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absolutebl · 2 days
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Love Sea - A Trash Watch Smolder
Well my BLabies, do you have your drinks ready?
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Are your smores stabbed on dildos, ready to roast over the stinking flames? (Or whatever one prods smores with, I missed that weird American tradition in my misspent youth.)
Can you smell it in the air? That smell of burning trash?
Let the dumpster fire begin. Another Mame offering is upon us.
The Background
The Mameverse tends to interlock, but all signs point to these being entirely new characters. (Click on that link if you want my thoughts on this author/producer and what I feel she does well and poorly.) Meanwhile here's the brief:
Who?
FortPeat - established couple from previous Mame offering Love in the Air AKA LITA (trash watched here).
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How do we feel about them? We likie. They a great pair. Steady, established actors, good a promo, but not too good. Bit one note but can't ask for too much when it comes with such great chemistry.
What we know about them as actors? Forth is legitimately in Engineering (hilarious). Peat and he started in the industry around the same time with bit parts, but Peat is 4 years older. They do high heat and they do it relatively well. They were quite popular after their first series and have received sponsorships since. So they wisely stayed branded and it's nice to see them on our screens again.
What?
Love Sea
While travelling a writer has a one night stand with a very irritating man.
10 episodes
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When?
Sundays
Where?
iQIYI (AKA icky)
Why?
Mame
To what degree?
Stick your thermometer into that fire, we gonna find out. 102°C I expect.
Episode One - That's An Outfit We'd All Wear to a Tropical Island
Here’s the thing. Icky has decided (in its infinite wisdom) that it will no longer allow screen caps on mobile devices. Which means you’re going to get my loquaciousness on this dumpster fire with no respite from the unmitigated madness via photos of pretty boys saying stupid things.
So. Read at your own risk.
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So,I have a bottle of sake and a maple doughnut (don’t knock it till you’ve tried it) so let’s get started!
Hold onto your dildo smores BLabies we are in Mame Country. And apparently that country has its very own baby drone to film with now. (Look, the one thing BL very rarely needs more of is distance shots. That’s not what we’re here for people. Certainly not from FortPeat.)
Rak, baby, I'm loving the all-black western meets goth-rocker look but that eye make-up is the true star. This is how I shall dress when I visit Thailand next. (Oh, you think I'm joking? Gotta work on my smokey eye.)
Meanwhile, if your suitcases are that expensive, why aren’t they matched?
P'ABL asking the important questions for once.
Speaking of important questions:
Why are siblings always trying to pimp each other out in Mame’s stuff? Does anyone else find this creepy? I think it’s odd to be your sibling's wingman when he's chasing tail. It’s edging into the incest taboo. Oh dear, I said edging and incest in the same sentence, I’m probubly giving her ideas.
I’m getting Hometown Cha Cha Cha vibes from Mut.
Rak is such a cat, very picky and stand-offish. Mut is such a puppy. Very conflicting personalities. Not a bad combo.
The "let’s get it on" music is hilarious. But at least Mame doesn't use egregious sound effects in her shows. Small mercies.
I will say, FortPeat do hurt/comfort very well. Peat is good at prickly fragile baby-girl. Fort is good at cocky arrogant prick. They are good at bouncing off of each other and still showing desire. Frankly, chemistry is not one of their problems. They’re fine little actors. It’s just the story is going to betray them. Characters are going to be inexplicably evil for no good reason. And we are going to feel manipulated as a result.
But right now?
It’s fine.
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And that's it, that's how I feel about Love Sea.
All in all, I’m quite drunk and it wasn’t really warranted.
Waste of sake. Not a waste of a maple doughnut. No such thing. Maple donuts are always put to good use.
Okay, so Mame? Just keep it on this level and we'll remain fine. Some light terrorizing and stalking, a smidge of breaking and entering. Nothing more offensive, please?
But that’s my eternal optimism (and the sake) talking.
Right now I’m not feeling very strongly in any direction about this show. I haven’t been whipped into a verbal frenzy.
This has been a lackluster start, my BLabies.
Kortord tukorn
(sorry all)
This trash watch has started off as more of a dumpster smolder. A light recycling. (Like Mame and her character archetypes.)
We smokey rather than flaming, rather like Rak's FANTASTIC eye makeup.
Oof, I feel faintly ill. I think that is the sake, tho, not the eye make up. Which was on point! Although when he started to cry, it should’ve started running down his face. Life has very few stand out moments of glory apart from an adorable young man with eye makeup running down his face.
Catch ya next week. More sake, less doughnut.
su su na
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All my trash watches are here:
Okay so sometimes tumblr does this thing where it stops letting me edit/update a post. If there are more episodes to this show than are showing up in this trash watch post, click the first tag below (#ABL trash watches Love Sea) and that should take you to the more recent updated with all of the episodes in it.
(source)
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Husk
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I have a lot to say about Husk for about 2-3 months now and I really don't know where to start. Que a lot of rambling that I hope comes out coherent.
I think the best unique thing about Husk that I love is the fact he can potential crossed paths to most of the sinner characters we were introduced, in their living life. He was born between Alastor and Angel birth years. I did the math on this once but I can't be bothered with it now. I think Angel and Alastor were about a decade-possibly 15 years apart, while Husk was in between. So they were from the same generation.
The thing that sets Husk apart from the other characters, was he actually grew to an old age. While the others died relatively young or midlife.
The fact that Husk was a world traveler means he wasn't stuck in the city/town/state he was born in like the others may have been. Increasing his odds to cross paths with the other sinners.
I like to imagine that Husk has some type of butterfly effect of the other characters lives that he unintentional and unaware he caused that lead the sinners lifes to what they are.
I lowkey headcanon (not seriously, just for funsies) as weird parody of an guardian angel. Here me out. He not a guardian angel tho. I love his avian cat design. But admit it, its freakin weird he has wings as a cat right?
The only ones we see with wings are the royalties of Hell (Can the Ars Goetia fly?) the sins...and angles.
Beside Valentino. But Val sort of makes sense...hes a moth. Moth has wings by default. Husk is a cat, yet he has wings? It also makes sense why Val is a moth. Granted I think a prostitute be more moth like...standing by a street lamp on a corner street at night. THAT makes sense. But given, Val a pimp...I guess it works for him too.
So Husk, a cat, has wings...makes me think why he has wings in his afterlife. Seems like a random thing to be given when it seem to be reserved mostly for royalty and wings seem like it be a huge advantage to have in Hell when most sinners don't get it. Must be some type of reason Husk has them. But alas I don't know or we probably never know beside cool character design.
Now, going on with this weird wing thought...and my lowkey non serious headcanon (Which im 100% isnt going to make canon), Husk is some unintentional weird type of opposite effect of an guardian angel.
Husk with his potential of crossing paths with a lot of the sinners we know, I think it be hilarious if he butterfly effect that he indirectly caused their path towards Hell or death. Like for example, he gave Nifty directions that started a weird Rube Goldberg machine situation of cause and effect that caused that directed her to find a man she became obsessed with and stalked then eventual murdered. Husk involvement is completely indirect but at the same time, the vent would never would happen if he wasn't involved.
Moving on from his living life to his afterlife.
Husk died in the 70s and the pilot 2019. Alastor was missing for 7 years (starting 2012), I vibe that Husk been under Alastor ownership for quite awhile before that. No later than 2000 but I'm fairly sure he was owned much before that. But I'm going with the minimal amount of time of Husk soul being sold. So Husk was able to fall, rise to overlord fairly quickly only to lose the status just as quick. His reign was very short lived. The rest of the time was serving under Alastor. That's quite a wild ride in a span of 30 (But I personally believe its much shorter) of unbounded soul years. Which seems a lot of years, but when you have eternity to live out the rest of your life, its very little.
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I don't question how Husk was able to become overlord so quick. He a master magician...so very good at sleight of hand/cheating as well as lifetime gambler. He able to keep a stoic expression to minimize his own tells, while being very perceptive and skilled at reading other people very well. He can easily win and work with and manipulate people desperations of gambling their souls to him without much risk to himself. He can easily play hand in his favor with his skills and the rare chance he can't, he can fold and cut his losses before it gets to deep.
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However, what had him lose it all. Because I doubt someone was better at cards then Husk. Especially in Husk own house. I don't doubt Alastors good at cards. But I don't think Alastor skill at cards is greater than Husk. To the point Husk lost everything to him including his own soul. I think they both cheat if they play a game together. In fact I think they have play a game, with intent of cheating and trying to catch each other in the act. Its their own game while playing a game, knowing each other enough that they will cheat and it brought a new level of fun trying to catch each other while not getting caught themselves. It probably became a own special drinking game, that one has to drink when they got caught. But I don't think Alastor the reason why Husk lost everything.
I think the reason Husk lost everything in Hell as quickly as he gained it...is by self destructive depression. Husk was the cause of his own downfall.
I only suggest this because...how else an extremely skilled card player who also skilled at sleight of hand, will lose hand after hand in his own gambling house?
My other clue is this:
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Along with his heavy drinking. I think Husk always been a heavy drinker but it hit a all new level when he lost his love and became extremely jaded by the event.
I think Husk had found a very special someone and something happen to them. Be it died during an extermination or been betrayed by them, etc. Or it may be someone in his living years and something reminded him of them and triggered a downwards spirals for him.
Mostly, I think he caused them to leave him or indirectly caused them permanent death, etc. and he filled with self loathing, regret and remorse. Because he did love and care for them...but he fucked it all up due his own self-centered, selfishness and greed at the time. The pain caused him to close off his heart to avoid feeling that loss again and drink himself stupid to avoid feeling anything or to quiet his self hatred thoughts.
I believe the lost of them sent him a destructive spirals of depression. He started drink insanely heavier, which impaired his judgment greatly and just grew apathetic.
Enter Alastor and the lost of Husk soul
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Alastor may have very well manipulated and cheated his way with the impaired Husk to gain his soul. Very possible. Especially the way it was pictured in the flashback. Alastor symbols and lit up eyes and extended antlers along with a sinister smile as well as Husk stunned expression of his loss of the game.
BUT
I don't think that how it went down. I can't remember the exact wording but it sounded like Husk turned to Alastor for help. It was a last resort, but Husk was desperate enough to go to it.
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They were both overlords at the same time at one point. Alastor and and Husk was good friends once. Maybe, not close like Alastor is with Rosie but still good friends. Alastor probably took a liking to Husk as he from the same generation. I also assume Husk appear around Vox falling out with Alastor as Husk and Val fell around the same time. So Vox probably started befriending Val and helping Val with his rise to overlord. I can see Alastor do the same with Husk just to spite Vox and cause him to be jealous. But even if it started as a ploy to upset Vox, Alastor probably end up liking and growing fond over the cat. Playing hands and having late drinking and jazz sessions and such. Alastor appreciate Husk blunt and often correct observations and insight.
So when Husk was clearly not doing well and smarten up enough to seek Alastor for help. I think Husk knew the rate he was self destructing he was going to lose it all, including his soul. So he went to Alastor and struck a deal before Husk truly got in a shitter situration with a shitter dealer that he would regret much more.
Because let's be honest. Husk knows what he was getting into when he offered his soul. Think about it. Even if Husk had an impossible high number of souls...say a billion. He lost a billion souls by suddenly being bad at gambling. Even if the pot is a billion souls that he want to regain back, its not worth the risk of betting your own soul. Even if your got an amazing hand...Is it worth the risk during a harsh losing streak playing against another overlords as an opponent?
Husk knew he was going to lose his soul with his spiral. He knew what he was getting into. He an overlords himself. He may have treated his own souls more poorly than Alastor himself. I don't think Husk was cruel... I'm sure he had his own moments like Alastor and had causes. I do think he was a apathetic/detached master. The souls he owned was just a commodity he use for gambling. When sharing his retelling to Angel about this. He sounded remorseful that he betted souls like they were just an object and not a precious thing. I think he only felt that way AFTER his own soul did not belong to him. That's when he realized what a shitty and dick move it was to prey on desperate souls and pass them around when it should been obvious.
Husk collected souls to use as a commodity. Husk preyed onto the sinners desperation and addiction to get them.
While Alastor, I don't think he really cares about hoarding souls. He powerful enough without them. BUT if an opportunity reveals itself, he take advantage. But he only does it with quality souls that has real potential and use. He a quality over quantity man.
Husk knows what it means to sell one's soul. Yet he still offered it to Alastor. Because despite the rep Alastor has being ruthless, Alastor is probably one of the "kinder" overlords to have as a master. But Husk only knew that by insider information by witnessing himself by hanging out with Alastor and possibly glimpsing how he treated his contracts. Which appears not to be much different than any other sinner.
I know Alastor performs horrendous acts. He goes on killing sprees, probably enjoys torturing people. But I don't think he does it to his own souls. Because, TBH, people who do that want to feel powerful and they do it with people who cant fight back. Alastor is already powerful. He doesn't need weak prey and why damage his own property when no one can stop him from breaking someone else's? Alastor is so powerful that its boring. Where's the fun and entertainment when everytime you "play", the game is stuck on easy mode and the opponent is knocked out of the ring within minutes. Heck, Alastor gets even less than that. He just looks in their directions and people forfeit. Alastor wants the thrill of a challenge and exchange wits and banter. So he seeks stronger opponents to fulfill is needs for carnage and havoc. Not some frighten, defenseless slave.
Alastor not a good man as he willing to commit terrible acts and enjoys it. But from what we seen, hes not a bad man's as it appears he doesn't attack without cause or reason. He has no interest in sex so he not going to force Husk into sexual acts. Alastor may have his contracts to demeaning things or just do things for shits and giggles and entertainment but overall, hes tamed to souls he own. (The souls he doesn't own that pledge their service and loyalty however...is another story) Alastor pretty much just let his contracts do what they please as long as they respect him and do what he commands as he needs them. Which, honestly isn't much. Alastor seem to summon his shadow minions over his soul contracts because it seems less of a bother to everyone while Alastor remains more in control of the situation. It's simply less chance of error if Alastor used his shadow minions that act on his will vs some contracted soul who most likely is performing half heartedly as they are forced to do something they don't want to do. He use the contracted soul for a long term project since it would take too much power and effort to maintain and sustain his shadow minions over a extended time. It seams Alastor only have souls as a resource an a backup reserve. More of a "better have it and not need it then need it and not have it." Alastor even gives them task that align with the skills they are good at. I think part of it is because Alastor is also on a leash so as much as he denies it, he has empathy. But he will still utilize the resource when needed but overall he self reliant and a lone wolf and rather no really on people if he can help it, even if he does own them. I also think he knows Overlords and soul ownerships sort of go hand and hand. But I think soul ownership leaves a bit of a sour taste in his mouth. Not because of his own soul but being a mixed man in the 30's....its very likely he had some heritage on his precious mother side of ancestral slaves. So, Alastor understand the necessity needs of ownership for survival and advancement in Hell, but still has a distaste to it.
Granted we don't see how Alastor (beside with Husk and Nifty)or anyone besides the Vees, interact with their contracts, and we know they treat their people poorly. But I think from what we seen is Alastor is very mild. Including the scene he threatened Husk.
Mind you, Alastor was giving clearly giving clues he was already agitated before that interaction. He was essential a growling dog warning he was going to bite if it interactions going to continue. His snapped his neck irritatedly along with a clearly exasperated "what is it" that didn't have a radio filter when he addressed Husk when Husk went to get his attention. Husk was trying to warn Alastor about Mimzy but it was clear to even someone who doesn't know Alastor...(and Husk knows Alastor well) that Alastor was already on edge. Yet Husk continued to push forward. Even then...Alastor kept composure. Laughing off and dismissing Husk concerns. It was when Husk muttered a jab about sensitive personal information (One that I'm sure Husk wasn't even originally meant to know )about Alastor that anyone could have overheard if they were near, and that same sensitive information promised to trigger Alastor...THAT'S when Alastor became terrifying and threatening. So granted, no one deserve what happened to Husk when he was threatened but at the same time...it was Husk own undoing at the moment. Husk muttered that jab to Alastor that antagonize Alastor to reacted harshly. Husk was lucky that Alastor restrained himself ONLY to threat....Alastor gave Husk mercy by warning him to watch himself because next time would be the last time.
So Alastor is rather mild with his demands with contracts for the majority of the time but when he isn't, he very brutal but he usually given a cause to turn.
So Husk offered his soul to Alastor knowing what it would mean to sell his soul. Specifically chosen Alastor because, it would surprise to anyone to hear, is the lesser form of evil in such a situation. He sold his soul while he was somewhat lucid and not completely impaired to work out a deal that doesn't completely screw over Husk. Place some terms and agreements. I do think they did play a hand and wager, either to finalize a clause they couldn't agree with and use the bet to finalized it or just have Husk go out a way he comfortable with. Alastor may also play some mild manipulation but I don't think Alastor preyed on Husk as its implied. Alastor was sought out for a reason, and on Alastor part, an overlord soul is too tempting to resist. Especially being handed on a silver platter. If Alastor wanted to decline the offer, for the unlikely name of friendship, knowing it would ruin it. It wouldn't have done any good in any scenario to decline. If Husk was worry about losing his soul due to his own destructive impairment, might as well gain something from it and offer some protection to a friend then lose out on a quality soul, instead of watch from afar the downfall of his friend which he probably won't see again afterwards. It also strategy. It either gain a quality and powerful soul to his collection, or lose out and someone else has it...that could be potential be used against Alastor, along with any possibly knowledge Husk had gathered on the Radio Demon. So even if it wasn't tempting or desirable, its about survival.
Naturally, their friendship has soured greatly since then. Because, how can it not? I don't think Husk hates Alastor. I know the fandom believe he wants him dead. But Husk is just being jaded and surly. Husk didn't treat Alastor more venomous than any other resident when he was introduced. Husk is also comfortable enough to voice his less than kind opinions about Alastor or to Alastor. Husk doesn't act like a terrified servent in Alastor presence. (Unless he knows that Alastor in bad mood and looking for a cause for someone to be his punching bag), The two act like longtime friends but one is grumpy because he there out of reluctant obligations and just frustrated, annoyed and just tired of this shit of Alastor antics that hes forced to endure. Alastor seem to treat Husk more friendly, which to be fair can be an act but I think it part genuine.
Out of the two of them, its Husk that reminds everyone that Husk is on the Alastor leash. Alastor not the one that usually "putting Husk in his place", Husk the one that normally does it. If anything, I think Husk hate and angry with himself that everything is is own undoing. Frustrated and annoyed by Alastor who amused by it. Alastor is also just a reminder how low Husk became. It's easy to blame Alastor for his problems and even understandable that he does. He does blame Alastor for his current predicament at times simply because its just easier to do so and feels better to blame someone else to be the cause of your problems but ultimately, Husk knows he brought it all on himself and I think that's what hurts and bothers him the most.
Husk wants his soul back, but I don't think he wants Alastor to be dead for it. Tho, I think Husk feels that's the only way to get it back at times. But despite it all, he cares about Alastor. Even if its begrudgingly. I think Husk also knows its better to have as Alastor as a great ally than an enemy, even a dead one to gain his soul back. Husk is wise, even is Husk gain his soul back, regain his full power and strength it still fails to compare to Alastors own power. Husk knows there are greater foes that Husk cant compete and defend for himself or his newfound family against, but Alastor can, even if Husk doesn't fully trust Alastor. But Husk trust his own experience and knowledge of Alastor to guess his motivations and intentions.
I think Alastor called upon Husk to the hotel to bartend, because A) He knew from their former late night hang outs that Husk can make great drinks. but B) Husk also has wisdom and experience that can fulfill Charlies needs and benefit for the hotel. Husk has skills on perception and reading people from gambling. Husk knows about losses, knows the woes of losing his soul, knows about addiction, lost of love etc. I think Alastor pulled Husk to the hotel not only because Husk has skills that can be utilized to help but I think Alastor knew Husk can benefit from the hotel to be the sinner Alastor remember he use to be. Not the "husk" he became. Alastor doesn't believe in redemption, at least one that send someone to Heavens gates. But Alastor can see the possibility of rehabilitation. Something Husk could benefit. He lowkey subtle hinted it at the pilot. "I thought you be perfect to man the front desk as the job seem to be made for him" (At a rehabilitation hotel) Husk is not going to work on himself because Alastor commanded him to be. So Alastor has Husk station there with the possibility and off chance of Husk getting help even if its through osmosis from the sidelines. May even warm up on the idea and want to better oneself. Guess what...its working. Alastor won't admit his underhanded method of helping. He has a reputation of being ruthless to maintain after all.
I think its also why he pulled Nifty. He using her skills but also figure a place like the hotel is one of the few place that accept Nifty the way she is and let Nifty develope friends and family that would embrace her. I think Nifty was a lonely soul and she just TOO much for most sinners to handle. But at the hotel, she can be welcomed and be herself. It also a place Nifty would enjoy to be in. She a simple girl. She likes to clean and kill bugs. A large building will grant her that.
Alastor even try buttering Husk up and get Husk more comfortable with the idea of working at the hotel by offering him cheap booze free of charge. Alastor didn't have to care at all and can just say "I own you so...tough shit." But he did try to get Husk to warm up to the idea despite Husk not having a choice in the matter, and wanted to at least ease his grumpy avian cat into the change.
If Alastor care so much why doesn't he release them? One might ask. Beside overlords being super possessive and Alastor being a control freak? I think for Nifty, She doesn't want to and she needs the protection.
Husk...I think Alastor fears with their soured friendship, there is nothing stopping Husk to reveal any or all his sensitive knowledge about Alastor if he not bound to Alastor and forced to be silent by it. Husk is probably the only one that knows about Alastor own sold soul beside the one he sold it to. Alastor confines to Rosie but I think he still restrained himself real intro personal stuff. Husk is probably Alastor other confident (Tho, probably not by choice by either, Husk being forced into now, and Alastor lips being loosen by Husk made drinks combined with the comfort and nostalgia he has with the cat while inebriated. Which he rarely indulges in because of that fact, but still does on really hard days and regrets the things that slip but at least Husk can't tell a soul on Alastor command.) Information can be such a powerful tool that can be weaponized. Husk knows things about Alastor that would just completely ruin, may even destroy him or actually bring Alastor to his final demise. Also, small part and Alastor won't admit it, he values Husk perceptive insight and Alastor trust him to be his eyes and ears.
I'm sure there's more I wanted to say. But I'm sure I ramble incoherently enough about my thoughts on Husk.
What do you all think?
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ashmcgivern · 1 year
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Lightning strikes the same place twice!
Schmendrick The Abjurer - An orphaned wizard who traveled to Agaras to study the bismuth-colored lighting that plagued the area. We learned that he was related to Maximilian Goron-Del the Fourth, a Lich that had been terrorizing the peninsula, and that Schmenny was the only person who could destroy his phylactery (which he did, spectacularly, in an incredible display of crackling bismuth lightning). The ordeal killed him, but the party managed to bring him back to life with one last crafting of a True Resurrection potion.
The Agaran Warband Master Post
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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months
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Fernando Alonso × Unconventional Drinking Implements
#if i had a nickel for every time nano drank out of a trophy id have two nickels. that's not a lot but its weird it happened twice#dont ask me if theres more i didnt have the mental capacity to look up all his podium pics...theres 20 years worth#but if you do have more somehow miraculousy do of course hit me up#this is one of these things i think that youd have to experience by watching a lot of races bcs finding it by keywords is impossible imo#though i did look up various trophies and now i want to make a tier list of trophies by drinkablity 😭#but yeah some people in the tags of the pics i posted were like 'he did exactly what i wanted to do![drink from the big cup basically]'#so this is like: hey! not the first time hes done it 🤭#but like if these are the only two times hes done it thats hilarious#bcs its been 18 yrs so was he suddenly like 'oh my god wait i just remembered what i can do with this'#but like the 2005 is the wcc win so it makes sense why he did smth so over the top#but this one i really really feel like he let the impulsive thoughts win and was just 'this looks like a giant cup....'#not pictured: flavio also drinking from the trophy. he was so indulgent of his boy 🥹#also i wonder if theres footage of him pouring in the champagne in 2023 cause i didnt even know he drank from it until i was looking at pic#cause thats my fav thing about the 2005 one is watching him trying to aim and pour it from way too high hahaha#oh also there is the brazil 2005 gp as well but he doesnt directly drink from it so i dont think it fits well here#but at the same time he really is looking at trophies like 'hmmm how well would this work as a cup'#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#2023 dutch gp#2005 chinese gp#fa14#we do a little bit of f1#formula one
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the-kipsabian · 1 year
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robert-deniro · 1 year
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late by a few hours but ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE COLIN JAMES FARRELL!!!
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bijoumikhawal · 1 year
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Okay I've read the main body of SVSSS. I think it's really good as a meta parody and gives some interesting insight into MXTX's mind- I think some of the criticism of her work is unfair and this book is a pretty good example in parts (the running commentary about misogyny in stallion novels is a lot more unambiguous than her accurately depicting misogyny in others wirks like MDZS, though I don't understand why the latter gets read as an indication of her as a person).
However I don't think it works well as a romance story. There are main two problems; one,that while all of MXTX's main characters are people that have gone through the wringer and lashed out on others because of it, sometimes in really grusome and reprehensible ways, we get to see who they are not just before it goes to shit, but after they've acted in a such a way and either by intentional choice or just the passing of time, behave in a kinder and more upright manner. SVSSS's main story ends right after LBH isn't being an antagonistic force driven to the pits. Additionally, LBH is (understandably) a very misanthropic character which makes the way you'd show him learning how to be a person not driven by grief, fear, and anger different.
The other point is SY/SQQ's internalized homophobia is handled in a way that distracts somewhat from his feelings for LBH, and this combines with a lot of the things taken as romantic by other characters being misinterpretions of his internal world. Some of the latter seems to be him bullshitting himself though- "I'm not crying because I'm facing down my beloved student who I've failed horribly and hates me before I off myself without knowing for sure if my contingency plan will work, the sun's just in my eyes", sure Jan. Given how WWX acts its clear that MXTX now knows how to balance internalized homophobia with the character falling in love even if he doesn't realize it, and TGCF doesn't really have internalized homophobia on the protagonists part as far as I've read, he's just a sworn virgin. (However one could argue HC had some issues when he was human depending on how you read the Land of the tender scene).
SVSSS is short compared to her other works, and while I'm not sure how one would do it, having us spend some time with LBH and SQQ after they've gotten rid of his evil sword and SQQ is helping him work through his misanthropy, desire for control, and abandonment issues would improve their relationship from a story perspective, especially because of how obsessive and unhealthy LBH has spent... 8 years of his life regarding SQQ. There's already a foundation with LBH taking SQQ back to his home peak to be taken care of after his near death experience and leaving alone when he gets chased off, and SQQ choosing to go with him with no pressure on him to do so other than LBH's wellbeing (which is no longer tied to things like the apocalypse). I just think there needs to be a bit more between that and what I'm reading in the extras so far.
And it is needed because of how much LBH's dark behavior was directed at SQQ. WWX's dark behavior wasn't so targeted, LWJ's had an instance of targeting but a large part of the novel has been about him doing his best to respect WWX's boundaries and not repeat his parents relationship. I'm not up to snuff on what happened after XL's first banishment yet so I'll keep quiet on that. LBH is so desperate for this one person's affection that he almost destroys the world to ensure he has no other choice but him (and they have terrible fuck or die sex that no one enjoys about it). Evil sword possession making him decide this was a good idea or no, to work as a satisfying romance story, you need to after of all that. Especially because the evil sword had the ability to push him that far because of how chaotic and wrecked his mental and spiritual state were. They're still wrecked.
#Cipher talk#SVSSS#Just thoughts. Overall I like the novel- I think SQQ's internal monologue is hilarious and the comedy is decent#But the romance aspect needs workshopping#I think one way to work this in with a Main plot might be to revisit SHL's father causing trouble#Like that didn't get dropped exactly but you could have him trying to take advantage of the post 'oh gods we're all still alive' mindset to#Cause chaos at the borderlands or have him trying to take advantage of LBH taking a power hit from not using his evil sword anymore#Have SQQ accompany him while dealing with it#Maybe have it be a campaign where we see more of LBH's other aides and have part of it be LBH learning to actually have relationships with#Them and not suspect everyone 100% hates him for being half human half demon. The value of not acting like a monster even if it's expected#Hell maybe have his relationship with SHL improve so they're not romantic but he's not holding her in such contempt#Or make her turn traitor because of his contempt for her#Thereby expanding the theme about women not just being harem collectibles by having her have a platonic relationship with him or by having#Her take logical actions instead of just sticking to LBH like glue for ??? Reasons#I could write this but I have several wips already and I don't feel well versed enough in Chinese culture to write fanfic for it#(Or any of MXTX's works. It's not about feeling not allowed to its about wanting to pay respect to the work#And wanting to do it in a way I'll be satisfied with)
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theheadlessgroom · 10 months
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@beatingheart-bride
Dorian made a face at her description, though he certainly couldn't fault her for it-she was right, every step of the planning process was just another stone in the path leading her to being shackled to that monster for the rest of her days...
It honestly made him shudder, imagining this woman, whom he happily considered a dear friend, this bright, vivacious, kind, free-spirited woman, doomed to a life being married to Pennyworth, having to bear him heirs (who would no doubt grow up to be horrid little brats like their father), forever chained to him, unable to escape...
...it was enough to make his blood boil, but he at least took solace in the fact that they were changing that.
In an effort to turn the conversation towards something happier and lighter, he asked her in genuine interest, "What do you see, in yours and Randall's futures, I mean. Would you like to work at his haberdashery with him, would you like to have children together, would you like to travel and see more of the country...anything of that sort, or...something else entirely?"
#((hey; a fellow li'l meatie!! yeah; james really does seem like a genuinely nice; stand-up guy))#((and i not only respect the video he did where he and chelsea made it clear where they stood))#((when it came to the strike; but also making it clear that he won't cover the works))#((of directors like victor salva or roman polanski because of the crimes they've committed))#((and i really respect that! i know what polanski did and i DEFIDENTLY know what salva did))#((and i've refused to watch 'jeepers creepers' as a result; so i respect james's stance))#((and same! his show really is like spark notes for horror movies; because of dead meat))#((i've both gotten to learn more about film series i generally don't want to watch))#((such as the 'saw' franchise; which he makes REALLY funny with his jokes and commentary))#((but the channel also introduced me to a bunch of series that i went on to actually watch in full))#((when i may not have otherwise! i love the running gags; the jokes; and all the rich trivia))#((that he brings to the table; showing how it was all done! it's probably my favorite youtube channel))#((next to dark corners reviews; which involves its host robin bailes covering bad movies in mondays))#((poking fun at them and breaking down what doesn't work; as well as doing streaming reviews on friday))#((covering usually much better movies and giving his personal thoughts on them))#((with some specials about classic films; actors; and directors; i highly recommend his channel))#((as well as 'the horror geek'; who covers a variety of usually terrible splashy horror films))#((with TONS of hilarious running gags and potshots! i highly recommend those))#((if you're ever looking for more fun horror channels to follow!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Days of Future Past
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naggingatlas · 1 year
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i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.
#sprksplrs#gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to#even surface. at least in my interpretation of him. its hilarious to think abt him getting. just a tad insecure abt fark's status as#a real like. superhero basically. just for a second in the far back of his head. oh i want to be as cool as him. im not good enough#tho again in my characterization he only wants to do that to be able to love himself. i first got this thought when ruminating on#oh god. what kinda games he n fark like to play respectively? and said 'if he ever does pick up hardmode or a challenge level#he will only do that to one up himself and himself only.' he only proves stuff to himself. he only cares about himself.#and the things that do the most mental damage to him are all scenarios in which his self is attacked.#in which his agency is taken his independence. losing a job to someone something that copies him and does it better than him#something that even copies a really dear object to him thats been with him throughout the years - his jester hat#an attack on individuality. and then being merged into the sim. idk. the yaoi moments when he does work together w fark become even more#potent. this way? and. it contrasts really well with how selfless (at some point in his life very literally) fark is. and how confident in#his self. he turns out to be in the end. as micah said 'how he moves with so much more fluidity in his organic body#the body he created himself because he's no longer afraid of it being fake'. citing that as the bible but yea kinda.#i think spark grew up quite ostracized maybe even self-ostracized and really needs a distinction between himself and everyone else#to be better than everyone else. there is some personality disorder shit happening under that piss yellow scalp.#and he fucking loses it when the events around him hammer in that the facade he builds for mostly again himself is. yknow. untrue. fake.#idk thoughts. i love exploring the antisocial aspect in fictional personas with how shipshipship focused fandoms and 'analysis'#in them is it's not something i see all that much. seems like only people whove experienced it ever bring up that topic.#is it so uncomfortable for others? who knows. ramble over
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softgrungeprophet · 2 years
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i don’t really have a lot of thoughts on the hockey vest knee pads scarlet-spider-style-webshooters blue spider logo costume other than it being not particularly good
but
i thought about the knee pads for a few seconds
and now i’m laughing
this is spidey. he’s nigh indestructible, capable of punching through concrete, bending steel with his bare hands, and immune to the incredible forces, speed and whiplash of webslinging... he’s a miniature hulk.
and he’s wearing... knee pads.
the mental image that conjures for me is peter parker hitting the pavement knees-first at terminal velocity
and the knee pads just ... disintegrating
instant obliteration
they just cease to exist
extremely funny
#like i think you could make some argument for the utility of knee pads to spread force and lessen impact on his knee bones#HOWEVER at the kind of speeds and heights he is traveling i imagine the decreases in strain on his knees would be negligible at best#and that most knee pads would not be able to survive those kinds of impacts#i think that knee pads could definitely be incorporated into a spidey suit in a way that would work but i think this costume is mostly awkw#*awkward#and feels like it's drawing from too many inspirations at once in a way that is incohesive and messy#as well as far too bulky for a superhero who is essentially an overclocked gymnast#there's a reason his suit has been skintight pretty much from its inception#and it's not just because he needs to hide it under his clothing#nadia rambles#i think if you did want to incorporate kneepads into a spider-man costume their best utility would be as super low profile and slim pads#designed not to take impacts but to facilitate sliding on one's knees#on the other hand at that point why not just heelies#GOD can you imagine spider-man with heelies in his suit LMAO#way easier to web a ride on passing trucks/trains/buses etc#as an aside i can also easily imagine the knee pads shattering windows. granted peter hitting windows at 120mph should already do that#but the thought of him hitting a window at 120mph with knee pads? hilarious. goodbye window#maybe this is exacerbated by the fact that a lot of the times when his knees are up like that in the direction of a building#it is in fact because he plans on breaking the window with his body#so maybe that's what they're for#more efficient property damage#nadia reads comics
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relicsongmel · 2 days
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Dena. Sweetie.
Pot, kettle.
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allofuswantgwinam · 2 months
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does anyone else play that Love&Deepspace game 💀💀
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funniest disney history facts i can think of atm
literally EVERYBODY thought the lion king was gonna flop and pocahontas would be their greatest movie ever made. people begged to ditch lion king and work on pocahontas.
the reason robin hood ends so abruptly is that there was an actual ending planned and storyboarded but the crew spent too long arguing about everyone’s fursonas to finish animating it
madam mim was way less comedic in the original book but because her character was too similar to maleficent (who was in their latest film at the time), the sword and the stone crew decided to differentiate her by making her fucking hilarious
when making a goofy movie, jeffrey katzenberg (studio chairman at the time) told bill farmer to give goofy “a normal voice.” farmer, who had been voicing goofy for eight years at that point, including in the goof troop show that a goofy movie was a sequel to, was very confused. after making an attempt they decided to scrap that note completely.
as of march 2023, farmer is still voicing goofy, and tony anselmo has been voicing donald since 1986. the 2017 reboot of ducktales, which was slated as “wanting to do for donald what goofy movie did for goofy,” featured both actors as those characters; they had also been doing the voices for the original ducktales and goof troop/goofy movie. all the times goofy and donald interact in the 2017 ducktales however, donald was voiced by guest star don cheadle as a joke
current voice of mickey mouse bret iwan has stated that he has attempted to play kingdom hearts and did not do well
disneyland’s current world of color halloween overlay features a plot that is basically “the disney villains simultaneously adopt a goth kid” and i love it
people will make jokes about “well math says that the beast would’ve been 11 when he was cursed” well that was actually the original intent, but a flashback scene of baby beast was scrapped because he looked “too much like eddie munster”
when disney sent a representative to pixar to check on toy story production, she was like “this is all great! what style of music are you thinking” and they were like “for what” “for the songs” “we uh. we weren’t gonna have. any songs” and she went dead silent and then went “i have to make a call” and left the room
saludos amigos and the three caballeros were made as ww2 propaganda. the government commissioned disney to make movies to make latin america like them so that they wouldnt side with the nazis and provide them an in to invade, and latin america really liked donald duck so
saludos amigos was apparently the first time many usamericans realized that latin american people were like. people. film historian alfred charles richard jr said that the film “did more to cement a community of interest between peoples of the americas in a few months than the state department had in fifty years”
while latin america generally liked both films, chilean cartoonist rené rios boettiger fucking hated the chilean segment of saludos amigos, seeing the main character of pedro the plane as a weakass bitch, so in response he created condorito, the most popular comic character in all of latin america
disney wanted to adapt ts eliot’s old possum’s book of practical cats. his widow adamantly refused, and then sold the rights to andrew lloyd webber bc he wanted to make it sexy and she said “tom would’ve liked that”
in case you haven’t seen the defunctland, walt disney wanted epcot to be a futuristic utopia where he was basically the dictator. then he died so they just made it another theme park
speaking of defunctland the first defunctland video was on disneyworld’s alien attraction and please watch it. please it’s so funny
after the huge failure of the black cauldron disney was going to shut down its animation department. the department tried to convince them to keep them alive by showing them the one scene they had finished for the next movie– the mouse burlesque from the great mouse detective. it worked
the only attraction the black cauldron ever got was in tokyo disneyland where they put a tour under cinderella’s castle where everyone had to escape the disney villains trying to kill them, only to end at the horned king and the cauldron, who would try to sacrifice them to satan. this tour was popular but was closed in the early 2000s as the tunnels didn’t fit earthquake regulations and i want it in disneyworld so bad
walt disney once referred to his unionizing workers, led by goofy’s creator art babbitt, as “commie sons of bitches,” and i want a mickey build-a-bear that calls me a commie son-of-a-bitch whenever i squeeze its paw
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moechies · 4 months
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lactating sukuna (*ノωノ) fluffy !!
it was an accident.
you were laid against your shirtless boyfriend, sitting in between his huge thighs whilst resting on his bare chest.
you pulled your eyes away from your phone, whining with a slight rub to your tired sight. upon looking up at your boyfriend, you earn a small glare with a short stroke to your hair. you turn your head to notice the pink bud of his nipple that bulges slightly from his chest, smiling at the mischievous thought before pressing your plush lips onto his nipple.
but something's wrong.
in the second you were attached to his nipple, a thin sweet liquid fills your mouth.
before you're able to blink twice, the man has you pulled off his body with a singular hand, many feet away from where you had just had your mouth a second ago. he holds you above him by your shirt, body hanging low, but your head is hoisted to face him.
"what the fuck do you think your doin' stupid fuckin' brat? why'd you do that?!"
"rwyomen.. dere's sumthin' in my mouf.."
you open your mouth slightly to show him the liquid, and you can swear his face turns a light shade of pink as he clenches his teeth in an anger.
"why the fuck did you do that?!"
"cos your nipple's cute..." you smile, accidentally swallowing a bit of the liquid. your eyes widen at the taste but its awfully.. sweet..
"spit it out brat!" is exactly when you decide to swallow the liquid in your mouth, flashing him a grin.
you extend your arm to reach him, a silent ask for more. when he pulls you back further, is when you notice his gaze has been distracted from your face, and his face was still painted with an unusual rosy blush.
"ryomen, are you embarrassed? look at me! tell me what that was now! please?!"
"it's milk," he grumbles.
he drops you down below, causing you to land in between his legs.
"oof.." he looks at you, his gaze awfully piercing but with no bad intention.. maybe.
"you can lactate?! can i have more?! it was so sweet!"
"you're fucked in the head." but you don't know that his heart thumps at the request, hiding his shock at your extremely normal reaction, and the fact that you weren't ashamed of his secret.
"maybe. gimme more," your head quickly move towards his nipple, but he is obviously quicker. his left hand cups his tit before you are able to reach, his other pressing against your insistent head.
"please ryo! i want more.! you'd let me if you loved me!"
"that's not how it works brat!"
"it is!" "the fuck? no it's not!" he releases your forehead, your body falling forward straight into his chest. "ryomen!" he chuckles.
"well since i'm already here, let me suck on your tit ryo." you nibble at the fat of his peck, meeting his red eyes as you look up. you attempt the best puppy eyes you possibly can, a smile spreading across your face with excitement when you hear the familiar sigh of surrender.
he removes his hand, and you quickly move yourself to latch onto him once again.
"yummie.."
he couldn't say it out loud, but you reminded him of that one black kitten with its face pulled out of milk captioned, "lost in the sauce." a meme you showed him a couple weeks ago that you believed was so insanely hilarious.
he loves you.
i literally don't know what this is, but it has literally been stuck in my head ever since gege's leaks Lol i know it was a mistranslation but it's so funny to me n i love lactating big men
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freedomfireflies · 1 year
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Show Me*
Summary: The second part to Teach Me*
Class is in session, and this time, Harry needs a little help exploring his favorite kinks. Like...how to get somebody off underneath a table.
And you're more than happy to lend a helping...hand.
Word Count: 6k
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“So…how did she like it?”
Harry laughs as he slips out of his car. “Wow, I think that’s a new record. Waited a whole thirty seconds to ask me.”
“Bite me,” you retort as he makes his way toward where you’re waiting on the sidewalk. “Well?”
He shrugs, hands shoving into his pockets. “Dunno. We never got to it.”
“So, just straight to the fucking, then, huh?” you question. “No foreplay at all? I mean, hey…if that’s what she’s into…great. But, personally, I think the foreplay is the best—”
“All right,” he interjects with a wicked yet amused grin. “That’s not what I meant. She got called into work before we could.”
“Oh.” You offer him a pitiful frown. “Sorry, bud.”
“Bite me,” he mimics as he brushes past you. “S’fine. It’ll happen when it happens.”
“That’s the spirit,” you encourage as you fall in-line beside him. “Gives you more time to find your nerve.”
“Yeah,” he agrees quietly, glancing down at the concrete. “Or more time to practice…other things.”
“Other things?”
“Yeah,” he says again, one brow raising as he looks back over. “You know, like…how to eat ass.”
Finally catching onto his joke, you groan and reach out to shove him away from you, watching as he stumbles with a laugh. “Fucking hilarious.”
“Listen, I was actually looking forward to it,” he continues, hand over his heart as if disappointed. “I bet you really know how to eat some ass.”
“Ha…ha.”
“What? You do, don’t you? Cause of…Eric?”
The familiar but dreaded name sends a shiver down your spine as you recoil away and scrunch your nose in horror. “Ew.”
He looks proud. “Well? Am I wrong?”
“Yes,” you huff before sighing. “…no. But he wasn’t that great of a teacher, anyhow.”
“No fucking kidding,” Harry snorts with a smile. “You’re much better.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” he beams, reaching out for the door of the restaurant to swing it open. “After you.”
“As it should be,” you tease, winking to hint at the double entendre, and his eyes roll.
You find your large group of friends already gathered around a table near the back of the room, and quickly make your way over.
For the next few minutes, you all exchange pleasantries, catch-up, and tease Harry about his failed attempt at mating.
He’s a good sport about it, flipping everyone off with a smile before changing the subject. 
Because, despite the jokes, all of you know that Harry could have anybody he wanted. Maybe his experience in the bedroom is lacking but that’s only because it was a personal choice that he made. And everybody knows it. As far as charm and seduction go? Harry Styles is a king.
Perhaps even a God.
…no, that’s giving him too much credit.
You shake your head, clearing the thought away as you listen to your friends gossip about the newest celebrity drama and reality TV scandals.
And you try to care. Really, you do.
But your mind keeps…drifting.
To Eric.
God, you could just kill Harry for re-planting that seed in your subconscious and reminding you of the worst mistake you’ve ever made.
Because there was a time when Eric was everything to you. When you were closer to him than you were to Harry. When you trusted him—completely—with your mind, soul, and body.
And of course, he just had to shit all over the self-growth and progress you’d made.
You feel your phone vibrate from its place on your thigh, and you glance down to see Harry’s name flashing across the screen.
Sneaking a curious sideways peek his way, you swipe up to read his text. 
So…Pete Davidson is Kim Kardashian’s stepfather now? Am I hearing that right?
Confused, your brows pull together as you look over at him.
His explanation is to nod at your friends across the table with a smirk, and you laugh.
I don’t know, you type. I wasn’t listening.
Oh? Why not? This is fascinating stuff.
Idk. Just wasn’t.
Harry’s expression seems to fall as he studies you before his fingers are flying across the screen. You were thinking about Eric, weren’t you?
…nooooooo.
His eyes narrow.
So what if I was?
Bee…you can do better than that. Even in your head.
See, you say that, and yet…here I am.
Because you’re not doing better. You can…you just aren’t.
Yeah? And how exactly would I do better?
You catch the way his lips pull back into a Cheshire-like grin as he begins to type.
Well, you kind of already did do better. With me. The other day.
Swallowing a scoff, you type, That was only because I felt bad for you.
Think you felt a lot of things that day, Bee. But bad wasn’t one of them.
You toss him a playful glare. Are you ever gonna let that go?
Not likely. After all, you did promise me another lesson.
You don’t need another lesson, you just need to stop being so goddamn annoying.
Come on, you can’t deprive me now. Not when I know I have so much to learn.
Google it.
Ouch.
You’ll live.
It’s not living if it’s not with you.
This time, you do groan, and reach over to swat his arm. “Stop,” you hiss. “You really are fucking annoying.”
“Learned from the best,” he retorts, leaning closer to you in an attempt to conceal the conversation. “Learned a lot of things from you, actually.”
“Harry,” you huff again, but you’re smirking. “My god, you don’t really wanna learn how to eat ass do you?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t really know what I wanna learn. That’s why I need a teacher. To teach me what I want.”
You know he’s fucking with you. You can see it all over his face and yet, for some reason…your interest is piqued. “Thought that was a one-time deal.”
“It was,” he agrees. “But…the door to knowledge is never closed.”
He follows this up with a devious chuckle to let you know he’s teasing, and you nudge him again. “See? Annoying.”
For a moment, you both put the topic to bed and return to the conversation happening across the table.
But again, your mind wanders.
Wanders all the way back to your bedroom and the image of Harry’s curls wound around your knuckles.
You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about that afternoon quite a few times since it happened. After all, you’re only human. And Harry had done a rather excellent job. Sure, you’ve had a tad better. But for his first time…it wasn’t half bad.
And you’d waited to feel weird about it after the fact…but you never did. Which was strange. The two of you returned to your normal routine as if it had never happened.
And you were certainly glad for that. So why is it that now, as the opportunity for a relapse is placed so obviously in your lap, are you not repulsed by it?
Why is it that you haven’t immediately shut the idea down? Laughed it off? Why is it that you’re…considering it?
Again?
You almost want to shudder at the very thought, but as you look over to the chair beside you and take in Harry’s relaxed smile as he listens to your friends talk…something seems to shift.
You will admit, since your little…experiment…you’ve begun to equate those kinds of memories and feelings with Harry instead of Eric.
And that’s another thing you wouldn’t dare complain about. You like the idea of being able to associate pleasure with someone that makes you feel safe. Secure instead of unhinged.
And perhaps this is a huge mistake…but suddenly, you can’t seem to see the harm?
He gets to learn how to make a woman feel good and you get to erase Eric from your past permanently.
What could possibly be so wrong with that?
Subtly, you clear your throat as you turn your head to him, calling his attention away as he raises a brow. 
“Okay, so…if I were to agree to another lesson…” you begin hesitantly as his eyes grow wide. “I’d need a little…information.”
He angles his body toward you as well, murmuring, “Yeah? Like what?”
You think for a moment. “I don’t know…what kinds of kinks do you have?”
“I don’t know,” he repeats smugly, nodding his chin at you. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to help me find out?”
You quickly glance across the table to make sure nobody is listening as you lean in and whisper, “Well…I don’t even know where to start with you. You’re a virgin, it’s hard.”
“I’m not a virgin,” he corrects with a scoff. “I just…haven’t done it a lot since the first time.”
“Mhm,” you snort. “Doesn’t change the fact that if you don’t know what you like, there’s no way I’ll know.”
He studies you for a second, seeming to think. “Well…why don’t you tell me what you like? Maybe I’ll get some ideas.”
You hesitate. What do you like? “Uh…okay. I mean, I like pretty much everything, I guess.”
“Yeah? Like what? Name something.”
Well…shit. “Um…I don’t know. Have you ever heard of…exhibitionism?”
He runs his tongue over his teeth in thought, brows lifting up with intrigue. “I’m 27, I’m not dead.”
“Hilarious.”
“Why? S’that something you’re into?”
You swallow but force a relaxed and nonchalant demeanor. “Kind of, yeah. Fun to play with what’s mine when anybody could see.”
He almost seems impressed, leaning back as he looks at you. Really looks at you. “You don’t fucking say.”
“Okay, don’t make it a whole thing,” you whisper urgently, already swatting at him in warning. “It was just an idea. We can always think of something—”
“Show me.”
You pause. “Show you…what?”
He nods his chin at you. “Show me how you’d play with what’s yours when anybody could see.”
Your expression falls. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” He nods. “I’m a vessel. Show me. Teach me.”
And maybe it’s the glass of wine offering you an extra ounce of courage, or maybe it’s the fact that you’ve already done this once before, or maybe it’s the fact that it’s Harry…
But whatever it is, you reach out, and smooth your palm along his upper thigh, just to watch his breath catch. “Are you sure?” you ask softly, careful to keep beneath the suspicion of the group across the table. “Because I need to know if you can…handle it.”
You feel him tense, his fingers flexing across the tablecloth as he regards you. “I’ll handle anything you want me to.”
Your hand drifts a little higher. “And you’ll sit here? And be a good student?”
He shoots you a coy smile. “The best.”
A little higher. “And you know your safe word?”
“‘Stop,’” he answers, teeth tugging on his bottom lip. “Don’t think I’ll need it, though.”
“You might.”
“Won’t.”
“Maybe.”
“No fucking way.”
You slow to a stop, centimeters away from the rather obvious dip in his pants. “Don’t say that. Just use it. If you need to.”
His expression softens. “I know, Bee. I will. Promise.”
“Good.” So, with that and a deep breath, you take the plunge, ghosting your touch over his covered cock. 
And it’s different this time because it’s you touching him. It’s his body in your hands and this far exceeds your usual high-five.
You aren’t sure what you expected. You kind of already know he’s big from the few times you guys have gone swimming together. And he’s accidently brushed up against you before when scooting past you and worn sweatpants that did absolutely nothing to help him hide an erection (another reason why you’re never watching a Margot Robbie movie with him again). 
But feeling it now…knowing exactly what this man is in possession of…feels forbidden.
You keep your expression stoic, refusing to give him the satisfaction of your awe as you watch the way his lashes flutter.
“Easy,” you warn in a delicate whisper. “Rule number one…make a sound and I stop.”
His teeth grit as he leans back against his seat. “Fine.”
“Good.” You bring your fingers together until you can cup your palm around him, adding just the slightest amount of pressure before glancing back at your friends.
They’re laughing about something, you don’t really know what, but you smile and nod along as if absolutely enthralled.
And as the seconds pass, you feel Harry grow harder in your hand. Needier. He shifts at least three times a minute, clearly struggling to keep from bucking up into your touch.
You’re being as easy on him as you can. A few squeezes, a bit of palming, and some light brushing just to tease him.
He’s gripping onto the edge of the table so tight, you’re surprised it’s not shaking. But he’s restraining himself, as best he can, and you feel oddly…proud.
You maneuver a little closer, head dipping until your lips are close to his ear. To anyone else, it might look like you're merely trying to be heard over the loud music.
But Harry knows better.
"This...is where the fun is," you tell him. "Knowing it would be so easy to have you coming in your pants. Right here, right now. In front of everybody."
You add a bit more pressure and watch the way the veins in his arms begin to strain against his skin. The way the muscles in his jaw constrict and the way his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows.
“You feel it, don’t you?” you murmur as his fingers begin to scratch down the table, desperate to grab onto something. “Feel what it does to you…to be played with. Just like this…exactly like you wanted.”
He sucks in a quiet gasp for air as his head threatens to drop back, little curls falling across his forehead.
He’s not stopping you. And you know he won’t. He’ll happily let himself go right into his trousers, in front of the whole goddamn resturant. Right here, right now.
But that wasn’t apart of the lesson.
So, just when you can feel his resolve begin to crumble…you stop.
He exhales a long, deep breath, slumping into the chair as if completely drained of all energy, and you almost want to laugh.
“So…what did you learn?” you ask softly as you lean back in.
“That Eric’s a fucking ass,” he replies instantly, shooting you a lazy grin. “And that we’re definitely not kids in a tree house anymore.”
“No kidding,” you agree. “Anything else?”
He mulls this over, eyeing you closely. “That I think I’m more of a…hands-on learner.”
Your brow raises. “What does that mean?”
His answer comes in the form of his touch, hand outstretching for your leg, long fingers brushing across the hem of your dress. “It means…I need to see for myself.”
He pauses down by your knee in order to allow you the time to understand and either accept him or reject him. 
But you simply blink, focus falling from his face down to your lap. “Ah…I suppose that makes sense.”
His lips roll into his mouth. “Mhm…what do you say, Teach?”
Your nose scrunches at the nickname but you smile. “I say practice makes perfect.”
And he wastes no more time in slipping beneath the fabric to travel up your thigh and toward your hips.
Now, you’re the one forced into restraint, a gasp immediately hitching in your throat as he brushes his thumb down the front of your underwear.
It instantly brings you back to the last time, and his touch, while familiar and oddly reassuring, makes your head spin.
You slowly look over at him, taking note of the way he’s so goddamn proud of your reaction, and the way he returns his attention to your friends.
Exactly like you had.
Because this is the lesson after all. The concept of teasing and torture and watching somebody come undone so easily.
The idea of getting caught. 
You could tell from the moment you reached for him that this was something he was into. But even when he was trying not to thrust up into your hand, it was obvious that his interest lied with you and your pleasure.
With the idea of putting you under this sort of duress.
He really is a sadist.
Good to know.
"How's this for practice?" you hear him murmur as you become vaguely aware of the way he's scooted his chair closer to you.
You open your mouth, lips parted and ready to respond, but you can feel the beginning of a whimper threatening its escape.
So you swallow—thickly—and nod your head once.
"Good, then?" he asks, and you have to fight the urge to cross your legs over his hand. "Bee...I need you to speak."
But you can't fucking speak. The pressure of his touch has increased, and it feels so...so fucking good. "It's....yeah. Fine. It's fi—"
Suddenly, you gasp, and thankfully, it's lost beneath the jazz music still loudly playing through the restaurant.
But it's not lost on Harry, and you watch his smug smile expand as his teasing begins to slow. "Uh-uh," he tuts softly. "You know the rules. Make a sound...and I stop."
You exhale the singular word, "Har," and he hums.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What?"
You have to physically fight the urge to whimper with desperation. Truth be told, he’s hardly even doing anything, but his hands…
You’d fucked up by sneaking a glance down at the tattooed skin disappearing beneath your dress. Because it’s sinful to feel the cold, metal of his rings brush against your warm thighs. Sinful to know he’s pressing his thumb into you just to feel the way you’ve begun to soak the material he’s so effortlessly playing with. 
He…is sinful.
And then suddenly…his touch disappears. Retreats from between your legs as your mouth just about drops open.
And you could cry at the loss of contact because it felt so safe and so exciting. Teasing or not, it was so fucking good, and you hate him for making you go without.
But then…you learn why.
His fingers move to wrap around the edge of your seat, getting a good grip on it…before he yanks.
Your chair is forced closer to his, squeaking against the floor as he begins to smirk victoriously.
“There,” he declares quietly before his hand is returning to your lap. “Much better, don’t you think?”
And it is better because now he’s so much closer, and has so much more room, and you’re so fucking close to just throwing in the towel and hurling yourself at him. Friends be damned.
“Speak, Bee,” he repriminds after a minute of your silence, and instantly, you begin to squirm.
“Har,” you whisper, both begging him for his mercy and for his cruelty.
“What?” he replies evenly. “What do you need, hm?”
You, you think. “Can’t…s’just…”
“Come on,” he tsks. “Think you can do better than that, can’t you?”
But you can’t.
“Please,” you try again, a faint request. 
“Please…what?”
“Har…”
“Uh-uh. Tell me. What?”
Again, you swallow, willing yourself to stay silent. "Har—”
“No.”
“Harry—"
"...Harry?"
This time, it's Charlie calling his name, and immediately, you go deathly still as you turn back toward your friends.
However, Harry is calm as he raises a brow. "Yeah?"
For a moment, the three across from you simply stare, rather curiously before Charlie says, "Oh, I was just asking how Tina is?"
You could almost moan with relief.
“She’s good, yeah,” Harry answers cooly, pointer finger hooking around the edge of the material on your thighs to pull it aside. “Yeah, real good. Been working a lot, so I haven’t seen her much.”
“Aw, that’s too bad,” Jackie offers with a pout. “Is she nice? Will we like her?”
Harry laughs, head shaking with amusement as if he’s not dragging his thumb down your clit while you swallow a rather desperate whine. “She’s nice. I don’t know if we’ll ever make it that far, though.”
Caleb’s head tilts. “What do you mean?” 
He shrugs. “I don’t know. We’ve hung out, like…twice. S’not really that serious yet.”
And you almost snort, because to you…he seemed pretty serious about her.
But you suppose eating pussy doesn’t exactly require an engagement ring, and maybe he just wants a fuck buddy.
“Well…she still needs to pass the approval test,” Jackie argues with a wink. “And the fact that she strung you along for two months is not doing her any favors.”
“She was just making him work for it,” Charlie teases. “And he needs to be humbled, so I say good for her.”
“Please. Look at him,” she snorts. “He’s too pretty to be this dumb. Okay, he can do better than Tammy—”
“Tina,” Harry corrects before slowly easing the tip of his finger in, and your entire body goes rigid.
“—yeah, whatever. The point is…you can do better,” Jackie finishes proudly, shooting a pointed look toward Charlie.
Harry begins to smirk, slowly stealing a glance at you. “Yeah. Maybe we can all do better.”
Now curious, Caleb nods at you, and you do your best to control your reactions as he says, “Yeah, speaking of which…have you heard from…him?”
You shake your head quickly, mentally damning Harry to hell as he pushes in a bit further just to make it harder for you to reply. “Uh…no. Nope. Not since that night.”
“I’ll kill him,” Jackie tells you. “No, really. I will. I’ll hit him with my car and drag his dead body out to the woods, and watch the bears eat him.”
You breathe out a laugh, but it’s outrageously forced, and Harry can tell. “It’s…it’s fine. He’s…you know, we all move on. I’m fine.”
“Sure,” Harry says with a wicked gleam in his eye. “Yeah, you seem fine.”
“Oh, I am,” you murmur through a tight-lipped smile. “Fucking fantastic.”
“Good,” he hums before you can feel him curl upward. “Hope it stays that way.”
Your hands drop to the chair beneath you, and you grip onto the sides for dear life in an attempt to keep from reeling. “Thanks for your…concern.”
“Anytime,” he beams as you feel him slip out. “Just want you to…do and feel the best that you can.”
The wet pad of his finger then returns to your clit as he presses into it just to push it in a teasing circle.
Your eyes just about roll back as you quickly turn your face toward your shoulder and fake a cough. “Fuck…sorry,” you apologize hoarsely as your friends look on.
“Are you all right?” Jackie asks softly. “Sorry, we shouldn’t have brought him up. We can change the subject.”
“No, it’s…it’s fine,” you sigh, hoping to sound casual, despite the fact that you’re teetering on the edge of a wail. “Really, he’s just…a guy. Just some…stupid…sadistic…evil fucking…guy.”
And while the group across the table snorts their agreement, you see that Harry knows that jab was aimed directly at him.
He winks.
“I, uh…I need to go to the bathroom,” you suddenly declare, grabbing onto his wrist to forcefully shove it away before standing to your feet. “Be right back.”
“Feeling all right?” Harry asks innocently as he watches you push your chair in. 
“Just delightful,” you reply before brushing your hands down the front of your dress. “Seriously, keep eating. I won’t be long.”
You leave the table before Harry can make another quippy remark, quickly making your way for the extravagant restroom in the back of the restaurant.
Honestly, you thought you had a little more self-control. You thought it wouldn’t be so easy to get you so on edge, and yet here Harry is, making you clench so hard in your chair, you nearly burst a blood vessel.
You lock the door behind you and make a beeline for the sink. You flip on the cool water and gently trail it down your arms and chest to cool yourself down as you will the ache between your legs to subside.
It’ll be easy to take care of once you get home, but you’re rather impressed with Harry’s commitment to…education.
And something about looking your friends in the eye as he played with your cunt like a toy was oddly invigorating.
Far more invigorating than it ever had been with…Eric.
You’ve no sooner smirked at this thought when your phone begins to buzz from its place on the counter.
Glancing down, you aren’t surprised to see a text from Harry, but it does make you laugh.
How’s it going?
Good. Just getting myself off before I come back, you answer.
Yeah? Texting me while you touch yourself? Hot.
Well, it’s not the first time.
A good minute passes before he responds, and you can easily imagine the way his eyes went wide. 
Seriously?
Seriously. Why, is that weird?
Are you fucking kidding? No, it’s…I mean, it’s hot. Very, very hot.
Your brow raises. Yeah?
Kind of rude you never told me, though. Clearly I would have been of great help.
In my defense, I was a little…busy. It’s already hard enough to type with one hand.
And even if you aren’t exactly touching yourself right now…you aren’t lying about having done it before. Not on purpose, of course. He just happened to text you right in the middle of your alone time and needed an answer ASAP.
So…you’d answered.
Yeah? Do you need an extra hand? he replies next, and you chuckle under your breath as you lean against the sink.
Why, do you know someone?
Funny.
Thank you, I thought so.
Is that a yes, then?
I think I’m managing just fine.
Yeah? So you’re pinching your clit nice and tight for me? 
You feel your breath hitch. This certainly isn’t helping. Obviously.
And you’re clenching around your fingers for me? How many you using? One? Two? Maybe three? Know you like to feel stretched.
“Fucking hell,” you whisper to yourself as you glance off into the bathroom. He’s trying to kill you. 
Can’t really clench around anything when I have to keep answering these texts. Go eat your food and leave me to it.
And what kind of student would I be if I did that?
An obedient one.
And does that sound like me?
“Nope,” you respond aloud, but type, You have been so far.
Think I’d be more obedient if I finished what I started.
I mean…maybe if you knew how.
You wait to watch the bubbles roll across your screen, but when they don’t come, your heart sinks.
And then…there’s a knock.
A rather fervent and determined knock that makes you jump as you look toward the door.
“Bee…let me in.” 
Shit. “I…uh, I’m a little busy.”
“I know,” comes the deep, sultry reply. “So, let me in.”
“Har—”
“Open the goddamn door, Bee, before I break it down.”
Clearing your throat, you put your phone aside and cautiously tiptoe toward the door.
After sliding the lock over, you pull it back just a hair, and peek through the crack. “Uh, hi. Sorry, this bathroom is a little occupied at the moment—”
His large hand comes out to press against the wood as he forces it open and steps inside. “Are you okay?”
You blink at him before scrambling to push it closed and relock it. “Uh…yeah? Why?”
He strides a bit further into the bathroom before turning around to look at you, almost as if suspicious. “Honestly? I kind of thought you came in here to hide from me.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know.” His arms cross over his chest. “I know you didn’t actually come in here to fuck yourself, so I thought…maybe you just felt uncomfortable.”
“Oh, yeah? And how do you know I didn’t come in here to do that?” you retort.
He smirks. “’Cause you always use both hands. And if you were texting me…you weren’t fucking yourself.”
“And how do you know I use both hands?”
He shrugs. “You told me once.”
Oh…right. “Well…maybe I was multi-tasking.”
“You weren’t,” he rejects immediately. “No, I think you either came in here to hide from me…or because you were upset about what they said. You know, about…him.”
An invisible fist snaps closed around your heart as you stare at the man across from you. The devious intentions and teasing from before are long gone as the man you’ve known for years, your best friend…stands before you.
The concern is evident on his face as you take a step closer. “Har…honestly, I’m fine. I wasn’t hiding from you, and I really don’t care about Eric. I came in here to keep myself from coming all over your fucking hand.”
The corner of his mouth twitches with the temptation to smile, but his gaze remains skeptical. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.” You nod, taking another step. “Come on, I think it’s a little late to start questioning me now, don’t you?”
He sucks on his teeth. “Well…I can never tell with you.”
“I feel like I made my enjoyment quite clear.”
“I thought so, too. Until you made me stop.”
Now, only inches away from him, you come to a halt. “Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly feel like explaining why I moaned to our friends, you know?”
His thumb rubs across the skin of his arm as he peers down at you. “Thought that was the whole point of exhibitionism.”
You shrug, eyes falling across his features. “Yeah…or maybe I just wanted to keep you to myself.”
His brow cocks up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You know…like a secret.”
Instantly, he grins, exhaling a laugh at the reminder of the pact you two made when you were younger. “We are good at secrets.”
“The best,” you agree giddily before the laughter dies out, and something seems to shift within his expression.
“Then I think it’s only fair we finish the lesson,” he says quietly, leaning a bit closer as you begin to still. “After all…I still need to show my work.”
Your lashes flutter, the smell of his cologne beginning to overwhelm you. God, why does he always smell so good? “Guess…guess that’s only fair,” you agree faintly, and he seems pleased.
His head dips, nose brushing yours as he works to catch you off guard. “Then tell me what to do, Bee. And I’ll do it.”
It comes out before you can stop it. “Kiss me.”
He’s surprised by this request, going momentarily quiet but you don’t miss the way his focus falls to your lips, as if pondering.
“Kiss me,” you repeat, fingers itching to latch onto the back of his neck. “And this time…do it right.”
He seems impressed as he fights an arrogant smirk. “Right, huh?”
“Yeah.” You straighten up, bringing your mouths a tad closer, but still without contact. “Know you can. Know you know how to be gentle, don’t you?”
And almost as if in retaliation, his hands find your hips, squeezing rather harshly as he begins to back you up toward the wall.
When you collide with it, he grins. “Dunno about that.”
“Try,” you whisper, hands dancing up his chest. “Trust me, you’ll get a lot more points that way. The right kiss can do everything, and I promise…she’ll love it.”
He considers this for a moment, studying you closely before you feel his palm delicately cup your cheek. 
He tilts your head back as he moves in, deliberately slow. “Everything, huh?”
You smile, nodding once. “Yeah,” you breathe. “Everything.”
He kisses you.
Soft, and careful, and sadistically tame. He kisses around your mouth, peppers kisses to your bottom lip, to your cheek, to the line of your jaw. 
He keeps his tongue from you, and you almost huff because after everything, you think you at least deserve a taste.
And finally, once you’re moments away from wilting in his hands, he takes that taste for himself.
Your head spins and your mind goes blank and everything makes sense.
Because kissing him is fun, and it makes you want to laugh, and kiss him forever, and never leave this one spot.
And you’re so enchanted by this revelation that you don’t notice his hand traveling between your bodies to return to its home between your thighs.
But he slips underneath your dress without a moment's delay, fingers returning to their work of pulling your panties aside to finish what he started. And when you gasp into the kiss…he swallows the sound with ease.
“Is that right, hm?” he teases as he slides in. “That good?”
Your lashes flutter closed as he presses his forehead to yours, and you don’t offer a response because he already knows.
His precision just about kills you. In, out, in, curl, twist, pinch, pull. You can feel the drip down your thighs, can hear the sounds he’s making, can taste his desperation in each kiss he gives you.
And when you suddenly whine and squirm in his hold, he smiles. “There it is, yeah? Right there…s’what you needed, isn’t it?”
It is. It’s exactly what you’d needed, and he strokes the spot with fervor and just a touch of wonder.
It’s cruel and it’s wonderful and it feels so fucking good, and nothing else makes sense to you except him.
Just him and the way you’re about to come undone by his hand for a second time.
You nuzzle your face into his neck, lazily kissing under his ear, and he seems to sigh with contentment as he braces you both against the wall to continue. 
“Come on, Bee…know it’s gotta hurt, doesn’t it?” he coos, but his voice is thick. “Know it hurts, so give it to me, yeah? Just give it to me. Let me make it better.”
And it overwhelms you, consumes you, controls you. His smell, his touch, his words. The past, the present, him. Just him. Only him. Right now. Everything.
The sound that rips from your throat feels foreign to you. It’s loud and desperate and eager, and he presses his lips to yours to be a part of it.
It goes for what feels like hours, but time doesn’t have a place here. It could have been ten seconds; it could have been ten minutes. You don’t know, you don’t care.
You just…let it.
And you don’t realize the way you’ve slumped into his embrace as he holds you up, keeps you steady.
You don’t realize he’s speaking to you, murmuring words of encouragement with just a hint of teasing. 
You don’t realize he’s refusing to let go.
But once you do, you realize something else, too:
You don’t want him to let go.
"Think we might have a problem," he whispers after a moment, lips following the curve of your shoulder as he offers a few parting kisses.
Your head falls back against the wall and you take a few deep breaths. "Yeah? And what's that?"
"Well...you kind of fucked up," he begins as he moves to the other side of your neck, sucking on the vein just below your ear. "You gave me a taste, showed me what I've been missing."
You can feel yourself smile through the haze as his hands continue to grope at your waist.
"I mean, just knowing..." he continues, nosing under your jaw, "...you've been keeping so much knowledge from me...this whole time."
Your laugh is airy as you reach up to comb through his curls. "Is that right?"
He hums as he nods, the palm of his hand slowly smoothing up your stomach, pushing the hem of your dress along with it. "And now I don't know if I can go without. Feel so fucking insatiable...just thinking about what else you might be hiding from me."
With this, his fingers delicately ghost under the curve of your tit, forcing you to arch into his touch as he smirks.
"And what is it...you want to know?" you manage to reply, voice soft and nearly inaudible.
He pulls back and meets your eye.
"Everything."
Shit.
"Everything?" you murmur, subtly tugging him closer.
"Everything," he repeats. "Anything. All of it. You. Me. Us. Every fucking second, every fucking way."
You know what he's proposing. Know exactly what this means, but you don't know if a friendship would survive.
And you don't know which is more important.
"So...what do you expect me to do?" you ask breathlessly, still squirming beneath his hold.
He smiles. "I expect you...to show me."
"Show you," you repeat, as if in a trance.
"Show me," he whispers, moving back in to lick at your bottom lip. "Teach me. How to be better. How to be right. How take care of you. Wanna give you everything you need."
"Everything," you breathe.
"Everything." His other hand gently comes up to cradle the back of your neck. "Whatever you want, whatever you need. Tell me and I'll give it to you. Promise."
But what do you need?
"Are you sure?" you ask, softly pushing on his chest to garner his attention. "It's not like teaching you to play pool, Har. Exploring kinks is...delicate. Sacred. It's not a game."
"I know," he replies, sobering ever-so-slightly. "That's why it can't be anybody else. It has to be you."
It has to be you.
"Why?" you challenge.
He simply offers you a knowing look. "Why wouldn't it be?"
You chew on the inside of your cheek, looking for a reason to say no. Looking for the strength to know better.
But maybe you don't know better.
Maybe you just know him.
"Teach me," he says again, thumb stroking your jaw as those familiar eyes bleed right through to your heart. "Make me better."
Better.
Everything.
Nothing else makes sense. Nothing else feels right.
Just him.
"Okay," you agree quietly, and his entire face lights up. "For science."
"For science," he repeats, dipping down to press his lips to your cheek in thanks. "But only if you're sure. I'd never want you to agree just because of me. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
He leans back. Frowns. He's unconvinced. "I mean it, Bee. I'm not asking just because I can. I’m asking because…it feels like something we both want. But if it's not—"
You kiss him again, stealing the rest of his argument. "I know how to say no to you, Harry. Think you should know that by now."
He smiles against your mouth. "Guess so."
For the next minute or so, you don't speak. He simply takes hold of your face with both hands and paints his gratitude across your tongue.
"So...where do you wanna start?" you ask when he finally allows you a second of reprieve.
"You tell me," he reminds you, and you feel yourself smirk.
"All right," you agree before slipping your fingers through the loops on his pants.
His eyes go wide.
Then, you tug.
"Let's start...with everything."
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You bet your ass there’s gonna be a part 3, because now that they’ve opened the door…there’s no closing it 😗 and Harry’s got a long list of new kinks to discover! And I’m strangely excited about it?? This is concerning?? Pray for me???
Next Part:
~ Hurt Me* (Pt. 3)
Previous Part:
~ Teach Me* (Pt. 1)
~ Full Teach Me Masterlist
~ Other Harry Blurbs
~ Full Masterlist
Tags:
@tiaamberxx @harrystylesfan2686
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eeldritchblast · 9 months
Text
They’re Not “Playersexual”, You’re Just Biphobic
(I was going to save this until September 23 because I thought that would be an appropriate date, but the Ask I got included in this essay just put me over the edge. So, here it is now. Buckle up.)
Bisexuality/Pansexuality is the attraction to people regardless of gender. About 4% of the USA alone (over 13.6 million people) openly identify as bisexual, according to Gallup’s latest polling. But unfortunately, bi/pan identities are so scary to some folks that they need to make up terms to avoid calling their favourite characters such. Thus, the term “playersexual” was born: a term to describe a game character who is attracted to the player character... regardless of gender.
If that sounds like it’s just a circuitous way of describing a bi/pan character, it’s because it is.
I first heard of the term “playersexual” almost a decade ago, from a Dragon Age fan complaining that Dorian was gay and thus it was “unfair” that she couldn’t romance him as female character. This fan said they wished BioWare would go back to Dragon Age II’s model of everyone being “playersexual” for “equality”.
Now, if you’ve actually played DA:2 and you’re not a bigot, you’re probably rolling your eyes just as hard as I did when I first read such a ridiculous statement. Well, prepare for this next one:
“When you make a male Hawke, Anders and Fenris are gay and Merrill is straight. Opposite is true if you make a female Hawke.”
These people are so afraid of bisexuality that they cannot even fathom its existence. They can believe in dragons and magic, but they cannot believe that a character is simply bi/pan. I find this especially hilarious for Anders, considering he had a canonical boyfriend, as confirmed both in-game and in The World of Thedas: Vol. 2 book.
I truly thought we were past this nonsense in 2023. I really, truly thought that. But then Baldur’s Gate 3 was released in full, and suddenly these same fuckers came out of the woodwork to bend over backwards avoiding calling these characters anything except bi/pan.
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Note how in the above Ask, the anonymous questioner actually doubles down on avoiding addressing these two characters in particular as bi/pan!
“Playersexual” doesn’t even truly work for the characters of Baldur’s Gate 3 regardless, because the definition is oriented around attraction to the player character… which these characters are not exclusively attracted to. Here are some examples that prove otherwise:
If neither Lae’zel nor Astarion/Gale/Wyll are in a romance with the PC, Lae’zel will say she plans on propositioning one of the men for sex at the night of the tiefling party. She also flirts with Karlach in party banter.
Shadowheart expresses interest in Karlach, (“I like her. She looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety, should the need arise”) as well as Halsin if he leaves the party, (“he may have been misguided, but I liked looking at him.”)
Astarion flirts with nearly everyone in the party, but to just pick two examples: he mentions Wyll is the type of princely figure he used to dream about marrying, and says to Shadowheart “such a grim name for such a beautiful flower”.
Gale used to date Mystra. He also debatably flirts with Astarion by offering him some blood, after Cazador’s battle.
Wyll flirts with Lae’zel in party banter, and also refers to Halsin as a “delight” and “hunk”.
Karlach seems to have a little crush on Jaheira by the way she reacts to meeting her. She also says of Halsin, “everyone in this camp wants to climb that oak”.
Please keep in mind these are just a few examples I’ve picked out from screening through the dialogue, and there’s even more that prove the attraction to different genders these characters have is not related solely to the player. It’s just part of their identities.
In the Ask sent to me above, the anonymous questioner said they “cannot see Karlach as anything except lesbian and Astarion as gay.” This is just as bad as saying they are “playersexual” in my opinion, because yet again it’s erasing their bisexuality/pansexuality. Worse yet, it’s doing it because of the way the characters act. You cannot measure queerness based on actions and appearances being in line or not with queer stereotypes—it’s not a scale! And bi/pan folks are just as queer as lesbian and gay men, by virtue of simply being bi/pan!
All in all, I think this entire “playersexual” debate boils down to the fact that some people still refuse to see bi/pan identities as anything but “discount straight”. And that’s why people are rightfully angry when folks try to further this myth by pretending bi/pan characters don’t actually exist.
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