#is the only thing he did in 2008 that i can find
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The Evolution of Gillian Anderson's Friendship with David Duchovny
Early friendship:
He was an experienced actor when they started The X Files, she had been receiving unemployment benefit and had been in front of cameras only once before.
And she admits: "I desperately needed someone to show me the ropes and David did. He was wonderful."
There were rumours of a secret romance, which would have got them both fired on the spot. It is a strict studio rule that there will be no intimacy between the stars - off screen as well as on.
But Gillian did find love on The X Files, in the shape of assistant art director Clyde Klotz. And she did turn to Duchovny for advice after acting spontaneously on her wedding night, taking no precautions and finding herself pregnant.
She was horrified, believing she would get herself fired and ruin her career.
[“I went into his trailer,” she recalls, “and I said, ‘David, I’m pregnant.’ It looked like his knees buckled.... And he asked me if it was a good thing. I said, ‘Yeah, it is.’]
But her co-star, who was the only person she confided in apart from her husband, put Gillian's mind at ease.
He advised her not to have an abortion - that things would work out. And they did.
He kept her secret while Gillian thought things over for a month.
1995:
David Duchovny is not happy.....
Anderson, sensing Duchovny’s mood, looks down at his hand on her left shoulder and tries to brush it away, as if it were a mosquito. Then she turns and jumps into his arms, laughing, looking like a little girl making trouble for a protective older brother. Startled to be holding her, the smile on Duchovny’s face is forced no longer.
...“We really trust each other,” Duchovny says simply.
There is, between these two, a real-life camaraderie born of necessity, a friendship strong enough to survive too many work hours, and a chemistry powerful enough to rearrange the atoms on-screen. “Whenever we’re acting together,” says Anderson, “it’s there.”
1997:
But in real life, Duchovny and Anderson have a relationship as much a conundrum to outsiders as any X-File.
“We have a relationship that is completely odd and fabricated,” Duchovny says. “We’ve been thrown together, two people who don’t know each other, and we’ve been forced to spend more time together than married people do. So you can’t describe our relationship as ‘like’ or ‘dislike.’ ”
Sounds a little frosty.
“It is frosty,” Gillian Anderson agrees when she is read Duchovny’s description of their relationship. “But it’s accurate.” She laughs. “It’s not that we don’t like each other. It’s complicated.”
2008:
Question: Can you talk about getting back into these characters after a five or six year period?
David Duchovny: The first two weeks I felt a little awkward and I didn’t really feel like I wanted to do longer scenes. I was just fine running around. Then as soon as Gillian and I started working and it was Mulder and Scully, then I kind of remembered what it was all about and that relationship kind of anchored my performance just as I think the relationship anchors this film.
Shock: What’s that like with David now that you’re not with each other 16 hours a day on a series?
Anderson: It’s great, but it was great then, too. This is like a sibling relationship and I never had siblings.
What is your favourite thing about each other?
Duchovny: Gillian just doesn't give up.... She'll hang in there 'til we get it right.
Anderson: ...The easiest answer, I guess, is his sense of humour. He's always looking at the funny side of things, especially when he's around other actors who are comedians or funny themselves - it can turn into a bit of a contest to see who does the best impressions and such. But aside from that, there's a gentleness inside him that comes out every once in a while that is quite disarming and lovely. It's rare, but very nice.
2014:
Q: Was there a sense of almost a bunker mentality where you were at least going through this process with David? You mentioned he had more experience, he had done some bigger films but still the phenomenon that emerged within the first couple years was pretty remarkable. Did it help to have him there too and kind of like “Are you getting this too? Are you going through this too? Is this weird?”
A: No. No, not really. We talk about the fact that it’s crazy that we didn’t. And that we didn’t take advantage of the fact that we had each other but it was complicated. These were long hours that we were working. We spent more time in each other’s presence than we did with our, you know, spouses and children, etc.
But also, you know, I think we pissed each other off, quite frankly. And I have no doubt that after they’re waiting – we’re gonna roll and somebody has to come in and redo my lips and the difference between the maintenance for guys and gals and we’re shooting in all weather – you know, we never shut down except for one day for weather in the entire show. We were shooting up in Vancouver through rain, sleet, everything. And my hair would frizz up to here in between takes and they’d have to get the blow dryer out under the tent and we’d be waiting for Gillian’s hair to do another take. You know, that pisses you right off. It adds up. So I, you know, I’m sure there were plenty of things he did that pissed me off too. It just wasn’t, you know, but on the other hand.. NOW, we get to talk about that and we’re probably closer than we’ve ever been.
2015:
Not surprisingly, she and Duchovny also became the story – according to the press, they were having an affair, hated each other or both. “I mean, yes, there were definitely periods when we hated each other.” She starts again. “Hate is too strong a word. We didn’t talk for long periods of time. It was intense, and we were both pains in the arse for the other at various times.”
How was Duchovny a pain in the arse for her? “Erm ...” Ten seconds pass without a word. Meanwhile, her smile gets wider and wider till it’s halfway up her cheeks. “I’m not going to get into it. I’m not even going to begin to get into that. But we are closer today than we ever have been.”
2016:
Anderson on working with Duchovny
“Our relationship has definitely become a proper friendship over the last few years. I think we’re more on each other’s side. We’re more aware of the other’s needs, wants, concerns, and mindful to take those into consideration— and just sharing more about our experiences in the moment, under the sudden realization that we’re both in this together, and wouldn’t it be nice if it were a collaboration?”
2018:
They've worked together for 25 years but Gillian Anderson wants to make one thing clear: David Duchovny does NOT feature in her Ex Files.
While on screen their relationship left viewers wondering whether they would ever hook up romantically, Gillian says that off camera they were never very close.
In fact, she goes so far as to admit: "I don't know much about David Duchovny. If you asked me 10 things about him I'd probably get nine of them wrong."
...But now Gillian sets the record straight, saying: "We were never close. It's true we spent more time together than we have in any other relationship but it doesn't mean we were close.
"Very often when you're working long hours you may have a chit-chat between scenes but you're not really standing around talking about personal lives.
"And very often you don't have meals either at work or outside of work together because you're in each other's company all the time.
"So I actually don't know very much about David Duchovny, but we appreciate and respect each other."
2021:
Stella made a new friend today.
2023:
A huge congratulations to my old friend @davidduchovny on the world premiere of his film Bucky Fucking Dent @tribeca which he wrote, directed and stars in! A massive accomplishment and can’t wait to see it.
(ps I’d say some of your prior writer / director gigs with me went pretty well and this was all just yesterday, right? 😉)
#Tribeca2023
2024:
Awww Double D I’m so sorry. He was your guy. RIP Brick Duchovny
Lastly but not least,
a comment from David, 2024:
"My former X-Files costar Gillian Anderson and I are really good friends. ...When you share a seminal kind of experience in your life-- the huge success we had with that show-- only we know what it's like to be in the center of that. It's almost like being in the same family...."
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2008/2009
#i combined these two years#because nothing like the holidays#is the only thing he did in 2008 that i can find#i'm still trying to see if i can find courtroom k#if someone else found it#let me know#jack#an education (2009)#edy rodriguez#nothing like the holidays#chandler manning#the lodger#kent#big guy#randall pepperidge#pink panther 2#my sweet alfredo#my heart#❤️❤️❤️❤️#alfred molina#alfred throughout the years
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NEW PERSPECTIVE ; FA14
fernando alonso x photo journalist!reader
. . . twenty years into his career, alonso faced a lot of changes. but it was all because of you, that he looked forward to at the end of everything.
amgf 2.8k words. implied mentions of spygate, rumors, other controversies, accidents and more. slightly realistic? i cried writing this— made me in awe of fernando as a driver even more. enjoy 👍
death of a bachelor ; masterlist
[2005]
Is Fernando selfish?
He could say that to himself, it doesn’t matter to him what other people thought of him. At the end of the day, they’re just here to race.
He’s aware of it, if it weren’t for his skills and passion he wouldn’t have come this far— a young boy from Spain, dreaming to make it to the top. It didn’t seem like reality four years ago, yet here he is.
Standing on top of his car in parc ferme, the crowd cheering him on as his engineers flood through from the garage to greet him. The sun shining down on him— celebrating his win, it felt as if he was back at home in Spain, under the protection of his helmet he could see the entourage of people crowding him.
People as far as his eye can see, but it’s all a blur— to Fernando this was everything he dreamed of and more. It peeved him that he didn’t win the Brazilian Grand Prix, but winning the World Championship was even better.
His shoulders held high hugging every Renault engineer he could find, it was history. He will be a part of history- no. Fernando Alonso made history. And this was just the beginning.
[2007]
Where did things go wrong?
Exactly two years ago, Fernando was on cloud nine. The only thing he’s getting to the nines is stress. As much as he hates to admit he was intimidated to be one-upped by a rookie at that.
It’s his ego that’s eating him alive, nonetheless Fernando is still proud. If he has his head high, nothing could ever stop him.
It scares him, the monster growing inside him, but what else can he do? In this sport, one can either hunt or be hunted. If he had to use tricks up his sleeve, why wouldn’t he?
It’s nothing personal, Hamilton just happened to be there, his only mistake was thinking that the rookie won’t retaliate. In hindsight, he’d gladly accept P2 over his teammate.
Fernando may have an egotistical and dubious character but he wasn’t blind to the young man’s skills. But it was also a mirror and testament to his own, if Hamilton could do it, what’s his reason not to deliver?
Thinking back on his phone call with the team principal, he should’ve immediately told the FIA instead of ratting himself out. Now he has to face the consequences of his actions, deciding to do better, Alonso ultimately leaves the team.
[2008]
He must be a penchant for bad luck, this time Fernando knows it wasn’t his fault.
It annoyed him that controversy seemed to follow him wherever he went. “Are you Fernando Alonso? Is it real you tried to kill your teammate? What can you say in response to the rumors circulating about you?”
Joder!
“Fernando Alonso? Do you have time for an interview?”
Alonso wasn’t one to be caught off-guard, but for the first time he stood frozen, in shock. Glancing around the area, Alonso stepped forward nodding towards the interviewer. He’d been dealing with stupid questions all day long, what’s another one gonna change with his mood right?
“I’m YN LN interviewer for Formula One Herald. As someone who has witnessed you win the championship back in 2005 and 2006, what are your plans in securing the most points possible?”
Wrong.
Now Fernando is truly caught off guard. Wary off your question, overthinking and analyzing hidden meanings behind it. Alonso didn’t think of himself as calculative, he’s simply observant and protective of his space. Knowing how easily one’s words could be twisted into a narrative.
Fernando stares at you, Surely you’re not the type to work for meager clicks on the webs?
It was silent for the next few minutes.
“Sir Alonso? I’m sorry for taking your time, you can go ahead if you don’t want to answer.”
Somehow you managed to catch Fernando’s attention even more, “I thought journalists were supposed to be persuasive? You’re just letting me go without getting a scoop of the news?”
Fernando’s eyes widened, hearing you laugh at his words, he didn’t think of himself as funny, maybe it’s one of their tactics. To know one’s information you must soften them a bit, his expression only hardens ultimately catching you off guard.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh- I guess I’m just nervous since it’s my first time actually being dispatched on field. I used to take pictures on the sidelines- I even took one of yours when you won back in 2005, it was such a nice memory. I remember fighting a lot of reporters to catch a glimpse of you, I managed to take one and it was chosen as the front and center photo of one famous magazine! Hopefully you win more races and podiums, you make it fun and exciting. Speaking as a fan and not some journalist, I’m rooting for you- I must’ve been rambling for a while, thank you for sparing me your time, don’t worry this will all go off the record just for you. Have a nice race week.”
The air must’ve felt it too, because since then things have changed.
Fernando was left alone watching your back disappear from the crowd.
The moment things were finally looking better for him.
[2012]
“Sir Alonso!”
The voice from afar alone caused Fernando to look around for the familiar voice in the paddock. Somehow he’s been always keen on answering your questions or setting up time for interviews, often extending them for an absurd amount of time as what his manager said.
It’s not biased if your questions are the only thing interesting. That or it could be your magnetic presence, he could feel your passion beaming through as you asked him intricate questions none that he experienced before.
Another telltale sign is you’re the only one who calls him “Sir Alonso”, thinking back on his first meeting with you, it definitely came as a shock. Despite all the formality, he’s taken a liking to the name only you call him.
It makes him feel respected and more importantly it makes him feel like he has a special relationship with you. Walking through the crowd, he spots you at one of the tables waving your cards in the air, like a bait to lure him into your trap.
Not that he minds, if he had to spend the next hour talking about how the season wrapped, he’d rather talk to you about it. Smiling unknowingly, Fernando rubs the palms of his hands on his red tracksuit.
Was he nervous to talk to you? No. It’s all about racing, a topic Alonso is fond of, but is your presence rubbing him off? I guess he could say that. All the thoughts in his head buzzing, what should he say? What should he do? How should he act in front of you.
Fernando never thought of himself to be as calculative, but the need to impress you has astounded him even more.
“Fernando Alonso, congratulations on finishing P2 for the season. It’s exciting to see you on and off the track now that the season is over.”
He could feel himself beaming at the sound of your voice, it’s like you infected him with your insurmountable enthusiasm. Alonso liked that about you, no need for snarky remarks, or hidden agendas behind your question, you were always talking about the sport, yet somehow your spark never seemed to fade away.
And as much as you like to praise him, he’s slowly in the making for one of your biggest fans. Not that he will admit that to you himself.
“YN, it’s always a delight talking to you.” Grabbing your hand for a handshake, Fernando pulls you in for a hug without thinking. Immediately pulling away, Alonso’s thoughts began firing, overthinking the previous interaction.
His doubt was erased once he saw the smile on your face, happiness reaching the corners of your eyes. “Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, this is becoming a thing isn’t it?”
A thing. What thing? Fernando raises his brows asking for more context, maybe he’s overthinking it again or confused, maybe he didn’t hear you properly, totally not distracted just by being in your personal space.
“Post-season interviews? It’s always nice to catch up and look back on the season, especially this one P2. Congratulations Alonso…” Your voice drowns out into the background.
It was another turning point in Fernando Alonso’s life, and somehow this was all because of you. Only realizing then that he’d rather sit down for what seems like the longest time in his life, talking to you, not just about his racing but about your own life. He realized that he’d never catch himself doing this with other interviewers, and this was your thing.
Fernando liked that.
It’s nice to catch up and look back on the season with you.
[2016]
Lucky to be alive. Lucky. To be. Alive.
It only dawned on him what happened then. Fernando sat in silence next to you, from the corner of his eyes, he could see you tidying up the small things you prepared for the interview. Alonso felt vulnerable, it’s been a while since he’s experienced such a crash.
“I should leave you to rest, hmm?” Raising his head, Fernando meets your eyes full of concern or at least that’s how he sees it. In a spur of the moment, Alonso shakes his head ‘no’.
“Can you stay for a while?” Fernando avoids your eyes, halfway in regret from being unable to control himself. To his surprise, you drop your papers sitting down next to him.
“Do you want to talk as a friend?”
A friend.
Fernando stays quiet before nodding his head.
And just like how you do all the time, just being by your side Fernando could feel himself slowly getting better. Letting himself let go of all the thoughts and worries in his head. If not now, when?
When will he have another chance to spend time with you? Not just as a friend.
It was the second time he felt it change.
[2019]
“Congratulations Alonso!”
The corner of Fernando’s lips curl up to a smile watching you approach him closer, opening his arms, catching you in his arms. If he wasn’t already feeling better with his win, having you here by his side is even more enjoyable.
“Didn’t think you’d actually come here. Sick of the F1 Paddock?” Fernando inquisitively asked, he expected you to reply politely for support, but what he didn’t expect is for you to suddenly grow balls.
“Honestly it’s boring without you there. Why would I go when you’re here?”
Or were you always so straightforward that he didn’t notice it? Stunned.
It was always a surprise with you, not that he minded it didn’t matter what you would’ve said, Alonso would gladly listen to you. “When did you arrive?” Clearing his throat, trying to not get your words to affect him as much as he wants to.
“Oh, I’ve been watching since yesterday, I stayed in one of the tents.”
And there goes Alonso, surely if you had looked further into his eyes, you could see his heart doing somersaults and cartwheels. Is this your effect on him? He wasn’t that aware, but now it’s slightly concerning for him to be acting this way in front of you.
You simply stunned him. And Alonso wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It’s surprising how I managed to hide from you, to be honest my self-control isn’t that good-”
I’m sure yours is better… if only you knew mine, Alonso thought, lips curling into a smile.
“But somehow I thought, wouldn't it be better to surprise you in the end? If you win then it’ll be a surprise and a celebration. Just like now! I took so many photos of you, you want to see?”
Fernando didn’t notice you moving closer to him, showing him the photos you took of him.
“And if I lost? What would happen then?” A smirk grows in his face, feeling proud to put you into the corner, but Fernando should know by now that you will always have the upper hand. Especially when it comes to you.
“Oh, I planned on giving you a big kiss, comfort you and take you out for dinner. But isn’t it good that you won?”
The way Fernando’s face fell at the thought of getting a kiss from you sounded a lot better than winning.
Joder! I’d rather kiss YN than win… Is this where I’m at now?
“What a shame that I won then, are kisses only for losers?” Fernando ought to shut up, but he just can’t let you win, taking blow after blow he’s been hit hard where it hurts. His ego and what could’ve been a kiss from you.
As if you couldn’t surprise him more, Fernando stood frozen watching you move closer to him, hands wrapped on both of his cheeks. He could feel the coldness of your hands against the warmth of his cheeks, pressing a small kiss on the side of his face totally catching him off guard.
“Winners get one kiss. Losers get two.”
Fernando can’t help but burst out laughing, eliciting the same to you laughing along with the sound of his laughter. “What?”
Alonso shakes his head, face red from the blushing, laughing, or just being in the same proximity as you. You’re full of surprises, he’ll give you that, but he completely surprises himself in the end.
Fighting the urge to kiss you then and there, Fernando settles on grabbing your hands, “Let’s get out of here. Let’s go on that dinner you were talking about.”
[2021]
Getting out of his seat, Fernando immediately looks around for you. The energy, adrenaline, and excitement fueling him. Walking towards his team waiting for him by the barricades cheering, yet his eyes linger towards you.
Behind a camera with a wide smile on your face, Alonso waves as you mirror his movements. It’s as if time had stopped, as you capture his moments, Fernando has already ingrained you in his mind.
Coming back to Formula One wasn’t easy. He had sacrifices to make, but seeing the warmth and familiarity of your face around the track. He kept his shoulders up.
Now more stable than ever, his sacrifices, priorities, and privilege will all be tested as the season comes to an end. Nevertheless, Fernando is grateful to have you by his side.
It’ll only be the beginning for more changes to come, and with you by his side, there’s nothing stopping him now.
[2023]
“You're back with the interviews?” Fernando sits at the other side of the table overlooking the view of the yacht dock.
“My favorite driver is on the grid, so why not. I thought this was our thing?” Fernando watches as you prepare the papers in front of you, head tilting, focused doing your own things. Sitting back and letting you do your magic, Fernando grabs one of your cameras.
You were always behind the lens of your beloved camera, Alonso remembered you saying to him that this was one of your oldest cameras. You also gave Fernando free reign in using your camera, he wasn’t aware of the magnitude of you letting him use your camera, but knowing how special it is to you, Alonso knew to handle it with care.
Fernando turned on the camera immediately looking for the photos you took in them. He has an inkling of the contents inside them, but what he didn’t expect was the overwhelming amount of photos you have of him.
Going as far back as 2003, photos of him in his first win in Hungary, photos of him in podiums, smiling, some showcasing his losses, photos of him with past teammates and in various uniforms.
The feeling dawned on him, you’ve been there from the start, watching him through the lens. Seeing himself from your eyes, Alonso was taken aback at the photos. As if you couldn’t sweep him off his feet even more, learning this about you even made him fall in love with you more than he already is.
“Why are you crying?”
Your voice breaks his train of thought, blinking away the moisture poling into his eyes. Alonso isn’t one to be emotional, but seeing your love flow through the pictures from the screen, fills his heart heavy with emotion.
Wiping his tears, Alonso places the camera back on the table. “I never thought I would feel this way about these…” Fernando watches you shuffle around, dropping everything as you move beside him.
“I remember telling you about these photos. They’re all about you.”
Alonso nods his head, still deep in thought, beyond belief at his love for you, ever growing every single day.
“I never saw myself like this… how you capture my every moment, through the good and bad. I feel loved, and I love you.” Fernando, professing his love for you. Truly, one of the best seasons.
You allowed him to see himself in a different light, different from what the media says, the roles he played in the sport, a conniving villain. You allowed him to see himself in a new perspective.
amgf death of a bachelor comes to a close. thank you for supporting the series this far, i laughed, cried and felt a rollercoaster of emotions writing this. i hope you enjoy this, until the next series <3
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"From top to bottom"
TW: handjob, degradation kink, multiple orgasms, handjob, sub tom, dom! reader, profanity, nudity, semi-public sex (you're in a hotel room where anyone could here you), AFAB reader, she/her pronouns, head (tom rec), potential mommy kink
Request: reader degrading 2008 tom
Rating: mature themes, explicit sexual situations
WC: 1.1k
Tom had always been the dominant one in your relationship, but you had to want something different.
Sure, the sex was always amazing, he knew exactly what to do to pleasure you fully, but lately? It had grown boring. The same exact thing night after night, and you wanted a change.
You were on tour with the band, tom had desperately wanted to take you with him because he missed you too much, and you were the same way. You both were attached at the hip, always touching, kissing, laughing, or having sex.
So to spend six to eight months without one another was not on either of your bingo cards. You were both lying on the hotel room bed, cuddling and kissing as a movie played softly in the background, but you both were too busy to notice what it exactly was, nor did you care.
It was another one of the nights where you'd both be panting, gasping for breath as the room would smell of sex, sweat, and desire, and you didn't mind it. Your hands were all over him, under his shirt, in his hair, on his neck, everywhere they could reach.
His hands had more skill, one was on your neck, the other groping your ass as you moaned into his mouth, his tongue delving into it, fighting with your own as his eyes were squished shut. The hand on your neck moved to the back of your head, and pushed your skull closer to his, noses squeezing together as he licked your lips.
He began to slip off his shirt, breaking the kiss as you whined. His chest was now exposed, his pants and boxers following the same path of his shirt as he leaned over you, his arms pinning you on each side on your head.
You inwardly groaned. You wanted to do more than just the regular sex you engaged in. You put a hand to his chest, stopping him as he looked down at you with lust-blown eyes.
"what's wrong?" he asked, his eyes widening in surprise. You weren't one to refuse sex, especially from him. "can we try something different?" he cocked an eyebrow. "like what?" he questioned, still on top of you. "maybe i make you feel good?" you proposed, and he thought on the idea.
It didn't sound so bad, but being submissive was not his style, nor his strongsuit. He preferred to make the girl feel good. "Please?" you begged, giving him innocent, wide eyes. "fine" he agreed, and flipped you over.
You smiled, and kissed his lips, your hand slowly trailing down his stomach, tracing small lines on his lower abdomen as his lips faltered, your fingertips drifting down just a bit further, reaching the bottom of his cock, beginning to pump it in your hand.
He moaned, and you grinned wickedly. "you like that good boy?" he nodded, seemingly pleading for more as his eyes were shut, your mouth working against his neck, finding his sweet spot.
Your hand rubbed up and down tom's cock as your teeth and tongue left multiple purple marks on his neck, whorish moans flying out of his mouth loudly as you continued to pleasure him. "you're doing so good for mommy" you muttered against his soft skin.
He flushed, his face turning a dark red shade. He was kinda into it, the whole submissive thing, even for his first time. Your head dipped down, seeing his aching cock in your hand. You kissed the tip, pre-cum already dripping from it. "my little pretty slut, you're so good for me, look at you, all wrecked"
It was red and veiny, standing up straight in your hand as you swirled your tongue around the mushroom pink top, your mouth devouring only that part as his eyes flew open, his hands grabbing onto the sheets. He whimpered, he was experiencing too much at one time. "you taste so sweet, so sweet for mommy" you giggled, the sound reverbrating onto his cock as he groaned.
"f-fuck" he moaned. Your lips wrapped around his cock halfway, taking more into your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks. He jerked his hips up, your nose hitting his pubes as you momentarily lost your breath.
"m-mama" his hands grabbed at your hair, but you shooed them away, gagging on his cock as little whimpers left his throat. 'no touching, okay? if you do, i can't let you cum" you looked up at him to make sure he understood. "o-okay" you teased his balls, licking them up, pinning his cock to his abdomen as he whined, his head thrashing back and forth.
You eventually got the rest into your mouth, and he moaned loudly, feeling his release coming hard and fast. His balls began to feel heavy as you bobbed your head up and down, holding your hair back as you deepthroated him. "my little pretty slut, you're so good for me, look at you, all wrecked"
Your lips were wrapped around his thick cock, pleasuring him nicely as his aching cock began to twitch in your mouth, signaling he was coming. His tip hit the back of your throat, and he threw his head back, shooting his load into your mouth. You eagerly swallowed up his cum, licking up the sides as he struggled to stay still, body jerking and reeling from the pleasure as he came down from his high.
You didn't stop, your tongue was swirling around his cock, and it flattened under his shaft. He was whimpering for you to stop, his tummy starting to hurt. You looked into his eyes once more, tears pouring from your own as he watched you torture his sensitive cock, already soft from just one orgasm.
"m-mama!" he cried out, begging for you to cease your torture on him, it being too much. He felt so so much pleasure, and his legs began to shake once more, his cock twitching as you watched him fall apart again, his eyes shutting close as he yelled, his noises turning to soft whimpers. You took your mouth off of him, and gave him a little kiss.
He tasted himself on your lips, but he didn't mind. "t-thank you mama" he breathed, holding onto you. His body was covered in sweat. You grabbed some tissues, and cleaned his cock up, as well as his balls. "you did so, so good for mama baby" you kissed his nose, throwing the tissues away.
"yay" he mumbled, falling asleep, his face buried in your waist.
Taglist 1: @madzandmore @20doozers @itsangelll @charliesgoodboy
Taglist 2: @tokio-motel @tomssexdoll @kqulitzlvr @tomsonlyslut
Taglist 3: @billsdolliest @estxkios @ccbunnv @ballhair @cherry-rawr
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#tokio hotel#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel x you#tokiohotel#tokio hotel fanfic#tokio hotel smut#tokio hotel x y/n#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz angst#tom kaulitz imagines#tom kaulitz smut#tom kaulitz x y/n#tom kaulitz x you#itsmealaiah
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the word father rotted in my mouth: i. tom stoppard, rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. ii. nurnehpetsnur iii. anne carson, plainwater: essays and poetry iv. see notes. v. see notes. vi. genesis 4:9 vii. anaïs nin, winter of artifice viii. see notes. ix. slider.xxxxxxxx x. josh alex baker, death wish. xi. see notes. xii. eric larocca, things have gotten worse since we last spoke xiii. death note, c-kira one-shot. xiv. leah horlick, for your own good, xv. death note manga, L's death, mello's death. xvi. ocean vuong, someday i'll love, xvii. woyaocharlie xviii. death note short stories, a-kira one-shot. xix. anna belle kaufman, cold solace.
notes under the cut.
*iv. artist notoriously hard to track, there's several images on pinterest that are clearly the same style, tried with all of them and they all seem to come from a long deleted 2008 photobucket folder.
v. & viii. the oldest source seems to be long-deleted posts from this blog, which were re-posts.
xi. this is the only source i can find but i don't think it leads to the artist ): please hmu if you have any leads about all of these.
part of the mine and the bestie’s delusional headcanon that near and mello (& matt) did have somewhat of a mentor/mentee relationship with L (fuck them other kids….) whom although genuinely fond of them was a willing participant in the amoral watari industrial complex (did he care to be succeeded? did he find it amusing or an interesting long term project? were the tests and mindfuckery and hot/cold unpredictable behavior and purposeful sowing of a rivalry between them the only model of family and mentorship he knew and was capable of? did he ever really love them? will they ever know? etc etc etc.)
i’m handwaving away the “we only talked to L once” story as skillfully edited by near because 1. he loves to lie and 2. his complicated relationship with L and subsequent grief AND resentment is still wrapped in seventeen thousand layers of emotional repression and who wants to get into that. 3. also makes mello’s comments in LABB about not caring if near is hurt that he knows more about L than near does way funnier. sibling behavior
anyway the both of them have a brotherfatherhero complex the size of TEXAS but thankfully they can sublimate that in the bedroom through creative kinky means. i know the usual "don't ship them!" rethoric is that they're foster brothers but unfortunately that just makes them a billion times more compelling. to me
#death note#comparatives#web weave#near dn#mello dn#mihael keehl#nate river#l lawliet#wammy's house#meronia#SORRY THIS IS SOMEWHAT UNHINGED BEHAVIOR IT GOT OUT OF HAND CONCERNINGLY FAST#brothercrush.txt
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Cyborg, the Greatest Titan
(Titans (2023) #7- Cyborg shows why no one can bring him down)
So there was once a seemingly innocuous question asked on Titans Twitter:
Though some used it to prop up their faves, it turned into a serious and big discussion: Who is the Greatest Titan, epitomizing what it means to be a Titan the most?
There were a variety of answers, majority being one of Dick, Donna, Starfire, Raven, or even Wally. But what I noticed was the surprising lack of one answer: Cyborg.
One of the most popular Titans, whom DC clearly sees as one of the Titans Trinity (upper right corner):
(The Promotional Art for DC Comics' Dawn of DC Initiative by Dan Mora. Cyborg was to chosen to represent the Titans along with Nightwing and Starfire)
Whose removal from Titans lore caused a massive fan uproar, yet among Titans Twitter, probably the most dedicated of Titan fans, Cyborg's name was barely mentioned as a candidate to be the Greatest Titan:
Victor Stone who at his lowest, found the Titans, a team who became the family he needed who loved him without judgement:
(New Teen Titans #1 - Cyborg meeting the Titans for the first time)
(Teen Titans 5x10 "Go" - The prequel episode where all the Titans meet. Cyborg is ashamed of his cyber-mechanics but Beast Boy repeatedly assures him that they are cool and shouldn't be hidden)
The man who took what the Titans did for him and made it his mission to be that for others.
(New Teen Titans #22 and Titans Vol 2 #21 - (Left) Cyborg realizes the Titans mean so much to him because they are his friends who helped him not feel alone & (Right) Cyborg's internal monologue about how Titans taught him being part of team and accepting help from others was a good thing)
(Teen Titans 5x10 "Go" - Assured by Beast Boy, Cyborg tell an ashamed Raven she's a freak among freaks and fits in just fine, a nice callback to his NTT origin)
(Teen Titans (2003) #1- Cyborg relaunches the Teen Titans to include the upcoming generation of teen heroes so they can have a place to grieve Donna's death & find acceptance)
(Teen Titans 3x12 - "Titans East" - Cyborg helps establish the first off-shoot of the Teen Titans: Titans East)
He transformed the team from simply being a group of former sidekicks to a safe haven for all teen heroes
(Teen Titans #100 and Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Last Stories of the DC Universe: Together - showcasing the multi-generational roster of Titans that Cyborg helped establish)
(Teen Titans 5x12- Titans Together - The global roster of Teen Titans that Cyborg helped to create that expanded from the initial off-shot of Titans East also started by Cyborg)
The Titans Are About A Team of Teens That Grew Into A Family
(Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Last Stories of the DC Universe: Together - Donna talking about how much the Titans grew from a team of 5 into multi-generational families)
A Family of Teenagers that not only help each other in the struggles of being a hero but also the struggles of being an adolescent, having turbulent emotions in a turbulent world
(Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Last Stories of the DC Universe: Together - Donna talking about how much the Titans had it tougher than the League because they had been facing Justice-League-level problems since they were kids, and yet every time still came out on top)
And who has committed to this mission more than Cyborg?
Victor who fought for the team when everyone including past leaders like Dick and Donna walked away:
(Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day and Titans (2008) #21 - Left: After Donna's death, Dick decides to disband the Titans and everyone walked away. Right: After Final Crisis and Prometheus' attack on Roy, nearly all the Titans have left the current Titans roster, but Cyborg stayed fighting for the team)
Why: Because he knew how much future teen heroes needed the Titans. To guide them and give them a home as the Titans did for him long ago
(Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day and Titans East Special- Left: After Donna's funeral, Cyborg sees members of Young Justice, especially Cassie, not handling Donna's death well and generally feeling worthless and he decides to restart the Titans. Right: Cyborg tried to convince the New Teen Titans and Roy to start up a new team of Teen Titans to help more teen heroes, but they all refused)
Stubbornly keeping Titans alive when everyone else wouldn't, allowing Titans to reach their greatest potential: a global network so any teen of any generation can find a home
(Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Last Stories of the DC Universe: Together - Titans across generations have gathered to join the fight against Batman Who Laughs)
A man who because the Titans gained utter defiance in who he is, saving not only himself from despair, but also became devoted to giving other teens that same courage, inspiring them to show that they are not freaks nor they are ever alone, thus changing so many lives (go to 2:38 for the start of the iconic speech, but I recommend starting at 2:17)
youtube
(Teen Titans 3x13 - "Titans East" - Cyborg's defiance in who he is prevented him from falling to Blood's mind control, defeating Blood saving his fellow Titans, and thus saving the day)
Victor is not only a candidate to be the Greatest Titan, but ultimately is the Most Deserving.
Cyborg is the Greatest Titan, the Lynchpin, without whom the Titans will not work and ultimately cannot because he believes in it the most and thus embodies its ethos the best
(Teen Titans #20- Tim Drake realizing how essential Cyborg is to the team and how he changed Tim and helped Tim after the death of Donna)
The Greatest Character in Fiction, An Inspiration, A Legend: BOOYAH!!!
#cyborg#victor stone#vic stone#teen titans#teen titans 2003#starfire#robin#beast boy#raven#raven teen titans#new teen titans#dc robin#wally west#kid flash#the flash#wonderfam#wonder girl#nightwing#dick grayson#titans dc#dc comics#dc#donna troy#bumbleebee#teen titan#teen titans east#titans west#Youtube#cassie sandsmark#superboy dc
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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Quick reminder that you're allowed to have fun.
Back when I cosplayed, I put a ton of effort into cosplays. I did a ton of research, fabric sourcing, learning new construction techniques, trying to get everything to look good and be the perfect thing that I wanted it to be. I wanted to win awards. I wanted to be the very best, like no one ever was.
I got into cosplay because I was in a Twilight cosplay group. We would get together, to go Ross Dress for Less, buy new outfits, get together, go to the park or to the mall, and pretend to be vampires. One of the people in the group had a camera and took pictures, and that was what we did. We didn't make any really good cosplays or any really good photos, but I had so much fun going into the park in the rain wearing a sleeveless dress and pretending that I wasn't freezing, while our Bella cosplayer got to be the only person in a jacket and had to pretend she was miserable.
We weren't a good cosplay group, objectively speaking. We never won awards. We weren't interviewed by blogs. We weren't ever the group that everyone wanted to take pictures of at the convention. I got into doing more cosplay, but a lot of people in that group didn't cosplay outside of that group. A lot of them never cosplayed again, once we all went to college and stopped going to the mall and taking tons of pictures in the food court.
(For everyone who wants to imagine this, this was 2008 and cell phones didn't have cameras that could be dumped onto your computer, so there was several high schoolers pretending to be vampires and one person with a full DSLR with a 300mm zoom lens following them around like the whole grous wasn't a total ball of chaos).
And, you know what? We had fun. It's okay to do things just because it's fun.
With so many professionals posting information on the internet about how they do their craft, it's an amazing time to get into a lot of hobbies. Instead of hoarding information, a ton of hobbyists and professionals alike share their work and techniques and tools freely online. Anyone who wants to can learn how to use the same tools and do the same techniques. I applaud every professional who is taking the time to make resources so that new people can learn how to do things and join in their profession or hobby. Everyone who makes a roller skate tutorial on instagram, everyone who makes an instructable on using a soldering iron, everyone who posted a tiktok about the best way to melt cheese over rice, all those long and pretentious youtube videos about picking the best whiskey to go with the best cigars, videos explaining the bizarreness of Edwardian table manners, you all are amazing. You're sharing this information and enabling new people to learn about something that's important to you. This is really cool. I love you.
But, to everyone who is consuming this media that has been created, and find it intimidating, you're not alone. Someone with a functioning studio who is doing a makeup tutorial in a 4K camera with a high quality ring light and a $89 foundation brush, even sharing their technique freely, can make you feel like you won't have good makeup skills until you also have a ring light and a nice brush. You wanted to build a model of an airplane and looked up a tutorial, and this guy makes it look really easy but he has a double-action airbrush and a fume hood, so you feel like you're not ready to make this model because you don't have the right gear.
I know that this intimidation factor is not something that content creators making tutorials want to be there. I make tutorials and I don't want to intimidate people with a big list of tools and techniques, but I'm sure there's people who wanted to get into lolita fashion and found that my blog was more intimidating than helpful.
So I'm not here to tell content creators to stop making tutorials. The open sharing of information is one of the coolest things about the internet, and I don't want that to change.
But I do want to say something to the person who has watched 160 cake decorating videos in the past week and wanting to try it themselves. I want to say that to someone who has gone through 18 years of jfashion blog archives and wants to build an EGL coordinate. I want to say something to people who've built up an elaborate fictional world and amazing characters in their heads and who wants to share it with someone.
It's okay to do a thing without getting into the hobby. You're allowed to make one cake and decide that it's not for you. You're allowed to take the face off a Monster High doll and not like the process of putting on a new one. You're allowed to assemble one EGL outfit and not want to make a full closet of pieces. You're allowed to write down your story and give it to a friend without ever submitting it to a publisher. You're allowed to paint your DND minis with Apple Barrel acrylics and toothpicks. You're allowed to put on your eyeshadow with the little sponge stick that comes with the $9 palette you got at CVS.
Getting into wood carving is cool, but carving one spoon and then never picking it back up again isn't a failure at getting into a hobby. You made a spoon! That's so cool! You didn't fail to make a spoon just because you didn't make a second one. Building one coordinate and wearing it over and over for conventions and photoshoots isn't a failure to wear the fashion, even if you don't make a whole wardrobe with multiple looks. You can buy a $12 guitar at a yard sale and just play Wonderwall on it on Omegle and have more fun than someone who is dedicated to learning a full set and play professionally in front of people. You can knit a single scarf, hammer together a single planter box, DM a single session of D&D, and then not do it ever again. That's creation, not failure.
And you don't need to research everything and follow tutorials and get it right. You're allowed to experiment and have fun and do it wrong, and you're allowed to guess about the right way to do something. You're allowed to bring your outside perspective into something and try a technique. You're allowed to take experience you have from something and try to cross-apply it to something else. That's two of the ways that new techniques are made! And you're allowed to do something and not like it! You're allowed to do it wrong! You're allowed to give up halfway through and say you'll finish it later, and then never finish it later! You're allowed to bullshit your way through things.
You're allowed to not be serious about things. Throwing a Bridgerton party is probably really fun, but so it putting on cardboard top hats from the dollar store while holding shot glasses over your eyes like monocles and shouting "GOOOOOOOD HEEAAAAAVENS, LAAAAARYYYY," in an exaggerated tone while everyone drinks Old Crow and vows to never buy Swisher Sweets ever again. You're allowed to do things that objectively aren't good, don't showcase skills, don't create something impressive. You're allowed to do these things because they're fun, or because you think they might be fun.
Maybe you like it. Maybe you don't. But you don't need to commit to doing things like the professionals in order to find legitimacy in a thing you attempt. Your attempt is legitimate. Go try the thing.
And if you don't like it, your attempt was still legitimate. Good job trying the thing.
#for those of you who were too young to remember#there was a period of time where cell phones had cameras but you couldn't get the pictures off the phone and onto your computer#verizon would charge you 25 cents per picture to email a picture to your computer#kids these days don't know how lucky they are#also don't start smoking cigars just because it looks cool on youtube#haven't you all seen pinochio and shit?#alcohol cw#tobacco cw#20dollarlolita pep talks
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MISSION SUCCESS MUHAHAH I'd take any of the prompts from you really, so how about 21? Wildcard! Dealers choice! My only request is that it's in-universe 😚
(if you can't decide then maybe bloody kiss? I did once say that you writing angst would be the ultimate win for me)
Alright!! I've finally finished this first prompt!! Both of you, @lightasthesun and anon, wanted bloody kiss so here we are. Ann, since you wanted angst, I believe I am delivering that. However. You must know I'm not an angst person so I cried three times while writing this despite knowing it has a happy ending. You will pay somehow.
Pairing: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1,851
Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Major Character Injury, First Kiss, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending
Summary:
All things considered, Cody probably should have seen it coming.
[ OR: Cody gets shot off a cliff. This is obviously quite dire. If he's got one chance left to kiss Obi-Wan, he'll take it. ]
(fic under the cut if you wish to read here on tumblr)
All things considered, Cody probably should've seen it coming.
He didn't.
There was a moment, just one, where he looked over his shoulder at his General and their troops. It was oddly peaceful, trudging forward together. He had a passing thought that moments like that were rare.
He was on a cliff. And then he wasn't.
Somewhere amidst the blast, the rush of blood in his ears, the icy lurch of his stomach, and a panicked thought that he really should've worn his jetpack, he heard a shout.
It might have been his own voice. He couldn't be sure.
The fall was rough. His body seemed to find every jutting rock off the side of the cliff to bounce off of. He says bounce. The gravity on this planet is stronger than most. It was more of a solid collision straight down with the weight of his body rolling him off every surface he met until he fell straight through air to what he thinks is the ground.
He blinks rapidly, spots of black dancing across his vision. Breaths come out shallow and laboured and- is it silent? Where's the sound? Is it- there's a high pitched ringing and-
"-ody! Cody!"
The spotty sky is cut by blurs of Obi-Wan. There are lines down- oh. His visor must be shattered. Nevertheless, he doesn't like the expression on his general's face.
"Cody," it's husked out, too harried and somehow gentle at once.
"Sir," Cody tries to say. It comes out raspy and gurgled. His mouth tastes of iron. This isn't good. "Did you-" a cough wracks his body and it's perhaps the most painful moment of his existence, "jump?"
"You know the answer to that."
Against his better judgment, Cody feels compelled to sit up at that. He can't quite pinpoint which part of his body protests most. It all turns into one searing blaze of pain. His vision blurs.
He heaves a great stuttered breath which seems to hurt almost as much.
He knows it's bad.
"The men need you," he tries.
"At the moment you need me more."
"Sir."
"Cody, please."
Cody closes his eyes. Breathes as shallowly as he can. A tear trails down his cheek. He swallows dryly. "Can't move."
"Oh, Cody."
"Can you- helmet?"
There's the hiss of his bucket coming unlatched and then it's tugged free.
With the increased range of vision, he glances down at whatever he can make out of himself. It's not pretty. Plastoid is somehow painted red and his left arm seems to be twisted at an unnatural angle.
Yeah. He's not making it out of this alive.
He drinks in the sight Obi-Wan makes above him, hair flopped over his forehead, a smear of ash across his cheek. He's beautiful.
The warmest, kindest hand cradles Cody's cheek. "I'll get you a med-evac-"
"They cut off," Cody fights a wheeze, "communications, remember?" A wet cough erupts violently- shaking him from the inside out. Time ceases through the blinding pain. When his lungs quiet there's wetness falling down his face. Blood and tears. "You've gotta go, sir."
"No, Cody. No."
"Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan goes stockstill, staring with wide, wet eyes. Too soft. Too full of urgency and pain and yearning. He's always trying to get Cody to refer to him by his first name.
There's always a first time for everything. And a last.
"C'mere."
"Cody," Obi-Wan says even as he leans in closer and rubs a thumb across Cody's cheek. Their foreheads meet. He can't decide if Obi-Wan’s breath on his skin is comforting or exhilarating.
With all the strength he can muster, Cody tilts up his chin and closes the remaining distance between them.
A kiss.
Warm press of lips to lips. Just the hint of facial hair brushing against his skin. He can't imagine it gets better than this, even with lips as cracked as they are and wet with blood instead of a balm or saliva. It's not as if he knows better. It's his first kiss after all.
Another first and last.
It's only fitting for it to be with Obi-Wan. The person he's very privately begun to think of as the love of his life.
In another life, when he opened his eyes after their first kiss, the cause of his blurred vision would be Obi-Wan's fault alone. "Always wanted to do that," Cody croaks.
It's true. He's wanted a lot of things. A lot of simple, impossible things that will never be. But. He's dying here and now. He knows how to make the best out of a bad situation.
Obi-Wan’s expression is nothing short of cracked through and through with devastation. "I won't leave you here."
He doesn't think he's ever heard his general’s voice clogged with tears before.
"You will.”
And because he doesn't have to pretend anymore that he doesn't want to touch his general--that he doesn't want to feel his skin and share his breath and know him in the most intimate of ways--Cody reaches for Obi-Wan's hand.
In an instant, his stomach churns as his vision swims, he realizes his mistake. That was his mangled arm he tried to move. The tide of the pain is too strong to fight. Obi-Wan blurs to nothing but a smear, words turn to garbled noises and-
The world goes black.
[Beep]
[Beep]
[Beep]
Cody comes to with the groggy need to open his eyes. It’s a struggle. Seemingly with the weight of an AT-AT upon his eyelids, he blinks his eyes open to searing bright white. Immediately his eyes shut. Not to be deterred, he tries again, blinking steadily until he can see.
Sterile white ceiling. Fluorescent lamps. A flimsy curtain. Annoying beeping.
He's in a med bay.
Tubes and wires. Barely patterned sheet. A hand holding his own-
A chunk of unmistakable ginger bangs flopping onto an eyebrow. Tired eyes looking at Cody so fondly, creases of a smile drawing from the edges of his eyes down his cheeks.
“They said you'd awaken soon,” says Obi-Wan. A thumb strokes Cody's wrist.
"'m I dead?" Cody croaks. His throat is drier than the heated days on Geonosis. He frowns. Obi-Wan is here. That isn’t right. "Are we both dead?"
"I should certainly hope not.”
So. Not dead.
Well.
That's unexpected.
“Wha-” Cody's throat catches on a cough and he splutters roughly.
“Here, here, dear.” Obi-Wan’s there with a cup of water, directing a straw past his chapped lips.
He sips the water down gratefully, satisfied as it soothes the parched gravel of his throat. He tilts his head away when he's done and Obi-Wan puts the cup down.
“What happened?” Cody tries again.
“How about I tell you later? After Egg has checked you-”
No. That won't do.
“Sir,” he interrupts, unyielding, “Sitrep.”
Obi-Wan must be tired because he doesn't even try to do their usual mutually stubborn staring match; he just sighs. “Ghost company managed to infiltrate the Separatist base and contact the admiral to request reinforcements and med-evac.”
Cody narrows his eyes. There is a glaring gap of information. “Where were you?”
“With you,” he says plainly.
Cody opens his mouth to say something but Obi-Wan effortlessly silences him by placing his hand over Cody's once more.
“I wouldn't leave any of my men behind to die, but, you- Cody.” There is a deep ocean of emotion pooled in Obi-Wan's eyes and spoken in the two syllables of Cody's name. “I couldn't leave you. Not like that.” Obi-Wan sighs as if expelling the weight from his shoulders. "And,” the corner of his mustache twitches upwards, “personally, I think I deserve a better kiss.”
“You- what?” Cody's brain flickers mid thought.
“The kiss. I deserve a better one, “ he says with near haughty conviction. “It was rude, quite frankly, to kiss me and nearly die. Gave me quite the fright.”
Cody swallows, his mouth suddenly dry again. “Is that so?”
“Mhm.”
Cody's eyes cannot be dragged away from Obi-Wan's lips. As Obi-Wan sits on the edge of the bed, all Cody can see is the hint of teeth catching on Obi-Wan's pink bottom lip.
He's closer now. Closer still as he gently pitches himself over Cody.
Fuck. Fuck.
“Kiss me,” Obi-Wan breathes.
It's not an order. Not really. Cody is helpless but to obey.
He makes a wounded noise into the meeting of their lips.
Obi-Wan is so soft and warm- his lips, his beard, the nudge of his nose. His hand slowly trails up Cody's good arm, bare as Cody seems to only be wearing a med gown. Sparks dance up his skin.
As their lips push and pull into kiss after kiss, heat grows inside Cody's chest and belly, competing with his fluttering stomach, elated and happy and-
“Ahem.”
Their lips separate with a smack. Reality filters in alongside the sound of rapid, high pitched beeping. Obi-Wan pulls away, expression nothing short of sheepish.
Their highest ranking medical officer, Egg, approaches the bed. “I see you're awake and someone failed to notify me.”
“Yes, well-” Obi-Wan starts, face adorably growing pink.
Egg ignores him. “Commander, how are you feeling?” As he speaks, he taps buttons on a machine attached to the wall which blissfully makes the beeping stop. “Any discomfort? Nausea? Pain?”
Cody sets aside the embarrassment of being caught and evaluates himself. He feels… surprisingly fine. “No, nothing.”
“Good. If that changes you've got a button you can easily request more meds with. Use it; there's nothing valiant in unnecessary suffering.”
Cody nods, fully aware he needs to cooperate if he wants to stay on Egg’s good side.
"And, General,” Egg looks directly at Obi-Wan for the first time, “stop making my patient tachycardic."
"I make no such promises.”
Cody shoots him A Look.
“Darling,” oh Force- this is a development Cody had not seen coming, “I do endeavor to never make a promise I can't keep.”
Okay. Well. That's-
Egg sighs, long and weary. “I'll be back in roughly two hours for rounds. If you spill any body fluids in my med bay I'll be requesting your transport to The Resolute med bay. Understood?”
“Yes, sir,” both Cody and Obi-Wan respond.
With that, Egg makes his departure, fully swooshing open the privacy curtain before leaving the room.
There is a moment of relative silence. Cody realizes that Obi-Wan is once again holding his hand. He likes it. He likes it a lot.
“That couldn't have gone better,” Obi-Wan announces cheerily.
Cody can't help it.
He laughs.
It starts small, just a huff of breath out his nose until he's wheezing, lips stretched over gum and tears dripping down his face, clutching Obi-Wan who similarly chortles. His laughter is the most joyous of music.
He's alive. Miraculously. And somehow- somehow they're doing things like hold hands now.
It strikes Cody that, although he's confined to this awful med bay bed, for the first time in his life he feels happy. He's actually, truly happy.
There's no way it can last but he hopes he'll remember this moment forever. Acting an absolute fool with the man he loves most. Happy.
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Lucci and Kaku: An Analysis
I haven’t done long analysis/meta/essay-style posts in a while, but after seeing a comment that amounted to “every time Lucci’s shown an interest in something that doesn’t have to do with killing, Kaku’s involved” it made me think about whether or not that's true and, more specifically, whether or not there’s been sufficient build-up to justify what happens in Chapter 1111.
So let’s explore, shall we?
First of all, basic disclaimer that I’ve been heavily into One Piece since 2008 and Water 7 has been my favorite arc since the first time I read it that summer. Kaku, in turn, has always been one of my top characters in the entire series for various reasons…but this isn’t about him (at least, not entirely), so all of that is just to say that I’ve thought about these characters a lot over the years.
And I think what always struck me about them is that not only are they so fundamentally different, but that realistically Lucci should not tolerate Kaku at all. He’s pretty much everything Lucci’s not, and they’re more-or-less a perfect example of the ‘someone will die…of fun!’ meme in a lot of ways (and honestly it’s what I think of every time I see this card, but I digress):
At the same time, what happened in the latest chapter didn’t surprise me, because there’s been hints all along, and I’ve personally been waiting years for it to pay off…even though part of me thought it never would, or at least not in the way it did!
Still, how did we get here?
But First, A Bit About 相棒
So. Why is the fact that Lucci calls Kaku his “相棒” (aibou) so significant? Mostly because of the…individualistic meaning of the word. It literally translates to ‘partner’, but not in a romantic/life-partner way (not to say that it has never been used like that, but it’s not the inherent meaning of the word).
Unlike words such as 友人 (yuujin), 友達 (tomodachi), and of course, with Luffy, 仲間 (nakama), aibou generally only refers to one person. You can have many friends, teammates, crew members…but only one aibou. So by calling Kaku that, Lucci’s already placing him on a different level to anyone else in CP9 or CP0 and acknowledging openly that Kaku’s important enough to him to have earned that distinction.
Which is why a lot of us were very excited about it, since this is not a common occurrence where Lucci’s concerned.
That aside, let’s get to the actual canon content.
Water 7
Obviously at the beginning we find out they both work at the shipyard, but that in and of itself isn’t entirely significant…until you consider that, since Kalifa is pretty much with Iceburg all the time and Blueno’s running the bar, the two of them are working in much closer proximity to each other than to the other CP9 members in the city.
The first real indication we get regarding their comfort level with each other comes in chapter 327 when Kaku gets back from examining the Merry and goes to sit down to explain what he’s discovered. Paulie’s the closest to him, but he actually ends up stepping past both him and Lucci in order to sit directly beside Lucci on the same level.
It’s quite a while before we see the two of them alone again, and it doesn’t happen until chapter 339 when they’re speaking with Robin. Of course at the time we’re not supposed to know it’s them, but there’s really nobody else it can be since this is happening at the exact same time that Blueno’s talking with Franky and Kokoro at the bar. So, as will become fairly common, the two of them are again acting as a unit of their own within the larger group.
And then, of course, we get the infiltration of the mansion prior to The Big Reveal (which I’ve spoken about before because for me it’s still the single greatest reveal in the entire manga because of how carefully crafted it is, right down to Kaku’s limited dialogue in this section being completely devoid of his usual speech quirks in the original Japanese text). Once again, Blueno and Kalifa are doing their own things while these two are working together.
This panel has always been interesting to me because immediately prior to this Lucci says he can’t let Paulie live, and then he decides to just restrain him instead. In Luffy’s case it makes sense because they gave their word to Robin not to harm the Strawhats, but he has absolutely no reason to spare Paulie, and the little lines of shock/surprise beside Kaku imply that he hadn’t expected Lucci to do that, either. The ‘why’ is still unclear, but it’s interesting nonetheless, and it’s also…noteworthy that it’s the only thing Lucci asks Kaku to do. All of the actual damage Paulie takes comes from Lucci and he never asks for or expects Kaku to harm him.
I never connected these two panels before but it’s obviously very deliberate to have Lucci telling Iceburg that feeling emotions is a sign of humanity followed immediately by Kaku…demonstrating exactly that and thanking Iceburg. It’s important to establish that part of Kaku’s character, but keep in mind Lucci’s lack of a reaction here because it’ll come back later.
Again, very tiny moment, but there’s a lot of examples of Lucci deferring to Kaku or letting him take the lead without any hesitation, and I like this because Kaku’s noticed something that Lucci hasn’t and Lucci just goes with it immediately.
I’d forgotten about this but Kaku’s also the one that decides to take Usopp with them, first by recognizing him as one of the Strawhats and then going through with it even after finding out he doesn’t consider himself a part of them anymore. And Lucci just…stands back and lets him give out orders to the others while doing so.
Okay so this is what I was referencing earlier. Kaku shows actual emotions with Iceburg and Lucci’s silent, but the moment Kalifa gets even slightly happy about completing the mission he’s berating her instantly. Kaku’s expression here is interesting too because he looks absolutely haunted and it’s very telling.
And also another visual representation of Lucci and Kaku being equal to/on the same level as each other.
I didn’t include the panel but Kaku was ‘sleeping’ when Corgi was giving them all of the information about Nero while Lucci was (seemingly) wide awake, and yet Lucci has no idea who he is and relies on Kaku to have all the information. Which he does.
Kaku being the one to take charge again and direct the others even though Lucci’s standing right there. They do this more than I’d realized at first, especially since Lucci always seems to be looked at as the unofficial ‘leader’ of CP9.
Enies Lobby
We’ve made it to Enies Lobby, which is the first glimpse we get of these two interacting with the full CP9 group outside of any sort of ‘mission’ environment.
Mostly it entails Lucci being more combative (especially with Jabra) and Kaku being more annoyed, but again I can’t really imagine anyone else taking this tone with Lucci and getting away with it while Kaku does it fairly often and Lucci never retorts or gets angry with him.
And while Kaku’s not immune to taking Jabra’s bait in the right circumstances, his typical tendency is to de-escalate situations if he can and here he’s refusing to engage despite being deliberately called out…and Lucci, without being asked, immediately takes his side and defends his choice.
This is practically the next panel and while both Lucci and Jabra are kind of equally at fault for this little display, Kaku only berates Jabra for it while Kalifa’s directing her comments at both of them.
Now that I’m actually looking for these sorts of things it’s becoming more obvious, but again we have Lucci and Kaku in an equal position to each other at the front of CP9.
This isn’t just to Kaku since Kalifa’s there as well, but Lucci’s still encouraging them to eat the fruits and I have to believe it’s coming from a place of good faith because he’d know whether or not being able to swim is that big an issue in their profession. I also want to note that Kaku echoes Lucci’s ‘it’ll be fun’ line when he actually does eat his fruit, so obviously that resonated with him.
I’ve put these two together because they both highlight the same thing, that being in both of these sequences we get almost all of CP9 giving out their individual thoughts/comments on what’s happening but Kaku’s statement both times is a direct reply to what Lucci says, so again the two of them are paired off in a way that doesn’t include anyone else there.
The only other thing of note in this section is that while Robin’s talking about what happened during the Buster Call on Ohara, Kaku and Lucci are the only CP9 members to kind of…break formation and actually look at her while she’s speaking, which is interesting.
And for the rest of Enies Lobby they aren’t together so there’s not too much more to say here other than Kaku of course being the one to have the actual key to Robin’s cuffs, but it’s never made explicit who came up with that plan or handed out the keys so…if I ever actually do the thing and write a full analysis of Kaku’s character we can talk about it then Lark you’ve been saying you’ll do this for years IF I EVER--
Interlude - CP9’s Independent Report
Besides the fact that this is still one of my favorite cover stories, there’s a couple of noteworthy things here, the first of which is that Kaku again is taking the lead. Even though he’s the only other CP9 member other than Lucci to be injured badly enough that he can’t walk on his own, he’s still the one directing them where to go.
Other than that, I love seeing all of them just…interacting like friends and being very relaxed and casual, and pretty much every panel where Kaku and Lucci are together they’re directly beside each other so I’ve included a bunch of those here.
Dressrosa & Egghead
The next time we see Lucci and Kaku is at the end of Dressrosa, where they’ve been promoted to CP0 Oda can we please get some explanation of how this happened and let me tell you, I remember this vividly because the spoilers at the time just said that Lucci was talking to ‘someone’ and when the raws came out you can bet I went right to the dialogue to see if it was Kaku because his way of speaking is so telling.
But even in this little scene, we can see they’re having an equal conversation and there’s a major difference between how Lucci’s speaking with Kaku and how he addresses Spandam mere seconds later.
After this we have the Reverie/Levely/what-even-is-this-thing-called arc where they get all of a single panel together and while it’s the first time we actually ‘see’ Kaku after the time-skip, nothing really interesting regarding their relationship happens, so let’s move on to…
The end of the colored manga! And Egghead.
We start with a very familiar situation: Lucci asking Kaku what’s going on, and while Kaku this entire arc seems more outwardly annoyed with Lucci than he ever was in the past (which is never really explained but then again, Lucci spends a lot of the arc doing things he’s specifically been told not to do, so maybe it’s understandable…), he still has all the information and relays it.
Though Kaku’s also much more comfortable letting his real personality show despite them being on a mission while before he was always completely serious after the Water 7 reveal, especially around Lucci. It came through with Zoro and Jabra but during the cover story he’s smiling and laughing a lot with Lucci right there so it makes sense he’d be more willing to let his guard down even ‘on the job’ by now.
So here’s the first real instance of Lucci showing concern for Kaku, something which escalates pretty quickly throughout the arc. It’s subtle, and though he’s framing it as a suggestion to Stussy, if he didn’t care at all he wouldn’t have said anything.
At this point it’s fairly obvious that Lucci and Kaku don’t really have any authority difference between them and Kaku spends a lot of time in this chapter especially telling Lucci to Not Do The Thing. Anyone that’s ever lived with a cat knows how well this works.
I’ve always found this bit of dialogue particularly interesting because Kaku’s very openly…praising Sentomaru for choosing his loyalty to Vegapunk over assisting the government, and there’s no way Lucci doesn’t hear him say this but he doesn’t say anything in return. There’s no real evidence that Lucci knows about Kaku willingly giving up the key to Zoro or how conflicted he was about Paulie and everyone else, but this seems to imply that at the very least, even if he doesn’t share those sentiments, he wouldn’t think less of Kaku because of it.
Putting these two together since they’re in the same scene but at this point it’s not even subtle concern anymore, Lucci’s genuinely worried for Kaku and you can tell this caught him off-guard.
Kaku’s the first one to suggest working together but Lucci immediately backs him up and goes with the idea. It’s logical in the sense that it’ll give them the biggest chance to survive, but willingly working with pirates isn’t exactly the sort of thing that Lucci, especially in the past, would have so easily done regardless of the situation.
So at this point it’s becoming clear that this whole 4-v-2 section is supposed to be the most…light-hearted thing going on right now and a lot of it is played to be comedic, including Lucci’s inability to lie, but yet again there’s almost nobody else that could get away with scolding him the way Kaku’s doing here.
…And then we skip ahead a day and things happen that I really hope get explained at some point because they seem important, but while Lucci’s never going to have impeccable bedside manner, he’s very concerned with getting Kaku to rest and while Kaku’s trying to justify what happened Lucci really doesn’t seem to care about that. It’s a big departure from him being willing to write off anyone he deems ‘too weak’ and it’s a nice character moment.
I’d mentioned on my liveblog that some of the things Lucci was doing after this point were confusing, but if you look at them through the lens of him wanting to protect Kaku, it makes a lot more sense. Yes, he’s deliberately keeping him out of the loop, but Lucci I think has decided that he’s going to throw caution to the wind and act alone since if Kaku can’t prove he knew about the plan, he’s probably safer being left with the Strawhats, and if the Marines show up he should be safe anyway or so Lucci thinks…
When this chapter came out, I’d said something about Lucci being a hypocrite considering what the rest of CP9 did for him when they could have easily just left him at Enies Lobby, but given what happens almost directly after and likely what he’s trying to do with this entire fight, these words feel even less genuine…
And that brings us to this. The moment that I’ve been thinking about for almost an entire week now. The moment that, looking back at…oh, wow…almost 3000 words of analysis maybe shouldn’t be as surprising as it was for most of us, but it does feel like the payoff for a long, long buildup that’s taken nearly twenty years to reach. Because really, there’s no other way to describe them other than ‘partners’, and probably hasn’t been for a long time…and I’m so glad that Lucci acknowledged it.
To summarize, I think what surprised me most about re-visiting all of this is how much the manga has framed them as equals since the beginning even though it was never explicitly stated between the characters themselves. Lucci’s always been far more lenient with Kaku than with anyone else, and Kaku in turn has never had any fear of Lucci even if he wasn’t really expressing his true self with him for a long time.
The cover story being the turning point makes perfect sense, and the progression throughout Egghead of Lucci being more outwardly willing to show his concern and Kaku not hiding his emotions at all seems like a natural progression of their relationship and their level of comfort around each other.
And the fact that Oda is never really…hitting us over the head with any of it until that final moment when Lucci says everything so plainly because Kaku’s life is the most important thing to him even when faced with a literal monster… It’s so effective.
I don’t know where we go from here. To be honest, I’m kind of scared of where we go from here. But regardless of the outcome, I hope this little essay has been at the very least interesting and perhaps allowed you to look at these two in a different light.
Thanks for reading.
#one piece#opspoilers#rob lucci#kaku#meta#analysis#i forgot about the 30 photo limit so I had to get creative here but#3k words of me examining their relationship sure happened
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hello i saw in your tags that you don't think people on here get casey stoner and as someone relatively new into the sport i would love to hear your thoughts <3
(context here) okay first of all, this post will be framed as ‘things I wish people talked about more with regards to casey stoner’, rather than arguing against what I think people think
I've tried to come up with a concise response to this ask but kept heading into thesis-length territory. so I decided to write a bullet point list and it’s still… yeah… but well it could be worse. if you, dear anon, wish to read thousands of words of casey stoner lore then please let me know. otherwise, here are just a few things I find interesting about this bloke:
casey has a very complex relationship with the concept of confidence, both in other riders and himself, in the sense that he KNOWS how important it is but also believes/wishes that he specifically is kinda above all that
this feeds into how he wishes that racing were Just Racing and not all this other stuff… not his brain not his body not other racers being assholes on/off track not talking to journalists or doing photoshoots not having to deal with politics etc etc - central underlying tension of his career
he has openly spoken about not ever really enjoying race day, saying the only thing he's missed after retiring is qualifying. very perfectionist, the anxiety, the over-thinking, craving control… all key casey traits
(which also ties in with the valentino rivalry, because valentino obviously adores racing (in particular wheel-to-wheel battle) but he’s also great at all that other off-track stuff)
some very rigid ideas of How The Sport Should Look, which you can see in everything from how he talks about racing standards to the introduction of CRT riders (he had it OUT for them, head hot every time aleix espargaro shows up in parc fermé) to valentino’s influence on ducati and the importance of the colour red
let him have his mean streak! the grim satisfaction in discussing jorge’s 2008 injuries after his early-season arrogance towards casey, the dismissiveness towards dani, some of the wilder valentino remarks (this isn’t a criticism to be clear, alien-on-alien violence is part of the natural order of things)
casey is a classic case of ‘just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t after you’. definitely a suspicious guy and perpetual underdog 'me against the world' mindset. not to get too psychoanalytic-y, but I reckon this was partly born out of how he had to leave australia as a teenager (with his family completely dependent on him succeeding) because of how the racing establishment down under fucked him over
they definitely were out to get him a lot of the time, cf yamaha and then ducati drama plus the slander from some of the greats of the sport, fellow riders, the media etc etc (particularly egregious in 2009 when he was dealing with his mystery illness and a lot of people said some pretty unpleasant stuff in his absence - here is just one example)
his struggles were constantly downplayed. the chronic fatigue misdiagnosed as lactose intolerance led to people calling him weak-minded, broken, running away from the sport (part of why he was so allergic to the idea his results might in any way be connected to what was going on in his head). add in the undiagnosed anxiety and you have all this invisible strife people wouldn't even take seriously
that being said, he definitely did have a propensity for jumping to the worst possible conclusions
two specific examples: firstly from his autobiography, where he makes the claim that valentino may have been sabotaged in the 2006 title decider and was deliberately given a rubbish tyre to make him lose the championship - to which casey’s response was: “welcome to my world, mate”. he does have a tendency to believe he’s being sabotaged, and is constantly on the look out for conspiracies even when they are… unlikely
the other example is mat oxley talking about his issues with casey in his stint working for ducati, partly based on a misunderstanding:
something allegedly written about him in 2001!
let’s just say he can definitely hold a grudge
the moaner stoner stuff was definitely nasty, calling him mopey and whiny and all of that, but he also has never shied away from some good old-fashioned complaining (some of this was a bit of a spiral - complaining for good reason worsening public perception of him leading to more reasons to complain)
see also the lingering marc grudge, who probably did play a significant part in getting casey kicked out of honda (as casey has accused him of). whether marquez prevented stoner from racing in 2015 is more of an open question. casey still speaks about how honda made a mistake by only listening to marc (which, again, does have some truth to it)
casey was always very quick to shut down the idea that momentum, motivation, confidence etc could affect his results (unlike that of his competitors) because he argues he was always very rational & clear-sighted about when things were his fault & when things could be blamed on the bike + extraneous factors. he really goes into detail about this when discussing 2008 laguna seca in his autobiography, which he argues had no effect on him psychologically (but was followed by him crashing out of the lead of the next two races)
has definitely spoken more about his rivalry with valentino than valentino has, which probably has also helped shape perception of it over time
on ‘ambition outweighed talent’ - I feel like people almost understate just what a (hilariously) out of pocket remark it was in context. it was rossi’s second ever race at ducati (and the start of his season was impacted by his shoulder issues) - and the rain meant he had a ~win it or bin it~ approach because he knew it was as good a chance as he might get for some time (despite starting from 12th). the move on stoner for second place was at best optimistic, most definitely impatient and at worst foolish - but sort of understandable in that situation, rossi was definitely rapid, and this stuff can happen in the wet. in that sense, it was obviously more a reaction to the manner of the apology (and his frustration with the stewards) than to what casey himself described as a racing incident
stoner made a remark in his autobiography about how rossi had stolen 25 points in a title battle he was never going to be a part of (oof). whether you're obligated to race title contenders differently is already a bit sketch but certainly should not be a consideration for anybody in round TWO
he was forced to publicly retract the remarks, though he doubled down on them to a deeply funny extent in his autobiography by suggesting they were true of valentino’s entire career and that he’d just benefited from a weak era. rossi mostly took it on the chin especially when interviewed about it for documentaries, probably because with something like that you do just need to take the L
it's understandable how it’s become such a defining image of their rivalry (along with laguna seca), not least because of how evocative the whole thing is - rossi showing up still wearing his helmet, trying to make a PR apology stick while he’s been eating nauseating amounts of humble pie at ducati; stoner casual as you like, pissed off about the points loss while still indulging in schadenfreude about how the Great Big Ducati Adventure is working out for rossi
but again, I think it’s funnier because of just HOW over the top an insult it was in that situation (and more broadly how it does have a different vibe to their interactions when they were meaningfully competing, aka 2007-2008)
in conclusion: casey has his doubts and his insecurities and his obsessions and his foibles… a complicated guy in his own right
and a big thing I’d like to stress here is that the rivalry with valentino does benefit from treating them both as somewhat unreliable narrators
I just think he's neat
#ty for giving me an excuse to be annoying at length about one of my number one guys!!#casey stoner#valentino rossi#motogp#//#cs27#vr46#lotsss of other stuff you can go into here. he gets a bit sanitised sometimes I feel which is kinda a shame#u can be justifiably resentful and still be very resentful. spite is still spiteful when it's deserved. same with the misanthropic streak#being called weak-minded really got to him imo - and the thing is he's clearly not (& good lord did some big names say some nasty things)#the autobiography feels almost an overcorrection and then you've got him recently talking more openly about his mental health#(even if not specifically about how it affected him competitively - which is obviously a related but not identical conversation)#it's an uplifting development in a way and it's nice seeing how much more comfortable in his skin he seems these days#but he is also a little bitch :)#batsplat responds
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Lady Celestine: Navigator of the Constellations:
The Forgotten Hero of Yore
The Merlyn of the KBASW (AU) & the love of Arthur's life.
Just to be clear Merlyn & Celestine are the same person it's just her disguise when she goes out.
For: @kirbyoctournament
Character Overview/Personality: She's the combination of Merlin from Disney's Sword & the Stone, Queen Eclipsa from SVTFW, Willy Wonka from (Wonka 2023 ), and Merlin from (the 2008 TV series).
She's an optimist... many of her peers mistake it for being naivety but in reality she's well aware of the darkness in the world... she sees it every day with her powers. Since seeing so many terrible things in the future she treasures the present and is always grateful for the things she enjoys in the now. (Also there's another reason for this....)
And finds the joy in the darkest of times...
She likes to be overly prepared... And tend to keep (*hoard) things they might need... Often tends to hold things she doesn't really need. With Arthus side eying her "You really need to keep that."
"Don't look at me like that Wart... WE MAY NEED THIS HARPOON ONE DAY WHO KNOWS & YOU'LL THANK ME LATER !" *proceeds to carry bloody harpoon home... with Arthur facepalming himself*
They actually did end up using that harpoon 3 months later & Celestine rubbed it in Arthur's face for an entire week. This constant hoarding led her to the first iteration of the Dimensional Cape, which started as a dimensional bag to store all her stuff. (LMAO).
This brings me to Celestine's wisdom & sass: similar to Merlin (the series & Disney) is filled with cleverness & comebacks. When she's doing her diplomatic work and out and about she knows how to do it "gracefully."But when she transforms into Merlyn, she lets loose exactly how Merlin is when he becomes Dragoon. Has no filter and becomes a chaotic old man throwing shade left & right
She hates' cursing so as resulting in hilarious, nonsensical words to place them: Fiddle sticks, biscuits, sweet butter crumpets, etc ~
Her future sight has made her a very empathic person... knowing the suffering of others in her visions. Creating a very kind, caring individual who wants the best for everyone, for them to be happy.
Keep reading for extra content & lore: (Which include spoilers for KBASW so tread carefully!) Other than that please continue...
Lore related content: (If you just want a short read)
In Denial (Oldest lore)
What Kind of King's in My Blood (Background info)
Celestine is Merlyn: (Most Current lore)
And fair warning I low-key wrote a novel... but there's a special prize at the end if you read all of it. (Extended Lore)
Lady Celestine serves as a catalyst for the anime Kirby series...
Now Celestine can't predict the exact future... only show potential paths. But her powers can guide people to the outcome they want and the path that constantly changing.
Absolom made Celestine focus solely on her future vision and trained her personally... He tried to paint himself as this kind saintly father figure towards her... but in reality, wanted to monopolize her ability.
He tremendous amount of pressure on the poor girl...(Mother Gothel Style "Mother knows best) Believing the only thing that made her valuable was her future sight. And one more thing about Celestine... SHE HATED HER FUTURE VISION! She didn't just see the future... she experienced it! Feeling all the raw emotions of the scene.
However, Absolum would guilt-trip her: "Oh you don't want to let everyone down... you're the only one who can do this... you're so special... you can't disappoint everyone..:
Causing her to grit her teeth and bear with it... Absolum was like a father to her she couldn't say "No." Plus it's not like she could let them down... One day she had a terrible vision foreshadowing the demise of Shiver Star...
The people of Shiver Star were infected by Dark Matter's essence... Nightmare & his demons robbed them and stole all the planet's resources... while the people were possessed and had their life sources absorbed by Dark Matter.
Celestine immediately ran to the other Heroes of Yore & Absolum.... for this and assured the worried child they'd take care of this... "don't worry we'll use this information and take care of it."
And they didn't just take care of it... THEY MADE IT WORSE! Seeing an even more terrible vision appeared before her.
~
Celestine: Wait I thought you said you'd-
Absolum: Oh but my child we did you said that planet was a goner anyway... they were already possessed.... it would be so wasteful if all those resources would fall to Nightmare...
Sir Uther: We cleared out the planet before Nightmare did. And killed all of those who were going to be infected & spread it throughout the galaxy... we prevented the problem before it even happened...*gives a wicked smile*
Absolum: Yes we couldn't have done it without you *gives a wicked smile*
Celestine couldn't help but blame herself for the downfall of Shiver Star... A few hours later Celestine's warpstar cracked-
"No problem... I think," Absolum
To remedy the situation, Absolum tried to fame concern for her but in reality was keeping her in the temple to hide that she was "broken." She could still tell fortunes just at random, they just had to keep her near the temple and store them whenever they came to her.
Absolum was still reeling at how could this happen... he didn't want to expose his little mistake. (In truth he knew he was working too hard and put her to work earlier than most, because of her ability... CHILD LABOR AM I RIGHT?!.) It was still too valuable, they can't risk having her break some more...
Thus, Celestine became a caged bird.
Uther felt that she was a failure unbecoming of a Hero of Yore and not deserving of her title. She can no longer do the ability properly and with her body always hurting how was she going to fight on the battlefield!
Along with that thought she be too emotional anyway... always trying to steer them to the future... the least amount of damage... HE WANTED PROGRESS! Often opting for the method that would get him results not caring about the collateral damage!
Icarus shares in Uther's sentiments, with the added notion that she got away with lazying around doing nothing. Just got to sit there waiting for the next prediction to come around. He & Uther were doing all the heavy lifting and she was still being treasured by Absolum... (he wasn't jealous of the attention or anything...)
Thus resulting in Icarus having the brilliant idea of sticking Celestine with all the political fairs (the paperwork). Which seemed like a good idea at the time (a decision they would all come to regret).
Unbeknownst to them... they had given Celestine all the diplomatic power in the galactic court. Managing to win over the galactic council with her charm and grace. Uther had always used his power to intimidate his ideals.
However, Celestine had a softer approach and was seen as far more likable in the... (this was before the council was corrupt and this was due to Celestine's influence...) Often resulting in the members to come to her for their problems. Uther couldn't beat her in this arena... being reminded all too well this was a political battle as well.
For Icarus, you see there was a... certain deal he wanted to part take in... a deal with Halacandra. Where did the GSA partner up with and believe that he could easily impress with his inventions... with their queen?! ( Minerva Mim - Magolor's great aunt)
What happened... the king was supposed to be here whys he spent an entire month sucking up to him who was this queen...
The queen was not impressed & ended up showing technology far greater than his... for the first time, Icarus was forced to eat humble pie... "How could this have, surely this is some sort of mistake shouldn't the king be here-"
"Oh he's dead... and unlike him, I'm not to be won over by pretty words and flattery now you offend me... why would I ever want to do business with a lowlife with you!"
Madam made sure to inform the GSA they would not be doing business with them & Absolum desperately wanted to get that deal. Then Celestine volunteered to remedy the situation & suggested inviting her here.
Absolum agrees seeing there is nothing to lose, Uther believes this was just a desperate attempt to try to be useful while Icarus is excitedly waiting for her to fail.
Meeting arrives Celestine takes care of everything personally and at the end of the day. Queen Minerva is all smiles and arrives with a contract, "Alright I've changed my mind, and I'll do the deal as long as I'm working with her."
Minerva wasn't interested in Icarus' inventions but Celestine's alchemic formulas were revolutionary. And just had to have her on their team.
Absolum was shocked and relieved... (maybe this girl had more than one use after all...) and was constantly praising her. And because of her connections with Minerva... she'll need a bodyguard now when she leaves the GSA base but what the why it was worth it.
And Icarus oh how badly he wanted to be part of the mixing pot, but he had to go through Celestine. Who was more than happy to reject his proposal and experiments. (Icarus never forgave her for this.)
She was becoming too influential now ... This resulted in Icarus scheming with Uther... to get rid of her.
Thus beginning the creations of the Ancients & the Halcandrans, with Celestine & Minerva leading the helm. Alongside Dairus Drosselmeyer (Minerva's right-hand man & Daroach's great uncle)... they created many of the legendary treasures... that were now scattered about the galaxy.
(These were kept secret from the GSA... Minerva knew the truth of the situation... for you see during the meeting she had hidden away Kirby's prediction not of him just defeating Nightmare, but the reawakening of Void Termina & Doomsday... and showed it to the Queen and she understood... that's the other reason why she said yes to her)
Minerva helps Celestine create the Kabu's across the galaxy and presents them as "safe houses for star warriors" but in reality, they were all preset guides to Kirby's prophecy.
And helped her create Triple Star... Thus the creating the vigilante Merlyn.... Her work as Merlyn didn't go unnoticed and the people of the galaxy started to recognize the hypocrisy of the GSA. Which made the Ancients & the other's blood boil.
This resulted in having Uther send in his send three of his best soldiers: Sir Nonsurat, Dame Morgan, and last but not least (you guessed it WART... I mean Sir Arthur.)
Kirby's prophecy spoke of "a match" to start the spark that would flame of a new era of peace...
Arthur- Match/ Meta Knight - Spark/Kirby - Flame
At the time she didn't know who it was; the prophecy was incredibly vague with which one it was. But she wasn't going to pass her knowledge to any of them without being sure. (She didn't want another Shiver Star incident to happen... not again...)
But how would she determine which one it would be... they all seemed the most unlikely candidates as "the match." How could she weed out which one... A TRAIL, A TEST, A GAME!
So like in tales of old, Celestine did these little tests of character... and would secretly tag along during missions. Giving them all a chance to see which one it would participate in... Giving them little riddles of the monster Nightmare would do. But she always gave them a choice... (breadcrumbing) and "can't force anyone to change."
However, three of them all seem annoyed at this except for... Sir Arthur was the only one captivated and interested. It takes a while for Arthur to accept Merlyn's but only after the events of:
What Kind of King is in My Blood:
That makes him actively ask for Merlyn (Celestine to help him change) and pretty much becomes Celestine's partner in crime. And as to become a willing student... merely wishing not to become like his master (Sir Uther).
However, their little sparring match still happening, with the condition that he should win... Merlyn's not allowed to be called him Wart... (Needless to say she fought him twice as hard.)
(This post-Celestine is Merlyn:) It goes into more detail about their relationship here but... I added a few things.
Romantic feelings only start after that...
Basically, before they knew they were head-over-heals for each other their love could never be in reality. Not just because of their positions but something else...
After her warpstar broke... she received a terrible vision of her body eventually breaking and her disappearing into star dust. Foreseeing her early death...
She had initially accepted but after all the friends she made (and falling in love with Arthur) she did everything she could to stay longer for them... Celestine tried to keep herself together as long as she could, and managed to keep herself alive a little longer (than she was supposed to) but now she could feel it... she was running out of time.
How was she supposed to tell her everyone... Minerva would be devastated, who was going to help Darius (& Minerva) with his creations, who would protect her followers, and stop Uther & Icarus from making the galaxy into a wasteland...
And worst of all she'd leave Arthur all alone & heartbroken. Who's supposed to tease him now, make sure he doesn't do anything reckless, keep that ego in check, make sure he isn't a prat, to remind him to smile and enjoy life... to laugh... oh her poor little Wart...
No there must be another way...she couldn't tell any of her friends... she wasn't giving up yet... However, little did she know that was the least of her worries...
Celestine was always careful with hiding her connections with her alter-ego... and Arthur, but there was one person who did figure this out. Sir Nonsurat; after Arthur had saved "Merlyn" from his grasp he started to see a pattern.
Arthur had been an accomplice to Merlyn's along... "HOW DARE ARTHUR, I KNEW YOU NEVER DESERVED YOUR POSITION AND WITH THIS YOU WILL BE RUINED FOR SURE."
Thus, Celestine received numerous horrible visions (she got them all at once)... of Arthur being found guilty in a trial. And at the end of each, Arthur had refused to sell her out, remaining loyal to her, confessing his love for her, and dying. And then she saw her demise as well... her body finally breaking right after... poofing into stardust.
Being completely overwhelmed, she burst into tears. Desperately searching for a future where they could both live... (a future where she could be happy with him.) However, it was either that she & Arthur had escaped and her body would explode and Arthur would be captured (by the GSA) and executed right after for his desertion).
Celestine couldn't help but believe that she had destroyed Arthur's future all because she had gotten involved... (it was Shiver Star all over again.) Just like in the other futures... what could she possibly do...
Perhaps...she could solve one problem with another...
So, before the day Nonsurat was going to turn in his report of evidence... Celestine had stolen it away. And with the help of Darius, they manipulated the information to frame someone else...
Nonsurat was infuriated once he found his evidence to be stolen... But he didn't want to cause an uproar, so he demanded a completed search of every squadron. Under the pretext "there is a traitor among us, and they've stolen my documents..."
A complete search required every general to be accounted for. Nonsurat observed Arthur carefully only to find him especially giddy!?
Arthur: I do hope the search is finished soon... The sooner we finish here the sooner I can give Celestine this-
Kit Cosmo: Code red! Everyone needs to come to the Courtyard immediately! Were under attack!
Arthur: By who?!
Kit Cosmo: By... Lady Celestine...
~
(She had already known Icarus was trying to take her down... so using her Nonsurat's evidence, she had successfully framed herself... handing it in in the guise of one of Icarus' informants.)
With the information he had put together and received, Sir Icarus concocted a false trail that Celestine was leaking information and was secretly in cahoots... with Merlyn.
Since it was a trial that involved someone as high-ranking as her... she knew the trial would exclude a select few. And since she knew Nonsurat would warrant a search... she knew it would be the perfect thing to keep Arthur out of the trail.
Celestine: Well, if I am going to get locked away... I might as well make it worth the sentencing.
It was at this moment that Celestine unleashed her demonic owl (she had hidden away) and bit off his head Absolum; killing him instantly. (Madoka Magica style). Icarus tried to stop her but failed Celestine resulting in his wings being ripped off. And officially went on a rampage letting out all those years of unbridled rage & sorrow she had kept in.
Then she remembered quickly about Kirby's prediction... quickly she created her own army of Hydro Clones... to leave them all at bay.
She went into her lab and quarters and destroyed every piece of magical research and Alchemic formula. She wasn't going to let them benefit & use her research any longer and most importantly to keep Kirby's predictions... but one person who managed to get through the army... it was none other than Uther.
Uther: I always knew you were a little witch~
Celestine: That was a sham trial & you know it ... You forced my hand
Uther: You should; 've stayed in your place, someone weak as you, you are not worthy of your spot as a Hero of Yore-
Celestine: Well you are not worthy of your spot as leader! You never were and one day you'll fall you'll see *at that moment Celestine received another vision-*
At that moment Uther thought this was the perfect chance to lung at her but this backfired... he accidentally ended up seeing Celestine's vision too... And it visibly shook him to his core.
Being overwhelmed by the very visions that plague Celestine, (claiming before she was emotionally weak, was causing him to be paralyzed by fear...) It was a vision of his throne crumbling down& everything he built and it was being led by one astral... he couldn't make out the face... was... was it pink...
Celestine tried to pull away so he couldn't see the rest of the vision... and ended up striking his right eye to stop him... Uther was left frozen while Celestine could feel her body about to break and desperately made her escape... But as she stormed out...
Uther: Will make sure you're vision will not come to pass I will find that pink warrior if it's the last thing I do... And I'll- you'll die by my blade gah- *Still paralyzed because of the vision & couldn't get up
Celestine: Sorry Uther... but I'm afraid that honor won't go to you...*runs out to find Arthur* I've already selected my champion...
In the commotion, Arthur manages to find her, desperate he reaches, Celestine:
Arthur: We have to... you need to run-
Celestine: Graduation time Wart *sees a cast of other soldiers & on-looker watching* - Let's see what you're made of! Just treat it as one of our sparring matches and we'll be fine-
After all the losses in their sparing matches, Arthur finally manages to beat Celestine... "Well done, Arthur- you've finally done it, you've w-" * Visibly starts to break... and falls- and Arthur catches her
(Celestine pulls up a smokescreen so no one can see them... however, three people manage to sneak in)
Arthur: Celestine, what's happening to you-
Celestine: I've come to the end of my time- due to my condition my body was bound to break... I didn't mean to hide it... I really thought I could beat the odds... I'm sorry War- Oh I guess I can't call you Wart-
Arthur: NO! If that's the case you weren't in the best condition- *starts crying* I didn't really win-, you have to stay *sobs profusely* You have to stay and call me Wa-Wart!
Celestine: Figures *chuckles...* it takes you this long to finally admit you like the nickname ... Thank you Arthur you made my life short all the worthwhile... I hope you can forgive me
Arthur: There's nothing to forgive Cel- Celty, *cries* I love you, please there is always something... There's always, you told me that... You're the greatest mage in the galaxy... there's got to be...
Celestine: I surely hope that light of you doesn't get snuffed out *smiles warmly* it's going to be hard Wart but remember this...
Keep your eyes open and beware of the bad in the world... but also hold on to the good as well... you don't have to look, just know that it's there... it'll keep you from falling...
(the quote that Meta Knight said to Kirby originally came from Sir Arthur... that was told from Celestine...)
And even should you lose your way I know you'll find it again... you'll always be a worthy king to me. I love you too Arthur... and I always will.... (*they share one passionate kiss*)
It was a kiss Arthur had so longed for, but it was laced with so much sorrow and joy all at the same time...
Arthur: I don't wanna let you go-* Gets knocked out by Minerva...
She had informed Minerva before the trial (and of course was devastated but was willing to fulfill her last request). And who stood behind her were Darius & Kit the only three witnesses to what really happened. Kit realizes that Celestine is Merlyn... She then handed off and knocked out Arthur to Darius & Kit Cosmo.
And made sure they promised to paint Arthur as the hero who defeated her. And fled the scene and Minerva went to her best friend and hugged her one last time... and fled with the others.
When they had all left to safety... she lifted the smoke screen only to see a hoard of Ancients led by Uther try to arrest her. She flew into the air Celestine had her Gravity wicked moment... as her body finally was about to shatter into pieces.
Celestine: I curse you all, *putting one final spell cursing the Ancients* (basically she's the reason why they all disappeared)
As her body started to implode they mistook it to be a suicide bombing and she was planning to take them all down with her... thinking quick the Ancients Crystalized to prevent the explosion...
But in that moment she has one final vision of Arthur taking the seat as leader of the GSA. She smiles and says "I always you could do it Wart *starts cry* It's just too bad I'll never be able to see it in person".
Arthur woke up in the hospital wing hearing... Darius & Kit recount the story of the incident. With the way Kit & Darius spun it was Arthur who saved the day... (Arthur realized this was all part of Celestine's plan: to give him a title that would protect him even when she was gone...) Arthur * began to weep* with Kit trying to comfort him the best he could...
Making Arthur (to the Ancients) irreplaceable... being able to take down a Hero of Yore when they (Icarus & Uther) could not. Being extremely grateful (and needing a new holy figure), gave him the title of "Holy Knight," and said they owed him one favor...
(So basically he got credit for defeating the love of his life & took her place as the GSA's holy figure...)
So in summary:
Before being detained, she managed to rip off Icarus' wings, blind Uther in his right eye, and kill about 500 Ancients. She was trying to escape only to be stopped by Sir Arthur, who defeated her in battle. But tried to escape only to be cornered by the remaining soldiers... and seeing she had nowhere else to run...
Despite the efforts of the Ancients to paint her as wicked, people could not believe in the shame of a trial. Especially Minerva, when she heard this false slander on her best friend (she had enough of it)... she declared Halcandra's formal separation from the GSA. Cutting them from Halcandra's advanced technology caused an even bigger scandal. And had put her down to silence her as well... removing her...
(What happened to Darius... well that's a story for later)
Ruining their reputation even further... destroying the pristine image they had built up until now. And those who were at the trail were split in the middle... On one hand, it seemed like she had gone on a rampage because of her unfair judgment and merely reacted because she was pushed into the corner. On the other hand, she had always been hiding away her true nature & hatred for all of them, and once she had been found out... she unleashed all of it.
Were both true...
As a result, the Ancients tried to erase her from existence... from the galaxy, with only the remaining Ancients & the Heroes of Yore remembering her... Celestine had become forgotten.` Basically, she was described as (by the Ancients) the unspeakable third who tried to destroy them all & maliciously take them down with her. And she had to be erased...
However, this did not remedy the situation... Uther was still haunted by Celestine's vision he must hunt down the pink warrior... he will not have his reign end. Icarus was all too happy to take over the Halcandra projects... however, was always constantly reminded of being reduced to flightless astral and still hates her to this day.
While everyone had forgotten Celestine: they all remembered Merlyn. But even though, "Merlyn" had become a legend, many doubted the actual existence... of this supernatural being.
However, there was one person who managed to remember her... and that's where her story ends...
Or maybe not...
Her crystallization saved her preventing her from exploding... So she was still alive in there. They tried to hide her crystal in a cave and seal it off so no one would find her... Little did they know that the cave held one of the dark portals of Morpho accidentally ending up in the underworld...
And guess who ends up accidentally winds up there.
BTW they got married in the Underworld
I actually planned this out to be a tragedy, but I ended up making them have a happy ending... (that I can't reveal just yet how it happens in the story)
BUT BEST BELIEVE OUR GIRL GETS EVERYTHING SHE DESERVES AND SITS ON THE THRONE WITH HER KING WHERE SHE BELONGS!
And if you read this long thank you for reading! <3
#kirby#kbasw#lady celestine#kirby oc tournament#sir arthur kirby#kirby oc#kirbyoctournament#sorry for taking so long#home I'm not too late#celarthur#merthur
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You look so alive - M.H x Reader // pt4
A/N: Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Matty finally gets some. Almost. TW: Hard drugs, please take care of yourselves! Also very NSFW, minors dni. Ilysm @beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff my one and only. I was concerningly high writing most of this, sorry if there are any spelling mistakes of any sort. Enjoy yourselves my loves❤️
wc: 5.5k
part five
June, 2008
Saturday morning, the sun is shining brightly through your curtains. The clock reads 8:32am. You’re awoken by a harsh knock on your window. Matty. You smile
Today is a particularly good day. It's your Birthday, your 18th, to be exact. You get up, and you can already hear the metaphorical birds chirping outside of your window. Slowly walking to your window, you're greeted by Matty grinning at you through the glass.
“There's my birthday girl,” he says, pulling you in for a hug. The ‘my’ makes your heart skip a beat, but you inevitably push the feeling down. ‘Not now’.
The hug lasts a few seconds too long as he buries his face in your hair, taking a deep breath. Your hands trail down the expanse of his back, lingering around his waist. He releases you, climbing into the room.
You get dressed. A black dress, lace and frills adorning the edges. Matty is wearing his blue Barcelona shirt. He managed to get the stains out of it, you notice. His favorite pair of skinny jeans cling to his legs, even if just a bit looser.
Watching you do your makeup, he smiles at you endearingly. It had been two months since he hung up on you. You didn't talk about it, you never did. What was the point? It would just bring up more confusing feelings you weren't ready to deal with. Things were better the way they were, and they stayed like that. Until they didn't.
You finish rather quickly, turning to look at him. He knows that look.
“You got any on you?” you ask.
He nods, grinning as he reaches into the back pocket of his pants. He pulls out a red cigarette case, opening it slowly as you sit down next to him. In it, were two pre rolled spliffs. Next to them, was the thing you were actually asking about. A baggie filled with white powder.
Ever since that night, you’d wanted to experience what you felt again. Over and over. Matty already knew a few good guys who had set decent prices. He started picking up for the both of you, always splitting the sum. You reached into your pocket to pull out the cash for your portion, but he pushed your hand away.
“It's your birthday, darling, I can't let you pay for anything, it wouldn't be right.” he winks at you. Darling. You nod, laying back onto the bed, watching him.
He searches your room for something to cut the lines with, settling on your Hollister members card. Grabbing your bio notebook, he shakes just enough of the substance onto the surface for both of you.
You snort yours first, moving out of the way to give Matty his go. The both of you stare at each other before breaking out into uncontrollable laughter, falling into each other's arms. You lay like that for a bit, before Matty gets up.
“C’mon, we’re taking you out for your birthday. The big one-eight!” he laughs, clearing off the surface. He rubs the remainder on your gums. The feel of his fingers in your mouth is strangely erotic, you involuntarily let out a soft moan. He looks at you funny, and you shake your head, brushing it off. He tucks the cigarette case back into his jeans.
You go through the front door this time, knowing your mother was at the office. On your 18th birthday, your own parent had decided work was more important. Fuck her, honestly. You don't lock the front door, knowing you wouldn’t be able to find your keys later.
The two of you take the short walk to the local corner shop, Adam, Ross, and George already standing there with… balloons?
A giant pink balloon floated over Hann’s head, and he grins at you as you walk towards him.
“For the birthday girl– a pretty pink balloon.” you can hear the other three boys sniggering behind your back. With a roll of your eyes, you take the balloon from him, holding it awkwardly.
The bell rings as you open the door to the shop, greeting Becca, the woman behind the counter, with a smile. She waves back, already turning around to grab a pack of your favourite fags for you. The two of you were friends, having met at a party a few years back. She sold you whatever you needed, ignoring the fact you were underage for years.
Her eyebrows raise as she notices the balloon. “It's my birthday today!” you say, louder than expected. She shook her head, immediately noticing something off. Placing the bottle of vodka on the counter, you hand her your I.D with a toothy grin, and she scans it.
“It's on the house, darling, but..” she trails off, leaning into you. You do the same, listening intently. “Lay off a bit, your pupils are fucking huge and its 10 in the morning” her words take you by surprise. Taking a look in the mirror of the shop bathroom, you confirm her statement.
Splashing some cold water onto your face, you shake off the feeling of dread. Today was a good day, nothing was going to ruin it. You take a pair of sunglasses out of your bag. They were pink with a black rim, complimenting your outfit.
You make your toward the exit, fags and vodka in hand, waving goodbye to Becca. She smiles at you, but it looks off. You ignore it, pushing the door open with your shoulder. Matty greets you with a smile, taking the bottle off you.
You look to your left to see George welding what looked like a Sainsburys shopping cart. Cocking an eyebrow, you walk toward him. George takes the balloon, tying it to the shopping cart before opening his mouth to speak.
“Go on, get in birthday girl,” you give him a skeptical look, before you feel hands gripping your waist. Flailing in the air, you realize Ross had picked you and was now placing you into the cart. Inside was a 6 pack of beer, and various food items.
You flip Ross off, cursing him out for basically throwing you into a metal shopping cart. The five of you spend the day like that, riding around. You cruise down highways, and at some point, Matty gets in with you. You're both pressed up against each other, legs intertwining.
A blue ferrari whizzes past you, honking aggressively. Neither of you was sober enough to care, throwing beer bottles after the car, narrowly missing it. Adam was paranoid that the driver was going to call the cops, but he was promptly ignored by the rest of you.
For some reason or another, you end up in a McDonald's parking lot. It's dirty and fairly empty, tire tracks marking up the pavement. George had paid for your food, and you were all munching away happily at your burgers. Matty was moaning into his chicken burger like it was heaven as a food item.
“Jesus mate, I'm not sure I want to hear your sex noises while trying to enjoy my food, tone it down, will you?” Ross says, pulling a face. Matty responds by letting out a loud groan, licking the sauce off of his fingers.
“You love my sex noises, don't lie. Remember that time I was shagging Ava in the loo at George's party and you were standing outside the whole time?” he says with a full mouth. Ross shakes his head, whispering quiet words of denial.
Matty shoots you a look, and you nod. “I need a piss,” you say, getting up. “Matty?”
He gets up, wiping his hands on Hann’s shirt, and he smacks him across the face. Matty just laughs, turning to leave with you.
“Why do you always go piss together? A bit weird, innit?” George comments, cocking an eyebrow. “We’re going for his hourly blowjob, George, didnt you know?” you joke, nudging Matty in the ribs. A collective “Ewww” sounds from the group as you leave.
The bathroom is a borderline health hazard, the sinks covered in a type of grime you can only describe as slimy. Matty swipes it off as best he could, taking the red cigarette case back out. He goes through the routine, cutting up two lines with that same Hollister card.
“D’you have any cash on you?” he asks, giving your frame a once over. You nod, taking out a tenner from your bra.
His eyes linger on you, and you feel naked, exposed. He knew. He knew why you had gone out that night. He knew about the dream, you were sure of it.
He chuckles as he sees where you’d been keeping the money before rolling it and handing it to you, ever the gentleman.
This line felt different, stronger. You assume he cut more than last time. Taking a sip from the sink, you fix your hair in the mirror, wiping under your nose. Matty does his line. He gathers the loose powder onto his middle and index fingers, his other hand cupping your face. Rubbing onto your gums, you can feel them start to go numb. He holds eye contact, as if he were waiting for something. He got what he wanted when you let out a soft groan, your eyes never leaving his.
His hand leaves your jaw, instead running through his air. He doesn't put the cigarette case away just yet, taking one of the zoots out. Handing it to you, you tuck it away in your pocket.
Making your way outside, you notice the streetlamps were already on. Was it that late already? The guys had already finished their food, wrappers littering the inside of the cart. They were standing next to each other, like they were waiting. You walk up to George, cheekily pulling out the joint from your pocket.
“Sweet! But before that, we have something for you,” you look confused. Adam then takes his hands from behind his back, revealing a square velvet box. You take it, glancing at Matty. He nods, signaling at you to open it.
Inside is a silver necklace, in the shape of a star. Not any star though, it was the same shape as the tattoo you had on your hip. Before you could stop them, tears welled up in your eyes, dripping down onto the metal.
“Fuck you– did you really?” you ask, your vision blurry. They all nod, taking a step closer, giving you a half-awkward group hug. Matty stroked your hair, taking the necklace out of its box. His fingers are like electricity against your skin as he moves your hair out of the way, undoing the clasp of the necklace.
“Thank you so much– fuck i’m crying,” your hand wipes at your face, taking some of your mascara with it. “God, I'm so pathetic.” Your heart filled with love for your friends, and you gave them each an individual hug. Ross lets out a deep chuckle, wiping more of your tears. Fucking hell.
Mattys hug is long, once again burying his face into your hair. He squeezes you, his hands resting on your waist when he pulls away. You fight the urge to kiss him. No, not now.
Forcing yourself to get your shit together, you walk toward the giant, half-drank bottle of vodka, taking a swig.
You hear the others talking amongst themselves, with Ross raving on about the latest Macclesfield town game and how much they sucked.
“They played like the ball had been invented 15 minutes before they were set to play,” he scoffed, finishing his beer, smashing the bottle on the floor, the shards scattering around him. No one knew why he did that, he just did.
Matty was stood next to you, his shoulder pressed against yours, headphone wires between you. The sun was starting to set, the purple light making Matty look ethereal. You really, really wanted to kiss him. But you don't, instead opting to pick at your freshly manicured nails.
The two of you sat there, next to each other, neither daring to move.
—----------------------------------------------------------------
“You have to sanitize everything so you dont cause some sort of gnarly infection, yeah?” Rome explained, wiping down the needle with a disinfectant wipe. You watched intently, making a mental note.
He had agreed to teach you how to pierce people when you vaguely mentioned having an interest in it. Rome wasn't the best, but he had done your bellybutton pretty well, so why not?
The needle looked intimidating, your hands shaking slightly as you gripped the base. He was letting you pierce his ear for practice, on the condition you promise you won't completely fuck it up.
The jewelry he had picked was a silver cross with red details that shimmered when you held it to the light. You had commented on it, and he mentioned he had some similar jewelry for your type of piercing. Humming in response, you thanked him as he gave it to you, even going so far as to switch it out.
Rome was calm, trusting you fully. “Just slowly push it in, and thread the jewelry through the top part. After that, just pull it through. It's simple really, just don't fuck up.” he shoots you a grin, and you laugh at him sarcastically.
With laser focus, you pierce the needle through the marked skin in one go, ignoring his pained hiss. The jewelry went in without a hitch, and Rome got up to admire your work.
“S’not bad for your first time,” he said with a wink, and you roll your eyes, thanking him for letting you do this.
You say goodbye, giving him a peck on the cheek, slamming the front door shut.
Matty had called you earlier, asking if you wanted to come over to his. His parents were gone, and he had the house to himself.
Your bag clinked as you slung it over your shoulder, walking the short distance to his house. The setting sun shone into your eyes, and you take out those same sunglasses you had worn on your birthday.
Knocking on the door, it's not long before Matty answer. He's wearing a dark green zip up, black sweatpants hanging low on his waist. The skin of his chest peaks out from underneath the thick material. You swallow, hard.
He lets you in, and you make your way to the wine fridge (yes, wine fridge), pulling out an unopened bottle of Merlot. He takes two fresh glasses out of the cupboard, and you pour a healthy amount into them.
You and Matty spent most of your time getting hammered and talking nonsense and watching nonsense TV. Nothing seemed to make sense around him. Your heart was beating against your ribcage as if it was trying to break out of your chest. You sit down, laying your head down onto his chest.
The telly was turned up, some cartoons playing. You just couldn't focus on anything. You nudge Mattys hip, giving him a look and he knew. Getting off him, you sit down onto the floor next to the posh crystal coffee table. He came back, holding a baggie filled with more blow than you had ever seen in your life.
“Where'd you even get that much? Christ Matty, that's like 400 quid worth of the stuff in one bag.” he smiles at you.
“My parents are rich, remember? 400 quid is a dinner date for them.”
You can't help but grin, scooting closer to the table. He cuts two lines for both of you, and you do yours straight off the table, not even caring.
The two of you return to your previous position on the sofa, with you pressed up against his chest. You've abandoned the glasses, decided to just drink from the bottle. Who was watching?
His heart was beating in his chest, you could hear it. Your hands wander to his waist, pulling him close.
He loses a hand in your hair, scratching your scalp in the way he knew you liked. Your breathing is shallow, you feel lightheaded, all because of fucking Matty. You attempt to convince yourself there is nothing there, spending endless nights pondering, trying your hardest to get him out of your head.
His hand moves down to your jaw, playing with your earrings. His skin feels hot. You feel hot.
Matty turns your head, angling it toward him. You were looking at each other now. The look in his eye indiscernible as they darted all over your face, landing on your lips. His tongue swiped over his bottom lip, and he sucked in a deep breath before connecting his wet lips with yours.
Gripping the back of your neck, he maneuvers you on top of him. Both of your legs were on either side of his, straddling him. He moaned into the kiss, tilting his head slightly to the left.
You take over the kiss, biting down onto his lower lip, hard. He's breathless, gasping for air as he pulls away. You stare at each other, out of breath and sweating.
“What are yo-,” you start,
“Shut up, just– be quiet.”
He pulls you back in, your lips crashing against his. His hand travels down to cup your chest through your shirt, tweaking your nipple. He groans, the noise turning into a high-pitched moan as you dig your nails into his scalp.
“You like that?” you ask, giving his hair a tug. The whimper that comes out of his mouth is all the confirmation you need.
You stop again, and your eyes meet his. His chest moves up and down in rapid succession, and you can feel his heart beat even quicker.
“I don't- just please– fuck, don't stop.” he pleads with you, his hand trailing down your lower back. The look on his face is delicious. He's begging. A bead of sweat runs down his face, disappearing into his hair.
Your lips connect with his neck, biting down into his skin. The noises that escape him can only be described as pornographic, his voice reverberating through the room, the high ceilings amplifying them.
Continuing your attack on his throat, you listen to the sounds he lets out, drinking them in. It was music to your ears, hearing him like that. Because of you.
Matty presses a hand to your chest, making you stop.
“Maybe we shouldn't- I mean, wouldn't it be weird?”
You nod in agreement, sitting up on top of him. It would be weird around the others. You try to seem unbothered, it's not like you felt anything for him. Of course you loved him, as a best mate, and all of this had been a horrible mistake.
A nervous laugh leaves his lips, morphing into a genuine one. “Can you imagine? Us? Hann’d lose his mind.” you crack a smile, imagining Adam's reaction to your current position.
You slowly get off of him, turning your attention to the abandoned bottle of wine laying on the table. Picking it up, you gulp the rest down, wiping your mouth clean. Clean of Matty. You know it's wrong to want him like this, to want to feel his skin against yours. You ignore every primal instinct telling you to get back on him, to kiss him again, instead, you make yourself comfortable on the floor.
He turns the telly up, switching to a news channel instead. You didn't dare look at him, afraid of what you’d see. You feel a tap on your shoulder.
“Y’know, just because we stopped.. doesn't mean you can't like, lay on me and stuff.” he gestures to himself before patting the space next to him.
“Lots of people would pay good money to be able to touch me, so you better make the most of it,” a grin spreads onto his face as you get up.
You lay back down, settling into him completely. This is fine. This is totally fucking fine. Sucking in a deep breath, you turn your attention to the TV in front of you, losing yourself in the colors.
His hand searches for yours, intertwining your fingers with one another. What was he doing? A million thoughts run through your mind. One thing was clear, you definitely needed another drink.
Time passed, becoming more and more irrelevant as the hours ticked by. The two of you had moved to his bed, lying next to each other. Bon Jovi’s ‘Vienna’ played softly through your headphones, his voice piercing your thoughts. Despite what he might tell other people, Matty loved Bon Jovi. He would rave on about his music for hours, and you would listen to every word, a familiar warmth spreading through you. Adoration.
Matty had already fallen asleep, softly snoring into the pillow. You turned off the music, slowly taking out the headphone from his ear. He stirred for a second, muttering something in his sleep, but didn’t wake up.
You look at him, hair falling over his face in loose curls. The soft sound of his breathing filled the air, acting as a sort of white noise for you. You lay down facing him, and stroke his face lightly. He was beautiful like this, peaceful.
—---------------------------------------------------------
Morning came slowly, the sun gradually peaking through the blinds as it came up. Matty woke up before you, getting ready quietly before shaking you awake. You borrowed some of his clothes, pulling on a black and yellow striped shirt over a pair of his jean shorts. He opted for just layering a black tank top underneath the outfit he already had on.
The walk to the bus stop was quiet, the sound of chirping birds filling your ears. It was a Monday morning, so both of you were sober and ready to learn (ugh). Once again walking arm in arm, you had gotten to the stop earlier than intended, sitting down on the metal bench.
Neither of you spoke about the previous night. It was better that way. Matty got out a pack of cigarettes, pulling out two. One for you, one for him. He lights yours.
You spot the bus, throwing your half smoked cigarette to the ground, and he does the same. He leads you to the front of the bus, giving you the window seat. Matty loved the window seat.
His head is once again in your lap, acting like the past 12 hours simply hadn't happened. You were content with that, softly stroking his hair, curling and uncurling it with your grown out nails. “Let's skip last lesson,” he suggests “George is at his nans anyway. What's the point?” you nod in agreement, leaning your head against the glass.
Neither of you had bothered bringing anything today, both your bags only filled with lighters, makeup, and maybe the occasional notepad. The halls are unusually empty for this time of day, but you just brush it off. You and Matty trudge to the classroom, flinging open the door to be met with a very angry looking Mrs. Sexton
She has a go at you, yelling about how it's ‘incredibly disrespectful’ to come 15 minutes late to her class again. You offer her a shrug, sitting down at your usual table. Matty is quiet today, hungover and way too sober to say anything to the insults being strewn at him from a few tables back. The group of boys won't let up, chatting shit the entire lesson. You ignore them.
Class ends, and you’re walking down the halfway arm in arm, talking about how much Mrs. Sexton fucked you off.
“Look at him, fucking fairy, isnt he? Even his little girlfriend wont snog him. Disgusting,” They spit at you, laughing in their little group. The comment made about you makes Matty turn around.
“D’you know why i'm not snogging her, mh?” he stares daggers into the guy whoever dared to utter a word at you, running his hand through his hair. “I’ve been too busy fending off your girl, talking ‘bout ‘oh please make me cum Matty, my boyfriend never touches me right-” A punch to the gut punctuates his sentence, making him fall to the ground.
Matty doesn't stay down too long, getting up and throwing himself at the bloke who hit him, tackling him. He starts hitting him properly, throwing punches at his head. In turns, the guy smacks him across the face, making Matty roll off of him.
Eventually, the guys' mates pull them apart, spitting more insults at Matty and you. Matty spits on the ground infront if him, giving him a wink. The two of you then book it down the hallway to the nearest loo, locking yourselves in.
The moment you both look at each other, laughter fills the space. “You're mental, you know that?” you say through giggles, wiping the tears from your eyes. “He could've actually hurt you!- Fuck, your eye.” you see a gash underneath his left eye, it was bleeding.
Grabbing as much toilet roll as you could, you hold it to the cut, trying to stop the bleeding. “Oh, bugger off, it's nothing.” he says, wincing as you press down harder. “Don't even try to do your ‘oh i'm so masculine’ schtick with me, I swear to god.” your hand holds his head, making it easier for you to press the paper against his cheek.
Thats when you realise how fucking close your face is to his. He’s sitting on the closed toilet lid, and you're on your knees, of all places. Last night was really, truly, messing with your mind. His leg twitches slightly, eyes peering down at you. You can see him take a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly.
You feel a blush creep onto your cheeks as you look up at him. Silence fills the room, the only sound being your knees shuffling against the tile. His legs spread slightly, allowing you to scoot toward him. This is so fucked up.
“Can I kiss you?” his voice comes out meek and non-committal, eyes avoiding yours.
“Only if you look at me, Matty.” you answer, straightening your knees, making yourself taller.
He forces himself to meet your gaze, pulling his lip in between his teeth. You nod, bringing your face to his, but not letting your lips touch. That was his choice.
His eyes bore into yours, as if he was trying to peer into your soul. He probably was.
“You're so beautiful,” he says, sounding confident, sure. He closes the gap between you, his hand grabbing at the base of your neck. You moan into his mouth, your arms wrapping around his neck. The blush that was previously confined to just your face spreads all over your body, making you feel as if you were on fire. Matty lit your skin on fire.
Then, he did something you didn't expect. He got up, taking you with him. With a force you didn't think he had, he pushed you up against the wall. Your mind couldn't comprehend what was happening. His whimpers fill the bathroom stall as you rake your nails down his back, digging them into it.
You gasp when he brings a knee up between your thighs, pushing up further. Breathless, you pull away, gasping for air. His hand traces up and down your jawline, nails scratching the skin. He places a peck onto your cheek, then your chin, making his way down your neck. You have no choice but to moan whenever his lips make contact with your skin, silently begging for more.
The bathroom door slams open, a group of girls piling in. Matty slaps a hand over your mouth, stifling your noises before anyone could hear. They start talking, and all you could do was focus on trying to not make a sound as Mattys knee moved up even higher. You look at him, panic in your eyes. You desperately didn't want to get caught.
He listens to your silent pleas, lowering his knee from its position. His mouth catches your lips in another kiss. The two of you stay like that until the girls decide to clear out, closing the door behind them. He tastes like cigarette smoke, then again, so do you. He interlocks his fingers with yours, pressing them up against the door. His tongue dances with yours, and you feel sparks of electricity travel up your spine.
He moans your name, your hand gripping at the roots of his hair, pulling tightly. He seemed to respond most when you did that. He responded to pain. Your nails digging into his back, your teeth biting his lip. Everything suddenly made sense, especially the time you had cut his hair. Those sounds he had disguised as coughs weren't cries of pain, but of pleasure.
You file away that information for another time, if there would even be another time. “Let's get you home,” you say, pressing a hand to his chest. His expression caused you physical pain, looking down at you like a kicked puppy.
You didn't want to want him like this, but your body and mind had apparently made a different decision. You lead him out of the stall, out of the bathroom and down the hall, making your way to the parking lot. The air was thick, but somehow still comfortable. You could feel his eyes on you for most of the walk to his house. For the first time since you had met, you were the one walking him home.
Hugging him at the door to his house, he leaned in to kiss you. You let him, his hands gripping your waist like it truly was his anchor to reality. This goodbye felt different, it felt hard.
// Matty //
Picture a scene: A darkened room, the only light coming from cracks in the curtains. The sheets are cold against his skin, giving him a sense of comfort.
His hands trace down his chest, grazing the skin lightly. He repeats the movement, sighing as his fingers linger over his nipples. The room is warm, or maybe that's just him. Regardless, he takes off his shirt, throwing it into a corner somewhere in his room.
He thinks about the kiss. The way your bodies moved against each other as if it were second nature. It felt right. Your lips against his, moans leaving his mouth involuntarily. He broke the kiss first, not wanting to go too far. He so desperately wanted to.
He couldn't hold back in the bathroom, with you looking up at him like that, eyes full of worry for his well being. He had fought for you, trying to defend your honor like some sort of disney prince. It did work, but he didn't like to fight. It wasn't who he was as a person. It wasn't who Matty was around you.
He palmed himself through his boxers, a groan tearing itself from his throat. He imagined it was your hand instead of his, the mental image of you with him, in this position, made all the blood in his head rush to his cock. The pressure was almost too much. Almost.
He imagined you above him again, your eyes never leaving him, always looking at him. His body yearned for your attention, for your touch. The shuffling of his boxers down his thighs is incredibly loud in the near silent room, the bed creaking beneath him.
He wraps his hand around the base of his cock, the tip leaking precum. Tugging at himself, he closes his eyes, picturing you. The way your neck cranes to look at him when he's laying on top of you. The way your lips wrap around the opening of a wine bottle, the liquid sloshing down your throat. The way you kissed him, taking complete control of the action. Taking complete control of him.
He can feel himself getting close, teetering on the edge. His noises get louder, echoing through the room. Attempting to muffle himself, he shoves his head into his pillow, biting down. It's useless, he starts helplessly rutting into the mattress, begging for release. He imagines your voice, telling him to ask you for permission.
“P-please– fuckkk,” he stutters out.
No one can hear him, he knows that well enough. He just can't stop himself. He comes, hard, spilling into his hand.
He lays there, sweating, panting. The only thought in his clouded mind: You.
#matty finally gets some#kinda#the 1975#matty healy#ross macdonald#adam hann#george daniel#matty the 1975#matty x reader#matty healy fanfiction#matty healy x reader#matty healy x you#drive like i do#matty healy x y/n
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Hi! First of all I love your writing like they’re the best!
I wanna request like where the female reader starts noticing she gets stretch marks on her legs and 2007-2008 era Tom comforts the reader and it’s like fluff and then can u please turn it into smut I really wanna read a story like that I’ve never read one like this!
(Only if ur comfortable love you ❤️💗)
You're still beautiful my dear
tags/ warnings: body dysmorphia, tom comforting you, smut, tom showing and telling you how absolutely stunning you are, p in v, fingering, head , cursing, usual smut features, mentions of starving yourself
a/n: i hope this does you justice! and for anyone who has been struggling with this, or is struggling with this, I guarantee you that you are stunning, or handsome, and that you couldn't be any better. You are YOU, and that is perfect enough. I did background research on this, and I promise you that you are loved, that someone, or multiple, care about you and your well-being. you are not alone.
MDNI ⚠️
Your POV:
Standing in front of my mirror, I was getting more and more uncomfortable with these marks cursing my legs. They hadn't been there before, but I noticed them a week ago, and began to hate myself for them a little more each time I looked at them, the ugly scars on my legs. I hadn't told tom yet, too scared. I just hid them, and tried to act the best I could in front of him and the band, not wanting to worry them on top of their rehearsals, tours, concerts, recordings, and countless nights of little to no sleep. I had been seeing myself differently ever since, and I didn't like that at all. My body looked horrid, and I tried to hide myself from the paparazzi's flash cameras every left and right.
They always commented on my body, telling me how I wasn't good enough for tom, and finding these made me feel even worse. I nearly broke down into tears every night, trying to tell myself that I was me, that I was good enough, that those shitty photographers didn't mean shit, they were nobodies, but each time, the thoughts spinning through my mind in what seemed like a whirlwind of fucking negative ass train of thoughts kept coming back. The tears began to cloud my already hazy vision, streaming down my cheeks in a very short amount of time, my sobs echoing throughout the room so loud, I was scared tom would hear.
I didn't want him to hear, I wasn't worth the trouble. I caused enough fucking problems for him, so I just made my way to our bed, surrounding myself in the covers, continuing to cry, trying to be more quiet now. These goddamn stretch marks were going to kill me, whether that be mentally or physically. They shouldn't matter this much to me, but I let them matter that much. I let myself get this fucking way, hell I made myself this way, I thought, over and over and over again, so much it fueled my tears, letting out horrid sobs each time.
I knew tom would hear, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. I couldn't stop, and that scared me. It scared me so bad I couldn't move or breath. Before I knew it, tom was rushing in, hearing my cries, practically tripping as he ran over to the bed, getting in and holding me in his arms as I sobbed more, whispering small little things, trying to help me, but it wasn't working. His arms were rocking me back and forth, trying his very best to help me. My tears couldn't stop, I didn't let them. I was weak, weak as hell, not being able to stop, my head told me so many times, as I soaked his shirt with my heavy tears.
"Baby what's wrong?" He asked finally, pulling me back so he could see my face. I probably looked like shit, my face most likely puffy, reddened, and just overall terrible. I couldn't bring myself to answer. "Love, I can't help you if you don't tell me" He said, concerned for me. I looked up into his eyes, seeing pure fear and sadness in them while he gazed at me, my heart almost breaking once again. "I look awful" I sobbed, and his eyes widened, holding me even tighter. "Who the fuck told you that?" He demanded, now angered by my statement. "Everyone" I choked, trying to hold my tears back, even as my face was soaked just like his shirt, and I blamed myself.
"What?" His voice cracked, his anger quickly fading. "nonono aw schatzi, please, you're the most beautiful fucking girl i've ever laid my eyes on, you mean the world to me." He attempted to reassure me, but it failed. "The paparazzi, the tabloids, the fans, everyone, including me" I cried. "and my legs, arms, waist, torso, and chest all look like fucking pieces of ass" I said trembling in his arms. "You don't really think that of yourself, do you?" He said shakingly, trying to look into my eyes, to tell himself I was joking, and I wish I could. 'shameful, you should eat less, look at your stomach, so fat, so unhealthy' my head was making me so angry, that I was ready to start screaming, screaming so loud I may break glass.
"I have stretch marks, I look so ugly" I sobbed again, pointing to my legs, once perfect, but now hideous. He glanced down, trying to make them out. "I don't see any?" He asked curiously, eyes squinting and looking all over to find them. "They're all over the top of my legs" I pointed again, closer this time, trying my best to get him to acknowledge them. I don't know why I was so desperate to get him to see the shitty stains covering my legs, but I guess it was because I wanted him to see my pain, my agony. "Love, I don't know what the fuck those photographers and news reporters say about you, but I do know that I love you, and I love the way your body looks"
I sniffled, looking at him finally. "Really?" I gasped out, my tears slowing down. He nodded "yes love, you are the most fucking beautiful woman i've ever seen, your curves, your face, your eyes, your legs, your arms, your chest, all crafted by god himself. I couldn't find a woman better for me even if I tried" He told me, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I still wasn't quite convinced, some tears slipping and running down my face. He sighed, laying me down on the bed so my back was against the mattress, and my eyes widened. "Not tonight, please" I whined, but he shut me down. "Let me show you how absolutely stunning you are my dear, how perfect your body looks" He whispered, his lips beginning to work at my neck, and I moaned. "You're so beautiful schatzi, everything about you is, your marks just show how you've grown my dear" He stated, tearing my top off, revealing my lacy bra, barely covering my breasts. "These" he squeezed them gently, "are so pretty, they are always ready for me" he unclasped my bra, lips leaving my neck. His tongue lapped at them, sucking on the bud harshly.
His tongue swirled, his other hand kneading the other, small, delicate moans leaving my mouth as he continued to pleasure me. "So hot my love, all for me, only me." he murmured against my skin. "how could you not think you're gorgeous?" he questioned, eyes half open, kissing my nipples gently. My hands were clutching the sheets, holding onto them for dear life as his tongue worked wonders, soothing me. "so, so pretty" he groaned, kissing down my chest, teeth scraping across my underwear, teasing me. His thumbs hooked on the sides, slowly dragging it down, revealing my wet, hot slit to him. "this, this is the most beautiful pussy i've ever seen, and you deny that you are again, stunning? You take all that I give you, like the strong woman you are. I don't know any other woman i've fucked in the past couple of years who could do what you do, let alone do it better" He whispered, tongue drilling into my hole, making me cry out, my hands clinging to his hair, pulling on the braids, and he groaned yet again. "ngh..see, only you can make me feel that good, you and your beautiful body" he stated again while my eyes were rolling to the back of my head, his fingers began to form small circles on my clit near his tongue, and I gasped, my hips bucking up near his mouth while he pleasured me further, my moans growing louder, and my gasps getting shorter.
"That's it beautiful, such a pretty girl" he gazed up at me, seeing my fucked out face, how my features were contorted in pleasure. "Doing s'good for me my love, taking my tongue so well" he praised, while my body was convulsing under his touch. "Ah!" I cried out, my orgasm washing over me, my thighs shaking when I came, tom licking up all my juices, praising me over and over as he lapped up everything, and lifted his head. I grunted, my hips and thighs still shaking. "you looked so pretty love" he tore his pants off, along with his shirt, showing his defined and toned chest. He went straight for my clit, rubbing the tip of his cock against it, creating friction as I groaned. "your little noises are so beautiful love" he grunted, as he thrust himself in, bottoming out within seconds. I gasped, and he signaled that as a 'don't tease' and began to pound in and out of my body, making the bed shake with each thrust. I kept moaning as my small frame was rocked back and forth, my hair disheveled as I took his dick, trying to hold myself together, but that was impossible, as his length felt so, so good sliding in and out, combined with my slick juices, our skin slapping together. Every noise I could ever make escaped my throat, filling the room as our passion continued. "Fuck, you feel so good, who's sweet little pussy is this?" He asked, demandingly, stopping for a quick second so I could answer. "yours" I let out, a moan making its way from my mouth, and he smiled. "Good girl" he had an evil smirk across his sweat-dampened face, and he began to thrust again.
"S-slow down! Please!" I begged, trying to stop him, the assault on my feeble body. He shook his head, pinning me down. "Not until you realize you motherfucking beautiful you are" He growled, drilling deeper into me like a piston, hitting the spot that made my legs go weak each time, causing trembly sobs to escape my lips. He didn't ease up, and the knot in my stomach was beginning to form again. Tom must have felt it too, because he spoke up, his thrusts slowing just by a tiny bit. "You aren't cumming until you say how beautiful you are" He demanded, his length just sitting in me. I moaned in frustration, and finally gave in. "fine, i'm beautiful" I could barely form the words, and I didn't really want to say them to begin with. "Not good enough, I want you to shout it while I make you feel good" He grinned, resuming his thrusts, and I screamed, my eyes reeling in the pleasure. "Say it, now" he growled again, pistoning himself, so rough my body fell weak under him. "Im beautiful!" I screeched as I came, my thighs wrapping around his waist, holding him against me tightly. "Good fucking girl" He panted, his release taking him seconds later, his hips snapping against mine. "You think you're gorgeous now, or do I have to fuck you again?" He asked, kissing me roughly.
I shook my head, my eyelids starting to shut and open back up within short spurts. "Thank you tom" I sighed, leaning into his neck once he collapsed onto me, burying my body into the mattress deeply. "You're welcome baby, never do that to yourself again, please" He pleaded, wrapping his arms around me, never daring to let me go. He pulled out, his cum slipping out, and he leaned over to the bedside stand, grabbing some tissues, and cleaning me off, murmuring small whispers of praise, sweet words leaving his mouth. He got up and threw the dirty tissues away, settling into the bed, taking me into his embrace. "You okay? You're still a little shaky liebe" He asked, obviously concerned. I nodded, and gave him a small kiss on his lips before falling asleep, content, knowing when these little episodes came, he would be there for me, ready to help in any way possible.
A/n: I know I mentioned this yesterday, but @madzandmore received a very similar request to this, so again, please please PLEASE, stop requesting the same ideas
#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz imagines#tom kaulitz#itsmealaiah#tokio hotel x you#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel#tom kaulitz smut#tom kaulitz angst#tom kaulitz x y/n#tom kaulitz x you
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Dallas Seavey at the Ceremonial Start and ReStart of Iditarod 52. Dallas. Seavey. The kid that believed he was on a trajectory for an Olympic career and not a dog mushing one. Oh, sure, he was like many others of his generation who not only grew up in the presence of many great mushers - all the while helping his dad build a successful racing kennel - but one who watched Iron Will and tried to recreate many of the scenes from the movie... but as he often told tourists - he had no desire to make it his life like his dad had.
Then injuries sidelined his Olympic wrestling dream (was on his way to making the 2008 USA team) so he came home and continued helping his dad build monster teams.
After a while running the puppy team just wasn't enough. Puppy teams are competitive and if you know Dallas even a little bit you know the dude is extremely competitive.
He studied like he was working on a Masters Degree. No one knows the science and stats of the race more than Dallas. Guarantee it.
He won his first title in 2012, then again in 2014, 2015, 2016... took a break after his second place finish in 2017 (we won't rehash the whys) and came back in 2021 to win it again (granted the shorter "Gold Loop Trail" - thanks Covid - but he battled the Rainy Pass Pony Mafia so it still is a huge accomplishment). His '21 race meant he tied for most wins, sharing that record with the legendary Rick Swenson. Swenson was one of Dallas's childhood heroes... and Dallas had broken or tied just about every record Rick had.
This year, Dallas won number six. He is the winningest Iditarod Champion.
It wasn't easy. In November he and two of his handlers took teams out on a training run. His handler running many of Dallas's top dogs was hit by a snow machine. Dogs were killed, some injured with career ending, life altering injuries. The mushers were physically all fine, but mentally... mentally it took a while to feel "normal" on the runners.
Dallas borrowed dogs from his dad to make a competitive Iditarod team, it wasn't ideal - but he'd done it before. The Ceremonial Start and ReStart seemed to go on without an issue. Crowds cheered the musher on and he quickly slipped into the routine.
Monday of race week rolls around. Dallas' birthday. Early that morning an aggressive moose plowed into Dallas' team, the only thing for the musher to do was dispatch the moose. If you've followed the race you know what happened next. Dallas did not properly gut out the moose, one of his dogs was injured but it wasn't noticeable right away (dog is fine now), he was penelized for the improper dressing out of the moose. Dallas was not going to win.
Then things changed in the second half of the race. Teams who decided to try to outrun Dallas who was already dealing with time penalties pushed too hard, too long, too soon. Dallas caught up. And then Dallas did what Dallas does.
And now Dallas Seavey is the only six time champion in the history of the race.
That's a wild ride. (see what I did there? no, oh, well.... you can find out what I mean here.)
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#dallas seavey#dallas freaking seavey#team seavey#i was team seavey before it was cool#he's still a booger#yeah I fangirled#proud of my friend okay#iditarod#iditarod 52#iditarod 2024#mushing#sports legend#goat#greatest of all time#legendary#legend#seavey#dog sports#dog photography#sport photography#winter sports#alaska sports#sled dogs#dog mushing#alaska#alaska life#iditarod photos#iditarod champion#champion#photography by antonia
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Kat watches Moon Knight
Okay, so with the encouragement of several people on here and the emotional support of my roommate, I have finally (in February 2024) started watching Moon Knight, a show whose basic concept scares the shit out of me.
Context: I had an adopted older brother with DID. Note that I said "had". That's past tense because life treated him so appallingly poorly that he died (horribly, in prison) when I was 19. Part of that abuse was enabled by pop-culture depictions of DID in the 1980s and 90s that convinced everyone who knew about his condition (including the court system) that he was a walking time bomb.
One of my earliest memories is of my brother as a young adult, playing Super Mario Bros with my toddler self. Another is of him patiently teaching me how to make friends with a large dog. I never met any of his alters, afaik; I was small and cute and safe for him to be himself with, so he probably didn't need them around me. He was a profoundly gentle man when he was allowed, and it hurt like hell to see him turned into a monster in movies and on TV. I've turned off a lot of "psychological thrillers" in sorrow and disgust.
Ironically, I loved Moon Knight comics as a kid in the 90s, BEFORE he was retconned to have DID circa the mid-2000s. Because those comics came out right after my brother died in 2002 and leaned HARD into making people with DID seem like violently unstable monsters (for reference, see the cover of Moon Knight: God and Country), I stopped reading them around 2008, when I couldn't take being poked in the trauma by a comfort character anymore.
But I do love Werewolf By Night, and there's been a lot of good fic mashing Jack up with Moon Knight without dehumanizing anyone, and several people have encouraged me to try the show. So this post will be a place for my thoughts as I try to work my way through with my Essential Editions in one hand and my memories of my brother in the other. I'll add to it as I watch.
If this entertains the Moon Knight fandom or provides useful fic reference, so be it. Just don't be jerks on my post.
Also, anyone who chooses to be shitty about my brother will be eaten by bears. I don't make the rules.
Episode 1
Okay, we open with Steven as our POV character, and he's...convinced he's a sleepwalker. All right, not terrible. Steven is now a bumbling nerd, which is probably an improvement; good luck making a billionaire playboy sympathetic in the 2020s. Jake would be the logical everyman POV from the comics, but I understand from fic that he's got a different role now. I'm confused about the accent, but it's only episode 1, and Steven clearly doesn't yet know who Khonshu is, or that Marc exists, so obviously there's a ways to go here. (Is Marc ... undercover inside Steven? Ugh, this is a trope I have seen and do not like.)
Did Marc kill Steven's fish? Did Khonshu kill Steven's fish? I'm baffled by the fish. Which is a nice break from the larger anxiety. I'm gonna try to worry more about the fish.
The bits with Steven losing time and finding himself in odd situations were distressingly close to the old tropes, but both of those happened to my brother, so I'm not going to bitch about them quite yet. I want to be as fair as I can.
Oh, hey, I recognize Harrow from the comics. What up, dude. How's the cult biz treating you?
The end of the episode, with the jackal thing chasing Steven into the bathroom, came RIGHT up to the line for me. I realized that what I was most afraid of was that the story would assign "good" and "bad" labels to the alters--make Steven the sweet, innocent one and Marc (or maybe Jake, I guess) the monstrous killer. The early flashes of Steven covered in blood didn't really help allay that anxiety. And now Marc is demanding that Steven let him have control in a pretty threatening manner. But so far, it seems like the contrast between Marc and Steven is one of competence--Marc is better at fighting and Steven is better at ... panicking? Unclear. At least Oscar Isaac is playing the protagonist, so his character(s) might remain sympathetic. Nobody has been monsterized quite yet.
I finished the episode with every muscle in my body locked up, waiting for the emotional punch in the face. But I did finish it, and I think I'm gonna try episode two.
#kat watches moon knight#moon knight#marc spector#steven grant#i guess I'm processing trauma again#hello trauma my old friend
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