#if you want to know the truth in this sudden mishape
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🐈 & 🐦⬛
MOM SAYS ITS MY TURN TO MAKE THE CRACKSHIP!
Listen. It began as a joke and will end as one as well. They've never met, but that's the beauty of shipping, if we're talking about similarities, they're both dead, popular and have a lot of untapped potential.
#if you want to know the truth in this sudden mishape#there was a fic#mostly crack but it made me think of the potential#they both had SO I NEED YOU TO SEE THE POTENTIAL AS WELL#crack fic#crack#crackship#crack ship#naruto fanart#naruto#anime fanart#anime#naruto shippuden#shisui#shisui uchiha#nii yugito#fanart#digital art#myart#fandom#drawing#illustration#art#art on tumblr#original art
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✧.* must love dogs; csc one shot.
✧.* synopsis: after a breakup (three years ago) your friend finally attempts to get you back on the saddle by creating you a dating profile despite your protesting, hooking you up on dates with some of the eligible bachelors of their choice, none of which impressed you. until one day you met the boy with the dog.
part of my seventeen movie series.
paring: seungcheol x reader (y/n uses she/her pronouns.)
genre/s: fluff, strangers2lovers
warning/s: alcohol mentions, swearing, cigarette mentions, swearing, some pg-13 jokes.
word count: 3.7k
note: im notorious atp for not editing, pls. I hope you enjoy my lil must love dogs inspired fic, its one of my fav movies!! xo.
“So how was bachelor number five?”
With a roll of your eyes, you gazed at your friend Seungkwan resting his feet on top of your shared glass coffee table, ticking the tip of the city guide book and magazines rested on top.
“Boring. He was nice or whatever, good looking, but he wouldn’t shut up about league of legends and his job. Other than that he asked me no questions about myself or what I do. A failure as most would call it.”
“So I take it you wouldn’t want to go out with him again?”
“God, whatever gave you that impression? I thought you could tell we were headed for marriage?”
“Hey. I’m doing you a very nice thing, you don’t have to be so sarcastic about it.”
“Look, I know. But just because Jun is getting married and I still haven’t moved on doesn’t mean I need to be dating all of the sudden.”
The boy patted the seat next to him. Scooching over from his spot, making room for you on the couch.
“ It’s been nearly three years since you ended it with him. At least fuck someone before you dry up.”
“That’s fucking gross and what vibrators are for.”
A small scream left your friend's mouth as he covered his ears trying to remove what he had just heard coming out of your mouth.
“Y/n his wedding is in two months, we need to find someone to bring that’s not me. You don’t want to feel the embarrassment of his pity party and everyone feeling sorry for you.”
“Why can’t you just be my date?”
“Too obvious. Plus your whole family will be there, just do it or you know your parents will be in your case again. This ‘ secret man’ you’ve been seeing doesn’t exist and I think your Mom is starting to catch on.”
He was right. Your parents come from a high status, as do your ex boyfriends, they were the reason you both had met and became friends in the first place. But, when your relationship ended you lied to them, it was working well until you got a call from your very upset mother telling you Jun showed up to your house with his family and a girl on his arm that wasn’t you.
“Okay, then why can’t I choose my own date?”
“The men you chose to quote on quote date are literally disturbing, I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Like that one dude you brought here last time? Whatever the fuck his name was literally was wearing a necklace vial of his own blood and claimed drinking your own urine and reusing water is the only way we can save the planet.”
“Okay, but he was nice.”
“He literally didn’t flush the toilet because he only went number one. That’s fucked, no.”
“Can I at least, like at the very least have some approval over the men you match me with then?”
“Maybe.”
“ Kwanie, please. Come on, don’t make me use the what goes around card, it’s my turn”
“No, it's absolutely my turn.”
“Not true, you wasted it two months ago when I had to bail you out of that strange house party orgy thing by saying your dog died and coming in crying to a bunch of naked strangers. You owe me.”
“Valid.”
“How did you not realize what that party was anyway?”
“This is not currently about my life failures, but yours my beautiful friend.”
Laughing at Seungkwan's major mishap, you forgot to greet your dog, Lucky. She was waiting and crying at your feet, finally waking up from her sweet slumber to greet you.
“Hello my baby, do we have to go outside?”
“She went for a walk this afternoon, but after her dinner she crashed so she probably wants a walk. I can go if you want to change or shower.”
“No it’s alright, I can take her, you're already in your pj’s and after my date I need a distress, want anything from the mart?”
“Ice cream?”
With a small nod you jumped up, taking the small curly creature in your arms and grabbing her harness before heading back outside into the warm spring air.
Ten minutes into your evening stroll, you decided to sit on the green wooden bench overlooking the water, the same bench your grandmother always spoke about when you asked her the same story about how she and your grandfather got engaged. The gold plaque with their names rubbing off sitting behind your back.
Suddenly you heard a man yelling from behind you, running through the green grass lit up with fluorescent lights.
“Hey, Kkuma, no come back.”
A small white dog came up behind Lucky sniffing her and starting to play, you noticed her cute hairclip and ran your hands through her fur.
“God, I’m sorry. She normally doesn’t run off like that.”
“It’s okay my dog lov-“
As you turned around to look into the round eyes of the owner, you were stunned with how beautiful he was.
His dark hair pushed under a cap, a white t-shirt too big for his frame sitting beautifully in his toned shoulders, and his red sweatpants matching his shoes.
The unfamiliar man was bending down now petting your precious pet and his own at the same time talking to them in sweet baby voices.
“This is Kkuma by the way, and you are?”
“Y/N”
“Hi y/n, you’re so cute, you and kkuma can be best friends if your mom lets you.”
You let out a roaring laugh realizing he thought you had introduced your pet and not yourself.
“Oh sorry, did I say something wrong?”
“No, no. It’s just I’m y/n this is Lucky sorry my fault.”
“Oh god, cool. Sorry Lucky, I’m Seungcheol. You can call me Cheol and this is Kkuma.”
“Nice to meet you Cheol and Kkuma.”
“You too. Look I know I just met you and all, but I’m new to the area. I was wondering if you’d want to get coffee and let the girls hangout sometime?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. Let me give you my number.”
Seungcheol handed you his cell phone with a new contact page pulled up giving you full reign to type your name and number into his list.
Handing the device back to him your fingers touched, creating an electric shock, to not like you to believe in signs, but for some reason it felt like the universe trying to tell you something.
“Thank you, I’ve actually got to get going, but if you're free tomorrow would you want to grab coffee and hangout at the dog park?”
“Yeah, totally. Just text me a time, we can just meet here. What kind of coffee do you drink? There’s a good spot by my apartment. I can just pick it up for us.”
“Wow, that’s so nice of you. Just a black americano is cool or a cold brew whichever.”
“No fun I see.”
“How would you know that? Just because I don’t like sugary drinks doesn’t mean I can’t have fun.”
“I don’t know, we will see.”
“We will. I’ll catch you tomorrow girls.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too!”
Seungcheol left the same way he came running through the grass with Kkuma on his heels, following him all the way back to their home.
Strolling back down the pathway back to your apartment, you could help but feel butterflies in your stomach, you knew nothing about the man you just met other than his name and his cute dog, but there was a lot of unknown.
Smiling like a Cheshire Cat, you unlocked the front door and watched Lucky sprint back into Seungkwan lounging on the couch, eating for the ice cream you had forgotten.
“Where’s the snacks? Also why are you smiling like an idiot you’re freaking me out.”
“We met a guy with his dog, a very cute guy might I add, who actually asked for my number and wants to get coffee tomorrow.”
“ What the fuck, it’s late tell me he doesn’t live in the park?”
“No he said he just moved to the area, he was clearly not a park dweller he had keys, and smelt amazing actually.”
“Smelling strangers? A new low even for you”
“Oh my god, fuck off.”
Seungkwan pulled his phone out and opened various social media apps preparing himself for best friend stalking duties.
“What’s his name?”
“Seungcheol, not sure about his last name, but he goes by Cheol and his dog was Kkuma.”
“Great.. okay, found him I assume?”
“What the fuck, how? Let me see.”
“Eager aren’t we?”
“Fuck off?”
Grabbing Seungkwan's phone from his grip, you scroll quickly through the new faces' social media.
“Yeah, it’s him.”
“Okay, let me see. Wait, he's actually hot AND seems to have his own business?”
“Oh my god.”
“Here, look”
After the next few hours, you and your friend stumble on into your separate rooms preparing yourself for slumber, which never seems to reach you and before you know it dawn is creeping its way through your curtains, and your backup preparing yourself for a day with you and Lucky's new friends.
Something about your energy was excitable and nearing frantic, you could wait to step outside into the fresh air with your pocket sized princess at your side, but it was still early.
You had decided on pampering yourself for this morning, finding the need to make yourself up, you spread on your skin care with glee, drew perfect lines of eyeliner and strained your hair, pulling it up into a nice tight ponytail the hair tie matching the taupe tone of your sweat suit perfectly. Before you knew it it was 9:45 a perfect time for you and Lucky to step outside the door.
Placing her in her tote bag, you stepped inside of your favorite coffee shop, the light pink walls covered in photos and paintings, the smell of the espresso seemed sweeter.
“Morning, y/n you look beautiful today. Would you like the usual?”
“Thank you, for me, yes. But can I also get a large americano, just black and he didn’t tell me iced or hot, so iced is good I think? Or maybe hot with a cup of ice on the side? If that’s okay?”
“He? Did you finally start dating someone?”
“Oh no, just a friend of mine. Seungkwan told you shit about me didn’t he?”
“Yes. Sorry.”
“No worries, can I actually get two of the plain croissants and two of the flower dog cookies too?”
“No problem, it’ll be right out.”
“Thank you.”
Taking a seat next to the pick up counter you scrolled through the instagram of the boy you’re meant to be meeting, telling yourself it’s just to remember his face, but really it was to get a peek into what else he’s into or if he was single.
“Y/N”
“Oh shit, sorry. Thank you guys, see you tomorrow.”
Picking up the paper coffee carrier and pastry bag, you waved goodbye to the baristas and briskly walked back to the bench you were at yesterday, your bench, spotting the back of Seungcheol’s head watching the water with his dog.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”
“Oh, no problem. I just got here.”
Placing your items down on the bench, you freed her bag and greeted Kkuma alongside her before taking your seat.
“Here’s your coffee, I wasn’t sure if you wanted hot or iced so I got you a cup of ice too just in case, a croissant, and a little treat for your girl too.”
“Wow thank you so much, hot is fine actually. How are you?”
“Good, nervous. I mean it’s not every day you meet a stranger for coffee.”
Seungcheol laughed, tipping his head back slightly before taking a bite of his pastry.
“Sorry. I know it’s weird, you just seemed like someone I wanted to get to know, and Kkuma liked you so I figured you’re good people.”
“Well, thank you. You too. Lucky generally does not like men other than my friend Seungkwan, my dad, and my ex-boyfriend so consider yourself special.”
“I do.”
“So what brought you to this neighborhood? Work, a relationship?”
“No relationship, but actually my business partner is from here. We decided to open our warehouse and stuff here because it’s much better than doing it in the city. We have a spirit company and we’re planning on opening a brewery and bar, so that’s why I’ve been working late nights. I guess it served me well, I made a friend on my first day.”
“You’ve only been here for a full day? What the hell? You already know the best spot in town. What kind of stuff do you guys make?”
“Beer and soju mainly, we’ve been working on it for five years now and are finally at a spot to open up and start selling it to people, which is cool. But what about you? What do you do?”
“I’m a medical student actually, my parents are both doctors, I used to really want to be one too, but I don’t know, I don’t really have the same passion for it as I used to.”
“Well what would you do if you had the choice?”
“I always wanted to design stuff for dogs, start a rescue, anything like that. I got so happy seeing Kkuma as an accessory girl.”
“Yeah, she’s very stylish. I think you should go for it, you know? Why waste time becoming something for someone else and risk being unhappy just for their sake?”
“Honestly I wouldn’t even know how to start a business on my own, let alone tell my parents.”
“Hey, I didn’t either and look where it’s gotten me.”
You turned back to the water, staring into the calm blue waters, trying not to go into your own head.
“You’re oddly inspiring, I’ll give you that much.”
“Thank you, y/n. You’re oddly sassy, I’ll give you that.”
“Shut up, I’m not.”
“You already tried to clock me by saying I’m no fun because I drink black coffee and you said oddly inspiring like a back handed compliment. You definitely are, but I like it.
“Good.”
You had continued your twice weekly hangouts with Kkuma and her dad for two weeks now, getting excited whenever the days roll around to see the two of them again, but you haven’t hung out once without them around, which made you wonder if your friendship or crush rather on this boy was only due to your dogs being friends themselves.
Seungkwan tried setting you up on more and more dates with more and more duds, he was starting to lose hope himself, knowing that the one person he could set you up with was Seungcheol but he didn’t want to overstep.
Strolling home from another failed connection, you decide to stop and have a beer before going home to give the dirty details to Seungkwan about who you had just met.
Pulling open the tab of one of your drinks from your six pack, you took a deep breath and sat down, feeling your eyes welling up with tears.
Another can opened as you went to take the first sip. A hand comes on your shoulders, whispering a boo in your ears.
“What the fuck!”
Jumping up from your seat the hand on your shoulder belonged to Seungcheol, the look in his eyes went from happy to concerned as he saw the small streaks of tears on your cheeks, you top now dribbled with spots of beer.
“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Want a beer?”
“Sure, thanks. I’m sorry I scared you, I thought you heard me behind you.”
“It’s alright, I was in my own world anyway. You look nice, where are you headed?”
“Soft opening for my bar actually, I texted you, but I figured you didn’t respond because you were busy.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I would’ve loved to come. I was a bit preoccupied on an awful fucking date.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Worse.”
“Well the good news is you technically didn’t miss it, it doesn’t start for another twenty minutes and you’re dressed very nice. It worked out.
“Fuck I wish I paid more attention, I could’ve got you some flowers or something.”
“Next time. Will your roommate be alright taking care of Lucky?”
“Yeah of course, he knew I would be out tonight. I’ll text him just to be sure.”
“Cheers to hanging out without our kids?”
“Definitely.”
With that suddenly your awful night and doubts about your relationship with the raven haired boy went out the window.
“Shall we?”
“We shall.”
Seungcheol lent his arm out for you to wrap your own around, and you both stayed out that way for a few moments, before discarding your cans and walking the way to his new venture.
“Here it is, you ready?”
“When you told me you were opening this up I thought you hadn’t even started? But it looks like it’s fully ready.”
“Ah, well we had planned to wait a bit, but we’re getting too antsy, so here we are.”
“It’s beautiful, holy shit.”
“Thanks, sit here, I’ll be right back.”
You took a seat on the green leather booth, looking around and taking in the ambiance of the custom lighting and ribbon like wallpaper, when a blonde gentleman walked over sitting down across from you.
“Y/n? Right?”
“Yeah, nice to meet you…”
“Jeonghan, I’m Cheol’s business partner.”
“Jeonghan, right. Nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot.”
“Likewise, you’re so much prettier than Cheol let on actually.”
“Oh?”
Without a chance to interrogate the new face further Seungcheol walked back over to your table, setting down a few bottles of various spirits for you to try, including a couple of cocktails.
“He didn’t scare you too much did he?”
“Not at all, he was just telling me actually how much prettier I am than you alluded to.”
“Jeonghan, don’t do that to her, come on. You know very well I told you she was pretty, I even showed you her instagram, you agreed.”
“I know, I just wanted to make you tell her yourself and my job is done, see you around y/n.”
“Nice to meet you.”
As Jeonghan left the table you felt your cheeks growing with heat, unsure if it was the alcohol or the fact that Seungcheols friend made him confess he thought you were good looking.
“Sorry about him, he’s a menace.”
“No need to be sorry, I have my own menace at home and I don’t mean my dog.”
Seungcheol laughed, pouring you a shot of his very own soju to taste, filling with anticipation hoping you enjoy the drink he’s serving you, looking for your approval became a big part of his mind lately.
Lifting your glass up to his and clinking them together, the liquor poured down the back of your throat filling your mouth with sweetness and warmth.
“Holy shit.”
“Good holy shit or bad holy shit?”
“No, very good. That’s actually delicious. It’s so clean and fresh.”
“That makes me so happy to hear.”
“I’m happy you’re happy.”
“Okay, beer next. This is just a standard sour, some lime and sea salt, sort of beach vibes.”
“Sounds amazing, okay.”
Tipping your head back you sipped at the foamy top of the glass, savoring the flavors in your mouth.
“I hate you so much.”
“What? Why?”
“Seungcheol, you're way too humble when you talk about your business, this shit is amazing. I said I hate you because I’m going to crave this shit and I’ll have to see you all the time.”
“I thought you liked seeing me all the time?”
“You’re okay.”
“I have to say it’s cool to be here with you without the dogs, not that they distract too much, but they definitely take away giving you my full attention.”
“I mean how could they not, they’re cute as fuck,”
“So are you.”
“Wow, two drinks in Cheol and you’re already calling me cute? I wonder what else you’ll say the more you drink?"
“Technically we’re four drinks in, but I guess I remember the time I spent with you more than you do. Did those drinks on the bench mean nothing to you?”
“Oh fuck, I did forget. I guess technically I’m five drinks in then, catch up, bitch.”
You and Seungcheol spent the rest of the night being greeted by his friends, most of them already assuming who you were, letting you know that Seungcheol talks about you more than you realized.
Feeling your blood alcohol content rising, you decided to take a step outside and refresh.
The bell of the door opened up behind you, putting you face to face with his cherry lips once again, watching them light up a hand rolled cigarette to his lips.
“Doing okay?”
“Yeah, just wanted to step out for a second. Are you good?”
“Very. Want a cig?”
“No, I’m good for now. Ask me again later.”
“So will there be a later? You’re not ditching me now?”
“I’d never do that.”
“So, y/n does this maybe get me a chance to take you on a date? I’m kind of drunk so I’m feeling oddly bold.”
“Is this not sort of a date?”
“I was hoping you thought so. Is that a yes?”
“Absolutely. I thought you’d never ask.”
“Before we go on our date though, y/n. I have one final question?”
“Yes?”
“Do you still think I’m boring?”
“A little.”
Seungcheol grabbed your waist and spun you around, causing his perfectly rolled tobacco to fall on the sidewalk.
Blissfully you were giggling and laughing under the red led lights of his bar.
“Take it back.”
“Nope.”
“Please.”
You looked into his puppy dog eyes and did something out of your comfort zone. Wrapped your hands loosely around his neck, placing a deepened kiss onto his lips.
His mouth tasted of cigarettes and salt with a hint of vanilla from the lip balm he always had on him.
“Is that a good ‘sorry I called you boring’ kiss?”
“It’ll do for now.”
“Good. They’ll be more where that came from.”
“Promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
You and Seungcheol unwrap from each other, finding Jeonghan standing and cheering in the window watching the two of you.
“Can’t believe I got a hot date and a sister for Kkuma all in one.”
“You lucky dog.”
#❃ - duffytalks#seventeen fluff#seventeen scenarios#seventeen headcanons#seventeen x reader#svt reactions#seventeen imagines#svt fic#svt texts#svt imagines#seventeen au#seventeen fic#scoups x reader#scoups x you#scoups x y/n#seungchol x y/n#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol x reader#choi seungcheol x reader#svt fanfic#svt x reader#svt fluff#svt scenarios#svt oneshot#seventeen oneshot#svt series#seventeen series#svt scoups#svt x oc
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Shattered Identity
Chapter five: Pizza party at Vlad's! And gross horrors, lots of gross horrors.
Chapter one. Chapter two. Chapter three. Chapter four.
"Jeez, you two almost gave us a heart attack!" Tucker halfheartedly scolded the half-ghosts in the hallway as he texted Danny the message that the two broke off their fight on their own. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad things didn't get uglier than this, but next time, at the very least, yell for us if something happens instead of just turning the office into a haunted confetti storage room."
"Sorry Tucker, I didn't know you and Sam were here in the first place."
Danielle sheepishly twiddled her thumbs while her new little brother tapped on the bandages on his neck with an annoyed huff in response.
"Oh.. right, no vocal chords, my bad..." The geek winced. "Maybe we can get you an airhorn later."
"Or he could just scream without words." The technically older clone offered. "You two heard the ghost speak, right?"
"Huh, I always figured that ghost speak would sound... creepier and less like random animalistic noises?"
"♓︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬥︎♋︎■︎⧫︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ⧫︎□︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎❒︎♏︎♏︎◻︎♓︎♏︎❒︎," [if you want it to sound creepier,] Jack cracked his neck at an unnatural angle, the sickening sound followed by the squelches of wet ripping noises reverberated through the mansion and the action left the bandaged head dangling limply, giving the impression it was only attached to his body through the bandages on his neck themselves... "♓︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎ ❍︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎❒︎♏︎♏︎◻︎♓︎♏︎❒︎..." [i can make it sound creepier...]
"Gah! Never do that again!" She shivered and punched the older halfa's arm, who let out a raspy chuckle as he reattached his head and opened the office door.
An uncomfortable silence fell as the destroyed state of the office was discovered, much worse than how the sparring spirits left it, large globs of bright magenta ectoplasm had grown(?) all over the office, globs that weren't just the messy aftermath of the brawl, they were writhing and squirming as if they were alive, some of them even had developing eyes and teeth..
"❄︎◆︎♍︎🙵♏︎❒︎, 💧︎♋︎❍︎, 🙵♏︎♏︎◻︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎ ♎︎♓︎⬧︎⧫︎♋︎■︎♍︎♏︎..!" [Tucker, Sam, keep your distance..!]
The two humans, while they didn't understand what the ghostly host said, understood the unknown nature of the threat at hand as well as his body language and backed away from the scene while the mansion's owner took a slow, hesitant step into the infested office, trying not to catch the attention of the strange creatures, their unfocused eyes instead drifting over the room itself as the bandaged ghost gingerly searched through the rubble looking for the most important items to salvage from it.
"...What are these things..?" Danielle's voice stayed small to not catch any unwanted attention from the unknown ghostlike entities as she followed him, her fist alight with a charging ectobeam as she kept an eye out for sudden movements from them.
"I_D-O-N-T_K-N-O-W" He spelled out on the recovered Ouija board "I-V-E_N-E-V-E-R_S-E-E-N_A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G_L-I-K-E_T-H-I-S_B-E-F-O-R-E"
Sure, from their perspective, 'Jack' not seeing anything like this was a given, he hadn't existed for very long, but Vlad had genuinely no idea how he had done this. A failed copying attempt that he didn't think through during the fight? Maybe a mishap with etco-barriers? ...Something else entirely..? All he really knew was that this was his ectoplasm everywhere and that it was alive.
Cheese curds! He should've known that he was biting off more than he can chew!
How was he supposed to handle this on his own?!
His powers were useless like this at best and detrimentally unstable at worst,
he couldn't get across how important this was to Danny without telling the truth,
but he can't tell Danny the truth!
Let alone Dani!
If they know that he's the real Vlad and he has all his memories but almost none of his powers,
they're going to take advantage of his weakened state and kick his butt!
and
at this rate all of Amity park is going to be enveloped in whatever this horrific ecto-gunk was before he even had a chance to carry out his plan-
and
Maddie is going to see it-
and
use it as a reason to make MORE of those horrible guns-
and
use them on the gunk as well as every single ghost in her sights-
and
she'd naturally set her sights on the ghost zone itself-
and
there wouldn't be a war between humans and ghosts,
and
except that it would be a genocide that he couldn't stop-
and
and
and
and
and-
Snapping out of the downward spiral of negative thoughts, Vlad felt the familiar lab coat being draped over his shoulders as well as two people touching him, one hugging him from behind (the person in question being small enough that people might mistake it for a piggyback ride), and the other who was awkwardly patting his shoulder.
Ugh, was he crying..?
Well, now he had another reason to keep his true identity secret from Danny and the others.
He would die of embarrassment if they knew that he wasn't a clone, still had his memories intact, and yet was still reduced to this weak, pathetic, over-emotional wreck, either they'd find it hilarious or worse, still pity him despite everything.
Part of him wanted to break off the hug to preserve the tatters of his pride and dignity while another part of him just wanted to stay like this a bit longer.
As humiliating as it was for him, it was also kinda nice to be held, to be reassured (albeit clumsily), to be comforted, to be loved.
"Uh, guys, hate to interrupt something but I just wanted to let you know Sam's ordering pizza, what flavors do you want?"
Both saved and damned by the pizza orders, the three halfas broke it off and Vlad put the lab coat on properly.
"Uh Pepperoni?" Danny shrugged.
"Also Pepperoni" Dani nodded.
"E-X-T-R-A_C-H-E-E-S-E_P-L-E-A-S-E"
"Got it" Tucker gave them a thumb's up and turned to head back to Sam before popping his head back in. "Will the cats try to attack the pizza guy?"
"NO_I" He fumbled with the planchette in an attempt to cover up the slip. "V-L-A-D_D-I-D-N-T_O-R-D-E-R_T-A-K-E_O-U-T_O-F-T-E-N_E-N-O-U-G-H_T-O_W-A-R-R-E-N-T_T-H-A-T_T-O_M-Y_K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E."
"Okay, thanks!"
The tech geek left for real this time, leaving the three to their own devices.
"So Danny, have you met my new little brother?" The physically youngest ghost gestured to the tallest.
"Jack? Yeah, he showed up at my house and named himself after my dad."
"You named yourself after someone you just met?" Dani snorted in amusement.
"T-H-E-R-E-S_W-O-R-S-E_N-A-M-E-S_T-O_G-I-V-E_Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F_A-N-D_B-E-S-I-D-E-S_H-E_S-E-E-M-E-D_P-R-E-T-T-Y_N-I-C-E" Vlad shrugged nonchalantly.
From the dishonest ghost's actual perspective, it was something done because he named himself after the first thing he saw (that being the giant oaf) and he stuck with it because in foresight, 'Vlad naming his son after him', would break Jack Fenton that much more during both the reveal of Vlad's death as well as the funeral, in which he and Maddie would either figure out on their own or he'd tell them in his speech that he never had the chance to meet his father before his untimely tragic fate. And Maddie would feel all the more guiltier when she finds out that her horrible gun has taken a human life, one that, while she didn't care very much for, was important as well as cherished by many...
"So how did you know how to find Danny's house so quickly? Or did he bring you there?"
"H-E_F-O-U-N-D_M-E_I-N-J-U-R-E-D_A-N-D_T-R-I-E-D_T-O_H-E-L-P" The bandaged spook explained, being honest yet vague. "A-N-D_I_C-A-M-E_B-A-C-K_I-N_T-H-E_M-O-R-N-I-N-G_T-O_P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y_I-N-T-R-O-D-U-C-E_M-Y-S-E-L-F."
"Well that's my super-cool cousin for you!" she playfully punches her gene-donor's shoulder. "Always willing to help!"
"Heh, yeah..." Danny gave a nervous smile to his clone and a concerned to 'Jack'. "Hey, speaking of which, you and I need to talk about your... 'issue' in private."
"G-I-V-E_M-E_A_S-E-C-O-N-D_T-O_G-R-A-B_M-Y_T-R-A-N-S-L-A-T-O-R"
Danny nodded and waited as the lanky spirit visually followed the charger to the discarded aid and cleaned the non-living ectoplasm off of it before putting it on his neck and giving him a thumb's up which Danny gave back.
Following the fourteen-year-old out of Dani's presumed ear shot, the lab coat wearing specter nervously picked at his hand's bandages wondering what 'issue' Danny was talking about, his mind almost imminently racing towards him asking 'did you get your memories back?' or something similar.
"Okay, so, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you and Dani aren't fighting with each other anymore, but right now, we're playing with fire with this cover up. You might not remember, but she's been through a lot because of you- er, Vlad, I could not care less who else does and doesn't know the truth, but she needs to sooner rather than later."
Unbeknownst to the two of them, the clone was eavesdropping out of their sight. Her concern for her new little brother turning into intrigue.
"I know." he nodded somberly. "I plan on telling her everything after the funeral itself. I agree that she does need to know soon, but right now there's too many moving parts to keep track of and I don't know how she'll react to it."
Danny crossed his arms as he frowned at the taller halfa.
"Look, I might not know what I've done, but I get that I've done a lot before waking up and that there's no amount of verbal apologies that would undo all of it. However, this is for her safety too. Like it or not there's two problems that take top priority: Your mom's gun that will cause ghost zone genocide if nothing's done with it, and the power vacuum Vlad's death will inevitably cause. If you think that it causing genocide is just a hyperbole, think back on it, all it took was one hit to reduce a fully-grown, powerful halfa down to just a damaged core desperately clinging onto life, a core that would've shattered if left on its own, so tell me, what do you think would happen if you or her got hit with it?"
"...We'd instantly die..."
"Exactly, and your mom, a competent ghost hunter, knows how powerful that thing is and if it doesn't have any drawbacks from her end, she most likely wont stop using it until every ghost in her sights is dead, yes, even the good ones as well as the not as good but still likeable ones. As for the power vacuum, there are a handful of ghosts who know Dani's origin other than us, ghosts who would be more than happy to kill the only known heir to Vlad's estates while she's none the wiser. But if I handle the funeral *just* right, I could kill two birds with one stone, keep your mom from using the gun ever again and seal up the power vacuum. I know that she'll hate us-"
"Us? Where did you pull 'us' from?"
"Danny, she'll hate me for obvious reasons and hate you because you knew this big secret about me this entire time and never told her. But it'll be okay because she'll still be alive when she hates us, alive and safe. Which in a messy situation like this is the absolute best possible outcome."
"...Right..." Danny sighed.
"Hey," Vlad put his hand on the teen's shoulder reassuringly "she might hate me forever, but not you. Either someone she knows and trusts other than you will talk some sense into her or she'll cool off on her own and realize that you're not the bad guy in this. That in some cases, there isn't a bad guy when there's a bad situation and that sometimes, bad things just... happen and good or neutral guys are bad at handling it."
"Yeah... Thanks, I needed that..." he softly smiled.
Assuming that the conversation was wrapping up, Dani flew back to the office with new secret information to chew on for herself as well as keep hidden from her cousin and brother.
She already knew about Vlad's death and some things were self-explanatory, like the new gun being a big problem, but just how much did Jack Masters know? What dark secrets did the clone of Vlad hide that he shared with Danny and yet were so horrible that she'd never forgive him if she knew?
Was his original purpose not to tie up the loose ends Vlad's death left behind like he said but instead he was made with some of his gene donor's memories intact so that Vlad had pseudo-immortality only for Jack to betray his 'father' by living a different and new life?
Did he try to hunt down Danny and his parents just like how she originally tried to capture him?
Maybe even something worse..?
At the very least, they weren't worried about his malnourished frame meaning something bigger than it was, or Vlad's disease being fatal for Jack, or even the living ectoplasm he created was dangerous like she originally assumed the talk was about, and she could find some comfort in knowing that he valued her safety and well being over their bond as family. Her new brother might be shady, but he had a heart somewhere in those shadows.
"Oh hey guys! How was the talk?" She innocently greeted them as they approached the office.
"It went well."
"Yes, it was rather... informative." Jack picked at the bandages on his forearms while looking around the destroyed office for a distraction. Wait, where did the living ectoplasm go?! "Oh right! I can't believe I almost forgot the records!" He blurted out to keep the two from panicking as much as he was.
"...Records?" Danny raised an eyebrow at the pair.
"Yeah, fake marriage certificates, divorce paperwork, birth certificates, Social Security Numbers, school documents, passports, a not-fake-but-still-legally-questionable death certificate, maybe a fake death certificate for a woman who doesn't exist or two..." Jack listed off on his fingers "My job's more than writing the death certificate and will and calling it a day."
"Woah, woah woah! What do you need all that for?"
"Daniel, the days where someone can just pop into existence as the ages we are without any records of existing prior without drawing suspicion are long behind us. Sure, we could get away with not having them if we intend to live as a state-crossing nomads for a couple of weeks or months if we're lucky, go feral in the woods and let the public come to the conclusion that we were raised by animals while our bio parents abandoned us, or live in the ghost zone where there's a lot less organized existence trails, but we can't live like the average human person without this stuff, not in the long term in the human world. Sooner or later, the government is going to catch up to us and when that happens, we at least have something to shoo them away."
"Huh..."
"Wait, going feral in the woods is an option?" Dani asked her two-day-old physically older brother.
"Yeah, but it's not a good one. Trust me, I tried." Vlad waved off without further elaboration and shuffled the documents.
"Guys, pizza's here!"
Saved by the pizza yet again, the three changed back to their human forms and followed the geek back to the Mansion's foyer, where Sam was waiting for them along with several boxes of pizza and cans of soda were set down, almost enough to feed a frat party rather than a small group of teenagers who happened to have different diets. ...He had a strong feeling that they paid for all of this with one of his debit cards.
"Here you go." Tucker handed the bone-thin halfa five boxes. "I figured you could use it."
"Thanks..." Vlad stared at the boxes in his hands and gestured with his head. "...I'm just gonna, eat these in the other room..."
"No! No! You can stay, we won't judge!" Dani tugged on his sweater sleeve while giving him puppy dog eyes.
"Fine, but all of you get ONE question each, so use it wisely." He set the boxes down and sat on the floor next to them, crossing his legs while opening the top box
"What makes you think we're going to ask questions?" The goth raised an eyebrow "Everybody but Danny already saw your gross ecto-oozing fa-OH MY GOD!"
Everybody but Dani stared at the sight of Vlad's scarred, almost mangled-looking face in horror as the eldest teen just rolled his eyes at their terrified expressions, pocketed his face mask and munched on a slice of cheesy pizza while the others gawked at him like he was some sort of monster.
"...Does it hurt?" Dani was the first to break the awkward silence. "To eat, I mean..."
"Nope, I don't have any working nerves in my face." He lied nonchalantly between bites, not wanting them to know how much pain he was actually in. "Regardless of if its supposed to hurt or not, I can't feel a thing."
"..So if I punch you in the face, you wont feel it at all?" Sam was the next to ask.
"Yes, and you wasted your one question on that, so now you can't ask if you can test it." Vlad immaturely stuck his tongue out at her while she rolled her eyes out of annoyance and took a slice of her cheeseless mixed veggie pizza.
Tucker sat down near Jack and subtly studied his face while opening up the box of meat lover's pizza, if he was only going to get one question about this clone of Vlad's abnormal medical condition, he wanted to make it count.
From what he could tell, the marks on his face were less like acne scars like he assumed they should be (given that the clone probably had ecto-acne at one point, just like his gene donor with a chronic condition) and closer to... either really severe chemical burns or someone pouring boiling acid on his face. Closer, yet not identical to.
He couldn't tell how damaged the upper half of his face was due him having band-aids covering up some of the damage, but even then it was clear that the disfigurements around the clone's mouth were the most intense.
Whatever was used to scar his face ate off his lips and chunks of his cheeks, giving his left-side profile a ghoulish, too-toothy grin regardless of if its owner felt like smiling or not while the right side had a half-inch wide strip of flesh ending the 'smile' while also creating another hole in his face, and if he looked closely enough, he also seemed to be missing a part of his tongue in a way that made it look like there was a bite taken out of it...
"...Can I help you?" Jack asked without bothering to hide the irritation in his tone.
"O-oh uh... I just wanted to ask..." Darn it Tucker, think! You can't waste this question! "I couldn't help but notice that the lower half of your face seems more visibly damaged than the upper half, and that part of the inside of your mouth was partly eaten too, I don't mean to sound insulting but was that just random chance or was your... ...illness on the top half of your head focusing primarily on eating chunks of your brain instead of your face? Again, I don't mean this in an insulting way..."
Sam burst out laughing while Jack's expression went from annoyed to mildly intrigued, he opened his mouth to answer, paused, thought it over, and his mild intrigue turned to dawning horror...
"I... I might have to get back with you on that because I don't know either." Jack cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his nervous voice crack. "Oh Calzones, if he's right and I really am physically losing my mind... Oh Bread Sticks..." He muttered under his breath while holding his head between his hands. "...It explains so much, too much..."
Danny lightly tapped the older teen's shoulder. "Have you ever tried to eat by sticking food through the hole in your cheek?"
Vlad let go of his head and stared at him blankly, seemingly gone through the five stages of grief in five seconds and left so perplexed by Danny's question that it seemed his mind was catching up with the second halfa's words.
But you know what? He hadn't tried before, before, his time was too swamped with hospital trips and robberies to afford the hospital trips to mess around with the odd yet neutral characteristics of his condition. He should fix that while he could, for science.
His index finger idly traced part of the hole to make sure it wasn't bleeding while his other hand picked up and rolled up a slice of pizza, and he stuck the entire slice through the hole, chewed it for a bit and swallowed it.
"I have now, and the experience isn't different enough from eating normally to warrant switching to the hole."
Danny blinked at him, processing what he had just witnessed. "...Okay, I know you said one question but now I have to know; do you have two sets of jaws?!"
"I'll... Also have to look into that." He nervously smiled while screaming internally.
#danny phantom#vlad masters#vlad plasmius#danny fenton#tucker foley#sam manson#danielle phantom#body horror#fanfic#Shattered Identity
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15 lines of dialogue
Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!
Thank you @ferrocyan for the tag! <3 Tagging @theworldwalkerswols and @crystal-verse if you want to do this :)
*
‘This is, of course, entirely my fault,’ said G’raha. ’I shall be sure to tell Rowena so.’
‘I don’t think the toad was,’ said Fyfnar. ’You could hardly have anticipated that.’
’I—I suppose not,’ said G’raha, a little uncertainly.
Fyfnar began to laugh. ’Oh, Raha. This isn’t nearly the worst mishap I’ve had on an errand. At least it’s the boxes in the lake, and not us.’ Then he stopped, struck by a sudden thought, and eyed the ripples speculatively. ’Now there’s an idea. Hold my hat.’
*
‘Have you seen a pink chocobo?’
’I saw one in Ishgard last year,’ said Fyfnar, trying to keep his head still. ’It was exceedingly fluffy. It did try to bite me, but I’m sure there were faults on both sides.’
G’raha coughed. ’I think he means a sighting of a more recent provenance.’
’Oh! No, we haven’t,’ said Fyfnar. ’Have you lost one?’
*
’There was something of a contretemps on the way here,’ said G’raha. ’You see, we, er—’
’There was a very big toad,’ said Fyfnar.
*
“Smell the mountain air! Isn’t it splendid?” said Fyfnar rapturously. He lifted his face to the sky and took a deep breath, only to start spluttering as an unaccustomed aroma hit his nose. “Actually, I wouldn’t recommend doing that,” he said, chastened, when he could speak again.
*
‘Raha, Raha!’ said Fyfnar. He resisted the urge to take him in his arms and squeeze him very hard. ‘I’ve lost you three times now. I can hardly bear to let you out of my sight for fear you’ll slip through my fingers again. And besides, I wouldn’t go to bed at this hour.’
*
(excerpt from correspondence with Ser Aymeric)
’As for what I’ve been doing, I’m not entirely certain how much I ought to tell you. The truth is, I have been engaged in some endeavours of a rather dashing nature, that I think the romantic in you would appreciate, but that perhaps the statesman in you had rather not know about. Rest assured, my friend, that it will mean nothing but the good of your land and many others, although our manner of achieving that good might be better not spoken of—for the present, at least.’
#this was a lot of fun thank you :D#also made me realise i haven’t actually written that much dialogue and i should write more#a lot of my writing seems to be internal monologue-heavy but i enjoy it when his voice comes across :>#ffxiv#own post#my wol#fyfnar qadorel#my fics#wip
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April Recap
Hello all! (I don't know if I have real followers or if everyone on here is just a bot... but in any case, I wanted to try something new with this semi-neglected blog.)
I don't know if anyone else here has recently experienced a wave of social media fatigue. The sheer amount of content online - mostly exhorting you to buy more things to fix imaginary problems - lately feels overwhelming. The other day I had a sudden wave of nostalgia for early 2000s social media, especially how things felt a little more curated - how you would seek out a handful of individuals who matched your interests. These days, with algorithms pushing hundreds of new influencers your way every day, it feels impossible to pick out the signal from the noise.
In that spirit, I thought I would start writing a little monthly recap of things that I tried and loved. This will range from everything from books, to fashion, to skincare, to hobbies... I hope to maybe start a bit of a dialogue online, to share some things that I enjoy, and to try to cultivate a lifestyle full of things that I truly love, instead of mindlessly following the latest trend I've seen online.
So without further ado, here's the April recap of Things I Tried and Loved.
Deleting social media apps for a few days
By which I mean any apps with short-form videos, i.e. Instagram and Youtube. I’ve never had Tiktok as I know I would be hopelessly addicted to it, but have managed to justify keeping Instagram and Youtube on my phone for social and “educational” purposes. The problem is, whenever I’m busy or stressed, my coping mechanism is to lie in bed and spend literally hours scrolling through Instagram Reels, until my mind feels simultaneously numb and overstimulated.
It’s usually in such a state of social media-hangover that I decide to stop spending so much time online and delete these apps from my phone. This usually lasts for a few days before, in an itchy state of withdrawal, I cave and reinstall them. But so far I’ve lasted about a week, and the longer I go on, the less I want to go back on them. It’s amazing how much time is freed up when you’re no longer spending 1-2 hours a day scrolling on your phone.
Tumblr, of course, does not count amongst the aforementioned apps. I consider it to be a more evolved form of social media.
Sizing up in jeans
I’m not sure at what point my life I decided that jeans were meant to be inherently uncomfortable. Even though I’ve eschewed skinny jeans for a while now, like a good reformed Millennial, I’ve never let go of the mentality that jeans should still be snug around the hips and waist to be “flattering”.
Now, at long last, I have come to the simple realization that I can wear whatever jeans I want. By simply going up one size from your true waist size, you can have jeans that don’t: 1) require small, awkward jumps to pull on 2) take your underwear along for a ride every time you take them off and 3) cut off your circulation every time you sit down. A miracle.
Clinique Black Honey lipstick
I am not a lipstick wearer. I have tried to embrace the “French girl” look, wherein a dash of lipstick somehow pulls your entire look together, but the truth is when you otherwise look completely haggard, wearing a bright red lipstick actually makes you look a bit insane. I’ve actually had the Clinique Black Honey Lipstick for a while, but rediscovered it kicking around in the bottom of a purse the other day. And wow, I forgot how much I love this simple product. It provides just a little bit of color without making it obvious I’m wearing a color. It does not dry out my permanently chapped lips (though I still wear some Vaseline on top of it). It feels very elegant to slip the little silver tube into my bag or purse. 5/5.
Reading about etiquette
After reading Jane Austen’s Emma and laughing at the various social mishaps that the characters get into, I went on a journey of reading about etiquette and what the hell happened to it over the past two hundred years. Not that I miss the strict dress comportment expected of men and women back then, or women in general being banned from a variety of activities, but I do think there were some romantic tendencies which we lost and were never satisfyingly replaced. Like formal balls. Handwritten letters. Ladies wearing gloves. I know that some people still write letters to their friends in fits of nostalgia, but in an age of instant communication I feel that this would probably be a one-sided effort and met with some confusion before eventually petering off.
Paying for things with cash
Like many North Americans, I am mildly irritated by the influx of tipping requests for things that we used to not tip for, like buying ice cream at a counter or getting an oil change. There is a very simple solution to this, which is to carry cash for these types of services. I haven’t carried cash in so long that I somehow forgot about this workaround. Paying with cash removes the awkward moment where the machine is tilted towards you and the cashier watches as you punch in the minimum suggested 18% tip for scooping ice cream into a cup. If you hand over exact change or the minimum amount of cash required, they cannot judge you for not reaching into your pocket and pulling out extra cash for a tip. Somehow, this feels totally different than selecting “No tip” on a machine. I don’t know why, but it does.
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“I WANT TO KNOW…” Prompts.
@starspurn asked: “I want to know more about you.” / dazai, looking Intently at gogol in the attempt to figure him out
That's unexpected to hear after becoming used to the less obvious signs than the blatant admissions (courtesy of Fyodor and their shared entourage), and it's perhaps a lucky break for Nikolai that he's acknowledged as unreadable to nigh everyone so that even when his real reactions are placed into the spotlight, they shall still appear as part of a grander act than the truth unveiled - such as the widening of his eyes at Dazai's bold statement, expertly followed by a cutesy act that ties the former mishap into a coherent facade. ❛ Ehhh? So sudden! ❜ Fluttering his eyelashes innocently, Nikolai places a finger to his chin and glances towards the genius without letting anything of value come to Dazai's knowledge - not yet, at least. He doesn't find himself too opposed to the idea, if even slightly insisted upon. ❛ Isn't it customary to ask someone out for dinner first, then start prying into their life? I'm rather shy, you know! ❜
#muse: nikolai gogol.#starspurn#* nikolai gogol. / ic.#HE'S. SO. DAMN. ANNOYING. HELP MEEE AHDSJADSAJK#Dazai you have met your match I fear... who will leave here with the trophy of most annoying person (actor) on earth; tune in at 8#QUEUE.
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Eurovision 2022: #25 - #21
25. ARMENIA
Rosa Linn - “Snap”
20th place
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Overall placement: 50/79
[Above The Black Mamba, below James Newman]
Ugh, Fine.
Time to finish this ranking turbo style! So yeah, I’m not impressed with The Biggest Eurovision Hit, which I suppose is a controversial opinion? Then again, if Rosa was so good, then why did she only make it 20th place, hmmm? 🤔🤔
When Rosa’s song leaked it sounded exactly like the type of song you’d expect DMGP to commit murder for: a frivolous, cheery pop welterweight (which somehow has the same cadence as I’m Alive by Elhaida Dani) thats easy to listen to and doesn’t get in the way of stanning better things.
At Eurovision, this was Rosa’s exact journey. She was a cute presence that was vaguely liked, and her staging supported this. (despite the staging mishaps, still pretty neat!) Don’t know what all the references in the lyrics are about, but we can pretend it added some depth and meaning, Into 20th place she went, which was a fair result for what her lovable random self brought to the table.
Then, she went viral on TikTok, which honestly is more of an “eww” than a “good on her” i m o. Okay, look, it defo does not surprise me that out of the entire 2022 catalogue this song became the viral one. TikTok viralness is a horrible metric for musical quality though. “Snap” works as a TikTok song specifcally because it doesn’t syphon attention away from whatever brainfart nonsense TikTokkers force on their feeds for a living. If you want a backing track to your “Make mac ‘n’ cheese by dumping the ingredients on a marble countertop” silliness or your indie song-singing 101 Tutorial, might as well pick something like a Snap as the accompanying backing track.
Also, I always felt the record label behind Rosa Linn was a bit too eager to get A Big Kicker on their conto. Remember when Rosa -likely on urging from her mentor Tamar Karpelian- attempted to start a respectful discussion on Twitter (oh dear) about how wonderful NFTs were (oh dear) because they helped establish a base income for fledgling artists,like herself (oh dearrrr) without having to rely on her songs getting streams? (oh dearrrrrrrrr)Twitter gave their usual gaslighting-disguised-as-concern response which in turn forced Rosa issue a semi-confused, half-arsed apology for attempting to profit from her work. Okay that was kinda funny, but by Monika Liu’s grown-out bob, Zoomer drama is the nuttiest drama, I swear.
Anyway, the aforementioned NFT shizzle, the association with Tamar’s Slytherin Evil, the TikTok viralness and the radio people’s sudden insistence that “Snap” was A Hidden Underrated Gem despite it being an inconspicuous 20th placer at Eurivision THAT NOBODY CARED ABOUT, and also the fact that Snap has five different versions (HER?!) all kinda hints at a certain ambition that just... taints it a bit for me. It just feels like Snap’s popularity didn’t develop itself naturally and but came about due to largely commercial and monetary reasons, after which the sheeple convinced themselves retroactively that it was secretly great and very underrated, since you know, influencers would never twist the truth to us for their own profit.
Overall the song’s fine in a vaccuum. Underneath its base sheer lie values that my crusty millennial monroe ass doesn’t share. FARE THEE WELL, MISS LINN, YOU GO BYE NOW!!!
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24. CROATIA
Mia Dimsic - “Guilty pleasure”
26th place
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Decade placement: 47/79
[above The Roop, below Tusse]
Oh look, another vaguely pleasant, mildly likabable, and ultimately not very exciting middle-of-the-road pop melody. The cynic in you might think I’m ranking Mia ahead of Rosa because Mia didn’t go viral, and like always the cynic in you is correct! Hooray! 😁 Yeah sorry, in the ongoing battle of overrated vs underrated, it’s the correctly rated that always win :-)
Still, like Rosa, Mia had the potential to be green on my ranking if she had cultivated a status as a fun random. TSwift IS a guilty pleasure of mine (except for her Midnights Era self which is unironically great) and while “Willow” is a part of the least exciting wing in Taylor’s musical library (ie: the part that isn’t crazed out through copium and/or severe neurosis), this bootlegged version was just cute enough to charm me.
Now of course, if your song is all about maintaining a certain level of delicate joie-de-vivre, it’s really important to not overdo the act and let the singer’s personal charisma carry it. Cue to the staging which looked like this:
What.
The.
Everlovin’.
Fuck?
There’s good staging and there is whatever the flyin’ fuck that was. Goodbye cutesie lounge vibe, goodbye charming performer, you’re completely overtaken by this overly choreographed, overtly dramatic and abrasive act that your song didn’t need. ONE dancer, NO acrobatics, how difficult is that to grasp, HRT? I’d be tempted to say the act was a cursed decision, but then realize Croatia’s frantic dance gremlins were probably the tipping point that allowed ~Systur~ into the finals, and any Eurovision final graced by those three earth angels has to count as a blessing. So thank you Mia for blessing us. ^_^
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23. GERMANY
Malik Harris - “Rockstars”
25th place
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Decade ranking: 45/79
[Above Tusse, below Undisclosed]
It is very common knowledge that nobody likes Rockstars, and fine, I don’t! As insipid as “Rockstars” was though, I don’t think it was completely without redeeming qualities.Malik had a baseline charm and really went for it, I guess.
The German Selection, which had adopted the very... um... optimistic name “Germany, 12 points” for the occasion, (optimistic even if we believe the conspiracy theory the “12 points” alluded to the total numerical amount ARD were aiming for in Turin <3) was one of the worst in a horrible NF season. I was fucking relieved it produced a winner I could (sadly no more than) vaguely enjoy. Not everyone has the panache of getting distracted by their own soap bubble bonanza.
Also, the SPOKEN WORD RAP BREAK was exactly what my brain and soul -both high on copium after the Alina Pash withdrawal- needed at the time. It didn’t blow me away or anything, but it at least gave me something tangible to cling onto besides “well this is nice, i guess”.
For the rest though, ::tumbleweeds::. I think people might have been a bit too bandwagon-y in their Malik Mockery cus like, yeah he’s clearly getting last, don’t make it worse? But then again... he brought very little to the table. Besides the spoken word it’s like... cursive singing (petition to rename this to “Cursed Singing”) and instruments displayed on moth-eaten rugs to get points, you know? It’s like Germany were deliberately telegraphing us to NOT vote for them, again. But that’s less on Malik and more on ARD’s incompetence, which is a discussion for another time.
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22. NORTH MACEDONIA
Andrea - “Circles”
27th place
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Decade ranking: 44/79
[Above Malik, below Hurricane]
WE FINALLY MADE IT TO GREEN!!! Sadly we’re still in the No Man’s Land of VagueOpinionstan. 😣
There is *something* about Andrea and “Circles” that resonates well with me? Is it the perfectly mimed frustration with a poorly communicating love interest? Is it the palpable resignation on her face as she helplessly bleats “u don’t wanna test my limits -_-”.
Maybe! What I do know is that I stan the critical amount of pure Sadsack Energy Andrea exhudes from every pore. 😍😍 I think she’s a contender for the most morose, Eeyore-ish person to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage? Reminder that this person won a selection <33333 Andrea posseses a sort of theoretical anti-charisma that should render her unvoteable, and yet in practice just has me cling to every word crossing her lips. ALL SHE WANTS IS A HEALTHY CONVERSATION SO SHE CAN GET IT RIGHT AND FIX THE SITUATION, YOU GHOULS!!!
(and yes, the other Bubble favourite of floordrop sorcery making an appearance <3)
But then on top of that, Andrea also became A Highly Controversial Pick for NoMac!!!! Strangely not because she was an out-and-proud lesbian (although, an out-and-proud lesbian representing a toxic homophobe country from the Balkans <3333333) but because..... she dropped a wee plastic flag during the turquoise carpet.
The toxic nationalists took it as HER DELIBERATELY TRAMPLING OUR MACEDONIAN PRIDE AFTER YEARS OF GREEK BULLYING. MRT even issued an official statement that they were CONSIDERING A WITHDRAWAL (with zero intention to actually quit of course) to appease the smooth-brained cunts until the quiet and expected NQ arrived. <3333333333
(knowing her misery was finally over, Andrea cracked a smile for the first time in her life <3)
This only enhanced Andrea’s Charlie Brown”-esque journey even more!! Just when Andrea looked like the token hapless last placer nobody loved, the results came in, and showed she *almost* made the final. 😍😍😍😍😍😍. If there’s one thing that horrible second semifinal should have done right and didn’t, is causing a NoMac qualification by means of fixed jury voting algorithms. Simply imagine the meltdowns over Andrea slaying Andromache AND Nadir. 😍 If only the EBU had the balls to NQ Azer on the spot, huh? Oh well, there’s always 2023 for that. 😈
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21. UKRAINE
Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”
1st place
undefined
youtube
Decade ranking: 41/79
[Above Fyr og Flamme, below Eden Alene]
ugh i forgot he yelled Mariupol and Azofstal at the end of that and wasn’t DQ’d on the spot! Instantly regretting I didn’t rank Ukraine even LOWER. 😫😫😫 (no, don’t think about how much better Stefania would be without him, don’t do it Bobo, consider your mental health -- inner monologue while writing the rest of this post.)
So yeah, after all this inconspicuous also-ran filler (i’m definitely including Snap in that group), I’m eliminating the winner, the biggest televote winner Eurovision have ever had. “Have you no respect, Boris?”, you might ask and well... would I be me, if I had any, lol? I came into the 2022 season with hot takes and mental fortitude and thanks to Shitvidi I’m all out of fortitude, so~
Cynicism and self-awareness aside, let’s get the big elephant out of the room: The war had virtually no impact on my ranking here. I despise politics at Eurovision, (mostly because politics always affect it, but Eurovision NEVER affects the politics back), so there are two options here: Either downvote Ukraine for bringing politics into the contest, or make an exception and turn a blind eye. I chose option two. Nobody can begrudge Ukraine for attempting to pretend that the worst armed conflict to have hit them since WW2 hadn’t broken them, so I won’t. No points added or deducted. .
I do have good reasons to not rank Stefania higher though. I think you already know where this is headed - Sorry (for YOU) if you’re a fan of his, but Oleh suuuuuucks. It started at Vidbir when he led a small mob against that poor envelope lady and it was all sorts of messed up? Entitlement and bullying tinged with toxic nationalism, there ain’t no better first impression to make, am i right?
And very unfortunately my distaste towards Oleh also extends to his on-stage presence which I find really fucking obnoxious. The concept of a “Charismatic Black Hole” was one I didn’t fully understand until I first saw Oleh Psiuk set a foot on stage. Does anyone TRULY like his presence here? All his verses do is distract from the chorus and instrumental, which is awful because those bits fucking slap! Airlift him and his ugly-ass hat the fuck outta here.
Okay, so the winning song is actually... pretty good. It is NOT great though. Stefania is a weaker, safer and more cis-het version of “Shum”, which is suboptimal. Counterpoint is that “Shum” was Peak Ukraine (Which is also Peak Eurovision), and remains one of the best entries ever, so a lesser replication of that is still enjoyable overall. It made Ihor Didenchuk (who is also in Go_A) a Eurovision laureate! It kinda sucks the fandom didn’t come through at a time when Ukraine had, you know, an actually charismatic lead, but I suppose the power of love Damiano-induced boners does conquer all.
On the flip side, Ihor’s and Tymofii’s contributions are so good that they almost fully balance Oleh’s deteriorative and hammy rapping. Tymofii carries Stefania with his spot-on chanting and preposterous flute playback shenanigans.
Ihor meanwhile just has a good time on the stage, disguised as one of the two Cousin It-like entities <3 Add in some tasteful staging and hell, even the fact that this song is in essence an ode to someone’s (You Know Who’s) actual mom, (and not the forced, cringe, jingoistic metaphor it later became) and you have an entry that definitely makes sense as a jury fourth placer and top fiver overall.
Now obviously, I would have preferred for Ukraine to not win because they were not the best option (not by a mile!), and ofc also because I hate their lead, but I’m not fully broken up that they beat my faves. Sometimes there are powers at work beyond our control and that’s fine. Not everything in life must be catered to our tastes. Ukraine are the best Eurovision country, and it doesn’t matter how or when they catch up to (and pass) Ireland and Sweden, as long as it happens during my lifespan. 🤷♀️
Still think Pinkbucket’s a thuggish little punk though. Prayer circle that the next time Ukraine win, it’s with someone actually worth stanning. 🙂
CONGRATULATIONS TOP 20!!!
ALBANIA - AUSTRIA - CZECH REP - ESTONIA - FRANCE -
GEORGIA - ICELAND - IRELAND - LITHUANIA - MALTA -
MOLDOVA - THE NETHERLANDS - PORTUGAL - ROMANIA - SAN MARINO -
SERBIA - SLOVENIA - SPAIN - SWEDEN - UK
THE RANKING
21. UKRAINE - Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”
22. NORTH MACEDONIA - Andrea - “Circles”
23. GERMANY - Malik Harris - “Rockstars”
24. CROATIA - Mia Dimšić - “Guilty pleasure”
25. ARMENIA - Rosa Linn - “Snap”
26. CYPRUS - Andromache - “Ela”
27. LATVIA - Citi Zeni - “Eat your salad”
28. DENMARK - ReDDI - “The show”
29. BULGARIA - Intelligent Music Project - “Intention”
30. GREECE - Amanda Tenjford - “Die together”
31. POLAND - Ochman - “River”
32. MONTENEGRO - Vladana - “Breathe”
33. FINLAND - The Rasmus - "Jezebel"
34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you”
35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana”
36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same”
37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry”
38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black”
39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi”
40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”
#Eurovision#Eurovision Song Contest#Eurovision 2022#ESC 2022#ESC2022#Turin 2022#Ukraine#Kalush Orchestra#Stefania#North Macedonia#Andrea#Circles#Germany#Malik Harris#Rockstars#Croatia#Mia Dimsic#Guilty pleasure#Armenia#Rosa Linn#Snap#Winner#Ranking#BorisBubbles#2022 Ranking#Youtube
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This will be my last time addressing this, I’m sorry that you feel like I failed you. I have tried my best to be there for you and for the longest time I felt like I haven’t. I don’t want to ruin our moments but you are actively trying to tarnish how I behaved. I am not responsible for your image of me. I am not responsible for the villain you painted. I know that you are hurting and I know that all of this stems from that but while I do accept my fault in taking a sudden absence, I don’t regret my decision. I didn’t feel comfortable with you, I won’t apologize for that due to the fact that I didn’t cause that. I never spoke ill of you and I never mentioned your name to anybody while you spoke to everyone about me, literally spitting awful things. I didn’t manipulate you or use you or take advantage of you. I don’t recognize you. That phone call affected me more than you realize. I never lied to you. I never intended to. I just didn’t feel like communicating because you wouldn’t have understood. I felt pressured and put in a box by you. I’m not ungrateful. I do acknowledge that %50+ of my whole entirety belongs to you and is shaped by you. I have shown grace to you while you yelled unspeakable things to my face during fits, during episodes and I do not use it against you AT ALL. I just wish I could’ve had the same level of love shown to me when I “fuck up” or at least wasn’t myself. I felt belittled and misunderstood and small. I do not mistake you for a certain parent figure. I have established relations lasting over 10+ years and they have seen every facet of me as well as you have. I’m tired of the way I’m perceived, it fucks with my head. It’s not a delusion nor a mirage. I know my truth. 2023 will be the year I settle. I won’t settle for less. I’m not lying, it is still a journey. I have mishaps but I’ve grown to take self care days for myself. I have conversations within and fully realize and function. I love you. It won’t feel sincere to you but this version of me loves you more than you accept but also loves themselves. I can love me better than you can, love.
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misfortunate mishaps || yuliya || trial 2.1 || re: avery, harriet
This entire time as the debate has first started has all sounded like white noise to Yuliya. Silent, vacant noise like in the midst of a cold, whispering snowstorm. Her voice still feels parched, raspy from its misuse for the amount of times she’d swallow down her words - but no amount of words, whether they were lies or truths, could bring back the dead. Not now. And not ever.
Selfish. So, fucking selfish and conceited. How angry, how miserable, how empty she is now that the snow has fallen. But it’s only the calm before the storm that would brew once more, because someone here is responsible. She knows it. And she wants answers.
Never more has she wished to still be binded by her truths and honesty instead of her white lies.
But she’s still going to try. Even when she barely feels tethered to the ground, like she’s going to shatter within the next breath she takes, all as her hands still tremble beneath her table, she’s still going to try.
“I never saw Perry for the entire rest of the night. I was going to see her the next day to make her something, but…”
Her voice trails, and judging from the sudden slouch of her shoulders, she can’t even bring herself to finish that sentence. They were supposed to have time. If she was going to bake her something from the rolls she’d received beforehand, she had wanted it to be perfect and up to her standards. Not like she’d be able to do so right now.
So she takes another shuddering breath. No signs of weakness here. Lock it down. You don’t have time to waste here.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll make this brief. I didn’t spend most of my night doing much, besides skating in the summoning circle here after the motive announcement. Esmée was with me the entire time then. At 9:15pm, I left and went through the dining room to the training hall. Shinjuku and Germain were both in the dining room when I passed by, and Luz was already in the training hall too when I entered. When I was done, I headed straight back to my room at 10pm, and Esmée was back in our room, having just finished a shower. I didn’t go to sleep until 10:30 though, but by then, I woke back up again because of the announcement. By then, Esmée had left. You all can figure out the rest.”
She doesn’t need to put it into words over where Esmée could’ve gone afterwards. From there, Harriet suggests what she'd suspected, even if she makes a point to still not look at her. And it isn't until Avery starts explaining what they'd investigated that she lets out another shuddering sigh, closing her eyes as her shoulders tense even more.
She’d told her back then, hadn’t she? That sleeping with that stupid fumo was trouble. And look where that got her. Had Yuliya only been more insistent on leaving that out as window dressing.
“So we’ve confirmed enough that it started in the bound garden, as the tear from… that plush suggests. And it’s not too far off to assume she’d be laying there as well, since she tends to sleep early. From here, there’s two ways that this could happen - the first being that someone deliberately did it, or the second being that it was an… accident.”
“If it’s the first case, then we would have to assume that whoever did it would be quiet enough to not only wake her by climbing the tree, but to also reach over to grab the… plush, tear off the band-aid, and cut it off themselves. Which… doesn’t sound too plausible. She’s not a light sleeper, but the hammock is high enough to keep her alerted enough if someone approaches.”
“Which leaves… the second option - where she would’ve accidentally cut it herself. And judging by how the bandaid is stuck to the fabric that’s near to the cut, that sounds much more realistic. From the times she’s slept over in our room too, she… tended to shift quite a bit in her sleep. She stole the blankets more often than not.”
The last part is said in a small mumble, yet there’s no embarrassment as she tries to school her features together. This is the most she’s spoken since… the entire investigation really, having been almost mute for a majority of it unless spoken to at all. Frankly, she’s barely keeping it together.
“On the other hand, that doesn’t explain the cut on her cheek, but she could’ve cut herself with it after or during the fall itself, if her hand was still holding it.
Otherwise, that's all that she would have to suggest.
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Master - Chapter 20a
*Warning: Adult Content*
I shift a little closer to Arias, wanting more of the nice feeling that came up in my belly from having him hold me.
Master hadn't hugged me in a while.
But it wasn't because he was a bad Master, Master did try but I always ended up ruining it and making everything even worse.
I was the problem.
A small huff leaves me as I squeeze my eyes together a little tighter and do the same with my arms that were wrapped around Arias' waist.
Things weren't so scary when I could have Arias close like this.
"It's completely unfathomable to me how two people who adore one another so much manage to find so many issues together," Arias comments as he gently runs his long fingers through my hair. "Theoretically, it shouldn't even be possible."
"It's my fault," I reply quietly before mumbling the rest of the truth into his clothes. "It's always my fault."
"It takes two," Arias replies softly while he trails his fingers down from my hair to caress my hidden face. "One day you'll see that and maybe all these mishaps will happen less."
I let my teeth hold my lips shut as I try to believe in Arias' words but it was hard with all the other words that keeping running around in my head.
Words that said that things were bad because I wasn't a good slave for Master but it only made my head hurt more because Master said he didn't want a slave.
I don't say anything back to Arias.
I just keep quiet and try not to think of all the bad words, I try to focus on Arias' soft fingers that made me feel good inside while everything else felt bad.
Things were feeling bad ever since that day when I told Master how I felt and messed up everything on the extra, special day he planned for us.
"You can always stay here with me," Arias whispers after a long time of no speaking and it makes my eyes pop open and my heart stick in my body. "For a night or two, a week or a month... however long you need."
I sit up quickly and look into Arias' golden eyes that were sweet and kind, like honey as they only were for me.
But no matter how sweet they were, I wouldn't fall for them.
Even though I really liked Arias and his Malcolm, I loved my Master.
It didn't matter that Master didn't love me back, I loved him so I couldn't leave him... ever.
Like, never ever... ever.
I jump a little in Arias' arms when a knock on the door comes, the sound so sudden and loud in the quiet that it made my breathing come quicker.
I didn't know how I knew but I knew deep inside that it wasn't Arias' Malcolm outside.
Arias gives me a questioning look first and I nod quickly.
This was his nice big room, he should have whoever he wanted to come inside even if there were more words in my head at the thought of having Master inside.
"Come in," Arias calls smoothly, his voice sharp and a little scary.
But his fingers were still touching me nicely so I don't get scared at all.
The door slowly opens and Master steps in, his eyes immediately find mine and they hold me still as he shuts the door behind him.
I immediately pull away from Arias, my hurting heart telling me to go to Master right away while the words told me to kneel in wait for my punishment.
The words were spoken by voices and they were loud.
Really, really loud and mean and cruel too... like the trainers were, in a way that made my body begin to shake a little.
"Would you mind giving me a moment with Kalem, Elf?" Master asks smoothly, his eyes leaving mine for only a second to give Arias a look that said that it wasn't really a question.
I was Master's in every way so he didn't have to ask but I knew he was doing it to be nice because Master was a nice Master.
But I also knew that Arias didn't like to be told what to do, by anyone, so the grinding of Arias' teeth sends an uncomfortable shiver down my spine as he brings himself to his feet in one fluid movement.
"Not at all," he replies sounding surprisingly respectfully. "If that's what Kalem desires," he finishes icily.
Master's muscles tense and he clenches his jaw in that way that made my naughty bits happy, I quickly shake my head and try to be a more focused Kalem instead of a dirty one.
Master was still staring at Arias when I was controlled again, his eyes slowly pooling with red as time ticked on.
I look between my two favourite people in this whole entire world nervously, not knowing what to do to make them both happy again.
Arias wouldn't be upset if I asked him to go and it'd please Master but the voices said that if I spoke when not spoken to it would Master even more upset.
Master figures out what to do before I can faint from my worries.
He takes in a deep breath and releases it while his eyes return to their normal, pretty colour I loved.
When Master looks at me, my body goes all stiff as the voices yell at me to look away from Master but I didn't want to and something in the way Master was looking at me told me he didn't want me to.
"Well, love?" he questions carefully, a weak smile playing on his lips. "Can I speak to you and only you, for just a moment?"
I find myself nodding yes before I can think of any other answer.
My body choosing Master every time like it was supposed to and it made the voices a little quieter when Master's smile turned happy.
I was being good.
"Well, I'll be off, then," Arias announces plainly but first he turns to pet me on the head. "If he's troubling you, call me and I'll deal with it."
"That's if you don't lose your ears trying," Master grumbles as Arias walks past him, only sending him a glare in response as he lets himself out.
"Elves," Master spits as we're left alone.
My fingers fall to my sides as I sit and wait for an instruction, it takes me a moment to remember that I should be standing straight not sitting.
So I stand and take my best stance while Master looks me over.
Even though the voices were loud and mean and I was scared to mess up again, I could feel myself getting wet down below with Master's dark eyes on me, studying all of me.
I squirm uncomfortably as things grow tight below and look down at the floor with shame, slaves shouldn't want or touch and last time I touched Master everything went wrong.
I try my very best to keep the position and keep still while I wait for a command or punishment.
I try not to listen to my body that felt so wrong being like this with Master, especially when standing like this made my body tremble even more with memories of the slave house.
I had to stay still and perfect for Master.
If he didn't want me to be as he did during the last few months, then maybe he'd like this better.
"Kalem," Master calls in that perfect way that made me want to look at him.
But I don't.
"Y-Yes Master," I reply shakily.
I didn't mean to sound so scared but I was and my chest began to pump itself even harder with the sound of Master's footsteps leading to me.
Every step he takes makes my heart speed double and my fears grow as the voices with all their words got even crueller.
Digging my nails into the inside of my hands, I try to stop them from shaking and to think of all the nice times.
Master never punished me, no matter what happened or what I did, he never punished me.
He said I was his Kalem and Master was nice to his Kalem, he took him to see pretty flowers, like sunflowers and the long-word ones.
I shouldn't be afraid of my Master.
I take in a shaky breath as Master's shoes come into my vision and stop before me, only a small distance between us.
Master was so close that I could feel his eyes on me and smell that nice smell that came from the spray he used every morning.
"Kalem, love, look at me," Master instructs gently.
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Ann Herrmann Segment #1 (Ann's Storyline)
"I'll go water the plants Mr. [Name]!" Ann exclaimed.
"You know...you could always take a break from the hassle." Mr. [Name] advised.
"Don't worry too much. I'll be fine, their comments won't get through to me." She replied with a tensed smile on her face and marched into the greenhouse.
As she heads into the greenhouse, the area around her began to smell by its terpenes as the sweet aroma spread throughout the enclosed glass building. Ann felt more at peace with the area as there was no one around her, no one to bother her, no one to gossip behind her back.
Ann closed her eyes to envision an open forest, filled with beautiful flowers and healthy trees, her imaginary land was peaceful as the sounds of chirping brought mental tranquility. Though, thoughts began to slowly creep upon her as voices became more apparent from her day-to-day life.
"Have you heard about the third-born daughter of the Herrmann? She's nothing like her older siblings."
"Bet she's just a spoiled girl living off the Herrmann name."
"She has a life a luxury along with butlers and maids. She has no room to talk about struggling."
"Rumor has it that she working at a job somewhere. Why would she decide help us common folk?"
"How could she ever relate to us, she has it all while we have to deal with a few mishaps and hardships."
All the voices keep flooding her mind, making her imaginary plane polluted. Every time one is blocked off, another one fills its space; one by one, it becomes too much for her to bear as each voice begin to slowly tear into her, making her cave into their perceptions.
Just as when she began to break, a single voice wakes her from her nightmare. Oliver was standing next to the doorway and sees Ann on her knees with both arms wrapping around her, the sight of her was enough to make him worry about her wellbeing.
"Ann...Mr. [Name] asked me to check on you and...you don't look very well." Hinted Oliver as he slowly approaches her.
Ann, shaken at the moment, attempts to life herself up. Her efforts were futile as she slumps back onto the ground. In response, Oliver assists Ann into resting on a bench, the two sat together in a unresponsive manner yet both tried to speak about what happened. With seeing Oliver not interacting with her, Ann decides to speak to him about her troubles.
"Oliver, do you think I'm good enough?" She questioned.
"Why do you ask that Ann?" He responded.
"Everyone keeps talking about how I'm this spoiled princess and how I'm not like Ivy and Dahlia. I mean, I do live in a manor and have Hilda but I want to able to do something more." She adds on.
"I don't know what else you need, you seem fine." Oliver insisted.
"You don't get what I'm trying to tell you. I want to be able to be approachable without having this label on me! I want people to befriend me for who I am, not someone who's seen as a wealthy person!" Ann scolded.
The sudden burst of anger made Ann realized who she was speaking to and quickly turned her head down. The guilt she felt now was embarrassing as it may turn Oliver away from her or even perceive her as someone with needless problems.
"I'm sorry if that was out of line Oliver", she apologizes, "I just want to be seen as a normal person. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me after that."
Ann begins to stand and force herself out of his view, presumably to resume to duty. A hand reaches out to her arm, making her halt in her footsteps as her head begins to turn. Her eyes met with his glare, creating a tense air around them.
"Ann, you're nothing like the sisters and that's the truth but that doesn't mean you don't stand out on your own. From what I've seen from my own eyes, you are an empathetic and kind-hearted person." Oliver argued.
"But, what if people just see me as someone to let others walk all other them? I would rather be that person if it means getting on their good side." She uttered.
"Then stand your ground! Don't let people take advantage over your kindness! Befriend people who'll like you for you! You're Ann after all, someone who wants people to like them for what's inside."
Through his strict yet supportive words of encouragement, Ann quietly smiles as everything around her felt clear to her.
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Making Friends and Other Existential Crises
(a small Episode 135 divergence where sparrow!Caleb lands on Essek, 1,113 words)
Once, while teleporting off-mark on his way back to Eiselcross, Essek had been thrown into an avalanche and sustained injuries as he was buffeted around by the snow. The cleric at Vurmas Outpost had called the injury "whiplash", and it had taken a week and multiple healing potions for his neck to feel normal again.
What Essek has experienced since joining the Mighty Nein feels a bit like whiplash. Constant, jarring, emotional whiplash. One moment, they are in dire peril. Seconds later, everyone is all jokes and smiles. Essek is a creature of quiet patience and careful planning. He is used to peril, yes - the chilling fear of being caught for his theft of the beacons, and mishaps during teleportation - but not to such sudden and easy relief on the other side. And he’s certainly not used to so many instances of peril and relief all sandwiched together, like a tall stack of pancakes in Jester’s feast of heroes.
On the edge of the abyss, a rope snaps.
Caleb falls towards dark empty nothingness.
Essek feels a kind of fear he has come to know only in the last six months: fear for someone other than himself.
The moment is over almost as soon as it starts; Essek barely has a nightingale pinion in his hand to cast Feather Fall before Caleb himself is a sparrow, flitting around with playful good spirits. Caleb lands on Jester’s shoulder, far too close to the Aeor-maton for comfort. A sparrow’s body is fragile, and the arcane machine could crush it. A human shape probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge either. It’s far too easy to envision gilded metal hands around that pale, freckled throat.
Essek looks down and finds he has accidentally snapped the pinion in his fingers. Sloppy of him. He has many more, feathers being negligible weight among his components, but… it is a testament to how strained his reflexes have become.
He keeps half an eye on the Aeor-maton while Yasha descends next. She also falls, but doesn’t need Essek’s help either. Aasimar, Essek registers distantly, watching her sail back to the group on luminous wings. Formidable indeed. Yet another reason to be glad the barbarian is on the same side.
As Yasha ferries the group to the next level one embrace at a time, Essek still can’t quite get a full breath back in his lungs. He instinctively hides this. He tells himself it’s because Aeor is not the place to broadcast weakness, but in truth, he’s still very discomfited by showing his soft underbelly to anyone at all. This is despite the fact that the Mighty Nein have already seen him in an embarrassingly panicked state more than once. Old habits are hard to break. A century of patterns cannot be wholly rewritten in just six months - can they?
Just breathe.
Caleb’s words float into his mind, and Essek focuses on doing just that. In, out. Again. Just breathe. The Mighty Nein are laughing, trading quips, unconcerned. They are accustomed to each other’s near-misses.
Essek stands at the ledge for a moment too long before he remembers sluggishly that there is no point in unmooring the snapped rope, and there is nothing to bring down to the Might Nein. He drifts to join them, feeling his Shadowhand court mask wanting to slip into place to protect him. He tries it on: attempts to step back from the situation, from his own body, to a cool and distant seat of calculation, where the Mighty Nein are simply game pieces on a board. Very quickly he realizes this approach is far, far worse. His stomach lurches with nausea, like he is contemplating severing a limb. The Mighty Nein are… undeniable, in every way. A part of Essek is theirs now, and he cannot separate himself from it any easier than he can remove his own lungs.
He pulls himself back to the present.
I should be angry, Essek thinks, looking at his friends, at how thoroughly you have unmade me.
But he is not angry. That in itself is deeply disquieting.
Caduceus asks him to identify a magical bracelet, and he does. Caleb, still a sparrow, sits on Fjord’s head, drawing jokes about the paladin’s illusory hair. The situation pulls a thread of humor from Essek like a spindle taking the first twisting draw from a cloud of spider silk.
His next breath is a little fuller than the last.
As they venture into the hallway, he takes another breath - this time in quiet surprise as a tawny sparrow alights on his shoulder with a quicksilver flicker of wings.
“Oh-- hello,” Essek greets, continuing to walk but otherwise staying as still as possible. As an ape, Caleb had picked Essek up off the ground and carried him, an impulse Essek is still too wary to fully parse. What will he do as a tiny bird?
Caleb tilts his little sparrow head, and hops closer to Essek’s face. Essek’s eyes instinctively blink closed, though he’s sure Caleb wouldn’t scratch him, but--
Tink, tink.
There’s a tickle at Essek’s earlobe as the sparrow pecks at the many-faceted crystal drop that hangs there.
Tink-tink-tink.
“If you need crystal for a spellcasting, you need only ask,” Essek says mildly, suppressing a laugh as Caleb tugs gently at the delicate chain connecting the drop earring to a silver cuff. His ear twitches reflexively, startling Caleb to flutter. The feathers tickle, and to preserve his dignity, Essek coaxes the sparrow to sit on his fingers instead. “I suppose at least you cannot get sidetracked by libraries when you are in this shape,” he tells Caleb, holding him at eye level.
This close, Essek can see a daub of bright crimson red on the sparrow’s foot, the shoulder of one wing, and the tip of one of his flight feathers. Eye-shaped markings, present even in this shape. Markings of the astral abomination.
A shiver runs through Essek’s frame, and the humor of the moment dims.
Oblivious to this scrutiny, and the reminder of doom, Caleb occupies himself with plucking at the fur lining of Essek’s sleeve. Then he takes flight to investigate Veth’s button necklace. Caleb is insatiably curious in any shape, it seems.
It had taken a week for Essek to recover from the whiplash of the avalanche. He doesn’t know how long it will take to get used to the Mighty Nein’s style of whiplash, or if he even has that much time… but he finds himself wanting to learn. If this mission all ends in blood, it would be nice to enjoy some levity along the way.
Maybe, if he sees his own opportunity soon, he'll take it.
#and then he wasted a spell slot to flirt with Caleb#good job baby boi I'm so proud of you#growing and learning so fast#gotta work on the fatalism thing though#critical role#ariadne writes CR#shadowgast#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#polymorph shenanagins#c2e135#cr spoilers#tumblr snippets
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subtle | 2 | Shouto Todoroki/Reader
pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader
status: complete
length: 2,265 words
summary: Someone leaves chocolates on your desk. You’re determined to track down the sender, certain it’s a mistake, and Shouto Todoroki makes himself as unhelpful as possible.
tags: romance, reader-insert, fluff, valentine’s day
warnings: aged up characters (no smut though!!)
notes: Hi all! Happy Valentine's Day! I'm posting a follow up chapter because so many people asked for it in my inbox. It's completely unedited because I just decided to write it today, and I wanted to get it up before the holiday was over! I promise I will come back and edit at some point in the next few weeks.
No one had come for the box.
You’d made a point to be out of your office as much as possible throughout the day, leaving plenty of opportunity for whoever the sender was to sneak back in and correct their mistake. But every time you reentered the room, there the box was, crowning a pile of your paperwork like a coronet of ineptitude.
You’d checked in with Shouto several times as well, anxious to learn whether or not he’d overheard anything as he changed out of his uniform from patrol, but he proved just as unhelpful as he’d been earlier this morning. He simply leaned towards you, looking almost conspiratorial--spiking both your heart rate and your hopes--only for him to murmur in his low voice, “No one is coming for it.”
Which was so fucking unhelpful.
So you’d set about the office yourself, lingering hopefully on the fringes of people’s conversations, peering about for clues on the agency staffer’s desks, but there was nothing to give the sender away, no whispered snippet of conversation or receipt laying amongst some expense sheets. You might have resorted to sifting through people’s garbage cans, if only Shouto hadn’t taken to suddenly appearing wherever you were investigating, watching you with a wry little smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
You knew he hadn’t the slightest modicum of romantic interest in you, but that didn’t mean you wanted him to witness you digging through people’s garbage either. That would have to wait until you could get him out of the building.
Which was also proving to be an impossible endeavor. He usually had a habit of lingering after his shift, coming into your office to make queries about one thing or another that almost always devolved into conversations deeply unrelated to work. But today he was especially resistant to leaving, seeming content to lounge around in the chairs you’d set out for clients, draping one distractingly muscled arm across the backs and watching you intently with those heterochromatic eyes.
“Shouto, get out of my office,” you hissed, coming back in at the end of the day to find him still in one of the chairs, his phone clutched in those long fingers.
He glanced up at you, eyes fastening to your features in that attentive way he had. “I work here.”
“Is that what you’re doing?” you asked, trying to suppress a small spike of irritation with him. “Because it looks like you’re scaring off the box sender to me. How are they supposed to sneak in here and take it back if their boss is looming in here like their worst nightmare?”
Shouto looked unconcerned. “I’m not.”
“Not what?” you asked. Maybe he wasn’t their worst nightmare, but being caught by your boss in the middle of correcting a romantic mishap was probably at least a nightmare.
“Not scaring anyone off,” he said, putting his phone away into his pocket. “I know who the box belongs to.”
You stopped short, your attention snapping fully towards him. A thrill of excitement went down your spine, even as regret poured through you. A little part of you had maybe hoped you would end up getting to eat the chocolates, even if they weren’t yours. But this was good news.
“You do? Why didn’t you tell me?” you demanded.
Yor feet guided you to the chair where he sat, and you stood, looking down at him expectantly. He watched you through his long lashes, eyes glinting strangely.
“It’s mine,” he said finally, after a moment that stretched long and slow, like warm taffy.
Your breath caught in your chest, a swell of confusion rising within you. The box was his?
Was he being truthful or was this another attempt to make you take it? Why would he have tried to make you think it was from a secret admirer, then? Why have let you run around all day, attempting to find the sender, if the chocolates had been his all along? Unless...
Unless he was embarrassed. You didn’t know why he might have left them in your office, but you suspected maybe force of habit had drawn him here. Maybe he was operating on autopilot after his distracting shift this morning, since he usually spent so much time in your office, and then you’d come in to find them before he’d had a chance to realize it. And the rest had been history.
But then that begged the question of who he’d really meant them for--your heart sank as the thought occurred to you.
Obviously, you had known since you’d first met him that he wasn’t interested in you. You’d spent years with your thoughts all muddled around him, quelling every blush, never straying into his personal space or staring at him longer than was appropriate. You’d been so, so careful around him, but you’d never had any indication that Shouto was as careful around you. On the contrary, he was always calm and intent--he never looked away from you in a fit of bashfulness the way you had him, and he seemed to have no qualms about getting into your personal space, leaning over you as you looked through reports together, putting a hand on your back to guide you through publicity events.
So yeah, you had known he was basically immune to you. You had known it for a long time. But it still smarted to think of him giving that box to someone else.
God, how embarrassing for you. How mortifying, really, that Shouto had been thinking of someone else all those days that you had been nursing your crush on him.
But you were a professional, you could deal with this.
All you had to do was play it cool, give him back the box and laugh it off like it hardly affected you. And then you could head back to your apartment and binge ice cream and be all wistful and embarrassing for one evening. You could allow yourself that before you had to come back and be doubly professional, smile and congratulate whichever analyst or support staffer or fellow hero had caught his interest.
You could be happy for him. You’d miss the chocolates though.
Drawing yourself together, you looked down at him, pulling out a small but genuine smile. Shouto was your friend, and he was going to nail it with whoever the box was meant for--you could give him your support. But then Shouto was unfolding himself out of the chair, standing up so he could look down into your face, taking a step closer to you.
You tried to ignore the flutter in your stomach at his sudden proximity, the hint of his clean cologne and the lick of warmth coming off of his left side.
“They’re, uh, they’re yours?” you managed, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. “You are in such big trouble for coming in here and peddling conspiracy theories instead of owning up to it. You at least owe me a coffee for being such a brat.”
Shouto watched you quietly, saying nothing.
“But we can hash that out later,” you said, waving what you hoped was a casual hand at him. “You need to move quickly. You should try to catch whoever you meant these for before they leave--daytime shift is over in a couple minutes.”
Shouto’s brows knitted, a small frown pulling at his mouth. “You still think they’re not for you,” he said.
It took a minute for you to register the words he’d spoken. The comment struck you dumb when you did, a thrill of disbelief going through you. Was he trying to be tactful now? Now, of all times?
“Shouto, seriously, you can make it up to me later. This is not the time to fuck around, the day’s almost over,” you said.
His eyes narrowed and he stepped closer to you, close enough that you could feel him exhale. You took a step back in surprise, your hip bumping your desk.
“You promised me,” he said in his deep voice, “that if no one came looking for them by the end of the day, you would take them.”
You stared up at him, your mind churning wildly with all kinds of insane thoughts, wild insinuations that brought heat to your face. He absolutely could not mean what you thought he meant.
There was literally no way.
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,” you admitted. “But if you’re telling me I can take them just because you promised them, I don’t want them. I think you should give them to who you meant them for.”
That wry little smile played about his mouth again, and Shouto took another step closer. The back of your thighs dug into your desk and you wobbled, putting a hand down to keep your balance.
“To think I trust you with my career,” Shouto intoned, ducking his head to look into your face. You felt the heat of his left arm at your side as he placed it gently on your desk, caging you in. “Let me be plain, then. I did give them to who they were meant for.”
Your cheeks went hot, both with his proximity and the implied insult. But the rejoinder died on your tongue as the implication of his last few words sank in.
He had meant them for you? Shouto Todoroki, number four hero, your coworker of several years and your most patient, attentive, and mind-numbingly handsome friend, had gone to Grégoire Chardin, for Valentine’s Day chocolate, thinking--of all people--of you?
For a moment, it felt like the earth was sliding out from under your feet, but then you realized it was just you, tipping backwards on your desk. Your elbow banged into the side of the chocolate box, and you accidentally sent a small pile of papers fluttering over the side of your desk. You cringed, embarrassed, but then Shouto was over you, both arms braced on either side of your head.
“You don’t need to accept them if you don’t want,” he said quietly, watching your face. The intensity of his focus made your head swim, and you tried to focus on what he was saying, rather than the shape of his mouth as he spoke, the heat from his skin. “But I wanted you to know. I like you.”
You gaped at him, the words feeling like they were embedding themselves in your brain.
“You...like me?” you echoed in disbelief.
Shouto grinned, the expression so disarmingly charming that even your nose went hot. “Yes. Very much.”
A swell of emotions welled up inside you, like the unstoppable tide of a coastal flood, and you were gripped with the sudden desire to lean up and kiss him, to press your mouth to his and see if he meant it, if any of what he’d just said to you could possibly be real. Suddenly, that was the only thought in your entire brain.
“I’m gonna kiss you,” you heard yourself utter stupidly.
You hesitated for just a second, realizing that maybe you should pinch yourself first to see if this was actually happening, but then Shouto was already there, covering your mouth with his.
His kiss was hot and soft and utterly perfect, and very quickly there were no thoughts in your brain at all, nothing but the feel of him over you, one muscled thigh pressing insistently between yours, his long fingers tangling gently in the hair behind your ear. You clutched him to you tightly, an embarrassing little sound escaping you, and Shouto groaned, pressing more of his weight down on you, licking firmly into your mouth.
You were half-delirious with the feeling of him by the time he let you up for air, and you could feel yourself grinning like an absolute fool.
“I had a secret admirer,” you said. “You were being serious.”
Shouto smirked, leaning in to press a hot kiss to your throat. Your thighs clenched involuntarily. “Yes, I had been secretly admiring you for a while.”
For some reason, the words embarrassed you, and you tucked your face into his broad shoulder. “I...this is so embarrassing. I’ve been...admiring you, too.”
You heard Shouto huff a soft laugh, and then his calloused fingers were gripping your chin, angling your face back towards him so he could seize your mouth again. You went slack and pliant underneath him, enjoying the press of his mouth on yours, your toes curling when he did something particularly talented with his tongue.
“I did tell you,” Shouto said after a while, pulling back, one of his hands gripping your thigh.
“Tell me what?” you asked absently, wondering how you could get his mouth on yours again.
His eyes caught yours, the blue of his left glittering at you conspiratorially. “That I could be subtle.”
You laughed, feeling stupid--but more than that, flushed and completely pleased. You didn’t know if subtle was exactly the right word, but you weren’t going to argue specifics at the moment. “I guess you can be. Though you might have been a little bit more overt before now.”
“Then if you don’t mind,” Shouto said after a while, something like amusement in his voice, “I’d like to take you home and admire you quite overtly now.”
You were answering before he could even finish. “Yes, oh my god, yes.”
Shouto laughed again, smoothing a large palm down your side.
And then he did. And not even chocolates from Grégoire Chardin could compare.
#todoroki shouto x reader#todoroki x reader#todoroki shouto#bnha#bnha fanfic#bnha x reader#boku no hero academia#shouto todoroki x reader
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The Flower Who Bloomed (Part 2)
Undertaker x Reader
Fandom: BB
Summary: Undertaker requests for another visit with Y/N despite the conflict he is causing. Like Undertaker said, “once a lie is unraveled, the truth comes tumbling forth” —and so it does.
Warnings: Smut/notsfw, some serious teasing
Word Count: 1.8k
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After you leave Undertaker’s shop, dress slightly disheveled and hair every which way, there’s no doubt that you have been absolutely ravished. With one good stare it is obvious what activities you were previously involved in. But even as you walk aimlessly around town to find a carriage in the brisk fall air, Undertaker’s words still play in your head.
•••
“Do not tell anyone about our little encounter, dear. He wouldn’t —they wouldn’t be very happy,” Undertaker spoke low, biting his tongue.
Undertaker phoned the earl, informing him he had seen you trip on the sidewalk, and tended to your twisted ankle. While that was a great excuse, nothing could get past Sebastian and you knew he would try to put the pieces together.
“Come here before you leave, my little flower,” Undertaker motioned to you, “I want to see you again soon. How does next week sound?”
You were unsure after the mess you got yourself into, but you just couldn’t say no to him.
•••
Fortunately when you arrive, no one is at the entryway to greet you, so you quickly walk to your bedroom. As you hum to yourself, changing into your nightgown, a knock at the door startles you. You slowly open the door to the hallway.
“Let me see your ankle, Y/N,” Sebastian says plainly. “It won’t take long. I need to check if it’s sprained.”
You smile wearily and sit on your bed holding out your leg. Sebastian grabs your ankle gingerly and observes it for much longer than you would like. After wrapping it with gauze, he looks beside himself, eyeing a pile of your clothes. “I can take those down to the laundry for you.”
“N-no! U-um I mean… it’s my job anyway,” you stammer and smile at him awkwardly.
“I insist, Y/N. You shouldn’t be walking at least for a couple days.”
Sebastian goes to pick up your clothing and you sweat nervously, aware that your soiled undergarments are stashed between your dress. Of course he wouldn’t say anything because it would be ungentleman-like, but the idea of him finding your ruined panties swallows you whole.
•••
Some days pass and surprisingly no one brings up the glaring flaws in your excuse. Though Sebastian has been observing you more often and it’s clear he’s on to you.
Instead of letting your curiosity eat away at you, you decide to ask Sebastian a question only he can answer. You stand in the doorway of the kitchen as he prepares dinner and clear your throat. “Good afternoon! I have a quick question about something that crossed my mind recently. It may sound a bit strange.”
Sebastian looks up at you and wipes his hands on the towel laid across his shoulder. You notice the slightest smirk cross his lips as he nods for you to continue. “Is it possible that the Percy twins were killed by something inhuman?” You watch as he raises his eyebrows in amusement. “For instance, like in the tales where a supernatural being eats innocent children.”
“Where did this come from all of a sudden? I thought you didn’t believe in those silly tales,” Sebastian prys.
“W-well I don’t… There’s just no other way to explain it. There aren’t any witnesses and the way they were so brutally killed…” you falter from your rambling.
“Did you need evidence to believe in the Church, or was it just second nature for you?”
“I guess it was second nature.”
“Exactly, Y/N. So why question yourself, if what you believe is the only plausible explanation?”
You never thought about it that way. Undertaker wasn’t wrong when he said Sebastian knew all about the supernatural. Though at first glance you wouldn’t think this butler in black would be knowledgeable of such topics. You thank him and turn to leave, but notice a glow cross his orbs and you do a double take, unsure if what you saw was only your imagination.
•••
Here you are back in town the next afternoon to run some errands. Young Master warned you to be more careful and to pay attention to the time so you didn’t have another mishap. You expected his tone to be much harsher, though he is more mindful of what he says to you, since you are his youngest servant.
You cross off the last reminder on your list, smiling to yourself. The timepiece reads a quarter to one and you’re expected to arrive back at 3, giving you a little over two hours to spare. A jittery feeling starts in your belly when you hear the bell chime as you enter. Yet again, Undertaker is nowhere to be seen, so you call out to him.
“Hello? Sir, it’s Y/N.”
It’s eerily silent as you walk further in. You sit your bags down on his desk carefully and decide to call him once more. “Hel—” you gasp, feeling icy hands cover your eyes.
“It’s me, dearie,” Undertaker whispers in your ear, causing goosebumps to raise over your body. You eventually relax into him and pull his hands from your face.
“You scared me,” you giggle and turn towards him.
Undertaker’s hat is gone and his hair is pinned back as he stands simply wearing both a black long sleeved shirt and pants. His bangs still fall into his eyes, and you can’t help but feel bubbly. He grins at you, rubbing your arm lightly. “It’s only been a week and I’m craving you, my little flower.”
He rubs circles on your hip and leans down to kiss you, but pauses above your lips. “Oh how I crave you... but you told our little secret, didn’t you?”
“No. I promise I kept my word, sir,” you shake your head.
He presses you onto his desk and runs his fingers up your spine, until he reaches the back of your neck, gripping it firmly. “That is what you say, but how can I be so sure, poppet? I had an unlikely visitor last night, you see. Hehe, I didn’t think you would turn around and disobey me like this.”
“I swear, I can prove it to you!”
It never crossed your mind that perhaps this visitor was Sebastian. You were too worked up to even notice that minor detail.
“Well, show me you’re innocent, love. Then I’ll believe you,” Undertaker orders curtly and pulls away.
You unfold your arms and reach behind yourself undoing your gown, letting it fall freely and the cool air causes your exposed nipples to harden. Undertaker reaches up to caress one of your breasts fondly, toying at your small bud. “How exactly does this prove anything, love?”
The truth was, you were innocent, but your mistake was letting Sebastian take your clothes. He never once impeded on your privacy nor searched through your garments. To him your arousal was just strong enough to detect and he didn’t condone a Phantomhive maid being intimate with a close ally of the Young Master. Sebastian was aware that Undertaker often revealed much more than he should and your little involvement threatened the trust he had with the earl.
Naive as you were, you knew that giving yourself up to Undertaker once more would not only distract him from finger pointing, but also allow you to feel his hands touching your body again.
You shrug at Undertaker, biting back a moan as continues his assault on your swollen peaks. He stops to wrap his arms around you, rutting his clothed hard on against your bare pussy. One of his hands travels down your back while the other rakes through his light bangs hastily. You watch him with wide eyes as he reveals a hard stare and you gulp, wondering what his next move will be. “Do you remember what I taught you last week? Something that I said before ravishing you.”
You shake your head. There was certainly more than just one thing that you considered to be a lesson.
He laughs in a shallow manner and wags a finger at you, “Once a lie is unraveled… the truth comes tumbling forth, my little flower.” He pauses for a moment to pinch your nipples, causing you to whimper. “Sebastian knows.”
Your mouth falls open, but for two reasons: you can’t believe that Sebastian would go to such lengths to find you out and also at that very moment Undertaker brushes across your clit, spreading your slick with his fingers. He eagerly teases you in every way possible, practically making you drip onto the floor.
“W-wait! H-how would he—”
Undertaker grunts, putting his fingers to his lips to taste you. He takes his time sucking each finger as if he devoured an entire meal, savoring your sweetness.
“He could sense it —your arousal— after you returned.”
“Sense it how? He must have snooped through my clothes,” you scoff.
Undertaker shakes his head, rolling his eyes at you, “Have you not gotten it, love? The butler is a demon.”
He places his hands beside you, leaning onto your much smaller frame. His nose ghosts over your ear as he speaks, “He popped by last night, apparently not very happy about us having it away. Hehe, I guess your arousal exposed us, dearie. Right now I shouldn’t be here touching you the way I am —I was warned. But you make me drool with anticipation for your delicate flower.”
Undertaker grins, his face visibly brightens. His hands grab on your hips, even after revealing this shocking information. His grip is possessive, trapping you against himself as he hums into your neck. You love every bit of how he is holding you and you want this feeling to last, but how could Undertaker remain so unbothered?
He whispers, telling you he is ready to take you once again. Though when he pulls away and his face comes into view, your heart starts to race, heavily unsettled. You notice the same glow in his eyes as Sebastian’s, but there is a different gleam lying behind them. You knew at that moment why Undertaker was so infactuated with telling you about other beings, and specifically Sebastian. He certainly isn’t human either.
Undertaker is utterly amused as he watches your eyes widen just as his cock slips deep inside you. He sees that you connected the dots to his secret and he chuckles. “What is wrong my little flower? Have you figured out my age yet? Or is it too many centuries to count on your fingers?” He grabs your hand and places a kiss along your knuckles with a sly grin.
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— bugs
Taglist: @second-weeb-chick
#not sfw#undertaker#black butler x reader#undertaker x y/n#undertaker x reader#black butler smut#black butler sebastian#undertaker smut#undertaker bb#undertaker kuroshitsuji#black butler#black butler x y/n#black butler fanfiction#undertaker imagines#black butler imagines
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OOOH I GOT A GOOD BLITZSTRIKE IDEA FROM EPISODE 6!! So you know that blitz had a I'm assuming was a illusion with poorly drawn moxxie and striker, etc yea that but striker just came to save the day! Da da daaaaaa (I am morning drunk-)
I made a post about just how badly I needed this exact thing in my life so THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending it to meeeeeeeeeee!! <3 <3
Now normally I'm all for the AU idea of Striker joining I.M.P. and just kind of automatically jumping in as an official member of their unofficial family, but I have to say for this.....I actually kind of like it better if I stick more to the canon here. Striker's not a member of I.M.P., he's still got his angel weaponry and the bounty on Stolas's head to settle after the mishap at the Harvest Moon Festival, and--most importantly--hasn't crossed paths with Blitz [or any of the others for that matter] since.
He hadn't been expecting it to happen when it did that night, either.
There wasn't much on Striker's mind other than his target as he slithered his way through the servant's quarters entrance of Stolas's manor house, entirely uncaring of the numerous cameras and other security features that he passed along the way. He had it on good faith that they would just happen to be disabled that night--a pissed off royal birdie had told him so. He'd also been told exactly how to navigate his way through the house undetected, exactly which rooms to avoid, and exactly where he would find the "cheating prick" at this hour. What he hadn't been told--and what he'd deliberately chosen not to ask--was just what the Goetian Prince would be doing by the time he made his soundless entry into his study. There was a small part of him, somewhere deeper than he usually cared to try to reach, that couldn't help but think of a certain impressive imp Boss that might be involved. There was an even deeper part of him, though, that felt the sharp sting of conflict as he found he couldn't make up his mind on whether he was hoping to see said impressive imp Boss there or not, considering what he would probably be doing.
His tail unconsciously flicked once, causing Striker to coil it tightly around himself in order to prevent what would have become a full blown rattle otherwise. This was ridiculous. He was here for one thing and one thing only: he had a job to do.
A job he was fully intending to enjoy.
A slow grin spread across his face as he shrugged the strap of his angelic rifle down from his shoulder, catching the weapon effortlessly and feeling the warm sting of its power against his fingertips. He really was going to enjoy this, he thought to himself as he silently crept into the study, taking advantage of the many outrageously sized pieces of furniture casting shadows around the room to stay hidden.
Just one shot. He just needed one shot.
The flickering glow of what he presumed to be firelight seemed to beckon him, encouraging him, and before he knew it he had the butt of the rifle pressed firmly into his shoulder and his right hand hovering just beside the trigger--ready and waiting to take aim and fire. All he needed was one glance now, just enough to see where exactly Stolas was in the room, and then it would be over. The fact that he couldn't hear the owl demon moaning in ecstasy strangely pleased him at his core, confirming that he in fact wasn't enjoying the company of his favorite plaything tonight. Good. It meant he didn't need to spare a second thought for who else might get caught in the crossfire. Anyone else honestly wouldn't matter.
.....He tried to distract himself from thinking about that thought too deeply by finally taking his glance, trying to focus back on the one who didn't matter to him at all.
Instead, he found himself looking straight at the one being that did.
"Blitz--" The half-whisper caught in the back of his throat, thankfully stiffling the majority of the sound as Striker's eyes went wide. He didn't know how the hell Stolas was doing this--he didn't know this was something the Ars Goetia could do--but somehow, in the middle of what he'd previously thought was just a fireplace casting the twisting forms of light and darkness across the room, was a strange mirror-like orb that seemed to be reflecting an image to the Prince sitting across from it in one of his high-backed chairs.
An image of Blitz, tied to a much smaller chair, struggling as some strange green something started to pool beneath his feet.
What the flying fuck was happening?
"Oh darling, what have you gotten yourself into this time?" Stolas cooed from across the room, completely oblivious to the hitman staring at him as he watched the scene unfold before him as if it was his favorite daytime drama. "Let's be extra careful about what we say from here on out, shall we? You're not going to be very happy with me if I have to come down there and take my book back from your charming daughter. Especially since that's going to delay her rescuing of you by quite a bit."
Striker didn't know what to do. There was a part of him that felt the unmistakable urge to just raise his weapon and fire, to carry on with the plan just as he'd intended and figure out the rest from there. But there was that other, deeper, part of him that had frozen, leaving him unable to look at or think about anything other than the imp that was now spilling his guts out in whatever room he was in as easily as if he'd just been sliced open.
And the vermin was there with him--apparently tripping balls as he slumped into his own chair and started mumbling incoherently.
Perfect.
"Now just what is happening here?" Stolas murmured, his voice catching Striker's attention--that urge flaring up in him again, and yet, before he could think about whether or not to actually take aim at him, he instead watched as Stolas lifted his hand from beneath his chin and gave a little wave over the orb. The image within shifted, rippling as if it were made of water, and when it finally settled again it was of something new:
Moxxie, now freed from his bonds, making his way up a marble staircase lined with candelabras towards a cape-wearing Blitz playing piano.....and they were both singing.
What. The. Fuck. Is. Happening??
"Ooohh my," Stolas chuckled delicately from behind his curved fingers, amusement sparking in his glowing crimson eyes as he watched the scene unfold. "Your little underling here has quite the imagination now, doesn't he? Well if his truth is this entertaining--" He lifted his hand once more, his fingertips hovering over the unnaturally glowing scene. "--I really must see yours now, Blitzy."
Don't--
Striker didn't know why he felt such a sudden surge of protectiveness for Blitz's privacy of all things in that moment, but seeing the image ripple again as it began to change had him biting his lip hard enough that he could feel it start to bleed. Just what the fuck was this asshole doing? Did he just get himself off to spying on Blitz like this?? At times when he's clearly in trouble and needing help that isn't prying into his drug-induced hallucinations??
If he'd been a better person, he would have killed Stolas then and there just to make this stop. But since he wasn't, his curiosity stilled his hands for another few moments as the window into Blitz's vison settled into view.
He didn't like any part of what he saw.
The memory of himself referring to Blitz as a "rodeo clown of a boss" came back to him with the viciousness of a bite, causing him to tense as he watched as Blitz--stumbling around in a clown costume--started getting tormented by voices and swirling figureless masses of color. The first to solidify was Moxxie, spewing bullshit that honestly Striker could barely care to keep up with, except for the fact that it was so obviously berrating Blitz for.....something. Just what the hell did Blitz care what that little baby dick had to say? He knew he was better than that.
.....Didn't he?
Striker felt his grip on the rifle loosening as he sank back fully onto the floor, his pale eyes glinting and his tail starting to vibrate hard against his shirt. He tried to muster up every ounce of his self control, willing it to stop before the rattling sound tipped off Stolas--only for his tail to go utterly still as something very similar lashed its way around Blitz's throat and threw him to the ground.
And there he was, staring at himself.
"But you don't want to do things alone Blitzo!"
Hearing himself--not himself, that wasn't even his fucking voice--say that made his blood run cold with rage. How fucking dare whoever was doing this impersonate him like this! Using him to torment Blitz like this! And Blitz was seemingly actually buying it--wait, Stolas had called this Blitz’s “truth”. Did this mean.....was this what Blitz thought of him?? What the fuck!? Since when the hell did Blitz ever hear Striker call him "Blitzo" once before in his life?? Never! He wanted to grab Blitz by the shoulders and shake him, screaming right into his face that he would never say his name like that when he knows damn well that the O is silent! Okay, so he might’ve called him “Blitzy” when they parted ways because he was bitter over Blitz choosing to stop him from killing Stolas instead of running off with him to take down Overlords--and that was his bad. And yeah, he might've been trying to get on his good side to have an easier shot at killing Stolas, sure, but...that didn't mean that the things he'd said to Blitz weren't true! He really did want to be partners!
The scene changed again, another set of stairs, and Blitz frantically climbing up them to try and escape the figures that were literally haunting him--Striker feeling that cold burn spread in his chest at the sight of being one of them.
Though nothing could have prepared him for the tidal wave of feeling that would crash over him in the moment he saw just who was waiting for Blitz at the top of those stairs.
Stolas.
You Daddy Fucker.
"Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?"
Striker's fingers clenched so hard around his rifle that he thought he was going to snap it in two, his pale gold-green eyes fixed on the sight of Blitz crawling on his hands and knees up that glowing staircase, as golden chains fastened around each of his wrists and around his neck. The rest of the voices were lost to the roar of whitenoise now ringing in Striker's ears as he watched Stolas pull Blitz willingly onto his lap, holding him by that chain attached to the collar at his throat.....
"Oh Blitzy--!"
And when he heard that erotic gasp and saw that look on Blitz's face, he finally couldn't take it.
The next thing he knew, he was back in the hallway, making a beeline for the room that he'd been instructed to go to only after he'd finished the job. Oh he was going to finish it all right. He was going to finish it slowly and painfully. But there was something even more important that he had to finish first.
He honestly didn't remember what he'd said when he stormed into Stella's room. He didn't know how long he had been there and he had no idea how he got away with being there for any amount of time without her calling for security to run in and tackle him to the ground.
Most of all, he had absolutely no idea what the hell kind of reason he could have possibly given for her to locate the party of imps on Earth and open him a portal to get to them--but whatever reason he gave must've been a pretty damn good one. The next thing he knew there was a glowing blue door literally opening in front of his face, revealing a blood soaked room and the now united beings of Hell trapped between a steel door and two human fuckers who were pointing pistols at their faces.
At Blitz's face.
The shots rang out one after the other, followed by the distinct meaty thuds of two bodies hitting the floor. Striker didn't particlarly notice the fact that the portal had closed behind him the minute he stepped into the room, rendering him just as trapped as the others, but he also didn't particularly care. That bird bitch was still going to get exactly what she wanted when he got back--he would make sure of it. But for now, at least, it was enough just to be able to stride over to that face--full of disbelief and shock--and cup it tenderly in his palm.
"You ain't gotta do jack shit alone, Blitz," he said, and the sincerity of his own voice shook him from the top of his head down to the soles of his feet. "You're not alone, Blitz."
He didn't know it until much much later, but hearing Striker say those words to him had made Blitz feel as though he'd just been handed the keys to his chains.
#vizowritesanswers#BlitzStrike#Striker x Blitzo#Blitzo x Striker#Helluva Boss episode 6 spoilers#so I just decided to write up a full oneshot here#hope you don't mind!!#Helluva Boss AU#Blitzo#Striker#hazbinvioletsposts
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the silver lining of bad first dates
summary: a date gone wrong. a walk in the rain. a simple conversation in a ramen shop. mundane slice of life and mutual pining with kuroo.
word count: 2.1k
author’s note and warnings: curse words galore. set in time-skip. pure word vomit. kuroo’s one of those characters that I’m so scared to even consider writing for because I feel as though I’ll never truly be able to “get” his character. whatever though, I tried.
This date fucking sucked.
Point-blank. No sugarcoating because the dude sitting on the opposite side of the dinner table was more interested in the JASDAQ than your name. Seriously, he couldn’t even be bothered to listen to you talk about your alma mater before he swooped in and started blanketing his insecurities with his recent Bitcoin investment.
Talk about lame.
Wine and hors d’oeuvres be damned, you were making an escape before he started mansplaining the economy. Even wagyu couldn’t save this candlelit disaster.
Making no attempt to be discreet, you whipped your phone out of your bag and typed up a quick text:
Mind picking me up? Shitty date.
Ping!
Seriously? Again? What’d this guy do this time?
Ping!
Send the address
Ping!
I swear, this is the last time I’m picking you up
You smiled at the screen, thumbs moving fast.
That’s what you said last week
A bubble with three dots appeared, disappeared, and reappeared.
Ping!
Five minutes.
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
Like every cliché bad first date, the weather made sure to mimic the mood. The rainfall was nothing less than dreadful, a downpour that left the streets empty as most people kept indoors to avoid getting soaked.
“You’re so lucky that I didn’t have to work overtime tonight,” Kuroo began, standing close to you in an attempt to shield you both from the shower with his janky umbrella. “Otherwise, you’d be walking in the rain or sitting there having your dinner ruined from hearing that guy talk about his gains in the market.”
You laughed at the truth of his words. There really was no one else who knew you like Kuroo.
“And you know I would’ve walked in the rain out of the two options. I can’t believe someone so dick-ish exists that I’d bail out on a free meal,” you said, raising your voice over the heavy pelting.
Without any warning, a trio of college kids rushed past you two, not paying attention to the other pedestrians walking the sidewalks as their only priority in mind was making it back home before catching a cold. They had their backpacks held up to cover their heads, but it wasn’t much help as their clothes were completely soaked.
“See that?” Kuroo jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “You would’ve been running like those kids all the way back to your apartment if I didn’t show up.”
You lightly elbowed him and rolled your eyes. Rain fell on your shoulder from the sudden movement, but Kuroo repositioned the umbrella to prevent you from getting wet. “As if,” you murmured, hugging your body in an attempt to keep warm. “Thanks for picking me up. Again.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re oh so welcome,” he waved off your words and then cackled when you narrowed your eyes at him. Sometimes he really knew how to push your buttons. “Anyway, are you trying to date a bunch of crappy guys on purpose? Because I feel like that’s what you’re trying to do.”
“It’s not like I ask to go through a bunch of crappy first dates!” you said, letting out a huff of hot air. The past month had been riddled with unsuccessful first dates. Statistically speaking, you were an outlier; the average person probably went through a handful of bad first dates in a single year: you went through that number in a mere month. Multiple standard deviations past, you were way out of the norm. “Maybe I’m just a magnet for awful guys who only have a thing for themselves.”
Kuroo scoffed. “Or maybe you just like to make my life a little bit harder.”
You smiled at his words.
“Maybe.”
Besides the realization that you were like a honeytrap to flies when it came to bad first dates, another constant came from the start of it all: Kuroo. You weren’t expecting much from the first SOS call; really, just someone to walk you back home when it was late and the taxi fares were jacked up. But you would never forget the first time he waited for you outside that overhyped bar with a bag of take-out, his tie loosened and hair messy because he had just left the office and rushed to the nearest place that sold yakisoba for a decent price.
Maybe you did make his life a little bit harder. It was selfish, but whenever you had a bad date, you actually started to anticipate your escape because that meant Kuroo would be there for you.
He was your silver lining for the past month.
Red brick walls came into view once you two rounded the corner into a more secluded alley, revealing a familiar site that made you hungry. A neon sign which turned brighter due to the haze of the rain drew you in like a moth to a flame. It flickered, but still kept its light. Another constant.
Underneath the awning of the restaurant, Kuroo retracted his umbrella and shook the excess water off of it. He shoved it in the small bin filled with umbrellas belonging to the other patrons and dragged the soles of his shoes on the mat before pulling the door open.
“Let’s just get some ramen,” he said, ushering you inside. You took the first steps and situated yourself at a lone table. He followed and a waitress quickly took your orders, soon rushing back to the kitchen to help with the line of tickets pinned to the wall.
“Ramen on a rainy day,” you said, giving a low whistle. “You know your stuff.”
“Duh, ramen tastes best when you’re freezing,” he replied, pulling on his necktie to loosen it. He grabbed two pairs of chopsticks along with a pair of spoons, placing a set in front of you. “And it tastes pretty good after bad dates too.”
“You’re talking to the queen of bad first dates.”
“Oh, I’ve had my fair share too, Your Highness.”
As if on cue, two bowls of ramen were brought over from the kitchen along with an extra soft boiled egg as soon as he finished his sentence. The soup had small ringlets floating at the top from the fat of the broth along with bright green scallions acting as a garnish to offer a vibrant and appetizing color. Wasting no time, you both gave thanks and started to dig in.
“You know,” he started, breaking his chopsticks apart and dipping them into the broth. He pulled up a nice amount of noodles, the steam rising up higher than before. “I really think you should quit dating guys who suck.”
Following Kuroo, you did the same and blew at your noodles. “You say it like it’s easy.”
“It is. It’s so easy.” He ate a mouthful and swallowed before speaking again. “You have your top tier guys, your average guys, and then your totally shitty guys. I mean absolute trash—these are the guys you’re dating. Avoid them and all your problems will be solved.”
“Ugh, I feel like we go through this conversation after every single mishap of a date.”
Translation: Kuroo, you sound like my nagging mother.
“Because you never learn.”
Translation: I will nag at you all I want.
You sighed. “Love’s a lot more complicated than you make it.”
“Whatever. Just find a guy who isn’t an asswipe, and then we can talk.”
As you two continued to eat, the kitchen staff remained lively. The sounds of ceramic bowls clattering together along with the static hum of an old radio buzzing some city pop tune your mom would have listened to in her youth acted as background noise while chatting.
“So... what kind of guy do you think you are?” you asked, curious to hear his answer. Kuroo was in the middle of slurping his noodles and held a hand up to signal you to give him a second.
“Me?” He pointed at himself and you nodded. Who else would you be asking? “I’m your average guy.”
You frowned. “No way.”
“What, you think I’m an absolute trash kind of guy? Harsh.”
“No, I think you’re definitely top tier. Average guys don’t go out of their way to do stuff like this.”
Kuroo raised a brow at you and set his chopsticks down. His bowl was half finished, but he was more interested in what you had to say. “Stuff like what?”
“You know,” you motioned the space between you two, “doing this awful-first-date-rescue-at-the-drop-of-a-hat kind of stuff. No questions asked. Average guys don’t do that. Average guys just pay for your meal and maybe give you their jacket when it’s kind of cold. And sometimes they call you some gross pet name like...” You shivered at the thought. “Kitten or something.”
He looked slightly taken aback. “You don’t like being called kitten?”
“No, something about it sounds gross.”
“That’s just because you haven’t found the right guy to say it to you when—“
Not wanting to hear the rest of what he had to say, you quickly crumpled up a napkin into a ball and tossed it at him. He threw his head back, putting on an act as if you actually did any damage to him.
“Stop. Please. Enough. Don’t even finish what you’re going to say.” You went back to devouring your bowl, the noodles more soft than before. Still tasted great as you shoveled in mouthfuls. “I don’t wanf tew heur et!”
Sporting a disgusted look, Kuroo grabbed a few napkins from the dispenser and slid them to your side of the table. “Jeez, you eat like that whenever you’re on a date? Maybe I saved that guy from you.”
“Well, you’re the one stuck with all of this now,” you motioned a hand to your entirety and wiggled an eyebrow. “Consider yourself lucky.”
He held his chin in the palm of his hand and stared at you from across the table, eyes still holding a glint of amusement under the low lighting of the restaurant. His bowl was nearly finished, yet he focused his attention on you, allowing a small smile to grace his lips as he pondered your words.
You eyed him, his gaze feeling a bit different from before. “What are you doing?”
“Considering,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“...It shouldn’t take you that long to,” you mumbled and ate another mouthful of noodles. He kept at it and soon started to crack up. When you narrowed your eyes at him, he shook his head and pushed another pile of napkins your way.
“There’s a scallion at the corner of your lips,” he tapped a hand on his bottom lip and cackled when you rushed to grab a napkin and wipe it away. Heat rose to your face and you sucked on your teeth.
“You know what? Forget about me calling you a top tier guy. It never happened.”
He placed a hand over his heart, wounded by your words. “It was kitten, wasn’t it?”
Unable to contain yourself, you laughed into your hand, shoulders shaking. You had to set your chopsticks down as you fanned your face, trying to get rid of the tears threatening to spill from the corner of your eyes. “If I ever heard that from another guy, I would walk out. The second the word came out of his mouth, I would pack up my things, leave, and never look back.”
“But you’re not right now.”
“I’m not.”
“Because I’m a top tier guy. Admit it.”
Because it’s you.
You shook your head and waved the white flag. “Right, that’s exactly it.”
Kuroo crossed his arms in front of his chest, satisfied with your answer. Like he won something from this conversation. He liked the way your lips tugged into a smile, not too tight, but enough to showcase the apples of your cheeks; he liked these nights when he could unwind after a long day of work and laugh about stupid pet names; he loved how easy it all was.
Consideration done and over with, he went back to finish his bowl, the steam from the broth no longer visible to the naked eye.
“Eat up or it’ll get cold,” he said and sipped on the broth. It was still warm, much to his surprise. “I’ll walk you back home when we’re done.”
You took small bites, prolonging the meal in any way possible: listening to him talk about his lazy cubicle partner, ordering another side of gyoza, folding a napkin to tell him his fortune through grade school methods. Both your bowls were empty, pushed to the side with a sliver of broth left as the focus was neither the food nor the JASDAQ jerk from hours before, but rather mundane conversation that went in circles until the shop emptied out.
A hundred dates could go wrong only for Kuroo to show up and make things right.
Maybe it was time for him to become more than a silver lining.
#I had this in my drafts for 4 months and really could not bring myself to post it#like I absolutely despised it and would reread and edit it over and over again#and I kept this only because of the dialogue line with the top tier guys#Yeah Idk dude it's fine now but begone out of my drafts#kuroo#kuroo tetsuro#kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#haikyuu#hq#haikyuu x reader#Ok I also feel like a reason why I *didn't* post this is cuz it's like... rlly different from what I usually post???#like this was so out of my comfort zone and I honestly feel a bit embarrassed sometimes when I write about ~love~ bc it's like. Ew Gross LOL#constant fear of it being too cheesy and unrealistic lmao
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