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justmeinadaze · 1 year

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We're A Family Part 9 (Steddie X You)

A/N: Ok, I did warn you people so don't come at me lol Good feels and bad feels abound. Idk where this came from. Probably from some person stuff Im struggling with. But alas...Enjoy!

Warnings: Smut, ALL the angst, and fluff at the beginning and end to warm your souls, Someone from Eddie's past comes into play so his trauma is mentioned (i.e Child abuse and his mom leaving), Dylan talks a bit about his feelings with Charlie. I think those are the big triggers here.

Word Count: 4127

“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you'll do You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.”

You grin from your place on the floor as you watch Eddie strum his guitar and sing as Steve holds her hands while she tries to balance on her feet.

Aurora’s first birthday was coming up and you felt like time was just flying by. Steve had started school, choosing to utilize the night program so he could at least spend time with the kids while they were awake if he was off that day. Eddie had just recently been promoted to manager at the auto shop which he had originally accepted because it paid more but found that he actually enjoyed the work it provided.

Dylan seemed to be getting along ok and was his usual happy self. While he still loved playing the guitar, he asked you if he could sign up for the Hawkins little league team and had steadily grown to being one of the best players on the team. When you picked him up from practice one day you noticed how his face changed as he hit the ball, like he was letting out all his frustrations with the tiny bat in his hands.

After what happened your son barely brought up Charlie, following through with calling Steve and Eddie “dad” whenever he addressed them. You sent him texts of updates regarding Dylan but Vivian was the only one to ever reply and usually it was something simple like “Thank you.”

“What’s mama concentrating so hard on, huh?”, Eddie smiled as he looked your way.

“We’re going to have her birthday here, right?”

“Yeah, why not. Wayne said he’d be able to make it and I have the day off.”

“Me to. I made sure to ask for it like 3 months in advance.” Steve flops down on the floor, Aurora wiggling out of his grasp to crawl to the metalhead as she pats on his guitar. “My mom will be swinging by. I assume Robin and Kierra to, of course.”

“I have some friends at work that want to come and bring their kids. Dylan knows a few of them.”

“That will be fun for him. Maybe I can invite the guys. I know they’ve been wanting to see her again.” Eddie leans forward and kisses the baby’s cheek making her giggle.

You stretch out on the floor in front of you and she promptly crawls towards you bumping her head into yours. “Ow. You have a hard head.” You reach out to mess with her curls the way they do.

“She’s a headbanger like me. Yeah? Just like dada. Dada?” Eddie chuckles as she falls back on her butt, watching him speak before looking over at you.

“Dada? Can you say that? Say I’m just like dada.” Both men laugh until a breathy sound escapes her tiny mouth. You grin at her encouragingly as they completely freeze. “There you go. Come on, baby. Dada.”

“Da…da.”

“Oh my god.” Eddie quickly picks her up and places her on his lap as Steve pulls out his phone. “Can you say it again? Who am I? Am I dada?”

“Da…dada.”

He hugs her to his chest as the three of you smile excitedly. “That’s right, princess. I’m your dada.” He turns her around to face Steve. “That’s your dada to.”

You scoot towards the other man and point at his chest as her wide eyes watch you intently. “Dada?” She follows your finger as you point between them repeating the phrase hoping she doesn’t get confused. Her little hand reaches towards Steve’s phone and he pulls it out of her reach as she crawls towards him, headbutting his chin before he places a kiss on her head.

“Da…da.” She falls onto her back looking up at him as she reaches her hand out again. “Da…da…da.”

##############

“No, she can’t be talking yet.”, Wayne grins as he bounces the baby on his hip. “You need to stay a baby as long as possible. Your dad grew up too fast and I hate it.”

You grin at him as Dylan and the other kids run past you out to the backyard where some of your friends were sitting on the patio talking amongst themselves.

“Yeah, Steve went from toddler to high schooler in the blink of an eye.”, Mrs. Harrington smiled from her place at the table.

“Stop it, both of you!”, you giggle. “I still haven’t accepted that this year my son will be 9. I can’t even think about high school.”

The boys were both outside entertaining the older kids while you started cleaning up some of the plates from the table and putting away the left-over food. A knock on the door startled you as you looked in that direction.

“That’s weird. No one else should be coming…” Drying your hands, you head towards the front door. A beautiful, older woman a bit younger than Wayne stood before you smelling to high heaven like cigarettes. Her long black hair cascaded down her shoulders over a Van Halen t-shirt and some obnoxiously tight blue jeans. There was something familiar about her but you couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was. “Can I help you?”

“Hi. Uh, does Edward Munson live…here?”, she asked as she looked around behind you.

“May I ask what you need with him?”

“Or even Wayne… I recognized the truck outside…”

You leaned back, gently calling for the man as he strode over. He froze in place when their eyes met.

“You can’t be here.”

“Wayne, I need to talk to my son.”

“You should have done that 15 years ago, Lynn, when you left him on my doorstep.” He frustratingly sighed as his eyes met your panicked ones. “I got this, Y/N. Go ahead and get back to your guests.” Wayne stepped further out and closed the door behind him.

Numbly, you headed back to the kitchen where Steve was talking with his mom who was holding Aurora. He noticed immediately something was off, running to your side.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“We…we need to keep Eddie outside.”, you whisper.

“Honey, why? What’s wrong with Eddie?”

The man himself comes in holding Dylan upside down in his arms as the small boy laughs. You both meet his eyes and he blinks as he flips his son back around, placing his feet on the ground.

“What’s wrong?”

“Eddie…I…”

“No, Wayne! I have every right to at least talk to him!”

“Lynn! This isn’t your house!”

Eddie’s mom rounded the corner, her eyes locking with his. “Edward.”

“Mom?”

################

You and Steve busied yourselves around the living room, cleaning up from the party. Everyone had gone home and Dylan had taken Aurora up to her room before laying on the floor to keep her company while everything unfolded.

“Why don’t you go upstairs to, Y/N?”, Steve whispered.

“Steve Harrington, if I didn’t leave you alone with your father what makes you think I’d even consider leaving him here with her.”

“Because Wayne and I are here to keep him safe.”

All three Munson’s sat at the dining room table silently as Eddie glared into the void with his arms crossed, his leg bouncing under the table.

“Whose birthday is it?”, she asked, sighing when no one answered. “I’m going to guess from the pink cake I saw that woman put away it’s the baby girls?”

“’That woman’ is my wife and ‘the baby girl’ is my daughter.” Eddie’s tone dripped with venom and it killed you. Eddie rarely ever got angry and even when he did it wasn’t anywhere near the level Charlie had gotten to more than a few times. The only time you ever heard him really scream and shout was during D & D or on stage.

“Um, can I smoke in here or—”

“No.”, everyone responded in unison.

“Jesus, fine. It’s not a big deal, you know. I used to smoke around Edward all the time.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m so well adjusted. Either that or the abandonment.”

“Look, Lynn, just tell the boy why you’re here so you can be on your way.” Wayne seemed more in control than his nephew but his anger was just as strong as he glared at the woman across from him.

She exhales as she straightens up in her seat. “I, uh, have you spoken to your father?”

It was Steve’s turn to sigh as he sat at the foot of the stairs, you leaning against the wall in front of him where you could still keep an eye on everything.

“What reason would I have to do that?”

“Because he’s your father.”

“Oh, fuck you. Do you really want to play that game right now?!”

“Eddie!” Wayne extended his arm towards the boy, gesturing for him to calm down. “Get to the point, Lynette.”

“He needs help. Your father has an opportunity to get his sentence reduced but he needs character witnesses. We thought…maybe…”

You growled as you began stepping forward, Steve immediately reaching out to grip your arm and hold you in place.

“I don’t think my testimony would help. ‘Yes, your honor, he may have taught me how to boost cars, threaten people, and beat the shit out of me but I assure you he’s a really great guy!’”

“Eddie, he wasn’t perfect but he did the best he could.”

The metalhead chuckled as he rose from his chair, clenching his fists as he paced in place. “Best he could… Wayne did the best he could. I fucking do the best I can for my kids. Dad did jack shit for me and I still haven’t gotten an apology…from either of you!”

Your heart breaks as you watch him get slowly wound up.

“Is that seriously all you showed up for after all these years? To ask me to lie for him? You seriously are amazing. You hunt me down, show up at my daughter’s birthday party, barge into our house… you don’t even bother to try and get to know me or my family…just thought ‘hey I’ll see if he’s available to lie to a judge. He definitely has nothing to lose.’”

“How did you know where he was?” All heads turn to you as you step into the area turning to face his mother. “Who told you where to find him?” Your eyes meet as she sighs again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Lynn.”, Wayne groans.

“He still has friends in town including some that work at the plant with his uncle…”

Eddie’s gaze shift between the three of you trying to figure out what you all know.

“How long have you been talking to him?”, you ask. When she doesn’t answer the anger in your body starts to boil over. “Eddie has a right to know especially since he never even got so much as a fucking postcard! Yet you can keep in touch with his asshole dad.”

“Allen is my husband—”

“And Eddie was your son! How fucking dare you—”

“Baby, come on.” Steve comes up behind you and tugs you to him. “Remember, there are kids in the house. Calm down.” He reassuringly rubs your arms as you aggressively huff in his chest.

“How long?”, Eddie asks. “Since he went in?” He laughs when she nods. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

Her jaw tightens as she stands, reaching in her pocket to place a card on the table. “I’ll be in Hawkins for the next month or so. If you change your mind, just call me here.”

Wayne walks her out as you and Steve watch the metalhead continue to fume.

“Eddie…”

“No! No one come near me right now!”

He continues to bounce on his toes as his fingers run frustratingly through his hair before abruptly hurling his fist through the air and punching the nearby wall.

############

“Where are we going?”

“Oh, come on, Ed. You know by now 90% of the time we all get into a car, it’s bound to be a surprise to at least one person.”, Steve grins. “And like always, Dylan is the mastermind behind this venture.”

You son smiles from his place in the back seat as the other man pulls up into a parking lot.

“Aren’t these the batting cages he practices at?”

Dylan hops out of the car, ushering for Eddie to do the same as he takes his hand with Steve following behind. You linger back to gather Aurora and allow your son to work his magic.

He leads the metalhead towards an empty area explaining to him why the helmet is important and which type of bats he prefers while his other dad finds a bench near the cage, motioning for you to sit beside him.

“Ok, so when the ball comes, you’re going to want to swing as hard as you can.” Eddie understood enough about sports to get that was a given but, for Dylan, continued to react like this was all new information for him.

When the first ball shot out, he swung and missed.

“No, dad, that’s ok. I know it can be a bit fast. You have to try and keep your eye on the ball as it comes towards you and lower your hands a bit.”

The ball shot out again and this time Eddie hit it, sticking out his tongue towards you and Steve as you both cheered in your little area. Aurora noticed and began pressing her hands together as she smiled, pointing her tiny fingers in his direction.

The next few balls that head his way, he hits and sends towards the net on the other end that makes your son smile with pride.

“Now, when I play, sometimes I think about… my other dad…how angry he makes me.” Eddie’s eyes meet his as he continues. “I think about how he left and how he treats my mom. How he never wanted to spend time with me like you guys do…”

Steve reached for your hand when he noticed your body stiffen as you watched them. You couldn’t hear what your son was saying but he looked so heartbroken.

Eddie took his stance again, images flashing through his mind of his parents and how they treated him when he was a kid.

“Jesus Allen, how am I supposed to send him to school looking like this?!” His mother gestures towards the fresh welt on Eddie’s face from where his dad had smacked him.

“Look, the little fucker almost got us caught! He cut the wrong wire and the fucking car alarm went off.”, his dad growled.

The crack of the bat hitting the ball made you jump as he hit it harder than he had before. Over and over again, Eddie swung as hard as he could, not thinking about form or how his hands should be. With each memory he let loose, feeling the weight of the last few days lift off him.

The machine tossing the balls whizzed to a stop as the metalhead panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Dada.” Aurora reached his way before clapping like she had seen you do.

Eddie’s head hung as he began to cry, wrapping his arms around Dylan’s shoulders as he came to hug him. Handing the baby to Steve, you entered the cage tugging them both into your embrace.

############

That night Eddie crashed between both of you, you clinging to his back as his head rested on Steve’s chest. While you two slept, Steve laid awake thinking about the last few days and everything the man he cared about was feeling. He hated that he couldn’t wave a wand and fix the pain the metalhead was feeling. Even though he had a much more violent up bringing in the beginning than Steve ever did, he knew what it was like to feel that abandonment when it came to both his parents. He was so grateful that his mom was being more present while trying to be better and he so desperately wanted that for you both.

Eddie’s palm moved against the boy’s chest as a tiny grumble left his lips.

“Steve? Why are you still awake?”

“Thinking.”

“Hm. Well stop it. You have work tomorrow, man.”

“Ed, you know I love you, right? You can talk to me about anything…”

“Geez, you’re starting to sound like Y/N. ‘Would you still love me if…’”, he changes his voice to sound like yours as he smiles.

“I’m serious, Eddie.”

Eddie opens his eyes fully as he pushes up on his elbow to look down at Steve. “I know. I just… Honestly, I thought I had left all that in the past.”

“What triggered everything these past couple of days? Was it just seeing her again?”

“Partly. Most of it was finding out she had still been talking to my dad. Couldn’t manage to pick up a fucking phone to call me but can take the time to write letters to her abusive, criminal husband. It just made me feel like I was ten all over again being left behind.”

Eddie felt your arms tighten around him as you nuzzled into his back between his shoulder blades.

“Are you going to talk to your dad?”

“Wayne is my dad.” Steve nods in understanding before rolling on to his side to face the other boy. “Thanks, Steve. I, uh, I know we don’t…do the whole romantic thing like we do with Y/N but I do know you love me and, of course, I love you.”

“Of course.”, the boy chuckles as he reaches for Eddie’s face pulling him in for a gentle kiss.

The other man giggles as Steve’s kisses get bolder and more passionate. “I’m kinda limited with this seatbelt around my chest.” His grin grows when he feels you hug him tighter before kissing his shoulder.

“You like it.”, you mumble with a smile as you release him from your hold and stretch.

Steve pushed Eddie on to his back, immediately attaching his lips to his neck as he sucked and nibbled on the metalhead’s sweet spot. He lightly moaned as he turned to meet your soft but worried eyes.

“You okay, baby?”

Eddie nodded as his thumb reached out to glide along your bottom lip before he pulled them to his own. He needed this, needed to feel and taste you both; the two people in this world that loved him unconditionally.

Steve placed feathery kisses down his chest, reaching down into the boy’s shorts to pull out his cock. After scooting down the bed, you grab the waistband around Eddie’s hips, removing the garment to allow for more access.

As you run your fingers through Steve’s hair, he leans down over the man’s length and a long line spit falls over the tip. Eddie groans as he strokes it with his palm, coating him with his saliva before taking him in to his mouth.

Tilting your head, you drag your tongue along the parts of his cock he isn’t able to reach as one of your tiny hands reached to massage his balls.

“Jesus… that feels…feels so good.”

Steve’s mouth came off him with a pop, his own tongue tracing the veins to his shaft where it found yours. Eddie perched up on his elbows, watching as you two kissed with his cock between your lips. You took over so the other man could hastily remove his boxers.

Eddie sat up, grabbing your jaw and pulling you in for a sloppy kiss before falling back down to his pillow with you in tow.

“Turn, princess.”

When he released you, you tore off your shirt as you rolled over so your back was flush to his chest. He roughly yanked off your underwear, mewling as he glided his tip through your folds.

“Take whatever you need, Eddie. I’m yours.”

You both moaned as he pushed himself into your entrance, kissing your neck as his arms held you tightly to him.

The bed moved slightly as Steve laid behind him, gripping his hips as he guided his cock slowly into him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”, Eddie panted. The sound of their heavy breathing was driving you crazy as your pussy clenched around him. “Ha-harder, Steve.”

As he honored his request, you push your hips back against his own, meeting each thrust with a moan that had Eddie’s eyes flutter closed. You clung to his hand as you craned your neck as much as you could to see their faces.

Steve abruptly pulled out, grabbing Eddie’s waist and tugging him out of you and onto his hands and knees. The metalhead’s hair hung with his head as the other boy thrust back into him, one of his palms reaching out absently for you.

Sliding underneath him, he lifted his arm so you could find his cock and guided it back into your dripping cunt. With this new position it gave him more leverage to utilize his hips he pumped into you and pushed back onto Steve.

“God, you both feel so fucking good.”

You whimpered as you felt the coil winding in your belly, extending your hand between you as you rubbed your clit.

“Eddie, yes. Please… don’t stop.”

The boy pushes up on his knees and Steve wrapped his arm around his chest to keep him steady as he pounded into you. You glance up at them with admiration as Eddie’s eyes close and Steve’s head leans against his shoulder. How did I get so lucky?

“I love you.”

Both sets of eyes look down at you as you softly smile before covering your mouth with your palm, your back lifting off the bed as came. Eddie’s face scrunches in pleasure as he grunts and cums inside of you. Steve tilts him forward slightly, gripping his shoulder as he thrusts his seed into him.

The metalhead lifts you, bringing you back up more comfortably towards the pillows and settles beside you. You play with his hair as his head rests on your chest, his arm and leg slung over your body.

“I love you to. I’m sorry if I’ve been kind of out of it these past couple of days.”

“Eddie, baby, you don’t have to apologize for something like that. I…we just hate seeing you hurt, ya know?” His mess of curls graze your chin as he nods. “I heard you answer Steve’s question but if you change your mind, we’re here for you.”

You giggle when a shirt hits your face. “Your daughter is babbling. Clothes, beautiful people.”

You and Eddie playfully whine as he pulls on his shorts and you throw on his shirt right as Steve bounces in with a bright eyed one year old.

“Ma’am, it is 4am. Why are you awake?” She grins as she reaches for you. “Is it because daddy let you take a nap?”

Steve holds up his hands defensively. “Okay, okay. I get it. I messed up.”

Aurora smacks Eddie’s chest and he pretends to wince. “Ow, child. I’m fragile.”

“Dada.”

“Ok, princess. You mastered dada. What about the person that pushed you out, huh?” You laugh as you lean on his shoulder. Steve climbs beside you, tenderly reaching out to smooth her hair. “Mama? Say mama?”

She rubbed her eyes as she looked around the room babbling incoherently.

“Yeah, that’s about right.”, he chuckles. Both men try to mimic what you had done before pointing at you and repeating the word.

There was a small knock on your door and as soon as you granted permission, Dylan’s sleepy frame came into view.

“Why are you up, weirdo?”

“I had to go pee—”

“Thanks for the update.”

He lazily smiles at Eddie. “AND I heard you talking to Ro.”

Steve gestures him over and helps lift the boy onto the bed. “We’re trying to get her to say ‘mama’.”

Dylan grins, poking the baby’s nose making her laugh before he does the same to you. “Mama.” Her eyes widen as he does it again, absorbing his motions. Your son repeats the action, this time saying nothing when he touches your nose. Aurora’s face scrunches just like yours when you’re annoyed.

Her tiny finger reaches for your face and you lift her to her feet as she pokes your nose like he did.

“Ma…ma. Ma.”

“Well shit.”, Steve chuckles.

Dylan smiles in triumph as he kisses his sister’s cheek. “Dad! You can’t talk like that. We have a baby in the house.”

############

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flock-talk · 6 months

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how did I not know until, like, last week that you have a YOUTUBE CHANNEL??? I thought you were just a cool tumblr account lol

😂 probably because I hate self-promotion so I avoid mentioning it here unless I have a very specific video that answers someone's question

on that note though Ive been animating a new intro and Im at that stage where Ive been staring at it for so long that it just looks bad to me so if y'all want to help out and provide feedback Id appreciate it very much! (sound on for silly little toto steppy sounds)

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blorbopolis · 1 month

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hello! im sorry if you get asked this a lot, but I was curious how you got into doing art ttrpg? and what should an interested artist have in their portfolio? thank you 💖

hi! so i wrote out a big "how to" before re-reading your message and considering you maybe just... asked how it happened for *me*, not necessarily how someone else should do it LOL. so, how it happened for me: i've been actively courting freelance art work since ~2009, and fantasy ttrpg is a natural extension of my interests - my portfolio was already full of world of warcraft fanart by the time ttrpgs & D&D really started having their modern moment. TTRPG is a good low-to-mid level place to find leads, as well, because the barrier for entry is super low for creators, which means a lot MORE projects to go around. (If you want to make a board game, your artist has to know a LOT about packaging, printing, manufacturing, graphic design, etc. if you wrote a D&D module and just want to publish it on itch.io? your artist only needs to know how to send you a decent sized .jpg.) as far as portfolio goes, when i started getting consistent replies to my cold emails, my portfolio had mostly covers and half-pages (ie, narrative illustrations), portraits, and animals. If you want to be more well-rounded you could also include pieces focusing on environments, items, and creatures. Don't include anything unless it's GOOD though. (i am so serious about this - bad work in your portfolio makes the good stuff look like a fluke.) now. if you wanted a "how to" answer, here is 600 words lol. I'm gonna start with the base assumption that your work is already hirable so we can focus on just like, specialization + client acquisition tips. getting a folio up to snuff is a whole other can of beans short version goes like this:

this whole thing only works if you have the ability to honestly self-assess. new work & skills: you should have fresh stuff that's a snapshot of what you can do *right now.* this doesn't mean old work can't stay in your folio if it's still good, but a small, current folio that really hits is WAY better than a bloated old one with irrelevant studies or student work. new artistic peers: as you continue to evolve as a professional, you should have an idea of which other working artists your work is most similar to, in terms of skill/tone/specialties/other relevant skills (3D/graphic design/etc) in order to see how you stack up to your """competition""" for lack of a better word. Additionally those artistic peers have hangout zones (discords or FB groups, etc) where you can talk shop & pass around job leads. research peers' clients: research who those peers are contracting with. See if your work would be a fit for them; if so, find their contact info and put it on your list. Those clients are probably also promoting other similar projects or publishers on their feeds; twitter has a handy "you might also want to follow" list that has other similar accounts you can explore. You can also work backwards from the product to the creator (see any cool battle maps, CCGs, board games, etc? find out who made it and whether they're the ones doing the art hiring.) Additionally, those discords & fb groups I mentioned will have leads (of varying quality) shared around that you should be assessing as they come in. reach out to new batch of clients: cold email. be realistic about who's worth contacting, but don't self-disqualify. that part is a balance. art directors are people with problems to solve, and you need to be able to A. anticipate the problems they need solving, and B. confidently (and honestly) let them know exactly what you can do for them. Attach A FEW, SMALL, RELEVANT jpgs that they can easily download and keep for reference. do not send massive high res attachments, their inboxes are full enough as it is. If you're responding to a specific call, attach relevant pieces or curate a page on your portfolio site specifically for work that would fit the project. If reaching out to clients doesn't result in a lead - *or*, if it takes them 3 months to get back to you, you should spend that time doing your own stuff and bolstering your skills. eventually your portfolio will be good enough that it kicks down doors for you.

you'll notice i never included "be active on social media! post your new work! feed instagram's ad revenue by giving it more content!" in this strategy because it doesn't matter. i'm not professionally active on any social media. we were getting hired before twitter existed and we'll still get hired after it dies. just do make sure you have an online portfolio (your own website >> artstation >>> other free folio builders >>>>>>>>>>>> an instagram feed.) the more times you do this cycle the easier it gets; both because you'll just get good at every step of the process, and because more people will know you and have known you for *longer* so you seem like a safer bet. I'll be honest: it's a ton of rejection lmao. I would get a rejection in my inbox at least once a week - even more than that i'd just get radio silence. But eventually you'll get a yes, and if you're lucky that yes will result in high quality new work you're proud of and can put into your folio (taking you back to step 1 lol.)

the freelance life is (INSHALLAH!!!) behind me since i now have a full time job doing marketing/supporting art for video games. But my portfolio never would've gotten there if i didn't have the experience of going through the freelance meat grinder first. it really taught me how to be an actualized *creative* (who can stand up for her own expertise, think like a project manager, and take creative ownership of / responsibility for my assignments) and not just a hired hand. my team likes that. i think

#not art #ask #freelance artist #not sure i want to tag this for discoverability tumblr thank you #art advice

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strawbearyhoney · 5 months

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Just say you hate ppl with eating disorders and go

if someone were to promote depression ( literally using a pro-depression tag and telling other people how to get more depressed and encouraging others to self harm and be miserable ) and i said ' tumblr should block that tag ' would you say i hated ppl who suffer froam depression . lol

i have ppl close to me who have suffered from eating disorders and i have a complicated relationship with food myself . its one thing for ppl struggling with an ed to have a space to talk about it , to connect with other people going through the same thing , even to vent about it / their challenging thoughts and talk about when they relapse . its another thing entirely to make posts like " fat ppl are ugly disgusting monsters you have to be skinny pale and frail to be worth anything or beautiful " and then plop urself right into an echo chamber of people obessing and nodding along liek yes yes i must be thin i must be thin all i want is to be thin im disgusting

you are going to die . full stop . you are going to die . your organs will fail and your hair will fall out and your teeth will wear down from the acid of you throwing up so often . you are going to die and it wont be pretty . you are going to die if you do not get out . eating disorders kill people , full stop . liek i need you to understand how serious this is . you either recover or youre dead . this isnt me saying " i dont liek that these people are talking about something thats bad " or " ppl struggling with this should have no spaces to talk about what theyre going through " , this is me saying " the pro ana tag is so incredibly dangerous and tumblr should block it liek theyve blocked countless of other way less harmful tags " . this is me saying im begging you to do some reserach to get out of the echo chamber and i know its not that easy and you cant just say ' wow ur right im healed now thanks ' , but you have to want to get better and that starts with cutting out " thinspo " and to stop encouraging eachother to slowly kill yourselves

liek there are a host of other problems too . the fatphobia is an obvious one , but also the colourism , racism , etc . the pro ana / thinspo communities are obsessed with reaching this ideal of a skinny pale waif , so many blog titles and urls are centered around being ~ fragile ~ and ~ pure ~ and they only ever focus on white girls ( or apparently kpop stars now ) . its an incredibly toxic place . " meanspo " is a thing now ?? i couldnt stomach too much of it

but without getting into the ~ discourse ~ or how ~ problematic ~ those communities are . putting that aside . youre going to die . full stop you either recover from an ed or it kills you . and some people with eds are suicidal and that wont deterr them , for some their goal is to wither away into nothingness . ppl with eds are not healthy , mentally or physically , and that is not a moral judgment , it is a fact . people get eds for all sorts of reasons , from trauma ( abuse , bullying , sa , etc ) , from being fat in a fatphobic world , because they latch onto food as something they feel liek they can control-- there's so many reasons , an endless amount of reasons . i am not here to shame anyone for having an eating disorder

that does not change my stance on the fact that the " pro ana / thinspo " tags ( and their copycats . #proana #proed #thinspi #thinspii #thinspø #thinsp0 #ed not sheeran #ed not sherran #ana miaa etc etc ) are dangerous and should be removed . similar to how someone going into tha #depression tag and promoting and encouraging others to kill themselves should be banned

srsly if someone went into tha #depression tag and started posting and commenting on others posts liek " kill yourself , its never going to get better , heres some accessible ways to die , heres some suicide inspo , heres cute suicide note ideas , kill urself just die prove everyone wrong , everyone will be so sorry and regret the way they treated you , just die " , people would mass report them and dogpile them and be angry at them and get them banned . but when pro ana ppl do it suddenly its " let us cope " lol ????? not all coping methods are good or healthy or should be encouraged / promoted . and self mutilation is one thing , but when you are actively harming others it cant be left alone

to quote Blythe Baird from her spoken word When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny : if you are not recovering , you are dying

#anorexia #bulimia #eating disorders #suicide #suicidal idealation #fatphobia #<- for blacklist

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desudog · 3 months

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@fuumusu

i just ended up taking pics of /most/ of my plush collection, LPS included, but this isnt all of them its just whos on my shelves

mtn dew for scale ref. what am i, bad dragon? well anyways.

heres my LPS. super small collection, im mad bc a raise in interest in "2000s aesthetics" made the market for these go up so theres like no more 20 dollars for 5 lots on ebay LOL...

BAB Tempest Shadow (one of my fave ponyyyyyysss)

all 3 of my Dotties. one of my fave BBs ever. sadly, the backpack fits jack shit and is built for a kids frame...

closeup of mini.. hm, whats that? the leo in the bg?

yup, those are my promotional 2015 FEF keychains. # swag. idk why theyre sideways.

i bought these yoohoo keychains when they were still first in claires. i remember i was at the mall with my grandparents. its one of those things youre kinda self conscious of looking back on, ive always loved stuffed animals so i would beg to go to girls outlets and didnt really get why i had to fight so hard to lol. the gloomy is from like 2 or 3 years ago hes just from ebay

disney world Duchess plush which i THINK i got while it was still brand new release. ive ALWAYS been obsessed with this damn movie and my uncle lives in florida and got it for me before i can even remember. she went in a bit too hot water so her long fur is all wooly but shes mostly perfect besides 1 stain. i didnt take her a lot of places so she didnt get messed up. apparently goes for 50+ dollars these days even if conditions not great.

for ref, heres a mint condition one.

and YES, all the other duchess's are dreammmmm owns of mine. shes uhmmmm <3

not all of my webkinz. prob a 3rd. i have the opposum and black dragon (?) somewhere too, and i THINK i still have the orange tabby. ive lost my blufadoodle years ago tho and was HEARTBROKEN. hes somewhere around here i just dont know where. the wolf is worth $$$$ but i got him as a freebie at a church sale :]

new and old torchics XD one of my fave starters

CoCo Surprise cats. I hate Luna the cat her arms are so weird. I just gave the leopard a bath last night tho and she looks great ^^. her arms are super long in front front so she sits good on flat surfaces (not: my bed)

i also just gave Lady a bath and restuffing! shes perfect fr. got from a sal. army

Pound Puppy and Pound Puuuurries. (what, no pussies?) (bad perspective shots, mb its hard to take pics cus theyre so long and i try not to touch them bc autism badtexture. these i found downstairs with sega genisis games so you can guess theyre probably not from a secondhand)

(lol)

Cody's black jaguar plush. very cute and high quality and big andwas just 20 dollars. has weighted paws. the only stufie he'll cuddle lol i guess its hardcore enough

Lucky's Simba and retriever (who is like SOOOO well stuffed, sadly no weights tho.)

a mint condition blue gellart i found at GOODWILL? and a dancing/marching bear lucky got at a dead& co concert.

my beanie boos. im mad about the quality fail on the one to the left, whos eyes are all weirdly close. -_- the lemur is part of a growing collection of lemur plushes lol

and my P. Lushes!

for some reason my Bianca has what i ASSUME is a design error that causes her to have wayyyy too short front legs so she leans forward and cant sit. ._. (sorry for no camera focus idk why it didnt focus)

and a extra older BB + a similar one who was painted to be scary as fuck by an alter for whatever reason and has sense made us ban painting any plushes

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moonjxsung · 11 days

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wait i feel like my previous ask abt the plagiarism issues felt lowkey like self promo cos i went off anon and talked abt my drabbles BUT I SWEAR I WASNT TRYING TO PROMOTE MYSELF

i just wanted to show you my eclipse pictures and i didn't wanna flood ur inbox with two separate asks abt the plagiarism issue and the eclipse pics 😭

how did you get such a nice photo of the moon at night??? whenever i try it looks like a white blob, no details or anything. the nicest moon picture ive gotten was when it peeked out during the afternoon.

here's a pic of the sun i think you'll like

han jisung is my sunshine fr 😭😭😭 i see his face on my phone and a shit day can become 10x better we love parasocial relationships lol

i'm excited for my little req to be published hehe but don't rush! i'll be sitting patiently while the master is at work

NOOOOO I DISNT TAKE IT LIKE THAT AT ALLL LFKFKSKDKKD DONT WORRY ABOUT IT !!!

I honestly have NOOOO CLUE how I’m able to get decent pics of tbe moon dkekdndmkdlwkeke maybe it’s because I have like hundreds in my camera roll atp like I literally get a pic of the moon every time I see her 👼🫶🫶🫶🫶 here’s my personal fav from through my apartment window

THE HANJI PICCX ENEJEKDKDMSMWKEKD HES SO CUUUUUUTTJRJRJEWMEKEKDKDKDKD I LOVE HIM SO BAD he really makes any day better frfr (did you see his insta post from today bc it cheered me up like instantly)

I LOVE UUUUUUU SO MUCH BABY IM SENDING U ALL THE VIRTUAL HUGS IN THE WORLDDDD 🫶💖💕💗💓💘💞

#ask

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petrichoraline · 7 months

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more bl meme!

🎇 favorite ending

🌄 favorite scene ever

🎇 favorite ending

well it's gotta be bad buddy, doesn't it? the scene itself is an absolute masterpiece, i remember i was flabbergasted and so happy watching it, i loved how dynamic, funny and memorable it is. but the overall wrap up of patpran's story was amazing. the parents kind of casta dark shadow over my happiness but as long as my guys are happy so am i. all the main characters are happy and satisfied with their lives, now having formed a tight friend group of their own. pat and pran make me feel a lot if i think about them too much so let's move on <3 ps. i like to think wai did his fair share of inner self work and apologised sincerely somewhere down the line

🌄 favorite scene ever

in terms of plot smth silly that had me gagged and i still find precious comes to mind - aoki and mio on the swings in episode..i'd like to say 2? 3? of kieta hatsukoi; i'd hate to spoil it for those who still haven't seen it (though it's a jbl staple imo and one of my faves and im desperately recommending it)

ohh, the love is science? hanger scene. this is how you direct a memorable climactic scene! how you script and execute a dialogue so completely in character! this is how you do chemistry! i can barely look at the screen and they're not even being explicit, that scene has got me in such a grip i almost feel like gatekeeping it but i've said it before - the world doesn't deserve markouwen but they deserve the world.. and for that i have to actually promote them lol (i am not gonna show the actual scene cause i want everyone to experience this whole thing for themselves)

i went back to this scene so many times. fun fact, i spent dozens of hours on a waantul post that never came to fruition so this scene was everything to me and more, i've replayed it so many times

to be completely honest there are so many memorable amazing scenes which have beautiful cinematography or express an idea amazingly or made me scream and hit pillows or bawl but i'm not making a rec list (which i have to remind myself every single time i'm answering a faves question hahah) but they are just too many (some of which concentrated in certain shows), i mean i've watched over a 100 bls at this point and things are a blur

recent faves are def the laundry scene in Stay By My Side and ..some thing or other in basically every episode of My Personal Weatherman lol

ask game here! 💕

#thank you for the question and for the patience #always grateful for the patience #happy to say i didnt spend this much time dwelling on this question which is a biggie around here #and it was super fun #💓💞🥰💖💕💞❣️💕💖#ppg #ask game #petri replies

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kozmeek · 1 year

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cornelia

april 13, 2023 - 09:05

a few days ago i was overcharged for about three times to what is the supposed amount, i was told to keep a close watch on my email for any updates about it. so i waited and waited— until it went out of my mind only realising how long has it been today. i checked my email and i was welcomed by an error message saying that i will not be receiving any new emails until i clean shit. so that is that for waiting. damn it.

so i started cleaning my inbox, decluttering with every promotional emails, some shit i dont remember subscribing to, and all. but still it didnt make the cut so i had to go thru almost every shit. i had the time so i just went on with it.

emails from 2022 to today were filled with credit card statements, receipts, pretty much every notice about stuff that is normal to an adult, and some notification from the dating sites i was in showing me all the matches i had. late 2021 were mostly resumes that were sent thru my personal email back when i was in hr. hotel promos and all (i dont remember being sexually active during those times, and besides i have my own 2 storey apartment, not sure i was receiving those).

then come 2020 to 2019 emails. the emails were fucking crazy, it was like watching how my whole world revolved around one person during that time. saved notifications, apps we used to have, places we've been, pictures and all. letters that were written, letters that were left unsent. some things that i still remember to this day, and some things that i dont remember happening. it may sound dramatic as fuck, but im surprised with how quick i was able to delete those stuff, and not dwell in it. it took me quite a while to get out from that place, i dont ever wanna go back.

2018 was full of responses about the applications i sent for a job, shit. i even saw my resume when i was 18.

then finally emails from 2017-2016. the year i created that email, and this blog. having tumblr verification email for this blog as my first email. from there it showed every notification that was ever made thru this blog, new follows, asks, DMs from people, flirty exchange of asks from the girls i slept with—. everything—its all there. from the broke ass me to my current self.

i saw how my emails transition from making friends, in pursuit of a stable job, to the greatest love i was yet to have, to affirmation emails, and success. i thought tumblr has everything, completely unaware of what my email had kept. a chest full of memories, good and bad. memories i chose to forget, and ones i hold dear. safeguarded by my own neglect. i may or may not delete the content, i dont know yet. but yeah. today, i drowned in nostalgia and reminded me of the things that made me to who i am today.

i wonder how my older self would feel when he sees all of this shit in the future? lol. and if my future self will ever get to read this shit, ive got one thing to say: uhhh cant think of anything, really. lol. ure probably just gonna cringe over this shit. lol.

im going to sleep. good night!

#1 #2

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pinkliker69 · 1 year

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ranwan office au drabble, but it's got - mo twins concept but mwy is mr's older brother, which is fun - doubleteam endgame - mr and cwn catfighting for an oblivious cwn

i cant stop thinking abt txj + cwn + mr but in an office setting where txj is the ceo, cwn is a manager and mr is cwn’s subordinate, and mr+txj are brothers catfighting for cwn’s attention ^q^ txj (mo weiyu) here very much has history w cwn, they probably were schoolmates and cwn thinks he hates him still but txj is just a moment away from proposing to him at any given second!!! (this is going off how he’s like 32 when he dies in ch1 so HEHHE. thank u trip for the brainworm)

mr is mwy’s little brother who he gave a job in his company bc their uncle xzy told him to be nice for once 🙄 and mwy was like fine 🙄 but mr has been doing well and ends up cwn’s subordinate WHICH MAKES MWY SOO BITTER LMFAO

mwy would be such a condescending older brother lol but he’s probably bragged to mr abt the hot guy hes pursuing (cwn) so mr now can shoot back that HES the one cwn spends all his time with since they work together :) which mwy is SO jealous of lol.

mwy also tried to offer cwn a promotion to be his secretary so he can have him around him at all times but cwn rejected him incredulously bc “absolutely not???? im overqualified for that what nonsense are you spouting” so hes still pissed he doesnt get to usually see cwn cuz cwn isnt in the board of directors and just a lower rung manager.

so mwy will go down to the floor cwn and mr work at as a barely disguised way to be around him more, but it mostly results in him and mr making faces at each other and bickering and fighting to get cwn pastries from the break room.

the rest of the workers are absolutely ????? at how NOT intimidating their scary ceo mwy is on their floor and get used to seeing him scolded by cwn to stop disturbing them and sulking in a corner with metaphorical dog ears drooping.

meanwhile mr is cwn’s super eager subordinate, think smth like 0.25 mr who thinks cwn is super cool and pretty and loves him totally 💗 and he keeps trying to ask out cwn and get his attention but cwn always thinks its just for work (which mr finds super cute… hes right)

cwn on the other hand 💗💗💗 he was into mwy when they were students but mwy hated his guts (think 0.5-1.0 mo ran) and was always quite mean to him bc he was so cold towards him (to cover up his crush) and they had a lot of friction so he still thinks mwy hates him now… lmfao.

cwn always admired mwy’s natural charisma and confidence so when he found out he was the ceo of the company he ended up working at (that xzy recommended) he was like.. Oh… well that checks out tbh.

what he didnt expect tho was for mwy to come down to his office so often…??? and always ask him things??? so cwn thought mwy was trying to size him up and catch him being bad at his job/ distracted and use it to fire him so he would often ignore mwy (much to mwy’s chagrin)

and then in comes mr… cwn’s crush’s younger brother who looks just like him and who’s so nice to him and respectful, it makes his heart flutter 😭 cue cwn’s self loathing for being so greedy and shameful he starts to like them BOTH ‼️

(BTW for the ages.. im not sure abt the exacts but mwy and cwn are like the same age at their early thirties ig (31? 32?) and are bachelors. and mr is like, somewhere in his twenties lol. i havent rly decided. but hes not like intern-level, hes a fulltimer. also i have NOT decided abt their family situation and how dyh and (spoiler) managed to fuck twice so she has both mwy and mr at different times... but dont worry abt it hahaha... i just want older brother mwy and younger brother mr catfighting)

mwy and mr eventually relent and confess to cwn together and are like “who do u choose!!!!” and cwn gets so flustered and disbelieving he just runs away lol.

mo bros take it as a rejection and are very dejected and go off to drink together, but there they also find cwn 👀 who is also getting drunk bc hes so confused and just wanted to not think for the night, and they try to take him home but hes like NO!!! I can get home myself!!!! while slurring his words and stumbling over his feet.

txj who has been to drinking events w him and has seen how totally stonefaced he continues to be even after several bottles is kinda amazed at the sight. “so this is what drunk wanning looks like.. hes kinda cute..”

out of concern tho they take him home tgt (to keep an eye on e/o so nothing happens between cwn and the other LMAOO) and idk where to go from here too much but maybe cwn thinks theyre figments of his imagination and confesses that he likes them both and doesnt know what to do.

the two of them r like ‼️ u know what. if we can get cwn so cute and it makes him happy. we can share. meanwhile cwn passes out on his bed and the two of them, despite wanting to try and sleep in his bed too, have to relent to the couch bc the bed is too full for either of them 🤣

i actually have some ideas for if the night ends in something steamier tho but im not sure 😭 maybe that can happen too idk.. but itd be smth where cwn ends up sleeping w them cuz he thinks theyre made up anyway and wakes up to them on either side of him like. What the fuck

actually wait yeah ill go w that instead tho the idea of them relegating e/o to the couch is still very funny LOL.. but cwn wakes up and sees them to their horror and kicks them out immediately and theyre like 🥺🥺🥺 not even a thanks for getting u home safe? wanning? chu-ge?

(if they had gone on the couch though, they 100% kicked each other down because its too small for both of them, stacked as they are)

#2ha #ranwan #mo twins #chu wanning #mo ran #office au #au drabble #yuepost

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