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#im gonna do something that might make people mad but im being HONEST
pyonzzz · 1 year
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【 portrait of a rabbit 】
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mugentakeda · 2 months
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Do you have any fic recs similar to your take on iroh? Treating him as an actual character with some fucked up issues is SO much more fun!! I love him and I am chewing on your art
YES!!!!!!!! everytime i post about shithead iroh moments i get nervous someones gonna think i dont like him or im anti iroh or whatever but i genuinely honest to god think his less than savory past and personality traits ON TOP of the things about him that make him so beloved by the fandom makes him better. like yeah i love all parent characters that are just big softies but big softie parents that also are kinda (very much ) fucked up are even better. to ME. and i dont usually judge how good characters are on the basis of how good of a parent they are which is oddly something that a Lot of people do but. U wont find any of that on this blog which is also why i loveeeee ursa.
BUT I DIGRESS! here is my absolute favorite. its unfinished but what is there is still very loaded. digs in deep to iroh. gets pretty nitty gritty with it too. it changed how i see iroh and specifically season 1 iroh. it balances his b1 behavior with his later revealed status as a grand lotus MASTERFULLY, and puts his manipulative and cunning side on full display. might even make you mad at him a little bit
this one is less of a take on iroh as like. a general and a grand lotus and the war side of him and more of him as a father. its short and sad and i adore all of this authors fics involving iroh. it still shines a good light on the consequences of irohs own actions though because lu ten dying was literally his fault. the selfishness and the manic desperation that bleeds through this monologue is kind of scary but also is tragically beautiful.
ALSO these specific parts near the end of salvage were REALLY good. i feel like iroh is definitely the kind of guy that does a whole lot of backhanded comments as a way of patronizing without probably even realizing he does it?? i think a lot of people forget that what makes iroh being “changed” different from zuko is that zuko is still a child, and iroh is like. in his fifties or something. a whole LIFETIME of probably doing everything zuko did pre-redemption but far worse, and plenty times over. take how young azula is when ozai let her loose into the world into account. take the fact that iroh was already a general by the time he was sieging bss into account. im not gonna compare and contrast crimes here but i am trying to put weight onto how long iroh has been in the game. nasty shit like this is bound to still creep in the shadows of irohs mind and will definitely slip out sometimes.
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and i know i keep bringing up that one unfinished super gnarly au fic that features azulon putting zuko into irohs care following irohs return to ba sing se (after ozai disgraced himself in requesting azulon give ozai the throne since iroh lost his only heir). hopefully one day ill find it because i hate to think the author deleted it or whatever . but out of all the fics that dig into irohs crimes id say this one does it the deepest while also SOMEHOW managing to make iroh sympathetic just by how sheerly pathetic and miserable he is the whole time. ONE DAY THOUGH. i pray that i will find it. because i have like over 200 pages of history on ao3 and i cant remember when exactly i read the fic so . searching for it has been kind of difficult but if i find it trust i will post it lol
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jewbeloved · 1 year
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Hi, I was wondering if you would be willing to due Kyle, Butters, Tweek, and Craig (separately) Headcanons with a SO who acts like Mikan from Danganronpa? If you don't know who that is, then just a SO who apologizes too much and is extremely shy
Thank you
Kyle, Butters, Tweek, and Craig with a Mikan! s/o😭😣💖💖
Mikan falling into those "positions" makes me really uncomfortable so I might feel a little uneased while writing this 😭
Warnings: mentions of clothes removal, falling into uncomfy "positions"
Gender: Neutral
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💚 Kyle Broflovski 🧃
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The first time Kyle saw you, something in his heart made him feel like he needed to protect you.
If you ever apologize nonstop while crying and repeatedly ask him to forgive you, he would try to calm and reassure you that you don't have anything to apologize for to him.
But when Kyle is in a bad mood and is angry, you thought he was mad at you so you offered to take off your clothes so he wouldn't be upset at you anymore.
"Y/n?! were you just about to take off your clothes?!?!" He immediately stopped you from doing so until you bursted into tears again.
"I'm sorry! you were really angry today and I thought it was because of something I did to make you mad! IM SORRY!!"
What makes you think he would be angry at you? He would never!
"N/n im not angry at you! It's just that I was just having a bad day today, but it doesn't mean you were the one who caused it"
You sob silently as you bury your head into Kyle's neck as he hugs you.
He knows that some people will try to take advantage of you by pretending that you did something to them to get you to take off your clothes for them.
He honestly isn't afraid to stab somebody's right eye out if those people ever tried to touch you.💚💚💚💚💚
💛 Butters Scotch 🌈
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He's always becoming a flustered mess whenever you were around him to be honest, people do wonder how you both got together.
You were the one who confessed first.
Even when Butters is a tiny bit upset, you often do offer to make him feel better by taking off your clothes.
But he probably didn't really understand why you would want him to feel better if you took off your clothes, so that made you pretty awkward and embarrassed.
You explained it to him and he immediately apologized for not understanding sooner, but he still didn't want you to do that even If you didn't do anything to make him upset.
If people knew about you removing your clothes you could also be taken advantage of just like Butters in some situations.
He may always be friendly towards people, but he won't allow somebody to use your vulnerable state as their advantage like Cartman, or especially if it's one of the 6th graders.
He would go professor chaos on their asses.💛💛
💛 Tweek Tweak 🌼
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People also indeed wonder how you both got together.
Let's just say that Wendy helped you both get together 🫠🫠
Tweek always felt comfortable around you most of the time so confessing to him went really smoothly 💖
If you start crying and apologize nonstop thinking that you did something to him, Tweek would freak out and wouldn't know exactly what to do.
He would try to calm you down and say that you didn't do anything wrong at all even If you think so.
His twitching might sometimes make you think you triggered something in him by accident, which would also be one of the reasonings for your cries.
If you ever try to take off your clothes for him, that's gonna make him twitch even more than usual.
"AH-AH, Why are you taking off your clothes for Y-y ACK! Y/n?! Did somebody force you to do this???"
He's gonna have a lot of wild imaginations on what could possibly made you want to do that, that's way too much pressure you know....
"N-nobody forced me to! I wanted to do this to make you feel better....you're always twitching and such....so I wanted to calm you down by taking off my clothes for you Tweek...." Tears began to fall off your eyes.
"But being with you already keeps me calm enough, why would taking your clothes off do that??"
You weren't really interested in taking off your clothes, so you ended up explaining it to him directly.
Now he feels a bit bad for freaking out so abruptly without looking for an explanation first...
You and Tweek can be really vulnerable sometimes so it would give others to take advantage of you both, especially you.
But don't worry, Tweek will put aside all his coffee drinking and twitching If he has to beat or blow someone up with a bazooka in order to protect you and him.💛💛💛💛💛💛
💙 Craig Tucker 🧀
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Craig really doesn't care how shy you are or how much you cry, he always finds a way to cheer you up and calm you down.
He is pretty chill tbh, so not much of a chance of him getting upset or ticked off at anything.
If you accidentally dropped stripe out of your hands and feared that Craig might be angry with you because of that.
You immediately apologized nonstop to him before he could even get a chance to reaction.
"AH! I'm so sorry Craig! I didn't mean it please forgive me! I can take off my clothes If it means you won't be mad-"
"Stop. First off, I'm not mad at you Y/n and I already forgive you, second of all you don't need to take off your clothes in order to get me to accept your apology. I could never be mad at you."
He won't lecture you on how you shouldn't offer to take off your clothes for anybody since it could be dangerous especially If it's some creepy pervert. But he will If you still didn't get the message the first time.💙💙💙💛💛💛
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I didn't know what else to write for Craig🫠🫠🫠
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gals4ever · 1 month
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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
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I don’t know how long I’m going to leave for, may be for a few hours to a few weeks, but I just wanted to share with you guys what I’ve been going through because I know you’ll listen.
I might not ever post on here again because im gonna be honest, I only made this account to talk to someone I trusted. That OBVIOUSLY didn’t work out, and it’s okay for things to not work out sometimes, but I can’t bring myself to come back here and look at their account or the messages they once sent me because they’re so different than the ones I just saw now. I am extremely hurt by everyone involved for the things they said about me, and im gonna be honest, I still don’t understand how anything I said was wrong. “She needs to kill herself now!” And they said nothing. The person that I’ve told everything about my life to, went to great lengths just to make sure they had a way to talk to people, and showed my most vulnerable side to, said nothing. I didn’t even know they were showing what I was saying, “she’s still yappin” which is crazy to say about when im showing you how I feel. When we talked in the supposed relationship I was in, I made it my biggest priority to let them know that they could tell me how they felt, and I gave them so many outs before I got attached. I have major abandonment issues and bpd, and I know that’s not their fault or something they should worry about, but it explains why I became so attached and quick to panic when they expressed the thought of leaving me. I don’t even care anymore about them not loving me, it’s just the things that they said about me and let others say. I know they don’t owe me jack shit, but i genuinely trusted them with how i felt and that sensitive and vulnerable side of me i try to keep to myself. I haven’t felt like this in almost four years, and maybe that’s why I started to freak out? It seems like everyone’s forgetting that I warn everyone before they get close to me, BECAUSE I AM A DAMAGED INDIVIDUAL. I am in the recovery process from being physically abused, and sexually used for things that I didn’t even want to do. Worst part is? The people that were saying bad things about me were saying all these kinds of accusations that they can’t even back up.
Like what the hell? You’re saying you have ‘screen recordings of me’ doing what? You say you have so many messages from a lot of people about me, but I never talk to anyone other than the person I trusted and one other friend? This isn’t to bash the person that left me, Im not like that and I have expressed that id like to stay on good terms, it’s to bash the people that said all those awful things about me. I would’ve never known if a friend of mine didn’t show me the screenshots, and if im being honest, I didn’t even want to see them. I would’ve rather been clueless because that genuinely broke me seeing the way they let someone say something so awful about me. Even if I was mad at them, I don’t think I would EVER let someone say something that bad. Because in that moment, reading that stupid message, I did want to do it. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while now and everyone knew that, but they didn’t think that I would see it. They didn’t think that maybe I would be able to see that they hated me so much that they’d wish id die. and that hurts. It hurts more than I can express. I’ve always tried to be a good person, ALWAYS, and even to the people I have problems with im still a big pushover and I take it in the ass like everyone else would’ve; I spend money on people who don’t deserve it just to get them to like me, which I know spending money on someone doesn’t mean you deserve jack shit, but yk.. I think that if you see someone is going out of their way to be friends with you and is trying to gift you things because they think your awesome maybe you shouldn’t say that they deserve to die. I felt so fucking sick reading that, I forgot about everything else that was going on and just centered all my attention on that one statement because i genuinely thought these people cared about me at first. I know I should’ve kept to myself like I always did, but I wanted to be like these people, I wanted to be cool and to be liked because that’s all I’ve ever longed for; I’ve wanted the feeling that someone would care about me. And it seems now that the people I trusted never even deserved to be close to me. That I deserved better. And I don’t want to seem selfish because when this first happened i genuinely thought that I was the worst person in the world because how could someone hate someone like this without a reason; but I know none of this is my fault. I know that I deserve better than to sit and wait for these people to come around and like me again that genuinely never will. I know that one day they’ll read this and get all mad and pissy, because im posting this to my tumblr as well, but i genuinely can’t care anymore about these people. Im not naming anyone out of respect for their privacy, unlike how they were with me. I hope that maybe one day, they’ll realize how fucked up what they said was. The worst part is, I still have a place in my heart for ALL of them because I can’t detach that easily. But maybe I’ll get over this sooner than I think, because im better than this. I don’t deserve to sit and wallow my life away because someone hates me. They don’t need to say sorry to me tbh, they need to say sorry to Sabine because she’s the one that had to listen to me sobbing on the phone for the last three days and tbh.. I think she’s more mad than I am 😭
This is posted from a separate account having nothing to do with tumblr, but I genuinely think you guys deserve to know what I’ve been going through and why I might not upload or draw things anymore for the time being. Im not looking for support or someone to say im in the right because frankly, I can’t give a fuck if you guys think im the crazy one. I just wanted to express myself on this platform for once 😇
I hope you all are having an amazing day and that you feel a lot much better than I do 😭
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mtridactyla · 4 months
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r u doing a bit or do u seriously not ask ppl if theyre mad at u
i really don't ask people if they're mad at me! i made the conscious decision to stop about two years ago and i am not gonna pretend im perfect at it but it's helped me and my friendships a lot i think
i think you have to trust the people around you to be open and honest about their feelings or you will make yourself miserable. being surrounded by people who get passive aggressive instead of talking about things really sucks
instead of the dreaded "are you mad at me" text, the first time someone's short with me i just leave it and take a step back for the day. this doesn't apply to people being outright mean (to which i usually try to say, "hey, that was mean" rather than make an assumption as to what that means they think about me) but for a little bit of passive aggression i try to write it off as them having a bad day or possibly me misinterpreting things. if it keeps happening and i do feel the need to ask where we stand i usually go for something along the lines of "i feel like i might have done something to upset you, how can i make it up to you?" which in my experience is more effective no matter whether the response is "yeah actually you did xyz and im feeling really shitty about it" or "you didn't do anything, im having a hard time and im sorry im taking it out on you" vs an "are you mad at me" which can get both parties upset very easily
this got away from me but. it's not a bit im just trying very hard to cope with my shitty brain in a way that is healthier for me and the people around me!
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#pre-fall scene#all im saying
Myabe I'm being dense but what exactly are you saying?
oh god okay anon i'll be honest but even i don't really know what im saying!!!✨ well no, wait, i do but essentially im gonna need to use this ask to parse it out (and save @teddybearbutchh from being spammed with my stream of consciousness)
so, let me be clear - im open to any take on this line. we're clear, right (and was laid out brilliantly in that post!) that aziraphale seems to know something about miracling love that the archangels and crowley do not - this is an experience unique only to him (as far as we're aware). it's something he has presumably tried to do, and seen the lack of desired result, to be able to reach this conclusion. and in order for him to get away with the lie to the archangels, its something he knows they won't have done. pretty obvious summary, but bear with me - it helps me lay out my thoughts!!!
now look, it could be that he's tried to miracle crowley in love with him. it could be that he's tried to miracle himself out of love with crowley (heartbreaking). it could be that he's tried to miracle two humans in love with each other. but here are my thoughts on these three things:
i don't personally hold the belief that they've been in love with each other since eden. ive talked about it in other posts, i won't go on about it, but their interactions through time, for me, have been them falling in love with each other in a rather organic way. some of those interactions towards the beginning of their story have been stilted, cold, even arguably antagonistic at times - that's my personal read, anyway. so, if we hold that aziraphale didn't realise he was in love until 1941, it makes no sense, for me, for him to have attempted miracling crowley in love with him between these points...? i also think 1941 is where aziraphale realises that crowley at least feels something for aziraphale in kind - he saved the books! - and this gives aziraphale some sort of... hope? (right up until 'oh shit, we're too close now and it actually might have Consequences - "you go too fast for me, crowley"). so yeah, i don't see, personally, any point in this history where this version of the attempted-miracle might have happened. (edit: sorry, to clarify - 'this history' being between the beginning and essentially modern day)
second one? okay look, this kills me. i hate it (i love it), and i could see this being the case - a bit of a bait-and-switch, that it wasn't making people fall in love, it was that aziraphale couldn't handle being in love. horrendous thought... but if we go with this - again, where is the point where aziraphale would have attempted this? well, the only point for me would be between 1941-1967... and that would make sense!!! but... is it in aziraphale's character to do this? personally, i think not. imo, i think aziraphale would see being in love with crowley as a gift - one that hurts, definitely, but one that he is honoured to have. he's a being of love, can sense it as easy as... well, breathing - and i don't think it's something he'd wish away. lmao @ tennyson, mad lad: "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." (he's definitely read, and probably liked(?), tennyson, if his line re: the kraken is anything to go by... god absolutely has, too)
this is absolutely possible - 100%... but for what feels like a pretty important line, especially in the romantic-plot-context of s2, wouldn't it have been important to see this happen? to have seen an instance where aziraphale may have tried to miracle a couple in love, and it have failed?
which brings me to the pre-fall scene, because it is the outlier in all of this, imo. aziraphale starts off very polite with AWCW (angel who crowley was), but as soon as AWCW starts becoming... yk, bubbly and excited, aziraphale's entire demeanour changed - he's suddenly eager to interact with him, tell him his name, and establish a connection. if nothing else, it's an instant crush for aziraphale, an immediate moment of '...oh shit, he's cute-cute', and this carries throughout the entire scene... and isn't reciprocated.
now, i don't necessarily think this is the moment where aziraphale would have attempted to miracle AWCW in love with him - in fact, i have to wonder if it was a conscious miracle at all? - but aziraphale seems both pleasantly surprised and... a little expectant? that AWCW is talking to/about him?
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and has a rather rude awakening... so idk, perhaps out of angelic innocence/not-thinking-things-through/subconsciously willing it, tantamount to a miracle... aziraphale was hoping for AWCW to 'fall in love' with him back? or at least, pay back the same kind of attention that he was paying AWCW? and obviously it didn't work, so aziraphale knows - by s2 - that miracles don't work like that?
this is all a musing, im not at all firmly set on this and am happy to be argued (nicely!) back on it, but i think... potentially... it has some merit?✨
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noco7 · 2 years
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What do you think of All Stars and how the writers handled the characters?
Now, I don’t know how much of a hot-take this is, but I don’t find All Stars that uniquely bad, at least for Total Drama. Unjust eliminations and lost potential? I’m a Noah stan who had to watch I See London, and then see Blaineley take his place. Villain that nobody votes out despite the obvious? I’ve watched Heather dodge elimination after elimination in Island and World Tour alike. Random evil mental disorder? That’s just Trent in Action, baby. All Stars is more of the same bad writing, just cranked up a little higher and all at once. But it’s still the same bad writing. Tho, I may be a little biased here. Not because I like All Stars, I don’t - but I knew how bad it was before I watched it. I had seen the rants about every major plot point before I watched a single episode. So I never had hopes for the thing. Perhaps that explains my detachment during viewing. And I'm gonna be honest - I *don’t* have strong feelings on most gen 1 characters, so it’s hard for me to work up the passion about their character derailment. 
But if you still want my specific thoughts on each character:
Courtney: As one of the few gen 1 characters I do care about, I should probably be more mad about Suddy Muddy Sundae then I actually am. But uhhh. I actually like it when Courtney is evil and mean, lol. So the idea of her betraying a close friend? That’s funky, that’s cool - in isolation, that is. In the context of the show, it doesn’t really work. There’s no foreshadowing to the twist, there’s no gradual darkening of her character. It’s just “And Now Courtney does something Evil.” Great. My condolences to anyone who watched this show blind and thought they were getting a character development arc. Probably felt like a slap in the face. But out of context, the idea isn’t that bad. 
It's like that Game of Thrones thing, with Daenarys going evil. Could it believably happen? Sure. But should it have happened so fast? NO.
Gwen: ... Ehh. I think this season was trying to redeem her from WT. That's why she's trying so hard to apologize, that’s why Gwuncan breaks up. And that’s why Gwen says "he wasn't your boyfriend.” I don’t think she was trying to lie, but that the writers wanted us to genuinely believe that, retcon style. But overall, she was fine. A little weird, because WHY is she trying so hard to makeup to Courtney, the girl she was barely friends with? WHY would she ever go back to Total Drama, the show that she hates being on, just for the girl that wasn’t even that good to her in the first place? That’s weird. But “character derailment,” is a lot easier to swallow when it makes the character a nicer person, isn’t it? Also the joke in the beginning where she's the only villain character trying to be sincere and help the team is pretty funny.
Aleheather: I’m grouping them together because they’re very similar people. Evil, conniving villain that no-one really trusts because they’ve seen it all before. They do both get more stupid in AS (why would Heather just leave the victory idol? and why does Alejandro not like... do more with the Mal plotline). But they’re still funny in their own rights. But as a ship, they were disappointing. I think that's because the writers did not know what to do with them after they got together. Which tbf, isn't just a TD problem. A lot of stories end when the characters get together. The romantic plotline is fulfilled. So what are you supposed to do in the sequel, when the Will-They/Won't-They is done? What now? TD's answer was just to pretend that their romantic arc WASN’T finished. So now they're back to hate-flirting, in the exact same way they did in WT. I think a person who cared more about Aleheather (@tdsierra) would probably have a lot more to say about the ship in All Stars, that might even contradict what I say here. But this is all I have to say on them.
Duncan: I don't hate him in AS. I think the whole "no one can know im a nice person," although exaggerated in AS, is true to Duncan as a character. He always had a masculinity so fragile a tap-dancing ant could break it. So whatever, I guess. Probably didn’t help that the girlfriends who used to boost his ego - Courtney and Gwen, left him behind. Tbh, he might be the best written character on All Stars. His ending of blowing up Chris’s house and going to jail does feel odd though. It’s such a sad end to his character. In TDI he was growing to open up, but in AS he’s so defensive that he ends up in jail. I don’t think it’s a bad ending persay, that he regressed. But it’s definitely sad to see. Also the bird he was friends with was ridiculously cute. I love that bird.
Sierra: Gonna be honest, although she is very different in AS - (in a like, psychosis way, when she never had them before) I don't know if I'd call it "character derailment," that she’s still obssessed with Cody and still a creep. Because honestly, I don’t think she ever stopped being one. We’ve never seen her acknowledge her actions as wrong, nor has she apologized/promised to do better. Even in the episode in WT where she accepts being Cody's best friend, she also tries to kiss him again. Perhaps this is the true hot take - Sierra never underwent character development in the first place. I also don't understand why she's on the Hero's team. Was it *heroic* when she stole Cody's underwear? Was it? Did the writers just put her there so as to even the numbers? Or did they buy into the idea that Sierra is a good person, despite being a stalker, because stalkers act out of “love,” and she always just wanted to “protect him.” And therefore, she’s a hero. But perhaps it’s just that she’s not a standard villain. All TD villains are in it for the money and have master-ish plans, while Sierra... does not. I guess that’s close enough to being a hero for AS team designations. Anyway, Sierra should have been cut from AS all together. Nothing here adds to her character, she didn’t belong on the heroes team. [However, if they put her on the villains team and she had to grapple with the idea that her actions were evil and terrible and learn from that... honestly could have been a baller redemption arc.]
Lindsay: Whatever. She was there for one episode, what do you want me to say? Lol. I guess I could say that I don't think she was "character derailed" (she has voted for herself before, and has been bad at voting, so I don’t think it’s OOC for her to vote for herself. 
SECOND GEN
Sam - I agree he should have been replaced with Brick. He doesn’t have anything to do this season. It is touching that he wants to be a mutant to be with his mutant gf though.
Jo - they did her such a disservice im crying thats my girl!!!! like she was such a cool character who had obvious development that needed to happen, and then they just chose not to. It's so weird. Especially when Cameron is on the show, and there's already a history between them. They could work smth out! Or not, but still. And if Brick was indeed on the show - that's another avenue for development! I love Jo, and she was still funny on AS but... they should have taken the chance to flesh her out. But they didn’t.
Honestly, the 2nd gen characters deserved more focus. And I'm not talking about Mike and Zoey, but Lightning and Jo. 1st gen had 3 whole seasons already to flex, but 2nd gen had only one shortened season. As such, maybe focusing on them would have been better.
Lightning: Man also deserved better. He was very funny though. But still.
Scott: This one's weird, because AS Scott is funny, but he is also a completely different person from ROTI Scott. I don't know what I would change about AS Scott, other than make him more like ROTI Scott. Also maybe he and Cameron could have teamed up to expose Mal, considering Scott also has experience with Mike's Alters.
Cameron: why did they make you so stupid. and why was he not able to expose Mal earlier? why? i did like the scene where he used Scott as bait for Fang tho. That was really funny. And I always wished Cameron had ended up as the Villain of ROTI, so it was gratifying.
Mike - ugh. Using his DID as his only plot point was bad enough in ROTI, but to also use it as the main plot of AS? Really guys. Read the room. Also, they were wrong about alters, and as multiple people have said, Mal should have been more of a protective alter, rather than just evil for the sake of it. But I think Mike was always a kind of boring character because his main/fronting alter is Mike. And Mike's just a boring guy. I feel like TDI was trying to do the activist thing where "people with X can still be good people!" and so you get the blandest characters. Think of the Love, Simon movie. "im such a normal guy EXCEPT im gay." that's the vibe with Mike. "im a normal guy EXCEPT i have DID." to prove that people with DID can be "normal." But it stops the character from being interesting, and also... is *normal* the thing we need to be aiming for? There's a lot of interesting discourse around that, but that's not important for this post, lol.
Zoey - she's Zoey. She wasn't a great character to start with and she's not a great character now. And she's also very stupid - Mal has that effect on people. It's hard to have strong feelings on a character you never cared about in the first place.
Overall I'd say that TD had a bad vision of making their most "evil" villain yet, and what makes a villain frightening is how much power they have over their victims... but the victims were all capable people who had won survival shows and were known for being smart and/or athletic. And instead of taking that into account and writing the villain better, they just... forced all the victims to be stupider. 
I think they should have written All Stars as a “wrap up loose character development season,” instead of coming up with a mega villain plot. Because total drama fans are in it for the Characters more than anything else. So just focus on growing them, and people would have been happy.
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truckfreaks · 9 months
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had such an funny array of experiences the other night at that bar and I've been reflecting on it and wanting to write about it very much.....
on one hand i saw my friends sibling who i haven't seen in quite a while, and he was more outwardly open and excited and chatty than hes been for probably the whole ten years I've known him. like, he even invited me to his bands show? he never invites anyone! he's notorious in our crowd for being very, like... idk. ive heard lots of things - "particular", "difficult to work with", perfectionist... but he was totally different.
he brought his new boyfriend along, and we all had a long silly talk about sneaking into cons when we were kids, navigating the precarious world of gender soup (he understands my soup probably better than anyone, cis trans or otherwise, that I've ever met! it felt great!), the different creative projects were working on (he went to college for video game soundtrack composition at a really prestigious school - super talented!), got really excited when we realized we never had any idea one another had bugsonas and excitedly shared art of our respective bug guys... oh and his boyfriend recognized Dr. Habit on my phone lock/background?! it was the first time anyone's ever recognized anything SFM related on me in the wild ! so that was cool!
and on the other hand... my friend (his brother)'s girlfriend who i've been trying to give an honest fair shake in getting to know was there as well. and like, i think surface wise most people look at her and assume she's like, very ... leftist? and I'm sure she thinks she is, too. but every time i talk to her she sneaks in some kinda backhanded comment about women. i get a big internalized misogyny plus Italian familial politics vibe. and i found myself talking to her abt similar topics, because she said to me she's never seen her boyfriends brother so animated before! and i said well this might be my personal experience coloring things, but being out makes a massive difference in someone's ability to just, like, exist happily! and she wasn't sure what i meant by that, so i explained, and she was like "oh, well i guess i don't understand why you're choosing to identify in a neutral or masc leaning way but you dress like a girl?" and i explained that first off, i appreciate not getting it, but the first step is recognizing that there is no one right way to be a man or a woman, and if we accept gender nonconforming behavior from cis people then why don't we accept it from trans people? why do i have to be a caricature of manhood for you to see me as transmasc? and it kind of got through to her but... not entirely, because her line of questioning was a little ... invasive and unkind in a bad faith way (i have a LOT of patience for folks who may "get it wrong" but engage with me in a good faith way). like she was tryna play gotcha or something.
and i suppose the juxtaposition - people who are quietly queer suddenly becoming loudly queer and, as a result, happier, vs. people who are vocally supportive, but only when a person fits their narrative of what a queer person should look or act like... well. it was not lost on me!
and it also reminded me that sometimes, when you get a vibe about a person, you should trust your gut! it's ok to think, yeah, this isn't a nice person, im gonna protect myself! because if i continued engaging with her, the conversation might have gone very poorly. it certainly has in the past. (for example, apparently bee and puppycat was, and i quote, "too woke" for her. she got really mad when i laughed about it and realized with horror that she wasn't kidding). i feel bad for my friend (her boyfriend) for being in the middle of it, sorta. he's a easygoing simple dude who is wildly supportive of his brother and however he chooses to identify, and frankly i don't think he knows a whole lot about this side of his girlfriend because to him, he doesn't really seek out those kinda conversations. not obviously that it's never come up, but yeah. i know him well enough to know he doesn't share those feelings with her, and it's always really shocking to me to hear her express them - but always when he isn't around. so much so that in the past when I've expressed concern about it, he didn't believe me at first! (then other folks started saying the same thing.)
idk. life is cool and weird and i am happy to be a cool and weird little guy.
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mbti-enemies · 2 years
Note
I saw the "most INFP being too nice" thing and I want to share an opinion that will probably make me look like an ass but I wanna say it whatsoever
(gonna give you some context/an example first to justify my argument)
I - an ENTP - went over to an INFP friend's house and we made a bet on this show we were watching, on the 3rd day I won the bet and she was sleeping when it happened, I got excited about it and went to wake her up, she said I could "take the money from her wallet and let her go back to sleep because she was tired", I kept insisting her to wake up, hitting her with a pillow, turning the lights on and off, messing up her hair, jumping on the bed, but it was all playful, at some point she raised her voice just slightly and asked me to "leave her alone for 10 minutes because she was tired" and I said "okay, do what you want then" and left a little annoyed, but nothing beyond
about 5 minutes later she came up to me with watering eyes to "aPoLogizE" for making me upset and not giving me the attention I wanted or some shit, said she couldn't go back to sleep after our ""argument""
I was so mad because that's what people mean when they say INFPs are manipulative, there's no way she was feeling that guilty about what happened, she probably just wanted to make a scene and make ME feel bad about it, they're not that sensitive, they just want to manipulate other people's feelings because that's how they act, they're not as good as you make them seem.
this whole drama is annoying as f, be honest it's not that big deal
(warning note i end up rambling and it goes off on a personal streak. sometimes when things go such the information i give might not be relevant so discard whatever is necessary. could i also request no one ask any personal questions related to whatever i write thank youuu)
hi infj here. nope nope you don't look like an ass dw ha i mean... idk i have so many things to say to this i mean.... where do i start....
to be honest? your description of infp reminds me of.... well, regretfully, myself... one of my worst traits. **laughs a lil dryly** and i can speak freely about it now intj knows this terrible part of me. your description of the situation reminds of... one fun time me and intj had. honestly i don't even remember what it was about except that i was being prick *gets lost in thought* oh actually never mind i remembered...
anyways.
mbti-wise i always chalked my manipulative sadness down to ni-fe.... it's the ni which plans and manipulates and the Fe which is attuned to others feelings... i can't really see how it would work in an infp (fi ne should be more direct) so maybe give them a check that they're not an infj.
i've also only really just started noticing and acknowledging that i do it... it's so hard sometimes to figure out why you're doing things (e.g being sad over something small) when you don't want to know the truth. and then the truth disappears from your head, the self-generated emotions become reality.... the mental-emotional world is so slippery. manipulation can happen subconsciously, at least for me (even in a positive way when you want to make someone happy or make yourself likeable when meeting someone new....)
from the situation, it seems to me infp must've felt a little bad for asking you to leave her alone... but then it got a little complicated in their head. with the complications the emotions just grew and got blown out of proportion....
small place where i must pick up on your words- you said "because that's how they act". i mean of course it's someone's own responsibility if they're being manipulative, but im not sure it's a 'just because' sort of thing. i like to think their are few people who would be manipulative and make someone feel bad just for the hell of it....
for me? for me it's generally due to a want for comfort. it's.... that's it. perhaps it's not even Ni-Fe driven but more childish, infantile, like when baby's cry in order to be held. it's..... not good. and so much worse than a baby obviously because i can use my words and push and pull someone else and manipulate them into giving me comfort. this manipulation is definitely Ni-Fe for me though. but anyways, and it's terrible. (sorry again about that time intj). it's worse when you're older because the emotions get more complicated and tiwsted and other things get pulled in to the mess (leading one to want the other person to feel bad and say twisted things like sorry for "not giving [you] the attention [you] wanted")
i wonder how things progressed in your little situ if you got visibly mad. dude getting mad is like the worst emotion to feel here not gonna lie i mean infp will just feel justified for their tears. intj got mad and i owned up and it was fine, but it's hard to see youself, hard to own up. if i hadn't owned up and kept feeling sorry for myself i don't know if it would've been fine.
small note to anyone else reading this far before continuing: i don't think sadness is always manipulative, i don't want anyone to feel like they can't feel their emotions. please, please, be kind to yourselves no matter what, be understanding.
anyways back to mbti to wrap up from my long personal ramble of thoughts. not totally sure that this thing ur describing is an infp thing. mine is connected to my infj functions pretty sure but perhaps not for your infp. still do think that out of types most likely to "be too nice" infp is quite high on the list, but being too nice ≠ never being hurtful and definitely does not equal not having flaws. niceness a blob in a system of personality traits, and it is by no means everything. perhaps, arguably, it's not even the same as kindness, which on the other hand, is something that goes much much further than just niceness does.
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pineappleciders · 1 year
Note
Hello!! i really hope i'm doing this right :]
Id like to request an omori pairing!!
My name is Raymond, and Im 14!! I'm a trans male, use he/him/it/its pronouns, and am (questioning) Pansexual, so feel free to match me w/ anyone!! I'm also an intp. I have adhd so please don't mind if anything i say conflicts itself (I tend to be SUPER different at certain times for no reason due to my impulsivity)
My interests are writing, drawing, generally being artsy, volleyball, videogames, reading, and dancing! I tend to change interests often, but those are the ones that usually stay the same!
I typically bounce from one interest to the next, and usually get very angry at myself for losing said interest.
As for personality, i'm usually quite moody, but am typically tired/upset/angry. I'm shy around people I don't know, but i basically consider my friends family. I usually don't make friends easily, so i just stick to my small group.
When i'm upset with someone, i'll usually make it known by either lashing out at them, or just being petty. I hold grudges easily, and have a VERY strong sense of justice.
When in public I tend to be very loud. Most of my classmates who aren't close to me would describe me as annoying. Others may see me as violent, or as constantly mad for no reason (this is the truest thing anyone has said about me). When I am with friends, I tend to be less "annoying" and more like them. I can adapt to fit others personalities and interests. When it comes to social situations, I usually have a "fake it till' you make it" mentality. I typically act childishly, but when I need to do something, I can totally be serious about it.
I tend to space out WAY to often, leading me to missing most important things, so I may seem airheaded/dumb, but i'm not. I'm very clever, and can usually work out most problems on my own.
As for romance, I'm typically awkward with that kind of stuff. It's easy to tell when I have a "crush" from the outside, but those feelings are always platonic. I feel the need to love somebody, but I don't feel attraction to anyone.
I try my best to hide most of my more spontaneous moods/emotions as to not be seen as weird by others.
(HOLY SHIT THIS TURNED INTO A RAMBLE IM SOSOOSOS SORRY 😭)
A/N: don't worry about it!! i actually quite enjoy when people get to talk about themselves and it also helps me make a more accurate matchup so dont sweat it <3 also sorry if this is written weirdly or sometjing i weote this on the toilet and i don't act right wuen im shittinf.
I MATCH YOU WITH...
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RW KEL!!!
now i'm gonna be honest i was reminded a lot of aubrey so my first instinct was to match you with kim but i dont want to be lazy
again, i'm getting some sun & moon vibes
KEL really doesn't mind your moodiness. he might get a little insecure if you lash out at him or act uninterested, so it'll help if you reassure him every now and then that it's not his fault
if you're feeling down, he tries to cheer you up, and i feel like as time goes on you two would kinda,,, help heal each other?? like his sunshiney would rub off on you sometimes
alas, you two grow closer and closer and both of you might start to let your walls down. KEL begins opening up sometimes about his trauma and how he feels bad about himself, and you might talk about your emotions and what's hurting you, and perhaps even get a little soft
more specifically, you get a soft spot for KEL. it becomes a little difficult to be angry when a literal ball of sunshine is around
seeing KEL be so vulnerable to you makes you do it too, and you become more honest about how you might be feeling (and he really appreciates it!!)
when it comes to new people, he'll often do most of the talking as he knows it might not be your thing
KEL spaces out a lot too, and is easily distracted, but similar to you he isn't actually stupid.
in KEL's world, he finds it easier to let on the appearance that he might be a little stupid. and, maybe 4 years ago maybe he really was air-headed. but, things have changes, but he's always found that people are less disappointed when he fucks up if he acts stupider. so, that's what he does.
honestly? KEL doesn't really mind if your attraction to him is romantic or platonic. he feels the same way too, not really sure what he's feeling, but either way he knows that he wants to be with you, and he doesn't really care for any labels or anything. so, if you don't want to, there's no need to label your relationship as partners, or just friends!! all that matters to him is that you're together.
sometimes if you push him away or tug on his ear in annoyance, he'll just walk it off and not retaliate or anything. he isn't like... socially submissive or anything he just doesn't care for revenge
like you, he also has a strong sense of justice, and will strive for whatever he thinks is right, even if sometimes he misses the point and does something wrong (when this happens, it often makes him feel really bad about himself)
volleyball? basketball?? they both have ball at the end, so same thing, right? he teaches you basketball, and you try to get him to play volleyball, but he fucking sucks at it
he likes your creativity! always inspecting your drawings and writing, always calling it the best he's ever seen (even if it's dog shit. he's not saying it to make you feel better, he's saying it because he believes it)
you beat him in every video game and he sulks in the corner
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irlkanamedate · 1 month
Text
The current state of my mental health.
Gonna be real honest right off the bat. Its bad. You guys know its been bad but I mean its real bad right now.
Im a mess and it won't make any real sense i dont think so read or not, its under a cut.
[Suicidal, eating disorder, just in general bad shit I guess]
Its been months of feeling worse and worse and feeling utterly hopeless and lost. Months of constant bullshit from either my brain, my living situation, my fucking financial situation, or whatever else decides to come by and ruin what I thought was things getting better.
I find myself once again falling back into the delusional spiral because I'm having a harder and harder time regulating my emotions and mental state and if I had ever been mean or snippy or just awful to you guys, I am genuinely sorry. I dont even remember a lot of this shit I did cause my visual timeline of things have been cut so much due to just being in this black fog of self loathing.
And maybe it is my own fault for self sabotaging and dipping from so many things. Ruining friendships and all idk. Hell i can't even bring myself to actually talk to a lot of you guys cause im just so... fucking lost.
Constantly torn between multiple different sorts of realities in my brain and being too much in a constant bad mood to feel comfortable engaging or I might say something bad or be snippy so I just run away from it again and again.
I am just some kind of burden to you guys in my own mind. Some kinda burden to my own family. Just some hopeless directionless corpse that genuinely feels like I have made no real impact to anyone. And it isnt any of your faults. I know this isn't really... true. But its such an active hard struggle to fight against this pure delusional thought that I get so tired.
I get so tired trying to just... remind myself over and over. And then my brain fight back going like "if it isnt true then why are you the only one saying it? Where is your proof?" Or pulling some other bullshit move to make me believe this false reality.
Im so tired guys. But I hate being a burden. You guys say I'm not some times but I can't stop feeling like one.
Im not saying this or ever do anything to make you guys shower me in affection and love. I never want to manipulate that sort of thing. I never intend to. But sometimes I think I do it subconsciously cause im just fucking blinded by so much shit.
I cant help but think how much I might actually be a horrible person.
Especially when I want to be mad. I want to get angry. I want to lash out. But I know its often unreasonable. But fuck when I try to be reasonable and hold back and try to be mature I still get a fucking shit result.
I dont know what to do.
I feel like everything is always and has always been my fault. My fault always my fucking fault. It's my fault I can't make decisions. My fault im a people pleaser. My fault I got assaulted. My fault I am poor.
I stopped eating cause I believed it could help my mom if she didn't have to feed mr along with that fucking bastard but here I am spending money on non essentials cause it made me happy.
But nothing really makes me happy in the end does it?
Im still here. Shit living situation, poor as shit, unable to hold a job due to multiple reasons. Unable to get proper medical care. Unable to truely be the fucking man I want to be. Unable to express anything properly and truely.
Im suicidal as shit. I made promises to many people I wont do it. And I still won't. But because guilt is whats keeping me here really.
I do love all my friends so much. I appriciate so much of what you guys do for me. And im so angry and upset I can't always see that cause my brain is so hell bent on killing me.
So I just feel guilty all the time. That I still feel like fucking shit even though I get love and care. I feel guilty for asking for things. Feel guilty for taking up space, for needing things, for just being alive but also feeling guilty for wanting to die all the time now. But I can't kill myself cause I feel guilty for breaking promises and making people sad. But I feel guilty for expressing just how bad I am cause that makes people sad.
Im stuck here by guilt and I dont know how to change that so I just feel worse and worse and worse. I cant eat but I try to eat a little so I dont make people feel too bad but I hate eating.
I dont know. I just dont know anymore.
I cant see any real future for me. I just can't.
And so im just... stuck here. Just existing day by day. Silently hoping one day I just never wake up again. Cause then I didnt make that choice. Something or someone else did for me. And I wont have to feel that guilty. Or something. Or at all cause I wasn't really awake. I dont know.
Im sorry. I'm just not ok. And this isnt even all of it i dont think but im just... so tired.
I am so tired guys.
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nanjokei · 8 months
Note
all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole
did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.
just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:
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hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.
>pure and perfect tag
i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.
>shut up no one cares
neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.
>never got the chance to speak up and be mean
ok.
>my sycophants
it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.
>end of the ask
heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.
it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)
you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.
had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.
don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!
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sir-nevec · 1 year
Text
Hey,
This is probably gonna be all over the place,but it's a lot of the things I want to say to you. Or things I've wanted to say.
I should say this first, but this isn't just for you it's also for me. I'm not the best at saying things when in the moment because a lot of emotions are in the way.
But this is gonna be honest and from the bottom of my heart.
To start, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad about this at all. I understand and I know this was difficult for you. It's hard. Hard as all hell and Im proud of you for taking your first steps to taking care of yourself.
But I'm angry with the decision to leave it for so long. It hurts that you didn't come to me with it earlier. We may have been able to change things, maybe we couldn't but at least we could have tried. People can change and honestly, I wanted to for awhile. But I was too complacent or just not brave enough to follow through.I should have done a lot of things, but that's in the past. There's room for me to grow and I'll be doing alot of that. I'm sure we both will.
I still remember the first time you said I love you. You beat me to the punch. You beat me to the punch again when you asked me to marry you. I still remember when we first moved in together, and the hours we spent talking about our lives and everything about each other.
I'm not writing this in the hopes of winning you back, I know you have a lot of things you need to figure out. Things you need to be on your own for.
I'm writing this because I need to get alot off my chest and mostly because I care about you, more than anyone. This'll probably be pretty long to read and I hope you read it through, I don't blame you if you don't.
But let's leave the the shitty part, or at least what I think is the shitty part.
You always asked me what I saw in you. Why I wanted to be with you. When I tried to explain it, it never came out right. But here are the reasons, not just why I wanted to be with you but also reasons why you are a wonderful person.
You care. So goddamn much, about everyone. But you should put that same care into yourself.
The smile on your face everytime you came to me with pictures or animals from work, or when you showed me tiktoks that you thought were funny. Your laugh was always so genuine and music to my ears. The way your eyes light up when you are passionate about something, determined and so full of happiness.
The way you check in on everybody to make sure they are okay, even in a public setting. The way you would console me when I was in a bad place or just had a shitty day. The way your hands flowed through my hair when we would lie on the couch. How you accept people for who they are and all of their feelings. You have so much love in you and I hope some of that can turn to self love. Because you deserve it.
Now I hope you don't take any of this out of context I know a few things might have been repeated. But you honestly helped me grow as a person in these four and a half years, probably off on that count by a bit. But it's been some of the happiest years of my life, and I'm thankful to have shared them with you.
Thank you for being with me.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but whether or not I'm included in any capacity. I'll cherish all of the memories.
The bad and the good. All of them.
I hope to be a part of your life in the future, at least as being friends. But I have had the feeling that I've just been in the way of your healing. Kinda hard to heal when you see someone you care about hurting. But I'll be okay, I know I will. I'll just miss coming home and talking with you about our days. I'll miss Piper and her antics. I'll miss mops and her sassyness. I'll miss you.
Everything will be okay and I hope that we can look back on everything we've been through fondly, at least the good parts. I hope some of this helps you in some way, I'm sorry if it hurts to read this. But I needed to say it. Keep fighting for your happiness, keep fighting for yourself, even if you think it's not worth it.
Don't give up and keep fighting. I know you'll get there. I'll always be on your side and be here for you. I hope you know that. I really do.
This is definitely going to be long but we'll be done soon. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of happiness, you are strong. I know you'll find the happiness you are seeking. I hope I can share some of that with you.
You can do whatever you would like with this note, keep it for a rainy day when you need some kind words, burn it or even throw it away. Just know that I wanted to tell you all these things but I'm a bit of a coward.
Thank you for everything. I love you and always will.
0 notes
yonkimint · 2 years
Note
Okay this is probably gonna be long so sorry in advance 😅
ive been rereading the story before the update in a few hours just to collect my thoughts and be ready to add to them with the update
Okay so, like i said, im not really mad at tae cos theres no reason for anybody to react or respond to anything that hasnt been explicitly said to them with words. i stand by that, theres no reason for him to say anything to our y/n as of yet
HOWEVER!! The reread did remind me that things are in fact being said. Kinda. In the gcs the other guys are saying things that anybody with a brain would ask their friends about. Like after the art show somebody says, 'yea yea JUST besties' to y/n about her relationship with tae. That absolutely is something he should be asking his friends about. Me personally id probably ask right there in the gc but since its probably been like that for a while i can see how hed ask them in person or in their y/n-less gc. Either way ijs i realise that he does have something that he absolutely should be questioning and reacting to. i still dont think hes treating y/n like his gf tho but that could just be a me and how i opperate problem lol
YOONGI AND HOBI THO
Man listen. i feel yoongles on this like. i really really do. Cos on the one hand, yea absolutely you gotta let ppl make their own choices about shit. Its just straight up disrespectful not to. So deciding by yourself that you arent good for somebody is....well its not a great look lol
That said tho. He knows what hobi wants to do and he knows himself well enough to know that he might not be able to accommodate it and that he might hate it even if he can. Thats mature, honest and exactly the kind of awareness we should all be tryna level up to. What he said about how hobi would likely not do all the things he wants to cos hes prioritising their relationship is also a big deal too tho. Like again, dont just assume you know what somebody else is gonna do but also if your relationship is already like this you probably have a good idea about what theyre like. And like okay. That is absolutely a decision that hobi should be allowed to make on his own but the thing is that the results of that decision arent just gonna effect him. If he changes his whole life and all his plans around yoongi and then hates it yoongi also has to deal with that. And its not like yoongi wouldnt also be making changes either. If they alter their goals and dreams this early in being allowed to have them for each other and then it turns out miserable....that. thats the kinda lesson better learnt later in life imo. Especially with dancing (ex dancer here hey hi hello)
My point is that yoongis also protecting himself here and Thats 10000% valid and reasonable. Like ppl are 100% allowed to change their minds about goals and shit but i absolutely never wanna be the reason they do so i fully feel yoongis pain on this
Okay its 22.24 est so i think im done talking till your next attack in a few hours lol
i hope youre having an excellent weekend and youre not stressing too much about your classes. Also that youre eating, hydrating and resting as well as you can byeeeeeee 💜
OMG thank you for sending this because I actually forgot to queue up the next part!!!!!!! I would have had a lot of stressed out people in my asks come post time! 😅
Also I LOVE this commentary! Tae really should be picking up context clues and I don't know how long we can lean into the whole "he's clueless" excuse. So either he's afraid to ask y/n or the boys about it or he already knows and doesn't want to address it.
AND HOBI AND YOONGI
Yoongi is in a lot of turmoil about the situation obviously but I wish he could just live in the here and now and live without regrets. Because he absolutely will regret it if he doesn't see where things go with Hobi. That's definitely something we're going to address in later on so hold on to those thoughts!
Only one more week of classes and then I'm free from school until the end of August! I hope that you are doing well too and staying happy and healthy!!! 💜💜💜
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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years
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TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part One (Harry Styles)
a/n: oh my god i am sooo thankful for the love the masterlist got with just so little info about the story! it means so much to me and i really hope i won’t disappoint you with this story! i was planning to post the first part on tuesday but i got excited bc of all the feedback and reactions and decided to start earlier, so here it is, part one of TLABL, a story im kind of proud of and very happy to share! please drop by my ask box or leave your thoughts on the story, i would love to hear everything from you guys!
pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader
warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce
word count: 11.2k
SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist
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“I hope you realize this holds nothing against you, we all love and appreciate you and your work, but we had to face some unexpected problems this past year.”
You sit in front of Claire, your boss completely dumbfounded, not even comprehending what she is saying completely. You came to work this morning absolutely oblivious that today is going to be your last day of work at the daycare you’ve been working at for over two years now.
“I’m sorry, but last time you let us in on the budget you didn’t bring up any complication that might have indicated someone could lose their job, so what possible problem could have come up so abruptly?” you ask with a shocked and nervous chuckle. Part of you kind of hopes this is just some stupid joke she is playing on you, but Claire is not one to make games out of such serious things. Letting out a tired sigh she pushes her reading glasses up to the top of her head into her carefully curled hair.
“Look, I’m really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but we had to make some cuts on the budget. The kitchen and gymnasium renovation was completely unplanned and it kicked us in the butt. We are making some changes about the groups this year and it was made that it can be solved with one less person on the team. I’m sorry it had to be you, but the decision had to be made.”
“But why me?” you press. “There are two people who have been working for a shorter period of time here, didn’t I earn your trust during my time here?”
“It’s not about that, Y/N,” Claire shakes her head.
“Then what is this about?”
“If you are so keen on knowing, we’ve… received a few… complaints.” Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, this is the first time you’re hearing about it.
“Complaints?”
“Yes. Some parents are not quite the fan of the kind of mentality you are using while teaching the kids.”
“What are you talking about?” you ask, feeling all the blood rushing out of your face. This is starting to get way too nasty. Claire pinches the bridge of her nose before leaning onto her desk, clasping her hands together.
“I know that you are quite the free spirit and want to teach the kids about openness and acceptance, but not everyone is as rainbow as you are. Some kids brought the word home about what kind of books you’ve been reading and we’ve gotten a few concerns about you basically promoting the LGBTQ community for the kids.”
“I’m not promoting, I’m trying to teach them to accept everyone just the way they are, how can that upset anyone?!”
“Well, it does. The committee had to make a decision on who we should let go and many agreed that it might be the safest decision to make it be… you.”
You’re about to faint. You are sure you are about to fall off this chair and just black out. How can someone get mad about you reading stories about acceptance and treating everyone equally? What kind of monster can see it as a bad thing? And now you are losing your job over such a stupid thing that you don’t even feel responsible for.
Though you’d love to stay and try to convince Claire to not let you go, you know the decision has been made and if you’re being honest, you don’t feel comfortable anymore working at a place where parents tell you off for teaching important values for their kids. Sadly, but you sign all paperwork about your immediate parting and you leave Claire’s office to pack your stuff.
“Miss Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Izzy, one of the sweetest girls in your group basically launches herself at you, smashing against your legs as she hugs you happily. “Do you want to see what I just painted?” She blinks up at you with her gorgeous green eyes and your heart breaks that you won’t get to see her again.
“Oh, Sweetie. I have to—you know what? Sure. Show me your painting,” you smile at her warmly. You can’t say no to her, not when this is the last time you get to see her.
As you’re cleaning out your locker in the break room, Heather walks in and stops in her tracks, seeing you with your gloomy face as you pack everything into a cardboard box.
“What the hell are you doing?” she questions right away. The two of you have known each other for years now, you did the same master’s programme and somehow ended up working here together, carrying on the friendship you’ve formed through your school years.
“I was… fired,” you sigh, wincing at the words.
“What?! Why?”
“Apparently, we are having some budget problems with all the renovations that was made recently and unbeknownst to me, some parents have been complaining about my openness with kids so I was the lucky one to part ways with.”
“That’s fucking bullshit! The kids adore you, how can someone complain about something like that?”
“Don’t know, ask them if you ever find out who they are,” you mumble under your breath as you shut the now empty locker closed. “I’m sorry we can’t carpool anymore,” you pout at her.
“No fucks given about that, what are you gonna do now?” she asks, seemingly very bummed at the news that you won’t be working at the same place now.
“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess I’ll have to find something new if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” you mumble.
“Oh girl, I’m so sorry,” Heather sighs pulling you into a hug. “Why don’t we go out for drinks on Friday? Everything is on me!”
“Don’t act like I’m already broke, makes me feel like a loser.”
“Sorry,” she scowls. “Just want to brighten you up a little. Meet me at seven at that Mexican place, how does that sound?”
“Stuffing my face with nachos and tequila? Sounds like the best plan I could wish for.”
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You waste no time arriving home after your worst day at work. You jump right into the job ads, looking for basically anything that might help you out of this impossible situation. Sending your resume to as many places as possible, you get a few callbacks the next few days, but you only make it to one interview on Friday and that doesn’t go well either. The man who calls in for an open position at a private kindergarten turns out to be a total snob and he doesn’t find your free spirit too fitting with the profile of his institution so you get rejected at the end of the interview.
You head out to meet Heather feeling like shit. You’ve been unemployed for four days, but it’s already breaking your spirits.
“You know what? Clair is a bitch for giving in to the complaints,” Heather slams her fourth shot glass on the table with a grimace. “She should have defended you!”
“I’m sure she just didn’t want to get into any disagreement. Some of the parents donate great amounts to the school and Claire would never risk losing that money,” you sigh rolling your eyes.
“Okay, but she is being very… not inclusive,” she narrows her eyes. “Firing someone for teaching the kids openness? Bullshit.”
“I’m just sad I don’t get to see the kids anymore. They really grew close to my heart.”
“The little fuckers can be so damn cute, almost make me want to have one.” Heather sighs, downing another shot before pulling the nachos closer to her. You laugh at her vulgar reaction, she has always had quite a dirty mouth but somehow she controls herself well around the kids. “How has the job hunting been?”
“Horrible,” you growl in frustration. There are not many that offer a good paycheck and the few that does are these posh places that expect you to treat the kids like they are made out of gold which is ridiculous. That’s not how you raise a kid!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sure something will come up soon. Why don’t you look into nanny jobs, have you thought about that?”
“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, popping some chips into your mouth.
“A lot of people prefer having nannies for their little children, some even want them to move in. My brother’s ex-girlfriend was a live-in nanny for about two years and she earned a shit ton of money, because she didn’t have to pay rent and a good chunk of the food, because the parents just treated her like part of the family and bought groceries for five people instead of four.”
“I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of stuff.”
“What, earning money?” Heather scoffs.
“No, living with a stranger.”
“Most of the time the nanny gets like a separated place so it wouldn’t be that bad, but you know what’s good for you. It was just an idea,” she shrugs.
Soon enough you drop any work talk not wanting to ruin the mood. You enjoy some time away from the stress of job hunting and you’re just trying to have fun with your best friend. You start talking about nostalgic memories from college and end up looking up people you graduated with on social media, checking out what they’ve been up to in the past years.
“Alright, I’m gonna go to the restroom quickly, watch out for my drink,” you announce pushing your drink closer to Heather as you head towards the restrooms.
There’s a bit of a line so you stand behind two girls chatting about some cute guy they just met and leaning against the wall you close your eyes for a moment, feeling the drinks hitting you in the head. You’re not used to drinking, haven’t really had the time to get drunk too much lately and it’s saddening to think that now that you’re unemployed, you could black out every day, you wouldn’t have anywhere to show up in the morning.
Getting deep in your thoughts you almost don’t even notice that your phone is buzzing in your pocket. When you finally realize you pull it out of your back pocket and look down at the unknown number with a scowl. You quickly leave your spot in the line and rush out to hear something as you answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Hi, I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time, I’m Harry Styles and I’m looking to talk to Y/N Y/L/N?” you hear a thick British accent on the other end of the line.
“This is her.”
“Great. Sorry for the late call, I’m Isabelle’s father.”
“Isabelle?” you ask in confusion, the names not really clicking in your head thanks to the shots you’ve been taking.
“Isabelle Styles? Izzy?”
“Oh! Yes! Sorry, yeah. Mr. Styles, what can I help you with?” you ask, not sure why Izzy’s dad would be calling you.
“Well I just recently learned from my daughter that you’re not working at the daycare any longer?” “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately I was fired this Monday…” you awkwardly answer.
“I’m sorry about that. Izzy has been really sad about it, I wanted to ask if you’ve found a new job already?”
“Not yet, I’ve been looking but I haven’t had much luck yet,” you confess.
“In that case I have an offer to make,” he firmly continues and you perk up at his words. “I’ve been thinking about pulling Izzy out of daycare, but I didn’t want to do it until I found someone to take good care of her. You’ve been her absolute favorite and she’s been devastated since you’ve been gone. If you’re up for a job of this kind, I would like to offer you a spot as Izzy’s nanny.”
“Oh!” is all you react, completely not expecting this call.
“I know there are a lot to discuss, but if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to have a chat with you sometime this weekend? To go over the details and see if we can make it work.”
“I, uh… Um, yeah. We can meet, that sounds good. When would it be good for you?”
“How about tomorrow afternoon?”
“That can work.”
“Amazing!” he beams. “I’ll send you the address through text if that’s alright for you.”
“Yeah, of course. When should I be there?”
“Would three o’clock suit you?”
“Absolutely,” you nod, stunned at the turn of events.
“Great, thank you so much, and once again, sorry to bother you on your Friday evening. Looking forward to see you tomorrow!”
“Thank you, Mr. Styles, see you soon!”
You get back in line at the bathroom and then make your way back to the table where Heather gives you a puzzled look.
“Did you take a massive shit or something?” she jokes as you take your seat and stare back at her, still in shock.
“No, I had a very interesting call, actually.”
“With who?”
“Um, Izzy Styles’ dad just called and offered me a job as her nanny.”
Heather almost chokes on her drink, coughing at the news. You hand her a napkin as she dries her chin off from her cocktail.
“Harry Styles wants you to be the nanny of his daughter?” she gasps.
“You know Izzy’s dad?”
“Y/N, everyone knows him! He is the sexiest man to walk this planet and not to mention that he is like stupidly rich! Have you not seen him yet?”
“Not really,” you shrug. “Izzy was picked up by an old woman most of the times, I guess I never worked when her dad came for her.”
“That explains why you’re not squirming already,” she scoffs. “That man is like… crazy hot, I’m telling you. I bumped into him one morning when I guess he was dropping Izzy off, the way he said ‘Pardon me, Darling’ made my knees shake,” she tells you, faking an accent that’s nowhere near what Mr. Styles sounded like on the phone.
“Well, I guess I’ll see him for myself. I’m meeting him tomorrow to discuss details,” you shrug and Heather slams her hand on the table.
“Oh my God! You’re gonna work for Harry Fucking Styles! Get ready because your panties will be soaking wet all the time,” she laughs like a hyena.
“Heather, stop!” you shake your head laughing too.
Following Mr. Styles’ call you decide to cut the night shorter than you intended, not wanting to look absolutely wasted when you meet him. Arriving home to your small, one bedroom apartment you take a quick shower before climbing to bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. You told Heather you’re not willing to do the whole live-in nanny thing and Mr. Styles might not even want you to live with them, but now that the option is there, you realize it might not be the worst case scenario. Especially since you’re not really swimming in other job offers and you are in desperate need of anything at this point.
Despite having consumed quite some alcohol the previous night, you wake up at a reasonable hour in the morning, finding a text from Mr. Styles about the address you’d have to be going in the afternoon. You make a quick trip to the grocery store and do some chores before you start getting ready for the meeting. You opt for a simple black dress that reaches your knees and pair it with a little funkier, flower printed blazer to bring some color into the outfit.
Punching the address into the GPS you see that it’s taking you to the outer skirt of the city to the neighborhood that’s known to have some quite luxurious estates and you immediately think back to what Heather said about him being ridiculously rich. Driving down the streets in your old Volkswagen you couldn’t stand out more at a place where at least three cars park on the driveways and one of them is a Ferrari or a Porsche.
There’s a massive security gate under the address that’s your destination and it’s left open so you can pull up to the driveway easily. You park next to a fucking Tesla, finding it extremely funny to see your car next to it, but it is what it is. Walking up to the front door you ring the bell as you take a look at the house that can easily considered to be a mansion. Guessing from the outside there are at least about five bedrooms in it and you can only imagine what other luxurious units are squeezed into it.
Soon enough the front door opens and you find yourself staring back at a breathtakingly gorgeous man, wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit pants, his chocolate curls falling to his forehead as his emerald eyes fall on you, a warm smile tugging on his lips.
Shit. Heather was fucking right, you think to yourself swallowing hard.
“Miss Y/L/N, it’s so nice to see you. I’m Harry, Izzy’s dad, come on in!” he invites you inside before a short handshake.
“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Styles.”
“Please, just call me Harry. I don’t like formalities at home,” he asks you as the two of you walk further inside until you arrive to what looks like a living room, but it’s actually the size of your apartment.
“Only if you call me Y/N,” you smile at him and he nods right away.
“Miss Y/N!” you hear a small voice call out and turning around you see Izzy running down the hallway until she throws herself against your legs.
“Oh, hello Sunshine!” you hum, squatting down so you can hug her.
“I missed you!” she pouts, rubbing her eyes.
“I missed you too,” you smile at her, caressing her soft cheeks before standing up. An older lady walks in, the one you’ve seen picking up Izzy. She approaches you with a friendly smile as she extends a hand towards you.
“Hi, I’m Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” “Y/N, nice to meet you too.”
“Ruth, would you take Izzy outside while I talk to Miss—erm, Y/N here?” Harry requests. Ruth nods and taking Izzy’s hand she lures her outside to look for ladybugs in the backyard and that immediately catches her attention. The two of them leave through the sliding door, giving you and Harry privacy.
“Please, have a seat,” he gestures towards the sectional couch. “Would you like something to drink?”
“I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits in an armchair across you.
The interior of the house is quite cozy, kind of modern with a hint of vintage touches that make it less rigid, a pop of color showing at most corners so it’s not too monochrome. You quite like it.
“Y/N, I once again apologize for calling you at such an inappropriate hour, but I often work late and I wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible upon hearing the news.”
“Don’t worry about it, I understand.”
“Isabelle mentioned it to me on Thursday that the other workers told her you no longer work at the daycare so I asked around a little yesterday and was informed that they let you go earlier in the week.”
“It was quite sudden for me as well,” you chuckle lightly, feeling a little anxious to talk about it.
“I know it’s not too appropriate, but I asked why they chose you to part ways with and I have to say it’s outraging that some parents are so ignorant and wayward. I’m really sorry this had to be the reason out of everything.”
“Thank you.” It actually feels nice that he thinks the same, this whole firing was ridiculous and you were losing hope in humanity, but Harry is now very much restoring it.
“Let me walk you through what the situation is here and what I was thinking about.” You nod and listen carefully. “I’m president of a record label and it consumes most of my time, I sometimes work sixty hours a week which I know is not ideal and healthy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s not an easy situation. I thought that putting Izzy into daycare was a good idea, but it’s been getting harder to work around her schedule as a single parent with so much work on my hands. Ruth is a family friend who has been helping tremendously with Izzy, but she is not getting any younger and she would like to retire fully and spend more time with her own grandkids. So I’ve been thinking about hiring a nanny for Izzy and try to make her days work around mine while I’m able to do that. She is going to start preschool in little over a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s not easy when the schedule depends on an institution. When she told me about your firing I had the thought that you might be interested in taking the spot as her nanny. She is obsessed with you, wouldn’t stop talking about what you do every day, and I might have also looked into your professional background. I like what I’ve seen and I’m very much into the way you’ve been dealing with the kids at the daycare. Openness is really important and I want Izzy to grow up in an environment that teaches her about being equal and supportive towards each other. I would be more than happy if you’d be the one taking care of Izzy while I’m not available.”
To say the east you’re stunned at how forward and open he was about the offer and his compliment about your professional background is quite flattering. You can tell he is doing an amazing job at raising Izzy as an open and accepting human, she was always one of the nicest and sweetest kids who always made sure to include all her peers in the games you played. And it’s obvious Harry is not just being a hypocrite, his tattooed arm, painted nails and ring clad fingers are not quite what you’d traditionally imagine a man like him wear, but he does it well and clearly doesn’t give a fuck what others might think about it.
Harry continues with how much he thought you’d be earning for the job and you almost choke on your own saliva. It’s almost three times as much as you’ve been earning at the daycare and you’d be able to save a good chunk every month which is quite amazing.
“I have to ask, were you thinking about a situation where I live with you or I’d have to be coming here every day?”
“Well, essentially it would be the easiest for everyone if you moved in. I have plenty of rooms you could choose from and you’d have access to everything else as well, of course, including the home gym, the pool, the sauna and the entertainment room. But I understand if you are not willing to make that commitment. If you choose to live here you wouldn’t be charged anything, naturally.”
This actually sounds like a dream, moving into this luxury mansion from your cramped little apartment and being able to save the money you’ve been paying on rent.
“And what would be the time management? If I moved in it would easily make me fall into a habit of always working, which is not quite ideal,” you point it out.
“Of course,” he nods. “I like to take care of her morning routine so you’d have to start around nine when I leave to the office. If we can make this deal working I’d like her to start taking some extra classes during the day, moving her activities earlier in the day so her afternoons would be free. She takes piano lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, a swimming instructor comes here on Thursdays and she is taking French lessons every Tuesday and Friday. Everything takes place here, I would reschedule her activities to take place between nine and twelve. You wouldn’t have to worry about her during those times. You’d cover lunch time and then the afternoons. I try to get home between four and six and just work from home if it’s possible so I can be around her. You’d have to only help out whenever I can’t make it home in time I have urgent works that have to be done from home. We could have dinner time together and then her night time routine is my duty again. Ruth is willing to help me out on Saturdays and I spend Sundays with her strictly without any work distraction so you’d have the weekends off unless something comes up. In those cases I would check in with you beforehand and arrange it however it works best for you.”
You’re speechless for a moment. What he just shared doesn’t seem too bad, you might have to work a lot more, but being one on one with just one kid is much easier than dealing with fifteen of them at once. Not to mention that the money is still amazing compared to what you’d have to be doing.
“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s an amazing offer. Izzy is such a sweet girl, I would be more than happy to take care of her.”
Harry smiles at you warmly, clearly proud of his daughter, as he should be.
“Can I ask for some time to think about it? It would be a huge commitment.” “Of course. Take your time and let me know whatever your decision is.”
“Thank you.”
Harry offers a quick tour in the house regardless, the kitchen is massive, they have a nice dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out to the green slopes of the backyard that seems to be Izzy’s kingdom. She has a playhouse that could almost function as a real one, the pool is filled with floaties for her and she has her own playground further in the back with slides, monkey bars and a swing set. Your assumptions were almost right about the number of bedrooms. Beside Harry’s master and Izzy’s own room there’s one that’s been used by Ruth, one that’s for Harry’s mother and sister for whenever they are staying over and there are three additional rooms now serving as guest bedrooms, one of those would be turned into your room if you chose to move in. The gym seems better than the one you’ve been going whenever you felt like being a little active, the entertainment room has everything you could ever think about for a room this sort of and the sauna is already calling your name. Living and working here might actually feel like a vacation.
“Miss Y/N! Look what I found!” Izzy runs up to you when you and Harry step out to the backyard, holding her pointing finger up. A ladybug is wandering around her tiny finger, not even bothering with the amazed girl that’s inspecting it.
“Wow! How many dots do you see on it?” you ask and she knits her eyebrows together, counting the black dots.
“Five!”
“Yes, good job!” you ruffle her curls as she smiles up at you proudly. She really is an angel, you’ve grown to like her a lot and you would be lying if you said you didn’t get emotional over thinking about never seeing her again. Being able to take care of her and give her the best possible childhood would be such a dream and the chance to do that is right in front of you.
“I’ll be waiting for your call, Y/N,” Harry smiles at you walking you towards the front door.
“Harry, I don’t think you need to do that,” you speak up and see his face fall, he obviously took it the wrong way, thinking that you want to say no to his offer.
“Oh…”
“It’s not that,” you chuckle softly. “I would love to take the job. And if you’re still okay with that, I’d like to move in, it would make everything just so much easier.”
You watch as his expression changes from disappointed to hopeful as he cracks a smile nodding.
“Yeah, the offer is still there. When do you think you can start?”
“How soon do you want to pull Izzy out of daycare?”
“As soon as possible. If I have to I can go in on Monday and do all the paperwork. You could move in sometime during the week maybe?”
“I have to talk to my landlord about my lease, but I’m fine with moving in during the week,” you nod smiling and you can’t help but feel excited.
“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. I’m looking forward to working with you.”
You discuss a few more details and then you head out, thinking about how the next time you’ll be coming here, you’ll be moving in.
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“If this one doesn’t go to the donate box, I’m leaving right now.”
Heather holds up a pair of denim shorts, painted in the colors of the flag of the States. She holds it pinched between her index finger and thumb as if it was something nasty and disgusting
“You know I only bought that for that stupid frat party. I never wore that anywhere else, so you can put it into the donate box.”
“Thank God!” she groans and throws the shorts into said box.
It’s Sunday evening and your place looks like a warzone, boxes taking up the place everywhere as you’re packing your life up to officially move into the Styles mansion. You agreed with Harry to bring over a good chunk of your stuff on Monday and then settle in for real on Tuesday. He is pulling Izzy out of daycare first thing on Monday and you’d stay at home with her for the first time on Wednesday. It’s been a fast paced change, but you couldn’t care less. With the amount Harry is gonna pay you, you’ll be able to save up a good chunk every month, like you always wanted to.
As you finish putting your books away you reach the shelves that contain all your photo albums. Photography has been your passion for a long time. It started as a simple hobby sometime through your freshman year in high school, but in senior year, your photos filled the yearbook and you even did the design of it too. You’ve had a few gigs since then, some weddings and pregnancy shoots and you like to sell your photos individually as well. You wouldn’t have imagined how much a simple nature photo costs.
Flipping through the one on the top, you can’t help the bitter smile on your face as you see the photos from your brother’s 14th birthday three years ago. There are tons of family pictures with you, your brother Trevor and your parents, seemingly being all happy and joyful. Things were different back then and you didn’t see anything coming.
It’s past midnight by the time you more or less finish packing, you’ve filled three big boxes with things to donate so you have significantly less stuff to move to the Styles mansion in the morning. Heather spends the night, but leaves early in the morning since she needs to go to work. The moving van you rented out arrives a little after eleven and the two guys from the moving company helps you load it with about two thirds of your stuff. Harry is at work when you arrive and Izzy is still at the daycare, Ruth is the only one at home, she helps you out even though you tell her not to break a sweat over it.
“Let me help, makes me feel needed,” she chuckles sweetly when you try to get her to stop, but she insists on bringing in some smaller bags and boxes.
You’re still unpacking when Ruth arrives back with Izzy a little after four. You hear her little feet tapping against the floor as she runs down the hallway, bursting into your future room.
“Miss Y/N! You’re here!” she cheers, throwing herself into your arms as you sit on the floor, being the perfect level for the little girl.
“I am! How was your day, little Sunshine?”
“We finger painted and I made a painting for daddy, do you want to see it?”
“Of course!”
Izzy disappears to get her backpack from Ruth who is making her some snacks in the kitchen. She soon returns with her painting, presenting it to you proudly.
“Look! This is me and this is daddy!” she points at the two human-like figures, the only thing giving away who is who is that one of them is bigger than the other one. “And then this is mommy!” she then adds, pointing at a star in the upper corner of the painting and you freeze.
In the midst of everything, you didn’t even have the time to question why Harry is a single parent. To be honest your first guess would have been divorce, but Izzy’s painting is telling you something a lot more tragic.
“It’s beautiful,” you smile at her, trying to hide your surprise at the new information. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”
Ruth makes sure Izzy is busy while you finish up unpacking and when you’re about to be done, Harry arrives home. Approaching your room even though the door is open he knocks on the doorframe, catching your attention.
“Hello, just wanted to see how things are going. Do you need help with anything? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to help with the boxes and all…”
“Hi! Oh don’t worry about that, I had plenty of help,” you shrug smiling. “Everything is going fine, thank you.”
“Great. I did all the paperwork today, tomorrow is going to be Izzy’s last day at daycare. You’re still up to start on Wednesday, right?”
“Yeah, of course. I only have a few things left at home so I’ll be all set by tomorrow.”
“Thank you so much,” he smiles warmly. “And thank you for being so quick about everything. It means a lot to me that I can spend more time with Izzy thanks to you. I really appreciate it.”
“I should be thanking you the opportunity. I wasn’t really drowning in the job offers,” you chuckle making him smile as well. “Please let me know if you want me to change anything, I have a plan I would like to go around with Izzy’s days, but of course, your word is the most important.”
“I trust you to take good care of her during the day. The only thing I want is to have her home when I get home. Ruth couldn’t always pick her up before and I really hated to do the extra trip and pick her up from daycare instead of coming straight home to be with her.”
“Understandable. I’ll make sure to plan accordingly,” you nod smiling.
“Y/N, I want you to feel home as much as possible. This is your place just as much as it is ours now. Izzy and I go grocery shopping every Sunday, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing we do every week. We keep a list on the fridge, feel free to add whatever you need and we’ll get it.”
You can’t help the smile that stretches across your lips, because this is such a sweet thing to do, when Harry could easily afford someone to do the work for him. Yet he still uses this time to be with his daughter.
“Yeah, sure, thank you!”
“I’ll get out of your hair now. Would you like to stay for dinner?”
“Oh, no, but thank you. I still have some things to take care of before tomorrow.”
“Alright,” he nods before walking out. He leaves you thinking hard about him. You wonder what really happened to Izzy’s mom and if he is dating someone right now. A man like him is basically a dream to any woman, you doubt he is having a hard time finding a partner, but you haven’t seen any sign of another woman around the house. Guess you’ll have to wait and figure it out yourself.
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The apartment is awfully empty on your last night here. When you moved in about a year ago you didn’t think you’d be moving into a mansion from here. You spend the evening cleaning out a bit so you leave the place in good condition. Your landlord was terribly nice about your early leave, you could easily agree that you’d pay for the two more weeks that’s left from the month and that would be all, no extra costs for moving out before your lease was up.
You’re cleaning off the kitchen counter when your phone starts ringing, it’s a video call from your brother.
“Hey there! What’s up?” you ask, propping up the phone on top of the microwave while you move around, doing your thing. Trevor seems to be lying in bed, a black hoodie covering his upper body.
“Hello, just wanted to see how the moving has gone today.”
Despite the ten year age gap between you and Trevor, your relationship couldn’t be better. Probably because you were old enough to see what a blessing a sibling really is when he was born.
“Everything went smoothly. I only have a few stuff to bring over, that can fit into my car tomorrow, so it’s fine.”
“Cool. How is the dude? What was his name again?”
“Harry. Harry Styles.” You see him pull his laptop to his lap and probably searches up Harry’s name before his eyes widen at the screen.
“This dude is big! He is the president of HES Records, they run some of the most popular singers these days.”
“Yeah? I was sure he is a big name judging from his mansion,” you chuckle.
“Have you looked him up yet?”
“Not really.” “Want me to read what’s here about him?”
“Sure,” you hum, continuing to clean while you listen to Trevor.
“Alright. Apparently he is thirty-one, took over the record company when he was just twenty-five because his father wanted to retire early. The number of talents working under the label has doubled since he has taken over and many of his clients have won Grammy Awards. Impressive,” he hums, scrolling down on whatever site he has just found. “He is known to be a private person, the last time he made an appearance… Oh shit…” Trevor breathes out and you turn to your phone with furrowed eyebrows.
“What?”
“Wow, this shit is heavy. It says the last time he made a public appearance was in 2017, not long before his wife was killed in a car accident.”
You freeze, feeling your stomach drop to the floor, immediately thinking back at Izzy’s painting of her family. It very much makes sense why she said the star was her mother, it must be the way Harry explained to her what happened to her mother.
“It happened in 2018, she wasn’t in the fault, a drunk driver ignored the red light and ran into her car at a crossroad. This is terrible, oh God.”
“Poor Izzy, she probably doesn’t even know what really happened.”
“Must have been hard on him, there’s not much about him since then.”
“Can’t blame him for not wanting to be in the spotlight after losing his wife.”
“Yeah.”
Trevor shows you a few pictures of him from years ago, he has always been handsome, but your favorites are the few from the times when he had long hair. He looked so different, like a whole other person, but still, he rocked it perfectly.
Then you show Trevor around in the empty apartment before loving to the couch, turning all your attention to him.
“How have things been?” you ask with a sigh. Trevor purses his lips and shrugs.
“Other than the constant screaming matches on the phone and endless fights every time dad comes over for more of his stuff? Everything is rainbows and butterflies.”
“Is it really that bad?” you scowl.
“It’s like they never run out of stuff to throw at each other, but I feel like this much couldn’t happen even in their twenty-eight years together,” he scoffs making you chuckle.
“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of all that.”
“It’s like payback,” he hums and you give him a puzzled look. “You had it bad growing up for being the surprise baby, making them teen parents. Then I came at a reasonable time, they already knew the drill, but now that you’re out of the house I’m getting all the shit, having to deal with their divorce.”
“I’m really sorry, Trev,” you sigh, feeling guilty that he is all alone at home.
“It’s fine, I don’t blame you,” he shrugs. “But you could make it better if you asked your millionaire boss if I could hang out at his house sometimes.” He grins at you slyly and you roll your eyes. Of course he is already thinking about using you for his own good!
“I don’t want to push the boundaries just yet, but I’ll see what I can do.”
You talk a little more about school and what he’s been up to with his friends before ending the call. You take a shower and go to bed right away, feeling extremely worn out from all the packing you’ve done through the day.
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The next day you pack the remainder of your stuff into your car and then your landlord comes over to do a checkup, though he fully trusts you took good care of the place.
“Again, thank you for your understanding, I didn’t plan to leave so early, but it just kinda came up,” you tell him, handing him over your keys.
“Don’t worry about it. I hope your new place will treat you right,” he smiles kindly at you.
You chat a little longer before you leave and head over to your new home. Once again, Ruth is the only one home and being the angel that she is, she helps you to carry your stuff up from the car before leaving to get Izzy from daycare. Since there’s not much left to unpack you finish quite fast, leaving you some extra time alone in the house. Walking around you try to learn your way around, still finding it a bit of a maze. You find Harry’s home office’s door open and after a bit of hesitation you step inside, just taking a look around. Yeah, it’s kind of a nosy thing to do, but you couldn’t help yourself.
His space is quite clear, he keeps his stuff neatly organized. Certificates and plaques are hung up on the wall, showing off his many successes in the business. There’s a huge bookcase near his desk and there you see some family photos… ones that include his late wife as well.
She was beautiful. There’s a picture of the three of them in the hospital from the day Izzy was born, Harry has an arm around his wife’s shoulders who is holding baby Izzy, both of them radiating happiness as they just become parents. Your heart breaks when you see the photo next to it, it’s just Harry and her in Paris, the Eiffel tower standing tall behind them as they are grinning widely at each other, foreheads touching. Harry has his arms wrapped around her slim figure while she is hugging his neck. They look so happy and in love, like they were always meant to be with each other. Knowing what tragedy hit them is just hard to process even for you, who never even met the woman.
You hear the front door open and Izzy is laughing at something, so you rush out before anyone could catch you snooping around.
“Hi Miss Y/N!” she chirps upon seeing you when you meet them in the living room.
“Izzy, you don’t have to call me Miss Y/N, Y/N is perfectly fine,” you smile at her, caressing her rosy cheeks.
“Okay. Ruth, can I please have some ice-cream?”
“I’m afraid we ran out of ice-cream, but I’ll put it on your grocery list,” Ruth tells her, a pout tugging on Izzy’s lips.
“How about this: I’m gonna make a delicious smoothie, that’s almost like melted ice-cream, would you like some?” you offer and her eyes brighten up immediately, nodding right away.
While Ruth puts away Izzy’s things they brought home from daycare, while the two of you move to the kitchen to make the smoothie together. You find some frozen berries in the freezer and pair them with bananas, putting them all into the blender with oatmilk, blending it all together.
“How is it?” you ask Izzy, who is sitting on top of the counter, tasting the pink smoothie that leaves a cute little mustache above her cherry lips.
“I like it!” she smiles, scrunching her nose.
“We can make it some other time then,” you smile, drinking up your portion.
Izzy is dancing around the kitchen, babbling about her last day at daycare while you clean the glasses and the blender when Harry arrives. He is wearing a baby blue suit with a crispy dress shirt underneath, looking fashionable but still business appropriate at the same time.
“Daddy!” Izzy launches towards her daddy, who catches her, throwing her into the air before holding her in his arms, joining you in the kitchen.
“Hey baby. How was your day?”
“Good, all my friends hugged me but I told them we would meet in the park.”
“That’s right, and I have the number of all your friends’ parents, we can have playdates with them whenever you want to,” he smiles before his eyes meet yours. “Hi Y/N, everything went well with the rest of your moving?”
“Yeah, I’m all set,” you smile back at him.
“That’s great. I have a few calls to make, but I’ll be done in thirty probably. Would you mind looking out for Izzy in the meanwhile?”
“Of course. She promised me to take me around her room, so we could do that, what do you say?” you ask the little girl who nods in excitement.
Harry disappears in his office and Izzy pulls you to her room, showing you just about every toy she owns. Her room is a typical girl’s room, the walls are painted a light pink color, her bedframe resembles a castle and she has a dollhouse as big as your previous bathroom. Harry clearly spoils her rotten, but what you noticed is that she is not one of those annoying bratty only children who can’t take no. She was clearly taught how to behave and always listen to the adults.
While Izzy is putting her stuffed animals away after introducing you to all of them, you spot a photo frame near her bed, decorated with macaroni. You remember when you all did that together at daycare and now you get to see the photo that ended up behind the glass.
It’s a photo of Izzy and her mother, she was just a baby and doing quick math in your head you realize it must have been not long before her accident, might even be the last picture taken of the two of them. Her mom is smiling at the camera while Izzy is sleeping in her arms peacefully. Izzy looked a lot like her when she was a baby, the bridge of her nose and her lips resembled her mother’s, though now she appears to take more after her dad with her chocolate curls and piercing green eyes.
“That’s my mommy,” she tells you when she sees you looking at the photo.
“It’s a nice picture,” you smile at her, trying your best to hide how heartbroken you feel even just looking at the photo.
“Daddy said she had to go up to the sky, but she is watching me from there,” she explains, clearly not entirely sure what it means, but you can tell she misses her. “Daddy said she is living between the stars now and that she loves me very much.” You need to fight your tears back at her words.
“I’m sure of that too,” you breathe out smiling at her.
“Izzy, do you want to help me make dinner?” Harry walks in smiling, though it disappears for a moment when he sees the two of you looking at the photo of his wife, but he is quick to control himself.
“Yes! What are we making?” she runs over to him, jumping up and down.
“Uh, chicken and veggies.”
You step away from the photo, pretending like nothing just happened. You’re dying to discuss it with Harry, hear him talk about it, but you won’t push him. If he wants to share it, he’ll come to you.
“Alright, come on then,” he smiles down at her. “Thank you for watching her, I’ll take over from here. Food will be ready in about an hour, Ruth is staying with us as well,” he informs you.
“Great, I’ll… I’ll be in my room,” you nod.
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The first two weeks on the job brush past smoothly. It takes you some time to get used to your new home, but taking care of Izzy doesn’t feel like work, so you’re feeling amazing in your new job. You easily fall into a schedule with her.
The mornings are always Harry’s duty. He wakes her up around seven-thirty, makes her breakfast and dresses her for the day before he leaves around nine. Thanks to this habit of his, you’re able to sleep in until eight, leaving you plenty of time to get ready for your day with Izzy before Harry has to leave. Depending on the weather, the two of you then either take over the back yard or move to her room for some play time before her class of the day starts in the noon. Piano with Rosaline on Mondays and Wednesdays, French lesson with Lyon on Tuesdays and Fridays and then Izzy’s favorite on Thursdays, swimming class with Kitty.
Izzy loves to help in the kitchen so you usually make lunch together. Once her tummy is full she takes a nap before you sit down to learn something new every day. You’ve been teaching her the numbers and the alphabet, or some days you just talk about anything that interests her and learn at least two things she hasn’t know yet, all through games so she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing. You’re usually done by around three, leaving you time to take a visit to the park, if Harry is not planning to take her himself later that day.
You’re strictly home by four, unless it’s Tuesday when she has her dance class until five. Those days you drive her to her class, run some quick errands and pick her up. Harry usually uses his extra time in the office on these days, but he is always home by six to have dinner together with his daughter.
Once Harry is home you’re off duty, though you like to stay close, not just in case something comes up for Harry, but because you genuinely like spending time with Izzy and Harry, seeing them interacting.
Harry sometimes has to work on Saturdays as well, but just as he promised Ruth is always here to take over duty on those days, leaving you free for the whole weekend. It’s been working perfectly for you and those very few concerns you had about moving in dissolve quite fast as soon as you start working.
Though it’s been pretty clear to you before, you now one hundred percent sure that Harry is living for his daughter. She is always a priority, he doesn’t hesitate to decline any work calls he gets in the evenings if Izzy needs him, if she is a little fussy and wants her daddy’s attention or when they are in the middle of a game. He is clearly trying to keep a balance between his work and role as a father and from what you’ve seen, it seems like he is doing an amazing job in that. However you haven’t learned much else about him. He is all friendly towards you, but makes sure to keep it business casual, not quite keen on getting to know each other better as just friends, maybe.
A Friday afternoon you’re having a little tea party in the backyard with Izzy when Harry arrives home, but this time, he is not alone. Through the sliding door you spot him with a blonde guy who is talking very articulately as Harry is typing on his phone. The man looks about Harry’s age, but you can’t tell if he is a friend or a business partner, but if Harry brought him home, he is more likely to be a friend of his.
“Uncle Niall!” Izzy gasps when he spots the man through the glass and abandoning the tea party, she starts running towards the door. The man spots her and slides the door open grinning widely before she jumps into his arms.
“Little bugger! How are ya?” the man laughs, holding Izzy in a tight hug before leaning back to take a good look at her. You notice his thick Irish accent and it suits his appearance quite well. You head inside as well, in case Harry needs Izzy busy for a little longer, though he doesn’t mind having her around, kissing the top of her head before finishing up whatever he was doing on his phone, watching Niall and Izzy smiling.
“I’m having a tea party with Y/N, wanna join?” Izzy invites the man, who then looks at you for the first time, smiling widely.
“Hi, I’m Y/N, Izzy’s new nanny,” you introduce yourself, holding out a hand that he shakes, keeping Izzy in his other arm without a problem.
“Nice to meet ya, I’m Niall.”
“Y/N, Niall is an old friend of mine. He is joining us for dinner, hope you don’t mind,” Harry informs you and you find it funny how he is kind of asking for your approval when it’s his house.
“Not at all.”
“Harry has told me he hired a pair of new hands to help, but he didn’t mention it’s a stunning young woman!” Niall beams, making you blush right away.
“Ni, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to pick up my daughter’s new nanny,” Harry warns him lightly, though there’s some firmness in his tone, not that it scares Niall in any way, he even winks at you.
“Oh come on, you can’t expect me not to flirt when you surround yourself with so many pretty women! First Ruth and now Y/N!”
You smile at him, something is telling you he wasn’t joking and he tried to flirt with Ruth as well. Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, taking Izzy from him.
“Keep it in your pants, Niall,” Harry tells him and though it’s nothing vulgar, it catches Izzy’s attention.
“What should he keep in his pants?” she questions, making your and Harry’s eyes grow big right away. Luckily, Niall keeps his cool and takes care of the situation.
“My attitude, Sweetie. Your daddy is just jealous because I’m more handsome than he is,” he smirks at the little girl, successfully avoiding an awkward conversation about what it is that Niall should keep in his pants.
You smile at his reply, even though you are not that sure about the comparison he just made between himself and Harry.
“Izzy, do you want to continue the tea party?” you ask her and even though just a minute ago she was inviting Niall to join her, now she shakes her head no. “Alright, I’ll pack it up then.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it, right Izzy? She brought it all out, she is going to be the one packing it up,” Harry reminds her and she nods.
The two of them move outside to put her little tea set back into the basket she keeps it in, leaving you and Niall alone.
“So Y/N, how did you end up here?”
“I was working at Izzy’s daycare, but they sent me away not long ago. Then Harry contacted me and offered the job which was a lifesaver, truly.”
“That’s great! Well, not that you got fired, but that you ended up here. I know it means a lot for Harry that he can spend more time with Izzy, you’re making everything a lot easier for him.” Niall walks over into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself as he leans against the counter. “I can see that he is a lot more relaxed now already.”
“Really?” you ask, surprised.
“Yeah. I know he always used to stress about picking Izzy up, or forgetting something the daycare asked for. Now he can make it all work just how he wants to, that fits him a lot more. It hasn’t been easy on him since Maggie’s death.”
This is the first time you hear anyone talk about Harry’s wife and now you just learned her name. Maggie.
“Being a single parents is never easy,” you add with a soft smile, not wanting to interrogate Niall about Maggie. It’s Harry’s place to tell you about her, if he wants to, of course.
Soon enough Izzy and Harry take over the kitchen, Niall helping them this time and you leave them alone, taking some time for yourself in your room. Later you go out to check if there’s anything you could help with, Harry asks you to set the table as he finishes up the cooking.
“So, Y/N. Tell me a little bit about yourself!” Niall asks you over dinner.
“Um, what do you want to know?” you ask, feeling a little flustered to be in the spotlight.
“I don’t know, family, friends, hobbies?”
“Well, I have a younger brother, Trevor. He is seventeen and already taller than me.”
“Oh, that seems like a big age gap.”
“Ten years, to be exact,” you nod. “He was planned, I wasn’t,” you add with a soft chuckle. “But we have a great relationship, so it’s all good. We talk almost every day.”
“I’m sure you’ll get well along with Gemma then!” Niall beams, glancing at Harry.
“Gemma is my sister,” Harry explains. “Though she is not that much older than me.”
“But you can bond over being stuck with a younger brother who outgrew you,” Niall jokes making all three of you laugh.
All through dinner you realize how different Niall is from Harry, but in a good way. While Harry is more quiet and calm, Niall is kind of all over the place, buzzing and chatting every chance he got, but the two of them make a great pair, bringing what the other doesn’t have to the table.
After dinner you attempt to leave them again, but Niall makes you stay as they open a glass of wine. Harry puts on a movie for Izzy to keep her busy, giving the three of you a chance to sit out at the terrace from where you still can keep an eye on the little girl inside.
“Alright, Y/N. When are we going on our first date then?” Niall asks out of the blue, a cocky smile tugging on his lips.
“Niall, for fuck’s sake,” Harry breathes out as you let out an awkward chuckle.
“What? I think there’s some electricity going on between us.”
“I, uhh—I don’t…”
“Please don’t turn me down!” he sighs dramatically, making you smile.
“You’ve been great company, but I’m not sure we should go out,” you tell him. He huffs in disappointment, but it’s clear he didn’t take it to his heart.
“Is it because you’re taken? I didn’t even ask, are you dating anyone? You can’t be engaged, because I don’t see any rings,” he points out, nodding towards your naked fingers, however his words make you suck on your breath.
“I’m not engaged. Not anymore,” you admit and you watch their eyes go wide at the information.
“Wait, you’ve been engaged before?” Harry asks, clearly surprised, if not shocked.
“Yeah. For about four months,” you nod, running your tongue over your lips as you reach for your wine, taking a few large gulps.
“And what did the fucker do?” Niall bluntly questions, earning a look from Harry. “What? I’m just curious what twat it takes to lose a woman like her!”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about that,” Harry presses, but you shrug.
“It’s not a secret. We dated for about two years before he proposed. I said yes, started planning the wedding and everything, then found out that he had been cheating on me with his assistant for about a year. We broke up, simple as that. It’s in the past, happened a year ago.”
“That’s some next level asshole bullshit,” Niall shakes his head while Harry is just staring at you with an unreadable look before he turns his attention at his glass, still clearly deep in his thoughts and you wonder what he thinks of you now. Here is the loser who not only got cheated on, but lost her job, all of that just in one year.
Harry doesn’t react, and a moment later Izzy comes out because she is thirsty, so daddy duties call him away. Niall stays a little, but heads home soon as well.
“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. The date still stands though,” he smirks when he pulls back from the short hug he enveloped you in.
“Alright,” you chuckle, slowly getting used to his flirty act.
You was the wine glasses and head back to your room while Harry walks Niall out and then takes Izzy upstairs to give her a bath. You don’t cross paths until later when you leave your room, already in your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt to grab some water for yourself and he walks out of Izzy’s room just then, probably done with putting her to sleep.
“I’m sorry if Niall made you uncomfortable, he didn’t mean to be rude or anything,” he apologizes as the two of you walk together.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you chuckle softly. “It was kind of a boost to my ego, if I’m being honest.”
Harry huffs with a smile and stops at the kitchen island, his fingers tapping on his lips as you grab yourself a bottled water.
“I’m… I’m sorry about… about what you told us earlier.”
Closing the fridge you look at him, seeing that he is kind of hesitant, like he is not sure he should have spoken up, but you appreciate the thought.
“It’s alright. Just water under the bridge,” you shrug.
“I just feel bad you had to go through that.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” you chuckle softly. “It sucked, yeah. I really thought I would live happily ever after with Keith, but instead I got a lesson.”
“A lesson?”
“When we broke up I was obviously on the floor, both literal and theoretical way. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong and that’s why he did what he did. I even thought that I’m not worthy of being loved and being in love again. Took me time to realize that no matter what happened, I still deserve to be happy and to find someone to love and who can love me back.”
It appears that your words touch him deep, staring back at you, he just nods shortly, not replying to anything you just said. You’re not sure he is so silent because he doesn’t really understand what you just talked about or if it hit too close to home. Whatever it is, he keeps it to himself.
“Good night, Harry,” you smile at him before walking out of the kitchen and up into your room.
You’re lying in bed already when you hear him open his room’s door and then close it and suddenly he is all you can think about. The way his eyes sometimes pierce down on you, the way he taps his fingers against his lips when he is thinking hard or the proud smile that always plasters across his face whenever he is watching Izzy do basically anything. But you do see some pain in those beautiful green eyes of his and your desire to take just the smallest fracture of it away grows, even though he is not showing any sign that he is willing to share it with you.
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The next morning, despite having the day off, you wake up quite early. You toss and turn, try to fall back asleep a little longer, but you just can’t. It’s a nice, warm morning and you decide to take advantage of the little balcony attached to your room. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy robe you grab the book you started reading a few days ago and sit out, enjoying the morning Sun that’s shining right at you on the balcony.
You don’t even realize for a while that you’re not the only early riser. When your eyes wander down to the big oak tree that’s near Izzy’s playground, you spot Harry doing what appears to be yoga on a green mattress, wearing nothing else, just a pair of black shorts. No shirt.
For a moment you think about going inside, feeling like you’re invading his privacy in a way, but you have the right to enjoy the morning Sun on your balcony, it’s not your fault he decided to have yoga at the exact same time. And it’s just hard not to look at his shirtless body stretching in all directions, twisting and turning as he goes through the motions, his tattooed body on full display.
It’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on him for the first time that Harry is probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever met and that includes all your exes. Paired with his kind of mysterious charisma and the way he takes care of his daughter, he is the whole package, but you have been busy with Izzy to dwell too long on how attractive he really is. But right now, you are not working and he is very much shirtless in the backyard, teasing you with thoughts you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about when it comes to your boss.
A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you let yourself watch him just for a few more minutes before heading back inside, not wanting to get busted for being a stalker and also not wanting to see him in more positions and have even more unholy thoughts about him.
But what you don’t know is that just as you step inside, Harry catches your figure disappearing in your room, knowing well you saw him too.
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weebsinstash · 2 years
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What if reader ever decides to break up with yandere Valentino? Oh, the madness
I mean... we already know how he reacts when he's told 'no'
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But god... I wanna write it so bad 👁👁 I wanna write Reader rejecting his ass SO BAD. I wanna write Reader straight-up DISAPPEARING on him. He would be FURIOUS.
I think the only way to really get away from him, if even temporarily, is to catch him by surprise or while he's preoccupied with something else. Like if he's drunk when he's being mean to you and he's got himself surrounded by his posse, you could potentially slip away while he's got his tongue down a dancer's throat. By the time he's turning around with a "sugar, bring me another drink" you're already halfway across town checking out that weird redemption hotel you saw on tv just so you have another place to say (and you KNOW Charlie isn't going to turn you away once she hears your story how you're desperate to escape your gross sexually harassing dickhead of an Overlord boss)
But gosh... im gonna be honest and say I've only thought about Reader running away when Val only has his eye on you. Running away when the two of you are in a sort-of-relationship? OOF. You're going to get it. Remember when he briefly broke up with Vox and had A Dramatic Episode where he 1. Bought a new pet 2. Killed that new pet 3. Treated himself at the salon and 4. Posted everything to social media for attention. I imagine this time around, he would have that sort of same insane manic self soothing reaction, but wouldn't be as public about it since you're not an Overlord like Vox and someone might hurt you.
I can just picture him going to your room because you aren't answering your phone and everything is gone (except the things HE bought for you) and he just starts. Smashing and breaking shit. Apparently it's a canon thing that he has a cane and has broken it over people's heads. I can see someone making the unfortunate mistake of having to deliver some sort of bad news while he's Absolutely Raging, say that now ANGEL has snuck off as well (maybe to find you and bring you back before Val goes SUPER INSANE), and Val just starts taking his anger out on people, hitting, throwing things, raving at the top of his lungs. You know doing tons of drugs can make you super emotionally unstable with a terrible temper, right?
Reader gets dragged back by either Val's goons or convinced by Angel's "come back before he gets any more angry and really hurts you" and Val is just, obviously so fucking mad. Reader gets brought up to him and he pretends like he doesn't care, sitting there with his legs crossed and taking a file to his claws with an "oh, YN, was wondering where you've been, welcome back uwu" as if half the studio isn't in ruins and Vox has new cracks in his face and some of the staff at the salon may have gotten shot and there's a receipt of designer clothes and self soothing gifts wadded up in his coat pocket BUT no dont get it twisted obviously he never noticed you were even gone uwu he's so powerful and cool, remember? He totally didn't flip out like a teenage girl and trash his own room and tear up photos of you and maybe just maybe be tempted to cry a little bit because he's obviously actually massively insecure and you're rubbing broken glass in the wound
But then I start thinking, how would he punish you? Would he just straight up beat you (which is. Probably the most canon answer)? I'm a fan of him putting you in something that restrains your movement, like either chaining your wrists above your head or putting you bent over in a stock, before he takes a crop and or a good paddle and starts busting your ass, something that HURTS but won't kill you or leave any permanant marks, and then when you're done sobbing and you're left with just embarrassed sniffles of pain, he'll take your face in his hands and say "now, you aren't going to make me do that again, are you?"
I think it'd be a pretty effective warning not to piss him off again 😳 at least he'll give you a chance to make it up to him when he takes you out later ❤ what? It's over? You two broke up? No you didn't. It's not over until he says it's over :)
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