#it's like my taste buds get reset
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54 hours into a 114 and if you think hunger pangs are the worst thing about fasting you'd be wrong. Hunger pangs happen for maybe 20 minutes a couple times a day. The worst part is actually boredom. You don't realize just how much food is used as amusement and time-passing until you can't.
#i do end up appreciating my meals a lot more when I finally eat#it's like my taste buds get reset#i went to the farm stand the next town over and bought cowboy stew. white chocolate raspberry scones. a gingerbread lady. and muffins.#-all frozen. and i cannot waiiiiiit til I can break fast on saturday#i had a lot more energy tonight so i think my body is finally running on ketones#long term fasting#water fasting
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Hard Reset VI Sneak Peek 👀
I'm still putting the finishing touches on the next Hard Reset chapter (bye week secret wedding/honeymoon), but I thought I'd offer a tiny sneak peek. Real life & a touch of writer's block are kicking my butt, but I hope to get the full chapter up soon. 🤞
Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader
Warnings: 18+ / Smut
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Monday, 10/16/23 (the morning after the week 6 win against the Seahawks)
You moan at the feel of gentle pressure against your clit, your eyes fluttering open at the sound of Joe's husky voice in your ear.
"You awake?"
"I am now," you whisper, biting your lip as he rubs your sensitive bud while pressing wet kisses against your neck.
"I woke up thinking about last night and it made me horny," he admits as he continues to tease you.
"Mmmm," you hum, your mind rewinding to last night …
~ ~ ~
He'd made liberal use of the whipped cream, frosting your nipples with the sweet whip several times then licking and sucking it off while you squirmed underneath him; he finally made his way down your body, taking his time to frost your belly button and inner thighs, leaving love bites in sensitive places as you buried a hand in his hair and begged for more. You remember the look on his face when he tossed the can of cream aside, his eyes icy-hot with arousal. "I'm not gonna put any whipped cream here," he moaned, lapping at your wet folds, "because you already taste perfect."
~ ~ ~
The feel of one long finger sliding inside your slick heat brings you back to the present. "Last night was really hot," you sigh, a shiver running through you as he sucks a nipple while slowly pumping his finger in and out. "I'm still kinda sticky since I crashed before taking a shower," you mutter.
"Let me make you stickier then we can shower together," he coaxes, crawling on top of you and giving you a dirty grin when your thighs instinctively spread wide to accommodate his big body. "Okay?" he asks, pressing the tip of his erection against your entrance, holding still until you answer.
"Yes, sir," you breathe, arching up when he slides his shaft inside you and immediately starts thrusting, slow at first and then faster. You dig your fingers into his plump ass, a thrill running through you at the feel of his muscles tensing and reloading as he drives his hips forward again and again, still holding back a little until you're ready to take all of him. A delicious coil of tension builds in your core at the noise he makes low in his throat when you beg him to fuck you hard.
~ ~ ~
An hour and a half later -- after a couple of orgasms, a shared shower and a quick breakfast -- Joe slides the last dish in the dishwasher and wraps his hands around your waist as you place a jar of raspberry jam in the fridge. He drops a kiss on your lips as you pivot and look up at him. "I'll be home by noon," he promises. "Then we can finish packing for the lake."
"I'm already packed," you chuckle. "We're going for three nights not three weeks."
"Well, I still have a few things to pack," he states. "This whole thing was my idea and I just wanna make sure I get it right."
You rise up on your tiptoes and press a kiss on his lips. "They have pretty much everything we need already there," you soothe, ruffling a hand through his hair while giving him a warm smile. "Clothes, toiletries and groceries are the main things we need to take, and we'll buy most of the groceries once we get there."
He returns your smile as he takes a deep breath. "Are you excited we're getting married tomorrow?" he asks.
"Yeah, I am. What about you?"
"Yeah, I can't wait." He leans down and presses a lingering kiss on your lips, holding eye contact as he leans back. "It feels like we've been heading for this since I first laid eyes on you."
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Batting for the other Team
It’s finally done!! This was a request from @bigbren1979 . I hope you like it my dude!! Please enjoy. I also have some interesting news coming up later today!!! Stay tuned!!
Brett Lawrie was a massive success on the baseball field. People loved seeing this very attractive man swing away, both men and women. Unfortunately for both of them, he was already taken, having a wife and kid. Even worse, Lawrie was a massive homophobe, making fun of and harassing all the gay guys that worked out at the gym. He didn't make it very obvious so he would not get into trouble, but everyone knew he really hated them all.
Sadly for Lawrie, he messed with the wrong guy today.
Andrew was having a beer with his friends in the local bar, when he saw Brett entering, clearly drunk. He sat down with his buds in a booth and immediately shouted for a waitress. When a guy approached the table, Lawrie and his friends immediately started calling him names. “Get us some beers, faggot” he said while spewing in his face. Andrew watched the scene unfold with his fists clenched. That bastard, always pestering the queer folk around town. He was about to get up to say something to the sportsman, when a thought entered his mind. A sly grin spread along his face as he sat back down and enjoyed the rest of his evening.
The following morning
Andrew walked into the gym, looking for his target. He found Brett on the leg extension machine. Andrew moved over to the baseball player and smiled.
“Hey man, You’re Brett Lawrie right? I’m a huge fan, dude! That last game was fantastic! Your swings were top tier!” Lawrie smiled.
“Thanks bro! It was such a great game. I’m glad there are still some actual baseball fans around here, and not just fags.” Andrew bit his tongue and smiled.
“Yeah man, been a fan for ages!” Lawrie beamed as his ego was stroked to high heaven. Andrew rummaged through his bag and took out a workout shaker.
“Hey man, so I wanted to give you this, it's a protein shake I developed myself. Gives you this hugeeee boost. Best workout you've ever had, trust me. And unlike pre-workout, you don't even have to wait!!” Lawrie took the bottle with big eyes and took a swig.
“Bro… this tastes divine!!” he took another sip and, kind of reluctantly, gave back the bottle to Andrew. Andrew saw the remorse in his eyes and smiled.
“You know what man, you can keep that one, I got another one in my locker.” Brett looked up. “Are you sure… you don’t-”
“I insist dude.” Andrew retorted and handed him the bottle.
Brett gazed at it and quickly took another mouthful. He stared up at Andrew and then immediately downed the whole bottle after which he let out a massive belch. “Jezus that was fucking great man. Thanks a lot”
Andrew grinned “No probz bro. Be sure to see me after your workout though. I can hook you up with some more”
Lawrie nodded. “Yeah sure thing bro!” Andrew turned and started to walk towards the weights, starting his own workout.
In the meantime, Lawrie continued with renewed vigor. He had actually been almost done but the shake had given him an energy reset. He was ready to keep going. He continued to workout his legs and ass. His girlfriend loved his massive ass. When Lawrie was headed towards the Squat rack, he felt his stomach rumble. He chuckled. “Oh dear, there come the preworkout gasses. Oh well, people should know I've been here, they'd better be honored to smell me.” He said with a smug look on his face. But the farts and burps never came. Even when squatting down with 50 pounds on each side of the bar, not a single puff of air came out of him.
Instead, his body slowly started to swell up a bit. His lean body started to fill out with some fat and muscle. His rough slender arms started to fill out his shirt. His stomach roared again, this time enlarging his pecs into soft, warm cushions of flesh. Another rumble and he shrank down a few inches, but as he was squatting down at the same time, he didn't even notice. The former 6 foot athlete, was now an adorable 5 '7. With another rumble came another set of changes. His 30 year old face started to lose some years. Patches of aged skin started to smooth out, the few wrinkles he had pulled away, and his beard receded into a soft stubble. His stern face melted away into a soft and cute face with boyish charm. His short hair started to grow out and turned wavy. Lawrie bit his lips as they slowly plumped up, making him look very cute, but also very, very gay. He squatted down once more and the ink on his body started to wash away with all the sweat that ran down his frame. He now had smooth and youthful looking skin. His final squat and his body hair all but disappeared leaving behind a slight dusting of hair along his new juicy pecs. Having some energy left, Lawrie decided to put on some weights and continue the squats. With every squat his ass felt like it was on fire. Each rep made his ass bigger, and more jiggly. His below average rod also started to grow. Not just hard, but longer, and thicker too. His balls grew too, with every rep making them bigger and faster. Lawrie’s ass was getting bigger by the second, almost ripping his shorts. He was also getting smoother, all the hair sucking into his balls and shaft, leaving a perfect smooth member.
He finally put down the bar and stood there, panting and sweating. “Fuck… that was amazing” he thought to himself. He grabbed his towel and headed to the locker room, ready to get some more of that delicious drink. As he opened the door he was met with an alluring smell that he could immediately place; it was the drink. He looked around and saw Andrew sitting on a bench, legs spread apart, with a towel around his waist, covering his manhood.
“Hey bro… I “ Lawrie fell silent. His usual rough voice was gone. Instead, when he talked a youthful, squeaky voice rang through the room.
“Hey man, you're finally done. Took you long enough. But damn you look good!” Lawrie looked down, and saw his clothes didn't fit him the same as they did when he put them on this morning. They were hanging lower on his body, but he filled them out much more.
He looked up in the mirror and screamed. Instead of the handsome, rugged face he knew, a new young, cute, and very queer looking face looked back at him.
“What did you do to me” He asked, in that annoyingly gay sounding voice.
“You just love to make fun of all the gays around here, so I thought, why not make you experience it for a change” he spread apart his legs a bit more, and Lawrie got attacked by a fresh, warm wave of the smell.
“Y-you …. Put something in the drink” Lawrie stammered, feeling a thread of drool run down his chin.
“You look adorable like that, but yeah you're right. You want more right, that’s why you came? Want it from the source?” Andrew threw off the towel and Lawries knees buckled. The smell spread around the locker room, and more drool came spilling out of Lawries mouth. Andrew slowly walked over, his thick dick standing at attention. As he came closer there were no questions needed about what the source was; Lawrie only had eyes for Andrews dick. Andrew stopped just in front of Lawrie, his dick on eye level with the former star player.
“Fuck you’re cute now.” Andrew cooed. He ran his thumb along Lawries soft jaw. “You want a taste, baby?” Lawrie gulped and bit his lip.
“N-no I’m.. “
“Lick it boy” Andrew commanded, and Lawrie immediately complied. He opened his mouth and swallowed the rod. The bear groaned as the boy started to expertly suck him off. Lawries eyes opened wide as the familiar flavor of his drink started to fill his mouth.
“That’s a good boy” these words filled Lawrie with a weird warm and fuzzy feeling. “You wanna make daddy cum, don't you?” Lawrie wanted to spit out the dick and curse out the man in front of him but instead he looked up into the bear's eyes and nodded.
“Very good boy, you're such a cutie. I’m gonna take such good care of you” As Andrew said that he shot a load down Brett Lawries throat. This in turn made the boy cream his own pants, shooting out all the old negative parts of the married baseball player. What was left was Barry, Andrew’s soft boyfriend pup, who was such a massive slut for his Daddy's cock.
“That was amazing daddy… did I do good?”
“You sure did pup… but I’ve got a question… What is your sexuality?”
“Im very gay Drewie. I’m so very gay for your cock… And those of your hot friends…”
Andrew laughed and he pulled his boyfriend up, giving him a warm embrace. “That's my boy. Lets get you cleaned up and home’
Later
It's been a few months since Brett Lawrie has been missing. The gay community of the town didnt really mind though. In his place, they got a new slut with a very cute face. Andrew’s new boyfriend made a very cheap onlyfans, and had plenty of time for visitors. His instagram is full of his dumb, cute face.
Brett doesn’t remember much from his old life, only that it got substantially better when he and Andrew met. He now gets endless attention, money, and dick from him so he doesn't have much to complain about.
#transformation#s2g#straight to gay#himbofication#transformation through drink#age regression#rakurai
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Hii I was wondering if I could get a crack fic where it’s Wanderer (blue scara if you still didn’t know) x fem!reader but the reader can eat a lot of spicy food but he can’t bc he pulled a factory reset on himself so he’s rlly shocked when reader eats spicy food bc he can’t even get past normal spice
OKAY THIS SOUNDS HILLARIOUS HERE'S MY TAKE ON IT
Scaramouche // Wanderer with an S/O that can eat a lot of spicy food
----
You were visiting Inazuma with Scaramouche/Wanderer, and decided to visit a ramen store. Because why not? It was practically an Inazuma specialty, and since you were visiting, there was no reason not to try it.
As you were looking at the options, Scaramouche stared at you in shock as you asked for one of the spiciest foods on the menu. You noticed his disbelief, and looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“What is it?” you asked as you watched him take the least spiciest food on the menu. Heck, it was literally kiddie meal amounts of spice.
“How in the actual hell do you eat that much spice without short circuiting? It’s not a normal amount of spice tolerance. What the heck are your taste buds doing? Do you even have taste buds?”
You snorted as he looked at you incredulously. “I just have spice tolerance because I grew up eating a lot of spicy food. Aren’t you like. 500 years old? The real question is how you don’t have spice tolerance.”
“It’s NOT MY FAULT MY TASTE BUDS RESET WHEN I FACTORY RESET?” he replied with a frown. The waiter arrived with the food, and Scaramouche had to admit, your dish looked delicious, the noodles beautifully cooked with the broth a pretty red tinged color, along with several add-ons. In comparison, his noodles were also beautifully cooked, but the broth didn’t have the red tinge of spice in it. Instead, he had gotten some pork with string beans on the side-- which also looked delicious.
You two got to eating your food, idle chatter surrounding you as you talked about mediocre things.
Until you offered Scaramouche some of your noodles.
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re paying for my hospital bills,” he said as he took a bite.
It was delicious.
And absolutely horrendously spicy.
Scaramouche downed all of his water, and you stifled your laughter. You called a waiter over and asked for some milk, and while he was getting it, Scaramouche frowned at you with a glare, a few tears from how spicy it was prickling his eyes.
“Remind me to never try whatever spicy food you get or make from now on…”
#genshin#genshin x reader#genshin x you#scaramouche x reader#scara x reader#scaramouche#scaramouche x you#genshin wanderer#wanderer x reader#genshin crack#wanderer#scaramouche fluff#wanderer fluff#genshin fluff#genshin impact#genshin hcs
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2024 Valentine Voice Lines
Home Screen Voice Lines
Aira: I am wondering if I should also give my favorite idol my chocolate~ ♪ Although, I don’t know how much chocolate I need to prepare is enough.
Eichi: Black tea and chocolate go well together. The fatness inside the cacao bean can reset your taste buds from the bitterness of black tea ♪
Rei: The world is dyed in the color of Valentine. Kukuku, everyone in the office is also bustling around too… ♪
Valentine Making Chocolate Voice Lines
Aira: I am so happy that Producer-san is helping me in my chocolate-making attempt! Ehehe, shall we make a lot of chocolate filled with love together?
Eichi: I feel rest assured when I know Producer-chan is helping me make my Valentine’s chocolate. If it is you, then we can make any delicious chocolate.
Rei: For me, I don't really make a lot of sweets in my time… Oh, is the young lady going to teach me her special recipe? If that's the case then I'm looking forward to it, I will try my best too.
Valentine’s Day Cards
Aira: Thank you for sending your message ♪ I am super happy right now! I will keep on trying my best in the future, and I will be more happy if I can have your support ♪
Eichi: Thank you for your wonderful message. Please let me see your endeavors for more things that will exceed my expectations in the future. And this time too, If I can have your support, it will make me overjoyed… ♪
Rei: Thank you for sending your message to me... ♪ This time without betraying your expectations, I will send you my performance as well. And for certain, let it burn into your memory ♪
Bonus: ! 's mode Praise
Eichi
This only covers Praise-5 to Praise-8 because 1 to 4 (minus Praise-2) and sweet words are already on the wiki.
Original: すばらしいよ……期待通りだっ
Praise-2: Wonderful... Just as I expected.
Original: 素晴らしいよ。『プロデューサー』として、君も日々成長しているんだね
Praise-5: Wonderful. You are growing every day as a producer.
Original: 僕からも賞賛の言葉を贈らせてほしいな。君のがんばりに、最大の感謝を……
Praise-6: I might have to send my words of praise to you. To your working effort, with all my gratitude...
Original: よしよし........ 頭を撫でるのはあまりお気に召さないかな？ とはいえ、たまにはひとに甘えるということも覚えるようね？
Praise-7: There, there... You don't like getting patted on the head? Even so, remember to let yourself be pampered sometimes by others, okay?
Original: お疲れさま、よくがんばったね。賞賛に値するよ。ゆっくり休んでまた次のために準備しよう…… ♪
Praise-8: Thank you for your hard work, you have done well. Your work deserves a lot of praise. Now let the body rest well and prepare yourself for your next work... ♪
Rei
This only covers Praise-5 to Praise-8 because 1 to 4 and sweet words are already on the wiki.
Original: くくく。不安そうな顔をしておるが、心配せんでも大丈夫じゃぞい。上出来じゃよ、嬢ちゃん…… ♪
Praise-5: Kukuku. You are making such a worried face, but do not be afraid. You have done excellent, young lady... ♪
Original: 我輩に褒めてもらいにきたのかえ？嬢ちゃんは甘えん坊さんじゃのう。よしよし、たくさん頭を撫でてやろう ♪
Praise-6: Have you come for my praise? Young lady here is such a spoiled child. There, there, I will give you a lot of head pat ♪
Original: よし、よし…… ♪ よくがんばったのう、嬢ちゃん。我輩がたっぷり労ってやろうぞ ♪
Praise-7: There, there... ♪ You have been working hard, young lady. I will give you a lot of rewards for that ♪
Original: 『最後まで諦めない』。その姿勢が、きっとアイドルたちにも良い影響を与えてくれるはずじゃよ ♪
Praise-8: "I won't give up until the end". Such attitude of yours, it certainly has a good influence on a lot of us idols ♪
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Thoughts on ChainsawMan?
People tend to compare that to Jujutsu Kaisen.
I actually wrote down my thoughts about CSM, after I read it. And they stand because after the hard reset of the story and of Denji with the end of part 1 (is that what's it's called in the fandom? idk) I just went "really?" and stopped reading.
So I won't repeat what I said there I will just write a bit about what I think about people comparing CSM and JJK. And about how I don't really find them very similar at all.
I think the comparing started with Fujimoto himself? Idk if people compared them before he said it. And generally I wish he hadn't said that and that people didn't compare the two. There's a lot of this attitude "I like this thing more so it must be better in every way and the other thing needs to be shit, and I'm intellectually superior for liking it" coming form the CSM fandom. Idk if JJK fans are also such dipshits, but it took me a lot of blocking not to see posts from CSM fans who showed love for their fav by coming into the juju tags and shitting on it while saying nothing about why they think CSM is good. It reeks of high school mentality that many fail to shake until their 30s or even later.
The problem with comparing these two is that any similarities are extremely superficial. Fujimoto and Gege have completely different attitudes towards their characters, storytelling, world building, themes. They are clearly trying to achieve very different things with their stories and that's okay.
As I say in that post I linked above, I don't think CSM is bad but there's just nothing in it that matches my subjective tastes. JJK isn't perfect but the great things about it really hit the sweet spots for me.
(highlighting this so hopefully the CSM fans leave me the fuck alone)
CSM and JJK spoilers ahead, if you're an anime only. Also my opinion of CSM is based on part 1 and like a few chapters of part 2 that I read before I completely lost interest in it. I don't see myself picking it again, though.
_________________
Characters:
Fujimoto's gag character is Denji. Gege's are Toudou and Takaba. It is a valid writing choice to make your main character into a joke but not one I like. So like the moment I realised Denji's budding sexuality is a joke not a theme CSM really lost in my eyes. And since Fujimoto had (has?) just one joke for Denji to be the butt of over and over again it just got boring.
After the first two chapters I was ready to love Denji, to adopt him. Like 25 chapters in I was completely cold on him because it became clear that Fujimoto isn't going to do anything with him. If you compare that to Yuuji who's consistently getting juicy character development - it's easy for me to care about him, and when he gets traumatised, I get traumatised with him and now we have this bond where I mentally adopted him.
Aki is less meh then Megumi but in the end he's there just to die meaninglessly because Denji gets reset. I prefer Nobara to Power but I still think Power is okay, but in the end she's there just to die meaninglessly because Denji gets reset.
Makima barely wins at being more interesting with Sukuna. And that's mostly because Gege is very against developing Sukuna. Compared with Kenjaku or even Mahito? She's so dull, her plot is simplistic, and her manipulation is kinda one note.
Storytelling:
My blog's name references HxH. Part of why I obsess over HxH is the idea of characters having very different and separate goals. Story lines that run concurrently and kinda bump into each other, feed into each other and then separate. I hate the contemporary hot take that everything in writing has to be meat, has to further the plot.
CSM part 1 is very focused around the Control Devil's ploy to control the Chainsaw Devil using the Gun Devil as a ruse and other factions trying to interfere with that. There's really only this one plot line going on, there are some character arcs on the side, there are some factions nuances but they really just all prop up the main one.
JJK isn't HxH in this respect but the way in which characters have their own goals that don't necessarily further the plot is still really well done. And there isn't even one main plot. Kenjaku is the driver of it all and they have their huge scheme but Sukuna has his own plans, Gojou had his own power play with the elders and was trying to put that in motion. Other characters have/had their own schemes or goals too. People love to complain that the Zenin arc has nothing to do with the plot. I guess. It has everything to do with the themes though. I'm so sad that when Gege decided to speed run juju they cut Nobara, because her story had all the hallmarks of being about the themes but also her powers would really lend themselves to the main villain fights.
Shock Value vs Anticlimax:
HxH uses anticlimax very efficiently making the story feel fresher and much more interesting than for instance stories that rely on plot twists and reveals. The way most HxH arcs end is unexpected and kinda anticlimactic but extremely satisfying. There's build up and it gets resolved in a very fun way but not the most obvious one.
I don't remember CSM using anticlimax at all, but I have read it once and only part 1 and didn't watch the anime. So maybe it does but not in a way that was memorable to me. But it uses shock value and twists and reveals a lot, and mostly relies on killing off characters. Which for me resulted in not even trying to remember their names or faces and sometimes skipping through their dialogue if the exchanges got boring.
Gege isn't Togashi but the HxH and YYH influences are visible. Gege can suddenly kill off a character and doesn't stray away from graphic violence and body horror for shock. But the killing off isn't constant. It makes sense to get invested in the characters. Anyone can die but it's not a given, it's a threat not a promise. And the anticlimactic moments are meaningful and satisfying - sometimes in a cruel way. Yuuji's breakdown in the detention centre; then his death soon after; Junpei's death; the end of the exchange event; the whole fucking Shibuya arc which gives the reader no catharsis just drags them deeper into despair with every little moment that doesn't result in a clear win - it's excruciating; the conversation between Yuuji and Higuruma.
There's shock value in JJK too, as is in HxH. It's just used more like spice, it's not all there is to the flavour.
World building:
I just like complex magic systems where the results of the fights are not a given and fights can go interesting ways with how the characters utilise their powers in creative ways. In CSM it's just Chainsaw Devil hack and slash, Chainsaw Devil win, Denji is anemic - and for me that's very whatever.
Themes:
I've read some meta and saw some video essays about CSM and some people actually talked about the themes. I don't really remember much of it... I think it was mostly about the found family thing and life being kinda hopeless so carving these little moments for oneself? There might be more I just never was invested enough and the stuff i read/heard didn't fully convince me. Like I felt, yeah there might be some of it but it all felt like kinda gliding on the surface.
The themes in JJK match my interests far better. Oppressive systems and how hard they are to overcome even if you try. Bodily autonomy. Anti traditionalism and anti patriarchy. Deconstruction of the narrative of the hyper individualism of "the strongest" ideology and the idea of meritocracy. Reconciling guilt and your own values.
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You aren't sure if the sun is rising or setting by the time you come stumbling back into the house and halfway collapse into the nearest chair.
A little pale face with big red eyes peers around a corner, only to vanish before you can get a good look at it, but judging by the sounds of scampering feet and Egg's shrill cry of "NONNA!! NONNA!!" you can guess who it is.
Your Ma, Harley, comes in shortly after with a hesitant relief plain on her face, Egg at her heels with your phone in her mouth.
You weren't even aware that you'd dropped it.
Ma tells Egg to call off the metaphorical search for you while she checks Bibi (you) over.
… you didn't even know Egg could read, let alone type. New child locks will be put into place the moment you don't feel like someone beat you with a spiral ham.
Gentle fingers ghost over a darkening bruise and you hiss like a cat in a trap, Ma winces sympathetically.
You're mostly just bruised up.
The worst injury you've got is a split lip and a broken nose that you've managed to reset by yourself, the bleeding from that has mostly stopped anyway but you feel like you're gonna hork up a clot at any minute probably.
Ma looks you in the eyes, retrieving a first aid kit from nowhere in particular, "Why do you look like me after the first time that bitch Waller recruited me…" she gestures at your face, tube of biofreeze in hand, "not the injuries, but the vibes."
You just smile wryly in a 'you must be fucking psychic' kind of way and watch her eyes narrow as she reads your face like a book.
"Was it fucking Waller? i'll skin her alive." She wipes the gross snot-blood crust from around your mouth and nose, and you suddenly feel like a kid again as you try very hard not to squirm.
"God I wish, her I could at least eat y'know?" Your stomach yells at the concept of food and Ma gives you a smile of her own.
"Oh I think I FELT that. Come, mama's been cookin her tight lil tush off."
She helps you up, just like she used to when you were little and stupid and kept getting in fights with the little clown kids back in Gotham.
It felt just like this.
Like biofreeze and concern, and love.
Your legs are wobbly from lack of sleep and maybe a mild concussion but the promise of Food urges you on, with Egg close behind you.
Ma watches you like a hawk as she guides you into the kitchen and whistles for the Babies, her twin hyenas Bud and Lou.
They appear out of nowhere, spectral beasts of pure emotional energy.
Each the size of a fully grown bull moose before they remember their manners and 'fold up' into mostly regular hyenas.
Bud shoves his muzzle into your face, sniffing and nuzzling as if he hasn't seen you in a thousand years. The markings on his face make him look like he's smiling, even though you can nearly taste his concern.
By contrast, Lou perpetually looks like he's about to cry at any moment.
They're the closest things to brothers you've ever had, and they certainly act like it.
Right now they're doing their best to keep you awake and conscious so you can eat
… and also trying to steal treats when Ma isn't looking.
But mostly the keeping you awake thing!
You talk while you eat, shoveling bread and soup into your face as fast as possible, trying desperately to explain the situation as best you can but you don't have all the details yet so it's harder to form coherent sentences than you initially anticipated.
Ma knows the importance of keeping you talking-- and asks about who worked you over, before talking a lot of shit about them, their bedroom preferences and their mothers.
Your brothers cackle in response.
You smile, all sharp teeth and black gums, "I did manage to take a couple fingers with me before I left," you nudge Lou away from your plate a second too late and watch him inhale your bread roll, "I dunno what they expected, putting their hands in my face like that."
Ma snorts, taking your bowl and refilling it for the third or fourth time, "Idiots! just like arkham."
She goes on a small tirade about cops and the justice system and exactly how many pigs she could demolish with one hammer swing while you continue to eat.
The quantity of food and hydration you consume would be surprising, if you'd eaten anything except fingers since yesterday.
By the time you're finished, the exhaustion is back and tugging at your limbs.
Dragging you down into the depths of sleep.
Making it hard to chew, let alone string a sentence together.
Ma won't let you pass out at the table, bless her, and manages to get you safely in bed before your body can really give up.
You're asleep before your head can hit the pillow, with Lou sprawled across your legs and Bud's big head tucked under one arm like when you were little.
Ma stays to keep an eye on the three of you, and make sure you're not concussed.
And as the dreams prepare to drown you, you realize that this the safest you've felt in a very long time.
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Nylo how are you not tired of eating dreamers it seems like they would all taste the same?
"I do take breaks and eat other things. But my taste buds don't get tired of dreamers."
Actually, it's something in a bookkeeper's mouth that resets every 2 hours. And yes he takes breaks if he doesn't feel like eating a dreamer.
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Hi?
I don’t consider myself very good at writing but I’ve found that I enjoy journaling lately so I suppose I’ll just write something here instead for once.
I'm sitting here slouched in my chair listening to "A State of Trance 2014" through my Audeze LCD-2C's while sipping on Trader Joe's 2021 Vintage Spiced Ale. I don't even remember the last time I logged onto this site, and I don't know when I'll log on again after tonight. I only logged on today to reset my password as I was auditing all my current passwords and resetting them for more secure items. I used to spend hours on this site, but it hasn't even crossed my mind in years now.
I'm 28 now, still listening to electronic music (rave to the grave baybeeeee), got married, bought a house, got a dog, bought a new car, work full-time in IT, got super into coffee, and have gone off the deep end of headphones and in-ear monitors (IEMS if mentioned again after this). I proposed to my now-wife at Disneyland under the fireworks on New Year's 2020. Little did we know what was to come in regard to COVID. But before COVID could shut the world down here, we found a cute little condo and made an offer on it. Amazingly (especially if you know anything about the housing market in the state I live in), our offer was accepted. We closed on our condo the day before the lockdown order went into effect. We almost didn't get to close due to my wife being laid off the day before but the employment verification came through somehow. I vividly remember our realtor saying "they won't shut us down" too.
We didn't have a wedding, instead we eloped and got married on the beach in California. We did have a photographer and we got some amazing pictures from the time we were there. We also had my best friend play dual role and be the best man/maid of honor. Shoutout to him for being great for that. My wife wrote her vows on the order forms from the restaurant where we met 10 years ago now. She looked so incredibly beautiful; I'll never forget it.
The next thing that came was a tiny dog, and I mean tiny. Pumpkin was a whole two pounds (0.9kg) when we got her. She had no personality and was like a blank slate. Looking back, we probably should've waited the extra month to pick her up, but we were too excited to wait. That bit us in the butt as she proceeded to scream-cry all through the night. She got not one, but two ear infections in that first few months too. Now, she is a great dog, if a bit ornery. She likes to *grunt* at you when she wants something and will do so louder and louder until she either gets her way or we have to get up and tell her to "place" in her bed.
I won't go to in-depth on how I got into coffee, but in addition to a Ninja coffee maker, I now have a burr grinder, a Fellow Stagg Pourover X kit and an AeroPress. I did have a hand grinder, but returned it as it was just a bit too pricey to justify in the end. It's amazing how much better coffee tastes out of the Stagg or the AeroPress versus the standard coffee maker. There's so much more flavor nuance to them and there's huge differences between them in their own! I don't yet have a favorite bean that I consistently return to (probably because I love getting new flavors everytime), but I have noticed I tend to gravitate towards darker roasts. I love lighter roasts due to their fruity notes, but I also love the smooth notes of a dark roast.
This next section is a long one.
Headphones. Or head-poe-hon-ees as good ole DankPods would say. I've always loved music. The daily prompt for my journal app, DayOne, last night was even "What would your life be like without music?", so my entry was basically a tale of "I would rather die". Previous to 2020, I had a set of over-ear Sony CH-700N (so catchy) that had noise cancelling, Apple AirPods Pros, Beats Powerbeats Pro, and a pair of crappy Skullcandy buds in my desk. Some might ask "why have two pairs of wireless?" Well I used the Powerbeats for working out due to the over-the-ear hooks, and the AirPods Pro at the office with the transparency mode so I could hear my surroundings while still jamming. In late 2020, I bought a pair of Apple Airpods Max to replace my Sony's. While they were very pricey, I loved the noise cancelling as they were way better than the Sony's, and the transparency, as well as the sound of them. In fact, I still love them and use them whenever I travel. Dat sub-bass tho mmmmmm.
But in late 2021, I was getting more and more into wired audio again. I had purchased a pair of KZ ZSN Pro X IEMs for $20 (on the recommendation of everyone's favorite Aussie audio YouTuber), and a pair of Moondrop Aria's for $80. The Moondrop Aria's are highly praised in the IEM/audio community and with good reason. They sound incredibly good, especially for $80. Now, you might think "oh wow $80 is a bit pricey for wired headphones. I used to get Skullcandy's at the store for $20 and they sound good!" and if so, that's great! I'm happy you think so! But for me, I needed more. So I went down the rabbit hole of "over-ear headphones". Both open-backed and closed back. For those who don't know, most consumer headphones (think Bose, Beats, Sony, etc.) are closed-back. This means the "cups" are closed on the outside. Sound doesn't pass through them and they provide a layer of passive noise cancellation. Open-back are what they say on the tin. Noise passes right through the cups. This goes both ways though; people can hear what you're listening to and you can hear the outside world. Now the benefits of open-back are the "Soundstage". or how wide the music feels and the ability to "place" instruments in the audio stage that you can hear. It's a bit hard to explain. I ended up getting six pairs of headphones from Amazon to test out and choose from. The pairs I got were the Hifiman Sundara, Hifiman Ananda, Audeze LCD-2C, Audeze LCD-X, Audeze LCD-2C Closed, and Audeze LCD-XC (X closed). If you look these up on Amazon, you'll see they range in price from $300 (Sundara) up to $1299 (LCD-XC). After a long time listening, I slowly eliminated the Sundara, 2C, and Ananda. I honestly had a hard time choosing between the X, XC, and 2C Closed. In the end, I chose the LCD-2C Closed as I prefer the closed-back nature of these cans. I loved the XC as a 2nd choice, but the price jump between the 2C and XC was just too great to justify the difference in quality. I also ended up with a Qudelix 5k amp/dac/bt receiver after much testing there.
But the headphone journey doesn't end there...I mentioned IEMs earlier and now we're coming back to that. After getting the Aria's and LCD-2C Closed headphones, I noticed that the left bud of the Aria never seemed to feel secure unless I was sitting still at my desk. So I looked into eartips and other options, but ended up ordering a pair of FiiO FH3's. These come with what's called an MMCX (micro miniature coaxial) connector to the IEMs, which can swivel. These felt much more secure in my ear, though I did not 100% enjoy the sound signature and clarity of these buds. So I returned them and picked up a pair of the then hype-train-riding 7hz Timeless. God they are amazing. I love them for the sub-bass, tonality, resolution and clarity they bring to the music. But they still feel a bit insecure! So my most recent purchase was a pair of Moondrop Blessing 2's. These have been on my list for a "long" while now, but the price always held me back. After getting the pair in, I'm almost mad I didn't get them sooner. I quickly then ordered a pair of Moondrop Blessing 2: Dusk's. "Buy Dusk" as the popular IEM reviewer Crinacle says. The Dusk just adds a bit to the bass and that's really all the Blessing 2 needs. I'm hoping to have those in soon, but in the meantime, I'm greatly enjoying the B2.
I did mention I got super into headphones above, right?
Anyways, I've finished my beer and I've been writing this for over an hour. If you read this all the way to this point, you're awesome. If you skipped here to the end for a TLDR: hi :)
Til next time.
Daniel (Fresh-Static-Snow)
P.S. I covered my PR tattoo lol
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I think me getting high two days ago reset my taste buds,
my tabacco tastes like shit again.
Also I ate the entirety of our cereal and a can of beans...
I wanted to eat those today
I miss my beans
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Binges and senna tea.
I'm trying to give up junk food because I can't eat it without binging.
I've been dumb and drinking tea that makes me poop at least once a week.
It's frustrating because I know I'm killing myself with my bad eating habits.
I'm going to try fasting until Monday afternoon.
My Mom said that it helps reset your taste buds and if I'm giving up processed foods that means I need all the help I can get.
I kinda want to fast two days a week and live on tea and liquids on those days and only eat like a fairy on my eating days.
I'm just sick of having high cholesterol and I need to restart my whole body.
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when i'm dieting, most days i'm successful in following my diet (which is nothing fancy, just a soft caloric limit and overall trying to be nutritionally balanced) but if i do have a day where i overindulge, i find it can easily snowball into days or weeks of unhealthy eating. not only does that make me feel like crap, i also end up spending alarming amounts of money on snacks and/or restaurant food.
these are some strategies i use to try to combat that:
- my "reset plan": after a day of overeating, i often wake up the next morning still feeling full. instead of eating breakfast i focus on hydrating, waiting until my body tells me it's hungry again, and then i choose something that's enjoyable but not too calorically dense, like sushi or a veggie + hummus sandwich. i try to keep it light throughout the rest of the day, but if i start to feel hungry again in the evening, i'll have a more substantial meal.
- when i overindulge, i find that my tongue gets "bored" of healthy foods and only craves super salty, sweet, or greasy things. whereas if i've been following my diet, i really truly enjoy healthy foods. so following the reset plan above also helps restore my taste buds. that's one of the potential joys of dieting that i don't think people talk about enough - it doesn't have to be a joyless exercise in deprivation, solely aimed at weight loss. it can be a way to learn to appreciate all kinds of food more (especially fruit and vegetables)!
- i weigh myself daily, which i definitely don't recommend for everyone, especially if it could trigger you or make you obsess over weight loss. but for me, observing the way my weight changes daily helps me keep things in perspective. a large meal might make it spike the next day, but i've seen that happen enough times to know that it'll go back down once my eating goes back to normal. and seeing that spike is a good reminder to use the reset plan.
- certain types of beverages like diet soda, green tea, kombucha etc. help take away that bloated feeling after a large meal or too many snacks, and that helps restore my motivation.
🍵
i've gotten a few follows and likes recently - thank you so much! if you're reading this and you're pursuing weight loss, please feel free to leave a reply and let me know what you do to get yourself back on track with healthy eating. i'd love to create a space where we can talk about our experiences without fatphobia or mainstream diet culture BS.
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Hard Reset VI
Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader
Warnings: 18+ / Smut / Fluff
Description: This fic mostly covers the bye week secret wedding with a little before and after.
Time/Place: Monday, Oct. 16, 2023 - Tuesday, Oct. 17, 2023 / Cincinnati, Ohio + the lakehouse
A/N: This is the sixth fic in the Hard Reset series.
This secret wedding/honeymoon fic has gotten totally out of hand, y'all! I've spent about 4 hours today trying to edit it, and instead I keep adding to it. It's like a runaway train that I'm no longer in control of! It's so long now that I might post it in 3 parts. I'm dropping this first part tonight which covers the secret wedding and a little more. The next chapter(s) will cover the rest of the honeymoon.
~ ~ Remember I posted a sneak peek of this fic, so if the first bit looks familiar, that's why. ~ ~
I'm also including a pic link from the Seahawks game to give a mental image of what Joe looked like during the bye week. Be sure to click the pic to zoom in.
Sexy Scruff
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Monday, 10/16/23 (the morning after the week 6 win against the Seahawks)
You moan at the feel of gentle pressure against your clit, your eyes fluttering open at the sound of Joe's husky voice in your ear.
"You awake?"
"I am now," you whisper, biting your lip as he continues to rub your sensitive bud while pressing wet kisses against your neck.
"I woke up thinking about last night and it made me horny," he admits as he continues to tease you.
"Mmmm," you hum, your mind rewinding to last night …
~ ~ ~
He'd made liberal use of the whipped cream, frosting your nipples with the sweet whip several times then licking and sucking it off while you squirmed underneath him; he finally made his way down your body, taking his time to frost your belly button and inner thighs, leaving love bites in sensitive places as you buried a hand in his hair and begged for more. You remember the look on his face when he tossed the can of cream aside, his eyes icy-hot with arousal. "I'm not gonna put any whipped cream here," he moaned, lapping at your wet folds, "because you already taste perfect."
~ ~ ~
The feel of one long finger sliding inside your slick heat brings you back to the present. "Last night was really hot," you sigh, a shiver running through you as he sucks a nipple while slowly pumping his finger in and out. "I'm still kinda sticky since I crashed before taking a shower," you mutter.
"Let me make you stickier then we can shower together," he coaxes, crawling on top of you and giving you a dirty grin when your thighs instinctively spread wide to accommodate his big body. "Okay?" he asks, pressing the tip of his erection against your entrance, holding still until you answer.
"Yes, sir," you breathe, arching up when he slides his shaft inside you and immediately starts thrusting, slow at first and then faster. You dig your fingers into his plump ass, a thrill running through you at the feel of his muscles tensing and reloading as he drives his hips forward again and again, still holding back a little until you're ready to take all of him. A delicious coil of tension builds in your core at the noise he makes low in his throat when you beg him to fuck you hard.
~ ~ ~
An hour and a half later -- after a couple of orgasms, a shared shower and a quick breakfast -- Joe slides the last dish in the dishwasher and wraps his hands around your waist as you place a jar of raspberry jam in the fridge. He drops a kiss on your lips as you pivot and look up at him. "I'll be home by noon," he promises. "Then we can finish packing for the lake."
"I'm already packed," you chuckle. "We're going for three nights not three weeks."
"Well, I still have a few things to pack," he states. "This whole thing was my idea and I just wanna make sure I get it right."
You rise up on your tiptoes and press a kiss on his lips. "They have pretty much everything we need already there," you soothe, ruffling a hand through his hair while giving him a warm smile. "Clothes, toiletries and groceries are the main things we need to take, and we'll buy most of the groceries once we get there."
He returns your smile as he takes a deep breath. "Are you excited we're getting married tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I am. What about you?"
"Yeah." He leans down and presses a lingering kiss on your lips, holding eye contact as he leans back. "I can't wait. It feels like we've been heading for this since I first laid eyes on you."
"I agree."
He narrows his eyes at you playfully. "When you first laid eyes on me, you thought I was a typical fuck boy and wanted nothing to do with me."
"But you were very persistent," you grin, "and once I got to know you, I fell for you hard and fast." You bite your lip and break eye contact, looking at his chest as you continue. "I knew you had the ability to break my heart into a million pieces, and it scared the hell out of me, that's why I was reluctant to go out with you."
He places a finger under your chin and gently tilts your head up until you make eye contact with him again. "I felt the same way about you, and the truth is I'm still scared when I let myself dwell on it." He shrugs his broad shoulders, the action causing a rogue curl to pop loose from his slicked back hair and dangle against his forehead. "This secret wedding is a way to quiet the voices in my head."
"What are the voices saying?"
"That you're gonna leave me for some dude with a boring job."
"I thought we put that issue to bed," you scold playfully. "I'm not gonna leave," you continue. "You have nothing to worry about, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise."
He takes a deep breath while he studies your face, his expression going from serious to playful. "Good." He leans down and gives you one more kiss before turning to head for the door. "I'll see you around noon," he says, giving you a wink before disappearing out the door.
You shake your head as the door closes behind him, a little perplexed, as usual, at his two very different demeanors -- super confident pro athlete who occasionally shows a major lack of confidence in his relationship with you.
"Life with him is never boring," you muse to yourself, shifting mental gears as you think about everything you need to get done today.
~ ~ ~
Several hours later -- after handling a final work issue before vacation -- you're finishing up a few errands, walking around a liquor store when your phone rings.
"Hey babe," you answer.
"Hey, where are you?" Joe asks.
"The liquor store. I'm getting some spiced rum to go in the apple cider we'll be buying at the farmers market fall fest."
"I'm starting to think you're looking forward to the fall fest more than the secret wedding," he chuckles.
"I'm looking forward to both," you admit, laughing along with him. "Where are you?"
"Home."
You check your watch, surprised to find it's almost 2:00. "Dang, I lost track of time."
"No problem, I didn't get home until about twenty minutes ago."
"How's the calf?"
"Good. Imaging was clean."
"Yay!"
"For real. Plus everyone was surprised that the swelling is so minimal." He gives a dirty chuckle before continuing. "I told 'em it must've been all that whipped cream I licked off of you last night."
"What?!"
"I'm kidding," he chortles. "I didn't say that, but I do think it helped."
"How would licking whipped cream off of me help with the swelling in your calf?"
"Because all of the swelling that would've been happening in my calf was happening in my dick instead. Get it?"
"You're demented."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You would," you snort. "Listen, I'll be home as soon as I find the spiced rum."
"We still having pizza?"
"Yes," you answer, "and then you're gonna play video games with the guys."
"Are you sure? I thought I might skip this week since we have so much going on."
"You planned this whole secret wedding and honeymoon; you deserve a break. Plus, I still need to try on a few things and decide what I'm wearing tomorrow for the ceremony."
"You'll be gorgeous in whatever you wear." His voice drops an octave as he continues. "Maybe I can watch you try on dresses instead of playing video games?"
"No sex tonight, daddy," you tease, giggling when he groans. "We decided to abstain tonight, remember? So tomorrow night will be even more intense."
"Yes, ma'am, I remember," he sighs. "Just don't complain tomorrow when I try to get you in bed super early."
"When have I ever complained about that?" you ask.
"Never," he admits.
"And I'm not about to start now," you soothe, ending the call when you finally find the spiced rum.
~ ~ ~
About thirty minutes later, you park your car in the garage, grab a couple bags of groceries plus the spiced rum and head in the house, dropping everything on the kitchen island before calling out for Joe. "Babe? Where you at? Did you order the pizza?"
You get no response but hear muted noises coming from the laundry room so head in that direction. "Babe?" you call again, walking into the laundry room just in time to see Joe frantically pulling some teal blue sheets out of the dryer and cramming them into a duffle bag. "What are you doing?" you ask. "Are those new sheets?"
"Yeah," he says sheepishly. "I … ummm … I was packing them for the trip."
You raise an eyebrow at him. "Don't they have sheets at the Airbnb?"
"I mean … yeah … but …"
His deer-in-the-headlights look makes you narrow your eyes at him before he speaks up again.
"Listen," he says, running a hand through his hair before locking eyes with you. "We'll be sleeping on these sheets for the first time as husband and wife, and I want to keep them, okay?"
"Awww!" You smile at him and step closer. "That's so romantic and sentimental," you whisper, smiling even bigger when his cheeks turn bright red. His 'aw shucks' demeanor and blushing cheeks framed by sexy scruff make you want to climb him like a tree; he raises an eyebrow as you bite your bottom lip, easily reading your mind, as usual. You rise up on your tiptoes just as he wraps his hands around your waist, your mouths meeting in a kiss that starts slow but quickly heats up. His hands slide down to squeeze your leggings-clad butt just as the doorbell rings.
"Crap," he mutters against your slick lips. "That's the pizza."
"Good timing," you state, pressing another kiss on his lips before stepping back.
"You think getting cockblocked by pizza delivery is good timing?"
"Today it is since we're supposed to be abstaining from sex until tomorrow night."
He gives you a playful grimace. "That's gonna be tough since I can't be around you without wanting to fuck you stupid."
"Romantic, sentimental and horny," you giggle, shaking your head as you hurry to answer the door.
"That's a good combo though, right?" he calls after you.
"The best!" you answer, throwing him a wink over your shoulder just before you round the corner.
~ ~ ~
A couple hours later -- after eating some pizza, watching a little TV together, and shooing Joe off to play video games with his friends -- you're upstairs in your walk-in closet, trying on the first of three dresses to decide which one to wear for the secret ceremony. All of your possible choices are different shades of white and not super formal; no need for formality since the ceremony is taking place just down the hall in Joe's office with a county court judge leading y'all through bare minimum vows.
When you shimmy into dress number three, you know its the one -- a fitted, creamy-white halter dress that hits a few inches above your knees and shows a hint of cleavage and more than a hint of bare shoulders and back. You smile at your reflection in the full-length mirror as you step into a pair of nude stilettos. "Perfect," you whisper, stepping out of the shoes and hanging the dress back up before pulling on one of Joe's old-ass graphic tees.
You head downstairs to pour a glass of wine, peeking in Joe's office on your way back to the master bedroom. He's talking mad shit while pounding on his video game controller. He loves those guys like brothers, you think to yourself. Lots of folks seem amazed that he's still super close with his high school and college friends, but that's just who he is. Fame and fortune have made him more guarded and private, but on a fundamental level, he's still the same exact guy he always was.
"A damn good guy," you whisper under your breath, watching him for another minute before heading down the hallway to the bedroom. You crawl into bed and get comfortable, opening your laptop to prepare to video chat with your bestie.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tuesday, 10/17/23
The next morning -- after a good night's sleep and a leisurely breakfast together -- y'all go your separate ways to prepare for the day. Joe takes the clothes he's wearing for the ceremony and his toiletries downstairs to a guest bathroom, insisting on not seeing you in your dress before the ceremony.
You smile as you think back to your conversation at breakfast.
~ ~
"Just get ready except for putting on your dress, okay?" he asked, biting into a piece of fried ham. "Then holler at me 'cause I have some jewelry I want to give you."
"So I shouldn't be wearing any jewelry?"
"Just your engagement ring."
~ ~
You take a deep breath as your mind snaps back to the present; you stare at your nude reflection in the bathroom mirror, satisfied that your usual routine of washing, conditioning, shaving, exfoliating, moisturizing, etc. has left you supple and sweet smelling. A fresh coochie wax and mani/pedi round out the grooming basics you regularly subject yourself to.
"Must be nice to be a man," you chuckle to yourself, thinking back again on your breakfast convo when Joe asked you if he should shave his scruff for the ceremony.
~ ~
"No!" you protested, both of you laughing at your aggressive tone as you continued. "I want to enjoy some honeymoon scruff action."
"Can't argue with that," he purred, giving you a filthy wink.
~ ~
"Can't wait for that," you whisper, smiling at your reflection as you slip into a creamy-white silk shorty robe.
Forty minutes later -- after applying some makeup and styling your hair in a simple french twist -- you open the bathroom door to holler for Joe, a big grin gracing your face when you find him sitting on the bed waiting for you. "Hope you haven't been waiting long," you state, beckoning him into the bathroom.
"Nope," he blurts, looking more than a little nervous as he hops up and walks toward you. "It didn't take me very long to set up the cameras in my office, and I'm too nervous to concentrate on anything else." He gives you a smile that more closely resembles a grimace. "This is not what I'm wearing, by the way," he continues, gesturing at his t-shirt and sweatpants. "I'm just waiting until the last minute to get dressed so I don't end up looking like a wrinkled mess."
"I know what you're wearing," you chuckle, pulling him into a hug, careful not to crush the black velvet box he's holding. "I helped pick it out, remember?"
"Oh yeah," he chuckles along with you, leaning into the hug for several heartbeats before stepping back.
"I'm nervous, too," you soothe, studying his face to try and read his mood. "Are you getting cold feet?"
"What? God no!" he scoffs. "My feet have never been hotter!" You giggle at his dramatic delivery as he continues. "Seriously … I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life."
You raise an eyebrow. "More than a Super Bowl win?"
"I said what I said," he states. "More than anything including a Super Bowl win."
"Damn, you're down bad," you tease.
"You just now figuring that out?"
"No, sir. The good news is I'm down just as bad."
"No way," he grins. "I'm def down badder." You playfully roll your eyes as he lifts a hand to touch one of the tendrils of hair framing your face. "You look beautiful," he whispers.
"Thank you. So do you."
He gives you a skeptical look before taking a deep breath. "Let me compose myself for a sec." He takes another deep breath before continuing. "So … since we're waiting until our official ceremony to exchange wedding rings, I wanted to get you something to commemorate today." He holds the black velvet box out to you. "I hope you like it."
You take the box from him and open it, your breath catching at the matching necklace and earrings, dazzling diamond solitaires the same cut as your engagement ring. "Oh my gosh, Joe," you whisper, your gaze shifting between the lavish jewelry and his beautiful smiling face. "They're exquisite," you sigh, blinking back happy tears. "Thank you so much, babe, I love them." You rise up on your tiptoes and press a kiss against his lips. "Help me put the necklace on," you ask excitedly.
"Check that little pocket under the lid first," he orders.
You tilt the box a bit so you can see what he's talking about. "What's in here?" you ask, reaching into the pocket that you didn't even notice while ogling the jewelry. "A mini magnifying glass," you murmur as you pull it out, giving Joe a quizzical look. "What's this for?" you giggle, holding it up to one eye while grinning. "I certainly don't need it to see these gorgeous diamonds."
He returns your smile before pointing at the necklace. "See that tiny tag just beside the clasp?"
"Yeah."
"There's something engraved on there that you can only see with a magnifying glass."
"Really?" your smile gets even bigger as you lean in and read the inscription; it's each of your initials -- with your last initial changed to 'B' -- plus today's date. "Oh my gosh, I love it!" you enthuse. "It's romantic, sentimental and also super shiesty."
"Exactly," he chuckles, taking the box and magnifying glass from you and setting them on the marble countertop. "Let's see how it looks on you," he states, gently lifting the necklace from its velvet nest before stepping behind you; you watch in the mirror as he drapes it on your neck and quickly secures it, pressing a kiss against the tiny tag nestled against the nape of your neck.
"It's gorgeous," you whisper as you look at it in the mirror.
"You're gorgeous," he states, dropping another lingering kiss on your neck.
"I've got something for you, too," you murmur, pulling a drawer on your vanity open to grab a small black velvet bag you stashed there earlier; you hand it to him with a sheepish smile. "Not as expensive as what you got me, but I hope you like it."
He loosens the drawstring and pulls out a narrow black wristband, tilting it to read the inscription stamped in white on the inside; it's the exact same as the one he chose for your necklace -- both of your initials plus the date. "I love that we're always on the same wavelength," he states, the look in his eyes causing a sizzle of heat to race down your spine as he slides the band onto a wrist, moving it around until it nestles right where he wants it among his other bands. "I love it, and I love you," he continues, leaning down to press a kiss on your lips.
"I love you, too," you whisper. "I can't believe I'm about to be your wife."
"Are you happy?" he asks. "Because I'm ridiculously happy, and I hope you are too."
"I'm so happy I can hardly stand it," you smile, framing his face with your hands, his scruff soft against your skin as you pull him down for another kiss; he leans into it for several heartbeats before reluctantly pulling back.
"I better go," he sighs before heading for the door. "Don't forget your earrings," he reminds you, giving you one last look before disappearing.
Thirty minutes later you're standing in Joe's office, waiting anxiously for the ceremony to begin. You eventually hear the doorbell ring and take a deep, calming breath as you hear voices and footsteps headed up the stairs.
The judge -- a woman in her mid-fifties with a tidy bob haircut and a friendly smile -- breezes into the office just ahead of Joe, holding a hand out when she sees you.
"You must be Y/n," she says. "I'm Judge Sheila."
"Nice to meet you," you state, shaking her hand.
"You too." She drops her briefcase on Joe's desk. "You kids are pulling a fast one on everybody, huh?" she asks, her eyes twinkling as she looks back and forth between you.
"Yes, ma'am," you laugh. "Our actual wedding will happen this off-season."
"Well, your secret is safe with me," she promises, opening her briefcase and pulling out a piece of paper. "I need y'all to sign this marriage license, and I'll act as a witness."
You feel the heat of Joe's gaze on you as he takes in your fitted halter dress and nude stiletto heels; his eyes linger on the substantial diamond studs twinkling in your earlobes and the solitaire necklace sitting pretty just above a tasteful hint of cleavage. "You look amazing," he whispers as he brushes by you and walks to his desk.
"You too," you murmur, your gaze raking over his tall frame adorned in charcoal gray dress slacks and a fitted blue-gray button-down dress shirt, the color making his eyes shift like a chameleon depending on how the light hits him.
You watch as he pulls a matte platinum pen that you've never seen before out of the top desk drawer and hands it to you; you inhale subtle deep breaths to calm your nerves as you sign the legal document, taking a second to inspect the pen after signing your name, noticing it has the same inscription as your necklace and his wristband engraved on it. You give Joe a look as he takes the pen from you and leans down to sign his name. Romantic and sentimental, you muse to yourself.
"Where should I stand?" Judge Sheila asks, picking a piece of lint off the sleeve of her black jacket. "I know y'all are videoing so just tell me where you want me."
"Why don't you stand behind the desk and we'll stand in front of it," Joe directs. "We have three cameras recording," he continues, pointing at a couple of bookcases and a trophy shelf where the cameras are located.
"Got all the angles covered," she states with approval as she positions herself behind the desk; she waits for you and Joe to take your places before getting down to business.
"Joe and Y/n, as I guide you in exchanging your vows today, you will each declare your intentions for a lasting partnership in love and marriage. Are you prepared to do this?"
"Yes!" you answer simultaneously, giggling a bit and exchanging smiles before returning your attention to the judge.
She smiles at your beaming faces before speaking again. "Turn and face one another and join hands."
She waits a few seconds for y'all to do her bidding before proceeding.
"Joe, do you take Y/n to be your wife, to live together in matrimony from this day forward, to love her, honor her, comfort her, cherish her, and keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Joe squeezes your hands gently and blinks several times to hold back tears as the judge speaks up again.
"Y/n, do you take Joe to be your husband, to live together in matrimony from this day forward, to love him, honor him, comfort him, cherish him, and keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," you answer, chill bumps running the length of your arms at the look on Joe's face. I'll never forget that look, you think to yourself as the judge continues.
"By the authority granted to me by the State of Ohio, it is my privilege to pronounce you husband and wife. Joe, you may kiss your bride."
He leans down and captures your lips, placing his hands on your waist for a few seconds before slowly sliding one hand upward, resting it on your bare back for several heartbeats before continuing up to cup the nape of your neck; you grip his shoulders and lean into him as he changes the angle of his head slightly to deepen the kiss, his thumb caressing your neck as his tongue tangles with yours.
After what seems like too long and not nearly long enough, he breaks the intense kiss and rests his forehead against yours as y'all try to regain composure.
"Hooo-wee! That kiss was a doozy!" the judge chortles.
"Sorry, your honor," Joe mumbles, making a sheepish face. "I got a little carried away."
"No need to apologize," she grins. "Your emotions are red-lining I would imagine."
"Pretty much, yeah," he admits, squeezing your hand and smiling at you as the judge whisks the signed marriage license into her briefcase.
"Allow me to be the first person to congratulate you on your marriage," she states. "I know y'all are videoing, but would you like me to take a few pics of you before I leave?"
"Thank you, that would be great," you answer, grabbing your phone and handing it to her while you pose with Joe. She snaps several pics, suggesting a few different poses and smiling after each shot.
"I think I missed my calling," she jokes as she hands your phone back. "If this whole judge thing craps out, I just might become a wedding photographer."
You laugh along with her as she grabs her briefcase and heads for the door. "I'll leave you two alone so y'all can deal with those big emotions." She gives you a cheeky wink and exits the room with the same brisk stride she entered with, Joe right behind her as he sees her out.
You take a couple of deep breaths and roll your shoulders to relieve some tension, smiling at Joe when he returns a few minutes later; he heads straight for you, wrapping you in a tight hug. "Mrs. Burrow, have I ever told you you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen?" he whispers against your ear.
"Several times, but I never get tired of hearing it." You lean back and frame his face with your hands. "And you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen."
"Don't lie," he snorts, his expression letting you know he's kidding but also looking for a little validation.
"I'm not lying!" you argue playfully. "Hook me up to a lie detector and I'll prove it!"
"Okay, I got one right here," he teases, reaching for his zipper as you both bust out laughing.
Once you finally compose yourselves, he speaks up. "Were you nervous as hell? 'Cause I was so nervous and giddy I thought I was gonna pass out for a sec."
"Me too," you agree. "I literally couldn't feel my face during the vows."
"Now imagine saying our personalized vows in front of a huge crowd of people."
You laugh at his grimace. "We have several more months before we have to worry about that." You walk behind the desk and open the top drawer, pulling the engraved pen out. "Romantic and sentimental," you tease, wagging it at him.
"Don't forget horny," he adds, wiggling his eyebrows. "Speaking of that," he continues, walking up behind you and pressing his crotch against your butt; he places his hands on the desk on either side of you, trapping you in his embrace. "I need you to do something for me, okay?" he purrs, the husky tone of his voice causing your core to react.
"Okay," you whisper. "What do you need?"
He drops a kiss on the nape of your neck before nestling his mouth against your ear. "See … I have this whole romantic, sentimental night planned for us at the lakehouse -- something I've been planning for a long time -- but I have a dilemma."
"What's the dilemma?" you ask, your breath catching in your throat when he grinds his erection against you.
"That's the dilemma," he groans. "I need you to tell me it's a bad idea to bend you over this desk and fuck you senseless."
"Wh … why is it a bad idea?" you stammer.
"Because I want to make love to you for the first time as husband and wife in that big bed under that huge skylight."
"That will be amazing and very romantic."
"Yeah, I've been fantasizing about it forever," he admits. "But I also want to shove this pretty little dress up to your waist, slide your panties off and bury my tongue inside you right fucking now."
You whimper at the mental image as a gush of liquid heat floods your core.
"I need you to talk me down," he urges, sinking his teeth in your shoulder hard enough to sting then licking gently to soothe it.
"I … what? … Shit, I can't think straight." You take a deep breath and try to organize your thoughts. He's been planning this romantic wedding night for ages, you think to yourself. He even made a secret trip to move that bed and bought, washed and packed a set of damn sheets, so you need to push your horniness aside and make the right choice here. "Okay, listen," you state, taking another deep breath before continuing. "I would love for you to bend me over this desk right now, but we've done that several times before and will do that several times in the future, right?"
"Yes, ma'am."
You pivot in his embrace until you're facing him. "But we only get one chance to do the romantic thing you've been planning for ages -- which sounds freaking amazing -- so I think we should simmer down, take a cold shower and go do the damn thing."
He takes in your smile and swallows hard, heaving a deep sigh before returning your smile. "That's definitely the right choice," he agrees.
"Plus we can always recreate this exact scene when we get back from the lake." His eyebrows creep upward as you continue. "I'll put on this same outfit, same hair and makeup, and you can do the same minus the makeup."
"See, I knew you'd come up with the perfect solution," he states. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because most of your blood supply is in the wrong head right now to be doing deep thinking," you giggle.
"For real. I'm seriously taking a cold shower," he grumps.
"Me too, but def not together."
"Are you gonna rub one out?"
"No, I'll wait. What about you?"
"I'll wait. But I might bust in like thirty seconds when we finally get down to it."
"We've got all night, so that won't be a problem," you soothe.
"We've got the rest of our lives," he states with a wink.
"You're getting more romantic by the minute," you gush, "and I absolutely love it." You press a quick kiss on his lips before heading for the door. "Let's hurry up and get showered and changed; I'm ready to get started on that whole 'rest of our lives' thing."
You're halfway out the door when a thought hits you. "Oops!" you chirp, spinning back around and giving Joe a grin. "I guess we got all of that on video," you whisper, laughing when his eyes go wide. "You can just edit it out, right?" you ask.
"I'll edit it if we ever decide to show anybody, but I'll def keep the uncut vids for us," he grins, heading to turn off the cameras while you head to take a quick shower and change clothes.
~ ~ ~
About halfway into your drive to the lake, another thought hits you. "Oh my God, I just remembered something. When you called the judge 'your honor' after our kiss, "WAP" immediately started playing in my filthy mind." You clear your throat dramatically before launching into a few lyrics. "Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes …"
Joe chuckles along with you as your voice trails off. "It's only fitting since we're gonna reenact that song for the next several days," he teases. "At least the wet ass pussy part," he clarifies.
"No handcuffs and leashes?" you faux grumble.
"I forgot to pack 'em," he plays along, sliding his sunglasses down his nose a few inches before turning his head to give you a look over the top of the frames. "But we can improvise," he purrs. "You know I'm down for whatever."
"Better keep your eyes on the road, horndog," you giggle, a thrill running through you when he returns his attention to the road while squeezing your thigh. "Anyway," you continue. "I'm gonna cue up something for us to sing together. What sounds good?"
"How 'bout some Kid Cudi?"
"You got it," you agree, cranking the volume as the first notes sound, smiling as your combined voices -- out of tune but full of joy -- mingle as y'all cruise down the highway toward your destination.
~ ~ ~
A few hours later, y'all finally pull into the long, winding driveway of the lakehouse, each of you still singing the praises of the food you just ate at the Lake Lodge restaurant.
"That trout was delicious, and they have like ten other things on the menu I wanna try," Joe gushes. "Can't wait to go back."
"Everything was delicious," you agree, smiling at him as he parks the car in front of the tall, modern, perfectly awesome house.
"I'll pull into the garage later," he states, hopping out and grabbing a small cooler and tote bag from the back seat. "Right now we need to hurry to the back deck to catch the sunset."
You follow him up a winding path to the side of the house, watching as he inputs a security code into a gate before ushering you through it into a vast backyard. You walk up some stairs to a large elevated deck, admiring the expansive lawn that gives way to a beautiful, open water lake view. "It's just stunning," you breathe, "and so private. There are no other houses really close which is awesome." You turn to look at the house, your eyes going wide as you take in the outdoor furniture. "Wasn't there different outdoor furniture in the Airbnb pics?" you ask, checking out a loveseat that's situated in front of a coffee table with a built-in fire pit, both items looking brand new and more than a little familiar.
"Yeah," Joe shrugs as he sets the cooler and tote bag down on the coffee table. "The homeowner, Mr. Thompson, said he'd be replacing the old stuff since it was kind of beat."
"It didn't look beat in the pics," you murmur, raising an eyebrow as you turn your head to check out the dining table with six chairs. "Isn't this the same outdoor furniture we have at home?"
"Yep, Mr. Thompson asked me for a recommendation," Joe explains. "Him and his wife recently retired and are living in Florida full time now, and they didn't want to spend a lot of time trying to pick something out." He gives you a smile as he continues. "It looks good out here, don't you think?"
"It looks great," you agree, returning his smile. "You have impeccable taste."
He laughs at your cheeky tone. "You have the impeccable taste since you picked it all out to begin with. I just did a copy and paste."
"You wanna light the fire pit?" you ask.
"Let's do that tomorrow, okay? I wanna do the sunset champagne toast then I have a surprise to show you inside."
You turn and look at the house again, noticing that all of the blinds are drawn on the row of large windows overlooking the deck. "A surprise, huh?" you muse, your mind spinning at the possibilities until it settles on one. "Joseph Lee, there better not be a bunch of people in there waiting to yell 'surprise' at me."
He laughs as he pulls two champagne flutes out of the tote bag and a bottle of champagne out of the cooler; he easily pops the cork, pouring two glasses while shaking his head. "You really think my anti-social ass invited a bunch of folks to our private getaway?"
"I mean … no … but …"
"Nobody's in the house," he assures you, handing you a glass of bubbly before holding his glass up to propose a toast. "To my beautiful wife. I'm so happy I get to do life with you."
You feel your throat tighten with emotion as you clink your glass against his and take a sip of champagne. You give him a smile and hold your glass up. "To my beautiful husband. Thank you for making me the happiest woman on the planet."
He clinks his glass against yours and you both take a sip before he gives you a quizzical look. "Hold up," he mutters. "Happiest woman on which planet?"
"This one," you laugh.
"Okay, just checking." He laughs with you for a bit before continuing. "I mean, if you were talking about Mars or something that kind of changes things."
"We're not on Mars, goober," you grin.
"True," he concedes, turning his head to look at the lake before recapturing your gaze. "This is way better than Mars."
"For sure."
He holds his glass up for another toast. "To making memories here for years to come."
You clink your glass against his and take a sip. "Are we gonna get a standing reservation here?" you ask excitedly, your eyes taking in the multi-colored sunset as it reflects off the lake. "I'd love to come several times a year since it's so close to home. I mean, an hour and a half drive is nothing, and it feels like a totally different world from the city." He gives you an enigmatic smile as you continue. "I know you're busy so I'll be happy to make the reservations."
"This house is no longer on the Airbnb market," he sighs. "It recently sold to a different owner."
"Oh damn," you grumble. "I didn't know it was for sale. Well, I'm not surprised somebody snapped it up because it's amazing. We'll just enjoy it while we can."
He sets his glass on the table and reaches into the tote bag, pulling a file folder out while giving you a wink. "It actually wasn't for sale," he states as he slides some papers out and hands them to you.
"What's this?" you ask, your eyes scanning the formal document.
"A deed," he answers, pointing at a certain line on the page.
You read his name and your name followed by a somewhat familiar address. Then you read it again, a little slower, before locking eyes with him. "You bought this lakehouse?"
"We bought this lakehouse," he grins. "Made 'em an offer they couldn't refuse."
"Are you serious?" you whisper.
"Yep. I know how much you love your parent's lakehouse, and I love it too. We've had some great times there, so I thought it'd be nice to have our own lakehouse we can come to whenever we want."
You smile like a lovesick fool, trying to suppress happy tears as he continues.
"Every pic and vid I've seen of you at your parent's place -- starting when you were about five years old -- you have the biggest smile on your face, kinda like right now." He matches your smile before speaking again. "We can come here as often as you want, and one of these days we'll bring our kids here and create those same amazing memories for them that you have from your childhood."
Your emotions are so big you literally can't speak, happy tears freely rolling down your cheeks. He takes the deed and your glass and sets them on the table, wiping your tears before pulling you close; he leans down and nestles his mouth against your ear as he continues. "I was looking forward to experiencing a lot of firsts here tonight as husband and wife -- first champagne toast, first sunset, first time we make love, but first time I make you cry wasn't on the list."
"They're happy tears," you wheeze against his broad chest. "Sorry, I can't help it."
"I'm teasing," he soothes, leaning back and looking down at you with a look on his face you'll never forget. "I'm just glad you're happy."
"If I was any happier, I'd spontaneously combust." You give an inelegant sniff as you continue. "I mean, it's absolutely amazing to me that such a hardass pro athlete is also romantic as hell. Like seriously romantic. This whole day has been like a dream."
He blushes so hard even his ears turn red. "It's your fault," he mumbles. "There's something about you that makes me act like this."
"I'm not complaining, babe," you giggle, pulling him down for a kiss. "I love it," you breathe against his lips. "Wouldn't change it for anything."
"I'm glad you love it," he mutters, deepening the kiss for a bit before pulling back. "But if you ever tell anybody I'm a raging romantic, I'll deny it to hell and back."
"All of your secrets are safe with me."
"Oh yeah?" he gives you a wicked grin. "What if I have some deep, dark secret that you don't know about yet?"
"Like what?"
He furrows his brow as he thinks about the question. "Like … what if I told you I'm a serial killer?"
You don't miss a beat. "Well, good thing we're married because we have spousal immunity. I can't be forced to testify against you."
He snort-laughs before taking in your serious demeanor. "Are you for real?"
"Yeah."
"If you knew I was a serial killer, you wouldn't testify against me?"
You shrug. "I mean, if you got arrested I assume they'd have enough evidence to put you away without any testimony from me. We've watched enough Forensic Files to know you can't get away with shit these days."
"Would you visit me in prison?" he asks, giving you a naughty grin. "Maybe give me some conjugal visits?"
"Yeah." You grin back at him, getting into the idea. "I mean you do look amazing in orange."
He throws his head back, his laughter loud in the stillness of the gathering dusk. "Thank you. Now I have a new idea for role-playing," he teases.
"Prison guard and the hot inmate?"
"I was thinking a hot psychologist trying to understand what makes a serial killer tick." His expression goes from playful to suggestive as he gives you a slow once-over before continuing. "You can wear that black pinstripe suit -- the one with the pencil skirt -- and some fuck-me pumps."
"Because of course a woman with a PhD in forensic psychology would wear fuck-me pumps to interview a serial killer."
"Of course," he grins "and definitely no panties."
"You've been watching too much porn," you giggle.
"I don't need porn when I have a smoking hot wife and a dirty mind."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," you tease, a thrill running through you at the way "wife" easily rolled off his tongue. "Where can we get you an orange jumpsuit?"
He shrugs. "I can wear an orange sweatshirt and sweatpants."
"And no panties."
"Definitely no panties," he laughs. "Do you still have those fake glasses from when you dressed up as a naughty librarian for Halloween?" he asks. "Those would be hot with that outfit."
"Oh my God, I forgot about the naughty librarian outfit," you whisper, your mind flashing back to that Halloween party several years ago.
~ ~ ~
Y'all had only been dating for a few months, and it was your first Halloween together. You didn't intend to go to any parties but got a last minute invite from one of his LSU teammates who lived in the same apartment complex. Y'all had quickly half-assed a couple of costumes -- naughty librarian and the stuffy, know-it-all physics professor.
Most of the other girls at the party had been half naked, but the 'naughtiness' in your costume had been implied -- tight sweater that hugged your curves tucked into a long plaid skirt with black tights and sensible heels. Your hair was up in a tidy bun and your plump lips featured a dark berry lip stain that Joe couldn't keep his eyes off of. The fake eyeglasses really set the whole look off, and it wasn't until y'all were a few drinks in -- making out in a dark hallway -- that Joe realized your tights were actually thigh-highs and your panties -- way up underneath that long skirt -- were crotchless (a gag gift from your bestie). The look on Joe's face when he hit paydirt still resonates in your mind.
"Oh my God," he groaned. "Are these …"
"Crotchless panties?" you giggled at the look on his face. "Yeah."
"Let's go," he ordered, pulling his hand out from under your skirt and quickly leading you toward the door.
The sex that night had been next-level raunchy. You ended up in nothing but the thigh-highs and crotchless panties, straddling him as he lay naked on his back on the bed; he kissed you breathless before wrapping his hands around your waist and pulling you forward until you were basically doing the splits on his face. It was the first time you sat on his face, and you were just tipsy enough from the punch you drank at the party to not be self-conscious about it. He gripped your plump ass with his big hands, holding you in place as he thrust his tongue inside you in a relentless rhythm, occasionally latching onto your clit and sucking with the perfect amount of pressure to make you claw at the headboard before sliding his tongue back down to your core literally a split second before triggering your climax. He did this over and over until you were a quivering, begging mess by the time he finally finished you, your cries of pleasure still echoing in the bedroom when he flipped you on your stomach and entered you from behind, riding you hard as you did your best to fuck back against him on your shaky legs.
~ ~ ~
"Damn," His deep voice pulls you out of memory lane. "That was so fucking hot. We def need to revisit that outfit on you one of these days."
"We'll see," you grin, a delicious thrill running through you knowing you've packed a slightly different version of that outfit -- crotchless panties, thigh-highs and a lace-front underbust corset that serves your bare breasts up on a platter. You hadn't even been thinking about the naughty librarian get-up when you packed that lingerie ensemble, but you'd def been thinking about the hot sex y'all had that night once he got you alone. A quick thought pops in your head. "Do you wanna revisit the entire naughty librarian outfit, or just the thigh-highs and crotchless panties?"
"I mean, I love you in whatever you wear," he rushes to say, his cheeks turning pink like he got caught thinking something extra naughty.
"I know," you reassure him, leaning forward to give him a kiss. "So just the thigh-highs and crotchless panties, right?" you tease.
"Yeah," he grins. "If that's okay."
"I think I can make that happen sometime in the future." He never pressures you to wear lingerie, which is one of the reasons you love wearing it for him. "Let's go inside," you continue. "It's getting a little chilly out here."
"Hold on, let's get a quick pic with the sunset first." He digs his phone out of his pocket and positions himself with his back to the lake, waiting for you to snuggle against him before snapping a pic; y'all both check the pic out, smiling at each other at how great it turned out.
"We look really good together, don't we?" he asks, still admiring the pic. "Really, really good," you agree, turning your attention back to the pic as he holds his phone closer to you -- you're wearing black leggings, black leather knee boots and a fitted teal wrap sweater that barely covers your booty. He's wearing black jeans, black and white sneakers, and a gray thermal henley. Both of you are wearing big smiles as the sunset creates a halo around you.
"That pic is epic," he mutters, "like hang it in the Louvre, epic." He eventually shoves his phone back in his pocket before waving a hand at the stuff on the table. "I'll come back for this stuff in a bit, but first I wanna carry you over the threshold." He picks you up bridal style and carries you toward the door, easily holding you while punching in the security code.
"You ready for this, Mrs. Burrow?" he asks.
"I'm so ready," you answer, your heart full of everything you ever hoped for as he opens the door and carries you inside.
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For the Lazy:
HOW TO START MICRODOSING IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS
This post is for the “IDGAF” of how or why microdosing works. I’m hoping someone will try it because the basic process is so easy.
First, you have to reset your endocannabinoid system (ECS). This sensitizes your body to THC again. For those of you who are overdosing A LOT, your habitual use makes this the hardest part, because you have to go cold turkey for 36 whole hours. Honestly, the cessation of weed is as physically arduous as not drinking morning coffee. Studies show that after 36 hours, your body has expelled the THC you’ve consumed, regardless of how much.
The first time you get high after those 36 hours off THC is the most important because you are going to explore what your body wants to get the effects that you desire, whether it’s the perfect high or the perfect pain relief. You’re learning a new way to get high; what you’ve been doing with weed is the equivalent of chugging beers.
To do this, you should set aside some serious “me time” for several days in a row. That’s because observing the effects of weed is very important.
Most of us were conditioned to “smoking a joint” or “smoking a bowl,” but we’re overdosing ourselves by doing that because we aren’t appreciating the way the first hit is affecting us because we’re already taking another 4 or 5 hits off that joint before the first hit has fully taken effect.
Here’s how your first microdosing session for smokers should go (edibles listed below.) Turn off the TV and put away your phone. Find a comfortable spot. Get your selected weed and look at it and smell it. Whether you like the strain or not, keeping track of as many of its properties as you can; it will enhance your future experiences.
Preferably use a pipe or a bong. Break off a piece from the bottom of a bud, about the size of a pea. Crush it up into the pipe bowl and light it from the edge (this allows the weed to burn across the bowl, releasing flavors as it burns,) and try not to just roast the whole surface. Make sure you get a good, solid hit, but not so much you cough and ruin the experience. Beginners? Coughing is hard to avoid. There’s no substitute for experience in this case.
Don’t hold the hit in more than 2 seconds, but instead slowly exhale about half the smoke through your mouth and nose, then inhale a quick but small breath to stir the remaining smoke, then slowly exhale the remainder of the smoke immediately, again through both mouth and nose.
Take a mental note, or better yet, keep a journal of what you taste and smell, and eventually what you feel. Use terms that mean something to you, so you know what you mean, not what you think an expert would say: this is all about you.
Now for the hard part: wait. Over the next 15 (minimum) to 30 minutes.
During these essential moments, you’re observing the high, which should peak between 15 to 30 minutes, and its vital that you don’t take a second hit until the first one has peaked.
Most people are amazed at how high they get, but if you’re not high enough, you can clean out your pipe and repeat the same process for your second hit, and so on.
Here’s another tough part: “realistically, am I high enough, or not?” This is when honesty battles with our tendencies for gluttony and hedonism. It’s not easy; you’re changing the way you’ve always smoked pot, hopefully forever.
Seriously, if you feel a need to get blasted out of your gourd every time you get high, you probably have an untreated underlying issues or conditions that may require professional attention.
Weed is great for normal stress and needed pain relief, but it’s not (for example) treating severe PTST by itself. I know personally that cannabis can really help many PTSD cases. My dog was run over by a car in front of me, and I had flashbacks of that that would repeat over and over, like a 3-second TikTok horror video. Weed fixed that for me, but I knew exactly what to do and what strains would be effective. If you’re constantly trying to escape, please consider counseling.
Microdosing does wonders for normal stress, but it doesn’t fix real issues you need to talk about with your therapist or doctor.
On a clean ECS, most people will stop at 1-3 hits. I highly recommend using this process every time. I’ve been microdosing for about seven years now, and I still start with just one hit, like I did just a couple of hours ago. I’m still noticeably high, and I’m really glad that’s all it takes. It has allowed me to create an incredible stash for pennies a day, a fraction of what a single can of beer costs. I have around 30 strains and 5-6 concentrates, and most of them are more than 3 months old. Pot lasts around a year without significant degradation.
Each strain I buy enhances my experience possibilities because the more I acquire, the more tailored the high I get. This process of observing your high is what microdosing is all about: getting the right weed for the right moment, in JUST the right amount. I hope you come to enjoy the process as much as I do.
Are you ready for the best highs of your life? Isn’t 36 measly hours worth it? Go for it!
Microdosing with edibles is a pain in the ass to start, but well worth it.
Eating to get high means every time is different because what you’ve eaten and how much you’ve eaten can affect when the THC will take effect.
Microdosing edibles is a less Zen-like experience because taste and smell are wholly eliminated from the process because all you’ll taste and smell are flavorings.
It’s harder and takes longer to find your dose on edibles, because you can only increase doses in 6-hour increments, so the process can take days to finish.
I recommend getting 5mg gummy bears for this process. Start with just 1. If you didn’t reach your goal after 6 hours, take 2, and so on. Eventually you’ll find your spot, usually between 5 and 30mg.
Since each try takes 6 hours, establishing your dose can take from 1 to 3 days, more, if you’re THC resistant. Hopefully, you can do it on 5-10mg, and you’ll enjoy substantial economic benefits, being a ‘cheap drunk,’ only with weed.
I wish you luck and hope you commit yourself to follow through no matter what path you use. Microdosing is the way we are all supposed to get high.
#HowToGetHigh
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heyyyyyy, this totally isn't Synth....gimme some Arial lore pls and thank you
-Sincerely, 💾 Anon
Ok, here goes a lore dump lol:
Arial is about 18, she likes to cook with Papyrus despite not liking to taste his food (She often gets food from Grillby’s cause she’s the only 1 with taste buds). She likes to go to Alphys’ lab tp hang out with her crush Val (Another half monster half human oc), in the Pacifist route if you befriend her (only pacifist routes in the past) she will appear and help you rescue sans and papyrus (blocking some attacks etc), if you’ve done a nonpacifist route in the past u will have to save her too (genocide mechanics do not apply to this battle tho), she does the following attacks during the pacifist fight; bones, knifes (regular knifes) , and blue soul magic like her brothers. During the genocide battle she does the following attack; Bones, knifes, soul magic etc. (type of magic is shown in gem on her sword | blue magic = normal blue magic stuff, orange magic + pale blue magic = normal magic stuff, yellow swords = similar to blaster attack, red knives = determination knives, which deal 1.5 more damage then the regular knives, kindness knife heals arial and shields her from the next attack if it hits you, it doesn’t damage you though it just helps arial, unless you hit the middle of the attack bar to which it will hurt her), Purple magic= strings like muffits but there are knives on the strings and you have to avoid them (Regular knives will cut the strings and give you less room to move as it gets smaller and smaller). During the genocide route, she will dodge like sans, but since she is less experienced your attacks will graze her, but not enough to kill her, she dies like sans when you hit her head on while she is exhausted, however she doesn’t fall asleep, more like knows you are going to kill her so she kneels down and cries apologizing to everyone she couldn’t avenge, and you have one last change to reset and spare her before you kill her and complete the genocide route (her fight takes place after you kill Asgore and Flowey). She also has this mechanic where if she kills you 15 times, on the fifteenth death she resets, and if you decide to start a genocide again, she will come into the ruins and kill you (Think of it as still part of the same run, kind of like in pacifist it divides into two sections, like that) and you won’t be able to befriend her again, as she will always glare at you, and fight you before you get to the lab, even though it isn’t to the extent of the genocide route fight. Her favorite food is chocolate and her favorite flower is buttercups (even though she never really knows why). She likes to bake and watch anime with Val, Alphys, and Undyne even though something deep inside her tells her it isn't human history. She hates puns, however she doesn’t let Sans know that as she will ask him to tell her some jokes whenever she sees he is feeling down. She has ADHD, PTSD, and Depression (although those last two are because of you and the resets, and the trauma they cause). She can teleport like sans, however she isn’t the best at it, so she always teleports under Sans supervision. She loves dogs and even brought one into the house. She named it Toby but eventually had to get rid of him when he chewed up Sans’ slippers and stole Sans’ leg. Ok now for a question I get asked a lot whenever I show this character and explain some of the lore why doesn’t she just reset whenever she knows Frisk is doing a genocide route, and why is she able to kill Frisk. The answer to the second question came from a random thought I had in my head which was, if other humans have a determination soul, then how can humans kill them? And the solution I came up with was that if a human kills another human, then their soul ability doesn’t function, and since Ariel is half human that counts. The answer to the first question is similar to why Flowey can’t reset when you join the underground, it’s because your determination is greater than his. Human determination beats Flowey’s determination, and since Flowey is pure determination, it beats Ariel's since she only has half determination.
#omg that was a lot#oc lore dump#undertale oc#answering anons#There is still so much more#apparently I reached the limit for the amount of characters allowed#please ask me more about her
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Oh, you've piqued my curiosity; If you're still taking these inquiries, how does my username taste? My given name is Amelia, how about that one?
inksandpensblog: since this is more of a sentence rather than a single word it have the overall flavor feel of good quality wood (like if you licked a fancy table leg) rather than more specific flavors like single words have.
Amelia: fusilli noodles with grated parmesan and a mix of an orange and apricot aftertaste
Maryloohoo: strawberry milk with dollops of cookie dough in it followed by a drink of water
Mary: shortbread with dried cranberries in them and licking a handful of carrot greens (the leafy part on top you usually throw away)
Doodleimprovement: subtle dry milk chocolate and unflavored pasta followed by an earthy carrot cake flavor (if it was somehow savory instead of sweet) with a crack of mint on the very end
Marina: very (but not unpleasantly) salty buttercream frosting dyed a delicate turquoise
Shai: black licorice spice tea (which tastes nothing like black licorice candy I promise, it’s my favorite tea) and the taste of vanilla birthday cake that’s been left out overnight (also my favorite, you have a very tasty name my friend)
Logan: grilled hotdogs cut into slices as long as they are tall with the inhaled taste-scent of motor oil on a hot evening
#synesthesia#I'll answer any asks I get through tomorrow (wednesday) night but let them rack up into groups like this so no one's feeds are swamped#I'm also loving the general feeling of 'oh ho ho well dont mind if I do my good fellow'#coming off these asks#have I licked a fancy table leg in my past#taste brain says definitely#though I remember no such event with any kind of clarity#also i stuck a cough drop in my mouth halfway through and had to spit it out and reset my taste buds before i kept going#real tastes always overrule phantom ones#(cough drops for spring allergies no worries)
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