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f1byjessie · 4 months

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HE LIKES MY AMERICAN SMILE ━━ OP81.

love is a wild ride, and logan sargeant's sister is about to find this out the hard way.

( oscar piastri x sargeant!reader )

━━ part seven.

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yourusername had to take these pictures myself bc apparently angles are “too hard”

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landonorris maybe you should’ve just asked me 🙄

↳ yourusername as much as i love your results you turn what should be a quick 5 mins into a 20 min photoshoot

↳ landonorris yes and?? i’m not seeing what the downside is 🤨

user HOW MANY LETTERS IN SARGEANT???

user literally who needs boys when girls like y/n exist

↳ user REAL

logansargeant i know about angles

↳ yourusername yes logie and your future girlfriends will thank me for it 🫶

user that dress is stunning and i want it but i know it costs more than a month’s worth of my pay 🥲🥲🥲

user ferrari spotted = y/n for ferrari 2024

↳ user get that girl in a formula car and leT HER DRIVE

oscarpiastri in my defense your heels make you as tall as me 🫤

↳ yourusername methinks it’s just bc you only know how to take one type of picture and it’s the awkward dad kind 🫤

user OSCAR??? HAS OUR HUSBAND RETURNED FROM THE WAR???

↳ user mama y papa

user OP81 IS BACK IN THESE COMMENTS WAR IS OVER

With Oscar by your side, time passes quickly. You don’t bring up that the first night you shared a bed, you’d woken up in the morning with his arm wrapped around your waist and his breath tickling the back of your neck, and you certainly don’t mention that he’d practically whined in his sleep when you’d slipped out of his grasp. It doesn’t happen again, but there’s a part of you hoping that it does.

The days blend together into a haze of happiness, laughter, and exploring the beauty of Monaco. Lando shows you the best spots— a garden just off the Monte Carlo marina, a famous nightclub that takes your breath away, and a small cafe at the edge of the city that overlooks it all.

Things are good, great even, but you can’t help but feel like there’s still some distance between you and Oscar despite his reassurance that everything is fine.

When New Year’s Eve— and subsequently your birthday— arrives, you’re awoken to a flurry of texts. Your parents have both sent sweet messages wishing you the best, Sophia has left a voice message with sounds of traffic in the background telling you she’s planning to get wasted and if you do too then you can just pretend you’re wasted together, and Dalton has made a group chat with you and Logan and has spammed you both with pictures of yourselves from across the years.

Oscar’s already gone, and his side of the bed is cold, so you take your time responding to them all and then shoot off a message of your own to Logan before getting up. It’s your first time not celebrating with your brother, and it feels strange knowing that you won’t get to see him today, but you’re excited nonetheless for the plans Lando and the other drivers in Monaco have organized for New Year’s Eve.

The day passes by lazily. Lando and Oscar both greet you with birthday wishes when you make your way down to the living room and then they present to you a feast for breakfast, which you realize is the reason Oscar was awake so much earlier than you. It’s the best breakfast you’ve ever had, mostly because they make fools of themselves retelling how many times they had to scrap the failed waffles until they got it right. You spend lunch at a place close by, joined by Alex and Lily who have flown in for the New Year, and then the rest of the afternoon you wait around at Lando’s place passing the time watching the boys play games on the TV and helping either of them cheat when asked.

You’re happy.

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logansargeant people say twins are like built-in best friends, and if that’s the case then i’m glad i got you as mine. i can’t imagine having anyone else stick by my side throughout all the crazy and wild shit we’ve been through in our lives. it feels like just yesterday we were 13 and acting as each other's lifelines in a place we barely knew, and now we’re 23 and somehow doing the same thing. you’re my best friend forever.

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yourusername love you to the moon and back again logie 🫶 (but omg these pictures are so OLD)

↳ logansargeant love you to the stars and beyond 🫶 (yea well when else am i gonna post them?)

user i thought the only reason i’d be crying today is bc i don’t have a nye kiss but here we are aND THE BABY HANDS OMG

user I CAN’T DO THIS 😭😭😭

user sobbing over a birthday post was not on my 2023 bingo but i’ll be sure to add it to 2024 if this is gonna be a yearly thing

↳ user birthdays are a yearly thing so yea 💀

user i can’t stop thinking about the fact that each other was all they had when logan pursued racing in europe and now logan’s made it to f1 and they’re still all they have 😭

↳ user the sargeant twins are genuinely gonna be the death of me one of these days

user Y/N HAS BEEN THERE FOR HIM SINCE THE BEGINNING OMG

williamsracing Happiest of birthdays to Y/N! We look forward to seeing you out on the paddock more in 2024, and can’t wait to see what the new year has in store for you! 💙

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yourusername 23 + 23 = 46. 4 + 6 = 10. 10 - 2 = 8 and that’s what we’ve done for the last 23 years 😎 but real talk, i’m genuinely so honored to get to be your sister, and to share so much with you. when you win i share that joy, and when you lose i share that grief, and even though we’re an ocean away, i’m with you today and always for the rest of our lives. you’re my best friend, and even if i don’t have anything or anyone else, i know i have you and that makes me the luckiest girl in the world ❤️.

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user ATE ATE ATE

logansargeant went through all the stages of grief as i read that caption

↳ yourusername i do try

↳ logansargeant i know

user HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARGEANT TWINS

user these pictures of logan are SENDING ME

↳ user y/n always feeds the ppl the low qual pics

alex_albon adding these to my folder of embarrassing pictures to blackmail logan with

↳ yourusername happy doing business with you sir 🤝

user SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING

user my mental health is dependent on the friendship between y/n and logan and it is STRUGGLING today lads

user can’t wait to see more of them in 2024!!

Lando finds you as you’re getting ready, putting the final touches on your makeup. He enters when you tell him to, and then leans against the bathroom counter for a moment just staring at you before you quirk an eyebrow at him.

“How are things going between you and Oscar?”

You lower the mascara wand and shrug, “I mean, it’s good.”

“But?” He prompts.

“But I feel like he’s still… being weird?” You slip the wand back into the mascara tube and then tuck it back into your bag. “I don’t know. Maybe we were a bit too realistic with the whole ‘making him jealous’ thing, and now he believes you’ve stuck your claim and he’s distancing himself because he doesn’t want to step on your toes or something.”

Lando snorts, “As if. I made him share a room with you, how does that in any way imply that I’m trying to stake my claim on you?”

You run a hand through your hair because you can’t run it down your face without ruining your freshly done makeup, and heave a sigh. “Then maybe he just isn’t actually interested in me at all, and I was right about him wanting to pretend the kiss never happened.”

He hums, then nods once, twice, a third time, and finally leaves the bathroom without another word.

When you finally follow him down, a number of people have already arrived— Alex and Lily are among them, and you greet them again with smiles and hugs. You’re introduced to Max Fewtrell, one of Lando’s close friends, and then you’re dragged away by Lily to hang out in the corner of the living room as the house begins to fill with current and former drivers alike.

“It’s a sausage fest,” she jokes, and you laugh beside her.

You both make conversation for a while, catching up on her and Alex’s holiday spent in California with her family and then talking about your own in Florida with yours. She asks how Logan’s doing, and you tell her that he’s well, but he’s really motivated and wants the chance to prove himself in the 2024 season already.

“I think the online discourse about whether or not he deserved a seat got to him a bit,” you admit. “But I know he can show them that there’s a reason he was chosen.”

Lily nods. “Me and Alex have faith in him too. It was his rookie year and he was in a Williams of all things. Like you said, there was a reason he was chosen, he just needs the opportunity to show the world that.”

You jump from topic to topic for a little while longer, until you excuse yourself to go find where Lando and Oscar have run off to. The guests have all arrived from the looks of it, and while a number of them all know each other already and have split off into groups to stay entertained, you’re not sure exactly how you’re meant to handle things on your own when it isn’t even your house—

“I mean, it’s fine, yeah? It’s just awkward with her, I guess.” You pause. The door to you and Oscar’s shared room is ajar and Oscar’s voice is just barely audible over the sound of music and chatter filtering up from downstairs.

“Why d’you say that? It’s just Y/N.” Lando’s voice follows.

You press yourself up against the wall, heart pounding in your chest at the sound of your name. You can’t see anything, and that almost makes it worse— imagining what their faces look like as they talk about you.

“Just that it’s weird sleeping next to her, and I feel like I’m always having to walk on glass around her. I’m trying to make things normal again, but I don’t think I can. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep being friends with her. How can I look her in the face, knowing what happened?”

You can physically feel the dread settle into your stomach. Your heart clenches painfully in your chest and it’s like your blood has turned to ice in your veins. Your face feels warm, but the rest of your body feels cold, and suddenly it’s as though your ribcage has become too small for your lungs.

As quietly as you can, you scurry away from the door, across the distance of the hallway, and then down the stairs. Instead of turning into the living room where everyone else has gathered, their laughter and conversations a jumbled bubble of noise that makes your chest feel even tighter, you leave through the front door just as you feel tears begin to fall.

It’s worrying how frequently this has become an occurrence for you— crying because of Oscar.

━━ tags: @f1-is-lovely-33 @chasing-liberosis @405rry @aquangxl @bellezaycafe @peqch-pie @formulaal @chonkybonky @mess-is-my-aesthetic @flippingmyshit @peachiicherries @spacegirlstuff @myxticmoon @landosgirlxoxo @k-pevensie28 @moonypixel

━━ a/n: ahhhh i'm sorry i cannot let them be happy!! also, wrote this really fast and struggled a bit because i genuinely couldn't decide if it was just too fast paced or not, so i apologize if it seems rushed or if there are any mistakes editing wise that i missed!

#formula 1 #formula one #f1 #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #formula one imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula one x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #logan sargeant #alex albon #lando norris #social media au

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dawn-in-neocity · 1 year

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driving with nct dream

(this is slightly self indulgent bc i recently got my driver’s license)

mark

passenger princess! takes his position on aux very seriously, he has a specific playlist for driving with you. lowkey gets sassy about anyone moving his seat lmao. pays for all your drive thru trips since you don’t let him pay for gas. loves it when you take him to deserted roads and teach him how to drive. (except if you drive stick shift, he’s not having any of that).

renjun

literally makes you feel so safe. never speeds. rests your joint hands on his lap <3. not shy to use the car honk. swerves when he sees birds on the road (“jun, they can fly”). you bond by road raging together. turns and smiles at you at red lights. lets you put cute stickers on his dashboard and sun visor. his car smells SO nice. always opens your door for you!!!

jeno

drives stick shift. you hate that you can’t hold his hand, but watching him change gears makes up for it. keeps hair pins/ties or a hat for you in his car bc he likes driving with the windows down. never sees potholes. automatically puckers his lips for a kiss whenever you’re getting in his car. pretends to be annoyed when you ask for starbucks (he is ecstatic).

haechan

definitely a curb hitter. y’all split driving 50/50 between you. basically karaoke on wheels (y’all are somehow even louder than the music). his hand is on your thigh, regardless of who’s driving. you can never finish a trip without getting a little treat, and he just GETS it. you always sit in the car for 5-10 mins both when leaving to and getting back from anywhere.

jaemin

only drives when you’re too tired/intoxicated to. otherwise insists on being your passenger princess. takes candid pictures of you bc “you look hot when you drive”. don’t put him in charge of directions, you will miss three turns and be late. keeps a small bottle of his cologne in your car. brings you a lil snack from inside if you’re picking him up from his place.

chenle

music is for background noise only. running errands together and chatting on the way is a main pillar of your rs sorry. puts his arm behind your headrest when reversing bc he knows you find it attractive. hardcore backseat driver whenever you drive. puts one of those storage thingies in his car bc he’s SICK of finding random chapsticks and candy wrappers everywhere.

jisung

only likes driving when he’s with you. hand on your thigh always (does the thumb thing without realizing). only lets go to mom arm you. has a blanket in the trunk for your stargazing dates. gets pouty when it’s time to drop you home. can NOT park (no pun intended). you guys always play those road-trip games like parents on vacation.

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hwaslayer · 10 months

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project: make you love me (jyh) | three.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 4.8k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, we all know seonghwa is a dick but he pulls something that makes him even more of a dick (if that's even possible?), yunho 🥺, we finally say hello to yeosang!!

"Thank god lab was cancelled today. Can finally eat a meal in peace." Soobin sighs. "Here." He shoves his fries over to Chaery. "Too full now."

"Yay!" She claps as she takes the plate and begins to chow down on the rest of Soobin's curly fries. "They're so good. I can't believe they're already out of this when the cafeteria barely opened 30 mins ago."

"There's visitors on campus getting lunch so—" Seungmin shrugs. "Visitors getting free food and leaching off of us poor college students."

"At least the frozen yogurt machine is working!" Chaery adds.

"For now. They'll probably eat that shit up and end up breaking the machine, too. You know, visitors doing what visitors do best."

"Stop. Be nice." You scold him. "They're literally just high school seniors."

"Yeah.. so, visitors?" Seungmin furrows his brows. "I said what I said." You snort just as you finish up your frozen yogurt cup and place it down onto your tray.

"I heard that new mochi donut place opened in downtown." Soobin nonchalantly adds as he scrolls through his phone. "We should go before practice."

"We should." Chaery squeals. "I wholeheartedly agree with you for once!" Soobin furrows his brows at her before [playfully] threatening to take back his fries.

"Are you driving? I'm kinda low on gas." Seungmin asks.

"Yeah, why not?" Soobin shrugs, being the first to stand and drop off his tray. "Meet us at the library after class, Chaery?" The rest of your group follows and agrees in unison.

"Mm, sure. Guess I'll just wait around there, then. I do need to get some homework done so I can study all night." Chaery adds before looking at you. "Hey, you're seeing Yunho in class today right?"

"Sure am."

"Gonna sit next to him?" You chuckle.

"Chaery, sorry to break it to you, but that one time was a coincidence. He just didn't have anywhere else to sit."

"Whatever you say. I'm sure you'll find him in the same seat today."

"What are you, cupid?"

"Whatever you want me to be. As long as I can get you the fuck away from Park Seonghwa." She pretends to gag, making you laugh.

"You're too much."

"Call it what you want, I just care about you." She swings her arm around you as your group walks over to the library. It's quite busy at this time— lots of foot traffic, with people in and out of classes or hanging out. You, Soobin and Seungmin bid farewell to Chaery as she heads into the quiet section of the library to get work done, while the three of you head upstairs to your classrooms. There's still about 5 minutes to spare, more than enough time for you to head to your seat and settle in before class. So, you do just that— head to your seat and settle in.

Except to your surprise, Jeong Yunho is sitting in that same seat next to you.

You pause in your steps for a second before continuing to walk over, observing as he types away at his laptop. You're sure he can feel you coming, but he doesn't do much to acknowledge you until you take a seat. He glances over at you with a small smile, muttering a soft:

"Hi."

"Hey Yunho."

"How was the rest of your walk?"

"My walk?" You raise a brow before it clicks in your head. "Oh, right! With Chaery. Yeah, it was good. How was yours?" You chuckle as you take out your notebook. "Were you able to get some sleep that night?" You remembered. Such a minor detail for Yunho, but you remembered.

"Uh, yeah. Enough to suffice."

"Good." You chuckle. "By the way, thanks again for sending me that stuff. It's super helpful."

"Glad it is." Your eyes glance up to Dr. Nelson walking in and setting his things down on the front desk. Your smile fades when Dr. Nelson begins class and starts talking all this nonsense about a major paper assignment.

"Might have to bother you again for more help with this later." Yunho chuckles a bit and shakes his head.

"You're not a bother. I don't mind." He says close to a whisper. You give him one last smile before diverting your attention back to Dr. Nelson, jotting down some notes about his topic of the day.

Class goes by as it typically does, with you being able to work with Yunho on another in-class assignment. He asks about the rest of your afternoon, and you tell him about your plans with friends, dance practice and your evening class. He simply nods before explaining that he'll be working on some other projects for the remainder of the day. It falls silent a majority of the time you're working with him, however you don't mind keeping up the conversation. He's easy to talk to, and quite frankly, you don't find Yunho the least bit intimidating or awkward.

At least, you couldn't pick up on it during your interactions with him.

You're just hoping he's fond of your company, too. Hopefully, you don't annoy him— especially when you ask for help.

"Don't work too hard, okay?" You say as you pack up your things and start to head out of the classroom. Yunho follows shortly after, slinging his backpack strap over his shoulder.

"Mm, I'll try. I do have lots of things to cross off, though."

"Would you like me to get you a mochi donut to give you some energy?" He laughs.

"That's very nice of you, but no thanks. I'll be good."

"Okay. Suit yourself." You tease before waving at him one last time. "See ya around?"

"Yeah." Is all he responds with. He watches as you meet your friends and head downstairs, with Chaery waiting for your group at the bottom of the steps. He smiles a bit when he sees you hug her like you haven't seen her in years, becoming fond of how good you look being happy.

You should be happy.

He doesn't know much about you yet, but he does appreciate your energy and how kind you are around him.

Meanwhile, you're enjoying the walk down to the lot with your friends. You're happy to be reunited with your bestfriends, class wasn't too bad for the first time in ages and you're off to get some good mochi donuts. But of course, you've come to learn that these things don't last, and they don't last for one reason only—

"Hey." Seonghwa says, catching you as he walks out of the gym. "Can I talk to you for a second?" You sigh as you slow your pace, letting your friends walk ahead.

"Seonghwa, I don't have time. We're literally about to leave."

"Just 2 minutes." Your friends look back at you, Chaery making it very obvious of her distaste for him. He doesn't care much though, because what Seonghwa wants is what he gets. He won't stop until he gets it. "Please, 2 minutes."

"Fine." You cross your arms. "What?"

"You're still upset?"

"Why wouldn't I be, Hwa? Tell me one good reason."

"I said I was sorry. We were just talking. I didn't know I couldn't talk to my classmates."

"Right. Just talking even with your other classmate who stepped out of your car that morning, too?"

"Baby." He groans a bit. "She just needed a ride. Why do I have to explain all of this to you? You know I wouldn't do that."

"Unfortunately, no. I don't know. I don't know what you're up to when we aren't together."

"And I'm telling you now. Stop listening to other people and assuming. Just talk to me and ask me." He says. "I hate when we're like this. I don't want you mad, and I just wanna move past this." He actually sounds a bit worried, but you know better than to just let your guard down right away because he has hurt you before. He has done things 'behind your back.' He has made it very clear what you were to him. "Besides, it's not just me. That whole thing with Yunho—"

"No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to drag him into this." You shake your head. "This is such a waste of time, and we're just going in circles. I need to go." You turn but he gently grabs you by the wrist to stop you.

"Okay, okay. Baby. I'll stop. I'm sorry." There he goes again. At this point, all you can do is stare at him. You have nothing else to say, and you're not sure what else to do. Seonghwa is going in circles and you know it's because he's sorry that he got caught;

Not because he is truly and genuinely sorry about being a dick and treating you this way.

"Y/N, let's go. We don't have much time before practice." Soobin calls out, his eyes glued on Seonghwa.

"I really need to go."

"I'll come pick you up tonight then, okay? After practice." You don't say anything— don't do anything really— besides give Seonghwa one last look before turning on your heel to head back to your friends. "I'll be there." He says as you continue walking, letting out a deep sigh.

"Sorry." You climb in next to Chaery in the backseat and buckle in, with Soobin driving out of the lot.

"It's cool. We should just go so we can get back in time. Hyunjin will never let it go if we show up late." Seungmin says.

"We'll just shove a mochi donut in his face, he'll be okay." Chaery responds, texting away before turning her attention towards you. "Babe, what was that about?"

"He was just trying to apologize for how it's been."

"How.. what's been? He's always been this way so what's the difference?"

"I don't know."

"Are you seeing him later?"

"I guess."

"He better make that the best damn apology anyone has ever seen."

"Let's hope so." You give her a pursed smile and shrug.

Soobin takes the quick drive into downtown, pulling up to a parking spot just around the corner from the new mochi donut shop. There's a few people waiting in line outside, but it moves quick. The four of you fall in line, each chiming in about how the day went and anything new that's happened. Soobin starts to discuss plans for Christmas break that'll soon peak around the corner— explaining how he plans to go home and spend time with his baby cousins who will be in town. You find out Seungmin and Chaery also plan to go home every now and then. For you, you're not really sure what your plans are. Perhaps you'll fall in the middle since you do love seeing your mom and older sister, however the space and freedom is always nice.

The line continues to move bit by bit until your group is finally at the front. Seungmin orders two boxes to bring to the studio, while the rest of your group orders individual donuts to try out. Before eating your donut, you snap a picture and immediately think about Yunho. You second-guess texting the photo to him, but you do it anyways— hoping it will give him some kind of boost of energy for his evening.

Which, is fair. Because Yunho is in the library already struggling to get through some of this project.

you: here's your donut! i'll eat it on your behalf.

Yunho chuckles a bit to himself before responding.

yunho: thanks. 😊 really appreciate the support.

you: hopefully you can feel the boost of energy from here!

yunho: already do!

You giggle and set your phone into your pocket before continuing on with your friends, mentally preparing for your own evening of practice and class.

Yunho makes his trek to the back parking lot like he usually does at this time, not expecting many people to be around. It's exceptionally chilly tonight that he sucks in a sharp breath to prevent his teeth from chattering too much. He does a little shimmy too, hoping it'll shake the feeling off from his bones until he gets to his car.

God, this walk couldn't be any longer.

As he finally arrives to the back lot, he catches you sitting at the same bench that he saw you sitting at last time. He lets out a breath and shakes his head, slowly walking to his car to give Seonghwa some time to make it to you before he climbs in.

Too bad that doesn't fucking happen.

He tried, he really tried to walk as slow as he could in this cold weather, but he couldn't prolong it any further. He pops his trunk and tosses his bag in, contemplating what his next move is when he sees you wiping away at your face. You're crying, and sitting in the cold— it's a damn shame he can't molly-whop Seonghwa's ass into the next lifetime right at this very moment.

"Fucking dick." He mutters to himself when he climbs into his car and drives over to the entrance, quickly hopping out to jog over to you with his extra jacket in hand. You don't really notice him though [and he doesn't wanna scare the hell out of you], so he stops at a certain distance before clearing his throat. You turn to him with watery eyes, but you manage to put on a tiny smile for him anyway. Probably to try and hide the fact that you're crying over Park Seonghwa, but it's too late.

He knows.

"Yunho, hi." You wipe at your face once more. "What're you doing here?"

"I was just about to leave, but I saw you sitting here."

"Oh, no. Don't worry about me. My ride is.. coming." You pause a bit in between words.

"You sure?" Yunho cocks a brow up and you nod. No.

"Yes." You lie anyway. Truth be told, you know Seonghwa isn't coming at this point but you still hold onto hope. It's been close to a fucking hour and you ridiculously hold onto hope. You glance at Yunho but his facial expression shows that he doesn't believe you one bit.

He knows, he knows.

So, he gestures towards his car and purses his lips together.

"It's freezing. If you really wanna wait for him, you can wait in my car until he gets closer." Is all he says. Wow, he really knows. "I just can't let you wait here any longer by yourself." You look at him and immediately know through his look alone that he's not gonna let this one go. You simply give him a curt nod before standing. He extends his arms out when you get a little closer, draping his jacket over your shoulders. It's a thick zip-up, and Yunho's scent lingers on the fabric. He smells good, you think— hints of an earthy, woody cologne he uses, mixed with laundry detergent. "You can wear my jacket for now to warm up."

"Yunho, you really don't have to."

"I do." He says in a gentle tone. He swings his passenger door open, allowing you to settle in before hopping in the driver's seat. He instantly turns up the heat before sitting back and scrolling through his phone, picking a song on his playlist to play softly in the background.

"He's not coming." You say close to a whisper as you fiddle with your fingers on your lap, Yunho cocking his head to the side to look at you.

"I'll take you home then."

"No, it's alright. I can call my roommates—"

"We live in the same community, it's not a problem Y/N." He chuckles.

"Right. Thank you." You look up at him and he gives you a toothless smile before driving off. It's a little awkward, embarrassing even, that you were caught crying over somebody who didn't deserve the tears. Somebody who stood you up and left you in the cold, somebody who didn't even care to text or call. Somebody who is probably getting busy as we speak—

Yeah, definitely undeserving.

You almost wanna cry again as you look out the window, feeling so incredibly small and stupid for this shit. But, it's like Yunho knows what's going on in your head, what you're feeling like. He doesn't have to ask, and quite frankly, he's pretty pissed himself that Seonghwa could just continuously leave you out in the cold like that. Who the fuck does that?

"You deserve better." Yunho says, running his finger across his bottom lip as he continues to keep his eyes on the road.

"I know."

"I don't know the whole story, and I can't say I understand, but you can't keep hoping Seonghwa will change for you. He's an absolute dick."

"Yeah, he is." You admit it with a whisper. Yunho won't say anything more though, he didn't necessarily pick you up to lecture you.

"Is there anything you need before going home?" You shake your head.

"No, just wanna get home and get comfy."

"Okay."

"I definitely need to get you lunch now." He chuckles and shakes his head.

"You don't owe me anything."

"So, you don't wanna have lunch with me tomorrow?" You look at him all doe-eyed and he can't help but smile bigger. You're cute.

"Never said that. I just don't want you to repay me for anything."

"Just this once?" You pout a bit. You're so cute. "We can go to that new brunch place in town."

"If you wanted to hang out, you could've just asked." He smirks and you let out a small snort.

"Funny." You turn to him. "Seriously. If you're free, let me buy you lunch. At least something to say thank you for keeping me warm and out of the cold." He nods.

"Sure. I have a good break in between classes tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll just text you when I get out of my class then." You lean your head back against the headrest and stare out the window, exhaustion slowly starting to hit you. "By the way, that literature review you helped me with? I got an A on it."

"Sweet. Nice to know I can be of help." You chuckle.

"You're a lot of help." Yunho smiles to himself as he continues to drive, a comfortable silence falling in the car for the rest of the way.

When he pulls into the lot, he snags a parking spot near his building just because he knows he'll walk you over to yours. It's a small, tightknit community, and the walk to your building is merely across the parking lot, but it's his priority to make sure you get home safely. He does a slight jog to open your door before popping the trunk to grab your things, handing you your bag with a soft smile on his face.

He's cute.

"Well, I'm there, so.." You point towards your building. "See you tomorrow?" He shakes his head.

"Come on, I'll walk you."

"Yunho—"

"It's a quick walk."

"You do too much for me." He looks at the ground and lazily kicks at the fallen leaves.

"I don't think so. This is the bare minimum, and it's quite obvious someone hasn't been putting in the effort." He sucks on his bottom lip while looking at you.

"You can say that."

"I don't mean to say this in an attacking manner or anything."

"No I know, Yunho. I know you wouldn't do that."

"Good." He stops in front of the stairs that'll lead you up to your unit.

"Thanks for everything tonight."

"Anytime."

"Goodnight Yunho, walk safely." He lets out a small laugh.

"Goodnight Y/N." He watches as you slowly walk up the steps, only turning when he feels satisfied enough to leave you.

"Oh, Yunho!" You call for him around the corner of the steps and poke your head out. "Your jacket?"

"You can just give it to me tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight!"

"Night." He chuckles, digging his hands into his pockets as he walks off to his apartment.

Per usual, he steps in and hears his roommate yelling at his computer screen while locked away in his room. His roommate is cool and all, but they talk here and there; not too often. Yeosang is usually minding his own business with his own group of friends, in and out of the apartment with the occasional guest over. Other times, he's locked in his room while playing games. He cooks ramen a lot, and he typically asks Yunho if he wants some— which is nice of him, and he's grateful. Yunho is okay with being in his own company for the most part. As a matter of fact, it's less of a headache that way since he doesn't have to worry much about others around him. He's always been quiet and more reserved, moreso just for the sake of his own peace. He doesn't go out of his way for people, so he finds himself chuckling at the fact that he pulled all that shit for you. Not saying you weren't worth the trouble, but it felt so out of character that he wasn't sure what he was trying to do here. Though, he can say he does find comfort in your company and he can't say that for a lot of people. It's easy for him to feel relaxed around you even though he hasn't spent a lot of time with you outside of the classroom. It's just who you are and how you carry yourself. Your aura, your personality.

It's nice, refreshing really. You don't have to try to be these things, it comes naturally.

Suddenly, Yeosang's door swings open and he's walking out in a baggy black tee and sweats. Yunho decides he'll cook up some spam.

"What's up, dude." Yeosang grabs a water bottle from the fridge.

"I'm about to cook some spam, do you want some?" Yeosang shakes his head.

"I'm good, thanks. Had dinner earlier." Yeosang looks at him with a brow cocked up. "Surprised you didn't grab anything on your way home?"

"Was gonna but got caught up with something as I was about to leave."

"Something or someone?"

"Someone." Yunho shrugs.

"Are you seeing someone?"

"What, no?! I just ran into Y/N and she was having a rough night."

"Y/N? The junior messing with Park Seonghwa?" Yeosang says and Yunho rolls his eyes. Unbelievable. You can't even spell your name without Seonghwa nowadays.

"Uh, yeah her."

"Surprised that's still a thing." Yeosang does a slight head tilt. "He must have some feelings, right? I've never seen him hold onto someone for so long the way he does with Y/N." Yunho shrugs. He doesn't really wanna talk about this right now, let alone think about you and Seonghwa. Because what does Yeosang even mean? Feelings?

The truth is that Seonghwa is a dumbass and that's that.

He doesn't do feelings.

"He left her out in the cold for close to an hour, so. Highly doubt it's that." Yunho says with a subtle hint of venom in his words. Yeosang catches on though, even when Yunho tries to avoid eye contact and continues to quietly cook away at his spam.

"Poor girl. She really deserves better." Yunho finally looks at him for a brief moment, but gives him a quick nod before returning his attention to the pan.

"Sure you don't want any?"

"Positive. Thanks." Yunho shrugs just as Yeosang begins to head back to his room. "Alright, calling it a night." Yunho nods in acknowledgement before Yeosang can shut his door. Once he's finished cooking, he shuts off the heat, cleans a bit and takes his bowl into his room.

The only lights bouncing off of the walls are from his computer screens. There's something soothing about sitting in a dimly lit room at this time of night, especially when Yunho finds his mind wandering. He's eating and catching up on his show, but he's not really catching onto anything that's happening or what's being said. Before he can even think about what he's trying to do, he picks up his phone and pulls up your message thread. He chuckles to himself a bit re-reading the message you sent him with a picture of your mochi donut.

Cute.

He doesn't really think much about other people, but he's wondering if you're okay. He still can't believe Seonghwa left you out in the cold, and he knows you have been crying.

No, he needs to give you space. You give him some attention and now he's acting up.

No, Yunho.

Chill the fuck out.

He sighs to himself and shoves his phone to the side, erasing every possible text he could draft in his head because he won't send you a text. He'll let you be. He'll give you your space, let you be in your own peace.

Besides, you might prefer to recover alone. Recharge alone. Be alone.

He hopes you are okay.

He hopes you are warm and comfortable, and that you aren't crying over Park Seonghwa's dumbass.

Hopefully, sleep finds you.

But tonight, he doesn't think sleep will find him.

"Hey." You shuttle into the apartment and toss your things aside. "Chaery and Soobin aren't home yet?"

"Hey, no. They have some studying to get done and wanted to do it at the library." Seungmin's eyes glaze over you. "I thought you were gonna be with Seonghwa?" He asks as he cooks himself a cheese quesadilla.

"Well, he never picked me up."

"What?" Seungmin furrows his brows as he angrily shuts off the burner and turns to you. "I swear I'll fight him. It's freezing outside. Doesn't he know that?"

"I know, Seungmin. Please don't tell Soobin or Chaery, I don't wanna hear it right now." He sighs heavily and shakes his head as if to dismiss his thoughts.

"Fine, whatever. I just hope this finally gives you enough of a reason to stop messing with him." You look down, feeling like a child being scolded by their parent. "So how did you get home? Whose jacket are you wearing?" He comes closer to inspect you.

"It's.. Yunho's."

"Yunho? How did you get Yunho's jacket?"

"He saw me waiting out in the cold and gave me his jacket."

"He took you home?" You nod.

"Yeah, when I told him Seonghwa wasn't gonna come."

"I'm really glad he was there."

"I am too. He even walked me to the steps before leaving."

"God, Y/N. You've gotten so used to the way Seonghwa treats you, and to be honest, I hate it. He's a piece of shit. Just date Yunho." You sigh.

"Not you, too."

"I mean, I'm partially joking, but Yunho has already done more for you in these past days than Seonghwa has the past months. You're my bestfriend, and you know I love you. You're way too good for him."

"Yunho and I are just friends, classmates even. We don't really talk like that."

"Still, he manages to help you when you need it the most without asking for anything in return. Says a lot about his character."

"I'm just gonna go shower." Seungmin sighs when he sees you hauling your things into your room. "I still have some homework to get done."

"Do you want me to make you some food?"

"Sure, whatever you whip up, I'll eat." You give him a small, but somewhat defeated, smile. "Thank you."

"Of course." And with that, you head in for a long, hot shower, unsure of how to feel tonight. You knew you needed to stop messing with Seonghwa, but you weren't sure why it was hard for you to cut him off. Maybe it was the attention you received behind doors, Seonghwa being a different Seonghwa that showered you in love, care— even though you knew he didn't entirely mean it. That he didn't genuinely care or feel for you, that he can't commit to you and only you.

He likes the idea of you the most, not you.

But Seonghwa wasn't the only thing occupying your thoughts, it was definitely Yunho, too. You couldn't help but wonder where all of that came from when you didn't know much about him and he didn't know much about you.

Maybe you were used to the way that Seonghwa treated you. It's not that Yunho was doing too much, it was the fact that you already expected less.

You were used to less.

Not even the bare minimum.

Hopping out of the shower, Seungmin has a hot bowl of rice with a sausage and egg omelett sitting on your desk along with a piping hot cup of green tea [drenched in honey, just the way you like it]. You smile and dig in, scrolling through your phone to see a notification from Seonghwa—

seonghwa: fuck baby, i'm sorry. something came up

seonghwa: where are you?

seonghwa: i'm so sorry about everything, i know we've been fighting lately and i haven't been my best towards you. i'll make it up to you, i promise

seonghwa: baby please, talk to me. can i come get you now?

You roll your eyes and toss your phone aside, pulling out your laptop so you can finish up your homework. You don't feel like responding to Seonghwa, and you don't feel like thinking about him any longer.

He's already taken up too much of your time and effort.

You slip on your headphones and power through the rest of the assignments you had left. It wasn't much, and it doesn't take long, so you begin to draft out bits and pieces to your literature paper.

Suddenly, you think of Yunho again.

A small smile is etched across your face when you remember his company tonight. You really are truly grateful he stepped in and brought you home.

Maybe he's on his walk, you're not sure. But, you don't want to be a bother.

You just hope he's okay and that he's taking care of himself after tonight.

He deserves it.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie @h-nji [bold = can’t tag 🥺]

#yunho fanfic #yunho series #jeong yunho series #jeong yunho fanfic #ateez series #ateez fanfic #ateez #yunho #yunho x reader #jeong yunho x reader #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #yunho smut #yunho angst #yunho fluff #jeong yunho smut #jeong yunho angst #jeong yunho fluff #hwaslayer: project make you love me

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ranposgirlboss · 1 year

Text

~late night car drives with bsd charas~

this is an idea i got while listening to depressing vocaliod songs, SO HERE WE ARE!!! these are just some hc i have about how it would go, some charas are COMPLETELY platonic!! (this is mostly platonic in the 1st place tbh) this is my first time writing on this app, and i haven't written anything online in a few years, so if the formatting is weird, PLEASE TELL ME IDK WHAT IM DOIMNHG

chara list: dazai, chuuya, poe, ranpo, and yosano

GENRE: fluff fluff fluff and sillies

enjoy!!

-----------------------------

DAZAI

-HESSS DEEEEEFFF THE TYPE TO BRING YOU ON LATE-NIGHT DRIVES!!!!!

-he would probably be going to some weird ass convenience store with you at ungodly hours in the morning 💀

-HE EITHER SINGS THE MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OR THE MOST UPBEAT SILLY SONGS THERE IS LITERALLY NO IN BETWEEN

-i feel like he would mess with you and fucking drift the car when yall turn

-lets just say you get close to dying more then once 😁

-one time when yall tried to sneak out, kunikida caught yalls asses (your ears still hurt to this day from the mouthing off you got from kunikida)

-all in all, VERY FUN TO GO OUT WITH!!! WOULD RECOMMEND IF YOU WANT CHAOS!!!! OR IF YOU LIKE ALMOST DYING 10 TIMES IN 30 MINS <3333

CHUUYA

-ok so i know i said late night CAR rides BUT CMON WHO DOESNT WANNA RIDE A COOL ASS MOTORCYCLE WITH CHUUYA!??!?!?/1

-mf has HORRIBLE ROAD RAGE!!!

-i hc that when chuuya gets really pissed and the person is super rude to him, he fucking makes their car float...LIKE FULL ON 😭

-AND THEN HELL MAKE THEM SAY SORRY

-but other then his road rage, its honestly pretty chill

-i know that he has a BANGER playlist, I JUST KNOW IT

-i fell like he'd also play around on the motorcycle a bit, BUT AT LEAST HE WOULDNT NEARLY KILL YOU UNLIKE DAZAI (눈‸눈)

-id say its pretty nice and balanced, with enough calmness to make it enjoyable for the most part, but enough thrill to keep asking him to take you out <33

RANPO

-just gonna let you know right off the bat, his ass is NOT driving 😂

-there is a high chance that he JUST woke up and started banging on your door because he had cravings and well, he ran out of his snacks...so OBVIOUSLY he had to bang on your door, its important!!!

-and even if he was completely awake...he would get yall lost so fast

-so you were driving him

-honestly? its kinda funny to see groggy ranpo walk around and try to grab what snack he wants at the convenience store when he's barely awake

-bro literally drops the bag like 5 times (you picked it up all 5 bc you kinda pitied him rn 😭)

-he basically ends up sleep walking his ass outta there

-the ride is mostly quiet, mainly because ranpo falls asleep on the way back

-imagine if you played heavy metal and woke him up

POE

-HE WOULD DRIVE WITH YOU FREQUENTLY, DUE TO HIM BEING A NIGHT OWL

-these car rides would be so peaceful

-ngl he would probably sometimes take you out just to drive with you (its not like gas is a problem for him anyways 😭)

-HE HAS SUCH A GOOD PLAYLIST OF SONGS TO JUST SIT THERE AND DAYDREAM TO

-doesnt seem like a talker tbh, he might ask you if you want to go anywhere specific, but you guys mostly just listen to music together (he saves the story telling for another time <3)

-I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD MAKE A PLAYLIST THAT LIKE KIND OF HAS A STORY LINE SO IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO DAYDREAM TO THE SONGS CUZ YOU COULD CREATE YOUR OWN STORY TO THEM

-you hold karl in your lap and pet him like you're an evil villain (cannon)

-very calming and relaxing drive <33

YOSANO

-UGH IM SO GAY FOR HER

-ngl she kinda gives dazai vibes, in terms of playlist

-there has been more than one occasion when she just drunk-drove you

-LUCKILY YALL DONT DIE??!?!?!??! HOLY FUCK

-shes a small talker, OR A GOSSIPER WHILE YALL DRIVE

-yall just have so much fun talking about the ada and everything that's going on there <333

-would scream the lyrics to any 2010's throwback song, while having a (hopefully) safe dance party

-very fun to be around, and even though she drunk drives, shes def safer then dazai

-----------------------

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

PLEASE SEND ME REQS I BEG OF YOU

#bsd #dazai x reader #ranpo x reader #poe x reader bsd #poe x reader #yosano x reader #chuuya x reader #fluff #wholesome #ugh i want them to be real #justiceforjared

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4awny · 2 years

Text

Sp Driving Headcanons that literally nobody asked for

Stan:-

first one to get his licence obvs

usually a calm and defensive driver

gets a scratch on his car and says aw man my dad's gonna kill me

even when he's 30

drives drunk probably

car is a mess. shit everywhere

overall? man can drive. 8/10

Kenny:-

doesn't have licence. couldn't afford that shit

drives anyway

and it's his brother's piece of shit car

can't park for shit, usually just hopes for the best

has a bunch of naughty bumper stickers for sure

can fix his own car

something always broken

huge dent on the side. "jeez man, how did that get there?"

knowing full well it was a hit and run

felt bad so left a note on the dude's car: hit your car but I'm broke and dont have a licence. my bad sorry. hope you get it fixed

somehow never gets pulled over

overall, dude shouldn't even be on the road. 1/10

Kyle:-

suspect to road rage. man's got issues

hates traffic with a white hot passion

no one is allowed to eat in his car... ever.

cartman is the only one that ignores this rule and is constantly hiding wrappers in random places to annoy him

it annoys him

has run a red light on more than a few occasions

got caught speeding. argued his way out of it. thanks dad

overall, a decent driver but mf needs to chill. 7/10

Cartman:-

hates slow drivers

will happily park in disabled spots

and will say "not every disability is visible!"

and then actually gets offended when someone calls him out for doing it

usually kyle

the type of asshole to say "someone better have died for this" when driving past a collision that got him stuck on the highway for 2 hours

tailgates people for fun

hates being tailgated

gets cut off. follows them for 20 mins just to call them a useless cunt

1 ticket away from losing his licence

overall? 4/10. enuff said

Butters:-

taps the wheel along to songs

sings a lot

sometimes oblivious to road signs

because he's usually looking at the scenery around him

drives 10mph under the speed limit

just to be safe

always offers to drive the guys

the guys: 😒😒😒😒

overall, 6/10. score would be higher if the singing stopped

Craig:-

finds driving a chore

but also likes having his own transport so he can bail anytime he wants

like that one time clyde surprised him with a huge birthday party. but that's another story

parks at the back of the parking lot

then regrets it when it rains

never gets to play his own music, because whoever's in the front is in charge of the bluetooth. it's always clyde

mf always giving lifts to people

for free too

always questions himself why he does it

overall, dude deserves a medal for putting up with so much shit. 10/10

Clyde:-

never drives. simple as that

thank fuck for craig and drive thrus, huh

overall, the leech gets a solid 0/10 and that's being generous

Tweek:-

6 failed attempts before he eventually passed

thought he was cursed

turns out he cant drive for shit

only drives to places he's familiar with

so basically a 3 mile radius from his house

drives in silence. man cannot concentrate

tells people to shut up if they are talking to him when he's driving

like I said, man cannot concentrate

overall? I mean, at least he tries. 5/10 for effort

Tolkien:-

listens to the same radio station

pretty observant. can see the accident before it even happens

the most sensible driver out of everyone

somehow never gets asked to drive tho

takes advantage of that

always offers to pay for gas

is the only one that does

overall, a great driver. 9/10. wd buddy

#thanks for coming gang #about time i contributed #south park #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #craig tucker #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #clyde donovan #tolkien black #token black #tweek tweak #butters stotch #southpark #south park headcanons

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 11 months

Note

wibta if I started a different discord chat for my friend group just to exclude one person

I know it sounds bad and that I'm just starting shit but we've all been friends for 10+ years now so it's not something I'm considering lightly. We currently have a private discord server of just the 4 of us that we switched to as opposed to a traditional gc since we all have different phones and its good for having multiple conversations, quality photos and videos, and keeping a clear record of when and where plans are made

Anyway, this isn't a recent problem but the friend (A) has always had a tardiness problem it started with her not being able to wake up early in the morning but even if we have late night/afternoon plans she still can't get dressed and/or finish her makeup on time and causes us to be consistently at least 1 hour late which I was hoping she'd start growing out of after highschool but this isn't the case (we're now all 22+) and is especially frustrating when going out to eat bc by the time we leave all of us are hangry and expected to eat hours earlier. Recently A has started prioritizing other friends of hers which is nbd she can have other friends we all do except she'll drop plans last min with us to go with them which is also annoying bc it's disrespectful for the rest of us to be blown off like that. We're clearly not her priority anymore but she always expects to be ours, plans have to be on her work schedule, on her timeframe, on if she will be tired etc. plus being an afterthought leaves out a friend in the group (B) who had to move out of state with family and now he can't tell if we're making plans behind *his* back and he feels left in the dark when in truth he knows as much as I and the other local friend (C) do

It's to the point we've stopped doing any plans that start before like 2pm because we can't rely on her to be ready but she'll be upset if we don't wait for her while she's still getting ready, esp cuz we usually carpool, which already limits what we want to do together in the first place

However, it was my birthday recently and I'm currently ~2hr drive (no more than 3 with heavy traffic) from A and C, who doesn't have a car and needs to be picked up by A. I really wanted to go to my fav breakfast place and had some other plans for after and I kept emphasizing what time A needed to get here because the place closes early (they only serve breakfast). And at this point no one should be surprised she didn't arrive until after 1pm, after the place was closed, and at that point no one had eaten all day so we had to rush and find somewhere else that'd be open and nearby bc we were all starving and half my plans for the day were gone bc they were based on places we'd go after breakfast that also close in the afternoon (2-5 depending on the place) and since they are my closest friends and dont know my other friends who live closer and I've only known for less than 2 yrs (who I wasn't comfortable to ask for bday presents from yet still) (still got one from 1 even tho I insisted they didn't have to tho lol) they were the only people I made solid birthday plans with this year so it was really heartbreaking to deal with and have everything I was excited for be cancelled since it's hard for me to go out like this on my own w anxiety and busy work schedule too but I scheduled the day off. I was hoping that she would try even just a little bit because it was my birthday the one day I ask for literally anything and we rarely see each other now bc of conflicting work schedules and I DID plan for her to be semi late in secret but I didn't expect her to arrive for breakfast after 12

Anyway that's the whole backstory plus the recent straw on the camel's back but I just want to make a new chat between me, B, and C, to plan virtual movie and game nights bc she never reads the events chat anyway and all our online call plans grind to a halt for hours or days waiting for an answer bc at least C still wants to try and include A even tho her schedule is so busy or she's tired or will prob be late to the call and make us wait for her or cancel or leave early or we debate what game/movie A wants but she doesn't even NEED to be there it's just like.. Minecraft. Or a pirated 90s movie we're streaming or wtvr

I've tried saying like "hey I'm gonna be playing x on Saturday if anyone's free come and join me" but that usually just ends in me gaming alone bc it's so noncommittal the others will catch up on other work they have but really I'm just trying to hang with any of them even if 1 person can't make it at the time we don't always have to only call in a group yk?

A is nice otherwise like she's still my friend just planning anything with her is starting to be like pulling teeth and I still want to keep in touch with her and hear how she's doing from our discord server but stuff like that I just want to start separating her from weekly calls (which are currently more like monthly) bc she's so flakey but I know it's kinda shitty to purposefully leave her out and she'd be upset if she ever found out I was doing that.

I'm also open to advice on how to deal with this situation in general, thus the detail, without causing a huge fight or make anyone pick sides +her tardiness won't be something we can talk through it's something we've worked on for years and recently have just given up and accepted since she's late even to things that are important to her

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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noxturnalpascal · 29 days

Text

Life Update

It feels to be like I've been pretty absent on here and that bums me out. I had to step back a little for my mental health because the negativity in this fandom does affect me. But stepping back also bums me out because this site can be SO fun when I'm interacting with my moots and making new moots and all of us are squealing about new pics of our boyfriend together.

That being said - the MAJOR reason I have been absent in the past 2 weeks is because of travel. And oh boy.... is this a whopper of a story. So, if you're interested in a tale of insanity, read below the cut.

[TL;DR] I'm back (not that I went anywhere)

sorry I couldn't resist TUWOMT reference, I actually went a lot of places and some of them were good and some were terrible but I really am back now. (Also, I posted this at 2am apparently but did not mean to do that then, so I am reposting now)

So first of all, I was in my hometown in upstate NY last week visiting my family because we are planning to move to the West Coast after our lease is up here so we wanted to visit again before we moved across the country. I live in Florida and we drove 2 days - with our cat in tow - (because my anxiety is so bad it makes it impossible for me to step on an airplane). While I was home I took the train with my bff to Manhattan for 3 days and we hung out there, didn't get to meet Pedro Pascal even once, and took the train back to my hometown. My husband and I drove the 2 days back home and got back Sunday night. It was exhausting and I was only home for like 38 hours and then Tuesday at 1pm I began my next trip. Started with an 18 hour bus ride from Orlando to Lafayette, Louisiana to get a train from Lafayette to Los Angeles, CA. I was planning on being there 12 days before getting the train back to Lafayette and then a bus back to Orlando.

So as I've said I have a terrible fear of flying and I am also the owner of a very bad back (and since my husband and I share a car) I didn’t want to do all that driving alone (dangerous/stressful and bad back) and couldn’t fly cuz of my mental illness. So this is by no means meant to be offensive, but I’m apparently too much of a babygirl to be a bus person. I did not know this. I thought I was tough. Nope. 2.5 hours in on the bus ride and I’ve been listening to this man 2 rows in front of me play instagram reels on his phone the whole time even though the driver said 5 times (FIVE TIMES) to wear headphones….. Well the driver gets sick of it, pulls over at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and tells the guy to leave. He won't so the cops are called. The cops show up and he finally gets off the bus after a 30 min delay. I’m like….. WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS??? I didn't know if this man was gonna get mad and start swinging on the bus driver or the cops..... it was scary.

The first station I was at in Orlando I almost threw up cuz I was so nervous. Before I got on the bus I went to pee and to wash my hands and there wasn’t any fucking soap in the bathroom. I thought that was bad. AND YET SOMEHOW.... every subsequent stop was somehow worse. Literally, I kept saying to myself “this can’t get any worse” ....and it kept getting worse. These are the sketchiest, dirtiest fucking places you can imagine. I was staring at this toothless old white dude behind the counter at one of their convenience stores and thought to myself “this has got to be a movie set cuz this can’t be real.” Kind of waiting for someone to jump out and say "PSYCH this is all a joke. I know the floors here look like they were mopped with literal dirt, and everyone looks angry or drugged out, but this is all fake. It's all a joke meant to make you lose your mind." But that didn't happen. I've just never experienced anything like it. I’ve never seen anything so disgusting in my life. The 2nd to last stop only had doors on 2 of the 7 bathroom stalls. One of the stations had a TV on that just played old reruns of a Jaime Fox show while every child in the building cried and coughed at alternating intervals. Yes, this was 3am, and they made three busses full of people cram into a station with not enough seats and wait around for an hour... This is not a joke.

I felt so fucking unsafe the whole time but I had to get off the bus at the stops and walk around (cuz they made you) but also cuz I was VIOLENTLY motion sick the whole fucking ride on the bus. Like clutching a barf bag with a pounding head and miserable. Also on the bus almost everyone else had two seats to themselves and I had a seat partner the entire time, but it kept changing. First it was a girl and then a kid and they were cool but then it was cigarette smelling guy and then guy who literally wouldn’t stop accidentally touching me, including putting his elbow in my back multiple times (I have fucking herniated discs so this did NOT feel good).

And when I tell you that my back hurt, i mean i couldn’t spread out or anything cuz someone was fucking next to me the whole time so my back was on fire. I was in so much pain I cried 3 separate times. So I couldn’t sleep cuz people kept talking and I was in pain and the ride was rough and guy kept touching me. And I just kept telling myself, ok countdown cuz you’re almost there you're almost there. And by now I told myself - this final stop - the bus/train station in Lafayette - is not going to be clean but it’s okay, because you’re going to be off the bus and it’s going to be okay.

WRONG....

When I tell you that they pulled up to a dark parking lot at 4:50am next to a building with gates drawn down over the doors and dropped me off - I was in fucking shock. “Is this building closed?” i shouted at the bus driver. “yeah,” he says, getting back on the bus. “Ummmm, where do i go?” I’m fucking starting to panic. “You can go sit on the platform till they open in a few hours.” and he’s gone.

I’m alone in the dark with my luggage at the fucking bus station in downtown Lafayette.

Oh except I’m not alone because there are 3 men milling about, one of them keeps asking me my name, two of them ride bikes past me back and forth. I go to sit on the platform and this alarm goes off and this voice comes over the loudspeaker shouting “THERE IS NO LOITERING ALLOWED HERE. PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.” and repeats non-stop. One of the guys goes “why is it doing that? Is it gonna call the police?” HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?? I FUCKING WISH IT WOULD MY DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I tell him my name to be nice and he keeps telling me i should come sit with him and this other guy cuz it’s “safer” and I’m like…. IS IT THO?!?!?!? and he keeps saying “youve never been here? Do you wanna go see downtown? It’s a short walk, i’ll help you roll your suitcase.” BRO WE’RE NOT GOING COURTING IT’S FUCKING FIVE IN THE MORNING. This man wants to go on a fucking stroll with me and I am just envisioning what my Forensic Files episode is gonna be like and hoping the re-enactment actor they get to play me isn't too ugly.

I’m desperately trying to call a lyft to take me literally anywhere else, and no one is accepting my ride request. FINALLY someone accepts, and after 45 minutes of sitting in the dark, trembling out of fear and cold in only a tshirt with my bags hunched around me, I get my ride. The lyft driver takes me to a Hilton hotel by the airport. I walk in, and I’m mid panic attack and crying and tell the employees there at 6am my story and ask if I can pay for a room so I have somewhere safe to hang out. They refuse to make me pay and offer me the lobby (lots of outlets and large, plush couches) for as long as I need it and tell me to help myself to the hot breakfast and coffee. Fucking Angels.

Does it stop there? No it doesn’t. Cuz I still have to go back to the train station for my train to California, which leaves at 12:30pm. So I spend HOURS in the hotel lobby, chilling and eating and it’s nice and I feel safe. I schedule a lyft to pick me up at 11:15 so I can get back to the train station with an hour before I’m scheduled to depart.

BUT OH WAIT.

10:45am I get a text that my train has been canceled. CANCELED.... Apparently, there are storms affecting the route, so my train will not be running between New Orleans and San Antonio, TX (I’m 2 stops after NO). But they will provide me BUS ACCOMMODATIONS to get me to San Antonio so I can continue my journey there.

Wrong word, my dude. BUS??? I’m fucking triggered. I start bawling like an insane person. The girls who let me stay in the lobby at this point are probably like “oh shit we thought she was normal but she’s crazy.” I call my husband, I call my mom, I call a couple friends. I’m a fucking mess. I just want to go home at this point but I’m still a 12 hour drive away (with no car of course) and OH YEAH I haven’t fucking slept!

So first thing’s first - I ask the hotel for a room and they feel terrible for me (cuz i’m a crying sniveling mess) and give me a discount on a suite and let me check in right away. I call Amtrak and cancel my train, sobbing on the phone with them (and it’s a man so he’s very awkward about it) but they give me a FULL refund. I most likely won’t get refunded at all for the VRBO rental I got for Los Angeles though. I got to the room and booked a rental car for the next day from the airport that I was like right next to, and so the plan was to sleep there overnight and get a lyft to the airport and drive back towards home the next day.

My husband offered to take off work and drive to meet me at an airport along the watly so I wouldn't have to drive the whole 12 hours with my terrible back. I ended up getting a Malibu which was such a nice ride and it had a lumbar support in the seat and my back felt FUCKING GREAT. I met up with my husband at our planned location and we drove home. Between the time change, massive rain storms, and construction traffic, we didn't get home till 10:30 but I fucking made it home. (Because of course with all my bad luck I was terrified that I was going to die on the way home.)

BUT IM HOME SAFE IF NOT A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR (mentally and physically exhausted). I will make a post later today with my plans for my writing updates. I have a new WIP I want to share and I know some of you are waiting on my current series as well.

TY always for your love and support ✌️💖🫂

#noxturnalpascal #personal

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pepprs · 7 months

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gonna have to delete this later due to the redacted horrors but moving out update. today and yesterday i toured apartments. the one i toured today was smaller yet more expensive and had lower ratings and is very far away from campus plus the actual tour itself was… a very distressing and disturbing experience and not just bc there were literally dead bugs in one of the units 🤢 but like the place just had bad vibes i guess. i don’t know why it was so awful for me but i had a terrible feeling in my gut the whole time and then was almost in a scary situation getting back to campus (totally unrelated to the tour / property lol) but it was ok and i made it back completely safe in the end im just still extremely like. triggered i guess and i can’t talk about it to anyone at home (bc they can’t know im trying to move out lol) which is making me want to cry. like my nervous system is disregulated as my therapist would say. in fight or flight mode. but anyway none of that is even important bc im not going to live there because you know where i think im going to live???? THE APARTMENT I TOURED YESTERDAY!!!!! it’s like 3-4 mins away from campus (not to mention literally RIGHTTTT next to a campus shuttle stop) and right down the street from a whole bunch of cute restaurants and stores etc etc including my former therapy place (lol) and my favorite restaurant near campus, the apartment is bigger, rent is lower, and the property is beautiful imo. the only problem is that the only 1br/1ba apartments are on the ground floor which in my mind means im more vulnerable to a) ppl trying to like break in or do whatever god forbid a million times b) bugs ☹️ but tbh id be willing to try to deal with that and see how it goes. it’s gotten consistently 4-5 star ratings from residents for the last year and it has in unit laundry too 🤯 im so nervous and excited. now i just have to work up the strength to actually like. move there and tell my family that’s what im doing when they don’t want me to move without being able to drive and they don’t want me to live alone. but omg im so excited i just want to make it official nowwww

#purrs #i think i might try to move in late jan / early feb which will be after my 25th bday and at that point i only have to get 15 hrs of driving #practice not 60 so hopefully by then i will at least have a license… maybe not a car at that point but i could potentially be close to #getting one. and i also really want to get a cat like right away but i probably should wait until i get the hang of living all by myself #before i do that (and i definitely think i will need to be able to drive in case there are any emergencies) but. omggggg #on the way to the terrible tour today the shuttle drove right past the place i want to live which i wasn’t even expecting and i was like 🥹#and the crazy thing is that my colleague besties and i drove past it a few months ago and i remember thinking ‘maybe that would be a nice #place to live’ and it turns out… not only is it a nice place to live but it might be MY place!!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯#m*ving o*t tag

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kalena-henden · 7 months

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These are all the shows I’ve watched in 2023 so far...

finished:

Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - Fantastic finish to the story! Top 3 Kdrama.

Unlock My Boss - Chae Jong Hyeop shines as an aspiring actor who winds up taking the roll of a lifetime as the new CEO of a tech company when the soul of the previous CEO gets stuck inside his phone. Wild concept but fun found family, corporate intrigue, and a sweet little romance that brews between the young new CEO and his assistant.

The Forbidden Marriage - Top 5 Kdrama. If you want romance, comedy, angst, and alot of love, this is your show. I had so much fun and was rewatching while it was airing.

King2Hearts - An unlikely romance sparks between a South Korean prince and a top North Korean (female) soldier leads to potential reconciliation between their two countries that is threatened by a crazy arms dealer whose cover is a magician. This a James Bond inspired, enemies to lovers, family dynasty, international war games drama. The unhinged villain has his own lair and minions but the only one who can match his off kilter mind games is the wily prince, who is equal parts smart, asshole, and lovable. The North Korean soldier is one of the only one’s who can go toe-to-toe with the prince to eventually bring out the best in him as they fall in love that is literally ride or die. There’s also a secondary romance with the princess and a royal guard. I loved parts of this and liked the rest.

Poong the Joseon Psychiatrist (S1 & S2) - I’m a big Kim Min Jae fan. He shines as a medical doctor who experiences trauma that drives him to suicide. He is saved by a passing noble woman and a short while later he saves her from suicide due to her own trauma. Both of them end up working at a rural clinic with another exiled doctor to treat the locals physical needs but also begin a new practice to treat people’s mental health needs as they try to recover from their own traumas. I loved S1 but S2 brought on some annoying new antagonistic love interests. It is a happy ending though.

Lighter & Princess - A poor computer programing genius clashes with an ambitious rich girl in his college classes but sparks fly when they vie for control of the school’s entrepreneurial programming club leading to unlikely but hard won romance. This was excellent.

Love to Hate You - A brash entertainment lawyer gets entangled with a romance actor who keeps his distance from women due to a trauma. A bit over the top, lots of role reversals but also fun. I liked it but didn’t love it.

A Very Secret Service (Au Service De La France) - This a dry, witty French comedy about espionage and spies in the 1960s. Quirky and enjoyable with good character development.

Taxi Driver (S1 & S2) - Lee Je Hoon leads this team of vigilantes who try to root out the evils of society for individuals in crisis that they were never able to do for themselves. The cases are mostly based on real life events. Violent, emotional, satisfying. I love this found family.

Crash Course in Romance - A beloved, handsome math academy professor falls for the single mother of one of his students leading to an uproar amongst the parents. There’s a cute love triangle with the daughter and her classmates (I’m Team Geonhu) and a unsatisfying serial killer plotline.

Gaus Electronics - This is an over the top, quirky, office comedy. It’s so crazy, especially at the beginning, that it’s almost too much but it’s smart and fun with an unlikely enemies to lovers romance that is quite sweet.

The Heavenly Idol - A high priest from another realm in the middle of a battle with the devil unexpectedly switches places with a failed idol grasping for his last chance at success. Kim Min Kyu is a great fish out of water but the story is a bit all over the place. I like his sweet healing romance with the band’s new manager though.

The King: Eternal Monarch - Parallel worlds, time travel, doppelgängers. Lee Min Ho, Kim Go Eun, Woo Do Hwan. There were some great concepts and good execution but it lacked the follow through to make it truly satisfying.

Dr. Romantic (S1, S2, & S3) - Top 10 Kdrama. A small town hospital where a visionary maverick doctor, Master Kim, mentors 30-something year old doctors with his unorthodox methods while they fall in love with each other. It has a huge found Doldam Family with the hospital workers of all ages and their complex relationships with each other. I love this show!

Our Blooming Youth - Park Hyung Shik leads this Joeson-era mystery romance. It’s okay but it’s too slow and doesn’t develop the characters enough. It should have been 16 episodes, not 20.

Call It Love - Introverted adults in their 30s try to overcome childhood trauma inflicted by their parents as they unwittingly fall in love while working together. This one is slower, complex and compelling. It’s one of my favorite dramas of 2023.

Please Don’t Date Him - I watched this solely for Lee Junyoung as a young firefigher who falls in love with a woman who works with A.I. in home appliances and stumbles upon a government spy program. It’s a light comedy if you’re looking for fluff.

Find Me in Your Memory - An actress who’s lost her memory and an anchorman who can never forget fall in love. I mainly watched this because of the actors cameo as these character in Sh**ting Stars. It was okay.

Healer - I know this is a fan fave but I liked it, didn’t love it.

Bora! Deborah (True to Love) - So much potential but a bit of a let down. I like both Yoo In Na and Yoon Hyun Min.

When the Weather is Fine - I was here for the small town romance with the local bookstore owner and the fun found family of their all ages book club. However, the last third of the story wallowed in the revealed family trauma too much and lost sight of everything else.

Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 - When this was on point, it was compelling, funny and so much darn fun! There was bromance, romance, adventure, healing, friendship, and battles both personal and national. It had some slow times but overall Lee Dong Wook was clearing having the time of his life and Kim Bum stole the show as Lee Rang came into his own.

Thirty But Seventeen - 10/10. Top 5 Kdrama. A teenage violinist gets into an accident and wakes up from her coma 13 year later to find the world vastly different. This was so much darn fun, great found family, cute romance, angst, and healing. Even when it was sad, I was so happy watching it. Shin Hye Sun, Yang Se Jong, and Ahn Hyo Seop are fantastic!

Something in the Rain - I wanted so much to like noona romance with Son Ye Jin and Jung Hae In but man did it drag. Her mother is especially heinous. I completed it which was difficult.

See You in My 19th Life - I weirdly dislike-watched this in one weekend cause I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It was okay. There were some interesting things about it with the relationships and past lives stuff but not for me.

King the Land - Lee Junho acted his heart out in this fluffy romcom and Im Yoona was a worthy partner in crime. I came to have a good time and they gave it to me.

Heartbeat - Ok Taecyeon did a good job of carrying this unsteady vampire show that had some good moments but didn’t deliver on its premise.

Legend of the Blue Sea - I really do like Lee Min Ho. He has a casual charisma that is undeniable. Jun Ji Hyun was an excellent literal fish out of water. While I liked the intertwining of the past and present lives, the story never quite hit the mark for me. Liked it, didn’t love it.

Never Have I Ever (S4) - This show never let me down. A satisfying finale season!

Meteor Garden (2018) - I needed more Dylan Wang after Love Between Fairy and Devil. This was an unexpected crazy fun ride. It was so outrageous at times. It inspired me to one day watch all the adaptations of Boys Over Flowers, as I’ve already seen 3 now.

Hidden Love - A slow burn, age gap romance between a college girl and her older brother’s longtime friend. I really liked this but I wasn’t in love with it like everyone seems to be.

Nadiya’s Time to Eat - A fave Great British Bake Off winner’s cooking show. Inspiring.

Nadiya Bakes - And her baking show too.

Shadow and Bone (S2) - I think it improved on some things from the first season but they really crammed the second two books into one and some of Six of Crows too. Still a bit too fast-paced but I enjoyed it.

The Night Agent - An FBI agent gets an emergency call that starts a race to find a government mole and protect the informant. I binged this almost straight through. A good watch.

Queen Charlotte - This Bridgerton spinoff sheds light on royal power dynamics, mental illness, and social and racial divides.

LuLaRich - This is a compelling documentary on the rise and fall of Lularoe’s multi-level-marketing scheme. A must watch.

Sweet Magnolias (S3) - This is a comfort drama. I’m just here checking in to see how the little town is doing.

Star Trek: Picard (S3) - Showrunner Terry Matalas brings some of his 12 Monkeys (the tv series) magic to the final reuniting of the Next Generation cast while setting up a compelling potential Legacy spinoff.

My Lovely Liar - I enjoyed the romance between Hwang Minhyun and Kim So Hyun but the show itself is okay.

Destined With You - Magic, Curses, Past Lives, Symbolism, Spells, Fated Love. I thought it was going to be the next great fantasy romance but it chucked the fantasy halfway through and left a million unanswered questions at the end. At least we got a decent romance, even if the story lost its way. A big disappointment for me but I would recommend to see Rowoon acting his heart out in a cute romance.

The Uncanny Counter 2 - I was back to see the demon hunters fight for their humanity and loved ones again.

Celebrity - A solid takedown of influencer culture with mystery, intrigue, and a tiny bit of romance.

It’s Okay Not To Be Okay - I’ve been hearing about how good this drama is forever and it lived up to expectations. Great characters and development. I was surprised at how funny it was and enjoyed the romance too. Highly recommend.

True Beauty - This has been on my list for a long time and I needed more Cha Eun Woo while waiting for new episodes of A Good Day To Be A Dog. A great high school romcom with angst about a girl bullied for her acne getting a second chance at a new school who turns into a ‘goddess’ when she learns to do her own makeup. Love the romance, bromance and friendships! I love the second male lead as a character but never got second lead syndrome because I loved the main romance. I enjoyed the whole way through.

Beckham - A docuseries about soccer (football to the rest of the world) star David Beckham that made you feel like you had front row seat to his past triumphs and struggles through the reflective lens of the present.

#true beauty #dr romantic #it’s okay not to be okay #the forbidden marriage #thirty but seventeen #call it love #tale of the nine tailed 1938 #kdrama #kalenapost #kalena watched kdramas #tv #tv list

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barthel · 8 months

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I’m off Twitter again, hopefully for good. Nearly anyone who’s actually important is gone now, aside from the super-posters who have so much burn-in to the platform that they can never leave. But everyone’s still acting like what people say on Twitter truly, materially matters. The toxic mismatch was making me feel insane.

Insofar as Twitter was a “public square,” it’s because there were enough journalists, politicians, and rich people there that they would see thousands of people piling on some super-poster’s hot take and write a story about it or hold a hearing or yell at their other rich buddies. Things would happen. “You’re letting twitter write your headlines,” as they used to say.

But that’s not happening anymore. NPR left Twitter six months ago, after Elon tried to label them a propaganda source. It had zero effect on their audience. With Elon trying to drive news orgs away anyway, that’s just going to accelerate.

So it’s an echo chamber. That’s fine; most online discussion spaces are. But there’s too much platform mythos around Twitter being uniquely important; you saw it when Elon bought the platform and users, who’d previously referred to it as a “hell site,” started wistfully saying it had been a bulwark against anti-democratic encroachment. They’re still saying it now, even though the dynamic has totally broken down. It’s not a bulwark against anything anymore, not even itself. It’s the one place where Elon musk truly controls the public conversation. Nothing to do about that except leave.

They’re not wrong insofar as twitter did, for maybe 5 years or so, genuinely have the ability to change things, though whether for good or ill is yet to be determined. Now it’s just a place to have fun and hang out and shoot the shit. Which is fine! But when world events cranked up, this shit-shooting suddenly took on the tenor of a parliamentary debate. Which is exhausting, and manifestly not fun.

So I’m out; I probably should’ve been out sooner, but I kept on pushing the lever, hoping for another pellet. I mean this somewhat literally: I moved that awful “X” icon to the end of my phone’s Home Screen, but I still find myself absent-mindlessly tapping on the location where it used to be. Luckily, that’s now Reddit, where I’ve aggressively refused to follow any important subjects.

This is moderately inconveniencing for me; I can still find fun stuff online, but not with the volume or regularity that twitter provided it. Now I spend 10 mins on Tumblr, 10 on Reddit, 10 on Threads, 10 on Facebook, and it’s a good enough experience. But since I was spending 2 hours a day on Twitter, that’s probably a good shift. I’m losing the audience I had on Twitter, but I think a lot of them have left anyway. Maybe we’ll find each other again.

#Twitter #goodbye to all that

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lucysweatslove · 1 year

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We may have to move because finances, and I’m very anxious.

When we moved in to this place, rent was 1800 or 1850/month (honestly can’t remember). This was mid-2020. We have lived here for 3 years, and rent has slowly increased, I want to say it was 1950 our second year and 2100 this year. My husband pays the rent in full so I really don’t remember.

We will be here for 4 more years for my med school, so we were talking about do we try to buy, do we rent, etc. Initially we got excited about buying, but lo and behold we cannot find any place even 30 min+ outside of town that is actually doable… nothing that could work is under $400k (what we can currently afford a full 20% down payment on), and even condos are in the $450-500k range. We could put less down and then have PMI, but estimates for monthly cost are like $3000-3500/month depending on closing costs, APR, etc. Which we feel like we can’t do financially. So back to renting.

We don’t know how much they will ask us for rent… so we were looking around. The townhouse next to us was just rented for $3000.

That is a 40% increase from our current rent.

And given that we would be renting and not putting equity in a home, Rob is adamant that if they are asking 3k, we WILL find a cheaper place.

If the idea of moving my family 2 weeks before school starts didnt terrify me enough, I don’t even know where we can afford to live anymore. I found one place that is just over half this size but still has 3 bedrooms (so we can each have our space- rob works from home and I have school…) that is approx what we pay now, but it’s in an apartment complex proper with no garages, and my car doesn’t reliably start in the winter if it’s parked outside overnight. 🙃 The next cheapest is $2750/month, but it already has 4 applications in which means it’s gonna be gone before we know if we need to move. It’s also further away from campus but I could still make it work.

The issues:

The university here is admitting more students than they can house. There was some mad dash for who could live in dorms and apparently everything was gone within like 5 min. TONS of college kids and grad students need housing now so there is a huge demand for rentals thus driving prices up. FWIW, the people who are renting the place beside us are college kids.

People. Keep. Moving. Here. First it was people trying to get away from ridiculous housing prices in CA, and now it’s from the east coast. I can’t blame them for moving to find affordable housing. But what they are doing is driving demand up and prices up- people will make a first offer in a house at 10-20% higher than asking IN CASH. Locals cannot afford it. The newcomers “affordable housing” is creating the problem they are trying to get away from in a new area. They are displacing their housing insecurity onto us. Who is to blame? Greedy property management / development companies, probably.

Three weeks ago my anxiety was SO low. I was feeling great overall, sleeping super well. Now I literally cannot sleep because of just the potential of this housing insecurity and I am so angry.

FWIW: median family income is ~63k, and we have state income tax. Mean income is much higher at $85k because of higher outside earners pushing this up. How is a typical local family of 4 supposed to afford 3k housing. How are they getting approved for that? They aren’t. Even 2 beds are going for ~2300. Can a family making 63k even get approved for THAT?

This all makes me so sick.

#personal #housing insecurity

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whentherewerebicycles · 11 months

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here is a scruffy little angel! ok I feel pretty fragile inside from a week of bad sleep & an especially terrible insomnia experience last night but I am trying to be brave about it. two of my grad school friends I haven’t seen in forever are in town this weekend and I am v excited about that!!! I always get weird homebody inertia around social stuff but then I have a great time (like last night I really dragged my feet on hanging out with M&A in the park/getting dinner after and then it was so much fun) so I just have to commit to stuff even if I feel like socially hibernating. when it comes to most social things my instincts are not a reliable guide to what will actually make me happy. so tonight I will meet up with them for dinner/drinks and then tomorrow we will hang out at the lake.

here are some things I’d like to do with the day:

finish young mungo which is absolutely gutting ughhh so painful but so good. I kind of want to put up my hammock and read somewhere without distractions but can’t decide if it’s too much effort. mm tbd.

work on writing meme prompts (this has been v good for me it’s forcing me to dig into scene writing/revision which for whatever reason is the thing I’ve built up the most writer’s block anxiety around)

the house is a tip right now it’s not dirty really just super untidy and the clutter is making me feel on edge. I think I need to do a few song-timed bursts of putting stuff in its proper place and ugh I might actually start with that so my brain feels calmer about other stuff

fold laundry

long walk with dogs because I didn’t walk them at all yesterday… I can tell I am avoiding walks partly because it’s a bit hotter out and partly because I’m getting Walk Boredom with our usual route. I think I’ll drive them to the slightly farther-out forest (4 min instead of 2 min haha) because it’ll be cooler and kinda interesting/new. also if I’m feeling really motivated I could do a very short run after I drop them off at home—I’m talking like, 3 min run / 3 min walk times 3 short haha. gotta ease back into it somehow.

pick something to wear well in advance of leaving. otherwise I will get so stressed later on and will end up running way later than I mean to & being way more amped up when I leave. why are clothes so stressful to me literally no one cares and I feel like people care even less in this city than anywhere else I’ve ever lived lol

shower around 3:30/4 so I can be ready to leave between 5-6ish

mm okay that all seems good. I think now it’s time to get up and do my first burst of song cleaning… maybe I will do all too well 10 min version + I can see you.

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hood-ex · 3 months

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I have thought about taking up meditation before but have never felt like a push toward it to really drive me in that direction. You mentioned a spiritual awakening you had a few years ago, what was that like? Was it something you were preparing for, or was it something that just happened and once it did you decided to become more spiritual?

I try my best to connect with nature and the energies around me, but I have yet to truly feel a deep connection.

Truthfully, meditation can sometimes feel like a chore. There are days I can't bring myself to get into the state to do it, or I make excuses about being too tired. You really have to find the willpower to make time for it and to be consistent about it. So totally understandable if you haven't felt a push for it. A lot of people (including myself) don't like to hear that meditation is the answer for a lot of things. However, even just a small meditation session (5-10 min) is better than no meditation, so if you ever feel like getting into it, you can start with a short time frame. I also highly suggest guided meditations. I find it easier and more fun to meditate when I'm focusing on the visualizations in those.

My spiritual awakening unfolded in my life in a natural way through divine timing. It wasn't like being struck by a huge revelation all at once with my whole life changing in a single moment. It was a gradual process of me discovering more of a spiritual path. So I grew up Catholic and was Catholic for about 18 years or so. Once I learned to break free of the fear of questioning the things I'd been taught, I fell more on an agnostic/atheist path. That led me to learning more about reincarnation, and after reading some books, I had my eyes opened to a different sense of reality. And I actually did have a period of regressing to that more agnostic/atheist path after that because I was like well maybe that different sense of reality is total BS, and it's not real.

However, the more and more information I sought out, and the more spiritual practitioners I came across, I realized it wasn't BS at all. I even got physical confirmation of spirit existing thanks to a particular entity that gave me the physical sign I asked him to show me. And more physical signs kept happening, and I couldn't deny what was happening after that. Now I catch physical signs and synchronicities more frequently because I realize things I encounter aren't just coincidences, they're messages from spirit.

Having a spiritual awakening is taking the steps to enlightenment, and it's a path that can make you feel lonely and out of place. You quite literally can't view the world or people the same after it happens. Your beliefs change. Your relationships change. It can be a roller coaster of sorts, but ultimately, change is good even if it's challenging.

And honestly, the fact that you're even asking me these questions makes me wonder if you're on an initiation to your own spiritual awakening. This is how it starts. All the questions. All the searching. Looking for something more. Looking to connect more with yourself and the world. Everyone's spiritual awakening is different, and it happens in divine timing. Like I've met some people far younger than me who have already had their spiritual awakening, I've met people who are far older than me who didn't have their awakening until way later in life. And then there are people who don't go through the experience at all because they chose not to have that experience. They've got other lessons to learn while they're here, and they're not meant to awaken in this lifetime, and that's perfectly okay.

And same, I struggle to connect with nature and energies because my clairsenses (clairvoyance, clairaudience, claircognizance, clairsentience, etc.) aren't as developed. That's why I meditate and do exercises though, to strengthen those senses. Also, being in a high vibrational state will assist with that, it's just staying in a high vibrational state can be difficult to maintain. But yeah, it takes time. Sometimes there are lessons to be learned and challenges to overcome before having success with stuff like that.

Although, you can always ask spirit to assist you in connecting more with nature and those energies. What that might look like is spirit will guide you to reading certain books that will help you or you may even encounter people in your life or on the internet who will teach you more about it. Things like that will pop up, just ask. Because we have free will, there are things spirit can't help us with unless we ask. And if you want to ask, you can say out loud or in your mind, "Spirit, I'd like help with so-and-so" or "Spirit, can you guide me to meet other people who can help me with so-and-so." It's that simple.

Now things don't always show up in the way we expect them to, so keep that in mind. Like one time I asked spirit to send me a colorful feather as confirmation to a question I had. Next day, I went on a walk and my attention was suddenly drawn toward the side of someone's house. What was on the side of the house you ask? A giant, colorful feather. It was like a metal house decoration. So I was expecting to see a literal bird feather, but spirit gave me that type of feather instead. So signs can work in unexpected ways like that.

But yeah, sorry for rambling so much, I hope that was somewhat helpful or insightful. Feel free to reach out with more questions if you have them.

#anon

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winterrhayle · 1 year

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rank red and lover and evermore

ok i should’ve expected this many☠️☠️☠️☠️

red (taylor’s version) this one is so difficult to rank bc its so LONG and tbh ive already changed my mind on the bottom rankings so ignore the numbers oh and im not ranking ronan bc. yeah.

i almost do - i literally could not tell you why but this has been my favourite song from red for a long long time,, probably because i’ve never gotten over anything ever

better man - WHY WASNT THIS ON THE ORIGINAL ALBUM😭😭😭😭😭😭

the moment i knew - AND IT WAS LIKE SLOOOWWW MOTION STANDING THERE IN MY PARTY DRESSS IN REEEEED LIPSTICK QITH NO ONE TO IMPRESS ok this song was always in my top 3 for red but atw10 really elevated it bc of all the references

the very first night - why are the vaults so GOOOD OMG this song is so fun and has such silly energy i love it

forever winter - this song is so devastating but also if i ignore the lyrics the horns make it a bop????

all too well 10 min version - what can i say it’s ALL TOO WELL. AND I WAS NEVER GOOD AT TELLING JOKES BUT THE PUNCHLINE GOES I’LL GET OLDER BUT YOURE LOVERS DTAY MY AGE

nothing new - phoebe bridgers makes me feel things. also i should now find this song and the fear of getting older relatable bc i’m literally ‘the kinda radiance you only have at seventeen’

babe - the sugarland version is good but taylor’s is so much better and i love the added ‘what about your promises promises’ thing

red - WHEN THE DRUMS COME IN OMGGGG ,, oh also random anec dote one time when i was 9 or 10 my teacher asked me for an example of a metaphor so i used one of these lyrics

i bet you think about me - I LOVE COUNTRY TAYLOR AND I LOVE SASSY TAYLOR (aka fearless taylor)

treacherous - that part where shes like 'i'll follow you follow you home' is so funny bc like girl are u a stalker or something😭

state of grace - for some reason i specifically LOVEE sreaming the lyrics 'twin fire signs, four blue eyes' even though i am a pisces with BROWN EYES???? (also this is one of the many rerecordings that sounded better in the og version,,, i only play tv though)

all too well (normal length version) - this one was top 3 before red tv was released but for some reason the new vocals dont hit the same😔i would still consider it to be a perfect song though,, atw is THAT GIRL 13/10

the last time - if u dont try to sing both parts of this and mess up then ur lyyyinnggggg

everything has changed - not 2 be a sheerio (i am NOT ONE) but the ed sheeran x taylor collabs on this album are so cuteeetetete and im obsessed with how the kid actors from this mv were used for joker and the queen mv like a decade later

22 - in 5 years this song will be on REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!AH OHHHHH I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT IM FEELIN TWENNY TWOOOOO

run - this is giving i know places and i loveeeee it 10/10 i love it when she collabs with ed within his musical range (this is a diss to endgame)

come back ... be here - THE BRIDGE. i love pretending that my (non existent) lover has flown allll the way to london soo far away from me (london is an hour drive from my house) and i am BREAKING DOWN BECAUSE MY MAN ISNT HERE (im literally a lesbian)

sad beautiful tragic - ok i dont ever actively search for this song but when it comes on i will listen to the whole thing every time. i think i said this about hoax but this is the type of sadness i craaave

holy ground - the forever & always > better than revenge > last kiss > holy ground > invisible string (that one line about the babies and presents) pipeline is one of my favourite things in the swiftverse ever everrrrr love u joe jonas

i knew you were trouble - remember that goat meme? yeah🥹

the lucky one - whoever said this song is evelyn hugo is so CORRECT.

we are never everrrrrr getting back together - I LOVE THIS SONG BUT SHE BOTCHED IT IN THE 2021 VERSION LMAOOOO RIP (ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THE ROCK VERSION OF THIS <333333)

begin again - this was such a perfect closing song for the standard edition of the album,, it ties off the whole break up album so well and it has her moving on to someone who treats her wife and ahhhhh

starlight - the 'have 10 kids and teach them how to dream' line rly catches me off guard sometimes😭 but i'll allow it

stay stay stay - THE PEOPLE WHO HATE ON THIS SONG DONT GET ITTTT. THE 5 MINUTE CRAFTS MUSIC IS CAMP. YOU CAN PRIZE STAY STAY STAY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

message in a bottle - this song is so 2012 where was this in the og album😒😒😒😒 it could have been one of the greats with ikywt,wanegbt,22 but whatever (same with the very first night S.M.H)

girl at home - i didnt like the og version, and i know a lot of people dont like the different production it has on the rerecording but i actually prefer it,,, but its my least favourite song on the album still. rip.

i started that ranking at 6:22am and now its 6:25pm. ITS BEEN 12 HOURS HELP WHY IS RED SO LONG anyway,,,,,

LOVEERRRRRRRR (aka one of my 3 stan albums) also not ranking soon youll get better for the same reasons as ronan ^

daylight - can i just say,, I KNOW THIS SONG TECHNICALLY DOESNT COUNT BEFORE BC TOE IS NO LONGER A THING BUT IGNORE THAT PLEASE FOR THIS ONE😭 ok this one has some of my favourite lyrics,, including 'i once believed love would be burning red, but its golden' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG SHE INFLUENCED THE SONG AND ALBUM RED. AS IN SHE THOUGHT LOVE WOULD BE BURRRNIN REDDDD LIKE THE LYRIC. U KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT RIGHT (2 mins into red the song). OHH ALSO THE VOICE MEMO AT THE END IS SO ICONIC I WANNA GET 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE' TATTOOOOOOD ON MYSELF

the archer - one thing i will eat up every time is when a song is produces in a way that makes u feel anxious (either when theres build up with no beat drop/release OR when the drums are super threatening if that makes sense) eg, labyrinth and out of the woods. the archer is such a perfect song and i love the heartbeats that she puts in the bridge (reminds me of wildest dreams and youre losing me ahhhhhh) and whenever i see eras videos of this song people say they wish it wasnt on the set list and honestly i find that baffling. if i ever see that song live i will literally pass away AND if i go to eras i wanna dress up as the archer (cupid vibes)

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - can i just say IVE BEEN A STAN OF THIS SONG SINCE 2019 and it was my favourite from lover for years omg,, and when i saw she opened the eras tour with this one i was so happy bc its finally getting the recognition it deserves !!!!!

afterglow - this song is so criminally underrated and its one of the realest songs on the album,, like is shows that love isnt always perfect and thats such an important thing to know specially for delusional girls like me ohh also theres a few songs on lover that have very specific producion styles, its afterglow, daylight, cornelia street and all of the girls AND ITS MY FAVOURITE PRODUCTION STYLE IN HER DISCOGRAPHY its so light and airy and i cant describe it properly but i love it so much

lover - omg this was my top song on spotify wrapped 2021,, its like the textbook perfect love song and i love the vows in the bridge and i love(r) the 'we can leave the christmas lights till january' and i love the mundane romantic things like saving seats and letting your friends crash in the living room and ahahsuhfjsadlgajhdfhkasgdfhgas

cornelia street - ok unlike daylight, i literally cannon ignore how defesting this song is with the uhhh...,., recent events in the toe timeline, but honestly the existence of 'youre losing me' elevates this song even more with all of the parallels and irony and before this was a cutesie song about omg what if me and my lover break up but now its just a knife twisting in my heart and yeah. rip toe

its nice to have a friend - this was also one of my big stan songs in 2019,, the simplicity just drew me in and its such a sweet song and it reminds me of walking around after school in february where its still getting dark kinda early and u can see the sky turning pink and orange and yeah <3333333333333333 i know this song has its haters but they are all just cold hearted haters, what can i say

cruel summer - IMDRUNKINTHEBACKOFTHECARANDICRIEDLIKEABABYCOMINGHOMEFROMTHEBARSAIDIMFINEBUTITWASNTTRUEIDONTWANNAKEEPSECRETSJUSTTOKEEPYOUANDISNUCKINTHROUGHTHEGARDENGATESEVERYNIGHTTHATSUMMERJUSTTOSEALMYFATEOHHHANDISCREAMEDFORWHATEVERITSWORTHILOVEYOUAINTTHATTHEWORSTTHINGYOUEVERHEARTHELOOKSUPGRINNINGLIKETHEDEVIL

all of the girls you loved before - LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND COMPARE IT WITH PERMANENT MARKER, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW SHE THINKS OF EXES THEN AND NOW IS SO FUNNY

i think he knows - this song makes me feel so silly and michevious idk why likeeeeee im listening to it right now and i feel like i wanna go annoy everyone in my houseee

ME ! - ok i know what u guys are gonna say BUT I DONT CARE. I AM A ME STAN. IF U DONT LIKE THIS SONG UR BORING AND HAVE NO FRIENDS SORRYYYYYYYY like yeah its cringe, yeah the lyrics are corny, but you know what??????? BABY THATS THE FUN OF ME (!) HE HE HEEEE the only valid critisism of this song is the inclusion of brendon urie and tbh that is valid i agree she should have made me (!) the feature

death by a thousand cuts - the way she put in the my my my my from the song lover is so rude and criminal bc why would she do that to me :( and i know this song is sad but imma be dancing around to that bridge idc idc

paper rings - omg this one is so nostalgic,,, i remember my ex gf used to make paper rings because of this song and she taught me and a bunch of our friends at school how to make them it was so fun,,, this was the song i associated with us once upon a time and now we're not a couple anymore but yk what???? i dont find this song sad its all good memories and me and her are still besties so whateverrrr *PAPER RINGS SUPREMACY*

london boy - THIS SONG >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EVERYTHING BECAUSE LIKE SO MANY SONGS ON THIS ALBUM ITS SO UNSERIOUS AND A GOOD TIME,, IF YOU GET IT YOU GET IT!!!!!!! ALSO IT HITS DIFFERENT WHEN UR ENGLISH (taylor says she loves us <33333333) also shout out to these very iconic parts : 'we can go drivin in, on my scootuh' and 'pubwe' 'darling i fancy you' and its so funny how she literally just lists a bunch of places in london and its seems london until you put all of the locations in google maps and it makes the shape of a heart <3333333333

false god - that saxaphone😫😫😫😫 i rly hope taylor does more jazz in the future bc this song is so amazing

you need to calm down - shade never made anybody less gay FR,, like i said before, im a lesbian and this song makes me wanna tell everryyybody and its such a sillly fun song love love love,, i wish it was longer though

need - YEAHH IM DOING UNRELEASED TOO IDC,, i have this downloaded (very legally) on my spotify bc i (need)ed it very much and ill do it again. this shouldve been on the actual album #justiceforneed2023

the man - okayyyyyyy i diss this song often but i love it really,,, its so #millenialgirlboss

i forgot that you existed - ok i get the message and the whole idea of moving on from reputation idea but did it really have to be the album opener 😭 if somebody plays this album without having heard anything else from taylor and they hear 'in my feelings more than drake so yeah' THEY WILL LITERALLY NEVER LISTEN TO HER AGAINNNN ill allow it because its funny and im a satire girlie but taylor why couldnt you open the album with cruel summer☠️ screaming

evermoree

gold rush - ok guys you know how i feel about winlet and this song YOU KNOWWW THIS. gold rush is my all time most played song on spotify, and its so perfect and magical and if u listen to the dolby atmos stems theres some really nice drums and the 'my mind turns your life into folkloorreeeee' like is SO meta i love her for that

cowboy like me - con artists falling in love????? COUNT ME IN. ohh and i feel like im gonna do this a lot on this album but i have some lyrics that i neeeed to give a shout out to : 'and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to f*ck this up' , 'now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con' imagine being able to write like that likee damn girl

'tis the damn season - im so obsessed with how this song is the other perspective from the song dorethea,, this is honestly the song i listen to the most every december bc its just the perfect holiday song for me

ivy - I CANT EVEN SHOUT OUT LYRICS HERE BECAUSE THE WHOLE SONG IS LITERALLY GOD TIER LYRICISM. WHO LET HER DO THIS. HOW DOES ONE JUST WRITE ALL OF THIS???????????????? TS > SHAKESPEARE

marjorie - this song is such a beautiful one and its my mums favourite and she always tells me to play it when i have the aux 🥹 when taylor plays this at the eras tour and that part with marjories opera singing plays and u can see taylor crying i just wanna bawl my eyes out

evermore - every few months i rediscover this song and its so perfect and the part in the bridge where the intensity is building and bilding and in the line 'you were there' her voice softens and the whole feeling of anxiety just subsides andaahhhhhhhassdbfkssf , same energy as ootw where the bridge is super fast and anxious and the end shes like 'you were lookin at me' and her voice softens there too, its such a cool thing to do vocally and it rly tells u the perspective the song is from with her spiraling and her lover kinda pulling her back into the present (its giving jacinter energyy)

willow - for literally no reason whenever i hear this song i think of a mermaid and a pirate falling in love,, and theyre both lesbians (i dont make the rules thats just how it is ok) 'wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark' the only logical conclusion to be drawn from this is that the mermaid and pirate are sneaking around bc mermaids and pirates hate eachother,, like romeo and juliet,,,, like ariel and eric. do u see the vision. do u see the forbidden love. yeah u get it (i know it says thats my man in the song but im choosing to ignore that) (ALSO IM NOT A GAYLOR THIS IS JUST HOW I LIKE TO THINK OF THE SONG LOL)

champagne problems - the fact that she wrote this with joe is insane like how do u sit with ur bf and write a breakup song like this as a fictional thing,, and then break up for the reason in said song 3 years later?????? wild😭

right where you left me - DELUSION ANTHEM 🗣🔊💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

tolerate it - man this song is depressing,, like u know how the song ends with 'i sit and watch you' thats because its repeating the fist line of the song. as in shes in a loop. as in she has all these thoughts and realisations and then realises she has to leave and then ends up right where she started and stays. deep.

no body, no crime - OHH IMAGINE SITTING ROUND A CAMPFIRE SINGING THIS ONE ITS SUCH A FUN MURDER STORY LOVEEE IT

coney island - the bridge with all the references 😫 'were you standing in the hallway, with a big cake, happy birthday / and they're all standing around me singing "happy birthday to you but there was one thing missing' , 'did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? / you paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain' , 'and when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face / remember when you hit the brakes too soon? .... but when the sun came up, I was looking at you' , 'but when I walked up to the podium, i think that I forgot to say your name' / this ones about calvin harris but there isnt a song about it,, but she does talk about this in the miss americana documentary

long story short - this song is literally the whole of reputation summarised its so good

dorothea - this ones the betty of the album,, the simple acoustic part of a song parinng / group, like ive said i love it when she returns to her roots and releases things reminiscent of debut

its time to go - I HATE YOUUUU SCOOTER

happiness - this one is very sad but a little uplifting i guess, i find it so sweet how taylor writes songs for abigail (fifteen and this) to help her get through things

closure - ok i know this is at the bottom of my ranking but i actually really like this song a lot,,, the production is what people hate but i love how its all chaos, representing the whole drama with the breakdown in taylor and scooter / karlies friendships and then the piano comes in smoothly THROUGH the chaos, which reminds me of taylor just ignoring all that drama and being able to move on while theyre still just bothering her in the background

BEA. THIS TOOK AGES I HATE YOU HAHAHAHH

#bea tag #im so tired man #asks #taylor swift #i cant even bring myself to read back through this one so theres probs a lot of mistakes loll

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