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papirouge · 9 days

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Did you see the whole Romeo and Juliet drama with the black actress?? I went to Twitter fully expecting idiotic white people making fun of her, but I was surprised to see so many black people, black women included, calling her ugly like wtf....

Because many Black women online love behaving stupid and don't know how to stay on code. The internet is a wide place where we are in mixed company ; even if they think that Black girl is ugly, there's no point shouting off the rooftops how ugy they think she is, beside giving ammo to racists who'll be like "look how Black women are comfortable calling each other ugly - might as well do the same and no one can tell me I'm racist for that since Black people themselves say it about themselves :)"

And inb4 "but White people call each other ugly all the time !!" WHITE PEOPLE HAVE WHITE SUPREMACY ON THEIR SIDE. White people literally marketed ugly unconventionally looking women as "attractive" and "unique looking" (look at high fashion models...). In french, we have the word "jolie laide" that literally means "ugly beauty" to define ugly women whose ugliness make them pretty/attractive. That "ugly" White woman that's being made fun of still has a space where she'll be hailed for her unconventional features.

WHITE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SMART ENOUGH TO CREATE A SPACE FOR THEIR UGLY WOMEN TO STRIVE. THAT'S A PRIVILEGE THAT WE BLACK WOMEN DONT HAVE YET. That's why it's pointless for us Black people to compare ourselves with the Whites and how they treat each other. We're not here yet - we can't behave like we had the same cultural prerogatives as them (that's also why dunking on respectabilities is dumb because Black people ratchetness will ALWAYS bear a bigger toll than White people ratchetness in WHITE society).

I would be very curious about how many of those "Black" women dragging that Black actress are actually light skin or biracials though, because we all know how uncomfy there women get whenever an unambiguous darskin Black women gets casted as romantic interest/feminine roles. I've been caught up in The Bear lately and the takes of non Black chicks arguing the relationship and Carmy was pLatOnic and Not GoiNg aNywHeRe are very elightening on that aspect. You can BET if Sydney was a bland White woman or an exotical looking like Zendaya they wouldn't have that much problem to see a valid romantic interest in Syd.

Those people just have an exceptionnally high bar when it comes to Black women anyway. She has to be exceptionnally attractive to them to ever consider her as a possible love interest.

And one last thing : I definitely believe the execs who pulled out this movie knew exactly what they were doing when they choose to cast a Black woman. No better promo than rage bait - and you can always count on them dumb racists & self hating Black people to talk about a mid movie no one would have checked beside this outrage.

#answered #anti blackness #black women

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evilspitefulviledisgustingmalice · 1 year

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🧌 obviousbaitaccount Follow

American queers are actually all racist because being oppressed is cultural appropriation

🦩h3refr0mtw1ttr Follow

Um... Actually, this isn't true. According to social scientists in [Country] we should eliminate cishet white men entirely and that would end all our problems forever.

🗣️ generic-cueball Follow

source pls

🦩h3refr0mtw1ttr Follow

Check ur privilege sweaty ❤️

🐊notstraightiswear Follow

This is why we should separate the LGBTQ because only gay men who regularly sacrifice a trans person to the sun god are valid as real queers

🍕d0nt-think-jst-talk Follow

Be more inclusive! Lesbian GIRL BOSSES can also sacrifice fellow queers to the sun god to prove that they are deserving of human rights

❤️‍🩹ilovedge Follow

This is a result of modern western imperialism💔 American citizens are inherently evil and THEY'RE the reason for all or problems

🍕 d0nt-think-jst-talk Follow

inb4 "we should address racism, homophobia, and imperialism themselves instead of advocating for the annihilation of a group"

🍕 d0nt-think-jst-talk Follow

now that I've formulated a proper counterargument against myself, if anyone else says it they look like an NPC

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weaselbeaselpants · 3 years

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Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism; the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day, but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with. Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa. It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton. Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #critical fandom #I'm sorry to all the people I messaged n bothered over the past year bout my stupid thoughts #tw: stalker

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artsynimbus · 4 years

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hello! and welcome to my tedtalk about how racism is rwby is godawful/godawfully executed :)

inb4 if this subject makes you uncomfortable, don’t read, move on to lighter posts----

anyway M&K and their ‘Racism’ in RWBY disgusts me- not to full on rant.. but I just find it funny how even in 2020 its very much a fact that racism is alive and well but also a very foreign concept to people who genuinely have never experienced an inkling of it in their lives.. these same people though love the idea/thought that being ‘aware’ of what the word means and how its overall construct is bad, is kudos enough for them to walk around with a fake woke badge hence the title..

Miles and Kerry dance around the subject of racism and drop sprinkles of it in the form of Blakes cat ears lowering when someone doesn't like her for being a faunus or the reoccuring old man with the bald head/busted hairline putting up a sign that says ‘no faunus allowed’.. thats it. The real damaging stuff that ends in black coded characters being abused, tortured or murdered via this very real construct in this fantasy world- ignored, never shown, told or roughly implied.. Also M&K had a whole character whos hatred of humans was born from this construct, branded on his whole face- but rather than get anything from that- they switch up his character from a menacing villain with a vague goal ( like cinder and roman) and hate for humans to an emotionally broken fuckboy pissed off that his ego was bruised by a girl who left his side.. and then to top it off they kill him.

Yeah all of that , while making sure the construct of racism is alive and well, and our main (human/whitecoded) characters who aren’t affected by it at all, move on and do fuck all- ignoring/aiding the problem that has been introduced since V1, addressed by only blackcoded characters, and solved by no one.. What is the overall message people are supposed to take from that? Suppress, write/kill off characters who have been affected by racism if they’re being ‘mean’ about it but keep the construct around cause why not- and our ‘heroes’ dont have to give a shit about it cause, it doesn’t affect them so why bother??? what a goofy mess and a grim overall image of the world of remnant and how similar it is to parts of the real world... but im not surprised the writers have a weird interest in fetishizing lesbians so i wouldn’t be shocked if they have a weird fixation getting off at the idea of oppressed people suffering just cause it mirrors real life.

but going back to our heroes and main characters who arent faunus.. Are these the heroes im supposed to like?? all of them doing nothing to address or even attempt to change a system that affects their faunus friends?? one of them is matter of factly related to one fo the main sources of the problem that plagues the faunus, but she hasn’t done anything about it right? Nah can’t have her do anything to aid that, cause then how will she and her family continue reap the benefits from this obviously terrible construct that allow black coded characters to suffer and her family to prosper? (Not gonna lie her growth is nice but why isn’t she doing anything about her family's dust company profiting off illegal faunus labor? Why hasnt that been addressed since v1? No ones talking about it anymore so its magically gone now??)

M&K: oH bUt ShE sPoKe Up AnD dEfEnDeD bLaKe WhEn PeOpLe WeRe BeINg MeAn To HeR!

yEs tHaNkS To tHiS, ThE RaCiSm iN YoUr eMoTiOnAlLy mAnIpUlAtIvE AnD MoRaLlY BaNkRuPt sHoW Is gOnE. hooray.

but whatever right, its not a big deal cause you hear about the suffering but don’t see it, that must mean its not important right? Yeah that message is just gonna fly over the heads of the people who seriously don’t get it cause the concept of racism is so foreign to them because again they’ve never been affected in any type of way by any form of said racism.

but yeah whatever, your only racist radical character was a mean scumbag and ppl didnt’ like him anyway, so lets get rid of him, oh and that character with the beautiful melanin and tiger ears, yeah lets kill her too cause while she wasn’t as terrible as the former we can’t have any faction leader exist that hates our human/whitecoded happy go lucky heroes or race of people, even though the story establishes half of them being super fucked up and the implication of our heroes silence on the subject of racism aids faunus oppression, but yes expanding further lets have our prominent character hailing from a company that benefits off this shit literally do nothing and address nothing all of the time she is at home and around her father--all the while lets keep dangling people being mean to the cute cat girl and call it racism and never find any means to solve it- that probs won’t trigger the fans that have experienced anything but this diet form of microaggression and beyond right?.. fuck our feelings right?

but no ones ready for that conversation- its okay for certain characters to get revenge but not others- its okay to forgive certain characters for their misdeeds, misgivings and misinformation but not others, its okay for certain characters to be straight up manipulative and evil, but not others- and the cherry on top of this fucked up parfait is being mean to cute faunus girls is perceived as a great way to present racism to fans who still don’t get it or care :D This just exposes how the writers do not know a damn thing about the subject they keep reminding you exists in almost every volume that they won’t remove or have white coded characters fight against... the only thing you’ll get is a bunch of sad sympathetic faces to the racism and microaggressions aimed at blake,and weiss being the main one saying “hey thats wrong youre rude.” What an ally.. forget anything i said prior to how her character could’ve dismantled 1 large part of faunus suffering, this right here is that good shit! Right?... but again, no ones ready for that convo.

Miles and Kerry are actual trashcans which makes sense as to how they’re garbage writers lul. anyway this has been my tedtalk. :)

#rwde #racism #classism #writing #issues #sorry not sorry #miles luna #kerry shawcross

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spacecharr · 5 years

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Why I’m Not Threatened By Old Men

A (high) treatise on why young women shouldn't be afraid of all old men.

Written by a (high) young bi woman of colour.

---

Lemme start by saying I wrote that title because I thought it would be clickbaity. And I wrote the subtitle like that because I'm being "funny" and I anticipate it will generate trolling. My popcorn is getting cold, and I want a show.

And incidentally, it's all true.

Because this is SpaceCharr pontificating on #authenticity and weed, son!

My local Starbucks is small, has a tiny little patio, limited seating and serves a wildly diverse customer base. From your Basic Skinny Pumpkin Spice Latte Bitch(TM) to uniformed police, from sharply dressed businessmen to soccer moms with three kids and a Burberry purse, from punk-rock loud and proud visibly LGBTQ folks to button-down sweater-vest old-schoolers, and from local college kids to retired old men.

It’s fascinating to see the crazy range of people and it makes for eavesdropping lazily on some hilarious (and sometimes very serious) conversations ranging all over the place.

And for some reason, I have a really really easy time getting old white men to talk to me.

Lemme lay some context: I’m a friendly gal. I’m sociable, (I’ve been told) charming, easy going, and very casual. I remember in elementary being given feedback by my teachers that I was “unapproachable”, and they were worried I would have difficulty making friends. From junior high on, I purposefully (after much coaching from my parents and my mom especially) sought out opportunities to learn better social skills. As an only kid, I didn’t have any siblings to be guaranteed friends with, and my relationship with my extended family was spotty at best.

So if I wanted friends, I knew I’d have to get them on my own. (Troll Note: I know some dipshit’s gonna be all “omg sure #thathappened. Like a grade schooler can know that” - and you’re right! Grade like, 3-6 me had no fuckin’ clue. But 20s me? Who’s gone through a bunch of psychotherapy? Now she knows a bit more)

I learned interpersonal skills. I did drama, I joined clubs, I did Toastmasters (fuckin’ fantastic, btw, look for your local chapter), and I even did the Dale Carnegie Interpersonal Skills course that’s based off How to Win Friends and Influence People (1000% recommend, A+ on how to be a decent human despite its manipulative-sounding title which is brilliant). I learned how to be a more approachable person - and I learned why people find it approachable.

I saw the difference in how people received me when I spoke formally versus when I spoke in a very familiar tone (”hello” vs “hey, hey!”). I noticed that I could easily put the people I was dealing with off-balance in a good way (relieved surprise) with humour and well-meant self-deprecation. I learned through trial and error what body language and touch cues elicited in terms of responses across various types of people. It became second nature for me to analyse and act on these, and my knowledge of these techniques helps me daily in my work as a consultant.

So now, after several years in the workforce, multiple significant life events (aka I’m relatively old), and more overall life experience, I’m often described by my coworkers and friends as “very friendly and often happy”. Of course, according my sibling-like co-scoundrels in my cube farm, I am “disgustingly upbeat” - but they say it with love because they know I’ll tease them relentlessly, too.

I have found over the years that I have actually changed down to the core of that grade school girl. I’ve gone from a kid who struggled to make friends and who was seen as unapproachable, to a person who can very quickly establish good rapport.

(side note: holy fuck I just realized I went from Dandere to Deredere... I’m a fuckin’ anime side character, shit)

Kind of the best example of what I mean is an interaction I had with a new massage therapist at this place I had a gift card for. That is to say, a complete and total stranger whom I had never interacted with or seen in the past. The shop I was at had you wait in the reception area with the receptionist until the RMT came to get you. So this dude came out to meet me, introduced himself and we chatted easily for a bit. After not even a minute of us chatting, he and I were laughing together and shared an easy chemistry. The receptionist - remember, who’d been there when the RMT and I introduced ourselves for the first time - then asked me “oh, are you two old friends?” to which he and I laughed and said “no, we’re just friendly”.

Anyways - that’s the context.

I’m a friendly gal. Sociable, a bit charming, easy going, and easily able to manipulate her own behaviours in order to make the other person feel more comfortable.

In Harry Potter-code: I’m a Slytherin who can play a Hufflepuff, but only because it gets me what I want - your cooperation and rapport - more easily. However, I also do genuinely mean those nice Hufflepuff-like actions - just, there’s an ulterior motive attached.

I’m also young, and obviously with South Pacific Islander blood in me (exotic features - I’ve been told I’d be cast in Miss Saigon if they ever did a musical in my city - I took it as as compliment, since I’m friends with the old white dude who told me that and he did mean it as a compliment).

Let’s put this together:

Exotic, tan-skinned young woman

Chatty, friendly, skilled at making people feel comfortable

Can make someone feel like an old friend

Easily self-deprecating and humourous

In a Starbucks with chatty retired old dudes and a lot of shared seating

Can anyone else see why my title makes more sense? (Legit, I am high, so if it doesn’t make sense, that makes sense)

Lemme spell it out for you bois: I’m an old perverted white man’s wet dream.

(yes, I’ve been told such to my face; yes, I believe from experience that most of the people who won’t believe me are straight young men - not out of malice, I think, but out of a belief that people aren’t that bad [not that old men finding young women attractive is bad - acting on it in certain ways however, can be]).

I’ve worked out of the Starbucks I mentioned several times in the past. As a consultant, I have a measure of flexibility in my schedule and I find I work best on some of my problem solving and documentation work when I’m out of the office. The change of scenery and the need to shut out the environment to “see” my work helps me - plus I don’t get drawn into the co-scoundrel shenanigans.

And I’m not kidding you - 8/10 times that I go there, I make a new old white man friend. Even the bi dude I met (srsly, it feels like since I made the decision to be openly out, I’m meeting more and more bi people everywhere when before there was nobody) was an old white dude.

I fuckin’ love it.

I am a young, bi woman of colour who loves having old white man friends.

Because they’re just as chill, non-judgemental, self-deprecating, sociable, and easy-going as I am. And they appreciate my dad jokes and bi puns. Seriously. Dads everywhere - we all secretly love your jokes.

And, y’know what? I think more young women - LGBTQ or not, PoC or not - should want to have old white dudes as friends.

INB4 tumblrinas: I don’t mean resurrect Hitler and be his gal pal. I mean don’t dismiss a possible friend just because they’re old, white, and have a dick. Use your brain - not every human is good, but likewise, not every human is bad. We come in shades in all ways.

I won’t tell you what to do, because I don’t know. What I want to share with you is why I feel the way I do. And let you do what you will with it - because I’m not interested in changing your mind. I’m interesting in trading stories and adventures - and understanding more about each other through that exchange.

Here’s why I love being open to talking to old white dudes:

Dad jokes. I’m not kidding. I love Dad Jokes.

They’re often past the point of giving a shit about society, so if you have a genuine, good-natured conversation about your point of view, chances as they won’t give a shit as long as you’re happy and no one’s dying.

They have amazing stories. I can’t tell you the number of times a new friend of mine has launched into crazy tales of things they got up to when they were younger.

They have great advice. Often, they’ve made some pretty bad mistakes. And they’re all too happy to share their lessons and spare someone else the trouble.

They often just want a chat. They don’t need a new friend, they don’t want your number, they just want a lively conversation with someone who isn’t gonna call the cops on them.

It’s so freakin’ easy to make their day and make them smile. And the genuine surprise when they find a young chickie they’ve no doubt had to weigh the pros-and-cons of talking to, who is easy-going and as happy to make their acquaintance as they are hers? It’s so cute. Old man smiles are so cute.

They respect you for being unapologetically who you are. They know that they’ve invited themselves into a talk with you - and they’re willing to carry and/or exit that talk if they find you being openly yourself. (which means if “yourself” is a fuckwit, they’ll just drop you if they know what’s good for ‘em; but then you’re just a fuckwit in Starbucks)

I guess for more location context, I should add that I live in Canada; it’s not an uncommon occurrence here for spontaneous conversations to happen. It might be more rare in other places, though. My city is also quite progressive and has a fairly active and supported LGBTQ scene.

All this said, it’s just a really nice experience in my mind to have good relationships (passing conversations, spontaneous coffee clubs, casual friendships, or more serious friendships) with old dudes as a young woman.

It’s like having a legion of second father figures, or uncles, more accurately fun drunkles, and older brothers.

I enjoy several significant friendships with old dudes:

I go for coffee almost every week with two white old dudes and a dudette (I’d say “old” but she’d punch me out): our conversations range from politics to wood relationships to name calling to sibling-like teasing.

I have three co-scoundrels at work that I’m close friends with, all are old men. None are in a position to help me with anything at work, but damn are they hilarious and they’re a ready Friday-afternoon morale boost with their antics.

I have a very close old Japanese-Canadian friend. We have a complicated and somewhat tense relationship, but ultimately I think it can be said that we have a certain platonic love for each other. Though we don’t speak frequently, we’re both very significant to the other. He was my taiko instructor.

I have another very close relationship with one of my long-standing old dude friends. He’s known me since I was 9. A single hug from this man can stop an anxiety attack in its tracks. We kiss each other on the cheek and like to weird out the ladies at Starbucks when we go there with each other by holding hands - we’re both Slytherin trolls.

Don’t forget the OG Old Guy: my proper Old Man. My papa. Our relationship was strained by my mother’s unhealthy approach to all her familial relations during my early years. But as I’ve moved out, gotten older, and gained more life experience, it feels like my dad is finally realizing I’m not a little girl anymore - that I’m a woman, with woman needs, woman wants, and woman expectations and behaviours. We don’t talk about all things, naturally, he’s still my dad. But I can’t tell you how great it feels to have a dad who I know has my back no matter what.

I feel like there’s a certain conditioning for young women to “fear” the “old white man”. Certainly for me in particular it feels like there’s lots of factors in play: my “tropical” ethnicity, my youth, my LGBTQ nature (still haven’t been asked for a threesome as a bi woman - I’m impressed with my city), and, naturally, my gender.

While I do know that those are all things that certainly do warrant a certain amount of wariness around strangers (old in my neighborhoods usually means highly conservative about, depending on the age of said person, “the immigrants” or “the non-whites”. Age from young-old to old-ass-old. They’re a product of their time.), I also think it’s vital not to let that wariness get in the way of making a possible new friend.

Anyways, I need to wrap this up.

How does this loop back into #authenticity and weed? Well, it’s been my experience that the old (white + some Asians, in my case) dude friends that I’ve made are some of the best people to help you be yourself.

They have anecdotes to illustrate benefits, cons, risks, and rewards; they have dad jokes and puns to bring some much-needed levity; they don’t give a fuck about the other Starbucks goers - for better or for worse; and they - just like you - just wanna have a good day and be able to be themselves.

Does this apply to every old man? No. Does it not apply to every old man? No.

If you’ve read this far, you have the brain capacity necessary to give someone a chance. Now, you’ll wanna do some preparation if this is nearing your max capacity, because you wanna make sure you’re not letting the wrong old man come talk to you all friendly-like.

But once you find one who’s just a swell dude? Cut ‘im some slack, maybe remember that he’s struggling to speak your vocabulary as much as you’re struggling to understand his.

Sit back, drink some coffee, smoke a joint, and share a story once in a while.

Anyways. That’s been SpaceCharr Pontificating.

Cheers, buds.

Stoner note: My hand rolling’s gotten so much better. And the weed I have doesn’t seem to smell as strongly as the pre-roll I had that one time, so I might sesh in the park at some point. I have my inaugural shroom trip this weekend - bestie agreed to tripsit! Yay! And she’s bringing the whole Planet Earth HD collection! - so it might not be for a while. I want to give the experience the attention it deserves, plus I need to establish a clean baseline to experiment accurately with microdosing.

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nightcoremoon · 5 years

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some guy asked me for a hug. I turned and looked at him. he was a big black guy with a lazy eye and three huge duffel bags and a rainbow painted on his cheek and a light and gentle voice that sounded affected by some developmental disability related to mine. i figured hey why not and said sure, but he kissed my cheek; I was like ok whatever he's probably just affectionate. at least he didn't kiss my lips or grope me or any of that weird shit. just a harmless little cheek kiss.

me and two of my people had just gotten up to go get food, and I told him that. he asked me if he could walk with us because he just needed a friend. my little heart broke because I had felt the same way when I went to another pride alone a few years ago. I said sure he could walk with us but we were gonna get food.

he asked me if I could carry one of his bags for him. he was drenched in sweat and he had like 4 bags that were the size of me so I figured why not, I'll carry something for him. it was really heavy though, for someone like me with muscular dystrophy. still, I should be nice because being nice is good to do.

we got there and we walked past some girls (and guys) in a twerk-off or something, idk maybe they were just dancing to what the dj was playing (stuff from wiz khalifa to kid cudi to flo rida, a good selection). he said something like "yeah, get it girl!" I assumed that was an big city black culture type of deal and figured, okay that's probably a normal thing because it happened and nobody really seemed to vocally have a problem with it, so I shouldered on.

he asked if I could buy him something to eat. I said yes thinking sure I'll pay $5 for a corn dog or nachos or something. dude straight up asks for a $10 philly cheesesteak AND a drink, which costs $5. it's okay, that's fine, I have extra cash, and I'd feel better if he ate something in case he didn't get to eat very often. so I did it. I got him the cheesesteak and a drink. when I came back he was flirting with some other girls. I'd thought nothing of it, he's probably bi and just super friendly. I gave him the food and so he could eat I carried another bag. which weighed way more than my shoulders could handle but it wasn't too long of a walk.

I collapsed and he sat down and was like. hey y'all I need a place to stay tonight. I was like. okay. this random stranger I just met doesn't immediately seem threatening, BUT if I were to offer him an accommodation I would still put all of our valuables into the room he wouldn't be in and have all the guys be in the room he was in purely for safety in the worst case scenario. I would be safe and methodical and rational about it. I told him I would put it to a vote with my group. it was a UNIVERSAL FUCKING NO. obviously.

now, I was gonna tell him that the people who were in our group and not immediately present had all said no anyway just to gauge what his reaction was gonna be. now uh. he didn't react too well. he started throwing out a bunch of possibilities. I'll sleep on the floor, ask them again, convince them, tell them I'm homeless and the cops are after me, I was like. I'm not gonna lie to them but I will talk to them. and in the chat I was literally in the middle of typing "okay guys I told him that y'all said no and he didn't react well so nvm it's fine" when he said:

and I quote:

"if you don't let me stay with you I'll kill myself."

...

Fuck.

That.

so I delete what I was gonna say and I tell everyone he just threatened suicide so hell fuckin no, this situation is dangerous so I'm gonna tell him that the majority said no anyway and if he doesn't back the fuck off i'm gonna tell him that it's because they're racist. which would probably work, right? he wouldn't wanna stay with a bunch of racist white people even if some of them weren't racist. probably.

that was the plan. I tell him okay look I asked everyone again and they still said no. the 3 of us who are here at this table have no problem but the 4 of us who aren't said they're not ok with that and majority rules so sorry man I can't help you but there's plenty of people around here who might be able to help. but he asks again, why can't I lie to them? he'll just sleep on the floor, he just needs a place to stay for the night.

so one of the people at the table with us who saw the group chat and heard me say the spiel about how the THREE OF US WHO ARE HERE would be fine with him but the FOUR OF US WHO ARE NOT HERE would not be, straight up says "look, I'm not comfortable with sharing a hotel room with a random stranger."

I'm like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT NOW HES JUST GONNA GET DEFENSIVE AND LASH OUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? but well she's been to chicago a lot and knows the urban culture. even though I fucking lived in indianapolis on weekends for a decade and know the culture more than she does. anyway this fucks up the plan majorly. she then tries to kindergarten teach her way through empathy 101 and tell him suicide isn't the answer and it's not a tool to use to guilt trip people. I'm like. WELL HOW THE FUCK DO I SALVAGE THIS GARBAGE FIRE NOW WITH ALL THIS JET FUEL YOU JUST BLASTED ONTO IT???

but it's fine, he's probably smart enough to figure that we're all smart enough not to let a stranger stay with us. the other girl with us who doesn't have a smartphone who I was texting to keep her in the loop then says she's uncomfy and leaves even though earlier she had just gotten upset about our party splitting up and not being able to find each other. so I'm like. alright time to disengage.

the girls leave so I go in front of him and I'm like. look man, I wanna help but my people wouldn't be okay with it. I reach out my hand to shake it and I say I wish him the best and I hope that someone here lets him stay with them, but at the very least he won't be hungry. he just glares at me, rolls his eyes, and looks away.

the fucking bitch.

you disrespect my charity, my grace, my fucking charade to not just blow you off, and this is the thanks I get? I spend $15 so you get a free meal, and you're pissed at me because I won't cram you and your four bags into my cramped car to go to my cramped hotel rooms when I don't even know you? ASSHOLE.

so we leave. a few hours pass and my chicago friend (who I bear no ill will towards because she's only 19 and I value her as a friend) and I are sitting and waiting for our friends to watch Lizzo perform. some other guy sits by us. I introduce myself, his name's jake, he's a cool guy. he plays league, I play dota, we talk about video games and the topic migrates.

eventually mr manipulative asshole saunters over and sits next to him, trying to get in on the conversation. my chicago friend moves away prompting jake to ask me what happened so I write on my phone what the other guy did. jake then proceeds to turn his chair and turn out square into a triangle that's leaving out the dickweed. we talk for another while. the dickweed eventually sees two girls kidding and is like "ayy little mamma bring them tight asses over here". so my friend is like. that's not cool bro, that's sexual harassment. we're gearing up to leave and he tells her to shut the fuck up.

jesus was with me in that moment because I about beat the absolute dog shit out of him. instead, I just give him a disappointed look and say "don't cuss at my friends."

I so wanted to rip into him. "you ungrateful disrespectful asshole. i bought you dinner, I considered letting you stay with us until I realized you're just a disgusting freeloading pig, and emotionally manipulative to boot, and how dare you treat us like this when I fed you. and how dare you ask for the most expensive thing on the menu. and how dare you speak that way to my friends. I oughta beat you senseless and turn your other eye lazy. so I hope you do kill yourself tonight." that's what I wanted to say. the primal urge was there but I kept my cool. and we left. that was the end of that.

jake walked with all of us to our car. he is a cool guy. he added us on instagram. we're all safe.

so uh. yeah.

if I have one fault, just one, it would be that I'm kind to a fault. I will walk with you if you're lonely. I will feed you if you're hungry. I will house you if you're homeless. even if you're just a manipulative freeloader with no respect for women, because as an autistic person I've got a really bad ability to sense evil. I would have helped him. I would have let him stay with us. this dangerous asshole I would have let be in my hotel room. if I have one fault, just one. it's that I'm willing to put another person's potential comfort on a higher priority than my own financial well-being and personal security.

I may be stupid. but at least I care about others.

inb4 someone accuses me of making this up and I literally have to post screenshots of the group chat to prove that I'm not just making an imaginary strawman to further a white feminazi agenda or whatever. guys why would I make up a story that proved that I'm a big dumb moron?

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brenli · 5 years

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[28]

Tagged by: @goddamnitkastle (YAYAYAY ANOTHER ONE!)

1. how tall are you? 5′3″

2. what color and style is your hair? Dark brown. A couple of stray silver strands. When the light hits it right you can see natural auburn-y red highlights/tones in it, especially near the ends. I wear it long, down to my lower back, usually parted in the middle (sometimes on the left) and with bangs. Usually blunt-cut across my brows, but I'm not as good about trimming them as I ought to be so they usually end up growing out long enough that I need to brush them off to the right.

3. what color are your eyes? Brown

4. do you wear glasses? My cat-eye specs are basically part of my identity at this point.

5. do you wear braces? Nope

6. what is your fashion style? I have contempt for this question that likes of which you cannot believe. XD I guess in the most general sense it's rock-chic. Rock/metal girl elements mixed with glamorous or feminine elements/silhouettes. But this is MASSIVELY boiling down my massive wardrobe and I've certainly had moments of departure from the rock-chic umbrella depending on how I'm feeling. I dislike strictly adhering to specific style labels; I find it stifling.

7. full name? Brenda Lee Larson. My maiden name is cooler to be honest; I only changed it because I was more interested in sharing a surname with the Honey and I know I can still use my maiden name for other things.

8. when were you born? July 24, 1987

9. where are you from and where do you live now? Technically born in Coupeville on Whidbey Island, WA, USA and spent the first 4 years of my life bouncing around different naval stations because my family was about that Navy Life, but the majority of my formative years Spokane, WA, USA so my assumption is that would be more accurately where I'm "from." (Hawaii is where my heart wants to say I'm from though as that's where my earliest memories take place~) After some years spent CA (first in the Bay and then in LA), I'm currently living just south of Seattle, WA. So. Basically I've been wiggling around the West Coast my whole life, including going so far west I ditched the mainland for a spell.

10. what school do you go to? I WORK at a school currently, Cornish. Freelancing as a house manager for 3 of their 4 venues. The 4th one never seems to put on any events that require one of us from the house management roster, otherwise I'd work gigs at that one, too. XD

11. what kind of student are you? Some of you who make these questionnaires clearly cannot think beyond life-after-schooling and it shows. XD I was an above-average student for the vast majority of my years in schooling but I started falling off a little toward the end, largely because I was very keenly aware of what areas of study pertained to me and my interests/goals, and I had no patience for areas of study that did not. I left before it got too bad.

12. do you like school? I liked the parts of school that spoke to me~

13. what are your favorite school subjects? Literature/English was always the major go-to throughout all of my years of schooling. I was in Choir up until highschool; this was when Theatre became available to me and I wasn't able to participate in both, so I parted ways with Choir and focused on Theatre all the way up through my last years of schooling. Other subjects of interest, in highschool: Photography, Psychology, Forensic Science, World History. In college: Creative Writing, Journalism, Japanese.

14. favorite TV shows? The major ones have been racy period dramas The Tudors and The Borgias. I grew up on Star Trek TOS and as such it has a very dear place in my heart despite it not being a racy period drama. XD I also am quite invested in the Netflix MCU with Daredevil and The Punisher being my two favorite shows (Frank is my everything!). More currently I've been expanding my Sanada-san filmography-binge thanks in large part to @anagraves; I recently finished the 1993 Koukou Kyoushi and am through episode 10 of Konna Koi no Hanashi. What I've been learning from this - Hiroyuki Sanada knows how to break hearts whether he's being soft and vulnerable to cold and cruel and anything in between, but that's exactly why I love him.

INB4 "you post Snow White everything so why isn't OUAT on here" I do enjoy OUAT a lot, but I don't know if I would consider it a favorite show overall. I'm more fond of the earlier seasons than the later seasons and it's that ambivalent feeling I have for the later seasons that make the show not a favorite - but still very good overall.

It's also at this point that I should probably explain what my blog description does not - my blog started running a Snow White-themed queue LARGELY as part of an inspiration-drive for a Snow White AU project that I haven't actually touched in a long time. I REALLY should do something about that; I just keep getting pulled in other directions and now it's years on and here I am with what's basically a Snow White queueblog. XD If I can ever get my dumb head in gear and FINISH what I've started, that would honestly result in the queue being mass-posted and then probably altered to suit whatever the next project would be. That's always been the intention, anyway.

15. favorite movies? While I'm still feeling the chilly gaze of my Snow White queue, my favorite Snow White movie thus far is Mirror Mirror. I think it's massively underrated and that makes me sad.

As far as Disney is concerned, while I have a HUGE amount of respect for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, my favorite film growing up was Beauty and the Beast (and my Rococo-loving ass does adore the live action remake). Surprise??? XD More recently, Moana is the film of my heart; it's the closest Disney has gotten to making a Princess culturally-relevant to me as a half-Filipina so my tropical islander ass is just utterly enamoured with Moana. ((Listen Disney if you ever decide to make a super fun colorful precolonial Philippine film THE PERFECT PRINCESS EXISTS FOR THAT, I submit for your consideration - Urduja!)

Because of my rather open-door childhood with regard to media, my earliest favorite movies are actually Nightmare on Elm Street and Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors. Freddy is my Nightmare King Murder Boyfriend and I'm prepared to face judgement for that. XD

Fondness for Star Trek TOS has resulted in an affection for the AOS movies~

But a movie that speaks to me very much is What Dreams May Come.

Currently I've gotten re-ensnared into The Last Samurai, in correlation with the most recent AU project. Because I am hopeless, Grumpy Samurai is Best Samurai, and I've been spending time manically fretting and pretending that because Ujio drops before the gatling guns are brought out, maybe he SOMEHOW managed to survive in SOME way and he can have tons of cool battle scars. Right? ... RIGHT???

16. favorite books? If manga counts then it's Angel Sanctuary. Hands down. No contest. It's easily woven itself into my life in the form of fanfic that is/was well-received within the fandom, and a weirdly HUGE list of AUs that somehow burst out of nowhere. (Currently all of it, AU work included, can be read via my FF.Net account under brenli. I have a placeholder page on AO3 that's currently empty but may end up holding all my content there as well, in time. If I can ever make the time.)

I was and am really into Sue Harrison's Ivory Carver series, particularly My Sister the Moon.

It was part of my middle school/junior high reading curriculum but I honestly DID really like The Diving Bell by Todd Strasser. Even if the cover art of Culca coming up out of the ocean looked A LOT like me and resulted in my class calling me Culca for the entirety of our unit on that book. It's fine. Culca is a badass queen of pearls and seawater so I'm happy to be associated with her~!

Every now and then I remember a book that clearly really resonated with my as a child if I still remember it, but the problem is that I don't remember the title or the author, or even any of the characters' names. It was about a Roma girl who lived in the American south - I wanna say Tennesee? - who was discovered for her talent playing guitar and singing country music. The book essentially details her struggle between her traditional roots as a Roma person, including the arrangement for her to be married young, and her interest in pursuing music as a career but feeling alienated by an industry and a society at large that is wealthier than her and has a different culture from her own. The book ends with her running away but it isn't made clear what her ultimate fate is. To this DAY it bothers me that I don't remember the title or the author because I honestly go through periods where I want to reread it. And yes, this was the kind of stuff I was reading as a child. XD I also read My Sister the Moon for the first time when I was like. 11 years old. If you're familiar with the content of that book then you're aware that certain scenes are really not 11-year-old friendly, but. If I can watch gratuitous 80's slasher horror at age 4 then I can read about a young woman surviving sexual abuse at age 11.

17. favorite pastime? Writing at this rate, honestly. Which probably speaks more to my inner tortured artist than anything else. XD

18. do you have any regrets? I feel like everybody has at least one regret and anyone who says otherwise is either very very young, or lying. XD It's not about whether you have regrets, it's about not letting them hold you in the past.

19. dream job? Telling stories, in any and every way attainable to me.

20. would you like to get married someday? I already am~

21. would you like to have kids someday? Absolutely not. I don't feel like my life is conducive to childrearing, and INB4 "you're never truly ready" and "you make it work" the key factor here is I'm not WILLING to become ready and I'm not WILLING to make it work. That's how I know my life is not conducive to childrearing. XD (I'm at that age where tons of people are asking me this and feeding me words meant to encourage me to consider and it's honestly EXHAUSTING by this point. I can't wait for when I'm menopausal maybe people will finally shut up about it because I'll be past my prime~)

23. do you like shopping? I mean, yes, but I usually avoid it because I'm aware of how impulsive I am.

24. what countries have you visited? I'm tempted to say that Hawaii should count because it's so far away from the mainland. XD But honestly I've never been outside of US territory. It's in the plans to try for Japan during the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. I'm not sure if we'll make that goal but if not, I figure it won't hurt to continue saving up anyway and making a Tokyo trip post-Olympics. Prices will be cheaper post-Olympics, anyway, so~

25. what’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? At the risk of raising weird red flags I've gone through periods where I'll have reoccurring nightmares about being actively pursued by someone who very obviously intends to do harm. It happens often enough that the Honey wonders if I'm mentally suppressing something. XD I did have a standalone dream though, where me and the Honey were asleep in bed and then I become aware that someone's broken into the house and is approaching our bed. I'm walking through every possible option in my head with my eyes shut; if the Honey and I both lunged at the attacker we could possibly overpower them just because it would be two against one. But I know that I can't possibly wake up the Honey and make him aware of the situation without the attacker immediately acting and resulting in at least one of us being injured or killed. I realize that I have no choice but to try and take the attacker by surprise by myself and hope that is enough. I make peace with that. I can feel the attacker leaning over me. I suddenly lunge at them in full primal adrenaline-filled rage.

I wake up.

26. do you have any enemies? I guess that I have a few, yes, but honestly at this point I've gotten probably a little too used to being vilified. Barring physical assault or turning the animosity on innocent third parties in my life, I am prepared to weather the metaphorical lashes.

27. do you have an s/o? I have my Honey~

28. do you believe in miracles? I believe in miracles that aren't the overt surface-level wish-fulfillment-from-above which I think most people expect a miracle to be. I think that sometimes luck plays out via a slim-to-none chance and that can be a miracle. I think that sometimes a person works very hard at something or for something and when they achieve it, that can be a miracle. I think that the butterfly effect is a double-edged sword, but sometimes that little flutter of a butterfly's wings is a miracle.

Tagging: @yacky-jackie @halorecoil @anagraves @benevolentqueenofstars @lesbomancy @candybunnieholic @lemonedscream @tinathefish

#questionaire

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