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seuonji · 7 months

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彡 things they left with you before leaving for tour.

notes ๑ gift giving! headcanons. reader and svt member does not live together!

genre ๑ fluff

warnings ๑ none

word count ๑ 1k

from aya: please reblog if you enjoyed! feedback is always appreciated<3

seungcheol left you the key to his home.

you’re free to go there whenever you want but he mainly gave it so that you have access to his closet!! it’s also to allow you to see kkuma.

whenever you’re there you always send him a selfie to show how the house is doing. he especially loves the photos that contains you and kkuma on his bed.

yn: [photo attachment]

yn: i changed kkuma’s hairpin today, doesn’t she look cute?

cheol: you both look adorable♡

jeonghan left you tons of his oversized shirts.

tons as in it could probably last you until he comes back. but he leaves the ones that hold some type of meaning.

he’d totally give you a whole presentation while unpacking the clothes on why he’s giving it to you.

he left you the shirt that he wore on your first date. he left you another shirt that you complimented. another one he left was one that you described as, ‘looks very comfortable.’ another was in your favourite colour while another was in your least favourite colour,, he asked you to send him photos of you specifically in that one.

he gave them with the intention that though he’s not there, you won’t feel alone at night.

he loves it when he calls and sees you wearing them!

joshua left you countless of letters he wrote.

just in case he’s not on his phone enough, to keep his presence with you, he wrote different letters. one for you to read when you’re sad, one for when you felt doubtful, another for when you felt scared.

he wrote letters for any feeling you may feel while he’s gone whether it was sorrow, anger or joy.

one day you were missing him, a lot. so you opened the letter that had ‘read when you feel alone.’ written on it.

‘yn, you’re feeling alone? cause im not there, right( ˊ̱uˋ̱ )?‘ he joked with you even through writing. ‘i know it’s a long wait but i’ll be back soon and we’ll be in bed watching movies together. i’m always thinking about you. i may not be one call away because…what if i’m on stage? but you’re still my number one priority, i hope you know that.’

it’s just long texts of reassurance that he loves you and suggestions of things you can do while you wait for him and honestly, as you read the letters, the more it felt like he was actually there.

jun left you a polaroid.

he aswell provided the films but the films were the same amount as the number of days he’d be gone.

he asked you take a picture of something everyday whether it was the scenery or something you were doing. you could either label them or keep it in a photo card binder. he wants you to talk about it with him when he comes back.

total plus if you like journaling/photography!!

soonyoung left you a heart locket necklace.

it had funny pictures of you and him on one side and the other side had a picture of you two cuddling.

he has a matching one of course! his one has so many scratches because of how much he kept opening it.

notably, he left you a cute tiger plush that was almost your size.

“think of him as if he’s me.”

“that’s weird youngie…”

idk why but initially i imagined he’d leave you a body pillow with him printed on it.

wonwoo left you his console so that you can help him keep up with his games. just kidding.

if you like reading, he definitely leaves you some books he’s collected over the years. he’d even buy books that are of your taste if his isn’t your style. he gave it so that you’d have something to preoccupy your time.

if you aren’t too into reading, he left you things that supports the hobbies you do. if you like art, he buys you paint, if you like knitting he’d buy you yarn. he finds joy in your passion.

jihoon left you a usb filled with movies and shows on it. he even provided snacks!

he loved hearing your opinions about shows/movies he liked. since you two were going to be apart, he thought you’d have more time to watch them.

when you did watch the said movie/show, he’d instantly call and listen to your opinions intently. he might end up falling for you all over again! but also it could end up in an endless banter—

“what did you think of that character?“ he asked excitedly but there was a touch of tiredness in his voice.

“they were okay,” you casually answered.

“just okay!?” suddenly the tiredness was gone.

“i said what i said!”

seokmin left you a jar filled with origami hearts, cranes, airplanes, stars and even some of your favourite animals.

as you unfold them, there’s small messages written in them. it had messages of affirmations to song/food/movie recommendations.

he looks forward to your response to the letter you opened that day.

“the one i opened today was a good one,” you said smiling.

“really, what’s wrong with the other ones? why aren’t they as good?” he asked in a whining tone.

“the one i opened yesterday said ‘listen to aju nice by seventeen.’” you recalled monotonously.

“what’s wrong with that?”

“anyways the one i opened today said to ‘eat pizza while thinking about me.’” you brushed off the previous topic.

“ah, that’s a good one, even i’m jealous.”

“you wrote it?”

“still, why would you have pizza without me…”

also, he made tons of it lasted even until he came back.

mingyu left you a cookbook of things he usually cooks for you.

the first few pages were your favourite meals hes cooked for you. they’re key parts are highlighted in your favourite colours and he even places in affirmations in free spaces. the middle pages are random meals you don’t necessarily like but,, he needed to fill in the pages. the last few pages are your favourite deserts!

minghao left you the experience of having permanent bracelets with someone.

he brought you to the store and you got a bracelet in his in his favourite colour as he got one with yours. you both spent hours just admiring the way it shined and he couldn’t stop taking pictures of it.

“now, no matter the distance, you’ll still have a piece of me that’s always with you,” he said.

seungkwan left you a self care pack.

there was skincare products, your favourite snacks and cds of your favourite films. they were each labelled with tags of why he gave those specific items.

‘you’ve always liked these, enjoy them.’ labelled on the snacks.

‘please use this, take care of your skin okay?’ labelled on the skincare.

‘don’t get too bored just cause im not there.” labelled on the cds

it’s as if he was taking care of you without because there.

vernon left you a pet fish (?)

questionable but at least you’re not completely alone. also he got consent before he bought it so, it was okay. but he also left you some of his jackets and beanies but if it was summer he’d leave you baseball caps. yknow, the sensible gifts.

it’s the thought that counts!

whenever he gets the time he’d call you to check on the fish.

and you as well, of course.

chan left you a box full of snacks.

he’s bringing the same snacks with him in his bag. he plans to call you every night so you two can talk about your day while eating the same snacks so that it seems like you two are together.

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yuansie · 19 days

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the greatest gamble of all

pairing. aventurine x gn! nameless! reader

synopsis. aventurine knows that he is unworthy of love, unworthy of you. because he, aventurine, is a tainted person and kakavasha is but a person with no future for himself. in both of his names, he is unworthy of you.

genres/aus. actually idek what type of au this would fall under saurrr idk what to say ummm friends to something more (?!), romance, pining, angst with a happy ending, smidge of fluff at the end

warnings. slight (or maybe not so slight at all?) spoilers about aventurine's background, mentions of death and murder, very sad and insecure aventurine, crying, slight displays of affection (a neck kiss?!), ooc aventurine ?! (bc im still doing the penacony quest HAHSHAJ)

wc. 1.6k

a/n. me when i only write about aventurine because aventurine is love, aventurine is life. also, i just have some serious brainrot for that man he deserves everything and more i love him sm !!!! also. aventurine this wednesday im SOOOO excited i need him NOW. will be skipping my first class so i can do his trial LMFAO and this NAWT edited !! (when will i ever edit something?? idk. whenever i am not a busy uni kid) the aventurine art was made by @/20231102thu on x (twitter) !!

AVENTURINE IS FULLY AWARE THAT HE ISN'T SOMEONE DESERVING OF, well, anything. he’s just someone that aimlessly wanders this world, not having a set destination. he doesn’t have anything worth living for. he doesn’t have a home to return to because home means returning to a place filled with warmth and love.

he does not remember the last time he felt his heart warm up, he’s not even sure if he’s even felt warmth. it is but a distant memory filled with sadness, such sorrow that makes his heart weep without knowing it. though, nowadays, he doesn’t feel like that. there’s just an emptiness in him, but he doesn’t mind it anymore. after the events at penacony, he’s just been… lost.

he hears a door open and slide shut, followed by the sound of footsteps. then, he senses someone standing right next to him as he gazes out the windows of the astral express. you spent a long time convincing the conductor and himeko that aventurine should be a guest, and you finally wore them out with your pleading after a good amount of hours.

“penny for your thoughts?”

aventurine glances at you. your wounds from the battle are still healing, he notes, given by the bandages that wrap around your forearm and head. sunday will have to meet his fury on another day. “just thinking that this is a nice place.”

you chuckle, “it is, isn’t it?”

all he does is hum in response, still staring out in the vast expanse of space. he likes how the stars look and as his eyes linger on penacony, he wonders if his home looked similar to that. he wouldn't know because he never saw how it looked when he left and never will. his thoughts don’t linger on that much when he instead focuses on the way your fingers brush against his hand. he flinches and stares wide-eyed at how you easily grab onto his hand, a dirty piece of flesh undeserving of the warmth that radiates from your skin and seeps into his own.

“aventurine—”

“kakavasha.”

“hm?” you tilt your head to the side, blinking at him in confusion.

he wants to look away from you, from your eyes. but he wills himself to keep looking and somehow, he ends up gripping onto your hand tightly. you don't complain and instead squeeze back, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“my name is… kakavasha.” aventurine feels his stomach twist and turn at your silence so he continues to speak, “i just thought… that you should know it before it’s completely gone.”

“and why do you say that?”

“it’s a name meant to be forgotten in the sand.”

your response is so quick that it almost gives him whiplash. “no it isn't.”

“excuse me?” he blurts out, surprised that you even said such a thing about him.

“it isn't a name meant to be forgotten in the sand,” you say, a certain calmness in your voice that has aventurine waiting with bated breath at what else you have to say. “it's too pretty to be forgotten and, well, it's your name.”

and then he feels his face heat up; his ears, neck and cheeks feel like they’re burning up.

“kakavasha,” you hum, smiling, “kava, for short. it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?”

it does have a nice ring to it, but only because you're the one saying it. aventurine merely nods, not trusting his voice at the moment. he looks away and stares outside the window, not wanting to look at you anymore because he fears this warm feeling will take over his entire being.

a nice silence blankets over the two of you, one that you break after a while.

“what’s the story behind your name right now? aventurine… why are you called that now?”

“because kakavasha had no future,” he replies, “kakavasha didn’t have a future, he didn’t deserve to live either. who i am now, aventurine, does.”

“kakavasha deserves to live too.” aventurine turns his body to look at you, blinking in surprise. “i don’t know how you got that thought in your head, but kakavasha deserves to live just as much as the person you are now.”

“but aventurine is tainted. this name has too much blood on it, too many sins on it. the person i am now doesn’t deserve to live either. kakavasha should be a name buried in the sands of time while aventurine should be burnt to a crisp for the things i’ve done.”

yes, he is tainted. his body, his everything is tainted. it is marred by an ugly color, a stain of who he was and is, never to be cleaned. aventurine lets go of your hands, worried that you might also get stained by his sins. he should drive you away now before the aching in his small heart decides to cling to you and the warmth you give him. he will tell you his story, tell you about the mark on his neck, tell you how he killed the man that bought him, tell you about how he is a tainted person. he is a tainted person unworthy of you, unworthy of that love you hold.

he may have never experienced love. after all, all of his past relationships were purely physical. no one cared about going deeper beyond his facade, they all just wanted a fun night. so while he has never experienced it, he is no fool. he can recognize that the emotion in your pretty eyes when you look at him is love. you love aventurine, the him who has betrayed and used you and your companions in one way or another on penacony. he doesn’t understand why and maybe he never will because the mere fact that you feel something towards him is so bizarre.

so he should ruin whatever it is that you love about him and tell you the truth, taint your rose-colored view on him. aventurine needs to do it now before his heart tells him not to. he knows his heart is already lovesick, so needy of that bit of love it has received from you. his heart wants to hold on tightly to you and drown in you, drown in those feelings of yours. his tiny heart wants to love you too, it wants to love you just as much as you love him. he wants your everything to consume his entire being.

but after he tells you the truth, you will leave and you will be the first and last person he’s loved. you will be the first and last person to somehow climb over the tall walls he’s built around himself and crack open the facade he’s made.

but what if… what if you stay after everything? what will happen then?

it is that small hope that he ends up clinging to.

if he is blessed gaiathra, if he is lucky, then what if… what if this is his greatest gamble of all? a gamble of love: will he lose you or will you stay?

aventurine has made up his mind despite the rational part in him telling him to not even do it, yet he does. the words flow out of his mouth easily, though his heart weighs heavy in his chest. he expects to you leave, he really does because who would want someone as ugly as him? but the tears that leaves your eyes and roll down your cheeks catches him completely off guard.

“why are you crying?” he asks, his hands reaching out to hold your arms.

your lips quiver and a hand grabs onto one of his while the other reaches out, fingers stopping before they touch his neck. aventurine leans in without thinking and a shiver goes up his spine when your fingertips gently graze the marks on his neck. you rub over the marks, “you didn’t deserve any of that, kakavasha.”

“if i could, i would take this from you and any pain you’ve felt and will feel. i would take away all of the unpleasant memories that plague your mind. for you, i would do anything.”

his knees buckle at your words and you both tumble down to the ground; he ends up being on top of you. your eyes widen when aventurine’s own tears begin to rain down, some falling onto your cheek.

“why would you say something so cruel to me?” he mutters. “don’t give me false hope. you should leave now before you do it in the future.”

“why should i leave the man that i love?” you purse your lips, your eyebrows furrowing.

aventurine shoves his head into the crook of your neck. “i am undeserving of you. i’m lesser than everyone in all of these galaxies.”

“you are not lesser than everyone,” you grumble, raking your hand through his blond hair. “everyone is the same because at the end of the day, we all want to love and to be loved.”

“i’m afraid i won’t be able to leave you now.” he hears you laugh softly, saying how his eyelashes are tickling you. he decides to get impossibly closer to you and bat his eyelashes more, smiling at the sound of your laughter growing in volume. “you’re stuck with me, so don’t say i didn’t warn you.”

aventurine’s breath gets stuck in his throat. he feels your lips brush against his neck. “i think the one who should be saying that is me… say, promise me you won’t leave?”

“shouldn’t i be saying that?”

“kava, promise me.”

“i promise. will you promise the same thing too?”

“yes, i promise that i won’t leave you.”

kakavasha, a name forgotten in the sand, was dug up and remembered, held in the hands of someone that treats like the most precious thing. kakavasha, who had forgotten how it felt to love and be loved, remembered the feeling because of a single person.

and kakavasha, blessed by gaiathra, won his greatest gamble of all time. he won you and your love, something he will now protect and hold onto tightly.

#drea writes #yuansie #hsr x reader #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail fluff #hsr aventurine #hsr angst #honkai star rail angst #aventurine x y/n #aventurine x you #aventurine x reader #aventurine fluff #aventurine imagines #aventurine angst

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miwsolovely · 1 month

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—WALLS AND HAZE

pairing: outlaw!farmer!141 x fem!reader

series masterlist taglist (closed.) next

contains: implication of abuse + rape, sexism, cheater husband, rumors about reader are being spread, (implications that) reader is called mean things here :( (whore, brothel woman), husband is an asshole.

summary: meal for a king.

wc: 4.3k

a/n: u guys were hungry huh

a/n 2: this is an outlaw 141 set in the 1800s, which i was not born in so mind the inaccuracies ! ( reader is so oblivious in here im crying but shes so cute )

a/n 3: firm believer that simon n johnny look like this in this series🫶🏾

You wished the walls could talk.

Wished they were one big spiderweb of networks, all connected, so that they would see what was happening to you and tell the world.

Wished people cared like you wished the walls would. Coming to your aid and mending you, body and soul. Holding you up when you can’t hold yourself.

But the walks can’t talk. They can only stay silent and watch. Feel your pain and sorrow and the feeling of your body being pushed against the way, beaten, bruised, broken, taken.

And the walls don’t care. No matter how much you wail and stain the floor with your never ending tears, tears so abundant and filled with grief, the clouds cry for you whenever you can’t. Eyes too red and dried out to do anything but watch and feel as your heart, your bones, your soul breaks.

The walls can listen too. Listen to your cries as you beg to be free, listen to your frustrations, your pains. But no words of comfort come from them. No kiss goodnight, no hugs overflowing with love or kindness. Just silence.

The man who you’re married to, the man who lifted your veil and said your vows, “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

That man was asleep in your bed with another woman.

Asleep dreaming of her, kissing her, making love to her.

When it was supposed to be you. He’s married to you, she’s supposed to be the other woman. Not you. Not you indeed, the one with the ring, the ring he used kissed each night before bed, on your finger.

But he made it very clear that it was indeed you, who is the other woman. Letting her wear your clothes, clothes that he bought for you wrapped in colorful paper and sealed with fake words of love and promises.

You overheard some talk about him buying her a ring as well.

Heard him going over a trip for them to New York.

Planned for the day of your anniversary.

In all honesty, you just wanted out of this God forsaken house, this town.

So you decide it’s time to look for a new house.

But you can’t. The world is as cruel as your husband and women can’t buy or own anything unless their husband buys it.

Women can’t do anything, unless their husband is there with them.

The only thing you can do is sit on your loveseat and realize why women kill.

The man selling meat seemed nice.

He was rough though, you could tell by the way he looked and the way he carried himself. He was a big man as well. Easily towering over the mini crowd of women fawning over him.

You try your best to, gently but firmly, push through the crowd of women to get to the front counter where the man was cutting meat for a customer.

“Excuse me,” You mummer trying to walk around the woman shamelessly showing off her cleavage to the man as she leans on the counter.

She turns around at the sound of your voice and her elbow jams against your ribcage with how fast she did the action.

You flinched and held your middle, the corset you were wearing doing nothing but causing you more pain. The woman looked at you as if you stained the bottom of her shoes. “Be patient and wait in line.” She scoffs. She was about to turn back around to the man still chopping the meat on the counter, his eyes slightly raised to meet yours then anothers’ behind you, but another voice, accented and heavy, interrupted her.

“If Ye’re not gonnae buy anythin’, leave.”

You turn and almost crash face first with a hard chest. You look up and meet crystalline eyes. A color you’d never seen before outside the sky. The sea you’d yet to see but if you had, the waves would roar with jealousy.

The man gives you a wink and starts to walk by you towards the man behind the counter, completely ignoring the woman trying to seduce them both now, but stops midway and looks back at you, as if urging you to follow him.

You pause and were about to follow, but then, you notice the multiple pairs of eyes on you.

The women point and whisper at you. Likely spreading more false accusations against you.

“Look, it’s Mrs. Fitzroy. Shouldn’t she be tending to that husband of hers?”

“I heard she was trying to change her surname.”

“I heard she’s sleeping with the man selling apples at the market.”

“Good heavens! I thought she was sleeping with the fletcher down at Browns?”

“An’ I coulda sworn I saw ye spreadin’ yer legs for that blacksmith off on Hickory?” The man said. Lifting a finger to the woman who accused you of sleeping with a man you’ve never met, the fletcher, pointing her out.

A small smile, you notice, lifts the man behind the counter’s eyes, revealing his crows feet.

One of the women scoff. “A man so beautiful, yet such an ugly mouth…”

A cleaver comes down heavily, and startles the women still around the counter. “You women are so bratty,” He stares them down. His brown eyes turning black with… hate? “you lot make your own children jealous.”

Gasps of offense can be heard from ten miles down. The women act hurt as if their mothers mother were insulted, and one by one they file out the butcher’s shop after giving the two men their best glares.

You follow them with your eyes. And then, silence fills the room like a void expanding, swallowing up sound and leaving only a hushed stillness in its wake.

“Thought they were never gonnae leave.” The man with the blue eyes says. He scratches his stubble and faces you again, a smile lifting his face. “What do ye need lass? Or did ye come ‘ere jus’ for a peek at us?”

You feel your face grow hot as he flirts with you. When was the last time a man flirted with you, you couldn’t remember.

“I, well — I came to ask if you had, or have, Sirloin..?” You ask.

You noticed, that the moment you opened your mouth, the man with the rich brown eyes stopped his cutting of the meat in favor of looking at you, though it looked like he was looking through you at times, into your soul, and the man with the unique but beautiful accent had his eyes trained on you, as if drinking you in.

“Sirloin?” The man behind the counter questioned. He raised a scarred eyebrow. “Trying to make a feast fit for a king, lovie?” His voice is rough and deep, suits him well, you think.

You took a steadying breath. “No, no just dinner for my, husband. Our um — anniversary is in a few days.” You admit. Though you think you sounded sad, you didn’t mind it. You could tell the two men saw through you and noticed your unhappiness as well. Seven years with a monster will do that to you.

The man with the blue eyes hummed, something deep and rich that made you feel unsteady on your feet. “Congrats lass,” He nods his head at you. “Name’s John, this bloke ‘ere is Simon.” He nods his head and points a lone, thick finger towards the man behind the counter.

You offer them a timid smile and bow your head, your fingers finding and fixing invisible wrinkles on your dress.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” You say. You tell them your name and hide your shiver when the man behind the counter, Simon, says your name as if tasting it. It comes of his tongue like a melted honey similar to his eyes.

“Sirloin, yeah?” He looks up at you as he cleans the blood off his knife, dyeing the white handkerchief in his large hand red. When you nod after shifting your attention to his eyes, he continues. “Give me a second then, love.”

With that, he disappears through a door adjacent to the counter he was previously behind, most likely the meat locker, leaving you and John alone.

“Those women give you trouble all the time lass?”

You startle with how close his voice sounds to your ear. You turn to your side and look up to see him nearly standing chest to chest with you.

“Oh—no, no only when I see them or, or the other way around…” You say with a nervous smile. Looking down at his broad chest rather than his eyes after seeing how he looked at you with something akin to longing. When you take a step back nervously, his warm, large hand finds home on your waist, keeping you in place.

“Well if they give ye any trouble,” John says, lifting a finger to your chin and raising it so your eyes met his. “Ye’ll let us know then, hm?”

Will you? Will you let these strange, men help you when you need it? It was tempting, it is tempting, but again, these are strangers. Walking around the town with unknown men at your hips will raise even more rumors about you and your private life. People in the town will speak and words travel fast in your small town.

You want to say no, that you can handle yourself, but this man, he’s leading you into a field of roses that tempt you into his awaiting hands.

What you couldn’t see, was that behind the rose colored glasses, was a field of rot and sorrow that would follow if you obliged.

However the smell of roses and pine led you further and further into him and after a few minutes, you found yourself nodding, your words dying on your tongue.

John smiles at you, and his smile only grows wider when you step away from him as is burned when you hear Simon’s heavy footsteps.

When he opens the door, you notice the big sack he’s carrying over his shoulders, though almost the size of his broad shoulders, he makes it look like he’s carrying a feather.

You also notice that it looks bigger than what you ordered.

Simon places the sack on the counter and double checks the rope knotted at the top, making sure it's sturdy and won’t open. "Made sure to double the sack so it wouldn't leak," He says. When he looks at you, he notices the expression on your face. "Somethin' wrong lovie?"

John, still next to you pipes up. "Looks alrigh’ to me." You step up to the counter and run your fingers up your arm, a calming sensation to you. "Well, that's — It just, looks, more than what I ordered?"

Simon blinks. John smiles wider.

“Consider it an apology for dealing with those, women.” Simon drawls. He picks up the sack and walks the length of the counter to stand before you and John.

“An’ a thank ye for dealin’ with ‘im.” John says throwing a wink your way.

“I—” You sigh. “Fine, then how much do I owe you?” You start the motion of reaching for your wallet in your satchel. About to open it, John’s hand stops you midway.

“Consider it on the house hen, couldnae let a pretty lass like ye pay after what ye jus’ went through.”

“Oh, I couldn’t—please, the meat’s expensive and, and you gave me more than what I asked—not that that’s a bad thing but still—” You worry, and in the midst of that worry you don’t see the sweet smile rising on Simon’s face as he looks at you. The way John’s hand hovered over the curve of your waist, the lightest of touches just barely enough to satisfy him, but enough to keep your veil covering your eyes.

“Jus’ let us take you home love.” Simon says while stepping closer to you, caging you in between him and John whose hand now pressed against your waist, firm. “Can’t let a lady like you dirty her hands carryin’ this now, hm?” He says, shrugging his shoulders to prove his point, the sack already moistening with the blood of the meat inside.

Your hand, you realize, is still captured in John’s warm grip, calloused and rough, but gentle all the same.

You open your mouth, about to object, but John’s hand moved to and grew firm on your waist, urging you to obey, daring you to say no.

So you sigh, nod your head, and tell them your address.

The drive there is, pleasant. John sat in the back with you as Simon drove, the sack holding the meat sat next to him in the passenger seat. The scent of the meat was close to nothing, as Simon did say he doubled the sack. You’ll make sure to thank him later.

By the time you arrived at your house, it was close to eight o’clock. Around the time your husband would come home from work. If he even bothered to come home at all.

“Here I am.” You say eyeing the house. Stained with years of pain and sadness.

“Beautiful house you have here darlin’” Simon says as you unlock the front door, allowing them in.

Your heart beats faster and you feel as if this is a mistake.

“Thank you, Simon.” You offer a small smile. “Oh, you can put that in the freezer in the cellar. Here let me—”

“It’s alrigh’ bonnie, let ‘im handle it.” John says. His hand, once again, finding the curve of your waist.

“Ah, okay. . .” You say, and when you look in his eyes, you realize the haze you’re feeling right now, the haze these men are creating, you forget where you are, who’s last name you’re carrying.

“Would you—” You take a deep breath and you’re sure John can feel it. “Would you like something to drink John? Water or?” You say already walking to your fridge in your kitchen, already missing the warmth of his hand.

“Water’s fine bun, An’ call me Johnny, ‘John’ makes me feel as old as Price.” John, Johnny, says, following you to the kitchen and accepting the water bottle you offer him.

“Price?” You tilt your head in confusion. “Who’s that?”

John shakes his head with a smile. “No one, ye’ll meet him soon.”

If that sentence was supposed to quell your curiosity, it only fed the beast. “What is that supposed to—”

“All done.”

Simons voice, his deep voice, causes you to jump. You turn to face him and find him staring at Johnny, an unreadable expression on his face.

You clear your throat, feeling the tension. “Thank you, Simon. I really appreciate your help.” Whatever conversation Simon and Johnny were having, in a language only they know, it seemed to snap Simon back into reality and he looked down to meet your eyes, his own immediately softening.

“It’s not a problem love.” He says. And when he turns his face to the side with his hand rubbing at his neck, probably embarrassed, you notice a pink tint to his cheeks.

“Ach, an’ where’s my “thank you”? I did more than this wee bairn.” Johnny whines. You notice he looks more like a puppy than a man, pouting and all.

You laugh and hide your mouth with your fingers. “Thank you, Johnny.” You say.

Johnny, while feeling appreciated now, noticed you hiding your pretty lips when you laughed or smiled.

He’d change that. They all would.

Five minutes turned into fifteen, fifteen turned into hours, hours turned into talking while trying to act like everything was normal, like you weren’t sandwiched between two men you invited in your house, all to deliver meat to be cooked for your anniversary.

You were still in the kitchen, sitting on a stool that accompanied the island and Simon and Johnny occupied the seats to the left and right of yours.

You were all talking about nothing and everything. Your favorite foods, what you liked and disliked, you, you, you.

You tried to shift the conversation to them, tried to ask them a question, but all they gave you were either blunt, vague answers or an excuse saying “our lives aren’t as exciting.”

As if you could call yours that. Years spent behind these four walls, cooking, cleaning, having to endure your husband’s verbal and unfortunately physical abuse, the townspeople, it was anything but exciting. Anything but everything bad.

But these men, they clung onto every word that escaped your lips as if you were a God. Their eyes never left your form, and their hands touched you as if you were made of glass.

You felt Simon’s hand brush against yours and you knew and felt Johnnys' eyes and hands on you constantly, as if past your face, your eyes, your skull they were picking away at your brain, peering into your memories and cradling your heart in theirs.

Your body felt hot. Overwhelmingly so, but also in a way that you'd only felt once upon a dream with your husband; before everything went to shit, before your hands seemed to taint everything it touched in his eyes, before the withering flowers and declarations of false love. You don’t know what to do anymore, don’t want to become the woman the entire town believed you to be, an impure lady, the type of woman who belongs in a brothel, a whore. It's not what you were, not what you are.

The sound of a car, your husbands' car, pulling into the driveway almost halted their movements.

Almost because even when you walked away from the kitchen, from them, to wait and greet your husband when he enters through the door, their touches and eyes still lingered, still left a warm phantom touch on your skin.

Your trance broke when you heard the key in the lock of the front door, the sound of your husband’s voice cursing when he realized it was the wrong key before he tried again.

You heard Simon and Johnny standing and you were glad because they were acting as if they were just about to leave. You looked back at them and saw Johnny raising his pointer finger to his lips and sending another wink to you, Simon’s eyes smiling at you, piercing your heart.

You fight the heat rising to your cheeks and turned to smile at your husband, who just entered the house.

He paid you no mind however, taking his coat off and throwing it into your arms, his briefcase hitting your foot and toppling on the floor, the sound echoing throughout the room.

He marched up to the men, the intruders, in his mind, and stood chest to chest with Simon, locking eyes with Johnny and looking at him with disgust, he turned and met the hard, charcoal eyes of Simon and matched his glare.

“And who the fuck are you?”

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adoregojo · 2 months

Text

secret admirer.

hihihihihihihihi, i cannot believe i actually slept for two days in a row? wth? and also that i never did this kind of posts? im such a lazy bum mb yall, I promise I'll write a real fic soon. summary: bllk characters as your secret admirers: isagi, bachira, chigiri, reo. how they fell, what do they do, how did they confess.

isagi.y

him. just him.

you once held his shirt collar to stop him from planting flatly on the floor.

and when you walked away, you walked with his heart in your palms.

yea, just like that

but honestly, isagi himself didn't knew he was such a big sap inside

and the moment he realised you two shared a few classes was the second he almost kneeled and thanked the sky itself for this.

an absolute swoon from looking at your side profile.

he once was long gone within the abyss of daydreaming about you, he genuinely just couldn't look away.

then got called out by the teacher for being too distracted.

definitely prayed that you didn't see that.

writes your name unintentionally in his notebook.

gets so embarrassed about it later and rips the paper.

still dose it again the next day and almost ripped the whole book apart form cringing at himself.

he once was musing over you too much to the point that your name slipped out unwittingly on the dinner table.

his parents couldn't stop teasing him about it, wondering when they would see you walking down their house door.

leaves love notes in your locker almost everyday.

it's something short and simple like: "you look pretty today."

then when he goes home he'll realize how dumb that was because you literally look the prettiest everyday.

dumb, dumby.

takes time to make the first move though.

he just feels like you're way, farther away from his reach.

it's okay, he still considers himself lucky to be one of those who got admire you.

he just hoped you saw him behind all of them, even if it was a glance.

chigiri.h

omgg pretty boyyy

despite chigiri being a confident and self-reliant, the trigger words of his old injury was like a pulling a pin of a grenade to his still-raw sorrowness. something that'll always haunt him.

and what dose he dare to say when they were nothing but truthful? like a salt to his wounds, he tends to just take it and suck it up, or at least try to ignore it for his sake.

but everything flipped when you stood up for him.

from that moment on. chigiri knew that he was far a goner.

out of everyone here he's definitely the most romantic one.

reads all your favourite books and analysis it.

probably named a cat after you.

like isagi he writes love letters for you.

just a little too poetic..

it it's short then it's something like: "loving you is like breathing." or "i hope your days are filled with the same joy you give me with your existence only."

but mostly is: "my definition of love, i see the true meaning of living behind your hue of life. you shall lighten my soul with your existence alone, i was born to see you shin each day, witnessing you is a blessing from heaven itself. the day that i stop seeing you as the owner of the stars is the day my body shall vanish, yet my soul will know it way back to you. from your only and one your admirer."

what a lovesick clown.

he might be a smooth talker on the outside, but trust me the butterflies of sentimental keeps on swirling in his stomach on the sight of you.

told his mother and sister about you.

it was his biggest regrets.

because the next day his sister shouted your name in a demand for you to spend the night for the 'meeting of the future in law'.

he had to physically drag her back to the car, freaking embarrassing.

couldn't meet your eyes for a while after that.

wants to hold your hand.

like, really badly.

it's just that feeling your skin against his cold, pristine hands must've feel like the loveliest, cosiest thing.

the thoughts alone are making him go crazy.

he confessed first, just couldn't help himself.

he just hoped if you would go to the end of the world alongside with him.

bachira.m

the sunshine boy himself.

the definition of fell first AND fell harder.

it all started when the class was ordered to work as duo for a project, something he always despised.

you may say that because bachira was definitely not having the word 'smart' in his book, you'd be right actually.

but mainly since no one really wanted to group up with him.

it was embarrassing, to just sit there and wait to be picked was putting him under the lights that pointed him out as the most pitiful creature in the room.

then you pocked him on the shoulder, and asked him if he wanted to be your partner.

and when he didn't see the sarcasm reeking from you, he knew he tripped hard, and couldn't find it anywhere in his feet to back him up.

it was strange, bachira never had a company, let alone a crush.

but the signs were there, and were painfully vulnerable.

painted you in art class multiple times; you with a smile, you reading a book, you sniffing a sunflower.

maybe also you and him... holding hands or hugging...

stares at your face a way, way too long.

he tells himself it's to crave your features better and detailed.

even he doesn't believe that however.

he draws your eyes a lot.

his second favourite colour is your eyes hue.

he was never the best at writing romantic poems, and his hand writing is just........

so he insisted gets you a gift!

which is a rock.

yes you heard me, rock.

he would even paint a little face with a smile on it and leave it on your desk by the end of the day.

almost went bald from joy when you had it hanging as a small march on your bag.

and when you had a bad day, that goes unnoticed by him.

so imagine your surprise when you would find two pairs of rocks, one kissing the other who had a sad expression on it face.

that somehow that foster a blissful smile on your face. like that little action extinct any remains of the past negative you carried.

and bachira was more than happy to be the reason for your happiness.

definitely rambles about you to his mom.

and his monster.

he once ha a dream about you two smooching.

cried when he woke up because he wanted it to be real more than anything.

you two confessed first, at the same time.

and boy was he dancing on cloud nine at it.

he almost smooch you that moment and then.

reo.m

it's mister perfect everyone, cheer.

you fell first, he fell harder.

no, literally. you fell. tripped flat on the floor.

and somehow, that made the reo mikage heart move.

?????????

love at first (fall??) sight.

he definitely leaves a trail of gifts for you everywhere.

your chair, desk, locker, bag.

he switches between chocolate and flowers to letters and perfumes, necklaces, etc..

you say how he picked them?

easy, see something that reminds him of you, he buys.

and it's pretty foolish since he sees you in almost everything.

reo is convinced that you're within everything that shins beautifully.

he actually paid the teachers to let him be in the same classroom as you.

paid even more to get a seat next to you.

rip to whoever was sitting next to you.

he once heard that a guy was bothering you.

the next day the guy was the talking of school because he suddenly moved out of town due to his dad losing his job.

hm, must be karma then.

has a shrine of you.

but you didn't hear that from me.

talks about you none stop to nagi and ba-ya.

genuinely sobbed when he imagined you with someone else.

has a flight under your name.

made a makeshift doll of you so he can practice his confessions on.

had a mental breakdown of the idea of you rejecting him.

reo can the most horrible, miserable day to a human kind to live.

then he sees you smiling

BOOM

he's all happy and smiling again, also a little giddy.

you once greeted him good morning, the next day he was planing what ring would suit you the most.

had two planes to write on the sky: 'will you go out with me?' and your name next to it in a shade of a heart.

now, you definitely cannot reject that. (Please don't)

have a nice day everyone.

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock #isagi x reader #bachira x reader #reo x reader #chigiri hyoma x reader #chigiri x reader #yoichi isagi x reader #bachira meguru x reader #reo mikage x reader

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gojoluvs · 9 months

Text

Forever yours.

Chapter 2

⤿ Satoru Gojo × reader

The only reason why you even agreed to marry him was for your father. Now you wish you could go back in time and reject the offer.

Warning/ tags; angst, profanity, smoking, cursing, smut, cheating, mean gojo,

Genre; angst, cheating, infidelity, jik, Gojou × reader

Notes: the tag-list is open if you'd like to be mentioned everytime i update just send me a message also sorry for the spelling errors I didn’t have time to edit.

6k words

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"Satoru..." Trying to grab his arm he looked at you with disgust laced in his eyes. Sighing he walked away from you leaving you all alone in this stupid engagement party his Father was having.

You were wearing a beautiful black dress with an incredible blue gem in the middle of the top. The dress was a bit tight and short than you expected. Standing all alone you were disappointed that he hadn't tried to at least get along with you. Yeah you might've been the cause, the reason why Satoru had to end his relationship with his so called lover. But he didn't have to go out of his way and treat you like shit.

You regret it too. It was a difficult decision for both of us, but you had to make it for the sake of your families. You didn't want to hurt Satoru, but you had to do what was best for yourself. Wishing things had been different, but it was the only way.

You knew Satoru would forever hold a grudge against you but you weren't going to give up. At least to try and get you two in speaking terms is enough. You didn't want to be alone forever and if you did have a child then you'd have to at least ne in speaking terms with Satoru.

"Y/n?" Walking towards you with a gentle smile she had obviously put great effort into keeping her composure, but you could sense the sadness in her voice and see the pain in her eyes.

Even though she was trying to mask her true feelings, you knew that deep down, she was hurting. You wanted to reach out and comfort her, but you knew there was nothing you could say or do to make the situation better.

"Hello," bowing your head in respect you smiled back at her. Watching how her hands clutched onto her dress.

Her heart clenched as she looked at you, her eyes burning with rage. She didn't know why you were so calm and composed while she was filled with pain and sorrow. Jiyuu wanted to lash out, to scream and shout, but instead she just seethed with anger. She silently vowed to make you suffer for taking away the one thing she wanted the most. The man who she desperately loved so much she would even kill for him.

Suddenly you felt chills flowering in your back. Looking away from Jiyuu, you spotted your now husband staring at you. You could almost feel the sadness radiating from him as he slowly walked away, his shoulders slumped in defeat. You knew that he still loved his ex-lover and wished he had married her instead of you. Your heart filled with sorrow as you watched him disappear into the crowd wishing you could have done something to make things right.

"Have you met his parents yet? If you haven't im just here to leave a small piece of advice," Moving closer, Jiyuu leaned towards you telling you words that hurt you so bad.

“When you meet his parents try and not home-wreck their relationship like how you did to mine." She spat with venom in her voice. You knew she hated you for marrying her lover but you couldn't help it, it was an arranged marriage. You felt your heart sink and you were speechless.

You knew Jiyuu was bitter and angry but you never expected her to be so cruel. You wanted to tell her that it wasn't your fault and you didn't mean to hurt her but you couldn't bring yourself to say the words. You were taken aback by her words, you felt the tears welling up in your eyes and the lump in your throat growing bigger.

You wanted to say something in your defense, but you knew there was nothing you could say to make Jiyuu understand. You just wanted to be free of her venomous words and be away from her presence. Taking a few steps back, you turned around and walked away with your head bowed, feeling the weight of Jiyuu's words on your heart.

Feeling tears falling down your cheeks you ran towards the restroom excusing yourself from the party. Entering the restroom you went inside a stall. Covering your mouth with your hand you cried after the conversation with Jiyuu.

You just wanted to go back and time and never have this arranged marriage with Satoru. You felt utterly helpless and desperate. You knew there was no way out and you had to accept your fate. You had no choice but to marry Satoru and there was no way to escape it. You felt like you were suffocating in the stall as the reality of the situation hit you. You wiped your tears away and took a few deep breaths, knowing that you had to go back to the party and face Satoru.

Walking out the stall you saw how your face was ruined. Seeing your face a mess after crying for so long your makeup was smudged. Trying your best to fix it you grabbed a piece of paper and ran it over some warm water

rubbing away all the smudged mascara. Thinking about how you were so embarrassed that everyone saw you run towards the restroom with tears in your eyes. You slowly looked up into the mirror, your eyes still red and puffy from the tears.

Reaching for the paper towel, you dabbed at your eyes, trying to get rid of the last traces of tears. Taking a deep breath, you composed yourself, knowing that you had to go back out there and face everyone.

To face Satoru's disgusted gaze and Jiyuu's face that basically screamed at you every chance she got to look at you. After this party you were set to go to your honeymoon with Satoru at Santorini. All alone with him for 3 days would be the worst. You both didn't even want to go knowing what would happen if you did. Honeymoons are basically just another word for the recently married couple to have sex in that day. No one else can tell me that they had a Honeymoon with no sex.

Walking outside the restroom you were shocked to see Satoru leaning on the wall.

"Took you long enough, tch" he scoffed seeing your slightly puffy eyes his gaze turned into confusion instead of its regular nasty and cruel one.

"What's wrong why were you crying." Walking closer to you he tilted his head. For once Satoru actually was talking to you despite being married for a whole week now.

This was the most words he's ever said to you. Maybe it was because you were in public or maybe it was because he was genuinely concerned for you but you knew it was the first option. Even if you got shot Satoru would end up looking the other way instead of helping you, why? Maybe because in his mind you were a treacherous witch in his eyes. You were the reason why his happiness was taken away. The reason why he would never even care about your well being.

"Nothing." Feeling another tear fall he pulled you closer. Pulling his hand to wipe away your tear. Embracing you he put his hand on your waist and one on top of your head.

"If anything's wrong just tell me."

Oh you wished those words actually were true. You wished that his actions were genuinely real but to your surprise you could see two people standing to your far right. Turning your head to get a closer look you saw his father watching the entire scene unfold.

Of course.

You should've known this was all for show. You should've known better to actually think this man even cared about you. You had to face the truth that this marriage was nothing more than an arrangement. You felt like your heart was being crushed and all you wanted to do was break away from him. You knew you had to be strong and not let your emotions take control.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled back and said, "Let go of me."

You could feel the tension in the air as Satoru slowly intertwined his fingers in yours. His grip was tight, almost too tight, and you could tell that this was all part of the act, a show for his father.

You tried to give him a reassuring glance but he simply looked away, a stoic expression on his face. "Hello father."

Slightly bowing Satoru got back up, pulling you closer to him. Before you married into this family you knew that Satoru had lost his mother in a young age.

His father remarrying twice already this being the second time he's engaged. Satoru and a rocky relationship with his father. He hated his dad for remarrying so fast after his mother died of a sudden illness. He had his suspicion that his father murdered his mother to marry another women.

"I see you're getting engaged again." You could feel the change in the atmosphere once Satoru said that to his father.

Already having a grudge against his father Satoru couldn't stand seeing his dad remarry again. He felt a wave of anger and resentment wash over him as he looked at his father. He had been expecting this announcement for a while, but it still didn't make it any easier to hear.

He wanted to shout and scream at his father, but instead he kept his silence and forced a tight-lipped smile.

"Why are you so concerned on what I do. Shouldn't you be more concerned on your now wife crying and sprinting towards the restroom? If I'd to say, you look like a rather extraordinary husband." Giving his son a fake smile you could feel Satoru squeeze your hand tighter than before.

He hated his father so much.

Scoffing Satoru rolled his eyes at his father. "We should get going we don't want to be late and miss the plane."

Walking away Satoru "accidentally" bumped into his father. With a scowl on his face he looked at fathers new fiancé. Satoru did not want to be in the same room as his father's new fiance, let alone look at her.

He was angry and resentful towards his father for moving on so quickly after his mother's death. He didn't want to accept the fact that his father had found someone new. Sending him a clear message of his disapproval. Grabbing Gojo by the shoulder his father stopped him before whispering words that were never going to leave your mind.

"Don't mess things up with her. If you do I will kill you satoru."

Pulling his shoulder back all he could do was let out a frustrated sigh. Walking away from the party you both were alone. Waiting for Satoru private driver to get here and escort you back home where you could get your luggage and a change of clothes.

"You might want to wear something warm it's going to be cold when we get there." Looking at him you could see him close his eyes and move his head more up. He had eye bags and his skin was drier than before.

It was obvious that Satoru wasn't sleeping at night. Remembering that you were still holding his hand you quickly looked down. Seeing his tight grasp on your hand you couldn't help but smile a little. He might've forgot that he was holding your hands or maybe he actually knew he still was and wanted a sense of comfort. Either way you didn't care, all that mattered now was that Satoru was slowly warming up to you.

Feeling his warm hand you felt saddened. Maybe this was a way of comfort that Jiyuu had. Maybe she had held his hand one time when something like that happened to Satoru.

Remembering how Toji would clasp his hands with yours you felt a wave of sadness wash over you. Wondering how Toji was doing now. You had tried to reach out to him after the wedding, but he never responded. You felt guilty for not being able to do more to help him, but you knew that it would be difficult for him to accept your help.

You hoped that Toji was doing better and had found a way to move on. But deep down you wished that Toji would wait for you. Even though it might be long you desperately wished that he would wait until you divorced Satoru and marry him instead but you knew you were reaching too far to something that would never happen.

Even if you both were lovers for 2 years you knew he wouldn't wait long enough for you. You just wanted him to find his own woman he could call his wife even though you desperately wanted to be that woman.

"Are you listening?" Gazing at you, you completely forgot that Satoru was here.

"No, sorry I spaced out." Watching him pull his hand back you felt your heart break even more. You desperately wanted this marriage to work so bad but you knew Satoru didn't feel the same way.

"When we get to the cave houses please text your mother we made it safely. I don't want her blowing up my phone again." Finally seeing the black Cadillac pull up in front of the beautiful mansion you walked towards it completely ignoring what your husband had said.

Getting inside the car you were met with a wave of coldness, sighing you felt chills run down your spine.

"Please take us to my house." With a nod the driver close the small opening leaving you with an uncomfortable silence. You could hear Satoru talk but all you could focus on was the fact you felt sleepy all of a sudden.

'I'll close my eyes just for a bit' closing your tired eyes you felt yourself drift to sleep. It was only for a few minutes, just until you got to the house to change out of this dress you thought. Falling into a deep slumber all you dreamed of was having a happy family witn Toji.

Seeing his familar warmth when he hugged you, your dream self cried. Hugging him harder. He kissed you. Feeling his familiar soft lips on your you felt happy. You felt at peace hoping that this was real.

Putting your hand on your baby bump you rubbed it smiling at the small jokes Toji was cracking. He loved seeing his pregnant wife laugh at every single joke he said. "What are we going to name this little one?"

Bending down Toji kissed your small baby bump. You could say you were about a few months in. "What about Sota? Its cute isn't it." Placing another quick kiss on your lips he pulled you closer.

"Yeah, as long as we both like it. Sota's perfect." Giving him a small kiss on the cheek you were about to caress his cheek before you woke up. Feeling a pair of arms taking off your dress. Bringing you back to reality. Remembering that you were stuck in this universe. The universe were you weren't married to Toji but rather married to Satoru Gojo.

"What are you doing." Grabbing a pillow you covered yourself, seeing yourself only wearing your undergarments.

"Why are you acting all shy. We're married aren't we." Handing you a pair of sweats and a green sweater you quickly changed into it.

"We might be married but that doesn't mean you have my consent to take my clothes off." You spat back grabbing a hair tie, tying your hair up.

"You were sleeping, you looked peaceful so I wasn't planning on waking you up." Changing his shirt this was the first time you've ever seen Satoru change in front of you.

"You could've woke me up." Pursing your lips you were about to protest some more before Satoru got up.

"Lets go I don't want to miss the flight" grabbing your wrist he pulled you out the door. What the hell was wrong with this man.

Before you knew it you were boarding the plane. Having to sit with your husband for 11 hours. Leaving New York for 3 days all you wanted to do was go back and be alone, but you had to face your husband wether you liked it or not.

Grabbing your luggage you were met with Satoru’s bored face. You sighed and stepped out of the airport, following Satoru in silence.

You had been through a lot in the last week, and the thought of having to take a honeymoon with someone you barely knew was daunting. You had both agreed to this marriage out of obligation, and now here you were, starting the second chapter of your life. He was the son of a wealthy family, and you had been arranged to marry him for the sake of both of your families. You had never expected to be in this situation, but here you were, on your way to a honeymoon you both dreaded.

All you wanted to do was get to the house that Satoru rented for 3 days. The whole ride to the home was silent.

The air was filled with an indescribable uncomfortableness. “I expect that you shall be my wife whenever, wherever, however I need you to be.” Looking at him with a confused look you pursed your lips.

“Where you go, I go. When I need you, you come. Just until we have an heir and we both agree on a divorce.” Satoru said. You felt the breath leave your lungs as you processed his words.

You knew he meant them as a way of showing commitment to each other but it felt like an ultimatum. You slowly exhaled and nodded, unable to find words to respond. You weren't sure if you were ready for this type of commitment, but you knew you had no choice.

“Why do I have to follow your rules.” You scoffed.

“Because you were to the one who agreed to marry me, now you will agree with whatever I do.” He spat back.

Finally entering the house you were shocked to see the beautiful house Satoru has rented. You joyfully ran towards the small opening to see the beautiful view. ‘Perched on the cliffs of the Caldera, a house in Santorini offers breathtaking views of the Aegean Sea. Inside, the house is decorated with classic Greek architecture and décor, with white walls, blue accents, and terracotta rooftops.The terrace is the perfect place to watch the sun set over the ocean, and the nearby beaches are perfect for swimming and sunbathing.’ You had read online, and every single thing that article said was completely true. You fell in love with this house.

Going outside the small cave house you saw the most beautiful scenery. The clouds were completely gone and you could see the stars twinkling in the night sky, and the shimmering reflections of the moonlight on the surface of the sea.

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was a soothing melody that filled the air. The cool breeze was a welcome respite from the heat of the day, and you could smell the salty tang of the ocean. You took in the beauty of the night, feeling grateful for the moment. You took in a deep breath of the salty air, feeling the gentle breeze against your skin.

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was soothing and calming. Completely forgetting that Satoru was staring at you while you admired the outside of the house. Thankfully you had a private jacuzzi and a small bed close to it.

Not paying attention to your husband you quickly ran to change into a bathing suit to dip your body inside the jacuzzi. Without a second thought, you grabbed your swimsuit and rushed to put it on. You were eager to feel the warm water of the jacuzzi against your skin and forget all the stress of the day. As you stepped inside the pool, you felt your worries slowly melting away.

“You’re getting inside at 1:25am in the night?” Satoru had his shirt off. Crossing his arms he scoffed seeing you nod before dipping your whole entire body inside the jacuzzi.

All you had been dreaming about was being able to enjoy the day in Santorini, enjoying the view by yourself. Even if Satoru was going to mess this honeymoon up all you wanted to do was make it worth a while. Even if it meant spending every single second by yourself. You had been looking forward to this trip for so long, and you were not going to let Satoru ruin it for you. You were determined to make the most of it, and you knew that you could have a great time alone if you just let go and enjoyed the moment. You took a deep breath and embraced the beauty of the island.

Placing your arms on the tip of the jacuzzi you sighed. You would’ve loved to come to this place with Toji.

“What are you doing?” Confused as to why Satoru decided to take his shirt off he changed into shorts. Walking towards you he also went inside the jacuzzi. Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I would’ve loved to come here with her.” He silently whispered.

You felt your heart ache at the mention of Satoru’s past lover. You knew Satoru would never even consider you anything because this marriage was arranged. You couldn't help but feel like a third wheel, like you were an intruder in his own memory.

You knew he didn't want this, didn't want to be here with you, and it made your heart heavy. You wanted to give him the space he needed to process his emotions, so you silently stepped away from him. Moving to the far corner of the jacuzzi. It broke your heart how he was so open about her in front of you. Despite knowing that he will never love you, you just wanted your best to have your little self fulfill her dream.

The dream to have a marriage full of love and excitement but unfortunately for you this marriage was the opposite. There was absolutely no way Satoru would ever fall for you. He was determined to make it clear to you that this marriage meant nothing to him.

Feeling him grab your waist he pulled you closer to him. Feeling his bare back on yours. Wrapping his arms around your waist he kissed your shoulder.

“What are you doing.” You said disgust filling your voice. With a sigh he separated himself from you.

“The faster we have sex, the faster I can get you pregnant and finish this marriage.” Grabbing you he pulled you out of the jacuzzi.

Placing a towel on top of the bed he pushed you into it. You felt a wave of anger and disappointment wash over you. You wanted to scream and throw something, but all you could do was lay there silently as he began to undress. He was so focused on his goal that he didn't even notice the tears streaming down your face.

Basically ripping off your swimsuit he threw it on the floor before he took of his shorts. Seeing you bare naked he couldn’t help but feel disgusted. “I can’t even get hard looking at your body, you’re so pathetic.” He spat. He stepped closer to you, his icy blue eyes staring deeply into yours.

You could feel his breath on your skin as he hovered over you, his face contorted in anger. You felt helpless and exposed, his words cutting into you like a knife. You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you as you quickly tried to cover yourself with your hands. You were ashamed of your body, feeling inadequate and exposed.

You looked away, unable to meet his gaze, and tears began to well up in your eyes. He reached out and grabbed your wrist, squeezing it tightly as if to punish you for his own inadequacy.

“Don’t cover yourself, it’s embarrassing, you think im actually going to cum just by seeing you stupid face.” Rolling his eyes he spit on your cunt feeling his two finger go inside of you without a warning you yelped. You tried to stifle your moans as he started thrusting his fingers in and out of you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

He started to increase his pace and you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the brink. You begged for him to stop but he kept going, his fingers hitting your sweet spot with every thrust as pleasure started to course through your body.

“You know, you’re body isn’t even merely as pleasing to look at compared to Jiyuu.” You could feel tears falling down. Hearing his words as he continued to finger you. You wanted to scream out in pain, but you didn't. You wanted to tell him to stop, but you couldn't.

You felt like you were stuck in a nightmare, powerless to do anything but take the abuse. It felt like the world was spinning around you, and you couldn't catch your breath. You felt like you were going to break down, but you kept the tears from spilling out.

He looked into your eyes and asked, "You're not a virgin right?" Taking his long fingers out of you, he cleaned himself with the towel before aligning his cock at your entrance. You could feel your heart racing and your breath quickening as he slowly pushed himself inside of you.

The way Satoru made loved to you made you want to puke. Having sex with a person meant that love had to come with it as well. But in this situation Satoru fucked you with desperation to get you pregnant not with love. You felt used and abused as if he just wanted to get a job done without any consideration for your feelings. It was a stark contrast to the passionate, tender love-making you were used to. You felt betrayed and taken advantage of, and it was a feeling you couldn't shake.

You shivered in disgust as you felt his thrusts intensify. His hands were firmly gripping your hips as he moved in and out of you, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body that you didn’t want to accept. You let out a loud moan of pleasure as he increased the pace, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. “Fuck your tight.”

Feeling you wrap your hands around his muscular back he tightened his grip on your waist. “Don’t do that.” His eyes were filled were disgust. You were hit with the reality that you were making love without the definition of love in it. You were just having sex for the benefit of Satoru.

You had gone too far and you knew it. You had let yourself get carried away, and now you were left with the shame of knowing that you had given yourself to someone who didn't feel the same way about you. You felt empty and disappointed in yourself. Not even a single kiss, Satoru didn’t have the nerve to kiss you either.

It was your fault for thinking that Satoru would actually enjoy having sex with you. You should’ve known better that having sex with another woman is disgusting because all he wanted was Jiyuu. He wanted Jiyuu to be in your position, he wanted her to be the one who was feeling pleasure not you. It was reality check, it was a warning to never get carried away because this man is cruel.

You thought that you could make him feel something but you were wrong. You were just a toy to him, a mere distraction that he could use and discard whenever he wanted. Your biggest mistake was trusting him, believing that he could ever feel something for you. Not only was he cold and distant but he also made it clear that he had no intention of ever being with you.

You were foolish to think that Satoru would ever be happy with you. He was never going to give you the same pleasure he gave Jiyuu, and you should have known that. His cruelness towards you was a stark reminder that no matter how much you care for him, you are nothing more than a replacement for his beloved Jiyuu.

You should never have allowed yourself to get carried away by your delusions. Feeling his cock hit your cervix you were brought back to reality. Holding back your moans you were not going to let this man feel satisfied that he had sex with you.

Panting he gripped your waist before moaning himself. “Im going to cum inside.” Feeling his warm seed inside your cunt you felt relief wash over you. Relieved that this unenjoyable sex was over

You waited for him to pull out, and as soon as he did, you quickly stood up and grabbed your clothes. You were not going to let him see the tears that were streaming down your face. You silently walked towards the restroom. Ready to wash out this disgusting scent of his out of your body. You didn’t want to think on how you were going to raise a child with that man knowing he doesn’t love you and never will. You got in the shower and let the hot water cascade over your body. You let all your emotions out and cried until the water ran cold. You knew you had to find the strength to keep going for the sake of your unborn child.

You had been trying your best to keep your composure and be the strong person you had always been. But it was too much for you to bear and you couldn't help but let the tears fall. You felt so exhausted and helpless, wishing the pain would just go away. You had always thought of yourself as weak and vulnerable, and Satoru’s words only seemed to confirm your fears.

You had never been good enough, and no matter how hard you tried, it never seemed to be enough. You felt like you were walking on a never-ending treadmill, trying to catch up but never succeeding.

You stayed in the shower for what seemed like hours, letting the hot water wash away all your worries and fears. You knew that it wasn't the answer, but for now, it was the only thing that could bring you comfort. You just wished Toji was the one you married.

You felt the water drip down your body wishing that he was here to console you. Wishing that Tojis was the one you devoted your life to not Satoru. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes, remembering all the times Toji had made you laugh and all the love you both had shared. You knew that if you had chosen him, your life would be different now. But you had made your choice, and you had to live with it.

Walking out the shower you wrapped yourself with a towel drying your body before changing into some pj’s your sister had bought you. Walking back to the room you saw Satoru fast asleep his phone unlocked, you debated if you should sneak a little to see if he was talking to anyone. Talking to Jiyuu as a matter fact. Opening the message app you were surprised to see only one contact was there. Not even having a contact at all it was just a number.

+1 *** *** **** ; it’s okay you can make it up to me when you get back.

Satoru: I swear what we did meant absolutely nothing to me, I love you.

Your heart broke seeing him text her immediately when you went inside the bathroom. But then again Satoru was in love with her not you. You shook your head, knowing it was wrong to snoop around. You put the phone back down and tucked Satoru in, deciding you'd talk to him about it in the morning.

You quietly slipped into some comfortable blankets and laid in bed, trying to fall asleep. You moved closer to the edge not wanting to feel Satoru presence at all. Remembering that you only had to suffer 2 more days before you could go back to your regular life. The life were Satoru ignores you every day and never utters a single word to you. You sighed in relief and let out a wave of emotions that had been building up inside of you.

You felt a strange sense of freedom knowing that you wouldn't have to put up with Satoru's coldness for much longer. You felt content with the idea that soon you would be able to get back to your life in which you no longer had to worry about Satoru's indifference.

taglist; @allofffmypeaches @shycreatorsandwich @ryumurin @cloudsinthecosmos @cl0ud9ine

#arranged marriage #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #jjk gojo #jjk smut #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu toji #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #gojo x you #gojo satoru angst #gojo angst #ceo gojo #cheating #cheating gojo

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norizz-nation · 5 months

Text

Click here to read part 2 sweethearts!

Midnight 🧡 (Part 3)

Summary: lando found out about everything yet he stayed silent

Warnings: angst, little bit sadness

“Okay great, I’ll come tomorrow at 7pm for the abortion”

Lando froze when he overheard you from the stairs. His mind went blank. He couldn’t believe that you’re gonna do this. He stayed there for a while until you hung up the call. “Hey, good morning my love” lando said as he hugged you from behind. “Oh hey, good morning” you said, smiling at him. He then kissed your forehead and then kissed your stomach. His heart ached when he remembered that youre gonna drop the baby. “I love you” he said as he snuggled his nose in your neck. “Mm i love you too” you said, brushing his hair with your fingers.

The whole day went well. You and lando went out for dinner, went to meet his parents, watched a movie together. You loved every little moment with him. It was so sweet and loving. Sometimes you feel like you dont deserve him. Because he’s so perfect. In every way, he’s perfect. But you on the other hand is a person who’s flawed in every way possible.

How can a person who’s so flawed be loved by a person who’s so perfect?

“Thank you” you said, softly as you saw lando kneel in front of you to take your shoes off. “For what baby?” He asked looking up at you. “For everything” you said, smiling at him. His eyes were soft, it looked like his eyes formed hearts. “You always do so much for me. I love you” you said, whispering those words. Lando then held your hands and kissed it. “I love you more” he said, looking up at you with love filled in his eyes. Yet it had sorrow in it. You broke his heart and you dont even know about it. You loved him a lot but he loved you more. Always.

But maybe it wasn’t enough for you to keep the baby.

The next day started quite nicely. Lando made you breakfast and it was surprisingly really good. Currently you two were watching tv, cuddling each other. Lando twirled his fingers in your hair as you rested your head on his chest. “Do you feel like going out tonight baby?” Lando asked, still looking at the tv. “Remember your parents invited us for dinner?” He asked. He just wanted you to stay. He wanted you to cancel your shitty appointment. “Remember?” He asked again.

Of course you forgot. Fucking shit.

You then got up and looked at him. “I uh.. remember my friend emma?” You asked, awkwardly. “Yeah what about her love?” He asked, sounding confused. “Well we decided to hangout tonight. I forgot to tell you earlier lando, im sorry” you said, sounding guilty because you hated that you had to lie to him. You never lied about anything but now you had to.

He knew exactly where you're gonna go. Yet, he didn’t say anything about it.

"Oh okay, I’ll tell your parents” he said, smiling at you. But that smile wasn’t real. He was dying inside. His jaw clenched a little but pretended like its nothing. You then got up and went to get changed and lando just sat there, feeling empty. Feeling worthless.

Did lando not love you enough? Could he never make you feel special? Was he so bad that you dont want to keep his baby?

“Have fun and take care of yourself love” he said as he caressed your cheek. “If you need anything just call me, I’ll come” he said, looking down at you softly. You wrapped your arms around his waist and looked up at him smiling but the smile on your face was pretty fake because you lied to him. “Okay, dont worry about me” you said, brushing his soft curly hair with your fingers. Lando then gave you a kiss, which was so gentle and soft. He then kneeled down and kissed your stomach. Knowing that this is going to be the last time he kisses his baby. So he kissed your stomach one last time. One last time.

A/N: requests are open! feel free to ask what you want me to write! luv you ❤️

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pashminalamb · 1 year

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I love your work so much and it has been like 2 hours since i discovered it aghhh ><

(Nsfw) ik you're on hiatus but just a quick idea(thought it was cool sorry TT). Itoshi rin as a butler and the reader as royalty, reader initiates things by teasing rin but rin rejects because of their differneces in class but eventually give in and lets out his inner yandere 🙏 they have sex secretly with rin degrading reader for being such a whore even though shes royality🤦‍♀️ (you can write it in any way you want ill be satisfied anyways) please ignore if you dont like it im not trying to force you to write this 🙏 love you hope everything's fine!

tysm doll 💜 i'm glad you enjoy my works :p

wc : 1.0k, not proofread.

warnings : dark themes, mentions of nudity, rin has a temper, degradation, mentions of sadness, y/n having a break down, fingering, mentions of alcohol and use of poison, intended for murder. based in victorian period.

Rin is the butler of the house and has been your childhood friend. Considers himself to be distinct from you, he makes his bed on mornings, getting into his suit. Over the years it was the same routine, making your bed, telling you your schedule for the day, reminding you to dab the corner of your mouth when you ate something, giving you a glare when you picked up the wrong fork or when you were crass, even telling you to sit up straight when you slouched.

He is a strict disciplinarian, going harsh and hard on you, sometimes even pushing you to the verge of tears yet he was also the shoulder you cried on certain nights, finding solace in his stiff posture, not daring to touch you. He knew the two of you couldn't be in the same world. You were the princess while he was your butler. A gentle hand like yours wouldn't want his scarred one, he would think, staring into his glass of wine on the kitchen counter. little did he know that you liked him and had found adoration for him over the years.

Just when Rin couldn't seem to shake you out of his head, things got worse. Your bed was messy than usual - taking him hours to spread it over. Your behavior became more crass and you became more defiant, shooting back at him.

the last straw was when you demanded that he bathe you, extending a foot towards him, your breasts covered with the milkiness of the soaped water in the large bath, the sunlight reflecting off your skin making you look tempting to man. "Go on. Clean me, Rin." you tempted, waving your foot of at him.

Throwing the sponge on the ground, he had had enough, getting into the water with you, his shirt becoming soaked and transparent. Holding you by the throat, he leans in menacingly towards you. "I can tolerate having to do chores. But what I won't tolerate is you disrespecting me. Try that again and I'll make sure that you are punished. I might be a mere butler, but remember. I know you like the back of my hand and these years of experience have given me enough knowledge about you. The next time you disrespect me, I will make sure to take you over my fucking knee. Are we clear about that princess?"

You don't talk to him for weeks, while he adjusts to you until he was in the courtroom, summoned by your mother the queen. "Make sure that she fits into the finest of gowns you can find and that she attends to the tailor to have her measurements taken." she commanded. "She has to impress her suitors." The dreaded instance. You were in your early twenties, bound to be married. He was upset that night, going to town once the sun went down to drown his sorrows in his glasses of wine for he hated beer. As the week passed by, he noticed instances of your courtship with the prince of a neighboring kingdom whose name and face he did not bother to remember.

It wasn't until one bold night he couldn't hold it in anymore, watching you give him lust and desired filled glances despite the fiancé of your parents choosing giving you attention with lavish gifts. He came to your chambers that night demanding answers.

"You just love pushing my buttons, don't you princess. What kind of a whorish upbringing did you even have to start behaving like this?" he taunted you as he thrust two fingers into your soaking wet cunt. "Do you just love seducing men and then not giving them what they want? Do enjoy torturing me?" He watched as you turned your head from side to side, refusing to meet his eyes. "Can't even see me. Aren't you even the least bit ashamed of yourself?" he prodded further. You refused to answer, your lips sealed.

Getting on top of you, he grinds his knee into your pussy, making you moan, his hands firmly holding yours above your head.

"Tell me princess, do you like driving a man to the verge of insanity ? Making him watch you with your future husband yet letting him fuck you in this bed ? Just how low has your dignity fallen princess? You're not even worth a common whore, in fact you're worse." he sneered, gathering your hands into his wrist whilst the other was holding the flesh of your thigh. "What other choice do I have?! My parents want me to marry someone of royal stature, yet they care less about me. You've seen how ruthless my kin can be, marrying off my sisters to gain more lands. You think I'm happy ?! huh?! Do you ?!" you cry. He felt nothing more than to make your anguish disappear. Words of love were exchanged that night. "I'm here." "I'm not leaving you." The usual gruff and strict disciplinarian of a butler had turned into a lover, giving you words of affirmation with every thrust, moaning into your ear and kissing every part of your body that his lips could reach, losing his sanity over and over again as your drew him into your warm welcoming arms. The thought of you being with someone else being pushed into the back of his mind replaced with how good you were clenching around him while your nails drew lines down his back, his hand swiping at your clit to give you your release. Lying in the same bed with you he kissed your forehead while his hand pet your hair a sign of a short goodbye as he was to leave early the next morning.

He watched as you pretended to be interested in the talks your fiancé was giving, with the occasional smile you gave him along with a playful tap. Looking into the tray of wines, he knew the prince's glass, slipping a poison into it. You would weep perhaps from shock and sadness over the loss of a life. But in the end,

you would always turn to his shoulder for solace just as you had in good old days.

#belle.☏#.lost sheep : anon #blue lock x reader #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x reader smut #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock smut #itoshi rin smut #bllk x reader smut #bllk x you #bllk x reader #bllk smut #yandere blue lock

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hindahoney · 9 months

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hi, hinda! sorry if this question is like over the place ive been trying to figure out how to word this and my search hasn’t given me any like definite answer. im considering converting ( for bg info im black american from a christain bg ) and every where im looking is saying converts are like a part of the jewish people? is there a reason why that is or is it like a purely religious thing and im misunderstanding it to be like an ethnicity change ( for the lack of a better word ) ?

super sorry if this doesn’t make sense 🥹 and ty for taking your time to look at my question !

This question is totally fine! It's a really interesting question actually, and I'm always excited to answer interesting questions.

As with everything, there is no 100% agreement among the Jewish people, so please know that my opinion is my own, and if you're able to discuss this with a rabbi they would give you a more well-rounded answer than I can.

That being said, yes I do believe that converting to Judaism changes your ethnicity. If you are defining ethnicity solely on heritage, then no they don't suddenly have Jewish ancestors (this too can be debated, as we believe that all Jewish converts come from Avraham and Sarah). But if you are defining ethnicity on everything else – language, culture, food, shared identity, and belief system – then yes, unequivocally, a convert's ethnicity changes. In addition to this, converts can not be treated differently in any way or reminded of their status as a ger, so the issue of their ethnicity being brought up would almost never happen and we see them as indistinguishable from a born yid.

So, when someone converts and becomes klal Yisrael, they undertake all of the responsibilities and, in turn, also the responsibility of speaking up for your tribe when we face antisemitism. When you convert, you have to be keenly aware that you are now a target like the rest of us, and the trauma we all have is shared with you. You don't just get the good food and community, you also get all of the hardships. You are converting to our history, which means the Shoah, the Crusades, the Inquisition. Each pogrom, each time one of us dies al kiddush HaShem, it is felt deep in our bones. The ger inherits that sorrow, and we share it together. We are one people, and that's essentially how many academics have defined ethnicity.

I think many Jews are pretty much in agreement about this, but not all, some still want brownie points for flaunting their pure yichus. Others are using a different definition of ethnicity, as the concept is not concrete. This is another problem Jews face, we have existed long before racial and ethnic classifications so it's hard to put us into a box. It doesn't help that "Jewish" is hardly ever on those government forms they make you fill out.

#jumblr #judaism #jewish #frumblr #jewish history #jewblr #jewish conversion #jewish convert #ger #ask hinda

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hypnoneghoul · 8 months

Text

Why Have You Waited So Long? Chapter 1

Chapter 2

WC: 1820

Tags: Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Mentions Of Vomiting, Loneliness, Angst, Hurt No Comfort

He wasn’t an attention whore, he really wasn’t, he was just- he was just so broken. It hurt so much. “It’ll get better, after the tour,” Phantom was telling himself, “they’ll warm up to me, it’ll get better. They’ll notice.”

Notes: uhm... sorry? self indulgent angst, im trying to cope lmao

Read chapter 1 under the cut or on AO3.

Phantom had been summoned over seven months ago. The Ghost project had left for tour, Phantom’s first tour, over two weeks ago.

He’d spent those seven months practising until his fingers bled, until his joints were burning, until his wrist was cramped, until he could barely open a bottle of water himself. He was focusing on his guitar skills, he had to. He couldn’t disappoint anyone when the time to step on stage came. Not his fellow band ghouls, not Papa, the Clergy, the fans, himself, Aether.

He’d rest after the tour, he’d spend more time with his pack after the tour, it was fine. He was going to be fine. He had to do his best, like all of them.

Phantom was telling himself those words all the time, over and over again until his words became shaky and his face wet with tears.

He was so alone.

There were people all around, and Phantom was so alone it physically hurt.

The ghouls were pack creatures, they needed other ghouls to survive, they couldn’t live and function on their own. He had wondered if that was what his pain was, the solitude. He had wondered if he could get sick because of it, maybe die. Maybe it would be better if he did.

After all, there had to be something wrong with him if his pack had rejected him.

The ghouls welcomed him when he was summoned, showed him the basics of living on earth, Aether gave him a guitar to practise on and… that was it. They all just got back to their own lives after a week. Phantom should’ve expected it, barging into an already established pack that was together for years, but… Aurora was taken under the ghoulette’s wings, fully accepted and loved from the very moment she appeared in the summoning circle.

Not Phantom, though.

He knew ghoulettes functioned differently than ghouls, but… didn’t he deserve love too? He had hoped maybe they wanted to give him space to get used to the Topside world on his own, to not overwhelm him but that’s not what he wanted, not what he needed.

Maybe they had found there was something wrong with him?

He was so alone.

The rehearsals had started then. Every laugh that carried through the practice room pained him, every smile, every glimpse he caught of other ghouls touching, being comfortable with each other, loving each other, the content, happy smells filling the room felt like a knife being repeatedly shoved into his heart and twisted, like he was being bled dry.

He held himself together as best as he could and waited until he was physically alone, hiding in his room to cry, to scream, to throw up.

Not that anyone would care if he did so in the middle of the practice stage.

He was so alone, it hurt so much.

But he had enough time to… get used to it, to some extent. Phantom was able to act normal, act like nothing bothered him, pretend he was fine, happy. Even though he knew no one would notice if he didn’t keep the facade up, if he let the mask crack. Let the cracks bleed.

It worked well until the constant pain and hollow feeling in his chest got too much and he’d break. Just once in a while. He wouldn’t have a choice but to give up and cry all his pain and bottled up need out to leave himself an empty vessel. Ready to be filled with sorrow again.

He’d patch himself up as soon as possible, though. He was used to his pathetic little episodes already, too.

“It’ll get better, after the tour,” Phantom was telling himself, “they’ll warm up to me, it’ll get better. They’ll notice.”

No one cared about him, for him.

He didn’t get invited for movie nights, into cuddle piles, no one wanted him in his bed, there wasn’t even any chores for him around the Abbey. It was a miracle he had a plate for himself during meals. Even if it felt like only leftovers were dropped onto it.

He was just a ghost in the den, he was a… a phantom.

Not really there, not in any way that mattered.

He’d tried to not get in anyone’s way when they first left for tour, the bus was already cramped. He kept to himself, spent as much time in his bunk as possible, didn’t bother anyone, rarely spoke and only when spoken to.

When he cried, he did so into his pillow. He didn’t want to wake anyone up, they were all exhausted already, they deserved to rest.

Even when he knew most of them were awake.

He cried when he heard muffled giggles, sounds of wet kisses, sounds of sex, purring.

He could hear the love he was being denied.

Phantom was still so stupidly full of hope. He was keeping himself out of the way, maybe someone would notice and ask him if he was doing alright, invite him to go out into the city they were currently in, invite him to cuddle, propose to touch him.

He needed touch, so bad.

He prayed for it to Lucifer every night, sealing his pleads with tears… and blood sometimes, when his mental anguish reached an unbearable level and he needed to get grounded again. Never on purpose, his claws just… itched to sink into his arm, his thigh, to calm the storm raging inside him using a precisely inflicted distraction.

He had learned to phrase his prayers with more care.

He had gotten the touch, just… not like he wanted to.

They didn’t practise the pre-show hug and bows back at the Ministry. They didn’t practise touch.

There was no touch before.

He wasn’t prepared.

Phantom had panicked when he got dragged into the group hug, he didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t register one word Papa had said, all he could think about was all the points of contact that felt like cigarettes being put out on his skin.

When Swiss had gripped his hand for bows the first time, he looked around and tried to look like he knew what was going on, like he knew what he was supposed to do. Aurora did.

That simple, brief touch, sliver of skin on skin contact had been like an electric shock, like fire crawling up his arm, burning, melting skin and meat off of his bones. It was so warm.

And he never felt colder than when his hand was released.

He wanted to break down and cry right there.

Was this going to be all he’d ever get?

That night he had held his hand to his face and imagined the breath that tickled his tear soaked skin was someone else's, that the soft kisses he placed on himself were from someone else’s lips.

It was so cold.

Some time into the tour he figured out it was expected of him to fit into the dynamics, have his own unscripted stage antics and interactions with his fellow band members. He had to at least look like he was having fun and not an existential crisis.

Phantom came up with something he was telling himself was not selfish. Not at all. It was for the fans, for the show, all the ghouls did it, he was just trying to fit in.

He didn’t need to ask for it, it didn’t have to be earned.

He started initiating contact, begging for touch, anything, even if only through the uncountable layers of their uniforms. He’d slink up to Rain, Dew, Swiss, even Papa, bump into someone, try to interact, to get any attention.

He wasn’t an attention whore, he really wasn’t, he was just-

He was just so broken. It hurt so much.

Every day a ritual was going to take place he had to prepare, brace himself that whole day, just to not collapse under the weight of a sliver of touch when he’d inevitably be subjected to that burning feeling. And then the cold.

Phantom really had hope, so much of it. He had hoped the tour may have changed something, that his pack saw how desperate and lonely he was, how he constantly reeked of anguish. But how were they supposed to know that was how his misery smelled if he had never smelled of anything else?

Nothing had changed, Phantom was stupid to hope for anything at this point. That was his life, he was always going to be alone, there was no changing his fate.

Phantom broke down again, that realisation hitting him like a freight train a few days after they got back from tour. He had spent most of those days in his room, as everyone. At least that was what he had been told.

He had left his room one evening to get himself a glass of water for the night, padded sleepily to the kitchen, mouth hanging open in a yawn, eyes half shut. He had to pass the common room to get there, though, and-

And everyone was there.

Everyone, including Aether and Sunshine, they were all cuddled up tightly together on the makeshift nest on the floor in front of the TV.

Swiss, Mountain and Aether were sitting up with their back against the couches that were moved slightly back. Dew was curled up against Aether’s side, Rain resting with his back against Swiss’ chest. The ghoulette’s were piled up on top and around Mountain. Nine tails tangled together, the movie only a background noise to all their purring

Phantom’s knees buckled, the glass he intended on filling up slid out of his hand and shattered on the floor with a noise that made the ghoul flinch. Just like his heart.

No one had heard neither the glass nor Phantom breaking.

He ran back to his room on wobbly legs, feeling himself slip into paralysing panic. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see, he couldn’t think.

He barely managed to shut his door before his legs, his whole body, gave out and he fell to the floor. Sobs were wrecking his body, his wails were bouncing off of the walls and slamming back into his eardrums.

It hurt, it hurt so much.

He wanted to hope, one last time, that someone would hear his cries, that someone would feel his pain and come to him, help him, touch him, fix him.

That someone would notice the broken glass and shards of his heart laying amongst the clear pieces on the ground and come to pick him up, glue him back together.

No one heard him.

No one felt him.

No one came to help him.

No one touched him.

The only glue that would be able to fix him had already dried, it had been waiting too long to be used.

Phantom was always going to be alone and broken.

#hypnone writes #phantom ghoul #aeon ghoul #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #fanfiction

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