In this post I want to talk about my personal thoughts based on what I observe about MBTI romantic compatibility or romantic compatibility in general.
Because remember, MBTI isn't enough when looking for a partner; there can be:
Very different people of the same type
Similar people of very different types
It also depends on what similitarities and differences mean for you.
MBTI: COMPATIBLE, SIMILIAR, DIFFERENT
Think at colors: there are colours which matches armonically to you but maybe you still preferer a "very similar" colour that accompany you or "very different" one that make you natural color stands up
1) COMPATIBLE if you look for an armonical balance between your differences (dichotomies) and similarities (same primary function but inverted and same process thoughts of the other two functions)
E/I + P/J difference or also F/T or N/S depending on what is the primary function (change the other). F/T or N/S lead to apparently more differences but deeply same way to process some thoughts (exactly same middle cognitive functions)
Example: INTJ x ENFP or ENTP
Example: ISFP x ESFJ or ENFJ
2) SIMILIAR: same type or similiar in many things (but not having the same primary function and thinking process can still lead to a not so small difference): you prefer having more similitarities with your partner (e.g. both introverted)
Change just a letter (be conscious that usually the S/N difference alone could still lead to a strong difference)
Example: INTJ x INTJ or ENTJ or INFJ or INTP (or also ISTJ)
ABOUT changing only the last 2 dichotomies: it will lead to a more complex mix between similarities and differences, usually it can be great at times but can also lead to many misunderstandings, for this reason I see more friendships than romantic partners on these.
Example: INTJ x INFP
Example: ESTP x ESFJ
3) DIFFERENT: very different type or opposite type: you feel safe with a companion that can do the things you can't do.
Example: INTJ x ESFP, ESTP, ESTJ, ISFJ,...
Is it immature?
If all you look for is just a personality type yes, but if you consider many things among which a specifically personality type... no. People choose their partner based on physical appearance, interests, sympathy, familiarity, style of life... and choosing based on the way a person perceive and process reality that affect every part of their daily life is nothing but deep.
"BUT if you both are willing to make it work..."
I will be honest here on my opinion. We are not talking about getting along with colleagues or in family or something forced, but with romantic relationships. It's so natural to look for a "compatible" friendship, why not with romance? Friends can be many while a romantic partner is hopefully just one and for every day of our life; and every relationship is already difficult by itself without us making it more complicated. We will live and share everything with our partner, make decisions with them, see and talk to them everyday: for this reason I personally don't see why we can't be selective.
So... is MBTI compatibility important? Depends
My personal opinion is that compatibility in general is very important, but not each couple needs MBTI compatibility to work well.
Your perfect match depends on who you are and what you look for in a partner.
-> Some thoughts to consider for wishing to have MBTI compatibility or not:
If your MBTI type is a huge part of who you are and your mental process - choose YES
Passions, interests, character and other things have a huge impact of who or your partner are more than MBTI - choose NO
You are selective and look for deep understanding of who you are to feel completely gotten - choose YES
You get along easily with others and feeling get is not your primary need (or not by a partner), you enjoy and look for other things - choose NO
Your process thoughts deeply, analyse others and observe a lot - choose YES
You are in tune with the ambience more than focusing too deeply on the others, you are more practical and a doer - choose NO
IMPORTANT CONSIDERATIONS
Your answer can be different of the one of your partner. For example an INFJ chooses her ENFP for MBTI compatibility because she wants to have long conversations and feel mentally connected with him while ENFP chooses her for the way she treats him and prefers spending time doing some hobbies together. So their relationship's will won't match.
If you wish for MBTI compatibility:
I will repeat it another time: MBTI isn't enough! There are always other things that defines us as values, humour, interests, style of life, mentality. So your life partner will be one of the personalities you get along with: not all will work perfectly with you!
MBTI isn't a guarantee! There is no perfect balance and every couple needs work.
If you wish for other kind of compatibilities:
Still be conscious about your personalities! Sometimes feelings cover our differences and you are ok with how are some things now but maybe in the future you or your partner will look for other things.
Be aware! Not thinking about it doesn't remove their type and your similarities/differences, the best is knowing your MBTI types and still be sure it's the best for you! MBTI knowledge in any case could always help in your journey.
Some example of couples I know:
MBTI compatible couples:
ISFP x ENFJ: natural match and they also share the same way to see life - worked
ESFP x ISFJ: compatible but the mental disorders of one destroyed their relationships and also their interests didn't match - didn't work
Not MBTI compatible couples:
INFP x ISTJ: they have the same values of family and both looked for a companion that can do what they couldn't, and feel safe in the differences of the other - worked
INFP x ESTJ: they loved the differences because they made them feel safe, during life they realized they needed to feel understood by the other and suffered for the lack of similitarities - didn't work
FINAL THOUGHTS
Be careful and choose what is best for YOU depending on what you and your partner look for in a relationship. Because at the end knowing what you want in your love life and waiting until you find it is the most important thing! If you want read this last part by thinking at different characteristics other than MBTI.
Different partner: more work to to but they can help you with doing the things you can't do. Always looking for an opposite partner can be sometimes linked to low self esteem, or positively to a strong adaptation ability.
Similiar partner: less work to do but you will have the same limits and face the same problems. Always looking for a very similar partner can be sometimes a sign of immaturity, or positively of a sensitive trait.
I'll say it again:
I talked about MBTI compatibility but remember that MBTI doesn't describe us totally so choose wisely considering that person completely!
And work with your defects and mental disorders, with them every relationship is destined to fail or be unhealthy or toxic.
Maybe you are thinking "love is blind"... to our mind maybe yes, but unconsciously is linked to how we see ourselves deeply.
Feelings may last some time but having a partner hopefully will last a life.
Based on MBTI, and my opinion, we look at three types that might be a good match for Tommy.
Three Best Matches - (ISFP, ISTP, INTP)-
-ISFP-
Of the two women Tommy chooses to marry, both are ISFPs. Granted, they are both very different women, but they have the same personality type. He definitely seems to be attracted to ISFPs as a whole, and who can blame him? ISFPs are loyal, sensitive, and patient souls who are grounded firmly in reality. You can sometimes be brushed off as being overly reserved or perhaps too soft, but that's not a bad thing to him. For a man who's seen extreme poverty and gone through war all before the age of thirty, your softness is something worth treasuring.
The fact that you are his opposite is not a entirely negative either. He works in darkness but he wants to come home to light. When he is alone with you he can pretend to be a man and not a monster. You smile and the day is brighter. There is warmth in you that he is starved of and he cannot let go. Tommy would want to protect you, he would want to try to be a better man. The problem, which we have seen throughout there series, is that he will fail.
Tommy is not a great partner. He will hide things from you, he will lie to you, he will not always be there for you. You are someone with needs that he will not always be prepared to fulfill. If you are able to work up the courage to confront him, he will deflect and deny. Backing down is easier and you might find yourself doing that often. Tommy believes he is doing this for your own good. Keeping you as clean as possible from the blood on his hands even as he uses those hands to wipe your tears away.
-ISTP-
The ISTP personality type is as quick and practical as they come. When something isn't working or there is a thing that needs doing, you are already onto it. Your trust is not easily won, but when it is, you are a ride-or-die. And if ever there was a man that needed a ride-or-die, it's Thomas Shelby. He will appreciate how you don't just expect him to open up to you. You aren't the sort to think love can change a person, he likes that. Tommy respects you because of your tenacity and independence.
Unlike the other two potential matches, your type isn't afraid of confrontation generally. If Tommy pisses you off you will let him know about it. You will seek him out wherever he is, and tell him exactly what he did and why you're mad. Since this is Thomas Shelby, there is a high probability that he won't be sorry and that he won't apologize even if he felt bad. Luckily, you don't care about apologies. What's important is that he knows you know and that you're no pushover. On Tommy's end, he's caught between being irritated that he has to deal with an angry lover and being sexually frustrated. Because, fuck, your glare just does things to him.
Although this means you two are more likely to argue than the other matches, it doesn't make this a weak match. The fact that you can call him out and handle "the life," means he might open more of himself to you. If you're down, you might just become his wife and his accomplice.
-INTP-
Tommy doesn't like smalltalk, and he hates talking to people that think they're smarter than him. Really, Tommy doesn't talk very much at all. He is careful with his words and rarely speaks without having a purpose. You are similar in that you hate talking for the sake of talking. Your mind is quick and it catches him off guard. Tommy finds the way you think to be refreshing. You make him curious, and you never stop. There is always something more to you that is left to explored.
It is annoying to him how you buckle at confrontation with others. You aren't a submissive person, you just don't want to make a scene. Tommy doesn't mind making a scene. And he will. If someone interrupted you at a party while telling a story, Tommy would absolutely be the type to say: "She was talking, wait your fucking turn."
You know some of the things he's done, and you are less disgusted than he expected. Mostly, you ask him "Why did you do it?" rather than "How could you do it?" INTP is one who sees all angles to all things. It makes it hard sometimes to commit to one ideology or one opinion, but it also makes for a good strategist. Which you prove yourself to be to Tommy. He never intended or wanted his lover to be involved in the criminal side of his life, so you might just be helpful for his political ventures. That's fine for you, the less you know the better. Which is another thing he likes about you, your objectivity and acceptance. You and Tommy have a sort of leaning towards nihilism that is unsettling to most. For Tommy, there is something about the way you are that understands the way he is.
So with Ai Di being an ISTP his functions in order are Ti (introverted thinking) Se (extraverted sensing) Ni (introverted intuition) and Fe (extraverted feeling)
Chen Yi as an ENTJ has the functions Te (extraverted thinking) Ni (introverted intuition) Se (extraverted sensing) and Fi (introverted feeling)
As thinking dominant types they both prefer to make their decisions logically and with their feeling functions being lowest priority, neither one is particularly intune to their emotions at all. ENTJs tend to ignore their emotions because they view them as irrelevant or a sign of weakness. ISTPs tend to ignore their emotions because they view them as unimportant or irrational.
ENTJs with underdeveloped Ni can be prone to oversimplifying and making hasty decisions.
ISTPs with over-reliance on Ti can be prone to being dismissive and apathetic. Sometimes if they have underdeveloped Ni, they even willfully ignore their own problems by doing absolutely nothing to resolve them (like keeping their feelings to themselves for four years instead of addressing them).
For another example of the (mostly unhealthy) Te-Ti couple dynamic, see also Sun (ESTJ) and Mork (ISTP) from Dark Blue Kiss
Te is more focused on action and efficiency while Ti would rather wait for all the information to become clear so their solutions can include all the factors. Te doms value results, Ti doms value self-sufficiency.
Both ENTJs and ISTPs can be blunt, aggressive, and have little patience for things that don't make sense. Both value competence, facts, and problem solving. Both use Se and Ni so both tend to be focused, impulsive, and like being active and present.
Ai Di has good attention to detail and insights himself but despite that he always looks to Chen Yi when there is a problem that needs immediate action.
hint hint do something
When it comes to feelings, both consider them to be a low priority until they build up to the point that they simply can't be ignored.
Chen Yi uses Fi which is more of an internal process. He is vaguely aware of his own emotions because they provoke strong reactions from him (usually in the form of jealous outbursts) but he doesn't always understand why. He can be especially oblivious to other people's emotions or preferences.
He misinterprets his feelings for Ai Di until he's had a lot of time to think about it on his own. When Fan Ze Rui questions him about his feelings for the boss and Ai Di, his initial reaction is anger and defensiveness but afterwards he can't stop thinking about it.
He doesn't really seem to talk to Fan Ze Rui about anything other than business or Ai Di and he doesn't appreciate being questioned like this. He also somewhat resents his close relationship with Ai Di.
Ai Di and Fan Ze Rui both use Fe and Ti and can easily communicate with one another. Fan Ze Rui is a feeler (INFJ) with well developed Fe and he is good at encouraging Ai Di to open up by not being pushy enough to trigger his automatic "it's none of your business" reaction. Fe is all about finesse and social harmony, which are not things that ISTPs usually care about.
Ai Di doesn't even mind that he brings it up multiple times because he likes the affirmation. We see this in his relationship with Bai Zong Yi as well, he likes to fish for validation of his feelings once he starts acting on them and he knows that Bai Zong Yi is also a no bs kind of guy.
When it comes to conflict, Chen Yi often acts impulsively or wants to address the issues and get the solution going immediately (sometimes to the point of kidnapping but hey, kidnapping gets results and results are the priority, eh?) while Ai Di is more evasive.
And when Ai Di does evade, he typically goes off to indulge his senses at the bar by getting drunk and being reckless. He knows lots of people at the bar but these relationships seem somewhat shallow.
Chen Yi likes to get drunk when his feelings creep up on him too but only in his lowest moments. We rarely see him doing anything alone but when he's in his feelings, he goes off by himself to have a pity party. And in true Ti-dom fashion, Ai Di is too brutally honest to be any good at consoling people.
not entirely
Also, Bai Zong Yi and Ai Di are an interesting pair because ISTPs don't care about following social norms or rules they consider arbitrary while ISTJs prefer to work within the system.
more Kiseki MBTI rambling
Ai Di - ISTP
Chen Yi - ENTJ
Bai Zong Yi - ISTJ
Fan Ze Rui - INFJ
Bai Zong Yi and Fan Ze Rui's ISTJ x INFJ couple dynamics
Things I would do as an ENTJ parent pt.2(middle school - high school edition)
Encourage them to think outside the box - if it can be done differently and still work the same, do it.
With that in mind: "Always work hard, but when you can work smart, work smart."
Be honest - always. I won't be stopping them from doing what they want, especially if they have set their mind on it, but I will step in and say "This may get ugly."
Not necessarily a permanent curfew, but I would be adamant about them coming home before 11 PM (high school) and 9 PM (middle school).
Late night talks on the balcony.
Pick them up from school whenever I can. If I can't, I'm sending their father.
Smoking is allowed after 16, just not over 5 cigarettes a day. I would encourage them to tell me if they start earlier. Excluding drugs, they can do whatever they want after a certain age.
Kissing a smoker is not exactly the most pleasant feeling and they should know it before making the decision to be consistent about it (cigs, I mean).
Always be polite and civil, first. Bite their heads off if that is rejected three times.
If I have a son I will tell him not to expect girls to make the first move. He should be able to tell if she's being assertive or not, anyway, we're not exactly thinking about hiding that.
If I have a daughter I will tell her not to expect boys to always make the first move. She should be prepared for both scenarios.
"Date for experience and fun, not for marriage."
Teach them to be confident in their abilities - a little arrogance with a base is not bad. Baseless confidence is another matter.
Pride is a genetic trait in this family, so I should probably teach them to accept help and admit mistakes. I'm not going to lie, this will be the hardest pill to swallow for both me and them.
Teach them when they can swear and when they cannot - there is an appropriate moment for everything, including unleashing hell out of your mouth.
"Don't completely obey the rules, but don't break them either. Bend. Loopholes exist for a reason."
Teach them to respect people.
We may be people-friendly in this household, but if a person is shitty, gender, sexuality, race, religion, or status doesn't matter.
[It doesn’t mean you HAVE to be either of those. It’s fine if you’re any type, as far or as close to those types, feel free to contact me. It’d be fun to go through a mind of a certain type.]
[Also, message me if you want to talk, don't wanna force anyone into this.]
The head and hands move in exact, linear vectors with definite stops. Movements are angular, precise and piercing, rather than fluid or curve-like, or lacking clear halts.
Tom Cruise: FeSi II-- Adaptive! (ESFJ with developed Si)
Malcolm X: FeNi I--I Directive! (disagreeable ENFJ with developed Ti)
Sam Harris: TiSe I-II Directive! (ISTP with developed Ni and Fe)
Bill Clinton
This signal represents a "go" moment, in the stop-go reasoning of Judgment, where a thought is approved and asserted, but asserted with a definite cognitive aim and target. This cognitive definiteness translates to bodily definiteness, resulting in angular motions. The sudden halts occur as a reflection of the precise delineations of Judgment, which have clear ideal limits.
Chen Yi is assertive, direct, jealous, stubborn, impatient, and ambitious.
He is extremely focused on his work and has no problem taking the lead or delegating. He gives succinct directions and keeps everyone around him to task. Respect, responsibility, and authority are important to him but he doesn't mind bending the rules occasionally if he decides it would be better that way. He's protective, sometimes to the point of being controlling. He tends to hinge his self worth on extrinsic success and failure. Sometimes he gets caught up in the tunnel vision of his goals and fails to see things around him that are obvious to others, especially when feelings are involved.
Most of his dialogue consists of commands. For the most part, people listen to them, too.
The only exception usually is Ai Di.
Normally he makes his decisions quickly and by the time he's telling other people about it, he has a list of the steps he already took to solve the issue.
When he was discussing the plans to infiltrate the school with Fan Ze Rui, he was like: I already talked to the principal about xyz and found out what he wanted, here's what we're doing.
Or when Fan Ze Rui got stabbed and he was like oh yeah, I already took care of that, no worries
Chen Yi has shit to do and unfortunately for Ai Di, he is far too impatient to wait for someone so portable
But sometimes (rarely) picking Ai Di up and physically carrying him away isn't the solution. It bothers him in these situations when Ai Di is out of his control
Yet, when Ai Di reacts exactly like he expects him to, that's when the dimples come out
When things aren't going Chen Yi's way, we see him either drinking excessively or jumping rope like a madman with a 1000 yard stare
Jump rope not pictured, but I wanted to put this here anyway
One of his biggest hangups is failure and disappointing Chen Dong Yang
Part of that also is the fact that he's pretty much oblivious to his own feelings and the feelings of others. He's so busy doing everything he can with the gang, keeping tabs on Ai Di and Fan Ze Rui's whereabouts 24/7 so he can protect them, and being their on-call designated driver and pickup service that he actually has no idea who he is into romantically. He thinks he knows but it takes several people directly asking him if he's sure about it for him to really consider that he's confused about his feelings for the boss and Ai Di.
Next up will be ENTJ x ISTP dynamics and maybe some other assorted dynamics from Kiseki mixed in too
If you missed it, I also typed
Ai Di - ISTP
Fan Ze Rui - INFJ
Bai Zong Yi - ISTJ
and talked a bit about Fan Ze Rui and Bai Zong Yi's relationship here
E (Extraversion): Indicates a preference for focusing on the outer world, gaining energy from social interactions, and being more outgoing.
I (Introversion): Represents a preference for focusing on the inner world, gaining energy from solitude, and being more reserved.
S - Sensing X N - Intuition
S (Sensing): Reflects a preference for gathering information through the five senses, focusing on concrete details, and being practical and realistic.
N (Intuition): Reflects a preference for gathering information through patterns, possibilities, and abstract concepts, focusing on the big picture and future possibilities.
T - Thinking X F - Feeling
T (Thinking): Indicates a preference for making decisions based on logic, objective analysis, and rational criteria.
F (Feeling): Indicates a preference for making decisions based on personal values, emotions, and consideration of the impact on relationships.
J - Judging X P - Perceiving
J (Judging): Suggests a preference for a structured, organized lifestyle, making decisions and planning ahead.
P (Perceiving): Suggests a preference for a flexible, spontaneous lifestyle, adapting to situations as they arise.