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#im horrible at commitment i fear
wonillaa · 9 months
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haii this is like my 4th time disappearing IM SO SORRY 💔 spider jake is making his cb soon i swear
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wayward-wren · 11 days
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Maybe this is me being bitter because of 10+ moves in my childhood but I'm always a bit disappointed and see it as a cop-out when children's shows tease the main family moving and then don't follow through
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thompsborn · 7 months
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me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3
me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep
#i say this like its funny haha#but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians#i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now#and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally#i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza#and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people#im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l#local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like#im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money#but i’ll still do what i can no matter what#i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much#which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault#i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things#and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now#i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that#but i cant#but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight#sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever#its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza#and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys#its fucking awful and despicable
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seokmatthewz · 11 months
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genuinely i do not think there is a single idol ive talked about more to my non kpop fan friends than matthew i rlly went completely off the rails bc of him .
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dishsaop · 1 year
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i like the Hunger Games a lot but im always gonna be a little bitter it took off when her Underland Chronicles never did. those books were so good and so fucked up. snippets of spoilers for a 20 year old book series for middle schoolers ahead:
cockroaches the size of horses who talk and are actually super chill and great babysitters for human toddlers. these books are the only reason i dont have nightmares about cockroaches anymore
cannibalism happens a lot. at one point a rat the size of a bison says "man go ahead and eat your dead friend, we wont judge" to a spider, who then proceeds to eat her dead friend. everyone but the rat judges.
another rat, who is still relatively a baby, is found later eating his babysitter's liver in an attempt to hide the body.
dude, pandoras death was so fucked up. "wow an island! im starving im gonna have a snack. brb guys" flies a little bit over, is immediately devoured in seconds by bugs and her skeleton crashes into the jungle below
plague book! humans try to commit genocide and blame it on bugs
hey. hey eleven year old. kill this tiny baby screaming for his mother. he sounds just like your baby sister you think just died horribly. kill this baby with a sword. you didnt? you didnt kill a sobbing baby who watched his mother die? we're putting you on trial for treason and will execute you
baby rat gone insane, now 15' tall and leading an army, ripping the head off of his friend/gaslighter, immediately heartbreakingly asking where she went, and then finding the head and accusing a twelve year old boy of doing it
dude gregor is eleven and in the first book willingly leaps off a cliff to his death (despite it being his worst fear) in the hopes itll stop his two year old sister boots from being graphically torn apart and eaten, like he has seen happen to others
thalia's death. they dont just kill unnamed children (they do absolutely kill a lot of unnamed babies onscreen) they also kill beloved named children
"the fireflies had to gnaw ares' claw off of his corpse bc you wouldnt let go of your friends claw. its been almost three weeks and the viscera has dried and glued it to your grip. we cant get it off without breaking your finger. you gotta let go of your friends corpse, twelve year old boy"
twitchtip.
forcing the twelve year old into a prophesied battle where he will die, and making him dissociate so hard for months he blankly allows others to make him cause/be complicit in war crimes
HAHA HEY THE SAPIENT, INTELLIGENT MICE DYING BY THE HUNDREDS SUFFOCATING ON POISON GAS WHILE A TODDLER SINGS A NURSERY SONG ABOUT THE MICE DYING.
the six year old boy losing literally everyone hes ever known and cared for over and over again
just so much violent gore and death for middle schoolers, man. i love it.
hey that was objectively a good and well done ending. and i also loved it. but "hey gregor my husband was in the war. he had ptsd that will never go away just like you" hey hes twelve :( someone help him
prim's death in the hunger games has nothing on the shit collins pulled in the underland chronicles this is like a tiny chunk please read them
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vampirzina · 4 months
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Could you do something with Reiko and thief reader who has total Black Cat vibes?
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Thin Veil
“ Could you do something with Reiko and thief reader who has total Black Cat vibes? ”
There’s this thief in the night who took a beating heart, a heart whose owner hopes for its return in the hands of the one who took it… Only if they’d give him theirs to hold in return. Reiko x Thief!Reader
tw(s): gn pronouns, angsty, commitment issues, needy!reiko, sfw, mdni
notes: im not too familiar with black cat or know too much about reiko imo but i didn’t want to let you down 🙏 may elaborate on them more in the future but for now this
masterlist
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Out of all the things about you, Reiko desperately wanted to tear that bothersome mask off of you the most… It’s only gotten in the way of him and you he thinks, fueling his frustrations and inability to sate himself. He’s long forgotten the stress of his father to catch said thief you, the thief who’s gotten away with far too much.
Why were General Shao’s men so lackluster?
You have stolen everything at this point. And now that you’ve run out of things to steal, you dove right for Reiko’s heart; no jewel or expensive item could replace the hole in his chest where his heart should be beating.
He doesn’t know why, but he always entertains your constant games of cat-and-mouse, and seems glad to do it when he thinks General Shao isn’t looking. He finds himself bailing you out at his expense, if it meant you’ll want to see him again as much as he wanted to see you.
He’d have half the heart to catch you sincerely this time, just so he could pull back the curtains on who you really are—but his fear of losing you to prison or worse trumps that. If you were some ordinary crook he wouldn’t care; but you weren’t.
He shouldn’t have started to care as much as he did because it would have made it easier to do his job.
But no matter how much he tries, even getting onto his knees and staying there until it bruises won’t be enough to convince you to see him outside of this game you play. He keeps biting the curb with you. You’re not exactly sure why you do it either, but you just know you’re not willing to comply.
Your affection just felt better behind a thin veil.
Reiko does anything to tear at it, however; he didn’t realize how crazy it was to have asked his father if he could start taking night duties around Outworld—any mission, any task—if it meant he had a chance to run into you, he’d do it. Your kisses took away any exhaustion of his.
“A new low for you, Rei,” you reclined back, your legs coming to cross over each other as you watched him from atop the low roof of a closed stall. “I didn’t think you’d miss me this much but… You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
You’d tug your legs away from the grabby man who reached up to fetch you down from there. The soldier grunts at that—he needs you tonight. In fact, he wasn’t even supposed to be out here, but today was cruel to him. It didn’t help that he had his cravings for you to pair with your elusiveness and reputation as this horrible crook.
If he’s ever seen with you, everything he’d ever achieved could come to an abrupt conclusion—maybe he’d resort to thieving like you… At least you’d be able to make ends meet with his help, if you’d even accept it.
He could ignore that for a while longer and play pretend again. He just needed you. The man blinks up at you with a boyish yet tired gleam, and shamefully, he looks away.
You notice his neediness by the wear on his face from the continuous troubled look he’d wear on and off throughout the day and astute silence. Like a miracle, you fold, and your embrace is healing against his rigid body.
“Wanna talk about it?” you ask, your faces nearly touching again from your intimate kiss seconds ago. Whether or not he did confide in you, it would never be the end of it.
Reiko doesn’t like playing pretend anymore these days, but if tomorrow you suddenly had a change of spirit and returned all the things you’d ever stolen, don’t return the heart you stole.
@𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐀೨
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urf1lterr · 1 year
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lovesick | pedro pascal [4]
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"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."
previous chapter: [3] series masterlist
summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.
pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader
genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually
word count: 10.6k
status: in progress
author's note: so sorry for the long wait! but i tried making this chapter longggg. i typically have my days off altogether and the rest of the week booked with work/school. i try to post many chapters within my short timeframe (bc im booked af) so pls expect another update soon after this one! sadly, it takes me around 8-10 hours to write one bc its hard to think lol. also, i don't want this to be too long of a series and kinda wanna connect the dots- slowly but surely, ya know? not edited.
"So, he just came knocking on your door at 6am?" Joon questioned, taking a sip of his smoothie soon afterwards. "I can't even wake up that early."
"We had to do that everyday for our last job."
"I woke up ten minutes before I had to be out the door," he shrugged. "Men get ready fast."
"Anyway," you eyed him as he cluelessly did the same, confused as to why you wouldn't look away. "I don't remember him coming."
"Yeah, because you fucking freaked out and hallucinated over Lady Gaga," Jules exclaimed, you automatically cringing just at the horrible memories you've recently faced with that damn cat.
Once she explained what had happened hours after you had woken up, you were disturbingly shocked.
And the fact that your sleepiness was to blame had you going insane- imagine all the other odd things you may had committed while under the covers.
But you will admit you did remember some of that night's events clearly, again like you practically making out with Lady Gaga- although she was the one who licked your face endlessly first.
Mortified just by the thoughts, you will never be able to face Pedro again sanely.
How could you when you recently dreamed about a man 25 years older being intimate with you- that's...confusing. And the worst part of it all was you couldn't say anything to anyone with the fear of being judged or laughed at- maybe both.
The thing was you couldn't quite understand why you had to dream about that. Maybe your time of the month was coming and your hormones targeted the first guy you had nonstop contact with?
No, that would've been Joon.
Attraction may had played a part but Joon definitely had that, Pedro as well but a little different...age-wise at least. There's no way you felt allured for men with bad jokes and rough skin- no offense. Right?
He did text you that same morning he dropped by and commented on how creepy you are half asleep and whether or not you agreed to his 'business' proposal. Not trying to start a conversation you knew you couldn't finish, out of second-hand shame, you just replied a simple:
LOL but busy with school atm to make a final decision- tell ya later
That later still hasn't arrived.
Unfortunately, you forgot to ask him why he made a random visit that morning- but you weren't going to ask him days later. In your mind, you need to avoid him. There's no way you'd be able to act normal after have unholy fascinations about him.
Not that it'll be a problem, you two hadn't seen each other for weeks before your cafe encounter, you're sure you can do it again without him noticing your distance.
It's been about two days since then which meant you didn't have to prioritize so much of your time on homework, you'll just save that for Sunday when it's all due.
"Did you bother to ask him why?" Jules added, turning to you. "He obviously wasn't coming to see me- I barely know the guy."
"You do know him!" you argue as she rolls her eyes. "You literally got mad at me for not recognizing him the first time we met."
"He's a celebrity- everybody knows him," she defends before tilting her head in curiosity. "But you two are oddly close, it's kind of weird."
"No," you shake your head, trying to laugh off her suspicions. "We are casual friends who fan girl over the same things."
People did take notice how close Pedro and you were but it wasn't anybody's fault you two had so much in common. Both of you loved Starbucks, going on hikes- when you weren't lazy, and believe Matt Healy is extremely attractive.
If they have a problem with that they can sue you.
"I see it," Joon adds, jumping up a bit. "Him and I barely talk and we're men- we should be bonding easily!"
"You're...you," Jules cringes, making Joon glare in return. "I can understand why he chooses not to be close to you."
Laughing, you watch as Joon quickly flips her the finger before he continues on with the conversation. "I just feel like he always comes around only to see you, it was pretty obvious since the first time he took us home."
Furrowing your eyebrows, you didn't understand what he meant by that. Pedro offered all three of you a ride home, not just you.
Already feeling done with this topic, you wanted to switch it before things started escalating and freaky theories started unfolding. They had every right to question your friendship, but you were starting to think they might be leading down a road where they may soon develop other impressions as to what your friendship might have been.
Why are you even thinking that? That's so inappropriate to imagine.
"You two are silly, he probably needed my advice on something or wanted to workout," you suggest, their faces showing they weren't fully convinced. "But anywho, did you call Yoongi yet?"
"I don't think that's a great idea," Joon declared, adjusting in your warm sofa. "He's not really a skating kind of guy."
Since it was Friday and you had no plans, you thought it would be a fun idea to be adventurous for once and do something you would never do on a regular basis.
Ice Skate.
Your friends were extremely down with the idea, but you needed a fourth person to make the group complete. Why not a skinny, impatient blonde man who would probably spend the whole night complaining about why this plan was awful?
Right now you could use some other grumpiness in your life.
"Just tell him to go," you beam back, clapping your hands in excitement as you'll soon be able to fall countless of times on the ice. "I'll buy him hot cocoa."
"You better do it or he'll never let that go," Joon states.
After hours of sitting around and blasting random music through your speakers, the three of you were ready to set off on your journey of locating the ice rink.
If it wasn't for Joon's constant whining to stop walking to take pictures of the scenery you probably would've arrived 15 minutes sooner than your actual arrival, but too bad your friend is a nature freak.
"You taking pictures of the pigeons better not be the reason why you're late," you heard Yoongi grumble as the three of you finally found him sitting on a bench near the entrance of the rink, staring directly at Joon who just scoffed.
"I'm sorry if my happiness bothers you," Joon snapped back as Yoongi just stood up from his seat and made his way to your trio.
Grabbing your ice skates wasn't too difficult as the long line seemed to flow by smoothly, but standing on them was a different story.
"I can't do this," you squeal as your hurriedly motion your arms around to find some balance. "I'm falling!"
Yoongi sent you a questionable look as he watched your poor attempts to stay still embarrassing. "We're not even on the ice yet."
Feeling a hand grab a hold on your shoulders and practically drag your feet towards the ice, you glance up to see Jules steadily directing you to face your fears.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"Are you going to push her in?!" you hear Joon gasp a few feet behind you but you couldn't turn your head as you rather focused your attention on yanking yourself off of Jules.
"It was her idea so she'll be the one going in first."
"Ahh!" you screech, putting all your pressure on your feet to stop her hard pull. Spiraling your ankles in the most crucial ways, you start to lightly slap her arms off you as she continues to fight them off.
One thing about her was she's going to make sure to remind you that this was your idea.
Feeling an arm gently tug you off her grip, you landed on Yoongi's side as Jules whined in return, offended that he ruined her vicious plan. Respectfully, he kept you stable with an arm wrapped behind your middle back as you gripped his other one, fearful she might snatch you away again.
"Why would you do that?!"
"I don't think watching her fall face first on the hard ice would be a fun sight to see," he bluntly returned as Jules huffed. "The sight of blood gives me the ick."
"I was waiting for that moment all afternoon," Jules sighed, disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing you fall- yet.
Waiting for her to walk away to go on the ice, you see Joon follow her before you released your friend, relieved that she wouldn't be partaking in her scandalous scheme just yet.
"You do know how to skate, right?" Yoongi asked, his uncertain eyes on yours as you crazily wave your arms in front of him to rub off his questionable thoughts.
"Do I? Of course I do!" you argue, making your way towards the ice until you were two feet away from it. Putting your feet on the edge, you hesitate as you could feel the cold breeze wrap around you legs. "I'm gonna go now."
"Yippy," he states, waiting at your poor attempts to convince him.
Giving him a thumbs up, you clap your hands together to try to reassure yourself that you could do this, forgetting that he was right behind you secretly laughing.
Taking one final breath, you placed your right foot on top of the ice steadily, trying your best not to make any harsh movements, until you felt a hard jerk on your upper body, making you lose yourself in an instant.
"God, if you don't know how to skate why would you suggest it?" Yoongi grumbled, gliding both your bodies along the ice as he held tightly onto your arms. You were practically skating like a wet dog in front of him, begging with your eyes for him not to abandon you.
"I always wanted to try."
Sending you an annoyed look, you zipped your mouth as his arms were now securing you, closing any gaps there may have been and giving you the ride of your life.
Shutting your eyes harshly, you didn't dare to witness the environment around as you felt the icy wind slap your face the faster you two- or at least by Yoongi's swaying, got.
There were times where he did pretend to lose his balance, causing you to cry in horror and him immediately placing his hand over your mouth by how loud you weaped.
But other than that, you came to enjoy his help as your two other friends rudely abandoned you guys in order to practice their poor attempts of leaping across the rink.
"Okay," Yoongi started, releasing his left hand from your side and keeping you close with only his other. "Now you try on your own."
Fear creeping up in your face, you rapidly shake your head in disagreement and try catching his recent abandoned arm, which he denied. "I can't."
"Can't or won't?" he countered back making you silent.
He did have a point.
"C'mon, it's not that hard. If Joon could do it, you can."
"He's literally on the ground right now," you whine as Yoongi quickly averts his eyes in search of your tall friend, soon finding Joon clutching his knee in pain as Jules records on her phone.
"No."
Sighing, he continues to look around, trying to plan out an idea that would at least convince you to slide a few feet alone without his help until he smirked and met your eyes.
"What would Matt Healy do?"
Widening your eyes, you were taken back by his question.
Only Pedro used that line on you.
And for some reason it felt odd when Yoongi did the same. You shouldn't be bothered by his choice of words...but you were a little.
He wasn't him to be saying it.
"He wouldn't force me to do something I didn't want to do," you reply back, causing him to groan.
"I feel like you just want to be in my arms," he retorted with a grin, immediately making you revolt and fly out of his arms, your bottom hitting the ice hard. "Well that's one way to make you skate."
Feeling immediate pain on the back of your thighs, you just knew you were going to be bruised and swollen the next day. But hey, this technically counts for your workout for the week.
Awkwardly swaying your body around, you couldn't get up off the damn ice. You were sure you looked like a fish out of water by how crazy you were moving.
"Get on your knees," Yoongi commented, causing you to send him a death glare as he lifted his hands up in defense. "It helps you stand."
Or he could just grab your arms and help you himself.
Cautiously following his suggestion, you slowly pull your right leg up and place it firmly on the ice before slowly trying to do so with your left one. As you began to feel satisfied with the weight being supported, you felt your body finally working and lifting up off the ground before he poked your shoulder- making you fall again.
"I'm going to murder you!" you threaten as you stare at him on your back, whole body restlessly laying on the ground in misery as he cackles loudly.
He may have advantage on the ice, but oh man- once you regain your balance off it you were going to end that slender man's life.
"Isn't this just a sight to see," you heard someone exclaim before hands grab your arms and soon lift you back on your feet.
Moving your eyes to the ones in front of you, you burst out in smiles. "Bella! Nico!"
"I take this as my queue to leave,'" you hear Yoongi mumbles but you swiftly grab his arm from his close proximity and halt his plans.
He was not going to desert you now.
"What are you girls doing here?"
Not seeing them for a few weeks didn't make things awkward, but different. It was like catching up with old friends, even though you barely met them less than three months ago.
"Had nothing to do tonight so why not ice skate?" Nico giggled.
Bella examined you up and down before pointing at your head. "My god, your hair grew so long. Has it really been that long?"
Rolling your eyes, you were about to answer her before Yoongi cut in. "No, it's her fake extenstions."
Gasping, you turn your body to him and smack his shoulder as he smacks you back. One thing about him, he's all about equality. You touch him, he touches you- simple.
You don't see the way Nico and Bella exchange smirks to one another before Nico slides in front of you and pulls out her phone. "We should take a selfie! You know, for memories."
Laughing, you agree. You took some pictures with them but never really out of the work environment.
Uncomfortably standing still, Yoongi hastily moves to the side a bit, not wanting to intrude this moment you were having with your friends. He was a pretty sociable person, but only if they had things in common and he fairly knew them.
Yoongi didn't know these two young girls and he sure as hell didn't want to be the one being kicked out of this picture- so why not kick himself out first?
"Where are you going, we need your long arm to get us all in the frame!" Bella exclaimed, motioning Yoongi to move back as he sent her a flustered glance.
"I can just take it with the three of you."
"Nonsense!" Nico argued back, shaking her head as you giggled. "We don't leave people out."
Biting his bottom lip a bit, he scratches the back of his neck swiftly before increasing the speed of his skates to the girl, accepting her phone. "I suppose."
Fixing your posture, you stand behind your friend as he carefully raises his right arm up in the air, positioning the phone that was able to capture all four of you in the frame.
Pulling out the gummiest smile, you bursted out a gigantic grin after seeing the rare radiant expression Yoongi was giving. He was never one to show much emotion so finding him giving in for a picture amused you.
Taking the phone out of his hands, Bella examined the screen before chuckling. "Wow, you've got one adorable smile."
You could've sworn you saw Yoongi blush as he lowered his head while shaking off her compliment, trying to act natural but he wasn't fooling anyone.
He was shy.
Gasping at the sight in front of her, Nico pointed at the concession cart near one of the exits of the ice. "They have hot cocoa! We must get some."
Faking a groan, Bella allowed her friend to drag her away but not before sending you a pout to follow, which you were happy to do. You were freezing to death without even realizing it until you stopped your attempts to skate for the picture.
"I was promised a free cup," Yoongi stated as he was gliding behind you, softly pushing your back as you proceeded to do nothing but allow him to direct you to where your desired hot cocoa was.
Scoffing a little, you shush him as you reached the exit ramp. Jumping off, the two of you slowly waddled to Bella and Nico who were next in line.
"Wait," you start, pausing your footsteps which resulted in him almost falling after slamming to your side. "Shouldn't we ask Joon and Jules if they want one?"
Peeking over your shoulder, Yoongi looks back down to you. "Nah, don't wanna ruin their fun."
Following his recent glance, you could see Joon and Jules in front of one another, both holding hands as they try to catch a faster pace while twirling in big circles.
You were sure they were eventually going to knock a small child over soon.
"Next," you hear the worker call out, sitting behind his register waiting for your arrival.
Quickly walking up, you place your order as nothing else but the hot drinks seemed to interest you. The total came out to be the cost as what four drinks at your local cafe would be, but you shouldn't be surprised since this place was pretty popular to the public.
Pulling out his wallet so fast, you didn't have to process what Yoongi was doing until you caught the view of his credit card as he handed it over to the man in front of you.
"No-" you try intercepting what had just happened by giving your card to the worker who just shrugged as he had already paid for the drinks on Yoongi's card. "Why would you do that?"
"You're too slow," Yoongi bluntly said as he grabbed the two drinks and moved to the side so the next person in line could place their order.
"But it hadn't even been three seconds since he said the total before you handed him the card," you protest.
He handed you your cup, hoping it'll shut you up as he took a small sip from his own. "And?"
Is he being serious? "'And,'" you question as he continued to be unaware as to what you were getting at. "Since the beginning I vowed to buy you hot cocoa."
Yoongi laughed at how stubborn you were becoming. "Vowed? What a great word choice for this scenario, fiance."
Rolling your eyes at his teasing, you hated the fact he was avoiding your question. You knew he did it because he wanted to be a gentleman, but the problem was he didn't want to admit he was one.
Again, he was being shy.
"I see you are kind," you smirk as he gave you a disgusted glance. "Don't worry, I won't tell people you have a heart."
Before he could leave a snarky comeback, Nico and Bella came back in giggles as Yoongi retreated back to his natural state of looking lifeless. "Oh my gosh- we went to get napkins and I kid you not I may have poured my drink on the back of this poor little girl."
Lightly gasping, you widen your eyes as Yoongi confusingly replies back. "May have? You don't know if you did or not?"
Bella makes an accountable face, scrunching her nose in the process. "Okay, I did. But she's the one who ran into me!"
"Well, she was really small and you kind of didn't search your surroundings before kneeing her," Nico exposed, causing Yoongi and you to give each other a concerned look.
"You kneed her?!"
"Only in her side," Bella excused herself, sending Nico a betrayed look. "It wasn't like it was her stomach."
"It practically was...," Nico mumbled but became silent when her co-star eyed her hard.
Coughing uncomfortably, Yoongi caught everyone's attention as he tried to avert the conversation into something that wasn't as horrific as striking a child with hot cocoa and a knee. "We should probably hit the ice again soon before Jules and Joon find out we got these drinks without them."
"Jules is here?!" Bella beamed, searching around for her through the large gatherings of people on the ice. "I missed that crazy lady, she was the only one who would get my coffee order right."
"She told me she would threaten to get the baristas fired if they kept getting it wrong," Nico recalled, chewing her mouth a little. "That's why I stopped letting her take my orders."
Sighing, you looked up in the ceiling in disapproval as you could feel Yoongi laughing his ass off beside you. That was very Jules of her to do.
After another two hours of trying to figure out how to skate, and basically latching onto Yoongi the whole time as Bella and Nico were doing laps around you guys, you finally made it home.
To say you were exhausted would be an understatement- you were drained.
No, seriously. You hadn't worked out this much since Jules and you almost missed the subway two months ago and had to run three blocks to catch it on time.
That day was dreadful, but you were sure if you went to bed you were going to wake up lifeless like a worm.
"I call the shower first!" you hear Jules scream, running to her room in order to grab her belongings but you were faster and instantly made your way to the bathroom, locking the door before she could break in. "You bitch! How dare you steal it with my back turned!"
Grinning evilly to yourself, you wanted to get your night routines over with so you could hit the pillows quickly. Even after taking off all your makeup, taking a very steamy shower, and doing your nightly skin care routine, you were sure you could easily knock out sitting on the toilet if you had the chance.
We all have done it once in our lives.
Opening the door, the steam flows out smoothly as you face your very displeased roommate on the other side, glaring at you. "All yours," you smile, stepping to the side but she roughly pushes you in response, causing you to yelp as you manage to catch your balance midway.
Mental note, burn her eggs next breakfast.
Stepping into your room, you change into an oversized hoodie and sweats before throwing yourself under your covers in excitement.
The moment you've been waiting for all day: sleep.
Closing your eyes, you feel all your senses slowly drifting away from your body as relaxation crept up from all around. It was truly intoxicating how in trance you were.
But of course with your luck, nothing goes as planned- ever.
Wildly jumping up from the loud blaring of your phone, you cover your face in agony as the vibrations and noise cause pain throughout your entire body.
Who the hell was calling you at 10 o'clock at night? This should be illegal.
After taking a minute to control yourself, the ringing stopped. Good, now you won't have to make time to engage in a conversation. Quickly falling back down onto your pillows, it wasn't even ten seconds later before you feel your phone going off like crazy again.
With you eyes shut, you move your hands around your bed until you feel the cool object underneath your pillow. Lazily pressing any button, without batting one eye open, you move the phone to your ear before releasing a groggy, "What?"
"What a lovely way to greet somebody, kiddo."
You instantly freeze, automatically thinking about the vivid dream you had about him, then Lady Gaga, and felt a blush creeping in.
Slowly pulling the phone away, you let out a loud but fast scream before moving it back. How the hell are you going to begin a conversation without thinking about his lips on yours. "What do you want?"
Pausing for a second, you can hear him move around through his end. "Did you just scream?"
It's not like you didn't just dream about him kissing all over your body two nights ago.
"Did you just wake me up to ask me the obvious answer?"
Act like you don't care. Like you are perfectly fine.
He chuckles lightly and you can tell by his tone he was close to passing out too. "Somebody's cranky, is it past your bedtime?" Pedro teased.
You were definitely not in the mood to handle his ridicules at this hour, especially by how nervous he was slowly making you. What did he want?
"Yes," you simply reply before hitting the red button, ending the call and laying your head back on your pillow. Good, just end it before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.
It hadn't even been another ten seconds before your phone was ringing once again. Pulling it up to your face, you let out a huff. What a shocker, it was him again.
"You better have an insanely good reason as to why you chose to wake me up in the middle of my dream," you immediately say as you press the 'accept' button.
Hearing him laugh, you just know he has a sarcastic comment coming any second. "Wake you up? Honey, you're still living your dream talking to me."
Honey.
No, not another nickname for him to call you in future dreams.
Shaking that thought away, you rejected the idea of him being in any more dreams- you forbid it.
Loss at words for a second, you almost let your next words trip over one another before calmly gaining your composure at the incidental choice of your pet name.
"So funny," you reply back, trying your best to sound sane. "Pretty sure I was dreaming of a very shirtless Matt Healy playing 'Please Be Naked' to me."
Why the fuck would you slip that out.
"Are you trying to hint at something?" he smirks, making you press mute and hold your hand over your mouth to hold back the screams you feared would release.
Feeling like your soul was about to leave your body, you couldn't believe he just said that.
Actually, you couldn't believe you would even recommend that song. God, your sleepiness was messing with your mind.
Finding your energy once again, you unmute the call and try to seem unfazed by his last comment. "Yes, that I want to sleep. Goodbye now."
Before you could hit the red button again, you could hear him chanting over the phone to do the exact opposite. "Don't!"
Groaning, you clutch the phone harder in despair. "I am so tired. Don't do this to me, please. I am a girl who values her sleep!" you whine as you hear him continue his light giggles in the background. "If I don't sleep I will die, is this what you want. Are you trying to kill me?"
"I can reassure you I don't plan on keeping you up long," he explains. "And I wouldn't dare wish for your death."
Your heart fluttering, you glare at your chest. "Then what do you want?"
Moving his phone from one ear to the other, he lays in his bed while smiling at his ceiling. "You," he declares, making you widen your eyes as he shuffles around in his blanket. "Tomorrow, let's hang out."
Sitting up against your bed frame, you furrow your brow. "Hang out? For what?" There's no way you will be able to act normal for a long period of time, your weak-self can't do it.
Placing a hand over his chest, he lets out a light hiss in fake hurt by your comeback before continuing. "Can't I hang out with you by choice and not by a work schedule? Unless you're so disgusted by me." That's when he started his fake cries. "I'm so sorry I am not Matt Healy and can't do a great British accent."
Shaking your head, you try to intervene as his ugly cries become louder through the line. "That's not what I meant, stop being dramatic," you complain as he instantly stops while smiling widely. "Is there a specific reason why you want to hang out?"
Taking a deep breath, he fiddles with the fingers on his non-occupied hand. "Does there need to be a reason?"
You pause for a second. He's acting too kind for your liking and it's making you question what his intentions are. In this point of time, you're sure he's going to take that moment to convince you to work with him in Canada.
"With you there's always a reason."
Scoffing lightly, he grumbles. "I just want to go on a hike and need a hiking partner."
Oh hell no, you already did enough working out this evening. You were not about to do that again, that's for sure.
"Yeah, nooo," you exhale lowly. "I already did too much working out with my body if you know what I mean and-"
"I don't know what that means," he cuts you off.
"It means I am going to be sore for days so my body has no strength to walk for more than five minutes," you declare as he falls silent.
After a few seconds that felt like forever, he replies. "Fine," he blankly states. "Have a goodnight, sweetheart."
The warmth as blood began drawing to your face became present as you quickly reply with a simple "night" before ending the call. And for some reason you felt as if you couldn't breathe normally by the pounding on your chest.
What the hell was happening to you. Looking up at the ceiling, you silently pray you don't have a Lady Gaga 2.0 fiasco.
As you were questioning why your heart made you feel as if you were going under cardiac arrest the night before, your body was currently making you feel if you really needed to make that trip to the ER by how tender you were.
It also didn't help that Jules was the one waking you up at the crack of dawn, half asleep with her eye mask clinging onto her forehead.
"W-why are you-" you grumble, rubbing your eyes as you look at the alarm clock near your bedside. "-waking me up at 6:18am? It's Saturday."
She sent you a death glare for assuming she randomly wanted to wake you up for the fun of it as she was the one who was woken up first. "Someone's here for you."
Positioning your body upwards, you squint your eyes up at her. "What are you talking about?"
"Why don't you take a look for yourself," she gritted her teeth, swaying her head towards your door.
Slowly standing up, you make your way to it before sneaking a peak of the view of your living room. That's when you see a very annoying man you were sure you both agreed on the phone last night to not go hiking.
Luckily, he didn't notice your wandering eyes as his were glued to his phone, scrolling through his social media.
What was he doing here? You can't face him without thinking about his body wrapped around yours and his lips doing dangerous things.
Oh no, you truly were screwed.
Lightly shutting your door, you nervously turn back to your roommate who looks displeased. "I told him no."
"No means yes, I guess," she replies, snaking her arms around her body for warmth. "I'm going back to bed."
You could hear her walk out of your room as you frantically begin searching for something warm yet comfortable clothes to wear on this undesired hike. You knew if you tried backing out he would stay until you caved, he was very persistent to get what he wanted.
And what he wanted was for you to get your ass up and exercise.
You were also certain you heard Jules let out a "thanks for the invite" to him before hearing her bedroom door shut.
Running out of your room, you made sure not to look in his direction so he wouldn't see your morning appearance clearly- well he already has but why reveal yourself in this state again?
Quickly brushing your hair, teeth, and washing your face, you change into a baggy green sweatshirt and some black workout leggings before slipping on suited running shoes.
Try to act natural. Give him little attention so he won't speculate anything. You aren't into old men and did not vision him smooching you on your sofa.
"You are so buying me breakfast," you deadpan as you walked straight out of your door, not even daring to wait for him to follow.
Good, be straightforward.
Laughing to himself, Pedro promptly jumped off the couch and jogged after you once you shut the door on him and continued down the halls to the elevators.
Finally catching up, he barely made it through the elevator doors as they were closing to find you leaning against the corner, mad and tired. "Good morning to you, too."
You let out a small cry as you lay your head against the wall in pain from how frustratingly exhausted you were. If one cold breeze hit you outside you were sure you were going to burst into tears.
"Oh, come one," he walks over to you and nudged your shoulder to wake up some more. If he unexpectedly touched you again you were sure you were going to rip his arm off. "In a few minutes you'll be wide awake and fine."
"How dare you assume I'm going to be fine!" you whine, trying to hit his side but he manages to capture your arm and that's when you give up and allow your worn out body to fall on him.
He instantly wraps his arms around you as your head falls just beneath his chin, your eyes slowly closing and your thoughts drifting away as his warmth was making you drowsy.
You tried to stay focus, but your poor state was taking over and you suddenly weren't as anxious as you once were. Being sleepy really made your mind roam.
"Hey, now," he whispers and looks down to see you snuggling up against him. "You can't fall asleep on me. I do not want your security guards thinking I drugged you."
Tightening your arms on how lower sides, you ignore him as you feel yourself easing closer to dozing off by the constant beating of his heart. "Stop," you mumble, clutching your ears softly before positioning your head on the other side of his chest.
"What?" he curiously glances down at you.
"You heartbeat's annoying me," you lightly whine. "It's pounding against my ears."
Pedro was extremely glad you were too tired to process his heartbeat and the bright red tint plastered across his face. Your drained-self definitely saved him from embarrassment.
Finally, the elevator doors opened and you still weren't moving. You were too comfortable to make any effort to walk on your own and if he really wanted you to hang out this morning then he was going to have to find a way to make you move.
And to him, dragging you was his best option yet. But with care.
Delicately keeping his arms secured around you, he gradually walked out with you still engulfed by him, eyes shut and only moving your feet with his pace.
Honestly, you were surprised how much rhythm you had.
Stopping to pull out his car keys, he unlocked his car and opened his passenger side door once you two reached the garage complex. Gently, laying you on the seat, you station you head against the headrest as he buckled you in. "God, I really hope security doesn't report me."
And once he made it to his side and hopped in, he laughed at the state you were in, head instantly bent to your side and legs tangled together in hope to create some kind of warmth. "Adorable."
But of course you were too dumb to not catch that.
You were awoken by a small speed bump and the instant hit of warmth through the heat vents, your eyes slowly glancing around your surroundings. Taking a quick peep at the screen indicating the time, you read that it was almost 7am.
Tilting your head and leaning against the headrest, you lazily stare at Pedro as he continues to drive to god knows where.
"Don't I look so handsome in the morning?" he jokes before meeting your eyes, sending you a warm grin.
And handsome on top of you.
Shutting your eyes tightly, you beg your imagination to please shut the fuck up.
"You mean drastic," you mutter, moving your head to the opposite side, against the window to force some sleep again.
Better to make time fly by faster knocking out where you were sure you wouldn't say anything stupid.
"Hey, no..." he whines, moving his right arm across to shake your chin softly to keep you conscious. "Don't pass out on me again, I'm lonely."
"And I'm tired, deal with it."
Shuffling in his seat, he looks over to see you curling yourself up in a ball with your legs to your knees and arms wrapped around. Not thinking things throughly, he hits the brakes hard for a split second and watches as your body jolts forward before swinging back against his seat.
"What the fuck!" you shriek, propping your body up and facing him in pure rage. "Are you trying to irritate me?!"
"I'm lonely and you're not helping," Pedro calmly states, shrugging as you continue your daggers his way.
You were beyond pissed. How could he think you would be energetic and talkative right now? How could he attempt to make you fly out the window? You could feel your nerves slowly fading away by the fury growing inside you.
If he wanted you awake then fine, you were going to be awake.
Doesn't mean you had to talk though.
Silently sitting up, you stare at the windshield in front of you and watch the cars drive as he continues to spare you a glance every once in a while.
Honestly, your silence was terrifying the fuck out of him. Normally, you would have some snarky comeback or violent punch to return to his evil tactics, but you were doing nothing.
Literally nothing.
And he knows damn well the sights of trees and cars did not interest you.
"Hey...," you feel Pedro lightly poke your side, pursing his lips once he saw your non-existent reaction. "You're not mad, right?"
Ignoring him, you continue your deep stare now onto more trees as you two were getting closer to nature than streets. You must've been out for some time as you barely noticed how far away from the city you really were.
Joon would really love this.
Gradually lifting his arm up, his places it on top of your own and gives it a small squeeze while laying it there. "C'mon, don't ignore me."
As if that would make you stop your scheme.
Blinking slowly, you acted like you paid no attention to his puppy dog pleads as the car was making its way towards an almost empty parking lot, all surrounded by a forest that only had one route starting within an old wooden bridge.
Pulling up to a nearby parking spot, Pedro parked the car before turning back to try and capture your attention but nothing was working.
You were so damn frustrating, it was infuriating. But he was still desperate to gain your attention.
"Are you just going to sit in here all day or what?" he questions as he waves a hand over your face to make you blink.
You didn't and that kind of frightened him. Work of the devil.
"I am going to cry," he warned, swatting his hand over his face to prepare for his fake tears.
Yet you showed no mercy. Sitting there patiently, you inhaled and exhaled softly, causing him to internally flip the fuck out because why were you being so aggravating when the two of you should be walking and pointing out the squirrels fighting over nuts.
And sadly, he was slowly giving up.
"Imagine if I really was crying," he began, offended you did not care one bit. "Really means a lot how unconcerned you are."
But when you suddenly started examining your nails and carefully picking at them is when he totally lost it.
Reaching over to you and moving his arm down your arm, he swiftly intertwined your fingers with his before moving you posture to face him.
His hand was huge.
"No, no-" he started, pulling a face as you gave him a blank stare back. Act natural. Pulling your shared hands in front of his chest, he sulks. "-please, for the love of whichever god you believe in, or if you're an atheist- for the love of you, please talk to me."
Watching him beg for forgiveness has always been funny in the past, but his pleading for attention now makes you feel bad.
"If you talk to me I will buy you breakfast and a very delicious milkshake that will make you extremely happy for the rest of the day," he continues, using his free left arm to wrap around you as his right one still clutches onto your palm.
He's so warm.
Pursing your lips a bit, you send him a skeptical glance. "Oreo shake with a lot of whipped cream?"
He instantly nods, a smile breaking out. "Of course, anything you want."
You look at the car's steering wheel before averting your eyes back to his. "And a red cherry?"
"I'll buy you a full jar of cherries if it makes you happy," he declares.
"And fries?"
Agreeing, he lets out a quick nod again. "With extra seasoning."
Biting your lip, you proceed to think about other stuff you may want with your milkshake and fries. "A burger?"
"My goodness, woman" he sighs, letting go of you and jumping out of the car before running around to your side and opening your door. "I'll buy you the whole menu, now let's go!"
With that, he vigorously yet cautiously pulls you out of your seat and throws you over his shoulders.
"Oh no!" you squeal, trying to find something to hold on to as he begins his journey, walking towards the bridge to start the hike. Grabbing a hold of his neck, you try not to choke him as you place your arm around it.
If you were going down, you were sure you were going to break his neck in the process. At least it would be a learning lesson for him.
"If you drop me I am never talking to you again," you threaten as he continues down a path.
"Said that before and just did it half the car ride here," he begins, moving his shoulder to give you a little fright of your life. "Now I just found out that all I have to do is buy you food and you'll yap again."
Glaring, you choke him a little to which he chuckles. "Didn't know you were into that."
Speechless, you couldn't believe his words. What the hell was he on this morning?
"Put me down!" you exclaim, immediately moving your body so he would lose his balance. Once he did so, you scowl as he ruffles your hair, making it tangle around. "Hey!"
"Can you stop being negative for a few minutes and enjoy the environment?" he asks, pulling his arms up to twirl around. "Just take in that fresh air mother nature gifted us."
Scrunching your nose, you frown. "It smells like rotten eggs."
"Because of the ducks," he pointed out before patting his pockets. "Which we will be feeding with the bread I brought."
Examining his pocket, you shoot him a curious glance. "How big are your pockets?"
"Not important," he states, grabbing your arms and dragging you along with him down the long trail. "What's important is finishing this trail to feel accomplished."
Pouting, you allowed him to drag you along as you miserably dreaded the next few hours to come. The energy you had to give off just for some damn breakfast.
Shame on you for loving food so much.
Encountering many frogs, lizards, and pigeons who loved flying right by both of your heads and scaring you to death, you had long forgotten about how anxious you were being around him. Being distracted constantly had you occupied which was a relief.
Eventually, you two finally found the drugs.
Or the ducks.
Walking by a huge pond, there were numerous amounts of ducks leaping around with their families following behind. It was really cute, but the smell wasn't.
"I wonder if they can choke on this?" Pedro muttered as he pulled out a large bread. Slowly nearing one medium-seized one in caution, he rips a piece apart and throws it. "It is kind of thick."
Taking a moment to check the bread out, you sigh. "Are you feeding these ducks bolillo bread?"
He pauses, not sure why you would care to ask. "Yes and?"
"They have thick crusts!" you exclaim. "And why not just feed them normal wheat bread?"
"Who even eats wheat? It's bland." he protests. "Plus, this is leftovers from my dinner last night."
"They're ducks! They don't care," you argue as he shakes his head.
"Just imagine if you were a duck," he began, making you huff in annoyance as you just knew he was going to say something ridiculous. "Wouldn't you love to eat this nice bolillo bread, maybe visualize a torta with some carnitas, onions, avocado, can't forget the refried bean-"
"The duck is choking!" you squeal and stare in fear as the poor duck starts to wheeze sharply.
Pedro's facial expressions drops as he sees the poor duck quacking in agony. Nervously rushing to its side, he looks up at you. "Do we pat its back? CPR? Call 911?!"
Pulling out your phone, you type away to find answers for your current problem. It was indeed true that you aren't supposed to feed ducks bread.
Especially thick Mexican ones.
"Give it mouth to mouth if you want chlamydia," you read aloud, causing Pedro to instantly leap away from the duck as it hastily begins to lay on the ground. "Wait, you get that from birds, not ducks. Silly me."
"Ducks are birds," he discloses, trying his best to softly pat the ducks back, finally giving it one powerful swat to help but instead the duck ends ups being thrown a few feet away by his force.
"Do I look like a fucking duck doctor?" you spit out, making him look up confused.
"You mean a veterarian."
Ignoring his last comment, you continue scrolling through more of google's suggestions, finally finding some information that may help. "You need to press down on its chest with 1-2 fingers or just give them water to drown it down."
Immediately grabbing the duck and placing it on its back, you worriedly watch over the duck from Pedro's shoulder as he works his fingers on the poor animal.
However, no luck was given as the duck was beginning to look weak and drowsy as pressure kept being projected on its chest. "We need water!"
Running towards the pond, you motion for Pedro to follow along with the duck as you look for a safe ramp to lead the duck onto. "Let's just lay him down near the water and splash him with it."
"He?" Pedro asks, stopping his movements. "But it looks like a she-"
"We are not arguing over its gender when its literally dying in your arms!" you exclaim, causing him to quickly nod and follow the ramp you found towards the water.
Gently, Pedro lowered his arms near the water with the poor duck taking over his hands. Trying to move the flow of water towards its face, he calls you over. "He's not accepting it, you need to scoop some up in your hand and pour it over his beak."
Rapidly nodding, you do as he says and take a handful and try not to spill it before gradually pouring it over the duck's beak. This water was not clean, but at least it was something. Nothing was happening until your third scoop once the duck began to actually swallow some of the water slowly.
"I-I think it's working! We did it!" Pedro cheered, trying to give you a high-five, failing incredibly as he somehow managed to lose his grip and dump the poor duck hard in the pond. "Oh shit!"
Squatting down, you try to reach for the duck as its face was buried underneath the water before Pedro's body slams into yours, causing you to fall into the dirty, cold pond.
The feeling of thick, muddy water overtakes your body as you lose all sight of air. Quickly moving your arms up and down, you rise back to the surface to find Pedro with his hands over his mouth and his jaw dropped.
He knew he wasn't going to hear the end of it.
"Fuck," he nervously muttered to himself before reaching out for you. "I am so so so sorry, the leaf made me slip AH!-"
He couldn't finish his sentence as you yanked his arm down with you, pulling with almighty to get him to land in the pond. The weight of the water going down with his body diving harshly against it, you knew he was completely soaked.
And probably pissed, but its okay. It's what he deserves.
Waiting for him to come up, he finally did so in seconds looking very unhappy. It made you delighted.
"You did that on purpose!"
Scoffing, you splash him and watch as he gasps harder. "You do a lot of things on purpose."
Using both hands to release bigger waves, he splashes you back. "Don't splash me!"
Growling, you slap his chest as he clutches your wrist afterwards. "You're so lucky I forgot my phone at home."
Gasping, you feel one of his hands fly underwater. "I didn't!" You hold in your giggles as he shuffles frantically before moving his gaze back up. "Wait, I never removed it from my glove department. Be fortunate I forgot it because if you destroyed it I would've made you walk home."
Furrowing your brows, you push his shoulders and make him move back by the force of it. "You're the one who started it. We're gonna get duck chlamydia now!"
Rolling his eyes, he pushed you back, causing you to fall under the water. Once you caught your breath again you notice the way he glares at you. "That's not even a thing."
"Just another STD to add to your list," you jokingly mumble to yourself, sure he didn't catch it.
You were wrong, again.
Launching himself onto you, the two of you fall underwater as he shoves you body around in revenge. Swimming back up, you gasp for air while slapping his arms off you as he tried blocking all your attempts.
Wrapping his arms around your waist, he clings his face on your shoulder as he proceeds to try and bring you down under but somehow you manage to wrap your leg around his thigh, causing him to lose his strength and fall backwards with you on top of him.
He sure has one strong grip.
Now, not saying you were going to kill him. But this was your chance to kill him with no witnesses.
Well- besides the ducks, but they wouldn't quack a soul.
Regaining his energy, he lifts himself back up and holds you up, about to drag you under again before you crazily oppose while shaking your head, "Don't! We're gonna get sick!"
"That's not a very sincere apology," he tilts his head, his wet hair scattered across his face as he awaits your alibi.
Huffing, you fight back a rude remark. "Do you understand how much poop were swimming in right now? These ducks are probably laughing at us by how much they are quacking."
Swiftly looking around, the two of you check the surrounding ducks around who blankly stare back. The older looking ones hollering nonsense, probably making plans to kill you and Pedro.
"I bet their releasing their chlamydia right now," you cry, hiding your face in his shoulder as he bursts out laughing.
"I don't think that's how it works."
Glancing down on him, you're surprised by his strength. He's been holding you up by your waist for so long you're shocked he hasn't dropped you accidentally yet. "Let's not find out, let's get out."
"You're forgetting something," he smiles, staring innocently at you, knowing damn well you can't leave without his release. "And I wouldn't wait this one out because I am pretty sure I feel toads swimming near my feet."
Instantaneously, you clung onto him tighter in fear as you could imagine the feeling of something swarming around your body. It was like hundred of spiders crawling all over you, you needed to get out of here.
Pulling yourself back up, you place your hands on his shoulders as he impassively stares back at you, waiting. "Fine," you huff. "I'm sorry for claiming you had STD's before."
Pedro just stays there, not moving an inch as if he wants more. Groaning, you knew he wasn't going to give in so easy. "And I am sorry for stimulating the idea that you would get duck chlamydia," you apologize. "But you can get E. coli."
That didn't help as he just helplessly eyed you, not impressed with your poor excuses of your so-called apologies. What more did he want? You can't necessarily beg on your knees, you're in the water!
Whining, you knew you had to pull out your sincere face. You just knew your Oscar-worthy acting was about to award you freedom.
Softly, you move strands of hair stuck near his eyes away from his face and brush his hair back before quivering your lips and looking down upon him in sorrow.
He has really pretty eyes.
"I'm really sorry," you start as you push your face inside his neck and lock him inside your arms. "I know you don't have any infections, you don't even have visible rashes or sores to prove it."
Pedro finds your plead for forgiveness charming as you squeeze him tighter. He begins to release you until he hears the mutter of your "-that are visible."
"You couldn't hold it in for a few more seconds?!" he whined at how fast you went back to insulting him.
Sighing heavily, you slap a hand to your face. "It's hard!"
Suppressing a laugh, he unwrapped his arms around you and let you get back to the sidewalk. But once you were back on your feet, you looked down to find your body filled with random pieces of dirt, sticks, and grass. "Ew!"
"You're not sitting in my car," Pedro states, waving his head side to side to release some water from his ears.
"You're worse than me!"
"My car, my rules."
Frowning, you weren't sure if he was kidding or not. "Well, you almost committed first-degree-murder so if you don't want people to know you must be my personal servant."
His instant glare turned into confusion as he abruptly moved his attention back towards the pond. "Where did the duck go?"
Widening your eyes, you forgot that you had a helpless duck in your hands minutes ago before your splash attack with Pedro. Scanning your eyes from the sidewalks to the ramps to the pond, you noticed a duck floating nearby. "I think that's them."
Pointing at a duck with the closest familiar colors than the rest, you felt Pedro let out of sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, I would have felt extremely guilty if she would have died."
"It could be a he," you snap back.
He was about to protest but honestly, you were done for the day. You just wanted to take a long and hot shower and knock back out. Not only that, but you ruined your cute running shoes you gifted yourself months ago for your work out journey.
You never really wore them, but it's the thought that counts.
"We can get breakfast another day," you plead to which he didn't argue over because he really wanted to remove the unknown substances off his body asap.
He wouldn't admit it, but he was genuinely scared he may have gotten duck chlamydia .
"Okay, but no sleeping in the car," Pedro states as you exhale loudly. All this and you still weren't allowed to doze off, how cruel is life at the moment.
Walking back to the car would've went down smoothly if the two of you weren't given disturbed looks from strangers and your clothes weren't clinging uncomfortably to your bodies, especially your shoes.
Luckily, Pedro had towels in his trunk and set them down on the seats. "God, I am definitely going to need a deep cleaning after this."
Slipping inside, your hands find the heater and turn it on full blast. Not only was it freezing outside, but your drenched state made you feel like an icicle.
Setting off back to the road, your mind begins to wander back to the question that has been flooding your mind lately. Craning you neck towards his presence, you make out his comfort state. Cool, he's calm.
Here goes nothing.
"So," you start, awkwardly playing with your hands as you try to make direct eye-contact with him as he turns his head to you. "Why did you visit the other morning?"
Lifting a brow, he pulls a face. "Other morning?"
Biting the inside of the cheek, you try to sound composed. "Yeah, remember? You dropped by around 6am-"
"-and you thought I was Lady Gaga, slammed the door on my face, and went back to bed?" he finished, grinning while finding your eyes again. "You mean that day?"
"Well if you knew what I was talking about why make me recall those mortifying details?" you grumble, leaning back against your seat. "And I thought you were a cat."
"I figured, I always questioned why Jules would ramble on about buying Lady Gaga a new electric litter box until I connected the dots," he confessed making you let out a small chuckle.
Yeah, you clearly remember how upset Jules became when Lady Gaga neglected the expensive box.
"But if you're curious, it wasn't because I wanted to go hiking," he smiled, referring to the current day.
"Then why?"
He paused for a minute, checking his mirrors before switching lanes. "I'm not really sure."
Tilting your head a bit, you express curiosity as you glance back. "I don't understand?"
Laughing lowly, he slightly shook his head. "I did wake up real fucking early that day," he started. "Maybe around 4am? Which sucked because I must've gotten like 3-4 hours of sleep."
"So you decided to wake me up so I could feel your pain?"
"No," he stifled another chuckle. "To plant trees."
Squinting your eyes, you become very confused. What is he talking about? He noticed your puzzlement immediately. "You know, go early in the morning to different areas in the city and help dig and replace old trees to plant new ones."
This whole time you were flipping out, wondering why he randomly came early in the morning just to find out it was because he's a nature boy who wants to help out the community?
It was very sweet of him to be as helpful as he was, but you were a little disappointment it wasn't something more.
"That's why?" you ask and he nods. "And why no warning?"
"Well, I was going to call but I figured all that studying you had done the evening before may have knocked you out early," he confessed.
Yet he still made you wake up early today knowing damn well you were exhausted last night. Strange.
"Why me?" you giggle. "I'm not your typical nature girl, Joon would've been perfect for the job."
Shrugging, he leaned his elbow on his middle console. "I thought about asking him, but to be honest I didn't want to pay for any damages he may have caused."
That was a very accurate insight of what Joon really was, clumsy. The amount of times he accidentally dropped his coffee cups, tripped over wires backstage, and face-planted against glass doors would be too much to count on both your palms.
You're surprised he hasn't broken his back again- but still glad he hasn't. That would really suck.
"But have you thought things over yet?" Pedro glanced your way before looking back forward. "About Canada?"
Stiffing up a bit, you move your eyes to the dashboard. You weren't dreading this conversation, but you didn't want to talk about it.
This was a situation where it was a win but also a loss.
Win as in gaining incredible experience, loss that your parent's wouldn't be pleased, it was in a different country, and you'd be missing out on your social life for almost a year.
"Not really," you admit and sense from the corner of your eyes his shoulders fall. "Still indecisive, as always," you try joking to lighten the mood.
Sending over a tiny grin, he mirrors your same expression, doubtful. His face turns concentrated again, leaning closer to you before he shuts down again, ultimately rejecting whatever idea he had going on.
The rest of the drive back to your place went by fast. The two of you made little talk about each other's life and how school was going for you, but he already knew so much already from past encounters.
Pulling up to the red curb you loathe, you crack a scowl as he only returns a smirk at his doing. "I will personally send my property manager to you so she can threaten you."
"I do love threats," he beamed, watching as you reach for the handle before stopping you by his voice. "-but I had fun this morning, despite our little uh...catastrophe," he chuckled, looking down at his clothes.
"I totally agree," you grin. "Dirt just looks so good on me."
He sniggers lightly before slightly sobering up. "But seriously, think about the offer," he begins, nipping at his lip a bit, not trying to put too much pressure on you. "It'll be good for you, you know- your future."
Sighing, you nod. You knew where he was coming from since he's been doing this for so long, but you were still young and had a lot on your mind.
"I'll think about it," you smile, reaching for the door handle and swiftly getting out, missing the way his smile slowly vanishes.
Taking your usual step back, you send him a farewell wave but he does his habitual goodbyes as he gets out of his car and grins to you. "See you around." Laughing, you walk inside the doors and make your way to the elevators, his followed soft "beautiful" being muffled by the traffic on the streets.
It seemed like both of you were screwed.
+
taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats @avengersheart @fafik7  @chimchimjiminie16 @adriennemichelle98
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wildpeachfarm · 1 month
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have honestly seen some people come back and ive seen them make a whole fuss and making remarks abt george committing suicide and im like WHY ARE YOU HERE??
i understand reacting emotionally about it but the way people insulted him with slurs when he has said nothing to defend?? have we not learned from the million allegations to not react impulsively and emotionally?
idk i just wanna shake them
exactly like there is "reacting emotionally" which is: being upset, fearful that george really is horrible, getting a little doomy, etc.
which is completely understandable and, while it shouldn't be immediately broadcasted on twitter, i understand it
and then there is "being vile": death threats, @ -ing ICE on twitter for george to get deported???, getting on a space and doxxing him and his family???
NONE of that is ok and none of those people should be allowed back
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rzyraffek · 1 year
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Hi hi!! I’m here to request something with my bbg Vincent Sinclair! your thingy doesn’t exactly specify which slashers, so I think I’ll ask for Vincent and Michael Myers just so u have an idea u can write abt if you don’t know the other!!
Okay okay, so what about a reader with a bad attitude? So for Vince, I would assume that their relationship starts with the reader defending Vincent from Bo. Like, Bo just starts calling Vincent names (like the mean truck man he is >:[) and Vincent is just taking it, then the reader steps between the two twins and just starts BURNING Bo with every insult they have.
“Oh, he’s the freak? Well at least he knows how to keep his mouth shut and isn’t asking everyone with a *female anatomy* to *adult fun* every ten seconds.” or something vicious like that-
and Vincent is just dumbfounded that someone has the balls to speak up against Bo.
and for Michael, same thing, but the reader is just being so mean when he starts chasing them! Like, they try to hide behind a door and they make sure that Michael saw them, so when he opens the door, the reader just flips him off and kicks him away from the door really harshly-
or, just being really really hard to catch. Like if they climb somewhere high and he can’t get to them, the reader just sticks their tongue out and flips him off again with the snarkiest attitude!!
anyways, that’s all I gots for now! Feel free to ignore this lol, but if you don’t directly respond to this ask but do use the idea, I ask that u credit me!
u look lovely today, and I hope u have an amazing night/evening/morning/day!
<3
First of all, for some reason I got no notification that somone requested anything and I have no clue how long it was sitting in my inbox. Second of all thats great idea cuz in most of fics reader is always very meow meow shy uwu bebi, which is sometimes annoying tbh, they should be rude sometimes. Requests open
Slashers with badass s/o
Vincen Sinclair
Bros used to this kind of treatment, name calling, mean words, yelling ect
This relationship started by s/o just simply asking Vincent if he's alright after Bo yelled at him
Any kind of affection makes him blush like teenager girl after watching twilight for first time
In his free time he will just hold s/o hand and walk behind them like lost puppy
Imagine: "yo vinc get over here you lazy ass" vincent:😰🏃 "well BO maybe if you stopped acting like such drama queen and get rid of this nasty ass attitude then MAYBE people will start helping you without fear of losing a limb or sanity?" 🧍🧍‍♂️
Tbh the only reason that Bo didn't commit murder on s/o is that vincent is actually very happy now and even that Bo is a horrible human being he doenst want his bro completely emo
Lack of ideas so im just going to put some mean words to Bo here
"Dont worry vincent, hes just jealous cuz he cant hold conversation with women for more than 4seconds without scaring them to death. litteraly"
"Aw baby dont be sad, just compare your hair routine with his. Im surprised hes not bald to be honest"
Live laugh love Vincent
"Nonono dont be upset, how about we draw together huh? Can you go pass me crayons from your workplace😇i totaly wont whoop your brother while you are away"
If s/o is just rude to Bo face, Vincent will be so so happy that they protect him but so so worried that s/o is about to evaporate due to Bo anger issues
"You calling him a freak? Better look who has stable relationship and lack of anger issues L bozo"
Also now Vince is 24/7 with her bcs not only shes great, protects him and provides comfort🥰
Micheal Myers
"AHAHAH looozer can't climb the ladder? Yo old as hell man go to retirement home"
S/o calling him granma to bully him
"Yo man stop begin such stalker or im going go call yo sister (in some versions laurie is his sister if u dont agree just ignore this part lol) and she gonna beat you up
Micheal spawning behind her, inside her house:🧍 "😨 yo sup Myers wacha got there? A a knife? Eee cool cool"🏃
"If you have such blood-lust go kill rats in my basement they keep stealing my food"
🧍 Myers emoji
Im sorry if its unfunny or boring I watched house of wax when it came out so like long time ago and I kinda forgor vincent and bo personalities. And Myers personality is basicly 🧑‍🦯old man
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omegalomania · 1 year
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the thing that truly Truly unhinges me about infinity on high is that it is not simply an album about the horrible stomach-wrenching rollercoaster of fame and it is not solely an album about wrestling with your demons but it is a marriage of those two it is very much about fighting the worst parts of yourself in the most public avenues available. it's an album that all but rattles with the amount of references there are to medication. every seeming bout of narcissism is undercut with a sardonic twist and the snap of subtle self-loathing brimming beneath.
and the worst part of it is how that isn't even the worst part of it. the worst part of it for me is the fear. the fear of becoming something other than what you are. the fear of getting better. because this is how the world likes you - broken and stripped down to your ugly parts and embittered and exposed. this is how the world wants you, consumes you, because it's in your brokenness that they pick out such pretty patterns like finding rainbows in shards of glass. it's your wrecked-up brain with all its sporadic misfirings that draws everyone to you like moths to a faulty porchlight. i only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause i know how the words get you off. infinity on high. van gogh, the poster child for the ethos of creating something even at your lowest points. the poster child for the speculative, horrifying ethos of how your flaws and faults and fuck-ups are the only things worth keeping. how often have we seen that rhetoric. if van gogh wasn't depressed, we wouldn't have gotten starry night.
on september 15th 2006 at 9:08pm est pete wentz answered a fan question about what accomplishment of his he is proudest of.
I don’t really think about success or accomplishments too often. I guess just being around. Letting myself move past who I used to be- because that person was continually unhappy. Or at least trying to get to that point and not feel like im “changing for the worse” just because im letting myself feel ok. 10 years ago I didn’t listen to anything anyone said ever for the most part.
on september 18th 2006 at 2:36am est pete wentz wrote on one of his blogs how infinity on high was beginning to feel like a "nocturnal record" as it began to take shape.
somehow the things we say mean more in corners of dancefloors and we focus on love below the waist and outside of the head. "dont you want to get better"- i just dont want you to worry. "dont you want to get better" - tonight i do. the way they say "youre committing slow suicide" when someone lights up or cuts loose. but arent we all. everything we do just shortens our life, every breath is one less. but its what makes everything so treasured. in my head. it aint a funeral babe, i just want the headline to die. recovery is the new drug.
it hurts sometimes thinking about who he was in that moment. someone so fucking scared of getting better and desperate to get better, committing every flaw and insecurity he had to paper and trying to make art out of how desperately he fucking hated himself. as if his pain was the only compelling thing about him.
that's what kills me about this record. truly. it's not just about the perils and pitfalls of fame and renown. it's about how it feels, really feels, to think that your fame is reliant on you fucking hating yourself and how that is killing you.
and yet. infinity on high. a title taken from words written in 1888, from van gogh to his brother, as he talks about how his improving health has had a positive effect on his art.
Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.
van gogh did not give us starry night because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. van gogh did not make incredible works of art because of how much he was suffering. van gogh created in spite of that, because he had a brother who loved him and reasons to keep going.
pete wentz did not write some of his best lyrics on infinity on high because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. he wrote them in spite of that, because he had people in his life who loved him and over 15 years later he is still alive, he has 3 kids, he has his band who have been together for over 20 years and still love making music together, and at least externally, he no longer feels the need to self-immolate so the onlookers can make pretty patterns from the ashes left over.
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somekindofsentience · 2 months
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Omori and its parallels with OCD, or my personal connection to this game
SPOILER WARNING: AS USUAL, MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS FOR MOST ENDINGS AND THINGS.
CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, SUICIDE, SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS, DEATH, LOSS AND OMORI-TYPICAL CONTENT. I will also be referring to my own intrusive thoughts a lot, so please take caution if it might trigger you to spiral.
DISCLAIMER: I AM BY NO MEANS A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am in the process of seeking a diagnosis (we're getting there :) ), but it has been otherwise confirmed by professionals that I experience OCD. This post is about my personal experience with OCD and trauma, and the way I believe these feeling manifest in the game. I don't believe Sunny or Basil experience OCD, but I want to compare my experiences with obsession, compulsions and trauma-related OCD. Other people may have completely different experiences, and those are valid!
You could call this catharsis, some form of healing. Really I'm doing this for myself, which was kind of why I started writing Omori analysis in the first place (???). and im a nerd for this game
Guilt
Guilt has always been one of my biggest hurdles, and it's also a very relevant theme in Omori.
For the longest time, my brain and I have been actively trying to develop compulsions to cope with guilt, and it seems to consistently fail. I've tried singing songs on repeat, extreme self-harm, distraction, avoidance ect, and nothing seems to work. Sure, I've never committed recital day, but even small things can make me feel horrifically guilty, as my intrusive thoughts tell me I'm a horrible person or a liar.
I see this in Sunny, too. For the longest time, his mind has been trying to cope with the guilt, and it chose to delve deep into repression. But no matter how much he represses, the truth is still there, and so that guilt is still there.
The Fear Polaroids in the Omori Route are also a representation of guilt, as is the mirror during the Truth segment, both depicting Sunny has a hideous demon. My intrusive thoughts depict me as a demon, too, doing horrific things to myself and others. The images of mutilated, demonic Sunny capture the... inhumanity that my mind makes me feel.
I get it, Sunny. I don't feel human either.
Mewo's Death as an Intrusive Thought
Cat Dissection is an interesting area of Black Space, in that its immediate relevance to the truth is less obvious. It's also one of the more horrifying ones - on my first playthrough, I was running blind, and I figured you'd have to kill Mewo for the key. You do not. my biggest regret
Mewo is obviously linked to Mari, but at the time, we'd only ever seen this slightly mentioned in the real world photo album. At that point in Black Space, Mewo was closely tied to Sunny and Omori, being an essential part of White Space.
The player can stab themselves to get out, or cut open Mewo and suffer the regret. This room feels very reminiscent of a gruesome intrusive thought that just won't go away, those days where you see yourself murdering all your friends, or violently injuring yourself. Much of Sunny's hallucinations, or creatures like Something, also mimic this kind of thing.
That room has far deeper analysis to dive into, but this is as far as I'll go for this segment.
Compulsive Behaviour - Repetition
Basil is probably the first character that comes to mind when I think of compulsive behaviour. His most iconic line...
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This sort of repetitive action is the root of a compulsion - an attempt to relieve anxiety. Whether or not Basil fits the criteria of needing repeat those words otherwise something bad might happen is unknown, but this sort of behaviour is very relatable in my experience.
I have a tendency to not be consciously aware, but others notice that I'll mumble things to myself. Typically this is me trying to talk back to my intrusive thoughts, as far as I know, and trying to confirm to myself that they're wrong. This will often end in asking someone else or doing research to confirm.
By repeating these things, Basil is trying to ward off the reality, which is that everything isn't okay at all, and likely won't be. But the specific framing is future-oriented - he isn't saying that things are okay right now, he's saying that they will be. This could link to my later point about uncertainty.
Avoidance
Not many people talk about avoidance behaviours as a compulsion, which is probably why much of my OCD went unnoticed as a child. You don't really consider mental compulsions, and avoidance can be very easily hidden, especially if you the ability to force yourself through something if you have no other options.
While it's not exactly the same, Sunny's repression of rooms in his house and the shaking head that prevents you from going to particular areas are forms of avoidance. The sliding glass door that leads to the backyard and the piano room are the most notable - it's not repressed, it's there, but Sunny shakes his head every time you interact with it. He can't go in there. He just can't. There's no explanation for the player.
I relate to that. I have strange rules that mean I can't do things. I just can't. There's no real explanation for myself, either, and sometimes I don't even get intrusive thoughts of the consequences, just some insistence that I can't do it. Perhaps this was confusing or frustrating for the player, but I found it incredibly realistic.
Uncertainty and Abandonment Issues
I've heard somewhere that OCD is, ultimately, a fear of uncertainty. As a result of this disorder, combined with trauma, I also have abandonment issues the way Basil does.
Even before the recital day, Basil's abandonment issues are prevalent. He clings to the group with the photo album, preserving his memories. He took photos of the things he didn't want to lose. After the recital day, Basil really did lose everything, and he was broken as a result of that.
I imagine this sort of thing was one of his regular worries, everyone abandoning him, Sunny in particular. And I can relate to that - one of my more common intrusive thoughts is others leaving me after they find out I've done something horrible. It makes you want to shut off from relationships, just to be safe - what if everyone leaves?
I think that 'what if' is what made Basil so attached to Sunny in the present day of the game. He wants to save Sunny, he wants to make things back to the way they were before, but at the same time, there's this uncertainty - Sunny is moving? Sunny is leaving? What will happen? What if everything gets worse?
This wasn't the easiest to write, but thank you for reading.
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liliallowed · 5 months
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Holy shit canon dust is so interesting. Is it okay if I contribute the conversation and ask what would happen if Core Frisk tried to convince Murder to leave his hell of an AU and live in peace im the Omega timeline?
he would not agree.
he calls it responsibility but in reality he thinks he deserves to live and die in that hell. he blames himself and HATES himself do much that he's willing to stay there. calling it "responsibility" when he's just being self destructive.
(this are my canon based head canons. while not fully stated by ask dusttale, it's my own interpretation of the extention of dusts commitment to make sure he's the final monster alive and it STAYS that way.)
because he's a horrible person. and this is a hell of his own making. at least it will finally end with him.
he can't leave. he has to make sure the human stays dead. he's paranoid. he'll wait forever. even if the human never returns he'll stubbornly keep waiting... until the core explodes or he simply passes on himself from age.(canon to ask dusttales saying)
living in an omega timeline will make him feel extremely guilty. guiltier than he already feels for betraying his people.
he sees this second chance as the same as he saw resets. he'll refuse. he's not ready. he has to stay. (my interpretation from this point on:)
that is to say, while he is stubborn if his au is already ERASED by itself then he can no longer use that excuse to cling onto his sins for fearing change.
he's so used to the loop that the concept of anything ELSE other than people dying feels... unnatural. it feels uncomfortable. like being locked in a cave and your eyes adapt to the dark and when someone pulls you out you hiss in pain from the light because it's [UNSAFE] it's not the loop.
and his subconscious has even more excuses to tear him down from the inside.
"you abandoned your post"
"you betrayed them and LEFT THEM THERE TO DIE"
"you don't deserve to be happy here. you can only make this right by suffering WITH THE PEOPLE YOU KILLED."
though not easy... he might start to very slowly come out of his shell and accept core's offer. but it all depends on how much he's worked through his self loathing and how attached he feels to the pain he's so familiar with that it's almost welcoming against the unknown bliss.
he'd be extremely distrustful of core frisk... questioning their motives, their goal or if they see him as another pawn or just want to break him further.
his behavior inside the omega timeline? he's hates crowded places. he hates it when people look at him.
all he can hear is them whispering behind his back blaming him even if no one knows who he is. he can hear them laughing behind his back or whispering whispering whispering. they all know what a disgusting person he is (they don't. he's just projecting)
he avoids people. he'll just pull his hood and walk away if anyone tried to even talk to him. he doesn't want to be seen. he feels like hundreds of eyes are judging him.
it's just all in his own head. because he still feels guilt.
maybe eventually he will get better. who knows.
seeing other papyrus there might give him a sense of closure.
he knows they're not him. and they never will be. he knows he'll never be the same but... maybe things will get better. maybe not.
life has a funny way of turning things around for both the greater and worse.
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i-need-some-advice-on · 2 months
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how do i break up with my partner?
ive (17m) been considering breaking up with my partner (17nb). theyre my first serious relationship, we’ve been together 2 years and for a long time i was scared of committing because we’re young and i know we’re immature and dumb but after a while i decided id rather commit and get my heart broken than ruin a perfectly good relationship out of fear. i kinda regret letting myself commit now.
im gray aromantic, theyre one of the first people ive ever been romantically attracted to and we’re good at communicating and supporting eachother but lately its just felt. wrong. a few weeks ago they came over for the weekend and for whatever reason i was just miserable. i didnt want to kiss them, i didnt have fun, i felt like i was being forced to hang out with an old friend i didnt have anything in common with anymore. nothing has changed so i dont know why i feel this way.
ever since then theyve been texting me and i just dont want to respond. i thought at first i wanted to avoid everyone because after that sleepover ive been really depressed but ive realized its really just them. i still want to love them, i dont know how ill ever find someone like them again i just feel like staying with them is torture for absolutely no reason.
the idea of breaking up is so fucking scary. they want to be with me forever, we’ve made our college plans around moving in with eachother, theyve been my rock through so many horrible dips in my mental health and loved me through all of it.
im scared of what the aftermath would be. i know theyre the happiest theyve ever been right now because of our relationship. i dont want to hurt them, they didnt do anything to deserve this. i still care a lot about them, they literally didnt do anything wrong its completely a “its not you its me” situation. we have a lot of mutual friends but almost all of them were my friends first and i feel like if we break up they wont feel like they have anyone to talk to since they arent still friends with most of the people they were when we started this relationship.
im scared of what the aftermath for me would be too. like i said i am really depressed right now, being in this relationship is making me really stressed out and contributing but breaking up would probably be even worse.
i really have no idea what to do. i know breakups are kinda always scary but this is just too hard.
.
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limeade-l3sbian · 3 months
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Dunno if it’s okay to sad rant here?
I have two cats, and while getting two wasn’t part of my initial plan, at the time when they were kittens, they were the last of their litter and separating felt wrong to me. I was also in a vastly different financial situation back then so it was not an issue at all. Even though getting two cats weren’t the plan, I can easily say they are both my most consistent boosts of happiness. I love them with all my heart. They have vastly different personalities and quirks and yet they are also both exceedingly funny and charming. Unfortunately one of the sisters have a poorer health than the other. Nothing fatal, thankfully. She simply needs foods and necessities that are more than twice as expensive as the other, to help her with this. With that it’s perfectly manageable and nothing that could endanger her.
My issues comes with my financial situation. It has changed drastically due to a lot of outside forces. And now i’m severely struggling with even just meeting the bills just for living where i am. What was previously more expensive for one cat is now an intense stress factor. I obviously can’t just stop giving her the things she needs. But I also can’t see a future with the way things are going.
So I’ve made the, to many probably, brutal decision to part ways with her. Within the next month or so Im gonna have to find her a new home, a place where I know for sure all her meets can be met without her new owner getting grey hairs over it. Obviously till then i’m still gonna live even more sparingly to meet them too for her. But I feel like such a sack of shit. I love her with all my heart and now I can’t even be her mom anymore. And she’s probably the one that’s most attached to my hip, so my heart is breaking even more both for her and myself. I fear she will have a horribly tough time adjusting to someone else and getting properly attached. She’s a lot more reserved towards strangers than her sister. I just want her to be happy. And I know in the long run I can’t fulfill that anymore, because eventually they will get old and will need much more frequent vet visits besides the yearly check up vaccine and tooth rinse. What if she develops more health issues, ones that are life or death situations? Then it won’t matter that I love her as much as I do, that won’t pay the vet bills. I stress constantly over this thought.
While I can intellectualize my decision to re-home her, I really do feel like I’m committing an immense betrayal.
First, I'm so sorry, anon. Growing up, I had to give up two different pets after we were too poor to take care of them. I know how painful it can be to become so close to a pet just to have to give them up.
But for your guilt, I think you should feel nothing close to a betrayal. The most compassionate thing you can do as an owner is realize when your situation cannot give them the life they need and make that hard decision. Does it hurt like hell? Does it feel like you are ruining their lives? Does it feel like you will never get over it? Oh god, yes. That's the worst part about a hard moment.
But ultimately, the long term of your decision will bear more fruits than keeping her and feeling shame when you cannot feed her or tend to her medical issues. You can absolutely feel sad and bad and everything in between. But just know that being able to realize what is best for something under your care is far stronger than it might feel in the moment. <3
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pjharvey · 4 months
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im always like i can’t wait to get marriedddd :3 as if i dont have such a horrible fear of commitment i dont even finish a lot of my favorite tv shows
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witch-apologist · 1 year
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Catra: "I'm not going to force Adora to come back for you."
Shadow Weaver: "If you dont ill torture you more and maybe kill you. Also i just demonstrated that you cant run away because i will literally know where you are no matter what so dont even think about rebelling "
Catra, terrified: "okay" (still gonna secretly cover for her tho)
Catra antis: "She was mean to adora for no reason, everything she did was out of evil evil malice not fear."
Adora: "come with me"
Catra: *considering it*
Light Hope: "Heres a series of memories that im going to make you relive specifically selected to make you mad at each other and i will kill both of you if adora keeps protecting you, so skedaddle because i want to groom this girl to do genocide just like the horde before me"
Catra: "welp im not sticking around otherwise we are both gonna die and im also severely traumatized from having to literally relive my worst memories so im kinda antsy and dont want to be tethered to the person who was forced to be responsible for me i want to prove im capable myself, so im not going to help you up the weird castle lady will probably save you anyway so i dont actually think im leaving you in danger."
Catra antis:" Shes so horrible she tried to murder adora and there was absolutely nothing but murdering adora for no reason on her mind, Light hope really cared about adora here and saved her from the horrible abusive catra. "
Scorpia: "Hey lets get out of the horde together because you could be happy "
Catra: "Hmm maybe youre right, well gotta go take care of this other situation."
Adora: "hey remember our mutual abuser who always made you feel like second best and tortured you and you know can track you anywhere on the planet and who just abandoned you like a week ago and who has literally told you multiple times shed kill you given the first opportunity? Well shes at my place now."
Catra: incredibly triggered and traumatized "Scorpia we are going to carry out revenge on my abuser i am solely focused on this because my rage at being abused has consumed my thoughts
Shadow Weaver: "Hi catra, nice to torture you again, ill likely kill you as well."
Catra: "okay now we're DEFINITELY opening that portal"
Catra antis: "everything bad she did was solely to spite Adora there are no sympathetic or understandable things that could possibly explain this downward spiral except that shes an evil evil abuser."
Catra: has literal amnesia and cannot see what adoras seeing "You are concerning me because it seems like you are suddenly developing psychosis"
Catra antis: shes gaslighting adora!
Catra: has nightmares,emotional breakdowns, and depressive episodes from the guilt of what shes doing.
Catra antis: "she wasnt even sorry she only acts good for adora because shes manipulating her"
Catra: "literally apologizes multiple times"
Catra antis: "she never apologized even once"
Catra: shows actual metered progress and takes in outside input to improve her behaviour and outlook
Catra antis:"she didnt even put in any work to redeen herself"
Catra: "defends herself from assault and restraint and protests to adora commiting suicide"
Catra antis "look at this abusive behavior persisting into their reconciliation"
Catra: Literally tries saying anything she thinks might keep adora alive and actively contradicts adoras negative self image.
Catra antis: "Manipulation! Guilt Tripping! Abuse!"
Catra antis reading comprehension: 0
46 notes · View notes