#it is an UNEQUIVOCAL net good
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Hi there! I'm Neural Nets. I make kink content. I specialize in audio content about mind control. I also produce video, make games, and create experimental content for personal massagers.
If I have a kinky vision, I aim to make it real. I learn the tools I need for them.
I made the first content for "bimboization" over a decade ago. It was supposed to be private. It got leaked and cycled into thousands of spicy video dishes. I left the scene and returned to find it EVERYWHERE. That was fucking surreal.
My content is much better now. I learned the tools to make the horny impulses real.
Some of my content is free. You can find free things here, on Discord, on Reddit, on Soundgasm, and on Spotify. My media presence is a bit scattered because of bans and illness, but it's there.
The real archive is on Patreon. That costs money. It doesn't cost very MUCH money, and I think it's well worth it. That's your call, though.
I am definitely over 30. I don't disclose my exact age because hacking. "Over 30" should be enough. If you're hoping I run for US Senate, I appreciate your optimism and mourn its imminent passing.
FAQ:
Do you answer asks?
Yes! I turned off anonymous asks here. Trolls should commit to the bit. That said, I appreciate asks and I answer all of them if they're in good faith.
2. Do you answer DMs?
I leave my DMs on here. I wrestled with that decision.
They're on for: a. people I've known for a while or b. people contacting me about projects, like VAs and spicemakers
Any other questions go to asks.
3. How do I voice act in a Neural Nets production?
You contact me. You'll need to provide a voice sample.
If I cast you, I'll direct you to the casting spreadsheet. It has deadlines. If people miss deadlines, their parts get recast. I can direct, but I can't micromanage your time.
Sometimes, people are very underconfident in their voices, and it makes them feel bad. If that's you, I empathize. I'd be happy to answer questions and give advice! I shouldn't direct you, though. I don't want to unwittingly hurt people by directing.
4. Do you believe your content?
I believe in equality and radical honesty. I unequivocally believe in consent. I wish political and economic systems did too.
I have dark impulses. I like some schtick and some kayfabe. I like trickery and manipulation - in consensual kink.
All my content addresses things that turn me on, but my ethics trump my desire for a host of braintrained pleasers.
5. Do you do AI stuff?
Not really. I've tried machine learning tools. Porn is the cutting edge of new tech, after all.
I like automated tools to generate effects. Purely generated stuff, like image generation? Overall, meh. People make me horny. Mechanized people can make me horny. Machines, by themselves, don't make me horny.
6. Aren't you evil?
No. Some people are bad at reality testing. Some people chase clout. I naively engaged them initially. That was a mistake.
If anyone has beef, they failed to contact me privately. That's the damning mark of clout chasing.
I'm flawed and human, but I'm neither your hero nor your villain.
7. Aren't you dead?
No. In late 2022, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It's partially genetic, so I sorta saw this coming. That was my worst lifelong fear, and it happened.
Fortunately, though, we caught it early and they have banger drugs for it now. Monoclonal antibodies destroyed the misbehaving parts of my immune system. I'm in NEDA, which is like remission.I recovered compromised motor skills through a year of totally brutal and partially self administered physiotherapy. I ate a lot of pavement, so it's a good thing I used to skate.
If you saw me now, you probably wouldn't clock anything. Lucky.
I am annoyed at people who mass reported my last blog shortly after I came out as sick. It takes a special kind of miserable to delight in that. Regardless, I'm back and that's not my problem.
I missed this platform, as completely broken and dysfunctional as it is.
I am glad to be back, and I'm here for any asks.
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"fairly suicidal" anon again. This kind of got away from me and ended up significantly longer than intended. Apologies for that, and if it's too long/involved/whatever to read that's genuinely totally fine. (Which is to say: please do not think you have some kind of obligation or I will be Extra Suicidal if you don't respond or whatever. I've got at least a couple more years or one more massive life-wrecking trauma left in me.)
I think your response is pretty typical of people who are, at baseline, pretty happy and optimistic, and I'm sure there are people who haven't heard its like before and would benefit from it, but.... let's be honest that's kind of a generic autocomplete response, and in my experience it tends to come from people who can't or don't really model serious depression well. My model of the perspective you are coming from is something like: It would be terrible for the things I'm saying to be true, and they don't feel true to you, so surely they must not be true for anyone-- you don't want the world to be one where those things are true, and sometimes they are untrue, so, therefore, they're probably untrue basically all the time forever. Unfortunately.
I'm aware that 40 years is a decent length of time. I'm aware that my perspective is fallible and limited-- this is the primary reason why I haven't seriously tried to kill myself!. However, looking at how the past 30+ years have gone does not fill me with optimism. In particular the past 15 or so years, where I've technically had the most autonomy, I just kind of... barely existed. I am still trying things to get out of the hole but this really could easily just continue until I die. It is an extremely possible outcome that I spend my entire life wishing it was either worth living or over already, and eventually it reaches "over already." I kept expecting that I'd surely snap out of it eventually, year after year, no one can spend that long in this kind of state, right? And then 15 years passed and I simply did not. It is not unrealistic to believe that that could happen 3 more times.
"Every day you are alive in the world, you have the opportunity to find pleasure" rings really hollow when my physiological capacity to experience pleasure and happiness is extremely minimal and has been tangibly shrinking for as long as I've been a conscious human being. It feels tone-deaf. I know what my baseline looks like. It is not good. If I was guaranteed to die tomorrow, then having lived my life will have unequivocally been worse for me than not having lived it at all, and it will have been objectively a mistake that I didn't pull the plug when I was 12 and first having suicidal thoughts.
If, upon turning 80, I figured out how to have a life that was just barely worth living, and then died a year later, that does not actually undo the years of unhappiness before that, and that is still a life that was, on net, not worth living.
My impression is that people coming from your perspective have brains that just fully shut down when considering this prospect-- that you fall into the trap where you believe that even one second of a-life-worth-living is worth any amount of suffering endured to get to that point. It might help to imagine a person who experiences one single year of a life worth living, followed by 80 years of a life full of incredible misery, and then dies.
The me who exists now matters; the hypothetical-unlikely-certainly-not-guaranteed future version of myself who is marginally glad they exist doesn't just automatically get to trump all of that just because that's sad to think about.
Yes, there is no one life "track" but there certainly are circumstances more or less prone to granting happiness-predicting things like enough money to live on, autonomy, fulfillment, etc. Again, there is no rule saying this current status of being perpetually unable to get my feet under me has to end. I have spent the actual majority of my life like this.
Being unable to get a job that pays enough to live on without also making me want to die (more) does in fact hinge pretty strongly on being able to get that special insanely expensive little piece of paper. It is the cost of entry for the vast majority of non-horrible jobs, that is just what the system looks like in the US. (please do not tell me "oh just learn to code!" If I was capable of doing that I would have done it). The material conditions of my life obviously aren't that bad in objective terms given that I'm capable of using my time to send messages on the internet (if they were much worse I would have pulled the plug years ago) so it feels meaningful that I still manage to be so miserable despite that, and plausible that improving them would not help even if it were possible.
There just... there is actually such a thing as a downward spiral where the baseline becomes worse and incremental improvements become progressively harder and more fleeting, as much as it is sad to think about. Sometimes you accumulate damage and get both farther from your goal and worse at making progress towards it, and it just keeps happening. The brain is a physical object that can, sometimes, Just Get Worse. One instance of trauma can make it harder to recover from the next instance of trauma that comes along, and so on. I am still trying, clearly, and I'm clinging to the idea that lots of weird unexpected stuff can happen, but "just hope for a miracle to happen such that these patterns completely reverse against all odds" is... at minimum that's a huge ask. Please recognize it for what it is.
I'm not really looking for answers or anything here (I wasn't before either tbc, I just thought it was interesting how different my opinion apparently was compared with other extremely depressed people), but I tend to really chafe at what feels like clueless forced positivity from people who Really Don't Seem To Get It, and I hope this information will, idk, provide a potentially novel perspective. Or maybe it won't! Sorry again that it was so long.
i've spent a big chunk of my life dealing with depression. i know it pretty well actually. and if i've won any insight from that, it's that in depression we very often exactly misconstrue the causal axis of our thoughts. we think things like, "i am worthless -> therefore i am depressed." but our feelings shape how we think about ourselves and the world; even things which seem like incontrovertible and inarguably facts turn out to be a product of our rumination: "i was depressed -> therefore i felt worthless."
i know this feels like a platitude. i know when you are depressed saying something like "nobody is worthless" or "it's never too late" feels like somebody blowing rainbows up your ass, some hippy dippy shit that doesn't mean anything. but as someone who has frequently felt worthless, and has frequently felt that they have fucked up their life beyond repair, who has seen other people going through it and come out the other side, i'm telling you: as a matter of both personal experience and accumulated knowledge about the world, "nobody is worthless" and "it is never too late" is not a platitude. it is a rational, reasoned judgement i have been won over to, and which i am totally convinced of. i offer it, not as a panacaea (we cannot reason ourselves or be cajoled out of depression; the thoughts are subsequent to the feelings!), but as (hopefully) the very mildest of analgesics.
i'm not a negative utilitarian. i don't think you can take all the bad and good things that happen to a person, assign them a numerical score, and subtract one from the other to determine whether their life was worth it after all. reading about rare medical abnormalities on wikipedia is itself sufficient to convince one there are certainly short lives full of nothing but pain. and observing people dying of degenerative diseases is enough to why there are points at which people make the rational decision not to continue living. but i also know that there are people who have convinced themselves their life is not worth living, because the pain of allowing themselves to be hopeful again, only to have to deal with crushing disappointment, makes it more reassuring to abandon hope altogether. and i have known people so trapped in the teeth of their suffering, they are unable even to do the one thing that may bring them some relief, until they make the conscious choice to believe that that feeling of despair is not in fact a reliable guide to truth.
we prefer certainty to hope; the sure knowledge we are doomed is often cognitively a lighter load than the uncertain possibility of future happiness. but i think it's worth it to keep hope alive. not because i am a sunny optimist who has never felt miserable, but because i have lost days, weeks, months, years to the blackest despair. i have spent many an hour carefully ruminating on the very clear and inarguably true things that made me feel that way, carefully laying out why life was not worth living and maybe never would be, specifically debunking all the bullshit people told me to try to counsel me out of my depression. and that feeling that was ironclad certainty in my mind at the time is, looking back, like a fading mirage. one should always at least consider the possibility that what feels to us like an immutable truth of our life is less substantial than it seems.
#nobody who knows me irl would accuse me of being at baseline 'happy and optimistic'#so i found that characterization pretty funny
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my personal hell
LOL ok so. I've been in buffalo for a week now. And i bought a car, which wasn't nothing. But I've had like. a small to-do list. We had every window in the house replaced (except for one, hilariously, which will remain as a testament to the original state of the house; it was enclosed by a three-season porch and so is a window from an interior room to an, effectively, seasonally, interior room, so we opted not to change it. we do open it in the summer. the cat loves it.) so all of the furniture was stacked against interior walls and, the house being from 1950 and having plaster walls, everything was covered in a fine layer of plaster dust. so i was gonna clean up and then put the furniture back. Simple, right? Dust things, shove things. No problem.
But like. there were shelves from the bathroom stacked in the office and I realized the contents of the shelves were untouched dusty things we'd forgotten about, so I took everything off those shelves first. Had to get those sorted, and back into the bathroom, before we could rearrange the office furniture, yeah? So I sat down Saturday morning to start on that, so we could rearrange the office furniture in the afternoon.
uh it's Wednesday my dudes, and I'm still working on that. It turns out there were depths of despair there and in the linen closet, things untouched for a decade, silted-in. I found jewelry I took off while traveling in 2012 and left in the travel toiletries organizer, and then have spent a decade looking for and pining after and trying unsuccessfully to replace. I found a very sentimental ring in a ziploc baggie in a box, lost for at least nine years. I found countless cosmetics and toiletries that dated back as far as 1998. (I haven't quite thown out that lipstick I used to wear clubbing and for sloppy lesbian makeouts in bathrooms in Edinburgh. It's no good anymore and it has to go, but. Oh man. That was this lifetime and that was me. Really???? I never did figure out how to wear lipstick without it looking really stupid after the first drink/kiss etc, I don't think there's actually a trick I just think everyone else is more patient with reapplications than my ronald mcdonald ass.)
I went out yesterday, big outing in my new car, and bought new storage bins, hopefully to corral and sort things. But it turns out my personal brain holes are myriad and vast and deep when it comes specifically to sorting and categorizing items. It's tiny decisions I simply lack the capacity to make. Every single item I pull out and try to sort into a pile and I wind up with not discrete piles of categories, but rather a single flat layer across the entire surface, with each object in its own pile because I do not know how to sort it.
And I know what happens if I sort things into a cute storage basket: it will sit there, untouched, until some calamity makes me haul the entire thing out and upend it.
So, I don't really know what to do, and I have achieved nothing else of note in the last four days. I have made an unholy mess of the office, where the furniture is still stacked, unusable, against the non-window wall, and now the floor is covered in shit. I've hauled out two big trashbags (ok, one big and one small trashbag) of things that are unequivocally expired and unusable, things I well-meaningly filed in the memory hole in 2012 or so when I bought that shelf and then never touched again, things I've just learned to do without, forgetting I owned them.
So anyway I'll probably die here, RIP.
But at least I got to use the nifty cargo net that came with my new car to hold the overpriced clear plastic storage bins I bought at TJ Maxx in place in the trunk of my beautiful new car, so that's now going to get filed and never used again but at least I used it once. It's so fancy! Bye.
#about the author#neurodivergence probably#adhd problems#i saw that post about dyscalculia actually being a memory deficit and oh i felt that#i can't remember a category long enough to put a second thing in#hell#pure hell
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Rise Donnie: Do you know where your wallet is?
03 Don: Probably somewhere within time and space.
87 Donatello: Unless of course it got caught mid transport in the nonspace that allows us to travel between dimensions!
03 Don: In which case it’s only within time, surprisingly.
IDW Donn: We have proven by extensive experimentation that time does pass in the nonspace between dimensions.
12 D: It’s the reason that in spite of our portals, we haven’t been able to build a time machine.
Rise Donnie: Haha it was a trick question! You do not know where your wallet is for I have stolen it!
03 Don:
Rise Donnie: … Here is your wallet back.
12 D: Robot fathers keep an eye on your babies, child murderer just walked in.
03 Don: I wish you guys would stop doing that. I felt really bad, okay?
Rise Donnie: I’ve programmed Shelldon with semilethal lasers adjusted to your specific atomic frequency and set to go off if you come within ten feet of him.
03 Don: I told you, it was an accident, and he ended up being okay. We were just trying to trap him—
12 D: You literally tracked him down with intent to harm.
Rise Donnie: Oh so you’re not a child murderer, just a child kidnapper!
03 Don: To protect the city! He had a really evil dad!
IDW Donn: I had an evil dad. Would you kill me to protect the city?
03 Don: that’s not—!
IDW Donn: Because I was a robot for a while you know.
12 D: So in conclusion, cereal is a soup only insofar as it served with milk. Cereal served with energy drinks qualifies only as an abomination.
IDW Donn: An abomination in which we fully indulge, of course.
12 D: Of course.
Rise Donnie: And don’t forget cereal eaten dry which would be most closely categorized as a salad, implying that trail mix is also a salad.
87 Donatello: Personally, I prefer both as a pizza topping.
03 Don: But you guys are avoiding the important question: what kind of cereal?
Rise Donnie: Evil science is more fun!
03 Don: Donnie no
12 D: All science is morally neutral. Donnie get down
IDW: Actually I disagree, there are some definite exceptions. Not the stove Donnie
12 D: Okay, well, there might be evil methodologies—
IDW: Isn’t methodology a pretty key part of it being science? You’re saying thought experiments are morally neutral.
12 D: No I’m saying knowledge is morally neutral.
03 Don: I don’t know guys, I just think science should be used for good.
87 Donatello: Don, you’re absolutely right! It’s impossible for science to be evil. The pursuit of knowledge itself is always a net positive which makes it unequivocally morally correct in all circumstances. It’s right up there with the power of friendship.
03 Don: … I’m not sure how much you agreeing with me helps my case.
12 D: No, no, he makes a compelling argument.
87 Donatello: Of course, I’m the expert. Anyway it’s been fun fellas, I’ll catch you later. Donnie and I are off to build a machine that automatically zaps anyone who insults us and brainwashes them to love us. I know, I know, you’re jealous you didn’t think of it first. If you’re nice to us maybe we’ll share. If you’re not, well, you will be soon. Ciao!
Rise Donnie: I got the parts we needed thank you for distracting them~
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What's your favourite position in hockey and who is your favourite on that position?
It would be soooo soooo easy for me to say Goalies. Because goalies are, in the broadest sense, the guys I like and connect to even on teams that I don't particularly like. If I don't know anyone else on the team, there's a good good chance I'll at least know the goalie.
but everyone likes goalies. And I do too! but are they my *favorite?* I don't think so.
And I could tell you the position of my favorite individual players - centers, mostly, or more generally just forwards. Because they're the second most prominent guys on the team, right?
Because Hockey is a game of oppositional forces. Guys trying to score (forwards) and guys trying to stop the puck (goalies). But there's also defensemen. Stoic, enigmatic. What do defensemen even do?
Make me love them, of course.
A bad defenseman is immediately noticeable.
A great defenseman is immediately noticeable.
A good to mediocre defenseman is - well. Not invisible, but he's just. A guy. A body on the ice to most people. What's he doing there? He must be doing something. And often they are.
That anonymity can go either way.
A bad goalie is going to get pulled, or their defensemen are going to protect him. A forward who can't score can be shored up by other forwards or defensemen.
Who helps defensemen? Other defensemen (and really really good forwards). Most forwards don't have the defensive skills, or the time, or both to help defensemen out all the time. And goalies have to stay in the net.
And so, because I'm bisexual, and because I like things that are sometimes bad and people don't like, and things that do the hard jobs even when it's not glamorous.... Defensemen are probably my favorite.
So - who's my favorite? I don't fuckin know bud. Your guess is as good as mine. It's just as inscrutable and up for debate as to what makes a good defenseman. Scoring? (Karlsson, Hughes, Makar) Blocked shots? (Martinez, McNabb) Skating? (Theodore, Hughes, Makar)
My answer to this is: it's a personality contest and I love Ben Hutton, Barbie Girl. He's a perfectly decent defenseman - in and out of VGK's line up as the 7th defenseman in a line up with 3 excellent d-pairs. Always smiling and good natured. A whole sleeve of tattoos. Birthday: 4/20. Doesn't like chocolate (he's just like me fr fr).
But IS Ben Hutton good? Yes, I say. Unequivocally. He's VGK's floating 7th d-man for a reason. Always ready to fill in, seamless when he's in. Just because he didn't work out in VAN doesn't make him bad. Just because he's not in the full-time line up doesn't make him bad. VGK's system works for him in the same way that it makes Hague and Whitecloud look great (they are), and McNabb and Theodore look even better.
My favorite players of that position would be Theodore, Hamilton, Chabot, Borgen - players all who i genuinely enjoy watching play hockey for hockey's sake.
#sorry this got realllll philosophical#the handwritten answer was actually more philosophical and long winded#tl;dr i love ben hutton and defensemen
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I didn't get to properly liveblog the first chunk of The Empty Grave, seeing as I read most of it on the beach, so now to catch up with my reread thoughts thus far:
This book still has the biggest banger of an opening page, from Want to hear a ghost story? That's good. I know a few. to My name is Lucy Joan Carlyle. I talk with the living and the dead, and it sometimes gets so I can't tell the difference anymore. YOOOOO!!
Lucy and Lockwood are so freaking funny flirting in the Fittes mausoleum. I can't believe I missed most of this vibe the first time around (too focused on plot, I suppose). Can you imagine how much the rest of the team must have wanted to murder them on a regular basis?
Aside from their banter and the gooey grins at every opportunity, I really do love the trust they demonstrate in each other, and how they're working through their issues. Like this bit, where Lucy accepts that Lockwood, as leader, is going to be the one to put himself in the greatest danger opening Marissa's coffin, but he also promises to stay safe for her and not take unnecessary risks:
The skull is such a treat in this book, I love him. Enough said. (Not enough said, in fact. I WILL be saying this again.)
Seriously! What the heck is this!!!!!! But, yeah, more combo flirting/trust. Lockwood is giving Lucy a chance to try her way, with a safety net - and then when her way doesn't work, he does intervene.... And then they get right back to the flirting. So freaking married.
I've got a lot of thoughts about Lucy's musings about how much closer she and Lockwood have gotten and her concern that maybe it's due to what they shared on the Other Side, but I'm going to have to come back to that later, after I can coherently word what I'm thinking. We'll leave it at an acknowledgement that I'm pretty sure I was fondly beaming ear-to-ear at those paragraphs.
Unequivocally cried at the graveyard scene (you know the one) this morning. Doesn't matter that I've reread that bit a dozen times or more. I did very intentionally read straight through from the Tufnell/Charley Budd interaction to the walk to the cemetery, because I knew it was going to be more powerful together like that - that's when I put the book back in my beach bag, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain my blubbering to my friend - and I was right, it does hit harder when you let the context build to a crescendo. True masterclass of the understated emotional gut-punch.
The skull being the definition of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) when Lucy gets back from the graveyard? Hilarious emotional whiplash. Lucy is doing herself zero favors, of course, she could not be acting more suspicious if she tried.
Flo and George ❤️
George's sass to Sir Rupert when they're stopped for questioning is possibly his finest hour. Sometimes I see so clearly, it almost frightens me could be accompanied by the dramatic buildup in Turn Down for What like that iconic Pride & Prejudice edit, you know exactly what I'm saying. George is the unexpected ride-or-die bestie we all deserve.
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Soo I moved away from 12 step adjacent self help stuff a long time ago bc tbh the ideology behind them is total bunk, but I did take one very very good lesson from the ones I experimented with and that is that doing the thing(s) NEVER feels as good as you remember it.
I'm sure for many people that's a substance they know hurts their body and/or their lives in some way, but for me sometimes it's indulging in schadenfreude when people fuck themselves over through the same thought and behavioural patterns that led them to hurt me in the past.
I know a lot about living well (or even simply surviving) as being a greater victory than revenge, but occasionally I still give in to that impulse to look for some kind of justice where there is none. Then I might let a mutual friend tell me about it instead of declining the chance to gossip, or read a post from someone I should've just blocked and forgotten about, or whatever, and whenever I do it's just... not as good as that spiteful part of me said it would be.
When the little brain-devil is sitting on my shoulder, I remember vindication as repairing some of the damage that seeing such people step on others with no recourse has done to my relationship to the world and to life itself. Maybe there was a time when it actually did help me reconcile with the apologies I never got, but if it ever did, it doesn't anymore.
It always goes one of two ways. Either the person starts to get a clue and become a better person, in which case I don't even want them to suffer anymore, or they don't realize the connection at all, and then in a way no matter what befalls them it still feels like they did all the shitty things with total impunity bc they still get to think they were in the right.
Turns out that no matter which side the coin lands on, more suffering in the world is just more suffering in the world.
I do still feel good when some CEO, politician or celeb growing rich and powerful on the suffering of others dies, and I likely will when my first abuser dies as well as some individuals whose harm to me was tied in to bigoted ideologies that are still a threat- but only because it makes the world a safer place. And if instead of dropping dead they just acquire more and more self-curses and/or fall off a ladder and break their everybone or something, they're still around to continue doing more harm.
While I unequivocally believe there are people so cruel that it would be a net good if they randomly dropped dead, the thing is that it doesn't undo any of the damage they did before they dropped dead. I don't know why I ever expected it to.
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the thing about bruce/batman is that he moves through life with all the arrogance of someone assuming he can bend the world around him to his will. that attitude stems partially from his (rich) white maleness, but it also comes from a place of childlike naivety. from his legitimate belief that when he puts on the batsuit he becomes something greater than what he is - invulnerable from harm, unaffected by consequence.
I have next to zero interest in examining batman through the political lense. bruce has the will and the means to turn himself into a symbol, interrogating what kind of man would do something like that in the first place tends to be a richer mine for exploration. personally, I prefer the stories that lean into the psychological aspect and highlight exactly how fucking macabre the entire concept of batman even is. not absurd - morbid. this man who chooses every day to fight against death, who builds a myth around himself rooted in fear and superstition, around this monstrous avatar, but who is at the end of the day just a man.
that's what I loved about his characterization in the batman. the realistic portrayal of his trauma, the focus on the personal before anything else. bruce is a reactionary, and that is unequivocally shown as being a bad thing. it isn't until he climbs down from his metaphorical tower, the safety net of his juvenile mentality, that he starts to form a concrete ideology based on tangible ideals beyond retribution. that scene on the rafters where he falls into the water is a baptism/rebirth metaphor, yes, but it's also the moment where bruce makes the choice to stop holding himself above and apart from the people of his city. he humbles himself, and I imagine we'll see be seeing more of that in the sequel as he struggles to reconcile the disparate parts of his identity.
that's part of what makes him so endearing to me. bruce can be irascible and off-putting and occasionally there are some deeply uneasy implications behind his actions, but at his core he's a good man who is always trying to do better, to be better. a haunted, bleeding, beautiful heart. I love him 🥲
#bruce wayne#the batman#I don't talk about him enough#and I've been bullying him recently#so here's some bruce love...i care about one man only and he's the winner
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I'd love to read your opinion on seanwhite, danyok, toddblack and gramblack tbh
Oooh, thanks for this question anon. I have so many thoughts about Not Me and no idea where to begin, so this provides a great entry point to start writing.
SeanWhite is the easiest one: I really liked them. I liked the pace of very slow burn and then a fairly quick switch into unwavering support and domesticity. That kind of pacing wouldn’t always work for me, but it fit these characters and this show. Although the show was unequivocally a BL, it was also many other things, so I wasn’t primarily looking at it as a romance story.
This got kinda long, so the rest is under a cut.
I think the actors had great chemistry together. And I like that they seemed like actual enemies until they weren’t. I love how in The Eclipse Akk and Ayan keep giving each other long lingering looks while they’re “enemies,” but I’m glad that Sean and White didn’t do that. They behaved like antagonists until they stopped. Sean genuinely hated the person he thought was Black, and acted that way, until he stopped. And I could see that White was intrigued by Sean, and probably attracted to him, but he was keeping his distance and mostly he was confused and trying to solve the mystery.
Probably my favorite scene with them was the one in Black’s bedroom – the first time they start to really be vulnerable with each other. I can’t remember all the details anymore, but it had such a feeling of intimacy and warmth. Similar to their sex scene in the tent, actually. The way it was filmed and edited, with tight close-ups and shots through the netting on the tent. I love the way they asked each other what they liked, that was very sexy. There were so many details about their interactions that felt real and specific to them as characters.
Oh, and the scene under the rainbow flag!! That was amazing, not just because of them, but I loved their interaction there - the freedom and joy in White’s body, the way they saw each other on opposite sides, the way we could see Sean… not falling in love yet.. but maybe beginning to see “Black” as the person White actually was. (Oh! It was Sean’s fanfic oh moment.)
I guess I’m mostly writing about moments with them. But overall I just felt good about them as a couple. It seemed like they were people who loved each other and supported each other and would continue to support each other. There’s a lot to say about the way White kept lying about his identity, probably past the point where he should, and how he pulled away from Sean when Black asked him to. And how they started in violence. But those rough parts don’t really ruin my feeling that they’re just good together.
GramBlack: I get why people ship them, based on that card in Gram’s room, but I don’t see any textual evidence for it. Gram turned out to be only interested in Eugene, and I honestly have no idea of what Black thought about most things, but I didn’t see anything to indicate he was interested in Gram. He seemed pretty dismissive of him in the few interactions we saw. I didn’t really get the sense from either of them that they were attracted to or romantically interested in each other.
I imagine that there could be a lot of amazing fanfic written about them anyway! But since I’m not going to get into the fanfic for this show, I see them as very non romantic.
I am curious about what their relationship actually was though. Because the way that Gram treated White-pretending-to-be-Black was very friendly and helpful, indicating that they’d been close friends, and that they worked together regularly. But when Black showed up, he all but ignored Gram. Was he changed by nearly being murdered? Or was he always like that with Gram?
ToddBlack. Black and Todd are very intriguing, in part because they are in the background most of the time, but they are also the ones who are responsible for initiating everything that happened.
I think the Not Me world felt too real for me to ship such a toxic relationship, if we are talking about ToddBlack as a romantic relationship. They have fundamental moral and ideological differences, and have hurt each other so much, so it would never make sense for them to be together. Maybe they used to be boyfriends or fuckbuddies, before Black got radicalized. Maybe they had hot and/or miserable hate sex with each other after Black returned from the near dead. But I can’t see them in a relationship now, even without Todd being in a coma. And even ignoring the fact that they each beat the other so severely they ended up in a coma. In something like KinnPorsche I could imagine a relationship coming out of that, but not in Not Me.
If we’re not talking about romance, then I’m fascinated by Todd and Black’s relationship. I’m fascinated by Black in general – how did he become the person he is today? How did his radicalization happen? How did he change from the rich kid, judge’s son, friends with Todd, to an anarchist(?) leading missions to destroy property and ready to fuck shit up? What even are his political beliefs? Does he have an ideology?
I really want to know their history together. From what I can tell, they used to be very close friends, and ideologically aligned. It seemed like they had dreams and plans to fight Tawi (which is this show’s lightly veiled stand-in for the authoritarian Thai government) together. But then somehow their ideologies shifted in opposite directions - Black got radicalized and Todd started to believe that he could play god with his money. And now they’re in this twisted mess of hate and love and old affection and deep ideological conflict. And it seems like Black sees the chasm between them for what it is, and hates Todd for what he’s become, only slightly tempered by the old love. While Todd genuinely thinks they can repair things, that he hasn’t become the enemy, and it seems like his love is stronger than his hate.
But what kind of love they had, I couldn’t tell. Was it romantic? Friendship? Comrades? It seems like it was intense, whatever it was, to produce the shards that we see. I have so many questions about them. What were their dreams? When did things start to go wrong between them? Why did Todd attack Black to begin with? Was it all a plot to infiltrate his crew? Was it in anger? (Maybe some of these were answered in the series, I haven’t rewatched to check.)
DanYok. Oh DanYok. Honestly I kinda just shut my mind down to them at the gallery reunion scene and tried not to think about them because I was feeling so upset about it. But there is a lot of stuff surrounding them that is worth thinking about, so I will open my mind back up.
Starting at the beginning. They were adorable. As much as rescuing someone from a fire you started yourself can be called “cute,” I loved their meetcute. And Yok’s fascination with UNAR, his hunt to find him, all of that. The kidnapping was maybe a little silly, but I loved that whole scene at Dan’s art studio hideout. Yok’s flirting (oh my), Dan’s distrust turned to shyness. And everything about Yok drawing Dan was so powerful.
Their whole relationship I was kind of on the edge, wanting to trust him, but not sure that I should. So when he appeared in the hospital with the other cops, I was both shocked and not. But I ached for Yok at that betrayal. And even his last minute switch to helping them escape… it didn’t redeem him for me yet.
Frankly, I was hoping that Dan would just disappear from Yok’s life, and their goodbye at the hospital would be the last time they saw each other. I really did not want to see Yok welcome him back. I want nothing but happiness for Yok, and seeing Dan again clearly made him happy, but my visceral reaction is that I’ve completely lost trust in Dan and want him far away from Yok.
HOWEVER. This brings up important questions about redemption and responsibility and change. And Dan quit his job as a cop, so the show was not asking us (and Yok) to accept him as the same person. And of course he was blackmailed into betraying Yok and his crew. (Assuming I understood that scene correctly, but I’m pretty sure that rich guy threatened Dan’s family.) So it’s not that I think he’s irredeemable. I guess I also don’t trust him because he clung to being a cop for so long. Which I think was intentional on the part of Nuchy et al. – my read is that they wanted to interrogate the question of the role of the police in society. And they did that through him. Which I guess would mean that their answer is: cops cannot do good while they’re cops. The system will force them to betray the people. Dan was full of good intentions but in the end he was on the state’s Tawi’s side in the final confrontation. It is only after he quit that he was allowed to approach Yok again.
So redemption. Of course I have to believe people can and do change. I think I just struggle with the idea of redeeming a police officer, especially after the barrage of US American copaganda media that wants us to feel sorry for the poor cops who are at war with the criminals and forced to make difficult decisions and kill. BUT. That is not actually what Not Me is doing with Dan, and if I let go of that imported baggage, I can have hope for a future for Yok and Dan together. It’s just the beginning of their story, so we don’t get to see him change, but I do believe it’s possible.
So you asked me about relationships and half the words I wrote were about politics. I guess for me in this show they are intimately twined. I hope that this makes sense and at least sort of answered your question, anon. Thanks for this ask! It’s helped me work through a lot of the swirling thoughts I have about Not Me.
#not me#not me the series#seanwhite#danyok#toddblack#gramblack#asks answered#my ramblings#this feels like i splatted out a bunch of disconnected thoughts#and there's so much more i could say about them all#but its tumblr so its ok#anon asks
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Israel's assault on Gaza better change international law. States should no longer be able to abstain from signing and ratifying humanitarian law. Israel has not ratified the Rome Statute. Human rights must be unequivocally agreed upon.
War is a continuation of policy by other means, and war does follow a particular set of rules. These rules should never permit crimes against humanity—to a good extent, they don't. But the relevant international agreements require party states to sign and ratify these agreements into law before they can be applied to that same state. Belligerents must be held accountable regardless of their signing and ratifying.
Intervention must be genuine, without allowing war by proxy, and must not allow war by attrition. The R2P has failed several times in this regard, and the UN as a global body severely miscalculated its own competency—a pattern of behaviour. Retaliation between states in "unprovoked" attacks may be necessary—this is an unavoidable fact of human behaviour. However, the punishment must fit the crime. Israel's assault on Gaza is not happening in a vacuum and should not be treated as such. Hamas's attack on Israel was not created in a vacuum and should not be treated as such. Whether or not Israel was instrumental in creating Hamas, or to what degree, I don't know. I do know that Hamas and other extremist groups tend to form under pressure, whether legitimate or perceived, i.e. manufactured pressure.
In the last 80 odd years, Israel has been the equivalent of a playground bully. Never caught, never responsible. It is not unreasonable to look at the history of Israel and its relations with the surrounding Arab countries and realize that Israel is indeed the perpetrator of quite a few conflicts. The forgiveness that the West has shown to Israel stems from both their own overcompensation for their complicity in the Holocaust, and from their economic interests in the region, to which Israel by virtue of being friendly is their open door. The mending relations between Israel and Saudi Arabia brokered by the Biden administrations have been broken. Iran funds Hamas and is neutral to Saudi, but holds negative views of America, and considers Israel its number one enemy. Net negative for Iran, if Israel and Saudi managed to become friendly. But, the punishment will never fit the crime. Hamas killed 1,300 and captured 199, while Israel carpet bombs Gaza in retaliation, killing thousands. The death toll rises every day.
So many Western powers have bent over backwards for Israel in the interest of maintaining a good standing with the Israeli Jewish community. Predictably following the Nakba, Israel's right to exist as a state has been protected by those very same Western powers. The displacement of Palestinians? A minor inconvenience for the colonizers. Instead of allowing Palestinians and Jewish people displaced and destroyed from the Holocaust coexist in a region that is rightfully the homeland for both people, the West has consistently pushed for the slow but steady eradication of native Palestinians. They apologize for one genocide by funding another. Look to the Gaza Resolution set forth by Russia to the UNSC. Nine affirming votes are needed to pass the resolution. The vote failed, with three Western powers plus Japan (i.e. four powers with histories of colonization and genocide) voting against. This is an explicit message: the West will continue to profit from this war.
The ability to rapidly share news worldwide affects support and dissent. Local and regional conflicts have and will continue to become global issues, as long as those conflicts are made public to the world. Israel's assault on Gaza is a prime example of social media being used as a tool of state propaganda. Statements put forth on official X (formerly Twitter) accounts indicated Israel's intent to commit genocide and ethnically cleanse Gaza for the sake of reaching the Hamas tunnels. These tweets have since been deleted. Israel has consistently been fact-checked by community notes. The latest propaganda is their claim about the hospital bombing, that it was caused by a Palestinian rocket misfire. And news sources are eating it up. Tell me, BBC, since you so happily posted about Hamas tunnels under schools and hospitals, do you think that if Hamas had this kind of bomb in its artillery, it would not have used it against Israel long ago? Which is more consistent? A powerful military that is currently carpet bombing Gaza or a group of extremists with a known pattern of firing weak rockets?
The West's stance is inconsistent and shameful. Israel's claims are inconsistent and shameful. If an Israeli ground assault takes place within the next week, I'll win War Crime Bingo. Never again is now.
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wait if you have beef with EEAAO i'm super curious because i haven't seen a single person talk bad about it. i loved it but what's the tea??
akjdhf I don't have BEEF per say look. everything everywhere is most of what people say it is. efficient filmmaking. progressive content. great cast. great visuals. an essential chinese centricity. it's a big net positive and an overall good movie, and the sort of one that tumblr was destined to fall unequivocally in love with
but.
that decent film is buried inside a solid hour of rick and morty style preteen boy gross-out potty humor.
like it's harmless sure but also I don't want to have to dig through the equivalent of two disgusting family guy episodes to get to a good movie. i'm really glad for the younger audiences who enjoyed it if foodplay and butt plugs and dildo jokes are your thing, but the amount of grown professionals unconditionally praising a movie that has about half its running time aimed at exclusively ten year old boys took me by surprise lol.
i can get over lesser flaws like the really sluggish exposition and a premise which we've seen a hundred times in the past ten years (sometimes verbatim the same way eeaao uses it), but woof
maybe i should have expected it coming from the guys who made the farting corpse movie but IDK why even the better male filmmakers still have their humor lobe frozen in the triassic period
#under read more 2 be sensitive 4 once for ppl who don't want a negative take so soon#i enjoyed it to be clear but that first hour not so much#eeaao#fanmail
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The IPCC’s 6th world warning. What does it mean for parliamentarians?
The IPCC’s Sixth Assessment Report is sobering reading- and should galvanize action around the world. Parliamentarians are on the frontline.
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) is the United Nations body for assessing the science related to climate change. It gives regular updates on a sliding scale of scenarios for our global habitat, informed by the actions - or inaction - of the world’s governments.
The latest synthesis report, published in February 2023, warns that the window of opportunity to limit global warming to no more than 1.5⁰C is closing fast. Reaching a stage where human-caused emissions are at net zero by 2050 is still only the best-case scenario –yet most experts agree that this will be a minimum to have a chance of allowing the planet to stay below 2⁰C of global warming.
The IPCC is unequivocal: fossil fuels must be made extinct and never revived: existing or planned fossil fuel infrastructure would, by itself, use up our carbon budget for 1.5⁰C or even 2⁰C. So, to stay below 1.5⁰C of warming as called for by the Paris Agreement, we need to slash CO₂ emissions by 45% by 2030.
Taking preventative action now is better than seeking solutions in the future. As the IPCC’s Energy and Climate Intelligence Unit puts it: Avoiding a tonne of CO₂ today will almost always be easier and cheaper than sucking out CO₂ from the atmosphere later this century.
We must prioritize cutting human-caused emissions, along with offsetting future emissions with carbon sequestration measures.
Where to start
Parliamentarians are key players when it comes to climate action. Legislation is a vital engine for driving national action on climate change. Support and leadership for MPs has never been more important.
The IPU’s Parliaments for the Planet campaign is a good starting point. The concept of the campaign is simple. Climate action begins at home. Parliaments and parliamentarians can already take steps to reduce their own carbon footprints – as well as more transformative action through legislation, budgets and scrutiny of measures to implement the Paris Agreement.
To help them, the IPU has identified 10 Actions for Greener Parliaments, which parliamentarians can consider as they work to foster a culture of sustainable change.
Room for optimism
The IPCC’s 6th synthesis report is a warning. But it also offers hope, if action is taken.
It tells us that rapid decarbonization is not just right for the planet; it is cost-effective. The tools for shifting away from fossil fuels already exist and falling costs are making a sound business case for clean energy.
Other good news: climate policies are strengthening. The dual power of government and business is beginning to steer us away from the bleakest future outcomes.
Here are 5 key takeaways from the IPCC report:
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You Need to Know About Real Estate Commission Rebates Safety
Land exchanges can be costly undertakings, with one of the huge expenses being the commission paid to realtors. Notwithstanding, as of late, the idea of commission discounts has acquired prominence, bringing up issues about their lawfulness. In this article, we dive into the subject to give clearness on whether land commission refunds are lawful.
Seeing Land Commission Discounts:
A commission discount is a monetary impetus given to a homebuyer or vender by a realtor or representative. It includes the arrival of a part of the commission the specialist procures from the exchange. Refunds are commonly presented as a method for drawing in clients and give them monetary help during the trading system.
Lawful Status in the US:
The lawfulness of land commission discounts relies upon the purview. In the US, refund guidelines shift from one state to another because of the shortfall of government regulations overseeing the training. As of our insight cutoff most of states permit commission refunds, while a couple have limitations or through and through forbiddances.
States Permitting Commission Discounts:
As of the information cutoff date, states like California, Texas, Florida, and New York have regulations unequivocally allowing commission refunds. In these states, realtors and merchants can legitimately offer refunds to their clients. This gives an open door to homebuyers and venders to get a good deal on their land exchanges possibly.
States with Limitations or Forbiddances:
A small bunch of states have forced specific impediments or inside and out prohibitions on commission refunds. For instance, states like Gold country, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Oregon have limitations set up that require the discount to be uncovered and settled upon by all gatherings included. Then again, states like Alabama, Iowa, Louisiana, and Missouri preclude commission refunds by and large.
Benefits for Homebuyers and Merchants:
Commission refunds offer a few advantages to homebuyers and merchants. For purchasers, getting a part of the commission as a discount can assist with counterbalancing shutting costs, give assets to home upgrades, or increment the buying power in a serious market. Merchants, then again, can profit from lower commission costs, possibly augmenting their net returns from the deal.
Customer Insurance Measures:
In states where commission discounts are lawful, buyer assurance measures are much of the time set up to guarantee straightforwardness and decency. These actions might incorporate revelation necessities, documentation, and oversight by land authorizing specialists. It is urgent for homebuyers and dealers to look into these guidelines and work with trustworthy specialists who comply with moral practices.
End:
Land commission discounts can be a real and valuable practice for homebuyers and merchants, contingent upon the ward. It is crucial for research and comprehend the particular regulations and guidelines administering commission refunds in your state. Thusly, purchasers can exploit likely expense reserve funds and settle on informed choices during their land exchanges. Continuously talk with a certified realtor or legitimate master for direction custom fitted to your particular circumstance.
For More Info :-
Are Real Estate Commission Rebates Legal
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what are your thoughts on the war in Ukraine?
This is a bit of a weird question given that this really isn't what my blog's about, but I have an answer and I'm going to give it with the assumption that this was asked in good faith. Please don't prove me wrong on this one.
I'm actually super pro-Ukraine. I think an unequivocal Ukrainian victory--including the recapture of Crimea--would be a good thing. They have the right to defend themselves from imperialism, especially the old school imperialism that Russia is trying to engage in.
However, I think the fact that the West has provided so much weaponry to Ukraine in this war also means that we're going to have the responsibility to help fund the rebuilding of Ukraine after the war's over. I'm not entirely convinced that this is actually going to happen, given that we had a similar responsibility for Iraq and Afghanistan and just never did that.
I think helping to rebuild Ukraine after the war would be a net positive for the same reason arming them to defend their territory is, though. I feel like Russia ultimately is a threat to democratic institutions in the West, and given that over the last fifteen years or so they've been on a road to asserting a new role as a superpower, then having a rebuilt Ukraine with an experienced, well trained army on their border will help curb that threat.
This isn't to say that I think Ukraine is a perfect country or anything. They've had a lot of issues with corruption in the last thirty years, and they still do. It's something they're going to have to continue to work on going forward. However, just because a country has historically had a history of corruption doesn't necessarily mean they always will, and I hope that this war will be a turning point in that regard, just as it's proving to be a turning point in geopolitics more generally.
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You cannot be serious
Dear Avery,
One of the guys on my pickleball league team is a good player but he does something that drives me crazy and hurts our team and I am hoping that you can give me some advice on how to confront him with it: He will occasionally call his (and my) shots out. The rule states that it is the opponents responsibility to call the lines on their side of the net, right?
He claims he only does this when he has the best angle, on the sideline that he is closest to. One big problem is that he only does this when he sees the ball out, he never argues when he sees an out ball called in. This seems totally unfair to me.
What should I do?
Teed Todd, Palm Desert, CA
Dear Teed,
I recommend you endeavor to play with this guy more often. Hopefully you might learn about the spirit of true competition where beating an opponent feels hollow when you know you were given free points.
While the rule indeed does state that the responsibility for a line call falls on the opponents, your partner is not making the line call, he is simply informing the other team what he saw knowing he had the best vantage point. There is a word for this which might have escaped you, it is called integrity. Good sportsmanship enhances the quality of the competition. Only calling the balls that are unequivocally known to be out means close balls are played which means more balls are being hit which means more time playing the sport you love.
Lastly, in the long run, you are likely coming out ahead. Why? Because when someone is known to call their own shots out and play all the close calls, the other team, unless they are dicks, will follow suit and play your close balls out and volunteer when their own shots are out.
It’s not too late to take yourself out of the dick camp and hang out with your partner in the good character camp. Your life will improve on and off the pickleball court once you make this cathartic transformation.
Send your questions to a very sage coach at [email protected]
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Open Education - Developing an InstructorNet Community
Making a deliberate organization of intrigued instructors is as much tomfoolery and frequently as useful as crowding felines. However occupied as teachers and educators may be, it in any case merits considering: How might we work on our training by cooperating? One technique is the improvement of an "InstructorNet" on the web, which can, in addition to other things, form into a local area of training for sharing prescribed procedures, conversation discussions, asset records, and interpersonal organization communication. Having a decent arrangement of introductory request questions will get your plan group very much began. Here is an underlying set that might prove to be useful:
1. What should Instructor Net be and for what reason would it be a good idea for us to mind?
2. How might we give Voice (and activity) to teachers to more readily adjust assets to endeavors?
3. How would we work on the associations among the individuals (hubs) of a Teacher Net (I'm considering this a utility
capability: bringing power/water to rustic regions)?
4. What advances will release homeroom greatness?
5. How would we wipe out the limits of walls, blocks, mortar and time to help deep rooted advancing across the power (for our segment in the first place)?
6. How would we move from a Modern Age casing of instruction to an Organization driven, connectivity outline?
Standards of Connectivism: the information dwells progressively in the organization, its members and their associations, and has a time span of usability; the organization adjusts its implicit information significantly more rapidly than its express information because of an undeniably unique climate, thus we really want hubs of mental greatness making information relics thoroughly, however association modes and devices that work with making the unsaid information unequivocal AND the capacity to detect instructive necessities and collect fast reaction groups of associated hubs from across the organization.
For More Info, Visit US:
Education Conversations
Education Trust Bursary
Socio Economic Development Programme
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