Divinity lams AU?

Alex is some divine, etheral being and John is just a pathetic and lost fallen angel who swears his devotion to this 'otherworldly being' for the privilege of following him around and being with him for eternity because it gives him a purpose. And at first, Alex just sees him as this sad soul whos's lost and doesnt know what to do and genuinely takes pity on him; but eventually it goes from a 'worshiped and worshiper' relationship to a relationship in which Alex see's him as an equal despite being nothing but.

And even before this, John had been searching for guidance through other people because he never fully trusted his instincts and yet this had only led him to be distrusting because the very reason he had 'fallen' was because he had followed anothers lead. In turn, he turned to etheral 'gods' who he knows cant do him wrong because they'll always view themselves as above him, and with pledging his devotion, they cant turn on him because he will forever be their faithful subject.

Unfortunately for John his devotion borders more on obsession. He loves looking up to see someone so majestic staring back down at him with such a soft smile in contrast to piercing eyes and to know Alex would be looking at him makes his heart flutter and insides melt and skin on In fire(figuratively..) and makes him just want to cut off his wings and give them to Alex as a sign of his true adoration he holds for him. And obviously this concerns Alex. I mean, his poor devotee is willing to do anything for him but theres a line, right? Alex still cares for him of course, what kind of being would he be if he allowed someone to sacrifice their own peace for him?

Cue emotional outburst number one! John would be rambling softly about how if he had the strength he would just rip out his wings and alex has to lean down and gently rest his palm on John's cheek to tell him not to ruin his beautiful wings and that being with him is devotion enough for him and that physical pain in his name would only cause harm. And then tears, of course, in natural angst fashion.

Oh, and John has an immense fear of corrupting Alex the entire time due to the fact hes a 'sinner' (by his own standards) and being in the presence of such divinity as a 'corrupted being' puts Alex at risk to fall from his stance of power. But even despite his fear he can't leave not only due to this eternal soul-binding agreement, but because being in his presence makes him feel alive and as though he can feel love again even after he had failed in doing so for so many years. But in the end Alex doesnt see himself as higher or with more power but as an equal.

John would have 'given up' his ability to feel love for another in order to be fully devoted to Alex, and yet he was convinced he didnt have it in the first place so he decided he wouldnt be giving it up if he never had it. But in turn he discovered that he did have the ability to love, but it had to be discovered through giving up the ability to love anyone other than Alex, and in a way hes happier with that.

But even so, John doesnt think hes worthy enough to be so close to someone so much better than he is, and he does view it as a privilege to be there until Alex tells him to stand up in which he physically has to look down at alex(he would stand at other points, of course, but he would never physically look down. If alex would speak to him he would physically attempt to lower his height to keep Alex above him by his own personal will.) But that is the point where he would cup johns face and then tell him that he's wonderful and the most faithful devotee hes had the 'honor' of being with and then tears. so many tears. so many pent up tears form years john has been telling himself that he cant feel love and to even be in the vicinity of Alex is a privilege that he doesnt deserve just to be told to his face that this divine being loves him and appreciates everything hes done and he doesnt want John to be hurt for him.

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

i wolf-ified them :)

day 5: rainy day

this is how it feels to chew 5 gum being a barnaby/howdy enjoyer. im Unwell

If you feel like it, how about a soft and tender moment between Lestat and Armand? Perhaps when they kiss in Memnoch? Or just anything sweet! Your style is so lovely 💗

Don't worry, anon. I'll always feel like drawing something between my fav pair. :) I had a few things in mind for them already but they'll be pretty angsty.

tonight's little doodles

If I got a DnDads tattoo would that be peak cringe or-

You know you're in post avatar depression when you re-download wattpad 😔

I know I'm not the only one 😅

he’s soooooooooooooo babeygurl

Happy Valentine's to ME 😤

One of those last Fuutas and the last two Lukas ones are traces of other art -- I don't have the originals on hand but I can try to find them for credit if people want👍

Wow I feel better after therapy. I either have the choice to a. Continue healing and being open about what's going on and letting people in my life, or b. Immediately re-expose myself to my triggers to set myself back and block out everyone out because I'm fiiiiiine

this is my eren/gojo btw

no one asked for this but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

a snippet from a one-shot i have coming in a few days 😁

i've really dithered around the puppet rabbit hole for my entire life, sometimes sitting by it and dangling my legs over the felted abyss, but by worm am i jumping headfirst into it now with perfect diving form

lmaooo pretty sure he was telling ginge to get closer to him. even ginge called him daddy. today’s stream was crazy as fuck! my boy was ovulating or something i swear

literally what was wrong with him today 😭😭 for three hours straight??? i act like that when im drunk but jesus . he’s sober. he has no excuse.