#if I were a filmmaker | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blaaaaask · 3 months

Text

This is madness

Hear me out, this was what my head canon was for new Willy Wonka:

Willy Wonka is played by Ben Affleck

Ever since he inherited the factory from the previous 'Willy Wonka' he has been on a downward spiral of hell. Trying to get a new 'Willy Wonka' to take his place is impossible in this modern era because children suck, and each year he attempts a 'golden ticket' tour to the factory in hopes that one day he can fucking retire by finding the perfect child to con into taking on the business.

Harrison Ford is Charlie's grandpa.

I don't remember Grandpa's name, so we're going with Grandpa Ford.

~Charlie has no other grandparents because they're all divorced or dead.

~Charlie (I don't know child actors so pick whatever you want) sometimes visits Grandpa Ford but not super often which spurs Grandpa Ford to want to plan a fun trip to bond with his grandson.

~Grandpa Ford thinks the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory is super cool and so he keeps buying candy bars until he gets the Golden Ticket.

~Scene where Ford is like 'Charlie, look, we get to go to the Chocolate Factory!' but Charlie is on his iPad screaming about Roblox. By the time Charlie hears him, he's like 'Grandpa, that's so unkewl, why the heck would I want to go to a factory? Can't you just give me money for Robucks?" (Is that what it's called? Lol)

~Charlie is forced to go

~WonkaFleck has everyone sign papers. There is at least 1 parent who is trying to read through it all, but their child is throwing a tantrum so they end up saying 'fuck it' and signing it.

~The whole group of odd people have their mini solo scenes including:

-Kid who is allergic to Blue Dye 4000 and like, totally eats something very artificially blue because their parent is too busy on dating apps to pay attention. This kid doesn't make it far. They balloon up so much kid would need like, 20 epipens or something. WonkaFleck like 'not my problem you signed the papers saying you would be responsible for your own actions here'

~Kid who literally touches everything. EVERYTHING. EVERY. THING. You? Touched. Food? Touched. Machine? Touched. WonkaFleck gets kind of rage-y and tells this kid 'NO. STOP.' But kid's mom is a tiger mom and she jumps in and rips into Wonka about "we do not use the word 'no' in our household" and "how dare he think he can parent her child?" They do not last.

~One kid who stands uncomfortably close to people and stares. STARING. And everytime you try to speak to them they don't talk back, they just stare harder. Unblinking. WonkaFleck does not think he can withstand that level of terror in his life, so when the lights flick off (which is actually quite common in this facility) he boots the child into a candy flattener and we all know where that's going.

~We discover that Grandpa Ford is incredibly useful in the tour because he is one of the few people who can read things in cursive.

~At least 5-10 of the kids go around with phones and ipads taking FaceTimes of all the trade secrets and business practices.

~Wonkafleck trying to stop them by putting a ban on electronics, but they don't listen or they steal back their phones/items and their parents are like 'lol kids will be kids, am I right?'

~Grandpa Ford is at least respectable and had forced Charlie NOT to bring any electronics on the trip. The child cries like, 99/100 times the other kids have their electronics out, though.

~Wonkafleck finally destroys all electronics in one of his many rooms of weird shit.

~Grandpa Ford is incredibly good at storytelling, conversing, and trying to help resolve the problems of the children even though their problems are incredibly petty. Wonkafleck is undeniably sad that Grandpa Ford is pushing 90s or he would have forced him to take over the factory.

~Oompa loompas are actually regular people just wearing bright orange haz vests because gotta practice safety, yo

~But also they realize the factory is like, 4 million degrees in some spots and WonkaFleck is like 'sorry, this is a big place, I can't afford air in here'

~Also one room a chocolate "water tower" breaks because of these bad safety protocols and takes out half the tourist group but WonkaFleck is like 'do I look like I give a damn?'

~Grandpa Ford and Charlie do get into a little trouble by taking some candy, but it's because Grandpa Ford wants to 'take a little piece with him' to remember the trip by. Charlie just like 'uh huh, okay grandpa.' Doesn't question it.

~By the end, everyone be dead but Charlie and Grandpa Ford. But Wonkafleck is like 'you guys stole shit.'

~Charlie, realizing he means the candy, takes it out of his pocket and gives it back to Wonkafleck and is like 'here you go, mister.'

~Wonkafleck, totally moved by the fact that this child did something respectable, decides this is it. This might be the child to take over the helm of the factory. He's like "Charlie, since you were honest I'm going to give you a wonderful deal. Take this factory from me. You can inherit everything."

~Grandpa Ford like "oh wow, factory" totes bamboozled

~Charlie like, "No thanks, mister, I don't want it."

~Wonkafleck, almost loses his shit, barely holding on by a thread, is like "what you mean you don't want this factory???"

~Charlie says "I don't really like candy. I like energy drinks. And Robucks."

~Everyone is like 'flmlenwgngegbagbwgeljage'

~Grandpa Ford says, "Charlie, you can buy those things with the money you make from the factory."

~Charlie gives grandpa a weird look. "Why would I want to work for money when I can just ask for it??"

~Wonkafleck woes his fucking life. He rages a bit, then motherfuckin' skips outta the scene and jumps into a hot air balloon to reach the highest peak of the city so he can scream for all eternity.

~The End

What I actually thought after I saw the real trailer for Willy Wonka:

Wow I am totally off, lol.

#Willy Wonka #Wonka Movie #Willy Wonka 2023 #storytime #Ben Affleck #Harrison Ford #charlie and the chocolate factory #Weird fan story #if I were a filmmaker #But like all the worst plot #Me making bad predictions without seeing anything #children being children #I should get off the internet more #sorry not sorry #so if you've seen the movie did I hit any points HAHA #I'll stop

8 notes · View notes

qpjianghu · 2 months

Text

"All these years, he’s been alone. You are the only friend I’ve seen him with."

Li Lianhua & Fang Duobing | Mysterious Lotus Casebook (2023)

#I can't even do justice to the stunning cinematography in this show #li lianhua #mysterious lotus casebook #fang duobing #fanghua #mlc #my mlc gifs #lhl #the way the transition worked out on that last gifset.... proof of god tbh #or just proof that the filmmakers Knew What They Were Doing!!!!#ahpsdfoaihsidof #this show is so brilliant

218 notes · View notes

aroanthy · 4 months

Text

the symbolism of revolutionary girl utena is key to understanding what it’s even trying to say narratively and thematically. if you remove the symbolism, if you remove the ways in which the narrative obfuscates itself and abstracts what it’s saying, then what it is saying changes dramatically. if rgu was like ‘yeah lol and did you guys know that incest is bad’ or ‘maybe gay people are good’ or ‘hey did you know that csa victims are Real and Alive and Have Interiority’— like those are all paraphrases of things that it says, but the way that it chooses to say them is so powerful and conveys so much nuance and complexity that those simplistic statements don’t. it provides an incredibly meaningful commentary on the way that systemic violence and abuse are covered up, codified, made part of our culture that supposedly resents those things. it’s examination of incest, the incest taboo and how that impacts incest victims— it’s all so incredibly considered and layered because the show chooses to convey what it’s saying through symbolism, through its metatheatrical framing, through allegory. it retains the reality of these issues; it shows them to us only when we’ve already bought into the system’s lies to make a point about how that operates, how that works to make us all complicit in that violence. nanami. nanami.

dont even get me started on how the movie uses its symbolism to demonstrate how the abuse anthy and touga experienced is simultaneously built into the world and culture they exist in, and always obfuscated and abstracted for the sake of their abusers (also specifically the way that it engenders shame and prevents people from seeking help. rgu is so damn good at understanding how and why people don’t ‘do what they should’ in abusive situations: the systems in place don’t fucking work bc they are an extension of the system built upon that abuse). anthy is the model in all the paintings, the symbol of so many undesirable things, the canvas on which they are painted. her likeness is used as an approximation for all of these awful things, many of which are a part of her in a way, but such that her interiority, her feelings, are never regarded, never seen, never understood. she’s the model. akio is never explicitly named as her painter.

#messy post once again just dumping thoughts #obfuscation abventures #< literally my thesis on the show. it would be peanuts to me without its layers of visual complexity its symbolism and allegory #its bonkers filmmaking. i mean my god editing rgu amvs gives you a greater appreciation for how they edited that show and MAN #the transfeminism hole video essay haunts me always. aou is anthy’s body!!!!!!!!!! the use of the static….#the way that rgu uses looping and repeating shots and abrupt cuts (same w music) the pace it continually disrupts with its editing #its sooooo….. gahhh. ep 33. head in hands #rgu i love you rgu im sorry people would suggest you’d be better if you were more normal and conventional #this is why utena is a freaks only show. you have to go apeshit about the implications of shadow girl relationships to get it #didn’t even mention c-ko on this post like that SAYS something #dais.txt

130 notes · View notes

angelofalls · 1 year

Text

Angelo: "JE SUIS LES DEUX!"

#comic strip #shitpost comic #furry art #french or a filmmaker?#baguette #angelofalls #angelo caba #drawing #sketch #i wish french people were real #jk i love y'all

327 notes · View notes

strawberrypatty · 2 months

Text

I know I can't be the only one who thought of this.

#lisa frankenstein #monster fuckers #I acknowledge you #Who did the filmmakers think they were kidding?

54 notes · View notes

ao-xingyume1987 · 2 months

Text

57 notes · View notes

annabelle--cane · 2 months

Text

tiktok is soooo good if you just ignore and forget about all of the bad stuff

#I miss u gay little podcast cosplayers. weirdo musical comedians. horror micro filmmakers. if only you were the only ones on the app 💖.#marina marvels at life

45 notes · View notes

nero-neptune · 9 months

Photo

“Good movies are always better when you watch them with someone.” - Ed Chigliak (Northern Exposure)

#if there's anything to know about ed it's that his love of films and filmmaking is a MAJOR defining aspect of his personality #you may claim to love movies but i doubt you love movies as much as ed does #and i've said it once and i'll say it again: he would kill it on letterboxd #the movies mentioned in the pic in order are:#good morning vietnam #the seventh seal #alice doesn't live here anymore #indiana jones: raiders of the lost ark #the lion of winter #ordinary people #who's afraid of virginia woolf?#taxi driver #ed chigliak #my art #and yes. yes i did draw all those vhs tape spines #i specifically looked for movies that were 1) mentioned in the show by ed or implied that ed owns #2) had a version released in the up to the early 90s (so it's conceivable he had that in his collection)#and 3) had text or images that would be visible behind his body and chair #artists on tumblr #northern exposure

67 notes · View notes

onlyzhuyilong · 4 days

Text

Being the youngest filmmaker on the jury panel Zhu YiLong was worried that “because I’m so young I was worried I would not be experienced enough or hold the same level of professional maturity to match my fellow colleagues on the panel.” He confessed, but thankfully after contacting each of them he was relieved to find the open and friendly atmosphere and general energy of his fellow judges put him at ease (to treat him as a regular member of the team). “When I think about everyone needs to hear different voices and opinions, because there is no good or bad film in terms of standards to meet. The atmosphere was really good as I was treated as a simple ordinary equal, and not as the “youngest actor” here. It gave me the courage to express my thoughts and feelings after each film viewing and just take part in the debates and discussions.”

#methinks his team his manager were super clever letting him do this because he can hone his filmmaking talents even more #he’s more mature than he realises #to have the forethought to communicate his concerns and express himself #to be just another fellow filmmaker with everyone else #I love how humble and grounded he is #zhu yilong #朱一龙 #朱一龍 #주일룡 #in film studies discussions it’s really fun to just talk about films and hear different view points #plus hearing different perspectives is good for the mind and the soul #please stand by for the queue #text posts

13 notes · View notes

devilsskettle · 2 years

Text

i think the thing about the “horror is about love” thing and variations thereof is that saying “[any genre] is about [any one specific theme]” is obviously super reductive and is far from universally true, and the reason i think horror is framed this way is because people want an excuse to enjoy horror without admitting they enjoy something “low brow” or gory and violent. or they watch watered down shit and think it’s morally better than shit that’s “low brow” or gory and violent

#i can’t help but think m*ke fl*nagan is partially to blame for this #and there are a lot of popular horror movies out right now that seem like they were made by people who don’t like horror as a genre #like the filmmakers were like oh that’s easy horror is stupid i can make a horror movie that isn’t just low brow or gory and violent #and then they make the most boring movie i’ve ever seen in my life.#they’re writing dramas or action movies and acting like a little bit of blood makes it horror. fundamental lack of genre awareness imo #nothing wrong with that kind of movie but it’s not horror

496 notes · View notes

blatterpussbunnyfromhell · 5 months

Text

it's been about a month since s2 ended and I thought my obsession with ofmd had calmed down. and then Samba Schutte hits us with the BTS stuff.

I HAVE NOT CALMED DOWN

#our flag means death #ofmd #also like. working in filmmaking. i just LOVE to see these things #the reality of it without the editing and colorgrading #and to see these professionnal actors being just as silly as the teens I work with when the camera isn't rolling <3 #ALSO!!!!#the fact that they played the soundtrack from the final cut AS THEY WERE SHOOTING?? incredible; i'm taking notes here

23 notes · View notes

hydenine · 3 months

Text

I really loved the movie Robot Dreams and I've seen it twice now, but there is something extremely jarring about the number of shots where the twin towers are prominently featured in the background, especially since the film seems to have nothing to do with 9/11 sjdjjdjf

#Like how much of this was on purpose???#the movie takes place in the 80s #but the song September by Earth Wind and Fire is heavily featured in the movie #but like... the central themes of the movie are about moving on from past relationships that once meant a lot to you #9/11 has nothing to do with it sndnndjd #it feels different somehow from watching 80s and 90s movies that were shot then where the towers just happen to show up in the bg #because this was clearly art directed #i just can't figure this out ajdjjd #also the movie takes place in new york but was animated in spain so I'm also wondering #if that has anything to do with the filmmakers not realizing how jarring it was sjdjjdnf #robot dreams #animation #hydenine rambles #the towers are just so loaded in their imagery to americans...#like I was trying to stream it for friends and everytime they appeared it was like...#a comical jumpscare that kept taking everyone out of the moment sjjdnf

19 notes · View notes

tealfruit · 8 months

Text

it's really a shame I have to sell 40+ of my life hours every week for poverty wages instead of spending all my time and energy on dozens of creative and technical pursuits with unlimited resources

#nerd alert #lets see if i can list all the hobbies i wish i could be doing instead of working #drawing. both traditional and digital. painting mostly acrylic but id like to get good at watercolors. drawing/writing comics #writing in general. fiction nonfiction poetry lyrics whatever. composing music. music production. singing. practicing piano and guitar #performing someday maybe!#sculpting too. i always forget bc i never do it bc i am never in a place to justify buying clay. i should just get some #i think im fairly good at it tbh. anyway.#knitting. sewing. mending and modding clothes in general. embroidery. id like to learn to crochet at some point #photography and scrapbooking sound appealing. photo editing.#web design. game design. 3d modeling. these are all things i dont really know how to do much of but id like to #animation. voice acting. regular acting. honestly a lot of stuff in the filmmaking process sounds fascinating id like to try some of it #tarot reading. is that a hobby? im gonna say yes. jewelry making.#lots of these ive only dabbled in and some i havent even done that but would like to. but i have no time and or money to get into them.#i would hardly call myself a master at any of these. jack of all trades as it were. and thats fine im fine w that #but given the time and resources i think i could make so many different diverse perfectly average to good things #that people could enjoy in passing or say 'oh how neat :)' about

19 notes · View notes

souplups · 4 months

Text

in john wick: chapter 3 - parabellum, john wick stores his precious items inside a copy of a fake alexander afanasyev’s book called “the russian folktale”.

however, this is a stupid idea because afavasyev is one of the most notable russian folklorists and his very real books of russian fairytales would be one of the first places you would look if you went looking for literally any info on the baba yaga. not to mention, he has a book called “russian folk-tales”. oh, i hear you say, maybe they went with just a slightly different name but noooo, afavasyev doesn’t even have a book released in 1864. the real book wasn’t even translated till 1916 and you can find at the new york public library.

john should have at least gone with someone who can’t be found on the baba yaga wikipedia page, like come on, man. i think mr. jardani jovonovich could probably come up with a pytor polevoy’s skazki or maybe even take it out of a library context and it could be ivan snegiryov with a lubok?!?? hell, if he doesn't mind going a bit british with it then edith hodgett’s is credited with an early english translation of “vaselesa the beautiful” the very story which john wick hides his items behind.

anyway, it was cool when he killed that dude with that book in that one scene.

#this is very autism of me i know but also it was mildly infuriating during my watch through and ive been thinking about it for days #literally why would you go with an alexander afanasyev #both from a filmmaking perspective and from a in universe perspective #it feels like someone just googled a russian folklorist and afanasyev just came up and they were like cool good enough #it isnt particularly secure nor is it particularly difficult to find #anyway #john wick #john wick chapter 3 parabellum

8 notes · View notes

imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 10 months

Text

Okay so they're like ten years apart but I recently watched Blade Runner and a couple of scenes of the Truman Show and i'm obsessed with their parallels of "human creates other human life and becomes god" and "human goes against theor creators/god in full knowledge of what they're doing and refuses to listen/cooperate in the slightest" and "that god becomes powerless" and "there is an escape from the life this mortal playing god has planned for you"

#IM OBSESSED OKAY #I FUCKING LOOOOVE BLADE RUNNER ITS EASILY ONE OF MY FAV FILMS #AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEDD TO WATCH TRUMAN SHOW IN FULL #I NEED MORE FILM PHILOSOPHY I NEED TO ANALYSE THOSE THEMES I NEED TO LEADN MORE ABT THE TIME THEY WERE CREATED IN AND WHY THAT WAS SUCH AN #IMPORTANT THING TO THE FILMMAKERS OF THAT TIME #blade runner #the truman show #JUST. FILM PHILOSOPHY OKAY #a biscuit's rambles

19 notes · View notes

scarefox · 5 months

Text

youtube

[BTS] Playboyy EP3 (with english subs)

#featuring doggo but we still don't see his face #did they reupload? cause the last time I saw this there were no subs #one of the dramas where I am curious about every behind the scenes footage (cause of filmmaking not because of eyecandy. that's a bonus lol #playboyy the series #playboyy #Youtube

9 notes · View notes