#idk if it’s the art? or just the post? but I’m receiving dms so idk what’s going on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

literaphobe · 2 years

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Not to be mean but you only reblog art that is extremely done and with a lot of attention given to it. You rarely seem to give any attention to stuff out of your circle,, so I think you aren’t really the person to make that art psa post?

ur missing the point of my post i think? okay let me break it down to you: fandom, for me at least, is about making friends. you become friends when someone reaches out and talks to you or when you reach out and talk to someone. i have NEVER restricted anyone from talking to me. my dms are always open, meaning anyone can message me. i have asks open, anon on, so anyone can share any opinion they want with me, which you are doing right now, and they can potentially ‘befriend’ me and reveal who they are later, if they so choose. obviously, i control what asks get published on my blog, but that’s besides the point

the point is—am i obligated to answer every ask i receive? no. i have over 3,600 unanswered asks right now. i cannot possibly do that without destroying the dashes of everyone that follows me. and the point of my post is that no one is obligated to reblog anything from anyone BECAUSE people experience and curate their experiences differently. promoting better reblog culture and better fandom interactions is an extremely good thing. what i was hopefully getting across is that trying to pin that responsibility on any group/individual in any community is EXTREMELY counterproductive. it will get us nowhere

as for why i ‘rarely give attention to stuff outside my circle’ it’s very simple. i have Already curated my experience. i don’t look at posts in the tags. i don’t want my day ruined. i also cannot follow people who shit talk dream or george or quackity etc. and a bunch of other creators. idk how to tell you this but dteamblr is very small compared to other sectors of mcytblr. most of my mutuals/friends are people that actively post. or at least actively posted at some point that we were able to cross paths. the people i talk to a lot/the most i either don’t know their follower count or they told me for some reason and its anywhere from 50 to like a few thousand. so what do i do w my friends? i don’t really turn on notifications, but i do for a small handful. i promise you it’s very random and has nothing to do with follow count. i also don’t check my dash a lot. so if something is getting reblogged a lot, it increases my chances of seeing it, but even then… half the times i don’t see what my mutuals have been saying. most of the posts on my blog are my own posts or whatever i dump into my queue

which is my next point. i use the ‘stuff for you’ tab on the tumblr mobile app. that’s where i get most of the posts i queue. its like half fandom stuff half random shit. ik. its a SUPER scuffed ‘for you page’ but yes. i generally trust that tab to show me cool stuff. and often times what the algorithm decides is ‘for me’ are posts that already have a bunch of notes. so that’s the stuff i end up queuing. if my queue is running low, i go on there to queue a bunch of stuff and then i go. i mainly interact w my tumblr account through my friends and my activity page (that i have filtered so i see asks n replies n reblogs) so if i rb something my friend made, it’s because they sent it to me. anyone is welcome to send anything to me! but there’s no guarantee that i’ll reblog it because ultimately this is my blog and i decide what goes on it. i could ignore a piece of art w 5k notes. i could rb something w 100 notes. i can’t prove it to you because you don’t have access to how i browse, but i assure you i don’t look at art and go ‘well this only has x number of notes… not reblogging it then!’ like my blog isn’t my job i just do random shit here. im not gonna scour my dash and the tags head to toe for content. im sure im missing out on a ton of content but i simply do not have the time. i also make my own content so… i’m just gonna do what’s fun and easy for me. this is fandom. i’m not being paid to reblog your posts. you can if you want to! do you want to support a struggling student? my ko-fi is in my bio. does that horrify you? yeah exactly. fandom is for fun so while we can and should promote a supportive culture, no one is OBLIGATED to do anything

that’s… really all there is to it. i don’t have a vendetta against anyone. i promise you, if you dm me with a conversation topic in mind, i will HAPPILY engage in it with you, especially if it is a mutual interest. and if i am your friend, there is obviously a higher chance i will reblog your posts as compared to people i don’t know! i can’t speak for other people but that’s how i work. i’m not gonna reblog every piece of art or writing i see, and i assure you it has nothing to do with how ‘good’ i think something is. or how many notes it already has. hope this helps 👍🏻

also if i can make some closing thoughts… tumblr’s follower count is hidden. unless you’re telling me you go up to every account you see and hack in to find their follow count… you don’t know how much traction someone is actually getting? like over half my followers are inactive i promise you. our community is very small. i’m not making posts that break 1k left and right either. random stuff i do ‘for notes’ is genuinely just for fun. like have fun, don’t obsess over who is reblogging what, and talk about the things you like on your own blog.

#ask

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novampirebrainrot · 3 years

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Hi pretties, I've opened diabolik lovers art requests 🙈🙈

Read this only if you're interested <3

(I have been meaning to properly announce this for a while but I've become suddenly shy about it so...first of all, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for the people that have already requested me something, I will get to your asks first 😚)

Another important thing I should say is that I tend to be very critical about my own art...so that's why I might take some time to finish stuff.

Things I'll draw:

Characters (duh, just send me an ask with a character, maybe go on anon and drop a "Shin" if you think there's a lack of Shins on my blog 🤣);

OCs (it can either be the OC with their favorite diaboy or something of the sort);

Alternate universes, different clothing...

I preferably like to draw them doing different stuff, like at the library, drinking tea...maybe if you have a specific cup or place in mind you can send me an image, it helps me getting inspired;

The image thing can be added to any ask tbh (idk maybe link me one of @/nutaella-kookie's moodboards to inspire me 🤣 );

I love a challenge so I'll hardly deny any ask :)

I'm specially working to develop my figure drawing so....objects and sceneries might take more time for me to get done with;

But yeah that's pretty much it. I preferably like receiving asks with requests so that I can work on stuff following the order that people requested, but if you have something different or specific to request me or any doubt that you might have that I didn't cover on this post you can dm me :)

#diabolik lovers #art requests #thank you in advance #🙏

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comradedream · 2 years

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hi i am not even on dsmp tumblr but i want to join here it seems so nice but tumblr layout makes me wannavcry its very confusing any tips

HI that’s cool WELCOMEE um um idk i kinda just jumped into it, u get the hang of it pretty quick. first thing i’d recommend is just checking all the settings, there’s not too many n just adjusting basic things to how u like them is probably a good start? like u have to turn on the option to receive anon asks, u have an activity button u can turn off (like last active two hours ago) etc. making mutuals is easier on here imo than on twitter cuz there’s no follower count and stuff so just interact w ppl leave tags and stuff those are fun ! we don’t have groupchats LMFAO💀 but it’s still easier to make friends imo

our search and block functions suck so don’t bother too much w the first but block whoever u want anyway it makes ur life sm easier. settings -> general settings is where filtering is, it’s super useful i use it religiously it’s kind of like our scuffed version of the mute function? for filtered tags just put stuff u don’t wanna see tagged with that (so like anything from #dnf to #tw *trigger* to #discourse) and for filtered content put any WORDS u don’t wanna see posts mention (like ‘tumblr’ and now posts mentioning tumblr will be hidden behind a little click.) put tws and stuff in tags, and put content creator neg and crit tags if u do either of those in the post. i just use #name neg #name crit don’t use the minecraft tag or tag unrelated stuff under ur posts (like don’t put #dreamwastaken under a post about karl.) dtblr is notoriously bad at using main tags lately but if u wanna gain exposure it’s a good idea and we’ll probably start all doing it again eventually anyway. it’s good for organizational purposes too if ur into that like if u tag all art u reblog with #art u can search that in ur blog search and find all of it

don’t be a sideblog😭 life is so much easier as a main blog (so just use the one that u made signing up.) web tumblr has more options on designing ur blog and also more settings i think so check it out at some point. mine is rly basic so i’m not a good person to ask for rlly crazy layouts but i can give u my html code for how i made the links in my bio? dm me if u need anything honestly like u can ask me about any ‘courtesy’ rules on how we do stuff or blog recs or whatever. or u can send asks w more specific questions im so bad at summaries 😭😭 this is all off the top of my head ik i focused on tags a lot cuz that and asks r probably the most unique to tumblr commonly used features idk what else to add lolllllll. u do get the hang of it pretty fast though i promise don’t stress too much and good luckkk ^_^

#asks #i feel like people find their place in the community p fast if u interact w ppl like it feels like i know everybody LOLL #dtblr just feels Small

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katierosefun · 3 years

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hi hi! i'm only just beginning on tumblr and as a star wars fic writer in general (i have zero idea how to use this i hope this sends as anon??) and i was wondering if you had any tips for how to make friends/any good and open discord servers to join? thank you, you seem very nice :)

hi anon!!! yes, you’re coming through as anon asdfasdf--but anyways, yeah! thanks for the kind words! i hope these words are somewhat helpful, but (and oops, this got hecka long, so all of my advice is under the cut!):

shooting asks (like you are now!) is always a good start! just to pop in to say “hi” or some genuine words always signals to the other person that oh! nice person alert! nice person!!!! and that always makes people more willing to like,,,get to know you? (and of course, starting off as anonymous is fine! but when you feel brave enough, you can hop off anon!)

oh, and i guess just knowing basic internet etiquette! since you said that you’re still beginning on tumblr / being a star wars fic writer, i guess people are usually more open to talking when like....people know tumblr etiquette at least? (so like maybe this is selfish of me, but i tend to be a lot more patient with people who actually reblog art / creators / fic than i am with people who just spam-like things?

not saying i dislike those people--i appreciate them too! i really, really do! but when i see someone who’s actively reblogging things to share content creations, then that signals to me that this person really cares about keeping fandom the happy, lively community that it’s supposed to be! just because at least the way it works on tumblr, fic / art / pretty edits are only shared through reblogging, because that gets more people to see the content, and that supports those creators! and that’s nice! but when people don’t reblog, that stuff doesn’t get circulated, fandom dies, and then fandom gets confused why the heck there aren’t any more writers / artists / gifmakers in their fandom anymore. it’s an issue, so,,,basic tumblr etiquette about supporting your fandom creators is always a nice way to show that “hey! i’m here! and i’m also supportive!!!” which,,,y’know! is a good signal to everyone!

commenting on other people’s fics! similar to the one above, idk just having enough basic internet etiquette to be polite is always a way to get a conversation going! and chances are, the fic writer receiving the comment will check out your fics too, even before you tried to ask them to. (and,,,idk maybe a general rule of thumb is,,,don’t go into a fic writer’s inbox / private messages and just drop them a link to your fic without introducing yourself or anything first? just because that can come across as a little,,,idk,,,pushy? insensitive? seeing a fic writer more as a tool than like,,,y’know! an actual person! who also has boundaries and time and other obligations and etc.!) but anyways, where i was going with this point was that as soon as you post that comment, congratulations!! not only have you alerted to fandom that you are a living, breathing participant here, but also,,,again: if you establish some form of pleasant connection, then people are more likely to warm up. (which is kinda funny and i think says a lot about people, but i digress.)

and yes, of course, servers!!!! i’ll admit i’m a part of,,,quite a few servers, but i’m rarely active in all of them at once, just because discord servers can be a little overwhelming and a Lot to Handle at First, esp. with notifications. (but it’s easy to get around that! sometimes you can just put yourself in Do Not Disturb mode, and that’s fine--or you can just mute some channels, and that’s fine too!) but yes, servers are a wonderful way to get active and make some new friends! the servers that i’m most active in is @giggles-and-freckles’ lovely server (which i would be happy to shoot an invite over dm!!! or maybe even consider asking her because she’s the moderator asdfdsf), which is,,,,literally just a whole group of fic writers / fic readers / artists / just fandom people all vibing, and it’s a wonderful time.

i’m also a part of @obirain’s writing server, and while i’m admittedly not as active there, aubrey is an absolutely wonderful person, and i can 1000/10 guarantee that you’ll find some equally amazing people over there too!!!

hope that helps anon!!!

#answered #anon #hope that was helpful!!!#tbh anon i too am kinda new with the 'making online friends' thing #but i assure you it is a *wonderful* time

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shinayashipper · 4 years

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I'll be gone from social media for a bit!! (Maybe I'll just lurk around but not interact for a while heh)

Sorry for ranting a bit

I kinda received some hate speech because I drew fem-Yugi a lot HHHHH (and because I drew rivalshipping with fem-Yugi too, I guess that's kinda the last straw for some people?) I'm really sorry about this. This isn't the 1st time so that's why I always put warning in the beginning of the art but I guess it's still really creepy for some people! (That's ok, everyone has their own preferences! You can like your ships however you like!) I really thought with proper tagging and warning, people won't be bothered but they still do, I'm so sorry.

Anyway, I was called lots of things like problematic and lolicon and such? Is it because I drew DM fem-Yugi like... extra cute? Or is it because I like Kpop girl groups? Wow idk it's really Making me Thinking of Stuffs so yeah I guess I shall reflect on myself and my actions more! I'm really sorry, really.

Hmm as I thought my fem-Yugi arts should've never been posted hhh those are very self-indulgent anyway.

This is all my fault I'm very sorry.

I'm also sorry because they kinda bring up that rivalshipping with fem-Yugi is problematic, but here lemme tell you YOU CAN MAKE YOUR FICTIONAL SHIPS HOWEVER YOU LIKE!! They are fiction...

HSJZJZZJ ahh, really I'm just so sorry. I hope you'd just block me of whatever, I'm so sorry for interacting with you... I'm so sorry.

Wow really I'm just so sorry because... duznznzj I think I just ruined someone's day oh my god I really SHOULDNT HAVE POSTED MY FEMYUGI ARTS I just know theyre creepy oh my god suznznzjzj

I'm so sorry I'm so sorry

Sorry for writing this here, I just need to get it off my chest for a bit

Maybe will delete

#red rambles #personal

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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DM Questions, Round 3.

So yet another list of questions I’ve received in DM that, though anonymously (until the person decides to say it was them), I’m posting for the class because these questions may be bumping around other people’s heads and these answers may help other people too, as the other answer lists seem to be doing. And also to further encourage IT IS OKAY TO DM ME AND ASK THINGS, it doesn’t make anyone stupid or anything, it’s a VERY DIFFERENT THOUGHT PROCESS to try to digest.

Who or what is Death? I kind of had the idea of everything having an opposing/flip side so God/Amara, Adam/Eve, Heaven/Hell, Purgatory/The Empty and had put The Shadow/Death together and it just led to who or what is Death? Life/Death. You’ll notice something though: beyond maybe Adam and Eve, these aren’t necessarily true dualities. God is Light (or stolen Light), Amara is the Absence of Light, because Darkness isn’t a thing, it’s a nonthing. Heaven is supposedly union with God (be that Chuck or understanding man as the true god), hell is the absence of God. Life is the time we know in our bodies on earth, Death is the absence of that. These are non-things humans take as dualities: but again, Absence. Just like the soul as the true good: “What Jack did isn’t evil, it was the absence of good.” We do not take “Has a Soul” and “Soulless” as true dualities.

If you read the corpus hermeticum, you can actually read about the art of man becoming Deathless--and will recognize some of the base dialogue/concept of Jack talking to the subconscious serpent in the garden (eg, who art thou), but the simple point is, it takes thinking outside of the box of life (and life, in SPN, is literally illustrated as Chuck’s playground) to understand the limitlessness of Death. Life is just a small box in which we adventure, but everything beyond that is technically in “Death.” Death is an infinite vessel, because Death is all the things Life is not in its limited definitions.

For example, technically the Shadow exists within Death, despite being in the Empty. Why? Because it is not in Life. It births the soul into the idea of Life, but itself exists outside of Life. Ergo, the shadow exists in death, an infinite vessel. This can be hard to wrap around when there’s avatars, but I mean, like Amara: Amara is The Darkness. Ok. It’s nighttime. The sun has gone down so it isn’t putting out light (beyond what the moon reflects (teehee [x] )or unnatural lights provide.) In your home, turn off all your lights. Is the darkness something that exists, or is it something that just doesn’t exist (light) in that space?

These are the kind of embodied elements they are having run around on our screen right now. Death is everything Chuck’s world is not. Which is also why it tries to be what escorts you into the mental realms once your time in Chuck’s world passes. Once the reaper comes and your clock stops ticking in Chuck’s Swiss Watch. It is your Absence in the sandbox of Life, and something Life Itself was built on top of. To put it simply, Death is the shadow of the world if you will.

With regards to those different places: Heaven = humans with pure souls after death Hell = humans with twisted souls after death Purgatory = monsters (soulless or not?) after death The Empty = Angels/\demons +no souls)after death? That's the long and short of it, yes. Though I think ultimately the point will be disbanding most of these in the end.

So if Cas has a soul why did he go to the Empty? But Jack when he died first time round didn't? Even though the Shadow thought he should have, and then when soulless Jack died he did go there? Same reason the Empty came for Jack to begin with, it considered that made of grace its' own. Even if he had a soul. Now keep in mind I also delineate the hard divide of soul and grace. They are... very different and yet not. I speak of energy in transfer often, be it AC/DC conversion or-- well, I talk of Sun (Soul) and Moon (Mind/Grace) a lot. The moon reflects the light of the sun, the sun is the true light but the moon is a necessary part to maintain life on earth. Now at some point we may propose that there was a conversion (eg, Sacrifice, "When you die and your soul comes to heaven"), but in the back and forth that is Castiel, he's been riding a very fine line about what is what. The Mind, or in our case Grace, is still born FROM light of the souls in creation that it reflects, but at some point Castiel did end up in a very unique condition. Consider it a form of proto-soul, a shadow--*drumroll* that has not had a chance to take its complete journey yet, one that while Metatron spoke he would have, could not yet dream or experience the same way, and still ends up under the weight of the Mind or Grace that was his original form. This is a different construct than, say, being an actual Nephilim as a mixture of the two or embodiment of the Occultum. I will play a game though. If Castiel, hmmmm. I don't know. I'll play fun. Let's sayyyy the Empty comes for Cas in 15.18 like we're all talking about. And thennnnn somewhere amidst Dean taking a hit for Cas (as it looks like will happen) Castiel GATHERS THOSE LAST SPARKS OF GRACE and LOBS IT ALL INTO THE SHADOW to protect Dean, right? That grace is still really only valid within the universe, but with the Shadow entering the universe and soaking it, if the Shadow is the progenator of the human soul, what do you think happens at this point? After all, the soul dreams the world, and births the mind and the body (of self and the universe both), right? So Cas just threw his entire mind, in this TOTALLY PRESUMPTUOUS AND MADE UP idea, into the proto-soul-- what do we imagine happens at this point? And because I'm TOTES MCGOATS being TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL here, I'm just pitching that as a far more... hm, violently visual version of a more subdermal kind of transit going back and forth over the course of our show here. The Mind never truly ceases to exist, even if the power it manifests is only as valuable as the world it is thought of in. On the other hand, the soul is beyond that even still, and can go in and out past these walls, maintaining its form. But a Lesser Mind does not itself have place within the group mind made by Higher Being like souls, ergo, yeeted out into the empty where it floats like a lost part. Does that clarify the idea at all?

Did Cas have a soul before Dean? No. Even in season 6 he confirmed he had no soul. The quote about him receiving a soul happens at the end of season 8, in episode Sacrifice.

If so is this the crack is his chassis which has ultimately caused him to be reset time and again? Unclear what causes that. Maybe Naomi was just being a bitch, IDK.

If he didn't, and it is the Profound Bond that has caused his soul what is the crack in his chassis? Because it seems clear he has never been like other Angels. The Profound Bond at least deeply antagonized any rebelliousness he may have had. It's something Ishim talked about--why they're supposed to stay away from humans. Not because angels are a danger to them, but because humans are a danger to angels, and if you check out the Soul Meta I recently reblogged I have some verrrry long hypothesis about this. (x)

Did Chuck give the orders to reset him, and did Angels other than Naomi know this was happening? Chuck was absent from the world for thousands of years, and I highly doubt the same guy that forgets Cas is around on the daily left a specific aeon-long order list to do X things to Y random angel. We all love Cas on a story front but in the cosmic scale he's just one of a bazillion rando footsoldiers from the heavenly perspective. Naomi seemed more than well aware though since she was partaking in it. Angels were just doing their best to follow daddy's draft notes before he "went out for a pack of smokes and never came back." (season 11)

I can't remember which post I was reading earlier today, but you will know because it was recent, or at least reblogged by you recently: So Cas as the Empress - who feeds young from her own heart - Jack has been eating Grigori hearts - will Cas' be the last one for Jack to be able to "kill" God - which ultimately sends Cas to the Empty - Cas returning in the finale is them defeating the Empty/Death (God is already defeated) and Cas relinquishing his Grace so he is left with just a Soul and can then reside in Heaven after his death? That last chunk was just word vomit after reading the Empress feeds young from her own heart and my brain just wouldn't shut up. Basically, yes, but I bet you dollars to donuts they are gonna make us shit bricks about it between here and there. Be it say, my totally presumed idea above, or even somewhere during the reclamation attempt in the Empty seeming to disappear--IE, the way the fandom lost their SHIT about Rowena following a similar goddess path before HELLO BOYS!! MY SOUL WENT TO HELL BIG SURPRISE!!! -- everyone just spent a few episodes going bananas along the way and then, PLOT TWIST!!!

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #pagan life #souls #death #amaah #grace #chuck #angels #heaven #hell #purgatory #the empty #absence

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pocketsizedquasar · 4 years

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So.... I followed you in the wee beginnings of my giant moby dick obsession and I've been avidly consuming your comic. But TODAY I found your writings on the musical and... oh my gosh that part with Fedallah . just. you make all the good points there! And its like... I saw it at ART before my giant obsession took root, but so much of it confuses me! and moby dick is a book with some pretty explicit sections about race (if not a big coherent Take) 1/?

so to take it and then make it all about how some white man is ruining the voyage (ahem, the US) is so strange to me!? Like there ARE sections about whiteness, and there are parts where Ishmael totally turns protestant evangelizing ideas on their heads (queequeg as being tainted by christianity, also the part where queequeg says something along the lines of ... poor ishmael, so confused). Idk maybe i'm just a purist. 2/?

I have to say though... the song version of the reverend's sermon at the beginning absolutely takes my breath away (and i'm sad that I don't have any audio version...). Do you have a take on all the prophet imagery/stuff going on in the book? (elijah, ahab, jonah &c).ANyways, I've been rambling. tl;dr: your comic is So Good and I have opinions about the 2019 musical. 3/3

hhhh first off thank u for following & for ur kind words!! i’m so glad to be a part of Whale Obsessions & i’m glad you like my comic!!

& ohhh boy. the musical. the musical the musical. i actually have a more distilled, shorter post in my drafts about my problems w the musical bc my existing review is kind of long and unwieldy but YEAH, tl;dr a white man trying to take a story already very intrinsically about race and modify the racial aspects to make it “more relevant” to “modern america” is. dumb and shitty and not his place as a white man to do and i’m Not a Fan. you don’t need to try to make md relevant to modern day america! by virtue of the fact that it’s already about race and racialized dynamics in the 19th century US -- dynamics which still exist -- it’s already relevant to today! especially when he takes away a lot of the existing racial commentary in favor of adding his own lukewarm white takes on racism! like what abt the time ishmael learns he fucked up wrt queequeg on his own, without queequeg having to pull some bs “i’m just like you!!” moment like so many characters of color in white narratives are forced to? what about ishmael drawing comparisons between the pequod and colonialism/imperialism, and talking abt how the act of whaling at sea mirrors US colonialism on land? what abt the fact that all of the officers on the pequod are white and most of the sailors are poc (which is mentioned in a brief throwaway line in the musical but otherwise not meaningfully discussed bc the officers are played by WOC)? there’s like. so much to work with already that you can build off instead of just... eschewing that to insert your own opinions lmao. and it’s less work!! to just work with what already exists and build on it!!

and !! yeah the sermon song is absolutely fantastic. there are several really really good musical moments in the show (which makes the problems w it all the more frustrating imo). it’s a lovely lovely song sung beautifully and a really wonderful opener. psst if you want an audio boot of the show dm me i can link u to one that my friend took the night we went together

but yeah re: prophet stuff in the book-- i live for that shit. the sermon chapter is probably one of my favorites in the story, both for its beautiful language and for how much it foreshadows everything! something i think a lot of adaptations (not just the musical) get wrong about Moby Dick is the exclusion of the on land chapters. and, like, I understand why people do it -- they want to get to sea and the adventure as soon as possible -- but the problem is those first 20 or so chapters exist to frame the story in a way that we can’t really when we get to sea. there’s so much foreshadowing and tone-setting and groundwork that’s done in those early chapters that we miss out on if we just skip them (not to mention the adorable character interactions btwn Ish & Queequeg, Ish & Peter Coffin, & really just the only time we actually get to see Ishmael be a character).

putting the rest under a cut cause this is getting long lol

but yeah so much of what shows up in the latter half of the book is explicitly referenced in those opening chapters. aside from the obvious biblical connotations of the names (ishmael, elijah, ahab), connotations that the narrative itself is well aware of and comments on, there’s so many little things that just... really nicely hint at what comes in the end.

like, okay. ishmael getting saved by queequeg’s coffin at the very end? in what can easily be interpreted as ~divine~ or ~angelic~ intervention (esp if we consider the biblical origins of his name)? okay, cool, look at this line that ishmael yells when he first sees queequeg in peter coffin’s inn:

(ID: “Landlord, for God’s sake, Peter Coffin!” shouted I. “Landlord! Watch! Coffin! Angels! save me!”)

or how about the swinging lantern in Jonah’s cabin that shows up in the sermon?

(ID: “Screwed at its axis against the side, a swinging lamp slightly oscillates in Jonah’s room; and the ship, heeling over towards the wharf with the weight of the last bales received, the lamp, flame and all, though in slight motion, still maintains a permanent obliquity with reference to the room; though, in truth, infallibly straight itself, it but made obvious the false, lying levels among which it hung. The lamp alarms and frightens Jonah; as lying in his berth his tormented eyes roll round the place, and this thus far successful fugitive finds no refuge for his restless glance. But that contradiction in the lamp more and more appals him. The floor, the ceiling, and the side, are all awry. ‘Oh! so my conscience hangs in me!’ he groans, ‘straight upwards, so it burns; but the chambers of my soul are all in crookedness!’”)

that image, the rocking, swinging lantern, reappears again and again in Ahab’s cabin throughout the book! it’s there in the beginning when we see Ahab charting their course for the first time, it’s there when the ship sees the mysterious spooky Spirit Spout TM and Starbuck finds Ahab sleeping in the cabin, clinging to a rocking lantern, it’s there when Starbuck has his existential crisis over whether or not he’s going to kill Ahab (another Jonah parallel -- killing the captain would save everyone else).

or how about when queequeg saves that racist dumbass on the schooner to nantucket, and ishmael literally tells us queequeg’s going to die?

(ID: All hands voted Queequeg a noble trump; the captain begged his pardon. From that hour I clove to Queequeg like a barnacle; yea, till poor Queequeg took his last long dive.)

there’s just a ton of really lovely little nods and details and symbols in the early chapters that lay down the foundations for what comes later. those chapters, and elijah and ahab and jonah and the sermon and peter coffin, have a job to do: they’re there so we know how this ends before we’ve even started. before ishmael ever sets foot on the claw-footed pequod, we know, at least on some level, she’s destined to sink.

remember, ishmael is telling us this story in hindsight. he knows how it ends. he doesn’t deceive us, doesn’t try to hide or avoid it. he makes it very clear from the beginning that this is a story where everyone dies.

sorry that got so long! thank you for the asks i always love an excuse to ramble about Dick

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fwoopersongs · 3 years

Text

何必诗债换酒钱 - Notes

youtube

Clean version here and thoughts under the cut.

I saw the song translation notes made by @shelterfromrain a while back and thought, wow! what a fantastic idea it is to share the results of the rabbit holing (that you inevitably end up engaging in when doing this) and leave a record for your future self while at it too! Currently some of the song and poetry translations on fwoopersongs do have little notes, but those were casually written on the fly and after so long, the thought process behind certain choices often get forgotten, which is such a waste... Long story short - I’m doing it this way from now on!

This song was requested by @peerlesssqq on twitter - which may or may not have bumped it up by like a year on my list (yes, I’ve been sitting on it since 2018 and you’ll see why) - and I had WAY more fun than expected, so 谢啦 ~ It was a delight to receive your DM request. I was happy for days!

Some background: 《何必诗债换酒钱》 is the theme song of 【文定乾坤】- a collection of musical works that feature notable contributors to Chinese literature in ancient times, poets and the like. Oh, and I did notice that the MV on bilibili looks like it could be a promo for a webtoon or game. Who knows? I’ll be checking out the rest of the songs, that’s for sure!

The following part of this post will be my thoughts for first the title, then each section - the intro, verse 1 & 2 and the chorus, ending off with some final comments.

Disclaimer first though (otherwise later you read already then feel like beating me up): Everything in this post is only my interpretation of the song. I have quite limited familiarity with mainland literature and culture, so of course don’t expect much xD Here you’ll only find a story-loving banana who jiak-ed kantang too much in her youth and now regrets it a whole lot. 说好了哈 I’m pants at analysis, worse at Chinese, and am not at all good with words ok?

Title

So《何必诗债换酒钱》, let’s start off with the word here that’s unfamiliar to most of us:

诗债 | shī zhài or a debt of poems/poetry debt is a legit thing! - All you authors and artists out there might be familiar with it - It’s what you call the resulting debt when a poet promises to write something for another person but hasn’t done it yet. Procrastination has apparently always been the curse of content creators.

In fact, in the Bai Juyi’s poem that came up on the 诗债 baidu page《晚春欲携酒寻沉四著作先以六韵寄之》- possibly addressed to a friend he owes - he was complaining of illness, old age and writer’s block. But then oh, he goes on and then I passed by a party where they had drinks, and was quite up to my gills & totally out of it for some time, and THAT’S why I’ve done you dirty and owe you ever so many poems. I don’t really understand the last two lines but apparently he then offers to bring a drink for this person he’s talking to, mentions a wish to meet a winter goddess (????? pretty girl? or the snow? idk which), and starts reminiscing the times that were like a precious string of pearls they had singing at Yang Pass. Most likely farewells, but without context I just don’t get it. Anyway bribery and misdirection huh? I see what you did there bro, and I’m sure the person you attempted to distract saw it coming too...

何必 | hé bì, is a rhetorical question of Must you really? In the case of this word, 何 functions as roughly ‘is it that’ and 必 as ‘it must be so’.

换酒钱 | huàn jiǔ qián is of course, exchange for money to purchase wine.

‘Must you really promise poems in exchange for money to buy wine?’ then is the literal translation of 何必诗债换酒钱.

So here is the question: Is alcohol worth a poetry debt? Onwards to the answer!

Intro

生就诗骨算来三百篇 Born and already a poet to the bones, (with) three hundred works counting up to now.

浪掷��长安风流李杜王白 Spending lavishly in Qinhuai and Chang’an, free/unrestrained as Li and Du, Wang and Bai;

余下十分便随意肩上担 whatever left is divided in ten parts, casually thrown over a shoulder

权作金玉铜板相谢好人间 and taken for jade, gold and coin, a big thank you to this good world!

I interpreted the 生 in the first line as 天生 i.e. innate, natural born talent, so this first line describes someone born with a gift for poetry with ‘three hundred’ works to their name. Although... that three hundred should not be taken too literally, it’s more likely to be an allusion to collected works like the 16th century anthology of poems, Three Hundred Tang Poems. After all, Li Bai, Du Fu, Wang Wei and Bai Juyi are the most famous Tang Dynasty poets… and they were all name-dropped in the next line!

浪掷 | làng zhì was a new phrase for me, and means something like spending freely and lavishly or willfully wasted. Of course Chang’an was the capital during the Tang Dynasty and it was the world's most populous city at the time. One can only imagine how prosperous it must have been… and what fun things were there to spend your money on! The banks of Qinhuai river and that general area was once a gathering place for noble/wealthy families, scholars looking for a good time (and some say, the red light district xD). Though by Sui/Tang, that area was no longer doing as well due to political shifts. So the mental image I got from 浪掷秦淮长安 is of someone gallivanting through places of interest, from the bustling and prosperous to the dilapidated.

风流 | fēng liú is as always, hard to translate with no full equivalent in english. The feel it gives me ranges from, ‘cool, dashing bloke on a galloping horse with their cloak/robes/hair flowing elegantly in the wind’ to ‘pleasure seeking dandy who totally knows how to enjoy life, all the courtesans know him by courtesy name!’.

The third line started with 余下十分, which will not make any sense - why leftover? Divide what by ten? - until its put in context with the following:

Three hundred poems 算来三百篇 + 权作金玉铜板 pretend they are gold/jade/money (权作 | quán zuò just means to take one thing for another temporarily.)

The load thrown over the shoulder 肩上担

Spendthrift behaviour on tour 浪掷秦淮长安

The TITLE: bro so u wanna promise poetry in exchange for money to drink? why.

Let’s take those precious poems that can be exchanged for gold - a whole bagful of scrolls, and now I’m so rich I can scatter my money down the streets of entertainment districts and the capital! The very image of a 风流 poet, reckless and free spirited.

// Folks, please learn from this silly girl and do not read songs (or poems) line by line. They need to be appreciated at a distance, not one inch from your eyeballs.

Verse 1

两分与月劳烦身前打点 Two parts to the moon, (may I) trouble you to take care of me while I’m alive.

哪处巍峨峰峦当借我悬来观 Wherever there are majestic peaks and ranges, do lend me (your light) to hang and see by.

三分典高楼好与长风赴宴 Three parts pawned for the tall building, good for attending the banquet alongside the wind,

遍寻可爱星子唾手一把玩 searching for charming little stars, easily caught to play with.

Now we get to see how the poet is spending his ‘wealth’. This verse is a lot more literal as compared to the introduction, so there’s not much to say.

打点 used here is so interesting! Because it’s what you call bribing someone in a superior position to smoothen your path ahead (so to speak). Thanks to a childhood of tvb drama, I vaguely associate the type of people who would 打点 with rich merchant or minor noble fathers who want to give their sons an easier time at court. Either that or lower ranked officials with less moral scruples. Anyway, what’s being said in the song is something like: here is 20% dear moon, I’ll have to trouble you to bless me for the rest of this lifetime, and also please lend me your light to see by when I have need of it at scenic spots *for art*. The moon is a muse for many poets in all its forms after all… 明月, 圆月, 孤月, 残月, 冷月, 江月, 秋月 and so on.

Actually that whole sentence 劳烦身前打点 is so playful and fun that I put it in quotation marks to emphasize it. We’ve only just begun. Is the speaker already drunk?

And with the third line, 30% has been spent. Just noting here that 典 | diǎn can be read as pawn or mortgage. Another interesting thing to note would be that this imagery of ascending a tall building 高楼 and reaching out for stars 星子 in the last two lines of Verse 1 brings to mind one particular poem, famously attributed to Li Bai. Following translation by yours truly.

《夜宿山寺》- Overnight at the Mountain Temple 危楼高百尺 | dangerously towering a hundred feet high 手可摘星辰 | the stars are within reach 不敢高声语 | one dares not raise their voice 恐惊天上人 | for fear of disturbing the deities

Though the two probably have nothing to do with each other, doesn’t the reverence in the tone of this one bring out the playful irreverence of the other? So. Much. Fun. I adore the whole feel of 遍寻可爱星子唾手一把玩 SO MUCH.

Verse 2

两分与桥歇脚南北行船 Two parts to the bridge where travellers on foot and by boat from the north and south can rest,

欣然八方风物闲话半日茶碗 delighted by the scenery all around, idly chatting half the day away over bowls of tea.

三分典流水润色枯瘦石山 Three parts for the running water, moistening the gaunt stone mountains

又将天地一展伸手试浓淡 and again spreading heaven and earth wide, reaching out to test the viscosity (of the water).

It took a few listens, but in the end I really enjoyed the aesthetics here. And again, this verse is quite straight to the point albeit with two things I cannot understand.

The first point of confusion for me is why the lyricist chose to use 桥 | qiáo, a bridge as the place for people to rest on their journeys. I assumed here that this in reference to a pier or dock, assumed also that he is donating funds for this structure to be built or repaired. However, if that were the case 坞 | wù would have been enough - 船坞 was supposedly invented only in the Song Dynasty though, so maybe that’s why another word was chosen. But it’s not like there is any incidence of 桥 being used to mean ‘dock’ either!

The second thing that confuses me is the use of 典 for 流水. In verse one, that 典 was referring to the poetry works sold to reserve the venue for a banquet. That usage was apt. Here I suspect it might be for parallel structure, because there is no alternative reading for 典 that might allow one to use their 30% 三分 to do anything to flowing water 流水. That’s the literal reading, of course.

If we’re taking this a little less literally, it can be interpreted as borrowing the scenery (figuratively, since the place would not belong to anyone in the way you might own a property) to admire. It also expands on the second line’s mention of the surrounding view 欣然八方风物; there is running water which completes 润色 and brings the appearance of the gaunt and rocky mountains 枯瘦石山 closer to perfection.

润色 | rùn sè means to polish, to bring to greater heights. When you say something has been 润色 it is made more brilliant and closer to perfection by that addition. It can also mean moisten.

We always hear ‘rivers and mountains like a painting’ 江山如画 - originating from Su Dongpo’s《念奴娇·赤壁怀古》- used when the scenery is wonderful, because how often is real life as ideal as what we can imagine and depict? And that is exactly what is described here. The feeling out if the ‘water’ is concentrated or diluted 试浓淡 is used in answer to 一展 unfurling. 浓淡 of ink to 一展 of painting scroll. The land and sky seem like an ink wash painting, so beautiful that the viewer cannot help but reach out to run their hand through the water.

Chorus

Chorus Part 1

若趁游兴直到酣 If we take advantage of our wanderlust and go roaming till it is sated,

千字文章不值钱 classics and essays shan’t be worth a coin.

诗换花词换雪 A poem for a flower! A song for snow!

再作檄文斗天官 Another denunciation for those heavenly officials!

Starting off with three new terms for me: 游兴 | yóu xìng means enthusiasm for travel. 酣 | hān can mean having a great time drinking, or being very satisfied and satiated. 檄文 | xí wén is a type of official document written for important announcements, declaration of war, or denunciation and condemnation of certain people or actions.

While I still feel this need to go out to see the world, I shall keep on the road until I am satisfied. Who cares about writing, who cares for study, it’s all worthless to me. I do what I want. And what I want is to write a little poem in exchange for a flower, some lyrics for a flake of snow. I’ll even write a denunciation against those officials in heaven (immortals). Fight me!!!!

I point again at Verse 1 with climbing the tower to play with stars. It’s no longer just playing nearby, now he wants a go at the gods.

Among the four parts of the chorus, this one is the simplest for sure. The lines mean exactly what is said. It also feels the most chaotic and mischievous. Is the speaker drunk? Is he high on something? One thing’s for sure. He’s out of money.

Chorus Part 2

何愁不得一样我 Why feel troubled that (I) cannot have another just like me?

知交尽向话中添 for one who understands you and is understood, look entirely towards stories to fill that place

唐解元嵇中散 people like Tang Bohu (first in provincial examinations) and proud, upright and stubborn Ji Kang

且驰大梦任疯癫 Just chase that great dream, allow yourself to go mad.

I feel like the first two lines are quite straightforward, though they might not appear so on first reading: How could there be a need to feel sad or troubled that I have no like-minded equal. To find a true friend who understands you without need for words, and whom you understand in return, all you need to do is turn to those tales and stories 话中 for people to fill 添 that place.

唐解元 - People like Tang Yin, courtesy name: Bohu 唐寅, 字伯虎 (1470–1524 AD), noted painter, calligrapher and poet of the Ming Dynasty. Tang Yin led a life full of ups and downs that really cannot be covered in a paragraph’s worth of song translation notes. You can check out his wiki page if you’re curious though! There’s a little more on him where I cover the last line of this section. He is addressed as 解元 | jiè yuán here which is the term for the top scorer of the provincial examinations (second stage in the Imperial examination ladder). It is also an honorific for scholars. Tang Bohu is both.

嵇中散 - People like Ji Kang, courtesy name: Shuye 嵇康, 字叔夜, (223–262 AD), one of the Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove - a group of friends who wisely kept themselves aloof from the dangerous politics of the Court, and devoted themselves to art, refinement and debate, of the Three Kingdoms period. He was a Daoist philosopher, musician, writer and poet.

An accomplished musician, the qin composition 廣凌散 | guǎnglíng sàn is attributed to Ji Kang, though some versions of the story claim he learned it from a ghost while stopping at a pavillion on his way home. 嵇中散 was one of the names he was known by because of his appointment to the position of Attendant Counsellor, 中散大夫 | zhōng sàn dàfū, a civil official unspecified duties in the court of Cao Wei.

When Ji Kang was sentenced to death for his attempt to testify for a wrongly accused friend, three thousand scholars petitioned for his pardon to no avail. It’s said that at the execution ground, while they waited for the appointed hour, he had his favourite qin brought out and played a brilliant interpretation of Guanglin San that is now forever lost.

Do go read about them both if you have the time!

I would like to point out for the last line that 任 is to allow, to indulge, and it’s just such a heady sensation to say 任疯癫 - indulge in the madness! throw yourself in and don’t look back!

There is an easter egg here too. A nod to a poem by Tang Yin which can be read as his stance on his lifestyle choice after the alleged accusations of bribery in the final step of the Imperial examinations left him disgraced, and unable to pursue a civil career. Thematically the line does not call back to the poem at all, similarities end with the choice of words: chasing the dream 驰大梦 and indulging madness 任疯癫. I leave an excerpt below. Translation again by me.

《桃花庵歌》- Song of a Plum Blossom Cottage // 若将花酒比车马 | if tawdriness and wine were compared against fine carriage and steed 他得驱驰我得闲 | he would have to drive and work hard for speed whilst I have my idle rest 别人笑我太疯癫 | others mock me for my madness 我笑他人看不穿 | i am amused for they do not perceive 不见五陵豪杰墓 | can’t you see that at the Emperors’ mausoleums and heroes’ graves 无花无酒锄做田 | there are no flowers, no wine, only land ploughed for farming

The second part of the chorus isn’t related to the first, but it has the same theme of showcasing the untamable (unhinged xD) spirit of the speaker. This time, the people he admires ‘intellectual equals’ and kindred spirits are featured, the 任性 feeling here has been pushed to greater heights.

Chorus Part 3

敢夸洒落何须酒 If one dares to boast of carefreeness, why, they hardly need wine.

不煮黄粱也��仙 Even without brewing millet they would still be called Immortal.

镜湖桌白梅盏 The tables in the mirror-like lake, white plum blossoms in the cups,

等来春风恰开宴 await the spring breeze which arrives just in time for the feast to start!

Li Bai is regarded as both the god of poetry 诗仙 and god of drunkards wine 酒仙 because he wrote some of his greatest poems while drinking. The first two lines seem to be gently poking fun at that. Like hey, if you dare to claim to be all groovy, surely you have no need for alcohol? Just like how an immortal would still be an immortal without wine, your writing talent should not need any stimulants. This would be the time to mention that 黄粱 | huáng liáng is also known as millet, a type of grain that can be used to brew wine.

洒落 | sǎ luò has a few meanings, like shower down or blame, but the relevant one here would be 洒脱 generous, uninhibited and open. For me it feels similar to 风流 in that there is that ‘free, and exhilaratingly unrestrained’ element. 洒落 is in the most positive sense, being always open to having a good time, but without that dissolute or vaguely whirlwind-romance like connotation of 风流.

It feels like the intensity is letting up a little here - this is a light-hearted and frivolous song all the way through, but the words 洒落, 称仙 and imagery of a clear lake, white plum blossoms and the crisp spring breeze are grounding and sweet. Spirited in a different way from before.

Chorus Part 4

四角天地也醺然 The four corners and heaven and earth are also tipsy,

醉极自有桃李搀 when I’ve overindulged, my students will be there to help.

快意只笔下讨 Gratification can only be claimed from beneath the brush;

何必诗债换酒钱 is falling into poetry debt worth that money for drink?

New words: 醺然 | xūn rán just means drunk. A new word for me though! 桃李 | táo lǐ is literally peach 桃 and plum 李 (李花, also known as 玉梅) flowers, and is a metaphor for students. The term originates from a story in 《韩诗外传》which was set in the Wei Kingdom of the Spring and Autumn period (771 to 476 BCE). There was once a highly ranked official who was sacked from his post and left for the north. He met another gentleman and remarked that the people he helped before did not lift a finger when he was in need. This person replied that, if someone were to plant peach and plum trees in spring, he could relax under their shade in the Summer and taste their fruit in the Autumn. But if that person were to plant weeds, nothing can be done with their leaves in Spring and there would only be burrs to hurt himself on in Autumn. Clearly the people the unfortunate gentlemen had helped before were not worth his effort. Students ought to be carefully selected and carefully cultivated as one would a tree.

Reading the four corners and heaven and earth 四角天地 are also tipsy 也醺然, I imagine the world sort of spinning around the speaker because he is drunk. But that’s okay, because his students (or the trees xD) will be there to support him.

快意 | kuài yì is the feeling of sudden relaxation, and then lightheartedness and joy. In this line, I felt like the intention would be closer to 畅快，爽快 and so chose gratification, because really writing is like scratching an itch isn’t it? Pleasure from satisfaction of a desire. Phrasing it as 笔下讨 is so very fitting though, because 讨 can be interpreted - somewhat contradicting - as either to demand or to beg. What could be more gratifying than having squeezed out the perfect sentence or word under your figurative pen?

So so so after all that, 何必诗债换酒钱? What do you think, is alcohol worth the poetry debt? Is Mr. Poet actually drunk and about to dig himself a deeper hole of owed poems to get even MORE drunk, or has he just been thinking about it all along? :)

Thoughts

This has been such a fun adventure following our madcap big spender from the shining Chang’an to the inviting Qinhuai, shadow of great poets in tow and all. We’ve done everything from talking to the moon and seeing the sights by her light, to boating down a river, dragging fingers through the water. It was sort of like being on a backpacking tour, except with with someone contemplating opening (or perhaps regretting opening this can of worms?) poetry commissions instead of singing in the streets?

Dear reader, if you’ve reached this point of my post, thank you. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do now!

#何必诗债换酒钱 #translation notes #i made a new years resolution and this is step one #i had so many more things to say lol but it's like 1 am and i need to go to bed #this took way longer than i thought it might

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watchtheblog · 4 years

Text

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them.

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

#things i want #things I want for my birthday #lists of things #lists of things i want #my birthday #birthday lists #9/26; never forget #invidious consumption

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sgnjoowon · 4 years

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hey hey everyone! this is my first time in seongnam and i’m super excited to be here. it’s kind of late for me, but i wanted to throw up an intro for my boi before i head to bed, so here we are! this is noh joowon, twenty two year old junior. he’s an animation major and a pretty popular BL webtoon author, but that last part is a ~*secret*~. he’s pretty loud and outspoken and often times annoying but he’s a... well... not good boy but a fun boy? anyway! i have his ABOUT, BACKGROUND, and PLOTS pages up if you’d like to take a look, but i’ll drop some info and wanted connections under the cut! and if you’d like to plot, please hit like on this post and i’ll pop into your ims, or you can reach me on TWITTER if you’d prefer to plot there! ♥️

QUICK FACTS !

so tl;dr - 22, a junior, majoring in animation with a minor in art. wanted to do things the other way around but he fucked up his registration forms and went with it

is also a pretty popular BL webtoon author under the pen name byungari (you can find more info about his webtoons here). only a handful of people know about this... it’s a Big Secret, he’ll have to end you if you find out

basically, entered a webtoon contest online in freshman year - didn’t win, but the company asked him for a story outline and quickly sent a contract over for a serialized webtoon to be published online. it did well, and then he got a contract for another one which was also well received/ranked

long story short, he just recently started publishing webtoon #3 which takes some heavy inspiration from the seongnam campus, so you’ll probably see familiar landmarks and faces if you follow it closely... honestly, he’s not all that subtle

anyway! he has a makeshift studio in the student centre and an assistant to help out with meeting deadlines and such. even then most days he barely submits his work on time and he’s always drawing in class instead of paying attention

considered a campus cryptid because he barely attends class and yet manages to pass most things... actually he’s there, just tucked in the back napping or quietly taking notes. he doesn’t participate much unless whatever’s going on is ‘interesting’

it’s just weird because he’s v. loud and opinionated otherwise - will get into debates right in the middle of class when it’s a subject he’s passionate (and right) about. some of his classmates are just straight up scared of getting into it with him

part of the art club (nominally; he joined because he felt obligated to but he doesn’t participate much), the cooking club (kinda; he’s just there for the food and also never like... ‘officially’ joined), and the paranormal club (this one’s legit. he loves paranormal stuff)

is the baby of his family; has 2 older siblings but they have a significant age gap with him so they were never close while growing up. they’re both like... very academically aligned with ~respectable careers~ (professor and doctor) so sometimes joowon feels like the odd one out with his focus on animation/art

his parents are divorced - dad has a whole other family that joowon has complicated feelings about!! he doesn’t like to think on it too much. was raised primarily by his mom while his dad really just pays for his education and stuff. compared to most kids from divorced homes he feels like he’s pretty well adjusted

his family isn’t super elite or wealthy, but they’re probably like... very comfortable but also very well connected with people who are considered elite (dad’s a lawyer and mom is the chairman/director of a elite private academy)

incidentally, went to that private academy before attending seongnam. it was very academics focused even though joowon was... not. but his parents are like whelp we did it right with the first two kids so it’s okay if kid #3 is into art and shit as long as he graduates from a good uni! hence him being at seongnam

really, his post graduation plans are just ‘i am going to make more webtoons and then maybe work in animation’ and he’s pretty happy with that

he’s very... hm... very blunt and straightforward in most of his dealings with people. super loud and confident and doesn’t hold back even if there’s a risk he might offend someone. he’s also pretty impulsive and short tempered so it doesn’t take much for him to go off. like, he’s passionate about a lot of things and sometimes that explodes out of him in a not-fun way

but he’s also like a very open, easy-to-befriend kinda guy, super supportive of his friends and generous where it counts. he’s very loyal and the kind of person who’d fight you but also fight FOR you in a heartbeat. he hates unhappy endings so he’s always trying to low key look out for his friends even if!! admitting he cares is embarrassing!!

he’s a cute kid who can be a lot sometimes. please be his friend anyway

WANTED CONNECTIONS !

friends!! some super casual friends to spend time with in between classes or grab a bite to eat with - he’s honestly pretty friendly when it comes down to it and even if you don’t know him well, he’ll probably consider you a pal. maybe you got paired for some activity during freshman orientation and stuck together, shared classes in the past, etc. you just know joowon as an entertaining dude

fellow animation / art majors or minors!! classmates, people to get stuck doing group projects with, we always work on our assignments together, looking for an empty studio to write and found you there so uh can we share. or on the flip side, department rivals?? getting into arguments / heated debates in the middle of class and getting sent out? always competing to see who’s better but they’re both good!

art club members who are like please come to a meeting please please come to just one meeting - or, y’know, forcibly drag or trick him into participating. someone who recruited him into the art club to begin with and now they have regrets. someone who finds an old exhibition piece he did for the club or something and is like omg please come back sunabe i want to learn from you--

cooking club members who he kind of follows around because they make really good food. people who don’t realize he’s not officially in the club and try to get him to participate but he’s like these hands are not made for cooking. someone who does realize but is like aw he’s harmless let him hang around. let him lick the spoon--

paranormal club bros... it’s the one club he’s actually serious about for reasons unknown (actually, it’s known: he wants to fuck a vampire) so members who share similar interests or just like his intensity or just think he’s a riot. maybe they try to film their own version of buzzfeed unsolved and hit up a bunch of supposedly haunted places or chase paranormal activity idk

people who read / have read his webtoons! whether they’re fans of him or antis... maybe someone he’s friends with irl who reads every update but doesn’t know he’s the author, or someone he’s friends with irl who hates the webtoon and joowon has to stop themselves from fighting them. or like... interacting on twitter about the webtoons, someone who writes fic or draws fanart and always dms it to him, idk, someone who leaves hate comments whom he fights with on a sock account??

he has a weird relationship with sunbaes in the sense that he can get really needy / attention-seeking around them (maybe he craves the close older sibling figures he’s never had in his life!) so sunbaes he can bother / be cute around. whether they tolerate him, shoo him away, or take care of him... idk

enemies?? for various reasons - maybe they’re rivals, maybe they just pissed joowon off or vice versa, maybe they just made eye contact and challenged each other to a fight pokemon style, maybe he just can’t stand the way they act, but enemies are fun...

some romantic connections like exes? hasn’t dated much recently maybe a few people in the past, or like people who have confessed to him but he turned them down pretty callously. or someone who falls in love with his art and thinks that means they like joowon but when they try to get to know him they’re like oh... oh no

i know i missed a bunch of stuff but i have more specific plots here if nothing sparks your interest + and i’m always open to brainstorm something as well!

#out of comics #/ idk if there is an intro tag but #/ anyway please plot with us we don't bite #/ :)

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fallingfromdepression · 3 years

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12/6/2020

this is gonna be less about school and more me rambling about my mental health and where i am rn in life. i got triggered earlier and i’m hoping i’ll feel better once i write it all out so then i can hopefully get my mind focused back on trying to do this final assignment due tmr evening that i’ve barely started so that’s what the stakes are. put under a cut bc it’s detailing quite a bit of some of my personal life

so i bought a surprise box from an indie artist that ended up being around $30 total with shipping (not too bad since the box is supposed to include at least $50 worth of merch). i haven’t had a lot of misc purchases ever since i came back home, or at least i’m definitely spending less than i did when i was at school, and i generally like all of this artist’s merch so i thought it was a decent expense. unfortunately i did have to buy it today when i am technically supposed to be working on finals and etc but it didn’t take much time since i was notified abt the restock yesterday and i preferred to buy sooner rather than later (i.e. after all my finals are finished) esp from small businesses that have a limited stock. but since my parent is intimately involved with my finances, they saw the purchase asap and kind of interrogated me abt it esp since it’s not a purchase from amazon or a bigger business.

now the context that makes that latter part more meaningful: about this time last yr, i had a situation where i tried to buy an anime merch through a proxy on twitter. this proxy didn’t have an actual website so i was buying through DMs. when i paid the proxy in advance, this same parent saw the purchase and asked me abt it and checked up on the process without asking for any further info. i made the grave mistake (in hindsight) of being honest and telling them i still hadn’t received the purchase months after i had paid them so then this whole shitshow ensued where my parent was convinced the proxy was conning me (the proxy had proxied merch for other ppl before based on their facebook proxy page) and had me cancel the proxy which the proxy thankfully agreed to except they still wanted some payment since they had still gone through the effort to get the merch supposedly (the wait was due to them not shipping the good out yet) so they said they were only going to refund part of the payment. yet again i told my parent abt this partial refund and that further convinced my parent the proxy was conning me (out of $3) so they were like no absolutely no payment to the proxy. lucky for the proxy, around the time i was refunding the payment i had left home and gone back to school so i told them to refund the full amt and i’d pay them separately so i could pretend this $3 payment was for something else i was buying physically. and very very lucky for me the proxy was understanding and refunded the full amt so it looked like i got everything back and i paid them separately through another app. the thing is i was expecting the proxy to take a while bc i had seen on other twitter accounts that proxied merch through individuals tended to take a while, and it had been abt 2ish months since i made the payment. i understand the concern my parent had esp since they are not familiar with online informal dealings, but the thing is ever since this fiasco my parent has assumed everything i buy from a small business (aka anything they don’t recognize) is me getting conned again.

to a degree i understanding and appreciate the concern, but i’m frustrated bc even with that proxy payment i literally cried that night out of anxiety and concern bc i knew there was a chance i could get conned and i had spent days being like ‘should i do it. oh god idk should i. but i’ve checked up on this proxy through any means possible and they seem ok enough...’ so it’s not like i’m like naive af and being like ‘tee hee con me !!’ like i understand the risk and was willing to do it (and to this day i still believe i would have gotten the merch albeit much later than expected). and my age is considered adult age pretty much internationally so it’s not like i’m a naive af 8yo who doesn’t know the dangers of the internet. yes i haven’t made much online purchases but i’m aware of the scams and try to make sure i’m buying from a trusted seller and if it’s worth it for the price. but i hate having to be so concerned abt my spending habits and whether the package will get here in time before my parent cancels the order out of fear of me being conned “again” at my age. i’ll admit i don’t have a stable job yet but it’s not like i’m spending money every week or even every month. if i wasn’t at home i would be less concerned bc the shipment isn’t going to my home address so the parent can’t scrutinize it but bc it is now, my spending is put under more scrutiny.

anyway my parent’s low-key interrogation shook up my mental state as expected and i had to take a bit to unload on my sibling and cry a little. i know if i wasn’t at home this wouldn’t affect me as much but bc i’m at home and having to deal with it in person instead of over text or a phone call... and the damn pandemic isn’t ending anytime soon so i’m going to have to stay at home for the indefinite future. it’s not like i have a ton of shit i want to buy but i don’t want to have to deal with this trigger every few months (last purchase was back in maybe september or so towards a book publishing kickstarter which i guess bc it was only $15 my parent didn’t kick up too much of a fuss abt since technically i still don’t have the ebook i paid for). i’m not purchasing any christmas presents for friends or anyone so i don’t have that as a cover or anything. but the thing is even once i leave home i have little confidence i’ll be able to be independent and my sibling told me it’ll take a few years for me to get a grasp on things but idk. it just feels so far away in the future and i can’t envision my present self with no motivation or willpower to do it even though i mean when push comes to shove i’ll get it done i suppose. i know the rational outsider’s answer would be ‘well why don’t you start working on that better future self now?’ and i’m like great fucking suggestion and i have nothing to argue against that. i just literally cannot envision my future at this point, even if i act on my vague dream of doing art as a job. maybe once i fucking finish these finals and this quarter i’ll be able to think more clearly but idk. as i said in my last post, i really need to consider seeing a therapist bc being at home and having to handle being under my parents’ control again is really doing a number on me esp as essentially a NEET (partially false since i’m still in edu but i really do be feeling like that since i feel so useless and dependent on my parents at my age when i know others my age are slightly more independent).

i feel like this ended up me rambling about essentially the same things i ramble abt whenever i talk abt my mental health the past few years and idk how much this actually helped unload the burden on my mental state. i just wish i didn’t have to have this trigger bc i would’ve just made the purchase and then not think much abt it until i receive the package. but now i have to have this concern for the future on top of the fucking deadlines i have in the next 2 days.

#diary

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thisbluewind · 4 years

Text

Dare

I wrote a sad KyoSaya oneshot.

There’s lots of angst. Sorry.

Sayaka slid into her desk chair with a sigh. “Ugh, schoolwork is so boring,” she complained to no one in particular. She opened the lid of her computer, and entered her password in a blur. She’d finished her homework with Madoka, time to scroll through tumblr and talk to people! She’d missed befriending strangers on the internet. And maybe Kyoko would be online.

It had seemed like her girlfriend was avoiding her, and their most frequent interactions nowadays were reblogging and liking each other’s posts on tumblr, and if Sayaka texted first, late nights spent talking for hours upon hours about nothing and everything. However, Sayaka eagerly snapped up even these snippets of conversation, when they forgot themselves and easily fell back into their old rhythms just as they did before Kyoko distanced herself.

Her shoulders sagged as she opened Google and typed in tumblr. She took a breath and forced herself into her usual cheerful posture and smile. It’s fine, I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, I’m okay. It worked, at least for the time being. She shook her light blue hair over one shoulder. It was growing long in quarantine, and she quite liked it. Sayaka logged in to tumblr and was greeted by her familiar blue dashboard. She clicked the blue ‘create a post’ pencil and started recording a video.

She grinned, letting go of her fears and worries and insecurities, and for a moment, she was actually fine. The grin slowly became more genuine as the camera started rolling.

“Hey everyone, Oktavia here! Sorry it’s been a while since my last post, I’ve been really busy with school and stuff. As always, make sure to drop me an ask or DM if you have a request for what character I should draw next. The top three as of today are-” she consulted a piece of blank loose leaf paper, though her viewers didn’t know that. She’d committed the list to memory and the paper was just a prop. “They are… in third place, Keefe Sencen from Keeper of the Lost Cities, requested by an anon. Sorry anon, never read the series. I’ll look up some reference art and post the finished product by tomorrow night, though! Uraraka Ochako from My Hero Academia (requested by lilywritesfanfic is in second place, and I’ll livestream drawing her on Saturday. And finally, our first place winner- Spider-Man, requested by eva-the-demon07. I’ll post a drawing of him tonight! Have an absolutely incredible day, everyone! Bye!” she waved at the camera with one hand, then clicked post with the other.

She slumped down in her chair, satisfied. Within seconds, comments started rolling in. We love you, Oktavia! Take as much time as you need, remember, you’re not obligated to draw for us. I love your drawings, but you’re more important, take care of yourself, okay? You’re amazing, Oktavia!

Her need for validation filled, she clicked over to Kyoko’s blog and was greeted with several new posts. Her cell phone lit up with a text just as she was clicking on the first one. Sayaka groaned and picked it up. There was a new text from Kyoko and two new ones joined it on her screen. She tapped on them immediately. Kyoko had written ‘idk how to break up with people properly ive never done it before but im breaking up with u’ and then ‘i dont love u anymore’ and then ‘theres someone else’.

Kyoko was breaking up with her? There was ‘someone else’?

“Are you kidding me?” she didn’t realize she said it out loud until she heard it. “There’s someone else? Just how long has this ‘someone else’ been someone else?” she snarled at her phone, tossing it onto her desk.

Sayaka flopped onto her bed, shocked. A tear leaked out of her eye and she angrily swiped it away. She lifted her right hand, seeing her bright blue Soul Gem growing dark with sadness and bitterness.

A knock on her bedroom door came.

“Come in,” she said listlessly. She made no effort to sit up or disguise the fact that she was crying. A red-haired girl with a ponytail stepped into the room, her usual bravado tinted with slight shame.

“What the hell do you want?” Sayaka stood up, the venom in her voice surprising her. She stalked over to Kyoko.

“Just hear me out, Saya-” Kyoko started.

“I care enough about you that I will. But after that, get out of my life forever,” Sayaka snapped.

“It was a dare!” Kyoko burst out. “It was a stupid dare, just a game. I didn’t mean it.”

“You didn’t mean any of it.” The words came out hard and cold. “It was all just a dare. That makes sense- you never loved me. You were just playing with me for a year.”

“Saya- I wasn’t-” Kyoko clearly hadn’t meant for it to go like this.

“Leave me alone, Kyoko!” Sayaka shouted, her voice breaking. “We’re done.”

Kyoko stumbled backwards in shock. “Wait, no! But Sayaka-”

“Just go! I can’t believe I fell for your act!” Sayaka ushered her out of the room and slammed the door. She braced herself against the inside of the door and slid to the ground. She opened her hand, revealing her previously bright Soul Gem a dark midnight blue. It was almost completely corrupted.

Sayaka sighed with regret, and closed her eyes. She could feel her Soul Gem cracking, and when it shattered into a Grief Seed, she didn’t feel anything at all.

“Kyoko,” she whispered. And then she fell to the floor.

On the other side of the door, Kyoko slammed the side of her fist against the wall.

“Damn it,” she swore, anguish in every word. “Why did it have to go like that?”

A witch’s labyrinth expanded through the door, and Kyoko gasped, swiveling around to stare at it.

“Damn it! Sayaka!” she called. “Sayaka, can you hear me?” Receiving no reply, she transformed, and slammed the dull end of her spear against the door, and it collapsed inward painfully slowly. “Sayaka!”

She broke through the door at last. Sayaka was crumpled on the floor in front of it.

“Sayaka, no! This can’t be happening.” Kyoko tentatively turned Sayaka over, noting the lack of Soul Gem. “No!” She knew what had happened. Sayaka had succumbed to despair and turned into a witch, and it was all her fault.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she released Sayaka.

“I love you,” she choked out. But it was too late.

#kyoko sakura #sayaka miki #kyosaya #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm oneshot

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