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rougecreator1 · 13 hours

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I See the Light ||

|| Poly!plastics x nonbinary!reader

(i myself am poly!)

|| Warnings: heavily Regina focused, only mentions poly!plastics, some swearing, hinted at smut, absolute fluff, brief mentions of stage fright & anxiety

|| Summary: Regina's auditioned for the school play; Tangled as the role of Rapunzel. She gets it, of course. Only problem is the boys auditioning for Flynn Rider don't have a spark with her. It's so bad to the point where the play director considers dropping the play, reader steps in and saves the day.

(anon request)

Requests open!

Started: April 27th

Finished: April 28th

~~~

Regina had been working hard to audition for the role of Rapunzel in the upcoming school musical play; Tangled. The girls helped her rehearse, each taking various roles. You played the role of Flynn Rider during Regina's practice sessions.

When it came to audition time, Regina got the role. Of course. Why wouldn't she? She's Regina George. Rehearsals were going well, everything was going their way. Until the night right before the big showcase.

The guy who had been casted as Flynn Rider got sick; because of course if anything could go wrong it would be the love interest not being available. None of the guys had the right chemistry with Regina. You watched from the seats as guy after guy tried playing the perfect Flynn Rider to match Regina's Rapunzel. Nobody seemed to have the right spark. Everyone was getting stressed out.

Including the casting director, who was fidgeting with his clipboard next to you. Why was it so hard? Surely there was at least one guy that could both sing and match Regina's energy.

Three more attempts pass before the casting director decides to call it quits for today and they would try again tomorrow. How they'd pull it off in time for the play, they weren't sure. At this point the director and casting director were beginning to think they should just postpone it.

From where you sat, you could see the disappointment in Regina's face. You knew how hard she had been working towards this.

You get up and join Regina on stage, she glances at you and sighs.

"The boys in this school are bunch of talentless dumbasses." Regina complained, folding her arms across her chest. You stifled a laugh.

"That's certainly one way to put it. I can't believe none of them passed." You replied, draping your arm around Regina and pulling her into your side. You would have kissed her forehead, but the problem was nobody at school knew you part of the plastic's polycule.

Yeah, they knew you were associated with them. But they didn't know anything else beyond that. You weren't ready for them to know.

Regina suddenly gets an idea and looks directly at you, finger quickly pressed your chest. You tense at the sudden movement and raise an eyebrow at her in confusion.

"What..?" You ask, not sure what got her excited all of a sudden.

"You!" Regina says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. You?

"Me..? Me what?" You weren't catching what she was putting down.

Regina noticed how slow you were to catch on and groaned," you could be my Flynn Rider!"

"Uh, Regina- hold on-" You stuttered out, completely taken aback. You? As Flynn Rider? In front of the whole school? Yeah, you weren't sure your stage fright would agree with that.

Sure, you were good when you were helping Regina rehearse. But that's because it was just you and your girlfriends. That was easy. This? This was a whole different level of preforming you weren't ready for.

"Oh come on, baby! Please?" Regina gave you a soft look which made your heart melt. Sighing deeply, you thought about it. Regina George really did have you wrapped around her finger; a moment ago you wouldn't have even had to think twice about the thought of being on stage. Now? You were at least considering it. Regina continued with trying to persuade you, after all she knew all the right buttons to push with you." Maybe... there'll be something in it for you as a little thank you~" It was the way her voice suddenly switched into that lower, suggestive register that made your head spin.

You stuttered out a response, but it was too fast and jumbled for either of you to understand what you had said. Your cheeks turned red and Regina laughed.

"That's a yes." She smirked at you and snapped her head towards the casting director, who was in a deep conversation with the director.

"I got a Flynn Rider!" She shouts, getting their attention and shoving you out in front of her. You nearly stumbled but she kept a grip on your wrist.

Their eyes went to you and your whole body tensed, they shared a look.

"Might as well give them a chance. We don't have much time to find a replacement." The casting director said, the director nodded and sighed.

"Do you know the lines for 'I See the Light'?" The director asked you, you nodded. You had it memorized from how much you had helped Regina with audition preparation," Preform that scene for us."

You and Regina got into your respective positions and Regina started off the song. Her voice was beautiful, every time you heard her sing you couldn't help but be absolutely enthralled by her. A smile spread on your lips, anyone who looked at you could see that starry, dreamy eyed look on your face.

When her eyes met yours, sparks flew. The directors could tell.

You started your part of the song and they were pleasantly surprised by you, any anxiety you had had about this before just faded away as you and Regina hit the duet portion. Hands held, staring into each others eyes as if you were the only people on the whole planet.

The rest of the cast had stopped their various tasks, just watching the two of you in awe. Most people were recording the whole thing, which meant it got spread around to tiktok and other various platforms.

Examples of some of the things being said about you and Regina;

@ randomstudent69: get you a man that looks at you the way Y/N L/N looks at Regina George

@ otherbitch41: FLYNN RIDER WORSHIPS RAPUNZEL AND HERES PROOF

@ idkmanijustexist: i dont know which i would rather be

@ somebodyshere11: i know they've fucked i just cant prove it

By the end of it all, you were really fighting the urge to just kiss Regina then and there. You weren't ready to be publicly out, so you held yourself back but God you were going to kiss her when you guys got home.

Your grin was uncontrollable as you just continued to stare into her eyes, her mirroring your expression with an uncontrollable smile of her own. Something that you usually only got to see behind closed doors.

The casting director and director shared a look with each other and nodded.

"Well, that's settled. L/N is our Flynn Rider." The casting director made a note on his clipboard.

There were so many whispers going around from the cast but you just didn't care, not when Regina was looking at you the way she was.

By the time you got home, you made damn sure to make out with your amazingly beautiful girlfriend.

~~~

When it was finally showtime the next day, everything went perfectly. You and Regina were the best possible match.

Karen and Gretchen were watching from the crowd, front row seats with Cady next to them. Gretchen made sure to record everything so you guys could see just how amazing you were. She also made snippets for your guys shared tiktok account.

After it was all over, you didn't even have to come out. People knew you were in the polycule without you even having to say it. The chemistry you and Regina had on stage completely gave it away.

#x reader #canon x reader #fanfic #mean girls x reader #regina george #nonbinary reader #regina george x nonbinary reader #gretchen x reader #regina x gretchen #karen x gretchen #karen x reader #regina x karen #gretchen wieners #karen shetty

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tkdrawz · 2 days

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Sonic fans, can we be forreal for a second?

I've seen a few comments here and there about how surprised and disappointed fans were about other people's extreme reactions to the Knuckles series. And I'm sitting here laughing to myself like: "Y'all would have been hiding under tables with torches and pitchforks and privating your accounts if you were a Sonic Boom defender in 2014."

The Sonic fanbase is one of the most easily swayed, rapidly triggered, close minded, inconsistent fanbases there are. And thank God none of them writes for any of the franchises. In fact, history shows that some of the Sonic stuff that's popular and getting praise now was dragged and deeply despised when they first came out:

Sonic Boom,

Werehog Sonic,

Sonic 06 (with Silver catching a lot of strays)

And the list goes on, but you gotta understand that you are allowed to enjoy something even if most people dislike it. Also, you are allowed to dislike something even if most people enjoy it. Just don't insult people for having an opinion opposite of yours. (I can't believe this had to be said...)

I can see how difficult it is to express positivity about something so popularly dunked on (*cough* Sonic Prime *cough*) but, honestly, screw them. SCREW THEM. Let you do you and express yourself! I wish some of the Sonic positivity accounts can grow thicker skin and stand on business. I've seen so many people get chased off and log out of their accounts because of a bunch of "no face, no case" losers making noise in their comments. People are ruthless and will never stop being ruthless. It's in our resillience that shows that we don't care what people think. We like what we like and we are who we are.

No one is allowed to tell you how to think.

By the way, I enjoyed Knuckles. A LOT. There were definitely a lot of flaws, but I went into with more of a "take the meat, leave the bones" kind of approach. My review will be coming soon after I watch the series a second time. ❤

#real talk #knuckles series #knuckles the echidna #wade whipple #sonic the hedgehog #sonic cinematic universe #knuckles wachowski #scu #sonic movie #sonic movie 2 #sonic movie 3 #sonic movie knuckles

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fandomfluffandfuck · 3 days

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It’s been a bit since I wrote about feral!Bucky but I genuinely cannot put into words how much Steve (and me) loves him

Bucky now associates physical touch with pain, with torture. He hides from visitors, scampers away from touch, and never lets anyone get close to him. Nevertheless, Steve wakes up from a nap one day with Bucky curled into his side, and Steve is pretty sure that if he could, Bucky would be purring like a kitten.

“Bucky?” Steve asks tentatively, trying not to spook him. Bucky doesn’t seem to be upset by Steve sudden consciousness, instead just making a small noise and wrapping his arms around Steve’s chest possessively. He mumbles something that sounds like “Stevie”.

“You alright, angel?” Steve asks with a grin, confused but pleased with the change in Bucky’s demeanor. He knew Bucky had always been closer with Steve, trusting him more than others, but this was still new territory. He slides his arms around Bucky, which causes Bucky to make a happy noise that Steve hasn’t heard in years.

————

Also, maybe Bucky’s a bit territorial now that he’s been given more freedom. The poor thing doesn’t know what to do with himself. However, after consulting a bunch of psychiatrists and Dr. Banner, Steve knows what he needs to do. He empties out an old walk in closet, and fits it with as many soft things as he can find. He buys as many plushies as he can afford, and stuffs the closet with them. He remembers how much Bucky hates harsh lights now and decides to buy those pretty string lights that Peter has in his room at the tower. He shows it to Bucky when it’s finished and they’ve both had a good day.

“It’s all your own space, Buck. I’m never going to come in here without your permission. I swear it.” Steve says, holding Bucky’s hand, which lately Bucky won’t let go of.

“It’s… mine?” Bucky says, slowly, tentatively. He’s scared that all of this will be taken away.

“Yeah, Buck. Yours.” Steve says, as comforting and securely as I can, trying to make his confidence transfer to Bucky.

Steve is tackled in a hug, and there are tears wetting his shirt. He hugs Bucky back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Thank you.” The whisper is so soft, so small, that it’s almost imperceptible. But Steve hears it. He’ll always hear Bucky.

————

Then, of course, there’s the moment when Steve’s telling Bucky about life back in Brooklyn, a topic that Bucky is very interested in. He’s going on about something that they did to piss off Becca (“we were teenagers, Buck. The best entertainment we had was making that poor girl mad.”) when Bucky stops him.

“I remember.”

Steve drops the pencil he’s holding. “You… You do?” There’s so much hope in his voice. There’s unshed tears in Bucky’s eyes, and a small smile on his face.

“Yes. Rebecca. My Becca.” Bucky’s smile gets bigger, as does Steve. Steve rushes to his side, hugging him. Bucky’s crying, and Steve’s not far behind him. Bucky laughs, and it is the best goddamn sound Steve Rogers has ever heard. “She was so mad. I can’t believe we did that.” He giggles, and it makes Steve feel like maybe everything will be okay.

previous feral!Bucky

Me too! I am such a fucking sucker for feral Bucky

I am beside myself thinking about Bucky being so touch adverse only for Steve to wake up and find him tucked into his side 😫 and there's something so special, too, about Bucky having moments in recovery where he's so suddenly more himself. It makes it so much more painful to see the rapid realignment. It's as if he's found two loose ends and knotted them together as quickly as his fingers would allow to ensure that he doesn't misplace them again. Gah! It's so just 🤌🏻ouch🤌🏻

Oh my god!! The territorial thing, yes! I've had this in my notes for actual years, waiting for me to come back to it and do something with it:

Sometimes, during Bucky's recovery, he latches onto things with this ferocity, holding until his fingers hurt, distraught when he accidentally breaks it, if the object of desire is fragile, claiming "mine." He won't let anyone touch it, not unless it's over his dead body. Steve has genuinely never been so distraught and proud of someone for grabbing a mug and declaring it as their own. Bucky deserves to have his own things.

Same wavelength, lmao

That's so fucking sweet, though! I love the idea of Bucky having his own space. (And I love the idea of Peter's room in the tower having fairy lights. Fuck yeah.)

Ah! That last part is the fucking best. Steve will never be as eager to be interrupted as he is when he's in the middle of a story, and Bucky stops him because he remembers. He doesn't need to tell him again, he remembers. Steve could fucking kiss him. Steve will kiss him. Steve will pick him up and spin him around, clutching his waist all the while, a huge grin on his face.

In conclusion:

Thank you so, so much for this!!

#asks #sillysickly #anon provided writing #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #hurt/comfort

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dead-air-radio · 3 days

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Sigh thinking about cults. And my religious truama tw.

Just imagining being super depressed and very emotional and having someone come into my life that is so normal and unassuming at first. Slowly they become a part of my everyday life and their little gestures make me trust them more and more and they are so caring that I become so codependent on them so when they start asking for weirder and weirder things I don't think anything of it. They start managing my diet but I assume they're just trying to help me and they know I want to lose weight even if they feed me weird things.

Or they start having me wear a certain thing almost as a claim. Before it turns into me being so dependent on them I'd do anything and so when I get so sad and sleepy but have the urge to cut I don't see it as a problem when they offer to do it for me. Slicing at my legs before kissing them. At this point they're so friendly and guiding they love to brush my hair and give me things and do things I'd usually do by myself like bathe me. Until I'm just some little lamb for them.

I'm so trusting of them when they say they have smth for me I think nothing about why I need to dress in the white gown they got me and all the jewelry they got me in the past as well as eat a piece of bread thay hes me woozey. And how they want me to wear bows in my hair and be bathed in a certain soap they like until we get into their car and they blindfold me for the surprise it's already Evening when we leave and once we get their they carry me to the surprise.

At first I assume we are just having a little romantic fire in the woods. I can hear the crunch under their feet from the leaves and the birds and other wild life. And the crackle of fire and the heat as we walk past it and I'm placed on smth like stone. When my blindfold is taking off I'm on an altar of sorts and there's a fire ahead of me as well as a bunch of people in masks. Of course I'm frightened holding onto the person I came with arm before they shush me. There's candles and statues around me as well as flowers and by the atlar is a bowl for offerings. The person sits beside me unphased as I cling to them, scared of what's happening. And they address the people. Not realizing he's a leader of the cult and all the jewelry and clothes they've been giving me are actually not only from them but his people as well. All their followers have known a out me for a long time giving them offerings to give the cult leaders little pet, his lamb. When he's done speaking to them he turns to me telling me to lay on the altar stone as he gets on top of me as the watchers look on. He cuts open my wrists while I whimper and shake and push against him confused. He cuts his wrists as well mixing his bleed with mine before licking at his wrists and he puts his wrist by my mouth for me to lick up as well.

Some of the followers that are dressed differently go on to give a spot of sermon as if I'm not whimpering behind them as the leader continues to assualt me and push up the white gown. The sermon is about needing to view the leader take what's his and have smth resemble the lamb and religious symbol of their cult and how I'm the image they should look up to cause the leader has chose me as his lamb to mark infront of them to make me his forever. Him cutting me open by carving his name into my stomach as he fucks me on the altar while his people watch

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oatbugs · 1 month

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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jittyjames · 4 months

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i'm scared to talk about them bc every time I talk about fic plans I somehow always end up hating them and never posting bc I feel like I've overhyped them and people are going to think I'm weird and cringe and suck, BUT I'm really excited about whump: the musical and I want to post my fics now but I can't :(((((

#just screaming to myself about these fics ig #not overhyping or hyping anything at this point anymore bc everything I actually like flops horrendously #I don't want to let people's reactions affect my work but lately I've just been like.... WOW MY FICS ARE A BUNCH OF SHIT #been in a creatively stunted hole since like #...mid october #one trick pony at it again ig #in the words of lin #come on brain think of things come of brain be so smart #I think writing academic papers like crazy at the end of the semester kind of burnt me out???#like I feel like all of my work is lacking heart and idk how to fix it??? I feel like I come off as more clinical and formula based #idk this has just turned into a rant #someone give me advice pls #maybe I should write more riskily or something #BUT WHAT IS RISKY IDK #maybe I just need to have fun and write what I like and to hell with the rest of it

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 25 days

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it’s weird how many compliments I get now for just. existing. and wearing pretty clothes. it’s nuts how differently people treat me based on what I wear. smth smth commentary on humanity whatever I’m just glad other ppl also like my skirts.

#blue chatter #genuinely I think part of it is just that I dress like a magical girl anime protagonist #hair bow poofy skirt color coordinated and themed with matching KN95 sparkly makeup sometimes #and also that people tend to compliment parts of your appearance that you have control over #like hair and clothes and makeup #bc it’s a way to compliment without being forward or objectifying someone #so now that I regularly wear clothing that is bright and colorful and outside the norm it’s noticeable #and o do genuinely put more effort into my appearance now #but it is interesting how much easier it is to make casual acquaintances with people #<- this is important in context. bc I am constantly off putting. I don’t mask much at school anymore.#so this is people complimenting someone who is constantly flinching at sudden noises and randomly twitches/stims #it’s intriguing to me #people approach?? me?? and compliment my outfit and then we chat abt where I got it #and then they say hi to me in class the next day #and suddenly I have someone I can email if I need to miss class and want that day’s notes #it’s so wild #this happens more the weirder I dress btw. if I’m wearing sparkles and a petticoat and a bunch of pins and hairclips I get more #positive attention. which is real intriguing to me.#but I also genuinely like dressing like this? it’s nice to be complimented and it makes me feel good #but I also do it when nobody sees me just bc I enjoy it #I feel more confident in myself and how I perceive myself and I think the confidence also helps #a few of my friends have commented that I hold myself very differently now #one jokingly calls it my ‘queer glowup’ bc this coincided w me being more open and accepting abt my queer identities #which I think is fun

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end-orfino · 17 days

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droners might have some flaws but i really think that if someone wants to write a proper rivals to lovers dynamic then they should study whatever hannah and corto have as a reference

#like just. i have heard a bunch of people complain about enemies to lovers dynamics sometimes accidentally turning out to just be toxic #because of the writers not nailing down the jackpot of the hostility from both parties being balanced #and also other reasons. and i myself have my own too. bcs its just not an easy dynamic to write #but genuiely so far? so far these two have none of these issues #their relationship goes from hating each other to considering each other a more respected rival to genuine friends in a great way that-#-doesnt feel rushed or unnatural #and they're unified by having far more similarities than you'd think they'd have at first glance. which was both why they hated each other #and why they work so great now that they're friends #AND their haterism towards each other back when they werent friends was very balanced and equal. they both hated each others guts lmao #and now that they're friends they still bicker but it was said directly that now its just how they act when racing is involved & theyre-#competing against each other. like that one 'best friends off court sworn enemies on it. athletes understand' meme #and outside of it they're genuiely friends and like each other #and EVEN DURING RACING. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MECHANIX RACE #their bickering during the race is pure fun for them they're LAUGHING TOGETHER it's so great #PLUS THE SHOW WENT OUT OF ITS WAY MORE THAN ONCE TO SHOW HOW WELL THEY CAN SYNCHRONIZE.#HOW WELL THEY CAN WORK TOGETHER.#i could say more. i could say more about them. but just know that the droners yuri is real #for the record though they're not. canon. i dont want to queerbait anyone on accident.#but i havent seen a single fan that wouldnt agree that they have something going on there #which even with a fandom this small is saying something

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 2 months

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i had a dream last night where i was trying to put together a piece for an art final in one afternoon (because apparently i was taking an art class? i kept having lucid moments of hey i’m not even taking a real art class but i was content to still do the project) and actually i remember very clearly what i was planning and i have all the stuff for it i think i should recreate the dream art final piece

#i was doing a giant collage and i was cutting up bits of colorful + textured paper and running them through a printer over and over #again so that the words were overlapping to make an interesting texture and i was moving them around to make an image and i don’t #remember exactly what it looked like but it was an underwater scene and i can remember a few of the fish and coral structures in relative #detail so i think i’m gonna do it why not i do not have a big enough canvas (it was bigger than me in my dream) but i do have some #30in x 40in canvases (originally bought for giant self portraits of me bc i’m vain lmao) but perhaps one could be spared for this?#i also do have a giant sketchbook but i’m unsure if the paper could hold the weight of what i’ll need to do to it. hmmm #i also have a wall….. but i think i was only granted permission to paint over it smoothly and i hate painting smooth i need texture and i #doubt glued paper would be easy to take off if needed. sad. i really do want to do something to a wall some day. maybe i should just build #myself a giant canvas so it can be moved? it would have to be able to fit through the door though :/#what about a bunch of smaller canvasses that slot together to fill the whole wall? that would be kinda cool i can work with that #maybe not for this project though that would be a lot of work bc if i’m gonna do a whole ass wall i’ll need to measure it n shit and then #i wouldn’t want the canvases to fit as squares i’d want them to be cool and interesting shapes so i’d have to build them myself #hmmmmmmmm. i will think about that later perhaps when i get my own place . it will be epic though i assure you #so i can add some supports to my giant sketchbook paper to keep it sturdier or perhaps i could use a giant canvas. decisions decisions #i will think abt it after i get her up how much colored/printed paper i have (a lot bc i get some every time they’re on sale at micheals #because i have a problem) and i should cut them all to like 8x11 so they’ll slot through the printer so i can cut them up after?#or perhaps i will cut them up before so i can get the vision right? there will be a lot of layers to this i know the pov of the one in my #dream was from the sea floor but near a reef so i will need to work on perspective a bit so maybe a nice big preparatory sketch for a rough #placement of everything then extra details i can come up with as i go? the fish and things will need to be layered a lot but once the base #colors are on i can’t really sketch it out. hmmmmm. i’ll contemplate some more i think

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myownprivatcidaho · 3 months

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alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.

#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo #anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything #but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff #anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the #Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope #i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have #a little few sippies which go a long way #but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn #i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights #in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig #hm i shld tag this #alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel #but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM #but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able #to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz #back 2 cunk on britain

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lordiavolo · 1 year

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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.

when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.

but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.

#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL #ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as #possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch #i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my #peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts #i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont #even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a #part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know #there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem #for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes #im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times #anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better #than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be #that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a #good person it is within ur hands i promise u #ok love u goodnight #personal

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storm-and-starlight · 11 months

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having a mild freakout over forgetting a major canon event that actually influences literally everything about the character whose POV I am not only writing in but whose character arc is literally the driving factor of this entire goddamn fic