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ladyluscinia · 8 months

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Izzy Hands Is Manipulative, But Not That Way

...or I finally finish that long ass meta post about why I love the fucking Navy Plot lol

The Izzy manipulation debate has been really interesting to me pretty much since it started, because I'd see a post arguing he's manipulating Edward and go "No, and he couldn't if he tried" and then the next post would say he sucks at manipulation because he's a blunt fucking instrument and I'd go "Yea- wait. Hmm. No, he can be targeted and tricky as fuck." Which does, on its surface, seem like a contradictory stance, but I swear it works.

Because the thing with Izzy - and this is such a fun thing imo - is there are two core types of manipulation that characters engage in, and Izzy fucking sucks at the one you expect his style of antagonist to focus on. But he's scarily good at the other.

Long meta under the cut, so get comfy.

...

From his role under Edward to the protagonist vs antagonist dynamic setup to his introduction scenes, Izzy is very much invoking the conniving second in command. We know this character from other media. He doesn't have the full power he wants so he's constantly scheming to get it. He can't or won't challenge his boss for some reason, so he settles for being the devil on their shoulder or working behind their back. He's the voice constantly ready to inflame insecurities and turn relationship cracks into chasms, and usually he's lying constantly to do so. His fingerprints are all over his boss's problems up to the moment they show some weakness, and then their loyal second goes right for the backstab. He is THE ambitious manipulator. The shady advisor. The snake.

And then you actually look at Izzy and he is not that guy. In fact, it's a testament to the strength of Edward's character arc how much his evil little henchman is not causing his problems.

So - Izzy and manipulation:

Izzy Can't Convince People To Do Things

Like. He really can't.

This interpersonal struggle is fairly fundamental to his character. And moreover, it's a skill that Izzy is intensely aware that he lacks, so usually he doesn't even try.

In his first episode he walks right up to Buttons and just straight up asks him for the information on his party. He doesn't even resolve to steal the hostages until he realizes that Stede has lost them in the bush already, and Izzy obtains them by buying them. When Stede confronts him they end up splitting the pair in a very above-board negotiation and he pretty much just goes with what Stede suggests.

Then in 1x03, people make a big deal of Izzy "manipulating" Edward by not clarifying that Stede didn't know who he was when he turned down the invite, but kind of importantly he repeats the damning line of the conversation faithfully. If he was going to lie, then why not lie? Why even go see Stede at all? And, if he didn't want Stede dead until after the conversation (understandable, tbh, since "Iggy" was stab-worthy), surely he could invent a better insult to rile Edward up. It makes his omission hit more like being bitchy about Stede not recognizing the obvious - namely that Izzy Hands works for Blackbeard and literally everyone knows this - than a slander campaign to get him killed. And once we properly meet Izzy and Edward in 1x04, Izzy's inability to manipulate becomes his main struggle.

Izzy's a blunt and direct person. He leans on authority bestowed by Blackbeard to take control of situations, playing the role he's supposed to play, and without it he lacks a Plan B. In 1x04 he doesn't have any authority over Edward, so his efforts to get him to take the danger of the Spanish seriously amount to "Well as bored as you might be, if you don't make a decision soon we're gonna fucking die." And this is true! There might be a very subconscious attempt at manipulation in his resignation speech before the "That's Blackbeard. I'm Stede, remember?" line - of the piss him off to get him to get his shit together variety - but Edward literally makes a joke out of it so not exactly effective.

And once Edward stops giving Izzy authority in general, his plan to make Lucius do stuff is still just... brute force. Which works at first when Lucius doesn't realize that Izzy's on his own now, and stops working as soon as Fang breaks ranks. His last ditch blackmail attempt isn't manipulative either - he just plans to tell the truth to Pete and assumes he'll be pissed about it. My guy loses a fight over the pirate equivalent of making an uppity employee clean the coffee maker while the boss is out. Not only does he fail to manipulate the crew in a conniving antagonist way... he doesn't even try.

I mean, the only time he (somewhat) succeeds in talking someone into things is 1x06. Getting Edward to agree to killing Stede isn't really manipulation - Izzy gets Fang and Ivan to back him in a very straightforward way because they all actually do have a stake in this - but he's passably able to push Stede to go through with the fuckery via fake compliments. It's not exactly high level work, though. Stede being vulnerable to ego-stroking / dares is pretty obvious.

So what is Izzy good at?

Well, if you can't make people do anything other than what they were going to do in the first place, you might as well lean into that.

...

Izzy Manipulates Situations, Not People

Situational manipulation is one of those fictional tropes that rarely can happen in real life, but there's not much resemblance because real life rarely gives you all the building blocks for a proper gambit and lets you loose. Too many factors. In narratives, though? It becomes one of my favorite ways of having a character be clever.

And before I get into this too much, a really fun sidenote - I think Izzy does situational manipulation more like the way protagonists do it. See, antagonists are usually emotionally and situationally manipulative (ex: provoking the hero to lash out and using it to frame them for a bigger crime), but it's not a good look when your hero drives the target to do something bad and then punishes them for it. So heroes lean on stuff like Batman Gambits - where the lynchpin of the scheme is the target fucking themselves over by behaving completely in character. They've written Izzy so ineffective at emotional manipulation that he pretty much has to rely on other characters' flaws or histories to cause problems, which has a very similar result. And it's wild.

...

Going back to the 1x03 confrontation in Jackie's bar, Izzy doesn't really do anything abnormal in how he conducts himself, but people are picking up on an agenda for a reason. Namely, the whole damn conversation quickly turns into a trap, and Izzy fully sits back and watches Stede spring it from sheer idiocy.

There's no indication that when Izzy walked up he wasn't going to carry out his task with all the bitchy professionalism expected of him, while probably hoping that Stede would eventually stick his foot in his mouth without Izzy's help (assuming he's the kind of idiot Izzy thinks he is). His first section of this conversation is nearly polite:

Izzy (about the Nose Jar): "I have a few colleagues in there." Stede: "Ugh. You again." Geraldo: "Mr. Hands, welcome. It's been a while." Izzy: "(To Geraldo) Yeah, because I hate this fucking place. (To Stede) But for some inexplicable reason, my boss would like a word with you. Bonnet."

It's not until Stede starts talking that I think Izzy clues in that Stede doesn't actually know who his boss is. He didn't introduce himself until the literal last second of their 1x02 interaction, so it wasn't obvious Stede wasn't literally bolting into the forest in horrified realization.

And Stede? He goes hard on being a bitch right out the gate. Brushes Izzy off, tells him to "get in line", calls him the wrong name, says he doesn't care who Izzy is...

Izzy so far has met Stede in a public place, in front of people who clearly treat Izzy with respect and fear. He doesn't bring up their previous interaction, Stede does. He doesn't even goad Stede beyond existing. He corrects him on his name, and watches it not register in the slightest. The next line is the clincher:

Izzy (slightly incredulous): "So I'll tell my Captain that you're declining then, yeah?"

As Izzy is speaking the conversation becomes a trap - he chooses a reasonable way to refer to Edward that isn't "Blackbeard" and waits to see if Stede will make this worse. The jump from "no I'm busy" to "tell him he has terrible taste in flunkies and he can go suck eggs in Hell" is all Stede, completely ignoring context clues as Geraldo stares on in horror. Hell, Jackie only refrains from later de-nosing Stede on the spot because Geraldo knows what's up, and Stede still doesn't pick up on the fact he should maybe be asking some questions (though I'll give him the knife was distracting).

Izzy returns to the ship, quotes Stede directly for his damning line, and waits to see what Edward will do with it. It's not good behavior on his part (and if he could have seen the future he might have tried worse), but switching mid-conversation to offering Stede an opportunity to fuck himself over is a very different mindset than simply lying to / provoking Stede or Edward to get what he wants. He's mostly being petty.

Stede did insult Edward of his own volition, after all, and just because Izzy fudges the truth to hide he didn't know he was insulting Blackbeard instead of just Izzy and a random stranger doesn't change that. All Izzy did to "escalate" that conversation was give Stede a second opening to do so himself.

But there is a far better example of Izzy masterfully manipulating a situation than this in-the-moment bit of pettiness, so let's move onto my favorite bit... explaining in extensive and slightly awestruck detail why the Navy plot. Fucking. Rules. Because it does. Ready?

...

How to Mastermind the Decisive Removal of One Stupid Fucking Stede Bonnet Over Drinks

Ahem. The Navy plot. Masterclass in intimate betrayal. Izzy's biggest escalation in the total collapse of Edward and Izzy's relationship, but also a completely fucking fascinating glimpse into whatever tangled web of codependency they've got going on, because Edward isn't even mad after 1x09. This wordcount is going to be insane enough without me getting into the Blackhands relationship connotations, so I will... attempt... to stick to breaking down the actual scheme.

And what a scheme it was.

Let's start at the beginning. Jack showing up to lure them into the trap at the start of 1x08? Nope, earlier. Izzy getting kicked off the ship and going to Jackie at the end of 1x06? Further back. Edward proposing the "kill Stede" plan at the end of 1x04, which is the domino that starts all this, right? Closer, but still no.

Izzy's first appearance on screen is in episode 1x02, and that episode is where the seeds of the Navy plot are first planted. See, during Stede's confrontation with Izzy, both of the hostages chime in:

Hostage 1 (Wellington): "Believe him, he's quite insane." Hostage 2 (Hornberry): "He does have the eyes of a madman. Sorry, you do."

Wellington says his line in a tone of voice that clearly indicates a story to tell, and it should also be noted that he is the same one who earlier jumped at the chance to tell the tribe chief about Stede murdering their captain - Nigel. And he's the one that Izzy leaves with, in a sour mood and wanting information about this "Stede Bonnet" character.

When Izzy later reaches out to the Navy, it's no coincidence that he finds Chauncey. He's known since right after their first meeting that Stede was directly responsible for the murder of an Admiral's brother and that the English Navy would know soon enough, since he was literally about to ransom a hostage back to them who would tell the story. And he filed that information away until it was useful or relevant like a clever pirate should.

Moving on to Jackie's bar in 1x03, Izzy gets more potentially useful observations / inspiration. Jackie is actually the first person in the series to make a deal with a naval power. Izzy and crew track the Revenge to the Spanish warship, which means they must see Geraldo sold out Stede to them. Izzy isn't stupid. He knows Geraldo and Spanish Jackie, knows that she's the brains and brawn behind this deal, and has seen enough of Stede that he'd absolutely believe that he did something to get Jackie pissed enough to plot his murder. File away Jackie wants Stede dead and details of how she nearly succeeded in offing him for later.

Izzy spends 1x05 up to the fuckery demonstration observing Stede's crew while waiting for Edward to pull the trigger. I definitely want to note the scene where they interrogate the Frenchman at the beginning of 1x05, because Izzy is staring directly at Stede as he leans away from Edward threatening violence (we know this will later be in his love montage so not actually a turn off, lol, but like... it looked like one). His opinion of the crew is that they like to fuck around without structure (1x05 during the party), probably that they enjoy more standard pirate levels of violence (not shown directly since they are kept out of the 1x05 raid, but fairly obvious), and that they are really easily awestruck by the chance to hear "real pirates" tell charismatic stories (1x06 ghost story).

Any of that sounding like someone we know?

And now to go back to Izzy in 1x06, when he gets sick of Edward being cagey about the plan to kill Stede and decides to "make" him stop stalling, he's straightforward again. Getting Ivan and Fang to back him isn't emotionally manipulative, but it does give him weight in the conversation. They are the ones who bring up the whole "love of a pet makes a man weak" thing, and they do it in the context of calling out hypocrisy. Izzy knows the standards Edward holds his crew to. He lets them convince Edward it's time.

Taking the chance to suggest Stede try a fuckery is a strong blend of situational and emotional manipulation, and later challenging him to a formal duel knowing he'd be overconfident enough to accept is more situational again. Even the terms of the duel are designed to take advantage of the situation. And then Izzy loses in the most comedy way possible, Edward lets him get banished, and Izzy decides that if he was ok with just sending Stede Bonnet on his way to fuck-off before... he's fucking gonna kill him now.

My guy is not a creative thinker, but he's definitely a logistical one. And as he rows away from that ship, all the pieces fall into place.

First, Spanish Jackie. Who listens to him bemoan his relationship woes because she likes him (Izzy gets Jackie in the divorce). Who wants Stede dead and has the clout to summon and deal with a distasteful ally - Chauncey. Together, they concoct an arrangement where a trap will be set and Chauncey gets Stede and only Stede. This isn't a tip-off or a free-for-all. Stede comes from Chauncey's world and they are sending him back. Permanently.

Then it's time for the trap itself, which needs to do two things: get the Revenge somewhere that Chauncey can corner it, and get Edward out of there. And Izzy? Izzy knows Edward. Knows there's one particular person in his past that will have no trouble integrating with the crew, getting Edward to act more like a pirate than a gentleman, and who happens to have a great ambush location on hand.

I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again - I don't think outside characters realize how hard and fast Edward is falling for Stede. The BlackBonnet bonding moments happen almost exclusively when they are alone. The place Izzy dramatically fails to manipulate the situation is not having the evidence he would need to predict Edward going back for Stede. He (and Jack) both think that a precise wedge between BlackBonnet - one that Jack delivers near flawlessly by playing into real issues - will be enough to remind Edward that Stede isn't his people. This isn't a plan to murder the love of Edward's life while his back is turned. It's a plan to get rid of Stede, and remind Edward why he was on board with doing that in the first place. "That's fair," Izzy says about a punch to the face.

Instead, Izzy's plot accidentally backs Edward into a corner and forces him to publicly pull a grand-gesture relationship level-up that he was not emotionally ready for, and the fallout from that explosion is way worse than any of our conspirators were counting on.

Still... you gotta admit. It was a really good plan.

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 8 months

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ofmd s2e4 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

it's been a busy week since last thursday and shit's only gonna get busier for me after tomorrow so hopefully i can get through these two episodes out before i go to bed lol!!! anyway once again these posts are just me rambling so i can process the insane amount of information in these episodes and if u want to read them too that's fine.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

rip everyone who wanted homoerotic sword fighting in the gentebeard reunion. have a headbutt as a consolation prize.

obsessed with stede holding raw room-temperature meat against his bruised face bc that's not even a little bit how that works. i love this show.

ok so jim saying "he'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested" in response to stede saying ed needs to regain his strength actually gives some pretty good context to why they want ed of the ship so bad. bc they DID fully try to kill ed and now he's here and alive and like. if i were jim i would be pretty worried abt ed holding a grudge abt that.

wont lie stede being like "we dont just banish people, that's not us!" makes me thinkg abt how they fully banished izzy from the ship in e6. i mean technically izzy banished himself on accident but. lol.

also izzy's absence in this scene indicating he is not yet considered part of the entire crew

roach: i need that steak back, it's dinner stede: (pulling the steak away) oh, right fang: maybe let's put the banishment to a vote? stede: (steak back on his face, apparently having forgotten he was literally just about to give the meat to roach) aw do we have to :(

ed chained to the ship is doing. a lot for me. i wont lie.

buttons saying he's been to the gravy basket a few times... how many times has this man almost died??????

it is deeply funny to me that they edit the split second flashback of the drowning and mermaid hallucination to look all creepy as if that whole scene wasn't set to an incredibly sappy 80's love song (said with immense affection)

OBSESSED with stede trying to be like. encouraging to izzy. and being like "he cant hear you he's got no head" about izzy yelling at the ruined figurehead. this fucking dork.

so ive seen ppl talking abt how the crew's in a deadlock abt banishing ed and which ppl they think were pro-banishment and which were against, but the scenes with the crew make it look like everyone's voting for ed to get kicked out. so tbh i think like either of the following interpretations are pretty valid: the crew is split 50/50 on if they should banish ed OR the crew 100% wants to banish ed and stede was gonna try and leverage izzy's vote to try and get more ppl to change their mind. doesnt rlly matter either way tho

also the fact that izzy was the one to keep ed's body is. interesting. the others must've known abt it and helped izzy hide the body in the secret room. but izzy being the one to be like "no we're not throwing him overboard" is. something. no conclusions abt this atm im just rotating this fact in my brain.

i also just have a lot of thoughts abt the mutiny and the fact that like, jim's a trained assassin and the others are also pretty experienced killers and they probably knew they hadn't completely finished the job. and there was plenty of opportunity for them to do something about that. but instead they hid his body and waited for ed to succumb to his injuries. it feels kinda like ed's "technically i outsource the big job" rule. idk. thoughtssss.

frenchie in this scene is so funny bc he seems both actually apologetic abt kicking ed off the ship but also very relieved/vindicated to see him go.

didnt realize olu almost said smthng to ed lol i thought ed was just saying "fuck you" to him for no reason ghfjkghjkfh

"first time i've ever been on this side of a walk of shame" wee john i have so many questions. how many times have you been banished from a ship.

obsessed with archie just being like "way to make this awkward brah." her shitty boss put her life at risk in an attempt to make her and her coworkers kill him in a weird roundabout suicide attempt and her summary of the situation is "well, this is awkward :/"

"shitty sailing with you" sick burn, jim

"you're making it really hard to look up to you, man" LOVE how black pete is still a blackbeard stan. despite everything.

just ONCE i want someone to appreciate roach's sandwiches :(

"dont you want your sammy" STEDE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

also i disagree with the subtitles here im like 99% sure says "you're no fuckin mermaid" not "you're not a fuckin mermaid" but that's just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

stede looks SO sad abt not being a mermaid

love how everyone in this episode just sort of nods and is like "yeah okay" every time buttons tells them he's turning into a bird

altho with stede in this scene specifically im convinced that he's just jumping at the chance to follow ed to the island. he was absolutely gonna come up with some shitty excuse to go ashore anyway but it's nice of buttons to give him plausible deniability

i love how much ed hates nature

why do the subtitles say "gyp-" this has been bothering me all week. the line is "like a drifter"

i also love ed's line delivery of "a wolf?"

anyway dumb posts abt the spider tattoo backstory: 1, 2, 3

i love to see ed getting hugs... wish i could give him a hug :(

ok also buttons talking abt the gravy basket made me think ed needed like some sort of spell or smthng to snap out of it but instead it just kinda wore off by the end of the episode (maybe, depends on how you read the whole buttons turning into a bird scene). this is very funny to me for some reason

anne rubbing the cup she's holding against her tit. queen.

stede bonnet idiot dumbfuck moments

i LOVE anne's line delivery of "eddie motherfuckin teeeeach" like yeah that's cj's girl alright. or was cj's girl. who knows.

SECRET HANDSHAKE im cryinggggg. i love them.

stede's voice sounds so weird when he says "i wasn't looking for you" and that's because he's fucking lying through his teeth

LOVE how anne and mary look at each other after the "shipmates" "former" interaction like they are immediately on the same wavelength. and that wavelength is fucking with ed and his ex. they sniffed out a messy relationship dynamic and were like "oh hell yeah we need more of this in our lives"

ed is SO bitchy this whole scene i fucking love it. ed's face when he says "him?" fdhjksgfjhdgkj

ed: whatever 🙄 anne: whatever? 👀 mary: whatever! 😈

wee john getting more goth is so good

drunk izzy rambling at the ship's figurehead is so funny to me tho i miss drunk izzy

ed's crew lady macbeth "out damned spot" moments

i like how there's a goat in the background of this scene in anne and mary's house and it is unexplained and also never seen again.

ed's face after stede says "that's romance" is soooo good this bitch is so pissed. like oh would you have met me at the docs if i peeled the guard's face off instead of just paying him off? is that what fuckin does it for you???? not that it matters bc i dont care. but. cunt.

yeah im just focusing in on all of ed's faces in this scene. "quite the shift going from wearing people's faces to antique collectors" gets ed to freeze in the middle of bringing his drink up to his lips and just kinda stare off into the distance.

"how did you meet" has ed kind of frowning for a split second before stede starts answering and then he rolls his eyes very dramatically and sighs deeply

ed immediately being like "actually i was gonna kill him myself!" trying to undermine stede's meet-cute story. also anne and mary nodding along in complete unison bc this is just normal pirate conversation to them.

~~~

also as someone who has been team "no ed was dead serious abt the plan to steal stede's identity" this was very vindicating for me. it's a bad plan and it doesn't make any sense but logistics literally dont matter in this show. what matters is giving this story the "falling for the mark" trope makes ed's character arc in season 1 that much tastier!!!!

ed and stede going back and forth telling their story i cant fucking wait until theyre happily together telling this story and instead of ed trying to downplay it and ruin the meet-cute-iness of it they're just building on each other and being sappy and adorable

"more like i relented" one of the biggest lies i've ever heard this man say fjhkgjkfdhk

"until he completely boned it" SAY IT. FUCKING SAY IT. SOOOOO TRUE ED.

auauhghgh the beard bit......... crying

THE!!!!! QUIETEST LITTLE "thank you" OF ALL TIME. TIED MAYBE WITH ED SAYING "thank you" AFTER "i think you're very sophisticated" IN 1.05

i dont blame stede for trying to get ed to open up right after that bc that was the first bone ed's thrown stede's way since he woke up. unfortunately ed is not in the mood to talk abt his near-death experience and mermaid hallucination sequence.

LOVE anne's little gesture when she says "rabbit" and the little hip cocking

stede being like "uhhhh we could leave" during the knifeplay exhibitionism moment

i giggle every time at the way the crew is instantly like "fuck closing our eyes we're doing any fucking surprises"

ngl idgw the crew yelled abt the piñata reveal. but ok

loooove stede's half of the crew just blowing past all the screaming and tension from ed's half. jim screams "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!" abt the blindfold and roach is like "you won't want to stay the fuck away from this caaaake!" like roach fdhsjfgdhfjkghkj read the room?????

i love how much stede just. completely misses all of annie's flirting

ed coughing during the blunt session i love himmmmm

ok but ed's trying to be like "im totally over stede i dont even like him" and then ed reminiscing fondly with a distant smile abt the 1.06 stabbing scene

"and that was the... second time you left your wife?" underrated line

love how annie's been all quiet and seductive and then when she goes to make her move she's just like "WOUND THIS" and aggressively sits in stede's lap

also ok. "they're gonna be so jealous" is that annie talking abt ed and mary or is that annie using they/them pronouns for mary.

BUTTONS JUMPSCARE

also i love how they have that one medusa painting just. in their kitchen. im obsessed with the interior decor of this lesbian antique store that annie and mary live in

the way she's so touched by the poisoning attempt hjfgfjksghskjhgjkh

buttons being like "aahhhhhh do i give her... this bowl......????" fhjkghkfsjhk

"yeah, babe" TEALORANGES WIN

im honestly sad izzy's pathetic wet beast moment only really went for like three tiny scenes in one episode bc this shit was so funny to me. crawling away saying "you're born alone you die alone" over and over again. sir what are you even doing.

god buttons in this episode is so fucking funny bc i keep forgetting he's there. also why is he even there. like was he even invited to dinner or did he just sit down and annie and mary were like "oh ok i uh. guess we'll go make another plate??"

ed's face after buttons says the bit abt "i can tell this rabbit was intelligent" is soooo funny why is he so fucking pissed fdhsjkgyjdfkghjk

NO WAIT HE'S PISSED BC THAT WAS HIS FRIEND. THAT WAS HIS FRIEND THE WOLF HE WAS TELLING HIS SECRETS. NOW IM KINDA SAD :(:(:(

stede talking abt the sea when what he's actually talking abt is ed part 2 electric boogaloo

ed very calmly. standing up. and smashing the chair. im obsessed with him.

stede bonnet stupid dumbass moments

IMPROMPTU BLANKET FORT TIME

ed's voice is so quiet at the start of this scene he's not even yelling at stede until stede says "it's not fair" ohhhhhh my babygirl is so fucking sad........

"you ditching me without a note or anything" ed's literacy confirmed

"expecting me to just melt back into your arms" eddie my man. stede has not given literally any indication that he expected this at all. you are telling on yourself fhdjskghfkjshd

this scene is so fucking good i barely have anything to say abt it. just. u can rlly tell david jenkins wrote this ep himself lolll

"i was all in, mate. i was all in." IM SOBBING

oh nooooo i forgot that ed's line delivery of "im sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much" isnt actually as sarcastic as the words itself make it seem. like it feels like ed wanted to say that all angrily and bitter but instead he just sounds sadddddd

ok ok but the way stede says "i love your chin naked or otherwise" and then after a pause (during which ed is keeping INCREDIBLY still bc u know otherwise he's just gonna burst into tearssss) stede whispers "ed" and ed is immediately like "don't" and then. stede going in for the "i love you" but like the way he's so slow with it?? he's literally like "i. love." and idk if it's bc he's trying to make this as clear as possible or if he's giving ed enough time to cut him off if he doesn't want to hear it

and ed DOES he DOES cut him off with "you don't get to say that to me" and he like. keeps glancing at stede out of the corner of his eye but not quite looking at him directly bc he knowwwwws it's like staring into the sun baby and ed knows if he looks at stede's face it's literally all over.

but also ed's face after stede pivots to "i love everything about you" he's SO pissed. he quietly groans and rolls his eyes bc this bitch. finding stupid loopholes to not being allowed to say "i love you." fuck this guy ed hates him so fucking much (lying)

oooooh when stede says "you don't have to say it back to me" ed's mouth opens and closes a bit before "not about to" bc this man is trying. SO hard not to cry (so am i but it's not working sorry there are tears on my face right now)

idk idk idk smthng abt "it's nice. feels good." makes me hurt so fucking bad bc the entire time since ed's woken up stede's been getting headbutted and snarked at passive-aggressively but stede's still like "i love being near you it makes me happy :)" brb i need. a fucking moment.

honestly tho how did annie and mary even overhear that bit bc they were on the other side of the room and stede was whispering SO quietly. opposite of when ppl in this show dont hear things despite the things being said like two feet away from them (1.03 geraldo and jackie talking abt how blackbeard was looking for stede, 2.01 zheng saying the indigo was worth way more than she spent on it)

LOVE how anne being like "stede likes the ladies" is how ed figures out "ohhhh wait ok theyre just fucking with us, got it" bc this guy??? liking women????? lmao

this also HAS to be why he gets over mary like his brain mustve gone "wait hang on why the fuck would he go back to her he doesn't even like women. guess maybe he really did panic huh" hdjksghfckghkjsh

obsessed with these TINY tiny details abt the ed/jack/annie/mary polycule dynamics we're given. ed would've expected as much from annie bc she's a fucking psycho. mary apparently used to not be like this. im putting the pieces together im connecting the dots.

ed and stede's knowing smug looks at each other. im obsessed.

annie being rlly sensitive to the word "bitch" im considering that more hints abt the polycule backstory

yayy fanny newspaper

"really? i mean she stabbed you, you poisoned her, and then she jumped on my face" stede this is all part of their very elaborate and deeply toxic sex life ok stop kinkshaming them

~~~

curious if ed and stede are too distracted by mary spelling out their worst fears to comment on all the smoke coming into the room

"everything must go" like a fucking clearance sale. this is such a silly line. this is a silly show. i love it here.

WHY DONT THEY MAKE OUT SLOPPY STYLE HERE THO

wait are they crying while they hug??? bro these girls are so fucking messy i love them

ed saying "see you guys" before he leaves them in their burning house. i would die for him

ok team arts and craft time while making a prosthetic for izzy. obsessed with how the b plot of this episode is literally "the crew struggles to get along but they eventually set aside their differences and work together when they realize there's someone even more cringe and pathetic than any of them"

"YOU ARE!!! HARASSING A CRIPPLE!!!!!!" is suchhhh a funny line im sorry im gonna miss izzy at his lowest fhsjkhjksf. literally they just knocked on the door my dude calm downnnn

obsessed with izzy being genuinelly touched and expressing it by saying "fucking cocksuckers." this man is allergic to having feelings.

stede and ed painfully talking over each other bc everything is awkward and difficult. i love them.

ed's face when stede offers to let ed stay. his very quiet "yis." the way he says "might be nice" and then VERY QUICKLY looks away

stede yelling GREAT at the top of his lungs fhdsjkguydfgfjkhl

i love when these guys try to play it cool bc theyre so fucking bad at it hgdfgvjfxdkgjjdkkgjhfdkh

stede bonnet dumb idiot moron moments

ed staring off lovinglyyyyyy

buttons jumpscare

also is that fucking sage. are we doing cultural appropriation here

buttons saying "Earth Wind and Fire i wanna go higher" hfjkhgfdjkhgjkh

i love how ed. does not question this "fuck yeah, brother. fly."

ed teach lovesick fool moments

i love how happy ed sounds telling stede abt buttons he sounds like his old goofy self for the first time all season.... im gonna cry

also i like how the crew adopts izzy as their new creature. 10/10

post credits scene is annie and mary at dinner with buttons. i guess it's after stede goes to comfort ed but before they go eavesdrop on that convo.

buttons enjoying his last meal as a human. and also he's like "there's too much fucking on that ship i need to get away from it all." and his way of doing this is becoming a bird. love that.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #edward teach #stede bonnet #crew of the revenge #anne bonny #mary read #izzy hands #gentlebeard #s2e04 #txt #mine #og #ofmds2rwwiptjdmtaors

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something-about-sunflowers · 1 year

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I'm. I should be in bed. I should. But. Fucking hell is that a bad read lmfao. Just gonna go down the list shall we?

Stede starts off hesitant and asking about the rules because he doesn't KNOW the rules of a duel. Of which there are many, that he should have asked about before he accepted. Rules that Izzy, an experienced swordsman/fencer would know. Rules that Izzy, an experienced swordsman/fencer would follow, being 'the best sword on the seas'. Its not Izzy's fault or problem that Stede is overconfident and dumb. Stede isn't being 'proper' by entering a duel where he doesn't know the rules, he's being stupid. He’s TOLD this, in not so many words, by Ed (and the rest of the crew). Still not Izzy's fault or problem.

Izzy has been impatient with Stede throughout the season because he IS ignorant and naïve. And because he's arrogant despite being ignorant and naïve. And he's arrogant because he's a rich man/gentleman (in the original definition of the word: a land owner) who thinks he's better than people of lower stations than his own, even if its only subconsciously. Given that its subconscious and its a learned ideology that Stede is arguably working on, I'll give him the credit of 'he doesn't really mean it' but its an attitude he's turned on the crew as well and one that they haven't called him on (except Oluwande, but he was too gentle about it when Stede needs it to hit him like a brick) but they have narratively pointed it out.

He's not desperate, he's angry. And honestly, rightfully so, at least from his own point of view (and kind of like, in general too?). Stede has been nothing but unpleasant to him from the jump and his crew are following his lead. Izzy is not having a good time on the Revenge like Ed, Fang, and Ivan are. Nobody is letting him (even himself, in fairness). ANYWAY. Its not desperation, Stede is the desperate one if either of them are. He's not miraculously ‘out of reach’, he's running away. A lot. Not exactly in the spirit of the duel he accepted.

Stede's win is, by definition, unfair. He exploits a loophole, one that he didn't even know about, and he's lucky that Buttons did. Tossing the powder in Izzy's face is unfair. Getting Izzy's sword stuck is unfair. 'Rendering a weapon inoperable' in a traditional duel would likely mean 'disarming' the opponent with your own weapon. Getting the sword stuck fits on a technicality. Unfair. 'He just wanted to humiliate Izzy'? Have you been to like, kindergarten? Do you know what fairness is? That ain't it.

Izzy is a good swordsman and he's confident BECAUSE he's a good swordsman. He's not boastful/arrogant. He’s straight to the point. He's not the one who says 'he knows his shit' that's Ed. His confidence is earned. His downfall is not realizing he's one of the antagonists/the rival love interest in a rom-com. He can't adapt. If it were anyone else he was fighting but Stede Bonnet aboard the Revenge? He would have won. But because its Stede and because Izzy is following the rules of HIS world he loses. The same can be said for him in the rest of the season as well.

I can agree that the duel is a good show of personality but you're like. Wildly off about how it does so.

Not gonna reblog because anybody that has that bad a read of Izzy (and Stede tbh) is getting a block from me but I am happy to share my opinions. 3/10 read, you at least got the crew and Ed right.

P.S.

IZZY. IZZY HANDS? HE doesn't care about rules or fairness? Off the top of my head, Izzy: buys the hostages from the natives instead of stealing them, apologizes to Ed when he believes he's wronged him, plays chaperone/teacher while the Revenge crew is learning pirating, reminds Ed of his OWN rules and holds him to them, challenges Stede to a DUEL instead of outright killing him, gets decked in the face by Ed for selling out Stede and calls it 'fair', he literally describes himself as captain as 'tough but fair'. THAT Izzy Hands doesn't care about rules or fairness? Okay. Okay sure. Totally. Right.

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #stede bonnet #i think i was fair enough to stede to not be worried about tagging him #i swear some of yall just like. imagine who the characters are and work backwards with your meta from there #that's the only explanation i can think of for all this godawful meta about izzy #and yall know like #stede didn't plan all that out right?#with the mast?#he's a quick thinker #on his feet and all but #that was not premeditated #if he hadn't been running away he wouldn't have wound up in that position and izzy would have just normal stabbed him #izzy didn't even go for a killing blow and he set the terms as 'banishment' and not 'death' like fucking come on #that's more fair than ANY other pirate is likely to be #including ed fang and ivan tbh

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 2 years

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one of my pet peeves for modern aus is the ones where they make izzy ed's best friend or longtime friend because if ed's gonna have one... its jack. it's literally supported by canon. like put izzy and jack next to the revenge crew and your answer for who fits in better is jack, whose only crimes in the show were trying to pull ed away from stede and committing seagull murder (all of which to save ed in a plan IZZY made) im so salty about all the hate jack gets in fics

Oh for sure. My least favoriate thing ever is when people put Izzy in another character's position. Jack is Ed's buddy at the very least. Izzy is just a coworker. Jack is who Ed would choose to hang out with 100% of the time if his options are Jack or Izzy. Also if you're gonna give Ed a best friend who is antagonistic to his new boyfriend, Stede and Jack being mean to each other is so much more fun in my personal opinion because Stede is mean to Izzy and Izzy's head explodes and steam starts coming out of his ears like he's in a cartoon and he yells something incoherent, where as Jack and Stede can have a bitchy little back and fourth that leaves Jack crying for sympathy and Stede's self esteem buried six feet under. It truly is the dynamic ever.

I don't usually have a problem with Jack hate in fics actually because jack is hateable and there often needs to be a villain, and in Our Flag so far the roster of villains has been Izzy, Jack, and the interchangeable badminton twins. Maybe the rich french fuckers but I don't want to give them that much credit tbh. so you know he's one of three and a half bad guys so I get it. However! there is one trope that frustrates me, and I think the main reason that it frustrates me is because its a trope that I hate with all of my guts and is pernicious in the calicobeard tag and that is the idea that Ed and Jack's relationship was non-consentual. There are tons of reasons to hate him, you don't have to turn him into a rapist. That's my pet peeve and my line. Otherwise yeah he's a villain, good. I like it when he causes problems. It's my favorite thing.

That being said I do think he's the most easily rehabilitated villain out of every villain in ofmd (I'm only counting Nigel, Chauncey, Izzy, and Jack as villains.) Simply because he's a pirate that we frankly don't actually know that much about. We don't even know why he's doing this. Yeah Izzy probably slid him a slice of that sweet sweet navy money under the table, but for all we know Izzy had that meeting with Jackie and Chauncey, found Jack afterwards and went "Hey man, so me and Blackbeard are on the outs right now and he's got this new boyfriend who is being super hunted by the British navy, the boyfriend is a rich guy and I know how much you hate those. But anyway Blackbeard doesn't know that Stede is being hunted and I just told them where they can find them so somebody should probably go get Blackbeard out of there and it shouldn't be me, because he's mad at me right now." and Jack said "Oh my god, you made a deal with the british navy? I'm gonna love watching Blackbeard kick your ass when I bring him back here. I'm going to now go do some insane shit to save his life again. Yeah sure I'll make sure the boyfriend dies just so that Beardy doesn't run back and get his ass killed, but only if you slide me a few dubbies for my troubles." It's also possible that he's full chaotic evil joker mode and when Izzy told him the plan he went "Yeah alright, haven't seen Beardy in a while could be funny." We simply do not know. Is he destitute because he's been mutinied three times and he needs the money? Has he never been mutinied in his entire life and he's minted because he's Calico fucking Jack and he's just here for shits and giggles? I tend to go with the "he cares about Ed" reading because I want to fuck him, but it's up to you. His backstory is wide open baby. What we do know Ed likes him a lot actually, Ed cares about him and Stede getting along. We know he saved Ed's life, even if he does hold it over his head because he's a shit head(although how often he does that is also a question mark, there's so much blank space to work with with him, he can be anything you want him to be other than nice).

And you know what, until the thing with Karl the crew liked him too. The crew never liked Izzy, whatever Jack's got going on is way more compatible with the crew than Izzy, and yet I see all these fics and headcanons where the idea that Izzy will stick around after all of this is over is just taken for granted. But they could easily forgive Jack if he sucked Ed's dick, moonbathed with Buttons, and slid Olivia some birdseed because he's funny and cool and Ed's buddy. Where as Izzy can never ever be trusted in a million years, he was never fun to be around, and no one likes him. (I'm sure Jack and Ed have fucked each other over before, they're messy bitches.)

Now I don't think Jack's getting rehabilitated in cannon, in fact we're probably never gonna see him again. I'm hoping for a flashback but I won't hold my breath. It's part of why I'm writing I'm Not Going Anywhere. Because somebody needs to put this man through the st*ddyhands treatment and it's not gonna happen in the show, so it is the realm of fanfiction and no one else is doing it. Jack was fucking built for an enemies to lovers because he's the kind of man who stands too close to his romantic rival at the urinals to prove his dick is bigger. Enemies to lovers is incredibly fun to do with Jack and Izzy because Izzy is eminently bullyable and also the kind of guy belongs in one of those "don't bully me I'll cum" shirts, but it can also be fun to do with Stede "pissboots" Bonnet. I'm not sure if INGA is going that direction I haven't decided yet, but someone should do it post haste I'm so serious.

I don't necessarily want everyone to see him how I see him. I'm fine with being his only apologist. back in april the universe decided he'd gone long enough being the most hated character and decided he needed one apologist and it spun the wheel of OFMD fans and it landed on me and I became the public defender appointed to him. I am over worked and underpaid and he is a terrible client. I have made him take a plea deal on the Karl murder charge.

This has gotten unhinged thank you for letting me chew on Calico jack for like 25 minutes.

#Calico Jack apologia #ofmd #our flag means death #calico jack #calico jack ofmd #izzy hands #izzy critical #this post isn't actually izzy critical i just don't want fights in my notes for days to come

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tvshowspoilers · 8 months

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Soooo OFMD episode 6 thoughts…

I really haven’t processed the scene with Ed and Izzy enough yet to comment the way it deserves

I want to get that as a tattoo “poison into positivity” beautiful line

I love that like the art of fuckery there was a lot of humor until there was a tonal shift ( Stede killing Ned and Izzy battling Stede)

Hm, I really like Ed’s line that killing Ned isn’t worth the poison. Unfortunately he left it open for Stede to take the poison…

Still love that Taika brought his daughters!

I love the entire party scene and I adore that Stede worked it out by being Stede.

Aww the looks Ed and Stede share are so sweet

Honestly, a lot happened in this episode and I like that for how short it is. Kinda amazing

Love the sex marathon with Lucius and Pete…

I wonder if Stede planned to kill Ned or if it was a combination of guilt left over from Chauncey’s words mixed in with his protectiveness of Ed and the crew…Ed doesn’t seem to care at all?

Except for the guilt of letting Stede take the poison of killing him.

Tbh I like the role reversal between Ed and Stede in this episode.

Was part of the reason Stede killed Ned a test to see if it changed how Ed felt?

I want to know why Ed did that little shift after Ned said he likes Stede cause of his “amateur bumbling status”….is he like well true or is he like that’s gonna make him upset or is he thinking that’s not true cause he also does a little headshake (tho that might be to the pet statement) what? I want to knowwwww. I’m excited to see how fanfic authors write this scene!

Stede may have forgotten Jim’s words about killing someone takes a piece of you, huh

I think that the flashback scene of kid Stede was really well done and as some else said, shows that there’s cracks that Stede still has and isn’t as good as he shows. Also considering we have two episodes after 6, it was probably good that David didn’t go into full blown trauma territory or it would have been rushed. I’m one of those that wishes Stede’s trauma was addressed but the way things are playing out it’s better that it’s left to season 3

But Ed’s expression after Stede kills Ned actually kills me, thanks and then when he tries to comfort him

Gosh Izzy was so right to say wait

I can’t even begin to process that sex scene but they both consented and even though it was fast and a bad idea, they both continued it. I’ve got to watch it a few more times to get thoughts in order

Also fang is still my favorite character and I adore him “sore fingies” baby

I may not like this one as much as it’s season 1 counterpart but it’s a solid episode and I liked it

#ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #spoilers #ofmd #stede bonnet #blackbeard #edward teach #blackbonnet #gentlebeard

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iamnot-theboynextdoor · 8 months

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OFMD EP1 REACTION

i already know this is a dream sequence but opening on stede and izzy having a badass swordfight is dope

stede's fantasy is all about him looking and sounding super masc... babyboy that's not you...

HE FUCKING STABBED IZZY. HE KILLED HIM

and of course izzy's last words are "you absolute twaaaaaaaaaat" i'm fucking dying

AND THERE'S THE SLOMO BAYWATCH RUN GOD I LOVE IT

"knew you'd find me babe" and of course ed's got his beautiful beard back and he looks perfect and he loves stede's beard sfjgdskjgdshj stede

aaaaaaand f in the chat for stede's dream sequence, wee john is doing chemical warfare

"can't be worse than you moaning 'ed, oh, ed' all night long" f in the chat for black pete and the rest of the crew

AHAHAHA roach going "he's single" and shoving the swede at jackie. c'mon swede be a hobosexual for us we gotta sleep somewhere

"come closer. spanish jackie don't bite. i lied, i bite" and he giggles i am immediately on board congrats jackie on your 21st husband

love olu's fancy bartender waistcoat!

"i'll buy you a drink" this guy! the guy who's practically stede's twin! in the disco outfit that stede steals! is he the guy stede does a punch on? is he hitting on stede? oh my GOD where is this going

"richard banes. are you stede bonnet?" dear lord this guy could not have a posher accent. is he the guy who ends up with a fake nose. he's an undercover cop isn't he. how else does he know who stede is

awww fuck we're cutting to ed. shit's about to go down

(stede) "hope you're thinking of me as well" close-up on ed's TRUST NO-ONE tattoo. fuuuuuuuuck

and immediately the wedding ed's gonna crash is like some extremely classist/"we must breed more upper class, worthy humans" shit, so ed can do a little murder actually i immediately don't feel bad for them

"objection" ed can board a ship without anyone fucking noticing if it looks cool actually

THERE HE IS he's made everyone put on the emo paint. i keep pausing and rewatching this part. love izzy's sarcastic little smile

jim looks so fucking sexy

so does frenchie tbh

ed's just eating the cake. cake topper my beloved...

OH NO IVAN DIED. OFF-SCREEN. F IN THE CHAT. and frenchie only cares about the cake JUST KIDDING HE IS HARDCORE DISSOCIATING. poor fang tho...

stede taking down blackbeard's wanted poster... does he have a little shrine in the pig sty he's sleeping in. does he draw hearts on the posters

"he's just blowing off some steam" stede has decided the atrocities are cool and fun actually. atrocities are okay if the man doing them has big beautiful brown eyes too. what about it

"i also killed someone and stole their kiosk. sometimes action is better than vision" can we get sue on the crew? "that's what i've been telling him" "that's 'cause you're the smart one" sue confirms that olu is the only crewmember with a brain cell

'we can't turn up with any old ship, we need to look good" STEDE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD.

ed putting the little cake topper in his breast pocket next to his heart i'm going feral

"did everyone get cake?" "yeah they got cake"

ed is doing drugs and izzy has never looked more miserable and soggy. he looks like someone dunked him in an inkwell

OH HERE'S THE SCENE. THE SAD WET MEOW MEOW SCENE

shit's gotta be really bad if izzy needs to be rocked and cuddled while he cries... babyboy you should have just let ed hold the talent show...

i am not at all surprised that jackie's taking all of stede and co.'s savings. this is jackie's house. jackie does not have a tip jar. you're in the republic of pirates hide it better next time

BOO CAKES!

well you didn't even get jackie and the swede a wedding present. this is her wedding present. HIDE THE JAR BETTER-

"what if we took that back?" "i think my husbands would have a problem with that. have you met all twenty of 'em?" PAUSING TO LOOK AT THE HUSBANDS.

"that's a lot of husbands" black pete misses his husband, tails. he misses him a lot

love the one wearing no shirt and a tight waistcoat/corset thing with the axe. one's got cool glasses. two of them are either super twinky or lady-husbands, excellent either way (jackie and her lady-husbands, nandor and his guy-wives... beautiful...)

EDIT: THE TWO HUSBANDS ARE TRANS GUYS HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

"i know that guy we had breakfast together" "you will be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh ok" sometimes a family is a pirate businesswoman and her 20 19 18 20 husbands and we stan

maybe the sexy axe husband cooked the breakfast. i am delighting in imagining them being all cute and domestic until jackie needs them to stand around and look intimidating and then they all scramble into position. their job is to cook breakfast and look sexy and scare the shit out of anyone jackie points them at

i like to imagine that as soon as one of jackie's husbands died she's like fuck i gotta get a new one to make up the numbers. my brand is 20 husbands i can't be seen with only 19. who's new in town that is remotely attractive. ooh, swedish blondie with a metal tooth, he'll look nice next to the one in glasses

anyway stede and co. are now homeless rip

why does roach have buttons on a rope leash sfhdskjghsgk is buttons so desperate to return to his true love (the sea) that they have to treat him like a toddler trying to run into traffic

"dear ed, i think i'm afraid to see you. i'm not afraid you're gonna kill me, i'm afraid your life is better without me!" I AM GOING TO LOSE IT. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY SOME SELF-ESTEEM

i paused on the wanted poster and it said "wanted for theft brigandry larceny arson tax evasion" sgkjhsfgkjsfhgk the fucking IRS is going to find ed before stede does

"could be. could be, mate" stede your ed impression sucks shit

oh god richard's there. are you a cop or just a fan.

"the gentleman pirate saved my life! quite frankly, you're my hero!" with his fancy fucking coat oh god stede has a fan. stede has a copycat fan. AND STEDE'S NOW HAPPY OH MY GOD I AM HITTING HIM WITH A HAMMER (affectionate)

he fed stede a line about jackie's roman puzzle chest... i don't fucking trust this guy i'm convinced he's either a navy plant or a husband plant...

(if he is truly just a baby stede i'm putting him in a jar and shaking him (affectionate))

I FUCKING LOVE THE SWEDE

oh god back to ed's depression den

"not good enough. and that's another toe. take your boot off." okay ed, i know you're trying to get izzy or anybody to kill you in your sleep or something but i'm still. noooo don't commit atrocities you're soo sexy aha

"who am i to you" oh god. shit's gotta be really really fucking bad if izzy's doing emotional intimacy

"i have... love for you, edward" i'm going to explode

first of all izzy is delusional if he thinks he knows ed better than anyone else - we know and love this about him

second, con's fucking acting is going to kill me. he's looking at the floor, there are tears in his eyes, he's whispering and pauses as if saying the word love is going to kill him (and it's not just the emotional repression considering how volatile ed is)

and the way the line is written - it's not "i love you" or "i'm in love with you", it's not a thing izzy does or is, it's a thing he has. an object he's carrying around, separate to him, he's trying to distance himself from it.

and of course ed interrupts him with "oh come on" because he does not trust that anyone actually loves him and he doesn't want anyone to any more, he wants izzy to hate him and kill him!

"i'm worried about you, we all are. the atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned. but if we could all just maybe... talk it through" SHIT'S GOT TO BE REALLY REALLY UNQUESTIONABLY HORRIFICALLY FUCKING BAD IF IZZY IS ADOPTING STEDE'S CATCHPHRASE

ed, ominously "as a crew" as blackbeard's leitmotif starts up... WORST CHOICE OF WORDS EVER IZZY I'M TERRIFIED

izzy: i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

POOR FANG IS WHIMPERING ED DON'T SCARE HIM!!!!!

"i know who we should ask, ol' blackbeard!" (shoves gun under his own chin) jesus christ ed

"FUCKING END!" izzy has had ENOUGH

AND AS SOON AS HE SAYS STEDE'S NAME ED SHOOTS HIM

"frenchie, you are now first mate" STEPS OVER IZZY GROANING IN PAIN

i am very worried

HARD CUT TO THE SWEDE AND JACKIE LMAO

oh god stede's adopted ricky. this can only end terribly

aaaaaand f in the chat for ricky's nose

"i can't believe you guys robbed jackie! so bad!" swede.

jackie looks gorgeous though

SUE IS OF COURSE THE BADASS PIRATE QUEEN

and jackie loves her a sexy swedish double-crosser

thank you sue for adopting the gang of idiots

OH GOD JIM AND ARCHIE MOPPING UP IZZY'S BLOOD. THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

poor fang is still crying

awwww and jim's telling him pinocchio to calm him down! (but they suck at telling stories)

"do the voice"

and jim does the fucking voice

ed sounds like he's holding back tears as he describes sailing and robbing and never landing

"fuck you, stede bonnet" "good night, ed teach" HHHHHHH

stede come on man pick up a fucking oar you're not the captain any more

at least we got one romantic reunion! and it was buttons and the ocean <3

sdkfjhsdkjgsdk everyone being like "are we soup merchants now? sweet" and olu with his poor overworked brain cell like "hang on... there's no soup here"

ZHENG YI SAO FUCK YEAH BAY BEE

AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE!!! storytime with jim extended edition!!!!!

#our flag means death #ofmd

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quillyfied · 8 months

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Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART THREE:

- proud member of the “clocked those clocks” gang, literally said out loud “oh those clocks are bombs” AND!!!!

- And pair that with Stede’s “you never see the mediocre guys coming” SHE LITERALLY DID NOT

- Going back in time to the start of that endeavor, though, the tension and discomfort in watching Ricky and Zheng interact was just…it was a lot. Bc she’s trying her best to good cop/bad cop him, and it’s worked on every other person she’s tried it on (because she’s amazing at it and uses her own chronically overlooked charms as both a woman and a woman of color to make herself seem less threatening than she is until she drives home the point), but. Ricky is sort of a foil to Stede in that he’s an odd duck in aristocratic circles thinking that playing pirates will soothe something in him; the difference is that Ricky is an arrogant bastard down to his bones and has that Rich White Man thing of “if I can’t dominate this field then I will burn it down.” Zheng accidentally handing him the keys to destroying piracy is just. Oof. Ouch. Yikes.

- But!!! BUT!!! Zheng’s plan of “for a livable wage we will stop” is, to my memory, actually historically accurate!! China did have to pay her to stop. Twice, I believe. I might be wrong. I’ll be honest, I just watched the Puppet History episode about her when it came out and did no further research. But I should tbh.

- Patiently waiting for Calypso’s Birthday to be incorporated into the tumblr holiday pantheon. Wish we knew what day it was in-show.

- I looked up Ned Low bc I hadn’t heard of him (and oh the sweet irony in that), and was, I think, rightfully horrified and then greatly anticipatory for what was to come.

- And what do we get? Here’s another fancy lad who treats people as disposable and pokes right at Stede’s most vulnerable spots. And also has the most unhinged one-liners like I’m sorry your death was so well-deserved bc watching him verbally spar across the episode was a surprising delight.

- Not nearly as delightful as Stede dealing with the problem by unionizing Ned’s crew, and Lucius and Pete being the ones left to try and rush in and save the crew (thank goodness Stede had it handled, and OH MY WORD STEDE HAD IT HANDLED)

- Hellkat Maggie! A delight! And possibly historically real? One moment please.

- Holy crap she was! Not a pirate, actually an Irish American gangster in the mid 1800s, but heck!! Filed teeth and everything!

- And while I’m on Wikipedia: Zheng Yi Sao only surrendered/was paid to stop piracy once. But what a dramatic story that makes.

- Anyway can we stop everything to talk about how we got IZZY HANDS SINGING. AND WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!!

- Also glad to see I wasn’t mistaken, Roach was actually laughing his head off for the torture sequence. Of course he was.

- Fang hanging off the side with the goat though ;A;

- Also a hearty congrats to all the fic writers who not only called that Ed would not handle Stede being tortured well, but who also called that the “going slow” thing. Maybe. Wasn’t gonna last. I have a whole emotional maelstrom going over that so let’s unpack it a bit at a time.

- First, though: the Boatmance throuple dancing. I cry.

- Second: Stede going defensive over not just Ed, but all of his crew. Like a lot over Ed, bc Ned was a grade-A racist classist dick. But Stede’s reaction was not JUST about Ed.

- Also the encouragement of the crew to kill Ned versus Ed’s quiet begging for Stede not to. Because he knew it wasn’t going to rest easy on Stede’s shoulders. And it doesn’t—maybe it’s just me but Stede looks devastated the entire time, not just angry. It’s a Lot. What happened was objectively a Lot.

- Now the juiciest piece of the episode: Going Not Slow (while Izzy sings La Vie En Rose IN FRENCH—side note but for the next installment of my fishing AU, I had it as a note for MONTHS that Ed and Stede would be slow dancing to that song, under a very different emotional context but THAT SONG, because I listened to it out of the blue one day and it just hit me how tender and romantic a song it is and how they deserve a tender and romantic thing, oh my LORD ALMIGHTY)

- First, the elephant in the room: the footage was flipped. Why was it flipped. Why did they do that.

- Second, not sure if Ed is actually nodding at Stede before the kissing starts, but I love to interpret it that way. It’s such a slight movement, could just be natural head bobbing, but. A nod makes it so much sweeter.

- The whole thing being sort of overlaid by the undercurrent of grief, though; Stede isn’t okay, Ed isn’t okay, they aren’t okay and maybe need some comfort and reassurance in and from each other. Certainly an enjoyable way to get it, but it seems to be a subtle theme of the show that words alone and actions alone don’t fix things. They have to work together. Which is how we get a THIRD BREAKUP OKAY GOOD GRIEF BOYS GET IT TOGETHER

- Ed tossing his leathers sort of loses its impact some when you know he’s gonna fish them back up later but. Also. Just sort of builds that anticipation. And deepens the narrative, too—Ed doesn’t want Blackbeard anymore, he doesn’t want that life, but. Other people, Ed included, might NEED Blackbeard for what’s coming. He’s a symbol. A violent and dark one, but that’s piracy itself, too—dark and violent but also a gateway to freedom. The two sides of that coin are a great asset against the coming storm. Because THIS is the storm, Ricky and his navy mates cracking down for good on piracy.

- Also the storm is Ed and Stede’s hurricane of a relationship but uh also life threatening exploding clocks and the Republic of Pirates a sitting duck with a ton of ships and buildings damaged.

- Ed isn’t wrong for wanting to retire though. And Stede isn’t wrong for wanting to continue piracy now that he’s just getting the hang of it. I don’t know the solution. Pretty sure the show does. And I’m even more convinced that with one episode left and the showrunners angling for a third, we’re gonna leave on a pretty big doozy of a cliffhanger, both emotionally and plot-wise.

- Feel a little cheated that we didn’t get to see Stede’s shirt and Ed’s jacket come off before the fade to black but also perfectly content with what we got, euphemistic fireworks and gauzy curtain draw and all. Have I stared too long at the gifs to know that Ed is down to his t shirt and Stede’s trousers fit his waist in a lovely way? Maybe. You can’t prove anything.

- Anyone else screaming internally about how they LEFT THE DOOR OPEN THOUGH.

- I want a full shot of Ed’s pretty teal robe, though. Yummy.

- The domesticity of Ed’s beautiful breakfast in bed is not quite overcome by Stede being half-uncovered while Ed is covered head to toe though. Something something emotional vulnerability states, something something trajectory of relationship

- Bout time Ed got scared by the pace, though. Ed and Stede have swapped places. It doesn’t really suit either of them, and my goodness was it kind of cathartic to watch Zheng beat the crap out of Stede. Because. Let’s be honest: he deserved it. But back to my original point: seems like Ed and Stede are overcorrecting at this stage in their relationship. Came from different worlds, met briefly in the middle, now swinging back out to opposite extremes before coming back to the middle. Other people have said it and will continue to say it better, but. That’s how it seems to me right now.

- The little quiet ways that Izzy is reaching out to Ed and Stede both, though. And bonding with the crew. I love that we get that for him. It would have been just as narratively appropriate for Izzy to sink deeper into his own muck and toxicity, but to show that once given the space to feel safe and vulnerable, it can turn even the most “piratey” character into an actual member of the crew?? Who cracks amazing jokes and does himself up in drag makeup with Wee John and SINGS??? Love that for him. Love the message of that. Love how much that’s reflected in the rest of the crew, too.

- Frenchie getting the crew going on multiple grifts, though. Nice. Niccccce. A+++++.

- SWEDE IS HOT NOW. LOVE IT FOR HIM.

- Jim and Archie helping Oluwande out with Zheng, though. I’m hoping this polycule thrives. Because Jim and Olu deserve so many nice things.

- Stede’s whole fame drunk thing was so painful to watch but ALSO is anyone gonna talk about how Stede was accosted by a Freddy Krueger looking dude?? I hope he survived his (frankly astonishingly hot, pun slightly intended) immolation bc I want him showing up later with knife hands to complete the reference

- Painful to watch but so understandable. Stede letting it all go to his head is so so SO like Ed on the aristocrat ship, just naive and full up on the attention and not ready for that rug pull later.

- FANG AND ROACH TAKING A SELF CARE DAY BY A STREAM I AM SCREECHING

- Ed is absolutely in a panic. Stede is also in something of a panic. They both said things they don’t mean because they both need to have the last word, don’t they. Fishermen and pirates are nothing alike, Ed what even are you talking about. (I know what he’s talking about, I’m choosing to nitpick his choice of metaphor to illustrate he is wrong on both a surface and metaphorical level)

- TALK IT THROUGH AS A CREW MY ASS, STEDE

- Is there anything as attractive as Zheng Yi Sao competently and confidently taking down not just Steak Knife, but Stede? She hasn’t been seen in action all season. Now we get it. And she’s just as banter-prone as Stede, I love that for them. And for us.

- rip steak knife. You will be missed.

- Can’t wait to see Ricky’s pomposity getting smashed in. He’s a mediocre man. You don’t see them coming.

- I know I’m glossing over probably a lot but that was SUCH an episode batch. Such an emotional whiplash. Cannot WAIT to see the finale, and how the story is gonna end with that third season we are pretty please getting please PLEASE.

#our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #don’t mind me just quietly screaming to myself #ignoring real life for a bit

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izzy-b-hands · 2 years

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The return of Calico Jack! Wound care! No, seriously, this gets NSFW in a very gross way. If that squicks you, I'd give this one a skip (tbh, it even grossed me out writing it, if that says anything lmaoo.) That's a TW for emetophobia, wounds, wound care, and surgery here.

Otherwise, some Stede and Jack bonding, kind of! Izzy is having a Fucking Time of it, but he's gonna be okay. And Ed is just my dear ray of sunshine trying to be helpful to everyone about this whole mess. Also, Roach deserves everything he wants and a pay rise because jfc does he have a task here.

Also there's probably some inaccurate wound care both current and historical here, but I did my best going off memory from clinic research courses and what additional research I could stomach before it made me feel sick lol. Pls forgive any major fuck ups 😅

---

"Steve!" Jack cheered. "Pull me up, buddy!"

Stede didn't mean to stare, but the gaping wound in Jack's torso was distracting. "Have...have you been floating out here this entire time?!"

Jack nodded. "Salt water stings like a motherfucker!"

"Ed!"

Ed trotted over and immediately gagged. "Jack, what the fuck? I thought you were dead!"

"You can't kill Calico Jack!" Jack cheered. "Not that easy! I am so dizzy!"

"How are you still just...floating?" Stede asked.

"Well Steve-"

"Stede," Stede corrected.

"Right, Sten-"

"Stede," Ed interrupted.

"Yeah, I know, Stebe!"

"That's not even a fucking name, you twat," Izzy spat, joining them at the rail.

"Izzy!" Jack grinned. "Didn't miss you."

"The feeling is mutual," Izzy snapped. "I have a harpoon-"

"Wait, what?" Ed asked. "Why? When did you get that?"

"Does it matter?"

"Little bit," Ed scoffed. "I've never found a harpoon."

Izzy stared. "We took out at least four whaling ships over the last two years alone."

"And?"

"Ed, where else would they have harpoons laying around?!"

"A harpoon store, I don't fucking know!"

"I think we're getting distracted from the main issue here," Stede interjected gently. "Izzy, do you happen to have two harpoons, and would you be interested in teaching me how to use one?"

Izzy's eyes lit up. "In this case, absolutely. Do only have the one, but we can pull it back out and let you take a turn."

"No one is harpooning Jack!" Ed shouted. "Mostly because he'd apparently survive it no problem."

"King of stayin' alive, baby!" Jack crowed. "Can y'all actually pull me up though? Keep getting these fish all nibbling on me. Tickles, but then it hurts!"

"Oh," Stede sighed. "Pull him up."

"With what?" Ed asked.

"If I may," Izzy said. "Once again, I'd like to suggest the harpoon-"

"Izzy!" Ed shouted. "Enough with the harpoon!"

"Fine, fine," Izzy muttered. "Almost no good situations for a harpoon, then you finally get a chance and no one wants to use it!"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Jim shoved them aside, one by one, and tossed down a large net. "Get in!"

"In the net?" Jack asked.

Olu jogged over and patted Jim on the back. "I know. Deep breath. He's probably fairly sick with that...hole, in him, so he's not thinking clearly."

Slowly, Jack crawled into the net. "Now what?"

"This," Jim replied, and yanked the rope holding the net tight. With Jack safely netted, they dragged him up and over the rail.

"Here," Jim sighed. "He's your problem now."

"Actually, he's my problem," Roach said as he walked over. "Isn't he?"

"You are our surgeon," Stede said with an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Roach muttered as he bent down to free Jack from the net and examine his wound. "Okay, so...is that a fucking rum bottle? That's a fucking-"

He stood up and held up his hands. "Ed. I'll do my best, but I am guaranteeing nothing, because he's using it to store fucking rum!"

"Where else was I gonna put it?" Jack asked defensively. "Got a free extra pocket, why not use it?"

Stede and Izzy shared a glance as they gagged, but Ed knelt down to look closer.

"Jack, mate. That's not where that goes. Well, not like this at least. May I, um..."

He grimaced as he pulled the bottle free, only to jump up and vomit over the rail.

Stede braced himself to have a look. "You've got your coin purse in there! Money is filthy, Jack, that's so bad for a wound!"

"Well, like I say, I was trying to be fuckin' resourceful!" Jack shouted. "But apparently that's not acceptable here!"

"There's resourcefulness, yes, but this..." Stede spluttered. "Come on now, Jack!"

"Side note, it has been stuck in there for some time," Jack said. "Izzy, you wanna be a peach and see if you can't get that out?"

Izzy was incredibly pale, but nodded. "Sure I will. With the fucking harpoon! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"As you can clearly see, I have a bad wound and my money is stuck in it," Jack said matter-of-factly. "Keep up, Jizzy."

"No need to be rude," Stede said, then steeled himself, reached forward, and tugged on the purse strings.

The rush of... something, that burst forth was the final straw for Izzy, with Olu and Jim catching him as he passed out.

Roach, on the other hand, was intrigued. "Huh. Well, you cleaned a lot of it out with that. Nice job, Captain."

Stede nodded, holding the disgusting coin purse out in front of him. "I'm going to be sick."

He tossed the purse aside and joined Ed over the rail, who had resorted to deep breaths in between fruitless retching.

"The smell is so bad," he murmured to Stede. "How the fuck is he still alive?"

"Not by the grace of any god," Stede replied. "Because that's just cruel. I know he's seemingly okay with it, but oh my god!"

"Okay," Roach sighed as he knelt back down. "For the sake of everyone else, we're gonna do this out here to help the stench."

"Smell of success, baby!" Jack grinned.

Roach laid a hand on his forehead. "Yeah, no, that's an infection and a fever."

"But I'm still alive!"

Roach nodded. "You most certainly are. Who wants to help?"

Stede helped Ed back up from the rail, and raised a hand. Mostly because the rest of the crew had immediately and understandably skedaddled, except for Olu, Jim, and Izzy. Though Izzy was still pale, leaning on Olu and looking like he might pass out again at any moment.

"Awesome, full care team!" Roach smiled. "No? Well, I'm excited for it. Usually doing most of this shit on my own, but this is one there's no way I can do without help."

"Can I have that rum back?" Jack asked.

Ed gingerly picked it up by the neck, and handed it over.

"Alright," Jack took a long swig. "Let's rock n' roll, motherfuckers!"

"That doesn't go there," Stede said with a heavy sigh. "At least, I don't think it does. That's his... gallbladder? I think."

The surgery had been ongoing for the last two hours, with minimal success. Mostly because what was left of Jack in that section of his torso was in a less than ideal state.

"No, that's..." Roach turned it one way, then another. "Nope, sorry, you were right. Okay, that goes here then. The liver-"

"I know that one," Ed said cheerfully, though he grimaced as he took it from Roach and squished it back into place.

"I hate every second of this," Izzy muttered, eyes cast away from the ongoing Jack puzzle. Jack had insisted Izzy hold one of his hands during the procedure, and for reasons unknown, Izzy had agreed. If Stede had to guess, it was likely because Jim and Olu had dipped out after the first organ was readjusted, and holding Jack's hand was one point of contact to focus on to keep from passing out again.

"I know," Jack said. "That's what makes it more fun for me, Jizzy."

"Enough!" Stede snapped, and pinched the side of what he presumed was Jack's pancreas. "We are trying to help you; could you at least stop that shit!"

"What shit, Stebe?"

He pinched again, and Jack yelped.

"Ed, he can't fuckin' do that to me!"

"Everyone shut the fuck up!" Roach screamed. "This bit is delicate!"

They watched as Roach pulled a few other things from the wound, much to Jack's delight. There was: a pocket watch ("Been looking for that!) A small crab ("That's Ed Junior!) A wanted poster for himself ("They did a real lovely job on that drawing of me, I had to save it!")

"Okay," Roach sat back on his knees. "Jack. I need you to listen to me."

Jack nodded.

"Do not put anything else in this wound. Ever."

Jack sighed. "But-"

"No! No more anything in here, unless it's a salve or packing bandages!" Roach said sternly. "I will fucking sew you a bag myself if it keeps you from shoving anything else in here!"

"I know something Ed could shove in here," Jack winked.

Ed frowned. "You know that's too weird, even for me. Besides, I mean... it's a compliment, I suppose. Do appreciate that, but it isn't that big, and this wound is huge-"

"Please." Izzy swallowed hard. "Please stop. I am picturing it in my head, and I don't want to be."

"Fair," Ed nodded. "Roach, what's left?"

"Sanitizing, then wound packing, then we wrap him up and hope for the best," Roach replied. "And I'll be saving our liver stew for a different night."

"That would be best," Stede agreed. "Could even skip dinner tonight, or I probably will, at least."

"What about sewing him up?" Ed asked. "Shouldn't we do that?"

Roach leaned over and patted his shoulder. "Where exactly would I sew to what, man? I can't just create more skin for him."

"Got a bit of extra canvas, for the sails?" Jack asked. "Not skin, but would that help?"

Roach nodded hesitantly. "That actually might work. Izzy, can you-"

"Thank fucking god," Izzy cut him off and dropped Jack's hand, running off to find some spare canvas. Though at this point, Stede figured he'd cut apart their already flying sails if it meant the surgery would be over.

He returned with a large rectangular chunk, and dropped it by Roach before sitting back down to hold Jack's held out hand with a grimace.

"I can put you out for this bit," Roach said. "I mean, kind of. Better than being totally awake."

"I'm drunk as fuck; go for it," Jack nodded with another swig of rum.

Roach winced, and held a small bottle of antiseptic over the wound. "Count of three. One, two-"

At two, he poured it in.

Even Jack wasn't immune to that sort of pain, and it took all of them to hold him down until it subsided.

"There you go," Stede tried to smile, and wiped some sweat off of Jack's brow. "Almost better."

"That hurt worse than the fucking cannonball," Jack croaked.

"It'll help though," Ed said. "Now?"

Roach picked up a bundle of bandages. "Now, we pack. Just for a few days for now, to see if it soaks up any more infection hiding in there. At least, I've seen that work before."

"What about getting it back out?" Stede asked.

"Uh, well," Roach sighed. "This is why we aren't sewing him up right away. I want the canvas on hand and ready in case he does better than expected, but we'll have to clean and repack every day until then."

"This is fucking boring, and I wasn't hurting until now," Jack snapped.

"I can put you back in the ocean, if you want," Roach snapped back. "Shush!"

Jack looked appalled, but he did indeed shush.

"Almost done," Ed said as Roach worked.

"You're the one that got me hit, don't fuckin' play all nice," Jack grumbled. "Actually, all three of you fuckin' did this to me!"

Stede shrugged. Indirectly, they sort of had done so.

"Oughta kill you all," Jack growled.

"What did I say about shushing?" Roach asked. "Okay, now we need him up so I can wrap all the way around."

It took Izzy and Stede to pull him up, with Ed at the front ready to catch him if he fell that way. But finally, they were done.

"Gonna borrow your bed, Izzy," Jack said as he wandered off towards the closet Izzy had made into his room. "Hope you don't mind."

"I'll find you a new cot," Stede reassured Izzy. "We'll burn the old one once he's healed."

Izzy nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course," Stede said. "Besides, he'll probably...leak a little, as he heals, so-"

Izzy raced for the rail, barely making it before what little was left in his stomach reappeared.

"That one is my fault," Stede admitted. "Sorry about that, Izzy!"

"So I'm good?"

"I literally did not say that," Roach replied. "I said, Ed and Stede are going to hold you down while I sew the canvas on. It's going to hurt, and take some time because it's thick material. Then, we keep an eye on it for at least another week or two. Then, maybe, you'll be good."

"So, more or less, I'm good?"

Roach pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Hold him. Let's get this done."

They'd attempted to sound proof the galley/surgery with a few towels tucked under the gap of the door, but even so Stede knew everyone could hear Jack shouting.

"It'll be done soon," Ed said softly. "I mean, not really, but if you pretend it will be, that might help."

"Just kill me," Jack mumbled.

"Now," Stede scolded. "You made it through us playing around in your guts, and you want to tell me you can't handle this?"

Jack blinked. "What?"

"You heard me! The impossible to kill Calico Jack can't handle a little needle and thread?"

"It is a rather big needle," Roach admitted.

"Shhh," Stede hissed. "Let's not remind him!"

"Can you hold my hand?" Jack asked. "I mean, not that I want a weirdo like Steve here touching me, but-"

Stede grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Stede."

Jack nodded. "Stede. Thanks, man."

It felt like ages, watching Roach work and wiping sweat from Jack's forehead. Ed kept him in sips of rum to try and help distract from it, and helped mind the thread as more needed unwinding.

"Okay," Roach sighed, then grinned. "Welcome back! To... not having a giant hole in your torso."

Jack looked down. "Not bad. It's gonna stop hurting eventually though, right?"

Roach nodded. "We'll keep salves on it to stave off any infection, and some of them will help the pain. After that, there might be some residual aches here and there, but that's to be expected."

"Shall we get you back to bed?" Stede asked. "Can't imagine you want anything other than sleep now."

Jack nodded. "I don't wanna make things weird but, thanks again. All of you. Probably would have died eventually without this."

"That's not a probably, you would have died," Roach said. "You literally had organs all over the place."

"Yeah," Jack chuckled. "Sure did."

Ed took Jack's feet, and Stede grasped under his arms to carry him back to Izzy's room. There, Jack was out not more than a minute after they pulled a blanket over him.

"Think he'll be okay after we drop him off wherever he wants to go?" Ed asked as they walked back out to the deck.

Stede grabbed his hand and held it. "I'm sure he will be. He can stay here as long as he needs anyway, so we won't leave him anywhere until he's in decent shape."

Ed studied him curiously. "You still sort of hate him, don't you?"

"We are very different people, with very different interests and concerns," Stede said. "But...oh, I don't know. It's what I'd hope someone would do for me."

Ed pulled him in for a kiss. "Thank you. I know he can be an ass, and I'm not exactly happy with him myself after..."

"I know," Stede said. "Not exactly water under the bridge, but-"

He shrugged. "Better than before, at least."

"Get these today," Roach instructed. "Not tomorrow, not in a few days, today. You should be fine, but you'll want them on hand just in case. And if anything feels off, smells odd-"

"Go find a surgeon," Jack interrupted with a grin. "I listened!"

Roach smiled. "Alright. No more cannonballs to the torso, okay?"

"No promises!" Jack joked as Roach headed back to the Revenge. "So. Y'all don't wanna stay for a bit longer?"

"Are you going to miss us?" Stede teased.

"Ehh, I suppose I might," Jack blushed. "Not so bad, hanging out with all of you. Even Izzy."

Stede smiled, though he was grateful Izzy wasn't around to argue with Jack. He'd understand why, but, all the same. No, Izzy was near the beach, holding a Viking funeral for his old cot with the rest of the crew.

"We'll probably run into each other again," Ed said. "Hopefully not under the same circumstances though."

"Like I said, no promises, but I'll do my best," Jack said. "No, I think I'll wrestle a sea turtle, have some rum, then sleep out here under the stars."

"They have an inn," Stede said. "We could get you a room."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Well, if you need us, come find us," Ed said. "Easier said than done, but you know what I mean."

Jack nodded, clapped them both on the back, and wandered off towards the port's tavern.

He walked towards the beach with Ed, hand in hand, to join the funeral for Izzy's cot. "What are the chances he gets hurt wrestling a sea turtle?"

"Pretty decent," Ed frowned. "We should maybe stay the night."

"Just in case."

#text post #ofmd fic #i have to admit calico jack is growing on me more and more #not unlike bacteria grows on a gaping wound lmaooo #tw emetophobia #tw wound care #tw wounds #tw surgery #i think i got the major potential triggers tagged for but if i missed on #or if anyone needs any sort of tw tag added here pls let me know and I'll add it asap!!!

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oh-so-heavenly · 2 years

Text

It's time for chapter four of Our Flag Means Death

mary and stede 💔

they look constipated on their wedding,

THEY GAVE THEM GRAVESTONES?? (tbh i'm so dramatic i would like it, i'd show it to everyone i know)

"and don't play pirates with them" aw, why not :(

TAIKA WAITITI MY BELOVED

he's so hot. i mean, he's always hot but here, covered in leather, with long hair and the beard, looking like he hasn't taken a shower in years -he looks extremely hot

AND THE TATTOOS ❤️👄❤️

"they die quite dramatically, don't they? The Spaniards?" I mean, just above in this post i was saying how I'd like to have my own grave as house decor so, yeah

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

(sorry but the highlights are gonna probably be just Blackbeard from now on, he deserves it 🔥😌)

What's a frankfurter???

"Can we please focus?" I've got ADHD and I don't like your attitude, so, no :)

Ohh sausages, he's already seeing dicks on the clouds #mood

the uszh™ now available on Apple TV and Amazon Prime Video

that jump was so unnecessary and dramatic I LOVED IT

"hello, everyone I'm Blackbeard" hi, can i get your ig??

"huge fan, sir" that's a simp if i've ever seen one

I CAN SEE HIS BELLYBUTTON I NEED TO BOOP THE BELLYBUTTON BOOOOOP

"they've got a bird guy" unsupervised kindergarten kids indeed

#karl's the bird that's my mental state from now on

once again Stede is there with his tits out... as he should >:)

The Lighthouse 🥺

"and the children did that" look, Stede, my boy. I love you, alright? But AAAAAAAAAA

Blackbeard giggling owns my heart ❤️

"if you don't make a decision soon we're going to fucking die" "oh, now, there's an idea. I haven't done that one yet" i'm DEAD

I'm convinced Blackbeard is justa Gen Z: obviously not straight, has ADHD, loves trinkets and being dramatic all the time

NOT FRENCHIE NAILING HIS SHIRT

"hooolaaa" jsjsjs me encanta

"who's this Mary then?" R U JEALOUS??

the whole nightmare with Blackbeard looking like how Black Pete described him is hilarious

HE'S TOUCHING HIS HAND HE'S TOUCHING HIS HAND HE'S-

"do you work for blackbeard??" error 404 ed.exe has stopped working

"I'm Ed" SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY

"if you're not jim, can I be jim" jsjsj

"most pirates i know, they're dead" ok so the bar is pretty low then

✨rather exquisite cashmere✨

THE SECRET PASSAGE AND ED IS SIMPING FOR HIM HE'S LIKE A CHILD ON CHRISTMAS

"is that Blackbeard" "mh? No, I'm Blackbeard" I CAN'T- 💀

oh, fuck me, his sly smirk and the little "shh"

Frenchie is so stupid but I love him, this guy doesn't have a single braincell

HE'S SHOWING HIM THE LIBRARY

AND HE LIKES IT

idk viking vampire clown sound's fucking terrifying to me dude

"Nine guns??" That's what bothers him

"You're a fucking lunatic and I like it" that's explicit eroticism and i like it

WHAT IN THE- HE'S WEARING ED'S CLOTHES, HE LOOKS SO FANCY AND COOL AND LIKE HE'S SERIOUSLY TRYING TO LOOK COOL

HE'S MOVING THE SLEEVES, HE'S DANCING they are both dorks

Izzy just went out of the frame like, i'm done with this shit

"you can be a real bummer sometimes" all the time, don't be shy ed and admit it, he's a party popper

"That's Blackbeard" I love Ed so much

oh, wow, that was a resignation

"do you speak Spanish?" I do, cariño, in case you need any help

Ecclesiastical latin??? (The worst thing is that he's kinda right, Latin is easy when you know Spanish)

Asdfghjkl I cannot believe they were saved by fucking dick clouds

Please no don't make Blackbeard sad he can't be sad, he's like a puppy, he deserves to be happy :(

"just kind of rocky and flat" yes it is, Frenchie, yes it is

THEY ARE GOING TO BECOME A LIGHTHOUSE

They are hugging

!!!

he got rid of some gunpowder so he could have his marmalade, you gotta love this guy

WAIT WHY IS HE MAKING IT SOUND LIKE HE WANTS TO KILL STEDE. I DON'T LIKE THIS

More highlights: episode one / episode two / episode three / episode four / episode five / episode six / episode seven / episode eight / episode nine /episode ten

#our flag means death highlights #our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd #stede bonnet #blackbeard

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