finally puts it all out there and now Clementine knows what kind of person he was before he arrived at the school, what he was capable of before she met him. That wall is gone.

But this is what I was talking about before. Louis knows first hand what can happen when feelings go unchecked, when resentment is held onto, when you don’t apologize or try to repair mendable relationships, when you’re vindictive and bitter and take it out on others. He’s been there and now he’s here, and he holds a lot of that with him. You can see he does in the way he talks about himself and struggles with confidence in his abilities.

I also love the line he says when you remain silent about how he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about, how it’s like the only thing they share is the same name. He then goes on to say that Clementine should know who she’s riding into battle, which I’ve always seen as his way of telling her she should know who he really is, good and bad, before she puts anymore effort, faith, love, etc. into him and their relationship.

Then there’s the song.

Tenn asks Louis if he can play Don’t Be Afraid for them, a song that he composed with Minerva back before she was taken by the delta, and it’s my favorite version.

Just the way he looks at Clementine before he starts and she gives him a small reassurance before he starts, and he fucking dedicates the song to Minnie... who is going to try to kill him later and that’s a whole thing, but it’s still a sweet sentiment.

Then the song plays and it’s that calm before the storm moment, y’know? Like, everyone is sitting there listening to him play this beautiful song while realizing that shit’s going down soon and this might be the last happy moment they get.... and then as he’s playing, Louis looks over at AJ’s drawing of Violet, Aasim, and Omar and just.... his expression.

Also, he looks up at the ceiling as he’s playing and given how glossy his eyes look at the end of the song.... you know he was trying to hold it together. And that last look he and Clementine share? ugh.... it hurts my heart.

I adore this scene.... We finally got something about Louis’ past, which is something he hardly shares up to this point. Anything shared is minor, like how he used to play baseball or he hates cantaloupe.... but nothing major, y’know? So good.

1. The walk back to Ericson

This is it.

When it comes to Louis’ development as a character, this is it. Let me tell you about this moment because oh my god.

To start things off, Louis gets back to the school with everyone and then alone decides he’s gonna go look for Clementine, AJ, and Tenn. Which I don’t know if that’s something he would’ve done in ep1, at least he wouldn’t’ve gone alone. This to me says that he got back, made sure everyone was taken care of based on his comment about Violet’s eyes, and then set off on his own to look for them.

Then we get the cute clouis, Louis celebrates victory a little too early, and they begin their walk about to the school... and it starts off so quiet. He and Clementine steal glances at each other before Louis brings up Dorian. Y’know, the woman he killed.

We learn that it’s his first human kill ever.... in the 8+ years of the apocalypse, Louis has never had to do that and it’s one of the things he was so scared off. We were supposed to get a bit about that during the party but y’know, it was cut for budget reasons.... which is lame but you can figure it out from his behavior before they snuck onto the boat anyway.

It’s a great talk between them. I usually tell him that it’ll get easier, and he acknowledges that it’s fucked up, but he believes it will get easier and he’s just glad he has it in him at all. He tells Clementine that having a home means protecting it, he shares some things about his past, and then he and Clementine talk about a dream house together.

And this.... THIS. Okay look. Listen. I know people give Louis shit for how he behaves in ep1. You don’t have to go far before you see people writing him off as lazy, irresponsible, blah blah blah..... and like, I think people forget that character growth is a thing? That a character usually starts out flawed and over the course of a story, they change? for better or worse?

I’m perfectly okay with Louis being portrayed as irresponsible and carefree and whatnot because from that point he grows.

Remember what he said in ep1? He says he prefers to think of survival as a day-to-day task, he says that the future doesn’t exist and there’s only today, that the only thing anyone has is this moment.

Louis didn’t look at the future because he didn’t care, or rather, it wasn’t a priority for him. He slacked off because he turned away from responsibility when Marlon needed him, and while I don’t disagree with his view of appreciating the now, I do believe the future should be considered.

Now compare that to Louis in ep5.

That whole conversation is Louis telling Clementine he wants a future with her and the rest of Ericson, and while maybe they can’t build that 914-floor purple mansion, they can still try.... they can still create a home together. I think he still believes his this moment talk, but has a better grasp of what he really wants, y’know?

His whole journey when you stick with him is just.... so good. It’s not perfect, I mean y’all know that I have my issues with how some things were done, but Louis’ development as a character is one of the greatest accomplishments in TFS.

Also, Louis lost the 4th grade spelling bee because of “recommend” and he had a pet turtle named Geoff. My patience has been rewarded and I know more about his backstory.

I don’t even know what else to say? It’s #1 for a reason? Because it’s a great showcase for how far he’s come? and I love him so much? Seriously this scene is so good?

---

Honorable Mentions

-Louis’ introduction in the music room. It’s a classic fave. -The walker piñata moment where Louis lets his guard down around Clementine to tell her his view point on survival. -The archery moment where Louis apologizes to Clementine and opens up a bit about Marlon. -The card games. Both of them. He’s great. -Everything in the dorms in ep3. -y’know what? Just everything that isn’t the cell scene okay? 90% of Louis scenes get honorable mentions.

---

So there we go. There’s all my gushing about Louis. Could do it for much longer, but I don’t think we wanna be here for hours. So, what are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat about muh boy.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

—

Next week’s T5F Top 5 Reasons Doug Was Pretty Great

#twdg t5f #twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg aasim #twdg tenn #twdg minerva #twdg mitch

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thefossilwhale · 3 years

Text

i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

#wow this is so long. insanity luv lit ral insanity #this was super helpful for articulating certain things about sab's character so it's already done its job #pls do not feel pressured to read Thousands of words about sabrina my beloved. but if you read all or even some of this <333 a kiss for you #why am i embarrassed to overshare about my own ocs on my own blog. i live here #oc: sabrina wiseman #also this was very much a stream of consciousness deal but i tried to go back and make it comprehensible. good luck all ye who enter here

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stellahibernis · 4 years

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Lan Wangji: Armored in Silk and Lace

AKA Lan Wangji’s costumes in the Untamed, part 3/9

Today it’s time to discuss the outfit that’s definitely in contention for the title of Most Extra™. As usual, I’ll talk of the costume both in terms of what it consists of and how it ties to what’s going on in the plot.

Lan Wangji wears this outfit during the evil summer school in episodes 11 to 14, and is furious for about 90 % of the time. He also confesses his love, only for Wei Wuxian to pass out without actually hearing it, so things are going just great for him all in all.

The Costume

This was a fun one to analyze, because it looks fairly simple at a first glance, the silhouette is much like his first outfit, but when you start to really look at it, you’ll spot a lot of detail going on. Also for some reason getting good screencaps of this one was a nightmare, but I think you’ll get the gist even with what I got.

This outfit is notable for a couple of reasons; it’s his first completely white outfit (excluding the forehead ribbon and waist ornament, those are the same as always), his other fully white outfit is the next one. It’s also the first time there’s no cloud embroidery anywhere, the other time is the outfit he wears when they go to the temple in the end. I’ll talk of the in-universe reasons in the context section, but the fully white look is a very wise choice also from the costuming perspective.

As you can see above, the silhouette is once more a formal one, with the wide sleeves and the robe falling freely over sash. The color is pure white, as opposed to Nie Huaisang’s off-white in comparison, but you might go back and look at the first outfit for example, and notice the white here seems warmer than in any of his other white outfits. Usually, while the white fabric in LWJ’s costumes is always pure white rather than a tint of any kind, it takes a little of the blue hue from the inner robes. It obviously doesn’t happen here, and the fabrics used are also somewhat less shiny than in his other costumes, which helps it reflect the warm tones back (as opposed to the next, also all white outfit, which is made of shinier fabrics).

From costuming perspective the choice makes sense, because this outfit is worn outdoors under sunlight, in Qishan with its reddish light, and in the cave in firelight, all of which are environments where the full white works at least as well (natural sunlight) or better (Qishan and the cave) than with the blue underlayer. The textures of the fabric also look great especially in the dim light of the cave.

Now let’s get to the details! The most obvious thing is of course the lace overlay on the outer robe which is not only gorgeous, but a relevant factor in consideration whether this is the Most Extra™ outfit. I also love the texture of the fabric on the lapels and sleeve ends, with the same fabric also used in the layer below. In the title I called this outfit his armor, and it is so for him psychologically, which I’ll talk about later, but it’s also reflected in the very structured cut of the second robe, which has much starker pleating than his outfits usually do. There’s also a bit of lace in the panel on the front, and the sash is similarly criss-crossed as it was with his previous blue outfit.

I had to settle for a screencap of him crouching to get even a half decent look of the bottom of his robes, because mostly you can’t see half of the detailing. First, there is the panel of lace that continues all the way down in front, and you can also see the pressed pleating. Also, if you look at his right knee (resting on the ground), you can see yet another fabric that has a sort of circular texture going on (may have to zoom in on this one), again something that you’re likely to miss on the screen, but must have been great for Wang Yibo to know that every bit of the costume was as elaborate as LWJ’s should be.

And finally, my favorite detail and the one that in my book yields the title Most Extra™ for this outfit, the boots! Sorry about the awkward cropping, I didn’t want to have the leg wound visible, since that’s potentially a less than great surprise in a costume post, and this was pretty much the only scene where you could get a good look at the boots.

I mentioned in part 1 that it's a hell of a power move from the Lan Sect to have white boots in general, but look at these. Boots made of white brocade? Truly incredible, and obviously used here since we get a good look at them by virtue of LWJ’s leg wound. Once again I applaud the costuming department for commitment.

The Context

LWJ is back in white, which broadly means that he feels drawn to his duty to his sect more keenly, and in this case I’d argue it’s mixed with mourning for the burned Cloud Recesses and the loss of his home, hence the all white outfit. He’s also terribly vulnerable and alone when we first see him in Qishan, he’s escorted in by the Wens rather than arriving with an entourage like the others, he’s been questioned and beaten for who knows how long by that point, he’s injured and has to use his spiritual energy just to walk upright, and he’s worried about his family. Of course, he’s not going to let the Wens see it’s getting to him, and his outfit is one of the few things he can control, so he does, to a degree at least.

The lack of cloud embroidery might in-universe be because he was not allowed to have it, considering the embroidery acts as a talisman that can protect the wearer from some forms of harm (remember how in episode one the puppets didn’t like them).

They may be made of silk and lace, but his robes are his armor right then, the very formality and how impeccable they are despite everything is giving out the signal that even in these circumstances he’s still the Second Jade of Lan. It’s costing him though, and he again has drawn a wall around himself and doesn’t spare a glance at the others, including WWX, he’s laser focused on Wen Chao with all the fury he has. Of course, the day ends absolutely miserably with them having to relinquish their swords just to add insult to injury, and giving him even less things he has control over. (This is not a weapon design post, but Bichen is really pretty.)

There is a huge difference in the way he now interacts with WWX compared to where they left off in Qinghe, even taking into account that LWJ didn’t actually let WWX see quite how much he’d softened toward him, but now the barrier is fully up again, and WWX is doing his best to batter it down once more. He can of course see it’s different compared to how their early interactions were, now LWJ isn’t annoyed at him but just ignores him, likely at least partly out of necessity because he has no energy for anything else, but also because he’s so aware of representing his sect in this dangerous time, and he can’t afford to be distracted. WWX of course finds out only later what has happened since their parting, and then understands better why LWJ behaved as he did.

Of course, LWJ might be on his last legs and tied by his duty, but the fact he cares about WWX hasn’t changed, and while he can ignore both the questioning and the antics, he won’t just stand by and let him be hurt. This, of course, is a mutual feeling for the two of them, as we see later during the walk toward the cave. In fact, they’re on something of a mirrored journey right here, having to think of their duties toward their sects, but when push comes to shove, they will always help each other.

When they're left behind in the cave there is a brief lull in the push and pull conflict going on in both their hearts, and for a bit they can just focus on surviving together. WWX pulling LWJ’s ribbon off is a neat symbol for it, as if removing the duty for a bit, and the conversation following is fully personal even though their worry for their families is there at the back of their minds at all times.

There’s also the only moment of peace for LWJ while wearing this outfit; when he falls asleep and WWX gently covers him with his robes, and later in the morning puts his ribbon back on. LWJ really had no defence against falling in love with WWX, when assaulted both by the fact WWX isn’t at all bothered by the icy aloofness he portrays, and the casual caring acts.

After the relatively calm night it’s back to no fun times to be had, with WWX nearly dying in the aftermath of the battle. Here we get perhaps the most pointed example of how LWJ is at this point in his life pulled into two directions. He sings the song he composed and named after the two of them to WWX, even saying the name aloud and practically confessing to his feelings, and then leaving without waiting for WWX to wake up when they’re saved, because he knows that since he can, he needs to return to his family and see what they can salvage of their home. A “fun” thing for him to contemplate, by the way, is whether things would have gone differently when they reunited in episode 20 if he’d stayed at least to see WWX back awake. Who knows.

Next time we’ll have another fully white outfit and LWJ not having a particularly good time wearing it. Hopefully there’ll be plenty of scenes from which to get good screencaps, it feels like struggling with both the angst and difficulty of capturing should be too much to ask. 😅

(You can find the rest of this series via “lwj costume series” tag below, or through my blog contents page. I’d link for ease of access but the links make it disappear from tags, so. 😒)

#the untamed #cql #the untamed meta #cql meta #lan wangji #costume design #lwj costume series #cql rambles

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wolfgrowlwrites · 4 years

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Tribe of Rushing Water Analysis

Since people were curious both on my thoughts about the Tribe of Rushing Water in Canon and how I’ve rewritten them in my fic Ties that Bind, here’s the massive post on it. If you read this entire thing, thank you.

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Alright so I’m not much of an internet funnyman but I was an English Major and someone with a hyperfixation on the Warrior Cats series so it’s time to analyze the Tribe! The following post will include Spoilers for Watership Down (yeah the rabbit book, I’ll come back to this) and I will speak openly about the Warriors Series as a whole with the assumption that the people reading have already read the books in question. The goal of this is to discuss the Tribe’s narrative placement in the story, and what I’m doing with them in my rewrite.

Now Warriors was originally just going to be one book, and then six, and then first three books of the second arc. The weird effects this has on the narrative and tone is best explored elsewhere, but I bring this up because Midnight, Moonrise and Dawn were meant to be a trilogy ending the series. And this trilogy was based on nothing other than Watership Down, all of which is important to consider when we talk about the Tribe. The Tribe was meant to only appear briefly, which means there was no need for fleshing them out, and they are the Warriors parallel of Cowslip’s Warren.

For those of us who haven’t read Watership Down, it is a story about a bunch of rabbits who have a prediction of the destruction of their home and set out on a quest to find a new one. (Sounds familiar right?) One of the dangers they run into along the way is what originally appears to be a friendly warren run by a rabbit named Cowslip. The rabbits immediately find themselves on edge, as while this warren is exceptionally friendly there is the underlying evidence that something is wrong. When they ask questions the natives to the burrow deflect and dance around answering, and while their customs seem similar, they’re different enough to be unsettling. Behold, I’ve described the Tribe in Moonrise. And like the Tribe, the fact that Cowslip’s Warren is hiding is that there’s something extremely dangerous hunting them. Cowslip’s warren is being maintained by humans who are actively snaring the rabbits, and the Tribe has Sharptooth who is also hunting them. In fact, the snares almost kill one of the traveling rabbits, while Feathertail does end up dying to Sharptooth.

(Thank god I’m doing this on Tumblr not Twitter, god this thread would be unbearable.)

(For those who have read Watership Down, Brook is probably supposed to be Strawberry.)

So narratively, the Tribe are there to be a hinderance to the traveling cats who seem friendly and similar to them but have a danger to them that will put the traveling cats at risk. That is the role they’re meant to play, and as the series was meant to end after Dawn, the Erins didn’t need to flesh the Tribe out really beyond that.

But then money and the publishers spoke and the series continued and we returned to the Tribe except uh… huh. Honestly I kinda don’t want to get into this because it’s the same thing every time. The Tribe, who when we first meet them are described as huge and able to fight eagles, and are well adapted for life on the mountains, have encountered some problem and only the Clan cats can save them. Rinse and repeat. And as someone who has attempted to figure out the Tribe’s Allegiances, if you thought they were bad about remembering details for the Clans oh boy. For specific citations of the Tribe needs the Clans help, oh no, please see Moonrise, Outcast, Sign of the Moon, and Tawnypelt’s Clan. Sign of the Moon in particular because a Clan cat straight up choses the Tribe’s new leader. Can you imagine how the Clans would react if a Tribe cat tried that?

But it’s okay right because of the whole time-travel thing which means that Jayfeather actually founded the Tribe and named the first Stoneteller. I could write an entire essay on how much I hate this plot point, but that’s not the point here. The more important part is that some how the Tribe went from names like Stone Song, Half Moon, Lion’s Roar, Clear Sky, Gray Wing, etc. to names like Brook where Small Fish swim. I, as a white guy, don’t want to touch the racism there, I’m pretty sure other people have explained it better than I can, but the short version is that a group named the Tribe with names like Jagged Rock where Heron Nest comes off like a stereotype for Native Americans, at least from my white American experience. So, uh, solid yikes on that one, especially when those aren’t even the names they use (because of course not they’re a fucking mouthful) which gets to the world building point I’m gonna touch on instead.

The Ancients become the Tribe but somehow the names grow so long that they all have to go by nicknames that… almost resemble what Ancient names were to begin with? I understand this is because the Tribe’s naming convention got established before the time loop thing, but honestly, there is no reason they should’ve been named like that and in fact more reasons why they shouldn’t have. Between the racism and then from a writing perspective, what is the point, of having names like that if they’re never used? Like narratively it makes no sense from the start, and the Time Travel plot only makes that more obvious.

All that said, I actually super adore the Tribe! I wish they’d been handled differently in a lot of places but they had so much potential to be cool that got lost along the way. So thus, we come to my rewrite. If you’re just here for Tribe Analysis you’re free to go, but if you’re here for how I’m rewriting the Tribe than settle in.

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In my rewrite the Tribe has Ancient names from the get go, because it makes more sense and allows for the Tribe to serve its original narrative function, that is, a place similar to what the Clan Cats are used enough to be comfortable, but different enough to be unsettling. The Tribe has ancestors not unlike StarClan but I have the Tribe’s worship working very differently. Stone Tellers are raised from birth to serve as a guiding force for the Tribe because they are the ones that can speak to the ancestors, and every full moon, when the Cave of Pointed Stones glows, they lead their tribe to speak with their ancestors, in something not unlike a gathering, but it is meant to be a form of remembrance, as they are sharing news with their ancestors instead.

The Tribe has very extreme views of their ancestors, refusing to take the Tribe of Endless Hunting’s name in vain. It is also believed that a Tribe cat that has passed cannot move on to the Tribe of Endless Hunting until a final task has been completed. This task is something the cat would’ve wanted to do while alive, but didn’t get to, so now one of their family, or a close friend, does it in their place. (To a reasonable extent, for example telling someone that the cat who died was in love with them, not settling down with them to raise a family because that’s what the dead cat wanted to do.) Those who have not moved on linger as ghosts. They don’t have stars in their pelts, and they don’t have the ability to see the future to warn their Tribemates the way StarClan or the Tribe of Endless Hunting do. They are capable of speaking to those who can see them, usually Stone Teller, but otherwise they tend to simply watch and wait for someone to help them move on.

The Tribe believes that the future is chosen by the Tribe of Endless Hunting, to challenge their omens is the most heretical thing a cat can do. The current Stone Teller decides a cat’s future when they are born, Cave-guard, Prey-Hunter, or rarely, the next Stone Teller. Those kits are taken by the current Stone Teller once they’re old enough to be weaned and raised in the Cave of Pointed Stones. Their name is chosen by the current Stone Teller and stripped from them when they become the next Stone Teller. Stone Teller is meant to be the ancestor’s conduit to the living and an impartial leader to the Tribe. However, not every leader can live up to those expectations, and should the Tribe begin to doubt the current Stone Teller’s capability to guide them, they can make a new cat leader. This cat would do the job of leading the Tribe, while Stone Teller continues to serve as the medicinal and spiritual leader. This rarely happens, and when it does it is rarely so clean cut, as no one particularly enjoys admitting they’ve made a mistake and need to be replaced as leader.

The Stone Teller is assisted in leading the Tribe by the head of the Cave-Guards and the head of the Prey-Hunters, these are seen as the cats that are best at that job and capable of quick decision making and good judgement calls. They often work together to organize hunting patrols and discuss issues in the territory, often presenting Stone Teller with their solutions alongside problems.

Honestly the Tribe won’t be playing a very large role in my rewrite as a whole, but since they have an entire arc dedicated to them, I wanted to make sure I had them well fleshed out. There’s a few details I’ve left out because this is long enough, but if you’re curious about anything I’ve said either about the Tribe or my rewrite, hit me up.

#Warrior Cats #tribe of rushing water #I'm not sorry but this is a lot tm

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tillidontneedfantasy · 5 years

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Defined by the Things She Loves: A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 7th Studio Album, ‘Lover.’

Contrary to popular belief and misconception, Taylor Swift has always been more of a lover than a fighter. Yes, she can be a fighter, but only when she feels she has no choice. Often times, the combative side of her is brought out as a means to protect her ability to love. “Combat, I’m ready for combat. I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?” is how Swift opens up the vulnerable fifth track from her new album, Lover, titled “The Archer,” in which she explores her automatic defenses when things go well, because how can they possibly stay that way? This is an incessant fear of Swift’s, as seen through her personal diary entries included in the 4 different deluxe versions of the album. In deluxe album 2, there is an entry from 21-year-old Taylor that says: “This ridiculous thing happens to me when I’m this happy...I start feeling like karma will balance it all out by making something tragic happen.”

She then counters her own negative thinking: “But I’m trying to just show gratitude as much as I can. Every day, every minute. I’m grateful for being happy right this moment.” In the foreword for this album, Swift notes how a majority of these diary entries actually do document her taking a moment to cherish the small joys in her life: “I wrote about tiny details in my life in these diaries from a bygone age with such...wonderment. Intrigue. Romance. I noticed things and decided they were romantic, and so they were.” And not much has changed. Even on reputation (2017), an album that evokes a combative stance, or so it seemed to the naked eye, she still always finds the romance in life. Coincidentally, reputation is an album in which the general public took around 2 years to admit was actually good. In a lot of ways, it felt like the reputation era was deliberate in that sense, as if Taylor only trusted her loyal fans to get what she was trying to say and do, almost not wanting the skeptics and overly zealous critics to see what was underneath the armor. All the reviews of reputation slammed it as an album about her infamous feuds, and although they are of course addressed famously on songs such as “Look What You Made Me Do,” “I Did Something Bad,” and “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things,” and sprinkled a little more here and there throughout, that was more of a distraction to the actual inspiration: love. Almost every other track on reputation explores her anxiety and relief around her newfound relationship at the time with British actor Joe Alwyn. It’s really a love story about finding someone who sees you for who you really are, rather than how the world is painting you.

On Lover, Swift takes command of the paintbrush, trying to get the world to see her the way her “lover” and her fans have the whole time. In “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” from reputation, Swift sings, “deep blue, but you painted me golden.” On “Daylight,” Lover’s closer, she describes love as golden like daylight. “Step into the daylight and let it go,” she almost whispers. She’s shedding her snakeskin, and she is ready for people to see her in all her loving and golden glory.

Swift is a storyteller like no other pop singer this generation, and so it would feel wrong to skip any chapter of this beautiful story. And thus, please join me in the track-by-track breakdown of the triumphant and magical Lover.

01. I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED

“How many days did I spend thinking ‘bout how you did me wrong?” she opens the album, seemingly reflecting on the reputation era and image. She revels in the magical feeling of forgetting that someone who wronged you even existed; obviously not forever, but just for even a single moment when you’ve realized, “Ah, I’ve made it to indifference! How wonderful!” She laughs and becomes more playful as the song progresses, showing her relief, although not exactly her freedom. In a recent interview with CBS Sunday morning, Swift asserts, "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on." This sentiment is evident throughout the song, and in the nonchalant way she ends it by going, “so...yeah...” As in, yes the drama has affected me, but I’ve come to terms with it, so let’s move on, shall we? And so, we shall!

02. CRUEL SUMMER

Sometimes, listening to a song can feel like electrocution. “Cruel Summer” is an immediate shock to the system following the bubbly first track. Suddenly, for 2 minutes and 58 seconds, we’re transported back into the anxiety of reputation, but through a different lens. Chronicling what seems to be a fraught start to her current relationship, Swift seems to be suffocating under her own emotions, trying to play it casual and cool, however against her nature. The production is astounding, and it is one of her most intriguing songs to date. Each lyric can be analyzed again and again from a new perspective, leaving you to wonder more and more. (And what so significant happened at a vending machine that she felt the need to include it in this story?) At the climax of the song, she admits that she can no longer keep her feelings secret, and has to risk telling him how she feels, even if that means losing him. “I scream, ‘for whatever it’s worth, I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’” she shouts in the bridge. Earlier in the track she states that “devils roll the dice,” and after her dicey proclamation of love she tells the audience that “he looks up grinning like a devil,” as if he were to say, “Of course I love you back, I rolled the dice for it to be so, didn’t I?” The entire song can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, but one thing is certain: the summer may have been cruel, but it was all love come the fall.

03. LOVER

The best-received and final pre-release, the title track is an ode to her main muse for this album. “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” she wonders, before asking to be with her lover forever and ever. She’s felt like she’s known him for almost her whole life, and wants to spend the rest of it with him, too. So much so that the bridge sounds like Swift’s (future? past? are they secretly married?) wedding vows, especially with the play on words for something borrowed and blue. The song even sounds like it’s being played by a wedding band with the use of live instruments. Although it has been pushed as a single and is destined to be a wedding song for many couples to come, I unfortunately cannot see it having the same success as Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” or “Perfect,” despite its superior lyrics and greater emotional depth. And why might that be, you ask? Great segue into the next track...

04. THE MAN

It’s really a staggering thought experiment to think of how Taylor Swift’s career would be perceived if she was a man. I could write a novel on this, but Taylor did a pretty good job of summing it up in a 3-minute pop song: if she was a man, she’d be THE man. This is without question the truth. The woman has 10 Grammys and countless other accolades, she has written her own music since the beginning of time (her third album, Speak Now [2010], was entirely self-written, no co-writers). Yet she is continually ridiculed and mocked for things for which men are praised. Swift sings the song slickly in her very comfortable alto-range, which feels purposeful. It feels oddly powerful to hear Taylor Swift sing the word “bitch” twice in one song, which not only hearkens back to her defense for the infamous Kimye call, but for a moment really highlights the distinguished usages of the word “bitch,” forcing you to really consider why we let men just get away with it. And yes, the song’s take on misogyny is pretty surface level, but Taylor herself only has to deal with it on such a level, so we have to work with what we’ve got. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever be over the line, “I’d be just like Leo in Saint-Tropez.” Someone had to say it, and she did!

05. THE ARCHER

The third pre-release from Lover, “The Archer” is a slow-build examination of Swift’s role in her relationships, both with others and herself. We have never seen this side of Taylor, but it feels like we were waiting for it all along, like we needed it. It’s very rare that someone as successful as Swift lays out their deepest flaws and insecurities for the world, other than Lorde on “Liability,” also co-produced and written by Jack Antonoff. “I never grew up, it’s getting so old,” she says, echoing a common criticism of the way she has dealt with feuds or breakups publicly. “The Archer” is placed at track 5, a track that Swift has historically reserved for the most vulnerable song on the album. The bridge officially earns this spot; it is simple and simultaneously one of her best ever, as she transitions from, “They see right through me” to “Can you see right through me?” and then finally to an agonizing “I see right through me.” Swift’s self-awareness is painfully relatable, as she pleads, “help me hold onto you,” after each pre-chorus as an important reminder that sometimes we need to ask for help in order to grow.

06. I THINK HE KNOWS

It almost feels like whiplash going from the vulnerability of “The Archer” to a song that has the line, “He’s so obsessed with me, and boy, I understand!” But it’s a fun type of whiplash, as if Taylor is saying “wipe your tears and let’s skip down 16th avenue together.” What is admirable about Swift’s craft is that she is able to mature and cover maybe more sexual topics in her music while still keeping it discrete enough for her younger audience. “Where we gonna go? I think he knows,” feels like a wink to the camera (microphone?) moment. And yes, Taylor, we do know. Happy for you, girl.

07. MISS AMERICANA & THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE

Many deemed Lover’s second single, “You Need to Calm Down,” along with its Video of the Year winning music video, which explicitly outlines her support for LGBTQ rights, as an outright opportunistic ploy to win over liberal music consumers rather than a genuine showing of solidarity. The unflashy “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” proves that Swift means business. The casual listener might not realize the subject matter right away as it masked underneath school tropes and cheerleader chants. Quite effectively, Swift uses high school as a metaphor for the current political state. This song could be better explained through a 7 page MLA formatted essay, but in short, it’d be helpful to take note of Swift’s recent explanation and regret for her silence during the 2016 election. The lyric “they whisper in the hallway, ‘she’s a bad, bad girl,’” echoes the similarities between Swift and Hillary Clinton that she outlined to Vogue. It is refreshing to hear Taylor write about something perhaps out of her comfort zone with the same eloquence and strength as she would about topics she’s been writing about for years, and her message is clear: she is against the current president and administration, and always has been. “Boys will be boys, then where are the wise men? Darling, I’m scared,” she sings frantically. Me too, Taylor.

08. PAPER RINGS

Quite like “Lover,” this song feels timeless. “Paper Rings” is a series of quips, connecting the moon being high to his friends, her cold wine to her cold shoulder, and feeling blue to the color they painted his brother’s wall. There’s quite a charming sigh after she chants that she will kiss him a third time “’cause you waited your whole life,” and then proceeds to proclaim that she would marry her lover even with paper rings. With the upbeat, musical number like rhythm and the line, “I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this,” this track is destined to be in romantic comedy films until the end of time, as it should.

09. CORNELIA STREET

Out of all 18 tracks on Lover, “Cornelia Street” is the most reminiscent of Taylor’s staple songwriting, and self-written at that. A beautiful, lengthy retelling of the “sacred new beginnings” of her relationship, the song centers around the street on which she rented an apartment in 2016. She swears if she lost him, she’d never walk the street again. Once again, Taylor masters the ability to make extremely personal details feel completely universal; we all know what it’s like to associate a specific place or time with someone we love or lost, and how that link can never be fully broken. It’s hard to smell the scent of someone you no longer speak to, or hear their favorite song, or walk down the street where you shared something special. On top of the beautiful production, the way Taylor’s voice cracks right before the last chorus when she says, “I’d never walk Cornelia Street again,” is just an immediate tear duct trigger. You need proof that Swift can write on her own? Look no further.

10. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS

Inspired by the Netflix film Someone Great (which was coincidentally inspired by Swift’s “Clean” from 1989 [2014], says writer and director Jennifer Kaytin Robinson), “Death By A Thousand Cuts” explores the pain of separating from someone, not because some tragic event happened that tore you apart, but because you naturally grew away from each other. “Gave you too much but it wasn’t enough / but I’ll be all right, it’s just a thousand cuts,” she tries to say casually. There is a unique mixture of production styles, and an absolutely mesmerizing bit of piano at the end of the hook. The echoing “my, my, my, my” in the beginning makes sense when it returns for the second half of the song, in which Swift lists all of the things taken up by this person. Though we know this song is not from personal experience, it shows that she can still write one hell of a breakup song.

11. LONDON BOY

A catchy, upbeat song filled with totally cliche tropes of London men, including British vernacular such as “I fancy you!” While some people are taking the song a bit too seriously, it is a fun track that shows just how head-over-heels she truly is with Joe Alwyn, as she giddily describes herself as a child when their eyes meet. “They say home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives,” she croons. Although the meaning of the saying “home is where the heart is” would point to the fact that her home would actually be in London with her lover rather than where she’s from, it’s still a cute twist on the phrase.

12. SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER featuring The Dixie Chicks

Probably the saddest song Taylor has ever written, “Soon You’ll Get Better” is a mantra to her mother, Andrea, during her cancer relapse. (The Dixie Chicks, Andrea’s favorite artist, lend their beautiful harmonies). However, it is also a mantra to herself to get through the impossible. “Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too,” “I know delusion when I see it in the mirror,” and “I just pretend it isn’t real” painfully show how Taylor is dealing with it. But she’s willing to go to any lengths for her mom as she sings, “I’ll paint the kitchen neon, I’ll brighten up the sky / I know I’ll never get it, there’s not a day that I won’t try.” One of the most heartbreaking moments comes in the bridge with the lyric “I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to?” She has said multiple times that she does not think she’ll ever perform the song live and that she cannot even listen to it. Anyone going through a similar situation can understand; it’s a very difficult song to get through without crying. And although the pain Taylor and her family must be going through is unimaginable, there is extreme bravery in sharing such a personal account that is also, unfortunately, a universal experience.

13. FALSE GOD

“False God” is a sultry and confident song about convincing herself and her partner that they can still make their relationship work despite all of the breaking points they’ve reached. “I’m New York City, I still do it for you, babe,” she states, reassuring the both of them that she shines like the brightest city in the world, and there’s no way he’s going to let that go...right? The track is elevated to another level by the saxophone in the chorus, and the way she almost trips over her words, somewhat offbeat with the track in the pre-chorus when she says, “They all warned us about times like this / they say the road gets hard and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith” feels like she’s guiding the listener through the uncertainty and desperation behind blind faith too.

14. YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

Lover’s second single, “You Need to Calm Down,” is a song about dealing with people who just can’t mind their damn business, divided into three parts: the online bullying Taylor has received, the homophobia displayed outside of her concerts by Westboro Baptist protesters, and the constant comparisons between and competition projected onto different female artists. With its release during Pride month and an array of LGBTQ celebrities in the music video, casual listeners were extremely skeptical of Swift’s intentions, feeling as if she is only showing support for the LGBTQ community now because she thinks it will help advance her career. This judgment is misplaced for two reasons: 1) Swift started off in country music, and so the majority of her fanbase are from red states, so she has much more to lose than to gain, 2) clearly these people have not been paying attention; not only has Swift shown her support to the community in various ways throughout the years, but this is already her second time showing it through music, as she celebrates “you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls” in 1989′s opening track, “Welcome to New York.” Again, she wants to show that she values love- all types of love- above all. Was Swift’s execution perfect? No. Were her intentions in the right place? Yes. Everyone’s been crying for Swift to be more outspoken, and she’s doing her best. And she has been continually showing avid support for The Equality Act, as she started a petition which she asks people to sign at the end of the video. And although I am straight and cisgender and thus everything I just said isn’t actually important, and what really matters is what her fans in the LGBTQ community have to say, I have seen many of them express feeling really seen by their favorite pop star because of this song, and isn’t that the most important part of it all? Taylor can definitely do more and do better, but it’s a genuine start.

15. AFTERGLOW

It’s been years of pleading...years of completely original outcries...”Write a song called ‘Maybe I’m The Problem’!’” Well, maybe she didn’t make that the title, but “Afterglow” is the closest thing we’re going to get. “Hey, it’s all me, in my head / I’m the one who burned us down, but it’s not what I meant / Sorry that I hurt you,” she apologizes, taking complete ownership for a blowout. “Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves,” she observes, as when you hurt someone you love so much you are also hurting yourself. Then she turns the fight on its head, making it for one another instead of with one another: “This ultraviolet morning light below tells me this love is worth the fight.” Lover is such an interesting album from Taylor Swift because we get to see the sides of her in love we haven’t before, and in “Afterglow” she shows us all sides: combative, overdramatic, reflective, apologetic, and reparative. So maybe it’s time to retire the joke, kids.

16. ME! featuring Brendon Urie

I don’t care what anyone says: spelling IS fun. And it’s truly tragic (yes, tragic) that Swift decided to remove such a bold assertion from the lead single, “ME!” right before the album’s release. When it comes to Swift, it seems like her critics are constantly waiting for her downfall, which in some way admits that they know she’s good. But what they fail to comprehend is that a songwriter can write serious, profound songs as well as songs that are just for a laugh or to make them feel good. Anytime Swift engages in the latter, it’s responded with aggressive amounts of “Taylor Swift sucks! This song is horrible!” And then when the full album comes out, they sigh, “Damn it, she doesn’t actually suck- just that one song does,” and await the next album cycle for her to prove them wrong again. It seems like Swift is the only one of her contemporaries to receive this treatment. (I wonder why? See: “The Man.”) Was “ME!” a great single choice? Not really. Is it one of the weakest songs on the album overall? Unfortunately, yes. But within the context of the album, following songs like “False God” and “Afterglow,” she’s trying to say, “Yeah, I’ve messed up, but I clean up my messes, and what we have is special because we are both individually special.” That’s a great message! Just because something might appeal to children doesn’t inherently make it childish. And you know what? You literally cannot spell ‘awesome’ without ‘me.’ (And by the way, Brendon Urie is actually the one who wrote the bridge, but alas, no one cares. I repeat, see: “The Man.”) Either way, the overwhelming ridicule over the lyric “spelling is fun” as if the girl was truly serious rather than just trying to be silly was simply ridiculous. I wish Taylor could have just let the haters hate and instead just shake shake shake, but she succumbed to their criticism. RIP spelling is fun, I still have you on the original copy of the single I bought on iTunes and will cherish you forever.

17. IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND

The shortest track on the album and the most hauntingly beautiful, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” features a sample from students of Regent Park School of Music in Toronto. How fitting too, as it tells a tale of childhood love. Swift starts off the first verse by gently singing, “School bell rings, walk me home / sidewalk chalk covered in snow,” and then begins the final verse with, “Church bells ring, carry me home / rice on the ground, looks like snow.” The parallel between these verses highlights that at the end of the day, eternal love is really all about forever friendship, in all its forms.

18. DAYLIGHT

“Real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it,” Swift wrote in the prologue of the Red (2012) lyric booklet. Well, she did find it, as is evident throughout the entire album. But it’s stronger than starlight: “I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden like daylight,” she sings on the final track of this album. In a perfect closing, Swift describes this love as the light at the end of a “twenty-year dark night.” Now that she has this love, she doesn’t want to look at anything else; she just wants to soak it all in. “Daylight” is hope; it is the message that things always get lighter eventually as long as you let love in. That love can be from anywhere: a parent, a friend, a lover, a song, an album, an inspiration. But you have to let go of the darkness, even when it's all you’ve known for so long, in order to embrace the new. Taylor did that, and we can all follow the daylight she now emits as our guide.

“I want to be defined by the things that I love,” she declares in a spoken ending. And I believe that this celebration of love through Lover will not only define her professional career, but also her personal legacy.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: Taylor Swift is THE songwriter of our generation. This isn’t bias this is just a fact. Why Are You Booing Me I’m Right dot jpeg.

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helsaguy · 4 years

Note

What's your favourite headcanon for Helsa? I would love to read more in detail 😊

I think one would be Hans teaches Elsa to dance.

Some time ago I wrote about a scene I imagine where Hans and Elsa happen to be in a foreign town; they are travelling or something.

Oh boy! Three pages, almost 2000 words long. Better put this under a cut xD

Well, you said you wanted detail. And to the anon who wanted me to write something. Hope this reaches you.

#HelsaFandomEnjoy

That night the townsfolk celebrate some kind of party of festivity. Everyone takes walks around to hang out with friends or family, go to have an outdoor dinner, and things like that.

After roaming the festivities for a while appreciating the town’s simplicity and hospitality, Hans and Elsa stop at a house offering dinner to those passing by. There are chairs displayed outside for those wanting to stay to eat at ease; or people can grab their meal and keep going. So, since they’ve been walking for a while now, Hans suggests taking the offered seats. Neither is tired and the night is still young, but they can appreciate the scene and the food better that way.

A couple of hours later, that they spend doing small conversation and sneaking glances at each other (neither quite believing they are indeed enjoying each other’s presence and the very nice and quiet time they’re having), the house in front prepares their front yard to stage a dance floor. The family goes outside with their instruments and beckons all neighbors to come and dance. And since dinner time had passed a lot of people gathered right away. Even little kids and the elderly where there having a fun time.

Several pieces of music where played and new musicians took turns with the hosts to keep the party up so that they could enjoy the dancing as well. Hans and Elsa couldn’t help but smile wide at the neighbors’ camaraderie. Each time a song ended everyone would clap and cheer at the players. But at the same time a new song started Elsa didn’t notice how her feet would tap at the rhythm of the music. Hans had noticed and smiled to himself because Elsa’s body language was clearly saying she would like to be over there, even if for one song or two, and dance. Her body was still and her hands were folded on her lap. Hans was the one clapping along the tempo and other spectators. But Elsa’s feet betrayed her.

The thought of Elsa being cute crossed Hans’ mind. She was taking delight in the party but, her body wanted something and still she wasn’t allowing herself to enjoy. Why? Now her eyes had a lingering look at the dance floor and the people’s smiling faces. Was she missing her home? Was she missing her sister who used to take every chance to hit Arendelle’s plaza and dance with almost everyone whenever there was a celebration going on? Hans didn’t know those feelings. But he knew he had the opportunity to let Elsa have something she was showing signs of wanting.

Leaning forward to enter Elsa’s peripheral vision he asked if she would like to dance. Elsa was caught with her guard down and had to ask what was he saying? Hans repeats himself but this time the question is if she would like to dance with him. Why he asked ‘with him’ specifically? He didn’t know. But his hand was already offered to Elsa. It took her two seconds to look from his face to his hand and reply in a slightly awkward voice that she doesn’t know how to dance. But why was she lying? At least she knew basic dance moves; she was taught as a kid after all. And the most important thing; by saying she ‘doesn’t know’ Elsa was giving Hans the opportunity or excuse to offer to teach her. She knew he was a good dancer. Elsa wanted to scold herself for a moment. If instead of telling him she 'doesn’t know how’ she had said she 'doesn’t dance’ period, Hans would have no other choice but to respect her position. But here she was, opening a door (or window) for him.

Coming back from her mental conversation with herself, there he was. With his hand open to her, inviting. And the look in his eyes and smile on his mouth transmitting nothing but peace and, what was that? Excitement? No. Amusement? No. Was it kindness? It couldn’t be, could it? Somehow her eyes stopped analyzing Hans’ features so that her ears could pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth. “I don’t believe you, your majesty.” She was caught lying. And Elsa wasn’t surprised that it was Hans who knew; who noticed. “But I can teach you these steps if you want to enjoy yourself.” Now he was giving her an option, an out of this awkward situation. All she had to do was say 'No, thank you.’ It sure wasn’t hard. How many times in her life has she denied herself some fun? Elsa had to immediately stop herself from remembering those times. They were too many and too painful. She was free now, was she? She could do this.

With her eyes focused on his Elsa gives Hans an “Alright.” and slow but sure takes his hand at the same time that the smile on his face turns bright in a way she can’t describe nor understand, but it’s making her smile a little too. By the time they make it to the yard the set of musicians changes again, and to Hans and Elsa’s slight disappointment, the fast and upbeat music turns slow and calm. Hans feels Elsa’s hand shake in his for a second and asks if she still want to dance. That maybe she isn’t comfortable with slow dancing. In his mind Hans ask himself why does his voice come out small now? Why does he sound as if he were feeling sad somehow? This is for Elsa. Not for him. She is the one who wasn’t completely satisfied watching the party from afar. She is the one who wanted to dance as little as she tried to hide it.

Elsa noticed the change in Hans’ smile. It wasn’t soft and kind anymore. It was sheepish. If he wanted to dance as well, he still could. There were plenty of women to ask. Of all ages, as a matter of fact. Was Hans showing sign that he actually wanted to dance 'with her’? When has anyone ever showed interest in dancing with her if it wasn’t to make politics or business? Neither of them enjoyed the privileges that came with a royal title anymore. What was happening; Elsa had to ask herself. But why should her mind make all these questions and ponder on these scenarios now? If Hans was trying to play her or trick her, it would have happened long time ago.

Outside of Elsa’s head the party kept going and Hans was letting go of her hand. No question really mattered at this moment and having mental debates with her was always a draining activity. A big contrast to the all kind of conversations she’s been entertaining with Hans all day. Everything was to talk and be heard with him. He listened, he paid attention, he questioned, and he engaged. He understood her. That’s something she had never shared with anyone before. Not even her dear sister. Elsa has never enjoyed talking to someone, talking with someone as much as she has with Hans. And for tonight she didn’t want to wonder why. Fast enough Elsa grabbed Hans’ hand and with a small smile of her own assured him she wanted to stay; to keep going. No words were needed as Hans got the hints and proceeded to take position. Elsa already knew her free hand goes to his shoulder, and Hans didn’t waste a second on putting his on her mid back.

They were dancing with no problem and after a minute or so Elsa had to ask why Hans was looking at her so deeply, like in thought. To her surprise she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable at all. He wasn’t looking at her in an aggressive or judging way. For a split second Hans thought about being difficult with her. He could have said 'We’re dancing. Where else am I supposed to look at?’ But he didn’t want that. Being difficult and avoid her was the last thing he wanted to do right now. What he did wanted to say was that he was feeling her hand in his and it surprised him a little how it didn’t feel cold. It wasn’t just his own hand that felt warm. If Elsa was being honest, she wondered the same thing; so she told him she’s got better at controlling her powers. She knew she wasn’t lying; but was that the whole truth? Hans smiled and locking gazes he said he was happy for her. Warmth was creeping at Elsa’s cheek now. She just smiled back and opted for resting her head on his chest near his shoulder. That way she could avoid looking at him without seeming rude.

Hans moved closer so that Elsa could be more comfortable and his hand alone slid to her lower back. Now all he could think of was how light Elsa was on her feet and how he had never felt this comfortable with his dance partner pressed against him. Unconsciously Hans rested his head atop of hers and his eyes were closing. All his body could do was listen to the music and feel Elsa’s weight and warmth. Hans couldn’t even pay attention to the temperature of her icy clothes. The cold just didn’t bother him.

Meanwhile, Elsa was thinking about her younger years. Remembering her few dance lessons. All she knew was from stepping on her father’s feet in her childhood and dancing with Anna when they were kids, before the accident happened. But dancing with her tutors? Elsa’s anxiety was at its peak in her preadolescent years, and neither of her teachers had her any patience. It didn’t matter to them that she was the heir Princess. Some teachers wouldn’t hold her or touch her at all, causing unnecessary and bothersome delays. One or two were too strict and their hold of her was too rough. They were like trying to retrain her or attack her. Elsa didn’t know and couldn’t care. In retaliation she froze the floor and pushed her teacher causing them to fall on their back, almost hurting them. After that incident there were no more dance lessons for her. It wasn’t only the fact that Elsa didn’t want anyone near her; she listened behind the door as tutor after tutor quitted. They didn’t want anything to do with her. They were giving up on her.

Elsa’s head was starting to hurt because of those memories. But her heart reminded her soon enough who she was now; not a scared girl anymore but a young woman still growing and still learning. Where she was now; not inside closed doors or walls made of her own ice but out there in the world. And with whom she was with; not with someone afraid, or impatient, or giving up on her. Elsa was letting go of Hans’ hand and put both her arms around his neck, as his now empty hand joined his other one at the lower of her back. And, at the same time, Elsa and Hans tighten their hold on each other. Causing their bodies; no, causing their hearts to be closer. If something like that was even possible.

#helsa #frozen 3 #hans #prince hans #elsa #queen elsa #redeem hans #bring elsa home #helsa for frozen 3 #dfg answers #helsa headcanon #my helsa headcanon #my helsa writing

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ms-maj · 5 years

Text

In This Diary

(Day 3- A song that reminds you of summer. Un-beta’d so please excuse all the mistakes, I drank way too much coffee tonight)

Here in this diary,

I write you visions of my summer

It was the best I ever had

There were choruses and sing-alongs

And that unspoken feeling

of knowing that right now is all that matters.

In This Diary-The Ataris

The summer before senior year is historically hectic. Between SAT and ACT prep, extracurriculars, community service, it’s a wonder that Betty Cooper even got a moment's rest. Of course, because she had every minute of her summer (including free time) mapped out, she would get notified that a position had become available at the prestigious writer’s retreat she was initially rejected from.

Getting to it and out of all her other obligations was no small feat, but, with deft humility and what she likened to mental gymnastics, she got there. Eight weeks away from New York, from her narcissistic mother and apathetic father, and the friends who always seemed like they had more important things to do. Eight weeks with likeminded people, good books and herself.

The campus was warm and inviting, not the monolithic buildings with their windowed walls she was used to in the city. Riverdale’s small university felt like some cliched, idyllic embodiment of what the countryside used to be. And she loved every second of it. From the perfectly manicured lawns to the stone facades of the lecture halls, she felt more and more at home with every day that passed.

Her single dorm had been clean, though surprisingly cold and sterile compared to how homey everything else had felt. She’d decorated modestly, a few framed pictures of her sister and friends from back home, and finally, sheets in a color other than pink. After the long days of instruction and group work, she was happy to come back to her small sanctuary and sink into the seafoam coziness.

It’s wrapped up in the soft fleece she feels comfortable enough to pull out her journal. She hadn’t been able to keep one recently. Her mother was overbearing on a good day and the last year, well, she took it to a whole new level. Not that she’d ever had much privacy, but she had thought her diary at least was off-limits. Everyone had boundaries, except Alice Cooper it turned out. Now, here, far out of her mother’s expertly manicured clutches, she can put the pen to the page and try to sort out her mind.

She had expected rigorous lessons, these classes were supposed to emulate the college ones she’d be taking in just a year, but everyone in them seemed to be on a different level than her. Betty was a journalist at heart, she wrote well and with conviction, but her writing did follow patterns. Truth. She laid it out as best she could, doing the facts justice while trying to reach her audience, but this seminar was in creative writing. And creative wasn’t something that Betty found came naturally to her.

It was the second week of the eight when she was approached. Sitting in the library, her second favorite place, her overthinking was interrupted by a messenger bag loudly hitting the table in front of her.

Confused, and a little annoyed, she looked up only to be greeted with the most beautiful blue eyes. “Um,” she cleared her throat. “Can I help you?”

He smiled, pulling out the chair, turning it around and sitting. “I think that maybe we can help each other.”

She’d be a liar if she said she hadn’t noticed him. With dark wavy hair and eyes that seemed to look right through her, he was exactly the kind of trouble she wasn’t planning on getting into. It helped in dissuading her that he carried himself the way most disaffected youths do; cool and aloof, sat at the back of the class, injecting only to be argumentative. (Even if his arguments were always thoroughly thought out and actually raised questions that Betty would have never thought to ask.)

Which is why when he dropped his stuff on her table that day, instead of rebuking him, she raised a dainty eyebrow and asked him what he had in mind.

He needed a critical eye; someone meticulous, methodical, detail-oriented, “With all your color-coded notes and penchant for detail, I figured who better.”

“And in return?” He leaned in, chair on two legs as its back rested against the table's edge. She wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, the way his eyes seemed to darken as he watched her, or maybe it was just what she wanted to see.

“Seems like you need help getting out of your head,” If he only knew. “Your writing that is, it’s great—don’t get me wrong—but it’s all very…”

“Clinical?” Betty offered.

A smirk played on his lips. “That’s a good word for it. You write like you’re trying to convince everyone that there’s a story being untold, instead of letting it unfold organically. It’s your story, you set the tone, you set the tempo, there’s no one-size-fits-all option in creative writing. You have to start letting yourself show through.”

That’s how it started. A new notebook—blue—filled with hastily jotted observations in her perfect print and his semi-legible scrawl. He would always point out when she got too deep in her own thoughts and when her writing started to reflect it, and she helped him rein in his penchant for superfluous detail. They worked in beautiful tandem. One month into the program, two weeks after they’d met in the library, she not only noticed a change in her writing but in herself.

She found her reflection smiling back at her more often than not. Jughead, his acerbic commentary, and general vitriol were usually traits that repelled Betty, but here, where she didn’t have crushing expectations she was free to feel. Melancholia had been no stranger to Betty, her life a predetermined series of points set out by her parents, a living, breathing, paint by numbers. Pretty, pastel, prosaic.

But not in Riverdale.

In Riverdale, she was simply Betty. In her most base, true form. She found people who encouraged her writing and growth, and in return, found she really enjoyed the editorial component of writing. Almost more so than the act itself. There was a kind of peace in restructuring other people's works. Hearing for their voice, helping them to define and refine it. The freedom afforded to her over the summer had started to wear at her Type A proclivities, editing gave her some of that control back. But she had learned to enjoy that freedom in equal measure.

And she never would have gotten there without Jughead. The townie, she learned later, having lived in Riverdale his whole life and planning on attending this writing retreat since he could remember. Jughead who learned how she took her coffee in a matter of days. Jughead whose words struck chords within her as though he were a maestro, creating symphonies in prose.

Or maybe that’s just how she felt when she’d catch him looking at her. Staccato heartbeat, blood pounding in her ears, fire burning just under the surface of her skin. The rampant thoughts that ran through her head when they were together only letting themselves out when she sat down with her diary at the end of the day. What was once a detailed catalog of her day to day, from activities to feelings was now an abstract.

In her diary, she found her voice. She discovered poetry. More aptly she discovered how to use poetry. She found that, while she probably wouldn’t ever be a great writer of non-fiction, she could convey more with less in poetry. That her deliberate words carried more weight than the flowery supposition she thought she wanted.

It was in there, privately pressed between the pages, she confessed. Her fears, her doubts, how her heart sped up while the time simultaneously slowed when his arm would brush against hers as they lounged on her bed. That she noticed he hadn’t tried to make any other friends here, keeping everyone else at arm's length while letting her—inviting her—encroach into his carefully curated bubble. That even though all signs pointed to yes, even this more confident, more comfortable Betty was terrified of rejection.

She’d never been a stranger to it; she was initially rejected from this intensive after all. Before, she was expected to plaster on a Cooper approved smile and bury whatever feelings that presented themselves.

Now, she didn’t think she’d be able to do that. Jughead had helped her find so much more than just words. When she’d admitted she hadn’t had a cheeseburger in two years because her mother didn’t approve, he insisted on taking her to Pop’s.

“It’s not just a diner, Betty,” he said, slinging one leg over his motorcycle. He held his helmet up, urging that she take it. “It’s a Riverdale institution. You can’t be in this town for any amount of time without partaking in a milkshake and double cheeseburger.”

She slid the helmet over her head, hair loose around her shoulders for the first time in her life. She watched as his tongue peeked between his lips as he took her in. “This is my first time on a bike though, so, go slow,” her voice was muffled by the helmet she knew, but he heard her. Straddling the bike, she loosely wrapped her arms around his waist, trying not to think about how soft the leather of his jacket would feel against the skin or how the hard planes of his stomach would feel under her hands.

“I’m afraid going slow would be much worse. You’re just going to have to hold on much tighter than that.” She felt the air expel from his lungs as she tightened her grip. Maybe he was as affected by her presence as she was his. If he was though, he didn’t show it for the rest of the night. Aside from helping her off the bike, he didn’t initiate contact and made himself impossibly small looking in the booth, somehow physically shrinking into himself when he still seemed so emotionally open with her.

Even from the most mundane of topics the conversation flowed. He could make anything interesting, she loved watching his eyes light up when he got lost in the excitement of a good conspiracy theory or the thought of analyzing and dissecting pieces of popular culture. She could easily see herself like this with him: passionate, wild-eyed, thoroughly engrossed (or obsessed. It depended on who you asked, of course)

When they’d departed for their separate dorms, she couldn’t help but feel dejected. Back in the safety of her room, she changed into pajamas to get the smell of grease and exhaust and brooding boy she had a desperate crush on, off of her. She pressed play on the saddest playlist she had curated and poured her heart onto the pages of her diary.

The last week of the program came far too quickly. The feeling in the lecture hall was different as well. The homesick were excited for the end to be near, but Betty wasn’t ready to be back in New York. She wasn’t sure this new, improved Betty would hold up under her mother’s increasing scrutiny. She didn’t know how much time she had before she broke completely.

“For your last assignment, I want you to do something that scares you. Obviously I don’t mean skydiving or anything, but something to do with your writing that scares you,” the professor said before dismissing them. “Write in a different tense or point of view; write a different style; share your work with a different audience. Just find the one thing you haven’t done yet here and just...let go.”

Betty snuck a look at Jughead from the corner of her eye. His brow was furrowed, jaw clenched tight, appearing deep in thought. She let out a shaky breath before going to smooth back the ponytail that wasn’t there.

This is it, she thought. Her chance. To tell him how she felt, to bare her soul to him even more than she already had. She was up and out of her chair the second they were dismissed, talking herself into her decision with every step that led her back toward the dorms.

“Hey,” his voice was soft, pensive as he opened the door. They hadn’t spoken much that day, just a text confirming he was in his room.

Producing a hastily wrapped parcel from behind her back, Betty sighed. “If I don’t do this now, I won’t. The scariest thing for me, right now, is you reading what’s in there.”

“Betts,” he started, but she stopped him.

“There’s a lot of me in those pages that I could never share with anyone else. Whether they’d look at me differently or,” she shook her head stepping back, further into the hall. “Just read it...or don’t...either way, you’ll know where to find me.”

She didn’t stay to hear if he had anything to say, turning away from the boy holding the pieces of her heart, of herself, literally in his hands. Back in her room, she called her best friend Veronica and asked if she would watch some horribly cliched eighties teen comedy with her over facetime. She was asleep before “the guy” realized he was an idiot.

Morning came quickly, as it usually did, but it seemed even faster knowing her days were dwindling. The light filtered through the blinds, dust floating lazily in the haze. She threw her head back into the pillows, hoping to be swallowed by slumber once again. But something niggled at the back of her mind. Something was keeping her firmly rooted in the waking plane.

The sound of a knock on her door.

She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face what she thought awaited her. When another knock came, and then another, more persistent knock, she willed herself out of bed and across the floor. Hugging tight the robe she threw on, she opened the door.

Jughead didn’t look like he’d slept at all. His hair, normally secured under his beanie, was wildly sticking up in all directions. The eyebags that were everpresent on his face seemed deeper and more pronounced, and she was pretty sure he was still wearing the same thing he’d been wearing when she dropped the journal off to him.

The journal that was presently clutched between his hands.

“Did you mean it?”

Confused, she questioned back. “Mean what?”

“All of it? Any of it?” His voice seemed softer now, more unsure than she’d ever heard him. In their nearly six weeks of friendship he had seemed so confident. He was the one who approached her in the first place. But looking at him now, hands clenching at the notebook between them, maybe she wasn’t the only one who got more than just someone to look over their work.

Her eyes sought his, finding their usually blue hue stormy and grey. “Juggie, if I didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t have written it. And I certainly wouldn’t have shown you.”

He stepped closer, invading her space with his large body. “Betty,” he exhaled slowly. “There’s a reason nothing happened after we went to Pop’s and it wasn’t because I didn’t want it to.”

She watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed. “Then why?”

“Because I’m an all or nothing kind of guy, Betty. And I know this has an expiration date! It’s five days from now. You’re leaving Saturday, to go back to New York. Where you’re going to do amazing things. Because you’re amazing, and nothing you do could be anything less.”

“That’s not true, or objective, you know that right? We both only have a year of high school left and then what? You could come to New York—”

He shook his head sadly. “Betty, I’m not coming to New York. I’ll probably never end up leaving Riverdale.”

“Then I’ll come here! I like it here, Jug. I could come here, and we can…” His hand reached for her, finding golden locks and twisting them between his fingers.

“I could never ask that of you.”

“Why are you here then?” She asked cooly as his hand fell from her hair.

Slowly he dragged the hand that had been playing with her hair through his own before huffing a laugh. “I honestly don’t know. My plan was kissing you as soon as you opened the door and then my brain got involved.”

She felt the corner of her lip turn up. “Brains are dumb. They always get in the way.”

He smiled back at her, both of them moving even closer together. “Betty, I’m not one of those guys who does casual. I need to know that you're in this. Really, in this. That you want to be WITH me as much as I want to be with you because I can handle the distance if I knew you were all in.”

Brushing one of many unruly curls from his brow, Betty smiled. “Jughead Jones, haven’t you figured it out by now?”

He raised an eyebrow to her question, his arm coming to snake around her waist.

“I don’t do anything in halves.”

When their lips finally met she knew instantly that her life would be different. Maybe she didn’t know right then just how different, but she could tell you, with certainty that that summer changed her life. She had followed her heart and finally got it right.

#riverdale #Bughead #bughead fanfiction #songfic writing challenge 2019

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thenexusofsouls · 4 years

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“Why Didn’t You Do More?”- The Superhero’s Reality, and Why It Differs From Our Own

So this is a random rant of mine on the mindsets of some superhero characters and how we, as writers, can distinguish between the way they react to things and the way mundane people might. I do want to say that this will likely not have any solid point to it, haha, I just love to analyze things sometimes. It’s fun for me. So just think of this as a nice mental exercise.

Just for some background, this was prompted by a few conversations with friends, but also partially influenced by a line in a song, Holocene, from the movie The Judge. I recently watched this movie, and it’s amazing by the way, I highly recommend it, but be prepared for detailed and graphic scenes involving the effects of cancer and chemotherapy if that triggers you, as well as some kick-your-feels-in-the-face family drama. There’s a song used a few times throughout it that has lyrics that seem a bit weird and disjointed, but if you really sit down and think about them, there are some themes that stick out that are relevant to the characters. Being stuck in the past, remembering the past as being better than it was, wanting to go back instead of improving the way you are now, lying to yourself about things, and most importantly, accepting failure and loss of control of a situation. There’s a line in the song that I’ve been stuck on lately, namely, “...and at once I knew I was not magnificent,” and it’s really made me think about this concept in the context of the lives of some Avengers.

In the movie, Robert Downey Jr.’s character (who is so very much like Tony Stark if he had decided to be a lawyer as far as personality) has a very pointed, personal, and heartbreaking failure moment. It’s painful to watch his character break down simply for what the failure means for the character and those they love, but also on an emotional level as you think about where the character’s head is at. He was a character who prided himself on always succeeding, no matter what (trying not to spoil the movie here for everyone and probably failing hard, heh). It never occurred to him that he could fail. Some might look at that and just think he was just an arrogant asshole with an ego the size of a planet, and maybe that’s true on some level for this particular character, but in extrapolating his psychology to that of some characters in the MCU, I think there’s a point at which arrogance and a massive ego can become paradoxically altruistic and selfless for characters with abilities that are larger than life. And because the stakes and expectations placed upon them are just as large, that makes things like failure even more heartbreaking for them. As Peter Parker said in Captain America: Civil War, "When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you." There’s not just a feeling of personal failure, but also a feeling of letting down a large group of innocent people as well… perhaps even the whole world, or on the level of Thanos as the opponent, the universe.

I’ve been wrapped up in analyzing this mindset lately, and thinking about that one line in the song, and it’s moved from the character in The Judge to Tony Stark and also Wanda Maximoff and their early failures with Thanos. In pondering their epic failures on a massive worldwide superhero level, the concept of altruistic arrogance, or a selfless ego, is a paradox that I think deserves some discussion. I think it embodies the mindset of a superhero who, while he/she may be human, does not have the same psychology with regard to approaching problems or viewing their life or the world around them as someone without their exceptional abilities might.

When Tony and Wanda fail to defeat Thanos in Infinity War, their failure comes as a painful shock to them, not only because of what’s at stake and the guilt that comes with letting down those they care about, but because they realize in that moment that failure was inevitable, because their best (at that point in time, at least) was always going to be not enough. And they didn’t know it. It’s like being let in on a joke after everyone’s already laughed at it at your expense… and the joke isn’t funny. I’ve been asked by some people in talking about various parts of Infinity War, why did they give up? I’m referring to these moments here, when Tony and Wanda appear to just go limp and space out and just… stop fighting, as they’re being essentially patronized by Thanos:

They’re not giving up, they’re overwhelmed. They’ve stopped for two reasons: 1) they’re legitimately exhausted after throwing out everything they had to offer, and 2) the realization that they were not strong enough even at their best is an arresting and stunning one in a very literal sense. They’ve already given it their all, and now they’re at a loss. Their goal isn’t accomplished, their loved ones are not out of danger, and yet they’re spent, they’re done. That is not something they have ever encountered before.

Let’s back up a bit and look at where Tony Stark and Wanda Maximoff’s minds are at by the time they reach Infinity War. Tony has been haunted by a vision placed in his head by Wanda since Age of Ultron, one that showed him all the Avengers dead and/or dying, in which Steve says “You could have saved us,” and “Why didn’t you do more?” While it is debated in the fandom whether what she showed him was the manifestation of his worst nightmare or an actual premonition of the future or both, its effect on Tony is staggering. From that moment onward, he is preparing to make sure that vision never comes to pass, but unfortunately, he’s got the wrong focus. He believes the way it could come to pass or why it might be possible is if he doesn’t try hard enough, either because he isn’t willing or he isn’t able to tap into his full potential. The fault, he believes, will lie with him and his willingness to go the distance for his friends, or, that he won’t be prepared enough and ready to whip out the full breadth of his power and ability. It never occurs to him that there was nothing he could do to prepare enough for that moment because he was already inherently unable to defeat Thanos then, through no fault of his own. He simply is not going to be strong enough by that time.

So for someone like Tony with a huge ego who I think believes that there is nothing he cannot accomplish if he tries hard enough, and for someone like him who is deathly terrified of being left alone in a world of friends dead because of his failure, coming to the realization that he “was not magnificent,” that yes, he has real limits that in this case mean he is not good enough… is psyche-shattering. His massive ego in believing he was capable of anything with enough prep and determination collided with his selfless desire to protect people he loved (like Peter), and guess what? The great and powerful Tony Stark wasn’t good enough. Imagine how utterly arresting that thought must have been for him. Well, you don’t have to imagine it, you can see it on his face. It’s the face of someone with a literal genius-level intellect suddenly realizing he’s out of ideas.

Turning now to Wanda, she’s lost nearly everyone she has ever loved. Her parents, her twin brother, and now Vision, someone she has fallen in love with, is being threatened. Her first instinct back in Edinburgh is to ask him if maybe they shouldn’t stay out of what’s going on. She doesn’t say that because she’s cowardly or selfishly trying to ignore the plight of others, she’s just terrified of losing yet another person she loves, and quite possibly the last person in her life that she is very close to. Her mindset is to play it safe, because as she learned from her brother, being a protector gets you killed. However, when Vision makes the decision to involve himself, Wanda immediately follows suit, because now she has to be his protector. She is not going to allow another person she loves to die. Bold of her to believe that she had that choice, that it was at all in her hands and within her control to decide that Vision would be safe, and that all it took was her decision to choose to protect him. Wanda is really freaking powerful, and I think that power disturbs her at times. Because of this, I doubt that she had fully explored the limits of her power by that point. I headcanon that she always had in the back of her mind, my limits are far above what I can imagine, and thought that if she whipped out all the power she possible could, she could do anything, destroy anything, kill anyone. It was untested and nebulous in her mind, but not unlike Tony, I think she thought that the potential for failure here was in her not being vigilant enough, not trying hard enough. Pietro died because she wasn’t there to protect him, she believes. So this time she’s going to be there for Vision. Unfortunately, that meant killing him at one point, but ignoring that for a moment, I think Wanda believed that she could hold Thanos back indefinitely and, if necessary, kill him, and it just wasn’t there. The ability, the potential, her focus, her scope at that point would not allow her to do that. It’s not her fault, really, and yet she failed Vision and everyone else. Which brings me to my next point…

Realizing that there was nothing more they could possibly have done to change this outcome, due to their own limitations their egos would not allow them to see before, does not change the level of grief, guilt, and emotional distress that they feel. If anything, it magnifies it. When superheroes fail on this level, they haven’t just let themselves down, they haven’t just let their immediate friends and loved ones down, they’ve let the world down. In this case, the universe. That is an immense amount of pressure to place on a person who, until a short time ago, fully believed that they were capable of stopping this from happening. Being told it wasn’t their fault or anything like that is never going to comfort them, because friends and loved ones are still dead, and everywhere they go there will be reminders of their failure. People who don’t understand may even outright blame them for what happened. When you or I fail at something, we might feel like sheesh okay, I suck, heh… or we acknowledge that it was outside out control and try to improve for later. When Tony and Wanda failed, they had to deal with personal failure, guilt, grief, and the weight of responsibility of so many lives on their shoulders. Wanda was spared a lot of that initially because she got snapped, but Tony was left to deal with it, and we all know how well Tony deals with crushing emotional issues…

Failure for a superhero means more than just letting oneself down, and when their (whether intentional or unintentional) arrogance permits them to believe that the possibility of success is theirs to grasp if they only put in the effort, the distance they fall when they’re knocked off that pedestal is even higher, the impact when they hit the ground even greater. So the listlessness, the thousand-yard stare, the silence (uncharacteristic from Tony to say the least)… you’re watching someone’s ego literally break down before your eyes and have to accept the unacceptable… that their worst-case scenario they 100% could never deal with emotionally in a hundred years is now coming to pass.

Superheroes live in a different reality from us (yes, because they’re fictional, haha, but I’m talking existentially here, not literally). Life won’t let them not think about the larger picture, whether they would prefer to or not. Imagine if you tried your very best, maybe even purposely prepared for some confrontation for years, and you know that there was not an ounce more of strength or power you could have unleashed on the problem… and you still failed. The shame, the guilt, the heartbreak… on top of now having to sit and watch the worst unfold because… you’re now out of ideas. Being a superhero, there’s always something new to try. A new idea, a new power, a new ability, a new piece of tech, a new strategy… Well what happens when this was already plan Z and there is literally nothing left to try? It’s a scary mindset to live in, and when the stakes are that high and the hearts involved are already that damaged (Tony and Wanda have suffered a lot and clearly would have done anything to make sure more death and suffering didn’t occur), it’s the worst time to find out that you weren’t good enough. And that blame that mundane people might place on them? You better believe they’re also placing it on themselves. And maybe that’s where the ego comes back into play. Nope, it was my fault, there was something more I could’ve done, I just didn’t realize it or see it. And that may not have been true, but that’s easier to believe and process, even as painful as it is, than to simply accept that there was no way they were ever going to be powerful enough to defeat the threat in that moment. There was nothing more they could have done. They did everything right, and it wasn’t good enough.

And here we could get into a discussion of fate and predestination, maybe regarding Dr. Strange’s multitudes of multiverses and time threads in which things could have gone differently. At what point did all those threads boil down into the “one” that he saw in which the Avengers won against Thanos? How far back does one have to go in time for there to have been multiple winning options? Or… was this always going to be the single, only option? Was all of this predetermined since time began to culminate in these moments in this exact way in order to be the one winning outcome? How set in stone were Tony and Wanda’s failures, and for how long? Or is it all just randomly shifting with each new decision, each new divergence in the path, like trains shifting tracks? It’s an interesting discussion to get into, but that is a whole ‘nother meta topic for another day, heh.

Alright, I think I’ve ranted on this enough. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this! Any thoughts or ideas on this yourselves? I would love to hear some other opinions on this topic. I love getting into philosophical and psychological discussions about my muses. =)

#{ silence rants } ᵐᵉᵗᵃ ᵗᵒᵖⁱᶜˢ #muse: tony stark #muse: wanda maximoff...over on her own blog heh #avengers: infinity war

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evangelinedanvers · 4 years

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It didn’t get any easier, returning to my companions. Especially when I wasn’t really entirely sure how long it had been for them. I’m not entirely sure how long it had been for me. The only person who’d really ever gotten it was River Song. Brilliant, impossible Melody Pond. She had always known exactly what she was signing up for. It never mattered how much time had passed, she always loved me the same, always slipping easily back into the intelligent banter that I’d always enjoyed so much.

This reunion wasn’t going to be like that. I was expecting to see anger and disappointment, after how we had parted. I could still see it now, disappointment in Yas’s eyes at my failure. She thought I’d given up, but I hadn’t. I’d chosen to try to sacrifice myself because I believed in The Universe. The Universe, with all of its brilliant humans, was so much more than me. And I’d lived for so long already. It might have looked like giving up, but it wasn’t. I was making a stand for everything and everyone that I loved.

My hands were shoved deep into my pockets. I rocked back on my heels before taking a deep breath and turning away. I shouldn’t have been there. I knew I ruined lives. I told herself that being able to explore the galaxies was a gift, but when I thought about it, really thought about it, the pain I caused wasn’t worth it. It was selfish. But after all the good I did, didn’t I deserve to be a little selfish sometimes?

I stared down at the ground, as though it was about to give me an answer. It didn’t, of course. It wasn’t sentient wood. I sighed before turning back and knocking on the door quickly before I could change my mind.

“Hey.” I said, beaming as the door opened to reveal Yasmin. I was anything but happy, still thrown by The Master's revelation. I was a big believer of fake it til you make it, though. Besides, seeing my Yasmin again was going to make things better. Maybe. “You still live here then? Brilliant. Always a bit awkward when someone moves and you end up on some stranger’s doorstep.”

There was a silence as Yasmin stared back, her expression blank. I wondered if she knew who I was, or if I had regenerated in the many years since I’d seen her. It was so hard to keep track.

“It’s me. The Doctor.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Oh, good. Sorry. Wasn’t sure if I’d changed faces since I saw you last. It’s been a while and they aren’t exactly friendly in intergalactic prison. Wouldn’t even let me use a mirror. How do I look?”

“Intergalactic,” Yasmin trailed off, seeming to lose interest. I guessed she had just become used the crazy. “You look the same.” Her response was nonchalant. Her eyes blank.

I wasn’t the best at reading human emotion, but I felt completely uneasy. “You don’t seem all that pleased to see me.” I commented, sounding a little downcast. As much as I understood when my friends came to realise what it really means to be my friend, the rejection still hurt. “Understandable, I s’pose.”

“No, I am.” Yasmin answered a little too enthusiastically, her words sounding forced. “It’s just, it’s been five years. I’d kinda put you behind me. If I’m honest, I’m not even entirely sure if this is really happening or if it’s a dream.”

“Yeah, I’m not really sure either. Actually, we could be having a shared dream. Can happen now and again. TARDIS telepathic energies. Gets a bit weird sometimes. But nah. This is real. I can feel it.” I jumped up and down a couple of times as I confirmed our reality. “See. Sturdy. Dreams are usually a bit wobbly.” I paused, stuck a finger in the air before placing it on my tongue. My eyes narrowed as I analyzed. “Tastes real too.”

“Tastes real? You’re joking, right?” Her mouth turned up into the smallest of smiles, if only for a second.

“Either way, it got a smile out of ya, didn’t it?”

Yasmin shrugged.

“So, can I come in or what?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Brilliant.” I entered, shutting the door behind me. “So, how’re you?” I gasped as I felt a burning sensation rush through my brain. Not quite trusting my legs, I grabbed onto the doorframe. “Whoa. Memory rush. Had a bit of a bump to the head. Feels good, but kinda hurts too, all those synapses firing at once. Back on Gallifrey, when I was a kid, sometimes we’d remove our memories on purpose, pop them straight back in. Just for the rush. Except for my friend Whatshisface. Took them out, forgot to leave enough info in there to remind him to put them back and then when someone figured out what he'd done, no one could find them. Pretty thick, really.” My brow furrowed, as I thought of all of the memories that had been stolen from me. Best not to think about that too much, though. Coming from The Master, I didn’t really know how much to believe. “How’s the fam? Graham, Ryan? How are they?”

“I…I dunno.”

“What d’ya mean, you dunno?” I exclaimed.

“I haven’t seen either them for a while.”

“Why’s that?”

“Being around them was just too painful. A constant reminder of you. We tried at first. Then we stopped trying. We didn’t mean to. It just kinda happened.

“Understandable.” I frowned, not really understanding. Something didn’t feel quite right. There was something I couldn’t quite see. “What about you. What’re you up to these days?”

“Nothing, really. Just working in a store. Mostly keep to myself.”

“Ya what? Why? What happened to working for the police force?”

“I tried that, for a while. After everything, it was just kinda boring.”

“I worked in a toy store once. Few faces back, and only for a couple days. T’was fun, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say exciting. You’re not really making sense right now, so I’m gonna do something, and it’s gonna tingle a bit. Be quite painful, actually. I think you’ll thank me for it later, though.” I reached out, placing my fingers against Yasmin’s temples as my hands cupped her face. I squinted as I wiggled around in her brain. “Oh, you’re tricky. Very tricky. Almost impossible to see, but I see you. Alright, Yasmin. I’m very sorry about this. Tell me, last time ya saw me, what was happening? Long time ago for me, I’m a little foggy on the details.”

“You were about to sacrifice yourself to stop The Master and his army of Cybermen.”

“Oh yes. That’s right. How did that make you feel?”

“Angry. Scared. Defeated.”

“Ah, okay. Gonna need you to focus on the anger for a sec. Why were you angry?”

“Because you were abandoning us. Because you didn’t even try to think of another way.”

“You’re right. I didn’t. Didn’t care about how it was gonna affect you either. Just focussed on getting one over on The Master. Humans, you’re just insignificant blips in an infinite existence to me. None of you matter, but I gotta pass the time somehow.” Those words didn’t come easily. Words designed to inflict pain. That wasn’t what I was about. They were a little scary too, since they so easily could have been true; a different time, a different me; all of me, and who knew what could have been?

Something flashed in Yas’s eyes. She felt something. Just what the doctor ordered. A good dose of anger.

“Ah, there we go. Almost there. Just keep remembering. Remember how angry you felt. Remember how I abandoned ya. Remember how little I cared. Come on, now. Any time now, you fantastic little leeches. Ah. There we go.” I smiled gently as I removed my hands from Yasmin’s temples. “Hello, you. I mean, you were already you. Just the best parts of you were being stolen.”

“Doctor?”

“Yes, Yas?”

“Firstly, thank you. No idea what you did, but I’m feeling a hell of lot more like myself. Secondly, if anything you just said was true, I’ll kill you.”

“You were infected with a parasite. Nasty little creatures that feeds on your emotions until all you’re left feeling is numb. Numb is good, sometimes. It’s easier to be numb than it is to face how we really feel, yeah? These critters latch onto people who are already in pain because they know there won’t be much resistance. Who wouldn’t pick numb over hurting? That’s not living, though. That’s just existing and you are far too good to just exist. I needed you angry. Anger is strong, but it’s also fire. The greedy little things gorge on it until they burn themselves out. Quite fantastic, really, how they work. Although in very rare cases they manage to survive and grow so big that the host’s head explodes. But that probably wasn’t gonna happen.” I tilted my head to one side, brows furrowed. “Could be happening right now, actually.” I leaned forwards, looking into Yasmin’s eyes before pulling my sonic out of my pocket. I scanned the air around Yasmin before letting out a sigh of relief. “Nah, you’re fine. I think.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to not talk about the hard stuff. You always do this. Something bad happens and you talk and talk and talk at a million miles so that no one can take the time to stop and think about what’s happened.”

“I don’t do that.” My nose wrinkled up as I shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I do that sometimes. So, what would you like to talk about?”

“I dunno. Maybe hi, I missed you would be a good start. God, I missed you so much. Everything reminded me of you. Stupid things. Like, the sky is blue, like the TARDIS. Rainbows reminded me of that t-shirt you used to wear. And it was just like, everything beautiful reminded me of you. Everything I used to enjoy just hurt instead. Then about, I don’t know, maybe a year ago everything stopped hurting. I didn’t feel much of anything really, but that was better than just being sad, right? I just thought I’d kinda moved on and gotten over you and all the fantastic stuff we did. Now you’re back and it hurts again. So much. Right here”. She placed a hand on her chest, right over her heart. “What the hell? Man, I need to get a grip.” She laughed through tears.

“That’s normal.” I used my thumbs to wipe away Yasmin’s tears, very aware that they were my fault. “Everything that makes you human all rushing back at once. I’d be a bit scared if you weren’t emotional, to be honest.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m sorry I wasn’t exactly welcoming earlier.”

“Aww, that’s okay. Wasn’t your fault. I expected you to be angry, actually. Fully expected to get somethin’ thrown at me.”

“I’m not angry. Not anymore. Yeah, you’re late. But at least you’re here.” She shrugged before an awkward pause. “The stuff you said. About humans being your playthings.”

“Never. I just needed you angry, that’s all. Did I go a bit too far? I always thought I’d make a good actress. Actor. Person who acts? I’ve never been a…” I had been a woman before though, hadn’t I? I had no idea how many lives had been stolen; how many faces. “I missed you too. The whole fam, actually. So much. We’ll go find them soon. Tomorrow, maybe. Just you and me for now though, yeah?”

“I should at least text them, let them know you’re back.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Can I ask you something? It’s kinda weird, and I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

“I love weird and everything matters.”

“Why are you here? Why did you come to me first, I mean?”

“I think that’s a discussion for another day. When things are a bit more normal.”

“Things are never normal when you’re around.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” It wasn’t something I’d wanted to act upon. There had been too many times before and I knew that it all only ever ended in pain. I was destined for happiness. I had learned, in my previous body, that sometimes happiness only needed to be for a time. I wasn’t so sure that it was worth all of the sadness that came after, though. But if I was going to be around forever, if I was as immortal as I was beginning to suspect, I couldn’t just walk around sad all the time. Where was the fun in that? I know so many words. So many that sometimes they all get jumbled together and I can’t seem to get a single one out. I knew then though that I just didn’t know any words that would answer Yasmin’s question. So, instead, I pulled her towards me, cupped her face gently and pressed my lips against hers. It was brief, chaste, but said more than a billion billion words ever could. “That answer your question? First time I ever kissed anyone, that. In this body, I mean.” I grinned, somewhat proud of myself.

“Oh yeah. But now I have so many more.”

“I bet ya do. ‘Nother time though. You’re gonna get a cracking headache right about,” I paused and looked down at my watch, then waited a few seconds. It was a bit of an act, really. I couldn’t predict the exact time, but I wanted to look cool and residual telepathic connections would tell me when. “Now. Side effect of burning out emotion eating parasites.”

Yasmin pressed a hand to her forehead. “You ever feel like your heads gonna explode? Cos that’s what this feels like.”

“Yep. All the time. So many thoughts and ideas burrowing away in such a tiny, pathetic brain? It’s a wonder my head actually hasn’t exploded. Huh, there’s a thought. Thought explosion. Theoretically possible, but not all that likely. Unless…Nah. Now, come on.” I took Yasmin’s hand and guided her towards the sofa. “Lie down here. Ya need t’ rest.”

She lay down, as instructed and closed her eyes against the light. Clearly in pain, but not ready to let me off the hook just yet. “You know everything isn’t okay, right? There’s a lotta talking to be done and it’s gonna suck.”

“Yeah, I know, but for now I’d like for things to not suck for five minutes. If that’s okay with you?”

“Are you okay, Doctor?”

“Me? I’m fine. Always.”

“But really, though?”

“No. I’m not okay” I said with a sigh. “really not.”

“You know you don’t have to act so happy all the time when you’re not, right? You’re allowed to act sad sometimes. Me, Ryan, Graham? We’re your fam. We won’t love you any less.

“Love is a big word.”

“It’s only four letters.”

“Yeah, well I cost Harriet Jones her Premiership with six words. I was a bit arrogant back then. Thought I knew everything. Thought I was in control. You’ve no idea how wrong I was.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’m gonna sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow. When it’s all of us.”

#idk wtf this is #i had no fucking idea what i was gonna write when i started writing #but this is what happened lmao #doctor who #doctor who fanfic #thasmin

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thirteenthspirit · 5 years

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ESG Investing in the Pokémon World

As a financial advisor (aka professional bank pimp), it seems the concept of “Sustainable Investing” has really taken hold this past year, despite being around for quite a few years. I was pondering new investment ideas and recommendations (so they can sit patiently on my desk waiting for my boss’s approval) and noticed that most of them are ESG-focused. Of course.

As a Millennial (like that means anything), imagining that your investments might go towards helping someone or doing some good for the world is a key motivation. I don’t mind even sacrificing some additional returns, if that means my money is being put to good use. Unfortunately, I don’t really have a lot of like-minded people as Clients, so raw returns still dominate the investment sphere. But we’ll get there!

I want to explain a bit what it is we call ESG – Environmental, Social and (Corporate) Governance Investing. It is a very studied and elaborated research topic that has become so convoluted that virtually any company can be qualified as ESG-passable (sigh). A company with a high ESG score means it Excels in all or one of these three key areas. The ESGest of them all, try to integrate in their daily practices some of the UN’s 17 Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs), which range from ending world hunger to reducing inequality, climate action, etc.

I’ve also been replaying Pokémon Platinum (ayyy you see where this is going don’t you?) – probably not, since you haven’t read my previous newsletters. But anyway.

Sinnoh could really benefit a lot from some ESG-focused investing, especially in the Environmental aspect of it. The first thing that popped into my mind was the Fuego Ironworks. No, it is not related to the 2018 Eurovision Song Contest runner-up’s song of choice, but rather a big warehouse-like facility harboring a huge furnace in the center of it all. If you manage to get past the arrow-one-direction-thingies leftover from the renovation of the Viridian Gym, you eventually reach this massive incinerator. Ok, so, fossil fuels are a big no-no in the battle for climate change. Hydrogen plants and renewable energies trump coal mines and similar facilities. So I would take that big chunk of investor money and shut down the Fuego Ironworks. I know what you’re thinking – WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA CATCH A POKÉMON WITH FLAME BODY THIS EARLY IN THE GAME so I can hatch that perf Togepi (because what else) – but fret not, those Magmar can relocate to Stark Mountain. But uh… maybe I’d try to throw a couple of Slugma near the Lost Tower or something, so you can still hatch them eggs early on. Need a motherboard-frying Magnemite? You can now catch them in Iron Island! Have fun.

But shutting down a massive energy-producing (assumption here assumption there la la la) facility like this is BOUND to have an effect on the residents, especially for the people who live in the nearby towns – I mean where else are Floaroma residents supposed to work? Smell the flowers in the floaroma medow (which is somehow located DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE IRONWORKS but ok)? Serve as night guides to wandering girls and their Chansey in Eterna Forest? Or sweat away in the Valley Windworks?

Huh? Windworks? Like an actual wind power farm? Grab ‘em Pachirisu and let’s go!

Seriously, the Valley Windworks would be exactly where my inflows would go. From any residual money gathered from the sale of the Ironworks, my investors could provide a massive overhaul of the windworks. We could bring specialists in from Hoenn’s Weather Institute and build a ton more Teletubbies (my boyfriend’s endearing nickname for those huge fan-thingies). Maybe we could even expand to hydraulics, what with that huge river flowing alongside the facility. Just imagine the drifloon! One for each doom-bearing child.

Ok great! We’ve managed to take action by remodeling the energy supply from the area, effectively diminishing its carbon emissions while preserving the citizens’ quality of life. For me that qualified as a big E investment! And maybe our work wouldn’t stop here, if you’ve got a few cents in your pocket imagine if we could harness the energy from Mt. Coronet! With cares not to disturb any dimensional beings or pseudo-gods. Just a thought.

Miss Moving On is a song by Fifth Harmony. Next we have the “Social” aspect of ESG investing. This would be the category where you would find the community-improving or demographic and populational aiding aspects. Infrastructures, accessibility, any and every thing that could better a population’s daily routine and ensure its sustainability for generations to come. So which issues plague Sinnoh residents? I can think of a few – weird people with bowl-shaped haircuts stealing Pokémon, people-swallowing marshes, freakin’ SELFDESTRUCTING ROCKS (née Geodude) and the occasional time/space distortions from the odd attempt at creating new universes.

Well let’s not go overboard with our intervention, we cannot hope to solve ALL problems plaguing our beloved residents. Let’s start with a simple issue. Little Timmy loves everything related to boats. Boats boats boats and sometimes ships – so he loves going to Sunyshore City, to see the Lighthouse. He goes whenever he can - he swears one time he even had a date with a girl who was visiting with her Ampharos! Legend has it for him it was love at first sight. But she had a ship to catch, bound for her hometown region. So they agreed to meet that very night, before she departed. She waited and waited, but Timmy never came. With tears in her eyes, the girl was last seen boarding the ship, never to return…

Dang it Timmy! Why did you do that?

Well… the thing is, Timmy tried. Timmy lives in Solaceon town and works for the local newspaper. So on that afternoon, after collecting his heart scales, he cheerfully got on his bike and began pedaling, heading to meet his lover. But there is no direct route from Solaceon to Sunyshore – Solaceon is pretty much isolated where it stands, one has to either go North trough Veilstone or face the marshes of the south through Pastoria, to finally traverse route 222 to the city.

Since a bike would sink pretty hard on the bog, Timmy rode North. He got drenched in rain before reaching Veilstone, though – forcing him to change clothes in the city before carrying on. Oh and he claims to have also had an encounter with a couple of Psyduck which seemed pretty checked out… I assume Misty rammed her bike into one. After leaving the city, he just had to face – I’m sorry, am I reading this correctly, inexistent participant – “hellhounds”. Um… ok… Timmy is a BIG Supernatural fan (Destiel FTW). But he finally made it to the Hotel Grand Lake – the last rest stop before reaching Sunyshore. His legs were already tired, and he was sweatin’ bullets, but his spirits were high as a Staravia!

“I’m sorry sir but Route 222 is closed until further notice, due to the occurrence of a blackout”.

Aaaand that was the end of Timmy’s love story. Don’t feel bad for him, I hear he went on to win a Pulitzer from his work on exposing the Ditto sex trafficking scheme.

Maybe if Timmy had been a little faster on his route, he could’ve avoided the blackout altogether, it is just such a long stretch of Sinnoh to traverse…

Like Timmy, many residents who work in East Sinnoh face this issue in their daily commute – the lack of viable connections. So where could we begin to tackle this subject?

Well I heard of a guy who has been trying to dig a tunnel from Route 2014, to Solaceon Town, all by himself! Must be tough, Excadrill weren’t even invented back then…

Maybe our kind investors could give him a hand with their funds! We could make the efforts go faster and more smoothly, maybe even establish some underground ferry mechanism to aid in the crossover. Create a separate entrance, so people wouldn’t have to disturb the Unown. The newly crafted pathway would sure come in handy for travelers, maybe even helping in dynamizing Solaceon or Celestic Town with tourists staying at the Hotel Grand Lake! Seems like a somewhat simple-enough project for us to tackle.

So we basically identified a necessity, designed a way to overcome said necessity and then implemented it – thus creating sustainable impact!

Fantastic! Stunning!

Speaking of stunning – hrm, our efforts might be a bit derailed if these “blackouts” continue. Maybe someone could go have a chat with Volkner, to stop experimenting with the power grid? Perhaps Flint could help, I hear they get along quite well… Does he even have a license to tinker with the mechanisms? What, imaginary voice? You don’t need one in Sinnoh? So you mean I can just connect my Raichu to a generator and power my entire 12-story building?

That seems… unlawful. Couldn’t we do something to change that? Well, we could write a strong-worded letter to the lawmakers of Sinnoh, urging them to pass legislation on these activities. Maybe even use our leftover funds to raise enough awareness on this issue, so we could enact this change in policy! Wow, that’s what I call putting the G in Governance.

Random segway aside, that is exactly what the last letter in ESG is meant to state – policy, rules, means of internal conduct and culture that an organization runs with. And apart from Volkner’s constant need to reinvent his contraptions, there is a topic on which we can praise Sinnoh – gender equality.

Now, we recognize that we don’t know the details, but let’s assume Gym Leaders are paid equally, as not to have poor shivering Candice earning 70 cents on the poke-dollar, compared to Byron’s wage. 4 female and 4 male gym leaders comprise Sinnoh’s gym challenge. 50/50, nice message to relay. Ok fine, if we only look at the number and don’t analyze much else, we can give Sinnoh a passing grade on this one… what about the Elite Four?

The Elite Four is also comprised of 2 male and 2 female members. Wow, nicely thought out. And Cynthia is given enough screen time to actually be a fleshed out character, even appearing in several generations. She is, after all, in my opinion, the toughest Champion the Player is required to face.

But other generations don’t really follow suit – the list of League Champions or Elite Four members is comprised mostly of men… In these regions perhaps some gender diversity or inclusion metrics could be put in place, starting with getting each of them to affirm their stance and compromise with ending gender inequality in the League Challenge!

For that, I guess we’ll have to take that same ship and sail away to another region, with the sure knowledge that (maybe) we managed to help Sinnoh inch a little closer to a sustainable future!

Your ESG-type Trainer,

-João A. (Pachiren)

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consciouskingdom · 5 years

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Surviving R. Kelly....

This was hard to watch. Since the six part series premiered on Lifetime it has created a firestorm and we as a people have got to unpack all of this! To begin: I believe Every. Single.One. Of. These. WOMEN! And we ALL should.......BUT we don’t..... because the painful cries of Black Women fall on deaf ears. The series featured personal accounts from everyone including his security guards, back up dancers, his own brothers and most importantly, the survivors of his abuse. Their vivid and descriptive depictions of what they endured set social media on fire and everyone had an opinion to share. For everyone writing post, sharing memes blaming young black girls or still in support of Robert Kelly in any way - please read the following bullet points and get your life!

· Young Black Girls are not “FAST”, They are prematurely overly-sexualized, manipulated and preyed upon.

We can not attack young black girls for “seducing” older men. I’ve seen the memes shared with captions demeaning teenage girls that had older “boyfriends” picking them up from the high school parking lot...everyone is laughing & sharing their memories of this but ignoring the fact that these same men are aware of their power over a younger woman and exploiting it for benefit. A dominant dynamic is established when someone such as a young girl in poverty/lack thereof to basic necessities encounters a manipulator who will target that and use it to their advantage. Most of these young girls were thinking with a scarcity perspective fueled by desperation, craving more out of life and unfortunately predators were the respondents to their pleas as opposed to someone who could help. These type of men willingly and strategically use their age, money and perceived power to manipulate a younger naive mind. Preying on their need for emotional attention, financial support and validation; young girls are met with psychological brain washing tactics that they are in no way prepared to fight against. As early as I can remember - my body changed as I matured and older adult men were the first to comment and notice it. “Oh girl, you really starting to fill out”.....”You getting some hips and legs on you”...”You grown up now”.....”Come on over here and give me a hug, let me look at you”...comments like these occurred at family events, school and even my church growing up. Young black girls are objectified and violated in plain sight! And unfortunately because of that mindset that translates to our bodies are disposable and serve as an object of pleasure - no one acknowledges the pain endured when our innocence is stolen before we can even fully comprehend the full implications of the actions that are transpiring. Ask any black woman you know, she has a story in her childhood where this or something similar has occurred. The common misconception is that because it happens so often, the young girl is to blame because she is being “fast” or “frisky” and pursuing an older man but we ignore what the older man is doing to persuade and manipulate her to be there in the first place! Stop labeling her a whore, slut, fast or frisky! A young girl could be as "fast" as Sonic the Hedgehog but no child is promiscuous enough to entice an older person into being intimate with him/her if that older person did not have an attraction to children initially. We never question the motives of the predator but question the actions of those being preyed upon. In victim blaming, we blatantly ignore the psychological damage that young girls and women are suffering through daily. Predators are stealing their innocence resulting in damage to their self esteem and their ability to have agency over one's own body and life. That type of damage will literally permeate every aspect of her life until she is able to heal. Many who endure sexual traumas hide their hurt in the nearest bottle or whatever substance will numb the pain as they spend their lives drowning in shame. 60% of young black girls have been sexually violated before the age of 18 and the Black community can not just keep dismissing it as “Oh, She just acting grown.”

· “Consent” received from coercion and manipulation of a naive underage mind makes it null & void!

Many opinions argue that the women involved all participated willingly - I Call Bullshit! Within the black family that type of ideology runs rampant. By definition, consent is to give permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. If someone is granting their permission for a sexual act to occur but it’s prompted by emotional manipulation, promises to aid in career advancement, physical abuse and fear: That’s. Not. Consent! Young black girls in under-served and inner cities are in circumstances in which older men are preying on their naïve nature, immaturity and survival needs. Living in poverty creates a scarcity mindset that forces you to result to desperate measures for basic necessities and financial support. Aside from being under the influence of substances I believe there is nothing stronger than being under the influence of mind manipulation. R. Kelly used vulnerability, power, money and persuasion to ultimately create their dynamic; just as an older family member or someone’s boyfriend will offer money and attention in the midst of their abuse of a young girl. Molestation followed by providing money and/or physical abuse is a form of control, NOT CONSENT! A known pimp & womanizer once said “Any boy can control a girl’s body but a Grown Man can control her mind” To see the parents of Joycelyn Savege and Domonique Gardner crying out for their daughters, popping up on Kelly's residences seeking their children was heartbreaking. They wouldn't speak to their families because that's how deep psychological manipulation is, its classic "Pimp" culture and was heartbreaking to watch. The survivors are not to blame here! (Yes I'm saying it AGAIN just in case you missed it in the last paragraph)

· R Kelly’s personal experience with sexual abuse is a deflection tactic & does not justify him repeating the cycle.

During the series, R Kelly’s brother admitted that he and his brother were both molested as children. My heart mourns for all black children who endure sexual, physical, emotional abuse. We NEED to discuss the sexual abuse Black boys go through as well! Black boys are sexualized as early and often as young girls. Calling a young black boy “sexy” or your “boyfriend” or stating you’ll be waiting for him when he turns 18 is predatory behavior. Unfortunately society encourages it when it’s revealed that a teenage boy has slept with an older woman but it’s still perverted! A real discussion about sexual abuse with black boys and the trauma they endure must occur BUT not at the expense of Black girls. During the series his own brother, Bruce Kelly, stated Kelly's attraction to young girls were a “preference”. Pedophilia isn't a preference, its a choice! Truly examine the amount of time, effort, money and energy put into creating the "pimp" dynamic of power that Kelly enforced; that's intentional, calculated and strategic. Being a victim to sexual trauma and knowing the damage it caused, could lead to a mindset of NOT repeating those same heinous activities....R Kelly didn't make that choice. He is wealthy, he could have pursued counseling/therapy and he didn't. To use his own abuse as an excuse is a defense tactic, his predatory ways cannot be justified because of a traumatic upbringing. This is precisely why I constantly stress the importance of therapy and counseling. The entire Kelly family needs help to not perpetuate this cycle.

· You can not separate the artist from the “art” when the art is a detailed description of his perverse actions and predatory lifestyle.

Seeing the comments online still crowning him as the “King Of R&B” literally sickened me. I personally recall being taught “I Believe I Can Fly” in elementary school, flapping my arms to scream the empowering lyrics. I recall my Mom cleaning our entire house with his songs crooning as we all sang along as I washed the baseboards. R Kelly provided a soundtrack for our lives. As much as we love “Step In the Name of Love” We absolutely must step away from this nigga! We can’t turn a blind eye to his actions because we love his musical genius. His security guards, producers who have worked with him, background vocalist and dancers ALL confirmed he had multiple bedrooms intentionally installed in his musical production studios. Read that again… he had multiple bedrooms *IN* the music studio…meaning he was sexually engaging and abusing young girls in between song takes. One of the survivors revealed that Kelly penned “You Are Not Alone” for Michael Jackson detailing her miscarriage of Kelly’s child while she was 17. Analyzing the lyrics he had Aaliyah sing for her debut single: “Boy be brave, don't be afraid, Cause tonight we're gonna, go all the way. Don't mean to be bold, gotta let you know, I gotta thing for you, and I can't let go my.. Age ain't nothing but a number, throwing down ain't nothing but a thang, This loving I have for you it'll never change”......

I know the music is catchy but don't compartmentalize just to serve what benefits you and undermines the severity of damage these women endured.

There is absolutely no way we can continue to separate the art from the artist when his art depicts the life he manifest and the young girls who are a part of it!

· Everyone surrounding Aaliyah during her time with him had concerns but no one took action!

A stage manager, his body guards, his entourage, his family, producers who created music for her, friends of Liyah who were also background dancers and toured with her all witnessed her relationship with Kelly. Per the docuseries, they all stated they had concerns but no action occurred to protect her. The bodyguard openly admitted he forged documents to aid in their marriage; at the time Aaliyah was only 15 years old. After Aaliyah's mother heard the background dancer Jovante Cunningham openly stated she saw Kelly having sex with Aaliyah she immediately denied it in a statement stating she and her husband were always with Aaliyah as she toured. With all respect to the Haughton family and the legacy of Aaliyah, her family failed her and everyone around her failed her. It seems her mother is afraid to admit the truth of this situation, not every parent can be around their teenagers 24/7 and that's okay. BUT don't shame others for speaking their TRUTH. It dawned on me after watching the details be described that perhaps he likely married Aaliyah so that she could get an abortion without having to get parental consent. If a murder is committed and someone witnesses it - they are an accessory to the crime. I'm demanding a legal reform that applies the same logic to everyone who enabled R Kelly!

After we've watched the episodes and read the countless memes, status post and tweets let us remember: Listen to Black WOMEN! Tears don't flow that easily nor does pain resonate in someone's voice like that without reason. Even if you deny the claims, we have legal documents that show Robert Sylvester Kelly married Aaliyah when she was 15. You can be pro-black and still hold Black men and women accountable for their wrongdoings. A black girl’s life is more important than some hit songs. I commend dream hampton and the superb cinematic efforts she executed in creating this docu-series! It highlights a truth so basic it pains me that I even have to state it: Anything that harms Black Women harms black PEOPLE in our entirety....and R Kelly must be added to that list.

Bye Robert, Get some help!

(Note: If this was triggering for you or you need someone to talk to, please email us at [email protected], confidentiality guaranteed...I love you)

ShopConsciousKingdom.com

#rkelly #survivingrkelly #aaliyahdanahaughton #aaliyah #consciouskingdom #conscious #kingdom #consciousness #blackwomen #black girls matter #respectblackwomen #muterkelly #mute r kelly #surviving r kelly #surviving r kelly review

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derangedangel · 5 years

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❤️❤️❤️ - Scott, Derek, & Stiles

Summary: Three mini love imagines about Scott McCall, Derek Hale, & Stilies Stilinski (emoji title because I didn’t know what to call it)

Word Count: 3,018

Author’s Note: I had the idea for this last month when I was coming up with Valentine’s Day captions for my job’s social media pages. I tried to keep them short but... also, on Valentine’s Day it’ll be two years since I started posting imagines AND this is my 50th post. Yay me!

And this where my masterlist would go if Tumblr wasn’t buggin about links

love

/ləv/

noun

1.an intense feeling of deep affection."babies fill parents with feelings of love"synonyms:deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;More

.a great interest and pleasure in something."his love for football"synonyms:liking, weakness, partiality, bent, leaning, proclivity, inclination, disposition

verb

1.feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)."do you love me?" synonyms:be in love with, be infatuated with, be smitten with, be besotted with, be passionate about

"He was Christmas morning, crimson fireworks, and birthday wishes." — Raquel Franco

Before you even started dating Scott McCall, you knew he was perfect. He was what poems were written about. The type of guy Taylor Swift would fawn over in one of her songs when she was still considered a country artist. Cool lemonade on a hot day in the middle of July. He was... everything.

Scott and you were friends because both your moms worked at the hospital in the emergency room together. After Scott’s dad left and Melissa had to start working double shifts, Scott would spend a lot of time at your house. Your dad would cook you both dinner and make sure all your homework was done, before Melissa would come over bone tired to take him home.

There was a time in middle school where your aunt flow decided to make her first visit on your birthday, so your mom let you stay home from school. Of course, Scott texted you to make sure you were alright. You told him you were sick and staying home for the day, but you would be back tomorrow. Around 4 o’clock that evening, Scott McCall showed up to your house with balloons and a gift just for you. You were so shocked when your mom brought Scott to your room, the balloons hardly fitting through the door and Scott’s crooked jaw smile shining brightly. Scott spent the rest of the evening with you and your family. Your mom made your favorite food and bought your favorite cake. After you blew out your candles and looked around at all the people who loved you, your smile grew bigger at the sight of Scott.

Another time during Christmas, Scott’s mom was working the night shift on Christmas Eve. He was going to spend the night at your place, then his mom was going to come over in the morning after work and open presents with your family. You were super excited that Christmas because you got your mom a crystal figurine you accidently broke the year before. The only issue was you somehow broke it again and were gift-less for your mom. The store you bought the gift from didn’t have anymore. You told Scott about your problem a few days before and he went with you to find a new gift for your mom.

When Christmas morning came, you and Scott eagerly waited for Melissa to get off work and come over. You and Scott being the youngest go to open your presents first. You were thirteen and the magic of Santa was gone, but you still got a good amount of gifts. After, your parents exchanged gifts and Scott gave his mom hers. You knew your mom would like the gift you got her, but you felt bad for breaking her crystal figuring for a second time and she didn’t even know it.

“Y/N,” Scott said elbowing you in your side. “Don’t forget your gift for your mom.”

You crawled closer to the tree and reached for the spot where you put her gift, but the gift you wrapped wasn’t there. The card on the gift that was in its place was the same, but the wrapping was different. You looked at Scott confused but he waved his hands for you to give your mom the gift.

Her mouth dropped when she opened it. It was the crystal figurine you wanted to get her. You looked quickly at Scott knowing he had something to do with it from the slightly off wrapping, but you didn’t say anything yet. When it was just the two of you, he explained how he looked everywhere for the gift with his mom. You hugged him so tight, you pushed all the air out his lungs and he needed a puff of his inhaler afterwards. You had no idea how you got so lucky to have a friend like Scott.

On the fourth of July your senior year, you and your friends decided to drive to the beach to celebrate. It felt like during the summer all the supernatural occurrences were taking a break just like you all were from school. The pack thought it would be alright to leave Beacon Hills for the day. All your beach towels and chairs were set up to give you guys your own little area. The cooler was packed to the brim with water and sodas. Lydia had her music playing from her portable speaker. Stiles had a mini grill with him, which you and Scott didn’t think was safe or legal for the beach. The day was perfect... well, except for the mini fire that Stiles started but thank God the beach patrol didn’t see it.

At the end of the day, your fingers were all pruned up and you were stuffed with burgers and ice cream. The fireworks were going to shoot up from off the pier that was nearby. Malia was burring Liam in the sand with Mason. Lydia was cuddled up with Stiles in a beach chair. Scott and you were sitting in the sand while you buried and unburied your feet.

“You wanna go for a walk,” Scott asked you.

You dusted the sand off your legs and stood up. The two of you started walking in the opposite direction of the pier since it was more crowded the closer you got.

“I’ve got some really good news I just found out the other day, and I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you,” you said after the two of you walked for a few minutes.

“What is it,” Scott asked.

You were biting back the huge smile that wanted to take over your face. “I got off the wait list,” you said as calmly as you could muster. So calmly, Scott didn’t fully realize what you meant. “Scott, did you hear me? I got off the wait list,” you said louder.

It clicked in Scott’s head what you meant and he repeated what you said back to you. “You got off the wait list.” He grin spread wide across his face as he threw his arms around you and picked you up. “Oh my God, Y/N, that’s great!”

“I know! We’re going to the same college.”

Scott put you down but your arms were still on his shoulders and his around your waist. “Why did you wait to tell me?”

“I only found out a few days ago. I had to take it all in first. I didn’t believe it when I got the email.”

“Wow…,” Scott sighed looking down at you. “This is going to be amazing. I get to go to college with my best friend.”

“I know right,” you replied. Your teeth were shining like they were in a Colgate commercial and Scott’s mirrored yours right back.

Suddenly, you both heard a loud booming noise from behind you. Both of you turned your heads and saw the bright fireworks exploding over the ocean. You turned your head back to look at Scott, but he was already staring at you.

“This is amazing,” you said softly talking about the fireworks and the moment in general.

“It is,” Scott said in the same soft voice you used. You could see the sapphire, indigo, and crimson light up Scott’s chocolate eyes. Slowly, the two of you leaned into each other. Your hand slid up to his neck pulling him in. Both of you were hesitant, but you both wanted the kiss just as much as the other. Scott’s lips were better than you imagined when they finally touched yours. They were soft from all the SPF 25 Chapstick he had been applying all day. His breath was surpassingly minty despite the large amount of barbeque you saw him scarf down earlier. Scott’s arms tightened around your waist without pulling you too tightly stopping you from over analyzing every detail of the kiss.

The fireworks were still exploding overhead when you pulled away. You were at a loss for words. You just kissed your best friend.

“I’ve heard of seeing fireworks when you kiss, but… wow,” Scott said causing you to giggle as you laid your head on his chest. Freshman year of college just got a little more complicated, but Scott McCall was the perfect kind of complication.

"The real lover is the man that can thrill you by kissing your forehead." — Marilyn Monroe

To everyone else, Derek Hale was the brooding werewolf with the tragic backstory. The troubled loner. Not to you. To you, he was sweet and caring. The two of you weren’t really together. Just friends who both wanted a little more. You were waiting for Derek to ask you on a date, and Derek was waiting for... the right time. There was always a supernatural issue in Beacon Hills, so to him, it was never a right time.

You were sitting on the couch in your apartment watching Derek grab his belongings before he headed out. Derek stopped by when you told him you cooked way too much five cheese rigatoni. He didn’t normally get a lot of high quality home cooked meals at his loft, so he was quick to come over and fill up on your food.

“I’ll see you later,” Derek said right before he kissed your forehead. The butterflies in your stomach rumbled a mile a minute from the simple jester. You didn’t understand it. Derek was a werewolf. You know he hears your heart rate speed up when he does things like that, or smells your chemosignals. Unless he doesn’t like you like that. You brain started to panic. Were you making up the shared feelings you thought were between you and Derek.

“Y/N,” Derek said staring down at you. Somewhere between all your overthinking, he walked back to you and was now standing in front of you. “Are you okay?”

“Oh umm...” you said fidgeting in your spot. “Yeah, just thinking.”

“Are you sure? You kind of went somewhere else for a minute, and I could smell the anxiousness on you.”

“Do you like me,” you asked suddenly looking up at him. You didn’t know where that burst of confidence came from but you couldn’t deal with all this will he won’t he tension anymore. “I mean like, as more than a friend.”

Derek’s eyes grew in shock as he moved back a little. “Y/N,” he said awkwardly as he was at a loss of words. “I- you’re my best friend-”

You quickly cut him off. “That’s not what I asked Derek. It’s a simple yes or no answer,” you said getting more nervous by the second which was making your response come out a little cranky.

“Why are you suddenly asking me this,” Derek asked avoiding responding. He wasn’t sure why though. Of course he liked you. He was half way in love with you if he was being honest with himself.

“You’re avoiding the question, Derek,” you said as you readjusted yourself on the couch, placing a pillow in front of yourself as some sort of protective barrier. “But if you must know, it because I know you know that I like you. You’re a werewolf, damn it! I just felt my heart pounding in my chest from when you kissed my forehead. I’m tired of ignoring my feelings or waiting for you to say something when you’re obviously not going to.”

“I was waiting-”

“For what,” you asked, the creases in your forehead getting bigger as you got more annoyed.

“For the right moment,” Derek yelled back at you tired of you interrupting him. “I’m a werewolf, Y/N. There’s always something or someone trying to kill me and I hate that you’re already involved in my mess as much as you are.”

Derek cooled down the more he talked. He sat down next to you on the couch and your shoulders slumped while you began to fiddle with the edge of the pillow in your lap.

“I just wanted everything to be normal, or at least as normal as it could get for me,” Derek continued rubbing the back of his neck.

“But fighting for your life is normal for you,” you pointed out.

“I don’t want it to be though. And I don’t want that for you. I don’t want to risk your life, because another werewolf wants to get to me.”

“We’re best friends, they would probably already do that,” you argued.

“I’m not going to put you at risk,” Derek said, his mind already made up.

“I’m already at risk,” you said, your eyes narrowing. “This is Beacon Hills,” you said gesturing around your apartment.

Derek sighed defeated in this debate he was having with you. The both of you were stubborn and had valid points but wouldn’t let up.

“Derek,” you said softly placing your hand on his forearm. “At the rate we’re going, if you wait til Beacon Hills is safe and doesn’t need protecting anymore, I’ll be waiting forever for you to make a move.”

Derek’s lips pulled tight into a straight line as he took in what you said. He was staring across the room instead of making eye contact with you.

“You’re right,” Derek agreed.

“What,” you asked not sure if you heard him right. You tilted your head trying to see the expression on his face better.

“You’re right,” Derek repeated looking at you now. “There’s always something going on here, or someone after me. If I want to be with you, then I should be with you.”

“Wait... are you serious,” you asked confused while you squinted your eyes at him. “My little speech actually worked?”

“Yeah,” Derek said chuckling.

Your lips grew into a smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t actually think that would work. You’re pretty stubborn when you think you know what’s right.”

“I’m going to attempt to not take offence to that.”

The lines around your eyes crinkled more as your smile grew bigger. “You can take it however you want as long as you take me out on Friday night.”

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun. ― Jane Austen"

For some reason, you and your boyfriend Stiles were in a debate about who loved who first. He insisted he fell for you in the sixth grade before the two of you even started dating, but you argued at 12, he couldn’t possibly know what love was. Those were just puberty hormones.

You were convinced you knew on your second date. He was going on and on about how Star Wars was better than Star Trek, and you thought you could listen to that boy blabber all day.

Then you remembered it. It may not have been the exact moment, but it was probably the one that started all the others.

“The third grade,” you said out of nowhere.

“What,” Stiles asked confused.

“It was the third grade,” you said getting up from the floor of your bedroom where you and Stiles were sitting and went over to your closet. You grabbed an old shoe box from the top shelf and sat back next down to Stiles with your legs crossed.

“In the third grade,” you continued, “on Valentine’s Day you gave me a card.”

“I gave everyone cards, it was Valentine’s Day,” Stiles said. He was laying on his back before, but he rolled over to give you his full attention now.

“Don’t be a smartass, I’m going somewhere with this.”

“Okay. Okay. Sorry, babe. Continue,” Stiles said gesturing to the box on the floor.

“Thank you,” you nodded. “Anyway, you gave me a card with a poem on it. And I knew then and there, we were going to be together.”

“You knew that from a Valentine’s card written by a nine year old?”

“Don’t down play yourself, love. You may babble and get off topic now, but you had a way with words then.” You finally found what you were looking for in the box. “Ah, see,” you said handing the card to Stiles.

“You kept this,” Stiles asked looking at you in awe.

“Yeah,” you shrugged smiling back at him. “That was the most genuine Valentine’s Card I had ever gotten. I just remember still being embarrassed from that history assignment we had to do it class. It wasn’t much because we were in the third grade, but everyone laughed at me and I was so self-conscious after that. But what you said in that card made me feel so much better.”

Stiles looked down at the handmade card. “I sort of remember making this. My dad was supposed to take me to the store to get some cards, but he was so stressed with work he forgot. I had to make them all by hand the night before.”

“And of course you did Star Wars themed ones,” you giggled taking the card back from him. You fiddled with the card in between your figures admiring his childhood handiwork.

Stiles just watched you stare down at the card he made you all those years ago. Maybe it was sort of a cliche unrealistic love story. Not many people could say they met the love of their life in elementary school and got together in high school.

“I love you,” Stiles said in a soft tone, his gaze leaving the card in your hands and landing back on your eyes.

You smiled lazily at him. No matter how many times you heard him say those words, they would never get old. “I love you, too.”

You edged closer to him, leaning down as he reached up and pressed his lips against your gently. It was a short kiss that wasn’t planning on turning into anything else. But the moment was definitely ruined when blew a raspberry into his mouth then cracked up laughing.

“Real mature, Y/N,” Stiles said annoyed but still smiling at you ruining the moment.

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