#idk when this happens bc im being Self Indulgent
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tewkesbury hc's !!
a/n: some of my random (and somewhat self-indulgent) flower boy headcanons after watching enola holmes 2! enjoy :)
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remember to like, comment, and reblog to support my writing <3
❀ loves the combination of chocolate and orange
❀ just loves citrus in general
❀ favorite color is purple, second favorite blue, third yellow
❀ knows an insane amount about plants and will sometimes randomly spew out a random fact
❀ the two of you are walking down the street, chatting about topics not at all related to nature, and all of a sudden, he's like, "did you know-" {proceeds to tell you the most insanely obscure plant fact ever about a flower you've never even heard of}
❀ loves animals
❀ and he's always so proud of himself for knowing it too
❀ random plant facts are also his go-to conversation starters
❀ is extremely clumsy and constantly knocks things over, trips over his own feet, etc. but all of a sudden, all the clumsiness leaves his body when dancing or fencing ?? he has beef with coordination idk
❀ his favorite flower is the one that reminds him the most of you
❀ he knows the meaning and symbolism of every flower, so he always has a reason or message with each on he gives you
❀ he also looooves poetry
❀ not afraid to pour his heart out to you poetically
❀ but only once you've been close a while, in the beginning he's a hot, awkward mess, tripping over his words left and right
❀ he does much better writing out his feelings at the start
❀ hides poetic notes in your flower bouquets, or leaves pressed flowers in your letters
❀ extremely dramatic
❀ the type of dramatic to claim he's on the brink of death after getting a single paper cut
❀ in fact, he's so dramatic that when little things happen to you, he overreacts for you. what a gentleman
❀ definitely a hopeless romantic
❀ extremely good with kids
❀ slightly afraid of the dark
❀ his favorites are deer and horses, but he also just loves birds
❀ was a late bloomer when it came to walking, but started talking super early as a baby (it just makes sense okay)
❀ sometimes dances around in his room, alone, pretending he's dancing with you
❀ also practices romantic things to say to you in the mirror
❀ has super fancy-dancy penmanship and makes it look effortless
❀ really likes art, specifically romanticism style paintings
❀ plays the piano beautifully
❀ also understands latin and is fluent in french because he's fancy
❀ very easily entertained
❀ also has a very short attention span for most things and gets distracted easily
❀ main love language is words of affirmation, followed closely by gift giving and acts of service
❀ loves his hair being played with
❀ owns a journal where he logs each day
❀ absolutely loves jam
❀ avid lover of jasmine tea and green tea
❀ also puts a ridiculous amount of honey in it
❀ oddly afraid of frogs and toads
thats all i can think of for now, hope you enjoyed that.
side not, posted this on 11/11 at 11:11 my time bc im so cool like that. you're welcome.
#enola holmes#enola 2#holmes#enola x tewkesbury#enola holmes x reader#viscount tewksbury#enola holmes 2#lord tewksbury#viscount tewkesbury marquess of basilwether#tewkesbury imagine#tewkesbury x reader#tewkesbury fluff#tewkesbury headcanon#tewkesbury hc#tewkesbury#tewksbury#tewksbury x reader#requests open
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act 2 observations. entirely about gale. as i am now playing through the beginnings of act 3
(im slowing down my gameplay a bit because i dont want it to end. even tho i have other kinds of playthroughs in mind lmao):
the act 2 romance scene fucking broke my heart
i was seeing a couple bits of discourse online (who doesn't) where some folks think gale love bombs a bit to try and secure a relationship with you bc he doesn't believe hes good enough. or something along those lines. the love bombing comments stick out to me.
and i got a bit worried, because ive fell for love bombing irl before and i was like. fuck sake not again cant fall into the trap of another abuser
so i was thinking, he did pull the i love you thing rather quick.
but then the context of the scene hits and like. actually? no i dont think this is love bombing at all
in this particular scene, he believes its his last night alive
that in any other circumstances, he wouldve courted you properly, said the words leading to a "i love you" properly.
he also still doesnt believe you love him back? and is taken aback when you say you do?
also if i was in the position of my tav (who is entirely a self insert btw, i made them look like me even, albeit a yassified half elf version lmao)
i would genuinely say i love you back because holy shit i could also die at any moment on this adventure where i could become a mindflayer at any moment, or if a goblin got particularly stabby
i think any propriety or social standards for courting goes out the fucking window at the precipice of death?
so i dont think hes love bombing at all. keep in mind its a calculated manipulation tactic, and gale doesn't have bad intentions at all. he would not pull that narcissistic bullshit (because hes not one)
so those comments make me a bit :/
back to point 1
seeing his tower was like. holy shit this is amazing
ooooooooooooh the yearning
hes being so vulnerable with you, inviting you into his most precious sanctuary
the decor also slays
its heartbreaking because i was imagining wanting to live there with him. the domesticity of it all. but you cant. because he may die soon.
OOOOOOOOOH THE YEARNINGGG
clawing at my skin and hair
at first i was considering not having this scene play out because lore wise i would want to assure him id want the "gale right in front of me".
but if i was in my tav's position, i would indulge him out of curiosity and to see his enthusiasm for his wizardry. because i love his enthusiasm for the things hes passionate about. mystra be damned.
also id show him he doesnt need his magic to woo me. later. tho he does later say that i love him not just for his magical prowess. so idk? interdasting.
also no notes for the astral sex scene. none. 10/10 holy fucking shit
this is getting very long so. another post about act 2 in general will probably happen. maybe. im too brainrotted with gale atm oopsies!
#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#gobchats#feral for the wizard!!!#absolutely besotted#going to claw my skin off in excitement
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CRAVITY AS DOMS AND/OR SUBS + extra random thoughts for some of the members
u can all go ahead n thank my comrade @elifseasonz for this post bc if i hadnt started infodumping abt my cravity thoughts to them this wouldn't have happened . bless elif our savior‼️ this is 99% copy-pasted from my discord texts so its in no way decently written , def not proof read
serim is a dom . mostly soft but can get very mean n strict if u push the right buttons n piss him off ,, do that at ur own risk tho 🫶🏻 mirror sex is a must with him idc also has a thing for pussy slapping
allen is a dom leaning switch . not particularly mean when domming n not particularly bratty when subbing hes just a sweetheart idc . n especially such an obedient puppy when hes subbing .
jungmo .. sigh . jungmo . another dom leaning switch he can n will be mean . but hes also a loser perv n gets so easily teary n sensitive when subbing .. a 'just the tip' kinda guy . n somno . n he may not be rlly strong but he has his height on his side n thats enough to make him feel like he can overpower u n it makes him go insane 🩷
woobin is also a soft dom who doesn't have to get mean to be strict like just . idk . i . uhhh . like he can get u to be obedient without having to get mean abt it . #1 vity breeding kink guy . also has an insaneee strength n size kink
wonjin‼️ my fav switch ever hes so mean and bratty n his goal is to forever antagonize u no matter if hes domming or subbing . totally doesn't love being edged n reduced to an incoherent mess ,,
minhee veryyyy dom leaning switch n yes im being completely self indulgent . everything he likes to do to u he probably would like to be done to him n sometimes he can get kinda mean so ,, 😄 both his thighs n tummy r rlly sensitive
hyeongjun sub leaning switch BUT this doesn't mean he cant be a little mean when he wants to . dacryphilia is his thing no matter if hes domming or subbing
taeyoung dom leaning switch (literally most of crvt . wow) he isnt that mean usually but is def a bratty sub . has a thing for thigh fucking probably . also has a strength kink n a choking kink
SEONGMIN .. definitely a switch but contrary to popular belief a dom leaning one idc he can get so mean n condescending and and and aaaaaaaaa . he has some rlly pretty hands n knows how to use them <3
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idk what im doing but i have brainrot so,, and im sAD !!
warnings: idk general sagau stuff,,?? yandere-ish?? implied suicide attempt, implied suicide ideation,
characters: albedo (mentioned a few times), everyone else is pretty vague bc different people different team comps and mains!
they knew.
they knew that whoever was using them as vessels wasn't The Creator and at first, the thought made them resent whoever it was. they weren't puppets, made to do someone's bidding for Their entertainment! everything they went through, all the blood, sweat, and tears, just for someone's fickle whims? no.
but then..
whoever it was helped them. through the usage of vessels, They helped save nations in teyvat, favoured vessels were given massive boosts in power, new shiny weapons and artifacts. surely This Being couldn't be all that bad?
albedo was one of the favoured vessels, and he so desperately tried to find a way to connect to Them. they all knew they were mere characters in a game yet they yearned to thank Them, this benevolent force who strengthened them, helped them with problems and brought peace to the nations.
and he did. he found a way to slowly break through whatever barrier was between their worlds and they could now hear soft words in the wind everytime a vessel was used, soft apologies everytime they got hurt, cheers and encouragement when fighting.
a pedestal was made in honour of this nameless, featureless being, just a slab of the most finest ores in each nation, a way to give offerings and prayers. until one day they noticed, words started being etched across the stone the more the barrier between worlds was weakened.
《 (Name) 》
《 this game made me broke asf 》
they werent sure what "asf" meant but they understood that This Being needed money and so, bags and chests and heaps and piles of mora were left as offerings, just so Their gaze wouldn't leave them.
but it wasn't enough.
one day, They just... left. no more vessels being used, no more whispered words in the wind. They were just gone.
the many chosen vessels had realised and understood the time difference between their worlds but this one day was a single day in Their world. where could They have gone?
they rushed to the pedestals in their corresponding nations and stared in horror at the new words etched on stone.
《 (Name) 》
《 everyday i wake, i wish it was my last 》
no.. They couldn't have.. right? right? they prayed, they begged for The Being's gaze to return, for them to be unharmed but one day turned to two, turned to a week, turned to a month and they were starting to lose all hope.
the most favoured vessels, the ones used the most, were all utterly devastated. how could this be? how could they have helped? perhaps if they had "come home" earlier and easier?
albedo started blaming himself, perhaps if he found a way to get through the barrier faster he could've done something, anything. maybe this wouldn't have happened if he were more successful at his attempts to bridge a way between their worlds.
one month in Their world, was a long, long time for the people of teyvat.
and then a cry was heard, because the vessels felt a brief brush of Their presence and the words on the pedestal changed.
《 (Name) 》
《 lmao cant even kms properly 》
and they didnt understand what "kms" meant, they were just happy that They were back, even for a short fleeting moment. Their presence came and went, fleeting brushes with semi-absences in-between but They were there! and that was all that mattered.
perhaps if albedo managed to bring Them over, they'd ask what "kms" meant but please.. don't leave them for so long like that again.
a/n: pretty self-indulgent, this is kinda depressing, iykyk right haha,, anyway first fic!! and its sagau lmao im the biggest clown
#genshin#genshin impact#sagau#genshin self aware#genshin sagau#genshin impact sagau#genshin impact self aware#maybe i'll write smth for ningguang ltr bc happy birthday#im on mobile idk how to put read more on mobile fml
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Fic Writer Questions
Tagged by @squintclover - thank you so much!! Loved your response!!
🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?
By loving the story so much I wanted to be in it, lol. My first few attempts at writing ff were with self-insert OCs, but that was in my native language and mostly unpublished. Im trying to recycle some of those ideas, but Im not sure how will it go.
As for fics written in english and without OCs - like everyone else, by reading other fics.
🍇How many fandoms have you written in?
If we count the first few attempts - I took a look at my docs and counted 7 fandoms. Some parts of those were published somewhere on the web but I genuinely forgot about their existence.
If we count fics published recently on tumblr/ao3 - only HP.
🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?
Technically? A decade. But idk if that counts if it wasnt published and probably never will be and had self insert OCs.
I started writing my first fics in english after I got into that one fandom which was during the pandemic, so that would be around 3-4 years - but posting since… December 2023.
🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?
Definitely read.
🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?
Im not making the characters as OOC as before? I hope
🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?
Trying to fit too many things into one project that do not fit bc they are too self indulgent or just bad writing bc require sacrificing either plot or characterization. Being too ambitious, having too much plot that needs too much effort to make it make sense, and will not pay off bc nobody will read it (bc idk if i will ever finish it. and if i do it will not be written in english).
🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
Just one? There are so many weird things Ive been researching or googling.
Did they have 3-in-1 shampoos in 1979. Language of flowers. What the ancient roman beds looked like. Names and their meanings. Ancient roman’s attitude towards (homo)sexuality. Phosphorus and phosphorescence (this was literally to check if this one sentence in canon is factually correct). Did ancient romans have pets. Different gems’ looks, usage and meanings. Ancient Roman dog names. Different astronomical events / discoveries in years 1975-1980 and in year 1957. Layout of certain types of houses.
🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?
Any comment is a nice comment <3 tho I like to be let known the person felt something while reading bc its still so abstract and bizzare for me that it happens 😅
🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?
As you can see from the research question I have an ancient roman au wip. I was genuinely surprised there were only a few ancient roman aus in the marauders fandom.
This one published wip is about a surprise pregnancy that isnt immediately regarded as great news and celebrated (which i think isnt a common way of approaching the topic.) I also wanted to write sth about abortion and miscarriage but i dont know if I will get around to actually writing those.
And Im trying to recycle my old OC-focused long fic which also is deeply unpopular (i understand why but also i feel like im fighting in the trenches)
🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?
Thats about something. Has a deeper meaning and everyone in the comments talk about how deeply they were moved by it. Or how clever the plot was. Or how the deeply and insightfully the characters are analysed. Or how beautiful the language is. Or. Like. Is written and finished and publishable.
🍏What is the easiest type?
All I know is funny dialogue, self indulgent fluff and this one type of hurt/comfort that is also super self indulgent. Also putting all the effort into fitting in as many references / easter eggs as you can that i know nobody will notice.
🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?
On my laptop, usually sitting at my desk, or on the balcony if the weather permits, whenever I feel like ignoring the things im supposed to be doing instead, I guess.
So far I’ve been using google docs but I’ll be probably moving on from them in the nearest future. For organizing ideas/wips and short fics I use Notion - its good for organizing but not that good as a writing program.
🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?
Smut, lol. Also more taboo topics like abortion and miscarriage mentioned above.
🍇What made you choose your username?
I translated my first ever username to English. ok, no, my first ever username was Leila Moonlight and i still think its pretty but now i also think its cringe. Tho I was - what? - 11? 12? So maybe I can be forgiven that it looks like a HP character. Nocturnal Phantom - the username actually use now - is still a bit cringe, I picked it bc I was a night owl (lol) and tried to lean into this nighttime-spooky aesthetic, but also its tumblr so im embracing it. I recently picked a nickname Nyx for my mutuals' convenience - and that is the greek goddess of the night. I commit to the bit.
No pressure tagging: @polaroidcats, @hiddenmoonbeam, @soloorganaas
#tag game#posting on the fandom sideblog instead of main bc i think its a bit more relevant here#also two people who follow my main know me irl they dont need to know any of this#nyx lore
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hi my love can you tell me about your kunikida hcs :) tickle or nontickle or both wherever your heart takes you hehe
A/N: miss dani you are going to cause me to have heart palpitations BRUHHH i love kunikida so so much and I'm in love with him and I am about to go bonkers ILY
i have such a hard time picking his tickle spots bc im a firm believer that he's at least a little tickly everywhere
IF I HAD TO PICK THO he's very tickly on his ribs, underarms, hips, and sides
he's also tickly on his neck and shoulders but those are his huffy giggle spots and those are EQUALLY as cute I'm in love
Dazai messes with him all the damn time with tickles and Kunikida hates it bc Dazai is really good at tickling and Kunikida cannot handle it
Dazai will tickle him in the worst situations too, like when he's writing something down or doing something else that's important
One time Kunikida held the door open for Dazai and Atsushi like a gentleman and Dazai jabbed him and he folded like a lawn chair he was so pissed and then Dazai just ran off
The other people in the office tickle Kunikida occasionally as well, but not like Dazai where it's planned
Sometimes Yosano will just rub his shoulder when shes walking by but she'll do it in a tickly way and he shudders
Ranpo will tickle him if he wants something like candy or whatever his heart happens to want at any given time but Kunikida will normally get him what he wants before the tickling happens lol
Atsushi and Tanizaki tend to stay away from Kunikida because they fear the backlash of tickling him
They've seen Dazai get got after tickling Kunikida... they are just a little scared now LOL
Kunikida can be a pretty intense ler mostly bc when he tickles someone its bc he's pissed off at them (more specifically, Dazai)
He doesn't normally tickle people tho, it's mostly Dazai that he tickles and it's only when Dazai's just been nonstop
He knows Dazai's spots and he'll take advantage of that and wait for the perfect time before he goes ham
(forgive me for some self-indulgent reader insert headcanons incoming)
When he's with a S/O, he's actually really sweet with tickles
He doesn't mind being tickled when it's his S/O, mostly bc he trusts them with his entire heart (SOBS)
He's a very gentle ler with his S/O as well, like he'll always ask beforehand and he never pushes them
Sometimes tho he won't ask but that's just bc he thinks that his S/O is being a little bit silly or something and he just nabs them and tickles them a bit
His laugh is normally pretty loud and surprised if it's someone like Dazai tickling him bc he's not expecting it, but when his S/O is tickling him he's a bit quieter
That said if they tickle him bad enough he will get loud bc he's a bit dramatic with tickling but he'll be fine dw
His laugh is mostly giggly and he huffs a lot when he's being tickled, but sometimes he'll also whine a bit?? is that the right word idk but he's very cute either way
When he's in a relationship he's very sweet, he always makes sure that his S/O is taken care of and comfortable
He is 100% the kind of guy that if he gets like a bonus from work or something he'll spend it all on his S/O bc he loves them
He also does the budgeting in the household so he makes sure there's always a little bit set aside for gifts or fancy dinners whenever he feels like his S/O needs a little pampering
He's not super physically affectionate, which is why tickling is kind of nice because he can let loose a little bit
Also when I say he's not super physically affectionate I mostly mean in public lol he's not a PDA guy
But when it's just him and his S/O he can get kind of clingy
he'll hold their hand, hug them from behind, bury his head in their neck or chest when he's cuddling he's just a big softie when he's not around other people
He's normally very regimented with how he holds himself but he feels so comfortable around the person he loves that he's just totally willing to let his guard down
sobbing over him brb oughhh I need to write more for him bless u dani for allowing me to yell about him a little bit i needed that LOL i hope you have a lovely day!! (expect a kunikida fic soon my brainrot is even worse now)
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hey!! idk if tumblr ate my ask, the himeno brainrot has faded or if you just didn’t feel like it (which is so valid lmao no worries) but i would love to hear your headcanons for her!! xx
hiii so sorry !! i actually started answering ur ask when i was on vacation a couple weeks back and then i didnt have enough ideas and put it in my drafts....and to no one's surprise i forgot about it lmao so thank u for reminding me !!
also i can't NOT have himeno brainrot atp don't worry heheh
however im afraid I won't deliver too much on this bc instead of like individual headcanons ive mostly just filled in the blanks that canon left with my own things (often self-indulgent) and made up a life for himeno which i now basically treat as canon lmao (yes this is delusion central)
i will attempt this though but fair warning that a lot of the behaviors and things i associate with her aren't very wholesome or a jolly good time (i suffer daily with this brain)
(cw for mentions of addiction and a lil bit of drugs, i promise it gets more lighthearted after the first few ones lmao)
so, starting off strong, I don't think himeno spends a lot of her time sober. namely, i headcanon her almost always running on some kind of buzz. i think it's established that she handles her liquor well so i dont think it would be noticeable at work, but considering she trained under kishibe for a long time, i can see her having a flask of her own and sipping at it throughout the day.
in the same spirit, i think she would also take any opportunity to properly get wasted. friday nights with aki at her apartment, outings with the people from work etc, especially if she doesn't have work in the morning. i think maybe she believes she's more fun to be around when drunk.
i don't think these behaviors are about entertainment, but rather a way she's found to be more "functional" and able to keep doing what she does and uphold the carefree persona she's established, hence incorporating them into her life to the point of very rarely being stone cold sober.
i think she also doesn't like the idea of her family knowing about how she copes. maybe she doesn't answer her father's phonecalls sometimes, scared of sounding too noticeably drunk at noon on a tuesday. or she's often stressed about her sister's occasional surprise visits in case she comes over and finds himeno's place in disarray and her in a similar state.
apart from alcohol, which is basically canon, i once had a thought about himeno occasionally abusing pills. pain meds prescribed for recovering from a work injury hitting just right paired with some beer on the side one evening and boom yk. i bet it wouldn't be too hard for her, considering her line of work, to get her hands on opioids regularly enough, especially since the story is set in the 90s and doctors used to prescribe them left and right before the amount of patients getting dependent skyrocketed.
to complete the holy trinity of vices, again based on things mentioned in canon, i think himeno is also the type of person to sleep around a lot with distraction being the objective. she has a reputation for getting flirty and handsy with ppl from public safety when drunk and i think that speaks for itself. this is not inherently a vice ofc, but in her case I don't think she engages in this behavior being sound of mind. it almost never happens when she's sober and i headcanon her often regretting it at least briefly the next day.
oof that was a lot lmao. um chill anyways, on a lighter note i have a couple thoughts about her relationship with aki !!
i think it's a habit for them to take care of each other's injuries after missions. im actually writing a fic about aki showing up at himeno's doorstep, bleeding and expecting to be taken care of in his own begrudging, stuck up way lmao. i think himeno is less likely to straight up go to his house for that, but i see them leaving public safety and going home together to shower and bandage their wounds in companionable silence.
additionally to that whole thing, i personally do believe that their relationship could've had a non-platonic side to it, albeit still casual in its nature. leaving that aside, i think they share quite a bit of affection and physical touch regardless, considering how casually we see them invading each other's personal space in canon. so i think they sleep in the same bed a lot, after tending to each other's wounds, or getting too drunk in himeno's living room. i think it took a while for aki to stop being tense and relax into it, but they settled into a comfortable zone and it was sth they both needed more than they would ever admit.
fujimoto once talked about himeno and said that she is the type to leave a lot of her stuff behind at aki's place and u better believe i ran with it. clothes, hair brushes, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, you can't change my mind. i also think that to some extent it goes both ways. himeno has a shitload of aki's tupperware at her place, from all the food he brings her weekly, and she never washes them unless aki comes over to do it himself and by the time he decides to take some back, there's always more. black hair ties are often littered in her bathroom cabinets and on one of her night stands. a book on her windowsill that aki brought to read before bed once and then never took home.
not to get dark again, but talking about them is bound to make me sad sooner or later :) based on the way she thinks about aki's death in canon, i think she would often panic when thinking about aki's shrivelling lifespan, especially at the beginning when aki had a lot of years to spare and surely used the sword more freely. i imagine her being restless in her bed with aki sleeping next to her, feeling compelled to check on his breathing or his pulse. reach over and touch his hand to feel him alive and warm, hoping it would soothe her to sleep.
i also think she's there a lot of the times aki cries. i bet the first time she saw him was accidental, or at least not a conscious decision on aki's part. i also bet himeno didn't really know what to think of it initially, but soon looked at aki under a different light bc of it. i think aki finds comfort in himeno being in the same room as the tears spill from his eyes after a day of watching people die. and i think himeno loves giving him that, even though it tugs at her chest in uncomfortable ways she can't quite point out.
i feel compelled to but i won't go into the whole being in love with aki situation, because first of all its not even a headcanon but very much there and secondly i will ramble indefinitely about how i think her pining for him would manifest and this is already a huge post god bless
on a slightly different note before i bring this to a close, i like thinking about her bond with kishibe a lot as well. it's not shown enough in the anime or manga, but i imagine them being friends. i think they would go out for drinks but more to talk than get wasted. i think they'd have the capacity to talk about very real things but also nothing at all. kishibe might be the only person himeno talks to properly about aki, aside from her letters to her sister, because he shares the same life as her and inevitably has more space tl understand. maybe kishibe gets to talk a bit about quanxi too.
haha oh well :D that's all i have for now. if u read this far thank you and also im sorry lmao. hadn't sat down to microwave himeno like this in a hot minute i loved getting the opportunity to do it so thanks for the ask anon !! till next time ~
#answered#take a shot every time u read the word think in this#its 5am bear with me#himeno#himeno chainsaw man#akimeno#aki hayakawa#chainsaw man#chainsaw man headcanons#himeno headcanons#akimeno headcanons#csm
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Consider reading Steel Under Silk and The Ghost's Nocturne. Both are BL manhwa. Both are kinda similar to Painter of the Night (on the pairing being a Huge Strong Guy With Issues and a Massive Dick X Petite Man) and yet completeley different. Both have noncon. Both are available on bato. to! Steel Under Silk is legit so good, I dont even wanna pitch it to you. The ML is *MWHAH* chefs kiss. You just have to read it and see for yourself. The art style on both are TOP TIER.
Man so like I was kind of indulging in this conversation with someone else earlier but, you know how there was like that cultural movement in like the 2000s onward where a lot of young women were uncritically consuming yaoi content and yeah there were definitely a lot of people being homophobic and fetishistic about it (legit I think the whole "yaoi is fine but yuri is gross" that was common for a lot of young girls was just internalized misogyny bc I was one of those kids and now I'm literally a queer person with a gender identity of Girl But Also Who Gives a Fuck) but like at the core of it it was younger folks being completely unbothered by queer media and even seeking it out, and then there was this reverse whiplash of "oh no only gay men can read these, if you read these you are gross/homophobic/racist" and it's like. I literally turned 26 the other week and even sometimes when im in YouTube shorts watching manhwa clips (believe it or not this can actually be a really good way to find more stories, some people make very high quality edits or clip and the algorithm will just eventually feed you manhwa shit nonstop) and whenever a BL story comes up, there's like, a sense of shame in my heart, like I gotta look away? "Like oh, better avoid that, consuming this media with gay men in it surely makes me fetishistic and creepy" and it's like, the queer community has not clawed its way to having some rights for us to pull this kinds inter-group othering like this 🤦♀️ im a fucking adult and im going to read these stories where dudes are gonna fuck and it doesn't mean a damn thing besides me wanting to see people getting Freak Nasty
But anyways yeah I will definitely add those to my recommended 👀 I think one thing I've been having to watch out for is that I will see a series and then I'll read the comments and it might be something like "dont read this, its extremely unhappy, the mc suffers constantly and the ending is sad" and its like. Yeah I like dark content but I have to be careful when it comes to stories that are kind of just straight up tragedy porn? Idk. Like. When I write dark content its kind of contained into like a one-shot or a story with a few chapters, it isn't extremely drawn out to the extent ive seen with a lot of manhwa. I had my eyes on "Broken Promise: Married Man" or whatever the fuck its called bwcause it looked like it had some kinky stuff in it and then I look into it a little and almost everyone was saying "oh no dude don't read this unless you have a strong heart, bad shit CONSTANTLY happens, this man SUFFERS"
Idk its just, sometimes it can be hard to find my personal limits with that kind of thing 🥺 I don't think I've ever dropped anything for messing me up or anything but there are times I've read fanfictions and it made me like depressed the whole day 😅 the hunt for good stories constantly continues!
Also. It isn't a BL but ive heard Finding Camelia is good? It's a manhwa about a girl who is forced to live as a boy because she's the only heir to her family or something and she has to go through a journey of self growth and learn to feel good as herself and a girl again? I dunno, i don't know many details about it but ive seen a lot of people recommend it. Honestly I'm trying not to start too many stories at once but like I can't stop, I find a good story, start reading, oh wait it isn't complete, better find a another story, oh wait it isn't complete, wash rinse repeat ykwim
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Looked through all your #life in korea posts and I have to say it: this is soooo refreshing. Finally someone who’s a fan but also can say things as they are. I’ve been following your blog for a while but didn’t look at the tag before so I just found out. It is exactly what I always say when I talk to other kpop fans and especially bts stans: dont forget to look at them as men bc at the end of the day this is what they are, men. Men from a very misogynistic country. Also (maybe bc im christian but idk) dont really like the term “idol”, it makes it easier to forget they are human beings. Human beings with crazy talents, amazing entertainers and great musicians, yes. But why is it considered so bas when you point out the human aspects of them?
https://at.tumblr.com/astrolaurical/like-jungkook-really-does-seem-like-a-bit-of-a/a2awocxguurv
When it comes to jungkook tho, it is so much worse. So many delulus thinking defending him will make them his girlfriend, when they just look so… ignorant? I think is the best word. They dont know and dont want to know. And it is even worse when you see it happen in conversations in real life and not just online. Majoring in Languages and Cultures it is one of the first things they teach you to not glorify a culture and to not indulge in the “honeymoon phase” when travelling, to see things in context and from all perspectives. So it is even more surprising to see colleagues at university studying my same subjects, acting so rude and personally offended when you let them notice these REAL things. so crazy to see so many people turn a blind eye when it comes to their favorite kpop stars. Jungkook is great and so talented and so handsome but he is also a korean man and it is ok to see him for that. You’re not a hater if you acknowledge it. (Sorry for my english, not native)
YES TO ALL THIS
I minored in anthropology and they always harped that same thing so I’ve always had a kind of detached way of viewing cultures which helps to separate me from my own American culture to see the positives and negatives and can then do the same to others while finding common links in all.
I was a major stan of 1D. Then they all started excessively partying, especially during the Midnight Memories era. Like there were pics of my beloved Harry peeing in the bushes with his translucent white butt out for the world to see. That was when I was like whoa, Simon Cowell is losing his grip on the PR side of them it seems. And then it all went downhill from there. Fighting on Twitter. The random baby they concocted for Louis that disappeared. More drunken nights out and being caught with illegal substances.
That was when I was like: I was infatuated with the MARKETING of these boys. They showed their true colors and I don’t like it AT ALL. Like if we hung out in real life I would be MISERABLE because I don’t party. It was a huge wake up call to idol life and ever since then I take everything with a grain of salt and whenever I see any celeb do an interview I decode their words through the lens of how someone not media trained might say it.
And bts have shown their partying sides before. Remember In the Soop s2 where Jimin got so wasted that he hurt himself?? I could easily see Harry being replaced by Jimin in that photo. They both are charming and like to make others laugh. And who’s to say that BTS don’t have photos of each other in compromising positions like that. Hobi has that huge hard drive of pics. And RM showed how he struggles with his true self VS his idol self in the latest Run BTS episode. I think that is a PERFECT example of how they really cover up their true selves all the time.
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it’s my fic’s birthday n i just want to take a mome to reflect on this past year of writing my cringe jthm fic because no joke it has been one of the most therapeutic and rewarding things ive ever done for myself so im gonna spill my guts under the cut here in case ur into that sorta thing
no joke i started writing ancillary auxiliary (obvs under a different much dumber name) when i was THIRTEEN. i was perpetually very very scared of and confused by my psychosis—i saw and heard things constantly that no one else did, and no one could explain that to me, which was obviously very isolating and frustrating. jthm made me feel rly normal (like not alone??) and this fic was a way for me to explore and dissect all these things i was processing and experiencing and repressing. i abandoned it like right away because i was a young teen with undiagnosed adhd but im sure it’s still kickin around on deviantart somewhere.
i have struggled w a lot through my years—addiction n subsequent withdrawal, hallucinating nonstop, uhhhh Being Trans In Society, willingly choosing to be an actor bc i am literally insane—and i felt like my brain was only getting sicker, because i never prioritized my health! none of it! but especially not my mental health!
in the isolation of quarantine a couple years ago i had like sooooooo many psychotic episodes, and eventually i admitted myself to a psych ward bc i was so scared and i just wanted to get better finally!
and i did get better! eventually!
it took a lot of hard work, and i was in outpatient for what felt like forever, and i was going to therapy twice a week and trying a bunch of meds and also just experimenting w hormones bc why not. i stopped making art (which truly truly was sometimes the only thing in my life that brought me joy) because the shit i was making was so scary, i just didn’t want to subject myself to that.
eventually i got myself a really amazing job, literally a dream job of mine, and things fell into place, and my job was my whole personality for a while. idk when it happened but sometime last summer i suddenly felt myself really wanting to read jthm again ?? i guess as i was reflecting on all my trauma, and how i used to cope w it as a kid?? but i reread director’s cut and it truly felt like someone unclogged a drain in my head and all this new inspiration and like LOVE for my past self and xir interests just rushed in and it was so exciting!!!!
and i remembered this fic i had started so long ago, and how proud i was of the concept, and i started writing it in my notes app and it got bigger and bigger and i found a little corner on instagram of ppl who liked it (thank u to those of u who are still here rn!!!!! if ur reading this ilysm) and now it’s this! and i love it!
it might just be super self indulgent at the end of the day idk but! i love everything that has come from this fic (and Other Fics i have written 👁️) and i am so grateful to all of u who have read ancaux and enjoyed it and reblogged and left comments like :) thank u so much
there are three (maybe four?) chapters left i literally didn’t anticipate this to go on for so long and i have no idea when it will end but im excited :) and i hope you’ll stick around :) the ending is rly good i think
LOVE U ALL THANKS
#ancaux#happy birthday dorter#thank u all for being so sweet im kissing u all unless u don’t want that#in that case i am nodding respectfully at u
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so wait. i have questions.
if heaven connects the multiverse, what happens when multiple versions of the same person in multiple AU worlds die? do they all fuse into one entity in heaven? like, is the dean we saw in spnwin an amalgamation of every version of dean that has died and gone to heaven in every universe? what does that mean for a human soul, is each iteration of a human only a fragment of a soul? a clone? or are they individuals? do they all have separate heavens next to one another but fully inaccessible? or can you go next door and hang out with your alternate universe selves? that would be pretty disconcerting..
WAIT NO. no, that cant be right. as cool as i think it is, its not right. obviously there are multiple iterations of heaven, considering that there are multiple iterations of the angels. and it's clearly a Thing that alternate universe heavens aren't supposed to be connected, bc the AU iterations of the angels couldn't just walk through some already-established rift in heaven, otherwise the entire apocalypse world plotline would be completely moot. like, apocalypse michael could have just walked into prime universe through the rift. so how are these situated? is heaven like, partitioned out like this?
(please excuse the utterly shit quality, im drawing with my finger on a cracked phone and im bad at it)
so we have the garden which connects all the heavens, and then heaven prime partitioned off from heaven alpha, beta etc, each one then linked to their respective actual living universe? or is it more like garden -> heaven -> earth, but like sheets of paper all stacked up on top of one another in "the world between worlds" voidspace? how does that work metaphysically.
since theres au heavens and au hells, are there au versions of purgatory, or do all worlds dump all their monsters into the same purgatory? what about the empty? is every version of Cas that died in every alternate universe just piled up in the one singular empty?
(if i was a fic writer, this is where i would write about an empty rescue where dean has to wade through a sea of AU cas. i would also write a self indulgent fic where the benny we are told died in prime universe was not actually benny prime. but i am not a fic writer.)
if there are multiple empties, are there multiple shadows? or just the one, existing in every dimension in the same way that chuck is implied to? did god decide to be chuck in every universe, or are there universes where chuck was "just" a prophet? that would make endverse being a real alternate universe clash a little less w the final seasons.
except there's still the problem of, how could zachariah the middle management sub-choir angel (principality?? seraph?? power?? what choir is zachariah. this is so off topic.) open a portal to an alternate universe but not either of the two most powerful archangels? ive seen great theories about angels being specialists in different areas, e.g uriel smiting towns and cas taking memories (im so fucking sorry i dont remember who posted that, its so good im so sorry) but even so, why didn't apocalypse zachy just open the prime universe for apocalypse michael once he set his sights on it? so im still thinking endverse was a pocket/illusion dimension.
and when prime universe tfw released the darkness, did amara get born in every universe or just the prime one? was she still locked in the mark in other universes? if she's the same.. uhh.. species as god, and his equal, shouldnt she be just as omnipresent in the multiverse? or does that mean each universe has its own iteration of god? or would that mean he created himself? ow. paradox migraine. if prime chuck created every other chuck, then every other iteration is just a facsimile and not truly chuck. and if that's true, did they even really beat chuck by beating him in only one iteration? or can AU chuck just open a portal and idk re-grant himself godpowers? what about AU jacks, are they still nephilim? or did every version of jack become god when prime jack did?
on that note, when chuck started to destroy the multiverse, what happened to amara in those iterations and also in general? was she captive in every universe as long as she was captive in the prime universe? is she even really gods sister, or did he create her for Plot Reasons? bc in other universes, dean still had the mark. or cas had the mark. or cain kept the mark. but amara got free in, and was, as far as i remember, only a threat to, the prime universe.
and how did dean get the letter for john from henry? even if henry gave it to dean in As Time Goes By, i doubt dean carried that particular letter on his person when he died. it could be a heaven thing? anything you want, you just wish for it and you have it kind of thing. but also how did dean get bobby? obviously he went back to the roadhouse at some point? unless the point is that heaven is still an illusion since Somethings Up With Jack, and dean did the same thing with the letter, and just *wished* for bobby who popped up in the car. cause that certainly doesn't seem like a good and equal heaven, if you can just wish someone was with you and poof! they will be summoned to your side without their consent. which would mean that's Not Bobby, it's an illusion. it was never actually bobby.
so did dean even actually make it to another universe? or is he trapped in an illusion and the whole thing was a distraction, which is why jack said no meddling and then proceeded to let dean meddle in the most timeline-destabilizing ways possible, giving his parents the colt and his journal, telling them god exists and is a dick? because it doesn't matter, it never mattered because none of it was real?
im gonna rip out my hair what is this. jensen. JENSEN. what is this. i need to think.
#spnwin#spnwin spoilers#spnwin meta#supernatural prequel#the paradoxicality of it all#my head hurts :[#what is all this!!!!#i think ive been thinking about this too much. im all tangled up and idk what's what anymore#what even is spn canon please?#dean winchester's magical time travelling god killing wondercar
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hey!!! I hope you're well!
anyway I really don't have any idea or prompt to ask but.. could you please explain yours AU's a bit more? you got me curious 👁️👁️(maybe later I have and idea but idk)
have a nice day!!❤️✨
hi!! thank you for the kind message !! and sorry it took me so long to respond orz i've been busy...;;
so my AUs are super underdeveloped like they're really only ideas at this point and i *was* planning on developing them more this summer but *looks at the calendar* that kinda went bust... 😬
but i love miguel and i love talking about this so!! thank you for asking about them lol 😆
"REALISTIC" AU
that name doesn't really feel accurate i just literally don't know what else to call it but its my AU where MC is from miami (aka self-insert au ig?? even tho its supposed to be a self-insert anyway?? idk idk) and i just kinda wanted to explore the ramifications of an MC that knows a Miami that's very different from the one that miguel is in, not only bc its the 80s but also the criminal element and also the general areas of miami that i grew up in are very different from where miguel grew up... i also wanted to do HEAVY research about miami in the 80s (maybe i can show off my reading list lol) to get a more "authentic" portrait of the city ??? SO LIKE all that mixed together would kinda end up changing the plot up bc like ofc it'll still be romantic bc im a simp BUT bc im writing like a narrative with other themes and an "OC" and not a romantic visual novel, the elements i'll steal from CMIM are more like the skeleton of the plot and not a scene-for-scene remake, ykwim? so bc of that, i also imagined it shorter and also like a movie script - three-act structure and all that jazz SO!! its an action/adventure/crime/romantic/comedy taking place in 1980s miami!! ALSO U WENT TO SEE A MOVIE AND GOT SUCKED IN SO LIKE i wanted to explore that and the "man out of time" angle that the visnov can't rlly get into bc it can't assume anything about what time period ur from without breaking the self-insert illusion AND ALSO i rlly wanted some ängst re: if this is all real or if everything is gonna end once the "movie's over" ya kno i just love that drama spice of "do u love me bc ur supposed to love me, is any of this ur choice, what will happen when i wake up" and all that jazz 🤭 heehee hoohoo
IT IS MY BABY AND I WISH TO SEE IT COME TO LIFE
ACTOR AU
bc every fandom's got one lmao 😉 its just the perfect way to keep the original story in tact while also keeping characters that you love alive lol (no spoilers but i saw *****'s death coming from a MILE away) so yeah this is just a silly self indulgent AU where everyone lives and CMIM is a movie that miguel stars in and MC is a production assistant that dreams of being big shot director someday or smthg and then oops they fall in love lmao NGL as i was writing this down, i realized this would make a pretty decent "singing in the rain" AU LMAO 😂 its not perfect 1-for-1 but like miguel as don, mc is cathy, ramon is cosmo, stella is lena 🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is too funny to me lmfaoooo i'd prob take insp from singing in the rain as far as plot goes bc i literally had none but still is more of an "actor au" than a "signing in the rain au"
also just realized that the movie they make in the actor AU could be the "movie" im writing for the realistic AU loool 😆
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imo i dnt mind when writers give yn specific physical n personality characteristics. esp bc i think it’s impossible to create a yn tht everybody can relate to 100%. n sometimes it’s fun to read ab a yn that’s different than i am personality wise bc it’s like playing a role or smth💀. some writers like to be self indulgent w their fics n that’s okay all i ask is tht they put it in the content warnings beforehand of the characteristic they give reader which so many ppl fail to do😭 like if it’s so important to u tht yn has pink nipples n can blush a fiery, beet red then go ahead n write it idc just put a warning abeg so ppl know n aren’t caught off guard 🙏🏾 if u want yn to be 5’0 n hve to crane their head up to look at the character that’s fine just put a warning !! 😭 but it’s obvious when ppl write a fic that’s clearly meant to be short!reader but for some reason they dnt wna tag it as one so they just throw in that “doesn’t matter how tall u are the character is taller than u” just so they dnt get chewed out or smth. but then they’ll describe the character as being a foot n a half taller than yn💀 n it’s a regular modern au fic too not some fantasy au where they hve superpowers n shit where it’d be plausible for the character to be enormous. like u said it only works if u dnt think ab it too much bc im 5’10 so i’d hve to size up the character in my head to like 7’3 n that’s just...idk😭
YES to both sides of this!!!
Like certain things can be soooo enjoyable if you're expecting them, and like... no one deserves to be hated on for just writing what suits their fancy, but at the same time... TELL US! So we don't go in expecting one thing and come out feeling like we got spanked on the ass after a lot of good buildup. I don't mind details at all but I wanna know so I can block them out when I get to them💀💀💀
BUT THE WHOLE THING ABT FORCING SOMEONE TO IMAGINE A CHARA AS 7'3 IS STILL LAZY!!! In a way and a little bit, at least... cuz like, I don't care if I'm eyeball-to-eyeball with someone, you know? Even three-four inches taller is okay. EVEN SHORTER IS FINE LIKE... it happens.
(And maybe I just don't get it because size kink is relatively... meh to me, but) we're human!!! You'll be okay trying to find something else descriptive to say!
#i like size k*nk but it doesnt make me whet you know#like yes i wanna be thrown around but that seems like common sense#kinda like br*eding k*nk#ISNT THAT THE POINT#anyway this made me laugh legend u have a good heart i can tell <3#ask#anon#caitie chats#drama tw
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TF2 ASK MEME... THE EVENS
DAMN HOMIE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ thank u ok under the cut bc it's a lot:)
2- Who is your favorite mercenary?
Mmeehehhehehehe Demoman :] i kiss him and rotate him in my brain
4- Do you have a favorite tf2 pet? If so then who?
oh my god ARISTOTLE!!!!!!! I don't care if it's not canon or whatever i love spys bird so much i want you to all look at this bird
6- If you are in the fandom, how did you get into the fandom?
Im not really in the fandom besides occasionally drawing the mercs im just in my little bubble of mutuals who are the only right people about any of the characters. everyone else can stay quiet though
8- Did you find out about tf2 by the game, sfms or the comics first?
None! i found out abt the game YEARS ago From this YouTube poop, used as a flipnote i cant find anymore. But from there, it was the "Meet The" videos i must of stumbled upon randomly???
10- Favorite quote from the Meet the… videos?
engies "best hope…not pointed at you" bc i remember being like !!!! :OOO!!! FUCK!!! thats badass . when i first watched it
12- Favorite quote from the comics?
okay it probably doesn't count but its one that sticks its the screen on admins monitors waayy back in the beginning that say "miss pauling. hide." sticks with me bc it is just a little haunting like…. :)
14- Do you have any OTP(s)? if so then what?
hmm…i like a lot of pairings but ones that i find extra nice and awesome is swordvan, spy and heavy (idk their name but they r criminally underrated and i enjoy them together), engie and demo(i also dont know their name cries) and boots n bombs. sniperspy is fun sometimes tho
16- Do you have a BROTP? if so then what?
i LOVE pyro and heavy ok i think they are the best like they. i cannot even put it into words they're everything to me. scout and sniper are also buddies too
18- Favorite headcanon?
this is extremely self indulgent and like not backed by anything but pyro is hungarian and mexican. this is so true to me forever and ever. i also really like the hc that soldier enjoys painting
20- Do you have a favorite tf2 fanfiction? If so, what is it?
Oh my god i will link it to you RIGHT MEOW!!! Tori u already know but to anyone else pls give it a read and check out this authors other works they fuck
22- Do you have any tf2 ocs? If so, then tell us about them!!
IIII DO! I won't go into too much detail, but i have The Horticulturist(Horti) and The Pathfinder(PF). Both are Hungarian, Horti is involved with agriculture/plants/etc and PF is an ex-aperture employee with memory issues and menthal illness plaguing him all the time that makes sure battlegrounds r safe to fight on and that their base isn't falling apart they're strung together by spaghetti noodles
24- What is your favorite (official or unofficial) SFM?
this, this or this
26- What is your favorite tf2 comic?
i think blood in the water bc of just how much fking happens but also idk i like all of them a lot. especially 7 :')
28- Is there a character you hated at first but now you love?
not particularly there is still hatred in my soul for c!heavy always
30- Which character is underrated?
Demo, Heavy and Soldier. We all know this FAR too well :| it's a damn shame because i love all of them so so SO much especially demo he's my husband i kiss him every day and night
32- Who was your favorite character when you first got into the fandom? Did it change?
Oh Yeah. My fav at the start was Medic, and then it shifted to Sniper, and now it's Demo/Heavy <3 though i frankly find myself loving all of tha mercs they all make me smile
34- Favorite moment from the comics?
seeing admin all decrepit and dying bc she looks very gorgest to me. or when sniper gets shot because my god? or when we see engie at all. i love him. i always wished they did more with pyro in the comics tho :(
36- Do you have a favorite AU? What is it?
I'm not sure??? I haven't seen too many AU's besides like monster or aquatic or freaks if they even count. though i guess technically qu/azies po/otis vids are an au so that for sure!!!!!!!
38- What is your favorite cosmetic?
i would say Aristotle again but i mentioned it earlier soooo perhaps the seared sorcerer for pyro …but COMBINED with discovision!!! you wish you were me (me pictured below)
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no words for this episode!! i’m absolutely speechless!! it killed me and i went to heaven. typing this from the afterlife. this was the cutest, softest most perfect episode ever. god I love the honeymoon phase. they were so giddy and in love and horny <3. it was a much needed episode for my heart. their date was adorable and I loved how p was asking for advise because he wanted it to be perfect <3 but kinn was just happy to spend time with him and indulge him with his photos bc he loves him 1/4
I also love the running joke of the other bodyguards thinking he always gets punished. yeah I’m sure his legs were shaking but not why you think :) also, who’s doing product placement like kinnporsche? I never wanted to buy bread so bad in my life. I literally can’t say anything else except that it was a perfectly cute episode.
one thing that was a little weird is kim saying p could be korn’s son or something? wtf is up with that? I really hope that was just a throwaway comment but idk why they would even suggest that. anyway, I don’t even want to think about the possibility so I will choose to ignore it. and kim!! boy you’re on thin fucking ice. I just know he’s gonna break porchay’s heart real soon and I’m not ready for it. however, I’m more than ready for a little tawan drama.
I’m actually feeling better about this storyline since we found out that k didn’t shoot him out of jealousy. he deserved to get shot for betraying him like that lol I’m curious how he survived or what went down exactly and why he’s back. also, I was dying to see some vegaspete but that didn’t happen so I’m a little disappointed but oh well. it was a perfect episode for kp’s relationship so I’m not complaining. looking forward to the pool scene next week 👀
kp anon unfortunately its illegal for u to die how do u expect me to live without your asks hm? illegal come back to me right now
porsche asking for dating advice because it's his first real relationship and he wants it to be good for kinn is something that can actually be really personal. god and his little self-deprication creeping in at the end of it when his plans kinda got ruined and kinn's just there with the fattest fucking grin on his face because this is the best date he's ever had. and i thought about this during the week but, porsche being the one to take kinn out is probably something he's also never had before, you know? he has money, he's fucking loaded, so he's always the one buying people things, probably was the one who took tawan out, etc. but porsche is like nope, fuck that, it never ben occured to him that kinn would be the one to do all this, HE'S the one who wants to take KINN out and i bet kinn's never had that before i bet it made his heart do dangerous things!! and yes!! the photos god, the way his mafia boss persona just drops around porsche when they're alone, he's just this guy who'll do anything to make his boyfriend happy, he's so whipped for him im 🥺🥺
NOVEL SPOILERS NOVEL SPOILERS NOVEL SPOILERS
from what i've seen/can remember from what i've been told in the novel (🤮) there's an actual angsty sub-plot about them potentially being related (they're not in the end) so im guessing the show was just lowkey throwing shade at that? bcs i really doubt boc would go there after all the changes they've made to the series so far. and also, re: vegaspete, in the novel that starts around the same time as the tawan sl so it will probably pick up this episode or next episode!!
i know a lot of people were calling this episode a filler which is such a disservice because it's such a necessary episode? how are we expected to root for a couple that are only thrown together in life-or-death situations without getting to see their progress, without getting to see their softness when they're with each other, without getting to see their feelings, without getting to see how the two of them could just be if their lives weren't entangled in such a mess, you know? just because it didn't necessarily drive the plot forward a huge amount doesn't automatically make it a filler episode!
and i know a lot of people are also worried about tawan coming between them but i genuinley dont have a single worry about that. kinn is so GONE in porsche, and he's aware of the fact that tawan never loved him, idk why people think he would possibly even think about going back to him? is tawan going to get into porsche's head? yeah, absolutely. but i have no doubt that kinn's gonna prove his devotion and probably bang all of porsche's insecurities out of him so he cant use his legs for approximately 48 hours 🥰🥰 whether that pisses tawan off more and makes him do something more drastic to get to them both idk im not sure yet but everybody even tawan's actor keep saying how much of a bastard he is so 👀 lets go villain arc
#kp anon the week i have had u have no idea#harassed by a driver food poisoning running out of meds ur asks always save me#kp anon#answered#anonymous
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A haze creeps around the edges of Rabbit’s mind, a steady rise back to consciousness; details escape them, the haze of drowsiness like cotton between their ears and they blink slowly in the dim yellow light. The gibberish hum of a tv turned down low on the edge of their hearing, but they know the sound of the news anywhere--the monotone of a newscaster droning
Turning their head around and they squint, a faint hum of questioning in the back of their throat. They spy the box TV, the automatic subtitles lazily scrolling across the bottom of the grainy screen, half a sentence behind. Florida’s in the midst of another rough storm coming up from the tropics, scenes of preparation moving across the screen and Rabbit imagines that’s what prepping for the apocalypse must look like.
Idiots.
Rabbit drags their eyes away, sweeping across the heavy gaudy patterned curtains and tacky window valance, the curtains drawn tight--isolating them further in the cocoon of warm dim light.
The computer screen draws them in, blocked by a pair of arms in an out of focus blur, only the blue white light of the screen against their eyes. They eyes narrow as they adjust, words appearing with speed in little fill in the blank text boxes--expense reports. The constant tap of fingers against the keys match the pace, the steady rhythm complimenting deep breaths in the chest pressed against their ear, a faint grunt of displeasure grumbling in his chest.
Warmth....cradled, held close. Tucked in and held with security behind tense arms.
Rabbit pulls their legs in closer, turning their face away from the light. A concerned hum reverberating their head, the sharp scent of mints and the sound of crunching washing over them. Cinnamon and cardamon, by the smell--must be a special kind.
They idly hum back, nuzzling against Bautista’s chest and they take their own deep breath. Cheap laundry detergent is a smell they’ve grown used to on their own clothes, but it’s funny how they never realized its the same with Bautista
“You alright?” Bautista gently breaks the quiet.
“Jus’ tired...Didn’t know I’d fallen asleep.” Rabbit mumbles and there’s another hum, one of understanding and the comforting sound of tapping of fingers against keyboard. Counting breaths, how each inhale moves them up and back down, heartbeat steady in their ear.
“I didn’t know it either until I looked.” He mumbles back and Rabbit feels it more than hears it, the rumble in his chest.
Both of them had been working late, just the table lamp on and the same station cycling through it’s nightly repertoire. A touch of background noise to further occupy their mind, distract and evade. They were sitting beside him and nodded off when Bautista turned quiet in the lull of a bickering conversation. It had been a long day. Nerves frayed from tracking all day, the usual deep ache settling between their shoulders and in their thighs, muscles tensing despite how they kept pressing their thumbs against the pressure points to relax. Relaxing...Rabbit can’t remember the last time that happened. At least until now.
How they ended up sandwiched between his arms and computer in his lap is a mystery.
“Why am I here...?” Rabbit ponders and Bautista stops crunching away at another mint for a moment. “Sitting in your lap, I mean...jerk.” They mumble for clarification, yawning.
Bautista is quiet, fingers drumming against the keys and he finishes chewing on the mint. Long enough for Rabbit to wonder if he’s blowing them off, or worse: thinking this is a terrible idea and wondering how quickly he could dump them out of his lap and save their precious computer from flailing arms or legs. (Wouldn’t be the first time some poor electronic of theirs had suffered from a flailing arm or leg--but that had been an accident, they swore!)
Funny how their mind travels to that memory, or worse yet wondering if he’s wondering if this is a terrible idea. There’s been too much of that lately: the wondering about wondering about him. Or the wondering about his wonder of what he thinks about them. Too much wondering for one brain, gross.
“Do you hate it?” He asks instead and Rabbit pauses, chewing the inside of their cheek and the callous on their thumb. There’s a scar inside their mouth, matching the imprints of their molars and the callous from the flickering of lighters. One remembered well, the other forgotten. They don’t remember a lot of things, or choose not to remember.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. Most of the time they don’t want to know the difference.
But he asked them a question and he’s quiet, just him breathing and it’s steady like the thump thump thump of his heartbeat against their ear.
“No...”
Rabbit admits in a timid voice, finding a loose thread on his shirt and they pull it, wrapping it around their thumb over and over until it breaks. Words stuck in their lungs, in their stomach—more things they could say--unraveling the string turning their fingertip white. Things they should say. That this feels nice, that they like being held, that he’s far too good to be holding them like this.
He shouldn’t let him hold them like this, the more he lets them sit the more they’ll stain him—cover him in briny, rough rotting ichor that won’t ever wash out. Carrion sloughing off their decrepit body to fall into the ocean in visceral chunks, and if all the bad could show up on their skin they would be rip for the tearing from vulture’s beaks like prometheus bound to a rock.
“Rabbit?”
Quietly their name, coming from Bautista’s lips like he’s unsure of how it feels to shape their name with his lips, how the word that belongs to them tastes in his mouth.
Sharp scent of mints, cinnamon burning their lungs as they take another deep breath. The faint crunch and the steady up and down as Bautista breathes. Just one hand tapping away the keys, the other tucked back, held as an offering. palm up, shiny scars melding into the worn lines and crevices of callouses on his palm. Callouses from gripping the stock of a rifle, the hold on the grip of a pistol--an old flaking callous on the outside of his thumb from the flick of a lighter.
Rabbit always thought of him as more of a matchbox sort of man.
He doesn’t move despite their hesitance, eyes fixed on the computer screen even when Rabbit cranes their neck to look. They don’t look long, averting their eyes back to the TV and they slowly, achingly reach out. Pressing their palm to his, fingers slipping together and it’s a strange fit—his hands are much larger, less slim than Rabbit’s own stick thin fingers and their whole hand almost fits in his palm.
He doesn’t protest, nor shies away as Rabbit pulls his hand close, tucking it beside their chest--an idle act of vulnerability tucked in the narrow black negative spaces of their silhouette. Their thumb brushes against and counts the scars criss-crossing the backs of his hands. Tracing over the hills and pits of tendons flexing under their touch, across knuckles blemished and bruised.
Rabbit lets out another deep breath and lets the steady back to back news reports lull them back down to the same drowsy haze as before. Head lolling against the slow up and down of Bautista breathing, almost feeling the brush of his thumb across their own hand. Silently wondering what he’s finding on their hands--and almost not wondering why they’re wondering so hard.
Almost.
#greenwarden#greenwarden if#owen writes#oc: rabbit winslow#no intro no word count no title we die like men#anyway the update got me wanting somethin soft#idk when this happens bc im being Self Indulgent#okay to rebloog go wild#me adding all these details like#i havent written in ages and now im obsessed with the nostalgia of shitty hotel decor
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