#it was in Spanish too but I couldn’t include it here tumblr just didn’t want it😭
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HIGHLIGHT TRANSLATION OF THE SPANISH DUB ACTOR GUILLERMO ROJAS
Guillermo Rojas - Spanish Dubbing actor for Dean since season 12 until 15x18 (he contracted Covid and was unable to record 15x19 or 15x20 - he has yet to record those)
INTERVIEWER: “Memo (nickname for Guillermo), I am not sure if you knew, but you broke the internet”
MEMO: “Yes, a lot of people sought me out when this happened. I am so sorry I wasn’t able to answer at length all of your questions, but I was right in the middle of dealing with Covid. I couldn’t speak without feeling like I was drowning. Right now I am going to (voice) therapy. While it is not too dreary, there are 2 continued effects, so I couldn’t answer everyone who contacted me through various ways - through FB, instagram and an old youtube channel that I haven’t used in years - with respect to the situation that occurred between Dean and his friend (Cas).
MEMO: “We try to follow (our lines) in what we see of the acting. Remember that dubbing is something where we must make a parallel alignment in our own language. Under the guidelines given to us by the client, we try to expand on all possibilities and all the alignments and - as actors - they permit us to give 100% of ourselves. So there isn’t a limit per se, so long as you don’t go off track (from what was requested from the client)”
INTERVIEWER: “What were the guidelines for the line that broke the internet”
MEMO: “It’s curious because neither the director nor us the actors knew much about the tendency that existed. Because we didn’t have much previous information that suggested that something like this would happen. To be honest when we recorded it, we were asking wait what’s happening? I mean we did it, but no one knew this was coming neither in the production studio nor amongst the actors.”
INTERVIEWER “I need to ask for a clarification here. I mean we are talking about the love declaration Cas made to Dean after 12 years of intense eye-contact. But the big question is Dean’s answer. Because EVERYONE heard in your voice that clear “And I you, Cas”
MEMO “And I you, yes.”
INTERVIEWER “Where does that “And I you” come from? Was it you? What happened there?”
“The adaptation came entirely from my director (Adrian Fogarty). He adapted it and gave us our acting guidelines, and I performed accordingly - I gave what he asked of me. We all loved it. We never saw it coming so overtly.... If you remember across all seasons, we rarely see Dean get involved with any women. It just didn’t happen, unlike his brother. He just never got involved. It wasn’t his thing, especially because we have his brother to compare him to. We saw (Sam) in a relationship in the past 2 seasons with Eileen which was a very intense relationship, and very painful in the end. Dean never had to suffer through that. They tied Dean’s pain to the loss of his mother since he lost her more than once.”
FB question: “So It wasn’t a rogue translator, it was a rogue director”
MEMO: “Look, Fogarty has some really intense abilities and one of them is to adapt the dialogue. When you see him translate a script, when he has the time to do it - even when he is not the one directing - and he leaves it in Spanish. The dialogue said, if I remember correctly, “me too” or something like that and then we switched it to “and I you” due to effects of lip movement, rhythm, etc... We don’t all have the ability that Fogarty has, that speed which he has, to think and translate immediately. We are a team and we work together, and pool our collective abilities, and of course Fogarty does his part. You need a Fogarty in every company.”
(The interviewer mentioned that her cat hates Sam Winchester and loves dubbed Dean’s voice).
INTERVIEWER “Do you know what Dean said in the original script before Fogarty got his hands on it?”
“Yes, of course. It made allusions to that. (Fogarty) made the right translation. It said and so do I or me too or something like that. It said it in the (original) script.”
INTERVIEWER: “When you heard the english version while you recorded yours, did you hear Dean say I love you too?”
MEMO: “No. If I would have, I would have taken the earphone out and gone what the fuck? *laughs*”
INTERVIEWER: “What was your favorite episode to film?”
MEMO: “With my short-term memory, I would say this last one (15x18), because it says so much. In one scene, it says it all. It was impressive, and so beautiful. I never saw it coming.”
Interviewer “Well you have broken tumblr again.”
MEMO: “Okay *Laughs*. Well, that’s good. Thank you very much.”
MEMO: “I think it’s clear to everyone that the fact that he (fogarty?) broke the internet, with this information was a surprise for everyone. Absolutely everyone. Because we all say that if someone wants to be a “real man” we have to be like Dean. In fact it’s something very beautiful for me because it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with feelings. It was a play by the writers that was marvelous. You didn’t see it coming, but damn do you like it.”
MEMO: “Nothing was left out of the translation... No I was not called to re-record the “and I you”. I have not been asked to remake the dubbing. My director perfectly understood the texture of the text.”
INTERVIEWER “Do you know if Supernatural has a quality review for the dubbing through Warner Bros?”
MEMO: “I would be lying to you if I said yes, but I have been working for WB (LatAM) for many years as both an actor and director. And there is some specific material where they do have “filters”, but with something like supernatural I doubt it. I would assume the one left in charge of all decisions was our director (Fogarty).”
INTERVIEWER “Have you been interpreting Dean as in love with Castiel this entire time or was it a surprise for you?”
MEMO: “No, never, it was a surprise. In fact, to be entirely honest, to my closest friends - of the same gender - I do use the phrase “te amo”. I don’t have any issues with that. So I actually thought it went that way - but then I found out it was romantic.”
INTERVIEWER: “Guillermo, what is your opinion, of destiel now that you know the nature of their relationship.”
“Well it was a revelation for everyone - including me. I love how they handled it because we didn’t see it coming. And I think, of our understanding of the character’s traits and psychology, we know that if someone knows how to repress their feelings, it’s Dean Winchester. *laughs*”
INTERVIEWER: “What would you say to Cas if he came back from the empty?”
MEMO: “He came back?! (he hasn’t seen 15x19 or x20)
INTERVIEWER: “No I am saying what would he say IF he did”
MEMO: “Oh, okay. I was under the assumption that I said I loved him so long as he wasn’t planning on coming back! *laughs* Well if he returns I guess I would say “Hello, Cas”.
INTERVIEWER: *Tells MEMO about the not for nothing cas but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid”
MEMO: OKAAAAY *laughs* That was too much. *laughs*
INTERVIEWER: Would you be this fandom’s Godfather?
MEMO: But of course *smiles* This was a big thing, from what I see.
INTERVIEWER: “What message would you give to the fans who are descovering the spanish dub?”
“first, thanks a lot of being part of the mexican dubbing. We do this job with all the heart and all the passion that we have. And I think I speak for all involved in this industry. We are glad to note that there are so many people from other countries that are watching these new projects in another language. So I have no words but thanks a lot.”
INTERVIWER: “What would be your ideal ending for Dean Winchester”
MEMO “I think, for all of them, they have sacrificed their lives and that of their loved ones for the safety and well being of everyone else. I think if anyone deserves to be well, happy, and calm, at least it’s those three (Sam, Cas, and Dean).”
INTERVIEWER: “What about jack?”
MEMO “Jack did attach himself to them, but I think he could find happiness in another nest.” *laughs*
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I'm sorry to hear that your hard work was leaked but I was curious about what happened. I hope the person faced consequences because that was a very selfish thing to do leaking your work like that :(
I haven’t taken action against the person who leaked the book. I know who they are, since they uploaded the page I signed for them, and I was able to match that against my records.
I haven’t refrained from taking action because I feel sympathy for them. I don’t. It’s beyond shitty behavior to receive an early, signed book as a gift, and to then leak the entire book online. It’s a shit thing to do to the authors and an equally shit thing to do to other fans. However, I don’t want to put myself (and Wes) through the exhausting, grim and expensive process of legal repercussions. It doesn’t mean what this person did isn’t horrible, and it doesn’t mean they haven’t cost the entire fandom any chance of there ever being an early contest giveaway like that again. They did. There never will be. There will be no ARCs of Chain of Iron, either, and you can thank them for that, too.
Part of what makes piracy such an issue for authors goes far beyond the individual assholes who upload and distribute and translate stolen books. It’s that the whole system is set up to make it incredibly difficult for us to do anything about it. Publishers do little to nothing to prevent piracy, and authors shoulder the entire burden of searching out and reporting illegal copies of their books. And even then, we’re dependent on whether or not the reported website feels like complying with copyright laws or not. Twitter is incredibly slow to respond, Tumblr is about fifty-fifty on bothering at all. They’re legally required to take action, but they also know that the effort of doing something about it if they do not falls on exhausted, overburdened artists who often can’t afford to follow up with a lawyer’s letter.
And like, I get being broke and wanting to read books; there were a lot of books I had to pass up reading when I was broke (I will be forever grateful to the library system of New York and Brooklyn, which is how I read books at all from about 2001-2004.) I was broke enough that I slept on a bare mattress because I couldn’t afford sheets, but I’m pretty sure if I broke into Bed, Bath and Beyond and stole a bunch of fitted percale bedding I wouldn’t have encountered much sympathy if I got caught.
I talked about this on Twitter before, and I’ll say it again here though I know it will make very little difference: pirating books doesn’t just hurt the author of those books. It hurts everyone at the publishing company, where the margin of profit is razor-thin (and yes, publishers should do more to protect themselves against piracy; I agree there); it hurts bookstores, especially indie bookstores (I remember doing an event at a store that told me, sadly, that they were likely going to have to close because people “came into the store, looked at the books, took notes, then went home and pirated them.”) It hurts libraries, who rely on circulation for funding, and the shutting down of libraries hurts people who actually can’t afford books.
Now, I know is no way to talk people out of piracy; the internet has normalized it, and besides, people will generally do the cheaper, easier thing — you can’t talk people into not doing something they want to do by telling them it’s wrong, in my experience. They’ll find ways to justify it, whether it be that they can’t afford the book or it isn’t yet available in their language or that they find the author “problematic” and this is the way they’ve chosen to punish them.
The reason I put “problematic” in quotes is because yes, of course you can read and enjoy work that has problematic elements. Pretty much everything has some element that’s going to be found problematic by someone — which is exactly why deciding that it’s morally excusable to steal from people you think are creating flawed work is more than problematic. Holding creators accountable for their work means critiquing that work, not stealing it.
I listen to a lot of political podcasts, and some of them review work by extreme right-wing politicians etc. who have written books that the podcasters find morally despicable but wish to, or need to, review and discuss. Since they don’t wish to give money to the authors, they buy second-hand copies or take the book out of the library. They certainly don’t steal, translate and distribute copies of the books because they genuinely do not like them and do not want more people reading them. That’s what it looks like when you have an actual moral problem with a book or author.
However, running multiple fan accounts for a book series, naming your internet identity after characters from that book series, and talking endlessly about “your favorite parts” and how this is “your favorite book” entirely invalidates any argument that you’re doing this because you think the books are bad, evil, etc. If you claim a book is actively homophobic or racist but are so desperate to read it that you’ll steal it, so excited about it that you’ll share that stolen copy, so obsessed that you’ll illegally translate a whole book and provide that stolen translation to as many people as possible, and so dedicated to the fandom that you’ll name yourself after the characters in the books and write poetry about them, I have to tell you: the last thing that looks like is that you actually find the books problematic, regardless of what you say to the contrary. It looks like you like them but don’t want to pay for them, because in fact, that’s the case. (Either that or it looks like you’re really into racist, homophobic books, and making sure as many people read them as possible, which is your problem.)
One of the issues I have with piracy is that it teaches you to hate creators. You have to hate them, because you’re doing a fucking awful thing to them and you have to justify it. This results in lying about creators — about their process, their translations, their research — as if somehow, even if they were bad researchers, that would justify widespread theft. (It doesn’t.) Those who steal books wind up in a headspace where they are obsessed with the content of the books, and entirely unwilling to accept the reality that those books were created by a real person that they’re really harming. It encourages the mentality that I didn’t create Jem or Magnus or Will or Cordelia: they came from some kind of sparkly outerspace planet and I was just lucky enough to get to write down their adventures. It invalidates the hard work creators put into what they create, and in fact, erases their very existence. The internet attitude toward creators is already incredibly toxic (especially if they’re women, LGBT+ and/or BIPOC) and the feeling of entitlement to free content, and vicious hatred toward those who aren’t providing it (even though a lot of creators, me included, provide a great deal of free content) contributes to that. Genuinely, if you’re stealing someone’s work, the least you could do is not also be an asshole about them. (Or pretend you’re Robin Hood. He stole from the rich who had taken property and goods from the poor, and returned that stolen wealth. He didn’t steal from artists and independent bookstores and use that stealing to benefit himself and his friends. The idea is actually kind of funny.)
I understand there is a pressure to be up to date on the books that are being released so as to participate in fandom, and I do get that. Unfortunately, piracy has real consequences that stretch beyond just hurting me and Wes. Because LGBT+ books are pirated at such an incredible rate, and we’ve definitely seen that with TEC, I am left wondering if there will ever be an actual Spanish translation of TEC, or whether the publisher will decide not to bother because it’s already been so thoroughly pirated in Spanish. I have to wonder if there will even be a third book of TEC at all, or whether publishers will feel it isn’t worth doing. And I have to wonder why the people who create this situation so often have usernames that include Jem or Magnus or Alec or Cordelia or Julian or Tessa. What an incredible misunderstanding of those characters, to imagine a world in which Will Herondale or Magnus Bane or James Carstairs would approve of stealing books and harming writers. And why name yourself after a character who absolutely couldn’t stand you? I don’t know. I don’t get it, any more than I get hating someone who provided you with something you claim is your favorite book.
That was a much longer answer than you were probably expecting or hoping for, and I know I’ll get yelled at quite thoroughly for writing it. Writers always do, when we engage with the issue of piracy. I know most of you reading this acquire your books honestly; most of you are not like this at all. But like most things on the internet, a small amount of people really do have the power to make things pretty rotten for everyone else.
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Hey babe. I don't want you to put too much into it because we already expect too much from POC to begin with but can you give me just a simple small handful of things that you absolutely don't want to see in fanfic?
I had a post like this already but I couldn’t find it because tumblr is trash so here we are 😂
I understand that being vague can be difficult because it’s difficult for me, but being too specific can really throw things off if the person reading doesn’t fit your description. For instance, I knew I had a certain vision when it came to the story I wanted to do for Camila and I didn’t want to have to cut things out and leave out those details that really paint the picture. I do reader inserts all the time. That’s what I do. Literally 90% of my work is reader inserts, maybe even more. I’ve created a name for myself here by doing that, so that’s what the bulk of my work is, but I also want to show what other things I can do. Show how well I can paint a picture and tell a story. You can’t do that as well when the reader has no attributes. So that being said
Don’t mention the “readers” hair color/length/texture etc. “Flowing blonde hair”
Don’t mention the reader's skin tone/color/texture
Don’t mention their height/weight/body type or build
Don’t throw in backstory like “your 5 siblings” “Growing up without a mom” “coming from an abusive home” things like that. You may relate, other’s don’t
Don’t substitute Daddy with Papi. We’ve been over this a million times
It's very easy to see which writer is writing something self-indulgent and just trying to pass it off as a reader insert. And writing self-indulgent work is fine! It’s great! Sometimes self-indulgent work comes out the best! I never thought that Cam’s story would make it as far as it did because I created her out of thin air and she’s not actually real, yet people have really enjoyed it because it came from the heart. It was something I created that made me happy and it showed, so people love it just like I do. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok but a good amount of people have really enjoyed the story.
But to label something as ______ x reader, and then describe yourself or your OC, that’s not how this works. You’re lying to people, whether you want to see it that way or not. And there are also other subtle nuances that people sometimes don’t even realize that they’re doing. Keep in mind that:
Dark-skinned or black people don’t blush. They feel the heat, but their face doesn’t “turn pink”. Instead, try saying “They felt the heat rise to their cheeks and ears” Same thing for light or dark skin, but you’re not excluding anyone who can’t physically have pink cheeks
Certain hair lengths/textures or curl patterns don't just let you run your fingers through their hair. Someone with 4c hair can’t have that done as easily as someone with straight hair. Someone with no hair can’t either, or someone with a protective style.
Not every Latino is Mexican. If someone asks for a Latinx reader and they don’t specify, don’t start going off about elotes and family in Juarez when that might not be where they’re from. There's a shitload of Latin American countries, Mexico isn’t the only one. Of course, you can’t include every single culture, so don’t. Just use some Spanish if you know any, maybe family dynamics, things like that.
Not everyone’s nipples are pink. Fair-skinned people have pink nipples, and not even all of them. Black, Latina, Asian, women usually tend to have brown nipples. Some lighter, some darker, but not “pretty pink” Associating pink nipples with being the pretty ones is a microaggression in itself.
Afro-Latinos exist. Just because someone asked for a Latina reader, doesn’t automatically make her medium skinned. Dark-skinned Latinos are real and it isn’t fair to count them out. So unless the reader requested a lighter skinned latina, don’t just do that on your own
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have done these things. Hell, I’ve written things that excluded MYSELF 😂 When I first started here there was no Mayans MC, it was just SOA and we know how that went. So I always felt like if I didn’t cater to the people who looked like the main characters, I wouldn’t do well. It’s not that I’m comfortable in my own skin and got no problem writing about people that look like me. But I’ve found things like “you blushed” in my own writing when I first started and that excludes darker-skinned people. I’ve tried to correct it in any piece that I find, but I’ve done a lot of work and I don’t have the time to go through every single piece.
If anyone ever finds something that is not inclusive like that, please let me know. There are somethings that I will have to leave because we are all different and there are some things that I won’t be able to include every single person. But something like that where I did the above if you find it let me know which story. I know they’re out there because I’ve found and corrected some myself. I’m not saying I’m perfect and I don’t expect anyone else to do. What I do expect is for people to try. Once you’ve been made aware, don’t brush it off. Address it. If you don’t, that’s your right, but then don’t complain that people don’t read your stuff and you don’t get as much positive feedback as other writers.
It’s nice that you bother to ask babe. The more we can educate people, the more inclusive this space will become❣️
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The 8 O’Clock Song: A Coco fanfic
Summary: Coco AU - It's been 10 years since Imelda Rivera was abandoned by her no-good husband and she banished music from her life. She's content to keep away from music for the rest of her life, but a chance encounter during a trip to Mexico City may turn that resolution on its head.
A/N: I have made an attempt to include some Spanish (mostly names) in this fic to mimic the style of the film, but I make no claim to being fluent in the language, so if you spot any problems, please let me know and I'll do my best to fix them.
Also, I'd like to thank @faceheightknifefight and another friend (who does not have a Tumblr account) for their help in editing this fic. They're awesome!
FF.net, AO3, DA
The streets of Mexico City were full of noise, smoke, and far too many people, and Imelda Rivera could hardly wait to get home to her family in small, quiet Santa Cecilia. She’d never been fond of the big city. If she’d had her way, she would already be on the train back home, arriving in time to wish her daughter, Coco, goodnight before bed, and no doubt scold her twin brothers, Oscar and Felipe for some mishap or other. Unfortunately, she hadn’t gotten her way all day.
She’d gotten up before dawn to catch a train to the city, in order to view a new shipment of leather, place her order, and discuss the possibility of buying a new machine for the shop. She was against the idea herself, but her brothers were convinced it would improve the quality, and quantity, of Rivera shoes so she’d agreed to at least gather some information. The salesman she’d met had yammered on long enough to make Imelda seriously consider not purchasing the new machine out of sheer spite. His poorly disguised distaste for women in the shoemaking profession had merely been the final nail in the coffin. Having thoroughly wasted her morning and the better part of her afternoon, she finally arrived at the tanner’s only to learn that the shipment of leather had been delayed and wouldn’t be available until the following morning. Had such a day occurred when Imelda was just beginning her career in shoemaking, she might have broken down crying. Which wasn’t to say that she didn’t want to cry now, but she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury of weeping over her problems since she started, and she wasn’t about to begin now.
If she could survive Coco’s childhood as a single parent, she could survive one day of setbacks.
Still, she did allow herself a small huff and a frown as she entered La Caléndula, the sleepy little restaurant the innkeeper had recommended for dinner. Not terribly charming of her, she knew, but she didn’t particularly care to be charming right now - especially knowing many men tended to view charm as an invitation. All she wanted was to order her dinner, eat, and return to the inn to close out her terrible day.
The man behind the bar was an older gentleman with more gray than black in his hair, in the few places it still grew, and a moustache that seemed to cover the entire lower half of his face. He took her order with quiet efficiency, and, after hearing he’d been recommended by the innkeeper, directed her to a small table in the corner where she would be able to eat in peace.
Imelda let out a sigh as she sank into her chair and off her feet. Between the salesman who couldn’t be bothered to offer a chair during his presentation, and walking what seemed to be half-way across the city to the tanner, her feet ached. She wore good shoes, of course. She’d made them herself. But even the best shoes couldn’t alway prevent the sort of ache that accompanied a day on one’s feet. As the ache in her feet faded, she found herself thinking of home and family. They would be sitting down to dinner themselves by now, possibly cooked by one of the twins, but more likely by Coco. The girl would be 14 soon, only a year away from her quinceañera, and was growing more self-sufficient by the day.
Needing something to take her mind off her long day, Imelda turned her thoughts to potential birthday gifts for Coco, a far more palatable idea than lost orders or snobby salesmen. A new pair of shoes was a given, of course, but perhaps it was time Coco had a new dress as well. She’d nearly outgrown her last Sunday dress. Should the new dress be pink, though? Or perhaps blue? Imelda could turn the unintended stay in the city into a chance to look for fabric and findings. Yes, that would be most productive, and save her a second trip. She would start looking in the morning.
Her concentration was broken by the sound of someone tuning a guitar.
Imelda’s eyes snapped open, though she wasn’t sure when she’d closed them, and she glared at the table with enough ferocity she almost felt it should crack under the pressure. Of course someone would be playing music here. It was a perfectly terrible ending to her perfectly terrible day. She ground her teeth and clenched her hands into fists to override the childish urge to stick her fingers in her ears. She had some dignity, after all.
It had been nearly 10 years. Nearly 10 years she’d gone since banning music from her life. 10 years of being laughed at, of enduring the mariachi following her around the market betting on who would get her to break, of scolding Coco again and again each time she caught her daughter singing or dancing. 10 long years of hating him, her no-good bum of a husband who’d left her alone with a child to raise and never come back. He’d chosen music over them, over her, so she would let him have it all.
Her eyes sought out the source of the sound unbidden, whether from morbid curiosity or to know who to avoid when she left, she wasn’t sure. When the server arrived with her food, she would pay and leave. She hated wasting money, but she couldn’t stand to listen to the guitar even one minute longer than she had to. There was a small stage along the wall opposite the bar, but it was empty. The night’s performer must have been preparing off-stage. The other restaurant patrons were unfazed by the guitar as they enjoyed their food and drinks, several of them conversing quietly together. All of them ignorant of the burning fury inside Imelda. The guitar tuning morphed into a proper song, a very familiar song, but the stage remained empty.
Imelda nearly sprang from her seat and marched out the door; good manners and fact she hadn’t paid yet aside, she didn’t want to stay and hear the song butchered like it always was. Like the mariachi back home always did, even though they knew the way it was supposed to be played, the way it had been played before he allowed it to be butchered after walking out of their lives. She redoubled her efforts to spot the musician, determined to stay as far away as possible when she left, only to freeze when she finally spotted him.
Him, her no-good husband, Héctor, sitting on a stool in the corner across hers holding a banged-up guitar in his arms, playing Poco Loco with a blank look on his face.
The plate of food being set down in front of her startled her badly enough that she jumped.
“Perdón, señora,” the server -not the bartender, but maybe his son? She didn’t have the focus to puzzle it out- said. He followed where she had been staring and grinned. “I see you’ve spotted José.”
“José?” She could only parrot the name, too shocked to turn and look again. Perhaps she’d been mistaken and the man only looked similar to Héctor from a distance. It had been a very long time since she last saw him, after all.
The server nodded. “That’s what we all call him around here, since no one knows his proper name, not even him.”
Imelda couldn’t even parrot this time as she relented and looked again. It was definitely Héctor over there, although she couldn’t recall ever seeing his face so empty. He wasn’t even smiling.
“He comes in here and plays from time to time,” the server continued, oblivious. “Doesn’t bother anyone, and the music’s good, so Tío lets him do it and even pays him a little if sales are up.”
Imelda finally found her voice. “How… Why doesn’t he know his own name?” The Héctor she’d known, or at least thought she’d known, had a ridiculously good memory and was always using it to his advantage.
The server sighed and leaned against the empty chair on the other side of the table. “I couldn’t tell you exactly what caused it, but José doesn’t remember anything from his past, or where he’s from. Whatever happened couldn’t have been pretty, though. A couple of drunks found him, back before I started working for Tío, somewhere around 10 years ago. Someone had tried to bury him in a shallow grave just outside of town. The drunks took him to the hospital, but I guess it took a while before he woke up. And when he did, he couldn’t remember a thing. Not his name, not his age, not even where he grew up.”
Imelda opened her mouth and closed it again. None of what the server was saying made sense.
“Tío says he thinks there must’ve been a fight. He says one of the doctors at the hospital thinks José was poisoned. And José didn’t have any travel papers or identification on him when the drunks found him, but he still had money in his pocket. I heard the police found a suitcase dumped in a ditch, but all the stuff inside was trashed and there was no name on the case.” The server sighed and shook his head. “I just want to know who would get into a fight with José. The man’s harmless.” He sniggered. “Well, unless you mention the song.”
Imelda turned back to the server and made a face. “The song?” This really was all too much to take in at once, and she was almost convinced she’d fallen asleep into a dream except for her aching feet still anchoring her firmly to reality.
The server nodded. “Sí. You know that fellow, Ernesto de la Cruz, who’s been making waves in music?”
Far better than I want to, Imelda thought. It had been Ernesto who had set out on the stupid tour with Héctor, and then returned nearly a year later to tell her she’d been abandoned. She tried to recall when Ernesto said they’d split, and found she couldn’t help but wonder if Ernesto had told her the complete truth. He’d been against her marriage to Héctor from the beginning, after all.
“Well,” the server continued, once again oblivious to Imelda’s inner turmoil. “If you so much as mention de la Cruz’s biggest hit--” he dropped his voice to a whisper “--Remember Me, in José’s hearing, he goes absolutely mad. Old señor Víctor had to hold him back from mauling a musician who dared suggest playing it. Didn’t play it, mind you, just suggested playing, and José went nuts. Señor Víctor’s practically a bear, and he was struggling to hold onto José that night. But, if you don’t mention the song, José’s the gentlest soul you’ll ever meet.”
That, at least, was more in line with the Héctor Imelda remembered.
The sound of Poco Loco continued to drift about the restaurant, and Imelda couldn’t decide if she wanted to scream or cry. “Nearly 10 years and he hasn’t been able to remember anything?” she finally asked. She did her best to keep her voice even.
The server shrugged, looking at her uneasily. “Nothing specific,” he said carefully. “Occasionally he’ll say or do something to make you think he almost had a memory, but then it’ll be gone before he can latch onto it. There’s definitely something there, but it’s almost like-- like he’d stuck on the other side of the door. A few vague ideas get through, his issue with the song, for one. He’ll drink anything you put in front of him, unless it’s tequíla. Put tequíla in front of him and he starts getting all antsy and saying he needs to go home. I asked where home was once, thought he might’ve remembered something. I swear he looked like he was about to cry, then he just kept saying he didn’t know, over and over, until he left for the night.”
Imelda felt some small part of her heart that she’d been ignoring for years clench in her chest. “That sounds terrible,” she managed. She tried to imagine what it would be like, if she somehow forgot home, forgot Coco, except for the faintest ideas. It wasn’t a pleasant thought.
The server nodded. “Tio and I didn’t see him again for three days. He came back covered in dirt. Apparently, he went out to the place the drunks found him and partially buried himself to try and bring back memories. It didn’t work. Tio let him clean up in the guest room upstairs, and made him stay here a few days to recover. I got yelled at for getting him into that state to begin with.”
“Ay! Diego! Stop pestering the lady,” the bartender, who’d come out from behind the bar, called.
Diego grinned and stood up straight, nodding to Imelda. “Perdón again, señora, for chatting your ear off. It’s been a while since we’ve had a new-comer so sympathetic to José’s plight.” He pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to her.
Imelda looked at him, confused.
“You’re weeping, señora,” Diego told her gently. He placed the kerchief on the table and walked away.
Imelda sat, unmoving, for a long minute, until the last notes of Poco Loco faded away and a new song started. Slowly, she raised a hand to her face and wiped half-heartedly at the tears that were indeed flowing down her cheeks. It’s shock, she thought, feeling oddly detached from her body. Shock was the only explanation she could think of for why she was still in her seat and not half-way back to the inn. Shock, and the fact she hadn’t paid yet. She’d been too distracted to pay before Diego walked away. Shaking herself, she grabbed her glass of water and took a gulp, trying to shift her brain back into motion but only succeeding in sending herself into a coughing fit when the last of it went down wrong. She fished her own kerchief out of her pocket and pressed it to her mouth to muffle the coughs and try to curb the tears now streaming down her face as she fought to breathe.
When she could breathe again, and had wiped her face clean, she stared down at her plate. She felt… empty. She’d always assumed her rage would be explosive if she ever saw Héctor again. And she’d certainly been furious when she first spotted him, ready to march out of the restaurant without even acknowledging his presence. But now…
It was as though listening to Diego’s tale had drained the rage right out of her. She couldn’t say she was happy, per se, or even sad. More than anything, she was confused. And hungry, her growling stomach reminded her. The food she’d ordered smelled delicious, and she wasn’t in the habit of letting good food go to waste. Besides, leaving without eating would gain her exactly the attention she would rather avoid. With that thought in mind, Imelda made herself begin to eat.
The food was undoubtedly good, but she barely tasted it. It felt like such a strange thing, that she’d banned music for so long and yet it quickly faded to the back of her awareness. If she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend she was at a bar back home a decade prior, waiting for Héctor to finish for the evening so they could return to their little house together.
Perhaps it was because, for the first time in a very long time, the songs were being played as she’d known them - no gaudy embellishments or implied wink and nudge from the musician. Just a simple, sincere guitar. Although Héctor wasn’t singing along, which was a bit odd, but she could only puzzle out one thing at a time.
Héctor’s letters had stopped five months or so after he left. At first she’d thought he’d absentmindedly forgotten to send the next letter, which happened on occasion. Then she’d guessed it had been lost in the mail, it wouldn’t have been the first time. But when one, and then two months passed with no word, she started to worry that something had happened. If she’d been on her own, she would have gone searching for him. But Coco had been not-quite four, and needed food and a roof over her head, so Imelda had stayed put and started to learn how to make shoes.
It had been another five months before she ran into Ernesto in the plaza and demanded to know where her husband was.
Ernesto had handed her a letter and Héctor’s wedding ring, said they’d been left behind when he and Héctor split several months prior, and left her standing there gaping in the middle of the plaza. All he’d told her about Héctor’s whereabouts was that he’d headed north to try and make a name for himself. He’d vanished into the crowd before she could ask anything else and hadn’t reappeared in Santa Cecilia since.
In the present, Imelda allowed herself another glance in Héctor’s direction.
His hair was even more unkempt than usual, and peppered with gray. Prematurely, she mused, as he was a year younger than her and only 31. He looked darker than she remembered, as though he’d somehow managed to find a way to stay out under the sun even more than he had in their youth. A multitude of lines and creases stretched across his face, and his eyes… Imelda had to close her own eyes and look away.
His eyes were the same warm brown they’d always been, but they seemed unnaturally empty of life. As though Héctor were no more than an oversized puppet.
His clothes -from what she had seen, she couldn’t look at those eyes again just yet- were starting to fray. He wasn’t wearing the suit she’d made him. Rather, a plain shirt and trousers that were too short for him, with a jacket that was starting to come apart at the shoulders. And he’d worn a hole through the side of his left shoe. He certainly didn’t look like a man who’d set out to find his fortune.
She couldn’t help but wonder at the timeline she was presented with. Between what Ernesto had told her years ago, and Diego’s account just now, it couldn’t have been more than a couple months from Héctor and Ernesto splitting to Héctor being found in a grave. But why he’d been back in the city so soon, when Ernesto had been so insistent that he’d traveled north, was something she couldn’t puzzle out.
And then there was Diego’s account of Héctor’s reaction to Remember Me. Ironically, perhaps, it was the only song of his she hadn’t heard before he left. She’d only ever caught snatches of the song from Coco’s room after her daughter was in bed. Ernesto had claimed that Héctor sold him his guitar and songs before heading north. If Coco knew Remember Me, then it was undoubtedly written by Héctor, not Ernesto, but why would that matter if the song had been sold?
On the other side of the restaurant, Héctor hit a sour note, and stopped in the middle of his song to glare at the offending string.
Imelda snorted as she watched. The guitar she’d given him was rarely out of tune. He likely wouldn’t have any issues now if he hadn’t sold it.
She froze with her fork half-way to her mouth, suddenly wishing she could slap herself for not thinking of that sooner.
If Héctor had gone north to seek fame, why had he sold Ernesto the guitar and all of his songs? Surely he would have needed songs to play, and something to play them on? Even if he decided the memories associated with the guitar were too much, he would have to be a fool to sell it without getting a replacement, doubly so to sell all his songs when he was just starting out. She could understand, on a practical level, selling the songs connected to her, to Coco, if he truly wanted to leave them behind. But that still left at least half his repertoire, full of songs she knew would have easily caught on with the right crowd- had caught on with Ernesto playing them.
The dinner she’d just eaten settled like a stone in her gut. Héctor’s letters had grown shorter the longer he was on the road, true, but the cutoff had been abrupt. There’d been mentions of fights with Ernesto, though he never went into detail. The early letters were often accompanied by songs and poems, but the last several had lacked those. Imelda swallowed uncomfortably and glanced at Héctor yet again- now back to playing, having fixed the issue with his strings. Something didn’t add up right, but the only one present who could tell her more didn’t remember enough to explain.
“Oh dear.” Diego was back, gesturing nervously at her plate. “Is something wrong with your dinner, señora?”
Imelda forced a smile on her face. “No. I’m afraid I just recalled something I really would rather have not remembered. The food was delicious.” Even so, she couldn’t make herself eat another bite.
Diego grinned, apparently reassured. “I see. I shall hope that you forget again very soon.” he glanced toward Héctor and his grin grew. “You’re in for a treat, señora. He hasn’t wandered off yet, and it’s nearly eight o’clock.”
Imelda felt as though she’d somehow missed part of the conversation. Then again, that seemed to be happening a lot this evening. “What happens at eight?”
Diego winked at her. “You’ll have to wait and see.” he wandered off again.
Imelda slumped in her seat, leaning her head in her hands and rubbing her temples. She really didn’t need more puzzles right now. The restaurant, she noticed, was growing quieter. The clink of dishes and bottles fading as other patrons turned toward Héctor’s corner. In the distance, she heard a bell begin to toll the hour.
Héctor stopped in the middle of his song, his eyes somehow more lively and more distant than before.
Imelda found herself leaning forward as the audience seemed to hold their collective breath.
Héctor closed his eyes and began to play. The opening notes were soft and gentle, not unlike the beginning of the song he’d written to propose to Imelda, although not that exact song either. Then he began to sing. “Remember me, though I have to say goodbye. Remember me, don’t let it make you cry…”
It was the same song Diego had said drove Héctor to fury, but not played the way Ernesto played it. The simple notes and gentle words reminded Imelda more of- of Coco, and the song she still sang to herself each night before bed.
“My song!” Coco had cried as a little girl, when Imelda tried to make her stop singing each night. “Papá said it’s my song!”
Hearing music, any music, tore at Imelda’s heart by then, but the anger and fear on her daughter’s face when told she had to stop was even worse. Imelda hadn’t slept that night, merely cried in her room until dawn and cursed Héctor for leaving. She hadn’t told Coco to stop again. Instead, she’d pretended not to hear the little voice each night. Coco, for her part, had confined her singing to that one song, sung quietly, alone in her room from then on. She almost always sang it at the same time.
Across the room, Héctor had opened his eyes to stare at a spot on the floor that looked no different from the rest. Except that, if Imelda thought back, it was roughly the same place Coco’s bed would have been were he back home singing her to sleep. She surely would have sung alone.
“...Know that I’m with you the only way that I can be.” Héctor’s voice caught on the words. “Until you’re in my arms again, remember me.” His eyes closed once more as the final notes faded into a silence that hung in the air. A moment later, he blinked, shook himself, and returned to his earlier playing. The restaurant patrons similarly returned to their conversations.
Imelda sat at her table, feeling a bit underwhelmed by the lack of response for Héctor’s performance. It felt like such a momentous thing -that he would sing a duet with his daughter, despite the distance between them and the fact that he supposedly had no memory of her- that surely deserved a round of applause at the very least. And yet, looking around the restaurant, it was as if the performance had never happened at all. Feeling more than a little light-headed, Imelda gathered up her glass and mostly cleaned plate, and made her way to the bar to pay.
“Was everything to your satisfaction?” the bartender asked.
Imelda nodded. “It was very good, thank you.” She handed over a fistfull of bills and coins, and waited for him to count out her change. While she waited, she glanced at Héctor. He still hadn’t noticed her. “Does he play here often?” she asked, nodding in Héctor’s direction.
The bartender sighed. “Often enough.” He handed over her change. “I used to figure he’d disappear one day. Thought it would mean he finally remembered where his home was, or someone came and found him. But after this many years, I’m not sure anymore that’ll happen. He’s a nice fellow, mild-mannered and all. Brings in extra business when he’s here.”
“Does-” Imelda paused, not quite certain she should ask “-does he play that song most nights?”
The bartender fixed her with a hard look. “Sí, he does. Try not to get any ideas, though.”
Imelda blinked at him, confused. Between him and Diego, confusing her was turning into a family trait.
He must have realized she didn’t know what he was talking about, because he continued. “We’ve had mariachi come through before who took his playing as an invitation to join in. Or they question him about it after the fact. He always ends up angry or confused. I know Diego thinks it’s sweet that he sings the same song every night, I can barely stand to hear it myself.” He sighed again, fixing his gaze on Héctor. “That man’s trapped in his own mind, and nothing any of us have done has helped. That song, that’s the closest he gets to breaking out. Hearing it each night is like hearing a cry for help you can’t answer.” Another patron at the bar waved for his attention. “Perdón, señora. Enjoy your evening.” Then he was gone, leaving Imelda with her thoughts.
She looked at Héctor one last time, still playing his guitar, and left the restaurant. She needed time to think, to try and sort out the truth from the lies, and the fresh air would help clear her mind. Or so she hoped.
Héctor’s music followed her back to the inn, continuing uninvited in her head long after she was out of hearing range. She doubted she’d get much rest. But then, she hadn’t slept much after he disappeared, either. Perhaps it was fitting that she stay up half the night after seeing him again. She dressed for sleep, put out the light, and lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. And she thought, and thought, and thought some more.
And when the dawn finally broke, she realized she had neither slept, nor puzzled out the answers to her questions.
Her husband had left on his trip 10 years ago, writing almost daily. His letters had grown shorter and less energetic as time went by, before cutting off abruptly several months into the tour. Some months later, nearly a year after leaving, his friend and partner, Ernesto, had returned to tell her she’d been abandoned. And somewhere in there, a group of drunks had found Héctor buried in a shallow grave on the brink of death.
Try as she might, Imelda couldn’t make all the pieces line up and fit together properly, there were simply too many gaps.
Ernesto might be able to fill in those gaps, were she to track him down and convince him to answer her questions. But that would take longer than she wanted, and she doubted he would answer her willingly, or truthfully. She’d known he was a liar when they were young, twisting or exaggerating tales so that they worked in his favor. Looking back, that was something she should have remembered that day in the plaza. And besides his lying nature, the gaps in the story were forming too easily into a theory she didn’t dare acknowledge just yet, but which she knew could take the man from hateful to dangerous.
No, Ernesto would not do for a source of answers, so she would have to look to Héctor. The bartender had said that attempts had been made to bring Héctor’s memories back, but nothing had worked. Then again, none of them had known Héctor before the memory loss; Imelda had grown up with him. She’d married him, lived with him, had a child with him. If she couldn’t spark his memories; well, that wasn’t worth dwelling on, she told herself as she dressed for the day. She would deal with that problem if it arose.
The city streets weren’t empty when she left her room in the inn, although they were far less crowded than they had been the day before.
Imelda kept her head high and her steps sure as she made her way back toward La Caléndula. The bartender would likely have questions for her before he would be willing to tell her where she might find Héctor. But she would swallow her pride and answer them truthfully, otherwise she didn’t know where she should even begin. When the bar came into view, however, she realized she wouldn’t need to ask.
Héctor sat on the step leading onto the porch of the restaurant, head tipped forward, and wearing a ratty straw hat that covered his face such that she couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep. His battered guitar was on the ground next to him, the neck tipped against his knees and held loosely in one hand. He looked like he had been sitting there all night. The restaurant door opened, and Imelda found herself ducking into a deep doorway. She wasn’t sure she wanted a witness to her potential failure.
Diego stepped out onto the porch, covering a yawn and holding a bucket and rag with one hand. He gently nudged Héctor, then walked to the windows and began wiping them down.
Imelda watched as Héctor stirred, reaching his arms above his head and stretching in a way she knew made his spine pop. He’d startled her doing that the first morning after their wedding, but it had become endearingly familiar over time. She waited a few more minutes, watching Diego try to strike up a conversation and Héctor murmuring half-replies while she debated whether or not to come back later. She could always stop in at the tanner’s first, to see if that shipment of leather had arrived yet, and come back once Diego was gone and Héctor was alone once more. Except she couldn’t be sure Héctor wouldn’t leave before she returned.
Taking a deep breath, she paused -to see that her braids were still properly in place and not because she was scared- and stepped from the doorway.
“Buenos días, señora,” Diego called when she drew near.
Imelda didn’t answer him, her eyes locked on Héctor. He looked up, and she felt her heart race in her chest. Her breath seemed caught in her throat, and her stomach was doing all sorts of interesting acrobatics. She felt, rather absurdly, like she had when she told him she was pregnant with Coco- as though her world had tipped on its axis and she hadn’t quite righted herself yet.
She hadn’t actually planned this far ahead. She’d been so preoccupied with looking for him that she hadn’t realized until now that she had no idea what to say. She swallowed, but her mouth remained dry.
Héctor hadn’t looked away.
Imelda took a breath. “Héctor-” her voice came out like a squeak. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Héctor-” that was better, and she had his attention now “-do you know who I am?”
His face remained blank, and for a long, terrifying moment, she was afraid it wouldn’t work, that his memories were too far gone to ever recall. Then, almost painfully slowly, his expression changed. He scrunched his brows together and pursed his mouth the same way he had so many times before when trying to pull a song into being. And his eyes never left her face.
Imelda stayed standing before him with her hands clasped at her waist, vaguely aware of Diego calling for his tío. Her palms were sweaty, and she was gripping her hands so tightly she knew without looking her knuckles had gone white. But she didn’t dare move, she almost didn’t dare blink.
Héctor shifted on the step, knocking his hat off when he tangled his fingers in his hair and pressed the heels of his hands to his temples. The look on his face was quickly giving way from confusion to a combination of distress and pain; and Imelda was suddenly afraid she might have sent him into a state of panic if his memories failed to return.
“Hush,” she tried to comfort him, cautiously kneeling down and reaching to cover his hands with her own. “It’s okay. Take your time.”
The backs of his hands were dry against her sweaty palms, and quite warm. And his hair felt more brittle than she remembered.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and swayed back and forth, the world around them forgotten as his inner battle played across his face. Imelda rubbed gentle circles against his wrists, racking her brain for some way to calm him down. She’d grown quite skilled at handling crises in the past decade, raising her daughter as a single parent. But this wasn’t the sort of crisis she’d ever had to face before. Slowly, she became aware of Héctor humming to himself, a nervous, breathy sound that she soon recognized. The song he’d written to propose to her. It was quieter, more serious that Poco Loco, and undeniably hers. She didn’t recall him playing it the night before. Her voice was rusty as she joined him, humming instead of singing because the hurt she’d felt since he left was still there. She’d sworn off music when Ernesto told her she was abandoned, leaving it all for Héctor if he loved it so much more than her. But if it was the way to bring him back, then she could make an exception.
They reached the end of the song and started over from the beginning, Héctor’s voice growing stronger, and Imelda more sure of the notes. She leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes, focusing only on the sound of their voices blending together, sometimes the same, sometimes harmonizing.
“Imelda.”
His voice was so soft she almost didn’t realize he’d spoken. She drew back and opened her eyes.
Héctor was looking at her again with a fragile sort of hope in his eyes. “Imelda?” he said, his voice louder but shaking.
“Shh, I’m here,” she whispered, brushing away a tear that had begun to form in the corner of his eye. “I’m here.”
“Imelda,” he said again, this time sounding more sure of himself. He broke into a grin murmuring her name over and over. “Imelda, you’re Imelda. I remember. Imelda, I remember-” The words died in his throat, his happy grin sinking into a wide-eyed horror. “I forgot, Imelda,” he gasped. “I forgot you! How- I forgot Coco!” His voice broke on their daughter’s name. “No- How- I forgot!”
He’d begun to tremble, and all Imelda could think to do was pull him towards her. He came easily, practically collapsing into her arms as he continued to babble. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry! I promised to be home in six months and I forgot! I-I was planning to come home. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
Imelda was caught in an awkward half-crouch while he clung to her, but she pushed the discomfort aside and brought one hand up to cradle his head, and gently ran the other up and down his spine. His face was buried against her shoulder, her dress growing wet with tears. He was still shaking, too, and he felt much too thin now that she was holding him. “Shh,” she murmured again, stroking his hair. “Shh. I’m here. It’s going to be alright.”
It was, perhaps, a foolish promise. There were still so many questions to be asked. Diego and the bartender were both standing a short distance away with matching expressions of concern, and she was sure they would want to know why it had taken so long for her to find Héctor, and why she hadn’t gone to him the night before. There would be letters to write to Coco and the twins. Letters saying who she had found, and explaining that she would be delayed coming home. She had no intention to leave Mexico City until she understood what had happened to Héctor to lock his memories away for so long.
But her most burning question had been answered. He’d wanted to come home. He’d planned to come home, and been prevented. Coco was right; he’d never abandoned them. It was enough, for now, to build on. She couldn’t say exactly what would happen in the long run. If they’d ever be able to return to even a semblance of what had been, or if their relationship would be forever broken. But they could worry about that later.
“I’m sorry,” Héctor whispered again. “I’m sorry for forgetting.”
Imelda hugged him tighter. “You’ve remembered now,” she countered.
“Sí,” Héctor agreed after a long silence. “I remember.”
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One Year On: Life is Strange 2 Critique
December 3rd, 2020 marks a year since Life is Strange 2 ended. I was inspired by @smitethepatriarchy‘s text posts (here, but there are several other answered asks worth reading) and @suhaplays’s text post (here) criticizing Life is Strange 2 to write a critique about how Life is Strange 2 handled certain themes and social issues.
(tw: gun violence, police brutality, animal death, incarceration, racism. In this essay, I use the word “queer” in a reclaimed sense, as a queer person myself. Of course, spoiler warning for all five episodes of Life is Strange 1 and 2).
A year on, my feelings about this game have soured... a lot. When the game was first announced, I was overjoyed that our new protagonists would be two Latino boys. Finally, we would have a culturally meaningful, groundbreaking video game with people of color and their experiences at the forefront!
Then the game was met with immediate backlash and I utterly exhausted myself defending it for weeks on Reddit and Tumblr. Throughout 2019, as the episodes came out I became increasingly disillusioned, frustrated, and disappointed with where the story was going. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so damn miserable while playing this game.
Then in the summer of 2020, when Tell Me Why began rolling out pre-release material, I noticed that they posted a Q&A about transphobia, gave content warnings, and discussed at length about their collaboration with GLAAD, Checkpoint, and the Huna Heritage Foundation to make the game with sensitivity and proper research. I cannot speak for trans and gender non-conforming people on whether Dontnod succeeded at doing so with Tell Me Why. But Life is Strange 2 did… none of that.
Essentially, I realized that the reason why I was so frustrated with LiS2 is because it focuses way too heavily on a trauma narrative. This comes off as insensitive to players of color without any content warnings or extensive research.
Sean didn’t have to get kidnapped, kicked in the face, and called a racial slur by a gas station owner. Daniel did not need to watch his puppy get mauled by a mountain lion for the sake of a “difficult choice.” Sean didn’t have to lose his eye for the sake of heightened drama. Sean didn’t need to get called a racial slur and humiliated by his native language/beaten in the desert for refusing to sing. Daniel didn’t need to get shot— twice. Hell, all of “Faith” probably could’ve been cut— how is a church cult that brainwashes Daniel and beats Sean half to death relevant at all to the story?
Even if not all of the game’s violence was racially motivated, the consistent trauma that Sean and Daniel endure does not make for positive representation— or even good characterization. There is a difference between sympathetic characters and well-written characters, and trauma does not make Sean and Daniel any more complex or likable-- just more fucking traumatized.
LiS2 is more grounded in reality, but that also makes plot holes that much harder to excuse (Daniel’s powers being spotted, most of the Parting Ways ending, Sean’s prison sentence). But most of all, it grounds all of Sean and Daniel’s pain and trauma in reality.
There is no magicking away a town-destroying storm with time travel. Sean can’t keep his dad alive by ripping up a Polaroid. After Max unlocked her powers, she was still a Blackwell student, reconnecting with Chloe, taking photos, saving lives, and uncovering a murder mystery. After Daniel unlocked his powers, the Diaz brothers lost everything.
The game never lets you forget that Sean and Daniel are homeless, wanted, constantly in danger, and that they are never getting their old lives back. It permeates the entire game, and for players of color, just reinforces a sad, miserable, grim reality about living in the United States. It is, as @smitethepatriarchy said, potentially triggering for players of color, and it is certainly not something I needed to be reminded of.
And the representation of POC? It feels shallow and ill-researched. It would only take a Google search to find out that Dia de Muertos (a holiday to honor the dead, no less) was from October 31 to November 2 in 2016, the year the game takes place, but Daniel only talks about Halloween in episode 1. Sean and Daniel never discuss any Mexican customs, foods, or holidays. Sean doesn’t speak Spanish with his immigrant father, only during a scene when he’s traumatized (again!) by two racists, and again when talking to Mexican immigrants— in jail. Daniel doesn’t speak Spanish at all. Most of their allies throughout the game are white, including Finn and Cassidy, who appropriate Black culture with their dreadlocks.
So what’s left? Sean and Daniel’s existence as people of color is, at worst, just a narrative prop to justify everything that happens to them. They are people of color on the surface only. In a meta-sense, the game only considers the color of their skin and their last names as what is narratively important… yikes.
I don’t have anything against people who genuinely loved the game and were moved by its messages and story. But I can’t help but feel bitter that white players have the luxury of only thinking of this game as a work of fiction and not feeling any personal reliability to Sean and Daniel’s racialized trauma.
I don’t regret playing LiS2, but I do regret all the time and energy I spent defending it in the beginning. I understand now that I shouldn’t let people’s opinions get to me, nor should I feel obligated to like or defend a game for its attempts at representation. But now, I think I understand how queer fans must have felt in late 2015 when Polarized released. After following the game for 10 months, to see that Chloe’s ultimate destiny was to die and Pricefield is another ship plagued by the Bury Your Gays trope (in the ending that the devs clearly put more work into) must have been just as disillusioning and infuriating. I understand why some fans were so quick to unfollow LiS or develop mixed feelings about the series, because that’s how I feel too after following LiS2’s development from September 2018 to December 2019.
Before I end, I will admit that Life is Strange 2 arrived at a time when I needed it. I still stand by my belief that DN did a great job characterizing Sean, Daniel, and Chris without toxic masculinity, which is the best thing they could’ve done for a male-focused follow-up to a game about queer women. I love that Sean is still a canonically bisexual man of color in a major video game and that DN didn’t forget their queer audience. I love the world and characters that DN built, but I still prefer AU fanfictions of their normal lives, without all that trauma.
So, I will continue to treasure Lyla and her 10 minutes of screentime (aka the only shred of Asian American representation I can get from this series). I still reblog LiS2 fanart to support the artists. I still support Dontnod, because as Tell Me Why has shown, they are capable of researching and writing stories with more sensitivity. And let’s be honest-- I’m still gonna be hella excited if Life is Strange 3 is announced.
But so many aspects of Life is Strange 2 were bungled that it came off as a remarkably average and forgettable experience. A year on, I don’t hate Life is Strange 2, but I am writing this to move on from it.
Thank you for reading.
#life is strange 2#life is strange#lis#lis2#lis 2#lis2 critique#pricefield#racism#sean diaz#daniel diaz#diaz brothers#sinn#fean#finn#lis finn#finn mcnamara#chloe price#max caulfield#lyla park#lis sean#lis2 finn#lis2 sean#lylapark#lis2 daniel#lis daniel#dontnod#dontnod entertainment#square enix#bury your gays#trauma
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hey :) do you mind sharing some more about the skam austin panel today?
yeah for sure!! i’ll put what i remember under the keep reading tab for ppl who wanna hear about it :) i only went to the panel, not the rewatch (bc money lmao) so there are probably some other things they talked about that i missed, but i’m sure there are other ppl on here that can fill you in on any gaps that i miss!
it was valeria (jo), julie (megan), and lakeisha* (shay), and pedro (p jo) on the panel (he was the moderator, the other three did most of the talking), though they did mention other castmates throughout :,)
*lakeisha was the name they went by on the panel, and in the info before the panel it said they use they/them pronouns, so that’s how i’ll be referring to them throughout this
all of them started out by talking about what they’re doing currently, julie said she’s dropping out of school because her therapist told her “you as a person matters more than you as a student” which i thought was a great sentiment as well
lakeisha said they’ve been making a lot of clothes and music (also throughout the whole thing they kept showing us their shoes and they left to pee like halfway through something they were answering one time hfjskaj)
they then talked about their audition processes (val had the most chaotic series of audtions omg i would love to see her audition tapes)
val originally read for either jo or megan, and she had literally just moved there like right before casting and almost didn’t go to her audition
she said that she decided to be the loudest person in the room so that they couldn’t ignore her, and that carried her through most of the rounds of auditioning
she said that at the end she said “if you don’t choose me, which you should choose me, but if you don’t, please choose another latinx actress because you have no idea how much it means to see someone who looks like you on screen”
julie auditioned because she was hoping julie (andem) would bring lisa and tarjei and she basically wanted a free meet and greet djkfshk
she found out about skam og on tumblr !! she’s one of us ����
she thinks julie andem is the coolest person in the world
they told her that she was pretty much everything they envisioned megan to be, so they cast her fairly early on and then had her partner with the marlon prospects
giovanni, who eventually played tyler, auditioned for marlon and they kissed during their audition even though they weren’t supposed to
julie went to high school with till who ended up playing marlon and people would always ask her what it was like to get to make out with him and she was just like .... we just working bruh
lakeisha found the ad to audition on instagram and decided why not because it said it was a paid job
they looked up a bunch of improv games the night before because they had no experience and had no idea what they were doing
in the audition julie asked what the tattoos on their hand meant (and also the one thing lakeisha was excited about being out of contract was that they could get as many tattoos as they wanted without asking for permission)
they all had a lot of love for julie andem and loved working with her
val said that she’d always try to make julie laugh and she said that julie is the reason og and austin are so good, because it’s her story and her vision
they roasted the shit out of fb too (as they should)
basically fb ghosted them and never renewed the show but also never cancelled it so technically they don’t even know if anyone else could get the rights to reboot the show somewhere else (lakeisha said ‘skam austin onlyfans’ lmao)
i don’t remember which one of them said it but they said fb is like an inconsistent dad lollll
they also think that fb sort of finessed julie/her team because they were under the impression that it would be like og where they had their own website for the show and everything, but then it ended up just being a facebook page
they also filmed promo for season 1 that never ended up being used but they don’t know why
lakeisha felt super disrespected by the fact that not only did they not get their season, but also the fact that they just dropped the show like it was nothing and none of them even found out that they probably weren’t getting more seasons until they saw that their instagram accounts were gone
everyone was upset about the igs getting deleted too because they put so much work into the content on there for it all to just disappear
val said “no one tells a story like the one that was about to be told” and everyone agreed
val said that if the show would have continued, jo would have been undocumented and they would have shown her trying to navigate college (not only were we robbed of a jo season, we were robbed of college seasons 😤)
jo x jo were definitely going to be a thing
val said that when they wrapped s2 she was like finally!!! because now they could get into the stories that they really wanted to tell and really knew would make a difference (everyone vehemently agreed)
they were proud of the fact that they’re the most diverse cast and that they don’t just treat the characters of color like sidekicks like the other remakes do
julie talked about how skam france was the only remake to have jonas not accept isak right away when he was coming out and how it was suspicious that he happened to be the only non white jonas and that was the choice they made
val said that druck is the only remake she’s watched but she likes it
they also talked about how, even though it’s great that the cast was so diverse, practically everyone behind the scenes was white
val said that she didn’t really think about it much at the time because she found it hard to speak up since she was very young and inexperienced but looking back she wishes jo’s body wasn’t so fetishized as a latina (she didn’t clarify whether she was talking on a production level or within the fandom, but she talked about costuming so i assumed she meant more on a production level)
they all wished there was more representation off screen as well as on
shay x megan was brought up and julie said that shay was going to have her own love interest (am!even !!!!) come season three, and that it wouldn’t have been megan
she also said that megan was mostly just confused and like ‘haha i kiss girls when i’m drunk’ but then she also said that megan and shay never had feelings for each other at the same time so 👀
she was upset that they made megan and marlon get back together at the end of season 2 because she wasn’t a fan of them together, but she said it also makes sense because a lot of teen girls go back to their toxic exes even when they know it’s not good for them
lakeisha said that they hated shay’s acrylic nails because it didn’t make sense to them for her to have them (especially since shay was a musician)
they also said that they’ve been pretty confident and open with their sexuality since they were around 12, and that one time in middle school they dated a boy because he had an xbox and then they were like oh no is this toxic am i using him because he actually has feelings for me?? hdskafja
they also said that the cfgc music happened because they heard that the boys from og also had a song and at first i was like wtf are they talking about but now i think they meant the penetrator song 💀💀
julie has a cfgc shirt :,) and they all stole a bunch of clothes and stuff from set, val said she took a bunch of outfits that jo never wore which makes her sad to think about now
val’s favorite scene to film was the car scene in s1 before the party (she said it was one of the best moments of her life) and julie said she liked that one as well (val said there’s a shot of her looking into the camera and flipping it off but they didn’t include it in the show, i feel robbed)
people asked how it felt for lakeisha to be the first lesbian isak and they said that they didn’t feel like they were, because they didn’t really get the chance :(( but they also said that the idea itself was very intimidating and there was a lot of pressure around it
they also said that they and gio were very very close both on screen and off, they said it wasn’t even like they were an extension of one person, that’s how close they got
there were a lot of improvised scenes, particularly with val, and she also said that incorporating spanish into jo’s dialogue was mostly improvised
julie, val, and pedro also all talked about how they’re all mexican, and how each of their life experiences vary so much from one another, on the show and off and julie said megan’s upbringing was a lot like hers
they all also said that they liked the music the show used and a lot of them have emotional attachments to a lot of the songs
val said she wishes they used more frank ocean and i agree
they also said they’re not sure if there are bloopers or anything, but they’d love to see them if there are
i’m trying to think of anything i missed ahhh i feel like they talked about so much but i think i’ve got the key points soooo
that’s all !!! hope this was interesting to ppl who still care about austin like i do :,))
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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.
☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆
i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.
edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.
#16 I'm in a Disney Show
(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.
however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.
#15 Becoming A Cartoon
i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.
#14 Way Too Adult
here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.
#13 The Dark Side of Disney
i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.
#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself
this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.
#11 My True Identity
pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.
#10 Taking on Anxiety
i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.
- ★ -
okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.
#9 Growing Up
once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.
#8 The Mind vs The Heart
when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.
this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.
#7 Making Some Changes
this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...
#6 My Personality Q&A
when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.
now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.
i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.
- ★ -
oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.
#5 Alone on Valentines Day
i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.
also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.
#4 Am I Original
i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.
i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.
#3 Losing My Motivation
i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.
#2 Accepting Anxiety
this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.
and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.
#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking
i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.
Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.
- ★ -
so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡
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my eurovision top 39 songs (finally)
anyway i finally got my top 39 completed. under a read more because it can get kinda long with the commentary i added klfdja;sflk (and by that i mean VERY long, maybe a wall of text if i have a lot to say about the song.)
none of this takes rehearsals into account.
basically, 39-37 i don't like, 36-35 are meh, 34-25 are decent, 24-18 are good, 17-12 i enjoy listening to a lot, 11-4 i love, and I would pay for votes for top 3 if i could.
39. Azerbaijan - Efendi - Mata Hari - Honestly, I kinda want to like this song. The instrumentation is nice, especially with the Azeri instruments. Efendi's vocals are ok during the verses. However, her vocals during the MA-MA-MA-MATA HARI part makes this song utterly unlistenable for me. It is just so distracting and ear-grating. Not great for my sensitive ears. And that is without taking anything else into account.
38. Estonia - Uku Suviste - The Lucky One - For some reason reminds me of a boring modern country song. Bland af. At least the melody of the chorus is nice.
37. Cyprus - Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo - Discount Lady Gaga at the best points of this song. Feels like three songs at once. Also, the lyrics seem like they just went all "What Spanish-sounding words sound spicy? Taco? Tamale? Mamacita?" As a Spanish speaker and as someone of Mexican descent who enjoys those foods, this annoys the living shit out of me. At least I can make El Diablo/Fallen Angel memes out of this. (Honestly, I don't mind the gratuitous Spanish with the words El Diablo.) Also, this song got real old real quick.
36. Slovenia - Ana Soklič - Amen - The gospel vibe is nice, but there is just too much Christianity in it for me to enjoy this song. Sorry, Ana.
35. Moldova - Natalia Gordienko - Sugar - Sounds like a sugary version of Siren Song by MARUV. Kinda boring, but enjoyable in the right circumstances.
34. Georgia - Tornike Kipiani - You - Good to listen to when mind feels blank. At first I kinda liked this song, but nowadays this song has lost its charm. This won't sound out of place alongside boring 70s slow classic rock songs.
33. Austria - Vincent Bueno - Amen - Not something I would listen to regularly, but still nice. For me, easily the biggest downgrade from 2020.
32. Greece - Stefania - Last Dance - Pleasant to listen to, not much else.
31. Portugal - The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side - Good song, but not my cup of tea. Unfortunately, some great songs have to be near the bottom of my ranking.
30. Germany - Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate - A fun song to listen to. The novelty wears off after a while. The feel good vibes and ukulele are nice.
29. Israel - Eden Alene - Set Me Free - the song release version was bland and boring, but the revamp. Now THAT is good stuff. The song doesn't seem so empty anymore. I miss the key change from the original, though.
28. Spain - Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme - A very emotional and beautiful song from Spain. Again, not usually my cup of tea. However, the melody somehow gives me a nostalgic vibe.
27. North Macedonia - Vasil - Here I Stand - DAMN Vasil has a lovely voice. Nice that he's showing it off here. Too slow of a song for me to enjoy regularly, though.
26. Albania - Anxhela Peristeri - Karma - I don't have much to say other than this song is nice.
25. Bulgaria - VICTORIA - Growing Up Is Getting Old - Pleasant to listen to, but depending on my mood I think this is a beautiful song but not my cup of tea or a complete snoozefest.
24. Serbia - Hurricane - Loco Loco - Fun song, but it feels like something is lacking, and I can't quite put my finger on it.
23. San Marino - Senhit - Adrenalina - Once the initial hype from Flo Rida being on the song died down, this became another typical Eurovision bop.
22. Sweden - Tusse - Voices - At first I thought the song was completely unremarkable and couldn't understand how this won Melodifestivalen. Nowadays it's a nice song to chill to. I gotta respect a perfect televote score from the national final.
21. Ireland - Lesley Roy - MAPS - nice.
20. Croatia - Albina - Tick Tock - Grew on me slightly. Shoutout for including a verse in Croatian.
19. Switzerland - Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers - Another grower for me. Doesn't hit as hard as his song from last year, but I dig it.
18. France - Barbara Pravi - Voilà - Lovely chanson right here. I wish it didn't take forever to pick up, though. I was about to completely give up on this song in the middle of my first listen. I'm glad I didn't.
17. Belgium - Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place - Classy. Not much else to say.
16. Ukraine - Go-A - Shum - I'd definitely go rave to this song. I kept finding this song hard to rank due to the white voice. I couldn't decide if I absolutely adored it or if I found it grating. Maybe I just wasn't feeling well when I first thought about it.
15. Lithuania - The Roop - Discoteque - Lots of fun, doesn't have the charm that On Fire had last year. I would dance to this song.
14. Poland - RAFAŁ - The Ride - I actually kinda like this song???? Even with Rafal's vocals??? I know he has political controversies, but I can't help but think this song is nice. A better, less controversial singer would benefit this song, though. I'm not counting the revamp just yet since it was released too recently.
13. Latvia - Samanta Tīna - The Moon Is Rising - This song gives me nostalgic mid to late 2000s hip hop vibes. The guitars in this song are lovely.
12. Romania - ROXEN - Amnesia - Definitely something that can put me in a trance if I'm in the right mood.
11. Czechia - Benny Cristo - omaga - Nice, catchy, I would dance to this.
10. Malta - Destiny - Je Me Casse - Damn, Destiny has a lovely voice! And the song itself is wonderful. I'm not a fan of the amount of Swedish talent being used instead of Maltese talent, but I really do enjoy listening to this.
9. Denmark - Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden - another really fun song! This really grew on me. Nowadays if I want to listen to a Eurovision song, this is one of the first songs I think of.
8. The Netherlands - Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age - I can vibe with this. You can hear the passion in this song. I wish I could let my body do the talking right now, but y'all can't see that with just a tumblr text post.
7. Russia - Manizha - Russian Woman - I was NOT expecting this to come out of Russia when it won the national final. I wasn't expecting to like this either. The message is great, the instrumental is great, everything about this is brilliant.
6. United Kingdom - James Newman - Embers - A funky song. I LOVE James's voice. Massive upgrade from last year in my opinion. I'm a sucker for brass in an upbeat song. Unfortunately, I have had the staging kinda spoiled and I am VERY skeptical about this coming out of bottom five. I'm done with the BBC.
5. Australia - Montaigne - Technicolour - There is a Lot happening in this song and I am all in for it. I'm kinda terrible at parsing lyrics, but it's a non-issue when I can follow Montaigne's voice and forget about the lyrics. Ironically enough, it's Montaigne's voice that also worries me this Eurovision season - mostly whether she was able to pull off her live on tape performance off.
4. Iceland - Daði og Gagnamagnið - 10 Years - I didn't think Daði could pull it off against this year, but he did it. I like this just a little more than Think About Things, which was my favorite song last year. I'm still a little gutted that this pandemic robbed him of a probable victory, but I've made peace with it. I still need to learn the dance moves, though.
3. Italy - Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni - FUCK YEAH A KICKASS ROCK SONG IN EUROVISION! This song gave me massive rock en español vibes on my fist listen, and honestly this is something I would bang my head to if I had the same body I did when I was 15.
2. Norway - TIX - Fallen Angel - I was not expecting to like this song much, let alone becoming THIS obsessed with TIX. In fact, he wasn't even on my radar for winning MGP. I listened to Ut Av Mørket for the first time and thought something like 'this is boring af, but at least it's in Norwegian'. And then he changed it to English, which I wasn't a fan of at first. And then one day the lyrics clicked - especially with my own struggles with mental illness. To this day this is one of only two Eurovision songs to actually make me cry. Even now he still isn't my MGP winner (that honor goes to JORN), but he has definitely won my heart.
1. Finland - Blind Channel - Dark Side - To say that this song kicks ass would be an understatement for me. This song has just the right mix of rock, pop, and even metal. Ever since I found out that this song would be in the national final, I knew that it would be my favorite this whole Eurovision season regardless of who won UMK. Yes, my jaw dropped when I saw the lead Blind Channel had in UMK. I literally cancelled my plans to watch the MGP final live because of these guys. I am not disappointed. Even Måneskin couldn't bring these guys down in my ranking. And while the lyrics might be a bit iffy, they did get me through rough times. I hope these guys are able to bring rock music back like they want to. But for now, I will give them my (useless tbh) douze points.
#eurovision#esc#this post took me two days#and even longer to actually rank everything#mostly because half the time i couldn't decide which song i liked more#so something gerbear's sorter couldn't help with#i'm tired rn#of course my top 3 is predictable
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“Stop moving! I’m going to have to start counting all over again!”
Thanks for the ask Anon 😊
#86- "Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!"
Taglist: @miyakokurono @trappedinfandoms @openheart12 @sekizincimektup @junggoku @ethandaddyramsey @edith-eggs1 @ethanramseysgirl @samihatuli @loveellamae @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @zeniamiii @binny1985 @an-urban-witch-ig @ramseyegerton @noboundariesplease @mrsdr-ethan-ramsey @newcolonies @mkamra2355 @unluckygs @choices-love-affair @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @ohramsey @virtualrain202 @squishywizardhq @junehiratas @lilyvalentine @nooruleman @itsgoingnuts @cordonianbleu @agent-breakdance @jamespotterthefirst @choicesfanaf @temptress-of-death-and-desire (if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know ☺️)
Author's note: Well this is the last of the prompts and I am grateful to all of y'all and I hope you like it 😘
You can find some head cannon of Leah Garcia here which can add more clarity.
This is a long Post and I tried putting a read more tag.. keyword being tried * side eyes Tumblr*
💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
Quinceañera
"Are you sure I'm looking okay?" Leah asked as she smoothened her sleeveless floral sundress which extended till her mid thigh as they walked up the porch.
"Sunshine, you have asked me this question exactly four times in the last 40 minutes and my answer remains unchanged. You look gorgeous, a true vision of beauty and I am greatful to have such a beautiful woman by my side." Ethan said he extended his hand for Leah.
Leah blushed and placed her hand in his and clasped their fingers.
"You also look amazing Ethan. The blue brings out your eyes." She said as they rang the bell to her cousin sister, Natalia's house.
"So Natalia is the eldest of your cousin's while you are the you best right?" Ethan asked.
"Yes. We are seven cousins including Liam and me. Our family has always been big on tradition. Natalia's eldest daughter, Amalia is turning fifteen and that's why we are having the quinceañera a.k.a transition from a girl to a woman."
"Okay. And Liam is 35 and is a Major General in the Marines, right?" Ethan asked, cross checking the facts. The need to impress her family was so important to him and he was kind of nervous.
"Yes. Ethan.. they are gonna love you. This have nothing to be worried about."
Ethan let out a tense breath as the door opened.
"Lele!" A bubbly woman screeched as she tackled Leah. Ethan's eyes widened and reached for her to prevent her from falling off but Leah held her ground.
"I missed you Natalia!"
"Oh I missed you too Lele! I haven't seen you since last year when we got drunk and spoke about that hot senior Doctor Ram-" she was rambling before she saw Ethan standing there with an amused smile.
"Oh please! Don't stop because of me. Please continue about this 'hot doctor'." Ethan said.
Leah elbowed him and realization dawned on Natalia. "Ohhhh! This is him? Man, Lele you have refined tastes." Natalia said before turning to Ethan with a contagious smile.
"Hello! Welcome! Please come in. But, let me warn you, it's a mess. Lele, I hope you and your man can help me before others come in."
"Of course sis! Thus is gonna be the best quinceañera ever!"
"Okay! And Amalia!! You can't wear a dress which shows your teta!!"
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"Twenty one... Twenty two... Twenty three" Ethan counted the styrofoam plates which were precariously balanced on the edge of the table.
"Babe." Leah said as looked to her side. She had already finished her tasks and was slowly loosing her brain cells waiting.
"Twenty five... Twenty six.."
"Baabbbeeee. I'm bored." She whined, trying to get his attention.
"... Twenty eight..."
Leah bent and kissed the edge of his mouth. He stilled for a moment before continuing his counting, a little distracted.
"...thirty... Thirty one.."
She angled her head so that she could trail hot kisses along his jaw. She then proceeded to catch his earlobe in her teeth and tugged it.
Oh lord give me the strength. Ethan thought mentally, as he slowly started going crazy.
"Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!" He hissed.
"Okay." She pulled back and gave an angelic smile.
Ethan's eyes narrowed. "You are so going to get it."
"Hopefully." She replied cheekily.
"CORPORAL WHERE ARE YOU?!" A deep voice boomed through the house.
"Sergeant?" Leah said with her eyes widened. She turned around to see her brother.
"Come here dum-dum." Liam stretched his arms as Leah squealed and tackled him.
"You are here!"
"Yes sis or otherwise you are smoking some dope shit and having crazy hallucinations."
"You are still an asshole, sarge." She slapped his arm.
"I will take that as a compliment, corporal. Now where is your boyfriend? He and me are going to have a nice chat."
"Shh be nice." Ethan got up to his full height and the two men analysed each other. Leah just held her breath.
"I'm Major General Liam Garcia. Nice to meet you Dr. Ramsey." He said as he stretched his hand ahead.
"Nice to meet you Major. I have heard a lot of stories about you." Ethan spoke as he shook his hand.
"Really? Knowing Lele, she would have said dumb stuff about me... How about I hook you up with some of her embarassing stories?"
Leah gasped. "You wouldn't dare."
"Try me sis. So Ethan, wanna know about the time Leah dyed her hair neon pink?"
"Definitely." Ethan grinned as they sat on the couch.
🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩🏩
Spanish music was playing through the speakers as the family was laughing and drinking in the backyard. Leah sat on the two seater swing and just took in the sight of her family, a soft smile playing in her lips.
"Hey sunshine." Ethan said as he sat next to her, with... Sangria?
"Didn't know sangria was your style."
"Well mama Debbie can be real persuasive." Ethan said as he took a sip of the beverage.
"Liam and me are going to be good friends.."
"Yeah, that's because you bonded over how hilarious my goth phase was." Leah grumbled as she crossed her arms across her chest.
Ethan threw his head back and laughed, wrapping and arm around her. "Admit it sunshine... It was a little funny."
Leah couldn't help but smile at the way Ethan was care free. "Okay.. a little."
"Corporal?"
Leah looked up and saw her dad approaching her. "Hey Captain! Any orders for the day?" Leah joked as she stood up and hugged her father tightly.
Ray returned the hug with double the intensity. "Nope. Just enjoy yourself mija."
"Papa, I would like you to meet my boyfriend, Dr. Ethan Ramsey." Ethan stood up, his back ramrod straight.
"Nice to meet you, sir."
"Na... You can call me Ray. Welcome to the family, son." He reached and hugged him and Ethan was shell shocked.
"Yes Ray."
"All that matters to me is my mija's happiness. If you break her heart, I will break your face."
"Good thing Ray that I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. I am going to be around for a long time."
Ray threw his head back and laughed. "That's good, Ethan. Why don't you, seargent, corporal and me sit down for dinner and a couple of beers? I have a few steaks in the freezer and I always love a good reason to fire up the barbeque."
"Sure Ray. Enjoy the party."
"You too Ethan."
Ray walked away as the couple got comfortable in the swing.
"Did you really mean it that you are gonna be with me for the long haul?" Leah asked as she snuggled against him.
"Obviously sunshine. I love you and I would like to stay by your side till the end of time."
"Me too Ethan... Me too."
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I will be posting the prompt masterlist as well as me main updated masterlist so that if you guys missed out, you can read them up :))
Also imma go and lie down 😓😞
#anushka writes#writing prompts#choices stories we play#choices stories you play#choices oh#choices#pixelberry#playchoices#open heart fanfiction#open heart mc#open heart 2#open heart#dr ethan ramsey#ethan x mc#ethan ramsey#ethan jonah ramsey#ethan ramsey one shot#ethan ramsey x mc#leah garcia#sunshine and e#long post
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5D's Episode 27... with an “Uncut” Dub?! (Re-Edited 4Kids Dub/Japanese OST - Revised)
“A World Without Light -- The Dark Synchro Frozen Fitzgerald!”/”A Web of Deceit (Part 1)″
Everybody listen!
Took long enough to finish up and polish (partly because of work and activism life actually picking up a bit), but here’s a brand-new “dub-uncut” episode! With my first few takes in episodes 23-26 newly revised, I was looking forward to working on 27 and starting fresh again, lol. In case this is the first you’re hearing about my mini-project here, let’s get you up to speed:
So, the official Spanish YGO channel on YouTube flubbed a few uploads of the 5D’s dub such that they ended up uploading a few episodes of the English dub instead of the Latin American dub (21-29)–but with none of 4Kids’s background music! Which meant that I could swoop in and re-insert the original Japanese soundtrack (which I did by matching each track to how it was looped in the episode), but I wanted to do more by also tweaking the dub itself so that not only was it matching the original footage, but the dialogue was more in line with the original dialogue timing-wise (since I couldn’t salvage much of what they changed). Hence, the “dubbed uncut” gimmick here. To this end, I’ve also used dialogue from Duel Links where applicable, or even borrowed audio from other episodes with the vocals isolated to lend to that effect.
Check out the masterpost of episodes I’ve done here!
Check out this episode’s WIP videos! WIP #1 WIP #2 WIP #3 WIP #4 WIP #5
So, this one was fun to do particularly because overall, save for the, er... butchering that happened on explaining the Dark Synchro mechanic (4Kids wut) and the rewrite of Carly’s interaction with her Editor-in-Chief (and making Carly a “blogger” lol), the dialogue was already more or less in line with the Japanese version, which meant that I was more or less just removing a lot of the fluff as I added back the OST. As I did in 22, 24, and 26, I added subs for the scenes where 4Kids rewrote things a bit too much for my taste (so, the scenes I mentioned above, but also the occasional line or a few), but of course these subs will be optional in the MKV I release on NAC for this. I also added back some SFX and tried to remove the dub’s replacement SFX in most cases, though I had to swap out the SFX as Speed Warrior was tuning with Junk Synchron since 4Kids had a tendency to add some new one over the original SFX and made it too loud to work with the Yusei chant I put there. And I translated the OP/ED credits in Last Train and CROSS GAME, revamping my singable lyrics a bit for Last Train while drafting new ones for CROSS GAME which I’ll post soon; you can see my Last Train translation in the second WIP video and CROSS GAME’s here. Full process breakdown below the cut.
Also, major thanks to yugidmx5 for providing A+ rips of the “The Day Begins/Tenpei” theme in the Carly/Angela scene, the “Vision of Tragedy” theme as Yusei and Ruka talk about the Satellite’s future, and the alternate “Dark Signers” tune which plays as we first see them and then again between the Dark Signer drones recruiting and Yusei chasing Dark-Signer!Dick down (before it transitions to the OST-released version once Yusei gets to the building under construction); I know that since these came out well, he’s working on better rips for some or most of the unreleased OST, so stay tuned there (I also drafted up a full version of the alternate DS theme, but had to get creative since they didn’t play all of it in this alternate style; will post soon). And thanks to Tiny Spider Productions, who provided the “shock” SFX playing as Carly sees Yusei’s arm actually glowing in her car, some inspo here/there for dialogue fixes, and provided CurtisH from CastingCallClub’s recording he did voicing a line from Tanner translating the original line about the four Signers they know which 4Kids cut short.
I hope folks enjoy! Just breezing through 28 often for lines to use here, I can tell it’s going to be a headache because they did throw in a lot more jankiness in the dialogue... So, fun. 🙃 Once I handle finalizing my subs for GX 56 (and possibly 57 due to how long this took), I’ll start drafting it out; stay tuned~
(And if you're able to reblog for visibility, it’d be appreciated given Tumblr’s suckage with links 🙏🏽)
Breakdown, breakdown~
So, I used Duel Links audio for the twins to handle the Noteworthy/Showcased Cards bit (we’ll see if I still can in 28... And as the twins are voiced by Eileen Stevens in Duel Links but not yet in 5D’s [that happens in 65], bear with me lol), and I also translated the sign for this hardsub in Photoshop, masking in the Fitzgerald card and Rua and Ruka’s heads over it in Sony Vegas.
Moving to the episode proper, a second was trimmed from the shot of the stadium in the TV Rally/co are using once it tunes in, and I couldn’t properly loop the “Yusei!” shouts to cover it, so I just filled in the audio with the crowd just cheering. In the Carly/Angela scene, I removed Angela’s extra lines about her makeup and hair while Carly was getting ready, then tweaked Angela’s line on camera to remove her last name (which we never learn originally) and move her lines about “Fusei Yudo” winning to play sooner while removing Carly’s “one journalist to another” as she walks up to correct her (as this scene was rewritten, there are subs to show the original dialogue). Looped chants of “Yusei!” to remove his internal “pointing out the obvious” monologue before the OP.
After the OP, I used the JP audio to keep the doctors moving Jack quiet (hopefully you don’t notice the chants changing lol), then as Yanagi runs over, I replaced his bit about Yusei having “a brand new enemy” in the media with “we should all get going” from 26. The Godwin/Lazar scene stays the same since it was accurate, but I did have to put the end of Rex’s “that’s the only thing that matters” line on another track so Lazar’s gasp would play when it should (they added a second to his talking in the dub). The Yusei/co scene in the tunnel stays mostly the same, just switched to the JP audio as the flashback to the Satellite vision happened, then as Yusei had a quick one before gasping, I recycled a gasp and a “hmm” from elsewhere to cover the commercial-inducing monologue they gave him in the dub. For the press conference scene, I thought about removing the one “That’s right, Ted” reporter’s line since he’s quiet originally, but thought “whatever,” and then I spaced out Carly’s line as she reads her fortune to match her Japanese line’s pace and remove some of the fluff. I switched to the JP audio after Carly asked about Yusei’s arm glowing to remove Rex’s comment over it, then stitched up a “Perhaps; still, I didn’t see that” mixing his line there with a “still” from 23. Carly’s line as she’s excited about Goodwin dodging her question (originally just “I’ll keep moving forward too!” [she references her fortune a lot more]) was longer in the dub, so I cut out the “which means I’m onto something” for use later. For Carly’s chat with her Editor-in-Chief, I included subs because of the rewrite, but I did shorten Carly’s line just before “bring some dirt and you might still have a job” which was lengthened by 4Kids. Removed a lot of Carly’s fluff as she began to watch the Yusei duel footage via the JP audio, then stitched together “Goodwin tried to give me that bit but [the whole world will know what Goodwin’s trying to hide]”, the latter bit coming from Carly’s monologue as she’s running at the end of the ep, then switched to the JP audio to remove Carly’s fluff about living in her car. Then, as we see the Dark Signers looming, because 4Kids removed the commercial break here, I kept only Demak and Kalin’s chuckling and Roman’s “lower the curtains” line over the desk shot, then looped some of his laughing from after the eyecatch to lead into it.
After the eyecatch, I made use of his “Goodwin assembled his Signers” bit, recycled a little chuckling, then cut Roman’s reference to Shakespeare to just the “tangled web” line (thanks to yugidmx5 also providing the SFX for this scene, I was able to move Roman’s laughing to play where it should after he releases his spiders). Moving to Yanagi drawing the Crimson Dragon, I only kept his “saw it the once” line while using Japanese Rua and Ruka’s interested gasps to fill a fluff gap, then combined two bits of audio to get a [slightly] awkward “t[ail]” to fix 4Kids’s dumb error claiming he had the Head birthmark; accordingly, made Leo say “What about it?” instead of “What about the Head?”. CurtisH’s line for Tanner comes in here, with a slight tweak or two to match the lip-flaps more, then JP audio as we see all the Signers so far to remove Leo’s dialogue. Meanwhile, for Jack’s hospital scene, I translated the “No Visitors” sign Mikage walks past (along with fixing “Atlus” to “Atlas”). The Dark Signer recruitment scene also gets some subs, then I used the JP audio from when we see Dark Signer!Dick walking to Yusei’s birthmark beginning to glow; yugidmx5 providing the SFX was a big help here, too. Yusei runs out to chase Dick down, and then when he sees him inside the under-construction building, I took “Who are you” from later in the episode, but added a more question-ending “u?” to flesh the sound out a bit (since the line was “Who are you and what’s going on”). I took “Fine, then” and “What are you planning to do to the Satellite” from 28 (which I’ll likely cut as it was added offscreen dialogue), and TSP provided a vocal-isolated cut of Dick’s line about his master (because 4Kids cut his shot short by a second or two and played it as the SFX for the zoomout as his Disk activated played).
They begin the duel, and here I just kept “What’s going on?” from the line I noted earlier, recycled some laughing from Dick to match the JP script, then shortened his line about their being offered up “by the light” to work with the new timing. Dick begins his turn, but I recycled an “It’s my turn now” line from later for accuracy, then his setting-a-card line is cut short at his ending his turn as Yusei looks on. Carly, driving nearby and seeing lights from the duel off in the distance, gets her reference to the Goodwin “sheen from Yusei’s Runner got in your eye” line that I cut replaced with the “I’m onto something” I noted before. Yusei gets a recycled “It’s my move!” line from 24 to start his turn, tweaked to remove the drawing SFX that happens in it, then to remove a dub SFX I used a Duel Links line to fill out “I activate the Tuning [Spell Card]”. “I summon Junk Synchron” comes from 24 (and “Level-2-or-below Monster from my Graveyard” comes from his Graceful Revival explanation in episode 3), then--thanks to Arian over on NAC reuploading some HQ dub episodes--a better-quality vocal rip of his “Level-3 Junk Synchron, tune with Level-2 Speed Warrior!” line from 87, along with a better-quality rip of his “From two come one” chant and “Form the road of light!” from Duel Links. Yusei shouts “Battle!” from Duel Links, then I slowed down his line at “[Attack his Blizzard Li]zard” to end it there (and remove the “warm Satellite welcome” fluff). As Blizzard Lizard’s effect activates, I combined an “I activate,” “Blizzard Lizard’s special ability,” and “now” for a better line than “Blizzard Lizard’s special ability is going on.” Yusei’s lines after being damaged and realizing he damaged Dick too are spaced out to match the JP script, then I borrowed Yusei’s line on setting two cards from episode 3. Then, when Dick plays Ice Mirror, I stitched up an explanation (since the Card Interruption does it for him) combining Call of the Haunted’s explanation with a few other pieces of dialogue (thanks to TSP for the inspo). I cut Dick’s “Now I’ll play” line there to remove the dub’s zooming-in SFX, and then made Dick’s line about his third Blizzard Lizard end right before the split-screen with all three of them to remove the dub’s split-screen SFX. I thought about replacing Yusei’s “three’s a crowd” line with “What’s that all about” from later, but couldn’t figure out a way to fill the line in before that, so I left it, but didn’t let Dick acknowledge it by just recycling “With that done” to replace “Well, how about [I release]”, then after Yusei reacts to his Dark Tuner, I recycled some chuckling to match the JP script and trimmed his line about its “power to extinguish;” the Dark Synchro “explanation” gets some subs to actually explain it, then I looped Carly’s panting as she runs to cover the “Goodwin’s trying to hide” line I moved to earlier, and recycled/amplified Dick’s laughing at various points through the ep to remove Yusei’s episode-ending monologue.
In the preview, I just recycled Yusei’s “No way...” and “A Dark Synchro Summon?!” while borrowing Carly’s lines about the Dark Tuner from 28, then Yusei’s line about getting his answers to end it. I had to speed up the OST version of the preview tune to match the pace here, then trimmed it and ended it with the JP audio for the quick fade-out.
/phew
#yugioh#yugioh 5d's#yugioh 5ds#ygo#ygo 5ds#ygo 5d's#5D's#yu-gi-oh 5ds#yu-gi-oh 5d's#my work#5ds dub uncuts#woot glad this is finally done#now to finish up that edit for GX 56 and then get to working on the script~
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Simmer - ‘Get to Know’
Thank you @burnedparadisesimblr and @myverycoolnickname for the tag 😊 I cut out a lot of questions that I can’t be arsed to answer so if you want the full list you can see it here 👍
Your name: Sam
Languages you speak: English, did a bit of Spanish at school but probably not even to just about muddling through on holiday standard.
Your play style: I just play the game how it is.
Your favorite age state: I don’t have a favourite although because I usually play with premade sims that probably tends towards young adults more often. Toddlers maybe have the most purely fun gameplay. The way the game is so narrowly focused on young adults is a bit annoying although I’m sure it makes commercial sense (and the cc that gets made follows that pattern so it’s even more obviously the case).
Your favorite season: I like them all and think they did a really good job with the Seasons pack but if I had to pick I’d say Autumn is my favourite. It looks gorgeous in some of the worlds and I like the rain. But overall I just like how the seasons shape and give direction to my gameplay, there’s not enough of that in the game.
Your favorite career: I suppose I’d pick the acting career but I’m not too interested in any of them tbh. I’ve never completed a career in the game.
Your favorite aspiration: not really bothered about aspirations, sometimes I cheat to give sims the reward traits from them for character reasons but otherwise I pretty much completely ignore them.
Your favorite EP, SP or GP: City Living is the best expansion pack, it has the best world and the best gameplay. The CAS stuff is good, the build stuff is great and it just feels more lively than anything else in the game. StrangerVille or Dine Out are my favourite game packs. I was really surprised how much I liked StrangerVille as I didn’t think I would, and I just love restaurant lots so Dine Out has to be up there. As for stuff packs, Vintage Glamour is great and so is Movie Hangout.
Your favorite skill: Singing is actually quite fun to level up but they’re mostly kind of a dull chore and I pretty much ignore them. Don’t think I’ve ever maxed a skill for an adult sim.
The size of your mods folder: Nowt in there
Your favorite sim (picture if possible): The Bheedas are my favourite definitely, couldn’t pick one of them.
Which Sims games you have played (including mobile games): Only TS4
Best part of simblr: It’s nice sharing a hobby and getting to know other simmers 👍
Worst part of simblr: Probably the worst part of simblr is really more to do with tumblr which is how much of a source of anxiety it seems to be for a lot of people, and that’s something deliberately provoked by the structure of the site and is fundamental to its business model. Forums were much better in that way, more of a level playing field, and I don’t remember any forum I ever used having anything like the levels of anxiety that are a permanent fixture here.
What other games you play: I’m not too much into video/pc games but I do have a Nintendo Switch which I play a bit. Luigi’s Mansion is the best on that.
I’ll tag @dragonflydaydreamer @simsfvr @dynastiasims @weicyn @thereesespiece @biffybobs @flethro @seraphicsimblr @alittledaylight @opheliavilla @intoxicatedsims @mdianasims
As always feel free to ignore if you’ve already done this or prefer not to!
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Could you tell us some things about your characters?
thank you so much for this ask :D sorry for such a late response, but ngl i got very excited and started writing shit down as soon as i saw it, but then it turned into an entire essay and i had to cut down a ton of stuff until i decided to write it in a list of some sort kjhgkjfgkfg
currently i have like 11 fan characters in total so i will start with 4 to not infodump too much at a time
and i’ll admit that literally all of these guys were made for shipping purposes, but they all have different personalities and dynamics with canon characters. i’m such a sucker for writing couples, so many things to explore, that’s like my favourite thing ;w;
it got very long so imma put it under the cut \o/ (hopefully it works bc tumblr has been pretty unpredictable lately)
sorry if it’s probably way more than just “some things” but i couldn’t help it, i just love these guys so much and i don’t get to talk about them often u v u
e n j o y ~
imma start with the one you guys are more familiar with
Lucas
one of the cardinals in Ghost’s church
Mexican
in his late 40s (like 46-47)
hardworking, ambitious
pretty composed
huge „your teacher from english class who’s also a dad” energies
his character can be summed up to, as someone has said, „he’d kindly but sternly correct your shitty posture”
currently takes the 3rd place of most „best employee of the month” awards (Copia is 4th at that time)
he and Copia start off as rivals for the 2nd place (bc no one can beat whoever is the 1st)
but wouldn’t you guessed it, they end up dating
Lucas has a fair collection of various rodents, including rats. Actually, he’s the one who infected Copia with love for them. Luc prefers ferrets (that’s a rodent right kjhfgkjgh)
he doesn’t really get angry, but when he does he really goes off
he writes poetry, which is actually very, very bad, but Copia loves it to bits which makes Luc feel validated to write more
because his language is so similar to italian, Lucas can implement a lot of spanish into his conversations with Copia, while the other will reply in italian and they will still understand each other (ofc there are some exceptions that result in miscommunication, but that just makes it all more fun)
Copia shared with him that he’s writing music for his album (even tho he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone) and Lucas was more than happy to help him in the process…which was mostly moral support and a few suggestions.
he loves calling Copia “cariño”, “mi amorcito”, “mi alegría” and other cute names in spanish
once Lucas mentioned he used to play flute and Copia immediately decided to include a flute solo in one of his songs, so Luc could play it. Unfortunately things didn’t go as he planned and he had to change it to sax solo
The thing about Lucas is that Imperator sees him as a threat. She’s been plotting with Copia to get him to papacy for a long time, but in the end she isn’t the one who decides who will be in charge, so Copia has to work hard to deserve it. He was already a hard worker, but unfortunately Lucas works harder. It creates this dillema for Copia, bc on one hand he does want to become Papa and in order to do that he has to get rid off competition. But on the other he loves Lucas and he wants what’s best for him.
(i’ll probably post the pic above in a separate post with other doodles, i just wanted to show sth new and relevant)
Elise & Greg
Imma put these two together bc it’s impossible to talk about one without the other.
they work together in a company that takes art commisions such as paintings & murals and their restorations. They’re both pretty skilled in those departments, except Elise specialises in art restoration while Greg specialises in murals and frescos. And ofc one day they’re hired by the church.
they’re both pretty good at painting (but the thing about restoration is that you don’t have to be a great artist to do that, it has more to do with chemistry tbh)
They live together and have been very good friends for a few years now
they both went through some traumatic events in their lives, but maybe i’ll leave that part for another day (or i’ll leave it in my fanfic they’re from that i need to finish ;w;)
they’re very supportive of each other, but also they like to mess with one another
their chat is filled with horny texts about other people
Elise
34 years old
British
a bit awkward, tends to stutter when nervous
very sweet overall, feels the need to be everyone’s therapist
autistic, which shows mostly through her sensitivity to certain textures
hates onions (bc the texture is awful)
gets very emotional very quickly when she sees cute animals. She will use her baby talk to speak with them (which is sth that Copia does too with his rats and once he catches her doing that as well, he feels less embarrased about it)
Cirrus was the first one from the church to actually talk to her and show her around, making her feel a bit more welcome in an unfamiliar place
she talks through her sleep. A lot. Copia finds it very amusing…and adorable.
she discovers that Papa III has fallen hard for her friend way before he himself realises that, but then she’s also the kind of person to not see her own feelings for someone
she finds working on restoration quite relaxing. It’s sth she can fixate over and do for hours (even tho it’s not recommended)
a bit of a workaholic
another thing she finds relaxing is sitting in a corner somewhere warm and doodling people she sees around the abbey (mostly those she finds attractive lol so mostly Cirrus and Copia)
eventually ends up with Copia and Cirrus in a poly relationship
she also finds Cumulus cute, but the ghoulette isn’t interested in another romantic relationship. the one she has with Cirrus is enough for her.
Elise’s relationship with Copia is basically two dorks trying to impress the other while trying not to be too obvious about it, while her relationship with Cirrus is bisexual equivalent of „shy nerd has a crush on a cool girl leading the cheerleaders squad and shopes she doesn’t know. She knows.”
(had to doodle sth real quick bc i can’t believe that i don’t have a single good pic of him lol)
Greg
37 years old
Polish (bc ofc he is)
pretty stoic, might come off as cold
he gives cute nicknames to people he likes (in polish ofc)
he’s actually pretty cheesy and wholesome, but you wouldn’t know that bc he shows his affection through a language that no one understands (which is what he wants, he doesn’t want others to know he actually cares)
has some trust issues, so it’s harder for him to become friends with people
huge Scorpions fan. no, like really, he’s obsessed and will share his music taste with whoever will listen (which is mostly Eli and Papa III lol)
knows a few words in italian, but mostly those related to art after he’s been studying it for a few years. He doesn’t speak it, but he can read it.
he owns a guitar signed by Kirk Hammett (his musical crush)
he’s the kind of guy who will call the person he likes „my dear”, „my love”, „sweet pea” in his mother language and then tell that person it means „dickhead”, „loser” and „lazy ass”
his stay at the abbey is just laying under the ceiling and doing fresco for most of the day, visiting Elise in her art studio and dealing with Papa’s bullshit
Papa eventually starts coming up to lay beside Greg on the construction and watch him work. They tend to just lay in silence while a mix of Scorpions and ABBA plays from the radio. There’s barely any space for a second person, but Greg would lie if he said he didn’t find it endearing.
one time Greg fell off the construction and broke his leg bc of that dumbass (but it’s his dumbass uwu)
anyway he eventually starts dating Papa III
Papa purrs to Greg in italian and Greg speaks sweet words to him in polish (tho it took him a lot of time to get comfortable with that)
their relationship is your typical „1 brain cell and 1 dumbass” and under certain circumstances simply „2 disastrous dumbasses”
they once burnt down Elise’s apartment on accident and the only things they managed to save were the art supplies and Greg’s guitar
anyway
here are these guys in comparison to their partners in this silly style, bc all the other drawings are outdated ;w;
Melea
45 years old
American
fashion designer commissioned byt the Ghost’s church
huge fan of old rock
for a long time her relationship with Papa III was purely professional. He came to her studio, she took some measurements, they discussed what he would like and then he left and they didn’t see each other until the next meeting to try the outfit on, to make some changes, or for another project.
well that is until she asked him to stop putting his face paint on so he wouldn’t ruin the fabrics
i share this popular headcanon that Papa III is pretty self conscious about his clean face, so it was kind of hard to convince him at first
eventually their sessions became that much more personal because of that
she’s a bit superstitious, believing that some things may cause bad luck
collects crystals with good energy
she’s in a way a modern witch…but it’s not like she tries to be one
knows french fairly well, which allows her to talk to Papa (who also speaks it) when they don’t want others to understand them.
huge mum energy
loooves watching conspiracy theories. Sometimes she will pick one of the more ridiculous ones during her sessions with Papa and will argue and try to convince him it’s true, making it seem like she fully believes it, even if she doesn’t – just to fuck with him
and a few times she actually did convince him. Then had to tell him she wasn’t serious and oh my god the millenials aren’t killing the pillow industry by going vegan
anyway at some point they start dating which eventually leads to them getting married ;w;
her relationship with Papa is very soft and romantic. they have the same energy as Morticia and Gomez in regard of how loving they are to each other
also some chibis of these two bc again, all the other drawings are a bit outdated ;w;
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We answered a few questions about the band during quarantine, for the spanish fanzine Face The Lie. As we were pretty excited about the questions and thought it could have some interest, here it is in its english version.
(photo : Manon Monjaret)
_
Hi guys! How are you doing? Before starting maybe we should put ourselves in a situation. Who are Chaviré? In which other bands do you play or have you played? What motivates you to tour, make songs?
Hi, thank you for giving us some space to talk about CHAVIRÉ and what we put behind this band. As a presentation, we could say that the band started at the end of 2013 and that we played our first shows at the end of the next year, in 2014. We previously played — or still play — in A.S.T.R.O., COLD HEART DAYS, DÉDALE, GHOST FRIENDS, HOMESICK and WATERTANK to name some of our other bands. We started to play together as some friends, convinced by our love for the same songs and the desire to bind them with some politics we felt connected with. Six years later, it is still those three main reasons that hold us together, writing songs and play them live.
Last summer you released your new album, titled Maintenant Que Les Flammes Sont Partout ("now that flames are everywhere"). What did you wanted to express with this title? And what can you tell us about this album?
We tried to give this record a title that would be the testimony of the era that surrounded its creation. We think it's pretty clear for everyone who looked at the world around us that we couldn't possibly spend three months without seeing the people from a country rising up against their leaders and taking the streets against them. We wanted to dedicate the album to those involved in the increase of those flames all around the world and sing for their constant multiplication.
The lyrics of this album seem to me a bit more convoluted than those of your previous albums, you have to give them more readings to understand them. Did you wanted to change your way of composing the lyrics or was it an involuntary evolution?
As usual, our lyrics are very influenced by the books and authors that go with the writing process. You are right saying that maybe it is a bit different from the previous records. We always said that the lyrics were very influenced by some texts and that we stole a lot to put it in our songs. This time it's still the case but we tried to give some more space to poetry and theater. As time goes by, we were a bit scared to look like those anarchist bands that repeat slogans song after song... We are glad to hear that you noticed this change of things, it is obvious to say that there is politics everywhere but it is better to show it, by using an unexpected extract of a anthropologic book or some lines from a poem. For the first time with this record, we tried to quote most of the references so maybe it will give some ideas and things to dig in.
What is the story or background behind "Alice, 1977"?
Radio Alice is an Italian radio from the end of the 1970s located in Bologna. It's closely linked with the italian autonomous movement from the same era and more precisely the A/Traverso collective. The quotation «Le pouvoir n'est pas seulement là où se prennent des décisions horribles, mais partout où le discours enlève le corps, la rage, le hurlement, le geste de vivre» comes directly from an A/Traverso leaflet. Overall, the song was written in opposition with some of the quirks of the communities that surround us, where it is more valuable to look radical, rather than actively trying to change the world. At some point in the italian movement, there was this turning point where it didn't make sense for some of them to claim their worker identity, their women identity, mostly because all of these categories were those of the power, of this world, and these communities wanted to split up with this world and its categories.
With “Alice, 1977”, the idea was to put this era to the attention of people who perhaps don't know it, allowing them to find some inspiration in it. Most of the questions we're passing through are obviously not new, and it was in our opinion a political sequence where these questions found some interesting treatment.
What does CHAVIRÉ mean?
It could be translated in english as “capsized”, it refers to the moment right after a boat has overturned. We won't lie, this name is at first the result of a joke, more or less.
One of the things that surprised me in a good way when I first knew about you was that you didn't have Facebook, but instead you have a Tumblr page with, in addition to information about the band, a lot of political texts. Do you just don’t care about Facebook and those networks? Why did you chose Tumblr?
We “chose” to make a Tumblr page at first because it seemed to be the easiest thing to put something a bit more “personal” than just a Bandcamp page. Moreover we were so unable to manage a website by ourselves, and none of our close friends seemed able to build one that we could manage easily... In fact, the way we decided to be visible on the Internet has been very determined by our poor capacities and the fact that we decided, since the beginning of the band, that we preferred to make us visible only when we had something to say rather than just be here to be here — it is pointless to try to tackle professional rock bands in this game, doesn't it? And yet, we recently created an instagram account... We also wanted to upset some diehards from the other side!
What do you think of the term emocore? For you, when does a group cross the hardcore barrier to enter emocore? Is it a matter of lyrics, sound, attitude,...?
Well, it's just a subgenre doesn't it? The barrier is just crossed when the one who makes the poster decides to call a band this way. It has been historically a way to gather bands that were playing at the same time from the same area (for the Revolution Summer it basically works like this), but at some point, it is a way to play punk music.
It was said about you that you take music too seriously, belittling those who play only for having a good time without sending a message. Don't you conceive how someone can do it or is it simply not your thing? Do you have friend bands like that?
Well, if music obviously contains a game aspect — who would deny it? —, we would rather play it with smart people. It's not about any kind of content or attitude, it is mostly about having the feeling that we share more with some bands than some chords or shirts. We are still sorry for those who felt judged by us, we couldn't fill the lack of interest they seem to have for themselves, and at some point we still can't understand why they needed our approval so much.
Do you conceive a hardcore scene without politicizing? And a DIY without a political background?
We have to be careful with this sentence that repeats to anyone who would listen that “personal is political”: the recent history proved us that it led us to believe that we just had to buy at organic stores and not to say swear words to become a potential ally for an ongoing revolution, to simplify. But music contains this interesting idea that it can't be undone from its whole production process: its material production obviously (from gear to electricity), but mostly because its production is tied in a network (people who play, who release, who book to make it easy), under technical and aesthetically pleasing considerations (how do we want to sound? do we play well enough? does the interpretation fit to the idea?). At some point, the choices and the answers to those questions imply to get you into some positions that translate political views about the world. Depending on how they fit with others, it can create friendships and even “scenes”. In order to answer your initial question, we could say that obviously we do conceive a scene without politicizing (but it is even more than that, we'd rather say “with views about the world that are radically different from ours”), the question consequently becomes “do we have something to share together then?” and it is immediately easier to answer.
In Maintenant Que Les Flammes Sont Partout you included a song about May 68, something that lately interests me a lot. How influential is this and the situationist movement today?
There is a very tenuous link between the uprising of May 68 in French universities and the Situationist International, as you may already know it. It is hard to fully understand why, but a part of this relation seems a bit forgotten today in the official history, one of the main reason is to be found in the fact that Situationists refused to be represented as leaders, as opposed to some figures at this time. Fortunately, Kristin Ross relates this incomplete story in her fascinating book May '68 and Its Afterlives, talking about how this political sequence has been erased and captured by the freshly reshaped neoliberalism to present it as a liberal and individual revolution. As we already said for the autonomous movement that took place in Italy during the second part of the '70s, these moments are very inspiring and rich in lessons. They refer to insurrectionary times when the power could really be overthrown.
In the case of the Situationist International, it's important to understand that since the late '50s the group theorized and wrote about the reconfigurations of the post-war capitalism, and the advent of the consumer society which really arose at this moment. It was a moment of radical artistic avant-gardes: Antonin Artaud just died ten years before, the surrealist and lettrist movements were still recent experiences for the situationists, the Beat Generation was experiencing overseas and this artistic emulation gave them paths to explore and to renew the forms of art without separating it from the revolutionary horizon.
With these months that have passed since the appearance of the Mouvement des gilets jaunes, what balance do you make of it?
We lived something that could be considered as the most unsettling political event of the decade or even more, with the appearance of this gilets jaunes movement last year. Still today, it is hard to gauge the political and existential impact created by the outbreak of these yellow vests on some roundabouts in the November dawn. We're not overplaying it by saying that they helped to re-draw the lines of the political division, in that they opposed the revolutionary action to the revolutionary posture and bliss, and proved us that revolution was a question of desire instead of a rational one. For a part, they were people that never took part in radical politics as we can understand it, that never attended a demonstration or organized a strike, etc. In some areas they created what could be considered as communes, existing as a community in a world — this unbearable fiction — that had always made them existing as individuals.
It seems that in the whole world people are waking up and taking back the streets seriously. Either in Chile, Venezuela, or in France itself. Have we reached the maximum pressure point for people to explode?
We took so long answering this interview that in the meantime Lebanon went up in flames too, and while most of these countries were facing some major representation crisis with the whole institutional politics, a virus sent us back in our respective homes as separated individuals. We're insisting on the concept of “individual” because it's fundamental to understand that this category is a pretty recent one that has emerged with the modern definition of “society”. It's very clear now that both the “individual” and the “society” have emerged in order to defeat communities that were an ungovernable model for the powers, or at least less easily governable in that they were indivisible entities. We have to consider the return of this hypothesis after two hundred years of capitalism, the need of community (this is basically what communism is all about) comes back to the point, by every means, and the people go out, fight the police, and take the streets.
I read that in your first concerts you distributed sheets with the lyrics and explanations. Do you keep doing it? What was the reason, make clear parts that were open to various interpretations, expand information on the subject or try to make people really listen to what you have to say?
We distributed our lyrics for quite a long time, but to be honest we haven't done it for a while. This move was influenced by some bands before us, mostly from this first french emo wave with band that used to do so. The idea was to put the lyrics right in front of the audience, as something we could claimed but also as a starting point to talk about. One of the reason that led us to stop was also the idea that there are other ways to “talk”: gesture, music and intensity that can become languages when we start to take them seriously and make a good use of it, they can convey things that words sometimes cannot.
Do you read / do fanzines? What importance do you give them in the hardcore / anarchist scene? Lately I have heard more than one person saying that it isn’t coherent to continue to make fanzines on paper and contributing to the environmental impact having such powerful networks which reach as many people as the Internet. What do you think of this?
Some of us used to write fanzines back in the days, and we also have to recognize that after have been serious fanzine-readers we're less curious these days. Because of it, we are tempted to say that there are less issues than a few years ago, which is probably wrong and mostly influenced by the fact that we don't really dig in. We talked above of this idea of “network”, and fanzines do participate from this idea that autonomy should be earned everywhere it is possible. At some point, we could say that there is victory everytime a fanzine can bypass the traditional plan established by the music industry.
About the fact that 200 printed zines could possibly contribute to the environmental impact, well... maybe some people should try to think about how “green” their online datas are, in fact it really is a stupid accusation. Once again it mostly lies on the idea that politics is an affair of separated individuals doing their own parts more or less, which is the one of the lies of the liberalism. We can continue to pee while taking a shower and turning the lights off when leaving a room, it's pointless if we don't take seriously the idea of overthrowing economy and industries.
Related to the previous question, what is your opinion of the Internet? Does it make us better or worse?
Do you really think that four guys who have a hell of a job creating a Tumblr page could have any useful opinion on this internet thing?
A few days ago a friend told me that if one day I go to France I must go to Nantes, because it is the best city in the state. What happens in Nantes to have earned such fame? Is it really that cool? Because one of the things that you talk about on your album Interstices is about the feeling of apathy generated by living in a gentrified and clonic city, isn't it? What good things happen in your city?
With Interstices, we wanted to summarize what creates this unified feeling from one metropolis to another, from almost every gentrified city center. This is the fascinating thing with the metropolis paradox: on this captured-by-control-dispositives territory, there are at the same time desertion acts and zones that try to re-think autonomy and rooms of manoeuvre. What makes Nantes pretty specific at some point is this relation between the city center and its countryside. In fact we can't fully understand what makes this city special without talking of the well-known ZAD of Notre-Dame-Des-Landes right? Everybody knows it for the resistance against the airport that was supposed to be built there (and that will never be) but the thing is that the ZAD was, and still is, a territory fighting for its material autonomy, which tries to bind metropolitan resistances with the experience of building a form-of-life from the community: an attempt to build a commune for real.
Three of us have lived in Nantes for almost ten years now. Is the city really hype these days? It is hard to tell in our cases, we're living there and cannot really take this stance to measure the impact from elsewhere. Let's just say that this is a city with many secret stories, artistic and political ones, and since we're living in Nantes we felt connected to some of them and tried to take part of. I guess this is what holds us here. In concrete terms, we could talk about La Dérive which is a bar and a community canteen we're involved in. It's a place where you can drink, eat, attend a book presentation or a movie or just come to play chess with a friend. There are places like Les Ateliers de Bitche where you can attend nice shows, and La Commune de Dalby Football Club to play football on Sunday afternoon with some friends.
In your Tumblr you include a very interesting text about the pros and cons of the free price. It attracts me a lot, because besides allowing anyone to feel excluded based on their economy, it empowers you in the process and makes you abandon the role of passive consumer, but I share the opinion that if it becomes institutionalized and becomes something systematic it can lose the critical and anti-capitalist background. Have you set or have you considered putting your albums and merch at free price?
When we first read this text about donation in Maximum Cuvette (a french zine from Grenoble), we thought it was smart enough to practically ask the question of the economy inside a microcosm that tends to get rid of it, to examine the institutional process always contained in economy and at the same time how this “name your price” thing could bypass the rigidity always contained in standard economy. You're absolutely right and the text says so, at some point donations can feed the illusion that we got rid of the economy which is obviously a lie, it is just an attempt to manage with its rigidity but under a re-institutionalized form: this is never enough and it is important to be aware that donations are just a way to make the best of the situation.
Since we started CHAVIRÉ, our merch as always been on donation. It was at first the easiest way to manage with selling merch to us. We talk about it together from time to time, we sometimes evoke the idea to sell merch at a flexible-fixed-price, like “a record costs 10€, if you really can't afford it, well, less is fine too”. For now we keep it this way, also because it became a kind of a habit, but to be honest this donation thing is so ritualized around us that it often works as a disguised fixed price, and does not really empowers anyone at the merch table because almost everyone there can afford what you sale. To be honest, we're more and more lax with our whole merch stuff and barely see the point in having five different shirt models and buttons and patches and so on mostly because we're not really into it anymore...
Many times I feel frustrated in some way by trying to explain the operation and ethics of DIY to people who are not involved in it. How would you explain this?
Well, we would point at the fact that the ethics behind the whole DIY thing in punk community is mostly based on the increase of a practical autonomy. This is mostly about what DIY should be all about, the growth of a network that could exist by itself, for itself without depending on any power or institution. This idea of a proper existence is important, because it implies some requirements with ourselves trying to build something that is not just an “alternative”, a counter-model based on a mirror effect from the cultural institutions, because this just reinforces the legitimacy of it, putting us back to the margins. When this is said, we didn't say much, but let's keep in mind that the operation led by DIY is one of the many attempts where autonomy is experienced (we talked about the ZAD and the late '70s Italy already, there are many examples). These autonomous experiences can be sometimes hard to translate with words, most of the time they are understood when they're lived, when they overtake the words to become perceptible, incarnate. In fact, the words can't describe the mixed feelings of joy, mutual requirement, friendship of these autonomous attempts that hold people together, how can it be explained as something else than the promise of a fast-track life?
You have made some very cool ripoffs of Orchid, Embrace, Portraits Of Past, ... for stickers and merch. Do you have any more in mind?
Let's say we have already done way too much of them for just one band. So everyone knows that we have great tastes and that we're not too bad at Photoshop (s/o to our best ripoff that you did not mentioned which was a Chanel one), but it has to stop now!
In addition your flyers, covers, "logos" like the (A) made of flowers are very worked up and for me they have very good taste. Do you take care of this or do you entrust it to friends? Which graphic artists inspire you the most?
For sure this whole artwork thing is something that matters to us, we wouldn't deny it. But it is pretty clear that it has evolved a lot since the moment we started the band from things more “traditional” — not to say expected, such as the combo of typewriter font and linocut drawings which is the perfect example — to more personal artwork: since the last record, the Atelier McClane duo took care of the whole graphic thing to tie the images with the sound and the words. Some of us have an interest in visual arts and we have friends who consider that any revolutionary act will need to find its own form, which implies to think about its graphic one. Let's just mention the work of the Atelier McClane obviously but the Capital Taboulé collective from Rennes too, the Super Terrain collective from Nantes, Bonjour Grisaille and the Atelier Summercity from Brest, Marine Le Thellec from Marseille to talk about our friends and favourite ones. We couldn't end this list without also mentioning Hugues Pzzl who made the artwork of Interstices and our split with BASTOS, and who contributed a lot to renew the visual forms of the punk scene in France — a renewal that was so much needed.
Which situations, books, movies, people, actions, bands have inspired you the most, both to do things with Chaviré and to do things on your personal life?
This is always a touchy question, fortunately we left as much references as possible in the whole interview that could be used as a part of the answer. And obviously we'll be happy to develop if anyone wants to know more, our mailbox is always open!
What are you most keen on to lately? What do you like to do in your free time? What frees you from everyday boredom?
Since we are, as a large part of the world population, currently cloistered home while answering this interview, we have plenty of this free time you're talking about. Here in France, it's been a month of quarantine and we mostly spent it separated from each other but with friends and families. We tried to take advantage of the situation writing new songs, sharing playlists and movie recommendations, keeping in touch together. We don't know when the zine will be out but this moment is very decisive and we have to be really attentive, in order to act as soon as it will be possible. A few weeks ago, an absolutely incredible text entitled “Monologue du virus” has been published in the French media Lundi Matin and has since been translated in various languages (https://lundi.am/What-the-virus-said). Recently we also discovered the Leftove.rs archives (https://leftove.rs) which is an incredible database about autonomy with many leaflets, zines and books from pretty much everywhere around the world.
Future plans?
Improving dad skills.
Doing more muay thai.
Getting degrees.
So far, thank you very much for the patience of answering all this! Anything else to add? See you, hugs!
Thanks again for sending this absolutely fascinating interview, which is hands down one of the most interesting we've ever answered to. Hope we've been precise enough, feel free to write us if it's not the case in these troubled times.
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The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch12
Title: The One With the Zombies
Chapter: 12
Word Count: 4026
Description: Another what it says on the tin from me - it’s a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker?
Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren’t surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang’s leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx.
But safety doesn’t last forever and soon it’s only Ash and Eiji.
And they’re up against more than just zombies.
Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.
Ash had hoped that the sense of safety would last more than a day. But going back to look-outs put him back on edge. Made his skin prickle at the slightest of sound and brought back that itchy trigger finger. He ended up shooting a deer. That was okay. They ate that for dinner - cooking it over a fire and eating it in chunks. The gas wasn't working anymore, so they had to cook it outside, guns at their hips in case of any unwanted visitors.
"It's just like camp," Eiji had said, smiling up at Ash. He had kissed his forehead then, to soothe some of the panic in his stomach. It had only been a deer, but if it had been a person - a person in need of help, they would be dead. Ash would have another body haunting his dreams.
He saw Shorter whenever he dropped off. He thought that would be fine, because Eiji would be there to remind him that he was still warm and alive. It was still worth being alive.
But he had woken up to an empty room. An empty room and a knock on the door. Then the door was opening and Max's voice was coming to him.
"You were screaming."
It took him a moment. Sat up, hair in his face and his hands buried in the mattress. " I'll try to keep it down next time."
"That's not what I meant."
"Where's Eiji?" He was proud of himself. It had taken him a whole ten seconds before he had asked.
"Look out. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
That actually brought a sound out of Ash. Not a laugh - not quite - but maybe a slither of one.
"I'd rather face a zombie."
Max sat at the end of the bed. The curtains were drawn, but the evening light still shone in. Normally it would be too bright to sleep in, but they were exhausted. It was becoming easier to sleep when they could see.
"I've never been very good at the dad thing," Max admitted.
"Don't start now."
"Can I chase away any nightmares?"
"Griffin's dead. I killed him. Shorter's dead. I killed him. How do you chase that away?"
Brown eyes pierced his own. Not gentle. Not the kind dad that Max tried to be too often. This was a sober, serious look.
"Do you think they'd want you to be upset over it?"
They had both asked. They had both chosen that. It was easy to be the one to choose, harder to be the one who did it.
Which meant Ash's nerves were running high. He was nervous - nervous about those telephone poles and nervous about how else they might be found. They would be found, he knew, if they stayed here. They had to keep moving.
So he called everyone together. They stood on the porch, making sure they were always protected. Skip sat on the side, loading and reloading Ash's gun.
"We have to go somewhere safer than this," he said. He had an arm around Eiji's waist, a finger curled into his belt loop. He felt Eiji's hand on his hip. It felt right. This felt right. This felt like sliding the last piece of a puzzle into place. It was selfish – it was incredibly selfish to want Eiji by his side just to complete his puzzle, but in the apocalypse you had to be selfish. Everyone else was being selfish. Ash deserved this. And he wasn’t seeing Eiji complaining.
"We know where the virus is now. We have to go back- we have to stop it," he said. His eyes were so full of determination that Ash felt his heart cracking.
"We can't- we can't stop it, Eiji." His throat was dry.
"Or - tell people-"
"Who?" Max's tone was soft. He was back to the gentle dad thing and Ash found that it wasn't annoying him as much anymore. "News stations in the state are down. And no one's about to listen to me."
"Well, we can't just do nothing," Eiji said.
"What can we do?" Ash said. "Three kids and two reporters. We’re hardly even that."
"We can't just run." Eiji looked between them all with a hard, determined gaze.
Run. That was what Ash did. He was good at running. At running and hiding and not turning back. But that wasn't bad. He was starting to learn that. It wasn't just running.
"We're not running. We're surviving." he said. "We're going to survive."
Ash was a survivor. Eiji had said that. So if he was a survivor, he was going to continue to survive.
"So you have a plan?" Ibe asked.
Now everyone was looking at him. It didn't break his resolve, but it made him falter. He stared back and eventually shrugged.
"Shorter was the zombie nerd. Shorter would know what to do."
"The cold," Eiji said. His eyes were focusing on something in the distance.
"Hm?"
"Isn't it- in one of the films - the zombies freeze? We could go north. Where it's colder." His eyes flicked back to Ash, then.
"So...Canada?" Ibe suggested.
Max shook his head. "We'd never get through the border. It's on complete shutdown."
"Bold of you to assume I even have a passport," Ash said. "Who says we need to go through legally?"
"No." Max's voice was firm. "You're basing this on a movie."
"There's not a lot of other things to base it on," Ash said. "We can't stay here. We can't stay in the country. Where else do we go? Mexico?"
“Better weather,” Ibe mumbled.
“That’s true. I know a little Spanish.” Max was rubbing his chin, looking up at the sky.
“It’s too far. It’s a wonder he-“ he wasn’t going to give the name power by saying it. “Hasn’t caught up to us already. It’s too far and maybe Eiji’s right. Maybe the zombies will freeze.”
There was silence for a long time. They stared at each other, willing for anyone to come up with a better idea. There must have been a better plan out there.
Finally, Max broke the quiet. "Fine. We'll go north. We'll take the car as far as it can go."
"Fine by me. I hate that thing."
Eiji turned his head then, to murmur into Ash's ear. "It's tacky."
He smiled, and kissed Eiji's temple. He wanted to melt. To melt into Eiji and let himself be taken care of. To spend the day laughing or sobbing in a rollercoaster of emotions. It didn’t matter if he was haunted by Shorter as long as he had someone to take care of him. As long as he could be vulnerable that was okay.
It was better than being brittle.
But he was still a gang leader. He couldn’t change that just yet. Not whilst there was still a job to be done. He heard the change in his voice, knew he’d hardened back up to stone as he said, "let’s pack up what we can."
Whilst Eiji and Ash had been cycling to New York, Max and Ibe had been raiding gas stations for supplies. The result was an impressive collection of 'I Love New York' tees, most of them a ridiculously large size. As well as shorts and trainers. They were new and they were clothes and that was good enough. And Max had given Ash his cigarettes back. Had slipped them onto the bedside table without a word. Ash had nodded at him. Max had nodded back. It was the closest to a genuine conversation without any sarcasm that they had. And it wasn’t awful.
Of course, there was an argument about the car. About who was going to drive. They stood around it with backpacks thrown into the boot haphazardly, everything but the kitchen sink packed.
"Have you even got a license?" Max was asking, one hand on the handle. "How old are you? Fourteen?"
"Eighteen. And it's my car. Of course I know how to drive it."
"You're not eighteen," Eiji said.
"I turned eighteen last week."
"Ash!"
"What?"
"You didn't tell me!"
"You didn't need to know."
So, it ended up being Eiji's fault that Max slipped into the driver's seat without them noticing. It was Eiji's fault they ended up in the back either side of Skip. Ash loved the kid. He had always loved the kid, but when he was the only thing separating him from Eiji, it was torture. So close and yet so far. It was like Skip knew as well. Usually, he acted twice his age, but when he knew he could be annoying, he reverted back to the kid he should have been. It made guilt and jealousy swirl around in Ash because he knew Skip should have had a normal childhood. He should be in school and with his parents and yet the gang had taken care of him. Did a good job of protecting him.
And he was jealous because he couldn’t remember the last time that he had let himself act his age. Maybe he never had. Maybe it was time to start. Ash did the mature thing. He kicked the back of Max's seat for as long as he could stay moody when Eiji was patiently teaching Skip Japanese.
"And sayonara is goodbye."
"I don't need that one," Ash said.
Eiji smiled. His chocolate eyes were melting when he looked at Ash and it was tempting to melt too.
"So, what's car?" Skip pestered. Like he was a cheeky fairy breaking a spell.
"Kuruma," Eiji said.
"Ku-ru-ma?"
"Mm."
"Skip, give Eiji a break," Ash said. He leant his elbow on the window.
"I'm just learning. It's good to be learned and cultured, Ash." Skip looked up at him with a smile that was anything but innocent. "You just want Eiji all to yourself so you can snog him."
Eiji laughed, but his cheeks were pink. Ash had to look away - not because of Skips words - definitely not - because Eiji was just too much.
"That's not-"
"Eiji, how do you say 'I love you,' in Japanese?"
Ash was surprised to find his pulse racing. He pushed stray hair away from his face, risking a glance over at Eiji. He was meeting his eyes, a smile that was innocent and genuine but also coy and teasing on his lips.
"Aishiteru."
As if that didn’t threaten to make his heart stop completely.
"Ugh," Max groaned from the front. "Can't you kids play a game that doesn’t make me feel like I’m stuck in a rom-com? I was promised a horror at the apocalypse. Or at least an action movie."
"Fine. I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'g'." Ash said.
"Grass?"
"Garden?"
"Gate?"
Eiji and Skip took turns guessing, but Ash shook his head at all of the suggestions.
"Grumpy old git."
To his surprise, it was Ibe who burst out laughing.
"Ash! You're not meant to tell us," Eiji said. He was trying to frown at him. It wasn’t working.
"No, no, the kid is right," Max said. "But I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'L.’"
His eyes met Ash's in the rear view mirror and Ash did his best to narrow his eyes.
"Oh, I know that one." Skip was grinning. "Lovestruck fools."
"Exactly."
"How much longer till we get to Canada?" Ash asked.
"I hate to tell you this, but your boy racer car isn't going to hold out all the way to Canada." Was Max's reply.
They drove past a gaggle of zombies. Too fast for Ash to make out any details, but enough to make the whole car quiet. They hadn't seen any in a while. It had been easy to believe that Papa Dino was the only thing they were running from.
After that, they drove on in relative silence. They tried to turn the radio on at one point - just to see what would happen - and predictably got static back. A few words or sounds came out every so often, like a spirit box. It was better than listening to nothing.
Skip fell asleep an hour in. And Ash was tempted to join him. Cars were safe. They were all here and whilst they weren't driving they could rest.
Eiji's hand found his over Skip's lap. He took Ash's hand, easing his fingers open and running the pads of his fingers over every nerve he could find. It was like electricity. In fact, he could badly stand how it made every part of him feel so alive. How he wanted Eiji to use his magic hands and erase every other touch on him.
He was sure that he fell asleep with that thought running through his head.
*
They stopped at dusk. Max had pulled into a gas station, just in case by some miracle they could use it.
Eiji had been half asleep himself. Stating over at Ash slumped against the window, his hand still tangled in Eiji's and Skip pressed against his side. In that huge t-shirt, he looked younger than ever. Less Leonardo DiCaprio and more teenager on vacation with his dad. His hair had gone fluffy from the impromptu water pump showers.
Ash snapped awake the moment he heard the door slam, as Max got out to check the pumps. His fingers tightened on Eiji, for a moment tight enough to hurt. For a moment, he looked like a wildcat.
Then the moment passed. He rolled down the window with his free hand.
"Where'd we stop?" he called to Max.
"Somewhere of the I-81. Near Scranton. About halfway there, I reck-" Max broke off, swearing as a few drips came from the pump and nothing else. He moved on to the next one. "We probably have enough gas for another twenty miles or so."
Then they were on their own. Eiji shivered at the thought. The car had been warm and cosy. It had felt safe, just like any normal road trip. But it wasn't - of course it wasn't. The plan was to drive up to Buffalo and try and get through customs at the Peace Bridge. Eiji wasn’t sure how they were going to do that. He’d had a visa, but the last place he might have had it was the warehouse. It might not have even got out of the city.
They waited for the gas. There was a lot of swallowing and staring anywhere but the pump, as if the gas would come out only if they didn’t look at it. Ibe climbed into the driver's side to bring the car forward to the next pump. They managed to get a quarter of a tank from it.
Max and Ash stared at each other, seeming to have a conversation with just their eyes. Then Ash opened the door, lifting Skip onto his back.
"We'll camp out in the station. Take whatever food we can and go."
They chanced a fire. Using a drop of petrol to help it get going and boiling pot noodles in a pot over the top of it. They weren't great, but they were food.
And as Ibe and Max offered to take the first watch, Ash and Eiji had the staff room to themselves. We'll, them and Skip, who had woken for dinner before falling asleep again. Eiji often forgot he was only eight or so. Of this was exhausting for him, it went three fold for Skip.
They sat on a sofa that was more duct tape than leather, their legs tangled together. Eiji was almost in Ash's lap, he realised, and wondered whether he should move closer. They hadn't talked about Ash's past - how it was likely to affect their entire relationship. And Eiji wasn't sure how to approach it other than, "is this okay?"
"This is great." Ash was nuzzled into his neck, his mouth on the short hairs at Eiji's hairline.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Ash paused. His arms looped around Eiji's waist, pulling him closer and knocking him off balance so they fell into the sofa.
"I'm used to it," Ash whispered. "And I'm with you, so it's worth it."
"No. It's not. Nothing's worth that."
Ash's mouth traced Eiji's jaw. "I guess you're nothing, then."
"Ash." He made sure to put a warning in his voice. It made him pull away, press his forehead to Eiji's.
"I'm fine," he repeated. "You're fine. It's different with you."
"You'll let me know if you're not fine?"
"Mm. You want a safe word or something?"
"Sure." Eiji rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of Ash's hand. He kissed him, letting his lips move slowly.
"Banana fish." Ash almost said the words into Eiji's mouth, he barely pulled away.
"What?"
"That's it. The safe word. Banana fish."
For some incomprehensible reason, Eiji found himself chuckling at that. Something about it felt incredibly familiar. Incredibly right. He’d never heard those two words together and yet they slid together as if they always belonged that way.
He kissed Ash again, just because he could. "Banana fish it is then."
They were torn between staring at each other whilst it was still light enough to see and by pressing as close together as possible. Eiji's body couldn't figure out a balance between looking at Ash and smothering him with affection.
"I survived my trip to NYC, huh?" Ash tugged out Eiji's t-shirt to read it.
He smiled. "Well, I did, didn't I?"
"We're not out of the state yet." It was only for a moment that Ash's tone darkened. He pecked Eiji's lips again. "When we get to Canada, I'll buy you a leather jacket."
"Oh yeah?" Eiji got brave. He sent a leg over Ash's lap, settling himself so that his hands were on Ash's shoulders.
"Yeah it'll complete your bad boy image." Ash's hands shifts Eiji backwards slightly, so that he was sat on the sofa, between Ash's legs instead of on them. He didn't comment.
"With the leather pants too?"
"Of course." Ash's hand brushed dark curls away from Eiji's face. "I'll sell that tacky earring for it."
"What about your bad boy image?"
"I don't need it anymore."
"Ash Lynx going straight." Eiji shook his head, leaning into Ash's touch. He was smiling. It was so easy to smile around Ash. "Soo-Ling will be disappointed."
That made Ash freeze. "I hope the kids okay."
"He will be. He's tough. Tougher than us."
"Tougher than me?" Ash looked up at Eiji from under his fringe, a signature wolf-like smirk on his face.
"Oh, definitely. One month with some Japanese kid and you're already hanging it all up."
Ash frowned. "A month?"
"About that. It's been hard to keep track of."
"It feels like I've known you forever." Ash leant forward, capturing Eiji's mouth again. His lips moved slowly, almost teasingly, his teeth catching against Eiji's mouth. It tingled, like electricity was sparking between them.
“I want to be with you forever.” He was hardly aware of the words coming out of him. Only really aware that the tips of Ash’s fingers were travelling from the side of his hips to his ribcage and he loved that feeling. He felt himself arching his back to accommodate, his own hands drifting down Ash’s chest. “Is that crazy? I barely know you – it’s an accident that we even met, but I – I’m scared to be without you.”
Ash pulled away, then. Looked him dead in the eyes with a gaze that could never hope to live up to that stupid piece of jade. “I know.”
Shivers went through Eiji. For a moment, he didn’t know if they were good or bad. Scary. It was kind of scary. And yet – and yet, yes – that was how it felt. That was how it felt but he didn’t want to dwell on that.
“Your birthday. Why didn’t you mention your birthday?”
“It’s really not a big deal.” Ash tugged Eiji’s shirt sleeves, pulling him closer. Tugging at his mouth as if he was trying to distract him. And damn, if he wasn’t good at that.
“It really is. You’re eighteen.”
“Mm. Not as old as you, though.”
“You’ll catch up one day.”
And Ash giggled. Or damn near made a sound like he was giggling. That made Eiji’s resolve crumble too. He fell forward, almost flush against Ash, trying to find air to breathe and failing miserably.
They hadn’t realised how dark it got until a torch shone on them. They squinted through the yellow light to see two silhouettes in the doorway. Heard Max say, “your turn,” even though Eiji was hurriedly trying to get off of Ash. To try and disguise their flushed cheeks. Not like there was a point – they hadn’t been subtle about their relationship. But Ibe was still Ibe and it was awkward.
Ash didn’t seem to care. His fingers laced in Eiji’s with ease as he passed the older men. They stood in the doorway of the gas station. The security light still worked – the battery was going, so it flickered on occasionally, casting everything in a yellow glow for just a moment. It felt like a beacon, waving at anything nearby that there were people here.
The mood had changed. This wasn’t the safety of the indoors. Of knowing that there were people who would warn them. This was look out duty and it was tense. It was shadows driving Eiji insane nd squinting into the darkness to see something – anything – and not knowing whether to be relieved that there was nothing there.
Only there was something there. A shape in the darkness. A shuffling shape that, when the light fell on it, was all black gaping mouth and peeling grey skin.
“Ash,” Eiji whispered.
“I see it.” Ash was already pulling the rifle that had been placed round the side of the door out, checking the silencer was screwed on.
“Let me do it.” He wasn’t sure where the determination in his voice came from, but it was there.
A pause. “What?”
“Please.”
“No, Eiji.” Ash was already aiming. Waiting for the light to spark on again so he could take the shot.
“You don’t want me to get blood on my hands.” It had always come down to that. Ash had never liked Eiji shooting, and he hadn’t been able to figure out why until Shorter. Until he had seen the look in Ash’s eye and hadn’t been allowed to touch a gun afterwards. “It’s not that simple.” He paused, watching Ash’s expression. It was fixed. Eyes narrowed. Finger poised. Waiting. Waiting, but not shooting. “Together. We’ve done everything together. Let’s do this together too. You don’t have to take all of the blood.”
There was a long moment. Eiji could hear the shuffling footsteps now and a familiar tightness was in his throat. A familiar racing heartbeat.
Then Ash moved. Quickly, almost knocking Eiji over as he swung an arm around him. He was pressed tightly against Ash’s back, hands over his guiding him into already familiar positions on the gun. He was holding a gun. He was going to take the shot. Going to take some of that weight from Ash’s shoulders.
It was heavy. The gun. He fought to line it up, so that the crosshairs caught two tiny, beady eyes.
Eiji didn’t hesitate. He slammed the trigger as soon as he knew it would hit. Felt the impact of the bullet leave it’s metal home, even if he didn’t hear it. Felt the gun rear back like a wild horse – ever so slightly. The shadow fell to the floor with a damp thud. It was anticlimactic.
Ash’s finger was pressing down over his. So tightly that it hurt.
It had been at the same time. Eiji hadn’t hesitated, so he hadn’t noticed, but they had slammed the trigger at the same time.
At the end of the day, they may have both held the gun, but it was really Ash who pulled the trigger.
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21 Questions
Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine
Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.
Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.
Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.
Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.
Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)
Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!
Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.
Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.
Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...
Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.
Blogs following: 1,057.
Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.
What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.
Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.
Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.
Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.
Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.
Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.
Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY
https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html
Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.
Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this??
it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.
so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it.
I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht
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OB Rewatch: To Right the Wrongs of Many
I’m not crying, you’re crying
You can read my first watch review, which hits a number of points I left out, here: https://lobsters-on-their-heads.tumblr.com/post/164138983111/to-right-the-wrongs-of-many
I loved
Sarah’s flashback scenes flow with the storyline, and inform Sarah’s current character. We learn more about her, and get answers to a question that hadn’t occurred to me to ask - why did she decide to keep Kira?
Siobhan! Being the loving nurturing mother we’ve seen her be for five seasons. Quite different than the woman we meet in episode 2, who was DONE with Sarah’s bullshit.
Sarah rummaging around the basement boiler room, fussing over Helena to get her the things she can, keeping her head cool and her voice reassuring.
Art: “Are you alright?”
Helena: “Most excellent.”
And the back and forth between Sarah and Helena bearing their children, with Sarah repeating the lines Siobhan gave her... I... *sniffles* ....
The shot of the twins
Art and Sarah delivering Helena’s babies. They were, after all, the first two members of Clone Club that she interacted with. Sarah was absolutely the best person to do it.
Helena’s stick figure mobiles
Cosima and Scott helping Sarah practice for her GED. Hell, Sarah practicing for her GED! Which she will eventually take, I know she will.
Siobhan’s portrait. It’s her, a cup of tea, and her shotgun. Perfect.
Donnie is adorable with the babies. It’s a damn shame we didn’t see more of him being a father during the show (probably due to the availability or desire of the child actors).
The parallel with Season 3′s opener
I loved the entire fucking baby shower. My favorite thing ever is whole Clone Club events like this. I also really hope that those judgey “friends” of Alison’s from Season 1 (you know, the living ones) saw all these random people streaming into her house, including a gay couple, a lesbian couple, awkward nerdy guys, a black guy with his daughter and a disabled girl, and a perma-drunk from the vague South. To say nothing of how those neighbors must feel about Helena.
Cosima taking Purple from Felix and immediately handing him to Delphine.
Love, love, LOVE Cosima’s dress. Which was surprisingly difficult to get a good screenshot of while she’s standing.
Finishing the show with the Sestras together. Okay, so the very final scenes didn’t have them together, but you know what I mean. This scene was wonderful. Yes, they are going off and living happily ever after, but pain remains. Pain that is perhaps related to their fights, but not always. No matter what, though, they always have each other.
*cries again*
Helena’s story about letting the babies eat sand! “Where does this sand come from? I don’t know, so I let them eat it.” We all know it comes from the bodies buried under her apartment.
I liked
The camera circling around Sarah while Westboreland taunted her.
Sarah: “Ah, shut up!” and then she smashes his head with a oxygen tank.
Kira being supportive and understanding of her mom. I like it because Kira’s sweet, but I don’t love it - Kira’s a kid, and she shouldn’t have to worry about her mom.
Helena offering Kira a jam burger and Kira backing up quickly. I hope that was improvised.
The contrast between the sunny family time of the baby shower and Sarah’s darker solitude as she approaches and enters the house.
The parade of people asking Sarah “How was the test?” I like it for the comedic aspect, but also because every single person there supports and roots for Sarah exactly where she is. None of them show any judgment that she’s taking her GED test instead of, say, her GRE.
I’m as lesbian as they come, but I do melt when I see tough guys holding babies like this.
Sarah’s face as Helena starts sharing her book.
I didn’t like
The placement of Delphine’s condolences to Sarah about Siobhan. It’s been months, and Delphine has almost certainly seen Sarah before now. It’s a nice moment, but it’s out of place. It’s also one of the few times we’ve ever seen Delphine and Sarah alone together, and I believe the only time it’s happened since the first episode of Season 3. Delphine’s sentiments regarding Siobhan are spot on, but it’s odd to hear her emoting like this to Sarah. Even in the rewatch, I was just as uncomfortable as Sarah was.
That Rachel couldn’t come in. Obviously she wanted to, despite her claims to the contrary, and she needs the redemption that the sestras give each other.
Other notes
I see now that it wasn’t the tray table Helena smashed Coady’s face into, but the stirrup / footrest at the end of the bed.
Westboreland drones on about “I made you” yadda yadda, but he did pretty much jack shit in the creation of the clones except maybe finance and protect. The Duncans did the work.
Pretty sure that’s Sarah’s first kill.
Somewhere in the second half of my first watch of Season 5, I had this fic idea of Donnie and Helena going to the island to rescue Cosima and Charlotte (and Delphine). In that fic, Delphine delivers Helena babies, which is kind of what everyone on Tumblr wanted. Anyway, having Sarah do it here was actually a much better idea.
There was definitely infodump with Alison talking to Donnie about his new job, but I’ll kind of allow it since it involved pouring concrete floors, and... well. That is something he knows about, isn’t it?
As cool as this board is for the show, I’m not sure why it’s set up this way for them. They could store the info in a spreadsheet (Delphine already has it in the computer). The pictures are fun, but don’t serve much purpose for their research. Like, they already know they’re all played by Tatiana Maslany, so they’re not trying to figure that mystery out. But maybe Cosima just likes to look at them?
The birthday card Sarah finds is tucked into the same book that Cosima read to Kira at the end of Season 2. Was the card in there then, or was it tucked in later by Siobhan or someone else?
And I’m totally with with Felix on being upset about the boxes and the for-sale sign. Even if he’s not living there, a lot of the stuff was probably his once, just as much as hers. He deserves to have a piece of his mother to hang on to without Sarah throwing it away (which she totally would).
Évelyne’s probably doing an awful lot of this these days
According to IMDB, Lauren Hammersley is 5′9″. See, this is why Tat always looks so short. She’s surrounded by really tall people.
Sarah had nothing to be sorry about when she snapped at Alison, who was pushing way too hard at completely the wrong moment.
Most of the Lyft and Uber drivers I’ve had would not have sat silently in the front seat like Yusef did. Rachel probably scared him into submission.
With a number like 274, I think it’s safe to assume that there were originally 300 Ledas, and 26 were either killed by Helena, by clone disease, or by something else.
Of course Évelyne speaks Spanish. Two dialects of French, English, and German weren’t enough.
Interesting that the babies are Arthur and Donnie, rather than Arthur and Donald or Art and Donnie. I wonder if a certain US president influenced that decision.
I have questions
Why does Coady follow this asshole, again? Why does she do things that she, herself hates, like killing Mark? What does she get out of it that she couldn’t achieve on her own or with a different crackpot? What is left for her here? What’s in it for that other doctor, too?
(really disturbing note - had the abortion gone through, would Kira’s magical healing abilities have, uh... ? you know what, let’s not explore that too much)
Why does Sarah struggle so much with school? She’s obviously intelligent and able to focus on and achieve goals when she wants to, but academics seem to elude her. It seems logical to me that her attitude problems and academic struggles would be related. Then there’s her anxiety (called fear, but really) and terrible self-esteem, and everything spirals, but it didn’t always.
A few episodes ago, Scott or Cosima said they had 144 doses of the inoculate ready to go. In this episode, Scott’s worried about expanding the cell line any further. Does that mean they’ve used 144 doses? I doubt it. Does it mean they’re just making shit tons of it? I don’t know how any of this works.
Where is Felix living now, by the way?
Is this realistic for a glass eye?
I would’ve liked to have seen
What happened to Enger, and Art seeing it happen. More than that, though...
I think this ep could have been a solid two hours if they’d committed to it. The extra hour could include
Sarah, Helena, Art, and the twins getting out of Dyad, accounting for the dead bodies scattered around in there, and wrapping up what’s left of Neolution
Delphine’s return from “France” and finally starting a real relationship with Cosima. I want to see them getting ice cream together.
Also Delphine taking rocks away from the babies
Helena moving into the garage
What’s the plan for Charlotte?
How Felix and Colin became a couple
and still leave us wanting more. Plus, that Delphine / Sarah scene could have found a better spot.
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