Chen 'The Last Scene' Selected Teaser Images 2022

Heyy I never send requests because honestly I can’t explain what I mean but can you do

*hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you* from the fritz gerald sentence starter list with steven grant

I loveeeee the way you write him 🥰

THE WAY THINGS CHANGE

a/n: thank you so much darling! i've been off my writing game for awhile. but i was listening to the head and the heart last night and gained some much needed inspo for steven. only to find this perfect request sitting in my inbox yet to be answered. so i hope you enjoy this late response.

summary: memories of steven grant haunted you like a history you could not change. they were your dreams, nightmares, and wishes that never came true.

word count: 1.5k+

pairing: steven grant x reader

warnings: none, angst, my attempts at being a writer again, idk this is probably not very good so be warned.

The sky was set aflame as the minutes and seconds ticked by. Your mug filled with cheap wine sat on the edge of the roof, your hands clasped around it. You wondered if you imagined hard enough that maybe the liquid would burn hot. Would it turn to coffee? The same type you had with him. Would the sun fade to a soothing darkened sky, scattered with very few stars and even fewer wishes. 

His smile was an object of permanence in your mind's eye. The quirk of his lips, the pink hue that fell into a pout of confusion. Even if it was just to show he was listening.

Although when it came to Steven, he always listened.

If you shut your eyes—imagined a night sky of infinity and constellations and stars not yet wished upon—you could see him. You could feel the way his curls twined around your fingers. The soft brown was somehow your favorite hair color now. You never knew you had one until him. They became a staple when you remembered him. The singular trait you latched onto when you could no longer trace the shape of his face, the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose.

“What’s your favorite thing about the night sky?” you asked on a whim. The coffee perked you up slightly. Bitter and grainy on your tongue but perfect nonetheless. It allowed you to stand there at least, to stay awake as his own mind fought against the exhaustion that no doubt riddled his bones.

He never complained though.

Never told you that he lived on barely enough; that his mind was a place of chaos he’d been privy to for quite some time. You saw him as much as you could, but sometimes time never seemed to work in your favor. Time seemed to be intent on keeping the two of you apart.

He smiled—bright enough to put a sunset to shame. “The moon.”

“Of course,” you huffed.

His life wasn’t a secret to you. Steven—ever the man to consider others emotions—made sure to be upfront with you. As much as he possibly could of course. But some secrets were simply not his to tell, not a history he could divulge. So he made up in whispered words of lands that existed centuries ago. In stories that bridged the gap between humanity and the past. He regaled you with the history he could speak aloud with the hope that it would be enough.

That you’d be okay with just that.

“Tell me yours love.”

Somehow breath turned nonexistent around Steven. Your default had become to live eternally without it. Not that you minded much. Breathing was no longer a necessity when you yearned for the sensation that came without it. The skipped beat of your heart, the warmth that spread through your stomach, and the love you felt spark along each nerve and each limb.

With Steven you felt like you existed on a different plane. Problems were nonexistent. Humanity became an afterthought, and the possibility of anything flourished like a flower at the start of spring. Bright and beautiful and full of endless potential.

You’d describe your relationship with Steven that way. A perfect replica of that actually, but every now and then life collided with your shining star, knocking away the wish before you could make it. Steven held your hope in his open and inviting palms, yet the thought of permanency with him…felt further away with each passing day. He couldn’t remain. He could barely stay for the moments spent awake together.

“The stars,” you whispered, casting your gaze out onto the sea of tiny shining sparks in the sky. An endless amount of them out in space, yet so few shone in the night sky.

“For the wishes?”

You smiled. “I guess so.”

Oblivious to you, he had moved closer, his leg centimeters away from brushing against yours. “What are you wishing for tonight?”

Could you tell him? Could you reveal that your mind—your heart—was set on him. After all this time it would always be him. Steven had sunk into your life as one would fall to the bottom of a river. Softly, smoothly, until your breath slipped free in a thousand tiny bubbles. Yet you held the option to come up for air; you had every choice layed out in front of you.

When it came to Steve though…sinking was the choice you’d make every time. You’d rather drown in his sweetness than live without it. A fact that you’d come to terms with months ago.

“You tell me,” you replied, your eyes meeting his. So full of life, so full of hope. It nearly broke your heart in two.

He smiled. “It’s not really a wish.”

“I don’t care.”

“It’s…uh…” He tapped his finger on his leg. A subtle beat of morse code, each letter spelled out before your very eyes. You caught the makings of an L and an O, but the echo of his cough dragged your attention away. “It’s hard.”

“What’s hard?” you breathed.

He cleared his throat, a hint of crimson spilling onto the tops of his cheeks. “Hard to sit here and be so close to you, and not kiss you.”

Your stomach swooped, breath escaping your lungs faster than you could suck it in. Yet you still held his gaze. You kept it like a closely guarded secret; dug your fingers and nails into its makeup hoping that some part would remain once this moment ended. Once you were alone again, yearning for him to return. That was the thing about Steven though. You never had to hold on so tight, because without knowing it, he was already embedded in your heart. He was a part of your DNA.

“It doesn’t have to be,” you said softly, leaning a bit closer. The heat of your mug seared into the skin of your palms, but you ignored it for favor of the burning ache that spread through your stomach. Until it wrapped tightly around your heart.

Like a vice you’d never be able to escape.

“No?”

You shook your head, leaned even closer, and watched his eyes flick down to your lips. “Guess you figured out my wish.”

He let out a breath, shaky and warm, and you nearly collapsed as it washed across your face. Perhaps he wanted to say more, or maybe you should have been the one to keep talking, but Steven was never one to keep you waiting. He yearned for you like the moon did the sun. An ongoing cycle of passing one another by, until nothing remained but your simple silly little wishes scattered across the sky.

He held onto each one with reverence. With the patience of a man who knew that your time together would come. You’d flourish together, pass across one another. Even if it was for a brief amount of time. Steven had always been your wish, your eclipse that was yet to come, yours in more ways than you could imagine.

Cupping your cheek, he tugged you close enough until his nose pressed to your skin, his shaky breath an indication that he felt just as nervous as you. That this small moment of time was anticipated with a fervor you’d never understand. His lips met yours, barely there at first, a soft brush of skin against skin. You felt hesitant, scared that he wouldn’t want more than this.

Until you heard him groan. Broken and long and absolutely withering. He tugged you closer, his lips slotting against yours rougher than before. And you felt the heat spill searingly into your chest, a soft moan bubbling to the surface to echo in the night air. He swallowed it with ease, his fingers lightly digging into your cheek, hand moving to press into your waist. You could still taste his nerves on your tongue, feel the way his body remained slightly tense, but with each touch of your skin to his he began to loosen.

He bloomed for you right there on that balcony with the moon as your only witness.

Hot tears slipped down your cheeks, the sunlight spilling back into your vision as you finally opened your eyes again. Sunset melted into dusk, the soft hues of blue and purple streaking across the sky. Until you could see the moon begin to rise in the east. A glimmer of the man that once held your heart in his.

The creak of the roof door echoed behind you. Probably another tenet coming to admire the view. You gathered your mug, wiped the flow of tears that refused to stop, and moved to give them the space. You’d seen enough of the moon for one night. There was no reason you had to stick around to pick out hopeless stars and lost dreams. That would remain in the past with the rest of your memories.

“What are you wishing for tonight love?”

The breath caught in your throat, eyes wide as you whirled around to face what you assumed would be a figment of your imagination—a cruel trick of your mind. Yet there he stood. Wearing different clothes, and holding a different demeanor, but you’d recognize him anywhere.

You smiled slightly, your fingers tightening around the mug. “You tell me.”

Did you check out newjeans pre release single ditto? What are your thoughts? I like the song but idk if it's going on my playlist quite yet. I don't really feel like the song goes anywhere almost like hurt. But I may change my mind bc it is a nice song and it's in my head for now lol. The mv was super interesting! I thought it felt nostalgic and vintage. The group reminds me a whole lot of f(x) with this mv and a bit of tripleS acid angel from Asia. I do wonder what the title track is going to be like.

i did! i like the mvs, i think they're fun. the song is alright, i'm not really that into it at the moment but who knows, it might grow on me by the time the title track is out. i think if this mv had come out before the aaa debut i would have been a little bit more generous to it, but i found that all of the shots in the mv that are not done with the oldschool camera (or simulated like that, at least) to not mesh terribly well with the idea that they're trying to go for. like the aaa debut and all of their stuff has this really grainy lowfi feel that they stick to fairly consistently, but the ditto mv falls into the same trap that all hybe mvs do, which is where they shoot everything on very expensive cameras and with very specific framing. so the drone shots and the more modern shot construction that is intercut in the mv breaks up the overall feel for me. if you want to do something that has a very nostalgia based concept like ditto, imo you need to seriously commit to using the tech, because just being referential is too flat.

Welcome back madlads to my journey through the music of mcr members post-breakup pre-reunion. Today we’ll be listening to Stomachaches by frnkiero andthe cellebration. I’m not sure what to expect but I’m in the mood to be suprised, all I know is I hope it rocks my shit.

As I write the last 3 posts in advance at 5 am on a Saturday because my sleep schedule is fucked, I’ve come to realize I don’t have all that much to say. I’m unsure what to expect going into this, but I suppose that’s all part of the journey . Let’s begin this adventure together shall we?

All I Want Is Nothing: ok so far it sounds good, and I’m just now realizing I’ve never really gotten a good listen to Frank’s voice (I haven’t watched any interviews besides solo ones from Gerard 😬). Ok this sounds kickass ngl. I like this it bangs. So I’m liking where this is going, the sound is good and I’m thinking maybe this might be a bit more my speed than hesitant alien was even tho it did grow on me.

Weighted: Song 2 let’s go, ok very moody. Ok this rocks, I dig this vibe. Shit I need lyrics these are audio only and I have processing issues. Ok I like this it’s nice, it’s not quite blasting my tits off but I feel it in my bones this album has the potential to.

Blood Infections: ok this bangs, I’m really digging his moody vibe. Oh shit yea no this fucks. I dig this, his voice kinda hot ngl 👀. So this one did tickle my brain good but still not punching me in the face.

She's the Prettiest Girl at the Party, and She Can Prove It with a Solid Right Hook: oooo tasty guitar opening. Aw this is pretty. This is really sweet, I like this. Just a really cute vibe, fuck yea man. I love songs dripping with just this tenderness.

Stitches: ok sick beat, this has a vibe I feel like I’ve felt before but I can’t put my finger on where. It’s vibes, it’s a banger. It kinda fucks, it’s a headbanger for sure.

Joyriding: ok I like the rhythm (I’m only doing audio but I’ll probably go back and and watch the music videos) oh shit this is what I was waiting on! This one blasts my tits clean off! Fuck yea!! Yea this one fucking slaps!

Stage 4 Fear of Trying: oooo guitar beloved. Oh damn the vocals are a bit cleaner and he sounds nice damn. This is a feelings song isn’t it, shit. This is gonna be one that makes my emotional wounds sting. The music is fucking gorgeous tho, and he sounds great.

Tragician: oh fuck hell yea! This bangs out the gate, also for like half a second the guitar sounded like the opening to I’m not okay. Yea this is sick, you can really rock to most of these but especially this one.

Neverenders: ok this is looking like bangers all the way down. This slaps, but again joyriding was the only one to get close to the music feeling like it decked me in the face. It’s great but not quite obliterating me y’know.

Smoke Rings: oh opening was fresh, that’s nice. Ok it does bang, but I’m bad at descriptions but it does bang different from the last 2. It’s sick af tho.

Guilttripping: ok this is nice. A bit of a slower tempo. I don’t have a whole lot of thoughts on it. It’s a nice song, I’m neutral on it.

Where Do We Belong? Anywhere But Here: oh I heard that note. Does guilttripping lead straight into this song? Raking strings and grainy audio, sick. There it is! There’s the punch in the fucking face! Goddamn!

So the album was, good. I liked most of the songs but for most I don’t feel particularly strongly about them. I think in my own opinion it did kinda get a little stale towards the end before the last song went hard. It’s a good vibe and I do really like his voice but idk. My top 5 of the album would have to be…

1: Joyriding

2: Where Do We Belong? Anywhere But Here

3: Tragician

4: Stitches

5: Weighted

Well first album down and I’m excited for more, I wanna see if he’s got a song that’s really gonna blow me away. I’m honestly starting to understand the picture a bit more, what makes mcr so appealing to me is it’s some of the best of all of the members at the same time. One of my favorite songs of Gerard’s solo career was the hazy shade of winter cover with Ray. I’m honestly a bit worried to really wow me it’s gotta be all 4 of them. The next post will be the keep the coffins coming ep and parachutes album, see you next time madlads.

It Isn’t Enough (Captain Syverson x Reader) [Request]

Thank you for opening requests, i love your writing!

If you feel up for it: I like fics where one is an complete asshole in the beginning but notices it after some time and tries to make it better/apologizes.

So maybe a Captain Syverson fic where you are an soldier that comes new to his troop and he for whatever reason starts to humiliate her/has her do drills that would be extreme even for men and does that for days. And reader never complains because she hates beeing seen as less for being a woman, but is completely exhausted.

And idk either she collapses and some point or for extra drama gets wounded in a fight because she cant defend herself because she is so weak from his treatment. And he notices what a asshole he was.

Idk something like that would be awesome but I love all your fics, write whatever you like 😄 — Requested by anon

Hooo boy, anon, this was fun to write. Not sure you’ll like the ending, though.

Warnings: gunshot

Gif Source: calebduume

You wanted to punch Syverson in his goddamn face and make him bleed. Perhaps that was a byproduct of growing up with two older brothers, of having to fight and scrape your way to be “valued,” but the urge to beat Syverson into submission was strong.

It was bad enough you were the only woman assigned to his unit. It was worse still that he was holding it against you.

When the orders had come in that you were being assigned to his unit, you had balked. Bunch of grunts like that were guaranteed to make hell for you—even more so because you were being sent to them to help deal with the female population. The men intimidated the women and therefore were missing out on vital intelligence.

It chafed you that you were solely being selected based on your sex. You had gone out of your way to distinguish yourself in the hopes that you wouldn’t be seen only as a female soldier. You had performed comparably with the men in most categories and had exhibited great improvement in the ones you were lacking. Your old CO had lauded you for your diligence and determination.

Only now you were back at square one, dealing with a captain who clearly did not want a woman on his team of brutes.

You refused to let him see it, but you were suffering. As part of his campaign to scrub you out of the unit, he had you working unpredictable hours. He had you running the perimeter at two in the morning after only an hour of sleep, then made you clean the toilets. The other men noticed but didn’t quite say anything. Only one dared to offer you sympathetic glances and tried to shoulder some of the excessive responsibilities being heaped on you. When Syverson caught on, however, the man was punished alongside you.

When the summer arrived, some four months after you had been assigned, Syverson had you running suicides at high noon. You nearly collapsed from heat stroke, but you persisted, aware he and the others were watching you. After, you shambled into the building, clothes soaked with sweat, and made it to your room before passing out.

An hour later, Syverson all but kicked down the door. “Get up, we’re rolling out.”

Flushed and still shaky, you glared up at him. “Yessir.”

The muscle in his jaw twitched, but he stormed out, leaving you to suit up.

You knew something was wrong when you had trouble getting into your gear. Your fingers fumbled, and you felt dizzy, the floor rocking beneath you. You struggled to think straight, everything fuzzy inside your head and out.

Get it together, you hissed inwardly, and then you were out the door.

The merciless sun beat down on you, cooking you in your fatigues and body armor as you moved with the others through the empty square. Everything baked in the heat, waves shimmering off the streets and buildings. Your vision wavered as you scanned through the haze.

The silence stretching over the market square should have set your nerves jangling, but your unsteadiness countered that, making you trudge after the others without a word. Something fluttered in the corner of your eye. Squinting, you turned sluggishly toward it, saw a figure leaning against a building.

Why are they doing that, your addled mind asked.

Pain exploded through your chest, knocking you down. You didn’t so much as cry out, the breath in your lungs gone. The dirt pressed into your face, shoving your sunglasses against your temple. Gunfire cracked around you. Heavy hands yanked you back, dragging you across the dirt with ease. You faded in and out, hearing shouts as you were flung to safety behind the Humvee.

~~

You woke slowly, grainy eyes peeling open unpleasantly, as though every grain of dirt and sand had worked their way under the lids. Mouth gummy, you swallowed thickly and tried to get your bearings, your head pounding. The room around you resolved into the medic tent.

A light breeze toyed with the flap of the tent, making the harsh sunlight play in jagged lines across everything.

Voices cut through the fog in your head.

“You almost killed her!”

“It’s not my fault she didn’t see—”

“She should never have been out there! Thanks to your drills, she was suffering from heat stroke!”

Silence.

You tried to elbow up into a sitting position. Pain flared through your chest, another wave through your skull. You groaned despite yourself.

The flap smacked open as the medic stormed back into the tent, rushing to your side. “Whoa there, take it easy.” He eased you back down onto the bed. “You took a bullet to the chest on top of the heat stroke.”

You glanced at the IV stuck in your arm and the saline drip attached to it above you. “Everyone…okay?”

The medic arched his eyebrows.

“Yes.”

Captain Syverson’s voice sent a jolt of surprise through you. He stood at the foot of the cot, arms folded over his broad chest. He didn’t quite meet your eyes, his brow creased deeply. Dirt clung to his features, plastered there with sweat.

The medic fussed over you for a few minutes, checking vitals and talking to soothe you. You ignored him, painfully aware of Syverson’s presence and resenting it.

“I want to speak to her alone.”

The medic shook his head. “I don’t think that—”

“That’s an order.”

The medic glared at him for a long moment before relenting, backing out of the tent. You shifted uneasily on the cot, tensing as you felt Syverson shift his attention back to you.

“You’re a stubborn fuck,” he growled.

Your mouth curled into a snarl. “Save it for when I’m back on my feet.”

The muscle in his jaw clenched. “You should have said something about the heat stroke.”

“Why? To give you the satisfaction of having ‘beaten’ me?”

He glanced away, making you frown. The man usually stared you down, not flinched. “I’m sorry.”

The words took the breath out of you. “You’re joking.”

“I don’t joke. I shouldn’t have run you so hard.”

Shaking your head, you leaned back against the pillow. “Well, it worked. You’ve successfully driven me out.”

“What?”

“I’m requesting a transfer.”

The statement hung in the air between you both, stifling. You heard Syverson shift on his feet. Good, you thought. Leave.

“You should stay.”

You blinked, glanced at you him. Had you heard him correctly? “Excuse me?”

“Don’t make me repeat it.”

“Why should I stay? You did everything you could to make my life a living hell.”

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

You couldn’t tell if he was being genuine. You scrutinized his face, the way he couldn’t meet your eyes, as though terribly uncomfortable. “Why did you do it? Because I’m a woman?”

The words seemed to be yanked from him. “I didn’t think you could manage it out here. I didn’t think you should.”

It was exactly what you thought, but it still stung. Hand curling into a fist, your bruised chest aching, you said, “I guess you were right.”

“I’m trying to say I wasn’t,” he growled.

“Just promise me the next woman sent to this unit doesn’t suffer the same treatment.”

His lips pressed into a thin line. “So you won’t stay?”

“No.” You let your gaze drift up to the tent’s canopy. “I’m done. With all of it.”

Syverson moved to the tent flap. He paused, his shadow stretching across your feet. “I am sorry.”

“It isn’t enough.”

Wed 2 June ‘21

Louis sent a message to a fan looking for a hello after a major surgery-- “Get well soon mate. Sending you loads of love x”- and added that he hopes ALL of us are doing alright; I never doubted it Louis! Niall got a little more specific with his really lovely message today- “HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. It’s your life, LOVE who you want to LOVE,” he tweeted! THANKS GUYS.

Liam though, Liam was all over today! He checked in on his way to play golf, on his way back from playing golf (with videographer Conor!), posted comments on discord, joined a new chat platform (Telegram; 5 minutes into Telegram and chill Liam was like OKAY it looks like we may need some moderators for this app lol YOU THINK?), he did a whole 25 min live, AND checked in even later to say he’d just had a shower and was about to play a new video game! New news of the day-- he is going to host a Veeps show showcasing new artists in July!! NEAT! His post about how his team forgot to turn off notifications on the phone they set it all up on for him on is really funny, YIKES; “this used to be an iphone now it’s just a bell” he joked, with video of the phone frantically chiming nonstop (“the power of you guys still blows my mind to this day”.) Also he said that he was very busy getting ready for June 15. Why, you ask, what is on June 15? UH? IDK?? He has so many things coming up? But that’s the NFT I think, which I KNOW a lot of people are mostly not that excited about but I will say that while I don’t care about the technology, I am excited to see Liam’s artwork he’s working on for it (which hopefully the purchaser will share with us), and Liam is truly so excited about the platform, he’s really trying to talk us into it. More on that in a sec...

But let’s get to the other parts of Liam’s live first. He has that new song coming, about which he said “it’s one that I’ve written the most on so far actually, as a single, I’m excited to say my own stuff for once a little”, love that. He’s still coughing but says he’s tested repeatedly and it isn’t COVID, and that he’s gone vegetarian recently, and he says the chat channels were inspired by seeing people using the veeps chat rooms even after the show ended, not wanting to leave. And he talks about 1D- about the notifs mishap he said “back in the band we used to wait for people we didn’t like to leave their notifications on and then we would like- oh make sure you follow this person on twitter! And then their phone would break for days- if someone did something that annoyed you.” HAHAHA where’s my masterpost of people who annoyed them 1D told us to follow, PLEASE? And also “it’s hard sometimes you’re watching people stories from afar that you used to know so well and that can be difficult… we’ve all felt this at different times me and the boys… it’s almost like missing a very dear friend a lot of the time but everyone’s so busy… I’d love to get us all in a room somewhere sometime” aww. But also he said he talked to Harry recently, “really a lovely call, he has a sixth sense for if I'm struggling or if one of us is in trouble, I spoke to him and it was a really lovely catch up. I have a lot of love for the man, he's really, really great"; well I wish Liam wasn’t stuggling but that’s lovely. And Louis too! "I spoke to Louis, I wanna say yesterday. We speak a lot, there's just a lot of laughing about random crap," he said, plus some Louis memories- “I can just hear his laugh in the back of my mind. We once broke into one of the stadiums in America and got chased by a woman… on one of those cop type things, a mall cop thing, and that was quite crazy. He also left me on my own while I was being arrested nearly by a French policemen that I had to push over… which that still scares me to this day. [laughing] That’s what friends are for! I helped him over the fence to get in somewhere, he left me with the policeman, who didn’t have a clue who I was and tried to arrest me even though I was just trying to go into my hotel.” UMM sorry I can’t hear anything past LIAM PUSHED OVER A COP?? Go ahead, make a list of ‘1D members most likely to fight a cop’ and if Liam isn’t DEAD LAST you’re just wrong and yet HERE WE ARE!! WHAT A DAY.

But alas rather than fighting cops now Liam is partnering with an entrepreneur (which I have had to type so many times in the last two days thanks to Liam that I guess I know how to spell it now they just keep SAYING it SO MUCH). Steve Bartlett said “the secret” is out, he recorded a podcast with Liam yesterday-- I’d call secret a bit strong, we had actually got that mate, but okay; he called Liam an entrepreneur and said “yesterday I recorded one of the most powerful, honest, REAL conversations on my podcast to date” and “if you love Liam you’ll love this.” I can absolutely guarantee you that is not true, I love Liam and already hate everything about this collab, but his wording does make me think we’ll get a bit of Liam’s trademark emotional spillage which I suppose I might appreciate despite this self help CEO guy being there too. Liam does have one thing to say that could sway me in this guy’s favor though- “he has the cutest dog ever” apparently! Anyway I may as well get used to him he’s suddenly everywhere-- Liam also patched him into his live to try yet again to convince us that NFTs are good by awkwardly relating it to “fans of boybands” by saying you know this could eliminate like fake tickets and such… Sure Steve sure but anyway he also says of Liam, “the guy you see on camera is the exact same guy off camera”.

Harry and Olivia were seen together in London (well, a grainy ass video of their backs was seen anyway), walking, with some people who look to be her parents and Harry’s PA (so romantic! Not at all work related!) I was initially skeptical of the claim that it was her parents since this fandom is obsessed with saying everyone is so and so’s parents (we’ll NEVER top the time the fandom was sure Harry was seen having lunch with Eleanor’s father though) but it actually seems like maybe it was. More for Harry to add to his collection, that man truly loves an extended family! I mean the whole thing is sketchy as hell, from the assurance that that’s DEFINITELY actually Olivia in the grainy video, FOR SURE, to the confirmation that that’s her mom with them which came when a blank insta page produced a random old picture of her mom in the same skirt, but like is it them, sure I imagine so, and people making sure we get the story anytime they’re together isn’t exactly new. In other news, Dave Meyers, director of the Adore You music video, says he originally pitched the Eroda story idea (“I have this idea, of you love- liking a fish”) to Katy Perry and the Black Eyed Peas, ASJKJASKL CAN YOU IMAGINE?

yes yes for a spoiler-free review!! I was going to read the book but never got the time, lmk how it is. I love true crime but I know there's a *cough* LOT of warnings in this movie, so please lmk!! <3

ok! this is gonna be my spoiler-free, just scratching the surface partial review of “The Devil All The Time” (2020) !! :

short note: i really came into this movie knowing nothing except that it was “dark.” and after a full watch through, yes, it was definitely grim. but,,, not as nearly as [visually] horrifying as i thought it would be (take that as you will). that being said, we all have different levels of visual and mental tolerance, so look out for yourself! there is literally a trigger every step of the way, so i urge you to do a bit of research beforehand.

i’ll just cover the surface level of these categories as a friend to another friend. it’s up to you to assess it for yourself!! truthfully idk i’m still digesting if i “liked” it? it was just an interesting display of acting and characterization to me lol. btw slight and non-specific spoilers ahead:

 🌿 plot: pretty straight forward, even jumping back and forth through time and location. the story follows fucked up people fucking up other people’s fucked up lives, intentionally or not. paths intersect in more ways than one, and you watch it unfold in quiet displeasure and suspense. it’s the kind of movie where /you/ don’t really relate or latch onto any of the characters, instead you are on a taken on a tour of their mounting distress, unable to do anything to guide or comfort them (or yourself).

🌿 imagery: i really liked the grainy texture over the film and how ‘washed’ out the clothing and town was lol. idk it’s charming to me in a ‘unsettling, middle-of-nowhere-in-the-american-south-mid-west-ish”lol. loved the way they dressed and how it reflected on each character, the way that their hair was never quite pristine. the pastors goddamn ruffle shirt, arvin’s stiff denim clothing and hat to hide his face, the cop zipping up his jacket, the women’s modest dress–– ha ha. i was thankful that a lot of the violence happened during wide shots, or were partially covered. but i always wish for tighter close-ups during dialogue lol, like waay up there. but yeah, overall–– tasteful? maybe? if you watch/listen to a lot of true-crime i think that the depictions are not far off.

🌿 the triggers/warnings: lol there’s a lot. like literally one every few steps into the movie. idk if i can list them all here, and u should definitely look up a more comprehensive list than what i can say here. but a lot of the physical violence is partially obscured or taken at a wideshot. it just so happens that a lot of the time, ‘the faces’ of the person are covered. the actual pans to “gore” is not gratuitous, apart from 2 scenes where my eyes were already focused elsewhere. BUT the sexual violence does creep in there quite boldly. it may just be me, but that really sticks with me, whether is verbally or physically represented. There’s also of sexual horror/gore depicted in the mix too, so brace yourself for that. horrible suggestions, religious fanaticism... everything you can imagine is there. so, be careful if you follow through. i’m just here to say that the camera and characters to do not linger on violence for very long. you are not forced to stare, you are only shown a glimpse of the horror. (the shock value of even seeing/thinking about it for a second is enough)

🌿 “the major take-away”: [SLIGHT SPOILER] ?? i’m still trying to figure out how i feel about this movie lol. i think what i take away from this is that all the characters in this story just woefully accept the life that the live, and accept the violence they give and receive without resistance. it doesn’t suggest ‘changing your life for the better’, or anything idealistic like that, they just are. they just do. it’s just.... keep going to you go. (i’m pretty sure the line is “some people are born just to be buried” lol) and THE WAY that we don’t get many explanations of Why They Do What They Do.... kinda love that. some people... are just Like That, and the movie lets you understand that. but yeah. please let me know if you have a greater takeaway than i do

🌿 post-watch thoughts: lol kinda wish this were a 4 episode series or something, and i kinda wanna read the book now. i enjoyed the several stories mashing together and the brief time we spent with them. it was like a lil peak into a huuuuuge story that none of the characters would ever know. but!! it would be cool to see some reasoning or fallout. ––it felt like reading a book tbh, i could feel the chapters. so yeah! i’m not sure if i would recommend this to anyone?? but i might watch it again at night time some time to really get the feel lol

please feel free to share your thoughts with me! and if you have any questions, i can help ya! watch carefully!

what would your moots be like if they were an aesthetic?

ANON I FINALLY DID IT. yes, I sat on this ask for a million years because I didn’t know any aesthetics and I still don’t know many aesthetics but I managed to get help (this is all thanks to leyna who gave me a whole bunch). so when I originally did this, I had a scenario in mind because I wanted to do it like how those people on uquiz do (like choose an aesthetic and it’s a scenario filled with imagery) but I don’t think the scenario captured the aesthetic well so feel free to skip over it an just go to my bulleted explanation lol. however, I’d like to mention that the explanation may not be the best as to why I gave that moot that aesthetic. ANYWAYS I DID IT AND NOW I HAVE THREE OTHER ASKS ABOUT MY MOOTS THAT I WILL SIT ON FOR LIKE TWO MORE MONTHS.

this was very long and has details no one asked for. and I didn’t proofread this so if there are spelling errors or just errors in general, sorry.

@nzeeten allie - minimalist 

A sneeze echoed against the walls of your attic. You brushed away the dust on the box, smiling faintly at the little scribbles on top of the lid. Opening it caused memories to roll down your cheek. A lump lodged its way in your throat and you couldn’t help the melancholy swell in your heart. Your phone rang. There were unfinished papers littered on your desk. Your laptop screen started to fade to sleep, work not saved. It didn’t matter to you. You didn’t pay attention to the weight of adult responsibilities, not when your younger self smiled at you.

ngl allie gives me these really mature vibes, and who knows, maybe it stems from the fact that she wants a be a ‘kickas*’ lawyer. the overall mood of this scenario is nostalgia but in no way shape or form do I feel nostalgic when I’m with allie. she’s very fun and chill and amazing and outstanding and i love her- anyways, somehow the nostalgic vibe fit with minimalistic aesthetic? like I pictured an apartment with very simplistic features but you can tell what that person cares about through the pictures or the items that they keep. hmm I’d see some polaroids in her moodboard if she had one; maybe a single rose (in the middle) surrounded by different thorns that have little memories in each one? 

@sleepingrenjun cherry - baddie (new moot that I hope she considers me a moot too dkslaf)

Even after everything, you still went back to business. There wasn’t a care in the world as you glanced back down at your screen, files scattered on your desk and fingers tapping away at the keyboard. There wasn’t a care in the world as a pack of cigarettes were thrown back onto your desk and loud slam of the door. There wasn’t a care in the world when you returned to an empty bed, one meal, and one toothbrush. You sat out on your balcony and stared at the unlit cigarette in your hand. You felt no urge breathe in its toxic fumes, a voice in the back of your head scolding you for even touching the death stick. Tears streamed down your face and you raised one brow, smiling slightly. ‘what a shame,’ you whispered, looking up at the stars. maybe there was a little care in the world. 

so maybe this is based off of my most recent tag. it popped into my mind when I thought of cherry. this most likely stemmed from breathe me and idk if it quite fits with the baddie aesthetic...anywayssss I was aiming for a heartbreaker vibe! because cherry breaking hearts out here with her fics 🤧 kind of a lonely lifestyle of a very successful business person who doesn’t care about anything but their business (they actually do care a lot which [spoiler alert] is why mc doesn’t smoke in the end). heartbreaker gave me a baddie aesthetic. 

@passionfruithyuck clarie- soft grunge, dark academia

No one visited the library. You didn’t understand why. This age old building was still in pristine condition, exuding out elegance like no other. The tables were lonely and the chairs were cold. The bowl full of mints never lessened, the counter always empty. Time was all but a concept once you invested yourself in the shelves that were still polished with youth. Each book had its own personality, each page filled with questions, answers, secrets. No one ever visited the library, and you didn’t understand why. 

uhm yeah so a pristine hidden gem of a library came to mind. this, I think, stemmed from the fact that she know12s multiple languages (so a lot of knowledge) and it’s an honor that she’s my moot (a hidden gem). clarie, to me, is lowkey bada** which is why she’s soft grunge. if she had a moodbard, I think there would be some pastel and books (maybe some idaf pictures).

@renjunwrites denise - cottagecore 

You always passed by the quaint little flower shop whenever you were on your way home from work. Every now and then you would see someone exit, but most of the time it stayed empty. In need of a bouquet, you visited the store. Vases full of flowers furnished the tables, some unmatched as they littered the counter. The petals looked delicate, so delicate you were afraid that your breath would shatter them. Each step you took padded softly against the walls, no sound other than you, no one other than you. Simply you and the flowers.

that blurb is 🤮 I’m sorry I’m bad at explaining things omg. I honestly pictured an empty, neat but messy, flowershop when I thought of denise. she has this delicateness (missing renjunlite, can’t lie) to her like flower petals. I also get a vibe that she’s an organized mess, hence the mismatched flowers (because it’s a beautiful mess). 

@jisvngy dahler - plant mom aesthetic

It was another day at school. Another day filled with ‘the bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do’. Another day filled with the scratching of pencils and shuffling of paper. Another day filled with slumped backs, bored eyes, and the slow ticking clock. It was also another day for secret notes, hidden jokes, loud lunches and knowing looks with your friends. Your friends. They broke your day dreaming, made you laugh, copied your answers, stole your pencils, distracted you during presentations, all mundane things. Mundane things that you would never forget.

ngl I feel like I would become friends with dahler through school and she would honestly be one of the reasons why I look forward to school. you may be wondering how this associates to plant mom but okay hear me out. this scenario is kind of like everyday life, you know? like small things. plants are in our everyday life, whether or not we grow or acknowledge them. uhm yeah so connect those two and yay an aesthetic for dahler! would picture some succulents in her moodboard.

@jeonginks eiko - e-girl, fantasy academia

you were always told to never take things from the forest. you were never told why, so you thought there was no harm to taking a rock because, well, it was only a rock. it was a pretty little rock lying near the clear stream of water that glimmered under the rays of the sun. the green leaves above swayed gently with the wind; it was peaceful here, you thought to yourself as you slowly started to walk back home, the rock heavy in your hand. with each step, the trees seemed taller, the sun seemed dimmer and the river sounded quite loud despite you being miles away from it. suddenly, you couldn’t move, grounded by the roots on the ground. the rock started to burn in your hand, so you threw down, only for the searing to continue. you screamed as marks were carved into the palm of your hand. from behind you, a voice laughed, ‘weren’t you told not to take things that aren’t yours.’

is fantasy academia a thing? if not then just fantasy. e-girl goes with her fashion sense (if I’m assuming correctly cause your boots) but uhm fantasy because of her writing. go on her page and you’ll see so many people call her writing magical. so with that in mind, this scenario popped up. now she could be the rock, or she could be the river, or perhaps the trees, or quite possibly, the voice,, who knows, I don’t know, that’s for sure. her moodboard would be filled with nature.

@haechaaaaaaanssi janna - mermaid/fantasy, medieval 

The fire crackled, ashes gracefully flying out from the orange hue and up into the darkness of the sky. Your marshmallow sat on the paper plate, your stick abandoned next to it. You weren’t around the bonfire, no, you were along the shoreline. The chatter of your friends was distant, much quieter than the sea. It was calling you. The waves beckoned you in, pulling you farther and farther away from shore. The sand wasn’t grainy anymore, it was softer, mushier. The full moon shone above you, a spotlight you didn’t ask for. You kept walking, entranced by the sound. What was that sound? Goosebumps rose to your arm, the water swishing at your waist. What was that sound? It was like the tick of a clock, the whoosh of the waves, the whisper of the wind, but that’s not what you were looking for. What was that sound? You were neck deep until you remembered, you didn’t know how to swim, but it’s okay. You found the answer to your question. 

okay i’m not saying that janna is a siren (who knows maybe she is)! this isn’t what i’m trying to say lmao. it’s just the fact that her work is so angsty and immediately popped into my mind when I thought of an aesthetic for her; somehow it led to fantasy/mermaid? like the ocean is mellow, beautiful and elegant but sometimes can be very powerful, loud and boisterous. in other words, janna can be exquisite and sometimes a mess. would see (obviously) the ocean in her moodboard, maybe a campfire or the night sky. 

@jensungf leyna - art mom/vintage

You struggled to yawn with a toothbrush slumped between your lips, arms up and above your head as the muscles tensed and the bones cracked. Your face was dazed with drowsiness and you languidly continued with your morning routine. But there was always something that made your mornings brighter. That something was the bakery down the street. Each time you stepped through the door, your nose was flooded with the sweet aroma of pastries. The taste of the treats were sweeter, always balancing out the bitterness of coffee on your tongue. You always stared at the crumbs of comfort on your plate, fascinated how it hugged you better than anyone you’ve met.

okay so maybe I should’ve put bakery as her aesthetic? but idk if that’s an aesthetic sooo,, but I can see her as an art mom aesthetic mixed with a little vintage. if she had a moodboard, possibly some fairy lights or some pictures of a really chill looking bakery, can’t not include sweet treats either.

@glossyjaems louna - skater, neon

Laughter filled the air, cracks of the bendable glowsticks echoing in the night. You twirled the one on your wrist, the green liquid neon against your skin. Mischief sighed with each step your friends took as they neared the metal fence. Your heart was pounding, hands clampy and eyes wavering at the faded red sign. It glared at you, ‘keep out’ it warned. That didn’t stop your friends, ‘and it shouldn’t stop you,’ they told you. The what ifs swirled on your tongue and rolled the eyes of your friends. ‘It’s going to be fine’ they reassured, and they offered you a hand. ‘Let’s live in the moment, yeah?’

ultimately really fun vibes. I pictured the recklessness of youth and dream’s go era when I thought of louna. would see like spray painting or maybe neon lights or glowsticks in her moodboard. 

@the32ndbeat // @juyeonzz qiu - vintage, dark academia 

You watched as people skied down the slope. Your hands wrapped around the warm mug of hot chocolate, the little pillows of marshmallows replicating the hills of snow outside. It wasn’t long until you heard the loud clamors of your friends as they made their way towards you. A smile found its way onto your lips as they bickered over whose snowman was the best. ‘Guys,’ you announced, causing everyone to quiet down, ‘clearly, it’s mine.’ back were the overlapping voices. You leaned back in your chair, eyes glossing over each of their faces. How funny that the impromptu road trip took you here. 

originally I was thinking summer vibes and the beach, but I already used the beach so why not the mountains? where there’s snow! cuz sledding and building snowmen with your friends is very fun. I know that this doesn’t really have anything to do with qiu’s aesthetic but when I thought of vintage, I got a lot of free-spirited, really chill vibes that I associated with road trips and friends. a lodge in the mountains and hot chocolate reminded me of dark academia somehow? yeah I don’t know how my brain works either. but anyways, I see books and hot chocolate in her moodboard if she were to have one.

@neocitybynight sunny - glam

Life was busy in hollywood. The snap of the director, the brushes of makeup artists, the tears of actors, the flashing of cameras, the questions of reporters, the tailors of dresses. At the end of the day, you always returned to your apartment on the highest floor. Barefaced, you change into an old oversized t-shirt, soft music floating to your ears as you think about your schedule tomorrow. The kettle starts to whistle, the boiling liquid warming the tea bag in your cup. The sun had retired, reminding everyone that the real stars weren’t on TV but in the sky. Though, cars still drifted the streets, lights still remained on, people were still awake. You opened up your book, a sigh falling between your lips as the drink soothes your throat. You glance once more out the window at the bustling city before falling into the world of your book. Life was busy in hollywood. 

yeah so this was what I imagined, I don’t know if that’s an aesthetic but I associated it with glam. like I also imagine those 90′s heartthrob edits if you were to make a moodboard for her. you could also fit in dark academia.

Rebel love

AN: the reader and Cassian are out on a solo mission when something goes horribly wrong. Pairings: Cassian X reader Characters: Cassian Andor Spoilers: none Warnings: none Prompt: “Do you think I could please request a cassian andor x reader where you two go on a mission together and it fails, he thinks you had screwed up the mission and it isn't until they get back on base and he yells at you, does he realise you actually got the information and actually succeeded. Maybe it's because he is used to doing missions by himself and idk? Whatever comes to your mind heh thanks love” --------- Cassian swore under his breath as the grainy image on the monitor shifted and you were finally in his line of sight. It was a simple mission: get in, sweet talk the information out of some crooks and get right back out again; perfect for the young rebel looking to prove themselves. He'd known you for a while now- liked you even-but he'd never really understood your need to be in the thick of things, and you had been known to be reckless. When the mission was presented, it was made clear that it was a two man job, and that whoever took it wouldn't be able to expect to be rescued should something go wrong. Retrieving the location of the Death Star plans was the priority, they must be located, no matter the cost. It was made clear that this was a success or death type of job. You'd leapt at the chance . Cassian himself had been unsure from the start. The planet they were on wasn’t known for the reliability of its people, and he didn't want to risk this information on a newbie. On the monitor, you tossed your hair and threw your head back, fake laughing at something the burly man in front of you had said. Something ugly formed in Cassian’s chest and, like a good boss, he swallowed it down. You were touching the other man’s chest now, leaning in like you were sharing something secret with him, and Cassian felt his beast hiss with displeasure. It was further aggravated as the man placed his hand on your waist and pulled you flush against him. Although there was no sound, Cassian saw you yelp with surprise, only to cover it with a nervous laugh. “Come on Y/N,” he murmured, “get out of there.” The man leant forward, brushing his lips against your neck as he pulled you closer and Cassian swore again, the beast in his chest roaring for him to storm in there and pull you out himself. He hoped that you'd finish the job quickly. The information was good, it would save a lot of lives, but it wasn't worth this. He knew that he had no real right to be angry. By all accounts you were doing what needed to be done, but the creature in his chest disagreed. You were being reckless, it cried, and stupid, and you were endangering the mission. So wrapped up in his own thoughts was Cassian that he almost missed the moment when the bartender pulled out his gun. “Fuck!” He cried, gripping the monitor like he could jump into the screen and rescue you. There was chaos. At the sight of a gun being pointed in their general direction, three other customers had pulled out their own weapons and had begun to fire. Glasses shattered, tables flipped and soon there was so much smoke obscuring the camera that Cassian could no longer see you. He swore again, fear beginning to make its way through his veins. The bar you had been at was only ten minutes from your current temp base, but ten minutes was a lifetime in a gunfight, and he wasn't even sure that you were there anymore. To rescue you was his first instinct. The protective beast in his chest was itching to tear the men limb from limb. Nevertheless he started loading his weapons, his heart pounding in his fragile ribcage. You were so young, too young to be in this fight. He should've been there with you, he should've protected you, he shouldn't have let you come, he should've he should've he should've…. “Shoo, that got hairy fast.” He heard you call with a breathless laugh. Cassian turned, his blood freezing in his veins. You were breathless from running and a fine sheen of sweat coated your forehead, but you were alive and, judging by your smile, found the whole situation rather amusing. “Going somewhere, Andor?” You teased, casting a look at his half loaded gun, “You're not planning on running out on me, are you?” He didn't know wether it was the stress of the mission, the relief of having you back, or the infuriating smirk on your face that did it. He couldn't tell why his emotions turned so quickly, but suddenly he was furious. “Do you think this is funny?” He asked, his voice dripping with anger, “Is this all some kind of joke to you? This is real life Y/N. People are counting on us, counting on you to take this seriously.” He slammed his gun down, the noise eerily loud in the cave, “You managed to, in the space of less than an hour; nearly blow our cover, very nearly get yourself and a room full of civilians killed, and ruin the only lead we had on where to find the Death Star plans. So laugh it up, because the second we get back to base I'm making sure that you are never sent on another intelligence mission.” “Cassian-“ you started. “No, no stop. Y/N you could've died do you get that? Because I don't think you do. You could have died and I was expected to just sit here, staring at the computer screen like an idiot and just let it happen,” he continued, words pouring out of him like a fountain as he paced back and forth in front of you, “how could you have been so reckless? What would I have done if-if-“ His voice faded into nothingness as something resembling understanding settled in your eyes. Cassian found himself aching to touch you, to reach out a hand and brush it against your skin just to make sure that it was warm, to make sure that you really were alive. It had been so long since he'd last ached like this. “Cass,” you tried again, more gently this time, “before everything went down I got the location. There's a guy who should know more somewhere on Jakku,” you explained, stepping closer to your mentor, “we did it. We got the information we needed.” Cassian exhaled, the knot of anxiety in his chest loosening, “We did?” You nodded, smiling again and taking his hands in yours, “We did!” You squeezed his hands in yours. You really were quite close now, Cassian realized as the fading light glinted off your eyes. The silence began to stretch as he traced the line of your nose with his gaze, burning you with his intensity. The relationship had never been normal, you'd never wanted anything more than Cassian was willing to give you, and he'd never wanted to risk losing you by tying you to someone like him. So mostly you just pined for each other and waited, living for the next moment like this one, where the lingering hope of something good would be loud enough that it drowned out the promise of something bad waiting just over the horizon. Slowly, Cassian lowered his forehead until it rested against yours, sighing as he gripped your hands. “I was so scared that I'd lost you Y/N,” he admitted in a whisper, “I don't know what I would've done if-“ “Shh, it's fine,” you answered, “I'm fine. Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise.” He laughed ruefully, “You can't promise that.” “I suppose I can't, but I can promise that I won't try and find trouble.” You promised. Cassian looked at you, assessing the sincerity of your words and then growled, surging forward and pressing his lips to yours. You gasped into the kiss, but responded in kind, winding your hands into Cassian’s shirt while his tangled in your hair. He tasted like oranges and gunpowder, with danger and devotion laced into every breath and, suddenly, you understood why people died for love, why they risked everything for the people they cared about. The rebellion had to succeed, because you couldn't live without kissing Cassian Andor again.

05.03

anna

i overslept and initially my first instinct was to mentally kick myself in the head about it but honestly i'm just glad i'm well-rested - getting ready was quite meditative - and i had to remind myself of the joy of being conscious and present of small things - i don't really need to be everywhere at all times, nor do i need to overexert myself to constantly network - i have to be okay with the fact that it's just not who i am - and i am simply not a brunch person - also, i'm jetlagged and there's nothing i can do about that.

so i got to watch a bunch of movies that reminded me of the disparity between filipinos that live here and the ones that live back home –– and also between exists the filipinos like us who grew up dipping their toes every now and then in the supposed “american dream” ––– hardly a dream at all, as far as (((the present and inevitable now))) is concerned. i watched a documentary filmed in 1998, screened as a tribute to dawn mabalon (who was an active filipino-american historian) who co-directed this documentary on the filipino hip-hop scene in the late 1990s ––– it’s cool and shot on vhs camcorders, and so grainy and full of static which i liked ––– and anjing (the dogs) ––– like a poignant commentary on indonesia’s social classes as seen through 2 different families and their dogs. it felt very much like home though, like manila itself, where a stray simply is raised differently from a purebred, pedigreed dog, and the common knowledge the two kinds of people that own either dog are wildly different. i wish you could watch them. maybe someday we could watch it again together –– i mean anjing, which isn’t available online and had its world premiere earlier –– i hope they bring it to VOD, i think you’d like it a lot. it’s well-shot, and quite moving, but also pertinent. i have to wake up early tomorrow because i told myself i would. also, i don’t want you to be disappointed in me. i’m watching a bunch of shorts programs tomorrow, as well as a few movies plus my own videos! so that’s cool. i wonder if we’ll ever get to work together. i want to though, but because you understand me so well and vice versa. it’s scary too though, precisely because we understand each other so well. i was walking down the streets of little tokyo. i made friends with the guy who served me takoyaki, and the lady with the wheelchair waiting at the bus stop and asking me about the delays as i checked the map on my phone –– it’s funny because we’re always so wary of americans being overfamiliar or overfriendly, but the fact that i’m alone and strangers go out of their way to be nice to me (and each other) for no good reason still does make me happy deep down, just as when people are absurdly mean to each other because that shit is hilarious. it’s just the ubiquitously random things that give me joy, just because everything is quantified and tailored and borderline artificial and digital ––– not to sound like a coot, but i really just love that i met you naturally, not through an app, not through the dumbass internet of things, but idk, maybe talking about weed on messenger does count as meeting online, but i only knew what you looked like til i knew it was you –– you know? i’m so used to knowing as much as i could before a person before i intended on meeting them, but through the natural order of rippling choices, i met you and consequentially fell deeply in love with you, which i find interesting, because i wasn’t looking for you at all, even when i desperately kind of longed for someone like you subconsciously. anyway, that’s all folks. that’s as much cheese as you can get from me. what am i, a cow? a cheesecloth???? thanks. i’m here everyday. bp