#it came to me when i was sleep deprived | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunni-v1 · 3 months

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I saw someone refer to Jade as the male version of a lesbian and Floyd as the gay version of a straight man and it's been haunting me ever since.

#they're right #i have no idea where i saw this shit #it came to me when i was sleep deprived #like a horrific dream #bunni babbles 🍓

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adriles · 1 year

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waking up in the middle of the night, gripped by unending sorrow, yelling, sobbing, punching my pillows, because i have forgotten to bury patroclus

#Thou sleepest and hast forgotten me Achilles….#book 23 #patroclus #people confounded by this account r so funny to me #it is just dril tweets but the iliad my guy #and also me posting about the iliad while extremely sleep deprived drunk or high trying to mimic the cadence #when there r themes in the posts it is always intentional. i love sorrow and tragedy and grief and rage #mission statement honestly #achilles is a piece of shit and i try to embody that. he is so stupid and annoying and so full of grief. he is soooo doomed #doomed boy i hate you im kissing u so intensely #greatest hits #yall came in on this one so fast what the hell #themes

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fore-seer · 1 year

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#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fe engage #fe17 #kagetsu fire emblem #kagetsu fe #fe kagetsu #kagetsu #my content #engage #nothing else about him changes its just this #i was doing my volunteer shift at the aquarium when the dlc trailer dropped and in my sleep deprived haze this vision came to me #please god dont let this flop. im so proud of it

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ilivelikeimtrying · 8 months

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*coughs into mic*

"..... Nimona: Goldenheart Beauty and the Beast AU....

Thank you."

*walks off stage*

#nimona #goldenheart #do you see my vision #probably not i was sleep deprived when it came to me #ambrosius x ballister #beauty and the beast #beauty and the beast 1991

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sisterdivinium · 6 months

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Mother Superion barely had time to assess the large coat, the expensive hat and the aviator sunglasses all bunched up together into a messy pile located at the edge of her own desk when Jillian noticed her entrance.

“You’re alone?” She asked by way of greeting, peeping behind the nun’s back to make sure. “We should best close the door.”

“And ciao to you too, dottoressa,” Superion replied dryly, watching as Jillian went on to lock them in after looking outside for any other nuns strolling in the corridor.

“You’ll understand my bluntness in a second.” Jillian returned to her companion, gave her an apologetic peck on the lips and soon produced a magazine which she put into Superion’s hands. “You should take a look at this.”

It was a thin little rag, the sort that printed more low-quality paparazzi pictures than it did any sort of meaningful text—when there were any words to go along with the images, typos and grammatical mistakes abounded throughout the extravagant theories “explaining” the ins and outs of the love lives of all sorts and ranks of celebrities, from international movie stars to barely significant internet phenomena boasting of a couple thousand followers online.

Mother Superion might have wondered how and why a woman such as Jillian Salvius would ever have any such dreck in her possession had she not at once recognised what the low-quality paparazzi photograph chosen for that particular issue’s cover revealed: it was an aerial shot, likely the product of a snooping drone, which had captured an inner patio of Jillian’s house—and both of them, Jillian and Mother Superion herself, featured in it, standing suspiciously close together as the nun’s hand stroked the renowned scientist’s cheek.

“This has been out for only some two hours and it is making a hell of a lot of noise already. My PR staff are going completely mad. ArqTech’s social media accounts are being bombarded with either accusations of hypocrisy on my part, secretly seducing the church in the background while fighting it in public, or celebratory messages about ‘crushing the patriarchy of a decadent institution’ through ‘full contact sisterhood’ or something like it. Dozens of extremely suggestive emojis are sprinkled throughout in both kinds.”

Jillian said all this with a wealth of gestures, drawing abstract, nervous shapes in the air, squinting her eyes at every word, as if they stung her tongue with each absurd syllable that escaped her lips.

Suzanne looked down at the magazine again, flipping through some of its pages. A couple more of blurry or pixelated images where she and Jillian could barely be made out adorned a page with a single column of text in a large font over a red background that would make anyone’s eyes water; she couldn’t read the speculation contained therein.

She could likewise not speak her mind on the matter, as Jillian continued her tirade.

“And there’s more, of course there’s more. I regret to inform you that you and I have been…" She grimaced. “Blorbofied. And please don’t ask me how I know that word.”

Mother Superion raised an inquisitive, insistent eyebrow nonetheless. Jillian sighed and submitted.

“… Camila,” she admitted.

The nun pinched the bridge of her nose.

“But what I mean to say is that the internet is simply abuzz with this. We’re being shipped. People are writing fanfiction about us. I don’t know if you know, but that’s when they tell stories—”

“I know what that means, Jillian.”

Catching her off-guard, Suzanne was the one moved to confess by another eyebrow raised high.

“Well, Xena fanfiction didn’t write itself in the nineties, you know.”

Jillian remained speechless for a few seconds more as she attempted to process the information of how the woman standing in front of her, who she had seen kill scores of malevolent men as well as writhe beneath her in pleasure, who wore a habit and a veil and prayed to God every day, was the same person who would write Xena fanfiction in the late nineties and post them on the internet—some of which might still be out there, somewhere.

On second thought, the whole killing men part did make quite a good deal of sense…

“If this has been out for only two hours, how are these people writing stories already?” Suzanne asked, rescuing her from her trance.

Jillian shook her head slightly, as if to dispel the thought of a young Suzanne writing stories of dubious merit and intentions in some corner of the convent when not absorbed by training.

“I don’t know. I haven’t read any—nor will I—but they even came up with a name. They’re calling us ‘doctor superion’.

The look she received as a reply was impenetrable. Jillian couldn’t tell whether Mother Superion despised it or was somehow amused by it.

“But that’s beside the point,” Jillian went on, rather exasperated at the possibilities, “because if I’m getting hell over this, what can it mean for you?”

She reached out to Suzanne’s hands, her touch scared, her eyes pleading.

“Can the Vatican take any sort of action against you? Have I put you in trouble again?”

“This will pass,” Suzanne said to comfort her, cupping her cheek. “You’re talking about the Catholic church. They didn’t even believe women could have any kind of sex for the longest time. They won’t read into a bad picture where I’m doing nothing more apart from touching your face.”

“And the gossip? The articles are multiplying online, the stories—”

“How many stories has the Church survived?”

“Suzanne, don’t fault me for saying this, but I don’t give a fuck about the Church surviving anything—it’s you I’m worried about. If my investors drop out now, I can always find others if I need to, but if they excommunicate you and tear you from the girls—”

“Jillian. I’ve been here for about twenty years. I’ve done worse than touch rich ‘heretic’ women’s faces and they know it. You know it,” she said, looking pointedly at her. “Stop worrying.”

The scientist relaxed, if somewhat against her will. She frowned soon after, however.

“… What do you mean by ‘worse’? How many other ‘worse’ things were you involved with?”

“… A conversation for another day. I think doctor superion has given you enough strong emotions for the time being.”

Jillian laughed despite herself. Mother Superion smiled seeing her unwind.

“I won’t hear the end of this anytime soon,” the owner of ArqTech pondered.

“Hence the detective disguise in coming here when it’s thirty degrees Celsius outside?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to unwittingly inspire any more fanfics than are already being written, would I? They’d have a field day with it, no doubt… But are you very sure you won’t suffer any repercussions for this?”

Suzanne kissed her.

Jillian attempted to repeat her question, but she found that kissing Suzanne back was quite a balm to her burdened heart—after all, if there were consequences to face either way, might as well deserve them in full.

When they parted to catch their breath, Mother Superion offered her an idea.

“We can say you’ve had a revelation through me, a miracle conversion. Even the Vatican will be glad to hear of it, for once.”

“Excuse you, but I have known what I liked since very early on. You wouldn’t be able to convert me to anything,” Jillian replied with a smirk. She leaned in to kiss Suzanne again, but stopped short thanks to a thought. “Hold on. Did you already have a contingency plan at the ready in case anything like this should happen?”

Mother Superion shrugged lightly.

“I told you. Worse things. In this line of work, it’s always best to look ahead of yourself.”

“Well, I might just run with your version, then. If only to calm these people down for a time.”

“The writers won’t stop.”

“I know. They might go at it even more excitedly. But the public image of the company might still be salvaged.”

“I pray it will. You’re invited to service if you want to show off just how genuine your new quest for God is,” Superion provoked her.

“Please don’t make me,” Jillian said with a laugh, pulling her closer. “I think I prefer private prayer to this whole blasphemer-to-devoted-choirgirl-overnight AU.”

Suzanne chuckled and kissed her again, throwing the gossip magazine away.

“See? Don’t worry about the others. We can write our own story all by ourselves…”

#doctor superion #warrior nun #jillian salvius #mother superion #this is what happens when you decide to write while sleep deprived #i don't usually write comedy but when i do it is utterly nonsensical lol #in earnestness i confess comedy isn't my strong suit. i think aristotle is right when he says it is based on characters “worse than us”#(while tragedy is about characters “better than us”)#and that usually means dumbing down and exaggerating some character traits which might risk losing their voice in the process #but i thought oh to hell with it -- it's not like i'll do this often anyway #and maybe someone might have a laugh the way i did when this came to me as i washed the dishes #narratives and similar

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daily-whistlepaw · 1 month

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daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167

I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it

#warrior cats #whistlepaw #windclan #medicine cat apprentice #this isn't my first crush lol but this one has had me feel the strongest of feelings (and might be my first genuine crush lol)#the fact I have been building up A Lot of stress for the entire week probably didn't help.#and the fact my stomach hurt is also probably at least partially to explain by the fact I barely ate last night #but MAN seeing my (latest) crush in such a pretty dress and then go on stage and play (a goddess!!!!!!! she's a goddess)#(I already bought tickets to go see the full thing; I will die but I will die happy (I hope))#but yeah I struggled for a good 2 hours to fall asleep and also had stomach weirdness happening the next morning #man it was not fun #(and then she came to sit next to me during class and I had to play it cool (I was too deranged on sleep deprivation to really care about #being my typical brand of weird but I do sometimes feel like an idiot around her and feel guilty because then I fear that she finds me #annoying and will hate me and I will fail this again (losing a friendship over a crush once was not that fun lol) and Traumas don't help #either at all so uh I'm just trying to spend time with her I just always feel a bit worried that I'm annoying her and it's consuming my bra #I do also still feel a little guilty about having this crush; internalized homophobia/issues around sexuality are hard to shake off #and while it's very normal and stuff I never dare to go the entire way when my brain conjures fantasies that are a little too risqué #I just feel guilty man I know I shouldn't but still it fucking sucks in my brain #and god talking about this in therapy would be a mess #I might have to eventually but I don't wanna #anyways; wild vent in the tags aside; yay a whis!

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rebisrot · 1 month

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alex kralie is just like jamie hyneman of mythbusters and i will not be explaining myself

#this came to me when i was sleep deprived last night #marble hornets #alex kralie #alex marble hornets #mh #alex mh #mythbusters #text post

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goops-art · 2 years

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In which this time is a little more about a mousy reader interaction

I follow the advice of @bones-of-a-rabbit and make it full story style, i-it actually work? Apologies for moons coat [didnt calculate the ratio properly] and the color of the outfits, when i realized it that i didnt actually know it was too late to ask.

Hope u enjoy!

[yes i know i didnt add sunny bunny and i regret it but on my defense i just couldnt find any ideas for them and run put of space, got any ideas?]

Close up undert the cut! And an extra:

BAD READER!

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note-boom · 2 years

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I was thinking about BSD's female characters again (as one does) and being mildly frustrated that a lot of their trauma comes from being controlled by an outside male source....and then it hit me.

Almost EVERY BSD character has a past and trauma rooted in being controlled or having a lack of control.

Atsushi under the orphanage headmaster. Akutagawa under Dazai. Kyouka under Akutagawa (and keep in mind Koyou helped get her out in the end). Yosano under Mori. Kenji losing control after his best friend dying. Chuuya under the government and then the Port Mafia. Koyou losing control over her freedom thanks to the old boss. Ranpo having no control over his own self and having been isolated from the world. The Hunting Dogs under the government. Sigma under the DoA and the Book. Even Dazai a little (more on that later).....just this persistent theme of people not getting control over their lives.

And you know what that sounds like? Characters in a story being manipulated by an author.

We have this persistent theme of literature and writing and books throughout BSD, after all. And this incessant use of a character having a tragic past rooted in lack of control or losing control and being manipulated by some superior force screams (to me at least) literary imagery. And what's most interesting is that Dazai both is a character and a manipulator.

Of course he's not the only one pulling the strings, as we know. But he does eat up a BIG part of the narrative, I think...a character who previously had no will to seek out anything to do (and thus adopted the values or reasons of the people around him) trying to craft a narrative of his own after the death of his friend. A character essentially trying to become the author (the light novel Beast just makes me wonder more about this, tbh). But also one whose story is told through the stories of other characters.

And what I find interesting about that AND Beast with regards to Dazai is this page from Vol 17...

People writing. The writer including their own self into the story. Being both a character AND an author and in that sense taking control of your own life and your circumstances....

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but I just wanted to really point out that part of a lot of the BSD characters' narratives have to do with this lack of control over their own lives....and we see the ADA full of people trying to take back control. Kunikida and his ideals, Yosano and her healing, Ranpo being the agency's core, Atsushi trying to save people, and Dazai trying to become the author in other people's lives if he can't be the author of his own (his inability to die, you know?).

So my question honestly is just what's the deal with that? Am I making mountains out of molehills or seeing themes and motifs that aren't there? And if not, what does the existence of the Book say about these characters struggling to write their own narratives? (Or the narratives of others, in Dazai's case). Just....literary imagery in BSD and the "toxic" relationship between the author and the character....

#yes my ponderings are always a bit of a stretch #blame my sleep deprived mind for that #im gonna make it even more a stretch though #by saying that koyou a female character helping kyouka write herself out of the control of others also feels literarily significant?#its the BOOKISH THEMES #the way all these characters seemed trapped under something greater that guides their actions #even mori with natsume's tri-something scheme #you ever wonder if natsume also kind of serves as an audience for the lives of the characters?#something something i am a cat being a book about a cat watching society go about in its nonsense #and something about the audience being able to influence the characters through their own interpretations #as i clearly am absurdly doing please forgive this #truth be told tho there are so many angles one could take on bsd and this is why ill always kick past me for getting into unfinished media #also yes this post came after me pondering the female characters post i reblogged (both of these are queued so no clue when it will appear)#of course there's a lot i havent considered...such as the postwar angle and philosophical one #man i think way too much about a stupid manga that decided to protect author thirst into a supernatural genre....#does this kind of poking about even fit the depth this manga is trying to go down to?#oh well i said what i said and this is ultimately a blog where i release my unhealthy fixation on bsd in attempts to calm it #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd musings #bsd theories #too lazy to tag all the characters #rambling in the tags sorry #bsd manga spoilers #manga spoilers #bsd spoilers #spitting nonsense #oh...tho shoutout to fitzgerald for the person controlling him being two women...dead daughter and wife #yup there's more in the reblogs because i have no self control

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subdee · 1 year

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Subdue! How are y'all doing?

Good... except tumblr for some reason didn't show me this ask until three days later... aha.

I'm chugging along with the new parent life - the baby will be 100 days old next week - all the cliches about the difficulty of parenting are true but they don't capture the details.

Like how I was so sleep deprived for the first couple months that I would HALLUCINATE the baby in bed next to me, and even when I knew - I KNEW! - that he was in his bassinet next to the bed, while half-asleep I would still touch the pillow or a lump in the covers and it would FEEL like the baby and I would SEE him there. Even though I knew he was not there. That was trippy!

Or how some babies, like mine, have what's called a "shalow latch" which in laymen's terms mean HE CHOMP on the nipple.

(But he's learned how to breastfeed without doing that by now... and it only took two and a half months >_> so now I get to enjoy feeding time with him for another, like, two weeks, before I head back to work LOLOLOL and in the meantime I thought I would try using the breast pump to get used to it and got a painful fungal infection, one of many things new moms all know about but that they don't tell you about so as not to discourage you from ever having kids or breastfeeding them.)

Or how you'll read all this stuff online about awake windows or sleep routines and how important it is to not do ANY of the easy things to help the baby fall asleep, like putting him in the swing or car seat or feeding him to sleep. And how you're supposed to put him in the crib "drowsy, but awake" so he'll learn how to fall asleep on his own but it's actually impossible because your particular baby spits up half his food after meals if you don't hold him upright 20-30mins but during that time he just falls asleep on your shoulder.

And on and on, but actually we are already out of the newborn stage and through most of these challenges (for now knock on wood). Now we're in the infant stage which is a lot more fun.

I'm putting all this TMI stuff here because you asked, but the truth is I'm really enjoying my time with Baby, especially lately. I know all new parents probably think this but MY baby is an actual genius, he's always looking around at everything, and he's already rolling and trying to sit up. He's gotten better at keeping his food down, better at recognizing when he's hungry or tired or gassy or bored, and better at communicating what he wants with his hands. Every day he does something new that he couldn't do before! Plus now that I can like, actually leave the house with the baby my mental health has improved a lot -_-b We've been going to the library and we're doing swim classes next week!

Plus he is super cute, this is not my bias speaking, it is true objective Fact.

#the worst was the paranoia that came with the sleep deprivation #or actually... the worst was when it wasn't paranoia I WAS RIGHT about the mold in the house #but yeah i have turned into neurotic Always Vigilant mom determined to clean everything once a week when i never cared before #personal #real life i guess #shoutout to fruithive discord server you guys are saving me from my prior total ignorance of all things Baby #also shoutout to everyone who became a parent COVID lockdown i cannot even imagine how difficult that was #if i was stuck in the house even an instant longer i would have lost my whole entire mind #i'm not really sleeping any more than i was when i was hallucinating incidentally #i have just - literally - gotten used to it

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twpsyn-who · 3 months

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Soulmates AU in which when your soulmate is in a situation that can result in their death you get to see through their eyes. Like, I don't know how to explain this- it kind of flashes between what you see and what your soulmate sees. You know those edits where there's a scene going on and there's another one faded in the background happening at the same time? Similar to that. The idea is that you get to see what your soulmate sees too, on top of what you're seeing.

Now, this AU but JeanMarco. With Marco asking the others where's Jean, just for him to start seeing a corpse right in front of his eyes not even a second after asking. Seeing through Jean's eyes as he's trying to get hold of that gear and stuff. And once Jean's safe, once it clicks that you know his best friend is his soulmate Marco can't wait for them to graduate so he can you know tell him that.

Then, you know. That happens. And Jean is so fucking confused because he keeps seeing Annie crying, looking down on him. Only when Annie starts getting off the gear, when his soulmate starts moving around trying to get away he starts panicking, starts moving around faster than before. And maybe he's too late. Or maybe he shows up in time and kills the titan. I don't know. That's not where I'm trying to get, but to the second option AKA Marco pulling an UNO reverse on Annie because he's a smart sneaky bastard like that and being like 'Hey you can't kill me, my soulmate will know it was you' which makes her stop trying to take off his gear. Reiner keeps telling her to do it, Bertholdt keeps yelling about that titan coming closer, but Annie... she has seen things, at some point. Flashes of moments that weren't hers, happening right in Trost- right in that moment. And she didn't give them too much thought until that moment, until it got confirmed that it has nothing to do with her titan powers.

'What do you mean by that?' she asks, because she needs to know more. Because she wants to know more. And Marco starts explaining how it works. Tells them that he has found his soulmate, that they will put all the blame on them for his death. Reiner doesn't believe him, keeps insisting that he's playing them around - he, and anyone born and raised on Marley, has never heard of something like that before, it doesn't exist - but Annie tells him to shut up and to let Marco go. Cue to the plot of any fic in which Marco doesn't straight up die after finding up their secret.

Anyway I don't know man, just,,, We need more soulmate aus for JeanMarco. That's an order.