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deiaiko · 3 months

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#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arms ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday.

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

Masterlist

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#Whee we get to know some of their past. Specifically their turning point #I hope it flows nicely because i have rewritten this like 3 times now 😭😭😭 dialogues are just not my specialty #like how to make them reveal such information without making them come out of the blue #writing style aside. let's talk about why Agni behaves this way #I will save the details on the what and how for the prologue. but basically Agni had been through hell that he couldn't escape alone #Rak Hatz and Isu saved him (or attempted to). and Agni owed them for saving his life. thus the strong attachment that Khun doesn't have #also let me mention that Agni had trouble differentiating between hallucination and reality after the incident. So he was kind of in denial #maybe Agni had come to a conclusion that they might be dead months after that. but he was too afraid to admit it to Grace #because he thought it was partly his fault for being incompetent. and Grace would hate him for letting their friends die #not wanting to risk being left by Grace. he just put himself (and inevitably Grace too) in the illusion of truth #that there's still a chance their friends are still alive because they have no proof of their deaths #so when Agni was offered to go back to the past. he agreed to it. Already expecting that Rak Hatz Isu aren't the same ones that he looks fo #but it was as good as he could get to redeem himself. Plus they get to meet everyone else who they couldn't save #Anyway. I'm taking hiatus until April. In return I will answer if you have any questions whether it is written in the tags or sent via ask #see ya folks <3 we'll get more brothers and team bonding when I return #tower of god #tog #two sides of the same coin fic #my fic #my art #bam #25th bam #jue viole grace #khun #khun aguero agnis #khunbam #shibisu #ship leesoo #rak wraithraiser #hatz

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risingsunresistance · 2 months

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my bag may not be as ✨aesthetic✨ as some people's but IDC IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!! all my little things on display yayyyyy

wouldnt be complete without my "nether star" on the side :3c

#FEEL FREE TO ASK ABOUT ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!!!! most of them have a fun lil story #even if the story is just ''i got it at a con'' jdhfjh #felt terrible putting like half of my pins away bc they didnt fit... asking me to pick favorite children 😭#IM SO SORRY MEWTWO but xerneas and suicune meant more to me #franklin badge will leave eventually but it's there for now :]#it's gotta leave when i get back in cosplay kfjfjh #or until i get something cooler to replace it #i put it there to take up space bc my other pokemon didnt fit in that spot #it'll go back on my bandana eventually #god i'd kill for a hypixel pin... been thinking abt getting one custom made #and now i have a fantastic reason to do that. maybe for my birthday coming up 👀#chat #mine #need to scoot everything over to the right tbh it seems like it's all sliding left jdjfh #that's a problem for another day tho. been poked too many times tonight #gonna go put on pajamas and vibe on skyblock for a bit :V

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yohankang · 3 months

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i officially resigned today :')

#i still have to work there bc i've got a one-month notice period. but i did it!!!#the conversation with my boss went well! she was really nice and supportive #she said she was worried about me bc she could tell i was struggling. and that she understands my decision #and in case i won't find a new job this month they can extend my contract #i cried a lot 😭#and now i'm terrified and sad bc i really love some of my coworkers and i don't want to leave them #but at the same time i'm SO relieved. i feel like i will be able to sleep well tonight. for the first time in weeks #k.txt #also sorry guys i've been mia. and sorry for not answerings your messages #but between working full time searching for a new job doing final assignments for uni and crying. i honestly don't have any energy left #i only logged in to tell you the big news :') and now i'm back to my assignment :( see ya in a week when my exam hell is over

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dazais-guardian-angel · 21 days

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I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd 114 #is this meta? i don't know #more like just incoherent rambling lmao #i just don't want Nikolai to die man....... I really don't #i get that people are hyped up on the juicy tragedy of it all but plssssssss it's too soon for him to go #we need so much more of the enigmatic clown...... he's too interesting to lose just yet!!!#i'm sad at probably losing the outcomes i always hoped for him and fyolai but right now i just want More Of Him #he can't die so soon when he's barely even had pagetime #it COULD be fascinating to see Fyodor's reaction to taking over his body but....... i don't think he'd /have/ any right now #they need more time together before one of them dies #i always thought/hoped Fyodor would die first and Nikolai would be left alone to angst lmao but ugh........#now it's really feeling like it'll be the opposite #which again doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing depending on how Asagiri executes it........ I just think this is way too soon for it to happen #i'm gonna be so mad if Nikolai just dies offscreen without us ever hearing from him again because Fyodor possessed his body #poetically cruel and tragic? yes. but also so anticlimactic at this moment in time #never getting to hear from him again.........#ugh i blame all the Fyolai fan creators; they've raised the bar too high 😭😭😭#idk maybe i'm just talking out of my ass though. i probably am. i just feel conflicted about all this and need to see where it goes

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tea-time-terrier · 10 months

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So incredibly proud of this little dog! I had family over for the weekend and she was a polite and truly endearing creature <3

#could not ask for better #just a top notch fish #she even got to go watch fireworks with us (she just sat and ate grass)#love her to bits #my family aren't dog people but omfg they are so sweet #I left pike with them on the sidewalk while I grabbed something from a shop #and when I got back my mom said she had made sure to reward pike bc she didn't have any reaction to scooters screeching to a halt by them #my mom! acknowledging good behaviour and rewarding it!#I also didn't know how sweet my brothers were 😭 they interacted so well #pike adored them #turnpike

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tankgotstuckinthecircusgate · 18 days

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и усну я, обнимая теплого кота / and i'll fall asleep with a warm cat in my arms

#^ i hardly have any fluffy songs in my playlist soo 😭😭😭 fleur it'll be #lauretta hugging eddie + these lyrics are just a coincidence. but ok he's their cat or dog whatever #peace and love on the planet earth!!!! takin a break from horrors (i wanted to draw horrors btw. my hand slipped)#but no i've wanted to draw them just sleeping together for a long time fr #they have multiple blankets because carlo or lauretta pulls it over and someone is always left w/o a blanket #mafia 2 #falcone polycule #eddie scarpa #lauretta ghiraldini #carlo falcone #avart #guess who left scratches on carlo's back🙄🙄🙄#was thinkin bout lauretta's childhood n youth n guess what!!!#they're just 3 deeply traumatized ppl🥳🥳🥳

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fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma · 6 months

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just realised the very real possibility that zutara might be canon in the new live action and im not sure how to feel about it

#atla #Sofia speaks about herself #like….. I’m literally just realising how plausible this is #no hate to any zutarians u guys r cool but #I think I’d throw up a bit if I saw them kiss 😭😭#I’m just realising how possible it is now that bryke left and the ‘creative differences’#ooooh Fuck #we’re in for it lads #(this is not implying that I thought zukka would be canon at all bc like. that’s a silly funny thought to have but they’d never do that)#jjdcjdcnjdckndscjk share ur thoughts in the tags but I’m Conflicted capital c #like the crazy kataangers would RIOT #but I’m just hoping we’ve all mostly cooled down from 2005 (wishful thinking)#fandom rant

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self-spaghettification · 11 days

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the parallels between ruthari and rayllum are killing me 😭

wdym you had to accept that hes leaving you for duty in order to love him fully🤨

+ the growth from this😭

#Low sodium Callum #also #I love how Rayla went from I can't understand how my parents could just leave like that! if they loved me they wouldn't leave me 🥺 to...#peacing out 😭#that aged like milk girlie #I feel like if someone read blood moon huntress it would be so immediately evident why Rayla left #Or just took a look at her character #Like season four would have been less in character. If she hadn’t left let’s be real.#re: any s4 haters of rayla #self spaghettification #the dragon prince #bloodmoon huntress

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shepherds-of-haven · 1 year

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#I GOT IT #it maxes out at 10 options though 🥺#i know we just did 'favorite characters'/a popularity tournament recently so I'm changing the question slightly for our inaugural poll!#would like to do a 'favorite character' one eventually but then characters like Halek Mimir and Caine would be left out 😭#either way exciting times!!#poll #if you have any other ShoH questions you want to pose to the community send me some suggestions in my inbox!#Shepherds of Haven

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8bit-mau5 · 11 months

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I need to raise funds for a laptop and am so close to my goal, so here's mini match of 2 adopts since there's not enough time in the day to make a 3rd yet! For an additional 35 USD, they'll come with a traditional ink wash bust like [THIS]! And if you can't afford them, I'd greatly appreciate reblogs!

Flamin Hot Cerulean - @unlimited-puppies (w/card)

Snake Creep Purple - @unlimited-puppies (w/card)

DM ME IF INTERESTED!!

[Rules under cut!]

You may gift them or trade them, but under no circumstances are you allowed to resell them.

NONE of my art or adopts are to be minted as N/F/Ts or fed to AI.

You may not edit the original art in any way, shape or form.

You may not reupload the non-watermarked file anywhere, as that’s for your own personal use and viewing.

You MAY, however, reupload the watermarked version for the sake of judgement memes, select and bio pages, asks, and toyhouse (where you can credit me under the same URL as my tumblr).

If you do not want them anymore, you can give them back to me or trade them off to someone else! Be sure to let me know of the new owner if you do

Don’t claim design as your own, and must credit me at LEAST once, especially when first drawn.

You have a maximum of 24 hours to send payment once approved. If you don’t send it within that time frame, I open them back to the public.

Transparent unwatermarked files will be sent only after payment has been received.

Feel free to change the gender, clothes, etc however you want, so long as the design is still recognizable.

You may NOT however change the skin tone, whitewash them, or change their facial features, as most if not all of my adopts are coded as POC (obviously the facial features rule doesn’t apply to chibis, as those guys have no real facial features).

#artists on tumblr #fantrolls #homestuck #hiveswap #Gabriel's arts #adoptable #BOOST #i had to pay a bill immediately after having just 100$ left to go OTL #SO I GOT A LIL OVER 100$ LEFT TO GO STILL and would gr8lly appreciate a boost!#all extras will have to be done traditionally cos the state of my laptop rn cannot handle too much atm 😭#but thats okay cos my traditional art is soooo sexy #also if theres any confusion: the prev owner of the guy on the left gave him back to me to resell months ago! no one in my art servers-#have claimed him after all these months so im posting him publicly now [:#these are GNC trans trolls. if you care (transmasc left. transfem right)#but ofc you dont have to keep that abt them!

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