#im fucking starving over here
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If you're craving some butch mlm story, may I recommend the following books:
Gentle Warriors by Geoff Mains. A story about a group of gay leather men in AIDS-stricken San Francisco and their plan to assassinate the president. (Warning that it has a sad ending, but gods it's still beautiful)
Sorcerer of the Wildeeps by Kai Ashante Wilson. Since leaving his homeland, the earthbound demigod Demane has been labeled a sorcerer. With his ancestors' artifacts in hand, the Sorcerer follows the Captain, a beautiful man with song for a voice and hair that drinks the sunlight. The two of them are the descendants of the gods who abandoned the Earth for Heaven, and they will need all the gifts those divine ancestors left to them to keep their caravan brothers alive. (This is the first in a series, and I still haven't read the second one, to my great chagrin)
The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. Domestic fantasy about a man who gets sent to audit a foster home for magical children. It's a very gentle story, and I really loved the fact that both the main characters are in their 30s. I'm not personally a huge fan of Klune's prose, but I'd still recommend it!
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i have to ask because i adore you and i want to know about your new blorbos- who are they and what are they and why are they always soaked in blood
JDHSJFHJFDDJFFSDFDF, oh man where do i start cassie.
they're from the anime/manga jujutsu kaisen, and they are:
gojo satoru. love of my fucking life. my fucking everything my boy my man, i am so so in LOVE with this man i cant even begin to tell u. he consumes my every waking thought, my life is dedicated to seeing him get fucked. (he's the guy in my header humping his all into the other's arm)
and (ryoumen) sukuna. beautiful sexy evil man.
(can u tell who's my fave)
so in this world, we have jujutsu sorcerers, who are people with special powers that they use to defeat/exorcise curses, which are basically evil spirits born of negative human emotions
gojo is the strongest jujutsu sorcerer alive. he is insanely strong, not a single person can go against him. his powers make it so that u literally physically cannot touch him. he controls "infinity" and can warp space, and he also has pretty special eyes that let him perceive things at a much deeper level than a regular person. those two things combined make him quite literally untouchable. and insanely powerful.
as for sukuna, he used to be a human who lived thousands of years ago, who used to be the strongest sorcerer of his time, and is considered to be the strongest sorcerer in history. he is the King of Curses, no one could ever defeat him, or destroy his soul, which he divided into his 20 preserved fingers so it would survive through time, even after dying.
so itadori yuuji
this lil baby boy (literally the babiest sweetest boy to exist btw) (he's actually the main character haha)
due to some stuff, he ends up eating one of sukuna's mummified fingers and sukuna reincarnates inside him. yuuji becomes a vessel for sukuna, who lives inside yuuji's mind now and sometimes takes over his body (reason why they look the same)
and now, yuuji is sentenced to be executed bc he holds the most evil sorcerer in history inside him, but gojo goes nope! wait a minute, let's not do that. and manages to convince the people in charge to postpone yuuji's execution, saying that they'll get yuuji to find and eat all of sukuna's fingers and then execute him, getting rid of sukuna all in one go.
ok so that's the context (that's actually what the anime's about haha), but as to gojo and sukuna.
THEY ARE IN LOVE
well, they're there. sdkkhfkjdkfdf
ok no, so like they do their things right. gojo is a teacher (tho we never actually see him do any teaching lmao) and sukuna lives inside yuuji and causes trouble sometimes. they don't really ever interact in the story (they literally meet and have a lil confrontation, decide to kill each other and never talk again djshjfdasdadfd) (until they actually have their Fight, more on that later)
BUT!!!!!!!! they may not interact, but they are completely tied together narratively.
as u can see, they're both the strongest from their respective times, so they have a lot of links when it comes to their characters themselves and what they are referred to in the story. specifically that, in being the strongest, they exist in a plane above everyone else, literally untouchable.
now, in the story, this position of strongest is coupled with solitude, being the strongest meaning u're alone and no one else understands you bc of this
and SO they have their fight. bc plot reasons right. this is obv what it was all gonna lead to. fight of the two strongest.
and the fight, consequently, revolves around that idea of solitude, and understanding each other.
which like. ok. yeah we saw that coming. ofc. no big deal.
EXCEPT, to make reference to their relationship and that idea of understanding each other, the term that is used is, and i kid u not, love.
there's a very specific phrase that is used multiple times between them. which is actually used originally with a character who shows romantic feelings towards sukuna.
she challenges sukuna to a fight and sukuna promises to marry her if she wins. her goal in this fight is to share in sukuna's solitude and show him love (read R→L)
but she says this to sukuna and this. this is his reaction.
SUKUNA KNOWS LOVE ALREADY
to which she gets super pissed bc that's not!!! love!!!!!!!
sukuna defeats/kills her. and u know when the next time that exact fucking phrase is used? when sukuna and gojo finally meet again and set up the date to have their Fight, where sukuna remembers her words
which tells us that.
sukuna was.
thinking about gojo when she said that.
*screams into hands*
BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE. this phrase is then repeated. multiple times.
1. right after gojo punches the fuck out of sukuna:
2. said in reference to gojo, when he realizes there's a chance of him losing:
3. gojo reminiscing about their fight:
so, as u can see, they were going to teach each other love. their fight is. canonically. about teaching each other love. what the FUCK.
but ENOUGH love talk (or else i'm at risk of going crazy insane)
LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'RE LOADED WITH SEXUAL TENSION
this was in their first meeting where they fought (for quite literally 10 seconds)
like... why he do dat.... .......... . ....
next day sukuna goes "hey im gonna kill u first <3" and gojo just goes "teehee omg really? *hair twirl* <3"
they also decide to have their final battle on dec 24 which is like a super romantic date in japan (explicitly said so by another character)
and their FIGHT. it is LITERALLY just them flirting and touching each other
LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i fucking lost it. i still haven't recovered. that is the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life. gojo wants that dick so fucking bad
not to mention thigh grabs and hand touchies
and the entirety of the fight is just them having fun 😭😭 they're supposed "enemies" on opposite sides and the fate of the world is at stake here, but they actually don't give a fuck about that.
they're literally smiling and having a great fucking time. this fight for them is just play. their fight is just for them to have fun as the strongest and to connect with each other. they're enemies but they don't hate each other or anything, they only search for that sense of fulfillment in each other OTL
AND ABOUT THAT, oh my GOD
sukuna wins. he defeats gojo. and at the end, this. is what sukuna says to gojo at the end of the fight:
FUCKING. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. SCREAAAAM THAT'S ROMANCEEEEEE.
and the soft smile? the fucking petals falling all over them? oh GOD they're trying to kill me
but that's on sukuna's side, what about for gojo? well
HE GENUINELY TRIED TO REACH SUKUNA, GAVE IT HIS ALL TO CONNECT WITH HIM. TO TEACH HIM LOVE AGFKDHSKFHFKJFHDF (BUT HE FAILED HE COULDN'T GIVE SUKUNA WHAT SUKUNA GAVE HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)
HHRRRRGJFHSJDFHDSJFSDFA KJHDKFJSFKASLDKS ADKJKFHEWRKJEKRKTRELRW
and if i start crying OTL
but alas *deep breaths*
even without all that they're just very fucking sexy. two insane powerful men going at it? come on. how could u NOT want them together. they both hold the same title of the strongest, might as fucking well fuck nasty about it.
and oh god, when i tell u gojo is a fucking brat and he's so strong and untouchable, but then sukuna is capable of putting him down which is. insanely sexy. and i need it. i need gojo obliterated. and i know sukuna won't let me down (AND HE DID NOT. HE OBLITERATED THAT MAN) can he now obliterate his holes too
agdkhfhdkhdhs, anyways.... yeah.. that is the situation.........
im just gonna end this by saying
SUKUGO MY LOVES
#f.ask#jjk#sukugo#i fr laughed so much at 'why are they always soaked in blood' sajhdkashfkjasflaf bc yeah yeah they are#and it's bc the fight's the only proper interaction they've had that was longer than a few seconds jhashdksafjk 😭😭😭#they're actually not new blorbos haha. i've had them for over three years since the anime first came out and i got obsessed#then i got into other stuff as u know. but right now my obsession has reawakened :D#but yes they're my otp yeah they're a fucking rarepair#jk tho. honestly honestly they arent a rarepair. not anymore#it just feel like it here on tumblr dfksdjfkdsj 😭😔#they used to be tho. it was so bad back then that i was literally the one who had to create the ship tag ajfhjasgfajhkahf#which like..i mean yeah. bc before it was ONLY their first meeting 10 sec confrontation and that 5 sec 'ill kill u' 'im honored'#that was IT for 3 years. their actual fight is recent#and it fucking killed me bc it was SO SO SO GAY. my starved lil heart was given so MUCH#IN CONCLUSION#i just want sukuna to fuck gojo that is all thank u for coming to my ted talk sukugo my beloveds <3#i feel like ive rambled too much hdasgdisfhkjafdkjdasds SO SORRY for making u read all that 🙈🙈🙈#i hope all this makes sense#and that it makes my posts a bit more comprehensible hahaha#giving u the biggest KISS <333333#and idk if u're interested in it but if u are then i'd def def recommend jujutsu kaisen!! it's really good its super fun!!!#full of Pain and Suffering too but like. shhh. it's super cool.
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my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.
and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc
and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.
and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.
bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.
/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!
i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.
i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.
im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.
and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.
i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#mine#vent#abuse mention//#i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed#i went to get food after starving all day bc my abuser was here#and my mom stood in the kitchen doorway and glared at me for almost a full minute#and when i snapped 'what' she cursed me out. bc. u know.#i fucking snapped hearing my abuser SCREAMING for two days straight.#oh but if /i/ have a meltdown where /i/ scream and throw a ~tantrum~?#then it's 'grow the fuck up. ur so immature'.#my sister is fucking 30 years old. and has NEVER fucking honed in her anger. EVER.#but IM the immature one here. not the 30 y/o with TWO CHILDREN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO CONTROL HER ANGER#im so done.#i literally bend over backwards being everyone's goddamn therapist#& then get told im a piece of shit when i too have human emotions & reactions to TRAUMA.#im done! im done. im done.#yall want a fucking apathetic snippy selfish piece of shit i always get framed as for being fucking burnt out after being brutalized#every goddamn day & losing everything in a year? fine. im done being a therapist for fucking free & suffering in silence alone#fuck this shit
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Teehee I got hugged today 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#it was literally like 2 seconds but idk im like WOOOOO#like it wasnt long enough for me to be all satisfied touch wise nah im so starved itd take all night and day man#and also this particular person is uh. very special ahem. and it was like#i wrapped my arms around them best I could and i could just feel their hips and like their body squish under my hands#cuz theyre so squishy and sturdy at the same time it felt safe and its like. thats really scary actually#ive never ever felt safe hugging anyone this kinda thing is brand new to me#touch in general is new to me. at least consensual touch that i wanted and initiated#and i just felt really nervous cuz like i really love this person but sometimes its hard cuz like ‘guys’ dont hug each other often#or at least not in a case like this where we’re friends but theres this sorta avoidance around anything romantic#cuz we’re both very awkward and also uh. trying not to cross certain boundaries just yet we need time#but unfortunately im so aaaaa rn and touch starved and i was like im just gonna bite the bullet and ask if we can hug LIKE A DAMN GAY ASS#its like fuck i may as well propose marriage and get on all fours while im at it aaghhhhh why am i like this#but it was fine they werent weirded out or anything. not visibly anyway. and they hugged me!!!#me! of all people! im like so happy we got to hug but im also really pissed cuz it was really brief and i didnt get to memorize how they#felt and now im just like grrrrr. fucking tease why must i be so tortured i get the smallest taste and then poof its gone#i just wanna cuddle and hug them for hours and pull their hair and feel their body all over and uhhhhhhhhh#ahem. i may be getting too gay here huh. damn itttt. fuck me. how do you ask your mate if you can explore bodies#in a way that definitely isnt platonic without making things weird
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If this is what a cold does to me, im never gonna be able to live alone. I live w my dad and its basically the same thing as it stands, and I'm just. In bed all day. Nothing to eat. Nothing to drink. Cant take my meds bc of the previous point. Like. I feel like death but i guess thats just. Fine to my immediate family since none of them wanna "catch whatever i have" when. Again. Its a cold. I just am severely immuno compromised
#my dad was supposed to check on me when he got home. if hes home he didnt do that#and just went to bed#and im here like. can literally anyone irl give even half as much of a fuck#as my partner who lives on the other side of the continent does#my mother basically went well if youre just as bad off tmrw ill come over#but i guess that means its fine for me to starve today or whatever#i keep almost crying but ive got nothing to cry bc im That dehydrated
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what is it like having normal family who does not constantly guilt trip you :)
#vent#sorry ik i never actually complain on here but im just so sick and tires#tired#i do so much for them and then today they turn around and tell me im lazy#i think they thought it was a funny joke but honestly it’s just fucking rude#i cook i run errands i give them lifts and pick them up. and what do i get in return? minimal thanks and told im lazy#whatever man like yeah ill contribute to household but you could at least act a little grateful for it#feeding you and running around for you is not my responsibility i could move out and leave you to your own devices#i hate it bc they will just. not eat. if i don’t cook#whatever idc anymore go starve#like sorry i wanted one (ONE) day off. sorry that it looks like im being lazy when really im so depressed and suicidal that one bad comment-#-will push me over the edge#EDIT sorry there’s more#if it’s not being ‘lazy’ it’s the fact that ive gained weight#or that i don’t shave my legs or that i have facial hair or don’t wear makeup or do my nails#just never good enough for them
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ok but 4.4 is here so im sorry WHERE is this??????????? Hello????
#im STARVING over here i need lumidouce harbor daytime and narwhal ost fucking blasted into my skull .#RIGHT now. Right here. emerge#'during 4.4' dont you evil shits fucking DARE make it like second half takes forever type of scheme.....#genshin#rambles
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Manifesting more wxson content creators because theres only like, the one wxson fanfic writer. Writers wtfua??
#wxson#dst#Don't Starve Together#Don't Starve#are yall hoarding the wxson content?#fucking hit me up im starving over here#bless our dedicated wxson food supplies#thats you writers/artists
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back to cycling through random underplayed games in my steam library to tide me over i GUESS
#i was doing this a little to procrastinate a few weeks ago. like to an almost dysfunctional degree.#like id (try to) write all day and get a little done and just be like 'fuck it time for a break' that was not actually a break id just stop#it was like full on videogame masochism type shit i would just throw myself at the most difficult frustrating challenges bc Anything#was better than writing and smth just made me really want to put Effort into smth stupid kdjJSDKJ#i was too scared to tell anyone i was really embarrassed dfjkSD;;#was a weird time but i broke out of it and wrote my diss and thats DONE so its FINE NOW#on that note i picked up don't starve recently after sitting unplayed in my library for over 2 years#and tbh i am Fascinated but im also so so so bad at it#which was good and fine when 'i need a Struggle or my brain will shrivel and combust' was the whole deal#but now im like. if i was Any less annoyingly stubborn abt videogames i mightve stopped already but we are still here#THEN AGAIN im trying to distract myself from totk just like i was previously distracting myself from work so#still pretty good conditions for metaphorically slamming up against a brick wall over and over kjgSDKJ#im in a weird headspace rn idk how i feel abt bursting back into conversation rn im so tired and headachey but somehow#wordvomiting into tumblr tags is still fine. sdkjhg#i didnt use tumblr for so long im just making up for it you all just have to deal with me for a bit
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#'i gotta go to [redacted] around 1 then ill come over' so im not high on the totem pole?#thats not fair so thats why im posting it here instead of texting him that :)#anyway. like bro we hav LESS THAN 24 hours to see each other each week. wdym ur not gonna be here until late? fuck off#like i literally dont know what to say to that like obviously i wanna fucking see you so WHY are you coming over so fucking late??#i just dont know what to respond with. like ok fuck you im gonna do what /i/ want until you decide to fucking get here then.#fuck off im going to the winery all day then. he can go fuck himself if hes not gonna be here until like 3.#AND i was gonna buy us a late lunch so we werent starving at the winery but i guess ill go fuck myself!#talk tag#delete later#hes also gotta work sunday so like. even less time together 🙃🙃
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Love how mosquito bites give me hives🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 Hiding under a blanket rn
#the only reason im so super fucking pissed off about it is because. were about to out to eat and i have i giant#fucking patch of red all over my arm#from a single bite#two days ago i got bit 3 times on the leg and i had to wear tight socks over night to cut off the circulation a bit so my calf wouldn't be#a swollen blob. hate it here#good thing is its funny to hear a mosqito pathetically fly in circles outside of my blanket while i relax. get fucked idiot.#starve.
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IM GOING INSANE OVER TERUKANE RN GUYSS!!!!!!!!!
#two worlds apart#im listening to songs#and juliet and fool by cavetown are driving me craaaazy#they really do think that they're unlovable and have no place by their loved ones but try their best for them in hopes they'll be enough#AND THEY FIND EACH OTHER!!!!#omg and the way they hate each other is sooooo🏳️🌈🏳️🌈#ALSO FUCKING TALK TO ME BY CAVETOWN IS SO THEM LIKE I <3 IDIOTS#okay no wait they hate each other because they relate to each other too much#and because love is something you run from obviously#THEY'RE SO TOUCH STARVED TOGETHER#AND SO CUTE LIKE AHHHHHHH#the way TeruKane try to act strong but just want to be in each others arms LIKE AHHHH also gosh the pining is so top notch#THE ANGST THE FLUFF THE THE THE THE EVERYTHING!!!! THE HURT AND (sometimes) COMFORT#dont you just sit back and think about the first time the other saw one of them cry? like thats a little 🏳️🌈 but i wont say nothin#wait no really these boys deserve love like the way they hate each other is so denial like hear me out#feeling sick of myself think ill try to be someone elseee can't be hard to create a person in head a version the parallel~#okay i love TeruKane so so so much#THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE GETS ME SO BADDDDD LIKE I'M STAGGERING BACK HERE ISTG#they pine over each other while its requited but they're too stupid to notice#Teru come help the poor internalized homophobic fool#OKAY BUT IMAGINE THE FIRST TIME AKANE GOT TO REALLY LIKE COMFORT TERU ISN'T THAT SO CUTE#their dates would be so wholesome tbh like omg....#okay but they're so silly like them them them them#its so heart wrenching seeing them struggle to love each other and gahhhhhhhhhhh ITS 4 AM AND IM GONNA WRITE TERUKANE ANGST#like they try to love each other through the hard times but it feels like everything tries to pull each other apart and its like the#thing BUT THEY'RE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER PLEASE DONT SEPARATE THEM!!!!!#they're canon tbh .....like🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 i aint sayin nothin but pretty sure you KNOW what im saying....💅#I CANT EVEN THE WAY THEY'RE BOTH ALWAYS ALONE AND NEVER NOTICED BUT THEN THEY FIND OUT THE OTHER HAS NOTICED THEM THIS WHOLEEEE TIMEEE#LIKE THEY SEE YOU FOR YOU!!! AND THEY WANT TO BE THERE BUT ARE SCARED TO NOT BE LET IN#THE WAY THEY FEEL EACH OTHERS PAINNNNN ITS SO SO SO SO SO AHHHHHH
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Yknow what makes me reaentful? How ive been sexually abused so much growing up, no one did shit besides shove me off to a therapist, ive been promised by feminist spaces that ill have a place to heal within them, and as soon as my abusive ex tries to smear me and project their behavior on to me by accusing me of doing that shit too, all the sudden everyone acts suspicious, and i still dont get any of that promised healing. Its hard not to feel like my ex did this intentionally to prevent me from having a space to heal. And its my issue with the "believe victims" narrative because it seems to me like people dont actually want to believe victims but to believe the victims they *like* and *agree more with politically*. If people can just say whatever about someone and you feel obligated to believe them because "believe victims", its very clearly going to be exploited by abusive people, and while i dont think we should stop per se, we need to have some sort of actual system to vet who is and isnt telling the truth, like a pseudo-courtroom. At the very least let everyone and their side of the story actually be heard. Bc idk how you guys plan to believe two victims at once who are accusing eachother other than throwing your hands up and picking one or deciding that we're both bad, which doesnt seem very fair to me since people seem to looove demonizing me for no discernable reason.
#anyways ive lost faith in feminist spaces in actually being a place to heal#it kinda just feels like cliques to me dawg.#maybe it used to be sorta healing but i never actually got to find a support system or anything anywhere.#like idk man. maybe the reason ppl go to the right is bc yall are cutthroat and do everything based on vibes.#if i cant even get help and healing from yall like you promise whats the feminism label even for besides for spreading awareness?#because i feel like ill always be excluded because i dont fit the recquired aesthetic.#there needs to be a space for dudes to go to heal too. and id ideally not have to go to one of the mra type spaces.#idk but im just disenchanted with this whole movement. so many unfulfilled promises.#too many terfs infiltrating it also.#im left out in the cold and no one cares and everyone pretends to care about victims but cant even bring themselves to image that i#was the one who was victimized. why should i rely on these spaces at all. its clear yall favor the more fem person in any situation#like this.#also unrelated but related this website is trash and most people on here suck so fucking much.#the mostly cliquey cutthroat spaces for being so 'caring' like you like to think yourselves as.#'oh well we have to be careful so just in case we're gonna kick you out!!' oh really#is that the feminism you were talking about?#youll leave me out on the streets based on a rumor? and if you find out theyre lying then what will you do? are you gonna come over to me#weeping about how you shouldnt have believed them and how sorry you are? bc chances are ill already be dead from starving#but yknow. believe whatever anyone says about someone else. sorry i meant victims*#itd be so so funny to me if someone came up to me with that justification for why they ostracized me and then be like 'how can you be mad!#i didnt know better!! you cant be mad at people for not knowing better >:(' the hell i fucking cant lmao!#yall perpetuated a narrative about me to actively grind my name in the dirt. and im not allowed to be mad?#yall ostracized and excluded me from spaces i need to rely on for community and healing.#yall did nothing for me and threw me in the fucking trash. yeah. i think im allowed to be upset with you and want you to go fuck yourself.#if you believed them and found out theyre a liar. cool. leave me the fuck alone though. go make a post about it and try to rectify the#situation you contributed to you pos.#yknow. maybe itd be one thing if you believed them and i didnt do anything and you apologized.#its a WHOLE OTHER FUCKING THING. WHEN YOU BELIEVE THEM. IM INNOCENT. AND *IM*THE ONE WHO WAS#SEXUALLY ABUSED AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED TO THE FUCKING MOON AND BACK. and then think an apology is enough.#like go fuck yourself. ive been alone with this trauma this whole time you pieces of shits.
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You all know me as Xisuma, but little do you all know I also kin Grian, Scar, BDubs, and Ren.
Anyway. Big missing Doc hours. Even though I’ve found him it’s big longing hours. He’s my Doc, my Mumbo, and my Keralis. But I’m going to be with him and my Scar in less than 48 hours.
I can’t wait
It's normal to have missing person hours dispite having them somewhat close! Happy for you getting to group up in less than 48 hours! hope all goes well with it! -Mod Hels
#kinfession#hermitcraft kin#hermitcraftkin#mcyt kin#mcytkin#xisuma kin#xisumavoid kin#grian kin#gtws kin#scar kin#bdoubleo kin#bdubs kin#ren kin#rendog kin#listed all the kins outta order heck#or should i say hels#im running this joke into the ground istg#mod hels#get the fuck over here hels there’s a gapping hole in my closet and you need to fill it. -mod ex#and no im not fucking touch starved. -mod ex#OR clingy. -mod ex
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um… bad jew moment 💃🏻
#purrs#food#ed tw#<- just in case#delete later#every time i go to complain about yom kippur or pesach on here i hesitate bc imwlike god im not gonna be inscribed in the. book of life bc i#dared complain about it and im not even observing them as strictly as i should which i know is a flawed way to even think about it bc it#doesn’t matter or whatherr bjt like. god. the food related holidays are so fucking hard. i am not going to go eat something or stop observij#them or whatever bc the discomfort is the point but girl i am taking 3 hearts of hunger damage every minute and i haven’t even reflected and#i can’t think bc im shaking w hunger. idk. it’s not even a big deal but also like none of the other jewish ppl i know observe the high holid#holidays or like any holiday and it’s just very uhmmmm. isolating. im not that religious i guess or like spiritual or anything but this fee#feels important to me even though i kinda hate it and it’s like a little confusing that no one else is doing it and that’s not like a jusgem#judgment of them as much as it is of me like what am i even doing this for if it’s just my family and we’re miserable and starving all day.#idk. i am about to get smited for having these thoughts let alone posting them on tumblr ♥️ but every yom kippur i get depressed about my#jewishness and i know it’s like up to me to make it fit or whatherr but i feel um… bad and disoriented bc i can’t even think straight bc im#starving and missing everything. like how am i supposed to reflect atone repent etc if my brain is crashing. idk *struck down by god for#being the wicked son when really i think i just have a good question and i am allowed to question it maybe. idk. lol*#it’s like *learns over the course of my college career that when i don’t eat i am more depressed and more likely to fall into harmful think#thinking patterns and to spiral into pits of not taking care of myself* *fasts on yom kippur* *doesn’t eat bread during pesach even though#bread is like the most filling thing i eat* and i know im complaining about like. 9 days out of the year but. it’s bad lol
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Darkiplier for character bingo? Don’t go here but u seem to like him
jhkjddahsksjhdkhdb ty anon yes i love this funky little monochrome bastard !! i love when people not in fandom call me out for my blorbos it makes me laugh every time
#also sorry this took so long to answer i. may have gotten distracted by minecraft#but yesss dark my beloved ❤️ my fucked up eldritch horror ❤️ my little being born out of hatred and wants only revenge ❤️ babygirl ❤️#i’m gonna ramble now :3#so like the dynamic thing ik he’s mostly by himself when we see him but god imagining him interacting with anyone makes my brain explode#like him and wil;; imagine the reunion;; or him and actor and the utter hatred there;; and of course him and the DA like i’m going feral#hell even by himself he is sorta a dynamic since he’s three people (2 people 1 demon?) but yknow#not the best character even tho he’s my fave because i do genuinely think wil is the best character#and god i need more screen time for him are you kidding me#we only got like 10 seconds of him in space;; haven’t had full dark content since 2019 im starving over here#also he’s not done anything wrong since all he’s done since he’s been created is monologue @ y/n multiple times#pullin a hamlet over here he talks a lot about getting revenge and then just stands there and talks instead of getting revenge#crazwaz posted#audience participation
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