Day 128 | id in alt

Small doodle.

Mad and angry at how these two joke side characters try so hard to be heteronormative but they really aren't and that's where most of their misery comes from. not all of it but most of it, like it very much keeps them in the cycle, because they seem desperate to find a happy storybook ending and this is how they think they'll find it, by trying to be like the same characters that found that happiness. its never addressed but also painfully obvious with how much they don't fit in with the other npcs dear god these characters are queer coded to hell i could write an essay (i accidentally did)

its not even like bretta and zote are straight cis characters these two are bi and aro canonically but its more to do with the gender roles they're trying to replicate, and failing. they suck at it. he is not this emotionally stoic resilient lone knight he is in fact continuously fighting his emotional pain and if you give him the right attention he will stay forever. he'll get angry that you saved him or that he needed your help because YOU dont fit in his story. she's not a forgiving accepting loving damsel in distress she can take care of herself great and will also drop you like a hat if she sees even one flaw in you. because then YOU dont fit her story either. they care so much about their stories because they reinforce the identity they think they're supposed to have but they're also so disconnected with themselves BECAUSE of these gender roles that they dont realize it makes them miserable

the biggest cause for this is that they are lonely isolated individuals and dont understand or know enough about real people so they have to go off their storybooks and it only keeps them alone. its like you have to be stubborn about saving them and staying by their side so they can get that chance to change and thats exactly what the knight does. its stubborn as hell it will save them again and again and it will fight their dumbass crushes as many times as it takes to make them realize what they're doing is painful. and bretta gets that chance, she leaves the town that isolated her and goes to find something better, most importantly she gets experience. zote gets to stay alive, which is the best thing you can do for him. because now he might get to face his pain, whereas in death he never gets to overcome it, just escape it

its also very funny that when the game pushes them together in this fake relationship its purposely depicted as completely ridiculous and an obvious parody and you also have the chance to beat it to the ground multiple times. whereas the two more meaningful love stories that you get to help happen are mlm and wlw and completely unapologetic about it this game is GAY

I have to say this because I just had a very serious talk with my bestie about weight.

When I first went to college, I was doing acrobatics four days a week and a 15 to 18 hour course load a semester, while spending six months out of the year sick or recovering from such. The bronchitis plus [whatever comorbid illness struck this time] was bad enough, but the recovery took so long because I had so little fat that my body would start eating muscle and tissue.

I had access to a school nutritionist and so I wrote down everything that I tended to eat, how often I did so. My diet was and still is semi-decent, mostly because I have enough texture issues that a lot of junk food and "unhealthy" (I say that loosely) stuff I can only eat very tiny portions of, if at all, and most meat things are completely off the table unless I make it myself.

I was and still am very high energy. I have always been skinny or slender since I started walking, had some body image issues after being sick and I could count every rib. At the time of going to the nutritionist, I was 190 pounds of mostly muscle.

She looked at me like I'd lost my goddamn mind when I said I wanted to gain some fat and I wanted to know why I just wasn't. I was a freshman. I knew about the freshman fifteen. Instead of gaining fifteen pounds, though, I lost it, and it was fifteen pounds I didn't really have to lose. I was eating something ridiculous like almost double what the average woman "should" be, calorie wise, basically constantly snacking because I was always hungry.

Two years later I was in the hospital for a month. A wheelchair for seven. Lost almost eighty pounds in eight months. Died three times.

It's five years past that now. I'll never be able to fly like I used to, but I can pick up unsuspecting coworkers and adoptive siblings again, which is great fun for startling them. I can renovate my house without too much issue. I weigh 160 lbs now, and for the first time in my life, I have fat on me, after seven years of working at it and so many goddamn catastrophes it's ludicrous.

It took me seven years to gain twenty pounds of fat. Of me actively working on it. There's no such fucking thing as "weight gain!" pills, and there's no such thing as "weight loss" pills either, and take it from an Irish woman? Starving yourself doesn't work either. If you feel good in your body, if it works for you regardless of your weight, then you're fine. The only way anything is going to change is a massive force--like illness, or amputation, or cancer, or occupation, or food scarcity.

Fat people's positive representation in media is shit, and the way that Americans, at least, tend to see fat people is shit, and I'm sorry. You are worthy of feeling at home in your body, without fear of judgement of yourself or society, of feeling good without reservation. The twenty pounds of fat I've gained has, no joke, changed my life. I don't get cold standing in front of a refrigerator, I'm not utterly terrified of getting sick again and dying of something stupid like bronchitis or strep throat. I feel good, and I hope that you can feel good too, and not continuously damage your body by yoyoing your weight with attempted diets and pills.

God's power is infinitesimal compared to a girl's hatred for the world

not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything

,,

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

I'm officially on and turned on

Honestly.... in order to block zo/san artists, I have to unmute the post and be exposed to that to block the source... if my dash keeps being flooded with zo/San I'm just gonna block those reblogging it. Like. I like you guys but........ I like myself even more.

Shoutout to me from five weeks ago, about to start my new job, saying "watch this space, in about four weeks my mental health will be deteriorating rapidly". That bitch was bang on the money.

Hi hi hello I'm back!! How are you my dear 🤎

Hi dear! It's so nice to see you again :)

hii how have you been?

i miss my family 🧍‍♀️

i think i am one of the worst people alive

shirt that says “if you don’t use my pronouns i’ll kill myself and alter the trajectory of your life forever”

;

God i cant choose between catboy and bunny girl