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dootznbootz · 2 months

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"Get in the Water" sung by Penelope would become a COMPLETELY different song btw.

Honestly, she would only need to sing "Get in the water" once, and *splash* "Okay, I'm here. What we doing? 👀"

#epic the musical #odysseus #penelope #odypen #is this too much???#Water Wife #my headcanons #shot by odysseus #Mad rambles #Mad memes

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luminarytex · 2 months

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eepers after a long night

#my post #my art #etc #etc etc #doodle #ERMMM SOMETHING IS IMPLIED #WHATS THE LIMIT BTW #IS THIS TOO MUCH???#IMPLIED SEX #????? help #IM SCARED TO TAG THIS #fitpacbo #pacbo #<- mostly

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rowanisawriter · 2 months

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there is just… Too much… laundry.

#but I genuinely feel like Sisyphus lol what in fuck is going on here #I am honestly im not exhaggerating I do the laundry only once a week and it feels like im just constantly folding???#is this too much???#soo much laundry it’s never ending?????#🧺#very cute emoji at least

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fyrerainy · 5 months

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typos and stuff!! will be pretty in-depth, sorry in advance lmao

@strawbubbysugar hi!! ily!! Here's some stuff I've found. This is gonna seem super rude and if you want me to stop, I'll stop!!

[keep in mind, I'm not an expert, though I have read through a textbook on how to write, edit, and get published. Feel free to discard as much of this criticism as you wish /gen]

When editing a manuscript, the experts say to try and cut 10% of your word count, so be sure to keep that in mind. Anything in your book that you feel icky about, or wasn't worded or written in the best way, needs to be addressed. The first draft was about what you wanted. The final copy will be about what the readers want.

Chapter 1

The key to hooking a reader in is to start with a bang. You want to draw their attention from the first sentence. At the moment, "Busy. Busy busy busy, always so busy," isn't seeming like the optimal use of your first paragraph. It's not making me feel intrigued, or making me want to read more. A chunk of this chapter (or the whole thing) may need to be rewritten.

This sentence is confusing me, it's not very concise. Maybe something like "This place was designed to mimic the unfinished amusement park, which proudly reached several floors above its head," would make it easier on the brain.

moment's

Unsure if 'loaded' is the right word here. Perhaps uploaded would work better?

Also, you can probably get rid of "it was advanced", as it's not needed here.

I'm feeling like this sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. In a nutshell, it's basically "An AI, now holding onto a toddler." It would work better if you exchanged 'a' with 'the', 'and' with 'was'.

Also, "now with one hand holding onto the seam etc" needs to be changed to "holding onto the labelled seam of a toddler's pants with one hand"

I believe this sentence is contradicting itself as you'd just told me that it didn't have straining core muscles, but then said it was straining. You may need to add a sentence or two about how its gears were grinding, and/or its legs shaking to keep it in place.

Also, "...attempt to not drop either child" needs to be "....attempt not to drop either child".

You may want to change the second "calculated" to "found" so you don't repeat words.

It's not a ball pit anymore bubby X3c

This needs to be changed. Either the first sentence needs to be "it caught the little one with time to spare" or "catching the little one with time to spare, the fluid etc etc". If you choose the second option, you'd have to edit the rest of the sentence to avoid it running on.

"The" needs to be lowercase, and ITS needs to be IT'S

Since we've switched focus from Hello to the kids then back, you may want to establish that this is Hello we're referencing when we say 'it'. Maybe, "The robot gently patted"...?

Also, if you want to be super professional and fancy, you could remove one of those question marks. You don't have to tho!

Wrong its! Its (without an apostrophe) is the possessive form of it, so it means “belonging to it.” “The cat ate its food.” It's (with an apostrophe) is a contraction (shortened form) of it is or it has. “It's almost Christmas.”

You repeated the word down twice, maybe change one of them?

Dialogue needs to be in a separate line from the rest of the paragraph.

again, if you want to be fancy you could remove one of these

It needs to be '...with its face "-Hello Lolly!"' bc the '-' needs to be on both sides

The "but only for a moment" could be removed to make the sentence flow more easily.

Aaaaand dialouge needs to be in a seperate line.

*error buzzer noise* wrong its!

Not sure what the "at least" is doing there. Feels like it doesn't fit

from "both children seemed" to "opposite directions" doesn't make sense. Try something like "...end result- they both had a toy and a piece of candy. They ran off in opposite directions."

Again, we're switching focus, so we may want to re-establish that it's the robot we're paying attention to at the end there.

it's a foam pit, silly!

foam, not ball

wrong its!

remember we're not using he/him for Hello yet 🤫

lowercase pronoun after dialouge

not balls! foam! X3

Along doesn't seem quite right. Around, maybe?

New line for dialouge!

"A mischievous grin wormed its"

Needs another gap in between the last two paragraphs

For conciseness, consider "Lukas was, at this point, sticking out his..."

For conciseness, 'for it' could be removed.

Put off from purchasing

pathfind is probably not the right word to use here. Maybe just use find?

that's what it was here for - to play! (new line after this)

golden rule! new line for dialouge! (also the 'it' after luukaass needs to be lowercased)

for conciseness, you could remove "in any bit of it's coding"

the needs to be lowercase

it's not not peaked, it's peeked!

Clarify this is Hello we're talking about with the warning signs

it pronounssss

There's so much more editing to be done (including in this chapter) but this process of screenshotting etc is taking up spoons. Perhaps you could allow me editing access to the manuscript so I can highlight the changes to be made? Or do them for you, if you prefer? /nf

I'm tired QwQ

#oh gosh oh gosh #is this too much???#tell me if its too much #im not trying to be rude i prommy #i just want the best for your book!#i know some self-publishing places #or are you looking to go to a publisher?#so(u)l project #so(u)l rewrite

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spookridjer · 8 months

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I would lick his shoes

#is this too much???#actually idc

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blackgumball · 2 years

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your husband weeps as he goes down on you one last time while you are being euthanised

#IS THIS TOO MUCH???#TELL ME IF ITS TOO MUCH #hes really dedicated to you!#she speaks

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month

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Expertise can't help you here.

#dungeon meshi #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have!#I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play.#I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks.#Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere.#Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios.#The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*.#This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those.#Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human.#Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her.#She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist.#The damsel was the dragon all along!#...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.

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sabertoothwalrus · 3 months

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old man yaoi's #1 hater

#is this too much.#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #chilchuck tims #senshi of izganda #marcille donato #laios touden #izutsumi #falin touden #kabru #chilshi #my art #comic

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dendrochronologies · 4 months

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maya angelou saying the funniest thing anyone has ever said about editing, which i can never let myself forget EVER AGAIN [x]

#OK. YOU'RE RIGHT. SO WHAT? DON'T EVER MENTION THIS TO ME AGAIN. IF YOU DO I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.#i used to think about this interview all the tiiiiime i can't believe i let myself lose track of it!!!!!!!#maya angelou #FAVE #editing #*r #god i've read this a thousand times and i still laugh every time it's so GOOD #'OK. YOU'RE RIGHT. SO WHAT. DON'T EVER MENTION THIS TO ME AGAIN'#notifications are off for this besties 💗#i will eventually turn reblogs back on but 20k notes overnight was a little too much pls slow down ✋️#also pls do not follow me unless you are desperately in love with me. i can't make silly little personal posts with so many of you here!!!!

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skipppppy · 4 months

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Broke: Giovanni is Ash's father

Woke: Giovanni has mistakenly believed Ash was his hookup mistake for like a decade and is about to get the surprise of the century seeing that not only are they not related, but the employee he fired a few years ago for being too stupid is now living with him and being a more active father than he was

#i'll never believe this theory but it has too much comedic potential #hanamusashipping #pokeani #pokemon #pokemon anime #team rocket #ash ketchum #jessie x delia #delia ketchum #professor kukui #giovanni #ash's dad #musashi

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transannabeth · 2 months

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if you opened discord’s april fools day loot boxes how long did it take you to get all the items? it took my friend 18 boxes but me 65 and i want to see how bad my luck is

#not pjo #chitter chatter #sixty five is too many but I wanna know how much a clown I am vs everyone else #polls #discord #for anyone looking at the tags: yes that first one is wrong #you have to open 9 boxes at least #but you cannot edit polls and here we are #100 #1000 #🧍

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moonrpg · 3 months

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I said mid not bad

#chitchat #this post was an apology to my mutuals for talking about ttyd too much one night and getting embarassed about it. for the curious inquirers

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eosofspades · 10 months

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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it #and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about #why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it #anyway #mine #asexuality

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podcastwizard · 3 months

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because here's the thing here's the thing the question was not "would you be more surprised to run into a fairy or a walrus" the question was "would you be more surprised to find a fairy or a walrus AT YOUR DOOR" and while no, i do not believe in fairies and would be surprised to know they EXIST i would NOT be surprised to find one at my door. HOWEVER, if a WALRUS shows up at my door i have to contend with the fact that a walrus somehow made it to my apartment specifically and knocked on my door for god knows what reason. i would be more surprised to know that a fairy EXISTS, of course, but NOT that they're at my door, do you get me?

#am i reading too much into the question YES #but like someone else said there is narrative precedence for a fairy at your door #SHOULD a fairy exist #like if a fairy shows up at my door i've got bigger problems you know

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icarus-suraki · 3 months

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Is this anything?

#fairy vs walrus #breaking bad #i spent entirely too much time on this

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officialspec · 3 months

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heres most of the notes i have for brisbane meshi. i could draw this forever probably

#brisbane meshi #dungeon meshi #dunmesh #laios touden #falin touden #marcille donato #namari #kabru #senshi #senshi of izganda #chilchuck tims #my art #i put wayyy too much thought into this for something i made up to play w them in my head like dolls . anyways

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