#im still bitter they only got two seasons
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whoops, i almost forgot about the star trek update. tuesday we watched tng's "firstborn" and "bloodlines" and last night we watched ds9's "the wire" (honorific)
firstborn (tng):
i was actually bracing for this one to suck ass bc everyone says worf is a bad dad. and i dont think he is!!! like, it doesn't come as easily to him as it does to sisko, and he sometimes forgets to be gentle or kind with alexander because he's so laser focused on how things SHOULD be he forgets to the importance of taking others' feelings into account, but that's how he is ALL THE TIME with EVERYONE not just his kid. considering the circumstances i'd say he's doing well
before we get started, GREAT cameo from the duras sisters. i was initially really annoyed with their tit windows but im becoming rather fond
i really liked "the family protector guy "k'mter" at first because he said all the right things to alexander...like, it's scary not being able to defend yourself, etc. then he also was a dick to alexander and i was really exasperated...but then he IS alexander so that totally fixes it. he's angry with himself and conflicted and just wants a HUG FROM HIS DAD and that FIXED it!!! like when he said "nobody will look at you and see a human you are alone on this ship" initially it felt like racism but it being like, not quite self-loathing but just bitter experience...that's actually so clever
this is the only episode where they brought up alexander's mom kind of hating ""klingon stuff"" and how that could possibly have negatively impacted him and it only got two lines of dialogue but still. i think it's really damning that she hated her own heritage and also brought her kid up to hate it and now he's sort of out here...pretending to be human, almost, to the point where he doesn't want to participate in hsi own culture or even bond with his own father (a klingon). like it sucks so bad for him
i was afraid that the plot twist would be "k'mter talks alexander into wanting to be a warrior after all just when worf realizes he doesn't have to be" which would have been sad but a real "oh shit" of an ending. mixed feelings about them not doing that but i understand why they wanted to properly wrap things up for s7
i almost forgot but rare w for picard for bending the rules a little bit to give worf time to go to the klingon festival with his kid. credit where it is due
bloodlines (tng):
i have never been so BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED.......................
they gave. picard. an affair baby.
THEY GAVE HIM AN AFFAIR BABY!
what have i been saying since farpoint! he has an affair baby! AND THEY GAVE HIM ONE
AND THEN TOOK IT AWAY
what was the POINT OF THE EPISODE
if that's not his fucking affair child
pussy ass little FUCKS couldnt commit to changes...
i can't even remember what else happened in this episode i was so disappointed about this plot twist
oh yeah actually i do remember picard made a bald joke which i THINK was the only time he's done that in seven seasons? i think the only time ANYONE'S done it? please correct me if i am wrong but i was so shocked it got a big laugh out of me. also a rare w for picard. if he made bald jokes more often i'd hate him less maybe
the wire (ds9)
ooohhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my GOD. let's fucking...get into it
i rly thot garak was just a guy but not only is he a former assassin he's a current junkie. A JUNKIE! he's just like me fr
also, he can act? like that scene where he was withdrawing and saying horrible shit to julian......i was on the edge of my seat.
i love that he gave us 3 different stories about how he got kicked out. i'm gonna be honest, i looked it up, and apparently we never find out the truth? that is a bold fucking move. a daring choice. we, like julian, will never have any certainty. like, sure, i WANT to believe he released some kids from being tortured, but it's also equally as likely that he killed civilians or did a number of other horrible things
like, the fact that he can lie about it even while under significant distress.........king. like you could say oh that's the true one because that's the one where he was physically unwell but he also referred to "elim" in that one which gives it the ring of a potential falsehood
julian forgiving him anyway, even after all the horrible stuff he said, even after being physically ATTACKED (WHICH WAS SCARY!!! i was scared of him!!!!!) for "whatever he did," just because garak said "i need to know someone forgives me"..........AUGHGHGH JESUS CHRIST
THE FACT THAT HE WON'T TALK ABOUT IT. he won't tell even US what he did. eliot spencer core actually. i am beside myself about it all
maybe he's right and it is all true. maybe he destroyed a ship and framed a friend AND let some kids go. it's literally none of business though like he's not gonna tell us
anyway, i heard the term "brain implant" and nearly died on the spot, so 10/10 episode
honestly, they should have just upgraded this guy to a regular. he is so good
NEXT TIME: tng's "emergence" and ds9's "crossover" AND YES I KNOW THAT'S MIRRORVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Favorite Otps/Pairings: Will Cooper & Angie D'Amato
(Single Parents)
“I think I'm in love with you.”
#i miss them#im still bitter they only got two seasons#like we were super robbed#parents#mom and dad#i love them#faves#favorite of favorites#single parents#favorite pairings#will x angie#angie x will#will cooper#Angie D' Amato#gif#gifs#gifset#love#leighton meester#Taran Killam#singleparents#singleparentsedits
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a follow up to roommate!kunikuzushi bc i can and i will and i need this. Dk how long this is (not very long im sure), gn!Reader as always, enjoy, I still don’t like storms or rainy days
when kunikuzushi returns back to your shared place from a night out with childe, he does not expect to find you back, sprawled on the couch and deep in slumber.
whenever it is holiday season, you always go and stay until the last minute, savoring your precious time at home.
so why are you here now?
for now, kuni lets you rest, it is far late into the night and he knows he needs the time and energy to recover from another night spent out with childe.
he does poke around and bother you the next morning but not pressing into it too much, just a jab here and there, some complaints about how his time alone is now cut short because of you– the last day to yourselves, you settle for a movie day, back into your routine so easily. too easy at that your head falls onto his shoulder and he does his best to protect his position.
the topic of your life back home goes over kuni until you need to go back home and retrive few items one weekend, looking for someone to accompany you, preferably with a car and all.
sitting down at the dinner table with your parents, kunikuzushi finally has a grasp of the why. your mindless nods and sounds indicating you are listening– when he knows for a fact that you are not, he has spent far too much with you to know the signs.
loading the items and furniture to the trunk, with kuni grunting every five seconds that this is not merely 'few items', that you are back on the road.
it has been an idea floating around for some time to keep up the whole roommates deal now, just thrown around here and there, even by childe and few mutual friends.
it is ideal, the two of you have grown used to one another's way of living, tricks and antics, ticks and kicks. it is only logical to keep this up, graduation or not.
"so tell me again how you got ajax agreeing to lend you his car?" your voice draws him out of nowhere, a glass of cold water thrown at his face.
taking a deep breath in and out, making that right turn and keeping his eyes on the road, kunikuzushi tries his best to sound neutral.
"this is my car."
instead of your quick replies, all he gets from you is silence. casting a quick glance at you to make sure you are not dead or asleep or anything– only to be met with your curious face eyeing him, he is taken back.
"no shit." "what's so unbelievable about this?!"
he can hear you mutter under your breath, avoiding his question, "i didn't know you were rich."
despite knowing how one another works, the two of you really lack when it comes to your family backgrounds, turns out.
so when the two of you are back home– home, it has a nice ring to it, though odd at first, when you think too long about it– you mumble something about how it is exhausting to exist at your house.
he can tell that much, especially with the way you acted over the weekend compared to how you normally act under the same room as he does.
There is a sliver of moment when you are still you, the you he knows and a truer image of yourself. Parents away for the time being, you invite yourself into his temporary room and open the lid of tye instrument by the wall– only sitting down do you offer a sheepish smile, as if coming to realize his presence by your side only now.
Yet you still sit there and play, chuckle inbetween and say you’ve gone rusty but kunikuzushi does not care. He watches his breath held, fascinated, yet careful to remain that passiveness of his face, do not show anything, do not reveal how your insides feel.
So in turn, he offers a view of his life back home– or when he was still there, about his mother and her wife, his sister that he only mentions out of technical details if anything.
He sounds bitter almost, hurt, lonely– until a smile forms on his lips, one he is yet to he aware of, that he says your cooking reminds him of ‘auntie buer’
the two of you drop the topic of families as quick as it began then. Now the talks of keeping this housing arrangement up gaining a sense of possibility, taking a more solid view in your minds.
Whenever you attend a night out youre invited, kuni begins to accompany you– you are almost certain it first began with ajax’s invitations but you know he would rather die than to ever admit that.
It does has its perks though when game nights turn into nights out without a notice and strangers come up. All it takes is a look from kuni to scare them off, granting you invincibility.
there are downsides to this little agreement however; just because kuni and you have gotten used to throwing silly nicknames and terms of endearment– be it for an act or not, does not mean your friends have.
ajax almost spits his own drink, lumine just stares at you as if you have gone crazy, perhaps you have, some however see this as an invitation to chaos and make the matters worse for you two, teasing you at every chance they get, calling you doves and all that, even kissy faces on the nights you leave earlier than the rest.
kunikuzushi finds himself unreasonable for such petty feelings but with each passing day, the presence of that stray cat you let in gets on his nerves more.
you insist again and again that the cat has all her vaccines done, going for regular check-ups, no parasites internal or outside, a well mannered cat that does not even enter the kitchen area– all your pleas and debates come empty handed because none of these are the real cause.
he simply finds himself more and more agitated whenever he sees you cuddle with that cat– on the couch after a long day, at night when you leave your door open, keeping the cat close to your chest, her head on your arm, your lips almost touching the top of her head, how you gently massage her scalp and give her pets–
he needs to get himself together.
when kunikuzushi is called back home for a meeting, he finds himself dragging his feet.
not exactly dying to see his mother or that vixen, or that robot for a sister he has, not dying to be looked down once more for expressing humane emotions, displaying human behavior and overall... existing.
who will make sure you do not starve yourself when he is away? the finals season is close and he knows you were not prepared for it, once again. with how it has been going with you lately, he wouldn't be surprised if you forgot to use the bathroom altogether.
all that food you've been consuming is not healthy for you either, a little change of cultures once in a while would not hurt. he knows your digestive system would appreciate it, as would you, even though you always roll your eyes when he tells you to 'just shut it and do the dishes at least, will you?' whenever he cooks for you.
the list goes on, he can go for hours counting every negative thing that can happen during his absence– a weekend is too long a time to be away, too long to be dealing with them, staying would be the logical optio– "stop with the excuses and grow a spine already!" you exclaim, half joking, half serious, "how bad can it be?"
kunikuzushi has an answer for that too but he decides to keep that one to himself. though he did not care much about his home life before, spending the holidays on campus alone with himself, or accepting childe's never ending invitations to join his family certainly spoiled him to an extent.
One foot out of the door, then another, one by one descending and hearing the familiar beep of the car, only when he is about to shut the door and start the engine does your hand hold the door still and grant him a gentle smile.
“Hey, if things go sour with your family and all, you can always join mine, yeah?”
Closing the door, you wave as he stares at you, at a loss for words. What is it you mean exactly, were you not dreading the recent time spent with your family, what does that make you– the two of you, have you been noticing the recent changes within your dynamic too?
With a smile you send him off, splashing a glass of water after him just as he has put a decent distance between you both.
He supposed it’s another weird cultural thing you’ll have to explain him and receive his eye rolls in return.
When Kuni wakes up groggy and checks his phone, every cell in his brain yells in unison to return to the warm embrace of his bed, his throat however begging for a sense of relief itself.
On the way to the kitchen in the absolute silence and eminent darkness of the hour, he hears a sound— trying to make itself small with his signaling footsteps.
The street lights coming from the window and illuminating the room answers his questions before they can bloom– you sit there in nothingness with a plate in front of you, wrapped tight in your favorite blanket, your face worse than he has ever seen.
The thunder thickens, the drops of the rain begin to hit against the windows like iron nails and he notices the state of the weather then.
Without a word, he walks past you, ignoring your half assed attempts of watching him from the corner of your eye, opens the fridge and closes, getting himself a cold glass of water and downing the liquid in one go.
placing the glass away, he retraces the path he took, or so you think until his footsteps grow louder, closer and coming to a halt right by your side. Without a word uttered, he plops down next to you.
"Stop being a selfish hag and share that blanket."
Harsh words but no poison to his tone, when you finally raise one arm holding the edge of the blanket, he gets under your wing right away, settling in.
You should not be awake at this hour when you have a long day ahead in a measly two hours. Not when you have been neglecting sleep and proper meals for the past days, probably a side effect of not studying ahead, as always the case with you– and now the stress catching up to you, sinking its claws with dread.
By the time the sun is up, you have calmed down somewhat and fell back into sleep, that much he can tell from your breathing and the faint up and downs of your chest.
It is a technical detail maybe that your positions have shifted over the dawn, your head falling to his chest and Kuni holding you to himself with an arm wrapped around.
He supposes the distate and discomfort for storms is another thing the two of you have in common, another thing to get through and handle, together.
#genshin impact#kunikuzushi#scaramouche#modern au#genshin x reader#genshin x you#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x reader#kunikuzushi x you#kunikuzushi x reader#wanderer x you#wanderer x reader#scara x reader#scara x you#scara drabble
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Lilac Patisserie - Aptly named for gay nerds
In the mood for some gay brunch and pastry, Saturday morning brought us to the ever fancy “lilac patassery,” as julian calls it.
Like many white people coffee spots in the area, I had been wanting to try it out for a while. A decently long line of people awaited as we got there.
They seem to have a large collection of cakes and tarts and things that made me want to pee myself or something. Truly tempted by the lemon cheesecake but the lemon merengue tarts captured me more. Lemon will always be seductive to me.
Anyways, a cute $80 pricetag for two mains, the tart and two lattes and we were seated.
A wonderfully gay man informed me and julian that he would “recommend that we cut the tart” after he watched us nearly break our forks trying to take bites. Tart pictured here, post destruction:
Things came out pretty quickly, lattes following soon after. I always enjoy cute latte art, although they gave me the GIRL design. Just kidding. The lattes were a decent size, julian’s was his coveted mocha, mine was a caramel latte.
Unsure if caramel meant sea salt caramel? A sip of mine tasted almost salty, however it was quickly fixed with a sugar packet. Very good afterwards.
Post-latte was only another few minutes until the food came out. I got the classic breakfast, something delightfully american. julian got his favorite french toast.
The breakfast was good. Being a bakery, they had some thick fluffy bread for toast which was its own experience. A little sugary for my taste but, good nonetheless. The potatoes were my favorite part, mostly nice and soft and well seasoned (with the exception of one half raw piece). That being said, Lilac makes an interesting decision to pair the potatoes with a sea of roasted onion and bell pepper. Honestly I didn’t even touch the onions, not wanting to deal with the monstrosity of onion breath for the rest of the year. The apple chicken sausage offered was a little bland, but good. Not an exceptional amount of flavor but I just love sausage. Overall the food was decent but not spectacular.
Most of the points for this place come from the atmosphere. Nice lavender walls and a really clean and dainty french feel. I don’t know how often i can justify a full breakfast at the price point but it’s definitely a place to return to. Campy and gay enough for me!
★ ★ ★ ★ / 5
Warm wishes,
pj
Read julian’s thoughts on his food below ⬇️
i was most surprised by the speed of the service as pj already pointed out, everything was delivered to us pretty quickly and paced out well. the tart itself i enjoyed but im also not really one for messy food and the gay guy telling me how to cut the thing was embarrassing so i cant really give it too glowing of praise but its also a pretty personal thing, if you like creamy desserts and gay men humiliating you then its probably great. the mocha was good just a little too sweet, i prefer it a bit more bitter but again thats personal taste it was still very good. i liked the leaf on it was very sad when i drank it to the point of complete dissolution.
the french toast was served with a cup of butter, syrup, and a side of assorted fruit. pretty average presentation but strawberries with french toast is like crack to me so i cant bring myself to care too much, dont need anything too exotic to enjoy the meal with.what definitely surprised me though was that i typically hate blueberries but the ones served here were actually great with a very consistent ripeness and sweetness to the point that it may have turned me around on the fruit a little. like sorry blueberries i didnt realize you could taste like that. the toast itself was pretty decent too although i wish it was served with a little more syrup, it was like a tiny cup i need the whole gallon.
despite lilacs pattassery not entirely aligning with my autistic inclinations id say it was a pretty good dining experience overall especially if youre normal. you got to hand it to white people. but only sometimes. id give it 3.5 stars out of 5.
best regards,
julian
Lilac Patisserie: 3.75 ★
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You know while we waited for two+ years for a new episode. Thomas could have done things like.. Releasing Episodes about each character. Working up towards the new reveal. Like he gets introspective with each side and does a 1 on 1 with them. It would have made the wait so much easier. 🥞
honestly!!! it would have been so good!
just a short episode with each side or with pairs of sides like they were doing in season one
not every episode has to be a huge thing, it stops being credible that this is thomas's life and also it starts being boring that all the character development has to happen either within a 30 minute span for a single video or behind the scenes. (i'm still bitter about how virgil's confession about being a dark side got resolved implicitly in a conversation about something else in an asides*) why can't it be gradual?
*if that's what he wanted thomas could have made a very short (and by short i mean short so under 10 minutes) video about some other problem with only thomas and virgil that culminates (as in. its the single most important part of the episode) in thomas saying that virgil is still alright by him. and the video can end there. and then they could have had their frozen rewatch or whatever. but the resolution of virgil's confession is still given the place and attention it deserved.
janus's name took years to be revealed but if you watch the videos in a row he shows up in like 3 before revealing his name. its definitely not the same effect as with virgil, who only took less than a year but it felt like an eternity, which is good. because we got to watch tiny pieces of virgil's angst before he finally couldn't take it anymore.
also thomas promised in his previous update video (the one where he teased roleslaying) that he would make more one off skits with the sides but theres nothing of that. and he asked for incorrect quotes to make another video of that months ago and they still havent filmed that. like why are such simple things taking so long? i understand cartoon therapy taking ages because its a whole thing but an incorrect quotes video?? all they have to do is choose their favorites and stick them together they dont even need a script.
im sorry i could be ranting about this all day i just .. its so frustrating.
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Yknow its crazy its been a year since the fall out. Im definitely doing a little better in some ways, and worse in others.
Im okay but it could be better. TLDR im finding that i am in a little bit of a rut and i am struggling to find a sense of direction in my personal life now that im 25.
Day job, career, art woes, social life, financies and priorities are all confusing rn lol but im managing somehow. Specifics below.
If you decided you wanted specifics here you go.
Work started rough this school season. The schedule is a fucking mess. Two districts are struggling and are hot messes. New part timer joined the fray in the middle of all of this so its training a person ontop of the already chaotic mayhem.
The friend fall out with that bitch still has me... frustrated. Some days i can go about my day without blinking an eye, some days i still go through anger and frustration and bitterness and feeling disgusted with myself that i gave so much to this person only to be thrown under the bus on a public timeline where she twisted the fucking narrative to be in her favor when it actually didnt happen that way. Her name sickens me. Everything that is associated with her is tainted and i cant enjoy shit like i used to because how deep the betrayal goes down to my core. Fuck you, i hope you actually have the worse kind of miserable life she can actually live.
Ontop of this i feel... inadequate. I feel like I am doing too much at once, and nothing at all at the same time. Yes my life has gotten quieter and i have room now to do things i have always wanted to do, but now that i have that wiggle room, things feel far more isolating than before. I feel alone. I do a lot of stuff, now, alone. It gets lonely. I do go out with friends ocassionally, but its not the same. I dont feel that sense of direction that helps with calming my anxiety down. I have always known i was an anxious person but having a sense of direction and of moving forward has always kept me calm. Not anymore.
I dont check tumblr as often as I would like in the past but I also am using it more purposefully filthy but it helps some nights though i have consistently gotten a bit of love here too. An old pokemon piece gets a like every now and then. It brings me a little bit of hope knowing people do go through the tag and DIG EXTENSIVELY for things.
Im frustrated that I am not moving forward in my art making career and artist era. I am mostly putting my efforts and energy in maintaining my day job bc its a realiable source of income and it saddens me to know it is coming to that point in my life where safety is better than taking risks and not following my dreams. My supervisor is aware that i am looking for ways to grow professionally in a more creative environment but i dont know... unless I can get the ppl on the internet to help support my artistic endevors i dont think it would be a good move to quit the museum when I still have car loans to pay. ugh priorities.
I do want to post more consistently and show more of my art. Recently i went to an art sale hosted by my university and to tell yall the truth It was such a flop it hurt. Not because we didn't sell, but because the other artist vending got soooo many compliments on her artwork while my ceramics were just catching dust. People werent.. gravitating towards it. And it hurts. I poured my heart and soul making those pieces but I guess it serves me for not putting in MORE effort into making better art. Ughhh.
The idea of going back to school for a master's degree is.. exciting but I am not sure if that is the path i want to go down. I just want to live happy in a comfortable life doing what i love aka making art. And dont get me wrong i have ideas its just!... sigh, energy. Time. Effort. Most importantly comfort .
I am trying to rethink ways of diversifying my income venues and put 250% more effort into the platforms and venues inrl and online that are producing a bit of money for me. I want to make prints. I want to make stickers. I want to make paintings. I want to stream more often and stick to a consistent schedule. I want to earn a living making things I love. I dont want to be stuck in corporate all my life. I want to MAKe!!!
Sigh.
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ive made myself hot chocolate wine. hot wine chocolate maybe. its mostly hot chocolate and some wine... i only added a little because i havent made hot wine in a long time now, i was worried id evaporate the alcohol and make it gross. but it turned out fine and its good, maybe next time ill make some with spices. maybe replace oat milk with some other one... i think cashew might be good, maybe if i spot it on sale somewhere. with cinnamon maybe, with slices of orange? orange matches both chocolate and wine, why wouldn't it work with both at the same time. i wish i could spend an hour or so in the kitchen, making different infusions that i could try with someone else. its always so much more fun to try new things with another person.
i dont really mind drinking alone, since i already usually do it while watching something or writing. but i do really really miss drinking coffee or tea with other people. i miss talking to people so very very much. i talk so much.. if one somehow hasnt figured it out yet from the absolute fucking abundance of long posts on my blog, but i really do love talking. my big problem is that i talk so much, that my hot drinks cool down before i get to take a sip or two. im really horrible at keeping that balance between being caught up with the conversation and drinking. although i never really have much to say, i keep repeating the stories ive already told a million times before, and i say silly stuff, and i complain about a lot of things, and i get sidetracked constantly. not really in like, adorable or quirky way, i can imagine it must be annoying for the other people in the conversation, especially when i get too excited and interrupt people and dont listen very well. i think its one of those things i wanna improve about myself.
yesterday, as i was walking home through the centre of the city, i was horribly in need of coffee, it was so cold and i was in a good mood, and i only had weak green tea that morning, and since it was still pretty early in the day, the cafes had some free spots. but i walked in, looked around, and walked out. its like everything reminds me of loneliness these days, and when i got inside, tables were all taken by couples or groups. i dont think it was a sign of anything, but it made me so awfully bitter. i know loneliness doesnt make me special, i know literally everyone experiences it to some degree, but god, it really hurts to look around and see that despite everything, people always have someone out there. a best friend, a significant other, family member, whatever.
theres that stupid thing everyone always repeats, "theres always someone out there who loves you, even if you dont know about it". i used to hold onto that desperately, but its so dumb. unrealistic and dumb. it makes you hope that maybe right now youre alone, but once you'll be at your rock bottom, SOMEONE will magically show up and say, i care for you, and i will be by your side to support you, or whatever. but then you hit the rock bottom and theres nothing, or better yet, someone you had hoped would stay with you suddenly says "i have anxiety and seasonal affective disorder, i cant be around you or ill get worse, too", and you dont want them to get worse because of you, of course you dont. theyre being reasonable, and you know that, and you cant do anything about it. even if you do guilt-trip them into staying, would that even really help, if they resented you for it secretly for the rest of their life.
a week ago or so ive walked into a cafe, as well, but i got so overwhelmed that i had to pretend to look around which tables are free, and left right away. just brought in mud and puddles, probably, since it was such a snowy day. i worry that one day ill be better, but i wont be able to step foot inside a cafe anymore, because it will remind me of nothing but the days when it was just me and self-loathing. not that i can really afford cafes anymore, but i cant think about that now. or worse, that ill never get better, and ill never get to experience it again, the presence of another person by my side, having coffee or tea or desserts, and talking and laughing and maybe even flirting. that thought makes me nauseous, but i know its likely. it kind of sounds like not much to wish for, but it feels almost too perfect to ever be possible - not only to have money for that in the first place, but also a person who cares for you enough to want to be around you, to want to talk to you or listen to you, a person who wont tell you "we can go out, but i have only an hour" and then leave after 20 minutes because it turns out in that hour was included their ride back home.
i keep thinking, one day ill find someone, one day i wont be lonely anymore and then ill let it all out of my system. but i know its silly, because by the time ill find someone, ill forget how to really be a person, how to have a conversation. i talk to myself a lot, in my head, but its not enough, it doesnt really feel like anything. i write a diary, i write short stories, i write posts on this stupid blog, but nothing feels like talking to another person, and its awful. my memory is far worse, i stutter more and more with each passing year, im being more and more awkward in such an uncomfortable and humiliating way, that it only makes my brain scream at me to shut up forever. i know why my family doesnt want to talk to me, im more unpleasant than ive ever been. i know its unfair to be blaming them for not wanting me around; they stopped asking about anything, recently, because i cant stop crying whenever they start the topic of job search. i cry too much these days. i had to stop showing up to my favorite grocery store, because theyve seen me too many times all wet-eyed. and i cant help it anymore! i know im still human, i know im not a victim, i know my suffering isnt greater than anyone else's. but something has changed and i cant imagine getting better, anymore. or at least going back to who i used to be. theres no hope anymore! and if theres no hope for me anymore, what do i do? "just surviving" isnt neutral, its horrible, its painful, its a nightmare. i dont want my life to look like this. i dont know what to do anymore. and ive said it a thousand times, i know, but its the only thing i have floating around in my useless empty head. i miss hope. i miss believing that i could still be happy, one day. and i know that was stupid, too, i can see it now, but at least it was something to hold onto.
i miss being around people. i miss it so much. i miss talking to people so horribly. i miss laughing and i miss being held. i dont need all this cortisol. i dont want to forget what it feels like to not be alone. but the more i want it, the more out of reach everything feels, the more unrealistic even the simplest things seem. i might as well be dreaming of living in alternate universe fanfiction.
#i dont really say anything new or interesting here sorry. its not worth the read i just had to pour out my thoughts somewhere#pogaduchy
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STOLEN UMBRELLA S2 BLURB || A LIGHT SUPPER
(PLANNED 2020, WRITTEN 2021)
A/n: Happy TUA 3 Eve! Im watching at midnight tonight and I cannot contain my excitement!! I'm so so ready to see these little dickheads again and it's only getting me more hyped to plan for TSU 3! I'm barely into the the third episode, let alone the second season but I figured I'd get one of my blurbs out as celebration (and to keep yall on your toes ���) Yes! This is a real excerpt from TSU S2 and while it's the earliest of early drafts and details could change, this is what's to come! Hope you enjoy and sorry I'm so awkward about writing pda, it is not my thing in case you couldn't tell 😅
Warnings: the first of first drafts, unedited, pda written by a gay girl with no interest in pda and doesn't know what the hell to write other than parroting shit she's encountered in other media :p
Several pairs of eyes dart around the room, unable to do anything but sit in silence as Klaus shudders in a heap on the floor. You had just been about to slip out of your seat to check on him when Reginald clears his throat.
"Well," he says, slamming his notebook shut and rising from his seat. "I've seen about enough."
That's all he gives any of you before he's already heading for the door.
"No, I-" Luther stutters. But Reginald was still walking away.
Just the sound of his heels clicking against the floor as he walked away from all of you was enough to anger everyone. But it also didn't last long. His footsteps slowed gradually, each swing of his leg growing slower as of he were wading through water confusing everyone. Including himself. With a curious look, one surely tighting his grip on his monocle, he looks down at his own two legs. His movements had stopped altogether, apart from the wobbling of his knees that fought to keep him upright.
"No,"
All eyes turn to you, risen from your seat with your fiery eyes locked on the man. Reginald, despite his rapidly growing mass, manages to turn over his shoulder to meet your eye. He looked... unsure.
Everyone around you watched astonished as you departed from Diego's side to stalk towards Reginald. The closer you got, the closer the man got to the ground along with his things. His notebook had already been sucked towards the floor, making an obnoxious smack nobody cared about.
"You will listen," you said carefully, in a growl that was building from the back of your throat.
His monocle was the next to dive for the for the ground, snapping to the floor like a magnet on a fridge.
"You've lied," you point to the broken mess of a family he had left in his wake. "You've hurt," he had crumbled to knees, looking up at you from where you had placed him. You tower over him, belitting him as he had all of them their entire lives. How he had for all your life, supposedly. You point shakily to your chest in rage. "You've stolen,"
A bitter scoff breaks through as you shake your head, disgusted.
"And you call it bravery," it was getting harder and harder for Reginald to breathe, and his spine began to whine in pain. "You call yourself a hero,"
You draw in a deep breath, a smile splitting over your face.
"You are not," you say. Proudly, you gesture behind you at the academy. "They are. Because they had to be," you take another step forward to the trembling man. "to save themselves," another step. "from you," you jabbed your finger in his shoulder and he lost his balance momentarily.
He fought hard enough not to fall, but for Reginald Hargreeves, it was still considered a victory.
Everything was silent for several moments. Everyone watched as he slowly looked down at his wobbling form on the ground. Finally, as if none of it had happened-or wasn't still happening-he looked up at you. The discontent he managed to plaster on his face dispite the crippling pain weighing him donw made you sick. Even when he was being put in his place he made it his job to remind you who he believed to be superior.
"Well," he says almost sarcastically. "It seems the runt has got some fight after all,"
You took a subtle, seething breath.
"Savor this moment," he casts a glance to the stunned silent academy. "all you of you, as it is very likely none of you will ever hear this from me again," he cocks his head at you, like a condescending adult scolding a child. "I was wrong."
Your heart lifts in the your chest.
"I was wrong in dismissing your abilities," A smirk tugs at your lips. "As I was terribly mistaken in giving you a second chance."
The smirk fell off your face, leaving behind a disgusted frown. "A second chance?"
"Whatever life I gave to you-whatever faith I had in you was clearly ill-placed. Of course you would never amount to anything other than destruction," he glances past your shoulder at everyone, including a seething Diego. His hands were already reaching for one of his knives, waiting at the ready. "that's why you're all here, I suspect? Yet another cosmic blunder made in attempt at fixing your wrong doings,"
No words left your mouth, but hot and agry tears began brimming in your eyes without your permission.
"And there it is," he says with the click of his tongue. "No matter how far you try to run from it, the truth always reveals itself in the end. And the truth i see before me now, is nothing but a frightened child with too much power."
A single tear breaks the though the dam and down your cheek. Your head is trembling as fury consumes you, but you maintain your composure enough to lean down into his face and spit through gritted teeth, "So. Do. I,"
Your hold on Reginald evaporates, releasing him into a wobble. Hiking your chin up, you step around him, making sure to kick his journal out of reach as you storm for the exit.
Diego's eyes had nearly run dry; he had been so engrossed in the moment he had forgotten to blink. He couldn't believe it. Had you just done that? No one stood up to his father, nobody got the last word. Then again, you weren't some nobody.
Diego finally breaks out of his spell when he registers you stepping through the elevator doors. His heart pounding sporadically against his ribcage and holstering the knife with his fathers name on it, Diego kicks into gear and jogs after you.
You pull your eyes away from the glowing lobby button and waited less than patiently for the doors to close. Your head had been buzzing far too much to notice Diego had taken off after you. It was only when he slipped past the closing elevator doors and was snaking his arm around your waist you were snapped out of your angered thoughts.
You only had a second to send him a baffled look before he gently threw you against his chest, your lips smashing together in a passion. You were surprised to say the least you felt yourself melting into his touch, your own hand sliding up his chest and draping over his neck as his other hand snaked your waist.
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'Kay I'm gonna hide now lmao <3
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Taglist:
@whatawonderfulusername @vicassa @ohmyitsfaith @white-wolf-buckaroo @guineverebeckilicious @a-girl-who-loves-disney @ongaku-ato-kakikomi @alpacataco @okimreadynow @omni-idiot-fanfics @onlyroad @popacherryvisitalibrary @disaster-magician @little-boats-on-a-lake @lonerstolovers @dumdumsun @night-yoarrbe @pebbler
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top 5 pokeani series! (if you're only counting from your rewatch then you can split kanto and johto if you want :3)
WAHOO ye im just gonna count from my rewatch for now hehe. also gonna make it clear that on a basic level i do like and appreciate all of these :3
5. hoenn! no particular reason its in last for me tbh, i dont dislike anything about it. in fact i love battle frontier a lot and if it were just that this would be higher! but ag itself just… isnt all that to me. i dont really feel much with its episodes and there isnt any non battle frontier ep im dying to revisit (besides maybe the dusclops one, that ones really good). again, nothing wrong with it, its just that in retrospect im just like. yep. that happened. (this could also just bc bc idc much for hoenn as a region idk)
4. johto: johto is just Good Vibes tbh, it doesnt have much going on but its got some fantastic standalone episodes and just some of the best content in the entire anime. only thing that brings it down are the “new region” growing pains, you can tell exactly why they had ash change companions and teams in the later seasons. the pokemon teams in this one are just so awkward. ill always be bitter abt heracross. also that one season where nothing substantial happens stings a lot, i dont wanna call it filler bc thats most of johto, but nothing really Out There happened. it felt too safe, and the episodes that did take risks just felt weird and wrong (like the “pokemon dont think or understand words” episode) idk its good outside of that tho. also the cell animation was gorgeous in this season oh my goodness. all the pokemon look so vibrant and cute.
3/2: is it weird to say that kanto and unova are tied? it probably is but i honestly cant say which one i like more. i prefer the companions in unova a lot and think they had really good and charming moments and arcs, while the more crass humor in kanto (aside from some physical slapstick) is funnier than unova’s attempt at mean spirited humor. kanto was also just batshit really early on and thats super fun to rewatch, and newer seasons feel kinda safe compared to that. ash is also just better in kanto tbh, hes just starting out and unova tried to emulate that while forgetting that ges a veteran at that point. but then all the battles and fun stuff in unova is wayyy better than kanto’s. which is understandable bc they had more resources and budget at that point, but still overall they have more weight. also the unova mons have more consistent personalities. idk these two balance each other out, i love em both genuinely but idk which is better
1. sinnoh. yeah that last season sucks ass but outside of that? overall its great! straight up one of the best casts both of humans and pokemon in the entire show, some of the best emotional moments and arcs, genuinely threatening antagonists and a flawed, but interesting rival arc? its all REALLY good and it holds up super well. also straight up has the best league arc dont @ me. idk if itll be my favorite of the entire show anymore, alola has my eye on that regard and yeah i cannot emphasize enough how awful that last season is to sit through in comparison to the first 3 seasons (im convinced theres no battle frontier arc bc they had to nerf the show) but overall its really special to me and im still really nostalgic for it :3 also it spawned best character in all of fiction so yknow
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Howdy Tiff I adore you so much thank you for your sweet words on my Ozymandias art ;----;✨🧡!!! It's still so stupid hot here so I'm really living in my fantasies with that art piece 😂
I wanted to ask, what season would you assign yourself, Ford, and Stan based on y'all's personalities alone? Please walk me through your reasonings 👀!!!!
Also! I can help you about the readmore situation! I didn't know how either till someone else told me; you just type :readmore: and then immediately, without making a space, hit enter/that arrow key (whatever you have to make a new line) so
:readmore:(immediately make a new line)
I hope that helps and I'm looking forward to reading your answer to my other ask! Happy travels✨🧡
Clover @tex-treasures
CLOVERRRRR UR A LIFE SAVER THANK UUUUUU 😭😭😭😭 IT WORKED
now I can get to work on that ask 😈
now for THIS one, heeheehoohoo this shall be a fun challenge
honestly?? it’s hard to pin point cuz we all go thru a lot of growth and change. but the closest I’m gonna get to accuracy is this:
ford is winter, stan is autumn and im spring
now, my reasons are mainly just “ ✨✨the vibes ✨✨” but I’ve got a couple of solid thoughts (i think)
ford and stan are more colder seasons mostly due to their pasts and attitudes in life. ford held a lot of bitterness and was pretty adverse to letting people into his life, (apart from stan, fiddleford and bill were his only friends.) one cld argue that ford shld be autumn cuz he’s focussed on changing the world for the greater good, but while his intentions were good, what he wrought was quite the opposite (because of bills manipulation)
THUS he blamed himself and drew into himself SO MUCH that he shut most ppl out to fix what he had done, and he suffered 30 years of crazy inter dimensional adventures. u cld say his life was pretty “cold” and “isolating”…..much like winter can be. BUT!!! there’s always time to sit near smth warm and get all cozy, and that alludes to him finally reuniting w his family and defeating bill, going on to live a happy life.
now STAN is autumn cuz that season reflects the “change” from warmer weather to cooler weather. this can symbolise Stan’s change in life when he got kicked out. from being a kid looking towards a happy childhood dream, to being a kid out in the harsh world with a broken heart and an impossible mission.
this also alludes back to the twins being both colder seasons, but autumn is next to warmer weather in the season roster. this can relate to how Stan is secretly a softie and his want/need to be loved by people, and that he’s one heartfelt convo away from opening up even just a little bit. meanwhile ford is a bit harder to crack. a bit colder.
now I’m spring, mostly because of the attitude i aim to deliver. spring is sometimes associated with “happier” things and often gets that praise for ending winter. the days get longer, flowers bloom, it snows and rains less, and warmer weather arrives. it cheers ppl up, and that’s smth my s/i likes to do. it’s a value of hers.
bad things may happen but i try to keep the optimism up, cuz someone’s gotta, right? and spring is all abt change too, but from cooler weather to warmer weather. This alludes to stan and I having a lot more similarities, two sides of the same coin sort of thing, while ford and I can be opposites in certain aspects of our personalities.
but our connection is still very strong and true, because the transition between winter and spring is ESSENTIAL in the rebirth of nature. and our opposites don’t clash, they blend!! like the seasons! speaking of rebirth, it basically means the cycle of life begins anew, giving things another chance. and that’s what my s/i believes in!!! and that’s what she encourages stan and ford to do with themselves and each other!! because there’s never a deadline to reconcile and forgive!! there’s always another chance, a new cycle, a new life!!! and that new chapter in their lives where they sail on their boat together, that’s their endgame!!! fresh and new!!
ALSO ford is blue, stan is red and I’m purple and THOSE COLOURS CAN RELATE TO OUR SEASONS!!!!
whew that was fun. ty sm again for the ask and for the help clover!! i appreciate u so much!!! 🥺🥺
#ford loving hours#stan loving hours#s/i tag#lovely people#my brain was like: media analysis ACTIVATE 📈📉📊
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Invisible
For centuries now Stella had felt starved for attention; despite beginning what many would consider a perfect marriage, eventually the fire between Stella and Stolas diminished and died out, leaving behind a quiet respect that eventually turned into discontent and disatisfaction.
Ever ignored by her husband, Stella tested the boundaries of his blindness, beginning a life of extreme partying and eventually adultery, all of which her brother was aware and enjoyed in great measure.
Nature took its course and eventually Stella found herself pregnant with a clutch of eggs from another royal, and hoped this would finally make Stolas see her and claim her back. He didn't.
No matter how big Stella's belly got with eggs, he never took notice of the change, always too busy with his work, or with their daughter to look at her and realize his wife had betrayed him, and Andrealphus took extreme pleasure reminding his sister how incredibly lucky she was to have a husband so careless.
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the version of things of what i'd have liked to happen in helluva boss
before season 2 i always imagined that Stella's and Stolas' relationship had started as two people who'd been madly in love years ago and were now both simply respectful of each other, unable to recover the love they once had and both adoring of their daughter, until Stolas goes behind Stella's back and she's devastated.
She spent years, centuries in a marriage where there was no more romance because she still cared for her husband and she loves her daughter, only to be repaid with infidelity. Of course she has a right to be mad, to be bitter and hurt that her husband would disrespect her by sleeping with someone who's lower than dogs.
BUT NO instead we got a bitch whos always been a bitch and who loves to torture her husband for the sake of torturing her husband and no im not bitter about it at all.
i still love the version of Stella we got in the series, i just think the version i thought of was a helluva lot more interesting
so i made two versions of this idea to fit both versions of stella :)
TEXT VER AND HAPPY VER ARE PATREON EXCLUSIVE
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i just recently got into ofmd and now im only 2 episodes away from finishing it :3 i have been searching high and low for chubby ed and stede content when i found u and now i feel less alone so thanks🤝
I'm glad. You can always DM me for my discord if you want to chat more about chubby Stede and Ed. Also if you're interested at all in the OFMD belly kink discord server, which I'll admit is nowhere near as active as it was when it first went online, but a couple of us still regularly chat there and some people do still lurk and read and react to things, haha.
I've been pretty horny over Ed belly lately so who knows, maybe I'll be doing some more drawings soon.
I know this isn't exactly the appropriate context but as a person who was hyperfixated on OFMD the entire time between season one and season two, I really didn't like season two (implied spoilers under cut)
bc firstly I have a disease called Major Izzy Obsession Disorder and secondly because it felt like with the motif of "talk it through as a crew" Stede and Ed should have eventually had a conversation about the feelings that made them make the mistakes they did, but we never got that and the plot treated it all as resolved anyway? Yes I'm one of those awful, bitter assholes who's genuinely mad about season two. That's within my rights lol.
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amor my dearest most beloved GUESS WHO'S DONE WITH THEIR EXAMS!!!! i had my first in-uni exam yesterday since all the others were online due to covid😲 very weird experience but i worried so much over it for nothing because i finished the exam an hour early since it was so easy😭😭 let's not talk about the other one though cause i might've failed that one🫶🏻🫶🏻 thank you for being so sweet and supportive i'm about to shed tears :/ i hope everything's been going well for you too and that you've had a great week!!!!!!!! twice as your fav group?? i knew i could trust you to have great taste😌 i LOVE them so much i actually ascend every time i hear cheer up, nobody did cute concepts like them!! imagine my shock when i came back to kpop after not listening to it for almost two years and the first twice song i hear is can't stop me🫥🫥 literally the last thing i expected my soul left my body right then,,, i love their new sound and i'm also still super bitter about them not getting an mv for cry for me, it's on sight jyp😾😾 how am i meant to choose a favorite from rv😭😭 i'd say the most iconic one to me is dumb dumb but bad boy/psycho/feel my rhythm exist?? it's between those four, i genuinely can't choose just one their discography is just hshshwhsheh i <3 it so much hehe and ong 2nd gen groups too!! i can't wait for snsd's comeback this year i am about to combust😵💫😵💫 nation's gg is COMING BACK!!! and yes beffie atp i do think that we're the same person🤨🤨❤️🔥❤️🔥 ngl it's very embarrassing to admit but i barely read at all😐 only fanfiction and sometimes mangas if the anime isn't finished yet😭😭 i usually watch animes but the problem is that i have THE most unhealthy watching habits shsgshhs i will watch the entirety of it in one sitting and become hyperfixated on it💔 so i try to only watch ones that are completely finished already because i absolutely do not have the patience to wait for new seasons nor the memory to be able to remember what happened in the prior ones😐😐 so i've only watched very few so that it doesn't interfere with my uni life LMAO but the ones i've watched are naruto, hiatus x hiatus (did you hear there's new chapters coming out??), attack on titan, bnha, assassination classroom and i don't remember if there's any others,,?? most of these are not finished and i've regretted starting them but i love them nevertheless💔 i wanna watch demon slayer and jjk so bad but i CANNOT😔 now amor why would you rip out my heart like that,,, two slow dancers?????? good thing tomorrow is not promised😆 i just want them to be happy and i wonder what happened to them afterwards but i have a feeling it's not good :( i also saw this and i immediately thought of you because you always think you're so awkward even though you're actually so easy to talk to and the conversation never feels forced to me?? no amor slander on my watch😾 THE SURPRISE!!!! AND THE BEOMGYUS!!!! i blushed thank you so much i love it all so much😔😔 visual representation of me forcing all my love on u actually :/ also did you see that blue haired yj is back???😭😭 so much happened since my last ask we got yj + beomgyu new hair colors, hiyyih + hyuka tiktok, THE RACE CAR DRIVER OUTFIT PERFORMANCE????/?/? i hope you're doing well beffie<333 sorry for sending such a long ask i got a little too excited😭❤️😭❤️
hiiii most dearest dearest 🧃!! so happy you’re finally freeeeee and im glad ur last exam was done easily with ease and im sure u didn’t fail bc ur so bright and effervescent (and if u did, that is okay too you deserve the biggest hug nonetheless) and plzzz ur the one who’s sweet and supportive and im so grateful 🥺 thank you for ur kind wishes as always 🍭 omg the way we were both awestruck by eyes wide open era we are ONE IN THE SAME beffie i appreciate how alike we are 💗🙀😽 and i get u i gave u a pretty hard question bc all rv titles are BRILLIANT the people who make their music inject dopamine when they make them 😭 on a musicality perspective, their songs are brilliant too ugh (forgive me if ive said this already) and im saying this bc i was on the longest road trip ever and i was listening to rv for a good portion of the time hehe and i almost forgot about snsd !! and their cb too i hope they say something about it soon (or maybe im mistaken) also i don’t think that u not reading is embarrassing ^^ i think the material u absorb is pretty dang rad and we really are the same bc much of my interests are indeed hyperfixations 😭😭 ive heard of those animes ^^ there’s honestly sooooo many out there it’s crazy :000 and AHHHH OMG 🥺 im so sorry,,,, really i didn’t think it made much sense but im very thankful that you at least felt an emotion bc of it (?) and (gosh ur so cute ☹️ it kinda breaks mi heart) i wanted them to meet again in the future but wasn’t sure under which circumstances — i owe the sad/open ending to mitski 🥂 THAT IS SOOOO UR SOOOO cute and funny what the heck 2 in 1 deal of the century !!!! i’d have to argue with u about my awkwardness but it would taint my soul for me to tell u ur wrong 😮💨 u really are so sweet ur words make me so happy 🥹 that is the nicest thing someone has said to me in a while wow i think it really helps that you make conversation easy and you’re patient with me and kind *falls to my knees in the middle of a store* but seriously :”0 ur visual representation is soooooosoofocociofooo cuuuute and sweet not the yeonjuniezzzzz 🥺🥺🥺🥺 THIS IS MINE BC OF how i feel and am unable to contain my love !!! anyway here is your gift !!!!!!!! + another in case it doesn’t work !!!!!!!! AND AHHH yes i did i thought it was fake haha but real talk did YOU see light purple beomgyu????? moment of silence for bamtoris 🫡🫡🫡🙁 nah but seriously and even moreeee has happened since ur last ask and i apologize for that 😔😔😔😔😔 bc im bad at keeping up and txt starts their world tour in the us soon bc they’ve finished day 1 and day 2 in seoul :0 i hope they stay safe 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and they’re happy and have fun goshhhh and taehyun breaks in his new sunglasses hehe i hope YOU’RE doing amazing 🥳 and i truuuly look forward to these messages !!!!!!! i’m on vacation for three weeks and somehow i have less time for myself 😭 and that means less time to watch txt videos and to listen to txt haha they’re like my personality trait bc they are my comfort and joy hehe pathetic right so im losing my patience and sanity very slowly its been making me feel sad but whatevs HEHE umm (sorry if my questions or sentences seem forced i just panic) but this is random haha do u prefer coffee or tea or neither (i wanted to switch up the genre of my questions even though regardless they’re kinda silly) i really hope you’re enjoying ur freedom and time off with whatever u do whether that includes doing nothing or doing…stuff haha don’t forget to take care of urself 🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼
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𝘿𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙊𝙛 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩
➵ Fezco x fem!reader x Ex!Nate Jacobs
➵ summary: Fez stops selling you the drugs you need to handle your boyfriend, so you go looking elsewhere, resulting in you being unconscious and a physical altercation between Fez and Nate on New Years.
➵ word count: 4k
➵ tw: a lot of drugs, toxic relationship, some domestic abuse, drinking, swearing, steamy makeout session, euphoria season 2 episode 1 spoilers, unedited hahaha oops
➵ a/n: so, this is set during the season two episode one, in a world where Nate and Maddy never dated and Lexi and fez never had the conversation on the couch(even tho we all love it). this is my first euphoria imagine and im rlly excited to write more!! im suchhhhh a fuckin softie for Fezco UGH!! my mf baby!!! also this is rlly long and take a long time for it to get happy so sorry hahaha. it’s not really based on Dead Of Night it just is kind of the mood and im obsessed with the song in the show! it’s just such a mood setterrrrrr. happy reading, doves!
╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝
The sun goes down, another dreamless night, you're right by my side. You wake me up, you say it's time to ride, in the dead of night. Strange canyon road, strange look in your eyes, you shut them as we fly, as we fly.
--
“Whatchu doin’ here, (Y/l/n)?” Fezco drawled, counting a stack of $1 and $5 dollar bills like he was in slow motion, his fingers steady as he flipped the bills from his hands and onto the counter, not looking up as he addressed you.
“You know what I’m doin’.” You responded, leaning your body against the refrigerator door that was holding the energy drinks, narrowing your eyes at the freckled boy who wouldn’t look at you.
Of course Fezco knew why you were there. It was the same reason you were there every Friday night for the past year. You came in and asked for a bag of the same drugs you got every week, pretty much anything you could get your hands on, came in that bag. The redhead didn’t know why, but there was a sharp change in your behavior. You became bitter, mean, incredibly careless. You seemed to no longer care about your life, in your eyes, everything was meaningless, and Fez could see it. He knew that look. You no longer gave a fuck.
“Enlighten me.” Fezco said, still not looking up from the small task in his hands, which he could be done with already if he would just go fucking faster.
“Ashtray.” You said, turning your body to the younger boy sitting in the chair in the corner.
“Yeah, yeah.” Ashtray swatted a hand in your direction and stood from his spot, walking towards the back of the store to get your usual bag of contraband that they had ready for you every week.
You turned back towards Fez, “You gonna look at me?”
Fezco sighed and placed the bills on the counter, patting them lightly to keep them in place before he rested his hands on the counter and leaned forward. “Happy?”
You scoffed. “I don’t understand your fucking attitude.”
It was Fezco’s turn to scoff, “Maybe it’s time you do a self evaluation then, Princess.”
“Oh, fuck off. I haven’t done shit-”
“You haven’t done shit?!” Fezco’s voice boomed throughout the shop, bouncing off of the refrigerator doors and cracking through your ears.
Your mouth was shut and your chest heaved. You decided against responding, you knew he was right. You wanted to tell him why, you wanted so badly to tell him why, to have him protect you and take you away from what’s been weighing you down so heavily and stealing your joy.
But he made you keep it a secret.
“This is our secret, right baby?” He hummed, kissing the inside of your thigh while looking up at you through dark eyelashes.
You only whined in response so he gripped your thigh with so much force you were sure it would leave a bruise.
“Say you understand.”
You nodded, he squeezed harder.
“Say it!”
“I understand.” Your voice shook and He smiled.
“Good.” He purred. “I won’t hesitate wrapping my hands around that pretty throat of yours and squeezing if you seem to forget.”
He terrified you, right down to your core, you were absolutely petrified of your boyfriend, and it was your own fucking fault.
Ashtray came sauntering back from the backroom, hands empty.
“Yo, I can’t find the bag.”
“S’cuz it’s not there.”
“Why?” Ashtray raised an eyebrow before cautiously turning his head towards you, knowing it was only a matter of seconds before you blew up in their store.
“Yeah, why?” You asked, crossing your arms, and unbelievably deep scowl etched on your face as you tried to keep your lower lip from trembling, you needed those drugs, you don’t think you could get through another week without them.
“You ain’t gettin’ no drugs from me no more.” Fez’s voice was steady as he looked straight at you, “Tired of watchin’ you ruin your life, baby girl.”
You couldn’t help it as tears started to fall down your cheeks, “Fez, please.”
You wanted to curse yourself for how small your voice sounded when you spoke, the way it shook and faltered as you pleaded.
“What’s goin’ on with you?” Fez asked, for the first time in nearly a year, he confronted you instead of watching you ruin yourself from the sidelines.
“Nothing. I just need the fucking drugs, please, I can’t go on without them! I can’t face him without them!”
You hadn’t meant to say it, the pronoun slipped from your mouth like uncontrollable bile crawling up in your throat.
Fezco narrowed his eyes. “Who’s got you hurtin’ this bad?”
Your heart hammered in your chest. He knew. He knew it was a him, and Fezco wouldn’t stop until he knew the full story. You knew him through and through, inside out, like the back of your hand, and he wasn’t gonna stop ‘til he knew the whole story, and you were safe.
“No one, Fezco! God, can’t you just leave me alone for 2 seconds! I’ll fucking go somewhere else.”
Fezco felt his heart drop as he watched you go, but he wasn’t about to chase you out and beg for you to tell him what happened, to stay. So, he watched you go, and he knocked over a display of cheap sunglasses as soon as you were out of sight.
Once you were outside, you finally let the tears fall down your cheeks. Painful sobs of anger and fear pushed through your throat and turned into pathetic wails that floated through the LA skyline. You didn’t want to go to the stupid party anymore, having this fight with Fez made you too sad, a reminder of the best friend you lost, the person you loved more than anyone in this world.
The reason you needed a distraction in the first place.
You sucked it up anyway, knowing that Rue Bennett would be at that party, and Rue Bennett doesn’t go anywhere without drugs.
You kept your car completely silent as you drove, driving jerkier and a little bit more careless than you usually would, just wanting to get to the party, take drugs from whoever, and get the fuck home and hopefully fall asleep before the clock hits 12.
But obviously, New Years had other plans.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Nate lowly growled under his breath, not even sparing a glance at you as you poured yourself a drink.
Nate fucking Jacobs. Tall, dark, handsome. Achingly attractive and unbelievably charming, he was perfect on paper. Football star, good grades, came from money, sweet. That’s exactly how he drew you in, who wouldn’t that draw in? He wanted to keep you a secret because what you had was special, he wanted to keep it special. Now he was possessive, angry, mean, wanting to keep you a secret because he thought you were fucking pathetic.
“I was having trouble picking out an outfit.” You lied, picking at the edge of your red solo cup.
“Bullshit. You using again?”
“No.”
Nate groaned and grabbed your wrist, dragging you closer to him, tightening his grip on your wrist so hard you were afraid he might break it.
“Don’t fucking lie to me. Meet me in the bathroom in an hour. Knock 3 times.”
You nodded and whimpered when Nate released his grip on you. “Fuck.” You muttered as you lightly ran your thumb over the tender skin. That would be noticeable.
This had never been you. You weren’t this girl. In fact, you were the girl who would give girls like this pep talks, hyping them up and telling them they deserve better, they need to leave his abusive ass. And here she is, whimpered and caressing your bruised wrist at a party, and most definitely meeting Nate Jacobs in the bathroom in an hour. You shook the tears from your eyes and downed your drink, then another, and another, and another, and then one more, and a couple shots for good measure, before scanning your eyes through the party, your eyes finally landing on just the girl you were looking for.
“What do you have on you?” You asked as soon as you approached Rue, standing alone, staring off into God knows where.
Rue turned to you and smirked. “Follow me.”
You took the girl’s hand as she led you through the party so you wouldn’t lose sight of her in the chaos. Once the two of you entered the long, dark, hallway, you both began knocking and opening random doors, looking for an empty room to comfortably get high in.
“What are you snorting?”
You spun on your heel to look at Rue who was standing with her hand on a door handle to what looked like a laundry room, talking to a boy with face tattoos.
When Rue looked at you and nodded her head toward the boy, gesturing for you to follow her, you smiled and gladly followed her orders, making sure to shut the door behind you.
The blond, tattooed boy, who introduced himself as Elliot, presented you with a tightly wrapped dollar bill while he prepared yet another line of fluffy white powder for you to snort through the bill.
“You sure she needs another one?” Elliot looked at Rue, his eyes quickly flickering back you in concern at your appearance, your eyes droopy and breath labored and slow, the whites of your eyes glossy and red.
“She’s fine, one more and I’ll give her adderall to even her out.”
Elliot backed away, “Nah, I don’t think I’m cool with that. She already looks like she boutta pass out.”
Rue looked at you and sighed. Fezco was gonna be so angry with her if he ever found out you were with her. She knew that Fez refused you drugs that night, because she had also been with him earlier just after you left the store, accompanying him and Ashtray to their drug deal in exchange for a ride to the party, and she heard Fezco grumbling about you to his little brother. But, she also knew how it was to need those drugs so bad, and be refused, so she caved. It was just a little bit, nothing too major. You’d be totally fine.
Right?
“Yo, (Y/n). Elliot’s probably right, Fez’s gonna kill me if he finds you like this.”
“Yeah, f’sure.” You slurred, a lazy smile stretched across your face.
“I’m not sure it’s a good thing we met.” Elliot said, looking between you and Rue with wide eyes.
“What do you mean? You’re like, our new favorite person.”
-
After exiting the laundry room behind Rue and Elliot, you took a left straight for the drinks set up instead of following the two outside to the large crackling fire to share a blunt, which you all had agreed on, but you had other plans.
Rue and Elliot didn’t give you the amount of drugs you were happy with, so you set off in search of your own. You approached a group of older kids huddled around a table, rolled up money clasped tightly in their hands and white powder spread across the table. A boy, just slightly taller than you, handed you a dollar bill without even looking at you, and you bent down and snorted the substance through the rolled up bill, sighing and smiling as the relief coursed through your veins.
But the relief was short lived when you were harshly pulled up by your wrist and you yelped in pain, letting the stranger pull you to God knows where, you were too high and disoriented to even grasp what was happening.
“Fuckin’ junkie.”
“3… 2… 1!”
“Oh my god!”
“Happy new year!”
“(Y/n)!”
“Give her space!”
“You fucker!”
“Find Fezco!”
-
“Are you Fezco?”
Fez looked up from his spot on the couch, his eyes meeting those of a younger boy with face tattoos.
“Who’s askin’?”
“Um, some girl is like, trippin’ hard and some guy was tryna take her into a bathroom or somethin’? I was told to find you?”
Fezco stood immediately, dropping his red solo cup filled with a liquid he didn’t care enough about, curtly nodding his head at the boy before pushing past him and running to where the commotion was.
You were slumped against a wall, head lolling from side to side, Jules’ hands holding your face trying to keep you upright, Kat and Maddy yelling and shoving Nate Jacobs backwards, telling him to fuck off, Rue standing there staring at you with wide eyes like an idiot. Lexi Howard was pacing back and forth, phone pressed to one ear and her free hand pressed against the other, like she was trying to get ahold of somebody but she couldn’t hear.
Fuckin’ Nate Jacobs.
Fezco was seething, he could barely even see straight as he stomped toward the group, swiftly grabbing an almost empty bottle of titos on his way before shattering it against Nate’s head, sending the much taller boy to the ground, and giving Fez an advantage as he began to beat the shit out of him.
He didn’t stop, he fucking couldn’t stop. For the first time in his life, Fezco knew exactly what people were talking about when they used the expression “seeing red.” Every memory of you coming to the store with a black eye, him just figuring you had been impulsive and dumb and gotten in a fight, every flinch, every bruise, every scratch, went over his fucking head, and now he was channeling it all straight back into Nate Jacobs’ face.
He heard the yells and pleas for him to stop, felt Cassie Howard trying to pull him off before he shoved her away.
It was a long time before he was pulled off, Nate’s face almost completely unrecognizable at that point.
He didn’t even watch as Cassie, Chris Mckay, and a couple other nameless party goers carried his pathetic frame from the party, he didn’t give a fuck.
“Are you insane?! You could’ve killed him!” Maddy Perez stopped him before he could get any closer to you, lightly shoving his shoulder.
“He coulda killed my fuckin’ girl, get outta my way.” Fezco droned, making his way around Maddy to get to you.
He crouched next to Jules and examined your figure, frowning when his eyes met your wrist.
“Her pulse is normal, she’s just high as fuck.” Rue chuckled. “That was fuckin’ crazy!”
Fez felt like he was going to blow up.
“Why you actin’ like that shit was fun, Rue?! For real, you’re pissin’ me off!” Fez spat and Rue backed up, throwing her hands up in surrender.
“Everyone back the fuck up!” He said sternly.
The group obeyed and slowly backed away from you, allowing Fez full access to scoop you into his arms. He stood up with you, trying his best to be careful but also go fast, knowing that someone here probably called the cops on both of you.
Your eyes opened a little bit more once you made it in the car, Ashtray was driving and Rue was in the passenger seat, and and Fez in the back.
“Hey, baby. Time to ride, alright?”
“Fez-”
“Don’t talk, (Y/l/n), go to sleep.”
Fez saw the flash of panic in your eyes, darting around the car, worried that you were in bad company.
“Jus’ me, Ashtray and Rue, alright? You good.”
You nodded and closed your eyes, your body slumping with your head on your best friend’s lap.
Fezco couldn’t help the uneasiness in his stomach while he threaded his fingers through your hair, his gaze fixed out the window. The streets were nearly empty, everyone either hammered off their ass in the bars, clubs and house parties or bundled up in their homes, trying to avoid the chaos that LA brings for New Years.
Stark, hollow town, Carson city lights, baby let's get high. Spend a johnny's cash, hitch another ride, we laugh until we cry. You say "go fast" I say "hold on tight", In the dead of night, dead of night.
Ashtray pulled up in their driveway, shutting off the engine and getting out of the car wordlessly, leaving you and Fez alone in the car, having already dropped off Rue.
Fez didn’t move, keeping his eyes fixed in the same direction they were while driving, fingers still tangled in your hair, now unmoving.
“Shoulda told me.” Fez said, you didn’t have to say anything, he knew you were awake.
“What would you have done?” You slurred, sitting up from your position.
“Whatever I had to do.”
You scoffed.
“Quit fuckin scoffin’ at me, I’m serious. This shit ain’t no joke like you and Rue make it out to be. Y’all are fucked up.”
“Don’t act like you all of the sudden care about me.”
Fez just shook his head, “You’re so fucking stupid.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“I’ll call you what I wanna call you, (Y/l/n). I refuse to give you drugs for your own wellbeing and you do them anyway and nearly kill yourself. Nate Jacobs was draggin’ you off to the bathroom to do who knows fuckin’ what before Kat and Jules caught sight of you. Coulda been fuckin’ bad for you!”
“That’s not my fault, just because I was high doesn’t mean I wanted that!”
“God, I didn’t say that. You’re fuckin impossible. I care about you, I’ve always cared about you. Fuck, I might be in love with you!”
The silence and tension hung thick in the air, you almost felt like you could wipe it off of your face.
Fezco was breathing heavily, and if you weren’t coming down from a high you’d say you saw a couple tears run down his face.
“You shut me out for a year. That fuckin’ hurt, you know?”
You stayed silent, the corners of your mouth being pulled down in a tremble.
“M’sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Fezco drawled. “It’s not your fault and you know that.”
You nodded. Why didn’t you say it? Why couldn’t you tell him how much you love him too? How all you wanted the past year was to run and tell him everything, all of the hurt you’d been enduring, all of the pain and doubt and fear. But you kept your lips rolled into your mouth and your hands tightly rung together.
“You got anything else to say?”
“I have to go.” You hurried out, swiftly opening the car door and getting out, hurrying down the driveway in your thin heels, trying really hard to focus on not falling.
Six summers down, another dreamless night. You're not by my side. Scratch on the moon, like a familiar smile, stained on my mind. Some other town, someone else's life. Dead in the night, in the night.
You fought back tears as hard as you could until you arrived back home, which was fairly quickly due to how close you lived to Fezco and Ashtray.
You’d known Fezco since you were a baby, your parents were shitty too so you spent a lot of time with him and Ashtray and their grandma, who had become basically your grandma too, so you helped out a lot in taking care of her. Fez had always been like a big brother and Ashtray like a little one. Until one day Fez wasn’t your brother anymore. You blushed when he giggled, pushing his tongue slightly between his teeth. Your heart soared when he called you the nicknames he didn’t seem to call everyone else. And you caught yourself counting his freckles in the sunset during golden hour. You loved him.
But you were his little sister, you had to be. If you weren’t, then why’d you let Nate Jacobs sweep you off of your feet? If you weren't, all this shit was for nothing, right? Or is that what you deserved? Was Nate the best you could do?
If Nate was all you could get, then that’s the love you deserved, right?
If Nate Jacobs was a slap in the face or the roll of an eye, that’s the love you deserved.
Right?
The chime of your phone snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump.
Jules: let him in, i know ur doubting it.
You sighed. Jules always seemed to be your voice of reason. You met her through Rue, and you held a soft spot for the blonde girl, she had always been able to read your mind and provide you with the love you needed.
You quickly typed out Fezco’s name in your phone and typed a message, your fingers flying across the keyboard.
(Y/n): I’m sorry please come over so we can talk
Fezco: open the door
Your heart nearly shot out of your chest and you bolted toward your front door, nearly tripping over your own feet multiple times. You nearly tore your front door open once you got there, coming face to face with the freckled boy you adored.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“I love you, too. I do.” You pushed the words out as quickly as you could, you needed him to know.
Fez smiled and looked at his shoes. “You still high?”
You shook your head, then paused, making Fez laugh.
“Only a little bit.”
“No more of that shit.” He said, his face turning serious, desperate, blue eyes searching yours, darting back and forth. “Don’t want you scarin’ me like that again. Can’t lose you, ya know?”
You nodded, a silent promise. If Nate was gone, and Fez was yours, you didn't need it anymore. The drugs were no longer of use to you.
Fez nodded. Shoving his hands in his pockets as his smile began to creep back on his lips before he started to sway back and forth. “You loveeee me.” His voice high pitched in a sing song tune.
You rolled your eyes, “Oh, Jesus Christ.” But you had a smile playing on your lips.
Fez grabbed your hand gently and pulled you closer to him, a gentle thumb coming to caress the angry bruising decorating your wrist like a bracelet. A stark contrast in the way Nate had angrily touched you earlier in the night.
“Happy new year, homegirl.” He said softly, his face just inches away from yours, your noses just barely touching in the most agonizing yet beautiful way.
“You gonna be my new year's kiss, Fezco?”
Fezco didn’t respond, just placed his fingers on your chin gingerly bringing you even closer to his, ghosting his lips over yours.
“Fucking tease.”
And then his lips were on yours, and you felt like you were finally breathing for the first time in a year. His lips moved against yours so softly, but the kiss was still filled with so much heat and passion it made your head spin. He moved his hands from yours to rest on your waist, only gripping enough to make you feel his grasp. Your arms moved around his neck, pulling him even closer to you, the two of you backing slowly into your door frame, your back barely bumping against the wood.
He was everything. Your lips on yours was better than anything you could’ve ever imagined someone’s lips being. His teeth biting your lip was better than any drug you’ve ever shot into your body. His tongue against yours was more delicious than any dessert you’ve spooned into your mouth.
Fez broke his lips from yours and giggled at your whine, the melodic sound making you weak in the knees, only to quickly attach them to your neck, nipping and sucking at your neck so delicately you thought you might cry out from that alone.
“Fuckin’ pretty girl.” Fez mumbled against your neck before sponging a line of kisses up your neck, your jaw, the corner of your mouth, teasing you again before you whined and grabbed his face, connecting his lips with yours once again.
This was it, this was your heaven. Fez’s lips on yours and his hands on you, soothing your burning flesh with gentle squeezes and caresses of his thumb. He was right, you were a stupid, stupid girl.
“My room, please.” You stammered, Fez’s heart nearly stopping at the sound of your pleading.
“Mmmm.” He purred, connecting his lips to the sensitive spot behind your ear, drinking in the pretty noises spilling past your lips. “Yes ma’am.”
It's enough to make a young man…
#fezco imagine#fezco fanfic#fezco one shot#fezco x you#fezco x y/n#fezco x reader#fezco euphoria#euphoria imagine#fezco fanfiction#euphoria fanfic#euphoria fanfiction#euphoria season 2 spoilers#euphoria season 2
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bokuto headcanons (if you were in fukurodani)
realistically, i’d imagine a scenario where you’re a third year too since i find those ‘pretty freshmen dating their popular senior’ cliché like the annoying kind of cliché bcs love like that either don’t last, or isn’t real.
bo was nearly late on the first day of highschool and the chair next to your were the only one left.
since that day onwards, for the whole three years you became chairmates.
idk about people but i fall in love easy so im sure i’d fall in love like after two weeks of school just because of subtle things like him reminding you not to forget your lunch or to check your drawer before you go home and he goes to practice, walking with you to other classes, the subtle accidental touches, yep what a simp.
but you didn’t confess because you wouldn’t want to ruin what you guys had.
so for the whole three years you were content being his really close friend, like you know the kind you trust so much and just have a default fond feeling for, the kind you remember to buy another box of milk for before going back to class.
he’s a natural athlete and is currently working on being a pro, but you don’t really enjoy physical things since you hate sweating.
you guys have complete opposite club activities.
as much as i like the thought of being fukurodani’s manager,, that’s not for this plot.
maybe a cooking club or debate.
but when your schedules collide, he accidentally meets you on his way out of the school, and gives you a toothy grin before offering to walk you home.
when you enter the third year of course things had to change, you have to prepare for college app and whilst he’s set on being a pro athlete he still needs to graduate first.
you stopped your club activities and on rare days when he’s not in the school gym, he’s at your house studying for finals.
your study sessions naturally became something you really cherished.
you get to see the side other people don’t.
the way his dyed silver eyebrows scrunch during math, the bright intimidating honey eyes that to you radiates only comfort.
the noisy remarks he made the entire 5 hours of study, the constant whine and complains.
the way he’d lean back to look at your ceilings after finishing a workbook page.
almost a year passed, it’s finally off season and he played his last match as fukurodani’s ace and captain.
you notice that your study sessions now feel heavier.
he’s still the same person with the same eyebrow scrunch and the same noisy whine and honey like eyes.
but you can’t help but feel like he’s slipping away.
finals are coming to and end and it’s time for your last study session, probably even the last in his life since, pro athletes don’t need to understand calculus to make living.
you feel like there’s this huge rock on your chest, it’s hard to breathe.
you don’t even bother to try and look at the abstract equations on your notes, you’ve done this your whole life, you don’t need to.
but him, the thought of a future where you’re not waking up at 4.30 am in the morning to see him, the thought of not being the person that he sleeps next to in class ?
he seems to catch on your silent distress and opted on a night walk around the neighborhood.
it’s 10 pm and the moon is smiling, you walk next to him on the inner side of the road, heart feeling full but not in a good way.
you were so drowned in uneasiness you didn’t realise the warmth next to you is gone, your heart tripped and look back for a second to see him 5 meters behind you.
the night is silent as he continues to walk to you, his eyes not leaving yours and oh how you wished this is how it’ll always be.
“talk to me, y/n.” he said with a voice almost bitter, as if he feels the same thing. you study his face with a visible shade of longing and even he too, felt his heartbeat start to falter.
“i-“
you almost had it but again the suffocating fear in your heart brings your head down for a moment.
“it’s our last final tomorrow, and you did a great job studying today, i’m sure you’ll do great.” he smiled lightly at that, saying how it’s all thanks to you and it’s a debt he won’t ever be able to repay. but he knows there’s more.
“that’s not what i meant.” your head is still down but you feel his gaze avert back to you. you raise your head slowly to look at him and the feeling takes you back to the days he’d always sleep with his head on the table facing you on the second recess while you do some work on your laptop, the beautiful little feelings you hold so close to your heart.
you muster up enough courage to go on and finally say it, “i, i’m always the happiest around you, koutarou-kun, the last three years i spent next to you, even on things that don’t matter like when you fell asleep on recess, when forgot to zip your bag because you were too excited to see akaashi, when you dramatically whined about not getting the last serving of yakisoba bun, and even on important events like when you became the team captain, or when you won the preliminaries, or when officials from national teams would come to talk to you in between your matches in the nationals.. they.. they’re all about you yet it made me so happy i got to be by your side,” you can feel your mind clearing up and words came out of your lips just like that, “your future is set and i can’t be any happier, but still, with our path so different, i can’t help but fear i won’t see you again after the bell rings twice tomorrow,”
your eyes no longer sting and your heartbeat managed to be, you hold your heart in your hands and words again dripped from your lips, like it’s blood, like it’s love. “i’m not asking you for anything, but i’m glad i spent the beginning of my youth with you,” his eyes widen at the realization of what’s coming out next “koutarou-kun, from the bottom of my heart, i love you.”
you managed to give him your smile before you feel his strong arms engulfing you, the hold you’ve been yearning for these three years, you can’t help but hold him back and let out the silent yet violent sobs, you’re just so relieved, so relieved. and he said in a voice you’ll take to your own grave,
“wait for me, i’m coming back to you.”
#bokuto#bokuto koutarou#bokuto koutarou hc#bokuto headcanons#bokuto koutarou headcanon#bokuyo x reader#bokuto koutarou x reader#bokuto fluff#bokuto angst#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu headcanon#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst#🌘 moon hc
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1: This is not a “why Levi will end up with Mikasa”, at all. I’m not trying to boost our confidence in RM because I don’t want us to get hurt again, okay? Fine. Always remember that those 10 pages might be even worse than 139 but we will never stop shipping RM . Always remember the 138 beautiful chapters and ignore the shitty one.
2: looong post.
3: Constructive hmhmh no criticism to Erem*ka. Now let’s start.
No one ever asked me why I think Levi is the right man for Mikasa (and viceversa); when I interact with non rivamikas, they are too busy hating on me and my ship to show a bit of respect and interest towards my opinions and thoughts. I wrote this post because I think that this question needs to be answered, especially after 139. These are six reasons why I think that Levi deserves to be Mikasa’s man.
(I’m doing Levi version first because Mikasa is the one who’s in a toxic “relationship” with a possessive “man”)
i) He helped her with her development.
Since Season 1, Levi has always helped Mikasa to grow as a person. In fact, Levi was the first one who made her realize that her actions have consequences that sometimes are not very pleasant. She understood that, even if Eren is in danger, the other people around her exist and they might get hurt because of her reckless behaviors. Talking about Eren, only with Levi, Mikasa stopped being Eren’s obsessive mother and became an independent woman, which is exactly the opposite of what she’s now with her “love” Eren. I think that Levi will help Mikasa to move on from Eren once he will return to Paradise, and I also think that she will find someone to love. I remember Armin’s words in 139:
The fact that three years have passed and Mikasa is still single makes me realize that probably this “someone” is a man from her group of friends. They left her alone for three years (clap clap 👏 good job, you too Levi 😒), and she hasn’t fallen in love during those years, so maybe once they will return to Paradise she will meet again this “someone” and they will finally fall in love. Now, we have three candidates for this role:
Jean
Levi
Connie yes im serious
I know that Jean had a crush on Mikasa but, I think that he doesn’t love her anymore. To me, Jean realized that his feelings were not returned so He decided to give up on her, if he had feelings for her, he would have followed her to Paradise, don’t you think? And I think that Jean deserves more; I believe that you shouldn’t wait your crush for years, if you both fall in love then fine but if one of the two as a crush on the other for more than 5 years but the other doesn’t return his/her feelings then the other should say bye 👋🏻
Then we have Levi, and Connie yes I’m serious. I have already said why I think that Levi will help Mika to move on so I repeat myself. And I ship Conkasa 🙃🙂 nahhh im joking but they are cute.
ii) He respects her.
It was confirmed various times trough the story that Levi respects Mikasa, and viceversa. Respect is one of the “rudiments” of a relationship. Yesterday, I was reading this article online about why respect is important in a relationship, and the first point got me in a particular way:
“1. Respect sees through the good and learns to accept the bad.
When you are in love with someone, all you see are their best qualities, both inside and out. At the same time, you set aside their flaws and weaknesses, to tolerate these as much as you can. Respect doesn’t work that way.
When you have respect for the person you chose to be in a relationship with, you come to accept the person’s beauty and flaws, the bitter and sweet, and good and the bad. And from the acceptance, you both learn to adjust to each other’s systems and come up with a compromise that you can live with. Toppled with love, respect serves as the fuel to keep any relationship moving”
The last part reminds me of Rivamika; Levi and Mikasa both know that the other has his own beauty and flaws, and they accept each other that way. They don’t set those flaws aside to tolerate each other more, they just accept them and they love each other the way they are. With Eren instead, Mikasa has always set aside his flaws because she didn’t want to see them and she always misinterpreted his actions. I want to see an independent woman and not a girl who doesn’t want to accept that her crush is not perfect. Mikasa has to understand that it’s okay if she says “fuck you” for once. Wake up girl.
iii) He cares for her.
Levi has always cared for Mikasa since Season 1, even if I think that in the beginning, he cared for her just as a simple soldier since they didn’t know each other that much. After their first meeting, things changed on Levi’s side and on Mikasa’s as well; she learned to respect him, and Levi started to understand that gloomy brat, to the point that she became special to him; indeed, the way Levi treats Mikasa is very different from the way he treats everyone else, even the other women (Petra, Hisu, Hanji, Sasha) Please my Mika wake up. It’s sad that many think it’s just simple affection because “oh they are cousins he loves her just like a sister bla bla bla”. Sorry to tell you but I don’t have that much tension with my brother 😏😏 and some blind people still say that he hates when he:
Broke his ankle to save her
Always reminds her to calm down and to not be reckless because she can hurt the others but also herself
Always looks at her from afar to check if she’s okay
Literally cried when she was having one of her headaches (138)
Blind people 😏
iiii) He understands her.
Levi understands Mikasa’s feelings; they are very similar, and Mikasa found herself in situations Levi had already lived, from loosing her friends and family to the awakening of their power. And that’s also why Levi plays a big part in her development; remember in Season 1 when Annie kidnapped Eren and Mikasa lost her mind? Okay so when Levi saw her like that, he reminded of his younger self’s reaction to Isabel and Farlan’s death, and that’s why he acted in a soft way towards her; he already knew that in that situation, she wouldn’t have even looked at him if he didn’t act in a soft way. He knew she was lost so he took control of the situation.
Screenshot from: chapter 30.
iiiii) He’s a real man.
In my personal vocabulary, 139 Eren doesn’t fit the definition of man. Someone that treats a woman like that doesn’t deserve to be called “man” (same with women obviously). To me, a man is someone that’s able to respect his lover, that doesn’t treat her like an object and that thinks about her happiness first (that’s literally what love means lmao) (and more). Saying “I want her to be happy” is not enough when he wrapped the scarf around her again, knowing that she was suffering and she was not able to set herself free. If Eren really loved her, he wouldn’t wrapped the scarf around her again. Levi instead fits my definition of “man”, I’d say perfectly. He has always respected her, and he wants the best for Mikasa. He showed to love her, at least platonically, numerous times, he showed care about her physical and mental well-being. I think that Levi could make Mikasa feel loved, what her “lover” Eren has never done since he always treated her badly. Mikasa doesn’t know much about relationships, and Levi too, but with Levi she would understand what a real relationship looks like. And personally, I don’t want Mikasa to end up with someone like 139 Eren.
iiiiii) He his her ideal type and they share the same life goals.
Two months ago, I wrote this post named “How much are Mikasa and Levi compatible?”. There I listed all the reasons why I believe that Levi and Mikasa are each other’s ideal type. I’m not going to repeat myself, so if you want to read it, click here. Anyway, they share the same life goals, that are: a peaceful life in the middle of nature and a family since they both have a soft spot on children.
What do you think? Do you have other reasons why you think that Levi is perfect for Mikasa? I hope you liked this post and feel free to share your opinions!
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