#im forgetting how to be alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nexus-nebulae · 1 year

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our memory is getting severely worse and it's fucking terrifying

#unreality tw #i handed someone an object literally five minutes ago #and they turned around after taking it #and the immediate second their back was turned and i couldn't see the object #i completely and totally forgot what the object was or why i was giving it to them or why they wanted it #and they've left so i can't ask #i keep forgetting what I'm talking about mid sentence or mid fucking word even #like i don't even have a vague trace of a topic it's just so completely gone it's so much worse than any forgetting I've ever had before #and it's happening more and more and more and more frequently #like genuinely it's happened at least like five times in the span of the last twenty minutes #probably more i just don't fucking remember #im forgetting how to be alive #i desperately need to live with other people so that this doesn't get exponentially worse #or at least see and talk to people more than like once a fucking week #I'm losing all of my abilities to function and i don't know if they're even possible to fix at this point #i have felt less and less and less real with each passing day #like the opposite of unreality where I'M the ghost and everything else is real #i feel like I don't exist anymore #i haven't felt real since last summer #I'm scared of everything and my body is completely breaking down #and now im forgetting every single thing about myself past and present #I'm terrified #vent #i guess #I'm just terrified

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liquidstar · 7 months

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honestly does anyone else think that the what:if routes are perhaps telling us that some sort of collision between subaru and reinhard is just inevitable in nearly every route

#re:zero #my game theory. i mean. light novel theory... is that somewhere somehow down the line subaru will have to face reinhard #and when that happens he will be his worst obstacle yet like in most alt routes #made worse by their relationship at this point #but also maybe perhaps UNLIKE in all the alt routes something will be different #and i dont mean that in a good way. im thinking maybe subaru could finally figure out The Trick to beating the strongest man alive #somehow.#and it might involve garfiel based on some stuff thats been foreshadowed who knows #what exactly would beating entail though? he cant die bc of the divine protection of the phoenix #but that being said if he somehow had all his divine protections taken away i mean... hed actually be relatively weak imo #his body would still probably remember how to move like a sword saint (like therisia's did in arc 5)#but like that can also be a bad thing like #would his body perhaps also forget that he has to ACTUALLY DODGE PROJECTILES bc they wont just magically miss him anymore?#will he try to walk on water only to sink like an idiot?#will he not check the label on the sugar only to find out its salt?#either way he wouldnt be the strongest man alive anymore hed just be a skilled swordsmen. julius could probably match him at that point #which im sure would be surreal to juli after years of admiration+envy+being gay about it

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77dekiru · 4 months

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togachako doomposters are literally so annoying bc if you paid any attention to the actual plotline, and not just the five chapters from a few months ago, you would be able to realize that it isn’t even close to being over yet lmfao

#mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #toga himiko #uraraka ochako #togachako #like i understand if you’re upset or anxious abt himiko dying but she is literally still alive lmfao #and seeing ppl go on and on abt how she’s dead is so annoying #bc the plotline rlly isn’t that complicated #i won’t explain it all in the tags bc im already writing a huge post abt it but #keigo will be playing a very important role in it #not to mention i feel like ppl completely forget abt jin’s role in it as well #which is literally so crazy to me

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mamawasatesttube · 7 months

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also like this coming explicitly after smot ("kon discovers he's being selfish and immature and needs to grow up!") and directly refering smot and then going "kon is being selfish and immature and needs to grow up" is so fucking stupid. like. oh my god. i know yall at dc aren't literate given that you can neither read nor fucking write, and don't know what to do with most characters in general bc none of you passed like 5th grade english i guess, but jesus fucking CHRIST. come up with a new narrative idea for him. this one has been done at LEAST 50 times by now like "kon needs to grow up" as a plotline happened PLENTY in sb94 itself (not that yall can read, i understand, but still). christ on a goddamn bike.

#rimi talks #not even gonna get into how Fucking Stupid forcing him to be in high school here is #but im SO angry about her inserting this plotline that he RESENTS clark now #seethes. steams. fumes.#anyway. going to go make a cup of tea and try to forget about this horseshit comic asap <3 #literally i want dc to just kill him off at this point. it would be so preferable to this #kill him. put him out of his misery. christ alive

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kame-artist · 1 month

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#hazbin hotel #demon #angel dust #sir pentious #husker #husk #comic #i tried #not sure if i really like this #but im posting anyway #I headcanon sir pentious as bi #or at least bi curious #but he doesnt act on it because of how it was treated when he was alive #bb keeps forgetting thats its kay to be open about that stuff now #i love these dumbasses #also partly inspired by my firend who didnt realise they were dating until late into the series #helluverse #hazbin hotel comic

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spacedlexi · 11 months

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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but

its hard

#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me #violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe #kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her #saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again #vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts #plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this #you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes #UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there #i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even #if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself #i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive #twdg #violentine #it speaks

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tradingjack · 8 months

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The $$60 Billion Double Dollar Man

#lmao i forgor #listen. i have been drawing. i promise i have #i just uhhh also have a full time job and also have to like. keep myself alive around that somehow #dont leave much time for much else :(#trigun #trimax #vash the stampede #manga panel redraw #drawing #artists on tumblr #illustration #my art #comic #noticed nightow forgets to draw vash's earring and mole a ton just in this first chapter. it's inspiring how inconsistent he is tbh #im gonna try and draw at least one panel of vash for every chapter on one of these little cards. hopefully i have enough i can #hand them out at the next con i go to if i cosplay ww again lol. whenever i get stopped for a pic or something i can offer em

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sailorshadzter · 3 months

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goku dies? AGAIN?

#what the fuck lol #dbz #dragon ball z #cant they like... not wish him back this time?#or wait maybe with the other dragon balls?#i forget how the rules work lol #but im sure they'll explain it to me here eventually #because i mean i know he's alive again EVENTUALLY

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bhaalsdeepbat · 1 month

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@justabiteofspite pointing out I had Astarion pull the ultimate 10 Charisma King move by having him kiss Gale once (then twice bc the game was bugged) then immediately went into asking Gale about his ex bitch mystra before going to bed

#bat plays bg3 #i think it was after yurgir too LMAOOO #like THANKS FOR HELPING ME KILL THE ORTHON #i know u only died during the fight #but can u please tell me all about how im better than the goddess of magic #tell me u love me and that i make you forget whatever cosmic wonders she showed you #hahahahaha wouldnt that be soooooooo funny if i was lying to and manipulating you even when #u asked me to sleep w u because u thought it was ur last light alive #so we fucked and had astral sex and it was kinda fucking weird actually BUT I DID IT #and then you told me you loved me #hahahahahahaha well i do love you let's be real now *kisses u again before dashing to hide behind minthara and oathbreaker knight*

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twominutesfortripping · 1 month

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Absolutely savage quote from Luke Fox at Sportsnet in the article detailing Auston’s 60th goal omg.

#hockey #nhl #toronto maple leafs #auston matthews #60 babyyyy #Toronto media never missing an opportunity to trash the sabres #I always forget how rude some jornalists are omg #when you leave the hockeyblr bubble #and it’s no longer thats my blorbo and his team sucks but I still love him #like im happy for matts tho #forever rivals tho #and I mean #the only time I’ve made the leafs pilgrimage to buff they booed us out of the building so fair enough #rivalry alive and well

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ezraphobicsoup · 5 months

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the unending cosmic horrors of the universe versus A Song

#that’s what rockabye the musical was about im pretty sure #also that one dr who episode #or prolly more than one #i need to either become music or have like multiple bodies to listen to more music or just be completely swallowed by music #i’m normal about music aren’t i #this isn’t even about a specific song it’s about many many many of them #i dunno cause like i think that music is kinda just life isn’t it #i’ve said this before but yknow the inherent rhythms of movement in life is like the basis for music #yesterday i had a conversation about how would we play the piano if we had four arms & hands #and the conclusion was that instruments would have developed in a completely different way! the basic rhythm of our collective selves #and the way that we would act beyond music in terms of just surviving would be entirrely different #there was something more about that but i forget.#anyway the broader statement here is that art is an inherent part of being a human being and we are all art and we are all human beings #and that’s incredible really. like in an even broader sense i am alive and you are alive and that’s art maybe in some way #i’m not quite sure what i’m saying these are just the thoughts i regularly rotate in my brain like everyone else #ok tumbles and esteemed guests (1-3 people realistically) i leave you with those ramblings #have a good evening or otherwise time #ezra’s real life rambles #ezra likes music

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ssiegfriedsystem · 4 months

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「A hundred years had passed. So, so much has changed in the world, but not as much to Kazukiー

And the golden vestiges of someone still donning an all too familiar scar, smiling on the back of his mind.」

#read tags #given how kazuki is...well he is immortal #i kinda wonder what would happen a long time after the post-series #100 years immediately popped to my head because i was listening to lyrico's kiseki no hana #everyone he knew on the island would be dead #:(#idk if kouyou is still alive #i mean most likely yeah but im not sure if he has the same blessing of eternity like kazuki #would make me fucking emotional if he doesnt #of course there are the mir children/core that keeps being born again over and over but theyre never the same person. yk #what if tatsumiya ended up sinking forever for good in the future #back to kazuki he probably had stopped aging and stuff like that (but still grows. aging =/= growing guys)#so he remained pretty much similar to how he look 100 years ago. just longer hair #i like to think he decides to grow out his hair so he keeps remembering soushi #soushi is technically still there in a way because he stays in kazukis memories #as sad as it is #bro im gonna fucking cry what if kazuki gradually forgets soushi #not in a moving on way but in a its been so long that his memories of him starts to slowly fade way #in the angstier scenario he starts forgetting soushi to the point of almost forgetting him completely #and hes traveling the world all alone again #for eternity...#(this considering kouyou doesn't have the eternity blessing)#FUCKING BAWLING #soukyuu no fafner #makabe kazuki #minashiro soushi #soukazu

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saeshiraw · 8 months

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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jestroer · 2 years

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I understand the appeal of headcanoning your favorite fictional men to be even more of a pathetic rug than they already are but my guy is literally the most charming and powerful and successful guy in the world and patheticness just adds to the appeal

#im talking about gtws btw #like i know how he is #the man struggles to keep himself alive for more than 10 mins #and lives thru the most awkward situations in the world #but listen #in my brain he is like the most powerful magician in the world that can do so many things more beautiful and helpful but he is just #using it only for stuff he finds cool and just forgets he can do this stuff in his daily life #goodtimeswithscar #shitpost

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squirrelfromspace · 2 years

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So how about that new empires video

#empires smp #smallishbeans #empires spoilers #HES THE LAST ONE ALIVE HIS FAMILY IS GONE #Listen i have a lot of thoughts about empires joel #hes the last one left of his family?? civilisation??? He lives in an abandoned city alone as the only survivor #how did the other gods dissapear??#what if people stopped believing in them and they faded away which is why empires!joel is so desperate to be seen as tall and powerfull #because why would you forget a god you fear that is powerfull and great #dont mind me im just having a lot of thoughts about this #also empires!joel is average height in the way i am average height which is just: in theory youre tall enough to be called above average #but somehow you just seem to have very tall friends which makes you look like a 3rd grader next to them #also i very much enjoy that joel does lore the way i do lore in my survival world which is:#building things and knowing only the bare minimum like 'its for a farming god' but nothing more

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doctorwhoisadhd · 19 days

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there's a certain quality the harmonies of like... early to mid 2000s alt rock has. which i am obsessed with... like i wanna do that. i NEED to figure out how to write harmonies that sound like that

#ari opinion hour #i sort of understand it but not necessarily well enough to do it on command #i think i sort of achieved the sound of it with my blaseball winter exchange song i did for snow but specifically only in the very last bit #like only with the 'im not alive anymore' part #(which sidenote i wish id had the second half faster + w more drive but its not like that was like a full recording which i could do)#i think i just need my music to have more teeth in general cause it scratches an itch that i think i must have developed due to some aspect #of music school. its probably my dissatisfaction with the attitudes in the classical world #<- which understand i say that in the same way that like my jazz prof does. the classical world doesnt have enough teeth nor enough #understanding of the way in which music is like. another art. and art needs to be able to have teeth and use elements normally regarded as #''undesirable'' on purpose because art is there to make you feel emotions and not just the positive ones and not just sadness or anger in #terms of the negative ones #art is there to make u feel ALL extant emotions and that includes boredom disgust fear jealousy pity cowardice apathy overwhelmedness etc #also the classical world i find often forgets what the word ''play'' means #i am of the opinion that perfection is a waste of time if i wanted perfect i'd ask a computer to do it for me. i want real #anyway. i forgot what this post was even about lol point is i need to figure out how to write harmonies that have that soaring quality that #like. you can hear it in like helena by mcr and wake me up by evanescence and stuff. and frankly most of the songs on three cheers for swee #revenge which i am listening to now for the first time. i need to learn more about this stuff maybe ill listen to the evanescence album tha #song is from next.#or something i should really be working on my essay but theres no way i wont have it done in time which is good i think i just mostly have #to worry about sources and stuff but even that should be relatively easy i think

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