#it was two months of hard work that felt like a marathon but I also had lots of fun writing it
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FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS | lee minho
PART THREE
You finally meet the man your friends Felix and Hyunjin have been blabbing about for the past couple months, and he's a royal pain in the ass.
Lee Minho is a legacy at your university. He received an honorary award when he graduated, got a position as a dancer in a company a week after receiving his diploma...and was renowned as the schools famous ice-cold fuckboy.
After coming back from a three month tour, you're introduced to him through your uni friends...and your life does a 180. It's hard enough to pass classes whilst also trying to navigate your failing relationship...but the added tension that comes with the dance prodigy you seem to be spending more and more time with?
Some would say it's too much to handle.
|Non idol AU|university AU|friends to lovers|
part three
If anyone tells you they don't like gossip, they're lying.
Everyone gossips, whether they do it intentionally or not. Sooyun was terrible for it, somehow always knowing the latest trouble with that couple everyone envies, or the friends she made on her course or whatever else. You couldn't pretend not to enjoy hearing what she had to say, always finding an interest in her stories. Most of it was just that; fictitious, but you couldn't care less. Gossip was gossip, a story was a story.
You'd never felt what it was like the be on the receiving end of the latest gossip, though.
It began when everyone started to talk about the fact you won the showcase competition, as the news spread quickly around campus and people you didn't even know were coming up to congratulate you. Luckily for you, after receiving as much praise as you did, Ms Kwon hadn't said a word to you about you changing her choreography, instead taking it in her stride and pretending as though it was her own.
You'd realised she was a morally grey character when Minho had told you she'd slept with a student, but you didn't realise to what extent. Knowing she was taking praise for the choreography you, Hyun and Felix had created did irk you, but what could you do about it. You were lucky you got off as easily as you did. You hated confrontation, you didn't want to cause trouble, so ignoring the situation suited you just fine.
The trouble started when Hyunjin had slid into the booth you were in at the university's cafe one day, which Jeongin had recently started working at. It was a week after the showcase, a Saturday afternoon, when he flopped in front of you, huffing and puffing as though he'd ran a marathon.
"Have you talked to your horrible boyfriend recently?" he breathed out after a while, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead as he slumped into the chair opposite you. Jeongin, who'd been enjoying a quiet shift and had come over to talk to you a couple times whilst you'd been studying, came over to join the two of you as he announced he was on a break, taking a seat beside Hyunjin.
"Yeah, why?" you said shortly, raising a brow at your dramatic friend. It was true, you had been talking to Doha more frequently after he'd come to watch you perform. He'd actually made an effort to message you, and you finally started to think things were going back to normal with him. Oh, how wrong you were.
"It's just...fuck, I'm so out of breath," Hyunjin whined, taking a drink out of your water glass, a habit of his you'd picked up on.
"Did you run here?" Jeongin asks seriously, moving his chair away from Hyunjin and his excessive sweat, making you chuckle.
"Would you believe me if I said yes?"
"Yes," you and Jeongin said in unison, earning an eye roll from Hyunjin and a high five between the two of you.
"Oh, fuck off, this is actually important," Hyunjin flipped the two of you off before downing the rest of your water and collecting himself. "Earlier I was at the library, right? Was with Serin, you know, the girl from your music course, Jeong?"
Jeongin nods his head, and you use your hand to motion, 'hurry up.'
"Okay, so we were studying in the non-silent study area so we could talk, flirt, whatever, and I overheard this group of girls talking behind us. They were talking about you," he says, nodding towards you. "One of them was on our course, I recognised her voice cause she was like, 'I'm so glad we won that showcase, cause all the dance teachers have been in a good mood all week, my assignment got moved to next week,' or whatever, and obviously when they started talking about you, I listened in. So, one of the girls asked who you were, and the one on our course explained, I think her names Lexi or something. Then one of the other girls was talking about how she's seen you around campus and thought you were really attractive which, by the way, girlboss."
You scoff at Hyunjin's idiotic way of telling stories but feel pride in the fact someone had thought of you as attractive. "Go on."
"Yeah, so after she said that, Lexi was like, 'unfortunately for you, she's got a boyfriend, I hear her friends talk about how they don't like him,' obviously talking about us, and then the one who liked you asked who your boyfriend was, and Lexi said Choi Doha, and one of the other girls pipes up, saying something about how one of her dorm mates is seeing a guy called Choi Doha, and Lexi is like, 'it's definitely not the same guy,' so her friend pulls up her phone and showed her Doha, your Doha's Instagram, like, 'is this him?', and Lexi is like, 'what the fuck, yes.'"
You screw your face up, your brain failing to compute the splurge of information Hyunjin's telling you. "So, this girl said my Doha has been seeing her dormmate?"
"In not so many words, yeah," Hyunjin confirms. "I saw her pull up his exact Instagram account, there was literally pictures of you on it. So they started talking about how Doha is apparently cheating on you with whoever that girl's dormmate is, and as soon as I heard that, I ran straight here to tell you."
Fuck. It's almost laughable how quickly you believe it. There's no doubt in your mind that Doha had been seeing someone else, regarding the state of your relationship recently. You feel Jeongin place a hand on yours, giving it a squeeze as he looks at you with sad eyes. You feel nothing, no sadness, no stress. It's almost a relief, knowing that there was a reason behind his behaviour recently.
"So, you ran straight here to tell me this, all the way from the other side of campus?" you almost laugh when Hyunjin nods. "You could have text or called me."
"It's not the type of shit you tell someone over the phone," he rightfully points out. You sigh.
"But, didn't you say you were with Serin at the library?" Jeongin asks Hyunjin, putting his work apron back on as his break comes to an end. Hyunjin nods. "And you ran straight here? So you just ditched Serin at the library?"
Hyunjin's eyes visibly widen. "I'm the worst."
"We love you in spite of your idiocy," you say to him as he groans. "Guess I have an awkward conversation to have, now."
"I expected you to be more, I dunno, sad?" Hyunjin says, no filter as usual. You and Jeongin give each other an eye roll from where he is behind the cafe counter. "I mean, sorry to be abrasive, but aren't you? Sad?"
"I guess I kind of expected it," you answer truthfully. "I'm not surprised."
"I fucking hate that guy," Hyunjin seethes, a disgusted look on his face. "I'd probably talk to Lexi though, just to make sure I didn't jump the gun. Not that I'm defending the asshole, I just wouldn't want you to go in all guns blazing if it isn't true." You nod, agreeing with him.
So, you made a plan to talk to Lexi on Monday after class to confirm what Hyunjin had overheard was true. You were honestly nervous the whole weekend, though you didn't know why. The worst that could happen was the Doha actually was seeing someone else, and you'd already accepted the outcome if that were the case.
Felix and Hyunjin had been acting as if you were a broken doll all weekend. Hell, even Seungmin was being unnaturally careful and nice with you, to the point you actually had to tell them all you were fine, and you didn't need them babying you. You understood that they probably didn't know how to act around you during such a weird time, but you wished more than anything they'd act normal with you.
Take now for instance. You're sitting in your last lecture of the day, patiently waiting for the clock to strike 5pm so you can have your long-awaited conversation with Lexi, and at your left side, all you see is two pairs of watchful eyes.
"You ready?" Hyunjin finally asks you, and you just nod, starting to pack up your things as your lecture ends. You spot Lexi a couple rows ahead of you, and Felix gives you a sad smile as you say your goodbyes and head in her direction.
"We'll wait for you outside," you hear Hyunjin say behind you as you approach your target.
"Lexi, hi," you say, tapping her on the shoulder to gain her attention. You like Lexi, you've spoken to her a couple times since she transferred from America, and you'd hope she'd help you in this situation.
"Oh, hey," she responds with a nervous smile, and you know she knows what you've come to ask her. "Congrats on the win, girl! You alright?"
"Yeah, thank you," you say whole heartedly. "This is really awkward, but Hyunjin overheard you talking to your friends in the library the other day, and I was wondering if you had time to talk."
Lexi's happy demeanour falters as she nods, smiling all the same. It's the last class of the day, so you just stay in the lecture hall since you have a feeling the conversation won't take long.
"I figured he overheard when he literally sprinted out the library," Lexi chuckles, though the sound comes out rather empty.
"Don't mind him any attention, he's an idiot," you laugh, an attempt to lighten the heavy situation. "He said something about my boyfriend seeing someone else?"
Lexi nods slowly, twirling her blonde hair in her finger nervously. "Yeah, so, my friend claims he's seeing one of her dormmates."
"Do you know who she is?" You ask, but Lexi shakes her head solemnly.
"Honestly not sure, my friend isn't that close with her dormmate, she's just met him when he's come to the dorm to see her, I dunno. I was honestly wondering if I should pluck up the courage and tell you, but obviously it isn't my place. I'm kinda glad you came up to me and asked, I'd hate to be the person that knew and was too scared to say anything."
You shrug with a smile. "Don't sweat," you reply, using one of Seungmin's sayings. "Thank you for being honest."
"No worries, honestly, I just wish I could have been more help," she says as she picks her bag up from the floor and the two of you make your way out the lecture hall where your two blonde buffoons are waiting for you.
"Sorry about this whole thing," you say as you begin to part ways, surprise taking over you as Lexi hugs you, wrapping her arms round your body with a gentle squeeze.
"I hope you figure things out," she says as she pulls away. "And, if you don't mind me saying, I'm jealous you have friends that care about you so much. If my friends had overheard people gossiping about me, they wouldn't pay any mind. Hyunjin literally bolted as soon as a bad word was said about you, you're so lucky."
You turn to smile at your idiots as they start to pick a fight with eachother, quickly pretending everything is normal when they notice you looking. "Yeah, I guess I am."
Lexi only nods and smiles, giving you a wave as she walks in the opposite direction. You sigh as you head towards Felix and Hyunjin, who both look at you expectantly.
"So?" Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, impatient as ever. You just nod in response, the three of you walking in the direction of your dorms.
"Yup. It's true, or so Lexi says, although she doesn't know the name of her friends dormmate," you explain, which Felix huffs at.
"I always knew he was bad news. I'm so sorry," Felix shakes his head, coming up to your side and wrapping an arm round you. Even though you weren't the biggest fan of physical touch, you didn't mind when it was with Felix. He always had a way of making you feel comforted.
"It is what it is. If he's willing to throw almost four years down the drain, then fine. Whatever," you say, walking alongside the two boys with your head on Felix's shoulder.
"It's okay to be upset," Hyunjin points out, walking backwards in front of you and Felix, surprisingly sincere. "Sure, he was a dick and in my opinion you're better off without him, but still. It's a big deal."
You think over his words, trying to find sadness in you. "Honestly, at this point, I'm angrier than anything else. Defending him and believing the best in him when he was a cheating cunt the whole time."
You watch as Hyunjin flashes Felix a grin, who reciprocates the action as Hyun slings an arm around you, the three of you squeezing together. "That's my girl."
"When you gonna talk to him?" Felix asks you, coming to a stop when you reach your dorm. You sigh, running a hand through your hair.
"Fuck knows. I've got classes all week, and the bus to his is an hour long, so probably not until the weekend," you explain as the boys nod their head. Felix gives you one last sad look before pulling you in for a hug. Hyun laughs at his emotional friend before joining. "You guys know I'm gonna be fine, right?"
"We know," Hyunjin pulls away first, practically dragging the younger blonde along with him. "You've got to understand we've watched you be treated horribly for almost a year now, we're just worried about you."
"You're our friend." Felix iterates, warming your heart. "As much as Hyun likes to pretend he doesn't, we care about you, so if there's anything we can do for you let us know."
Hyunjin rolls his eyes but nods all the same, giving you a wave as they start to head to their own dorm.
"Thanks guys, I'll see you tomorrow," you say as you unlock the door to your dorm, heading up the stairs to your floor. Seungmin's in the communal kitchen when you arrive, giving you a smile when you walk through. He'd texted you during your lecture that he was making food, so to come home with an empty stomach, and you swear you lucked out with your dormmates this year.
"You're my angel," you say to Seungmin as you take a seat at the table beside him and dig into the food he's made. Seungmin makes a face at you but pours you a glass of water all the same.
"So? What's the verdict?" He asks, and you give him a look that he can easily read. You'd grown pretty close with Seungmin over the last month, so much so that you'd started being able to communicate without talking. You did live with him, after all.
"Lexi said it's true, but I'll still need to talk to him at some point. I dunno, I don't even want to see him," you explain through mouthfuls of food. "At least I know why he's been so off with me recently."
"You always know how to look on the bright side of things," Seungmin tilts his head, as if analysing you. "It's disgusting."
"I'm not about to wallow in self-pity. You could all see this coming a mile away," you say, though your voice does come out sadder than you intended it to. "Still sucks though."
Seungmin nods. "Well, I have something that might make you feel better." You look at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. "Minho's having a housewarming party, well, apartment warming, on Wednesday. Want to come?"
"A party on a Wednesday?" You question, piling in another mouthful of food.
"Since Minho's on a break from work he's decided he can do whatever he wants. Everyone kicked up a fuss but he's refusing to change the date."
"Ah," sounds like Minho. "I thought he lived with Jisung?"
Seungmin hums before answering you. "He did, but now that he works for his company, he's only at home half the year and rent was getting too expensive for Jisung since he lives off campus but still goes to uni, so he moved in with Changbin and Minho got his own place."
You nod at his explanation, sighing. "I dunno, I don't want to just start barging into your friendship group when I'm not welcome."
Seungmin shakes his head disappointment as you laugh at his reaction. "You're not barging anything, I'm inviting you. The guys think you're cool, I promise they want you there."
You think about it for a couple minutes, until Seungmin speaks up again. "Even Jeongin has been talking highly of you recently, and he's very hard to impress. And as much as Minho probably gives you a hard time, he's not said anything negative about you yet, so that's a win."
The words are reassuring, and it doesn't take long for you to say yes to, and actually start looking forwards to Minho's apartment warming party. Seungmin had let you know it was actually more of a small social gathering, since it was only his friend group attending, which suited you much better anyway.
When it came to Wednesday night, you were in two minds about going out. You'd successfully avoided talking to Doha all week, but even with everything that was going on between the two of you, you were technically still in a relationship, and you felt bad hiding where you were going from him. You whittled it down to the fact you'd been so used to how to act in a relationship that you were starting to lose your way now that you felt it was coming to an end.
You'd also hardly spoke to Sooyun. Not only was she your best friend, she was also really good friends with Doha too, and since you weren't able to talk to Doha in person until Friday, you didn't want to mention anything to Sooyun. So, despite her texting asking to see you, you'd brushed her off. You felt terrible, but you wanted to deal with the hurdle that was your dickhead boyfriend before telling Sooyun what was going on.
Pushing the stressful thoughts you were having to the back of your mind, you knocked on Seungmin's door. Minho's was apparently only a ten-minute walk away, so you and Seungmin had planned to walk together. He opened the door, closing it behind him and walking out of the dorm with you.
"The boys are under strict instructions not to bring up your whole, you know, situation. So don't worry," Seungmin opens the main door for you, letting you walk down the stairs first. "But be careful, cause now that there's even a slight chance, Changbin will go for you."
The two of you fall into step, you following Seungmin as he knows where Minho's apartment is. "How many times do I need to explain to you that I'm fine," you push Seungmin slightly, so he dips off of the pavement before walking back onto it. "And no, he won't. He said I wasn't his type."
"That's just a ruse," Seungmin says slyly, glaring. "He wants to throw you off his track, but don't fall for it. He'll break your heart."
You scoff, crossing the road outside the University dorm complex and onto the street. "As if. Plus, you're talking as if I'm not still currently in a relationship."
Seungmin gives you the world's most annoying look, hands on his hips with his head tilted.
"Shut up," is all you bring yourself to say. "You know what I mean."
Seungmin mimics you before sticking his tongue out and leading you across another road, into an apartment complex. It takes him a while to find the right apartment number, since this was the first time he was visiting and only new the address, but as soon as he found it you could tell you were in the right place. You could hear shouting and music from outside.
Seungmin rings the intercom for Minho's apartment and the main door opens quickly, the two of you walking in. The first thing you notice is that there's an elevator, and all you can think is how rich Minho must be to be able to afford a place like this. You and Seungmin share an eyebrow raised look as you go into the lavish elevator, watching as Seungmin presses the number seven. When you reach his front door, it's been left open for you both to go in.
It's evident you and Seungmin are the last two to arrive, as the smell of alcohol is pungent throughout the apartment, and it looks as though your friends are already drunk.
"Hey! It's my favourite girl!" Felix smiles at you, a huge toothy grin, as he pulls you haphazardly into his embrace. "Long time no see!"
You give in to his hug, giving him a squeeze before pulling away and tilting your head at him. "We had classes together all day, idiot."
Seungmin shakes his head at his friend, which Felix instantly picks up on and gives the taller man a frown. "Why are you guys so late?"
"What do you mean late?" Seungmin questions, narrowly avoiding something flying in the air past him and responded to with a burst of laughter, which he ignores. "Minho told us to be here for nine."
Felix shakes his head, almost spilling the contents of the drink in his hand as he does so. "Nuh uh, did you not read the group chat? He moved it to seven."
"Ah," Seungmin, who definitely did not read the group chat, says. "That I did not see."
"No mind, just means you two have to play catch up!" Felix giggles, grabbing your hand to lead you through to Minho's kitchen. There's bottles of alcohol set up on the counter and Felix takes one, hastily filling up two shot glasses to give you and Seungmin. The two of you take them reluctantly.
"I'm getting flashbacks," you say with a groan when Seungmin intertwines his arm with yours to take the shot, thinking about how rough the two of you were the day after your last party. You'd pigged out on the couch with Felix, watching tv and eating rubbish.
You gulped down your first shot of the night, Seungmin shaking his head quickly as if to rid himself the taste.
"Jesus, Felix, that's strong," Felix clicks his tongue while Seungmin complains, waving his hand and dragging you both (and a bottle of alcohol) through Minho's lavish apartment.
"C'mon, the others are through here," he says, leading you to Minho's living room where the rest of the boys are either standing to play beer pong on Minho's dining table or sprawled out on the sofas. His living room is gorgeous, large windows and high ceilings.
"You two have finally showed up," Jisung says, abandoning beer pong to berate his friend. "If you don't start reading your messages, I'm gonna kill you."
"Violence isn't always the answer," Seungmin retorts as Hyunjin walks over to welcome you.
"Yes, it is," you hear Minho shout from beside Chan, the two of them on a beer pong team, earning a disappointing look from the man next to him.
"Here," Hyunjin says, taking your wrist and leading you over to the beer pong table to stand beside Jeongin, who gives you a warm smile and who you assume was in a team with Jisung before he abandoned. "You be in a team with me and Jeongin versus Minho, Chan and Felix."
"We've got this win already," Minho says cockily, fist bumping Chan as he takes his first shot, which he is annoyingly successful at.
You were actually pretty good at beer pong, having played it with your friends throughout high school. You downed the drink with ease and took your throw, landing the shot. You're met with cheers from your teammates, Hyunjin slinging an arm over your shoulders as Jeongin takes his shot. He misses, but so does Chan, so you're still even. Hyunjin makes his shot, but Felix misses his (probably because he can't see straight), so you get in the lead.
The game continues for a while, and you feel yourself getting tipsy from downing so much alcohol. Minho is ridiculously good at beer pong, although his friends are just as shocked as you, since he apparently doesn't try hard when he usually plays. Even still, it means you're the one that has to down most of your teams' drinks.
"Someone fill in for Felix, this isn't fair," Chan complains when their team have one cup left and yours has three. Poor Lix has missed every single shot he's tried to get so far, and he doesn't complain when he's booted out the game with Changbin as his replacement.
"We should have had him from the start," Minho laughs when Changbin lands his shot with a cocky grin. Hyunjin downs the drink, and the turn goes to you. You miss the shot, earning yourself a pat on the back from Hyunjin and a fake sad look from Minho, who gets his shot, making you down a drink and evening up the score.
"Next one to make the shots the winner," Jeongin points out as he takes his shot, it hitting off the rim of the cup. Chan takes his shot and misses it too, but when it gets to Changbin's turn, after kissing his bicep and putting on a show, he makes his shot and the game ends with Hyunjin downing both drinks left on the table and your team as losers. You shake your head at the three boys opposite you.
"What a comeback!" Chan shouts. "Losers have to do shots!"
"Hey, that wasn't in the rules," you point out, tilting your head with a frown.
"Don't care, there's more alcohol in the kitchen," Minho says slyly, so with a huff you turn on your heel to get it. You couldn't help your competitive nature. That's what happens when you grow up as a dancer.
You don't even get a minute to yourself, though, since Minho's on your tail and enters the kitchen right after you do. "Don't be a sore loser."
"I'm not," you say, holding up the bottle of alcohol in your hand and wiggling it as if to prove yourself. The two of you fall into silence for a minute as you struggle to pull the cork out of the bottle, and you can almost feel Minho's eyes watching you with an unnerving smirk until he's had enough of watching you and wordlessly takes the bottle to open it for you. He places it back in your hand when he's done, so you start to pour shots for you, Jeongin and Hyunjin.
You can feel the tension in the air. Although you've only conversed with Minho a handful of times, you can tell he has something to say, so you turn and look at him expectantly.
"I'm not gonna say I told you so," he starts, but you can read him better than that.
"Yes you are."
"I told you so," he says, crossing his arms and going against his word.
"Great, so you have also heard my boyfriend is cheating on me. Fab," you sigh, turning away from the shots to face the man beside you. You hate how good he looks right now, hate that his smirking gaze pierces straight through you. That stupid smirk. You'd wipe it off his face if you could.
"Felix is a blabbermouth, he can't keep a secret for the life of him. You should know this by now," he says, leaning back on the counter behind him with ease. You open your mouth to shoot some sarcastic comment at him, until he stops you, his gaze turning strangely sincere. "Seriously though. Your boyfriend's a cunt for doing that to you after four years."
"Yeah, he's pretty much the worst," you chuckle, the sound coming out hollow. "Should have listened to you guys when you told me that. Hyunjin and Felix have been saying the same thing for almost a year."
"Well, they weren't wrong," he points out, which you roll your eyes at. "But, if you ever want to talk about it with someone who has an IQ over 70, I wouldn't mind hearing you talk shit about him.
You almost smile at this. "That's unusually nice of you."
"Oh, there's nothing nice about it," he says in a matter-of-fact way. "You're naïve and annoying, I'd rather you mouth off to me than some other poor soul. Plus, I enjoy hearing people talk badly about people who deserve it. This is all for my benefit, really."
You can't help but to laugh at this. You should be annoyed he's just blatantly insulted you, but there's something almost admirable about the way Minho is so unapologetically himself, never afraid to say exactly what he's thinking.
Your short-lived conversation is interrupted, however, when a tipsy Hyunjin stumbles through complaining about how long you're taking to prepare the shots. So, you leave the kitchen and go back through to the living room.
You're not surprised to see Felix crashed on the couch, snoring lightly. He's accompanied by Jeongin, who also seems to be out the for the count. Chan, Jisung, Seungmin and Changbin appear to be having arm wrestling competitions with each other, which Changbin is clearly dominating. You give the shot you poured for Jeongin to Jisung, who scoops it with ease.
After you watch Seungmin lose the arm wrestle against Chan, he huffs with a sour expression before coming over to you. "Want to go? It's getting late and we've got early classes tomorrow."
You nod, stretching your limbs as you start to say bye to everyone. When you go over to say bye to Felix, who definitely won't be making it to his 9am class, he doesn't budge an itch when you poke his cheek. Jeongin only stirs slightly, and you can tell the two will be sleeping here tonight.
Hyunjin gives you a hug before you leave, holding your shoulders in his hands as he talks to you. "I may or may not see you tomorrow, depending on if I can drag Lix home or if we'll crash here."
"Hm, I have very little faith in you," you reply, earning a scowl from your friend as you turn to leave with Seungmin. Minho's holding the door open for you both.
"Good luck with them," Seungmin raises his eyebrows at Minho, nodding his head towards the living room.
"Mm, I'll need it," Minho chuckles as Seungmin walks out. You give Minho a weak smile as you depart, but he catches your attention.
"My offer still stands," he says with a half smile. "Here if you need an intellect to talk to about the shit show of your life."
You roll your eyes at him, but you can't help to crack a smile. Sober you would probably give a snarky comment back to the asshole standing beside you, but drunk you can't find it in you to care. In his weird way, Minho seems to be showing you that he actually does care, at least a little bit.
"I'll keep that in mind," you tell him, turning to walk back to your dorm with Seungmin. He gives you a weird look as you go down the elevator together.
"What was that all about?" He asks you, raising an eyebrow.
You scoff, waving your hand as if to dismiss him. "Literally nothing. He just mentioned something about me being annoying and how he'd be doing the human race a favour by talking to me about my boyfriend's issues."
Seungmin laughs at this as you leave the elevator and start your walk. The air feels cold, goosebumps forming on your skin from the October air. "Don't pay him any mind. He won't stop winding you up till you crack."
"I don't doubt it," you reply. Though Minho was utterly frustrating, full of himself and simply cocky, there was this underlying gentle side of him you'd seen a couple times now. You didn't know if it was this, or that Lix and Hyun had spoke so highly of the man, but something about him intrigued you.
"Just be careful with him," Seungmin says as you turn into the student accommodation complex. "He's one of my best friends, but so are you, and I'm sure you've heard all about him."
You can't help but to shake your head fondly at your friend. "You worded that so poorly," you chuckle. "But don't worry. You're acting as if I'm gonna go there."
He tilts his head in a way that frustrates you, so you give him a gentle nudge. "Shut up, Min."
He says nothing more as you part ways when you reach your dorm, the two of you saluting each other instead of saying goodbye.
Friday evening rolls around, and it was safe to say you were shitting yourself. Hyunjin and Felix had been hyping you up all day, Felix having spent all of Thursday nursing his killer hangover and barely making it to classes on the Friday. They'd told you not to tell Doha you were coming to see him, and instead just show up and demand answers.
You didn't know whether or not it was a good idea, but you didn't want things to get awkward if you messaged about coming to see him beforehand. You wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even check his messages, and would probably be pointless anyway. So, here you were, sitting on the bus to his university.
You went over, in your head, what you were going to tell him a million times. 'I've been told you've been seeing someone else, is that true?', 'I've been told you're a cheating scumbag, is that true?'. It wasn't as if it was the fact that he actually was seeing someone else that worried you terribly; you expected nothing less. It was just the whole idea of the argument, the breakup. You absolutely hated confrontation, avoided it at all costs, but at this point it was inevitable.
You knew the route to Doha's accommodation from the bus stop, since you'd visited a couple times since he'd moved in. You were sure Doha or one of his dorm mates would buzz you in, and this rang true when you were let into his dorm as soon as you'd rang the buzzer on the intercom when you arrived.
You walked up the stairs slowly, taking deep breaths as you did so. You couldn't help but be nervous, anticipating the end of your four year relationship. Luckily, when you knocked on their dorm door, it was one of Doha's dorm mates that opened it for you, though you didn't miss the way his face paled at the sight of you.
"Oh, hi," he said, blocking the door way. You'd been introduced to him before, but couldn't quite remember his name. He obviously recognised you though, and you could guess that he knew about your relationship troubles from the way he was acting.
"Hey, am I okay to come in? I just came to see Doha," you explained, giving the man in front of you a look when he made no attempt to move. He didn't even say anything, just stared at you. "Can I just-"
You manoeuvred yourself, physically moving past him to get into the dorm. Doha's door was the first door on the right, but when you tried to push it open, it was locked. You instantly knocked on the door, assuming he was inside.
"Uh, Doha isn't here," his dorm mate said hastily, moving towards you with widened eyes. You scrunched your eyebrows at him when you heard movement from inside the room.
"I literally told you I had company," you heard Doha's voice from behind the door, and you knew he was busted. Time seemed to move in slow motion as Doha opened the door, his dorm mate trying to block your view, and your jaw dropping. Because there, sitting clearly in your eye line, was your best friend.
Sooyun sat smiling on Doha's bed, legs crossed, wearing only underwear with a laptop balancing on her lap. You felt your breath catch in your throat at the sight as you made eye contact with her. The look of horror on her face came instantly, and she was almost scrambling to get up.
You slowly turned your head to look at your decidedly now ex boyfriend, his shocked expression matching your own. You felt sick. You were prepared for the worst, but this was hell. Your best friend and your boyfriend. Behind your back.
It all made sense now. Sooyun must have been dorm mates with that girl who was friends with Lexi. She was the one your boyfriend had been seeing behind your back. As you turned on your heel to remove yourself from perhaps the worst situation you've ever had to deal with, every encounter, every moment with the two of them was running through your mind. How they'd show up places together, how Sooyun didn't seem to be bothered that he was treating you badly or that you'd been spending more time with Felix and Hyun than Doha.
You blocked out all forms of noise as you rushed out of their dorm building and onto the street. Tears stupidly threatened to well in your eyes, only spilling when you felt a dainty hand grab your wrist.
"Please, just hear me out," Sooyun cried, her cheeks wet. She'd decided to put on some clothes, it seemed, as she stopped you from walking away from her. "This is not how I wanted things to go -"
"Tell Doha we're over. Enjoy him," you said shortly, pulling your wrist out her grasp.
"God, stop! Just listen!" She almost screamed, but you didn't even notice the stares the two of you were getting.
"Don't ever fucking talk to me again," you stopped walking away, turning to talk lowly at her and ignoring the pained expression on her face. "I don't care if that cunt cheats on me. We've been friends since we were toddlers, Sooyun."
"I know, and I'm so sorry, but -"
You laugh, an empty sound that almost scares yourself. "Hope he was worth it."
You walk fast, heading out the university complex and to the bus station. The buses ran to Seoul every five minutes, so you didn't have to wait long until you could travel home. You ignored the shouts of you former friend as you walked.
You cried on the bus, tears streaming down your face. Four years of a relationship down the drain, sure. You could sense the fact you and Doha were drifting from each other, and as horrible as it was you could accept it. But Sooyun?
You'd met in pre school. She stuck up for you when your four year old self had to deal with classic kids not playing fairly, taking their jokes too far, and since those days you'd stuck by each other. She was there for you when you got your first period and didn't have a clue what you were doing. You were there for her through her parents divorce. There wasn't an obstacle life could throw at the both of you couldn't get through. Except, for this.
You stormed into your dorm, evidently furious. Long past the tears, you could not believe how much of an idiot you had been not to see it sooner. You knocked on Seungmin's door, hoping for him to come out and listen to your horror story. After a couple minutes and no answer, you go through to the kitchen. Your other two dorm mates are there, watching tv together. They were nice enough, and you all got on well, but they were much closer with each other, similar to you and Seungmin.
"Hey," you greeted, earning a smile from them both. "Do you guys know where Seungmin is?"
"He said he was going out with some people from his team," one of them replied. "Don't think he'll be back till late." You groaned, remembering Seungmin had mentioned a night out with his baseball teammates.
"Everything alright?" Your other dormmate asked, looking genuinely concerned. You would have loved to say no, everything is awful, and just had a huge rant then and there. But you had no intention of spoiling their night with your problems, and you definitely weren't close enough for that.
"Yeah, I'm fine - just had to tell him something," you say hurriedly. It's then an idea strikes in your mind. It's a stupid idea, and you'll most likely either make a fool of yourself or regret it, but it would solve your problem.
So that's how you end up walking in the pouring rain, the weather a sour contrast from earlier. You don't even care that you're catching a chill, the rain absolutely pelting down and drenching you as you try to remember the direction of where you want to go. You're practically stomping at this point, your thin raincoat doing nothing to shield you from the weather as your feet splash through puddles.
You attempt the buzzer, not knowing if he will ring you in or not, but he does. It's only during the elevator ride that you start to second guess yourself. You could leave now, and there would be no repercussions. But, you don't. You have no idea what drives you to stick with your plan, but you reach your destination with a shiver, knocking on the door. You hear him come to the door, opening it...
Until your dripping wet, face to face, with Minho.
"What the fuck?"
PART FOUR HERE!
taglist
@miamyre @skzgallll @kgllmre @tangerminie @nepytune @jeyelleohe @dis-baku-bitch @judeduartewannabe @endzii23
#bang chan#changbin#felix lee#han jisung#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#jeongin#hyunjin imagines#lee know#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin x you#stray kids#seungmin#skz lino#skz smut#stray kids x you#hwang hyunjin x you#hyunjin fluff#skz#skz fluff#lee know x reader#lee know smut#lee know fluff
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Has anyone asked for any proposal details for Break yet? It’s so fun to revisit all of your stories!
Hello, Anon! I'm so sorry it took me this long to get to this one. I've actually had this in my drafts for literally years but it never felt quite right, so I didn't post it. I'm so glad you asked for it, though. It gave me the kick I needed to revisit it and figure out what was wrong. Hope you enjoy! And also, here's a link to the last chapter of Break, since it kind of helps to remember what happened in it for this to make sense.
<3 kdnfb
He thought about doing it on the twenty-third. That’d be exactly four months. July twenty-third. But she’d be expecting that, and a part of him still wants it to be a surprise. Well, not a surprise, but spontaneous. At least seemingly so. Hard to be spontaneous when they not only set a deadline of sorts, but he’s also practiced what he’d say in front of the mirror when she’s not home and has planned the evening nearly to the minute.
Wanting to catch her at least a little unguarded, so he can see her real reaction, he decides to ask her on the twenty-fourth. Just late enough to make her wonder, but not enough to make her think he’s forgotten.
Only, she calls him at work over her lunch break on the twenty-fourth and spends fifteen minutes venting about her boss being an inconsiderate, drunk dickhead. Not keen on the idea of proposing to an angry Katniss, Peeta decides it can wait one more day.
The next day, he leaves work a little early to prepare, but when he walks through the door of their apartment, he’s greeted by laughter. When the door shuts behind him, announcing his presence, Katniss and Prim call out a cheerful greeting to him from the couch before returning to their whatever show they’ve clearly just started to marathon. No big deal. He adjusts, making dinner for the two girls and staying out of their way, keeping a smile on his face and not fretting over the ring still sitting in his bottom drawer, buried under his jeans. He can wait until Prim’s surprise visit is over.
Two days later, when Prim has finally left, Katniss herself delays his plans. He inserts his key when he returns home that afternoon, but before he can turn it, the door flies open and Katniss yanks him into the apartment by his tie. She doesn’t even undress him all the way, just unzips his pants, pushes them and his shorts down enough to free his cock, and shoves him down onto the first chair they come to in their living room.
“Katniss, what—“ he doesn’t get to finish his question because she climbs on top of him, pulling the skirt of her filmy sundress up as she straddles him. He notices that she’s not wearing any panties. “Holy shit.”
He gasps as he feels her wet lips caressing over his cock. Her mouth descends on his and he grips the arms of the chair for a second, until he can’t keep his hands off her any longer and grips her hips instead, holding her steady as she rocks her body back and forth, coating him with her arousal.
He’s hard in seconds, aroused and dazed enough to go along with it when she sinks down on top of him and starts moving. Slow at first, her knees jutting up and her thighs working hard enough to quiver. He cups her cheek in one hand and kisses her softly, drinking down her throaty moans and gentle sighs.
Peeta’s heart aches with how beautiful she is when she lifts her head and looks down at him, her gray eyes like molten silver, overflowing with love and need. He whispers to her the truth, about how incredible it feels being inside her. Joined to her. Feeling her orgasms unfold around his cock.
Something he says snaps her loose, though, because she whimpers his name and then bites her lip. Bucks her hips wildly. She curses loudly and digs her nails into his shoulders. She throws her head back on a tortured groan when he slides his thumb down in between her lips until its wet, then drags his touch up to her clit. She comes within minutes, the powerful clench of her walls enough to milk his own release from him.
When she collapses onto his chest, moaning about how glad she is that their house guest is finally gone, Peeta figures now isn’t the time to propose. Not with his semen and her release mingling together and seeping from her body, soaking his shorts and his suit pants. He probably could, but he wants his proposal to be clear.
Their relationship may have gone from friendship to sex to love on the surface -- he’d always been in love with her, long before that first game of strip pool -- but he’ll be damned if she has any reason to think he proposed to her because he was stupid with sex.
Besides, Katniss doesn’t seem to notice or care that their arbitrary deadline from their bet over four months ago has come and gone without Peeta asking her to marry him. Not when they spend it naked and grinding against nearly every flat surface and a few not so flat surfaces in their apartment. After that, there’s no chance to propose, since they fall asleep, tangled in sheets and one another’s arms.
But today, he is determined. He’s going to ask her. And hope to everything sacred to them both that she hasn’t changed her mind. She would never have sunk that eight ball if she didn’t want him to ask. It’s part of why he distracted her the night of their game. To give her a way out of her impulsive wager if she wanted it. But she hadn’t. She deliberately walked out the next morning, smirked at him, and took her shot, all but declaring to him that she wanted him to propose to her.
And while Katniss might be many things, he’s never known her to be deliberately cruel. If she wants him to ask, it means she wants to say Yes. Knowing the probable outcome does nothing to soothe his nerves as he leaves work early to get the dinner started.
He’s just about got everything ready to go, except the flower petals he’d planned on scattering over the floor, when Katniss opens the door and calls out to him that whatever he’s cooking smells amazing. Peeta wipes his palms on his slacks. Well, he thinks, the flower petals would’ve probably been too much. Katniss doesn’t care for ostentatiousness.
“Ready in five minutes,” he tells her as she kisses his cheek and then disappears into their room to change out of her work clothes. While she’s doing that, he serves up the dishes and lights the candles.
When she emerges, dressed in maddeningly short cotton shorts and one of his ratty old college t-shirts, his heart sinks a little and he rethinks his plan. No girl wants to be proposed to in loungewear, do they? She smiles at the setup, the candlelight glinting off her irises, turning them a darker mercury lit from within, and he’s momentarily stunned by how beautiful she is.
“What’s all this for?” she asks, sliding into her seat that he holds out for her at the table and pulling her legs up to cross them on the chair.
“Just because,” he says nonchalantly and sits beside her. He’s not even settled before she’s begun eating, and he smiles at the relish with which she consumes the food. Katniss eating is one of the most pleasurable and erotic things he’s witnessed. The way she savors every bite and moans around both new and favorite flavors alike.
His cock twitches to life, and he flushes, mentally scolding himself for his unchecked lust. But it’s not just lust. They share small glances and talk over the meal. She snorts once when he makes her laugh, claps her hands with glee when he serves dessert, and in the soft glow of the candle light Peeta relaxes. This is who they are, after all, and ratty t-shirt or not, he wants more than anything for his proposal to reflect who they are to each other.
“Katniss,” he says, twining their fingers together when she puts down her fork and licks the last of her dessert from her lips. She lifts his hand to her mouth and kisses his knuckles. The gesture so tender and soft that he’s momentarily rendered speechless.
“Dinner was incredible. You must’ve worked so hard on it. Wait here while I clean up?” she murmurs.
All he can do is nod and let go of her as she stands, gathering both of their plates. She leaves him and as the water starts in the kitchen, he can hear her singing, along with the accompanying clanking of the dishes.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Pull it together,” he berates himself. It still takes him until she’s done to work up the nerve to join her in the kitchen, and he starts talking before he even makes it there. He’s looking down, tugging the ring from his pocket.
“Katniss, there’s something I need to…”
But he trails off when Katniss comes into his line of sight. Kneeling on one knee right in front of him. She’s still wearing her comfortable clothes, but now an almost frightened smile quivers over her lips.
“I know you’re an utter romantic and I’m probably stealing your thunder here, Peeta, but I can’t wait any longer to ask you. And well, this is me after all, right? Impulsive and messy and more likely to propose in my pajamas than in a dress but you love me anyways.”
“Katniss,” he breathes out, his heart pounding so hard, he doesn’t care that he’s stealing his thunder.
“And I know the bet was for you to propose to me, but I need you to know that would’ve asked that day. But I really wanted to cream you in pool again and was definitely willing to play dirty for it.”
He laughs at this and then manages to pull his scrambled brain together.
“I play dirtier.” He holds the ring out in front of her. “Katniss will you marr--”
“Yes!” she shouts elatedly, cutting him off and practically leaping into his arms. He almost drops the ring as he slings his arms around her to catch her. Then she’s laughing and kissing him. “In a hundred different lifetimes, the answer is always ‘Yes,’ Peeta.”
He grins and pulls her mouth down to his, forgetting his carefully planned speech. He guesses he can save it for their vows.
#ten years of fanfiction mania#words are peetas thing not mine#smut happens#i mean it's kind of required for this story right?#anonymous#look at that ask#break nonsense
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I'm Yours
Warnings: None really, maybe a little implied grown-up time ;P Besides that, it’s just fluffy fluff.
Pairing: Harry Wells x Reader
Word count: 1.2K+
A/N: So this is my first posting in what, 4 years? Has it really been that long? Not only that, I also decided to do it with a fandom I have not written for before. I fell into a Flash hole about a few months ago, and I have taken a particular liking to Earth 2 Harry Wells. So consider this as me hopefully coming back, and hopefully having made something cute for y’all. All mistakes are my own!
It's based on I'm Yours by Jason Mraz - was hearing it one day in my car and thought it would be cute! Also I don't own the GIF's, one I found on google and one here <3
You were walking through the cortex, thinking about how you were going to steal the projector Cisco was hiding in STAR labs. A big smile spread on your face as you skipped down the hall. Cisco rarely let anyone borrow it, not even you, his best friend. He loved how you were both movie dorks, but he protected it with his life if he had to. Hence you were now sneaking in to steal it for the marathon weekend you were having with yourself.
You turned towards his workshop, his little lab, or not so much his own anymore. There was a certain Earth 2 scientist that had occupied it. Now wasn’t any different than usual. Harry was sitting in the lab tinkering away at some sort of tech in front of him. You weren’t the engineer or the smart one as your best friend, so you never understood what he and Harry worked on together. Or what they were always bickering about.
You leaned yourself on the doorframe into the lab as you studied him for a bit. His long fingers worked away, tweezing some cords together as he tried applying power to it again. Harry only earned some sputtering from the tech and groaned out in frustration.
“Goddamit how hard can it be?!” He yelled out while tossing the screwdriver across the room. You huffed out a small laugh as you shook your head as the older man in front of you acted like a child who didn’t get his way. You had always liked Harry, you were pretty sure the entire team knew, except for him. The way his outside was so hard, when in fact you knew that Harry’s heart was big and cared a lot for all of you here. He would never say it, but you knew. You two had many small moments together where you turned his frown upside down like only Jesse could. It was one of your assets for the team. Keep Harry from throwing everything around and make him a little bit more easy-going.
“Ya know, maybe you just need a break,” You said while walking into the room, haven gotten a great idea, if you had to say so yourself. “Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asked while turning towards you for a brief moment, only to return his attention to the project in front of him; “Also no, I don’t need to take a break,” he grumbled as he started to tinker away again.
Meanwhile, you had found your phone, this was also one of the things Cisco loved about you, as you found a song to play. “To answer your question, I came to steal Cisco’s projector, but now I think I have a better idea of how to spend my time,” you mused as you closed in on Harry you put your phone down beside him, and pushed play.
You slowly turned Harry in his chair, he looked at you like he could kill you, but all you could do was smile as you started singing.
“Well you done, done me in; you bet I felt it, I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted,” you reached your hands down to Harry’s arms to pull him to stand.
“Y/N, I’m not doing this. I’m busy, and you of all people should know I need to get this done,” His voice laced with annoyance and reluctance as you sang. “Well, I don’t care,” You answered while the music shortly played on its own. You forced him to stand, keeping both of your hands in his, as you slowly started to move the both of you.
“Before the cool done run out, I’ll be giving it my bestest, nothing’s going to stop me, but divine intervention, I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some,” You continued as you slowly got Harry to move with you. A big smile played across your lips, your eyes twinkling in the light of the lab. You were looking into Harry’s beautiful blue eyes behind the glasses, and you swore you could see a little glimpse of enjoyment.
“See, it’s not so bad, now is it?” You joked with him earning a small groan from him, but a small smile curved at his lips. He pulled you into him, earning a small squeal from you, as you properly began to dance together.
“Well, open up your mind and see like me. Open up your plans and damn you’re free. Look into your heart and you’ll find love, love, love, love” Your voice continued to ring out as Harry spun you around. “Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing, we’re just one big family, and it’s our god-forsaken right to be loved, love, love, love, loved,”
You were having the best time as you were laughing and singing. Having Harry be invested in your idea, actually dancing with you, and not only that, he was smiling. Your heart felt so full. You knew he would be the death of you, with his gorgeous smile and handsome looks.
“I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to see it clearer,” You got caught off guard when you heard Harry’s hoarse voice singing along to the song while you were still swaying to the song together. You had heard it so many times around him, that the genius apparently had learned the lyrics.
“I guess what I be saying is there ain’t no better reason to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons. It’s what we aim to do, our name is our virtue. But I won’t hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait - I’m yours,” You sang together as the song came to an end you stayed close to each other.
You looked into Harry’s mesmerizing eyes, your eyes must shimmer from all the love you felt towards him. You had your hands at his shoulders and his was around your waist. You had laughed and smiled so much during your dancing that your cheeks hurt, but you couldn’t remove the smile on your lips. Looking at Harry with a rare but equally just as big of a smile as yours, as you were breathing a little heavy after all the dancing and singing.
You thought to yourself how perfect he looked standing there. You could feel yourself getting flustered as you felt his breath on your lips. Before you could stop yourself you leaned up toward his lips. At first, he didn’t respond to it, but it didn’t take him long before his lips moved with yours. Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair, earning a little moan from him. His tongue ran across your lip and you gladly let him enter. His hands on your hips pulled you even closer to him.
As the kiss deepened and became more passionate, his hands moved down to cup your ass and without any words needing to be spoken, you jumped and wrapped your legs around his waist. He walked over to his desk and set you down on it, while his hands came to cup your face instead. You pulled apart for both of you to catch your breath, foreheads leaning on each other.
“Wow,” Was all you could muster to say, as you smiled while biting your lower lip. He gave a small chuckle from the depth of his throat. “Wow, yourself,” he gave you the biggest smile and a wink. “Maybe that break isn’t such a bad idea,” He said hoisting you up to him again, a squeal and laugh escaping your lips.
Tag list:
@hiddenwritingsintheworld, @brianllamawrites
#reader#harry wells#harrison wells#harry x reader#harry wells x reader#earth 2 harry wells#E2!Harrison wells#E2!harrison wells x reader#earth 2 harrison wells x reader#E2!Harry x reader#harrison x reader#harrison wells x reader#the flash#the cw flash#cw flash#the flash universe#reader insert#x reader#fluffy fluff
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✿ ━━━━ songs from a bedroom : ep .
a chill they couldn't place and burning lungs like she'd ran a marathon that never happened haunted them from the moment they stepped off the plane. the amount of layers and numbers of deep breaths she took did nothing to quell the all consuming ailments. as days turned into weeks they wondered if it would always be like this. if her body was rejecting the change as much as a part of their heart did. there were too many eyes on them then. she couldn't turn back if they wanted to ( on nights where not even a brown leather jacket brought her comfort, oh did they w a n t to ). they owed it to their parents. to her sister who put her life on pause to help luna push theirs forward. they owed it to themselves. she wouldn't turn back.
but they couldn't ignore the ache in their chest either. their needed to be a release. so they picked up their guitar, sat down at a keyboard, pressed record on a camera and used the mic to support the words they always found hard to say. there was a total of eight songs written before luna felt better. they weren't healed. some days were still worst than others, but she was better. better was a start. dropped quietly with little warning. nothing more than muted videos on an instagram story alluding to something coming, but never getting details on what. but over 4 months it had become completed projected. they were ready to let it go. these are those eight songs. / ( @santainspohq )
angel / beabadoobee
it's quiet. a darkened room illuminated by candlelight and a sniffle start the video recording as luna shifts in her bed. " it's two am and i just got off the phone with my mom. " a pause. they're unsure if they would begin to cry again, but it passes. quietly, but not without taking another piece of her voice. " it wasn't anything bad, i don't know why i'm so ⸻ " they felt the silence judging them, and so begun a delicate strum of a simple melody. anyway. she was telling me how proud she is and my dad is and my abuela is and my tia too, and my tia's novio and down the list " there's something of a laugh that slips through a mixture of gratefulness and guilt. " i should be happy, i am happy. but i think i'm also scared. very scared. "
you're not as brave as you may seem
i'm scared of life
it's in my blood
so i blame myself
i blame myself
the way i spoke / beabadoobee
imposter syndrome made itself comfortable in the depth of her ribcage. it was tearing them from the inside out. days consisted of wondering if they could really become a folklorist. if they could go down a path that wasn't previously paved by their father or their mother. perhaps it was subconsciously, or maybe they were aware that it was a fantasy. but they swore she had seen him. even if it was fiction, it was enough. pressure wound so tightly around her heart lessened for a moment. it carried them through their day. through the front door of her apartment, and too their bedroom window. it helped them pick up their guitar again, sit by the rain patterned window and hit record again, but the guilt wouldn't let them speak. so they just sat strumming, humming, singing until the thought of what they'd done wouldn't let her anymore.
the sky was dark in sight
the moon was out but the sun was in your eyes
no one talked, but i did
you listened
you said you liked the way i spoke
lug / juliet ivy
acting coaches only worked for pretending to be someone else. not a better version of yourself. luna learned that the hard way. worry from family and friends, pestering questions about how they were feeling when she was trying to bury in the closet where they found themselves hitting record on a friday night trying to pretend that she wasn't home. " i don't want to talk so i don't know why i turned this on. " voice is a whisper as they peeped to the door, frightened itzel might have found them out. " maybe that's what i should write next, but it's just ten minutes of white noise. " it might not have ten minutes, and it wasn't white noise either but luna spent the weekend locked in her room working on the song focused on how much she just didn't want to speak.
i rip off the zipper off my back and hide it
so i'll never have to know what lives inside it
even though, i'm the one who packed it
i don't wanna face my decisions
even though i'm the one who did this
tired / beabadoobe
living but their life wasn't theirs; it was routine. lug was meant to release the things she couldn't say out loud but all it did was cram them into the back of their throat and make it hard to breathe. she'd take care of nymph, spend time with their spiders, attend their classes, and not much else. monotony was scary. another night in the bed she hardly left. she pressed record but the words were like gotten in their mouth so they strummed instead, letting the things that scared them most to say find their way through a melody.
you haven't felt right for days
is it the fact you never say
what comes in your mind that day?
maybe it's time to shut away
cause i've never really felt okay
soren / beabadoobee
the same night rough cut of their heart was put into tired, luna returned to the same position. eyes were red from crying and their throat was dry, but they hit record anyway. " i've been trying to record this since i got to here actually. " her voice was hoarse; hands slightly shaking. being honest with themselves quietly was a lot different than being honest with themselves out loud. " i think i knew i would start to feel better if i recorded it ⸻ if i got it off my chest and i don't think i deserve that. i don't think i should feel better after what i did but i don't know. i don't think he would want me to think that, and i think he deserves to hear this even if he doesn't hear it right away. "
if there was a place that i had to choose
or a memory that fades that i cannot lose
if there was a place that i could call home
before i'd die, you'd ought to know
it'd be in your arms tonight
bestfriend / juliet ivy
trying was made easy with one carmen hernandez. from impromtu exploring and unintentional sleep overs; luna found a new home in her faster than in the apartment she was renting. it was with her that they produce the instrumental; trying to make it as upbeat as carmen. she wanted it to feel like a ray of sunshine because that what carmen was. the lyrics came later, an excited click of the record button and a small laugh. " these are probably corniest lyrics i've ever written. " the thought turning a small laugh into a joyous cackle.
i'm not under any obligation
i just love you without hesitation
when i'm with you i don't have to fake it
fall asleep in my bed and i'll hold you cause you're my best friend
ceilings / beabadoobe
it had been weeks since the last song. the room she'd spent so much time in they knew how many wood panels lined her floor had hardly seen them. they'd began attending campus club meetings, meeting with teaching assistants, making new friends, and conversing with locals about their favorite myths. it was the first day they settled by their window with a guitar in hand. there was no record button near, but she knew they'd remember. they'd sing for themselves first, and share it later.
love me like a book that has no name
let the birds sing
let the fish swim
and appreciate the life you live
we're all eating each other / juliet ivy
" i think death is very comforting. " it was surely the start the recording. " i just mean in the sense that the universe doesn't care about us, and we're literally all going to end up in the ground one day. none of us our important so why do we need to put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect? for what? for who? we're all going to decompose and be used to grow trees or flowers or crops and then the generation after us and the ones after that will feed on those things. we're all eating each other. who gives a shit ? i think that's the most motivational thing i could ever thing of. "
cause we're all gonna die
decompose into daffodils and dandelions
the bees will use our flowers for whatever they like
make the honey that our grandkids will put inside their morning tea
it's the thing of life
we're all eating each other
#I DONT THINKKKKKK luna would share the recorded bits with the ep BUT I STILL THOUGHT IT WAS FUN TO SEE WHAT/WHERE SHE WAS THEY INSPIRED WHAT#IDK I JUST HAVE A LOT OF LUNA THOUGHTS#THIS IS LONG FOR NO REASON#DFIJOKSDFIJSOFK#XOXOXO#smhqinspo#⸻ ✿ luna dominguez herrera ❮ creation ❯
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lululawrence's July 2022 Fic List
Previous Fic Lists / Lulu’s List Podcast Masterpost
The podcast episode for July is coming soon.
As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!
SEX 20mg by @jaerie / jaerie (3k, E, Harry/Louis, Sex Pollen, Friends to Lovers, Vegas, dubious consent (because of the Sex Pollen), recreational drug use, all the marathon sex (again because of the Sex Pollen lol), listen this fic is so filthy but once again Jenna came and gave it all the sweet feelings and I just don't know how she does that lol)
Full Moon Dreaming by @jacaranda-bloom / jacaranda_bloom (43k, E, Harry/Louis, Soulmates Abroad fic, Soulmates, Full Moon dreams, Firefighters, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, more like misunderstandings to friends to lovers lol, Kangaroo Island, Photographer Harry, Coastal Conservationist Louis, near death experience, Botanist Liam, Nurse Zayn, this fic is amazing in every single way, it sucks you in from the very beginning and the love Louis and all the boys have for the island is so clear, And the dynamics between all of them and how soulmates work in this world, it is just so incredibly cool and unique, I could rave about it for ages really)
To Be Gathered Round by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (G, 4k, Liam-centric OT5 Friendship, Larry are together but that's not the point of the fic so I'm calling it a friendship fic, Magic AU, they're all witches and attending a witches boarding school, it is such a lovely fic, all about friendship and belonging, and also there's talk of disabilities and it made me super emosh to read it all, I loved it really, this fic was also read on an episode of the @podfic-pals and it's great!)
leave my life outside (or let me in) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same (53k, M, Zayn/Liam, Big Bang fic, demon Zayn, demon Louis, demon Harry, human Liam, Halloween party, Hell, Angst with a Happy Ending, But like for real it's all the angst cause it's Mia so really you should expect that by now, Strangers to Lovers, Pining, like alllllll the pining hahaha, listen this fic is incredibly deep in so many ways, it looks incredibly far into morality and what is right and wrong as well as what makes someone good or bad, and it's just so stellar the way it all works together how it does, and the way the characters work through their shit and the side mentions of Nick as well as Harry slowly being brought into it all, it's just so incredible, the world building as well, amazing fic)
Strange Blue Water by @louistomlionson / sitandadmire (2k, M, Harry/Louis, Country Fest fic, Exes to Lovers, basically, it's open ended but I kinda forgot it was because I was able to construct such a full vision of their future together after this it felt like it was written out lol, for real though this fic was incredible, it was somehow hazy and hot and yet so visceral as well, I kinda screamed reading it because I was so taken by it, a short read but absolutely stellar, and soooooo much is packed into the word count it's incredible)
Truly, Madly, Crazy, Deeply by harriet_vane (30k, M, Liam/Louis, Accidental Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Falling in Love, Bed Sharing, Vegas, How funny that I read two fics that took place in Vegas this month, and they were the bookends lolllll, ANYWAY, this fic was the most delightful, watching Liam realize how much he loves Louis and always has was the best experience, It was so soft and natural and cute and fun, and Louis is just so obviously in love with him the entire time, even if he didn't realize it either, and their families' reactions???, and their friends' reactions?? like for real, it's just the most lovely and soft fic, I loved it)
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Tag Game! (Two for Two in a week! Saved for later so I'd have something different to write about) (Saved it for so long I've got a ton to write about)
Tagged by @bacchanalium
3) Last song: Love Me Like You Used To - Lord Huron. It hits in that good melancholy country mood for me.
4) Last film: Portrait of a Girl on Fire. I'm so behind on essential queer films, so I finally got around to watching it. Honestly, surprised at the lack of music in movie. It's saved for a moment at the end that absolutely hit. Bit slow, but in a good way.
Seven Samurai. It's Seven Samurai. It's a good movie. I don't have much to say other than, movie good. Wasn't expecting Mifune's character to be as feral as he was, or how affecting the movie was.
The Thing. It's The Thing, I wanna be you. The first time I saw it was Halloween 2020 during my horror movie marathon. This time I watched it in my university's movie theatre with a nearly full audience. People gasped during Child's "Then we're wrong" line delivery and laughed a bunch throughout. Seeing it on the big screen was incredible. 10/10.
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (2022). This was a weird one. Gonna have to actually post my thoughts on it because I'm still chewing on it. It focuses entirely on Utterson, but the adaption decides to put him through a negative character arc. Does it work? Stay tuned.
5) Currently reading: The Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros (finished it but at what cost). It wasn't very good. I got YA vibes from the character descriptions in the how they focus exclusively on eye and hair colour. Pacing was all over the place. Would spend way too long in one scene, way too short in another. The characters felt way too modern in a supposed fantasy world, mostly due to the dialogue. (Protag's best friend called her and her love interest 'slow burn' and I had to put the book down for a minute after that). The magic system felt like an excuse to get the main couple together and nothing else. That's my biggest critique of the novel. Everything just feels paper thin in this world. Things are set up, but resolved so quickly it doesn't feel satisfying. The school is set up as super dangerous and everyone is trying to kill each other 24/7, and the protag makes a best friend first day and they stay best friends. And further confirmation that no one knows how to write enemies-to-lovers, just 'didn't like you at the start'. Love interest says he loved her since he first saw her. WEAK. Why'd I read it? A bookstore clerk recommended it, I was on the library wait list for months. I needed to dissect this book thoroughly to justify me reading it.
I'm also reading The Butterfly Collector by Tea Cooper. It's an okay mystery set in 1920s Australia.
Garden of Earth Bodies by Sally Oliver. I'm compelled. It's horror-lite about grief, but the twist hasn't happened yet, so who's to say if it's good yet. Definitely reads as a debut novel - very dramatic prose, feels like it's trying too hard to grab my attention. It's meh so far, but I want to see where it goes.
6) Currently watching: Currently Delicious in Dungeon as it comes out. Studio Trigger is doing such a good job with the adaptation. I'm also watching Revue Starlight, which was way better than I was expecting. Episode 8 launched Hikari to all time favourite characters for me. Haven't finished it yet.
7) Currently consuming: Some tea.
8) Currently craving: Nice and full from dinner with Delicious in Dungeon. No better way to spend a Thursday night.
Tagging: @thefollow-spot, @whoawhataconcept, @fate-motif, @ishmaels, @flubz, @scootbloop, @dying-suffering-french-stalkers, @kafkastan, @sacrerouges, @violasmirabiles, @owlmylove
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‘Pushing your limits and suffering’: What it takes to hike the Pacific Crest Trail in record time
This article comes from the SF Chronicle. As much as I object to racing through some of the most beautiful country in the world, I admit to a level of awe at the achievement of people like Karel Sabbe. To think of walking more than a double marathon every day for a month and a half in the mountains is inconceivable.
Since shattering the speed record on the 2,650-mile Pacific Crest Trail last weekend, Karel Sabbe has been taking it easy: flip flops, family time, lots of sleep, burgers and Mexican food.
“My body is still in full recovery mode,” Sabbe told the Chronicle on Friday morning from Seattle, where he has been staying the past week.
The 33-year-old Belgian dentist set out on the trail from the Mexican border on July 10 and trekked for nearly 47 consecutive days — pushing through extreme desert heat in Southern California, then the perilous melting Sierra snowpack, and finally a string of wildfires in the Northwest that closed portions of the trail and forced Sabbe and other thru-hikers to reroute. By the end, he had averaged about 58 miles per day.
“My legs have been randomly cramping up and they feel really tired when I have to take staircases,” Sabbe said. “It feels like it’s getting worse every day. … For sure, I haven’t been able to think about running again.”
Sabbe is an accomplished ultrarunner known for going hard in gnarly landscapes. He holds the supported speed record on the 2,190-mile Appalachian Trail (finishing in 41 days) and completed a traverse of the Alps (through eight countries) in the fastest known time of 30 days. He’s one of just a handful of people to finish the notorious 100-mile Barkley Marathon in Tennessee.
Karel Sabbe runs on the Pacific Crest Trail in 2023.Provided by Karel Sabbe
It was Sabbe’s second time setting the PCT record. The first came in 2016, when he finished in 52 days. Then two years ago, world-class ultrarunner Timothy Olson shaved a day off of Sabbe’s time, finishing in 51 days.
Sabbe returned this year to reclaim the record. On Aug. 26, when he reached the northern terminus, he had smashed Olson’s record by more than five days. Both runners were supported along their journeys by crews who made camp along the route and tended to them daily.
To learn what it takes to accomplish such a feat, the Chronicle sent Sabbe a list of questions, which he replied to via voice memos. The following transcription of that correspondence is lightly edited for length and clarity.
Q: Why do you do these extreme, long-distance trail runs? What is the appeal of chasing speed records?
A: At first, back in 2016, when I ran the PCT for the first time I didn’t know the exact appeal of an FKT (fastest known time) attempt like that. I just wanted to hike the PCT but I didn’t have the time to take 4-to-6 months off work — but 2 months was possible, so I decided to run the trail.
In hindsight, I realized there was a lot of beauty in running a trial like that. There was the scenic beauty, but by pushing your limits, your emotions are stronger and the things you experience are stronger and more valuable — like the interaction with people around you, your friends and family who are supporting you. You learn a ton about yourself when you’re pushing your limits and suffering. I always return from these FKT attempts as a stronger and more optimistic person. They always influence me in a good way.
Q: How did you feel after your first record run in 2016? After finishing, did you feel like you could have done it faster?
A: The first PCT run was a very special experience because it was the first thing I did when it came to ultrarunning. I learned a lot but I also suffered a lot. Then over the years, while setting the record on the Appalachian Trail and the traverse of the Alps, I learned a lot more and I knew the PCT record could be a lot faster. So it felt natural to go back to this unique trail and to be able to run it — physically and mentally pushing hard but without running in so much pain and without so much sleep deprivation. It was really nice to go back in different circumstances now.
Q: In 2021, when you saw Timothy Olson break your record, did you immediately know you’d go back to try to reclaim it?
Karel Sabbe covered an average of 58 miles per day to reclaim the speed record run on the Pacific Crest Trail.Provided by Karel Sabbe
Q: What did you learn from your first PCT run that informed your approach this time?
A: With this one, we had everything much more dialed in. In 2016, it was just me and my brother-in-law, but this year I had a 4-person crew. (During the first run) I had so much pain in my feet — blisters and extreme pain — that it was so hard to think about something else other than the fact that I was suffering. So this time I was always cleaning my feet. In the evening I took a salt bath, had creams and things to take care of my feet so I successfully treated them. I didn’t have any blisters during the entire PCT which helps so much if you’re not running in pain.
Q: Why did you attempt the record this year? Obviously, it’s a very challenging year with the Sierra snow.
A: The snow in the Sierra was definitely challenging and it worried me for a few months. From all over the world I got messages like, “Karel don’t do it, it’s not possible this year.” But things were in motion already with my friends who were going to support me and with my sponsor. So we postponed it for a month from the 10th of June to 10th of July.
By the time we got to the High Sierra, it was still very much snow covered but it was doable. Three of us went in together with proper backpacks because there was so much snow, and the river crossings were so dangerous, that I didn’t dare to go in there alone. There were some flooded rivers that were difficult to cross but with three of us as a team we managed to go through the High Sierra.
Karel Sabbe pauses for a selfie in the snow-covered High Sierra.Provided by Karel Sabbe
Q: Mentally, how do you stay sharp out there for so long? What do you think about on the trail?
A: The PCT is my favorite trail in the world so I was always feeling at home in the world. Sometimes your mind is racing a bit about worries you have or something, and (in those moments) it would help to listen to music. But mostly I was just happy to be out on the trail and I was trying to feel like a thru-hiker and not think about the fact that it was for a record. The moment you’re in the flow and not thinking about anything, that’s the best moment to be in. Then I also had Henri and Kobe … so we could run together and talk. But the scenery was most important to me. It’s a beautiful trail. It’s very diverse and changes a lot, so that’s enough to keep me going.
Q: How important is having the PCT speed record? If someone breaks your record, do you think you’ll give it one more go?
A: I don’t think I’d be able to do it faster and I’m sure I won’t be going back. I’m just proud of what we’ve accomplished. The chapter of the FKT is done (for me). The only reason I’d go back is to hike it with my family. It’s a beautiful trail and I’d like to do it in five or six months, taking all the time I want. For one part of me, it means a lot to me to have the record. But now that I have it and I know I did my personal best, I’m happy that somebody will go after it and it’ll be broken in the future.
By Gregory Thomas
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Long Covid & Recovery
I got an ask on something I wrote on long covid and I realized I had A Lot to say about it. So I wrap it in a long post here, who knows someday to someone else’s benefit.
I got covid for the first time in April. I coughed, was tired and experienced shortness of breath. But no fever, so (in typical Dutch fashion) I figured it wasn’t that bad. Yeah ok, it took me two hours to do my morning routine and then I had to recover, but apart from feeling like I was training for a marathon, nothing wrong. It took me a few weeks before I noticed that my fatigue was getting worse every day. Oops.
Right before before I had covid, I casually biked 100km in weekends, untrained. After, I could not even do 10 minutes. The majority of my recovery has happened in about six months. At this point I am still not 100% there but I am good enough to work on my graduation thesis again and start training for a winter triathlon in March.
What follows now is a summary of my lessons learned:
1) Brain recovery takes longer than fitness. Although at first, the brain recovery was much aligned with the body recovery, eventually the brain recovery went slower. I have read that this is because as soon as you are able to move your body more, your brain gets more stimuli: in other words it is much more overloaded quickly than your body. So that’s normal and it happens a lot!
2) Professional help helps. I was lucky enough to get this relatively late into the pandemic, so programmes for long covid patients were already in place. I was also lucky enough that my GP immediately send me to a post-covid recovery programme where I got a physical therapist. She helped me find the right pace of recovery, as I had a very hard time accepting that 10 minutes of biking, or 30 minutes of emailing was my limit. She would tell me again and again not to push it, for it would set me back even more.
3) Rest is a skill. In the first months, I lied down every 2 hours to make sure I'd take enough rest. When going somewhere I'd take the car so I could nap in the car. I rested.
4) Checking in with the body is a skill. I never did it before. I was the king of Pushing Through. Pushing through a marathon, tendonitis, sleep deprivation, exams. I had made it my skill. But now I had a body with such fragile limits, that got worse with every push. I had to learn to really check in and feel my body. To do so, I meditated daily. Sometimes more than an hour per day (in sessions of 20 minutes). I am so glad I learned this and I still check in.
5) There is no quick fix for long covid. My physical therapist had told me that with their programme, most peoples recovery really starts somewhere between 3-6 month. After 3 months the first improvements started, and writing emails did no longer take two hours. But well, most of the things I did were still a mess and I had a really hard time keeping an overview. I had no idea who I told about it or not, so I probably told some people many times how messy I was, and forgot to update others.
6) I got my booster vaccination two months ago and that was a big push for my recovery. At that point I was doing ok. I was studying again, but I needed all weekend to recover from that. After the booster, it felt like a big setback. After 10 days, however, I started feeling ‘normal’ for the first time since April. I am not a scientific study and I lack the medical lingo to look for studies but I’m pretty sure it helped me. A Lot.
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2022 year in review or what have you
It has been a busy year. Anyone who knows me will tell you that all of my years are busy years, and then gently yell at me that I need to do fewer things. They’d be correct; I was going pretty nonstop from June to Christmas and it took a lot out of me. BUT a lot of those things were good things:
went to three weddings and got to see many of my college friends for the first time in years
with my sister, organized and threw a big 60th birthday party for our parents
had visits from two other dear friends, neither of whom I’d seen since pre-pandemic
got to hang out for several cumulative weeks with my parents’ puppy whom I adore
played in two D&D campaigns; saw my cleric, who’s been with me for three years since level 1, hit level 10; and had some really wonderful roleplay moments
rejoined band for the first time since the pandemic started and picked my oboe back up for the first time in seven years
was deeply lucky to go to a bunch of shows both on and off Broadway, including Into the Woods, Merrily We Roll Along, The Music Man, Macbeth (Daniel Craig was fine) and Funny Girl (Lea Michele was amazing). I also saw the revival of Company with my girlfriend; it’s my very favorite show and it’s about relationships and marriage, so that felt a little vulnerable, but she loved it :’)
Not going to pretend it was all great, of course. My grandmother died this fall, shortly after turning 92, and that was hard. I fiddled with my meds when I shouldn’t have and gave myself a couple months of really bad anxiety. The forcibly slower pace of 2020-2021 had gotten me out of my habit of overbooking my life and I launched back into it in 2022 like an idiot with one of those clown punching bags. I kept sprinting relentlessly at overcommitments and then (surprise! who could’ve guessed!) kept getting slammed with the accompanying overwhelm and exhaustion. The worst was the day I thought I had finished my marathon autumn and instead found myself locked into a full month of jury duty. That sure was… something.
Pivoting back to the positives, though, the biggie was:
I changed jobs after six years!
I’d been at my previous job since I was fresh out of college and everyone’s assistant. While there were many reasons I finally decided to bounce, the biggest one was just... I was ready to hit reset and start fresh. So far it’s proving to have been a really good decision. Not one without its anxieties and stressors, but I’m much happier.
Not nearly as big, but felt big for me: I put together a whole cosplay and wore it! I’m a deeply self-conscious person, but lately I’ve been trying to chill out, loosen up, and let myself just happily exist as the person that I am. I’ve made costumes before, but wearing one with this level of effort and a wig and then like taking pictures in it felt like it crossed an event horizon of plausible deniability. And it felt good!
I also taught myself very basic leatherwork to make said cosplay, which was a blast.
Lastly, I know my job change should be what I’m proudest of this year, but actually, that’s this:
I wrote 47,000 words of fanfiction across seven different works.
I do a lot of writing (of a different sort) for my job, but I hadn’t written anything for pleasure, or even any fiction at all, in about five years. Then Imogen and Laudna decided to grab me by the throat, and suddenly I had things I wanted to say about them? And then people liked the stories I was telling? And then I kept writing and even pushed myself to try some new genres? And I found a community around all of it and made some great friends? (Sidebar: this has been such a wonderful fandom to be a part of, and y’all have been one of the things I’m most grateful for this year.) I didn’t see any of this coming but I’m so, so happy it did.
I historically haven’t been much for New Year’s resolutions, but this year I have a goal for real. I want to keep writing. There’s a longfic I’ve got fully plotted, and I’m intimidated as hell by the idea of writing something with chapters and a real plot, but I also think maybe I’m ready. Or I can certainly try :)
Anyway, happy new year, y’all. Here’s to another circle round the sun and however 2022 was for you, I hope 2023 is better. 💜
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i got 2 for yes so throws this at you then retreats
Everything was wonderful but-
Hiroshi tucked the official looking letter into his backpack just in case he’d need it, the one that detailed he was to take his exams in the gymnasium of a different highschool called Juuban, the address, the time. It was going to be an all day hell marathon instead of spread out over a couple days, because PK could only monopolize a different school’s facilities for so long. Hiroshi was glad he was taking the bare minimum of classes he needed to graduate.
He surprised himself by being nervous. Of course it was normal to be nervous about exams, that wasn’t the part that was surprising, but he was worried about, well.
About seeing Suzuki again.
Hiroshi hadn’t really made an attempt to reach out to the friend that’d set Kusuo up and pinned it on himself. He hadn’t had the balls, honestly, and he’d been kinda afraid.
He was still pissed.
Suzuki, of course, hadn’t made any efforts either. Shinji had the air of a guy caught in the middle and trying not to think about it too hard, so Hiroshi didn’t bother bringing it up.
‘I’ll just give him the cold shoulder,’ Hiroshi decided, packing his lunch and a water bottle, jamming it into the fullness of crumpled papers and who knew what else. ‘The last thing I need is to get into a fight on exam day.’
The note taped to his lunchbox wishing him good luck was one he smiled at but barely read.
He had a boyfriend to go pick up after all, so Hiroshi swung his bag over his shoulder and ran for his bike. There were better things to look forward to than former friends.
~~~
“So are you feeling ready, Aren?”
Aren cringed. On seeing that, Nendo laughed and stretched out his arms toward the sun.
“It’s too bad you guys aren’t geniuses like me! I got this in the bag.”
Shun’s turn to cringe. “Nendo, just because you scored the same as Saiki last time doesn’t-” He stopped himself and dropped his head, sighing hard. “Nevermind, there’s no point. Well, at least I’ll have something to look forward to when my mama compares my grades to your so called ‘genius’.”
He grinned at the thought. Maybe that would help to get his mama off his back a little. But it might also mean that if she saw reality she’d force him to stop hanging out with Nendo and why was his tummy getting all tight and hot and bothered like that was a bad thing?
Wasn’t like he liked the big lug!
Or, well… Shun considered the aching in his stomach and decided he’d think about that more later. He was almost a highschool graduate, just one semester away if he passed this hell day of finals.
It was time to start working on making his own decisions more.
“Well,” Shun reached up to pat at Aren’s shoulder, the lack of bandages meaning the texture of his friend’s uniform felt odd and new and a little overmuch. He squeezed anyway, trying to be a reassuring friend. “We studied so much! I’m sure you’ll do fine!”
Aren smiled weakly and scratched at his head. “Yeah, maybe. I dunno, man, it’s like. I know it. I know my stuff. But when I sit down in front of the exam it all just,” His hands made a spreading gesture. “Fucks off!”
Grimacing, Shun nodded. He could relate to that, but he knew exactly what his problem was - sheer, unbridled anxiety, fear of failure, and the fear of letting down his entire family with one bad test score that could turn into two, into three, and anyways, it was sorta weird to hear that coming from Aren though. He’d never of expected Aren to have anxiety or anything like that at all, the guy was so big, strong, and confident…
But Shun hadn’t expected Saiki to be any of the things Saiki had been in front of him in the past month or so either, so.
‘Something something assumptions, right?’
“Yall just need to relax!”
Shun let a whumph as a rock solid arm slung around him, just about hoisting him up in a not-unfamiliar gesture of Nendo’s regular exuberance. This time Aren was getting it too, though, and Nendo’s burly face lowered into his sight with a great big smile.
“It’s like taking a shit! Aint nothin gonna come out if you’re squeezed up tight and holding it in!”
There was a lot of things going on in Shun’s body right now. Why did Nendo have to be so gross all the damn time!? Stomach curdling, Shun took a breath to yell-
And paused. And even around the dripping sensation of repulsion oozing down his brain, clarity sank in, and he registered exactly what it was that Nendo had said. With a groan that sounded as gurgling as his stomach felt, he dragged a hand down his face.
Under Nendo’s other arm, Aren started to laugh in helpless sobbing bleats. Good thing Nendo was holding onto him otherwise the former delinquent would be sprawling on the gro-nope, nevermind, there he went, slumping into a puddle of airless guffaws that sounded like they hurt.
Well la dee da for him because personally speaking, Shun was struggling.
Deeply.
“Nendo,” He wrestled himself away and rasped his fist across the burl of Nendo’s bicep, “You big lug it doesn’t work like that, you can’t just take a-” Shun hiccuped and ground his teeth and forced it out, his face hot and his hands wild. “A stool softener for your brain you jackass!”
Nendo blinked at him, casual and unaffected per his usual when he wasn’t being a brat. He looked at Aren on the ground. “Hey new kid, aint that whats coffee for?”
Shun was going to fucking die, he needed to escape this entire thing right now, Aren could fend for himself the traitor. Spinning on his heel he made it only a few more feet toward Saiki’s house, their destination, before he noticed something and paused.
“Oh hey isn’t that-?”
Yeah, Saiki’s new boyfriend, a grin on his damp tan skin, on a bicycle, and Saiki on the back of it with an expression so glazed and fluff stricken it looked as though all his dreams had come true at once.
Shun blinked and by the time he opened his eyes again the pair was gone.
Absent, a smile touched his face.
In the sky, the sun was bright and unshrouded in the vast expanse of blue, the horizon bending round beneath his feet, and Shun felt at once connected and distance.
Things had changed.
But that was okay.
A little dizzy he spun around with a smile.
“Think if we run we can beat them to school?”
Nendo blinked before his face warped into his fiercest, shadowed grin. He scooped Aren off the ground and held out a hand to Shun.
“Hop on, Pipsqueak!”
With a grin of his own, Shun took the burly hand and hopped to it. Lifted to Nendo’s shoulder with ease he turned and jabbed a finger at the omnipresent sky.
“Onwards, ho!”
“Did you just call me a ho?”
Shun flinched. “What, no not like that it mea-” He clapped a hand on his face. “They’re gonna win, just go!”
~~~
The clouds weren’t in a hurry, which was fine because neither were they.
Kusuo couldn’t remember a time where he’d ever felt so flustered and relaxed in his life.
“You okay back there?”
Of course he was. There wasn’t a bump in the road that could aggravate his stomach, not like this.
‘What sort of face must I be making right now?’
Whatever one Hiroshi could see in his rear view mirror, Kusuo was certain it was embarrassing but, somehow, he just couldn’t bring himself to care.
It was Hiroshi.
He didn’t want to hide around Hiroshi.
It was really something right out of a glitzy star kissed fantasy, the kind of one Kusuo would barely admit to himself under the darkness of his blankets for the impossibility of it but here he was, sitting on the back of Hiroshi’s bike as they rode to take their exams. It was a cliche so delirious it was making Kusuo a little dizzy for getting to experience it.
Yes, here he was, riding to school on the back of his boyfriend’s bicycle.
It probably looked odd, two boys as they were, but Kusuo had definitely seen odder, and his recovery was as such that a little bit of extra mind control to keep malicious attention away from them wasn’t much a stretch. Nothing to see here that was strange, Kusuo thought with a smile as he leaned to rest his head on the back of Hiroshi’s shoulder - just two boys on a bike.
No.
There was nothing odd about that at all.
Except-
Sundrops and lollipops evaporated from Kusuo’s head, his eyes snapping open.
“Whoa!” Hiroshi yelped and leaned to blink over his handlebars as the bike they were on lifted gradually into the sky.
He looked over his shoulder at the boy behind him. “Uhm. Kusuo?”
“Cops,” Kusuo might’ve hissed, just a bit, and to that Hiroshi said, “Ah.”
Then he blinked. “Wait-”
Kusuo scratched his cheek and his telepathy came out in a mumble that sounded chagrined. “Technically two people riding on one bike that isn’t tandem is against local bylaws.”
Hiroshi squawked and turned around fully at that, “What?!”
Kusuo nodded, and his cheeks were a rosy hue that nearly matched his hair, his eyes looking studiously away. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
It was somehow easy to ignore the fact they were some meters above street level, idling along at a ginger pace, when Kusuo looked as cute as that. Hiroshi beamed.
“You just wanted to ride with me on my bike that badly, huh?”
Kusuo knew he’d just been reflecting on how much he wanted to be honest with Hiroshi but he still found himself hiding his face in his bag nevertheless. Still, he did manage to nod, which was a good job for him he guessed.
#freaks wips#i also got the beach scene fully written but thats gotta come after they take their exams i guess =u=#theyre going to juuban high :) instead of taking it at PK cus. cus reasons. uhuhuhu.#oh also this is pre-edit!!! so it might not be in sync w/the rest of the fic ;aldkfj
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I’m turning 40 at the end of the month, so I just spent a half hour writing out a list of everything I’ve done in the past ten years. They have been years of extreme highs and lows. Everything significant I’ve accomplished artistically (so far) happened in my 30s. I’ve been extremely fortunate and have also had a lot of bad luck. I’ve worked hard to achieve a lot of my goals even under the most chaotic and upsetting conditions. Here’s a basic highlight reel:
I entered my 30s in a fog of postpartum depression and spent much of the first year and a half single-parenting our baby while Dominic was gone on deployments and work training trips.
I bought another house (Dominic really managed this, but my name’s on the mortgage, so it counts).
I ran three half-marathons.
I lived in Omaha, Pensacola, Colorado Springs, Montgomery, and then in Omaha again.
I did adjunct work at two different colleges and writing center work at another college.
I started writing and publishing poetry again. All in all, I’ve published 70 poems in various literary journals over the past ten years.
I travelled to Mexico, Spain, Roatan, Belize, Portland, Tampa, San Antonio, New Orleans, Vermont, Boston, New York City, Cape Cod, and honestly several other places.
I euthanized one cat and adopted another.
I survived the first year after our kid was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I learned how to be a better parent to him. Together with my spouse, various therapists, and teachers, we’ve worked with him on communication, impulse control, and managing his emotions. At ten he’s in such a better place than he was when he was diagnosed at six, but it’s a journey, and there are lots of ups and downs.
Speaking of ups and downs, we all survived a big regression my kid had at the beginning of the pandemic. It was scary and sad, but we made it through.
Also, ugh the pandemic the pandemic the pandemic.
I won a poetry prize through my press and published my first book of poems. I won a poetry prize through a literary journal. I won a poetry prize through my graduate department. One of my poems was anthologized in the 2019 Best American Nonrequired Reading.
I was awarded funding to attend the Sewanee Writers’ Conference and the Vermont Studio Center.
I started doing editing work for the literary journal I volunteer for.
I attended three AWP conferences.
I was accepted to a PhD program in Creative Writing after applying to it three times over the course of about ten years.
My IUD failed and I got pregnant. That pregnancy ended tragically, just three weeks short of viability.
I’ve done a lot of therapy the past two years.
I did life drawing sessions briefly but regularly just before the pandemic hit.
I met so many people, mostly other poets and writers and artists. Before the pandemic, I felt happy with my social life. Now, I feel isolated and sad and lonely, but I’m hopeful that eventually I’ll find more equilibrium.
I twirled batons twice as a Leijorette in Chewbacchus, which is a Mardi Gras parade.
I finished the coursework portion of my PhD program. I mostly excelled as both a student and a teacher even though each semester brought a new crisis and unimaginable difficulty.
I have grown creatively and empathetically. I still like to run and draw and write. I still haven’t had much of any kind of professional career, though I’m trying to establish the beginning of one through this PhD. I’m not the best spouse, but I’m a good spouse to Dominic (most times.) I’m not the best mom, but I’m a good mom to my kid (most times.) I’m not the best poet, but I work hard and write and publish good poems sometimes. I’m lucky to have the life I have; I’m also frustrated by how difficult my life has been at times during these past ten years. I’ve navigated a lot of hard stuff, but I’m still here, about to enter the next decade.
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I ended up giving myself huge anxiety about the facial thing and so me and James canceled. I feel bad about it because the woman seemed really sweet. But I just couldn't go. It felt like to much of an unknown situation and I have been struggling more and more with fears over those things. Sucks.
Today wasn't a bad day though. I slept pretty good but I was really tired when I woke up. I had planned on having breakfast at home but I needed something more. So once I was dressed I did my knitting for the day and headed to McDonald's.
I felt more human once I left the house. It was a beautiful day. I felt very pretty. I was anxious but I was holding it together best I could.
I had a nice drive in to work. I had my breakfast in the car. And when I got inside there was some hubbub about a student who needed some extra help and what job in the cannery we would give them. We came up with some options they could pick and made sure the elevator worked. And then it was time for me to train Deborah on the D position of the cannery.
And honestly she killed it. We ran through everything. And honestly it's a million moving parts. But she did a great job following along.
We would have three canneries in the row. And they were all overlaps. So it was a marathon and could have been a lot but honestly it was totally fine in the end. It was just go go go.
The first cannery I lead so Deborah could watch. The kids made an abundance of cans and that would be the theme for the day. But also they labelers did such a good job keeping their cans near! Which has been a problem lately with kids using to much glue and then the cans get crinkles and ugly but these guys made really beautiful cans.
Second group was an overlap and so there was a lot of running in the hall to make sure everything was going right while still trying to finish your last group and it's hard work but I was having a lot of fun.
For the second cannery I would lead the first half and Deborah would do a lot of the second half. I took over a few parts where it was not normal things, like when a coworker didn't come and do something so since she knew that part she took over. And it was just really seamless.
For the last cannery Deborah basically did it by herself. I literally said at one point, oh she doesn't need me. So I got to just observe and chill. And really I didn't even have any notes. She did a great job. Wish everyone picked things up so fast.
The kids were all really lovely. Lots of laughs and really excellent and excited to be there. I am glad we could be a good way for them to end their school year.
For the last hour of the day that's when me and James decided my bad feeling was worth canceling over. And I would go back to the office to do oysters and talk to my friends. Becca, the og Becca, was there and so we talked about ships and how much I love Torsk the submarine. And it was Kristin's last day for a month while she travels. So it was fun hanging out for a while.
I would go hug on James for a bit. They looked very cute today. The new hair serum I got them (it's an anti breakage serum) is making their hair in the front shiney and curl just a little and they look so cute.
I left there and went over to chipotle for tacos. The girl at the register loved my glass straw. Which made me feel all excited. I told her where I got it on eBay, I am not sure they had more but I tried to send her in the right direction.
My tacos were great. I ate two and saved the last one for when I got home.
I got back here and I had a little package. It was the coconut the dog from American Girl that I ordered. They needed a little brushing. But now I have a crusty white dog of my own. And he has a little magnet in it's mouth so he can hold my tweezer.
Me and sweetp hung out. I did a little cleaning. A little vacuuming. And soon James was home. We played video games. They did all the fishing for me. And they would make a pizza while I had my last taco.
They would have their podcast to record. We were going to do some Legos tonight but we never got to that. Instead I would try embroidering a bear but I ended up thinking that it looked like a monkey. I'll try again. I'm figuring out stuff. It's fun.
I got a shower. And now me and James and sweetp are in bed. Tomorrow I have the market. And I hope it's a good time and I'm not as exhausted like I had been last week.
Goodnight everyone. Take care of each other.
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1:04
31 was quieter than 30, but more intentional. It felt like a year of growth, with all the quirks and pains that come with it.
I got to see more theatre outside of Toronto this year. After a 42 days in Winnipeg (still defrosting), I went to New York and kind of marathoned theatre and then spent a month in Peterborough sweating it out. It’s always so interesting for me to see what different communities value, what plays they develop and what works with audiences.
Artistically, 2023 wasn’t a hard year for me, but it was definitely more challenging than 2022. All of my projects had some sort of hard detour that offered a challenge I had to navigate. I think I’m entering 2024 with more of a drive to say no, to establish my values, but also to defend myself more when things get rocky. I think I have a hard time advocating for myself sometimes, especially with long time collaborators. I fold pretty easily and am actually quite conflict avoidant with people I respect or have established relationships with, so I think I want to continue to learn how to stand my ground respectfully when things are exploding. I’m good at removing collaborators from my projects when we don’t jive, but dealing with conflict in longstanding collaborators is something I want to continue working on – and how to hold my ground when I disagree.
Here’s some cool stuff that happened this year:
1) Maddie and I went on a vacation to new York! A first adult vacation! I’m partially doing this because she doesn’t celebrate or acknowledge achievements, so this is specifically for her. I also think there was something kind of cool about just doing something for fun with money I’d saved up. I’ve been pretty lucky financially over the last few years, so having some money I hold aside for disposable trips that I can’t just drive or bus to in a few hours (where I don’t think about work) is definitely something I want to keep doing and budgeting for.
2) The productions I directed were both out of town gigs. I’ve never started and finished a process not in Toronto or Hamilton, so this felt significant. Not only that, but theatre felt like an event to audiences who saw the work, something extraordinary that wasn’t a common thing. I’d never had a response to a show (or audience turn out) like I did in Peterborough for Give ‘Em Hell. Toronto will always be my home, I think, but doing something that seemed so normal (and perhaps would have vanished) in the city, but having it be received in such a radical way in a more rural environment gave me pause in thinking about why and how I make theatre. Who is it for? Who can it change? And what’s the environment where it can have that magical life changing it factor?
3) I kept teaching. Spending time in Toronto after New York, Winnipeg and Peterborough made me see the city in a different light, especially the training of actors and the stories we’re developing and producing.
I’ve taught at 3 theatre schools since 2022 (and in two provinces!) and as someone who’s directed exclusively fourth year classes, I’m currently curious about the role of conservatory training in a university setting. Who are we graduating and why? Is it an actor who’s ready to work? Is it to raise the self esteem of a generation who’s been locked inside because of COVID? Is it to give folks a broad knowledge of theatre? How do we impart rigor and craft onto students while not destroying them emotionally but pushing them? When a student is not engaging in the work in a meaningful way, how do we support them or guide them without giving them an unrealistic vision of the industry?
It’s been 13 years since my first theatre school semester – something that continues to motivate me as an educator - but I think as I keep doing it, I’m less focused on creating rooms where students feel more in control/confident as the sole purpose, rather than rooms that do that in addition to giving them a strong sense of rigor and drive to do the work. I’m worried our theatre students are becoming more afraid than they’ve ever been, with formative years in isolation that have prevented them from taking risks, ownership and feeling brave enough to fail on deck. I’m concerned that we’re not arming them as well as we could. I want students to feel proud at the end of their shows with me, but a pride that we earn as colleagues and collaborators.
I think teaching is such a gift, and I’ll always make time for it in my schedule – I just want to get better in pursuing the educator side of it. When do I push? When do I back off? What material can I choose that feels pedagogically and artistically fulfilling?
I’m directing another dream project at UTM next year (a play that really inspired me and drove me to create when I was young, eager and fresh out of theatre school). It’s a deliciously dirty text and I want to make sure I can support the students in diving into the complex material so we all get as much as we can out of it.
4) I’m dating someone really cool and nice. Someone who I’m really proud of for all she’s achieved this year – changing career paths, going to teacher’s college, advocating for herself in really tough emotional situations. It’s great and I love her a lot.
5) As I continue my adventure into my 30s, I don’t think I’m really looking for big takeaways as much as I did in my twenties. I have a thing I do that I know I’m okay at and I do it. I have a process that I can implement whenever. I’m learning when I’m not wanted in rooms and environments and when I am how I’m valued and treated.
I remember my cousin once told me that I had an opinion that “only I thought was true.” I think at the time I felt kind of upset by this, but I look at this as a strength now. It’s something I tell my students and my peers. It’s your unpopular, your weird opinions, your strangeness that makes you you, your art stronger and if the opinion is honest, you powerful.
More power in 2024. Less things that make you feel less like yourself. More weird. More strange. More power.
I saw a lot of theatre this year! I loved
Master Plan
Appropriate
Assembly Hall
Fat Ham
Love You Wrong Time
I played a lot of video games this year, I loved:
Dragon Age Inquisition
Persona 4 Golden
Tears of the Kingdom
Baldur’s Gate 3
I watched a lot of things this year. I loved:
Beef
The Bear
Tar
I like Movies
The First Slam Dunk
Barbie
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Spent much time these past few weeks working diligently on various assessments, sometimes job applications, sometimes actual work. Got offered a bit of work that pays fuck all and barely feels worth doing; still didn't get paid for the social media project I did a month ago due to excruciatingly slow processes - probably won't be until mid-December.
Decided I needed to add some credentials or something to my resume to make myself a bit more competitive - one or two for what I already do, since I don't have directly relevant education and some MFs do like to see that regardless of how much experience you have, and maybe more later for some additional skills to expand my range. So I signed up for a certificate program and thought I'd race through that in a couple of weeks but got interrupted by a big project from an old side job I hadn't heard from since January. Both the pay and the expected turnaround were unreasonable for the size of the project, but I badly needed the money, so I took it. Part of me resented the pay and expectations - of this job and so many new ones I've come across still offering wages that would've been abysmal even five years ago. Part of me felt like I was paying some penance for my previous hubris and carelessness and accepted my lot. Part of me thought about all the people who get worked to death on a regular basis and figured, even if I had to join their ranks for a week, all in all, I still didn't have it so bad. (Also, hello past self! Hello past self in your long-commute office job living-with-parents poor-mental-health years of hell.)
The first two days were a big adjustment to being Busy after months of being Not Busy, filled with resentment and distraction. The next two days - last weekend - I got in a zone with it, got a decent amount done while still making plenty of time for other things. Monday was a big marathon I hoped would leave me with a lighter load for Tuesday, maybe a little left over for Wednesday at worst. Tuesday, I didn't get through as much as I'd hoped to, and it was clear there was no way I'd finish that night, so I didn't push myself too hard. Wednesday. Wednesday, I'd hoped to have a chill day between the busy week and Thanksgiving. I still had a decent chunk of the project left, but it seemed manageable. At worst, at least I could relax at night. I got part of it done in the afternoon, went to Whole Foods, came back, had dinner. Client asked if I was close to done. I said 2-3 more hours. I got back to work, feeling pressured and efficient, but two hours in, it was clear I was still far from done. Updated the client that it might be another couple of hours on top of what I'd said. Then those hours passed, and by this point I was consumed by a stress I had not experienced at work in years. Client probably went to bed. I finished around 2:20 AM, desperate for wine I never seem to have when I actually need it. It was hard to wind down, my body tingling with electricity, but I got there eventually, still disappointed with my small sliver of free time.
And then there was Thanksgiving - an unusual one I didn't know what to expect from. My parents still live together but don't talk or see each other much - my mother's postponed the divorce process until January due to some kind of tax complication, and the drama has mostly simmered down (he opened a piece of her mail from an unclear addressee - her boss at work, it turned out - because he's still paranoid about her and men, albeit more quietly. she bit her tongue about it. he said he'd move out by November but didn't. apparently hasn't been working and spends most of his time out playing poker. travels occasionally. sent her pictures from a beach one time). I figured someone in my father's family would host Thanksgiving, but I never heard from anyone. I was going to spend most of it with my mother - who wouldn't be joining them even if invited - in any case.
I managed to get up at an okay time and found that, overnight, I'd developed The Bullshit again in my right eye - thank the relentlessness of yesterday and refusal (big mistake) to take a quick break to wash my eyes when they felt irritated. The redness subsided a bit over time but didn't fully go away. I wanted to get dressed up like always for the holidays, more to make things feel normal for my mother than anything, and spent the usual forever curling my hair. And I thought I'd timed and planned things pretty well, but there's always some things I didn't account for, always so many fucking things, and I ended up running 20 minutes late.
On the way, the world greeted me with so much beauty. Sunshine, big wispy clouds, a trace of a rainbow. Brilliant red trees still going strong, flocks of birds seconds too late to take a picture. I hoped it was a good omen - but it wasn't.
My mother, proudly punctual person that she is, probably resented my lateness a bit. She's used to it - but she goes back and forth between expecting and resenting it. Maybe it matters more on a day like this.
My father was gone - apparently had planned to stay until my mother told him she wasn't having it. Further sign his family probably wasn't doing Thanksgiving.
My brother was home - I, as always, happy to see him but never knowing what to expect. He'd been sick with the flu. He was on the more cranky and withdrawn side of his spectrum.
My mother started out a mix of cheerful and quieter than usual. My brother was unfriendly and a bit rude to her. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sat in silence, and I felt her heartache - at her efforts never being appreciated, at her inability to connect with her child, at her dearth of family, at her joyless holidays, at her whole life. I wanted badly to think of more to say than I was able to, to liven things up somehow. It's not something I'm great at. I felt the inadequacy I'd felt with her all my life, at being too quiet. Sometimes it was something I was unfairly resented for, but sometimes being a better talker and socializer would genuinely be helpful. And I thought, if my brother and I are the only family she has left, holidays are going to be rough. This is the kind of thing she cares about. Even I felt something lacking. Even when we spent holidays alone, with our father, during COVID, it was a little different. Between him and my mother being talkative, and me somewhat trying, things didn't feel so dead even if my brother was quiet or cranky. Not that I would want my father to be a part now. But still, it's rough. Granted, my brother was sick and tired and maybe that affected things too. My mother had said he'd generally been friendlier with her lately. But he'd also refused her suggestions of medication and rest instead of going out, which made her feel bad too.
I remembered my mother mentioning she'd like to learn to play cards, or chess, and went searching for the cards or chessboard that had been in the house somewhere, asked my brother for help, couldn't find them anywhere. Desperate, I drove to Walgreens, bought a pack of cards, dragged over my tired reluctant brother, and played a game with them both. Then I played some more with my mother. I don't know that it made her happy per se, but at least it was a pleasant little distraction. Then she talked about her life and her health and how she was thinking of moving out because she couldn't keep living like this with my father.
My father came home at the same time as I did from Walgreens, his face stressed and weathered. We shared a cursory hug and Thanksgiving wishes. I felt kind of bad if he didn't get to have dinner with either family - he, like my mother, is the kind of person who needs that stuff. I don't really know how to feel about him now. His every transgression against my mother has made me feel intolerant toward him, but I feel sorry for him at the same time, and I don't know if being untethered from all meaningful relationships won't make him lose his mind more.
Anyway, he went to his room, and I didn't see him after that.
All in all, it was a pretty depressing affair, every person in that house unhappy, ever the cesspool of misery.
Afterward, I felt very tired and a bit sniffly for a couple of days. Friday, I had no energy and let myself do pretty much nothing. It was deserved after the past week. Yesterday, I managed to go to a store and do a few chores. Today I did a job application and a small work project, and was supposed to do more around the house at night but got sleepy. Overnight, it snowed, which I wasn't quite ready for, but after Thanksgiving, I can live with it.
Despite the unloading of heavy stuff here, there is so much more, and life is still largely good.
Now I'm hoping for a productive - but not stressful - end of November.
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Sims 3 world building conclusions pt.2
(4)The world is so big that I have to go on a vampire hunt to find other townies. Just…why??? 😭 What is that? I did get bored from playing in my world after a few months, but this made me yearn for that medium world life again. And now, I find myself loading up the test save I shelved. I guess that's a good thing. I also started working on large map for the same world. (5)Fifth is that a large world should be comfortable to play in. What I mean is that I find moving around large chunks of pointless land to be tedious. Moving to five points of a map may sound cool, but it may not be practical. I have seen this done right, but I've come to the conclusion that this is not the way for me. I don't want to people to feel like they are running a marathon with their mouse. And if they do, make it worth it. It isn't always worth it. (6)Six is a little off the beaten path from the rest of list. It's also what prompted this post. CC in world builds. I'm not a builder. I try to stick to Maxis stuff as much as possible but somes cc can add a little extra touch where my abilities can't reach. I try to be as respectful as possible to cc creators because I love what they do. It's hard work and you can end up creating more than you play the game. I know this because I've been self learning cc creation for the last two weeks(at a steady pace, of course). It's doable but nothing to sneeze at. As I have started building, I have noticed some of these rules are ridiculous. I ended up removing an entire folder from my game because I felt the rules were too ridiculous. A few of them basically meant "You can only use my cc for playing your game." Fine. Sounds alright if you say it that way. But if you feel that way, just say so. Stop listing out 10 bullet points to say one thing. I feel like it's become a thing in the Sims community to beat around the bush. It doesn't make you more official. And I specifically have an issue with no cc for builds. Hear me out, because I know people will be ready to disagree immediately without understanding what I mean. If the cc is not in your mod folder, it will not show up in the game. The Sims will substitute the item to the best of its scrambled code abilities. If someone puts your cc in their builds, links your website for the items, and credits you, what's the problem? They didn't steal if they didn't repost it without credit and it never shows up in any users game. Credit doesn't seem to be enough to them and it makes me wonder why they even started creating custom content in the first place. It takes steam out of building. It reminds me of people complaining about Lilsimie using the same items in her builds. There are only so many items you can use silly. (7)Seven is that you also shouldn't go wild with cc. No one wants to download a million items to use your world. The biggest gripe I have about CAW usage is creating world that can't run smoothly. What's the point of a world you can only look at? Take pictures? Go on vacation? Sure, but ultimately, it collects dust in InstalledWorlds until the user decides to remove it. I don't want that. I want people to enjoy my world. At least until the adults decide to have a family and move to a family world. (Last words) D7 Large will be a little more family friendly. The young adult life will still be there. A large section of the map is going to supernaturals. There are basically two income brackets in this town. Poor and rich. No middle class. I'm pushing a narrative. I couldn't really push this narrative the way I wanted on the medium map without taking away certain aspects. On a large map, I can. All and all, building D7 made me understand what kind of world I was aiming for. Poor,rich, supernatural, human, college, and a relaxed night life.
Deep breath*
Also, I'm working on a fantasy world. D7 has caused me to become more inspired. Browsing through Temu did as well 😋. I'm still playing with terrain.
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Lakeyta lost 125 pounds
New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/lakeyta-lost-125-pounds/
Lakeyta lost 125 pounds
Transformation of the Day: Lakeyta lost 125 pounds. After her daughter’s father passed away in 2020, she decided to focus on improving her health. Running and becoming Vegan are two factors that are key to her success.
Social Media:
Instagram: @fine_black_vegan
Hello, it’s been a little over a year since I’ve updated you guys about my journey. I’m still all in with my health and wellness goals. (I was initially featured in Feb 2022, and I sent in an update in August 2022.) I’m officially down 125 pounds.
What was your motivation?
My motivation in the beginning was my daughter. Her dad passed away in 2020, and I knew I had to improve my health. I was overweight and had to change. I was the only one left to love and nurture her.
What inspired you to keep going during the tough times?
What inspired me to keep going was that I finally was doing something I never thought I could do. I was choosing me. I was choosing to love on me and work on me for ME. It felt good.
How did you change your eating habits?
I changed my eating habits drastically. I became a Vegan in November 2021 and haven’t looked back. This has been the greatest decision I’ve made regarding my health.
I am fueling my body with the foods it deserves. I consume a lot of fruits and veggies. I also eat different varieties of beans. I also eat bread, pasta, and rice—balance in everything.
What is your workout routine?
I’ve fallen in love with running for the last year. I’ve run a 5k each month. In April 2023, I ran my first 16k race. It was hard, but what I found out is I am capable of doing hard things.
I run 4-5 days each week – easy runs, speed runs, long runs, and recovery runs. Running for me has become therapeutic. I’m training for my first half marathon in October. I’m proud of myself.
What was your starting weight? What is your current weight?
My starting weight was 308 pounds. My current weight is 183 pounds.
What is your height?
I’m 5’6″.
How long did your journey take?
I started my journey in November 2021. I’m almost two years in.
Is weight loss surgery part of your journey?
Weight loss surgery is not part of my journey.
What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far?
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that this walk isn’t about perfection, but it’s more about consistency. I’ve fallen off a few times, but I don’t stay there.
What advice would you like to share with women who want to lose weight?
My advice is to pray to God for strength during the difficult times because they will come. God has been my biggest help. I also suggest not to have an all-or-nothing mentality. Instead, be open to the ups and downs that come along with the journey, embrace them, and learn from them. Remember to have a health gain mindset, not just a weight loss mindset.
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