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ashturnedtomist · 11 months

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Keep it Covert: Ch.0

Prologue

@morgansplace came up with the title. everyone say thank you.

Summary: in which, things are not kept covert.

Next Chapter

TW: panic, cursing, force, Geordi starts to have a panic attack but you don’t really see anything

Read it on Ao3 too :)

Based off of this post

Morgan sighed, knitting his brows together.

Standing before him was the only other Seer Obscura that he knew existed, and they were exhausted.

“Can we just…take a break? Please?” They were working on honing their abilities and they had worn out their core.

“That’s fine, just sit down,” he gestured to the couch. He slumped down beside them, undoing his tie and turning on the TV. He flipped to a random news channel.

He froze.

‘-American government has already started making plans and precautions against this unknown threat. The leaked documents call them, ‘empowered.’

Morgan leaned forward, his heart pounding.

“Morgan?” He glanced at his trainee. “What-what does that mean?”

He shakes his head, his eyes trained on the screen. “I-I don’t know.”

‘We know little about these people. Where did they come from? How long have they been living among us? And, are they a danger?’

———

“Shit,” James muttered. “Shit, shit, shit.”

His phone had been ringing off and on for the past half hour.

“Your stress levels are elevated.” Asset sat to the side, eyeing their superior.

“I wouldn’t have guessed,” he muttered bitterly. They hummed in acknowledgment. “What has happened?”

James sighed, bracing his hands on his desk. “The Department was exposed.”

Asset tilted their head to the side. “What does that mean?” James looked up at them. “It means-” his phone rings again. “That the unempowereds know we exist.”

Ring.

“Which means our entire project could be shut down.”

Ring.

“Which means you could be shut down.”

Ring.

They stare at him blankly before looking away. “I see.”

Ring.

“God damn it!” He flung his phone across the room, a shattering sound echoing across the empty walls.

Asset looked around for a moment before facing him.

“Take my memory card.”

He looked up at them again. “What?”

“Take my memory card.” They repeat. “Or at least make a copy. That way, if they shut me down, you will at least have a way to put my memories somewhere else. Maybe you could make me again. Somehow.”

A glimmer of their old personality shone in their eyes. James swallowed thickly. “Okay…okay. We can-we can do that.”

———

Geordi was exhausted. He’d had a long day.

First, his internet went out, and so did his cable. So he had to get that fixed.

Then he phone broke, so he had to get that done too.

And when he finally turned his phone on when he got home, he was bombarded with messages and calls.

15 unread messages from Guy

3 missed calls from Guy

5 unread messages from “Honey”

2 missed calls from “Honey”

1 missed call from Cutie

1 unopened voicemail from Cutie

His stomach dropped. What happened?

Cutie hadn’t contacted him in weeks, let alone Guy’s partner. They were friends, sure, but not that good of friends.

Geordi swallowed thickly as he opened his messages

Guy

dude

where are you

have you read the news

do it asap

wait

maybe dont

well it might be better if you do

honey says you should

but idk

just do it

please

and dont panic

unless you heard something from them

then maybe you can panic

im definitely panicking

“Honey”

Read the news. Now.

I don’t care what you’re doing.

This is more important.

Ignore Guy. He’s in a bad headspace right now.

Check the news.

Geordi scrambled to open his news app. His eyes scanned the screen until he found what they could be talking about.

Friends or Foes? Who are these ‘empowereds?’

Geordi almost dropped his phone. He quickly scanned through the article, his heart rate picking up with every word he read. He felt like he was going to be sick.

He quickly checked his voicemail.

‘U-um, hey Geordi, I know I haven’t checked in in awhile but-‘

Something cuts them off. They sound like they’re crying.

‘S-sorry about that. Um, anyway, I just wanted to get this message out to you in case you don’t hear from me for awhile. I’m sure you’ve seen the news.’

Geordi bit his lip. So that’s what this was about.

‘I lost my job! Well, I think I did. Things are kind of a mess over here-’

Their voice cuts out.

‘-don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I just- I-I love you, okay?”

Their voice grows more tearful.

‘I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a better partner to you. I’ve been trying so hard to get better. So hard. I don’t know when you’ll see me or hear from me next, so…’

They sniffle

‘I love you. Goodbye, Geordi.’

His phone clatters to the floor. He slides down the wall as his breathing grows heavy.

“No. No, no, no, no…”

———

Angel hums to themself as they mess around on their switch, Minecraft lighting up their screen. They had just finished building a house for themself and their dog when their phone went off. It was David.

“Hey, Davey, what’s-”

“I’m coming home. Don’t check the news. Just-just wait for me.”

“What? David, what’s-”

“Just wait.”

Beeping sounded in their ear, signaling that he had hung up.

Angel couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in their stomach

———

Aaron pressed a heated kiss to his partner’s lips. “I’ll teach you to talk back, Smartass.” They giggled against his mouth, moving to unbutton his shirt when his phone went off. They whined as he pulled away. He chucked. “Hold on, it’s Elliott.”

He pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

Flustered shouting could be heard from the other line.

“Woah, woah, woah, Elliott. What’s going on?”

As his brother chattered on from the other line, Aaron grew pale.

He hung up the phone.

“Aaron? What’s wrong?” Smartass clambered onto his lap. “What happened?”

He took their hands into his. He was shaking.

“The human government knows about empowereds.”

——-

It was supposed to be a good day. An amazing day. They were gonna finish work, pick up dinner, and cuddle Aggro until Milo got home so they could eat and watch a movie.

It was great.

But now, they were hiding under their desk while sirens wailed above them, and black military boots stomped by.

It all happened so fast.

One moment, they were talking to their coworker about their latest therapy session, and how they were going to reach out to their boyfriend again, and the next, the emergency sirens were going off and government troops stormed the halls.

They huddled under the protective covering of their desk, trying not to make too much noise.

Their phone started vibrating. They scrambled to silence it.

‘God damn it, Milo.’

A gloved hand reached under the desk and pulled them out.

“What a sweet little thing you are.”

Sweetheart yanks their arm away. “Get the hell off me.”

The man in front of them scoffs and says, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be. A lot of your colleagues have slipped away, but we have a few in holding.”

“Slipped away, huh?” Sweetheart says. “Well,” They look him up and down. “I guess they didn’t tell you how stealthy I can be.”

“What do you-” The man cuts himself off as Sweetheart disappears from his sight.

———

“Come on, Damien. I promise it doesn’t taste that bad.” Freelancer begged. Damien looked at the meal in front of him that Gavin had made. Everyone around him insisted that he try it.

“Yeah, it’s not that bad, Dames.”

“R-really, it’s good. Gavin outdid himself.”

The incubus in question leaned in close to the fire elemental.

“Please? For me? Don’t make me beg, Damien.”

Damien’s cheeks flushed a fiery red. “Fine. If it’ll get you out of my face.” Just as he went to go take a bite, Gavin’s phone rang.

“Ah…just a moment.” Gavin rose from his seat. “Don’t eat any just yet, I want to see the delectable look on your face when you try it!” He called before he disappeared out the door.

Freelancer furrowed their brows. What was that about?

They filled the time that Gavin was gone with casual conversation and some banter here and there. After about 15 minutes, Gavin came back inside.

He came back into the room, looking pale.

“Gavin?” Freelancer stood up. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Turn on the news.” Everyone looked at each other. “Now.”

Notes: Geordi and Guy are friends

Honey and Cutie are friends

Honey is also empowered bc I said so 😍

Also: this will be centered around an idea I came up with, so stay tuned.

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changingplumbob · 2 months

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Honey, I'm home!

TLDR: I'm back. Incoming reblogs. Normal posting resumes 21st at 9am NZDT (GMT+13).

My cat summary, tales of travel woe and random trip tidbits below.

Cat! The cat survived the cattery. Apparently she wasn't eating too much and just stayed in her cage area (I say cage but it was a neat two level set up, she had an individual food bowl, litter tray and cat bed). She's lost a bit of weight so she'll be getting bigger feeds the next few days. She's periodically patrolling the house and hiding in my bed which is fair.

Travel! So our first bus was running late. Trying to make up for it the bus sped over the hill. Imagine sitting sideways on a bus with a large suitcase as the bus quickly drives a winding downhill road. So fun right (sarcasm is heavy here). We made the train but halfway through the trip it stopped and sat for 10 minutes because of an "incident" (yeah I'm curious to). Bus from train station to airport was fine but the baggage check in went down just as we reached it. Then the plane was delayed by about half and hour. Fast forward to this morning. Checking in at the airport early to discover our 8:15am flight was cancelled because the aircraft was damaged overnight. They put us in a van for a nice hour and a half trip along a sometimes empty, sometimes standstill motorway. At the new airport we checked in fine, but what do you know the plane home was delayed. Hour delay this time. Eventually back home, took the airport bus to the train station no problem. What do you know, the train line was having errors and replacement buses were running instead. At the home train station we just gave up and got a taxi to the vets, and then home.

Wedding! It was nice, my cousin and his bride were so damn happy. It was in a place called the Tree Church where the structure is actually made out of shrubs so it's like getting married in a church made out of nature. The sun was shining and she walked down the isle to an instrumental of Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams. Her dress was gorgeous, their vows were sweet and I was sitting in an aisle seat so got to throw flower petals over them as they walked up the aisle together. Then (remember I'm in summer people) they had an ice cream truck after a champagne toast and they had vegan ice cream!!!

Reception! It was at a vineyard and half the area had trellises with grapes growing above you. There was so much food, and some vegan stuff! Because my cousin has a large family (lots of aunts and uncles) I was the only cousin from our branch. But you know when the band started playing ABBA I had to get up and dance with my aunts because how can you not dance to Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (Man After Midnight)? I sang along, loudest to Love Story obviously.

Tea Ceremony! So my cousin's wife (is she my cousin in law now? IDK), her parents are Chinese and came to NZ before she was born. She had lots of family fly over from China and Canada and they brought her and my cousin these beautiful red robes for a tea ceremony. Basically it allows the married couple to honour their elders by serving them tea. The couple also get money and jewellery from elders. Apparently all the Cantonese speaking relatives told them they hoped to see a grandchild next year, no pressure cousin.

Internet! As some of you probably realised the air bnb had wifi so I was able to keep up on some people's posts. But because I'm an overthinker I wanted to keep my post about going away near the top of my blog. I'm now going to blog some things I wanted to reblog during the 5 days which you may well have already seen but I want to reblog anyway to show support.

Me! This whole thing has been about me but anyway, I am very sleep deprived. I was not sleeping well before we left. The house we were staying was so creeky I barely slept while we were there. So I'm going to do extra rambles because that's what happens when I'm tired. Thank you for a couple of sunflowers today, with my travel chaos I needed them. I keep them in my inbox for low days but appreciate it beyond measure. I'm going to try get to my asks today but sleep may claim me first. The favourite facts are coming I promise! Lastly check out this puzzle that I was fiddling with intermittently for 3 days. I can't believe I eventually solved it!

#I'm so tired right now #So very tired #I talk so much when I write #So decided to #ramble ramble ramble

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enchantcdstories · 2 years

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Shall we, Love?

Word count: 3535

Summary: Emotions run high when you and Marc are faced with the sudden disappearance of Steven.

Tags/content warning: Drinking (wine), Kinda set in an au ish post ep 6, Maybe Marc is ooc idk, Marc’s a bit of an asshole, angst, Steven comforting you, Fluff, happy ending, Dissociative Identity Disorder, reader is unaware of Jake just yet, my beta reader is incredible guys if she still had a tumblr I’d tag her

Disclaimer: If I at all come across as rude or disrespectful to people with DID, please let me know. My experience and research for DID is somewhat limited to youtube/knowledge from Moon Knight and ongoing internet research.

How long had you waited?

Glancing at your phone for what felt like the upteenth time, you let out a small sigh, drumming your fingers against the table. You had witnessed exactly three couples sit down at the tables next to you, order their food, eat their food, and then leave. An hour or two? How many waiters had been by to ask if you were still waiting, only to be met with sad smiles from you with a a small ‘yes’.

You had waited so long for this dinner. You loved Marc to death, more than anything- but a night out with Steven was always a special treat. You even went as far to plan the reservations at the best vegan restaurant in London. Everything was perfect: Your outfit, the table, the weather, everything. The only downside? Steven never showed. You glanced at your phone one more time, checking to see if Steven had bothered to text that he was late or something. This wasn’t like him, not often anyways.

“Another glass, ma’am?” The waiter approaching your table made you jump. He held out the bottle of wine that matched the liquid you were slowly nursing in your cup.

“Oh, sure. Why not?” You held your glass up, watching as the waiter filled the glass back up with a dark red liquid. You felt a bit light at the alcohol in your system, but nothing near inebriated. Nothing about this was right. Steven never just stood you up unless something was happening. Even Marc, whoyou texted multiple times to ask what was going on, hadn’t even bothered to message you back.

Slowly, over the course of another half an hour, you drained your glass and eventually stood up from the table. Paying the check (and on an empty stomach as well), you stormed over to the bus stop and back to your shared flat with Steven and Marc. You didn’t know if the gnawing feeling in your stomach was from the variety of emotions you were feeling – be it worry or anger – or if you were just hungry from the lack of dinner.

⁂

Marc groaned as he sat up in bed, pushing the blankets off of himself as he adjusted his eyes to the flat around him. His head felt like it had taken a good couple of punches, aching and spinning as he woke up. To be fair, he thought, he kinda had. How many days ago was that though? His mind felt blank, quiet. Quiet. For the first time since the Field of Reeds. It was a feeling that sunk his heart into his stomach nearly instantly. It was wrong, it felt wrong.

“Steven? You there?” Marc waited for Steven’s voice, cocky british accent and all, to pipe up again – but nothing happened. “Steven?” Marc glanced around, trying to keep a level head instead of exploding into a panic. Slowly, he got up, shifting his weight as he got out of bed. The strap on his ankle made him do a double take as he quickly undid it. Carefully, Marc walked around Steven’s flat, glancing around at the books and various knick knacks scattered about the place.

“Steven, buddy, you in there?” Marc felt the panic start to set in, rubbing his face and looking around some more. He gave a nervous laugh, looking around as he walked through the flat. He leaned over to the fishtank and various reflective surfaces, trying to see if he could get a glimpse of Steven in his reflection.

“Come on, Bud. You can have the body, whatever you want, just let me know you’re there.” He rubbed at his eyes again, as if it would refresh his brain and Steven would be waiting. Out of the corner of his eye, Marc caught a bright yellow note posted to the corner of the fish tank, words written in your neat and tidy scrawl:

Steven- Mildreds Soho, 6 pm, Don’t be late!

Marc groaned, reaching for the side table where his cellphone was plugged into the wall and charging. Several unread texts from you lit up his phone, and Marc could just guess that Steven’s phone, also charging next to his, had some as well. The time read nearly 8pm.

“Shit.”

⁂

Not only was your bus late, but it had started raining halfway through your walk home. You were worried and angry and now soaked to the bone, as well as hungry and cold. Marc and Steven better have been saving the world from something major for you to forgive something like this. Sliding the key into the lock, and doing your best to shake off the dripping water from your raincoat, you made your way into the flat, grateful that it was warm and you could finally at least change into dry clothes.

The moment you turned your back from locking the door behind you, your eyes landed on the person standing in the room with you. From the way he held his body and the way his mannerisms were displayed, you could just tell it was Marc. Setting your bag and coat down, you crossed your arms, looking at him expectedly.

“Okay, what gives?” You pause for a moment, second guessing yourself on if it actually was Marc. You softened your tone a bit, taking a breath and relaxing your arms. “I mean…I- Who’s fronting right now?”

“It’s me.” Marc’s unmistakable voice flooded the flat and for just a moment, made your heart flutter. Various emotions flickered through your face. Relief, anger, sadness, love, then back to anger. Marc seemed to follow the emotions you went through, before a look of relief fell over his face. “Look, I know this looks not…great, I just woke up and I’m not really sure what’s going on and-” You crossed your arms a bit, a bit exasperated. Didn’t you leave a note? What was going on with them?

“I had dinner plans. With Steven. About two hours ago. That’s what’s going on.” Marc stood there, looking back to the note and then to his cell phone. He opened his mouth to speak before you interrupted him again. Were you overreacting? Yes, probably, but damn it you were looking so forward to the dinner. “Are you guys having some sort of fight over who gets the body or something?” Each day was a new learning experience with Marc and Steven. You sometimes didn’t fully understand it, didn’t always use the right terms or language around the topic, but you were learning. You were trying.

“No, it’s not like that it’s just-” Marc tried to get a few words out, but you were on a tangent now.

“I mean I would have just liked one night where I could have a lovely dinner with Steven but if that’s even going to be too complicated then I just-”

“Steven’s gone.” Marcs words cut through the air like a sword swinging through skin. Sharp and sudden. They hung there, leaving you silent and struggling to understand. You opened and closed your mouth several times, gaping like a fish out of water. For a moment you didn’t know what to ask or what to say. Finally, your brain connected to your mouth and let you form a coherent thought. Marc had started to pace in the meanwhile, going from the fish tank and looking inside it to the pile of books on the other side of the room.

“What do you mean he’s gone? How can he just be gone?” You ask, your voice a bit quieter than before. Marc just shook his head, still pacing. Watching him go back and forth almost made your head dizzy; between the racing thoughts of Steven being gone somehow, and moving your head back and forth, you had to focus on the floor.

“I don’t…know. Or Understand. Something happened and Steven fell off the boat protecting me and he somehow turned into a … a sand statue? But I got him back… at least I thought I did. Now he’s just gone. Not fronting, nothing. No reflections talking back at me, nothing.”

You blinked, more confused than you were a minute ago. He had talked about the boat before, about the strange hospital limbo he was in, you knew about Khonshu and everything to do with the suit, but that had all been several days ago.

“I don’t understand, that was a while ago. You’ve been out and about since then. You bought an extra fish for the tank, did grocery shopping and everything. Did you have a..dream or something that would make him go into hiding?” You tried to approach the subject carefully, but this was getting to be a bit much, even for you. Was there a third alter walking around for him that you weren’t aware of? Marc just shook his head in response.

“I remember fighting Harrow, and then I was suddenly back in the hospital. Then I just woke up and-” He shrugged. “Gone.”

Every emotion of being mad was gone. Suddenly, you could forgive Steven missing the dinner; Suddenly, you felt your worse fear becoming true and the worry overcoming you. You felt your body go slightly numb, like you couldn’t feel your finger tips and toes anymore. Your head swam, cast suddenly under a thick fog. You leaned up against the nearest bookshelf; Suddenly, even looking at the books reminded you of Steven. Everything in this place screamed Steven. Not ever seeing his face again sent a unnerving chill through your body. Did you love him a whole lot more than you thought?

“We had a dinner planned.” You managed to get out, talking to no one. Marc suddenly stopped pacing, turning to look at you and take a few steps forward. His eyes looked confused, as if his own head was turning. You had to imagine he was just as upset as you were.

“I’m still here, aren’t I? We can still go out we just…we just need to figure out what’s going on.” He rubbed at his face again, messing up his curls so his hair was more slicked back. You nod, rubbing your own face. You didn’t want to just accept that one of the men you loved could possibly be gone that quickly. Surely, there had to be an explanation.

“I know I’m just… You know what I mean.” Marc looked at you, a look you hadn’t really seen from him before. It made you wanna shrink away from him and hide.

“No? I don’t. Is Steven suddenly more important?” His voice was sharp and defensive at the same time. He had a bit more of a temper than Steven, sure, you were used to that- but it had been a hot minute since you had been witness to it. It made you flinch. You turned your back to him, face red and hot from both the change in temperature and the burning of tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Marc that isn’t…that isn’t fair. Don’t say things like that.” You paused to collect your thoughts and breath, which seemed to come out shakier by the second. “I just saw him the other day, I swear. We made the dinner plans and then-”

“Say it.”

You looked confused, turning to face him- though you averted your eyes from staring at him directly. He was just stressed, you told yourself. Both him and you were freaking out at the loss of the british man.

“Say what?”

“Say that you don’t care about me and Steven matters more.” Marc said. His own voice sounded sad, like he didn’t want to know the answer. You shook your head, sucking in a stutter-y breath.

“Stop it, Marc. Stop it.” You bit out, frantically trying to keep control of your emotions and repress the tears that wanted to flow. Why was he being like this? “This isn’t fair. You know I-”

“Do you just…like him better or something? Are you going to leave now that he’s gone?” Marc himself sounded like he was crying now, though you tried to wrap your head around why. If this was stress making him act out, you didn’t understand it. Marc continued, his voice soft and cracking. “Do you just not love me anymore?”

You shook your head, a move you realized may have been taken wrong. Tears started rolling down your cheeks as you furrowed your eyebrows. You gathered up enough bravery to stare at Marc, a look of anger in your eyes bleeding in between the tears. You hated fighting with him, but he was being beyond ridiculous.

“Stop it. You aren’t being fair right now. This isn’t fair on me…or yourself.” You wiped at a few more tears, turning your back again and lifting your jacket off the coat rack, shaking it out vigorously to get the excess raindrops off. As if that was going to hide you crying and distract you enough to stop. Marc had gone silent, though your brain was racing a million miles a minute. If he needed a minute, then fine, you were grateful for it.

“Oi, mate, you’re scaring her, quit it.” Steven’s accent was unmistakable. It was a relief, like the sun peeking through stormclouds and clearing away any rain. You hadn’t seen Marc and Steven switch that quickly before. You certainly hadn’t expected Steven anytime soon, especially not after Marc claimed he was gone. You felt silly for getting upset now. Silly and a bit confused. Slowly, you turned, coat placed back on the coat rack and your face still splotchy with tears. Steven was glancing around, staring into the various reflective surfaces, a look of confusion spread across his face.

“Steven?” Upon hearing his name, Steven looked right up at you, his eyes wide and curious before flattening to a look of worry. “Marc said you were gone.” You wiped at your face again, trying to hide the tear stains and snot.

“Yeah, well l’m not. Dunno what he’s blabbering about.” He shrugged, scratching the top of his head. He took a step forward, the look of worry now etched onto his face, the wrinkles near his eyes crinkling. “Are you alright, love? I’m right here,” He patted his arms and torso, as if to reassure both your and himself that he was corporeal. “See? Two arms..two legs, a body. All fine.”

Giving a small smile, you wiped your hand on your pants from the tears, choking out a half sob, half laugh as you strode across the small space and crashed yourself into Steven’s arms. A small part of you felt sour internally, because it was also Marc’s body- Marc’s body who also made you cry and tried to get you to admit you didn’t love him. Steven let out a grunt as you crashed into him, your head tucking neatly into the crook of his neck and his into yours.

“Sorry I missed our dinner, I can make it up, ya?” Steven asked, a bit squished from the grip you had on his torso. You merely nodded, trying to find the strength to form words from the back of your throat.

“You can’t scare me like that again. I thought I- I thought I lost you. And Marc- “

“Was being a right twat. Think he was just scared, ‘is what he was.” His hands were soothingly rubbing your back, holding you close. You sniffed.

“He’s got a lousy way of showing it, then. I do love him. I do. I married him, but I just-” You paused, inhaling the scent of Marc and Steven’s cologne and sighed. “I love you too.” You admitted, softly. Steven made a shushing noise, still gripping you.

“Hey, shhh, it’s alright, ya? Everything’s just all…bonkers lately. But I’m here now.” His voice was soothing, his embrace warm. You pulled back from him for just a moment, resting your chin on his chest to look up at him. Steven awkwardly looked down, almost crossing his eyes to get a better look at your face.

“Do you remember anything? Marc said something about a boat and a …sand statue and-” Steven hugged you tighter, pushing your head lightly back into his chest.

“Best not to think about that right now…Don’t wanna think about it much myself.”

You pulled back again, untangling yourself from Steven’s grip and standing back so you could face him properly. You prayed your face wasn’t splotchy anymore, though you sniffed once. You were past crying now, you told yourself. Now you would heal things.

“Can I…can I talk to Marc for a second?” You asked, your voice soft and almost unsure. What if Marc didn’t want to talk to you? Steven nodded, adjusting his shirt and shaking his arms out- almost as if he was preparing himself for the switch.

“ ‘Course love, long as Marc behaves himself, yeah?” He looked into the mirror on the post in his flat for emphasis, like he was scolding Marc. A small smile crept up onto your face as you took a step back. You hadn’t really witnessed a switch between Marc and Steven in person before. They could switch a lot faster now now that they could co-front. You reached a hand out for a moment, before tugging it back, wondering if you were too late to interrupt Steven for a moment – or if you should interrupt at all.

“You’ll come back? After? We can get some food?” You asked, tentatively. Steven nodded, a warm smile on his face. He disassociated for a moment, staring just at the wall behind you for a second before you could see him jolt back into reality. It was that quick.

You felt your eyes start to sting with the threat of tears once again upon seeing Marc, though you batted them away quickly before he could notice. You stood there, gripping your own sleeve with your hand, unsure of what to do. Marc took two steps towards you and much like Steven’s own grip, engulfed you in a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you like he was shielding you from something.

“I’m sorry.”

You both spoke at the same time, almost in sync with each other. A small giggle blurted out from your lips, though muffled by Marc’s chest. Despite the same body, being held by him felt different than being held by Steven. Steven was more soothing, Marc was more affirming. You felt Marc place a kiss on the top of your head, burying his face in your slightly damp hair. He breathed out a single amused breath.

“I love you. I love you and I love Steven. Please don’t think I don’t love you. I couldn’t bear to lose you or him.” Your voice still sounded muffled, almost amusingly so. If you weren’t so comfortable in his embrace, then you would probably be squeaking out that you couldn’t breath. You didn’t mind, though. Marc placed another kiss on your head, this one held for just the tiniest bit longer.

“I know. I’m sorry. I love you too. I was just a…what’d Steven call me?”

“A twat.”

Marc chuckled. “I was a twat. I take back what I said, it was… out of line. Out of character, I guess. It’s just all so..it’s gonna take some getting used to.” You pulled back from him, forcing his grip to loosen so you could look at the man you married, just the same as you did with Steven.

“Like you and Steven fronting so rapidly now?” Another chuckle rumbled from Marc’s chest.

“Yeah, like that.” Marc looked behind you for a moment, back at the little mirror that was tacked to the wall in the bathroom. You looked behind yourself, looking at Marc’s reflection in the mirror. All you saw was him, but Marc nodded, confirming something. He spun you around so you were facing him, earning a small laugh out of you, before he leaned down and peppered your face and lips with nearly a dozen kisses. Steven must have given him a nudge in the right direction.

Your laughter filled the flat, and you gripped Marc’s arm as you squirmed away. He was grinning now too as he pulled you closer to him once again. He rested his forehead on yours as you both settled down, both at peace with your apologies and affirmations of love. You were a little dizzy.

“Are you still up for some food? I don’t know if the restaurant will give us our reservation back but I’m sure we can find something?” Marc asked you, his hands rubbing up and down your arms. You nodded, suddenly aware of your growling stomach that had only had wine in it.

“Can Steven come? I mean…well you know, can both of you come?” You put an emphasis on ‘both’, wanting nothing more than a dinner with both of your boys. A moment of silence before Marc’s face changed as a whole, Steven popping in suddenly.

“Course I can, same body, innit?” He grinned goofily, his hands still resting where Marc had placed them. He moved so he was offering his singular arm out. “Shall we, love?”

#Moon Knight #Marc Spector x reader #Steven Grant x Reader #Oscar isaac #reader insert

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 13 days

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Why does having kids mean you should be able to listen to the album early though? Or working all day Friday either? Can you just listen to it when you get home? This is not meant to be antagonistic, I genuinely just don't understand why people are choosing to listen earlier than it should have been possible instead of just having a little patience

So my point was in part to say that there are much bigger things to worry about and that being so caught up on people (99% of which I would genuinely say have already brought the album/were planning to stream it or never would have anyway so it having no impact on the business side of things) listening to an album early feels like very younger fandom/chart fandom side of the fandom in my experience.

But also unfortunately we do not live in a vacuum and cannot avoid using the internet or interacting with people who have listened to the album (which despite what people are saying, is far more once officially released, especially with how big Taylor is right now) so for those of us with kids/other dependants or who can't get time off work, waiting days or weeks (because as it stood, if it had not been for last minute changes earlier in the week, I for one likely would not have had a chance to listen to said album until next week at the earliest) is not really an option if we want an unspoiled experience. And while it's unfortunate that some people are being dickheads and spoiling the leaks to those who don't want it, again, that is a far smaller amount of exposure comparatively. Not to mention that while this is not a consideration in the age of streaming, historically Taylor's albums were not released in some international countries until the day after, so in order to not get spoiled at all, leaks were essential.

As a related side note, tbch I wonder how the glass houses are for those complaining who are also talking about how much they want Need or her demos of TIWYCF on Reputation TV because guess what those audios technically count as lmao.

But yeah all that aside, like it genuinely does not hurt anyone that I listened to an album early. Like it's no different than me doing it for Lover and Reputation, both of which I had the CD for 10 hours earlier than "release date" (it was release day in my country but not the US) and does not impact how you or anyone else interacts with this album. Nor does it influence how much money Taylor gets because I don't stream, I buy the CD, so she already has my money lmao. All it changes is that Thursday morning (my country's time) worked better for my schedule than Friday afternoon does.

Like we go through this with every release and people are still acting like it's the biggest scandal that's ever happened and the worst thing a fan could do to the point of people being doxxed over it. And honestly, all I can think is just imagine if half that energy went into stopping bullying within this fandom or helping out a social cause instead lmao. Like idk, like I said it's just such a non issue to me and it astounds me every time that it's still made such a big deal of ngl.

#taylor swift

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mayonnaisetoffees · 10 months

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Oversharing on the Internet

Tagged by: @mistmarauder 🧡 (I can respond to these in a timely manner! Who knew? Though I always say waaaaay too much hence the readmore)

ONE: Are you named after anyone? My middle name was for my mum's great-nana I think? Maybe great-grandma and I only think great-nana because we only had a great-nana. But not my first name, no. But fun fact: My parents ONLY had one name for a girl. If my younger sibling had been born a girl they'd have been fuuuucked. (Also part of why I keep my name despite it being v much female-coded because like I earnt this. Also, like... it's my name. It fits me, thought I more often than not get confused seeing it written down because like that's my verbal name, Mayo is my written name.)

TWO: When was the last time you cried? Last week? Little sleep + stress of moving = lots of tears at random times.

THREE: Do you have kids? Nope! Don't have pets either. I wanna foster/adopt/support (probably older kids/teenagers) at some point but not for a few years and I absolutely do not want bio kids. Pregnancy freaks me the fuck out.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot? Fairly often? I can't even tell anymore tbh like I just talk, even I'm barely paying attention to what I'm saying half the time! Less so online I think (this is where people are like nah mate you do that here too) because it's definitely been misunderstood before - sometimes making me look very daft and I'm like I don't know you people well enough to say that that was what is called a joke

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play? I never found one I liked apart from, like, bench-ball. The fact that there aren't (that I've found at least) casual places to play bench ball as an adult is a fucking travesty.

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people? Their smile/laugh/sense of humour? I'm really bad with faces, but if someone laughs or makes a joke pretty soon after I meet them, I remember them a lot more easily. Online it's definitely like the quirks of their writing style.

SEVEN: What's your eye colour? Brown! Pretty dark brown too so like none of the "ooh it's got XYZ in it in the light" it has brown with hints of brown

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings - I am the biggest wimp with scary films. I was part of the "let's go hang in the kitchen with the leftover pizza/snacks" gang if horror films came on at a sleepover!

NINE: Any special talents? I'm not the biggest fan of cake, but by god will I make the best cake you've tasted. I can also do a good mix CD (less good at specific playlists because playlists it's just a big mess of great songs) and I can flick through to the right page in a book for a quote pretty easily - drove some people mad in English because people would be trying to find it for like five minutes and I'd just be like drrrrrrrr (idk how to write the noise for fanning through the pages) There!

TEN: Where were you born? At home, south of England (I'm very much Northern, being there for like two memories max one of which was falling asleep indoors doesn't count 😂). I can't remember if it was me or my older brother this happened for, but my mum went into labour in the middle of the night and woke my dad up and was like "The baby is coming" and my dear father went "If you still think so in half an hour, wake me up again" and rolled back over. Needless to say, he was not, in fact, allowed to go back to sleep. He also hates that story so we tell it as often as possible 😇

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies? Uhh I watch a lot of TV? 😂 I need to get more hobbies that get me outside tbh. But I podfic, I knit sometimes when I'm watching stuff and I play games when I watch stuff, I cook a lot, I bake, I like long walks on the beach actually I like reasonable length walks by rivers/green areas or along the promenade if I'm at the beach because sand (Anakin Skywalker was right and he should say it).

TWELVE: Do you have any pets? Nope! Just moved, but I used to help look after my friends' dog every so often - she's a black cockapoo called Luna and I love her dearly but she also made me realise if I do get a dog, I don't want a puppy. They are a lot of work. Which makes sense because they are literally baby

THIRTEEN: How tall are you? 5'7", please don't ask me for the metric - I haven't had to be measured in a while so I only know it in imperial. I wanna say like 167cm maybe? Does that sound right???

FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school? English (Language over Lit) or French 100%. I always say that my optional GCSEs were all basically an extension of my skills in English (AKA bullshitting): Religious Studies (taught tbh as Christianity + a few other examples), French, Spanish (both still bullshitting just in another language), and Drama (absolutely bullshitting and also in my case scaring the shit out of an examiner because the plate smashed into lots of pieces that flew everywhere rather than just a few in a controlled space like it had in rehearsal)

FIFTEEN: Dream job? God I miss working in a cafe/events. But they don't pay the bills as well! Also like I would ideally want to do my current job 3 days a week and a manual job 2 but like without having to work lots of extra hours to keep on top of both, yk?

Tagging: @glaftwlet @emryses @snapshotmaestro @idyllic-idioms @alloverthegaf and idk anyone else who wants to do it! Brain empty can't remember usernames

#tag game

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halfelven · 2 years

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saw my mother for the first time in three years like ten days ago and she still knows nothing about me because she doesn't ask and she's messaged me like twice after so i guess i was right and i really do not have parents, and i'm going through the worst flare up of my chronic illness in like three years and i burnt the roof of my mouth and then had a teeth check up the morning after and then i went home just to go back to the same building a couple hours later to talk to a strange new doctor about my mental health problems and i was not really prepared for how intense the questioning was and now they're considering ect and i'm exhausted and i still don't have an answer on what my financial situation is going to be and that's been going on for 3 and a half months already and my internet keeps going out when i'm trying to publish a fic or read the before classes start! readings and my first class is starting tomorrow and i'm on my period and i'm going to snap

also i'm just so tired of being asked if i have people to turn to if everything goes bad bc it's like hmm i know this is standard questioning but do i really have to keep saying i have no support system out loud? like no i don't have anyone <3 i know i can call the emergency number but i'm hoping this time they won't hang up on me or kick me out of the er which have both happened before when i was suicidal <3

destroyed mentally by having to say things out loud i guess instead of pretending like it isn't happening and disassociating for weeks on end

AND no one told me that if i DO get a therapist it's supposed to be one or two times a week???? i have NO money??? i was trying to figure out how to come up with an extra 40 euros a month 160 is unthinkable???

also my mother was very clear that i cannot go home even if it's staying with a friend and just coming to get my things when my f*ther is out. so idk how long it will be until he's dead and i had so many notebooks and pictures from when i was a child along with all my books and such. i didn't bring a lot when i moved across the ocean.

not even sure how psychotherapy is supposed to help the crushing weight of never having been loved enough in my life with many attempts at getting to know people ending with 'oh you're too hard to love' on top of whatever did or didn't happen in my childhood. which i'm not even making up. multiple people have said that to my face. and i'm cold and distant and i don't let anyone close <3

people like 'you're so kind but so cold' okay i contain multitudes???

#little rant bc too much is going on #deleteing later #txt #my mother treats me like don't ask questions you don't want the answer to #abuse mention #medical #i'm not even hanging on by a thread #i'm on the bottom of the canyon staring up at the snapped rope #my icon has been Lemminkäinen's Mother bc the expression is how i feel

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dyingclown · 4 months

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long post about my lover <3 plus random things happening in my life

i just had the best weekend ever with my partner

we were able to spend saturday, sunday, and monday together

we usually only get saturday and sunday but we got monday this time too because its mlk day and we both had school off

im really nervous that we wont be able to meet next month

we can only meet once a month because we live two hours away from eachother

and i have a really weird schedule because my parents are divorced

and my february schedule isnt looking great

and we might not be able to meet

and that would be horrible because our meet would be for valentines day

rhe one weekend that i would have free will be spent visiting my sister at her college

idk its just making me anxious

but i had such an amazing time with her and i wish we could do that kind of thing more often

the fates aligned and two of his close friends from my town were miraculously hanging out this weekend as well

we were able to have breakfast with them at dennys and it was lovely

they hadnt seen one of them since school let out last year but had been keeping touch

and the other has really strict parents and no phone and they havent been able to talk to eachother at all since august

it was great seeing them together and im glad it was able to happen

we were going to meet with them at the mall but the roads were icy and they werent able to make it

we had a great time at the mall together though

we tried this rolled ice cream place and it was super good

i bought her this cardigan and a pair of sanrio socks

and we took pictures at the mall photobooth

its becoming a tradition of ours to kiss in that photobooth

our evening at the mall had a bit of a rocky end because we ran into some mean people that went to school with us last year

it was a really negative encounter that im not going to go into a ton of detail on

we went home after that

but then we had breakfast with their friends the next morning

it was really nice to get to go to sleep with him two nights in a row and wake up to her beautiful face two mornings in a row

we usually only get one night and one morning but we got two of them and it felt like forever

it was really nice

it only makes the goodbye harder though

i wish i could see them more often but we just live so far away

the roads are really bad because its so snowy and a bit dangerous

they were really worried about me so i offered to download life360 with her and we love the app

it shows my exact location down to what road im on, and it also has a thing that detects if i get into a crash

it makes him feel a lot more comfortable

and i like it too because i can check in on her and if shes in a weird location in a bad situation i get to know that before anyone else

overall we both just feel safer with the app

it lets them rest easy which is nice

her grandma made me and my mom amish bread which was really nice

she also gave us an insane amount of jalapeños last month which we still use regularly

just so many jalapeños

and i got to see all of his dogs!!!

heres one of them, shoutout to blue<333

such a cutie honestly

im almost home

im ready to lay down in bed and pass out

it will be hard though because it will be obvious that im alone

the absence of my partner is made so clear when im alone in my room but traces of him are still everywhere

it hurts

i have a day off school tomorrow for snow which is nice

thats a 4 day weekend, and friday was a half day

its a nice break after finals week

btw i have most of my finals grades in and my predictions were so accurate

ill make the post once i have all the grades in

im almost home so im gonna cut off this post now

bye bye tumblr

i love oversharing on the internet

BYEEEE

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suckitsurveys · 4 months

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Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? Yessssss I am looking forward to having several of those in a row soon. After this Thursday I am off work for 2 weeks!

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yeah.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I don’t have one.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Nah.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? I think when L*d** and I went to Indianapolis to see Sarah when she was there. There was an accident on the interstate and we sat in the same spot for almost two hours.

Best field trip experience? I LOVED going to any kind of museum on a field trip. We also went to the Zoo a lot because it was so close to where I went to grade school.

Have you ever been to New York City? Not yet! I am going this spring though!.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? --

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Like $400 at a steakhouse once oops.

What museums have you visited, if any? A lot of them. Most of the ones in Chicago, and some in other cities too.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Uh huh.

What’s your worst traveling experience? I've *thankfully* haven’t had any really awful traveling experiences. Just exhausting ones.

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never really played the Sims games.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? The people who lived above us before our current neighbors had the LOUDEST dog that they would just let bark and bark and bark.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? My English teachers. All of them.

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Blueberry muffins with the crusty sugar tops.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Just a workshop, not like a whole class.

If so, was it required? --

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Maybe 30 mins - an hour a day total. I belong to a shit ton of shitposting groups so I like to check those daily lol.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? Blah.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? I mean, good? Idk. My music taste is “hey, I like the way this song sounds,” so.

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Every day at work baybeeeee. Lol I’m kidding, but it does happen.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? My English teachers completely ruined reading for fun for me.

How reliable is your internet connection? It’s pretty good.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes.

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Making phonecalls.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I’ve pulled some all-nighters in my time.

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? I do have them.

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? It would be so refreshing to just wake up and be able to see. Or have other sunglasses I can actually wear lol.

How many vegetarians do you know? I can think of three of the top of my head.

Have you ever considered going to art school? I considered going to an art high school just because some of my friends were going, but I really didn’t have a desire to outside of that.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? My brother in law.

How quickly can you write an essay? I would need a full day to stress over it first.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Never fell asleep while in school.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah.

What bug frightens you most? I’m not “afraid” of bugs, but earwigs and centipedes creep me out the most.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes.

How often do you take the train to go places? Rarely.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations Sure.

Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? Yeah, mock trials in school.

#surveys

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khodorkovskaya · 7 months

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09.10.23

so ive been feeling very mentally challenged today so im gonna complain to you guys about it.

so i have this thing with swimming idk how to explain it but like i find swimming so mentally exhausting. it's kinda like washing my hair. like i need to mentally prep for it and it's absolutely tedious, even though it's not supposed to be. idk if it's a sensory issue around water or wet clothes or idk what. but it's just like exhaaausting. so in the summer whenever my friends invite me to go swimming or rent a pedalo or something like that i always make up a billion excuses.

(last week it was my bestie's birthday and she loves swimming so i was like okay, im gonna go swimming with her, it's not a big deal. and it wasn't a big deal becasue i like mentally prepared for it for over a week.)

so here's the thing. my friend lucien has one of those inflatable motor boats. (but his is a military one obvs, cos he's like obsessed with military things, we love quirky special interests.) and he spends all of his free time on it, like he's obsessed. literally every day he's like chillin on his boat. and he's been asking me and my bestie all summer to come on the boat with him. thankfully, we couldn't coordinate bc one week she was on holiday, another week i had my period, then we were both busy, etc. the boat never worked out. and as summer came to an end i was like phew, no boat for me, thank god. but my bestie was a bit upset cos like she loves swimming and she really wanted to go on the boat. but like whatever, there's always a next time.

and this weekend it was 25+ degrees so lucien got the boat out again. and he messaged me on saturday like "hey, boat tomorrow?". and he's been asking me for so long and plus my bestie really wanted to go so i was like okay sure, let's get the boat over and done with.

and lemme tell you, i was dreading it. the night before i was like ughh i don't want to do this please god make the boat not happen. but the weather was lovely, the lake was calm, the boat was inevitable.

and okay, i feel so spoiled. because there i was, on this super cool boat with my friends at the lake chillin under the sun. and i hated every minute of it 😭😭 like idk what it is with me and water. but like i really hate being wet (in the literal way lol!) and being in/near water is so exhausting for me. and at the end i was soooo tired. i went to bed at 9pm and slept for 12 hours, that's how tired i was. like when i tell you, i find water activities exhausting, this is what i mean!

but that wasn't all!

even after 12 hours of sleep (or maybe because of it), i was still exhausted. i had this insatiable hunger, i wanted to eat allll of the carbs. and i had my skating lesson at half past two today. so i was like jesus how am i gonna skate? like i swear, being on the boat the whole day with no mental prep like destroyed me!!! so on my way to the rink i bought a pain au choc with ovomaltine for energy and it woke me up a little bit but mentally i was still not there.

needless to say, skating wasn't great. i was super stiff and shaky. and it sucked bc i look forward to it the whole week and today i really wasnt able to make the most of it.

then i had to go to the shop cos mum had a meeting. and this man came in and wanted to buy a 30chf shirt with a 200 euro note. so i calculated that it's 190chf, so i need to give him 160chf change. and idk if you guys understand, i cannot do mental maths (dyscalculia?? i can't read numbers either, it's a whole thing). i struggle so much with it. my brain goes into 90s dial up internet mode like "beep beep KHRHSHSHHSHHHHHH". it stresses me out so much. so i did 190-30 on the calculator but as soon as i started to hand out the change, the man told me i was doing it wrong. and, because i suck at mental maths, whenever customers tell me ive given them the wrong change, i tend to trust them. so i got confused. and distracted. and i had tunnel vision bc i was still feeling super exhausted. and fyi i have adhd, so this was hell. and i couldn't figure out how much i owe the man or how much i had already given him. and guess what! he ended up scamming me for 80chf!!!! i feel so stupid and terrible. i really shouldn't have accepted the 200 euro bill in the first place, it's such a basic scam technique. like this is first grade cashier safety, but i was completely zoned out. and we lost 80chf, great 😑

then this woman came in. and here i go back to being a weirdo. because i have a lot of trouble recognising faces. at school when id see my classmates outside of school like even at the bus stop, they'd say hi to me and i wouldn't recognise them, it's that bad. and at the shop we have returning customers ofc. and i always feel bad for not recognising them. what's worse is that we have a lot of russian/ukrainian customers and no offense to them but they all look the same. they're all blond and they're all called something like natalia, svetlana or tatiana. and this lady comes in and i say "bonjour", she says hello in russian and it's already awkward because i was suposed to recognise her. she had a bag of clothes to give to my mum so i was like "sure, i'll tell her when she comes back". and i had to ask for her name (it was natalia ofc) and it was awkward bc im sure we've spoken like 100 times before. but since i was so mentally tired i just like couldnt be normal.

then i went grocery shopping with my primary motivation being that i needed to buy vegetables for dinner. did i get the fucking vegetables? ofc not, i forgot. and had to go back.

like im just so tired of being like this. i wish i could just like go swimming like a normal person and be attentive and not socially weird and not have worse short term memory than my grandma with dementia, you know what i mean?

#october

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aro-tarot · 2 years

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Mehhhhh. I’m trying to type of this chapter (since I wrote half of it by hand when I wasn’t home), but my internet isn’t working. I tried restarting it, but it didn’t do anything.

I was right at the end too.

And I wanted to get some of the next chapter done before I went to bed, but now I’ve lost my writing music, and I can’t type it up since I need the internet for it to save.

I’m stuck just using notepad. Of course then when I paste it back into the two programs I use, I’m probably going to have to go through and press enter for each paragraph.

Ugh, why must you do this to me internet. I don’t even get it because I have internet on my PS4. So, I guess it’s my computer. I had this happen randomly a few weeks ago, and it just didn’t work for like over half an hour.

So, I guess I’ll just finish typing it in notepad, so I just copy and paste it and then fix it once it’s copied and then idk go out to the living room for music and write by hand.

#again it would be real nice to have a cheap laptop to just use for writing #but noooooo we didn’t do as planned and drive out to micro center back in June #because people can’t do what they said they were going to do #see if we could all drive out because we all need stuff #or at least all but one since he didn’t want to go anyway #des says stuff

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lulus-shattered-life · 2 years

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I'm so done with this week. I feel like absolute shit. Electricity was out for 24 hours without notice. Got it back on last night. This morning the Internet went down and might be back sometime tomorrow. No one really knows. I'm so weak. My left knee hurts so bad and I don't know why. I'm walking with a limp. Blood pressure feels lower than normal but I can't remember what baseline for me is 😅 I just know when I feel like this I have to be really careful. If I stand up for too long or get up to quickly I can pass out really easily. I get like this every now and then but the heart stuff has been really good for awhile. It started at the beginning of the week when I started my period which happens about half the time. My period can also cause an ibs flare so the bloating and stuff wasn't a big surprise. IDK if it's because I normally don't have both flare up together or if it's something else. Something about this doesn't seem right. Just venting a little because no one in my real life seems very concerned

#lulu thoughts #chronically ill #disabled community

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rezilient-m3 · 2 years

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May 11

So, about court, nothing happened. Got adjourned. Shitty part about this is if it went on, the prosecutor wouldn't have proceeded with it because my oldest daughter wasn't talking, and my youngest kept saying she didn't remember anything. The reason why it got adjourned was because I submitted the picture I took of James that morning with his pants to his ankles and the blanket over his naked mid-section. So, it's adjourned to September 9th. I think he will end up walking, which is a total piss off. I feel sick that he could have access to my kids soon. Which he probably does (through the internet). Reason I say that is cuz T, my oldest, actually made a fb. And by the time I found out, she already located his aunties and kokum (grandma). I have already decided after that that I would let them start to visit. It started April 16th, on their little 5 year old cousin's bday. I took them. The grandma wasn't there, which made my anxiety level subside, because I couldn't stand her at the time. Now, not so much. Anyways, that day, it was James' two little sisters and one of his little brothers that I used to get along with, so I was happy I had him to chat with. The visit went well. Then, the following weekend I had let them stay, while I went home to my parents with my youngest son. Everything worked out. They visit once in awhile now. As long as they're happy, I don't mind it. But still don't trust that any of them would stop their dad from talking to them. I don't know if my girls would even tell me if they have. But they all know that they're not supposed to, by law. About school, I finished April 29th, and had my grad ceremony on Monday, May 9th. I'm officially done! I don't think there's much to write about during my practicum placement. I worked in an emergency home, which has children living in a home that is staffed around the clock. My shift was 8am-4pm, so I only got to see the school aged children before school and after school for half hour at most before our shift change. During the day we kept a baby. Anyways, I applied for a position there, and didn't get it lol. I've also attended a career fair on the 5th for the city's tribal council and gave my resume to two divisions of their departments. I'm starting to think that maybe I won't get a call for those too. Kinda feeling a little discouraged. I don't have a job lol. I need rent. Well, I paid for May, but June is approaching pretty fast. But I believe it'll work itself out. My grad was good. I had fun. But don't really think I felt it enough to feel something. Idk if that makes sense. I have said before that when my siblings died, or when I was raped my brother, that I didn't feel what I thought I should. I'm starting to think maybe my emotions aren't affected as they should be. And idk if that's concerning, or if I'm just a mellow person lol. Anyways, I did well, and I'm proud. I guess lol. I applied for the social work degree at one of the universities in the city. I feel like I'm not done, and I could be more. So, we will see. Until then, I'm figuring out what to do for $$. I know I have my dad, and he wouldn't let us suffer, but would be nice to work and be more for my family. Geez. I have to make another post to continue lol. Something changed here and it's weird lol. Sooooooo....

#allofme #thisisme #updating

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feanorianethicsdepartment · 3 years

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Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

#ask #my terrible headcanons #elros #elrond #maglor #elwing #earendil #feanorians #niphredilien #yellow feathered faerie #putting your old url in the tags for archival purposes #post nyanyannya askbox clearout #ironically it turned out almost as long as the songfic that clogged up my askbox in the first place #and it is DONE #fuck this took forever to write #stayed up late just to get it out the door so i don't have to think about it any more #this is a long ramble and i'm pretty sure the end is just me repeating myself ad nausem sorry #i'll admit to a certain pro-feanorian bias in my interpretation #but i also don't want elros and elrond to just. live in a neverending horrorshow for decades #the silm's cruel enough we don't need that #narratively i feel like elrond being All Of The Elves is a good mirror for elros being All Of The Humans #but it didn't really fit the angle i was going for #bleck #let's see how many followers i lose for this

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werenotadulting · 3 years

Text

Routine Procedure - Finale

Author's note - Hope you enjoyed!

Part 7 - Kate

If you'd asked her, Kate wouldn't have been able to tell what exactly had gotten her interested in it.

Maybe it was the idea of the power dynamic. She had always been one of those girls labeled as 'bossy' growing up, which was a misogynistic way of saying that she wasn't afraid to speak up and speak her mind.

Or maybe it was the subversion of expectations of a traditional relationship that did it for her. The idea that she was the one in control, the one making all the decisions.

Maybe it was the fact that it was so taboo and kinky that appealed to her. It didnt really matter, whatever the reason.

Kate was into being a Mommy Domme, and Kate found nothing hotter than having a diapered little bitch boy to call her own.

The ultimate fantasy was teaching the boy to love and trust his diapers. Make him associate orgasming with wet diapers and diaper changes. Create a leaking "accident" in public so he learns that while thicker diapers might increase the risk of being noticed, they save you from the embarrassment of wet pants.

Of course, she had considered bringing up her desires to Mike, but based off of past experiences, she didn't want to chance it. Mike was just too perfect of a guy to risk blowing it like that.

She had always been the dominant one in bed, with Mike eagerly submitting to her every whim, so she knew they were sexually compatible. It had never gone past light bondage though, and Kate was starting to get an itch that handcuffs and blindfolds just wouldn't scratch.

────────

It had come up entirely by chance, one day while she was scrolling through an obscure ABDL forum.

The post read: "Biomedical engineer here, and I think I've figured out a way to induce instant, semi-permanent incontinence."

The post was over 3 days old, and only had two comments on it. The first was from a mod, basically saying to take everyone's posts with a grain of salt. The second was from the OP, about 24 hours after the original post.

"I know it sounds like a fantasy, but I'm pretty confident it will work. I've had a career in medical devices for the last 8 years, specializing in the urology space. I don't want to get too deep into the details on here, so just PM me of you're interested."

Kate rolled her eyes.

Everyone in this community is so hooked on the 'I want to be instantly incontinent' thing, and all it ever ends up being is some silly fap content, she thought to herself.

"You know what, let's feed the troll and see what bites," she muttered.

Liv2DomU: ok spill, what's your magical method?

PrinceOfPadding: this for you, or someone else?

Liv: hypothetically, let's say it's for a boyfriend

Prince: Ahh okay. Very interesting. Well, like I said, I've worked in med device for awhile, and I've recently started my own company. I primarily work in the urology space, catheters, scopes, that kind of stuff.

Liv: hmm hate to break it to u bud, but catheters kinda already exist

Prince: oh sure, catheters exist, but my idea is to bridge the catheter world with the stent world

Liv: sounds idk...sketchy? illegal?

As she read more, Kate was beginning to think that this guy might not be as full of crap as she had initially thought. He had his own start-up, which had already launched a Foley catheter to the market. It was all above-board and legit.

Prince: so, for the aspiring incontinent-person-to-be, the ring is positioned with a catheter, and stays in place once the Foley is removed. Then overtime, probably a month at minimum, depending on the chemical makeup and customer desire, the ring breaks down and is naturally absorbed into the body. And they all sign a consent form saying they accept the risks of such a procedure.

Liv: so then once it's dissolved they are back to being being able to control their bladder?

Prince: that's the theory, yes

Liv: theory?

Prince: well, dissolvable stent technology present state takes like 18 months to break down, and the manufacturing of it is patented and kept under lock and key

Liv: so basically all you have to offer is a catheter lol

Prince: well no. I've got some good leads on dissolvable compounds, but I've got to do trials of the rings first to see if it would even work. I've promised free diapers for the first few months if people sign up, but it's been hard to get subjects

Liv: so these trial rings wouldn't dissolve?

Prince: nope

Liv: meaning my hypothetical boyfriend would be....?

Prince: permanently diaper dependent, yeah

────────

In the end Kate was curious enough that she was willing to hear the guy out.

He'd asked for a mailing address and her phone number. The first was to send proof that his company was real, and the second was just to keep in contact should she decide to proceed.

It all made sense, at least in theory. Foley catheters were safe, provided they were inserted by a trained healthcare professional. A normal person would get a normal catheter just like everyone else. But an ABDL would be signing up for what was essentially an intentionally faulty catheter.

Assuming they knew they were willingly signing up for it.

When asked about 'accidental' ring implants, Prince had basically said, hey, people really need to learn to read the fine print.

────────

I walked out to the mailbox. I've been expecting test results back from the scan I'd had a few weeks back. Opening up the box, I noticed a large envelope with my hospital's address on the front.

About time, I thought, grabbing the envelope and the rest of the mail.

I walked back into the house, where Kate was making herself a cup of tea.

"Anything good in the mail?" she asked, taking a sip from her mug.

I listed them aloud as I started to flip though the mail, "Looks like some junk mail, an internet bill, a brochure for some UroVention medical thing, and last but not least, my test results."

I dropped the rest of the mail on the counter and started to open up my scan results. As I was reading, Kate walked over and began sorting through the other mail.

"Oh good, they said it's benign, but they're still worried about the location. They're recommending removal, just to be on the safe side."

"Removal for something benign? That sounds odd, but whatever," Kate said, tucking something into her back pocket.

"I'm not too worried. It sounds like it should be a pretty routine procedure."

────────

Part 8 - Mike

I sat down on the couch, my diaper squishing underneath me. Kate had taken to putting two stuffers in my diaper, even though these Tykables could already hold a lot. The warm, comforting feeling of my wet diaper started to turn me on, just like it did every time I realized how wet I was or if I was about to get a change. Not that I could do anything about it, though.

I flipped open the laptop and signed in. It would probably be a good hour before Kate got back from the store. Apparently I was being downgraded from sippy cups to bottles.

Once logged in, I noticed that the screen was still up to the site where Kate had last been. It was another diaper order, this time a case of Megamaxes. I felt my cheeks start to heat up, seeing that Kate had chosen the pink color for the whole case.

I opened up a private window, and navigated to KinkLink. My profile on here was pretty bare. It always had been, just containing my age, gender, and some basic interests. I hadn't even bothered to post a picture when I set it up. I preferred to look at other people's profiles rather than post things of my own.

I was always intrigued by people's locations and how close they were to where I lived. One such person who I came back to check the posts of daily was a mommy domme, who it happened lived in my town. Her first posts, from nearly three years ago, were what had first caught my attention.

'Every night I dream about finding my perfect diaper slut. He will wake up to me rubbing his thick, soggy padding, the little bedwetter that I turned him into.'

'Picture this: You, in a wet diaper and nothing else. Me, in my black lingerie with a strap on. Do I have any volunteers?'

'Have no doubt, if you date me, it's diapers forever. There's no "only at home" or "but my parents are coming over". Maybe I'll just find a way to make you incontinent. Then you won't have an excuse.'

And then there were the pictures. She never would show her face, but she didn't need to.. She wasn't lying about the black lingerie. It left very little to the imagination. Then the next picture, where the bra came off, and she was just in her lacy panties, her pierced nipples and tattoos on display. Maybe it was the octopus tattoo on her arm, my favorite animal, that made her stick out to me.

But there was one post that I always came back to and was entranced by. It was a picture of her holding an ABU Kiddo, right below her breasts. She wasn't wearing any clothing.

'Aww baby, did you wet the bed? I think we should probably put you in some protection.'

────────

I stood in line at the coffee shop. It wasn't too busy for a Tuesday at 9 a.m., only two people were ahead of me. As the first person in line got her coffee and the second lady stepped up to place her order, I checked my phone. Still a half hour before I needed to be at work, I had some time to sit and enjoy my drink. I got my usual and went off to a booth in the corner.

"Excuse me, but do you happen to know what the Wi-Fi password is here?"

I looked up to see the woman who had been in front of me in line.

"Oh um, yeah it's....oh I think they just changed it. Try 'PINTO'. They always pick some sort of bean, I think they find it amusing, but it's never a coffee bean..." I trailed off.

She smiled, "Oh thank you so much, yeah I'll try that."

My mouth fell open is shock.

"I uhhh...I like your tattoo," I said. "They're my, um, favorite animal."

"Oh mine too! Isn't the octopus, like, the coolest animal?"

"D-definitely. Hey, would you like to sit with me? I'm just hanging out while I wait for work. My name is Mike by the way."

"That sounds really nice. Thank you, Mike. I'm Kate."

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

#snail anon #csdsc #sunflower anon #turtle anon #eyes anon #tea anon #peacock anon #alien anon #bear anon #THAT WAS A LOT #anyways next time im just gonna spam you all fsfsgdsgd

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