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#it could work but rn it doesnt. for me
pherre · 5 months
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honestly i think it would be a better ending if it was slowly foreshadowed and prepared for over the course of the last season instead of tacked on at the end bc it feels so jarring after the last ep of s5. its like "alison you shouldn't go and here's why" and then the next episode its "no actually you should go"
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salmon slammin'.....soon.....
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wow, dragon ball bhima and yugioh nito
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puppyeared · 7 months
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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aahsoka · 3 months
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this ex fiancee plot is like. aggravating for no reason. we already need to contend with him not admitting he might die in ten years we dont uhhhh need this?
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noecoded · 1 year
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If you could have any Asmo/reader fic what would be the things you would want from it? like an ideal fic would contain what tropes or AUS or situations or whatever
uhmm anything wellwritten that characterizes asmo similar to the way i do ! i rlly like character exploration , both more serious stuff & just sillycute...anything where asmo is a little cunning and toxic and also gets railed into oblivion.anything where hes a vampire. ill write a tag essay about the specifics
#xreaders are too unrelatable for me usually .. im aroace and the only relationship dynamics that r rlly interesting to me r likee#toxic or tumultuous...i think in many asmo fics hes just very one note or like not a complex love interest .which is fine because hes like#that in the game but i am especially drawn to fics where the author has their own kind of unique take on it. nuance. etc#it's really interesting to see situations in which asmo kind of reaps the consequences of shitty behavior or struggles with parts of himsel#f he doesnt like. not just in like ohhh im insecure sobsob but like deeprooted issues & patterns thought processes that come with being a d#demon that maybe clash with human morality or ideals...like what if he sees human lives as generally more disposable because hes lived for#so long?? what would a fic be like about him wanting a fling with a human that ends up taking apart their life but to him its just a fun#little romance without any real consequences or commitment?? even if he was obsessed w them professing his undying love etc etc he could ge#t bored and drop it anytime and outlive them by millions of years and forget...& how does a human love an entity like that? how could the r#relationship look anything close to normal ever...anyway i like fics that touch on questions like this theyre kind of rare though#this all being said i def dont think asmo is completely evil💭 nuance#at work so im literally just wasting time by thinking about this rn but this was like the asmotoni dynamic its too interesting to me#asmotoni is like this in my head but on papwr i just draw them fucking witj bunny ears sorry#this doesnt even answer ur question really. if i could write a fic rn it would be like 200k word emo band au that isnt xreader or a romance#fic it would just be asmo beel belphie as humans starting a band and their rise and fall etc ive been thinking abt that plot nonstop
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pigeonwit · 10 months
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Working kids. Davey twists the word in his head, tries to bend himself into it – but he knows he doesn’t fit, not really. He’s not quite sharp enough to fit all the edges, too soft to press himself into the corners. Maybe he’s not a working kid at all. Not a working kid, not a gentleman, not even a decent student…
Maybe he’s not anything.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 17 days
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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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orcelito · 3 months
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Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does
Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.
#speculation nation#i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today#because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore.#i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold#8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me.#he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here#but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore.#im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am#genuinely shaking rn. im so upset.#this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like#shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE#YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS#'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“#WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+#and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended#im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now#i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM#negative/#sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly#im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry#and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to#like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB#0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company#i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place#because fuck this place and fuck him#i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts.#im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.
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oatbugs · 1 month
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i either need to restart therapy or i need to start shooting again . one of those is much cheaper than the other 🏹
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girlbob-boypants · 4 months
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Next time I replay Scarlet Hollow I'm gonna not take keen eye and see how that changes my opinion of day 2
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theygender · 10 months
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This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder
#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me#rambling#like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that#and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them#and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it#what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone#and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns#and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn#and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow#but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain#and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years)#then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain#funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism)#about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes#its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism#i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness#bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions#in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either#there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too
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soldier-poet-king · 11 months
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On the one hand I need to move out or go fully insane, on the other hand my family is like the only social contact I get and maybe the urban loneliness will ultimately kill me faster than putting up with their bullshit
#franposting#anyway. had a metldown. looked at apts for 1 hr. did nothing#sorry work. i promise i will get this done before the due date#also like. is the possibility of saving my brain worth all that money#its not even a guarantee it might tank the brain worse who knows#and maybe ill hate it and be afraid#i dont LOVE the big city i like having things nearby thi#i REALLY hate the urban spraw suburbs#that arent even gentrified bougie burbs#it's poor immigrants like my fam and endless strip malls and inaccessible transit#god. im just. fuck. it rlly is just. not great lately#and im unsure what to do#if i move out. i could get a cat#but devon rex is gonna be a couple k$#bc im apparently too allergic for shelter mutt breeds#but also. a cat would probably make me not want to kms. maybe#ughhhh i still dont even have my nee contract so idek how much money ill be making#so im just assuming rn that my pay doesnt increase at all#even tho depending on the position and given my expertise i could be making 10-15k more#which is like. lets put rent at around 2k/month. which is insane ik but thats the LOW end in the city#and extra 10k is nearly half the yearly rent (not counting taxes)#what i ACTUALLY need is routine and extra curriculars and getting out regularly#which is near impossible where i live w/out a car#and im already spending 2.5hrs+ daily commuting on transit#im not gonna add EXTRA HOURS to commute time#BC it rlly does take nearly an hour to get ANYWHERE on transit from my parents#and thats being CONSERVATIVE. usually its longer
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puppyeared · 3 months
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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todayisafridaynight · 7 months
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the idea of katase and aoki's secretary/hisho being """""friends""""" tickles my bones for a lot of reasons but esp cause i just know katase's had to dig into daigo's history cause mine prob asked her to at one point and along the way she found out about masato through a stray myspace post and after a serious Down The Rabbit Hole trip i think she should be one of five people in the entirety of japan to figure out her girlfriend's boss And Tokyo's Governor was the most Emo Boy of emo boys. and used to date the sixth chairman of the tojo clan. who also used to be the most Emo Boy of emo boys.
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the-final-world · 2 days
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having ADHD is fucking miserable brother.
like i actually hate how trendy it is to pretend to have it bc its ruining so much of my life bc i literally cannot fucking function.
I literally cannot do anything because i cant fucking focus or complete a task that NEEDS to be done.
I literally cant get the help for it I need bc its so hard and expensive to get the right people for it!
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