#im just too sad right now
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The world got to me and i forgot that life is supposed to be lived
#dec 2023#tbh i just wanna lay in bed and cry#it doesnt help that i caught a cold#today i met a girl i went to school with . she recognised me immediately. i didn’t. she remembered my name. i couldnt remember hers.#to be fair i havent seen her in 8 years give or take#it was still embarrassing#its nice to know that shes doing well in life tho#i wanna do a progress update so bad but it feels like im stuck#i know its all in my head#im just too sad right now#i miss summer
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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i just keep thinking about harley getting to know the truth about why peter is alone and finding out why people don't remember him and for a moment thinking he's glad he got to meet him after everything went down and immediately feel guilt and shame because its not fair peter went through so much pain and had to leave everyone he knew behind but,,,, just thinking about meeting each other before and getting to know peter and then completely forget him makes his feel sick
#but harley my baby you did#there was another crying teenager at the funeral that knew exactly what you were feeling in that moment#you just don't remember him#i feel like the world could have ended right there and peter wouldn't have notice#theres a blank space since the moment tony died until weeks after the funeral so can u blame him for not remembering harley?#they met in one of the worst days of each other's life#i just can't stop thinking about them realizing they met before and being absolutely devastated on how close they were to losing each other#because yes they met they talked and acknowledge their bond with tony but they were grieving#they talked for a couple of minutes but they didn't keep in contact they didn't become friends just like that#but now they can't possibly think about not being in each other's life#and to think they were close to lose that without even realizing it..#ugh im sad don't pay attention to me#once again i do NOT care about the english language so dont bother i know there might be typos#harley keener#parkner#but platonic parkner works just fine too
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next ctb will probably not be next week but the week after, if only because i can't use my saturdays to binge write this month
#between my pottery class on saturday and my sibling visiting next week no binge writing for me#which is sad because if i could just give myself 12 uninterrupted hours of time i would word vomit the rest of this chapter easily#i'm doing really good on the word count too! at 17k im at the main point of the present day at last and i technically already have 2k of th#past already written though they need major rewrites :P#hahahaha i am feeling so good about this chapter right now i hope nothing happens to turn it into a miserable experience for me#me rambling#lu ctb
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.
#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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Maybe a doodle of Alfira from bg3? I just think she's neat and I've hardly seen any art of her
You're so right?? I didn't realize it until you said it but yeah. For such a well-loved NPC art about her doesn't float around all that often
I wanted to draw her singing but I can't stop thinking about how intensely upbeat she has to stay for the kids. The poor woman has to be at her breaking point
#i also got an idea for a full alfira drawing (also sad though)#so thank you for that! /gen#i started thinking about her while I was drawing and now i have Feelings about her#we almost always see her (at least trying to be) upbeat#the only times i remember seeing her upset are 1) when you meet her at the grove and 2) when you talk to her about the hostage tieflings#she needs a hug & a hot drink & a good cry & space to just. not have to put on a brave face#and she's so YOUNG too?!?#like. there's no way she's past 30 right? a good chunk of the tiefling adults are pretty young tbh#unless im just really bad at figuring out ages#alfira bg3#bg3#bg3 fanart#baldurs gate 3#my art#art request#sketch
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doodles
#I really like this little style#With the colored lines and just plain white coloring#its very simplistic#I did it for the animatics but I think it looks really cute#also ignore the little sad thing at the side its not important lol def not a vent im not sad right now hahahaahahah (lie)#anyway#yeah#look at these silly doodles#ive been talking too long--#gummyart💜#doodles#digital art#sona
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if phil and forever never banter or like...do their silly thing with each other again im going to throw myself into the sea
#if they dont interact anymore im going to be so upset#i love their whole like dynamic if i can never have that im going to be sad#i know forever said his character is over phil now but like !!!! CAN THEY STILL TALK?? WILL THEY STILL TALK AND BE FRIENDS :(( I LIKED SEE#ING THEM TOGETHER MAN!!!!#i already lost slimeriana (they are never on) i can't lose philever too#/p /r i dont care i just WANT THEM TO STILL TALK TO EACH OTHER :((((#<- experiencing a lot of emotions right now#qsmp#philever#💬 one new message
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every few months or so i have a recurring nightmare where i horrifically neglect some animals i have and theyre like barely holding on and im like what have i done how did i let it get so far im a monster and its always like hamsters or mice or something and once it was a human baby and once a spider. anyways today it was rats and one of them bit me which i think was deserved and a sign of revolution. next dream theyre going to unionise and start eating me alive or something. and good for them honestly dream me had it coming
#just for the record these animals are not real and i dont neglect my pets i swear my dog is very spoiled#i talked about this with my therapist and the conclusion was that i probably worry too much about doing things right so it doubles over into#irrational worry im neglecting them but unfortunately that realisation does not make the nightmares stop#so now its like upsetting in the moment but once i wake up im normal again#and almost kinda funny like. why am i dreaming about rats i dont have. ive never had a rat#they need too much space and their short live spans make me sad#cw animal neglect#its only imaginary but. anyways
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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cheeky wee playlist for my fic inhaler... cause I said so. send post.
#idk why its taken me absolutely missions to make this public#just realising how many sad songs are on this thing HOW#anyway yeah ahh. happy listening innit!!#also i have far too many public playlists im aware of it pls dont judge me 🙏#oh god time for me to get all rambly:#writing and music literally go so hand and hand with me like- practically my entire life is split between just those things soooo#heres a wee insight into what inhaler sounds like for me!!#terri-fecking-fied that people are gonna be like... what how that makes no sense whys that song there EVEN WHEN IT WONT EVEN HAPPEN HELP 😭#right ill shush now#love yous lots#and if anyone even looks at it i'll honestly be so happy genuinely 😭#inhaler#my fic#my fic writing#milex
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I want to try you house out of the sheer curiosity of seeing it on so many people’s art fight bios and I want to SEE!!!! but I think u gotta get codes from real human beings (who pay to use the site I think?? That gives them codes??) in order get in there so. I guess I will be turning into a turnip instead.
#I am all over the place right now and I CANNOT wrangle my stupid little brain meat right now#Do u ever sneeze so hard you nearly throw out ur back#I fear that every time I sneeze bc I sneeze kind of aggressively#Like just now. Like they’re not scary loud like my parents#But they’re hefty!!!!!#Anyway would I even use toy house or just stare at it and get scared??? Well I don’t know.#But I think I would try may haps#It all depends on the community I crave community#<- says the person whose been actively hiding from tumblr days at a time#Despite this being the only place I DO have that online community circle lol#Um it’s complicated. I’m experiencing a complicated thing in my brain lately I cannot explain it I’m. It’s fine. 🚶#not leaving tho id be too sad#Im justbhwhehdhfhfhthtjtgjfgngng trying to figure something out. I do not know what yet#Ok I gotta pee goodbye ✌️
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this man’s hair is changing without my permission again
#very slightly but it’s still a million times better than before imo#erm me drawing sad wet cat anton again? wow what a surprise#ignore the fact i am drawing this diagonally on my canvas. i’m quirky like that okay.#ignore the fact he is staring directly into your soul in this image#also anon i see you. i hear you. more dew art coming soon i just gotta get this outta my system…#i cannot stop drawing him i actually can’t it’s actually a problem (no its not)#anyway this is art that’s gonna be based on the next chappy 💥💥💥#dew will also be in it 💥💥💥#in the art i mean (obviously he’ll be in the chapter) guys that’s why the canvas is like that. that’s why#crazy shit#i love talking absolute complete nonsense and confusing everyone who’s reading#yeah. yeah i bet ur confused right now. about what the hell im talking about. me too#doodles#anton oc
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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I wanted to come on here and say, thank you to those who are protesting. You are speaking for a bigger collective that do not wish to be harmed in any way and/or simply cannot. The compassion is felt through more people than you realize, it means more than words can describe and you are all honored. Thank you. We are all doing our best and what we can to the best of our ability, even those who are forced silent by threat. They cannot silence us all.
Humanity NEEDS to operate on a humanitarian level, how dare the government put monetary value on life; it is CRUEL and IMHUMANE. It should not be like this. It won't be like this for any longer. I promise.
There is something underlying, and there always has, you are not crazy. It is all enforced. It is on purpose.
Free Palestine. Free Gaza. Free Congo.
#free palestine#free gaza#free congo#human rights#humanitarianism#healthcare#housing#free speech#class war#eat the rich#mental health#can't even believe the humanitarian values tidbit need to be said#like do people not have basic empathy or sympathy#(dont answer that)#it's just sad that disabled people are also basically forced into poverty#yeah its rant time i dont care its tags#too poor to afford to be treated like a human being it seems#because wealthy people are much more important /sarcasm#way to go at enforcing the idea that poor people don't deserve healthcare and food!!!!!!! are you happy??? /sarcasm#the new american dream is to get the fuck out#dont get me started on how chruch with state (and the much alteredly fucked up text of the “bible”) is literally white supremacy-#-wrapped in a religous package so no one attacks it because “thats hate speech” so sad so sad#give the natives their land back#stop genocide#gentrification#-because apparently the “Christian God” are now WHITE MEN in politcal power#its so obvious#im just so upset#anywho yes im totally fine#rant over
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