Your Ulquiorra plans are very intriguing, he may be one of my faves from the og- How does he survive exactly and how does he end up in the court guard?
Do they let him roam and leave him be like the crow problem or do they eventually have dedicated arrancar babysitters? What is Ulqui the most curious about, is there certain squads he hangs around in more than others? Does his social awareness get better or does he try obliterating some poor sod because they stood in the middle of the hallway for too long? Does he manage to make some friends?
He do be a blorbo fr
Asking for a friend obvs and not for a Squad 9 ficlet at all *clears throat*
...so he actually ends up in the Royal Realm, not the court guard.
Specifically, when everyone else finally manages to subdue Aizen, Gin yoinks him off to the Royal Realm to be fed to the Life Machine, Ulquiorra zips through the portal after them, because he's determined to finish actually kicking Aizen's ass.
Instead, Ulquiorra ends up inside the Actual Soul King Palace, with exactly no supervision.
Being as the total population of the royal realm is 5 super-captains, a couple dozen assistants of dubious autonomy, and Gin, it's not hard for Ulquiorra to go do whatever the hell he wants undetected for several weeks, and when people do start noticing that things are amiss-
Kirinji is having a deeply paranoid reaction to the sudden appearance of masses of black hair in the drains of some of his hot springs.
At first he thinks he’s going bald, but then he begins to suspect the other guards… and then that this is, somehow, a message from Tama. The Kodoku is almost done, isn’t it?
Not wanting anyone to learn his secret, he tells no-one.
Hikifune notices that some of her food is missing- high protein, fat and iron stuff like pork belly and calf liver, but also candies and fruits.
At first she thinks there’s rats again, but then realizes- This is what someone used to starving takes. She prepares a more nutritionally balanced care package for him, along with a note that he’s welcome at her table any time.
...Hikifune didn’t kill the Mod Konpaku- she smuggled as many as possible into the royal realm with her as sous-chefs, but she couldn’t get all of them, and some still shuffle in, drawn to their mother. She hopes her lost children will all come home soon.
Not wanting to jeapordize the safety of her children, she tells no-one.
-Senjumaru is initially *pissed* that SOMEONE not only stole a pair of denim short pants from her latest collection, they used her good fabric shears to CUT HAIR, but then she gets a better look at the black fur and WOW this is terrific long fringe stuff what is it it’s too soft to be horsehair, too long to be rabbit and there’s LOTS of it???
Well.
She supposes they can have a pair of Jorts in exchange. She leaves him a note to make an appointment next time, she’ll make him something that fits instead of whatever is on the rack.
Not wanting to lose her position or the possibility of a new friend, she tells no-one.
Ichibe gets up in the middle of the night because he’s feeling restless- something is nagging him, trivial but irritating, like a pea irritates a princess, and goes into his studio to practice strokes and katas to soothe himself.
But in the middle of the studio, standing over the good paper, is some sort of DEMON with glowing green eyes and horns and terrible bat wings and… jorts? He’s so startled he doesn’t immediately strike the wretched thing down OR read it’s name and it scrambles away, the tail knocking over everything in the middle shelf of his inkstand and splattering it *everywhere* before it jumps out the window and flies away.
Ichibe curses and gnashes his teeth- everything is MESS, and FURTHERMORE, The Damn Thing has used up his good hot press paper and written the most AWFUL poetry… in unfortunately extremely good calligraphy.
Deeply embarrassed, he tells no-one.
...They're all WAAAAAY too paranoid and secretive to actually *tell* any of their colleagues that something weird is going on.
Except Oetsu, who assumes Ulquiorra is a Zanpaktou spirit that's crawled out out the pit from which all spirits he builds swords for emerge, and that absolutely nothing unusual is going on at all!
Sure, Batboy is a little bit weird and talks like a Bryonic protagonist, but it's nice to have somebody to actually *talk* to for once.
Oetsu has never actually *been* to spirit world for any extended period of time, and is maybe a little iffy on some of the specifics of some of the latest happenings of the last 2,000ish years.
Like that Arrancar exist.
Sure, Batboy's got a weird hole in his chest, but Oetsu does not immediately associate weird negative space in a dude's torso with him being a hollow. He deals with MUCH weirder-looking spirts all the time!
Eventually, Gin realizes Ulqiorra followed him into The Royal Realm, but he doesn’t seem particularly bent on Destruction.
If anything, he seems to have gotten a good bath, filled out a little bit, gotten a sword, some MUCH better-looking trousers and some mysterious ink stains and overall calmed down and looks better.
...Good for him!
But Gin’s got a lot of work to do, so Ulquiorra is now his intern!
Ulquiorra: What’s an Intern?
Gin Uh. An intern is a guy who lives in the office closet who brings you snacks!
Ulquiorra: …That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about internships to dispute it.
Gin: Whatever, just bring me a rat or something.
Ulquiorra: …How about some ham?
Gin: That’d be great actually.
Ulquiorra: Get hammed, idiot. *throws ham at Gin but he catches it in his mouth like a dog catching a frisbee*
Ulqiorra, after a few minutes of watching Aizen get taffy’d: So what’s all this… for?
Gin: *Explains The Life machine, and it’s subsequent befuckening*
Ulquiorra: We should ask Orihime to do this. She’s the smartest person I know.
Gin: You know like four people, and the other three are the SOB in the taffy puller, a cat, and me. That ain’t a high bar.
Gin: …she is still smarter than both of us though. Hm.
Ulquiorra spends a few months like this- wandering around exploring, visiting and gradually getting better at deciding to do things on his own initiative, and to just... enjoy existing.
Meanwhile, Orihime has been working on working out the math behind how Kido Spells are composed, and cracked into the language of Soul King and The Life machine.
She’s worked out that there’s something squiffy about some of the spells- two kinds of logic, like there are two authors. (One is the Life machine’s original programming, the other is Soul King’s edits to Reality to improve the wheel). The second logic makes more sense for how reality actually operates, but isn’t as complete. -She’s puzzling over this discrepancy when Shiro wanders over and makes a bad “Maybe he’s Dead?” joke
Orihime: ...that would explain a lot actually. See this line right here? It’s like. Half of a new spell. And also the most recent change I could find. It’s like whoever was writing this got interrupted halfway through and just. Never came back to it.
Shiro: Oh.
Shiro: …Can you finish it?
Orihime: ...I think I can, actually, but. Well, I can’t figure out how he was making the edits stick? Like? Where was he inputting this that the spell actually changes reality?
Ichigo: Aizen was trying to go to the Royal Realm where the Soul King lives, right? Maybe the terminal to edit the mainframe is up there?
Orihime: ...
Orihime: Oh my god. I think you’re right.
Orihime: Well, the universe didn’t implode so I'm pretty sure Aizen isn’t editing there, but…
Orihime: *Takes out Matsumoto’s old spirit phone which she stole along with Hitsugaya's when she got kidnapped to Las Noches, frowns at it for a while, then dials a number on it*
Ichigo, shiro: ??
Orihime: *Holds up a finger to indicate she’s on an important call and they need to be quiet.
Someone answers
Orihime: Ulquiorra?
Ulquiorra: Bwah?
Ichigo and Shiro: BWAH??
Orihime: We have a lot to talk about, but I need you to answer a few questions for me, please?
Ulquiorra: ok???
Orihime: Where are you, right now?
--
Ulquiorra is in Hikifune’s kitchen, snitching food again.
Ulquiorra: …A Kitchen.
Orihime: in broader terms. Living world? Hueco mundo? Soul Society?
Ulquiorra: uhhhhh… none of the above?
Orihime: is it an additional plane of reality?
Ulquiorra: yeah?
Orihime: Is there a large palace or something like that in it?
Ulquiorra, worried: Yeah??
Orihime: is there, anywhere in that plane, but probably in the palace, a place with a lot of math text in it, like I was writing on the walls of Las Noches?
Ulquiorra, alarmed: Yeah???
Orihime: Oh, good!
Ulquiorra: It is?
Orihime: Well, yes, but listen- Listen, okay? UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE, TOUCH **ANY** PART OF THAT WRITING.
Ulquiorra: Why?
Orihime: the universe might end.
Ulquiorra: …I’m gonna go lock that room real fast.
Orihime: Thank you. Call me back when you can and we’ll talk, okay?
Ulquiorra: Yes Ma’am! *Hangs up*
--
Ichigo: WHAT
Shiro: YEAH, WHAT
Orihime: Good news! Nothing broke yet!
Both: Yet?
Orihime: I uh. I’m pretty sure. That nothing broke. And that Ulquiorra is kind of technically guarding the place where God edits the computer code that makes up reality.
Both: …
Shiro, despairing: THAT FUCKING MORON??
Ichigo: yeah, that’s not “Good” news.
Orihime: It’s fine! Just so long as nobody breaks in there, it’ll be fine!
Anyway, I hope that helps, and it's GRIMMJOW that ends up drafted into the Court Guards :)
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Archangel Zaphkiel ♄
'Alchemist of Life'
Talon Abraxas
In the hierarchy of angels, Zaphkiel is chief of the order of thrones and one of the 9 angels that rule Heaven; also one of the 7 archangels. He can watch people when they need to make important decisions and when they need to put them into words for others. If they are unsure of the words, he will help them to make the message more clear. The leader of the Erelim, he is associated with the planet Saturn.
The Grimoire of Armadel says that Zaphkiel teaches the functions and abilities of the fallen angels while they were still in Heaven. He also can tell the magician information about the fallen angels such as their places of habitation and how they were created.
According to Johann Georg Faust, Zaphkiel appears on Saturday morning at 1am, 3am, and 8am, then again in the night at 9pm and 12pm. He is in a human form surrounded by many other spirits. Its magical image is "A man like brilliant bronze, clothed in a Robe of white linen, holding an Inkstand in his hand."
The Archangel Zaphkiel
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