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#it's almost 3am how am i supposed to sleep??
dylanconrique · 1 year
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i remember thinking that lucy was going to link her arm with tim’s in this scene and i sincerely hope that we get a parallel of them walking hand in hand down this same street after their date.  🥺💕
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stormsplurge · 29 days
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if they woke you up, somebody better be dying
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warnings: none!
pairing(s): seth jarvis x fem! reader
inspired by the interview he just did for spittin chiclets where he talks about how he usually wont fall asleep until 3am (and the title is from one of my favorite phoebe bridgers songs, halloween)
760 words
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the clock on the bedside table blinks “1:00” as you slowly open your eyes. the only light in the room is coming from the moon shining between the blinds, casting a cool glow on the noticeably empty bed next to where you were lying.
seth wasnt in bed; same as last night, and almost every night before. 
you can hear the faint sounds of a seinfeld episode coming from the living room, letting you know immediately where your boyfriend was. sitting on the couch in front of the tv instead of in bed next to you. so you begrudgingly pulled on the first sweatshirt you could find, trying to beat the cold winter chill that had invaded the apartment, and tiptoed out of your bedroom.
“seth” you grumbled. “its one in the morning”
“i know, i just” he replied, pressing pause on the tv and turning to face you. “i couldnt sleep and i didnt want to bother you.”
“you should also know that if you cant fall asleep i want to help. you arent being a bother, im your girlfriend. this is the shit im supposed to be able to help you with” you said as you sat down at the far end of the couch. pulling one of the spare blankets you had all over the apartment over your lap.
“im sorry” seth returned, scooting closer to you and interlacing your hands with his. “can i get a do-over?”
“i guess” you giggled, amused by the sight of seth doing his sad puppy eyes in front of you.
“i cant sleep, can you help me?”
“of course i can, give me five minutes.” you said as you rose from the couch, gliding over to the kitchen and pulling out two coffee mugs. running your fingers over the design adorning the box holding the tea bags, you turned your attention back towards seth. “the sleepytime bear reminds me of petya.”
“the what?”
“you know, the bear on the boxes for all those non-caffinated teas. with the red hat and the nightgown.”
seth slipped into the kitchen behind you, pulling out his phone and snapping a quick picture of the bear before sending it off to the group chat and spinning you around so your back was pushing against the counter.
“thank you” he said before pressing a long kiss to the top of your head.
“you dont need to thank me.” you replied, snaking your hands under his shirt and hugging his waist.
“i know, i just wanted too.”
“youre so sappy.” you mumbled into his shirt, letting the sweet, woody, smell engulf you.
“yeah but you love it.” he mumbled back before pulling the kettle off the stove and pouring its contents into the mugs you set out. 
you released each other from the hug and grabbed your respective mugs before hobbling back into your bedroom. you pulled up the episode of seinfeld seth had paused before sliding in bed. 
making tea might have been a waste of time, seeing as seth was more interested in holding you than holding the mug. as soon as you got under the covers he’d wrapped his arms around you.
“youre wearing my hoodie.” he whispered as he traced circles along your thighs, letting the callouses on his palms graze the goosebumps on your skin.
“am i?” you murmured. “i just picked it up off the floor, it was the first one i found”
“my old blue bombers one.” he replied. “it looks good on you”
“you say that about everything i wear.”
“i wouldnt say it if it wasnt true.” he says before turning your chin towards him and pulling you into a kiss. 
the stubble growing in as a result of his budding playoff beard scratched at your face as you pulled him in deeper, and as you turned your attention back towards the sitcom on the tv you felt your eyes grow heavier. 
you fell asleep with the moonlight glazing over you and seth, and seinfeld playing on the tv. on a cool carolina night, with no care in the world. 
seth wasn’t far behind, wrapping his body around you before finally succumbing to his fatigue.
maybe it was having his girlfriend care for him that slowed his brain down enough to let him finally catch a semi-decent night of rest, maybe it was the reminder of unconditional love that put him at ease. regardless of the cause, you woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows, and a clingy, but well rested, boyfriend attached to your hip. 
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joonsytip · 1 year
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Anonymously Yours || Joshua Hong
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Pairings: Joshua x Fem!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Humour (broken coz mine), high school au, enemies to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, anonymously yours au. Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts.... Word Count: 18.6k Inspired By: Mexican Flick - Anonymous yours. Warnings: profanities, Joshua acts dumb one big time, mentions of periods, tears and tears but mostly fluffy, protagonists don't know how to act around each other (lmk if I missed any) Banner credits to my baby @wannabeyourshua . Also, it's your birthday present from me, hope you like it! Taglist: @wannabeyourshua @hoeforhao @kimmych @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @starlight-night0 @alyssng @imsjane @i-dont-give-a-fok @gaebestie @meowmeowminnie @hanniehaeism
Please heart, comment and reblog, would really help to keep me going <3
[SVT Flick : Fic Masterlist] [SVT Masterlist]
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Unknown Number:
[3:05 AM] Hey!
It was great meeting you! Maybe we should meet again sometime soon :)
What do you think?
You:
[3:09 AM] It's 3am for god's sake???
You got the wrong number!
Unknown Number:
[3:10 AM] Haha, not funny! It's me.
You gave me your number at the party :(
[3:12 AM] They gave you the wrong number obviously.
Now stop right there & let me sleep!!!
The blaring sound of the alarm is hurting your ears and adding to your headache.
"Ugh, I can't even sleep without getting interrupted.", you groan but manage to lift your body to do two trivial things. One, stopping that goddamn alarm. Two, checking your phone.
8 AM. The time glares back at you.
You have a class at 9, well assignment submission to be more precise and you're still in your bed, half awake, half grumpy.
Next half an hour goes in a blur as you gobble down your breakfast and smoothie that your mother makes daily, it's almost like a tradition and good part is that you don't hate it. The only bad part is that the same conversation that follows everyday of them insisting you to join the family business and you dismissing them because you have a passion that you want to turn into profession.
Currently you're waiting for your best friend, Hyerin, who's never not late to pick you up.
Some insights on Hyerin, she's your best friend, have been your friend since when you knew could pronounce that term. She's pretty, easy going, quite popular and star player of the school's tennis team.
Hyerin Calling....
You don't have to pick up that call so rather you are running straight down the block knowing that she's waiting there with her jeep.
"Babe, I'm late because of her.", she says as she points at her younger sister, Hyejoo who is seated in the backseat.
"I admit. But you know the other 99 times of 100, we're late because of whom", she immediately quips back in her defense.
You roll your eyes, bored of their banter and turn on the radio to have a vibe to jam to till you the reach the school.
As soon as you cross the threshold of the school, Hyerin is hijacked by Jeonghan, her tennis partner and Hyejoo situates herself with basketball teammates when she spots them.
And you're left alone.
And you're used to it.
The final bells rings indicating that you should be now sprinting to the class to avoid the grudges of your literature teacher.
You are with your full concentration tangling the wires of your earphones around the phone while climbing up the stairs when you suddenly bump into someone.
Your head whips up to see the other person, glaring at you having his shirt stained in coffee which he was supposed to drink.
"Sorry, very sorry", you take out your handkerchief and just as try to dap on the shirt, that person backs away.
"Please give your number, I'll pay for the dry cleaning.", you say politely.
"No need, I can pay for myself", that person grumbles, "Do me favour and from next time keep your eyes open while walking."
He says and walks away leaving you speechless and infuriated.
"What an ass, I was trying to nice.", you mutter before sprinting to the class.
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Joshua is already having a bad day so when the only thing he was looking forward to, coffee from his favourite café got spilled on his shirt because of some girl who can't walk straight, he is vexed.
Fortunately, he doesn't have classes within next hour so he goes straight to basketball ground. He has been enrolled into this high school recently so he has no friends, neither he intends to make any.
He fishes out his phone and taps on a contact who's name he doesn't know and proceeds to send a text.
Joshua:
[9:35 AM] Hey, sorry for waking you up last night.
Stranger:
[9:36 AM] No worries, I fell asleep right back.
Joshua:
A heavy sleeper it seems lol.
Stranger:
[9:37 AM] You can say that. And whoever did this to you is so mean, they could have told you no instead of doing this.
Joshua:
[9:37 AM] Ikr. I was at this party last night when my best friend insisted me to ask her number coz according to him I was checking her out.
Stranger:
[9:40 AM] Didn't work out for you :(
"Hey cutie, are you new here?", Joshua who is now quietly watching the match is called out by Hyejoo.
"I am.", he responds right away.
"Wanna play with us?", Hyejoo asks twirling the ball on her index, a sly smile set on her lips.
"Yes.", Joshua simply says and jogs down to the play arena.
"Before we get started, I'm hosting a party today and you're invited.", Hyejoo says, her expecting eyes staring at him.
"Thanks for the invite but sorry I won't be attending.", Joshua replies and extends his hand, asking for the ball.
Hyejoo immediately backs down, tossing the ball , "Then you don't get to play."
"What?", Joshua's face twists in a mix of confusion and rage.
"You heard it right.", Hyejoo taunts him further.
"Are you being serious?", Joshua chuckles in disbelief, "Such a spoilt brat."
Hearing this, Hyejoo's friend Jisung walks upto him and grabs his collar in aggression, "What did you say?"
"Exactly what you heard. You're her bodyguard or what?", Joshua smirks.
And the next second a hard punch lands on his face. Just as he was about to retort the sports coach shouts, "The group over there, you're all going for detention."
A series of groans are heard.
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You look around in utter disappointment. Well, detention room could and should never be appealing to anyone.
It's your fault you're here because you couldn't cure your curiosity when you saw a text from the familiar unknown number and your hands immediately to had respond back even after getting two warnings from the teacher.
Sitting idle never does you good, so you deck your bag on the desk which is going to act as a makeshift pillow and next you rest your head on it.
Joshua enters the room and the first person he spots is you, who had deprived him the privilege of drinking morning coffee.
With a scowl set on his face, he walks past you and sits on the corner most seat.
Next, a smile plasters on his face as he takes out his phone goes through the conversation between him and the stranger.
Mrs. Yoo walks in with all her glory knowing she's very much despised by the students not because she's an ass of a person but for her detention projects she puts everyone through.
You heave a sigh, unbothered to greet the teacher.
Her heels clanks sharply against the floor as she walks to the teacher's desk and taps her finely manicured nail against the table with a sickening sweet smile plastered on her face, sweet enough to make everyone else present in the room barf out.
"I'll get to the point straight. Block your calendars for Saturdays & Sunday, 2 to 5, every week.", she orders, unphased by the string of protests coming in.
You exchange glances with Hyejoo, who looks equally terrified.
"But I have classes", you speak up, "And I guess everyone has some or other sort of commitments as well."
"That's for you and everyone else to manage. Should have thought before.", she points her eyes at you and moves on, "I'll create a gc and add everyone of you. So the venue of next meetup will be shared across. And I want full attendance.", her voice holds the authority and every single being present there knows that they would be attending otherwise the wrath of Mrs. Yoo is not something anyone would like face.
Sundays are no more Fundays.
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Hyerin's are rich rich. So whenever her parents are out of town for business, both the sisters throw parties and invite the whole town, okay not whole but they'll be almost there soon.
And you are present in each of them, as a pure obligation and to be a good friend to Hyerin.
Parties are not your thing, it never was and it's safe to say it will never be. Because your social batteries are weak and that's why while everyone is doing beer pongs or fuzzy duck or whatever questionable things, you sit by the pool, in calm, legs dipped in the cold water.
"Oh there's my girl!", you hear Hyejoo as she sits beside you.
"Congrats, you found me.", you shrug and swing your legs lightly in the water, making a brief eye contact with her.
"Thanks for coming.", she says leaning on her shoulders, "I know parties are not your thing but your presence matters. And thanks for these dresses? Like I don't know how you do it everytime, you have magic in your hands ."
"Don't go all sappy on me, Joo.", you chuckle and lay your head on hers, "But thanks for the words."
"Anything for you, love.", she smiles and closes her eyes basking in your presence until she hears a call of her name.
"Gotta go.", she immediately gets up and sprints to the hall as she yells, "Tell me whenever you wanna leave, I'll drop you off!"
You shake your head and take out your phone.
You:
[9 PM] You there?
Unknown Number :
[9:01 PM] Hey!
Just pulling a marathon of Victorious.
[9:02 PM] Cool! Cat Valentine my love.
Do you like parties?
Unknown Number:
[9:04 PM] Depends on the people, both accompanying and hosting.
What about you?
You:
[9:05 PM] I don't exactly like parties.
I'm that miserable wallflower :(
Unknown Number:
[9:07 PM] Come on, you're not miserable, it's just that you don't feel it, you're not into it.
You :
[9:09 PM] Maybe....
Joshua stares at the phone screen a little longer before chucking the phone on the bed. He sighs and his thoughts drift away to the same old wistful thinking.
There's a knock on the door and he hums in acknowledgement, allowing the person to enter.
"Make space for me, I'm tired.", Mingyu is already nudging Joshua who lets out a grunt but shifts anyway.
"If you're tired, go to your home and sleep on your bed.", Joshua remarks in an agitating tone but both of them know that he's actually far from that.
Mingyu laughs and snuggles closer to him, "That's not how you treat your best friend.", he playfully quips, "I have a match on Sunday, you're coming right?"
"When have I missed any of your matches?", Joshua rolls eyes, "Mixed Doubles?"
Mingyu nods, "The practice is thinning me tired.", he then taps on Joshua's arm and the later extends his arm so Mingyu can lay his head on.
"How's new school?", Mingyu asks.
A bit of silence before Joshua answers, "It's okay."
"Made new friends?", Mingyu asks with concern.
"No. Don't wanna.", Joshua says, "I'm just doing it because I have to."
"Tried talking to your mom about this?"
"Gyu", he trails off even though he has so much to say.
"I'm all ears Josh. Even if it's the same old talk, I'm willing to listen. Please tell me.", he insists.
"I had promised dad, that I'd become like him.", Joshua stills when that exact memory flash in front of his eyes, "After his death, I have fully devoted myself to studies so that I can get accepted to the best law academy. My mom always keeps on encouraging me and I know she wants to keep my dad's profession alive through me because she thinks I'm as much interested She's not at fault for doing so but..."
Mingyu waits with all the patience in the world, just for his friend to pour out everything, so that it hurts him less, so that his suffocation lessens even if in miniscule amount.
Pouring out is always better than bottling in.
Joshua relents for a moment but he knows that the listener is never going to judge him, that he's always there to share the burden so he continues, "When I was younger it was fascinating, I wanted to become lawyer but in recent years I don't feel the same. Heck, I don't even know what I like or what I'd like to have in as a career but it's definitely not something in law."
Mingyu listens and he worries a lot about his best friend because he knows that Joshua isn't particularly vocal and impulsive. He's neither outspoken nor indecisive.
If it had been him, Mingyu would have relayed his thoughts to his parents and worked a way out but it's not him.
It's Joshua.
It's Joshua, who would never willingly hurt his mother, even if it costs his mental health and choices.
It's Joshua, who on Mingyu's fifteenth birthday gifted him a Yonex Racket because Mingyu wanted one from long time but his parents weren't interested to invest in such an expensive racket. It had costed Joshua all his savings. It also costed Joshua his ears for all the scoldings he got from his and Mingyu's parents.
Mingyu is perceptive.
Joshua is also perceptive except for times when it comes to himself.
"Take your time Josh. We're too young to be worried about stuffs.", Mingyu says and turns to the other side, "Set the alarm at 6. I have practice."
"You're so bothersome.", Joshua quips with no seriousness instead setting the alarm on his phone but only after kicking Mingyu on his shin, "Go change into something comfortable atleast."
Mingyu just hums and Joshua pulls over the comforter.
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Mrs. Yoo stands patiently and all the students wonder why in the world they are standing outside an abandoned playground.
"I am gonna divide everyone in teams of two and you're gonna paint the walls of this playground.", Mrs. Yoo smiles wide as she sees the distress showcasing on the faces of her students, "and do gardening."
"What's the meaning of us doing all this?", you voice out in genuine concern.
"To make you all aware of the privileges you have been availing all your life.", Mrs. Yoo answers, "And I decide when the detention will be over so behave accordingly."
As if it wasn't already nauseating, Mrs. Yoo decides it's best if you pair up with Joshua Hong.
The same Joshua Hong who can't look at you without glaring.
"So let's start with making the soil bed", you say not looking at him as you two manage to gather some wooden sticks and tie the ends together.
Joshua hums disinterested and suddenly pours the bag containing manure into the bed without soil.
"Stop! what are you doing?", you scream as if facing a mid life crisis and he glares at you again.
You sigh, "That's not how it's done. We'll have to put a layer of soil and level it first --"
"Fine.", he cuts of you and starts pouring the soil bags one after one.
Your eye twitches and you think Joshua Hong can't be this dumb. He is definitely trying to stress you out.
"You're not helping at all, if you're doing it wrong.", you relay your mind to him and it irks you more when Joshua's response is same, it comes in form of his glare.
You glare back at him and he finally says, "Okay, do it yourself then."
He walks away and you're actually relieved because being in his vicinity is becoming the bane of your existence.
Suddenly your phone dinges and you smile looking at the notifications.
Unknown Number:
[3:26 PM] I'm having a really bad day ಠ_ಠ
You:
[3:28 PM] Yours wouldn't even compare to mine.
There's this boy whom I really can't tolerate but we keep on meeting.
Unknown Number:
[3:29 PM] Lol Same! There's a girl and I don't want her to even breath in my direction.
You: [3:30 PM] Damn, we're in same predicament huh.
Unknown Number:
[3:31 PM] Guess so... Gotta go, bye.
You:
[3:32 PM] Bye bye! He's coming towards me again, gosh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ
Unknown Number:
[3:32 PM] Goodluck, I guess...
Joshua laughs as he sends the text. The lingering smile on his face immediately vanishes when his eyes lands on you.
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"Do you prefer to paint with brush or rollers?", you ask Joshua who's busy watching something on his phone.
He presses pause button on the screen and looks at you, "First of all, I can't paint to save my life.", he states, "So brush or rollers doesn't matter. It's same for me."
You nod and hand him a roller, "You won't be much help here too, so please do a favour and with start painting the walls these rollers, roll up vertically please. Don't change the direction."
"Who are you to order me around?", Joshua glares at you.
You think you are going to get hernia because of stress he's giving you lately.
"I'm someone who knows how to paint so instead of running your mouth why don't you try utilising those hands of your?", you spat out and turn around walking to the opposite side.
Joshua sees red.
He thinks he's going to have appendicitis because of the stress you're causing him.
You smile looking at the beautiful hues in the paint buckets.
Atleast something is able to calm your nerves.
"Don't you think he's handsome?"
Suddenly an arm is thrown over your shoulder that almost causes you to topple to the front.
"Who?", you quirk your brows questioningly at Hyejoo.
"Duh, who else your  partner. Joshua Hong.", she answers and turns you around so now you have to look at Joshua again.
You squint eyes at him, "He definitely looks good but he's an asshole."
Hyejoo smirks, "Really? I thought he's a cutie. Anyways, I like him."
You make gagging noises, "You have had not less than thousand crushes and that's totally cool but please not him."
"As if I'd listen to you."
"Yeah whatever. Maximum a week and then you will get to a new guy as always.", you mumble, "So fine."
Hyejoo leaves after Mrs. Yoo warns her to not pester anyone.
You sigh in relief and take out your phone.
You:
[4 PM] Whatcha doing'
Unknown Number:
[4:01 PM] Something I don't know how to do...
You:
[4:02 PM] Lol why?
Unknown Number:
[4:03 PM] Pure Compulsion.
You:
[4:03 PM] Ugh sucks.
Unknown Number:
What sucks more is when you have no one who understands you.
You:
[4:04 PM] Know that feeling.
I feel like no one understands me as well.
Unknown Number:
We have been talking for few days now and we don't even know each other names.
So may I know your name?
You stare at your phone screen, re-reading the text that had just appeared. Suddenly a pleasant idea pops in your mind and you happily type that away.
You:
[4:08 PM] I have an idea.
We won't share our names, any personal details, voices messages or pictures.
We'd be anonymous and get to know each other for real.
What say?
Joshua's face morphs into something that's both confusing and amusing. He doesn't think much finding it fun to try something new.
Joshua:
[4:10 PM] Let's that do.
Anonymous, saved.
Anonymous :
[4:10 PM] Anonymous, Saved :)
Joshua stands up holding the roller and tries to follow what you said. He dips the roller into the paint bucket containing orange paint and starts rolling it up vertically section wise.
He is having fun, too much fun that he accidentally spills the colours on the white tee shirt he is wearing underneath the jacket.
"What the hell?", he grunts, looking at his now stained tee, "Why doesn't anything work out for me?"
He feels emotional all of a sudden. He feels vulnerable, every thoughts that were pushed at the back of his mind starts to resurface.
He remembers the day he lost his father.
He remembers the moment when the girl he liked left the city one day and never came back.
He remembers --
"Hey, are you okay?"
Joshua hears you and falters at the tone of concern in your voice.
He simply nods and faces the wall.
"I can help you", Joshua stiffens but immediately relaxes when you say further, "to fix your tee."
"Do you have spare clothes?"
Joshua turns to face you and nods.
"So go get changed now and give me this tee.", you state and he throws an incredulous look.
"Are you planning to ruin my tee?", he asks, "What are you gonna do with it?"
"You'll see.", you say rolling eyes, "Hurry up, we don't have forever."
Joshua gets changed and hands you the tee.
You search your bag and take out your sewing kit.
Joshua sees your hands skim through the bag again and this time you fish out a bunch of cloth patches.
Next hour passes in a blur as you cut the ends of threads with scissor.
"It's done I guess.", you sigh and look at Joshua, "Manageable? Looks descent?"
He gapes at the tee in your hand and then he gapes at you.
You think he's cute with those bambi eyes resembling that of deers.
He is shaken out of trance by your light nudge.
"Woah, you're....", he manages to speak out, "so good... You gave this tee a whole new look and it's obviously trendier then the previous one."
You smile at his compliments. A smile that doesn't reach your eyes.
"Glad you liked it." you hand him the tee and start to assemble all the scattered tools and clothes putting them in your bag.
Then without another word, you get up and start to walk away.
Joshua ponders as he sees your figure diminishing from his sight, "Why did she look sad even if I was complimenting her?"
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"Damn, did you see that!!", you scream absolutely astonished when Hyerin & Jeonghan won the break point of the game, leading the first set 5-3.
"That's my sister!", yells Hyejoo and looks at you, "She's so good, if she wasn't my sister, I'd have been a fan."
The next game starts soon with Jeonghan doing the first serve and that ends quickly both of them sweeping the game with 40-0. Mingyu and his partner Seji are down by a set.
"Come on Mingyu! You can do better than this!"
You heard a very familiar voice not from far and crane your neck to see Joshua cheering up the opponents.
Must be his friends from previous school, you think.
"Oh my god, Josh's here too.", Hyejoo squeals and you roll eyes choosing to ignore her.
You are recording the match when you feel Hyejoo fleet from your side and it doesn't take a genius to figure out she's going to Joshua.
With the camcorder still recording you turn and through the lens you see a very agitated Joshua who's constantly ignoring whatever Hyejoo is saying.
A smile creeps upon your face.
Joshua suddenly turns and your gazes meet through the lens.
And you freeze.
Joshua squints his eyes at you before walking away and towards the players resting area which makes you realize that the opponents won the second set and you should be doing the same.
You hurriedly run over only to see a pissed off Jeonghan which is scary because the guy is always full of mischiefs and is a moodmaker.
"What happened Han?", you ask and the stare he gives you is enough to regret speaking up.
"Seji, she's his ex Y/N.", Hyerin explains further, "They used to play together and since they didn't end up on good terms it's kinda hard for him to see her and play against her." That clicks, why Seji seemed so familiar to you.
You give a nod of understanding and next you're crouching in front of him and he looks at you in confusion, "Whatever that happened must have happened for a reason and it's all in the past Han. I think it's an opportunity for you."
Jeonghan perks up, "Opportunity?"
"Yes opportunity.", you pat his arm, "For you to get over her and to discard all those lingering feelings. Also to get the cup and lift that trophy. You could have it all sorted Han, it's your now or never moment."
Hyerin listens to you mesmerized and Jeonghan cracks an all toothy grin.
"Thanks Y/N.", he acknowledges, "For making me see things clearer."
You get and huff, "I don't want your thanks. Just win this match and treat me to BRs."
"Okay deal.", Jeonghan extends his pinky and you hook yours to his.
"There's still time, strategize your play", you say looking at the timer, "All the best guys!", and you run away.
"Thank God, Seji has gone to washroom.", Mingyu sighs in relief, "She's already pissed off since she knew we're playing against Jeonghan and if she heard all this, I'd be in trench because you can't motivate the shit to Seji like that girl did."
Joshua glares at his best friend, "Why is this falling on me? Neither I'm playing with you, nor I'm the ex boyfriend. So keep me out of it. If Y/N impresses you that much why don't you ask her for motivation directly."
Mingyu smirks, "Oh Y/N it is. Joshua Hong why do I get this feeling that you're not on good terms with her? I mean your tone says that."
Damn Kim Mingyu for knowing his best friend so well.
Joshua scoffs, "I think you have better things to worry about.", he gets up, "If you loose today, I won't allow you crash at my place for a month."
Mingyu dramatically gasps, "Are you in your right mind? You're scaring me Josh, please don't do this."
"So win this match.", Joshua smirks, 'Think this as your motivation to win."
Mingyu and Seji loose the match.
While you are celebrating with your Hyerin, Jeonghan and Hyejoo, Joshua is getting pestered by Mingyu.
"Are you serious right now?", Joshua asks in disbelief, "You just lost to them and know you want to know if Hyerin is single?"
Mingyu nods quietly liked a kicked puppy but he has no shame at all.
"Really?", Joshua asks again to confirm and when Mingyu doesn't respond he kicks his shin, "Fine. I'm going."
Joshua trudges through the crowd to find someone.
He finds you.
"Hey", he greets and you just nod at him.
"Uh can you help me with something?", he tries to sound as polite as possible, "I just wanted to know something."
"Go ahead."
Though he's cursing at Mingyu in his mind, nonetheless he asks, "You're good friends with Hyerin right?"
"Yeah we are best friends.", you say proudly looking at her as she holds the trophy and chats with Jeonghan.
"Is she single?"
The smile drops off your face and you throw a death glare at Joshua.
"Why do you wanna know that?"
Beads of sweat accumulates on his forehead as Joshua stumbles upon his words, "I-I, well-- It's..", and he finds this sudden urge within himself to explain it you before you misunderstand further, "Mingyu, my best friend, he wants to know about her."
"Didn't he just loose a match?", you ask him while your questioning gaze is fixated at Mingyu.
"Exactly! That's what I told him", he explains, "But he's like that only so if you could tell me.."
"She's single.", you respond to shut him up.
Joshua quietly cowers away.
"She's scary.", Mingyu laughs, "I thought she was going to bite off your head."
"Asshole.", Joshua quips, "She's single. Go shoot your shot."
Mingyu's eyes twinkles and skips away immediately.
Later, Mingyu manages to get Hyerin's number.
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Mingyu and Hyerin are dating.
"Please Y/N", Hyerin literally corners you in your own bedroom, "It's just a double date--"
Your face contorts in distaste, "And with whom? Joshua Hong. No. Never. We both can't tolerate each other."
"Oh come on darling", Hyerin tries to persuade you, "I have talked to him, he seems good. Plus I've heard he was the star player of his previous school's basketball team. A heartthrob, you can say."
"He's good to you, because you're his best friend's girlfriend.", then you declare, "Otherwise he's an asshole."
"He's cute.", Hyerin corrects you.
"You know Hyejoo has been crushing on Joshua for sometime right? Why don't you ask her?", you sort to your last resort.
"Please, I don't her around when I'm chilling or on dates.", Hyerin sighs, "You know she's hard to handle and we both get her but other people can be uncomfortable sometimes. Last time at practice she said something ridiculous to Jeonghan, ofcourse as a joke but it was really off.", she shudders at the memory, "Jeonghan's always laid back so he let it pass."
"Okay. But why do you need us? Go on dates alone, spend time with each other."
"Because I want you to know Gyu and Josh better and same for Gyu.", Hyerin says grabbing your hands and sighs when she sees confusion written over your face, "Look even though we have just started dating but I think I like him. So I want you to know my boyfriend and his friend, you know, so you it's fluid between the four of us."
You understand. You are happy that you're her confidant. Everything makes sense except Joshua.
But when Hyerin gives you those puppy eyes, who are you to deny her.
"Fine. I'll go with you."
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Mingyu gapes at Joshua in disbelief.
"What?", Joshua almost mewls and chucks a pillow at Mingyu, "Stop staring okay?"
Mingyu sits up on the bed, "So you have been talking to someone you don't know and what if that person turns out a psychopath."
"She's not a psychopath, Gyu", Joshua is immediately retaliates.
"She?", Mingyu is amused, "What if it's a he and a 50 year old weirdo?"
That sends Joshua off. After some moment of contemplation he says, "Whatever. They don't even know me and it's fine we just share our minds with each other."
"Dude you always that I'm crazy but I think it's you. You're the crazy one.", Mingyu pouts and scoots over to where Joshua is seated, "So about the double date...."
"We're not having this conversation again.", Joshua retorts.
"Why?", Mingyu now lays on Joshua's lap and looks at him, "Y/N is such a cool person Joshy. You'd love it. She's definitely better than that person you're chatting coz we know her."
Joshua rolls his eyes and places a hand over Mingyu's mouth, "We don't get along at all so no."
Mingyu bits his hand lightly and Joshua flinches in pain.
"Do me this favour Joshy, please.", Mingyu pleads, "We'll have a lot a fun I promise."
"I'm seeing her everyday Gyu, courtesy detention class. I have no will to see her more."
Mingyu's phone dinges a notification and his eyes narrow into slits as he reads it and Joshua knows it's definitely not something beneficial for him because--
"Y/N agreed to it.", Mingyu announces almost shoving his phone to Joshua's face as the later read the text from Hyerin saying the same.
He slaps away his friends hand, "Still a no."
"I thought we are best friends.", Mingyu says sadly as he gets up and takes his bag, "But seems I was wrong. Anyways, I'll get going."
Joshua knows Mingyu is pulling the best friend card yet he let's himself indulge into it once more.
"Fine.", Joshua hollers, "If I don't have a great time, I'll really cut you off Kim Mingyu."
Mingyu grins from ear to ear.
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"Y/N, we got a call from your school.", your mother says. You don't like where this conversation is going.
"They informed us about your detention.", your father adds, "Why didn't you tell us?" "It's just a detention dad which will be over by the end of this week.", you say taking a bite of your sandwich even though your appetite was gone. "Y/N", your mother places her hand on yours, "You need to be serious about your studies. Your grades gonna decide your university. Remember that you'll have to take over your father's Pharma company because it's for you. This is our legacy." You are tired of the same old conversation. "I don't want to", your voice cracks as tears prick at the corner of your eyes, "I want to study fashion technology. I want to be a designer!" "We already had this discussion Y/N.", your fathers alerts and you are getting off the chair. "Getting late.", you say slinging your bag over, "Bye." Your parents look at each other solemnly. You can't pinpoint which part of the day went fine for you till now. Because everything was going wrong. First the conversation with your parents during breakfast, second Hyerin informing you about not attending classes today at the last moment over a text, third being late in the class and hearing a earful from the teacher and lots more to account for. Now, as you got some free time before the detention class starts, you decide to sew the remaining series of sequences on the piece of cloth you are currently working on.
You are pulling the needle from the backside when it pricks your index finger.
You're immune to this, it doesn't even sting much but your eyes are teary and you curse out in mumbles.
The tears start to roll your cheeks, you sob silently hiding your face behind your palms.
"Why did you agree to this double dating thing?"
You could see Joshua towering over you but don't raise your hear.
"I could have managed Gyu but just because you agreed I couldn't do so.", Joshua says angrily, "You are so annoying you know--"
"I'm sorry", you stand up, raising your head and your gazes meet.
Joshua instantly freezes when he sees your bloodshot eyes and hears your body racking sobs.
"I know I'm annoying. I'm sorry.", you cry out, "I-I'll just do something."
"Y/N--"
"I'll cancel out on them last minute with some excuses. I promise.", you are wiping your never ending tears as you continue, "So that from next time if they propose something you can always shut them up by saying that I bailed out last time."
"Hey please stop crying.", Joshua gently holds your arms as he crouches to look at you eye to eye, "Please tell me what do I need to do so that you can calm down?"
You don't respond and Joshua renders in panic as he feels you shaking under his touch.
Before the gears in his head could start turning he pulls you into embrace.
And when you still don't stop crying he gently rocks you and hums a soothing melody. His one hand strokes your hair and the other firmly hold you to his chest.
Your cries reduce to sobs until it stops.
"It'll all work out.", he says still rocking you and your hands fist on his shirt at the back.
"But it never works out", you whisper meekly.
"It will. I promise.", his says softly and with so much sincerity that it makes you want to believe him.
You pull away and ask, "You think it will?"
Joshua smiles as he wipes your tears and cups your face. His response comes in form of a soft smile and a firm nod.
"Now sit right here", he backs you and sits you up on the chair, "I'll be back quickly. Don't leave!"
He runs off halfway and calls Hyerin to know what's your favourite food or drink or anything that you make your mood shift even a bit.
And around 20 minutes later he returns with a bag full of cheese puffs, strawberry juice cans and butterscotch flavoured ice creams.
He pants but is relieved to see that you are still there and most importantly not crying.
But your rummaging through your bag.
"What are you searching for?", Joshua asks and sits beside you.
"Band-Aid", you sigh in defeat, "Of course I don't have it today. What a shitty day to be alive."
"I have it, wait a minute.", he fishes out one strip and asks, "Did you get hurt?"
"I pricked my finger with the needle.", you say extending your hand and he looks at you in concern as he applies the ointment and then wraps the Band-Aid.
"Don't worry, I'm used to it.", you try to lessen his worry, "If you do sewing with hands, you're gonna get a lot of it."
Joshua's wide eyes meets your as he realises what you're saying is correct and you find him adorable.
"Here", he hands the bag, "I got these for you."
You tear the seal and a broad grin sets on your lips.
"How did you manage to get all these?"
"Called Hyerin and run to nearest convenience store."
Your heart swells a bit, "You really didn't have to but thanks. I really mean it."
"I hope this helps you get through the day.", Joshua says and takes the ice cream stick you're offering him.
"It definitely will.", you thank him again, "I'll repay you by cancelling the double date. I promise."
Suddenly the idea doesn't sit well with Joshua.
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You rack your brain hard to come up with an excuse so that the double date gets cancelled.
Looking at the time, you're about to pull your hair in frustration when your phone rings.
Hyerin calling ...
Panic surges within you causing you miss her call. You immediately call her back.
"Hey love, meet you at the arcade. I'm loving this dynamic between you two.", her suggestive tone confuses you, "I wanna know what's going on between you and Josh. Start getting ready, Josh will pick you up at 7 sharp. Bye."
"Wait what?", you squeak out, "Hello?? Rin?? Hello??"
What does she mean by that, you thought.
It was already 6:30 PM and you don't even have Joshua's number.
"Let's get ready Y/N.", you say to yourself, "If Joshua comes then fine, if he doesn't come the possibility of which weighs more, still fine you get the wear the dress you have made."
Your mood instantly lifts and you search through your wardrobe for that one dress which you have been meaning to wear for a while now. You had completed stitching the dress last month. It turned out really pretty, more than you had expected.
You had cried tears of pride and finished two tubes a butterscotch flavoured ice creams that night.
When you spot it, you caress the dress with gentle hands before taking it out and laying it on the bed.
It's a simple wrap dress, except for, you have recreated the whole dress using some torn out velvety clothings from your mother's old garments. You favourite part is that tie around which you reconstructed from a bodice and put the sequencing overall.
Green always looks good on. You're confident this one also would.
Putting on the dress, twirling around in pure joy and after being done with the makeup and pairing it with your favourite shoes you waited for Joshua.
Sharp at 7, your doorbell rings and you sprint down the stairs grabbing your sling bag to open the door.
"Wow", Joshua blurts out, eyes wide and mouth agape.
He's enchanted.
Your soft giggles breaks his reverie and he curses himself for being so obvious.
"You clean up nice too.", you actually word out the complement because Joshua is really damn good looking.
With his hair brushed back, you can see his exposed forehead and fine lined brows. The blue polo shirt that has been half tucked under the white chino pant is definitely enhancing him.
He's glowing under the strip light and you're sure he'd glow even more under the moonlight.
"Thanks", Joshua breathes out.
"Don't you have something to tell me?", your lips curl up as you say stepping out and close the door, "I was surprised when Rin--"
Joshua doesn't step back.
So when you turn you're words stuck in your throat as you almost bump into him.
But you don't bump into him. Rather there's hardly an inch of gap between you both as you stare at each other wordless.
You think he has kissable lips.
Joshua thinks you have beautiful pair of eyes.
You think his cologne smells nice.
He thinks no one ever did justice to any shades of green as much as you.
You think he has beautiful pair of eyes.
He thinks you have kissable lips.
So he leans down slowly and you don't back off. His breathes fan over your face and your hands find his.
He entwines his fingers through yours and you close your eyes.
He dips down further and is within the cusp of having luxury to put your lips together when the shrill ringtone cuts the atmosphere.
You open your eyes wide and Joshua yanks his hands backing off. You are frozen in place for a few seconds until Joshua's call of your name shakes you up.
He clears his throat and scratches his nape when you look at him.
"Gyu called.", he looks at everything and anywhere except your eyes, "They have reached and waiting for us. Let's go."
You grimace at the sudden change in atmosphere.
It's awkward and suffocating.
You both don't talk to each the whole time Joshua drives you to the arcade.
"Hey love, hey Josh", Hyerin greets as soon as you enter followed by Joshua.
You clinge to your best friend's arm and wave at Mingyu. He waves back with a huge grin.
"Guys", Mingyu calls out, "I checked the bowling ally and booked us the next slot. Let's go."
You have to unwillingly let go her arm when Mingyu extends his for her to hold.
But just before she goes, she whispers in your ear, "Did something happen between you two?"
Your eyes go wide for a moment but before she could catch up to it, you deny it. Her gaze lingers on your face trying to find any inconsistency but thankfully Mingyu ushers her away.
You and Joshua are left behind.
Joshua isn't looking at you at all and you ponder over the fact if you're going to have a good time it has to be with Joshua and this dynamic between you two has to change immediately.
"Do you want to go there?"
Joshua perks up and follows your gaze to the bowling alley where both of your best friends were having fun.
"Well.... actually no. Don't wanna interrupt them", he says, "I want to try basketball though."
"That's my favourite!", you are grabbing him by his hand, "It's that way."
Joshua smiles and he thinks that he could get used to your presence.
"You try first.", you say as you buy the tickets.
"Fine. Next round's on me.", he say taking his position infront of the machine.
You take your camcorder out and just out hold the device when Joshua scowls, "It's illegal to shoot without permission."
You realise that he's right and you mutter a quick sorry before switching off the device and shoving it into your bag.
When you look up again, Joshua is rolling of the sleeves of his shirt and while doing it he's looking damn hot  for some reason.
You gulp nervously and look away.
When you're courageous enough to back at him, he's brushing his hair with his hand.
Again, for some reasons he's looking damn hot.
You think you'd combust if you stay there another moment so you say, "I'll be waiting there", and fleet away.
No matter how much you try, your straying eyes lands on him and you get a whiplash from his chiseled jaw. He must have had his side profile sculptured.
You wonder if Joshua had been always this easy on eyes or it's your hormones talking all of a sudden.
Trying a way out of distraction you decide to text Anonymous.
But before you could apprehend your fingers type away a text that makes you groan upon reading it.
You:
[8:07 PM] How do you know if you like someone?
The lack of response comes from the other side makes you ponder if you had asked an invasive question.
Did you come out too cringey, you sigh in defeat and rest your phone on the table.
"Y/N!", you hear Joshua yell, "You gotta come here."
You would have waved him off if not he had that cute little pout set across his lips.
"Don't tell me you're not able to cross level 2", you laugh straight at his face.
"As if you're the highest scorer.", He retorts.
"So naive", you tsk taking your position in front of the machine.
Joshua goes to recharge the card and returns quickly to tap it on the scanner.
You swiftly pull him beside you and he looks at you startled.
You think he's startled because he's clueless.
He is startled because of the proximity between you both.
"W-What are you doing?"
"Obviously, we're both gonna play.", you say casually, "Otherwise there's no way to crack this unless you climb on this keep on keep ducking the ball in & out."
"Wait what?"
"Look as soon as the balls start rolling, keep on picking and throwing them up.", you set aside your sling bag and tie your hair up in a messy bun, " One thing try to aim when the basket slides to your side, I'll aim on mine otherwise other balls would collide with each other and fall off."
Joshua blinks.
You wait.
Joshua is still confused.
"Look, I have wanted to try this with someone for so long.", your pleading tone resonates with Joshua.
"You haven't tried it before?", he asks, "The way you gave the instructions I was pretty much sure you're a pro at it."
"I did try it with Hyerin.", you lament, "But given she's into sports, her arcade skills are zero."
Joshua snorts at this and gets ready to fulfill your wish.
"We're gonna beat this machine today.", he raises his fisted hand for a fistbump and you gladly reciprocate.
Your cheat key fails at Level 5 but you are happy.
Same for Joshua because he couldn't recollect when was the last time he had this much fun.
"Are you sure they don't get along?", Mingyu asks with a huge grin set on his lips.
"I don't know about Y/N but Joshua upped himself by delivering himself at her door today.", Hyerin smirks.
Mingyu rolls eyes, "Don't you think I didn't notice Y/N literally giving hearty eyes to Joshy."
Hyerin doesn't comment anymore, she just smiles.
That night after dropping you off at home, when he basks in the memories of the spent evening, Joshua realises he has got a text from Anonymous.
Anonymous:
[8:15 PM] How do you know if you like someone?
Joshua:
[10:45 PM] Sorry, had a busy day today.
Do you like someone?
Anonymous:
[10:47 PM] I'm not sure???
I think I like him, the same boy whom I used hate.
Joshua:
[10:48 PM] Should I be happy? What about me?
Kidding! Feelings works funny because I think I'm starting to like the girl I told you about before.
Anonymous:
[10:49 PM] Oh? Should I be happy?
We're really in same boat lol.
Hope we can sort it out.
Joshua:
[10:50 PM] Touché.
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Detention classes are going to end today.
You should be feeling ecstatic but you have a glum aura around you as you splash the paint on the wall for one last time.
"You're amazing you know."
A small smile forms on your lips but Joshua doesn't need to see that.
"I just complimented you, are you seriously gonna ignore me?", Joshua bumps his shoulder to yours but you don't budge.
"You are gonna keep doing that?", Joshua let's out a sound of annoyance, "Fine, just remember I had no other choice."
Before you could ask or ignore, you are being turned around in a moment, in the next you are being dragged you have no idea where.
Mrs. Yoo smiles as she watches you both. She just wanted you both to stop hating on but what seemingly she's a getting a lot more than she bargained for.
Hyejoo glares at the two of you and though she isn't sure if she's serious about her feelings for Joshua, a green monster of jealousy starts to invade her mind.
You are pulled inside an empty room which you never knew existed and now you're being cornered by the guy who's causing your hormones to react horrendously whenever around him.
"W-What are you doing?", you gulp nervously, looking everywhere but at him.
"Why are you ignoring me?", he says in a desperate tone and it makes you feel bad.
Because I get nervous around you, I think I like you.
You want to say it all loud and get everything off your chest but you don't.
"I-I'm just being moody", you lie partially, "I have gotten my periods."
Joshua looks relieved, "So you're not particularly being hostile towards me? Oh that's fine. I get it."
You sigh in relief.
Then, his worrying gaze is scrutinizing your face, "Are you in pain? I shouldn't have dragged you here, really sorry. Do you need me to buy to anything? Do you want to eat ice creams--"
You hush him by putting your finger on his lips, though you wish if you could put your lips on his instead.
"I'm fine Josh.", you tell him, "Since today detention classes are ending do you wanna go somewhere with me afterwards?"
Joshua agrees in a beat.
Mrs. Yoon has a teasing grin across her lips when you both stand side by side waiting for her to give you the slips which marks the end of detention.
"I'm impressed how you both went from almost plotting murder to gardening together real quick.", she says with an underlying tone, "Oh, painting too. You've learned to breathe in each other presence, that's what I wanted. You're free to go."
You both quickly mutter a thanks to her and head towards the exit.
You wait for Joshua as he goes to where his bike is parked.
And he groans when he see Hyejoo waiting for him there.
"What do you want?", he asked bluntly, as he pulls his bike and wears the helmet.
"I want to sit on that bike of yours.", she says coyly, "Can I?"
"No.", Joshua says as he prepares to flee, "As I have told you before I have no interest in you. Please stop seeking attention from me all the time."
Her gazes turns shearer as she asks, "So who do you have interest in? Y/N?"
Joshua stiffens for a moment before deciding to ignore her wholly and riding away.
"He didn't even deny it, wow", she scoffs, "Fine, let's see how this goes."
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"Such a beautiful place exists and I didn't even know about it?", Joshua laments, "How did you find this place?"
You smile looking ahead, sound of the waves calming you in an ineffable way.
"Accidentally.", you say after sometime, "But this is where you'll find me if ever you couldn't get in touch with me."
Joshua's heart tightens within his chest as he asks, "Why are you showing your safe place to me? Who else knows about this place?"
You don't respond right away and Joshua waits patiently.
"Hyerin, Hyejoo and someone I used to know, knows about this place.", you look at him with warmth in your eyes, "Now you know it too."
Joshua had never imagined that a person who got his coffee spilled, became his detention partner would also be the one who would cry in front of him because of having bad day to be cheatmates at an arcade game.
Joshua never got the slightest intuition that the person whom he hated the most would also become the person he'd be liking the most.
"I want to become a fashion designer. But my parents want me to manage our family business of pharmaceuticals.", your words, tone, aura, everything is emitting sadness, "I have tried to convince them since the day I found out about my passion but they won't let me. The discussion goes nowhere."
Joshua listen, not entirely but somewhat relating to the situation.
"Tell me about you, Josh."
Joshua finds you staring at back him.
He thinks for a while, trying to put together the words for you to make sense and then speaks, "My dad was a lawyer. And I respected him a lot, so I think because of that I found law intriguing.", he pauses and heaves a sigh, "After his death, I promised mom that I keep his profession alive through me. It was an impromptu decision I had made. I was barely 12 years old then."
You listen and empathize with him. You could take a guess where this is going and if not entirely, you can also somewhat relate to him.
"As I grew up, the realisation gnawed at me. I didn't find law intriguing anymore, I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore."
Joshua sounds so dejected that you wanna put his head on your shoulders and wrap your arms around him in an embrace.
But you only caress his back.
"I have tried to tell mom about it but I didn't yet have the courage to actually tell her yet because she's still so immersed in dad and the memories he left. She doesn't even change the old television we have which barely works coz it was one of dad's favourite possession."
He suddenly blinks almost comically, bambi eyes getting rounder and lips parted in awe.
"You're really cool you know!", he emphasises on the adjective for you to get the sincerity of it, "You already have a passion and you know what you want to do. Unlike me."
"You realize it's never too early or too late to find one's passion. We are too young for figuring out our entire life. There's time. There always a right time.", you too emphasize, "Maybe you don't know today but maybe you'll know it tomorrow or someday."
Joshua finds your words oddly comforting and true.
"You can try to make your mom understand little by little. Like how about convincing her to replacing the television or anything else that could be replaced. When and if she agrees find the right time to bring in the topic and get it to her slowly. She'll understand, after all she's your mother."
What you just say, tastes bitter in your mother maybe because you wished for your parents to understand you as well.
Joshua must be knowing how to read minds, because he says, "I would like you to use your advice to yours as well. Show your parents what you wanna do and why you wanna do it. Show them your dedication."
"I'll try.", you smile at him.
"I'll try as well." he echoes you.
When he left home today, he had a mission on his mind that was to get your number.
Because when he asked Mingyu for the same, he quoted something along the lines,
"You need to get it yourself. How long until you don't suck at getting numbers?"
Infuriating, cocky of a best friend Joshua has.
When he drops you at your doorstep, Joshua had those words on the tip of his tongue until you pull of his helmet and kiss his cheek.
Joshua.exe has stopped working.
It's too late when Joshua comes back to this realm because he hears a door slam and you're have successfully sprinted into your house.
Next time definitely, he promises to himself.
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You:
[6:30 PM] shared a playlist
Anonymous:
[6:35 PM] I just went through the songs list and I must say you're a music nerd fr.
You:
[6:37 PM] That I am. This playlist represents me so I just gave you a glimpse of what I am.
Anonymous:
[6:39 PM] FYI your playlist has many of my favourite songs as well. We're so similar.
"Are you texting that random stranger again?", Hyerin grimaces as she situates herself between your legs, trying to take a peek at your phone.
When you ignore her she asks again, "What's going on between you and Joshua?"
"Nothing.", you answer simply, knowing Hyerin won't buy a penny of it.
You shift so that Hyerin falls flat on the bed and you lay beside her.
"Rin, even though I have been talking this guy--"
"Don't have no idea whether you're talking to a guy or a girl or a bot or whoever!", Hyerin huffs, "Look I know you like talking to them, share interests and all but can you seriously think about Joshua. You like him, don't you?"
You sigh in defeat, nothing goes past your best friend, "I do like him, Rin."
"I freaking knew it! You both are so obvious!", Hyerin laughs, "And cute."
"I'm going to tell him someday maybe.", you say, "Even if he rejects me, I can console myself saying atleast I tried."
"Before you do that, why don't you meet this Anonymous.", Hyerin suggests, "I mean look, I know you have crated an attachment towards them. So meet them in person, get to know each more and do tell them that you like Joshua."
You blink at her owlishly.
"What I mean is, sort things out. First go meet Anonymous so you know they're not some weirdo and if they're not great you got another friend. Then confess to Josh about your feelings.", Hyerin expectant gaze falls on you hoping you got what she's trying to say.
"Okay!", you say and she can almost see that see a lightbulb going off in your head, "I'll meet anonymous first, then... then we'll see."
"Then you'll confess to Josh, if he doesn't do it first.", Hyerin scoffs, "Please we know the amount of time you're both spending."
"What about Hyejoo?", you ponder, "Doesn't she also like Josh?"
"Look, I'm very much surprised Joshua made it past a week okay? But I really want her to see Jisung's the one for her. That poor boy, I don't know how many heartbreak he suffers everytime my sister chooses a new crush, chooses someone who's not him."
"And tell her to spend a day without Jisung, she'll go berserk.", you continue to add points, "I wonder how long until she realises it's been him all this time."
"I know right, she's so goddamn stubborn.", Hyerin laments, "Hope she doesn't pull something stupid to get to Joshua because he doesn't even have an ounce of interest towards her."
"Good for me I guess?", you shrug and get an 'aww' on return.
You immediately pull up your phone and send a text.
You:
[7:25 PM] I was wondering if we could meet up?
Anonymous:
[7:30 PM] What about your rule of not knowing each other personally ?
You:
[7:31 PM] The one who made the rule is trying to break it, so .....
Anonymous:
[7:32 PM] Ok cool, let's meet.
You:
[7:33 PM]
Okay day after tomorrow, 5 in evening at Crimson Café. Sounds good?
Anonymous:
[7:33 PM] Fine by me.
How are we going to recognise each other lol?
You:
[7:34 PM]
I'll be wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo on it.
Anonymous:
[7:35 PM]
I'll be wearing a green sweatshirt with Los Angeles written on it.
You:
[7:36 PM] Noted. See you on Thursday!
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Next day when you cross the threshold of your school canteen, it's not Hyerin who gets hijacked by Jeonghan.
He hijacks you.
"What does the school heartthrob want from me?", you quip nonchalantly, "And you have a treat pending so...."
Jeonghan rolled eyes, "Oh my god, fine. After classes end, let's go to that bakery shop nearby. I heard they sell the best black currant cakes."
"Deal!", you bump his shoulder, "I'll be waiting by the exit. Will drop a text."
Jeonghan gives a nod, pats your head and part ways to attend the class.
Joshua has been occupying mostly of mind nowadays and you wonder if he was just a mere crush anymore. You also realise that you could have texted him asking if he's attending school today or not but you don't have his number.
You ask him for it next time, you take a mental note.
As promised, Jeonghan takes you to the bakery and after placing your orders Jeonghan finally ask a favour from you.
"It's the final project and I have no clue how to design the cover.", he tells you, "So could you please help me with it?"
Jeonghan knows you would definitely help him.
"Han, look to be honest, I have a lot of assignments and project to deal with", you explain, "So there's a limit on my end to provide you support. It shouldn't be taking long, we need to decide specific days and anyhow get it done by that."
Jeonghan sighs in relief, "Y/N you could have literally said no but you're an angel.", he grabs your hands and expresses his gratitude, "I'll mail you all the details and you have a look. Then we can decide on the rest."
"Sounds like a plan and you know I'd never not help you if I could.", you assert, "You are a good friend."
Jeonghan would never admit but his heart swells with emotions. For him too, you have been a good friend. Not always in touch maybe, but the one he can confide to anytime.
You let out a yelp when your pulled against his chest, as Jeonghan gives you a side hug.
"Dude what's gotten into you?", you scrunch your nose looking at him with pointed eyes.
"Well definitely not someone who goes by Joshua Hong.", he teases.
You gasp, almost scurrying away from him.
"Hyerin that little snitch!", you gruff in disbelief and Jeonghan laughs.
Joshua doesn't see you in school. He searches but you're neither in the canteen, nor with Hyerin or any of the classes he thought you'd be.
"Looking for Y/N?"
He hears a familiar voice and doesn't like it at all.
Hyejoo stands in front of him, her lips curled up in a smirk, arms crossed over her chest.
"If you know then tell me or mind your own business.", he deadpans.
Hyejoo definitely knows where and with whom you are because she had overhead you two while passing by and the absolute joy she got because that would definitely be a fuel to fire.
Joshua decides to walk off but what he hears next cause him to halt.
"Be careful Josh. Y/N maybe not be all what she seems to be.", Hyejoo says.
She continues on realising she has successfully garnered his attention, "I'm only saying because I care for you."
"What are you trying to imply here?", Joshua asks.
She chuckles, a mocking tone cutting through which Joshua fails to notice, "Did she ever breakdown in front of you?"
Joshua stills. A moment later he nods.
"You'll often have to handle that, not a big deal", her lips curl down as if in worry, "But as days goes she'll be blaming every irrelevant things on you. You won't be able to tell her that things are not working out for her because she's not trying."
Joshua is rooted to ground, he only listens.
"I assume you already know about her safe place."
Joshua feels like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him.
"Your face says you know it.", Hyejoo taunts, "It's always like this. She's difficult to handle."
"What do you mean by always?"
"It was same with Junsik, her ex.", she utters hurriedly.
Joshua doesn't know what he's gonna do with all these information he just acquired.
"Let me take you where she is now."
That's how Joshua finds himself standing outside the bakery. Through one of window walls he sees you laughing at something Jeonghan was saying.
His hands balled into fists as he watches Jeonghan pulling you into his embrace.
You look so happy that Joshua's mind lingers back to the memories shared between you two and he doubts if you were ever this happy when you were with him.
When he sees Jeonghan feeding you, his heart constricts too tightly in his chest.
He realises that he doesn't like the intimacy between you and Jeonghan.
He realises he wants to swap places with Jeonghan, that he should be the one who gets to hug, to feed you or hold your hands.
He realises that he likes you.
He likes you a lot.
"You like her, it's so obvious", Hyejoo says impassively, "But does she like you back?"
Joshua has his minded clouded with all sorts of nonsense Hyejoo fed him with that anger seeps through his veins and clutters in his heart as pain.
He blames himself for believing that you would have some sort of liking towards him and he is indignant because you acted as if you would reciprocate his feelings.
Joshua leaves with a heavy heart and he might not have noticed the tears that were pooling his eyes.
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Your eyes stray in anticipation everytime you sense someone passing by your table.
You wait for Anonymous as decided at the Crimson café with lot of expectations and only one hope for the person to be not any weirdo.
You:
[7:10 PM] I'm already in here.
Took the table nearest to the counter, the view looks good from here :)
You quickly send the text and rest the phone on the table as you take out your sketch book and start doodling.
Joshua is still heartbroken for which he really looks forward to meet Anonymous.
Today, he just wants to forget everything and have a good time.
To get you off his mind, to push back the career choices, he only wants that.
He heaves a deep breathe standing outside the café and his lips curl up as he reads the text he just received notifying that the one he's going to meet has already arrived.
Joshua pushes the door, walking in.
All hope dissipates instantly when he sees you, wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo, sitting at one of the two tables nearest to the counter, other one being empty.
Joshua doesn't think anymore, he just sprints out of the café.
You sigh bored, finally getting your head out of your sketchbook and check the time.
You:
[7:24 PM] You didn't forget about meeting me today right??
Are you stuck somewhere?
It's 8 now, neither do you get a response of your texts, nor does Anonymous shows up.
You:
[8:03 PM] Are you still coming?
Did something happen? Are you okay?
Please just drop a text whenever you get this, I'm worried...
The clock strikes 9 and you're dragging your body out of the café.
You are worried. You are exhausted.
Not trying to read much into it, you coax yourself into believing that there must be a valid reason for Anonymous to take a raincheck on you. That you'll get a response and may be an apology later.
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Next day when you wake up, the first thing you do is check your phone.
No messages.
You huff in annoyance but don't let it ruin your mood because today you have a mission.
To get Joshua's number.
Not a big deal, you could have easily gotten it from Hyerin but you believe it's best to be a little brave and get it from the person himself.
Generally, you have often bumped into him for the past few day but today, somehow it's hard to find him. You even doubt if he's attending school today.
But that doubt dissolves when you see him in the canteen, snacking on a snicker bar and scrolling through his phone with a bored expression.
A grin sets on lips as you walk up to him and occupy the seat across him.
He lifts his gaze from his phone and his heart drops when he sees you.
"Hey", you say, "I have been searching for you."
Suddenly, there's a screech and Joshua is dragging out his chair as he stands up.
Your curious eyes try to meet his but he doesn't look at you.
"Josh--"
"I have a class now.", he says and leaves.
You are confused and you are worried.
If he's having a bad day you want to help him, as he had done for you.
If he's bothered by something, you want him to eat up your ears by ranting it all out.
If he's tired, you want to put his head on your shoulder.
"I'll let him have his space for today.", you mumble in distaste, "But I miss him. I'm so miserable."
Next day you bump into him in the hallway.
"Hey Josh", you greet, smiling wide.
Joshua is stoic and you notice it.
"I have some work at library.", he says and just as he was about to take a turn you grab his wrist.
"Did something happen?", you ask with uncertainty, anxiety creeping in you slowly.
"Can you unhand me?", Joshua quips sharply, "If you haven't noticed it, I'm feeling uncomfortable."
You immediately release his hand and take a step back "I-I'm sorry --"
"Save it.", he says, "What do you want anyway?"
Your mind runs thousand miles on the memory lane to come up with anything you could have done to upset Joshua.
But nothing comes up. Absolutely nothing.
"I just want to get your number."
There you just had to say it when Joshua is vexed at you.
A scoff leaves his lips and he glares at you, "What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."
You think you're hearing everything wrong. You look at him as if he has grown another head and a pair of lips which are uttering absolute nonsense.
"How could you do this to me?", he asks, his gaze peering into your soul and wrenching at your gut, "I feel like you're always breathing into in my neck. And it's suffocating."
"What did I do, please tell me." , you plead in helplessness, eyes glistening with unshed tears and you all get in return is a condescending look.
"Stop pretending, oh my god", Joshua whispers in a threatening tone, "I don't want to see to you anymore.", with that he leaves.
You suck in a sharp breathe and close your eyes letting those tears fall. A sob throbs out of you and you are unbothered with the looks you're getting from those passing by.
Your mind only reels the words Joshua had spat out, the bitterness and hatred from them getting to you.
Joshua is the only good thing that has happened to you in a long time so you refuse let him go just like that.
Whatever it is, you're going to fix it.
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"Mrs. Hong?"
"Y/N?"
You chest tingles in mirth as you ask, "How have you been?"
"Been good dear.", she answers in her calm voice, "What about you?"
"Okayish, I'd say.", your voice wavers, "Just stressed with finals and career choices."
"You should do whatever you feel like doing.", she advices, patting your head.
"My parents want me to handle the family business which I don't want.", you ramble, knowing that ranting about it to everyone won't change anything.
"Then fight for it", Mrs. Hong says, "Go to hell and back, take all of it. It's always better to try than to have regrets for life."
You nod, somewhat finding new confidence to have the conversation with your parents again.
"Your son must be lucky to have you as a parent, Mrs. Hong.", you comment with sincerity, "You know there's one thing I have always wanted. For my parents to ask me what do I want."
You place all your items on the checkout counter and solemnly tell her, "Mrs. Hong, you should also ask your son what he wants. You know as we grow up, we discover new interests, our choices change. You're a sensible parent so I want you to be the cool mom and support his descisions, whatever it maybe be."
Mrs. Hong stiffens for a moment. Her mind reels back to a lot of things and she has been complacent with Joshua on this matter.
"Mrs. Hong?", your concerned voice reaches her, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
You are suddenly pulled into her embrace and she thanks you.
"You might have unknowingly done me a huge favour.", she whispers on the top of your head.
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"He has been cranky lately", Mingyu hums as he recollects, "Mostly cooped up in his room, doesn't even open up to me."
You and Hyerin grimace at his words.
"Did he shout at you?", you ask in hopes that it's only you but it's just a phase and Joshua is mad at every one.
Mingyu pouts because he knows the answer he's gonna give you is nowhere going to make you feel better.
"No, actually we went to arcade yesterday. He blew off his steam at that poor basketball machine but we're good. Like normal, just he's a bit more serious nowadays."
You slouch down and Hyerin glares at her boyfriend.
"It's okay, love. I think you should confront him asap.", Hyerin wraps her arm around your shoulder as she throws pointed eyes at her boyfriend.
Mingyu seems to take the hint and says, "I'm there to help you, just tell me what I need to do."
"For the starters, give me his number.", you insist, almost on verge pleading, "If I can't get through him, then help me to meet him alone."
"Okay ma'am!", Mingyu immediately takes his phone and sends you Joshua's contact.
"Thanks Gyu", you say and getting up sweep a glance at the couple, "Gotta go, I need to help Han to design the cover."
"Keep us posted Y/N."
You nod in acknowledgement at Mingyu's words.
Walking down the alley, you contemplate a lot of things, life is tough, yours is toughest.
Nothing seems to work out for you.
You want a career, your parents don't resonate with you.
You like a guy, he suddenly starts to hate your entire existence.
Taking out your phone you open Mingyu's chat to save Joshua's contact.
Just as you proceed to add it to a pops up appears.
Do you want replace the contact name from Anonymous to Joshua?
Your eyes go round like saucers as you re read the sentence again and again.
You trace back and confirm that it's actually Anonymous.
Joshua Hong is actually Anonymous!
"What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."
Joshua's words ring in your mind and everything made sense to you now. That also meant he had come to the café and left without meeting you, misunderstanding the whole situation.
You immediately call Jeonghan only to cancel on him.
Next, you're calling Mingyu and as soon as he picks up you say, "Gyu, please anyhow bring Joshua to that old park, I need to talk to him, it's urgent."
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Joshua is startled when Mingyu suddenly barges into his room and starts tugging on his sleeves.
"I need a help from you Josh", he says and Joshua could sense the urgency in his voice, "We have to be somewhere."
As an unsuspecting and good friend he was, he immediately agreed on it.
Suddenly he is dropped off outside the park with Mingyu saying, "Go inside and you'll know it", before riding away in his bike.
Joshua stands there for a moment, utterly confused but anyways walks into the park.
You wait for him, biting off almost all of your nails.
You figure out his silhouette approaching and you could also see his face morphing from confusion to distaste on seeing you.
"Is this some kind of prank?", Joshua yells out, "Very irritating."
You are prepared to hear all the harsh words and off word gazes you're gonna get.
You are also adament to dissolve the misunderstandings and confess your feelings for him today.
"I think there's a misunderstanding, you need to listen to me.", you speak stepping ahead.
Joshua doesn't respond and you take it as your cue to continue.
"I asked Mingyu for your number today.", you continue carefully, "That's when I came to know you are Anonymous."
Joshua scoffs, "You really think I'm gonna buy it? What do you take me for Y/N?"
"I'm not lying --"
"Oh so you're telling you bumping into me right after I texted you that night is pure coincidence? Pairing up for detention classes was also a mere coincidence? Don't you know it's quite weird, how I got to see you each and everywhere, often, more and more just after I hit you up with those texts.", Joshua's gaze is enough to cower you down, his words just added to his condescendness towards you.
"What are you getting at?", you ask bracing yourself for another set of insults you knew that are going to come your way.
"You clearly knew that it was me the whole time.", he spats out, "You just wanted some attention because of the petty princess you are. Oh did I mention attention seeker too?"
"You're not in your right mind Joshua.", you warn him, "Don't say anything you're going to regret later."
"I'm not gonna regret anything. The only thing I regret is meeting you. Do you always do this?", he asks rather accuses you and you shot him a look.
"Do what?"
"Make guys believe that you like them and them tangle them into a trash relationship?", he chuckles bitterly, "I almost believed that you like me until I saw you with Jeonghan. Are you gonna take him to your safe place too? Were you gonna treat us the same as you treated Junsik?"
You freeze on hearing that name.
"How do you know about Junsik?", your eyes sting and voice falters, "What do you know about him?"
"Does it matter now?", he disregards you totally, "You are really sick for playing me like that because I really liked you..."
You perk up at his words, the pain in your heart never subduing but tearing it into infinite pieces.
"But fortunately, it isn't too late.", his words are venomous, more than he could realise, "I want to see you ever again. So do me a favour and never show your face again."
Your sobs doesn't stop until you're biting your tongue to the point where the metallic taste fills your mouth.
You lift your gaze to look at him past your wet lashes, "I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-", you fist your hands focusing on them to not break down, "But your wish is granted."
You only say that much before walking past him.
The door to your heart, through which Joshua was making his way is cemented now.
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"He said what?", Hyerin is raging and you are the one actually keeping her in check instead of getting comforted.
"Kim Mingyu what kind of bastard your best friend is?", she yells at her boyfriend, "Why are you even friends with him?"
"I still can't believe Joshua could say all this.", Mingyu mumbles, "I was quite sure that he liked you back and he obviously liked talking to Anonymous which turns out to be you."
"Leave it guys", you speak meekly through your sore throat, "It's all over--"
"It's not over, how dare he bring up Junsik?", Hyerin is sure she's going to commit manslaughter today, "What does he know about him?"
"I wonder", you sigh and lean against her shoulder.
"And he thinks, you were gonna double time him and Han?", she throws Joshua another punch at the gut in her head, "Who does he think he is? That bastard I'm-- I'm gonna ugh!"
Mingyu breaks into cold sweat on looking at his girlfriend, grimaces on watching you and fumes in anger when thinks about Joshua.
"Something must have happened, he ain't always like this.", Mingyu comments and is met by a death glare from Hyerin but he continues, "We need get it out of him."
"Whatever guys", you climb on your bed, laying down, "If you want me as your friend then never bring up Joshua ever again. I'm being serious right now.", you pull over the comforter and point your index towards the door, "Thanks for coming but now you both please get out."
Once the door slams shut, all the tears you've been holding stream down as you indulge in self dejection and that broken heart of yours bleeds in scarlet red. A colour so beautiful yet vicious.
A colour that Joshua gave you so brutally.
Joshua Hong was cruel to you and you pledge you're not going to give him the luxury to hurt you again, you're going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.
Joshua Hong is a just stranger to you now.
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Joshua doesn't immediately leave from the park. He takes a seat on one of the rusty swing and cools down. And while doing so his mind lingers back on the recent episode he had with you.
Joshua is generally a calm guy, a bit cranky but mostly calm. So when his own voice echoes in his mind saying those words to you, he topples with guilt.
He knows he went overboard and he was the actual sick one for bringing up your ex into the conversation.
But words once said cannot be taken back.
Letting the emotions get consume you is never a wise choice and Joshua made that mistake today.
His heart constricts when he remembers your tear stained cheeks, hurt eyes and maimed demeanor.
"I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-"
He laughs. He is humored at how sincere you sounded when you were lying.
A Jack of Fools.
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You are watching an interesting movie on your phone when someone taps you on your shoulder.
You crane your neck to see Jeonghan, seriousness ghosted over his face.
"What happened?"
He heaves a sigh and takes the sit across you.
"Before you start", you say getting up, "Let me bring something to eat."
Joshua enters the canteen and is displeased to see it extremely crowded. He searches and gladly he finds an unoccupied seat which he quickly takes.
On sweeping his gaze he finds Jeonghan occupying the table in front to his so he seats with his back faced to the later.
That's when he sees you passing by and hears a screech of chair. You place the food tray on the table as you take the seat opposite to Jeonghan's, and behind you is where Joshua is seated.
You don't notice Joshua.
"Spill.", you say, passing him a plate.
Jeonghan relents. He stays quiet for a moment before he's speaking, "It's about Seji."
You nod and wait for him to continue.
"We've been talking again.", he says and he wants to say a lot more but he cuts it down to, "My feelings are resurfacing."
"Your feelings for her were never gone.", you shrug poking the food on your plate you continue, "Look I don't get what the concept of being on & off is, so either you both get back or cut each other off. Otherwise I'm sorry but this looks very toxic to me."
"You're always so brutally honest", Jeonghan mops, "and have a clear conscience that's why I always confide in you."
"Oh, it's nice to hear that, someone just called me liar, sick and all sorts of synonyms it could go for.", You say meekly.
Joshua who has been eavesdropping, in his defence he had no choice as they sat behind him, it was all audible.
Jeonghan gasps in disbelief, "Who do I need to chain on? Tell me."
You give him a knowing smile and Jeonghan understands.
"Joshua berated you?", he ask gently, "I thought you were going to confess your feelings to him?"
Joshua freezes.
Then he hears a sob.
"Please, please don't cry. I don't know what happened but he doesn't deserve your tears.", Jeonghan rushes over to you as he hands you his handkerchief, "Gosh, I can't believe someone could hurt you so much. Promise I won't ever bring him up again, stop crying please."
You shake your head, wiping your tears, "I-I liked him a lot Han. And he said I was gonna double time with you and him."
Joshua hisses, he's ashamed.
Jeonghan sees red when he hears this, "He said what? No, I need to find him and beat the shit out of him. What a jerk, good riddance Y/N. Curse him all out now."
"Please Han", you tug on his sleeves, "He doesn't deserve any of this attention. I don't even want to hear his name anymore."
Jeonghan seethes but he decides to let it go for now. He would definitely deal with Joshua later.
"How about I take you that bakery? We can have everything you want!", he tries to cheer you up.
But you shake your head in protest, "You already bribed me so much for a mere cover design Han. I shouldn't rob you anymore."
Jeonghan rolls eyes, "Please it's not a mere cover, it requires so much effort and even though you're crammed with your tasks, you decided help me diligently."
"Fine.", you say, "You better sort things out with Seji and I'll text you when I work over on what discussed on before."
Joshua is this close to turn around, the apologies being on the tip of his tongue.
But you are leaving and Jeonghan follows you not before throwing a glare at the back of the person about whom you both just had a conversation.
Jeonghan knew about Joshua sitting exactly behind you this whole time.
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"Hey mom", Joshua greets as he sits on the tool, "You wanted to discuss something?"
Mrs. Hong is standing by the kitchen counter, your words have been ringing in her head since that day and she wants her only son to know that he doesn't need to feel burdened if at all he has been feeling so.
"I want to ask something and I'm expecting an honest answer from you."
Joshua straightens in his seat as his attentive eyes fixates on his mother.
"What do you want to do Shua?", she elaborates when she see creases on his forehead out of confusion, "As in your choice for a career?"
Joshua's eyes goes round, as this was totally unexpected to him, something he had been meaning to bring this topic but never had the courage.
It suddenly felt like a blessing as he collects his thoughts and frames the sentence in his mind before speaking out.
"Mom, I don't want to be a lawyer.", he says and waits for his mother's reaction.
Mrs. Hong falters a bit but she quickly regains her composure.
Joshua notices, it's natural and expected, so he continues, "I don't know what I want to do but it's definitely not law mom. Just for clinging onto it because it was dad's profession, I don't wanna regret it later, have depression and blame everyone for it."
Mrs. Hong walks over to her son and pulls him into her embrace, "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I wanted to mom but I didn't have the courage to break your heart, knowing how much you treasure everything related to dad.", he whispers, voice wavering, "But won't dad be happier if I follow my passion and live in content?"
"Yes, he'd be so happy. I'm sorry for being so ignorant", Mrs. Hong sobs, "I should have been more attentive. You're allowed to do whatever you want Shua."
Joshua smiles in relief, a big weight being lifted off his chest.
"Thanks mom.", he say sincerely, "Thanks a lot."
"We both should be thanking that girl.", Mrs. Hong laughs, wiping her years and also patting her son's back.
"Who?", Joshua quips up.
"Oh you wouldn't know her." she says, "She made me realise that parents often take matters related to their children for granted and for providing them expect something in return."
"Please thank her on my behalf.", Joshua requests.
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Next day, Joshua reaches the classroom as soon as he could because it's the only class he shares with you.
He just wants to see you.
You enter the class minutes after he does. Joshua's gaze is on you, you are aware but your gazes never meet, not when you walk past him and sit in the back.
In today's class, you are gonna get to know the project topics and will be assigned partners for completing the same.
Joshua hopes he get paired with you.
You pray to get assigned with anyone but Joshua.
"You can choose your partners.", the teacher announces, "In groups of two."
You groan, definitely luck not your side because you knew no one except one and the one you knew you'd never pair up with him.
Joshua is sure that universe is giving him a chance and with his new found confidence, he walks upto the walks to your desk.
When you see Joshua walking your way, you think he's gonna pass by but instead he halts infront of you.
You are going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.
"Hi Y/N..", he says with hesitancy.
You don't even spare him a glance.
Even though he's sweating and up on his toes, he asks, "Will you be my partner for this project?"
"No.", you say resting your face on the palms of your hands, still not looking at him, "Thanks for asking though."
"I'm sorry Y/N.", he just wants you to look at him atleast but you don't make any effort to do so, "I went overboard that day. Said many things I shouldn't have. I just--"
"You have said all the things you wanted to say because you wanted to hurt me.", you crane your neck to lips curl up in a mocking smile, "You don't have to apologise to look good to yourself specially when you don't mean it. Don't be a hypocrite and let's pretend to not know each other from now on."
You are standing up, grabbing your notebook as you continue, "Since you don't want to see my face, don't talk to me."
Joshua's words are coming to bit him back as pure venom.
You take out your phone, "Look here, I'm doing this infront of you so that you can get assured."
Joshua's curious gaze falls on the screen and his heart drops when he gets your intention.
"See I'm blocking your number.", you press on the block button and your thumb hovers over the delete button, "And now I'll delete your contact. Rest assured, you won't be bothered by me."
Joshua stays rooted to the ground until the teacher calls his name.
Fortunately, you don't get paired with Joshua.
"I don't want to see his face, let alone talk to him", Hyerin barks, literally barks, "You're calling in for your best friend's murder, I'm warning you."
Mingyu agrees that he's hypothetically plotting a murder by letting his girlfriend meet his best friend.
"Babe, when I said we need to get the root of this, we are gonna do so.", Mingyu warns Hyerin, "Now, when Joshua walks in through the door, I'll talk to him. You only speak when needed."
Hyerin huffs, "Lucky that I love you."
Mingyu grins and pecks her lips.
The door creaks open and Hyerin scoffs, "Here comes the idiot."
Joshua doesn't have a good feeling, specially seeing Hyerin who's constantly glaring at him and he thinks that's enough to drill holes into his skull.
"Hi guys", he tries to initiate a conversation, "Why did you wanna meet?"
"First, what you did Y/N was very lowly", Mingyu says, "I'm very disappointed in you."
Joshua sits quietly, hanging his head low.
"What do you know about Junsik?", Hyerin interrogates, "How do you know him?"
Joshua fiddles with his fingers and sits wordless.
"We're not here to look at your face, you better open that stupid mouth of yours like you had done that day.", Hyerin barks again, her patience wearing thin.
"Hyejoo told me about him.", Joshua says and looks up at her.
Hyerin stiffens, all the words she was about to gurgle gets stuck in her throat.
Joshua finds an opportunity and he relays everything that happened to the couple.
"You should have asked me about Jeonghan atleast.", Mingyi sighs, "And how could you bring up Junsik when you don't even know a thing about him?"
"Junsik was Y/N's first, well only boyfriend till now", Hyerin reveals, "who had dumped her over a text because he fell in love with a new chick in the school he just got transferred to. He just threw away a relationship of two years just like that."
"She has been aloof since then. Always reluctant to make friends, didn't show interest in other guys", she looks dead in his eyes, "Until you came along. But it's her bad luck, you also turned out to be a douche. And she was so excited to meet Anonymous until you intently stood her stood. I hope karma to be an actual bitch to you."
Joshua feels like he has been pushed into the trench, like what he deserves.
Hyerin feels humiliated because she had never thought that her sister could be so much of a menace.
She gets up and Mingyu looks at her alarmingly.
Placing her hand on his hand in assurance she tells, "Hyejoo needs to be taught a lesson so I need to go. I'll drop by Y/N's to apologize to her."
"Babe, don't blame yourself okay?", he says affectionately as he wraps his arms around her waist, "It's not your fault. Just go & handle the things your way."
She turns to look at Joshua, "I wonder how long you have known Hyejoo to believe all the shit she uttered that day."
The door slams and Joshua breathes out.
"I like her a lot, Gyu.", Joshua says in distress and Mingyu scoffs.
"Who, Hyejoo?", he counters, "Because that's the only plausible option I can think of."
"Right, I deserve to be mocked.", he admits, "You're so dumb Joshua Hong."
"Stop being miserable than you already are and if you are ready serious about Y/N, then make it up to her and confess your feelings.", Mingyu suddenly grins as he says, "I hope you get rejected five times before she accepts you."
Joshua could only grimace at his words. You couldn't pinpoint since when it started but you have been receiving some items with a cute note everyday. First time it was a mini bouquet that was kept in your locker with the note saying-
Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.
From, Your Anonymous
You didn't read much into, thinking someone must have mixed up the locker numbers. Next day, you found a miniature panda with another note saying- In a room full of basic brown bears, you are my panda.
From, Your Anonymous This time the gears in your brain turn harder when you reread the note. A lightbulb goes off and you find the literal meaning of the words at the end.
Your Anonymous means Your Anonymous in literals who is none other then Joshua Hong. That note and the teddy goes straight into the trash can. Third day, you find a strawberry juice can and a note which makes you snort.
You're the grenadine in my tequila sunrise. Without you, I'm just this strawberry juice.
From, Your Anonymous. "Now he's playing on my weakness.", you mumble eyeing the can, not having the heart to chuck it into the trash can.
Joshua watches as your stand there in dilemma with a grin set on his lips. The strawberry juice can ultimately doesn't show up in the trash can.
One day, you are climbing up the stairs reading an article on your phone when you bump into someone.
Very surprising, you find Joshua in front of you.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?", he asks and you dismiss him immediately turning to go on a seperate way when he says, "It's urgent, please."
You tail behind him as he leads to you a random empty class. You lean against the wall, Joshua stands at a distance.
"Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I bought her a dress.", he starts explaining, "I accidentally tore a button...."
Silence fills in the air and Joshua watches you intently for any reaction. He watches your eyes go wide in absolute disbelief and next you're hitting him on his arm,   "Such an idiot", another hit, "Where's the dress? We need to fix it soon." Joshua is overjoyed but he doesn't show. "It's at home.", Joshua says, "Do you want me to bring it to school?" You roll eyes, "Have you thrown the remaining 1% of your brain in gutter?" Joshua nods, resembling a kicked puppy. An adorable kicked puppy. Your heart twists abnormally in your chest, no he's not the guy you like anymore, get a grip on yourself, he can be all cute but it doesn't effect you anymore-- "Y/N?" "Yes?" "So..."
"Oh yeah-- I don't have classes anymore so if it's okay with you then we can go now.", you offer curtly, "Since her birthday is tomorrow, we don't have time." You awkwardly stand in the middle of the hall as Joshua goes somewhere seeking for his mother. You hear their voices, not able to make anything coherent out of it as the padding sound of footsteps against the floor increases. Joshua walks in followed by his mother so when you see her you almost shriek in shock, "Mrs. Hong?" "Y/N?", Mrs. Hong, pushes her sone aside and runs to hug you, "Oh my, what a pleasant surprise!" Joshua stands as confused as ever as he watches you both gush about each other. "Shua", his mother calls, "I was talking about her, she's you were seeking for. Thank her yourself." Joshua feels all the air leaving his lungs at once. It's you, again. The same girl who he had trash talked straight on her face. The same girl who is present in his house just to help him. The same girl who he likes loves. He leads you to his room and the entire time you could sense the sudden shift in his aura. Crossing threshold of his room, hits you with a surge of Joshua. You look around, watching a large poster of LeBron James pasted on the wall adjacent to his bed. A huge stack of books about economics pilled up on his study table and a neatly made bed. "Here", Joshua lays the dress on the bed and hand you detached button, "How long will it take?" You deadpan, "Hardly 5 minutes." His face falls like tons of brick and it's so obvious that you had to stiffle a laugh. The dress is beautiful, you think but it's plain, too plain for your eyes and your hands itch but you should have no business with dress apart from stitching that button back. Joshua notices and he knows what's going on inside that mind of your. He trusts you, he wants you stay longer so he plays it down, "Don't you think the dress is simple. I bought it because that colour is beautiful and rare." You perk up at his words and Joshua swears he could melt into puddle if he'd stare at your doe eyes one more second. "I could stitch a flower towards the left flange of the dress.", you ponder over and ask, "What's her favourite flower?" "Daisies", he answers. "Oh that will be comparatively easy", you clasp your hands in excitement, "A simple satin stitch would do." Joshua looks at you with all the attentiveness in the world. His heart swells and he realises that it's been long he has stopped crushing over you. His heart yearns for you and maybe that's the reason he was hurt and raged seeing Jeonghan with you. He admits to loving you, he hopes that you'd give him another chance just to show that how much you mean to him. "Give me the dress", you are already searching designs on your phone, "It will take around 4-5 hours. Come and get it by 9." "Can I be with you?", he asks and you shot him a look. "What are you gonna do, except for bothering me?", you quip back, "Don't you hate me?" "I lov-- I won't bother you promise. Just let me be with you." His underlying tone resonates in your ears and heart does flips when you look him in the eyes. Brimming with emotions (read: love) "I don't have any other choice, do I?"
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"Can you stop staring at me?", you finally blurt out, "Also, if you could not breathe on my neck!" Joshua doesn't bother listening to you, he's just having the time of his life watching you closely, basking in your presence. You are almost done with stitching the embroidery and Joshua yet again raises his hand to your mouth urging you to eat the pastry, one of the enormous amount of items he bought for you, emphasizing it's his way of saying thanks. "I can eat it myself--" "But both of your hands are occupied." This reasoning would take you nowhere. He has been acting as a lovesick soul, touch starved body and happy fool around you. And it's certainly not helping your heart in keeping check. You have finally embroidered the daisies and it turned out prettier than you had expected. "You can work magic on fabrics you know.", Joshua sincerely complements you, "Thanks a lot Y/N." "No big deal.", you smile, "Mrs. Hong is an amazing woman, she deserves all the love." Joshua gleans but suddenly remembers the purpose of crashing in your place. "Hey, there's a basketball game at my previous school on this weekend and I'd be playing, would you like to come?", Joshua asks. You look at him with a scowl on his your face, "Why don't you ask your Hyejoo to come with you?" Joshua almost scurries but it will be a lost battle if backs down now. "Am I not being obvious?", Joshua asks all seriousness ghosting over him. "What?" "Am I not being obvious with my feelings?", Joshua asks again. "What are you insinuating?" "I want you, only you, and no one else to come to my match. You matter to me because..", he breathes in, breathes out, shuts his eyes, open them just to say-- "I love you, Y/N." He does it. Says the words he had been meaning to tell you, the words those set themselves on the tip of his tongue whenever he saw you. "Josh..." He smiles at the slip of his nickname from you and leans in to you. "I was so mad when I saw you with Jeonghan, because I was jealous.", he admits, "I wanted to be the one feeding you, wanted to be the one hugging, to be the only one to closely watch that beautiful smile of yours." You are rendered speechless. But Joshua has so much to say. "The outburst I had, it was only because I realised I have been in love with you and the possibility of you not reciprocating, was hurting." He rummages through his bag and you see him taking out a jersey. "You don't have to say anything now.", he smiles and pats your head, "Think through and", he hands you the jersey, "Let me know on the match day." You lay the jersey on your bed and see a 17 imprinted on white below the name Joshua. Joshua is by the door when he calls your name, "Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it.", and he's out of your room and house. You don't know much about basketball but you know when a player gives their jersey to someone prior to a match, what do they want and what can the indications be. You let out a scream and immediately fetch your phone to dial a number, "Hello, Rin...."
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It's matchday. Joshua is nervous. Partially because of the game, partially because of you. When Seungcheol, a good friend and teammate of his from previous basketball school team had requested him to play one last game before they officially strike out his name from the team list, Joshua agreed instantly. A farewell game, he thought. The team does warm ups and stretches before the game starts. Joshua steals glances at the courtside every now and then but fails to find you. He's afraid that you won't come at all and his heart would shatter into millions. "Hey, looking there often won't make her magically appear.", Seungcheol knows and he teases, "I never thought our best shooting guard would be playing shooting hearts too." "Oh juicy juicy", Soonyoung, another teammate, who's also the centre of their team quips in when he overhears the two, "Joshua Hong is in love!!!", he shouts a little too loudly out of enthusiasm and now the whole team knows. The warm up is over and the game starts in twenty minutes.
Joshua checks his phone for one last time to see no notifications of your name and remembers you have his number blocked and contact deleted. Dejected, he switches off the device and deposits it to the collector, heading to change into his jersey. The game is already into the second quarter and Joshua's team is leading by only four points. Soonyoung slips causing his dribble to be cut and the opponent's point guard steals the ball and scores a two pointer. Soon the whistle blows and both the teams head to their respective locker rooms. As soon as Joshua enters the room, he's slammed against one of the locker by Seungcheol. He groans in pains at the sudden impact. "Listen dude, I get you're vagued but please don't let the team down. Coach is already contemplating on substituting you.", Seungcheol is frustrated, but he cares, "I want the best shooting guard within the entire school to score points. Stop being diverted and focus on the game." "Sorry", Joshua gruffs out, "I will--" "What the hell? Unhand him right now Mr.!" The whole locker room pivot their attention on the source of the voice. Joshua thinks he's hallucinating when he sees you standing in front of them, hands crossed over and brows cocked. Wearing his jersey and having his jersey number, 17 painted on your left cheek. Seungcheol looks at you, then he looks at Joshua to get the confirmation he needs. "It's her guys.", he announces with a huge grin as his hands free Joshua. Suddenly the locker room fills with  whistles, hoots and hollers. "Hi! Thanks for coming. I'm Soonyoung by the way.", a guy with questionably dyed hair greets you. "Hi, I'm Y/N...", you greet him back and gulp nervously when you realise all pair of eyes are on you. "We don't need to be here anymore it seems.", Mingyu tells Hyerin and the later nods, the two leaving to occupy their seats at the courtside. "Thanks in advance for saving the match.", Seungcheol comes to you and says, "And I'm Seungcheol, the captain." Then he looks at Joshua, "You have 10 minutes", and announces, "Clear out the room guys!" Everyone follows, all of them greeting you with huge grins making their way out. Now the two of you are left and the atmosphere turns heavy. You walk upto Joshua and grab his arms to shake him out of the trance. "Hi", you giggle. "You came...", Joshua whispers. You are about to say something but suddenly you feel yourself loose a footing as you are slammed against the locker, hands pinned over it. Joshua hovers over you, his body pressing yours and if you entire focus isn't on his lips, you could have heard both of your hearts beating rapidly. "Can't believe you agreed to be all mine, I don't deserve you ", he whispers leaning closer. "Just kiss me & seal the deal.", you bite your lips, gaze flicking to his eyes. "Gladly.", he smiles and closes the gap. Your lips are just touching when the whistle blows. You laugh, giving him a slight push, "Times up." Joshua tries to get back on you immediately but you manage to run out his grip and the room yelling, "Earn your kiss, babe!" And Joshua takes it personally. You never knew basketball matches could be this exciting and you regret not attending them previously. Oh the man, Joshua Hong is, your eyes are glued to him as he runs around the court with that sweat glistening glow on him. The game is now into it's last quarter and you squeal as Joshua scores a two pointer extending the lead. Everytime he scores, his teammates cheered looking at you and you're sure that the whole arena knows that Number 17 of home team is either trying to woo you or you both are already a thing. It's a few seconds until the game ends and opponents foul Joshua. All the players stand behind the three points line and the free line extension. You are brimming in anticipation as you see Joshua taking position at the base of the line. The home team needs their shooting guard to score the three points from the long shot. The long field goal which would seal the win. The referee blows the whistle, a cue for Joshua to shoot his shot.
Joshua takes a deep breathe, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The arena is pin drop silent all eyes on the man on the line. You breathe hitches when Joshua raises his hands holding the ball and looks at you. "This one's for you!", he yells and releases the ball looking forward. You swear the time slows down as the ball revolves on the ring, you admit dramatically, before it falls into the basket. The arena blasts with cheers and Joshua is already hurled over on his teammates' shoulder as they hail his name. You see him. He sees you. Then you're running down the stairs and jumping over the partition to reach him. The team hollers when they see you in the court. Putting down Joshua, they push you to him, circling the two of you as they chant in delight, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" You grin looking at him which turns into a gasp when he suddenly grabs your hips and lifts you up. "Am I worthy of getting a kiss now?", he asks, smiling cheekily. Your response comes in form of you dipping down and placing your lips on his. You feel him smile against your lips as they slot into each other perfectly and he holds you to him tighter. "Get a room!" You both hear a yell, knowing it came from Mingyu. You are the one who breaks the kiss but Joshua pecks you one more before putting you down. The teases never simmer down for the rest of the evening.
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"Thanks for all backing me up the whole time I was talking to them, my parents even started looking for universities for fashion technology courses.", you sigh in content, resting your chin on your palm. "You did a lot more for me. Talking to my mom, making me signing up for the varsity training program and whatnot.", Joshua makes sure you know how grateful he'll always be. "Oh by the way I changed your contact back to Anonymous.", you inform him. "You can't do this your boyfriend!" Joshua props beside you, with pouty lips and doe eyes. "I can. I already did.", you deadpan. "Why should my contact be saved as Anonymous?", he tries to snatch your phone, "Change it to babe, love, sweetheart anything. "You glare at your dramatic boyfriend, "Because that's where it started. You are my Anonymous." Joshua grins, finding it somehow cute and romantic at stance. "Anonymously Mine.", you say. "Anonymously Yours", he echoes.
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Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️
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Text
Skz when their partner can't sleep
i couldn't sleep when i thought of this so
i can't sleep~
teeth rotting fluff,not proof read yet
Bangchan
He probably wouldn't be able to sleep either,and most of stays sleep schedules are wrecked so he would do a live with you.He would go on Channie's room and do whatever.Comments like"Why aren't you guys asleep?","Go back to bed" would fly through."I don't know what you guys are talking about,its 1 in the afternoon.You know time zones?"but stay know thats its 2 am where you are so your attempt on manipulating them failed
Minho
You guys would rate children's drawings,yk those tiktoks where the teacher rates their students drawings.Thats you guys but you're not teachers."Who is that supposed to be?" "Barney","Then why does it look like grimace if took he meth".You guys would probably receive noise complaints for how loud you'll be laughing,but they would laugh just as loud if they saw these drawings
Changbin
Watch rip-off movies,have you guys seen that video where benoftheweek was watching rip-off movies.Yes.Instead Ratatouille your watching ratatoing,instead of the bee movie you're watching plan b."This animation is giving me nightmares","This is torture".Changbin couldn't stop laughing at the names of the movies,"Who wrote this"he would be in tears
Hyunjin
This one is more wholesome than the previous,i feel like he would read poems to you,even better read HIS poems to you,they would be the cutest things ever😭😭,i think he would also make you some tea,massage your head whilst reading the poems.(I need a fanfic on this NOW),he would have such a soothing voice reading them and then scream in your ear(jk...maybe),he wants you to get your 8 hours even though that might mean that he can't
Han
He would eat midnight snacks with you,even though it's not midnight he'll still have snacks.You would try new foods,"This taste likes bbamba's foot","How do you know how his foot taste like?","..." ,you would go late night shopping at those 24/7 stores,han would be scared if its 3am,"why are you so scared","have you not seen those do not watch at 3am videos?"You would just laugh at him,he's such a child
Felix
As we know Felix,is a tiktok king.He would post tiktoks with you,you would explore so many trends and do almost all of them.You would also have a debate why the tiktoks should go on his account or your account,"I deserve this tiktok","No i do".You would do funny tiktoks,dance tiktoks etc.a lot of them would go in the drafts and you would also have a debate on which you should post,"I look like a rat in this tiktok.","Exactly"
Seungmin
This is also one of the wholesome ones,I feel like he would sing you to sleep.His soft gentle voice singing you melodies AHDSUDGDEIURRH that's too cute 😭,he would try to calm you down make you tired because who doesn't want to sleep.Especially with his vocals the song could be rock and he would somehow make it sound soft,he would sing your favourite songs and if you don't say a skz song he would add one in there
Jeongin
He would do skincare with you,you have a bunch of products so it would be quite time consuming."What does this do?","Something".You would take pictures with face masks on because it's a vibe.You would also go online shopping for more products,"Buy the rose jelly one ","No" he would add it to your cart when your not looking,when it arrives and you ask him about he would pretend not to know anything about it
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f10werfae · 11 months
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Bucky’s First taste
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pairing: Bucky x Virgin!Girlfriend!Reader
summary: Bucky wants to go down on her for the first time but she’s worried, what if she tastes bad?? (fluffy smut) (soft!bucky) (requested by anon)
likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated/18+
“Bucky what if- what if I taste bad?Or what if you don’t like it” Y/n whispered watching Bucky place a soft kiss onto her softly shaven skin, teasing her second set of lips. “I genuinely couldn’t care less, all I care about is how you feel and I want to make you feel good, you deserve it butterfly” Bucky placed one spine shuddering kiss right onto her pussy lips, letting his tongue get its first taste of her sweet earthy goodness.
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“Jus a sleepover butterfly, if you feel like you wanna go home at 3am? Fine by me” Bucky whispered holding his girlfriend’s sleepover bag in one hand, leading her into his bedroom for the first time in their 4 month relationship. Y/n shuffled in timidly behind him, all wrapped up in her furry winter coat and scarf, her cheeks still rosy from the snow outside.
“No I wanna sleepover, m’excited to sleep beside you tonight!” She smiled letting her man take off her coat and scarf for her, Bucky internally swooning looking at the woman all bundled up in his arms, her nightgown already on underneath her clothes; clearly she truly was excited to sleep over at his tonight.
“Right what side of the bed do you want gorgeous? Either way i’ll be wrapped around you” He laughed pulling back his cotton sheets, watching her ultimately plop down onto his usual side, her head nuzzling into his pillows almost immediately. “This smells like you Bucky, like a lot” She gasped practically smashing her face into the pillow, not even realising how he had slipped in behind her, his arm coming around her silk covered waist.
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“Your t-tongue is so thick and- and wet” Y/n gasped throwing back her head, as Bucky’s arms clamped themselves around her thighs to keep her pussy right in front of his house, his mouth taking its sweet time to explore his woman.
“You taste so sweet butterfly, you been witholdin this from me?” He chuckled turning his head to kiss the inner side of her thighs, his tongue tracing the golden stretch marks littering her skin like treasure. God was he absolutely obsessed with her.
“Nuh uh! How am I supposed to know I taste good” She snarked back but was quickly interrupted by a moan of her own when Bucky let his tongue run through her folds from start to finish, gathering as much of her juices as he could onto her tongue. “Let me hold your hand pretty girl” He groaned against her mound, feeling her fingers intertwine with his while he found himself effectively making out with her pussy lovingly. Not an act of lust, but of love.
Wanting nothing more than to show the love of his life how much he appreciated and loved every single part of her.
“My pretty girl’s pussy tastes fuckin’ beautiful, you hear me butterfly? You’re fuckin’ gorgeous andI need you to hear it and feel it” Feeling her back arch of the bed a little, her squeals slowly increasing in volume, Bucky saw this as his sign to go even deeper; his tongue finding her warm wet hole and slowly fucking it lewdly. One of his hands free from hers found itself playing with her swollen nub of a clit, her other hand clasped tightly on his as her body writhed.
Pulling his mouth away, her creamy juices stringed from his mouth to her skin, her thighs rubbed raw from his beard, and her pussy visibly pulsing from the sheer amount of pleasure. She hadn’t even come yet. “Buck, I think i’m gonna cum soon” She whispered rubbing her thumb over his knuckles as she leant up to look at him, drool coming out of the corner of her lips, her hair dishevelled.
“I know you are butterfly, can feel her” He whispered kissing her pussy again, and that was all it took to send her over the edge. Her thighs immediately clamping around the sides of his head as his tongue frenched her folds with passion, his mouth constantly pushing more spit onto her slit to lube it up. The filthy wet sounds of his actions filling his dark bedroom.
“c’mere” He growled sitting up from her shaking form, pulling her forward by the neck into a soft fluttery kiss, completely different from how he absolutely devoured her minutes prior. Her swollen bitten lips plumped up against his wet ones, letting her taste herself in the most romantic way possible. “See? Don’t you taste sweet?”
“W-wait, you’re right”
———
PSA: Know this is very short but I really liked the request idea! Which I will put down below. This is also more fluffy than i’m used to but I gave it a go!!! 2 more exams and I’m finally able to get back to my old writing schedule so please bare with me :))
taglist (comment to be added) @mikromoon @cinemadaydream @school-suxss @noideawhyimdoingthislol @etherealdisneyvillainness @marvelloki23 @chrisevansdaughter @angelic-dreams13 @katiemarsblog @sunshinepower17 @namjoons-t1ddies @ameliascreampuffs @mdpplgtz03 @bluemeadows22
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mariacrow · 10 months
Note
Hi! Can I request bayverse bumblebee celebrating reader's birthday? Just really fluffy unlimited attention that they haven't gotten from anyone else in years 🙏 I ask cuz it was my birthday recently and I've been feeling pretty down about everything 😔 Thanks! ❤️
Sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry to hear this… I know I made a schedule for the requests but I need to write this first! 💛
I hope you enjoy honey and happy birthday! 🥳🐝
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❁ Bumblebee x reader ❁
2nd person
angst and fluff
female reader
takes place after Transformers: The Last Knight
takes place in the reader’s backyard and garage
bad mood on your birthday, comfort, gifts
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Bumblebee was so excited for your birthday. He could barely go into stasis the previous night. He spent the whole night in the garage, making you a gift. Being the clumsy bot he is, he was making a lot of noise and a lot of mess despite being as careful as possible. He was trying his best not to wake you up because then you’d come to check on him and the surprise would be ruined.
Unfortunately, around 3am, he knocked down A WHOLE ASS SHELF in your garage. The tall metal structure banged on the floor and made the whole house shake. As he started panicking, he was turning around and knocking down more stuff, trying to pick it up along with everything that fell off of it.
Soon he could hear your footsteps approaching. With no room to transform into a car due to all the mess, he was stuck. You opened the garage door and to his surprise, in your sleepy state, you couldn’t see properly due to your blurry sight.
“Bee…? You okay in there…?” you asked while rubbing your eye and yawning. You were so cute with your messy hair and twisted pajamas.
“Mhm mhm!” he buzzed while trying to hide the unfinished gift behind his back along with all the mess.
“Why aren’t you in stasis…?” you were almost sleep walking, you probably won’t remember half of this in the morning.
He looked around in panic and awkwardly shrugged, mimicking what would sound like “I don’t know”
“Mmmrr okay… See you in the morning then, goodnight…” as you went back to bed.
He ex vented in relief as he, now calmly, started putting everything where it belongs.
He only got a couple of hours of stasis when he finished with your birthday present. But it was just enough for him. He woke up happier than ever! He was impatiently walking around your backyard waiting for you to wake up while holding your birthday gift behind his back.
But you were nowhere to be found… You didn’t spread your curtains and happily say good morning like you always do… You didn’t play loud music while doing your morning routine…
He was getting worried. Then he saw you in the kitchen, eating your breakfast as if someone is holding a gun to your head. He bowed and tapped on your backyard door.
You smiled a little and waved at him. He waved back and gestured you should come out. And you did. Dragging your feet and lazily opening the backyard door.
He immediately grabbed you and started spinning you around in his safe grasp while mimicking the tune of the birthday song.
“Bee! Wait- ahh! Hahaha!” you couldn’t help but laugh. He was so joyful.
He brought you closer to his face plate and nuzzled his muzzle against your cheek, as if he was kissing you. You gave him a hug, “Ahh! That tickles!” you giggled.
He then looked at you with wide sparkling optics. But then his expression softened as he noticed you aren’t as excited as you’re supposed to.
“What’s the matter…?” he asked over the radio.
“Nothing, just.. I don’t know. I’m not used to all this… My mood always hits rock bottom when my birthday comes…”
He let out a low, sad buzz as he gently rubbed your back with his digit.
“But— it’s your— special day!”
“I know, Bee… I’m trying to think that way too…”
“Please… Don’t be— sad…”
He made you smile. Your puppy eyes made him melt. Another low buzz rumbled in his chassis as he brought you closer to his face plate again, closing his optics as he snuggled.
“You’re right…” you cupped his precious face, “I should enjoy this day. With you…”
He nodded like a little kid as his optics filled with excitement.
“I made— something— for you.” he said as he finally showed you what he was holding behind his back all along.
It was a bouquet of 5 flowers made out of wires poked in a metal plate and tied from underneath along with a butterfly and a bumblebee. It wasn’t perfect but you could definitely figure what it was.
You gasped and covered your mouth. You were speechless, taking it and carefully holding it.
“Bee… You made this…?” tears almost filled your eyes.
He nodded. He pointed at the butterfly and then at you. He then pointed at the bumblebee and then at himself.
“Oh! I get it! The butterfly is me and the bumblebee is you!” you said happily.
He rapidly nodded again, it seemed as if he was smiling.
“I… I’m speechless! This is the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten!” joy and gratitude was written all over your face. It made his young spark melt.
“Anything— for you— Y/N.”
“So that’s why you were making a mess in the garage last night!” you laughed as you figured.
He rubbed the back of his helm as he innocently shrugged, looking like this: “😅”
“Oh, my dearest Bee- WOAH!”
He suddenly transformed which made you laugh as you found yourself in the driver’s seat of the Chevy with the creative sculpture in your lap (which will proudly stand in your bedroom).
“Now let’s— go get— a birthday cake!”
“Hell yeah!”
He floored it through the garage, again knocking down some stuff, mostly flowerpots.
“BEE!!!” to which he laughed.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
“Buzzbuzz~” which sounded like “maybe”.
“What do you mean “maybe”? You silly!” you playfully kicked him to which he made you jolt in your seat.
You kept nudging him while laughing as he was making you bounce in the driver’s seat. All that matters to him is your happiness, your smile, your laugh… Your laugh is like music to his audio receptors.
“I love you, Bee… to Cybertron and back!”
“Nooo— I love you— more!”
“Nu-uh! I love YOU more!”
“Nu-uh!” he imitated you.
And you went on and on while enjoying the ride to the local bakery. He really made you feel special, like a princess. You are his princess after all and he wants only the best for you. His spark aches when you’re sad… Especially on a day like this!
Of course he turned on the radio. You sang along and enjoyed the fun ride.
Of course the cake was yellow with sunflowers and bumblebees. He convinced you to buy candles too. Back at home, in the backyard, he prepared a little picnic for you. He placed a blanket on the grass and prepared the cake. He hummed the birthday song’s tune for you again.
“Make a wish darling~” he used a movie quote.
When you blew out the candles he clapped for you and squeezed you in his arms which almost made you lose your breath.
He fed you, played with your hair, nuzzled into your neck, gently swayed you from side to side to the music… He really made you feel like the only person on the planet. A lonely butterfly dancing with a happy bumblebee.
His one and only.
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Dividers belong to @patches-1105 , @lostsozai , @cute-sushi-roll 💛
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strwbmei · 6 months
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I should've been sleeping 3 hours ago but I can't get this idea out of my head...
Imagine Reverse 1999 modern!au where you get paired up with Lilya for a project where you have to bake cookies for some reason. Might be a bit suggestive at the end.
Sure, there were times when you had disagreements, but overall, you thought it'd go without a hitch since you knew that both of you were responsible people despite all your bickering and procrastinating— which explains why you were now alone with her in the dormitory kitchen, rushing the project last minute at an ungodly hour the day before the deadline. Thankfully, though, her recklessness in flight doesn't carry over to the kitchen. Other than the way she handles the equipment with little to no care, you can tell by how quiet she is that she's at least taking this seriously.
At least, that's what you thought.
The second Lilya turns around to meet your eyes with a mischievous smirk, you immediately know that you were wrong. "I'm not sure if I followed the recipe correctly, can you taste this one?" It's extremely out of character for her to be so unsure of something, but it's 3AM and the deadline is tomorrow so you don't really have the time to waste worrying about that; instead opting to walk towards her to taste said cupcake. And then, she eats it.
You're too surprised to even speak. The deadline is tomorrow! And also, what were you supposed to taste now?? You hate to admit it, but you were tired, hungry, and sort of looking forward to that cupcake... "Lilya! What did you do??" She gives you a small, almost silent chuckle. "What, didn't you see me eat it?" The mad expression on your face is priceless. You're so cute when you're mad, she thinks to herself. "Then, what am I supposed to ta-" suddenly, she sets you on the counter with ease, trapping you into a kiss sweeter and more addicting than any dessert. After what felt like an eternity, she breaks the kiss off; "So? Did it taste good?" You answer by chasing her lips and returning the kiss with just as much fervor; earning a small laugh from the woman.
"Heh. Finally learning to ease up, hm? Don't worry, by the end of tonight, I'll make sure some cupcakes will be the last thing in that pretty little head of yours..."
Maybe your project can wait.
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mvrsverse · 10 months
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ATEEZ Cosplayers AU
Chapter I: Crunching before launching
...
Mingi couldn’t sleep.
No matter how hard he tried, every time he managed to doze off, an awful clatter of an old sewing machine jumping and banging against his flat mate’s desk immediately woke him up. He was squirming in his bed for almost 2 hours now, wishing for electricity to go down or just anything that could save him really.
“Ugh, this is pointless” he growled under his breath and got up reluctantly.
He reached out for his phone and rubbed his eyes while trying to look at the lock screen clock, refusing to believe it’s already 3am. He started walking towards the kitchen, slow enough to lurk through the half-opened door of his flatmate’s room. He stopped there and decided to enter the dragon’s lair and put an end to the symphony of agonizing noises.
 
“How about you just call it a day Hongjoong? It’s 3 am already and at this point the sounds of your sewing machine will haunt me in my nightmares... that is if I’ll ever be able to fall asleep today” said Mingi in such a manner you couldn’t tell if this was supposed to be a joke or not.
A blue haired boy was so focused that it took him a hot minute to even acknowledge that his friend was standing at his doorstep, squinting his eyes expecting any kind of reaction from him. He let go of the pedal of his sewing machine and frowned, trying to make sense of what Mingi just said to him, as if he did it in a different language.
Mingi’s expression softened. “Are you ok? You really shouldn’t overwork yourself like this” he said, sounding concerned.
“I’m sorry, I  was just so focused I didn’t realize you were there until you finished speaking to me” said Hongjoong, turning the chair towards Mingi and taking off his glasses. “I’m almost finished, I promise.”
“You said that when I checked up on you the last time, which was like 3 hours ago!”
“I know, but I really thought I was about to finish it at the time! But then I realized that my costume isn’t puffy enough so I’ve decided to add more tulle to it. I couldn’t just ignore it!” his eyes suddenly sparked and he started gesticulating intensively, looking like he was trying to desperately sell an idea that didn't make any sense.
“You’re unbelievable” Mingi blinked in disbelief. “You won a contest with this costume last year! It’s perfect as is!”
“I know, but…” Hongjoong stopped, looking away at the mess he did while working on his costume tonight “… you know we are going to have a cosplay booth with Seonghwa and I just want my costume to look amazing for the people who will come by to support us” he played with his fingers and looked back at Mingi with a shy, almost sad smile.
Mingi moved towards Hongjoong’s bed and sat there, without breaking eye contact with  his friend.
“Come here, take a break” he patted the bed sheet right next to him.
Hongjoong sighed and joined him. He looked even more tired up close. His eyebags had another eyebags and his shirt needed to go on a date with a washing machine asap.
“I’m not going to stop you from an all-nighter, we are living together for long enough for me to know better” Mingi laughed softly to what Hongjoong responded with a small, embarrassed chuckle.
“I’m not a cosplayer but I think your costume is really great” he stopped until Hongjoong looked at him again “you’re one of the best cosplayers I’ve ever known, seriously! There’s a reason why people still call you Hongruella a year after the debut of this costume!” Mingi grabbed and shaked Hong’s arm enthusiastically.
“Thanks, Mingi,” he answered quietly. “I know this costume is good but I’m just stressed because it’s been almost a year since I wore it and now that I took it out of the box I see so many small things that could’ve been fixed or done better. I know that it’s probably just me though… I hope Seonghwa wouldn’t mind if I leave it like that” he shrugged.
Mingi’s eyes widened as he started laughing again. “SEONGHWA?! Please, he’s basically your number one fan, of course he wouldn’t mind! What he will mind though is seeing you this tired tomorrow so go and get some rest already if Hwa is who you really are concerned about!”
Hongjoong nodded with an expression on his face that Mingi couldn’t really decipher. He stood up, patting Mingi’s back. “Alright, you won, I’m gonna take a shower and go to sleep, '' he said, already heading towards the bathroom and waving from behind. “Goodnight!” his voice echoed from the hallway.
“Goodnight!” Mingi answered with relief and went back to his own bed. He was laying there for a couple of minutes and when the much awaited dreamland started embracing him, he heard the sewing machine clatter again… But this time he was too tired to let himself be bothered by it and finally fell asleep.
_______
Okay that all for chapter 1! I wrote that back in March but forgot to post it here 🗿
Basically the idea is that (since I'm bad at writing but also I'm too lazy to draw an actual comic) I'm going to draw an illustration for each chapter and add a little bit of a story to it 💖 Please keep in mind that English isn't my first language so there are some errors for sure, but I still want to share my AU with u guys anyway!
When it comes to the story, there will be some romance but it won't be a main focus of plot. Also I'm not comfy writing smut so it's not going to happen either jhdjsjjd
In this AU I want to focus on depicting the good and bad in cosplay community or any creative community really. I also want to explore both the complexity of each character and the relationships(both platonic and romantic) between them.
I'll probably update the story in September because I'm finishing my thesis this month so I'm busy af 💀 but yeah I'll draw another illustration and maybe revive my cyberpunk kpop Artipolis AU too
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Clay Go To Sleep Challenge
~Clay is training at 3am again :/ it’s ok Aaron has the power of cuddles on his side~
Aaron
———
Clang
Clang
Aaron woke up to what sounded like someone training. He turned his head to look out his window and confirmed that it was, in fact, the middle of the night. According to his phone, 2:47am.
Which meant that, yes, someone was training. And that someone was Clay.
Again.
Aaron dragged himself out of bed, a very difficult task as his bed was very comfy, and walked down the hall towards the training room.
“Clay, why are you awake?” Aaron asked as the door opened.
“I’m training.” Clay responded. “Would you like to join me?”
Aaron sighed. “No, it’s nearly 3 in the morning. We should both be asleep right now.”
“I already slept.”
And of course by that Clay meant they slept for about 2 hours.
“Y’know I’m pretty sure the recommended hours of sleep is 8.”
“I’m fine. You can go back to bed.” Clay resumed their training.
Aaron walked up behind them and wrapped his arms around their waist. “How am I supposed to sleep when I know you’re awake?”
“Okay, then stay up and train with me.”
“But I’m tiiiiiired…” Aaron complained. “Can you cuddle with me?”
Clay did their best to turn and face him. “Aaron-”
“Pleeeaaase?” Aaron looked up at them and batted his eyelashes, “If you won’t sleep for your health then can you sleep for mine?”
Clay raised an eyebrow, “How does me sleeping improve your health? You can sleep just fine on your own.”
“No I can’t,” Aaron countered, “and if I don’t sleep then I’ll be sleep deprived. Imagine how unproductive I’d be if I was sleep deprived!” He was too tired to know whether or not his argument made sense, but Clay had only slept for 2 hours and they were probably also tired.
Clay gave him an unconvinced look. They then cupped Aaron’s face and kissed his forehead. “Fine, I’ll go to sleep.”
Success!
“-after I finish this.”
“UUUUGGGHHHHHH… . .. .” Aaron groaned. Almost. He was so close. If he let Clay continue training they wouldn’t go to sleep at all.
“What? I said I’d go to sleep!”
“You just said you were gonna continue training.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll go to sleep now. Can I change into my pajamas first?”
Aaron nodded, removing his arms from around Clay’s waist to instead hold their hand.
After Clay put away their sword the two of them walked towards Clay’s room so that Aaron could wait outside while Clay changed clothes, then headed towards Aaron’s room.
After lying down, Aaron once again wrapped his arms around Clay, their arms around him as well.
Despite claiming they weren’t tired, Clay seemed to already be drifting off.
Good.
Aaron, no longer with a reason to stay awake, fell asleep.
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pixiecaps · 10 months
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pix it's almost 3am for me and my brain won't stop Screaming this day has left me in shambles, how am i supposed to sleep with all this new information??? i am like qcellbir rn, the shell of a man i am Empty and i will accompany you both on sleeping till september ends
we are both empty and drained together 🤝 yeah its 2am now for me and i’ve been sitting in silence processing and reflecting and feeling like a rabid dog for like an hour .today was an intense lore day on the qsmp i think i need a vacation ummm yeah i think i give up on everything and im just gonna never theorize again o(-(
all jokes. the writing team is doing an incredible job i dont think literally anybody was expecting that reveal i love the qsmp a lot annd i cannot wait for the chaos to unfold cus oh boy! there seems to be a lot of it coming!
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stranger-nightmare · 2 years
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(tw: rape, depressive thoughts, pretty much everything bad)
hi, im reading "i’ll make it up to you" rn and, please dont get me wrong here, i love your writing.
but it’s breaking me to think that after what happened in the upside down, people would think that a month to recover is enough or 'a long time'.
i didnt experience what eddie experienced, but i know the feeling of your body being violated, i know the feeling of not recognising myself when i look in the mirror. i dont wanna say being raped is the same as almost dying, it’s just the way that you write eddie is very similar to how i felt when it happened to me.
i have no right to assume that was your intention and that’s not what im trying to do here. what i want to do is talk about the one month thing.
after my (back then) boyfriend raped me, it took me two weeks to realise what even happened. it took me two days to find the courage to break up with him. after that, it took me two months before i could tell anyone what had happened, my closest friends and my therapist.
it has been almost two years now and i still struggle to even say what happened, let alone fully talk about it.
one month is nothing, it’s no time.
im saying this because i need people to know that for people who’ve undergone such trauma, the one month… its just nothing. and for a lot of people, it takes a whole lot longer.
i need you to know, that if you ever interact with someone who’s had something traumatising like this happened to them, please be patient. i needed everything to be the same as it was, i needed a normal life around me.
the one thing that would’ve broken me for sure would be if people had expectations at this point.
in your eddie fic, the reader expects him to come back but gives up after a month. a month is hardly enough time for the physical scars to heal, let alone the mental ones.
i dont wanna come off as condescending and i know, i’ll most likely fail. but i say this because i love this fandom, i love the community and i love the people.
trauma takes time, a lot more time than a month. please consider the message you’re sending with your writing and how it affects those that may have experienced something similar.
it’s 3am and I’m supposed to be sleeping but I saw this and just felt like I needed to respond asap
firstly I’m so sorry this happened to you, I cannot imagine that kind of pain and trauma
secondly it was not my intention to say that a month is by any means long enough to deal with any kind of trauma, the issue of the fic was supposed to be the fact that Eddie completely pulled away from the reader for a whole month and she was left feeling useless as to what to do about it
the reader, or me as the writer, was never expecting Eddie to have recovered from his truama from one short month, the issue was the reader couldn’t take him pulling away from her for that long and she just wanted to know what more she could do to help
I’m also not really trying to send any kind of message with my fanfiction bc it’s literally fanfiction, I appreciate you don’t mean to sound condescending but that is unfortunately how it’s come across and I have to, as respectfully as possible, defend myself and my work bc it’s not my intention to make anyone feels uncomfortable with my work
like I’m sorry if the fic came across the wrong way and you’ve read it like that but again the emphasis was supposed to be on the crack caused in their relationship by his trauma and not that he needed to like hurry up and deal with it or whatever, reader was never expecting him to fully come back after a month but they couldn’t keep going on as they were, they ar least needed to have some kind of discussion of what was going on, even if it was just for him to say that he needed more time but appreciated her being there or whatever, but that’s just not the direction I took with the story
I’ve been through and am still currently going through traumatic situations in my life, perhaps not directly comparable to this, but I still completely understand first hand how long it can take to heal from certain things but I also appreciate that everyone heals at different speeds too so
yeah I don’t really know what else to say, it is absolutely never my intention to upset or offend anyone with my fics, which again are literally just fanfiction, so yeah idk I’m sorry if you felt upset or triggered by it, I do apologise, but that’s not how I meant it to come across
- hope
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grunge-optimistic · 2 years
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home, or lack of.
entry #didn't keep count.
sept15', 22, 11:56 am.
everything has been feeling off; since yesterday actually but I chucked that as - caffeine withdrawal symptoms but it can't go on for this long.
i went for my usual morning walk and arrived at a realisation that... I'm at my house just about 99% of my week yet I never feel at home, I'm never really at peace. i even figured out the logic behind this reasoning and I shall explain.
when i was young; about 3 years old, my parents stopped being a prominent figure in my life and I guess from that day on I no longer had a mum or dad I just had a mother and a father that I would see for 5-10mins at most on weekdays. they wouldn't be at home from 3am til 12am... they only came home to sleep... i never had a mum or a dad; only two authoritative figures that'd stop me from doing all sorts of things; if I did those things they'd for sure be present; but only to physically punish me.
i did have some kind of parental figure; it was my aunts and uncles but even they didn't want me or my sister. we appeared to burden them and hence why my parents took me away from them after they complained... even though the house they were living in was my family's house... they took that away from my family and we could only be in there to sleep... i didn't even really eat there... i didn't have much in my house; it was there's...
after the bankruptcy; my aunts and uncles left- they didn't express any form of gratitude for allowing them to occupy the house for 7-8 years.
my parents, for the first time, were around since I was 3 years old, were at home... but they didn't know how to be parents, let alone to even behave like mum and dad.
however, after some time, my mum got used to the idea of what a mum is supposed to be; but when she did I had already grown up; almost embarking on my early adulthood years- it was just a lil' too late.
i'll admit; they were working day n' night to earn money so that my sister and I could go to one of the best primary schools in the country, but at what cost... if not just pure sorrow and continuously oppressed.
my mum didn't have a job for 2-3 years, and in those 2-3 years I finally felt at home... kind of... during that time; my dad was at home too- but he began working a year before my mum did.
but, whenever my parents were (still are) under the same roof, together, it never ends well; I prefer one of them to be present at home separated from the other; they don't work well together, so you could only imagine the number of arguments and abuse that went on during their post-bankruptcy period.
in 2017 my mum began working full-time, and since then I've only seen her a maximum of 5 mins a day... it has gone a full circle, and... now I am a person without a mum or a dad... only two mere parental figures living under the same roof as I am; but only this time I have a best friend, allow me to tell you about her.
she and i met almost 7 years ago, we had only gone extremely close since this year if imma be honest because my father wouldn't let me go anywhere; not even hang out with my cousins. he was controlling like that. he believed that as long as he says "no" to things, that he is being a dad... he thinks that is what a dad's role is supposed to be and I didn't want to get hurt by defying him and so I was trapped at home; not really allowed to grow the potential friendships I made at school.
anyways- so this year i finally got a car and have been able to see my best friend once a week- since uni is so crazy...
so whenever i go to hers; i finally feel like "i'm home", like i finally feel at peace; and i want that feeling to last for as long as it possibly can. her mum and her dad feel like parental figures to me; like my 2nd mum and my 2nd dad... and she feels like the sister that I've always wanted (I do have a younger sister but... she despises me... because I'm older and for being the 'favourite child' but she also has the same temper as my father; extremely short-tempered individuals).
it's odd, honestly, i'm always at my house and yet I never feel like I'm at home unless my mum is at home- which is very rare; or when I go over to my best friend's place, once a week.
my bedroom has been taken over by uni (studying all the time), my mum and even my father are never at home, my sister and I don't really get along... we're civil with one another, and I am just mentally exhausted all the time. there's no break, no free time, and my mental health is expeditiously declining.
i guess, in short, the majority of my week I am not at home and when I do get a lil feeling of being at home... because I'm so deprived of that feeling; I want more and more of it- however; I can't because uni, life and other things get in the way of me having something/someone to call home.
"at the end of the day, we just want someone or something to call home".
thursday; 15thsept, 2022 @ 12:38 pm.
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myreygn · 1 year
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random hcs for parker’s ocs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY @knizmokat, i hope you have the most amazing day, ilysm!!
i really hope you like these because trust me when i say random i mean random, but i tried my best for you! <3
(also it’s almost 3am here so if my brain isn’t fully fried it’s your birthday already, I AM POSTING THIS NOW)
.....
SASHA
unable to draw anything aside from stick figures and even those are ugly af
his art teacher insisted that everyone can draw until she saw sasha’s work
when the rest of the class gets a new assignment, she allows him to write an analysis over a painting of his choice instead and sasha is more than fine with that
almost always has his hair in a pony tail but unable to do a bun
asahi tried to teach him for 30 minutes and almost cried because it just kept felling apart for no apparent reason
picks the most terrifying stuff you could think of for movie night
managed to scare suga with one of his horror movie picks and has been banned from choosing anything other than u-rated movies ever since
physically unable to sleep without his kirby plushie
a gymnastically talented little mf, can do cartwheels and splits and walk on his hands like it’s nbd
once made a front flip over his hands during practice, scoring a point for his team by hitting the ball over the net with his feet
the absolute proudest moment of his life and he’s still mad that no one has it on video
RYUZAKI
unfazed by tragic movies but fucking bawled his eyes out over encanto (you know why parker)
has all of his fineliners sorted by color and will never ever let noya borrow them in class after doing it once and almost getting a stroke from the sheer chaos that ensued
a little control freak in general
all of his stuff has a designated place and if it’s not where it’s supposed to be he’ll die
open to all kinds of music but an absolute elitist when it comes to “the big ones”
do not talk to him about the history of rock and metal unless you’ve memorized every dio song in existence
also has zero tolerance for any so called disrespect towards his greatest musical inspirations
blocked tanaka for saying “poison? the rita ora song?” and only unblocked him after daichi scolded him for being an idiot
cannot handle horror at all
can and will sucker punch noya for giving him a scare in a devil mask out of reflex
halloween is the bane of his existence
KOGANEI
an absolute athletic multi talent
there’s no sport in existence this man can’t do
show him how to swing a baseball bat and he says “oh like this?” and scores a homerun
he’s also a theatre kid but only the dancey stuff so newsies is right up his alley
can do the entire choreography for king of new york and also hit the high note in santa fe
sails through all his classes as we’ve already established and once sang the build up from before the breakdown from we are the tigers under his breath, making akaashi cry
“‘cause you’re the score you got on sats...” - “YOU GOT A FUCKING 110 I’M BEGGING YOU TO SHUT THE HELL UP”
can do a perfect impression of kermit the frog and it’s a hit at parties
an adrenaline junkie at amusement parks (same tho he has good taste)
it cannot be high, fast or dangerous enough
“there’s no such thing as too many loopings!”
laughs at dad jokes
KUROSAKI
quotes old movies like it’s nobody’s business
once muttered “see how love flies out the door” at the sight of yamamoto and lev fighting for the last piece of roast beef and got absolutely ecstatic when kuroo turned around and went “did you just make a cabaret reference”
literally don’t ask him if he’s seen any movie made after the 90s. he hasn’t.
knows a shit ton of stuff about astrology
knew everyone’s sun and moon sign by their personalities alone
“wow so you believe in that?!” “nah”
can nap everywhere and it’s a gift until one day he falls asleep during a practice match and gets one of bokuto’s spikes in the face
he’s in the hospital for two days but he claims it was worth it
also a theatre kid but only for the classics
thinks west side story is an unmatched masterpiece and will not listen to anyone who has a different opinion
lactose intolerant but cheese is too good
KEITA
really into scrapbooking
has tons of scrapbooks for all kinds of stuff he likes
made one for each third year about their time on the team together and gives it to them at the end of the year (they all cry)
has the most beautiful handwriting known to man
he once gave goshiki his notes for studying and goshiki thought he had used some super fancy font on microsoft word
will not leave the house without nail polish on and always has a spare bottle with him
would rather die than admit it but he loves ghibli movies
the tale of the princess kaguya is his favorite (BECAUSE HE HAS TASTE) and he has very strong opinions about ponyo
like. way too strong opinions, considering that it’s ponyo.
it makes him cry
refuses to participate in tendou’s whistling contests and claims it’s stupid but actually just can’t whistle and is too ashamed to admit it
snorts when he laughs too hard which absolutely infuriates him
DAISUKE
this man can fucking BAKE
brings a bunch of cupcakes to practice to surprise iwaizumi on his birthday and everyone is floored
they look like pinterest photos fr
creates his own recipes and sometimes posts them online, they all have at least 4.8 stars
people always assume he’s all bark no bite but he’ll try to fuck you up if you’re mean to his friends (only he’s allowed to be!!)
got into a fight over some jackasses making fun of watari and lost because it was five against one so kyoutani saved him and soaked all of them
no regrets
participates in a poetry slam when he loses a bet against matsuhana and reads one of his raps as if it was a simple poem
comes in first place, rubs their noses into it for weeks
oikawa tried to get him into musicals but he only likes hamilton because of the rap in it and oikawa is not amused
scribbles little comics all over his notes and it kills his teachers (which is part of the reason why he does it)
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cloxite · 2 years
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it's almost 3am but how am i supposed to sleep knowing mcr could possibly be dropping something tomorrow
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breathinglife55 · 2 years
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The 10% solution
I am awake. Again. Or finally. It is 9:13 am and I suppose I should be awake. Which wasn't the case at 1am, or 3am or 5am. But here I am awake for what I imagine is the rest of the day.
I am shakey. I have been shakey for six weeks now. Everything seemed fine up until then, and now it feels like it has all gone to shit. As I said to my husband a couple of days ago "I don't think I will ever feel happy again".
I see a therapist twice a month. My doctor has upped my Effexor and given me something for times like this when I am shakey.
But still and all at this point I am not doing very well.
I have lived with depression and anxiety since my late teens although I wasn't diagnosed until I was forty. I had a maternal aunt on Lithium all of her life. My mother was hospitalised for three weeks after almost driving herself and her three young children over an embankment. One of my brothers also takes medication for depression. My mother self-medicated with alcohol.
I guess that is all to say that their is a family history of mental illness on my side of the family, and on my husband's side too.
And anger. Yes, anger is also a multi-generational issue in my family. My grandfather, my father, his brother, two of my siblings and my daughter. Anger has always terrified me, and I avoid confrontation and angry people as much as I can. It is said that depression is anger turned inside onto yourself, and although I rejected this idea many years ago, more and more I think there is some truth to it.
My daughter is angry with me. She says I abandoned her as a child. I believe she is struggling with her own mental health and has to blame someone, and that someone is me. She is accusing me of doing things I didn't do, and being addicted to opiods which I wasn't, and taking anti-depressants and sedatives while I was pregnant with her, which I didn't. The truth doesn't matter to her - not at this point - and she is lashing out and it hurts so very much. I cannot change her perception of her childhood or of her belief that I did things I did not do. It is made even harder that she lives far, far away in another country - a country where she is not adequately fluent in the dominant language - and besides her husband and his family does not really have any support. And at the moment she is living apart from her husband while they work out issues in their relationship.
She has her 3 1/2 year old daughter with her and I am worried for both of them as my daughter juggles being a single, working parent.
So why the title to this post?
Because my therapist said that if I can find some things that give me 10% relief from how I am feeling, and if I can do a few of those things a day then I can add up all the 10 percents to settle my system down.
So I knit. I go for a swim. I do puzzles. I listen to podcasts. I watch/listen to series on Prime or Crave or some such streaming platform. I watch the birds come to the feeder and flowers on my back deck. I go for a walk. I phone a friend. And by the evening I can usually have gotten myself to perhaps 40 or 50 percent improvement.
And then I go to bed and have a restless sleep, and upsetting dreams until I get out of bed in the morning and start it all over again.
I know, or I think I know, that this won't last forever.
It just feels like it right now.
#mentalhealth
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gothtopus108 · 19 days
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okay i need to rant about this stupid guy because i cant stop thinking about all of this shit
so, my boyfriend has this friend right and we have a LOT of common intrests, so we started talking about music we like ect ect, i didnt like him for a long time bc he made me anxious but i warmed up to him, eventually we got really close (at least i thought we were close) and now i've always had the problem of being way closer with people than they are with me, but I knew he pretty much had ducky, their other best friend, and pretty much no one else.
when we were talking it was a REALLY bad time in my life. Maybe one of the top worst, and I've had a lot of really shitty time. I'm bipolar, and i was balls-deep in a horrible mixed episode, i also was heavily restricting food and taking more ritalin than i am supposed to, so basically, i was in an insane hazy oblivion and basically just entierly zoned out but also really intense from the ritalin and mania. I was in the process of moving and trying to pack up all of my shit too and my parents were CONSTANTLY fighting also so badly it would wake me up from sleep when they got into it.
So we would talk for hours, texting until like 3am, mostly about will wood/other music artists we share obsessions with, but also a lot about life and our respective shitty mental health. Now, I was also convinced I was going to lose ducky, and i was going through yet another horrific mania-induced gender identity crisis. So, although he NEVER said anything about it, in retrospect I was defintly not being a normal human person in the way i was interacting with him. Its hard enough for me to interact normally, but throw in that shit-storm and I know i was being way too much for anyone to handle, let alone someone i only just started talking too
eventually, me and ducky did break up (thanks bpd)(we also got back together a few weeks later obvi) and I think the main thing i did was ranting to him, basically dumping my entiere thoughts while activly splitting on ducky. I think this was probally the final straw. The day ducky told him we broke up, he told me us talking "doesn't feel right" and he has not responed to a single text since then.
i asked him why, and nothing. it hurt almost as bad as breaking up with ducky, because at least with ducky we had talked about if for literal days before deciding to break up and we also kept talking as friends. I didnt text him for like two weeks and when I was in a much much better place mentally i reached out saying basically "hey im sorry for how i acted, i promise thats not how i normally am, you just need to be more firm with me on boundaries. also if you hate me please say that instead of just ghosting me" but nothing.
now heres the part thats fucking me up the most. I fucking TOLD him so many times how hard being ignored fucks me up. I told him that being ignored literally makes me suicicdal. I told him how i'd so much rather someone scream and yell at me, call me horrible names, even physically fucking hurt me than ignore me, yet he STILL refuses to even acknowledge me. He KNEW how i have absolutely NO friends but ducky, he KNEW i was in the worst time of my life, he KNEW all of my trauma around friendships ending, he KNEW ALL OF IT, but he still fucking ignores me. I hate it. I cant fucking stand it.
I JUST want to be his friend again so bad. I loved him he was so fun and we had so many common interests especially in things that ducky doesnt want to talk about as much with me. i just want him to tell me what i did wrong. I want him to be angry i want to hear everything i did wrong i want him to TELL me i cant stand him ignoring me it makes my skin crawl. Now ducky told me he blocked me which makes it even worse. I feel entierly out of control.
and the worst part is, ducky just says 'yeah he didn't handle it right, but your response to what he did is not his fault' when i tell him how hes making me actively suicidal. Like,, yes,, that is true,, but when i've told him how triggering it is, when i've told him about the time i attempted after someone stoped talking to me, when i text him begging him to text me back and he still wont, at what point does at least SOME blame fall on him? like if i had never told him any of that stuff and he was just oblivious to how triggering it is that would be one thing but NO, i fucking TOLD him SO many times.
im so upset and hurt and confused and angry and evberything feels so bad and i just know hes talking shit about me to ducky i know he is he thinks im a bad person and hes trying to convince ducky i am a bad person . i hat ehim somuch im so hurt and upset and i want to hurt myself i cant belive i even tried to be his friend i can ttak ethis
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