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sissytobitch10seconds · 7 months

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Be My Own

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows Summary: Inej has had her freedom in the form of her invisible wings and her ship for quite a while. All it takes is one hand in the wrong place from the wrong person for her to feel it all being taken from her. Warnings: Past sexual slavery, past kidnapping, PTSD, flashbacks, self harm, and dissociation Word Count: 4,814 Ship(s): Inej Ghafa/Nina Zenik/Kaz Brekker/Matthias Helvar/Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck

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A/N: I know that this is pretty similar to the one that I wrote for Kaz but I tried to have Inej dissociate more than have flashbacks necessarily. I also tried to be as respectful to Inej's trauma as I could be while also drawing from my own experience with sexual abuse, so hopefully this comes off okay. This one is pretty heavy, so be warned before you go in. Heed the warnings! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

The sea breeze always whipped the edges of her hair back in a mad frenzy. It reminded her of what it was like to walk the highest of high wires, the ones that she had strung up between the silos all those years ago. She found it a little endearing that her hair was the only part of her body that she wasn’t able to command like a Grisha. No matter how many times she smoothed it back into increasingly elaborate braids and cages, the smaller strands around her face escaped so that they could grasp her ears and cheeks.

The smell reminded her of both of the homes that she had known before she had come in possession of the Wraith. Back in Ravka, her family had moved along the coast very often when they were going between cities. The beach had been one of her aunt’s favorite places, so the uncle that was married to her would try his best to persuade the family to stay and practice there for as long as they could. The sea there had smelled crisp and fresh in a way that she had only experienced when she was out sailing on it. Back in the other home that she had known, in Ketterdam, it smelled almost black and foul with the heaviness of the trade that happened there. The crisp bite of the saltwater was tainted by boats and the fish that they carried from deep within the sea.

That was the scent that they were approaching now, but they were still far enough away that she was drowning in memories of being a child. She could let her heart sing back to the place that had taught her everything she needed to know for scaling the crows’ nest to spot land before they hit it and watching for other ships, while staring dead ahead at the place that had taught her how to take down slavers without so much as giving them a second thought.

She walked from the prow of the boat over to the side, where she folded her arms and leaned heavily on the railing. She watched as the dark blue water turned aqua and then white, lapping at the paint that spelled out the name of her boat. They would have to repaint it soon, just so that every slaver and druskelle ship that they encountered knew who was taking them down.

Inej was jerked from her thoughts when another body joined her. She turned and smiled when she heard the familiar voice say, “Captain.”

“First mate,” she greeted with a gentle head tilt in reply. Jessie was a young boy but he was the best sailor in the entire crew. Allegedly, his mother had chosen to give him up and abandoned him at one of the sea master's houses with a note pinned to the front of his baby blanket. Even he himself didn’t know if that was actually the truth or if that was just the romantic nonsense that was left over after years of it being passed around. He was taller than Inej by a head and covered with the same wiry muscles that her brother and cousins had been. He was also the only sailor on her ship that got to sing the Song of the Drowning, which was an old Kerch song said to bring misfortune to those that hadn’t survived a sunken ship if they were to sing even a note from it, inland or not.

“Are you excited to be back in Kerch?” Jessie asked, kicking at the desk with the toe of his boot. He reminded Inej of Jesper in that way, he always had to be moving. She assumed that it was because he had grown up on boats and the constant motion had been a necessity, but it might have also just been a Fabrikator trait.

“Of course I am,” she beamed. They were heading back a little ahead of schedule because they had come across a stream of slaver ships and their decks were full of the people that they had helped rescue. Most of them were Kerch Grisha who wanted to return to their homes despite the risk that came with that. Inej respected the freedom of choice from every single person that she and her crew rescued, even if she knew that she was bringing them back to certain death. They had left a double handful in Ravka which meant they were a little less crowded for space, but there was no way that they could complete their mission and possibly load more people onto their boat. “Are you?” Inej asked, watching his posture.

“Yeah,” he gave a decisive nod. “I feel like I haven’t seen Katie in forever. I’m going to ask her to marry me one of these days, when I have enough money to buy her a proper Kerch ring. I wanted to make something but I just don’t think that I’m good enough.”

She sized him up for a second, trying to figure out what would soothe him best. She knew that Katie was the girl that was always waiting back for him in the harbor, the one that Kaz knew was the best at growing and making poisons in the entirety of the Barrel and maybe even Kerch. That was how she had found out about Jessie in the first place, and it was just luck that he hadn’t picked a crew after his last one had been swallowed by the waves when she wanted to recruit him. “When I proposed to my girl,” she started, watching him again to see what his reaction was. The rest of the crew was aware that she had a partner of some sort, someone she always returned to when they went inland, but none of them had ever bothered to pry to find out who it was.

“You have a girl, Captain?” he asked, raising one of those mischievous teenage brows at her.

“Is that surprising to you?” Inej couldn’t help the smile that was spreading across her face. She desperately wanted to be able to find her brother, but Jessie reminded her enough of him that it soothed the ache during the long voyages while they were saving other people.

Jessie stood back and looked her over like he was trying to solve a particularly interesting puzzle. “Nah, I don’t think so. You look like the type to have a girl, I just never thought of it before.”

“Where did you think I was always rushing off to when we docked?” she laughed.

“I guess I just assumed that you had a large collection of pet snakes that you didn’t want to leave on their own for too long,” he shrugged.

She snorted and then knocked their shoulders together. He grinned back at her and leaned against the railing of the boat like she was. They were quiet for a bit before Inej said, “When you propose, don’t worry too much about the ring. Do it some place that you both find romantic and speak to her from your heart. If she really does love you then it won’t matter what kind of jewelry she gets to wear around her neck while she’s working.”

While she spoke, she brought her hand up to the earrings that decorated her left ear. It was a tradition of her people, since they worked with their hands, to pierce the ears when they took partners. Inej had one for each spouse, which she had gotten after she had proposed to them or they had proposed to her. Legally she was only married to Kaz, but spiritually she knew that her Saints had acknowledged her relationship with all five of them. She hadn’t proposed with any jewelry because there were different customs for each of them, even Kaz and Wylan had grown up in completely different circles. Instead they had gone out and picked what they had thought fit them best.

Matthias had given her something that was made out of steal, hard but still shiny and beautiful. Kaz had given her something that looked like a talon and was made out of silver, refusing to buy gold. Jesper had given her something that he had made himself, shiny and a little lopsided and made from stone. Wylan had given her something that was made from a chemical compound and hung off of her ear like a water droplet that would never fall. Nina had given her something close to a ring that she wore at the very bottom of her ear. She cherished every single one of them and only took them out when she needed to disguise herself or clean the jewelry.

She let out a little sigh when one of the other members of her crew called Jessie away so that he could help with something. They were nearing the harbor faster than they had been before as the wind picked up with an oncoming storm, which meant that it was going to be all hands on deck sooner than she had anticipated. She let her thoughts whisk her away as she fell into the steps that she had so many times before, working with her crew the same way that she always did when they were pulling into dock.

The refugees were shuttled over to whatever embassy they needed, escorted by lower ranking members of her crew, and Inej was free to leave them. Jessie and Katie had already found each other again because she always had the almost uncanny ability to tell when he was coming back home, even when they were off schedule.

Inej was excited to be back in the arms of her own lovers, so left many of the things that she would want back in her cabin to collect later so she could get back home sooner. She stuck to the shadows and checked out every single building that she walked by like she always did when she was back in Ketterdam. When she was on her ship, it became the Wraith, the known danger and threat that hurt people who abused their power, but when she stepped off of it she took that spirit back into her.

She was apparently distracted enough with the conversation that she had with her first mate and thoughts of her spouses to not notice that another body was barrelling towards her. She only became aware of it when a hand wrapped around her waist and a broad chest that she didn’t recognize was pressed all the way up her torso to the point where it echoed over her head.

The hairs on her arms stood up while every muscle in her body shifted into a rigid, totally inflexible state. She was frozen in place like her feet were unable to move, to help her get away from the feeling that was spreading out from the deepest point of her gut. She was trapped in place, in her body, even though she had long since learned how to be free. Her jaw set and her eyes stared down at the ground. It felt like a million little bugs had come awake just underneath her skin and then had begun skittering and moving around so that nothing felt like it was under her control anymore.

Inej felt her soul seize up in her body until she felt it recede back into the dark place in her mind that she had utilized when she was working back in the Menagerie. It had been years and years since that had happened, but that space was always lurking in the background to bring her back into its comforting arms.

She stayed back in that place in her mind even after the body hurriedly moved off of her. It was like she was watching the entire world move around in through a screen, unable to reach out or scream or get the help she needed. She jerked slightly when the body moved off of her and her hand instinctively reached down so that she was gripping the handle of one of her knives.

“I’m so sorry, I thought that you were my wife, the two of you are about the same height,” the man that had reached around her explained. He looked like he was being genuine, but the part of Inej’s brain that was swamped with panic and hurt and pain was struggling to believe him. She only just barely registered that he was speaking in Suli and his ear was pierced with the same kind of earrings that she wore for her own partners.

Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth and her heart even heavier in her chest. She gave him a once-over and then turned back around. She didn’t know what she would do if she kept looking at him or if their conversation ended up dragging out. If he had actually mistaken her for someone that had given consent for that to happen, which she deeply wanted to believe because that meant that there was still good in the world, then it would be wrong of her to hurt him.

Her body was moving completely on its own without any input from her. She remembered back to when she was working at the Menagerie, when she had been nothing but another pretty or expensive ornament on the wall. She had played the part and tucked herself away in the little black void that she was sitting in now. Something else had been driving her body so that she could work and stay alive without the pain of the whips and fans that Heleen used to beat her girls when they misbehaved. She had believed back then that it was her Saints, helping her out of her mind and her body so that she didn’t have to face the trauma that she endured, driving her limbs for her.

She didn’t know if it was the Saints now, the ones that were guiding her nimbly through the streets of Ketterdam, but she felt just like she had back then.

Inej barely even registered it when she unlocked front gate of the Van Eck mansion and then walked through the front door. Wylan and Jesper were in the front office, talking to one of the other members of the Merchant Council. Nina and Matthias were likely out on a date since it was the day after the full moon, which was always when they went out. Kaz would be in one of the properties that he owned while dealing with some business himself.

She was glad for it, this once, because she wasn’t sure that she could actually face any of them at the moment. She loved them with her entire heart but she couldn’t bring herself out of her mind and the thought of being touched or ogled or perceived made her want to stop being.

Slowly, she trudged up the stairs to the floor where they stayed. She saw Marya out of the corner of her eye and half registered her name falling from the older woman’s lips but she couldn’t bring herself to turn. She felt like she was a walking zombie, the dead brought back to life by the bastardized power that rested in her wife’s chest.

She wanted to be back on her boat, on the freedom of the seas with the wind whipping her hair and her crew surrounding her. She wanted to be sheltered in the Slat on the window seat that Kaz had made especially for her. She wanted to be anywhere than where she was right now, replaying the moments that she had felt like this before.

She found herself standing in the hallway, motionless and stuck the same way that she had been when she had stopped feeling like herself. When she heard the door downstairs open, she rushed to the bathroom as quickly as her feet would take her. She wasn’t elegant and silent as she had been before, but awkward and uncoordinated and scared.

The door locked behind her and she began to strip herself out of her clothing as quickly as she could. She had always worn something that was form fitting, it worked better for the aerial stunts that she had done as a child and then again when she needed to be silent and hidden while working with the Dregs. Now she couldn’t stand the thought of the fabric clinging to her body the same way that the man had.

She turned on the faucet to the bathtub and got in before it had even begun to fill the basin. It was as hot as it would go and when it touched her, it almost felt as though her skin was boiling off. She whimpered as the pain echoed through her legs and up to her already aching soul, but she stayed in it. She had to burn off the feeling of hands she didn’t know and didn’t want crawling over the skin and body that was meant to be hers.

Inej didn’t know how long she had sat in the bath, but at one point she had turned the faucet off so that it didn’t overflow. She must have been in it for hours because by the time that her thoughts snapped back to the present, the water around her was cold. Her skin was tender both from the reminiscent feeling that was creeping over her and the exposure to the increasingly hot temperature of the water.

The thing that snapped her from her thoughts as a knock at the door and then the voice of someone she cared for deeply. “Inej?”

She tried to open her mouth to say something but the only thing that came was a sob. She felt more out of control and panicked than she had before. It was like the last bit of control and safety that she had gained through the lock on the door and the heat of the water slipped through her agile fingers. Her mind barely even registered who was speaking to her, unable to put the deep baritone in its place, but she knew that it wasn’t going to help her now. She curled forward on herself after clasping one of her hands over the lower half of her face and began to cry. Her entire body shook with the force of every single sob that tore its way out of her throat and into the open air around her.

The next person that came and said something to the door was different, they felt safer for a reason that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Inej, beloved one, I want you to get up and open the door for me, please. I won’t come in or look if you don’t want me to but I have to make sure that you’re okay.”

Inej struggled out of the bath but didn’t bother to stop any of the tears racing down her face. She grabbed one of the towels from the linen closet beside the huge basin and then wrapped it around her frail body. She sniffled slightly as her hand fumbled on the lock, another wave of tears echoing out over her when she finally got it open and revealed herself to Nina.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Nina asked, reaching out to place a hand on the other woman’s face. Inej stepped back as though she had been burned, terrified that the itching and crawling feeling she had just barely gotten to go away would come back and overwhelm her if someone touched her again.

Instead of getting upset like she had half been expecting the other to, Nina just put her hands up so that Inej could see them both. “Can I come into the bathroom?”

“No,” she answered, her voice hoarse from crying. One hand grasped onto the towel that was covering her nudity and the other was clutching the doorframe. “I want some clothes.”

Nina looked her over and then nodded, her face infuriatingly neutral about the whole situation. She carefully stepped back and then walked down the hall so that she could get the requested items.

Where she was locked back in her own mind, Inej was furious. She was screaming at her body to move and speak and feel the way that she wanted it to. She hated Heleen and the men that had first grabbed her for making her feel like that in the first place. She resented her parents and the rest of her family for not protecting her like they had promised her that they always would. She resented every single kruge and being that stepped through the door of the Menagerie to take another part of her sanity, of her ability to love her spouses, of the very being that she was.

She didn’t move from the doorway the entire time that Nina was gone. She only jerked back when she saw the other return, her arm moving from the doorway to grab the clothing before she snapped the door shut. The towel fell away from her body and she refused to turn her head towards the mirror to see what she looked like.

If it had been any other day, she would have seen the mornings spent giggling while writing silly messages with Jesper in the steamed glass, or the afternoons spent peacocking with Nina while they got ready for a date, or even the evening that she had made Kaz truly look at himself so that he could see that he wasn’t a monster. But it wasn’t any other day, it was that current day, and she knew that if she looked in the mirror and saw herself looking back then she would never be able to step back into her own body.

The massive white shirt that she had been given certainly didn’t belong to her. Based on the way that the cuffs were frayed over the buttons, she was guessing that it had belonged to Matthias. All of Kaz’s shirts were frayed but darned, Jesper’s were frayed all around the cuff from worrying them, and Wylan’s were neat because he rolled them up when he worked to avoid them getting dirty. Nina’s would have had lace, which Inej was actually grateful that she didn’t have to deal with.

It went over her head and then fell down over her naked body without a single issue, billowing around her like she was a ghost in a play. When she didn’t have to worry about her nakedness being on display, she slipped the pair of smalls on underneath it so she didn’t feel exposed.

Inej grasped the edge of the counter as she sunk down into a squatting position. She did the tricks that she and Kaz had worked on during his panic attacks to try and bring herself back. She didn’t want to feel like this, she didn’t want to give more credit to the people that had hurt her and tried to destroy her.

So instead she focused on the way that the woven material of the rug felt under her left foot compared to the cool of the tile on her right. She flexed the muscles of her hand and felt the sharp edge of the counter digging into her fingers. She could feel the way that her smalls were grinding against her guts because she hadn’t quite tied them right in her hurry to be covered. She could feel the way that the wetness of her hair clung to her forehead and the back of her neck. She could feel the way that the billowing cotton hanging from her shoulders creased and folded on the top of her legs.

Eventually, she felt the inky blackness that had wrapped around her slip away so that she was filling out her legs. Each of her fingers and toes were back under her control, her eyes and ears fully belonged to her. Her body was no longer under the control of her Saints, who were only trying to protect her, because she was enough herself that she could do the protecting.

Inej rose and then collected her clothing and the towels. She placed them into the laundry shoot after she had fished out all of her knives and her shoes. She walked back to the door with them still clutched in her hand and bowed her head shamefully when she saw that her wife was still standing out in the hallway. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she tried hard not to start crying again.

“You don’t have to apologize, Inej,” Nina shook her head. “I think you’re actually incapable of doing anything wrong. But I am worried about you. Did something happen on your trip?”

She shook her head. She stepped out of the bathroom and the two of them began to walk down the hall, towards the master bedroom. Inej knew that she was pushing it a little bit by going there so quickly after coming back to herself, but she wanted to prove that Heleen had no hold over her anymore. “My trip went fine. The problem came because I was distracted while walking to meet you all. Someone mistook me for their wife and he touched me like the guys used to back when I was working at the Menagerie. Suddenly all I could think about was how I felt back then and I guess my body went into fight or flight.”

They had arrived at the bedroom, so Inej carefully placed each of her knives where they went on her vanity and then tucked her favorite shoes back where they belonged with the others. Nina was sitting on the edge of their grand bed while squeezing the life out of her skirts, “Did I help?”

“You did,” Inej nodded. She swallowed down the anxiety that raised at the thought of being touched again, reminding herself that she was safe. “Would you braid my hair?”

The elation that lit up Nina’s face was worth any feelings of panic brewing just underneath her heart. Inej walked over to the bed with her comb and brush, which she handed over as they got into their position. It was something that they had done often when they first got together and only increased in frequency after they were married. It soothed Inej to have someone that she loved pulling at her hair, guiding the strands to be apart from others and then to be twisted in the way Nina saw fit.

After they finished, they both crawled underneath the covers of the bed and tucked against each other. Wylan and Jesper came in a while later, hanging back while they checked that it was okay. Inej gave them the same explanation that she had Nina, which made her giggly when she saw the anger that crossed Wylan’s usually soft features. She felt herself melting into happiness when she was wrapped up in their arms.

Matthias joined a while later, Axel dozing by his feet despite their constant promises that the dog wouldn’t join them in bed. They had been trying to find Trassel, the wolf that Matthias had trained with back when he lived in Fjerda, but it was hopeless after that much time had passed. Matthias had mourned a little bit more and then gotten another puppy that he could train and love. Axel was a massive wolfhound, enough dog that he could pass in public but enough wolf that he had stolen Matthias’ heart immediately.

“Inej?” Kaz asked from the end of the bed almost twenty minutes after she had started dozing.

“Yes?” she hummed, rolling to look at him.

“Did I hurt you earlier? When I knocked on the door to the bathroom?” he asked. He sounded every bit like the scared teenager she had first demanded a lack of armor from. She hated it when he got like that, but she also knew that the worry would be soothed easily.

“You didn’t. I was scared and not myself. Will you come to bed?” she asked, patting the blankets next to her where Jesper was doing his best imitation of a murder victim in his sleep.

“Not today,” he shook his head. He removed his glove and reached across the space to her, allowing their bare fingers to linger against each other for a while before he tucked himself away. She knew what it was like to have a bad day, she was having one herself, so she didn’t push it that time. He had essentially told her that he loved her, and that was all she could ever really ask for.

Heleen and the slavers had taken so much from her, but they would never be able to take away her resiliency or her love.

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moonstruck-poet · 3 months

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The Confrontation

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - three times where the Crows find you two in suspicious situations leading them to conspire and the fourth time when they learn the truth.

Warnings - Assault, Harrassment

1. Nina

"You ready?" Nina Zenik questioned, quickly giving the surroundings a scan before pinning her eyes on you. "The minute Kaz joins us, you have to leave".

You exhaled and nodded, trying your best not to wince at the obnoxiously tight corset and trying to breathe properly. "Was this the only available option?"

"Thr most suitable option," she corrected and smirked after looking at you.

"Stop checking me out when I'm literally struggling to breathe, Zenik. Remind me why is it not you instead of me? Saints know you're better at this," you grumbled and shivered as the cold hair brushed against your off shoulder gown.

"Because unfortunately I'm the Heartrender here, aren't I?" She grinned and you glared, understanding that this was quite amusing. "Ah! There's your ticket," she nodded towards Kaz who was stumbling his way towards you, slightly out of breath.

"Here it goes," you sighed, smoothing your outfit. Somehow this simply seemed a much difficult job that gutting someone in the right place. Using a knife was just easier.

Kaz, now much closer gave you a nod, his eyes glinting as he gripped his cane tightly and you understood. You merely smiled softly before shooting Nina a wink and entered the club, your eyes immediately narrowing down on the target.

Your brain was replaying all of the tricks that your dear friend had so graciously shown. You weren't dumb of course, you knew the basics but she had a degree in flirting.

And so you braced yourself and appeared in front of the man, trying to hide a cringe when his gaze instantly swept over your physique shamelessly. A small flame of anger burned internally and you would be sure to use your favorite dagger very soon.

Meanwhile Kaz and Nina were sneakily observing from the window while also keeping an eye on the environment.

"She seems to be getting the required information," Nina exclaimed but her smile soon fell upon seeing the scene. "Oh Saints no," she whispered and Kaz, who had his back to the window whipped around.

His dark, dangerous stare found you with ease and his body tensed at your uncomfortable face that you were trying so desperately to hide.

He saw the way that man pulled you closer with every passing second until you were pressed flat against him, his foul breath staining your bare shoulders as your body shook with contained fury.

His fingers skimmed your skin while his lips brushed against your cheek and all Kaz wanted to do in that moment was to stride inside and take you out of his grasp.

But he was still talking, his lips moved and so did yours. You were still trying to wrangle every little piece of information you could possibly get while also trying to keep yourself safe.

"Kaz," Nina said urgently upon seeing the malicious smile on the stranger's face. "That's enough she needs to come out".

"I can't do anything," he said bitterly. "It'll just give out our position and put everybody in danger and I cannot have that," he finished, hating every part of himself.

"I like you, sweetheart," your target whispered, his face inches away. His breath fanning you, reeking of alcohol. "I wish to see you again. Please?" He asked, his voice manipulative and he dragged his lips from your shoulder to your neck.

"Of course," you murmured back, your tone deadly which he didn't seem to notice. "You'll see me soon. Very soon indeed".

"Perfect," he grinned against your cheek before kissing the skin and you stepped back with a smile, not breaking eye contact until you exited the door.

And immediately your flirty facade shattered and your were consumed by a dark energy as you rounded the corner, your pace increasing with every step.

"Oh Saints," Nina said as soon as you reached the meeting spot. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am," you teased, a wicked smile but Kaz wasn't fooled, not at all.

He looked at you, trying to pick up every noticeable change and he sae many. The twitch of your eyebrow, the small frown appearing on your lips which was quickly replaced with a grin and the slight shudder of your shoulders.

He didn't think of anything at all as he removed his coat. "Here," he offered, his dark brown eyes burning into yours.

"It's okay, Kaz, I'm alright-"

"-Take it," he said firmly and when you didn't move, he put it over your shoulders and you almost sighed at the warmth. His touch was so gentle, so secure, a constrast to the emotions plaguing you moments before. "Are you okay?" He asked again.

"I want to go home," was all you could reply as you looked longingly at him, hoping that your eyes were enough to convey all of your feelings. "Please".

Kaz nodded, looking down as pain struck his chest. He could handle numerous difficult situations, but when it concerned you, he was always vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly, his voice barely heard as he scanned your face, having an intense urge to place his palm on your cheek but the mere thought made him flinch. However he remained rooted to the spot, not backing away because he knew that you needed him at the present, and he wasn't leaving you.

Someone cleared her throat and that was what made him pull away.

"Extremely sorry but we have to move," she said softly and he nodded, his jaw clenching as he gave you one last, tender look before walking away.

The two of you followed and you clutched the coat around you tightly, a small smile threatening to break out on your face as you replayed the interaction with your dearest.

Meanwhile the Grisha was observing her friends quite eagerly, her eyes switching from one to the other. She had her suspicions from the minute she saw Kaz's panic-stricken face, and then the said person lending his coat confirmed it.

She saw his face contorting in sadness upon seeing your highly uneasy figure back at the club, saw the way his fingers fidgeted constantly because he felt helpless. In conclusion, she saw him lose control.

Kaz Brekker never lost control.

She should feel guilty for using her abilities on her boss, but how could she not? When a particular heart was thudding unbelievably as soon as his eyes fell onto someone else's. The beating had only seemed to intensify when he had put his coat around your shoulders.

The trip to the Crow Club was spent in silence. Everyone's mind being occupied by very different thoughts.

"There you are!" Jesper's cheery voice snapped them from their daydream. He slowly jogged over to you, excitement evident on his features. "Want to play a round of cards?"

All you gave him was a small, forced smile. He just looked so happy and you didn't want to be that person, "Let's go then".

"You don't have to," Kaz suddenly spoke making everyone stare in surprise.

"It's fine," you replied but he still gave you that look. The one where his eyes were just a tiny bit wide, eyebrows slightly raised to wordlessly ask if you were sure.

You nodded offering him a twitch of your lips before joining Jesper, Wylan and Inej at the table, helping yourself to some bread.

Nina had of course watched this soundless interaction quite seriously, and now she had some very interesting points that would definitely be shared with the other Crows; minus you two obviously.

"Now this seems fun," she said to herself, smirking at the way Dirtyhands had his eyes glued to you the entire time.

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2. Wylan & Matthias

Having a lazy day at the barrel was something that happened once in a blue moon, because Mr Brekker made sure to always keep everyone on their toes. Today was one of those rarest days that the Crows actually had no job and so naturally they were lazing around in the club.

Jesper and Nina were gossiping, holding a small muffin in their hands as they whispered amongst themselves, probably sharing the headlines of all that had happened in the Barrel.

"You're sure? Our Kaz? Kaz Brekker losing control like that?" Jesper asked, double checking to make sure they were talking about the same person.

"Yes Jesper!" Nina sighed. "His heartbeat seemed to skyrocket the minute his eyes fell on her. I wss actually worried that he might have a cardiac arrest or something.

"Djel help me," Matthias muttered. "She's too good for him to ever say yes".

"Oh come on," Nina insisted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "They're made for each other!"

"I don't know about that but they do make quite a pair," Inej added, her face screwed up in concentration.

"There's definitely something going on," Wylan whispered, putting on his scheming face as he analysed his thoughts.

Meanwhile Nina was now feeding another round of conversation to her gossip partner who was enjoying it very much indeed.

"No way he went over to the Dime Lions!" Jesper exclaimed mid-bite, his mouth opening as he registered the statement.

"He did indeed Jes," you walked down the stairs interrupting their conversation. "Rumour had it that he was paid handsomely as well".

"Of course he was," the gunslinger snorted before shaking his head.

"Where were you?" Nina asked, her eyebrow raised in question and all four heads turned to hear your answer.

"Kaz's office," you said and sat down on one of the couch, not noticing the small smirks painted on everybody's faces.

"What's he doing in there anyway?" Inej asked, having sharpened her knives and taking yours making you shoot her a highly grateful look.

But before you could reply, the said person called from from above, "Love! Have you seen that Kerch document that I had shown you? Where did you keep it?"

Silence. Complete and utter silence followed his statement as the Crows glanced at each other, their expressions the epitome of flabbergasted.

"Check in your bottom right drawer!" You shouted unaware, standing right below the floor so your voice could be heard better. "I've kept it along with other related files".

The minute you went back to your previous seat, you felt eyes staring at every inch of your face making you suddenly look up. "What the hell?" You asked, being startled at seeing every gaze pinned towards you.

"Did he just-" Jesper began but Wylan elbowed him harshly.

"Nothing," he answered sweetly, ignoring the sharp glare thrown his way. "How about we go visit the marketplace? You said you'd show me some firing powders".

"Yeah let's go," you nodded, putting your gun in the holster and donning a black leather jacket over your shirt. "Anybody need anything? I'm not going to get you fruit loops, Jesper," you narrowed your eyes before the boy could even utter a word.

"But you told me that-"

"But you also happened to have eaten three packets yesterday. So no. Absolutely not".

Inej and Nina snickered at the banter which was surely an everyday occurence. Jesper always being the hopeless little kid and you unintentionally acting like his older sister.

The said boy was looking at you with wide eyes and a small pout and you groaned in exasperation. "Fine! I'll get you some stop looking at me like that!"

"I love you so much," he grinned and shot a wink your way.

"Whom do you love?" Kaz Brekker asked, walking down the stairs and towards him with a raised eyebrow. Everybody fell silent at his impeccable timing to arive during the most unwelcoming moments.

"Her of course!" Nina butted in, pointing towards you before Jesper could reply and Matthiss noticed the way the Demjin's face contorted and tightened.

Kaz shot the Zemeni a small glare, not knowing himself that he was actually doing it before turning to look at you and all of the other crows saw the way his gaze softened considerably.

"Should we leave then?" Wylan broke the silence and tugged at your sleeve and your attention snapped to him.

"Yes yes let's leave," you followed him, almost at the door when Kaz called your name and you halted. "What's wrong? You need anything?" You questioned softly as he walked closer.

"You forgot this," he merely said and handed you a necklace that you had forgotten on his desk. It was only Wylan who actually saw the pendant and his mouth hung open.

You took it from his hands, fingers gently brushing against his gloved ones and he instantly felt a small amount of warmth seep into his very soul.

You lit a spark with only your touch.

You ignited him.

"Thank you," you smiled and quickly clasped it around your neck, tucking it inside your shirt so it would be hidden from privy eyes. "See you later, yeah?"

He nodded, hands tightening on his cane as he watched you leave. He never got round to telling you that he had wanted to spend this day with you and you only. But unfortunately you had plans and so he remained silent. Not wanting to be a hindrance.

He couldn't even remember the last time he had spent some quality time with you. Being too busy finding new deals and searching for missions that he couldn't properly acknowledge the best thing in his life.

When did he last take you out somewhere except for sneaking around to gather valuable information? You loved having hot chocolate late at night, when had he ever bought it for you despite knowing that the drink was your favorite?

You deserved so much better, his mind kept telling him. He couldn't even bring himself to give you the comforting touches that he knew you longed for. You never said a word but he saw it in your eyes. Whenever a plan had gone too complicated and particularly difficult, all you needed was a good embrace. But he could only ever bring himself to hold your hand. Nothing more.

And he hated himself for it. Despised every inch of his self because of his inability to provide for you. It killed him inside.

You were lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. And he was twisted, crooked, wrong but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for you.

He was so lost in his thoughts that his sharp instincts failed to notice the stares that were currently burning holes in his face. "What?" He snapped and was on his way back to his bedroom when they stopped him.

"Goodness Kaz you actually look sad," Nina concluded, fighting the smirk that was quick to spread on her face.

"I have no reason to be upset," he rolled his eyes and started climbing the stairs slowly, his leg throbbing with slight pain.

"Wylan's right," Matthias said lowly. "The demjin is infatuated".

Wylan on the other hand was busy geeking over the chemicals that were presented in front of him. "How did I never know about this!" He said in delight and you chucklef at the way his eyes lighted up. "These are so much cheaper too".

"Get whatever you want," you squeezed his shoulder and he nearly jumped in excitement. "I'll just quickly go and get something from that shop, yeah?"

He nodded and you crossed the street to enter the clothing shop, smiling to yourself upon seeing beautiful coats lining the walls.

"Can I see some black shirts and vests, please?" You requested the man who nodded and placed numerous boxes on the table. "I'll take these three," you smiled, selecting two dark grey shirts and a gorgeous black vest that you knew would suit your man well.

"Oh hey! Didn't see you coming in".

Wylan simply laughed and examined the clothes that were being folded neatly and transferred in a bag. "For you?"

"Oh no," you shook your head and paid the kruge, it was a little expensive but it's fine. You could give him a gift every now and then. "It's for Kaz".

His eyes widened in surprise just a tiny bit and his lips stretched wide as the two of you exited the store. But then he suddenly grabbed your hand and pulled you towards an artefacts shop.

"How would this look on Jesper?" He said and pointed at a hat which was exactly what the gunslinger preferred.

"Absolutely perfect".

"Hey take a look at this," he directed your attention towards a few bracelets kept neatly in a box, making sure to keep his trained on you to pick up on every little change.

Your hand instinctively flew towards a handmade one woven with black thread. It was quite simple but had an intricate design. You loved it immediately and wasted no time in purchasing the little present.

"Let's go?" You asked, almost forgetting for a moment that you weren't alone. While the boy had his arms crossed and a knowing smile on his face as he followed your lead. Having an intense conversation with himself in his head.

It was almost night when you entered the Slat again and two of the Crows were lounging in the basement itself with the exception of Inej and Nina.

"I'll be back in a few," you whispered to Matthias who nodded and you climbed up thr stairs, eagerly wanting to give Kaz the gifts you had brought.

He waited until the sound of a door closing was heard before looking at Wylan who had a cheeky grin on his face.

===============================

3. Inej & Jesper

"Look at his hand!" Matthias whispered under his breath and nudged Wylan whose eyes shot towards Kaz Brekker. And indeed, a black bracelet was clasped onto his left wrist. Not that noticeable but nowadays nothing could ever escape their sharp stare.

"I've never ever seen him wear anything synonymous to jewellery," Matthias muttered and passed the message to Nina who perked up with a bright grin, as though struck by an inspiration.

"Watch me," was all she said and the the two boys glanced ahead in apprehension as she neared your location and bumped into you quite harshly.

"Saints!" A small shout escaped your lips as you were thrown backwards onto Kaz who was right behind you.

"Goodness I'm so sorry," Nina immediately apologised, not being sorry in the least as she rather scanned the couple's reaction.

Your back was pressed against Kaz's chest while his gloved hand, the one wearing a bracelet was wrapped securely around your waist, holding you against him. You placed your palm on top of his in reassurance, and your heart started taking up its pace.

"You okay?" He murmured in your ear and helped you stand up straight as you nodded; and he shot a deathly glare towards the heartrender, who gave a grin and sashayed her way back to the boys.

"I'm fine, thank you for that," you whispered before returning to the documents that were scattered on the table.

"You saw that?" She joined the duo with an excited expression, her hands flapping in front of her. "He didn't even flinch at her touch! It was almost like-"

"Like he's used to it!" Wylan completed her sentence and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Usually he'll push the person off for even invading his personal space, much less someone actually falling on him," Matthias added and she agreed.

"Ghezen this is going much better than I expected. Fifty kruge that they're already together since the past few months".

"Oh yeah?" Jesper interrupted the conversation with the biggest smirk on his face as he sat down, joined by Inej who was shaking her head with a smile. "Hundred kruge says that they've been married already".

"You do know that you're horrible at betting, don't you?" Matthias asked, raising an eyebrow at the large sum.

"But I think Jes is right on this one," Inej supported him making the said person's grin widen if that was even possible.

"What's making you so sure?" Wylan asked, quite suspiciously.

"Let me ah- tell you a little something I saw," his brown eyes glinted as he recounted the miracle that he and Inej had seen.

Jesper was walking on his usual route that led him back to the Crow Club with the Wraith beside him. They had both finished their parts of the job and had met on their way home.

"You got some intel?" He asked, his eyes scanning the various treats that were covering the shelves of stalls.

"Nothing," she answered with a sigh. "It is the same. He comes in everyday sharp at 7 in the morning and leaves exactly at 5. There has been no change at all".

"I think I'm going insane," he suddenly whispered and stopped dead in his tracks making Inej tense up immediately as she looked around for any threat.

"What's wrong?"

"That- That's Kaz isn't it?" He questioned, unable to believe the words that were on their way through his mouth. "In a- a goddamn flower shop?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed lightly but her she too froze upon seeing a familiar figure standing merely a few metres away. "Saints that is Kaz!"

"Let's go," he nudged her and she hesitated, not really wanting to pry but curiosity certainly gets the better of everyone. They walked closer silently, hiding behind another store which gave them the perfect view.

And there he was, the bastard of the barrel holding a beautiful, red rose in his bare fingers. Yes, he did not have his gloves on. Something that was noticed by the two.

They saw as he paid the small amount of money and began trodding down the road, his cane held tightly in one hand and the rose was held in the other that was hidden behind his back.

"Breadcrumbs," Jesper smirked at her and she let out a laugh as the two followed their leader, becoming increasingly suspicious. They didn't have to wait for long as the person that they had expected arrived soon enough making the two Crows grin.

"Nina was right after all," Inej muttered as she watched you waving at Kaz to gain his attention and the spying people stepped closer, wanting to hear the conversation that would surely grant them something.

"Hey," they heard you whisper, sounding slightly breathless.

"Hi," Kaz replied and took a tiny step closer so that his shoes were touching yours making you bite your lip. "This is for you," he added and presented the rose, his eyes hungrily scanning yours for every little change that he itched to see.

And you rewarded him with the grin that he oh so loved. When your mouth fell open slightly in surprise before morphing slowly into a gorgeous and breathtaking smile.

"For me?" You asked despite yourself, gently taking the flower from his hand and twirling it in your fingers. "Are you sure?"

A small frown marked his face, "Of course I am. Why do you ask such a thing?"

"Is it not for someone else? Maybe a pretty girl that you're thinking of wooing to help you get whatever information that you need," you teased, your lips pressed together.

"Darling," was all he said. His voice low, deep as he stared intently into your eyes, tilting his head to look even deeper. "There is no one like you," he finished and let a small smile form on his hardened face.

Jesper who had been listening with every ounce of concentration had to slap his palm over his mouth to prevent a squeal from escaping his feeble clutches. It was only for Inej roughly smacking his arm and dragging him away that he managed to not give away their position.

"Hence proved," he concluded his story with his arms extended to the present crowd who were utterly and completely shocked.

"No way that actually happened," Matthias grumbled, muttering to himself while Nina looked like she'd just received all of the available waffles for free.

"I'm a genius," she laughed heartily and chugged down a shot of whiskey in celebration of her matchmaking skills.

"I'm so going to win that bet, Zenik".

"Don't count your pigeons before they're killed, Fahey. We can't be so sure that they're actually married".

"We have to ask them!" Wylan urged, sitting up straight and looking at them for their opinions.

"We will," Nina nodded firmly while the rest appeared unconvinced. "Tomorrow".

"Let's hope that we're not murdered in our beds later that night then," Jesper sighed but he too couldn't contain his excitement.

===============================

4. The Confrontation

"Kaz," Nina said in delight as soon as the man climbed down the last step.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day when you're actually looking happy to see me," he retorted making her roll her eyes.

"We need to talk," Jesper elaborated making him raise an eyebrow as he took in all of his Crows minus you and Inej sitting with their arms crossed and heads held high.

"Does it concern me?"

"Of course it does that's why we're asking!"

"Saints give me the strength," he muttered under his breath before looking at the lot. "Go on then I don't have all day".

That's when Inej entered the scene, dragging you along with her and making you stand next to Kaz. "What's going on?" You questioned, heavily confused and looking around for an answer.

"We need to ask you something," Wylan answered your request.

"I gathered just as much".

"Are you going to ask or not?" Kaz growled in annoyance, his patience running thin.

"We just wanted to know-"

"I've been wanting to ask-"

"We had a feeling that-"

They all began together but not one could complete their sentence until Jesper was the one to blurt it out.

"You're married?"

Kaz and you stood still, dumbstruck before visibly relaxing and you chuckled, "That was quicker than I expected".

"I don't think four years is quick, love," Kaz responded, his lips stretching just the slightest making the crowd explode.

"FOUR YEARS?!"

"YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY MARRIED!"

"WHEN DID YOU EVEN START DATING?!"

"HOW ON EARTH DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO PULL HER OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE??"

"Ask him about it," was all you said and sat down on a chair with a very obvious smile adorning your pleased face. Everybody fell silent at once and you knew you had said the right thing. Nobody sensible would ever dare to question Kaz.

Jesper glanced nervously at him, "Can I atleast see your ring? Just to you know, have some confirmation?"

You laughed and pulled the necklace out from under your shirt, revealing a thin but elegant silver band encrusted with a small diamond at its center.

"K- Kaz?" Wylan asked, or rather pleaded.

To their surprise, he took off the glove of his right hand to reveal a similar ring resting beautifully against his pale fingers.

"Saints I win!" Jesper said in disbelief and stood up straight, slowly turning his head to look at Nina. "GIVE ME MY KRUGE!" And all watched as the girl slowly backed away, probably hatching an escape plan and ran swiftly with him hot on her heels.

"That was something huh?" You grinned and looked at your husband, slowly leaning over to intertwine your fingers with his.

"Quite," he huffed lightly but couldn't stay annoyed for long and alas, he too smiled. Not a particularly big one, rather a small, gentle twitch of his lips. One that was only ever displayed for you.

His eyes held the entire universe as he admired you from the side, looking at you as if you had hung those few stars that formed his constellation.

===============================

Taglist :-

@phoenix666stuff

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #Kaz Brekker x wife!reader #kaz brekker x oc #kaz brekker fanfiction #six of crows #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #nina zenik #kaz x reader #husband! kaz brekker #kaz brekker ff #shadow and bone #crooked kingdom

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