(Spoilers for Lesson 37, pls ignore if not caught up!!)

So how about that Lucifer angst. So I had a thought, you know the how IK gets sin-stained and has a sort of corruption break in her version of NB S2? What if it's her who gets sent to Cocytus instead of Lucifer?

Think about it... in her state she's probably causing a lot of damage. The old farts in the Devildom government who made Diavolo do that test in S1 probably already don't like her, because she's on the brothers' side and they know she played a large role in them getting established as lords. So when they hear about IK's sudden destructive break they see it as an opportunity.

Idk it's just... IK deals with so much in her first year alone and things just get harder in NB. The catharsis-loving part of my heart just wants to see the brothers walk through hell to save her.

(Also Solomon felt weirdly detached from the situation, like he didn't seem to care that much? Anyway I wanna make that man CRY with worry over the little human who's meant to be under his protection.)

i always say to myself "that's enough suffering, let her rest" but then y'all drop ideas like THIS and i agree immediately because the angst is just too good and i just have to. get in there and make things even WORSE

let's up the stakes. let's make the break even worse than originally conceptualised. let's say the stains of sin didn't just give ik an overload of their traumas and internal conflicts, but also shards of their hellish 'core' as demons, and it's too much for a mundane human body to handle

it's explosive and destructive and the real ik is drowning somewhere within this barrage of outside emotion and inexplicable pain. she tries to rein it in but all she can do is internalise it until it threatens to implode and nothing they try is working

and it just keeps getting worse. in a twisted way, it might even be a good thing she gets locked up when she does, because the chains are the only thing stopping her from tearing her own limbs off, and they still don't know how to stop this frenzy

but they have to try anyway because ik absolutely, unequivocally cannot be given up on. they'll keep her company there for all eternity if they have to, as long as she isn't left alone. from the moment they step into cocytus this is a matter of life or death and they will claw their way out of the ice to get there

head in hands can you imagine them getting there but ik just howls for them to leave because it's all too loud and she can't breathe when they're nearby. they need to leave right now because she's going to hurt them and it hurts when they touch her and she just wants to die

honestly i can't even think of a clever way of rescuing her right now, i'm just stewing in the pain

TASTE

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Don’t get to lost…in my taste

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Pairing: Lee Minho x f!reader

Genre: angst

Contains: vampire!leeknow, peasant!reader, shy!reader, persuasive! Lee know, biting, mentions of Blood, getting lost in a forest, abandoned castle (basic ik), strangers to ???, reader is afraid when she enters the castle, reader is referred to as you but she is a fem, poor grammar (i think it's all) Tell me if I miss something.

A/N: As I said yesterday, I had Lee Know vampire for a while because of a fanart, soooo I wrote this super fast 🤭 i think the narrativa is bad but is my fist scenario😞 sorry for my poor English 😿

WC: 1324

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You couldn't believe how you ended up in the thickest part of the forest, you only remember how a group of landlords chased you and you ran without looking back to where your feet were taking you, it was when you tripped that you realized how far you had run, you couldn't even look. a single soul, and nothing could be heard but the crickets. You got up scared and walked a little more thinking and thinking about if something happened you would die.

“Oh Y/N, why didn't you pay on time? If you had done so, you would not be in this terrifying forest where a wolf or much worse, a werewolf would probably come to eat you” you spoke to yourself, murmuring.

After a few minutes walking you found a house, sorry, house? That was really a castle, a mansion, it was HUGE, you noticed the door ajar, and since you didn't want to spend the night outside, cold and prone to being eaten or attacked by something, you walked to the entrance, and as your head said, you came in.

The mansion, from the outside, looked really old and big. When you entered, you checked each painting, chandelier, you approached the material of the stairs that, according to you, led to more rooms, the place was very well preserved for being abandoned, or You thought so, a small icy breeze passed by touching your body, you bristled, and you began to feel as if someone saw you in the distance, and out of nowhere...

“Hey you” you heard in the distance, it confused you, where did that voice come from? Your head said, “Hey, the one in the red apron and dirty dress, you ignorant peasant, what are you doing in my house? Huh?” The voice was male.

“Uh…oh, I, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't know you lived here, I-I can leave if you want” you said very sadly, looking around in search of the owner of that voice. “No, stay, you're already in~” now the voice was in your ear, you jumped causing you to fall and hurt your wrist and bending your foot, “ah…idiot, good, now I can't throw you out of here” he let out a whimper He clicked his tongue, you could see what his face looked like with the little moonlight that came through a window, he was…really handsome, his eyes were a pretty brown, his hair seemed blue because of the light but you assumed it was black, skin extremely pale, he seemed dead in life, he was wearing a white vintage shirt, black pants that reached above his waist, you noticed some red stains on his hands. “And to top it off I have to introduce myself, well, I'm Minho, Lee Minho, owner of this place, and you are? Apart from the one that broke into MY house”

You were afraid to speak, and even because of the pain, “I-I'm Y/N,” you spoke very quietly but since he didn't say anything, you assumed he heard, “We already introduced ourselves, okay, now, I'll help you up to a room, I'll cure you. You will stay there, you will rest and I will help your ankle heal, I heard something creak and I am sure it was not the floor, so I will bandage your ankle and your wrist, so you will heal faster” despite being a stranger, it was quite kind to you, the only thing that seemed unusual to you was that he closed his eyes and inhaled briefly, you didn't know why he did that.

He carried you bridal style and took you to a room so you could be without hurting yourself. “You have a good smell you know?” He inhaled again, you didn't know how to react before that and the only thing you said was a “thank you…I guess” you wanted to bring up the topic of his pale skin and lack of color on his lips and cheeks. “I-I've never seen you before sir…Minho, why do you live so far from town?” You asked him as he laid you on the bed and arranged your hair exposing your neck, he lightly touched your skin, you swallowed a little nervous about it “I don't like people, I mean, they're so annoying, look at you, you hadn't even been 10 minutes in my house and you already have two things broken, they are so clumsy” he spoke about people in a way as if he were not part of them, that made you suspicious, was he some kind of hermit? “And God don't call me sir, just Minho”

While he was talking he gently caressed your injured arm, as if he wanted to feel your warmth, his skin was extremely cold, that supported your theory that he seemed to be Dead in life. “You're very cold Minho, are you okay?” You tried to bring your hand closer to his face “hey, I'm fine, it's just, cold” a part of you told you that he wasn't normal, maybe he was some kind of creature that stayed cold, or his blood just wasn't pumping normally. and that's why it's freezing.

He brought his hand closer to your chest, and kept it there for a few seconds, as if feeling your heartbeat and your heat, the cold of his hand made you shiver, “I'm not going to ask how a pretty peasant girl, end up in a mansion in the middle of the forest because I know you're not going to tell me so, just bandage your foot and your wrist, you rest and stay for a few days" and so he did, he bandaged your ankle and your wrist, and he retired, no without first taking your hand, bringing it closer to his face, it wasn't your hand, it was your forearm and close to your veins, he appreciated the smell again and he kissed there, that confused you much more, you said goodnight and he left.

The days you were in that mansion were almost always the same, he would see you, you would talk for a few moments, he was not very talkative, and he only came at night, he never left in the morning, your breakfast was always on a table next to your bed with a note of 'enjoy it peasant', lunches were almost dinner, at 7, when the sun was no longer there, from then on, you began to see Minho walking through the mansion followed by apparently some cat , you didn't know or at least you weren't sure if Minho was really sleeping, one night, you caught him sitting on the ground floor of the mansion, looking at what looked like an album of old photos, you hid so you could see him, but he discovered you and returned you to bed, when you asked about the photos, he didn't say anything and just said 'rest' and left.

You had been there in the mansion for almost a week, Minho increasingly sought to persuade you more with his touches, they didn't reach THAT point but they were quite provocative, it was already night, Minho checked your ankle again "does it hurt if you try to walk?"

“A little bit, yes” you answered his question.

“Well, rest and massage,” he caressed your cheek, moving your hair again to expose the skin of your neck and collarbone, and left.

You didn't want to bother Minho, but you were curious so you left the room as best you could, limping on one foot, you walked to what you thought was his room and knocked, they didn't respond, you knocked again “Minho?” He didn't come out, you grabbed the handle and opened the door, Minho turned around abruptly, his mouth was full of blood and his hands were just like his head and sleeves, the shock made you fall again, without hurting your ankle again, “shit, you know, I kept this for all the time you were here but, I can't anymore, I just can't, your blood pumps and your heart beats so hard that I hear it in my dreams, sooner or later you had to find out” he crouched down towards you, cupped your face , he forced you to turn around and the only thing you felt was his breathing and something piercing the skin of your neck, you screamed again, regaining consciousness, “M-Minho! What…what are you doing? Stop!" You squeaked, trying to push him away, he moved away of his own accord, “you taste delicious.”

“Minho?…” you saw him scaredly touching your neck “you know Y/N? You're pretty and I liked you, I think…you'll have to stay longer than expected” he smiled sideways, wiping his mouth. And I hug you, taking you to the room.

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Taglist: no one at the momento but comment if you want to be on it ^^

Chapter three had me a mess😭 please it was so real like, gave me flashbacks to when i forgot to tell my parents i had an ear infection and passed out, they came home to me laying on the floor with blood leaking out my ears🧍🏻‍♀️

What is it with dads and expressing their worry through making you think they hate you… like i tried to GASLIGHT MY DOCTOR INTO IGNORING THE INFECTION WHEN IT GOT WORSE CAUSE I WAS SO SCARED😭

Anyways, what if reader like refuses to talk to Jake for days so he’s like convinced she’s still mad at him and hates him (miscommunication makes my bones rattle😍) while reader is just terrified of Jake telling her something like he’s disappointed in her so she’s trying to out it off as much as possible???

just an idea my silly goofy daddyissuesveteran mind came up with, whatever you do will feed me for day🙏 Ik you have another series lined up but avatar is engraved in my mind rn and it won’t leave anytime soon so if you right a family AND romantic angst fic with very specific and niche bits of fluff then i will worship the ground you walk on😍😍🙏🙏

GODDAMN ANON WHAT........ but i get it... the more it gets worse the scarier dads get bc they dont know how to express their worry in a healthy way and hate feeling that way so they get angy (they dont know how to comfort) 💀 your dad was probably horrified because im over here cringing at the blood from ears PLEASE

and oh the good old miscommunication trope LMAOOOO i hate it but i love it. jake is like the perfect character for this and it's very likely this would happen. reader would definitely not want to see his reaction but jake would keep thinking that she has a right to hate him now because what kind of father drags his child home bleeding in immense pain and NOT notice??? so he'd not say anything at all EUGH

THANK YOU BY THE WAY 😭😭my avatar brainrot is not leaving as well, dont worry! but now my people pleaser brain wants to know what niche ur into so i can master it LMAO

antags hcs !! ⭐ 💞 smoking 🍬 🪩

please if you don't mind checking out my pinned, my last account butter-gun got fuakaking terminated SO I made a new account, *ps I'm not trying to encourage 😭😭*

MIRIAMMEANSBITTERNOTBUTTER0064

Byakuya togami

he WANTS to be a smoker, he wants soo seem intimidating and all having

but when he tries he gets queasy because of the smoke and it just burns his throat too bad he can't handle it

went through a denial phase by pressing that smoking was for low life thugs and didn't concern someone of his type.

but how he just acts like he doesn't really care..

when it really does

Celeste !!

man you know she's smoking a pack a day

she has the real fancy kind too

weed is a little different

though she is feeling the effects, she's still the ultimate gambler after all

you'll never tell she's high

Komaeda

look at the boy and tell me he didn't live off drugs, ciggs, alcohol, a bit of coke here n there, and trash growing up

he can smoke a cigarette !! though he thinks they taste gross, revolting even. yet the pain it brings his head and chest causes him to feel a little pain - a little despair

as for weed IT BARELY WORKS

bro nagito absolutely smoked his way though life and he still figures it out

Mikan

she's used to cigarettes :(

they aren't the worse for her but they still burn her and make her cough and hurt really bad

she can't handle weed

she can probably handle anything needle injected but smoking plain old WEED ??

no.. too far..

Kokichi

similar to Byakuya

he WANTS to be a cool smoker

he wants to be that kid smoking weed

but he's NOT

hes too much of a LOSER 💀

instead of Byakuya though, he just LIES

he's like oh yeah I did weed and I did ur mom

like mf shut up besties stis your piss is CLEAN

Angie !!

Angie can handle it, it just doesn't phase her

cigarettes are okay, she finds them beautifully through art, but in general she doesn't get the appeal

weed however !!

she can get down on that

she probably believes it to be a gift or a medicine

now I've been in this fandom for way to long you all NEED TO KNOW that Angie probably has a mental illness / condition that causes her to act how she does

and j do think if in my HC au that it would actually help her

she also claims it brings her closer to atua, and she can clearer see what to create

IZURUUU !! ~~ 😍 😍

he likes cigarettes because it makes him feel a little less artificial

ALSO COME ON ITS FR HIS TYPA THING IK U CAN SEE IT

weed is cool too because he usually doesn't get wrecked high, just makes him feel a little less tense

Junko !!

OBVIOUSLY ??

she's JUNKO. ENOSHIMA.

what party girl doesn't doesn't get drunk and high off every drug in a cute way

she'd probably have a personality for a drugged Junko

She smokes because it's cute, she inhales cuz she's JUNKO ENOSHIMA

I would be very very interested in learning more about the lore of your recent fic... I love crime/mob boss aus so so much

:D you are SO valid i am happy to offer my words

under a cut bc they Do get kinda violent/dark so be forewarned

to start with the Big stuff imma talk about scar + mumbo's respective scars

ik i didnt say it specifically, but when bdubs tells scar to be careful and he grabs his neck, he's grabbing at a scar (ha)

he got this from his first right hand man! bdubs is the second who got his position after helping save scar's life when the first guy attempted to kill him and take over Glass Empire

scar also has a few smaller face/shoulder/arms scars from the encounter, but the neck one is the biggest and the one that nearly killed him

bc of this, scar has an inverse relationship with trust! the more he trusts someone, the more he expects them to betray him. this does create relationship problems later but it's ok they'll figure it out <3

a lot of mumbo's scars actually come from him being a bit clumsy, tho ofc mr South mob boss will never admit this

most of the gunshot scars come from him takin hits for grian, tho some are jus his

the big ones, over his heart and around his side, come from the same event!

see mumbo used to be a mob boss in a different town (imma come up with names for the org/town/etc later) that was somehow worse than Heremita

it was worse bc every group had their own specific Thing they did to show that a certain kill was smth they had done- Heremita uses symbols

one of the groups 'thing' was cutting the heart out, sometimes keepin/displayin it in their main office if it was a significant murder

mumbo had met with that group's head in what was supposed to be a no-weapons discussion dinner, but the other guy drugged mumbo's drink and was pretty far into gettin his heart when mumbo managed to wake up enough to flee

he got the side cut in the scuffle that ensued when he got up and ran

that event is actually what led mumbo and grian to strike out in a new town, bc a move like that indicated their group was rapidly losin respect, and more bold attacks would follow. they set up at night in Heremita to establish themselves Big and fast

this is also why mumbo didnt take the painkillers from scar- he only accepts food/drink that grian gives him (he mostly jus makes his own) and anythin med related is usually a plain-out No

now to make things fair i will also talk about Grian's scars

grian also has a fair few gunshot wounds, most taken for mumbo, but not as many as mumbo. this is due to a mix of mumbo havin been at a higher position longer, and grian being better at dodging

however grian also has, going down both arms from shoulder to just above the wrist, a little more than a dozen (each arm) near-circle cuts around the arm that are straight-edged and evenly spaced

remember how i mentioned old town had Styles? yeah

grian didnt start out as mumbo's right-hand; he used to be a regular lackey who mumbo ended up takin a shine to and talkin with a lot

enemies thought he'd be a good target to kidnap and get info from, bc he was close to mumbo, but not high enough on the command chain to be noticed missin very soon

the lines are from torture- after each line, they ask if the victim wants to crack, and they cut again if the answer's no. the mix of prolonged pain and bloodloss is usually effective

grian Refused to break however, and was about to die for it, when mumbo, who did notice his absence right away, burst into the room with absolutely Zero back-up and beat the living shit out of everyone there

hazy from pain/bloodloss, grian watching mumbo commit what was probably several war crimes only to then very gently ask if grian was ok was a religious experience

if grian had it his way their first kiss wouldve been Right Then but mumbo thought he was just acting out of delirium and misplaced need to 'repay' mumbo- it took several days of recovery and grian proving he was lucid for them to get anywhere

altho grian isnt ashamed of his scars (bc he didnt break), in old town, they were usually pretty shameful- the only people who had those scars and lived were those who betrayed their organizations- so he usually keeps them covered

so yeah scar histories <3 cant be a mob-er without 'em amiright

tumblr told me there's a character limit for text blocks, which ig bullet points count as, so here's a break in the block

ok on to smaller details referenced but not fully explained in the text:

heremita Does follow the s7 mayor race in the sense that it has five major mobs- the South, Glass Empire, the Armory (false's), stress's, and doc's- and those bosses are all runnin for mayor

also similar to s7, false's method of trying to get votes is striking down members of opposing gangs to convince the people only the Armory can offer them satisfactory protection

this sometimes involves kidnapping members and then staging a fight-kill at the scene where false wants to plant her poster, again a la s7

scar's cane is not entirely for decorative/dangerous use! he does actually need it to walk long distances/for long amounts of time, due to various leg and lower back injuries he's sustained over the course of his time as Glass Empire's head

grian might technically be mumbo's right-hand, but you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in heremita who doesnt see him as a secondary head of the South. he goes with mumbo to all business meetings, and mumbo rarely says no to his ideas or suggestions for the org

most of the mobs have separate abandoned warehouses they do their tortuin/killin in. the End Crystal has one directly in it bc the South is Like That

not really lore, but all last names were picked in my attempt at fitting them with their minecraft names- Chronos is the personification of time, Eris the goddess of discord/chaos. since grian doesnt have anythin else to his minecraft name, Penemue is a 'watcher' angel and, in enochian lore, the scribe of god

and there is a lot of the lore!! not all of it, and not all of it is fleshed out, since i hadnt really been plannin on makin this much more than a one shot, but,,,,,, we'll see. i already have some good ideas if i were to do a sequel so ya never know ya never know

hm. sure am not making anything easier for myself by doing what im doing and yet im doing it

some dumb questions and thoughts I got from Hollow Mind

Idk who made the statement of Caleb’s? position when he’s dead looks like the Titan’s bones or something but their statement got me thinking.

Why did the Titan buried or trapped Collector within its bones? Does it know that collector is planning something big? But that plan probably leads to witches hurting or something worse.

In this scene, it’s interesting that the collector is holding the Titan’s head like it’s some toy. It’s saying like, “I now have the high ground, you old fool” or something like that.

And what do they mean, revenge on? Revenge on the Titan? But why would Belos have revenge on him? Is it because of trapping him into the Boiling Isle with his brother? But that was because of a witch wasn’t it? And Caleb was more of the curious one than Philip who was reluctant?

For the collector, it would make sense that they’ll have revenge on the Titan but it kinda looks like they’re using the Titan to get revenge on the Titan??

Rest of the questions I still have is:

- how does belos do “magic”? Ik he has a artificial staff that can do artificial magic but how would that work? plus in his fight scene with Luz, it looks like he didn’t even use a single glyph. Or is the artificial magic from the witches that has a Coven mark on their hand?

- does the glyphs on his arm make him live longer but the consequences of it is pain? Or is it the palismen that makes him live longer? And those only weaken the pain from the fucked glyphs on his arm? I thought of him being immortal but then I realized he’s human and he is growing old but slowly. But even in his ‘grandpa’ looking state, he’s still be able to do magic or keep his monstrous form for so long.

Ngl I got more questions but I keep forgetting them so here���s what I mostly got. Also ignore that I call Titan him. It’s midnight here and I didn’t realize my mistake

so i now have the capability to play all the old fire emblems besides the ike ones. i don’t even know where to start honestly (this is me asking for suggestions)

Oh that's a good question, and it probably depends on your personal preferences!

If you want to see how the series got its start, there's always Shadow Dragon and New Mystery of the Emblem! They got a 3DS update at some point, if I'm not mistaken (though I haven't played them), but Marth's games were the origin of the series.

From what I understand, Gaiden is a lot more experimental in format than most other games: it includes actual dungeon crawling portions (which are faithfully incorporated in the 3DS remake) -- but this is another one I don't have first-hand experience with, so I can't say too much about it.

I haven't played the oldest games like Genealogy of the Holy War and Thracia 776, but I have heard generally good things about Genealogy's story and overall handling of its themes. It's also pretty brutal in its difficulty, from what I understand, so if you're particularly good at tactical RPGs in the vein of Fire Emblem it might be a good starting point -- or if you're like me and terrible at them, maybe skip them for now.

Blazing Blade was actually my first introduction to the series, and I really enjoyed it -- one of my favorite things about it is actually the sprite animations, which is just lovely. Funny enough, I never finished it (I got through the prologue with Lyn multiple times but never got more than one or two chapters further), but the characters were really fun and it's one of the games that pops instantly to mind when I think of "classic Fire Emblem," for better and worse (RIP me permadeath is mandatory and unit management is painful).

I have such a weird relationship with Sacred Stones because I know I have played this game. I have evidence that I have played this game. I remember absolutely nothing about it. I have the vaguest memories of Myrrh and running low on her dragonstone charges and that is it. Even so, it's another good game with strong characters and more of those excellent sprite animations (but also it still has the permadeath and units you don't use will fall further and further behind).

Unfortunately it wasn't until the 3DS generation that we started getting some major quality of life improvements: Awakening is where we got optional skirmishes to help with leveling units, making unit management easier since you can keep everyone roughly equivalent in level and have a wider roster to use; I believe it's also the first game where permadeath was optional rather than the default, so along with varying difficulty options it's a lot kinder to people that aren't excellent at the game like me, I am a filthy casual and I feel no shame. Later games like Shadows of Valentia (the Gaiden remake) even include an option to rewind turns so you don't have to make quicksaves and restart if you want to avoid units falling (which, yes, I do even if I have permadeath off I don't want anything bad to happen to my friends okay).

I know @fayesdiary has a lot of experience with the older games -- any advice for someone looking for a place to start?

h o t e l k e y

1.6k words chenle x fem!reader fluff, humour, suggestive based off of the song “hotel key” by old dominion (ik ik a country song gross)

“it makes her think of me, and that night we left our hearts on our sleeves and our clothes all over the floor”

You find yourself releasing yet another deep sigh as your father beckons you from across the ballroom, but you still put in your brightest smile as you make your way through the heavy throng of people, preparing to be introduced to yet another business associate who's name you'll forget way before the end of the night.

"This is my daughter, Y/N"

He was already gesturing and introducing you by the time you made it to the place next to him, and you accepted the hand of the older man standing in front of you.

"Oh she's grown very well, such a pretty girl"

"You aren't the only one to think so, she was recently crowned Queen of the Seoul Pageant, you're looking at a future Miss Korea"

You tried to keep yourself from cringing as your father blatantly boasted about you, hoping the other man would pretend not to notice.

He didn't, instead he did something even worse.

"Oh that's great, my son is about the same age, he just performed his third concert at the Golden Hall of Vienna"

You could see your father controlling his face as to not appear impressed, but when the other man turned around to find his son, you got the pointed look you knew meant 'be better than whatever his child is'.

The man turns back around and you pretend to pay attention while he introduces his son who isn't there yet, the exact same thing your father did.

At the end of his sentence a boy your age approaches, and it might be the first time you've actually been interested in something going on all night.

Because my goodness, he is gorgeous.

"Chenle, this is Mr.Y/L/N"

He shakes your fathers hand and you can't spot a single thing he does that is less than perfect.

"I was just telling him about your concert a few weeks ago"

There's a flicker of something in his eyes and you think maybe he feels the same thing as you, though he quickly recovers into the golden boy he's expected to be.

"Oh I hope you weren't bragging, it wasn't anything that special"

"Now don't be so humble Mr.Chenle, that is very impressive"

You laid on the charm you knew your father wanted, and his short nod of confirmation validated your thoughts.

It seemed that Chenle hadn't noticed you until the words left your mouth, and his eyes seemed to shine when he did.

"You are very beautiful Miss.L/N"

"She's going to be Miss Korea"

You made sure only Chenle could see your small eye roll as your fathers launched into another round of 'my-child-is-better-than-yours".

"How about I get the lovely lady a drink?"

Both of your fathers seem thrilled by the idea, and you weren't going to pass on an opportunity to get away, so you politely nodded and let him lead you away.

"You are an angel, thank you for saving me from that conversation"

He laughed at your immediate character switch, "I hope you weren't there for too long before I got there to save you".

"Doesn't even matter, as long as we're safe now"

He laughed at your dramatic phrasing, walking straight past the bar and towards the front door.

"You wanna get out of here"

"I thought you'd never ask"

He pulled you along with him out the doors, getting his car from the valet and driving out onto the main road.

You inhaled the scent of lemon and new car while you fiddled with the radio, Chenle tapping his fingers on the arm rest while he spoke out loud about ideas of where you could go.

By the time you pull up to some random fancy hotel, you're both laughing to the point of stomach pain, and you don't know why but you had never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly.

"Hello I'd like an executive suite"

You zoned out while he spoke to the woman at the counter, and was only pulled back in when he wrapped his arms around you and yanked you towards his body.

You looked up with wide eyes, but a quick scan of the scene told you what was going on, and your eyes narrowed at where the female worker had her hand still hovering over Chenle's chest, obviously having just been removed from an attempt at flirting. The current contact you had with the boy and the two pairs of eyes on you told you that he had used you as a cover, and he had obviously said something, something they were both waiting for you to respond to.

"I'm pregnant"

They both looked at you, the woman's eyes wide with horror, Chenle's wide with bewilderment, probably at why that was your panicked response.

You looked up to meet his eyes and you both immediately broke into loud laughs, Chenle swiping the key cards from the counter as you both ran towards the first hallway, his hand holding yours the entire way.

When you finally stepped out of the elevator and made it to your suite, there were tears dried on your face from laughing so hard, and Chenle was still teasing you.

"I'm pregnant," his words were once again cut off by his laughter and you smacked his chest as you inserted the card into the door and yanked it open, throwing yourself onto the bed while he came in still laughing.

He tossed himself next to you, turning onto his side and propping his chin on his hand to looks at your face.

"I told her that we had just gotten married and needed a room" he wiggled his eyebrows as you laughed, mirroring his actions as you turned to look at him in the same manner.

"Well I said I was pregnant, so at least she won't get the wrong idea about what we're doing up here"

"Oh yeah? What do you think she's thinking?"

His voice gets softer and he leans in towards your face, to the point where your lips are only centimeters away.

"You know"

"No I don't think I do?"

"The devils tango. The sideways salsa. The no pants dance. Hanky panky"

He had lost it by the first euphemism, but you kept going, although making him laugh that hard while being so close proved to be a bad idea, and you felt his head hit yours before you had the chance to move away.

"I was going to kiss you but after that I don't think I want to"

He barely got the words out between his laughs and you acted offended, although disappointment was the real emotion you were feeling.

"Why? Because I'm too funny?"

"Yeah, uh-huh that's totally it"

He had finished his laughing fit and was able to speak clearly, a smile on his face while he rolled his eyes, continuing his path back to your lips.

You were barely a millimeter apart when your phone started ringing, both of your groans echoing throughout the room while you blindly reached for the device.

"Where are you? I cant find you and Chenle's father seems to not be able to locate him either. You better be making smart decisions. I'll let you go this time but we've got another party next week and you will be there the entire time"

Your fathers voice was loud through the phone, and you were sure Chenle heard every word.

"Ugh" you let out an angry groan as the voicemail finished, throwing the device somewhere across the room.

"Why do they always do this?"

Chenle got a similar text from his father, and now both of you were mad, knees touching as you sat angrily on the hotel bed.

"What do you think they'd do if we just ran away?"

He looked at you in amusement, not a single ounce of surprise in his gaze.

"I've thought about it, leave the city"

"Maybe the country" you added, and chenle let out a melodic laugh, content to sit in some random hotel with you and talk about running away together.

But that wasn't what you wanted right now.

Right now the thought on both of your minds was to make you fathers mad.

“You better kiss me before we get interrupted again”

You don’t have to tell him twice, within a second his lips are crashing into yours, tongues clashing and hands grabbing at whatever they can reach, both of you trying to contain your smiles at the feeling of freedom.

When you woke up the next day the alarm on the side table read 3:00 and a laugh left you mouth as you woke up the boy next to you.

“Chenle we were supposed to check out three hours ago”

His eyes widen but he joins in your laughter anyway, both rushing around the room to locate your belongings.

The same check in lady at the desk from yesterday glares at you as you run through the halls, and since you paid yesterday you thankfully don’t have to speak to her, Chenle just throwing the key card down on the front desk and running with you in his arms towards his car.

He was too busy dismissing calls from his father and screaming along with the radio to notice the way you slipped the other key card into your small purse.

“we both know we can’t open the door no more, but she kept the hotel key”

.

sorry for having the most depressing existential crisis ever by myself but kind of worse than feeling cursed for dying is feeling like ok well illness is not a moral determination on me or else four year olds wouldnt be getting the same thing but that means its just random which means things are just Bad for no reason at all

and like im so Aware of it and it feels like no one else is and it feels like insane like i guess apparently it is considered Wrong to focus on it and i mean its not like i want to sit around being unhappy but i cant understand how it’s not logical to be like just. incredibly sad forever about all this other than the fact that being miserable is not fun but it’s really just. insane to think that idk this sounds fake deep lol but like i read about some university department news and im like not belittling academia blah but its like there are people who dedicate their lives to studying x subject and im supposed to pick something and do that like some career and pretend it matters? when i wont live long enough to idk have the life anyone else does

its not like i know what people should say but im tired of no one knowing what to say im tired of feeling like idk anyone who understands it im tired of struggling to explain that sometimes i just have very strong moments of not giving a shit about twitter drama bc im more focused on Mortality As A Concept or my stomach hurting all the time or my arm rotting so that it scrapes against the joint... im tired of knowing i probably wont ever be as old as my older brother even and then having ppl tell me i need to live in the moment like im not desperately aware lol.  im tired of people not understanding or caring that it comes and goes because sometimes i can repress it but sometimes i cant 

even if i dont die Soon which feels very vague to me like i was supposed to be thrilled at the concept of 3-7 years it’s like. no one is ever going to understand it and it feels like people don’t even care or try.. it just makes them uncomfortably e and they think im making a big deal of it and using it or something.. which like whatever i get its not like i go around comforting everyone especially now and ik im not the center of everyones universe. but its like okay everyone else wants to avoid it but i cant because i cant even read a book watch a tv show whatever without some casual mention of cancer. because its some entertaining side thing in everyones lives but for me im simply focusing on it too much 

like i dont want to be The Sick Girl really especially because to get any sympathy you have to be very happy about it and very constantly talented at something which is hard, when you are in pain all the time and very aware of the death your brain is soon about to cause u at any possible moment,  but i dont know what else to do lol. maybe meds will help but idk :) i want to be optimistic but its like i dont think we can talk therapy our way out of this one !

idk why im writing this lol im just tired of trying im rly at my limit like... hearing “i think you overthought it” yeah well. dying will do that to you

i know describing myself as dying isnt rly making me any more appealing to be friends with but im just sad . cool. its not like i would super want to be friends with someone who was miserable all the fucking time but on the other side its also like wow im having fun feeling so entirely isolated 

i wish i was a different person mostly. maybe if i was more graceful this would be more fun & like sympathy garnering instead of being like very lonely and my bones hurt etc

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

“...Step on a Fuckin’ LEGO!” ~ A Negan One-Shot

Summary: The reader is a soft-hearted, soft-spoken girl. Negan is...well...he’s Negan… That says it all right there. One day he pushes her too far, pissing her off. She yells the only threat she can think of at the Savior Leader.  

Warning(s): Language. Negan tries to curb his language...kinda. Angst. Threats. Violence - by LEGOs. Negan being an ass. Sweet Negan. Caring Negan. Fluff. Happy ending. *No LEGO pieces were harmed in the making of this story (those damn things are damn near indestructible)...only Negan’s foot and maybe even his ego.*

Author’s Note(s): There is no worse, more insulting threat than telling someone to go step on a LEGO...especially barefoot. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to step on a LEGO, then you understand the pain that comes with it and the insult, which is most definitely a threat, is worse than telling someone to go fuck themselves. For the sake of this story, like always:

Y/N (Y/F/N) = Your Name (Your First Name)

Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Y/H/C = Your Hair Color

Y/E/C = Your Eye Color

Word Count: 3827 words!

Relationship(s): Negan x Reader. Melissa (OFC)/Ike (OMC) [Mother/Toddler Son]

Characters: Negan. Reader. Melissa (OFC). Ike (OMC). Saviors. Workers. Negan’s wives (Sherry, Amber, Tanya, and Frankie) but they aren’t really his wives in this story. Dwight. Mark. 

Taglist: @negans-network @prettyboynegan @mychemicalimagines @spnnnxangelsx @rockinkel21 @misskittycat02 @band--psycho@ofxallxwexlost @iron-halt @thamberlinawrites @ravenwings73 @lettherebepink @stoneyggirl

_______________________________________________________________________

Story Time:

Reader’s P.O.V. ~ A Few Days Ago

“I HOPE YOU FUCKIN’ STEP ON A GODDAMN FUCKIN’ LEGO BAREFOOT, YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE!!!” 

The silence that immediately settled over the entirety of the Sanctuary at your words was deafening. You could feel all eyes on you and the man in front of you. Your body was trembling with anger and your hands were curling and uncurling into fists down by your sides as you stared, glaring up at the man not even a foot away.

Normally, you were calm, cool, and collected. You never raised your voice. Never hit anyone. Never hurt anything, unless you absolutely needed to and it was a life or death situation. Even then, you still didn’t like to cause harm. Despite this, you still made it as one of Negan’s best soldiers, a position you’d fought long and hard for. 

Even though you were the way you were, everyone had a breaking point. And yours had come that day, just after you, Negan, and ‘bout 15 other men got back from a several day-long run. You snapped. You’d finally have enough. Enough of his shit. You didn’t care that he was the leader of the Sanctuary.

Didn’t care that you would probably be punished for yelling at the man, let alone threatening him. That didn’t matter anymore. Enough had been enough. Normally the tall man didn’t get on your nerves. You didn’t mind his sexual innuendos, his crass language, his cocky swagger. But, he’d taken it too far.

Negan’s eyes were wide and you could tell he was trying to figure out whether or not to be pissed off or just smirk and charm his way outta this. Finally, a smirk tugged on his lips, his beard not even bothering to hide it, as his tongue peeked out from between his lips. He raised an eyebrow as he just stared at you.

His muddy brown eyes swirled with amusement. You huffed and glared even more. You glanced around, briefly, looking at the folks who surrounded the both of you. A mixture of Saviors, some of Negan’s top men, and everyday workers. Everyone’s eyes were wide, breaths held as they all waited to see what would become of you.

The one who yelled and threatened the man in charge. The one who was always an angel, soft-spoken, caring, and gentle with everyone. You swore there were a few people, mostly those who’d had kids, or even been around young kids, at one point or another, before the world ended or now,  who gasped at the words you hurled at Negan.

They knew what kinda pain you just threatened the boss man with. But...apparently not everyone did. Even though you had only threatened Negan by telling him you hoped he stepped on a LEGO...with no shoes on...it was the most painful thing you could come up with. You really didn’t want anyone harmed. 

In any way what-so-ever. It didn’t matter if it was being stabbed, shot, bit by one of the dead, tortured, or anything else. Let alone a damn LEGO. You didn’t want to wish harm on anyone. The world was already shitty ‘nough as is. As your eyes met Negan’s once more, you could tell he was one of the ones who didn’t realize what you’d just wished upon him. 

His deep laugh filled the silence as he tossed his head back, his body shaking with laughter. Several other Saviors, who didn’t realize the pain either, joined him in laughter. Negan’s tongue darted out and swiped along his bottom lip as his laughter died down and he looked back at you. That damn smirk still plastered on his stupid face...regardless of how handsome said face was.

“Awwww, look at that, Boss Man. Little girl can’t even come up with a decent threat!” One of the newest Saviors sneered before everyone started laughing again.

You watched as Negan’s eyes, briefly, flashed with anger and he waved a hand at the Savior, dismissing his comment, and everyone’s laughter,  as his eyes stayed locked on yours. 

“She’s too kind.” He responded, not once looking away. “I’m just proud she cussed with it.”

You huffed and stormed past him, slamming your shoulder into his arm as you did. He just chuckled and called after you.

“This ain’t fuckin’ over, sweetheart!” 

It took everything in you not to pull one of his signature moves and flip him off as you left him. You just ignored him as you stormed to your room, slamming the door shut once you reached it. You stripped down outta what you were wearing and slipped on your favorite shirt, an old Rock n’ Roll tee from the early 2000s, that was three sizes too big and swallowed you whole, going down to your knees. 

It was your husband’s and that was one reason why you loved it, on top of the fact that it was from your favorite band too. 

                                                             ***

Negan’s P.O.V. ~ Now

It’s been three days since you threatened me. Three days in which you haven’t even looked at me, talked to me, or even acknowledged my existence. I must’ve really pissed you off, and I didn’t mean to. I had just been joking ‘round with you, trying to make you smile. I sigh as I walk down to the little classroom on the bottom floor of the Sanctuary. 

I needed a moment to relax and seeing the youngins that lived in the Sanctuary always helped with that. Slipping off my boots once I enter the room, as per the rules of the teacher, a young woman named Melissa, I tuck them by the wall and door. I drape my leather jacket over my boots, covering Lucille with it as I do. 

No point in scaring the kids. 

Looking ‘round the room, I notice that there are only two people in the classroom. Melissa and her little boy, Issac, or as he likes to be called, Ike. He’s only two years old, but he’s strong-willed and absolutely adorable. I guess I missed all the other kids since it is later in the afternoon. Mel must’ve already dismissed them right after dinner. 

I shrug to myself and then smile when I hear Ike squeal.

“Neeeeeeeeeeeeeegs!” 

I laugh at the little boy’s excitement. “Hi, bud. You having fun? Playing with your mommy and…” I look at what they’re playing with. “LEGOs?”

Ike giggles and nods. “Ea!!” 

He pats the small, racetrack kid’s carpet he’s sitting on. Chuckling, I take the hint and walk over to him, my sock covered feet almost slipping on the smooth concrete floor. I make it over to him and Mel in one piece without falling on my ass. Ike giggles as I go to cross my ankles, so I can take a seat next to him.

However, I don’t look as I move my feet and within a few seconds, my entire foot erupts in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt. And that’s saying something considering I’ve been hit in the crotch a few too many times in my life. Hopping ‘round on one foot, I reach down, grabbing my injured one. 

“Son of a fu-” My eyes meet Mel’s and the cuss word suddenly cuts off in my throat. “Fudge maker!” 

I end up falling on my ass, landing on a few more pieces of the building toys. I bite my lip to keep from cussing up a storm like I want to. The pain fuckin’ hurts. My foot and my ass now hurt. Ike squeals with giggles as he shakes his head, clearly enjoying the show I’m putting on. Mel is trying not to giggle and I can tell, despite her covering her mouth with her hand.

I try to shift to the side a little to at least get the LEGO bricks outta my ass, knowing I’ll surely have little brick-shaped, indented bruises on my asscheeks. After a few moments of wiggling around, I finally get off the LEGOs and pant.

“That hurt!” 

Ike and Mel both giggle and shake their heads. Ike climbs up in my lap, and pats my head, kissing my cheek. I’ve seen Mel do that a few times whenever Ike gets hurt, and I realize that it’s his way of ‘healing my boo-boos’. A smile lifts my lips and I shake my head, rubbing my foot with one hand as my other hand goes to Ike’s back to make sure he doesn’t fall off my lap.

“Thanks, little man.” I murmur.

Ike smiles proudly and nods fast. He kisses my cheek again and then turns ‘round in my lap, getting comfy before leaning down to play with the LEGOs some more. He’s obviously no longer interested in the fact that I got hurt. He’s off in his own little world, and that’s ok. I play with his hair, subconsciously, as I try to forget ‘bout the pain in my ass and foot, and look at Mel.

She’s smirking. 

“What?” I ask.

Her smirk grows. “Guess Y/N’s threat came true.”

My eyes widen. “Fu-udge!”

She laughs. “Don’t make her mad, Negan.”

“I didn’t even think it was that serious! I mean...a LEGO? Really? She hoped I stepped on one, barefoot? I figured that wasn’t that painful. I mean, she’s so sweet. And it’s a da-ng kid’s toy!” 

“Thanks for watching your language ‘round him. He’s already said the F word, trying to be like you.” Mel sighs, playfully.

“My bad, Mel.” 

I have the grace to look a little embarrassed. She giggles and shakes her head.

“But, in all seriousness. Y/N is sweet...but even still...she’s got a breaking point...and after what you said to her...that was taking it too far. Even for you.” She explains.

I sigh as I fiddle with my sock. “Yea...I know...I was...I was just trying to cheer her up. You know I have a tendency to speak before I think.”

She nods and we continue talking for the next hour. During that time, Ike stops playing with his toys and curls up in my lap, even more, falling asleep. I just play with his hair and rub his back. I’ve always loved kids...even if I’ve never been able to have any of my own. And, Ike is kinda like my nephew in a way, even if I’m not related to him or Mel.

There’s still that bond there. Mel’s one of the few people I actually consider a friend. Twenty minutes after Ike’s fallen asleep and my ass is completely numb from sitting on the LEGOs and the concrete floor, Mel gently takes him, and I stand.

“You know what you need to do, Neegs. Go talk to her.” She says, giving me a pointed look.

I nod, knowing she’s right. She gives me a hug before leaving the classroom to go lay him down. I make my way over to my stuff by the door. My foot is still killing me, and it’s making me limp just a little. I decide to forgo putting my boots back on, taking a hold of them with my jacket and Lucille tucked under my arm.

I walk down the hallways and up to the door I know you’re behind. Taking a deep breath, I knock on it three times. 

“Go away!” You holler from the other side.

Shaking my head, I gently open the door and step inside. “Sweetheart?”

My eyes search the room until I find you curled up in the bed. Your eyes meet mine and you turn over on your side, facing away from me, grunting in protest at seeing me. I close the door, set my boots, jacket, and Lucille down, and walk over to the side of the bed you’re facing, a limp still slightly present. 

Fuckin’ LEGOs. Carefully kneeling down so I’m in front of you, I tuck a strand of (Y/H/C)  hair behind your ear. 

“Sweetheart...I’m sorry. I was an ass.” I start.

You sigh and roll your eyes, looking anywhere but at me.

“You know...outta all the times I’ve ever been threatened....yours was the only one that’s ever been followed through.” 

This gets your attention and a smile spreads across your face as you try not to giggle and your eyes widen.

“Really?” You whisper.

I nod. “Mmhhmm...Fuckin’ LEGOs hurt when you step on them...and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have several LEGO shaped bruises on my right asscheek for the next couple weeks.”

You crack up laughing at that, your hand flying up to cover your mouth as you shake your head.

“I don’t believe you.” 

I laugh. “You wanna see? I’ll show you my ass right here, right now. It’s true.”

I stand and start to unbuckle my belts and pants, keeping my eyes on yours. You sit up and watch. I shake my head, smirking. I should’ve known that you’d actually want to see. Turning ‘round so my ass is facing you, I drop my pants down to my thighs, not even worrying ‘bout boxers since I went to commando today.

Your laugh cuts through the room, and even though, hearing you laugh is worth it. I feel your hand reach out and smack my ass, right over the spot that has the LEGO impressions. I jump and let out a quiet squeak and turn ‘round, playfully glaring at you, tugging my pants back up and buckling them and my belts. 

“Told you. And, that fuckin’ hurt.” 

You giggle. “Sorry, not sorry. What you said to me a few days ago. That hurt. That smack was payback.”

I bite my lip. That’s fair, I suppose. I sit on the bed, well more like I lounge on it, keeping my ass off the bed, and look at you for a brief moment before dropping my gaze. My fingers play with the comforter, and I watch them before finally looking up at you.

“I’m sorry. I really fuckin’ am. I took it too far and I shouldn’t have. I just wanted to make you smile. I know you’ve been having a rough couple of weeks and you wouldn’t tell me ‘bout it. I shouldn’t have joked like that. And I’m sorry. I’ve been kicking my own ass for the last several days ‘cause of what I said.” I swallow deeply as the last word leaves my lips.

“That just hit too close to home...and I was working on something to surprise you and that...it...you ruined the surprise by saying what you did. I shouldn’t have threatened you or yelled at you in front of your men, and I’m sorry ‘bout that, but I was just so pissed off.” Your eyes meet mine. “You know I’d never actually want you to get hurt.”

I reach over and take your hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over your knuckles. 

“I know, baby. I know. And, you know you’re the only one who can get away with yelling at me like that…’cept for maybe Ike. That kid could murder someone and I wouldn’t punish him.” I chuckle and bring your hand up to softly brush my lips across your knuckles. “I’m sorry, baby. Forgive me?”

You sigh and I smile as I hear the playfulness in it. 

“I suppose I could...but only because I love the father of my child.”

My brow furrows. “What?”

You smirk and your eyes light up. “You heard me, Boss Man.”

“I know I heard you...but what? Father of your child? Baby, I’m the only one you love.”

“Mmmm...not anymore. I love someone else.”

My heart breaks despite my brain vaguely processing the teasing tone of your voice. 

“S-s-someone else?” I whisper, my heart racing in my chest as it feels like an elephant just sat on top of me.

You grin and nod. “Mmhhmm.”

“Who the fuck is he? I’ll…” 

My words die off in my throat. I could never harm anything or anyone that made you happy. I slowly lower your hand and go back to picking at the fuzz on the blanket. 

“I don’t want you to leave me...but if...if he...if he makes you happy...then...I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.” I mumble, no longer confident, cocky, or any of my usual self. “Just...can I at least meet the guy who’s stealing my wife away?”

My voice threatens to crack as I ask that. I’ve loved you for years. Since Lucille passed away. You were always there for me after I lost her. After she died...you were there to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. And while it took me a while to let you in...I eventually did. I fell. Hard and fast. For you. We ended our old life, our old world together and started our new one, in this new fucked up world, together. 

Almost a year after Lucille passed, and the dead started walking, we ran across a dying priest who could tell we were in love and offered to marry us in exchange for us putting him outta his misery before he could die from the walker bite on his shoulder. We’d decided then and there, almost like a spur of the moment “Let’s go to Vegas and get married” decision, to take him up on his offer. 

He wanted to do one last good thing before he died. With his last few breaths of life, he’d pronounced us man and wife. I’d slid my knife out and gently put the old man outta his misery and thanked him for what he’d done for us. You and I were married and we left to find somewhere safe. That was when we’d stumbled across the Sanctuary.

We turned it into our home, had our “honeymoon”, and started our married life together. I took over as leader and you were my Queen. Was and always will be. Yes, I had a “harem” of four women, but they were all women I’d taken in at your insistence. I never fucked them. 

Never touched them unless it was a comforting hug when they were having a rough day. 

Never looked at them more than the way an older, protective brother looks at his younger sisters, making sure they’re ok. 

You were all I wanted and all I needed. I only did it to make you happy and because you’d explained that they wouldn’t survive on their own out there. I took them in, protected them, and gave them everything they wanted. I even allowed them to have a relationship with whoever they wanted, as long as they were discreet. 

Sherry had Dwight, her husband from before. Amber had Mark, a boyfriend that I couldn’t remember if he was before or not. Tanya and Frankie ended up together which was good for them since they were both unable to be themselves and express who they wanted to be with before the world ended. 

I just didn’t want them to get hurt. I came to care for them like the sisters I’d never had growing up. And you did too. As the years passed and the population of the Sanctuary grew, you stayed by my side, and we ruled together. You were the lightness to my darkness. The Yin to my Yang. Fuck all those cliches; they were true. You -

“Negan Alexander Morgan.”

Your voice cuts off my thoughts and I slowly lift my head and look at you, biting my lip, begging the tears in my eyes not to fall. You’re the only one who gets to see me like this. I swallow deeply and lean into your touch as you place your palm against my cheek. I close my eyes and try to savor the feeling of your hand against my skin.

“I’m not leaving you.” 

My eyes fly open as I look at you, confused. “But…you said you love someone else…?”

You nod and softly stroke your thumb back and forth over my cheekbone, just under my eye.

“I do. And, I know you’ll love them too. As for meeting them...well..that’s gonna have to wait ‘bout another 7 months or so.” You smile.

“Why...why do I have to wait so long? How do you know I’ll love them?” 

You reach your other hand forward, taking mine in yours and drag it over to your tummy. You place my fingers flat against your stomach over my old band t-shirt. I blink several times, still confused as fuck.

“Negan. I know you’re gonna love them…‘cause you love any kid and you always said you’d love your own.”

My eyes widen and I sit up quickly as I finally process what you’re saying. Keeping my hand on your tummy, my eyes meet yours.

“You...we...there’s...a baby?” I stumble over my words.

You giggle and nod. “Mmhhmm. Carson confirmed it last week. I haven’t been feeling well ‘cause mornin’ sickness has been kicking my ass. And I was gonna surprise you when we got home from the run...but you and your damn mouth ruined it.”

I swallow deeply. “I”m so, so fuckin’ sorry, baby.”

“I know. And, you can stop apologizing. You’re forgiven.”

I lean forward and kiss you softly, murmuring against your lips. “You’re too good for me, (Y/N).”

You giggle and shake your head. “No, Negan. You’re too good for me. And you’re gonna be a damn good father too.”

I smile and kiss you again before resting my forehead against yours. My fingers stroke your tummy gently. 

“Well...as the father of your...our child...I have one stipulation for the kid. He can have whatever he fuckin’ wants and I’ll die trying to get it for him.”

You playfully swat my shoulder. “Shut up, old man. You ain’t dying till you’re good and ready. You wear a leather jacket, you have Lucille, and your nutsack is made of steel, so you ain’t dying for at least another 50 years. You’ll be over 100 before you do.”

I laugh and kiss your head. “My nutsack is strong!…’specially considering I finally knocked you up! And, I ain’t an old man! I’m only 52!”

You laugh and roll your eyes. “Shut up, babe. What’s your stipulation for our child?”

I smirk. “No fuckin’ LEGOs. He can have anything else in the world. But no fuckin’ LEGOs. My foot and ass are gonna hurt for days.”

You giggle. “Awwwww. Poor baby! Do I need to kiss it and make it feel better?”

I laugh. “You wanna kiss my ass, babygirl, you go right ahead. But our kid ain’t getting LEGOs. Those fuckers hurt. And remind me to never piss you off again. Your threats are violent.”

“You love me anyway!”

I grin. “Yea. I do love you. That much is abso-fuckin’-lutely true!”

For the ask thing: I can’t imagine shipping the invisible man 1933 with anyone but I do want to hear your invisible man 1933 thoughts. Also the T-1000 if you want!

oh ABSOLUTELY i'm doing both!!!

'33 INVISIBLE MAN

How I feel about this character DR. JACK GRIFFIN MY BELOVED!!! MY BESTIE!!! he's SUCH a neurotic little weirdo and i love him. the original transgender mad scientist. the origin of guys with fucked up unhinged laughs (his laugh inspired the joker laugh!!!). when he rocks back and forth and clenches his fists? I Get It. when he said "Even the MOON is frightened of me! Frightened to death! THE WHOLE WORLD is FRIGHTENED TO DEATH!" YES! KING! WE LOVE YOU!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character OKAY i also cannot imagine like . Shipping him w characters BUT that said his relationship w flora is pretty cute (his little "oh! you're wearing that hat, the one i always loved on you :)"... cute... also the way hes only normal around her and does everything to try to give her a good life... he's sweet i enjoy him)

My non-romantic OTP for this character see this is hard because he has like. no friends ucbdjfbfhf BUT he and flora would still be so so so sweet as besties!!! and there IS something about his line to kent about Why he left to finish his invisibility solution in another village ("i couldnt bear for you to see me fading away like that" or something) IS sweet and i feel like on jack's side it was a very important, close friendship (but i feel like kent thought much less of it just based on how quickly he wants to make a move on flora when jack's missing.) OH AND IF WE WANT TO GET INSANE W IT. i feel like he and herbert west could be besties. or they'd try to maim one another.

My unpopular opinion about this character ARE THERE ANY OPINIONS ON HIM? um you know what actually i'm probably the only person in the world who headcanons him as a trans man. like idk he has the same "trying to be god" thing that local tboy swag haver herbie w. has plus personally i attribute my Wanting-To-Be-Invisible as a child to being transgender. so. also throughout the movie people are horrified by the thought of his invisible body something something peoples horror at trans bodies. this makes sense in my head i promise ♥️

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon I JUST WISH HE'D GET MORE ATTENTION... dr. jack griffin my favorite guy jack griffin... hm i do also wish there had been a few more scenes where his old self shines through, like the scenes with flora, but mostly i just want him to be appreciated hfjfhffh he's fun! he's a silly goose! he derails trains!

1995 T-1000

How I feel about this character MY GUY!!! he is my favorite boy. he is my bestie. he is me. he is everything i want to be. i am so insane about this guy. he transed my gender SO fucking hard when i watched t2 for the first time. if it were socially acceptable i would name myself t-1000. i wish i were joking

All the people I ship romantically with this character the rev-9. i'm only half joking about this. ik ik the popular thing is him and the t-800 whatever i dont see it. him and the rev-9 though? Yes. Yes. fucked up robot boyfriends will make each other worse will murder people with knife arms as a date. liquid metal terminators stay together babe!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character i have a whole post t2 au but basically: i want him to be hate-besties with the t-800 (the t-1000 wants to maim him so bad but also they understand each other on a lot of things) AND ALSO i want him to be john's other robot uncle but significantly less responsible. he rents horror movies for john and sneaks him into r-rated movies. also he has to be told several times not to murder children who are mean to john.

My unpopular opinion about this character ohhh man. oh man. honestly i think its kind of unpopular to post abt him on tumblr and NOT ship him w the t-800 but i just dont see it i dont GET ITTT i have TRIED. but i just dont see it im sorry 😔 and then off tumblr. if i tell the average terminator enjoyer that the t-1000 is transgender i feel like they might attack me. but i'm right. also some ppl seem to think that the t-1000 doesn't feel emotions even though it clearly does? it shows confusion @ the mall mannequin, it expresses shock + pain in the steel mill, "i know this hurts"... plus it goes out of its way to keep things it enjoys (using the motorcycle even when it would be faster to run up the stairs, keeping the biker boots + pants on after switching outfits) and thats not even getting into the fact that the molecular brain is SO human.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon OH BOY. okay part of me understands WHY it was cut and appreciates the decision to cut it. but also part of me does still wish that the scene wherein the t-1000 locates an encampment of the connors allies and kills them all like some fucking slasher villain had at LEAST made it as far as the scriptwriting stage!!! give me my horror scenes in terminator movies!!!

Survey #341

“anger, misery, you’ll suffer unto me”

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don't think so. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No, and I never would. Grow up. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yeah; guilt would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Fucking ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? No. Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? Ugh, no. Would most people consider you better than average looking? Ha, no. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? Give me the perfect body, living in my horrible one has affected my mental health badly enough. I'm fine with having a moderate IQ. I just want to feel happy in my own skin. Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Wow, no. Have you ever used a false ID? Also no. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to tell people I don't HAVE a job. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don't. I'm sure it was RP-related and not friendly, but I don't remember the exact convo. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? I want to say no; I think the lowest I ever got was a C. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Ugh, no. I'm sorry if you're into it, but I'm just not. I would want to ensure they knew their uniqueness and individuality was seen. Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? There's a large number of those kinds of people. What brings out the worst in you? Probably when I'm building up towards a PTSD meltdown. I get VERY short and snappy and am convinced everyone hates and wants to leave me. My mouth also has NO fucking leash, and I know I can say very mean things that I'll regret later. What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? Skittles. Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers for sure. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Waffles (with syrup). Don't knock it 'til you try it, I'm telling you. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Besides birds obviously, there's squirrels, deer, opossums, raccoons... Have you ever had a lucid dream? I think I've had just one. What's your biggest problem at the moment? Probably my anxiety having stunted my growth in so many areas. Have you ever turned down a job offer? I don't think so, no. What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I think my longest was almost two months for suicidal thoughts. Two months might sound long, but it was like... my third or so psych hospital stay for that same reason. What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Even the most simple math. I don't even know the majority of my elementary multiplication tables. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I have one there already, but I plan on getting it covered because it was an impulse tattoo that I feel no connection towards. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? My old house, yeah. Are you a beach, country, or city person? Country. Living in the suburbs has definitely reminded me of that... Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing, by a long shot. I make typos texting too much. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah. Who is the last person that you said "I love you" to, besides family members? Sara. When was your first real relationship? Sophomore year of high school to early college. Have you ever cried over an ex? I've cried the entire mass of water on Earth over an ex lmao. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I think I have once or twice, but obviously with consent. What’s a hobby you would like to try out? If my legs worked like actual legs and I didn't sweat like an absolute pig, I would like to try out herping, but without actually interacting with the animal like picking it up and scaring the daylights out of it. I'd just be happy enough looking for reptiles, amphibians, and inverts to photograph instead. Does that still even count as herping? What was the last event you attended? My youngest niece's birthday party. How about the last event you organized? I've never organized an event. What’s something you get excited about doing and want to do it right away? Whenever I take nature pictures, I'm immediately keen to get them into Lightroom and do the postproduction. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? Definitely not. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? If you exclude places like the zoo, that would probably be a rhinoceros beetle or something. Oh no, actually some kind of local moth I don't know the name of. They're beautiful big white boiz. How about the biggest spider? I might be mis-remembering, but I believe at a reptile convention I went to with Sara, one of the vendors had a goliath bird eater tarantula in one of the cups. I do know it was some tarantula species for sure, though. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad. Obviously not romantically, but him just splitting on the family with no proper communication absolutely broke my heart for years. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? I'm sure that would be my parents. If you exclude them 'cuz that's kinda obvious, I believe it was Aaron, my first boyfriend. I'm pretty sure we were together on Valentine's Day, because I remember getting him a giant Hershey's Kiss. First band you obsessed about? I wasn't truly obsessed with any band 'til Ozzy in middle school. Can you do a backflip? No; I've never tried and never will. I was and still am too afraid of breaking my neck. Like I have a MASSIVE fear of paralysis, particularly from the neck down; that fear is actually the biggest one that keeps me from driving, fun fact. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Of the two, definitely a pessimist, but I at least think I align most with being a realist. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I'm unsure. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? Yeah. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Just one. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Tyler once drew a picture of him and me. It was cute. That guy still dove in WAY too fast. Have you ever dated a redhead? I haven't, but I love redheads. Natural red hair is just gorgeous. What are your thoughts on facial hair on guys? Historically, I seem to generally like some, but it really depends on the guy's general appearance. I can like none at all or a full beard and mustache, it doesn't really matter to me. Did you go anywhere today? No; my mom is in Florida with her brothers totally cleaning out Grammy's house, so she's not here to take me anywhere. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yikes, I have a lot. I honestly can't count because I've lost track of how many boys and girls Katie has. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do? Jesus. I'd rather die; some things just aren't worth living after, and I'd have no desire to keep going if I killed my father. Did you ever cry at the end of King Kong? I've never watched it, actually, but I. LOVED. The video game. I haven't played it in years and only faintly remember how it ends, but I don't remember crying. Are you in any amount of pain at the moment? Quite a lot, actually. It's kinda a TMI subject so I won't delve into it, just know I'm hurting like a bitch. What was the last sugary thing you ate? I snacked on some chocolate chips earlier today... which I really shouldn't have done, but I think I had reasonable restraint and didn't totally binge. When was the last time you did something extremely stupid? Who knows, that's not a rare occurrence, it feels like. Have you been to any parties lately? Only my niece's bday party in February. Thankfully it was kept pretty small, given Covid; not that anyone in that family besides my sister gives a flying fuck about precautions, though... Can you touch your pinky to your thumb around your wrist? Ugh, no. Close, but not enough. I still have thin wrists and hands, but yeah, yay for being overweight. If you were to start a charity, what would you call it? I'd hve to put more thought than I'm willing for one survey question. I'd have to decide what KIND of charity I want to start first, which I'm unsure of. Probably something related to animal wellfare and conservation or something similar to the Trevor Project. Maybe LBGTQ+ youth disowned by their families... I dunno. There's so much good I wish I could do. Are you comfortable with your body? Holy fuck no. It's only gotten worse since I started gaining weight again and almost entirely erased all weight loss progress I'd made. What is your recent inside joke? Most recently made? Idk, man. I don't make those often. Would you rather be a human, vampire, or a werewolf? Er, I'm good with being a human. If I was a vampire or werewolf, I wouldn't exactly be very welcomed, I'm sure, and both have seemingly painful traits to cope with. Are you good at giving directions? It is absolutely impossible for me. I have NO sense of direction, like, at all. I don't know highway names, local exits, etc. etc. etc. etc. Why did you last curse? Pain when readjusting myself due to aforementioned issue I'm having. What is your purpose in life? I hope it involves animals and spreading words of peace and an appreciation for art. What is one of your weak points? I'm very, very, very dependent on others. I'm really working on trying to correct that. I can barely do shit on my own as is. Who was the last person you heard snoring? My cat, haha. Would you rather shower by yourself or with another person? 100% by myself. Another person would just get in the way and make me VERY self-conscious of my body, even if it was my romantic partner. Just please leave me alone to hate myself for 10 minutes. :^) What was your last addiction? You could say my current one is John Wolfe, a really funny let's player I've gotten into. Been bingeing some of my favorite games he has playlists of for a few weeks now. You are in a tank full of spiders, what do you do? Well one, I'd like to know what kind they are. Venomous? Harmless? You gotta give me the details. If I don't have any, then I'm admittedly freaking the fuck out, even though I know I should stay very calm when trying to get out. Fear would win, though. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you? Saving the world from what? But odds are, yeah. I don't cherish my pretty damn mediocre life more than I do the lives of what, 8 billion people? Have you ever stayed up all night just to talk to someone? Yeah. When was the last time you eavesdropped someone? I kinda do that sometimes when Mom's on the phone and I can hear her from my room, and if they're on speaker. Particularly if the subject is me. When was the last time you went to a club? I've never been to one. How have you been sleeping? Poorly. Are you adopted? No, I'm not. Do you like scrapbooking? Not really, no. Do you collect anything valuable? "Valuable to me." <<<< This. Nothing of great monetary worth, though. Have you ever been beaten up? No, thankfully. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't think so, in my personal life. What was the last thing you killed? An ant. Have you ever used someone for money? I never could, no. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Sigh, it's been many many years. I'm so ready to get my goddamn legs back in shape so I can go again, this time with a REAL camera, too. Last time I went was when I still only had a Kodak EasyShare; I have a professional Canon camera now with much more education on photography too, so I would be in absolute heaven with at least twenty memory cards in need, haha. Maybe next fall... Is there a teacher you hate more than anything? I actually never had a teacher I hated in my entire school career. It really, really is as simple as just being a respectful student. In most cases, I should emphasize, because I do understand some educators just suck. Now I had some teachers I wasn't very fond of, but most certainly none that I hated. Do you own colored eyeliner? No. Do you have manners? I honestly think I'm very mannerly. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? We last had to put my dog Teddy down; he had cancer and was literally withering away. I knew in my very core that even if we didn't bring him to the vet to euthanize him, he would've died naturally in a very short period of time; I doubt he would've survived another night. Now I'd like to move on. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination of Vraylar and Lamictal is the reason I'm alive. It keeps my bipolarity and depression under control. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but those are some of my favorite crafts visually. They're very pretty and cute. Can you see the mountains from where you live? Oh hunny, I wish. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? As a kid, yeah. I don't anymore. I'm not really even a fan of April Fool's Day as an adult because of how cruel some jokes assholes play are. Which instrument would you play if you could learn to play one? Maybe violin. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? The left. What are some names you like that start with the first letter of your name? Uhhhh Bianca, Braelynn (look I know it's so stereotypically Southern but it's pretty)... and idk from there, those are the two that come to mind first.

no fault of mine (ch. 2)

Part 2 of a request by @violetwolfraven

Part 1

A/N: So this certainly got out of hand... I think I’ve got one more scene or so that I’d want to write for this if y’all are interested that would mainly be the aftermath of all this so lmk if you’d wanna see that. Also if you need something else tagged please let me know. Cross-posted on Ao3.

CW: Mild injury (you don’t actually see someone get hurt), Swearing

Race froze. Inhaled sharply. What? There’s- there’s no way, he must’ve misheard. His ears were just playing tricks on him.

“Spot’s in the refuge?” His voice broke. Tears stung his eyes.

Flicker, upon seeing Race’s reaction, seemed like he’d rather be anywhere but there. “Yeah,” he winced, “but you can’t go spreading it around, I wasn’t supposed to tell you in the first place.”

The words swam around Race’s head, he barely heard a thing after Flicker confirmed one of his worst nightmares. Spot was in the refuge. Spot could be hurt. Bad. Race had had no idea. Race had been upset with Spot for something that wasn’t his fault. That was an idea that was going to hurt later. Hell, that hurt now. Spot hadn’t forgotten or wanted to break up with Race. That idea hurt a lot less.  So that’s what he chose to focus on.

Race shook himself from his thoughts, this was fixable. This wasn’t a fucktangular mess of emotions, this was a tangible problem that had a solution. A solution that didn’t involve breaking up with Spot and breaking his own heart in the process, People could be busted out of the refuge. Jack had done it before and so had some of the other boys. They could do the same for Spot. Hopefully. “What are you doing to get him out?” Race demanded.

“What?”

“What are you doing to break him out of the Refuge? Manhattan-” Wait, maybe he shouldn’t promise all of Manhattan’s help without first asking them, “-I can help.”

“We’ve tried a few things but none ‘ave worked so far.”

“Let me talk to Hotshot then.”

Flicker hesitated before nodding and opening the door to allow Race inside. He gestured for Race to stay in the entrance while he left to go track down Brooklyn’s second.

When Hotshot arrived, dragged along by a very determined red-head, he took one look at Race before turning to Flicker in exasperation.

“You told him?”

Flicker spluttered. “Nevermind, we’ll discuss that later, for now,” Hotshot turned to Race, “Brooklyn can handle itself.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, wouldn’t I, of all people know that? I just wanna get Spot out as soon as possible.”

Hotshot gave Race an appraising look. “Well, what’ve you got then?”

“Let me talk to my boys and I’ll be back by tomorrow noon with a plan.” Race didn’t know how he’d kept his composure this long. He desperately wanted to cry, the unfairness of it all tore his insides to shreds. But he had spent enough time wallowing in pain, admittedly a different pain, but it was time that could have been used helping Spot so Race was going to hit the ground running. Who knew what had happened to Spot since he’d been locked up?

Hotshot glanced around, taking in some of the reactions of some of his fellow newsies before deciding. “All right Higgins. Talk to Manhattan and see what you can come up with.”

Race nodded. Then he turned and nearly sprinted out the door. Oh, he was going to Manhattan alright, but he had somewhere more important to visit first.

---

Race was out of breath by the time he arrived at the Refuge. Running a frankly unreasonable distance and fast as one could tended to do that to you. He took a second to catch his breath and formulate his plan of how to get to the window and get Spot’s attention. His thoughts on the way there had been nothing but a constant stream of Spot Spot Spot and he hadn’t been able to think of less important things, like how he was actually going to get Spot’s attention and talk to him, or how he was going to avoid getting caught.

He eventually comes to the conclusion that he could probably climb the drain pipe and perch on the small ledge of the window and use either the pipe or the metal bars for balance. Yeah, that’d work. And with both things to hold on to he wouldn’t fall. Hopefully. So that’s what he did.

Race waited until the coast was relatively clear and shimmied up the pipe closest to a bunk room, it was harder to keep a grip on than he expected but he made it without falling. The creak the drain let out as he partially swung himself to the ledge was concerning, but again, nothing came of it. 

Once precariously balanced on the ledge and clinging to the bars, he did his best to get someone’s attention. The boy who noticed him looked to be no older than Les. It made Race’s anger simmer beneath his skin and his grip tightened around the cool metal. He hated this place, no one deserved to be here, especially kids that young. He knew from experience. Race quietly asked the boy to find Spot and bring him there, and wished he had the forethought to bring food or something, both for Spot and the other children who clearly needed it.

Race quickly glanced around the street below, trying to gauge if anyone had noticed him. Thankfully he still seemed to be under (or in the case, over) the radar. He kept scanning until he was ripped from his thoughts.

“Racer?”

Race whipped around to find none other than Spot Conlon. He tried to check over as much of the boy as possible, he looked a little worse for wear, but the Refuge would do that to anyone, and Race couldn’t see any clear injuries besides a bruise or two from where he crouched. “Spot,” Race breathed out, relief overtaking him.

“Racer what’re you doin’ here? You’se could get in real trouble.” Spot was clearly concerned. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “And how d’you know I was here in the first place?”

“Your boys gave you up, Conlon.” Race’s attempt to be lighthearted found moderate success. “‘Sides, they probably knew I’d tear the whole city apart lookin’ for ya if they didn’t. I was pretty upset when I got down there.”

Race removed one hand from the bars to scratch the back of his neck, then popped his fingers against his jaw. 

Spot winced. “I thought I’d be out a bit sooner than this an’ I didn’t want you to worry.”

Race met his eyes, for all the world looking like a broken boy, “There’s a lot worse things to be than worried, Spot.” They both looked away, Race to the street once again. Neither spoke for a minute, until Race broke the silence.

“So, how’d you wind up in here anyways?” He still didn’t look at Spot.

“One a’ my kids picked the wrong pocket and had a run in wit’ the bulls. I had to intervene and give him an opportunity to run, but by the time he was gone I wasn’t quite in good enough shape to get away myself.”

Race turned back and looked Spot in the eyes. He was remorseful. “‘M sorry about our date, by the way. Promise I’ll make it up to you once I’m out.”

Race’s chest felt tight at that. Spot really did care. And Race was going to break him out no matter what.

Suddenly a door bangs somewhere behind Spot. He glanced behind himself, panicked, before turning back to Race. “You gotta get outta here ‘fore Snyder sees ya. We’ll see eachother soon.”

Spot shut the window. 

Race managed to maneuver his way back over to the drain pipe and slide down without getting anyone’s attention. Now he just had to get back to the lodging house and let everyone know what was going on. Race thought back to the young boy who he’d seen earlier. Maybe Spot wasn’t the only one they would help.

They’d see eachother sooner than Spot thought, though, Race would make sure of that.

---

Race burst through the lodging house door, gasping for breath. He really needed to learn to take his time getting to places. Most of the boys looked up from where they were lounging around. Finch, Specs, Elmer, and Romeo were all having a discussion by the window while Mike, Ike, Blink, Henry, and Albert played some card game on the floor while a few other boys watched. Jack and Davey were huddled in a corner talking in hushed tones.

“We need to plan a heist!”

Just about everyone rolled their eyes and went back to what they were doing, Albert included. Race was a little offended.

“And what might this heist be for?” Romeo inquired. Race knew there was a reason he was his favorite.

Race was glad someone enjoyed his theatrics. “The prize being my boyfriend, and if possible, as many other kids in the refuge as we can!”

That got the room's attention. “Wait what?” Jack sputtered.

“Spot’s in the Refuge and we need to get him out, and I figured why not bust everyone else out as well. They can’t stop all of us.”

“Woah, back up a second,” Albert said, “Spot’s in the Refuge?”

Race met his eyes guiltily. “Yeah, an’ I’m not leaving him there to rot, or any of those other kids, so I’m bustin’ them out, whether you guys are with me or not. It’d be a lot easier if you were with me though.”

Race was determined. He remembered his time in the Refuge and he’s sure the other newsies did too. He wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t want to risk getting caught or bringing up old memories. It was why he hadn’t gone there since he was released, at least until today that was. But those old memories only fueled his determination. He’d hidden from the place of his nightmares for so long, as many did, but in the process allowed it to continue to hurt innocent kids. Kids like him. Spot’s imprisonment was the kick in the pants he needed. That ended tomorrow.

Everyone could see the fire in Race’s eyes.

“That’s a stupid idea Racer, a jailbreak? Really?” Romeo piped up. 

“You’re one ta talk,” Finch scoffed.

Race glanced around the room. Most of the boys seemed hesitant. But hesitation was not a ‘no’ and he could work with that. He looked to Jack.

“Whaddaya say Jack?”

Jack was conflicted. “‘F you got a plan Racer, I’ll listen.”

And that was all he needed. 

Race explained the basics of his idea to everyone, taking input from those who had it (Jack, Davey, Specs, and Finch) and ignoring the heckling and jokes from those who had them (Mike, Ike, and Romeo). In the end, Jack, Albert, Finch, and Kid Blink agreed to help him with the plan. They spent the next few hours strategizing and hammering out the details until Kloppman came and sent them all to bed.

---

Race got ready for bed, nervous for the coming day. This was a huge risk and one thing going wrong could end poorly for so many people. He lied awake, running through every possible scenario of how this could go wrong.

“I kinda feel like I owe Spot an apology. I know I didn’t do anything to him, but still…” Albert’s voice came from the bed below.

The sick feeling from earlier returned full force. The guilt wracked his body. Race had been so mad at Spot. He’d been willing to break up with him over this. Over something that wasn’t his fault. If only Race had known, he could've- he could’ve-

“Racer I can hear ya thinkin’ a mile a minute, come down here an’ talk to me.”

Race climbed down the ladder and into Albert’s bunk, immediately wrapping his arms around his friend and burying his head in his chest. He was shaking.

“I was so upset with him,” Race said shakily. Albert took a deep breath and started running his fingers through Race’s hair in a calming gesture.

“And you thought he was ignoring you, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t upset.”

Race sniffled. “You don’t get it, I- I was ready to…” Race trailed off. “But it wasn’t his fault.”

“Well how were you supposed to know that?”

Race gave Albert an inquisitive glance. He continued, “I mean, you had no way of knowing he was in the Refuge and the Brooklyn newsies certainly weren’t forthcoming with information. You were right to be upset given the circumstances. Hell, I was upset on your behalf. But now we know better and aren’t mad anymore. This whole thing is a mess but it isn’t really anyone’s fault and you just have to accept that.”

Huh, Race forgot that Albert could be pretty smart when he wanted to be. He’s suddenly very glad that Albert and him are friends, he doesn’t know what he would do without him. He should also work on remembering that Al is a good friend and that isn’t something to take for granted.

“You’re my best friend Albie,” Race said snuggling closer to the other boy.

Albert snorted. “Don’t I know it, no one else would put up with your needy ass. But you’re my best friend to Racer.”

Race drifted to sleep, more confident in himself and ever grateful for his best friend. They’d get Spot out tomorrow no matter what, even if it was just him and Albert, because Albert always had his back, and together? Together, Race believed, they could do just about anything.

---

The next day everyone was jittery while at distribution. Trying not to seem suspicious but not exactly succeeding. Those who were helping in what Race had dubbed ‘The Heist’ were shifting around, trying to not let their nervousness shine through. The whole plan could go horribly wrong. They could all end up in the Refuge, or worse. But if it went right? Not only would they free Spot, but they’d help so many other kids who have been locked away and hurt by those who should never have been given that power.

Even those not participating knew what was at stake. Jack had given a run-down to everyone that morning: The “‘Heist Team’ would sell in the morning as to avoid suspicion and then head over to Brooklyn, where they would strategize and finalize their plan, then put it into motion by sunset. Everyone else would sell as many extra papes as they could to cover for the boys missing work as well as any boys who may be returning to or joining the newsie life once free. Some of the older boys would also try to lure any extra officers as far from the Refuge as possible to keep them out of the team's way.

---

The Manhattan half of the team arrived at the Brooklyn lodging house at noon, just as promised. Quickly surrounded by Brooklyn newsies, not out of the ordinary, but met with a mix of suspicious looks and relieved sighs, very much out of the ordinary.

“Well Higgins, what’ve ya got?” Jack narrowed his eyes at Hotshot, he was well aware that tensions were high and this wasn’t exactly a situation anyone wanted to be in. That didn’t excuse him being so short with Race.

“It’ll go down in the history books,” Race smirked. Full of false confidence. All of his boys behind him. Well, all but one. If there was one thing Race could do without fail, it was bluff. Sometimes Jack could barely tell. The twitch of his fingers, probably aching to crack, was what gave him away. 

“We’ll need someone on the ground from Brooklyn to lure as many bulls and guards away as possible, and Finch’ll take three shooters up to the rooftops, they’ll distract anyone remaining. Jack n’ Blink ‘ave volunteered to handle Snyder so you don’t hafta. Me, Albert, an’ anyone else who wants ta join will break one of the window bars usin’ these,” Race gestures to the tools Albert was currently carrying. “From there I’ll go in an’ grab Spot and you’ll work on getting out anyone else we can.”

Jack thought it was a pretty solid plan. It let every participant play to their strengths and was probably the best chance they had considering the handful of previous breakout attempts. Hotshot clearly wasn’t ecstatic about it but seemed willing to go along with it.

A shaky voice piped up from the crowd. “So we’s for sure breakin’ everybody out?”

Race turned stoically to the kid. “We’re certainly gonna try.”

---

The sun was just starting to set, casting the world in an orange glow and allowing the boys to slip through now prominent shadows. They moved into position.

Flicker would lead as many guards as he could on a wild goose chase.

Finch and some Brooklyn slingshotters would distract the rest.

Jack and Blink would sneak past the clueless guards and keep Snyder occupied.

Race, Albert, and Hotshot had the actual break-in, with a few other kids for backup. It hadn’t been too difficult to get their hands on the tools to dismantle the window bars, but that was only because one Manhattan newsie’s dad was a smith and he’d ‘borrowed’ them for the night.

Soon the sun was half-set and the Heist was in motion. And it was up to Flicker to start. Well, if there was one thing a street kid knew how to do, it was cause a ruckus. And boy did he.

Flicker was fast. Could outrun everyone he’s ever met. Grins like a madman when he felt the wind on his face and heard the pounding footsteps behind him. Doesn’t go too fast, yet. If he lost them now they might go back to their posts. He stayed just on the edges of their vision, ducking around people and in and out of alleys. Once he’s far enough away from the Refuge he’ll lose them in proper, let them scour city blocks where they won’t find him, far away from his friends.

Finch was a shot and a half. Hiding on a nearby rooftop, a few Brooklyn boys scattered around doing the same thing, he felt on top of the world. He kind of was. Had more ammo than he knew what to do with and shooting the remaining guards who were too stupid to look up made him feel powerful. These men, who knew what happened in the Refuge, facilitated what happened there, distraught over a couple of kids with slingshots. It was hysterical. Even once they noticed where the attack was being led from they couldn’t do anything about it. Too big and clumsy to climb up like they had shitty enough aim that they couldn’t hit back from the ground. Hah. Finch could do this all night, and it looked like his allies felt the same.

Jack was nervous. Confronting Snyder scared him. He also was aware that he was one of the few people who would actually keep Snyder’s attention without drawing too much suspicion. Of their rag-tag team, it had to be him. And he wasn’t alone, Blink was right there at his side and despite what he let some people think, he could pack a real punch. And if they pulled this off Snyder would be humiliated. That was always a plus in Jack’s book.

All they had to do was trap Snyder in his office or lure him out of the building itself. Easy-peasy. Snyder might not even realize who it was if they were careful enough. Together they quietly slipped through the gates. Blink followed Jack’s lead, he was the only one who’d been here before and escaped. Jack guided them through the halls, halting  at a partially opened door. He peered inside.

Kid Blink hadn’t even seen Warden Snyder like this, up close, before. If he didn’t know better he’d’ve thought that he was just some old man. But the things he’d heard…

 Well, let’s just say Blink wasn't going to be getting comfortable anytime soon. Jack motioned for him to stay, then disappeared back the way they came. He reappeared about a minute later, carrying a solid wooden chair. Blink got the idea. He darted across the doorway to the other side, glanced at Jack for guidance, slow he motions, and Blink was. He, deftly as he could, reached into the office and closed the door with a soft thud and click of the handle. Jack immediately secured the chair under the handle. Hopefully that would hold him. If not they could always run, that’d still be a distraction. For now though, just sitting there and keeping an eye out was good enough.

Meanwhile, Race and the Bar Boys, as Race had so aptly named them, were preparing to strike. They had waited long enough that everyone should be taken care of and they could get access to one of the windows (on the ground floor this time) open.

Albert and Hotshot quickly get to work dismantling the whole contraption. They move together in a way that surprises Race, diligent and in sync. They’re done in a matter of minutes and then Race is crawling in through the window to go find Spot and they’re off to dismantle another. If they’re going to get every kid out using only one window would take forever. Most of the other boys followed them with two staying behind to man this entry point.

Race felt dizzy the moment his feet touched the ground inside the Refuge. The last time he was here was under much different circumstances. Circumstances that made him queasy when he thought about them too hard. Shook himself, unconsciously cracking his knuckles, he wasn’t a prisoner this time. He was here on a mission, he was here because Spot needed him to be. He could do this for Spot.

One foot in front of the other, out of sight and on the edge of cautious, Race maneuvered through the empty halls. Deep breaths, forcing down the bile as memories resurfaced. Just think about Spot. One foot in front of the other.

 Spot was probably still in the bunk room upstairs. Step. That would be the best place to look for him. Step. And once he was there it’d be easy to address the other kids. Step. Then he’d have to check the more isolated rooms. Step. Free anyone there. Step. He wished someone had freed him while he was there. Step. Memories flashed through his mind. Step- and he’s at the bunkroom door.

One more deep breath and he’s opening the door.

Some of the kids turned to face him in surprise. Eyes combed over the room frantically.

“Where’s Spot Conlon?”

They glanced among themselves wearily until one boy spoke up. “He’s in one of the rooms.”

Race froze. That was bad. Very bad. Swallowed hard, avoiding eye contact. “We’s gettin’ you out, all of ya. The windows on the ground floor are open and everyone is distracted, but you hafta be real quiet and fast. There’ll be kids waiting outside to help you if you need it.”

The surprise is evident on nearly everyone’s face. Instantly most kids are grabbing their meager belongings and practically dash out the door behind him. Race waited for each kid to begin their escape before he forced himself to head towards the isolation rooms.

He walked in a daze, a hollow, aching feeling having taken up residence in his chest where his heartbeat should be. He could hear the muffled sounds of the escapees trying to be silent.

He braced himself.

The first room was empty. As was the second.

The third was occupied. A boy no older than thirteen huddled in the corner, cowering away from the intrusion. Race made it clear he was here to help and pulled the boy to his feet. Told him the same things he told the others and watched the boy run out the door. Race was shaking, just slightly. He never wanted to be in one of these rooms again. He still soldiered on.

Four was empty too.

Race didn’t want to see what was on the other side of five. Spot was on the other side of five. There was nowhere else he could be. Man, this place was messing with his head. The sooner he got Spot out the sooner they could leave. Race opened the door.

Spot was sitting in the corner as well, knees pulled up to his chest, head down and tense beyond belief. From what Race could see, there was visible bruising on his face that certainly hadn’t been there before. If Race hadn’t felt sick before… 

Tears gathered in his eyes. “Spot?”

“Racer? What- how- I-”

“We’re getting out of here, right now.” Race helped Spot to a standing position. However, the moment Spot put weight on his left foot he yelped. Getting a better look at it revealed that his ankle was clearly hurt, probably sprained.

Race tightened his grip on Spot. He had been able to walk just fine yesterday. If only he had-

Spot steadied himself, leaning into Race. Tilted his head so Race had no choice but to meet his eyes.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” Spot sounded so reassuring, so- so sure. Race had no choice but to believe him. Race rubbed at the tear tracks lining his face. Still slightly shaking, he nodded. They just had to get out of this place. Finally having Spot back with him allowed Race’s determination to shine through.

It was a long way home.