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#idk! i miss belonging!!!

gaysontodd · 1 year

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i miss the community of church sometimes. i miss sitting through four-hour sermons once a week and eating lunch as a church in the next room. i miss lining up and sitting at folding tables next to a bunch of other kids. i miss a lot of things about it. i miss having shared language, where if i said “the truth of the spirit is in her” we all knew what that meant. when the pastor said “let those who can eat without sin do so before we pray” we all knew that meant someone had been prideful. we all knew that meant someone thought they could exist without sin which is pride which is a sin. when mike stood and faced the room during worship we all knew what he meant by it. it was an understanding that comes from community and a shared foundation. i miss that. i miss the feeling of safety when id refuse communion and people would praise me for being brave and acknowledging my own sin. i miss the way i could go to almost anyone and say “this passage makes sense but i know i’m missing something. what is the context i need to understand?” and get an answer or they would present my question to whoever i cant ask that would know- the pastor or another church elder. someone it would be an imposition to approach directly, as a young person. i miss a lot of things about that particular church.

#leo.txt #yes this was the cult church. yes im working on it #idk! i miss belonging!!!#fucking sue me #im not even christian anymore. id still go back in a heartbeat

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wildstar25 · 1 month

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MiqoMarch Day 23 - Midnight

With their intended voyage into the void only a few days out, Arsay thought it the upmost importance that she steal her partner away to Kugane, that they might share one more fond memory together should things not turn out the way they plan in the thirteenth. It was as they crossed the very same bridge the miqo'te had once sat on together two years prior when Arsay gifted Y'shtola with a bracelet matching that of her own. A token of endearment which, Arsay confessed, she would have given to her fellow scion back then, had nerves not gotten the best of her. While their relationship has undoubtedly changed since the initial purchase of the jewellery, the sentiment remained the same. Y'shtola was someone who Arsay loved dearly and she will forever be grateful to have the seeker's life intertwined with her own. No matter where their free spirits took them, they would always hold each other in their hearts. A promise Y'shtola was more than willing to keep. She slipped the the string of beads around her wrist without a second thought. They were never to come off, not even when the two decided to delay their return to Radz-at-Han in favour of a private bath at the dead of night.

#miqomarch #miqomarch 2024 #ffxiv #y'shtola rhul #y'shtola x wol #wolshtola #Arsay Nun #WOL posting #arsay nun lore #arshtola #thanks to nhaneh for the body mod #i had to do some insane fov to get the moon and them in the same shot so sorry for the distortion #forcing arshtola lore into this prompt since idk when Ill ever get around to gposing the actual scene #this is between 6.1 and 6.2!#endwalker patch spoilers #i had the idea that arsay bought the Dai-ryumyaku bracelets from a vendor between 4.3 n 4.4 when shtola is off to the doman enclave #and arsay is like hey wait you should let me show you around kugane on the way over!#a fun friend date that ends with shtola finally accepting she has a crush on arsay and its terminal #and arsay having a single moment where she starts reflecting on feelings & thinks maybe she missed hanging out w/shtola more than she shoul #only to quickly butt that idea out of her head and continue being super normal #arsay notices these matching bracelets with red and purple string and shes like oh they are so cute and they look like #they belong in a pair it would be so sad if they were ever split up unexpectedly #i know ill buy them and give one to shtola wouldnt that be fun!#so she does that and then cant bring herself to give yshtola the damn thing because she starts second guessing herself #so arsay stashes the bracelets away and she started wearing hers later under her glove #fast forward to two years later and arsay finds the other one in one of her bags #and now shes dating yshtola and they are about to go somewhere super dangerous #what better time to tell your gf how much they have always meant to you #and what better way to do it than with a gift and some words spoken from the heart?#it was a little unconventional since arsay didnt really have marriage on the mind but it was a proposal in a sense

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jrueships · 2 months

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can you please walk us through the relationship between wemby and jabari the people need to know

i think the most notable thing about vic and Jabari's relationship is that they don't have one, when it would be so beneficial if they did. they're like two soldiers fighting for the opposite sides of a war, too loyal to the cause to stop and think about what could have been if they just lowered their respective weapons aimed by cold hands larger than their own. foils by fate, friends by freedom.

' remember, you will Always be Different. '

' remember, you will Always be Replaceable. '

'Replaceable'

Jabari's dad made it in the NBA, then didn't. He was a big that could shoot, but wasn't a post-up man. Back then, post-up was the desired style. Ironically, now, it's all about shooting. But his dad didn't live in the now, and his career in the US was short-lived, to keep it cordial. Jabari's older brother played basketball throughout his whole life, but stopped after college. Jabari's cousin, Kwame Brown, was drafted 1st overall in the lottery, and became a notorious bust for the Washington wizards.

Basketball is a business. Basketball is fleeting.

It doesn't matter that a big with sharpshooter skills is valued as something so 'prized' in today's nba, not back then, not when it would have mattered for Jabari's dad. Making it is one ballpark in its own, but Staying in it? Can perhaps be an even more painful ordeal when the hoops to accomplish it aren't circus hoops, but a plain hill some just don't have the strength, mentality, or the materials to help climb without distraction or pitfall.

Jabari's dad made sure Jabari had this threat forever ingrained in his mind. When he yells at Jabari for misplaced eye contact, for typing the wrong words in a public social media reply, for reacting in a way a camera might misinterpret, it's out of love. Jabari's dad was known for being a hassle to coach back then, maybe because he knew his potential and no one else did because it was too new to the mold. So he makes sure Jabari doesn't follow his same habits. Jabari is polite to authority, simply replies with a 'Yes Sir' or a 'No Ma'am', he holds eye contact, he wakes up hours before he needs to just to jump rope, just to uphold the standards that his family could not. He is Everything his father is and isn't, plus more. When his team wins, he's still talking about his missed freethrows even 8 hours later. Because someone else could have won the game And hit those free throws too . someone from a family that gained success and stayed in that success. Someone who wasn't Just Another Son of a basketball player trying to do what his father couldn't, someone who was Different .

Everyone knew wemby was different. When his literature class was asked to write an essay about your future dreams in life, he wrote a fictional romance about a couple where the woman got in a car accident and was comatosed as a result, but got better in the end. He didn't write about being a great basketball player one day, because his parents don't pressure him to hunker himself into the norm, even though his mother once was and now coaches. If Wemby one day realized this wasn't for him, they would encourage him to leave and follow whatever greater passions propelling him. He's so agile for his size because his dad was an Olympic talent in track and field. He is someone who has hobbies and talents that are considered common alone, but strange combined, because he loves what he has and what he does. He reads every night for one hour before bed not to appear as some pseudointellectual, but because he Genuinely loves it, and when he loves something, he excels at it. He does try to be different, but not out of ego. He just loves to be. He either accomplishes at 200% or zero. It may be 200% in an unexpected direction, but it's His direction and that's what matters. If he somehow does wind up a bust, a possibility he considers without fear but acceptance as potential fate, then he won't go down as yet another failed first pick. He'll fall as he flew, Victor Wembanyama.

' Different '

' Replaceable'

Jabari winces each time he's subbed out, even for a second, even on an injured ankle, he's silently Stubborn, his posture shrunken and his gaze at the ground yet his eyes, big, wobbling, staring up always at the speaker, he's silently scared.

Jabari doesn't Want to be different. He just wants to be what his family couldn't be when it came to fame: irreplaceable . His parents split when he was younger, he tries his hardest to appease them both as to not cause any more issues. The relationship relies on his shoulders more than ever, and he can't fumble it again. He has to be what his dad couldn't so his dad can stay, commenting on commonality or surprises. He wants to support his still working mother, especially after the split. He doesn't Want to be unique, he just wants Security.

Because this can crumble any moment now, it doesn't matter how high your pick was or how bright the future Could Have been or how the game would later shift to your style if you had just somehow Stayed. Why bet on low chances if you know you can't handle the risk. He shakes any college coaches' hands that showed up to his practices, personally thanks them for coming even though he's one of the best in the country so their presence should be a given to him, it's not. When he picks a college, he picks one that guaranteed their faith in him from day One, and didn't require any further prodding to finally say '.. Maybe we'll offer you a position' like Kentucky did, as big and famous as it is, it wasn't Secured . They saw him as a risk at one point, and that's everything he's been trying to avoid when it came to attention, negatively standing out.

Jabari wants to be known as the strong shoulder to the world. He WANTS to be known as That One Guy who can just carry everything, nameless but Good. He just wants to be Good. Please tell him he's good. Please tell him what he's doing is Good. That basing his entire personality around yet another soldier who ultimately fell in battle but fought nonetheless being nameless is Good. Please feel free to give him all your burdens to bear like he's just some mule, an animal, a Tool .. because that means he's Useful, at least. That means he's Good. And if he isn't good, then he's nothing. Because you can always just buy another one anyways. A better one.

'Different'

Although his parents try not to treat Wemby by simplifying his differences into a strictly labeled, simple FUTURE BASKETBALL PRODIGY box at birth, that doesn't mean that can always stop others from doing it. Wemby signed his first autograph at ten years old.

It didn't matter if he was a kid who was so much more than just his basketball future, basketball fans wanted one thing from him and one thing only: Success. People didn't care about his literary skills or his drawing hobbies. The eyes on his alien needed to be smaller 'so your shoe can sell better, trust us, it's still Your drawing.. your weird little .. not money-making hobby, do believe me, Vic, We know what We're doing. You just stick to whatever you do.'

His differences, in the end, are minimalized just to that. He's just Different. That's what everyone says who wouldn't really care to say anything at all if he never hooped as well as they wanted in the first place. The youtube videos of 40 year old men criticizing his 15 year old games didn't Really care if he was just a kid, they just cared in the 'imagine when he reaches peak physicality? imagine the points (money) he'd make for the nba.' His beautiful differences, artistic, soft, unique but oh-so wonderfully common and passionate.. are all dissolved into 'Different', the Base definition.

he's an alien. Someone you can just dump all your poverty franchise worries onto because don't worry, he's Different. Trust me, he'll save your team. 'He's Different. ..am i talking about how he'd effortlessly answer questions in class while also trying to hide the fact that he's playing on his phone by tucking his bony legs awkwardly in his chair and crouching his spine over that it looked almost scary? HELL NO? what does THAT have to do with BASKETBALL?? no, he's just freakishly long, but like. Gifted. Though. ... I don't know, man, he's just DIFFERENT, okay? you can trust me, i'm a sports podcaster, okay? everything i say is gold.'

A celebrity approaches him because he was different than most famous basketball athletes. He was Different. And yet, when he didn't recognize or notice her presence due to Different cultures ( due to Being Genuinely, Detailedly Different ), he was scorned and ushered out of public eye so another possible pr bomb couldn't injure his reputation as a Difference That They Really Would Rather Not Want.

that's what his reading falls into, his old friends, his family, his art, his personality. If it's beyond ball, if it's beyond Business. The world only cares if it's marketable. Sure, some reporters will ask a question outside of sport, but only because it'll be a Different.. funny little nugget of knowledge for fans to laugh at then soon disregard for what Really made him famous. But, Wemby is what he always wanted to be. He's Different. So What if it's not exactly the kind of Different he actually wants, he actually functions on? No one has the time to perform 200% anymore. Slap the label you wanted and call it quits, stop being so High-Maintenanced. That's not marketable.

You're just different. And to some people, that's all you'll ever be. No need to explore it any further. Who knows, your Consumers might find something they won't like. And we can't risk that happening to our greatest circus freak.

i mean. Generational basketball talent .

If there's a press conference going on that somehow includes the two, then Wemby just wants to be sure everyone can hear what he really wants to say, in his own words, not echoing anyone else's, and Jabari just wants to Be in the Room.

His brother stopped playing basketball because his family said he didn't try hard enough. Jabari Can't have that. His whole life revolves Around basketball, around sport. He doesn't WANT to be DIFFERENT if that isn't the soundest option, he just wants to be GREAT. Because GREAT is SUCCESS. Jabari Smith is not success. It's just a retry at it . His father shares the same name.

Wemby's life did not always revolve around basketball, to people, at one point. At one point, Wemby's life was just his life. Now, it seems like only his family think that, and they're from a whole other country. When he comments on videos critiquing his playstyle, he doesn't do so out of anger or questioning, he does so because he genuinely Wants to improve. He Does want to be great. But, he wants to be great in Everything that he finds interesting. He always did. When he likes an author, he reads All their books, not just their most notorious novel. He wants to be transported into other people's worlds so he can learn, so he can change, so he can be Different. Even if he somehow were to lose all of this fame, this Greatness, this job, this opportunity, he will never really lose. Because he's someone who's always taken opportunities to the fullest, so even if they pan out a little differently, that's Fine, really, because he's different. Not in the minimizing, dictionary definition then leave the meaning at that different, but in the butterfly effect. What he once was ten days ago is not exactly the same of what he is now, and it hurts, sometimes, when people fail to see that, or simply don't want to because textbook different is easier to digest than worldly different.

IN SHORT.. theyre foils. i can't Exactly walk u thru their relationship bcs .. there Isn't one.. & that's what's so Interesting about them. That's what makes their relationship, to me. Because if they WERE to be friends, if they somehow in some alternate world WERE to get paired up on the same team... they would be friends. I really think they would be. Not only because their signs are so compatible, or their differences are so stark, but because their similarities would triumph everything beautifully. Maybe. We don't know because they Weren't paired together, we can only speculate. But i think it would be big and beautiful, whatever they would have, it would be Something.

unfortunately, we don't live in an alternate world where they're teammates though ! Double unfortunately, Jabari and Wemby's biggest similarity is their loyalty to the game (a double-edged sword in both their lives from Jabari's silent unhealthy desire to be limited and Wemby's silent desperation not to be) Wemby, in Jabari's eyes, is Indeed a powerful...

Problem.

He's not really a person to him . In all fairness, no one really is when they're involved in the basketball world, not to Jabari, not from the way he's been taught. Everyone's supposed to be Replaceable, a faceless tool in the pocket of good business.

.. except for This freakazoid. Apparently.

APPARENTLY, he's some supposed 'saint'. someone to be feared for being more. APPARENTLY, the reporters just LOVE yapping about him SO much, that Jabari HAS to take the time out of his training just to talk about some guy who doesn't even GO here, yet when they ask him about his opinion on future prospects. WELL, that's ALL wemby IS to Jabari, just another future prospect. Just another problem.

A problem he'll be sure to check off his list.

... okay, so Maybe he's a bit more than a problem.. maybe.. he's just a really persistent problem? yeah, that's it, nothing more. Jabari will work through this. He Always does. That's what he does well, Work.

Wemby wonders if that's all he ever does .

But he doesn't have long before Jabari's marching down the tunnel to beat himself up over all his mistakes other people would never make, and Wemby's being escorted to an interview that other people would never make solely to show how Much he just Stands Out as a soul... in basketball .

I hope they find each other in basketball, and out of it as well. I just feel like

Something would Happen

#THANK YOU for this ask #i was so scared making it tho like... im srry it's so long but im afraid i cant short answer in life 😭#if im scared it's gonna miss something 😭#i MAY be an overthinker hooper 🗣‼️‼️💯🔥#in reality thank u for asking fr <333 it's been a while since ive done one of my (in)famous ted talks LMAO #i hope this helped 😊!! <- i say as the whole point of it was that it couldnt actually help #LiSTEN- iN THE END.. IT'S FOR THE DELULUS IM AFRAID #the OHHHH but the POTENTIALL #mfs who have mental illness (multi shipping)#theyre like pg and dame Thats a Bad Shot to be #like they both have insane 200% or nothing work ethics... but driven into such POLAR opposite means to an end #theyre like two people who wrote an antithesus to the other but would actually rule the world together if given the chance #2 veey powerful heroes belonging to two different alliances or worlds.. holding similar but different ideals #corny one liner quip bcs i have to for the kids marvel wemby and trying to be edgier bcs fck them kids dc jabari #idk theyre insane to me #pls say u understand #bcs i dont think i rlly do myself and thats why i love them so much #theyre a puzzle and i wanna know if the final product is exactly what ive been imagining from the pieces given to me #or if it's completely opposite #either way it's so fun for me to figure out but again. i may be insane #if i am .. feel free to tell me 😭😭 really. at least have the courtesy to tell the polar bear his world is melting before taking a picture #ted asks #ted longer #jaba #webby #IF I MISSPELL WEMBYS NAME PLS BE NICE 2 ME. I DID LORE RESEARCH HIM i SWEAR. I RESEARCH ALL MY POSSIBLE SHIPS PEOPLES CUS IM SCARED OF #MISINTERPRETATION. SO IF U SEE ME MISSPELL WEMBY.. IT'S BCS I AM STUPID YES. BUT LIKE. NOT WITH RESEARCH. IT'S JUST MY STUPID BRIAN #*BRAIN**** <-SEE?? i Dont think i have to explain any further how his name is a Nightmare for people like me who #think 8s are 6s on a math test and fails bcs of it EVEN THO the problem wouldve been right if it WERE to be a 6.. it is simply not

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miicycle · 4 months

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super upset that zhen gets to become dragon warrior. like why add her. we didnt need a new character before other than villains, but they all had references and the whole story was already written out when they made kung fu panda. at least make tigress or tai lung the next dragon warrior

either way actually why the FUCK is he passing the fucking title to someone?! thats not how it worked! he was prophecised! his journey is over! hes the dragon warrior, destined! He fought and won against Tai Lung and Kai (as well as found inner peace through shen) why the FUCK can he even pass the title on to someone else?! this shit aint real. im making tai lung help po whether dreamworks likes it or not

#kung fu panda 4 #tai lung #kfp4 #im literally heartbroken #shen barely gets screentime #kai barely gets shit #tai lung is a minor as fuck role #ZHEN gets to be the hero? why? shes got NO connection to anything!#she doesnt even look like she belongs!!!!#this is so upsetting idk #i miss u tai lung #spoilers #kfp4 spoilers #rant #mii talks

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soldier-poet-king · 24 days

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my ex best friends from highschool put together one of those 'open when' gifts when i went away to university, i was the only person in our entire friend group to leave town.

obvs. things went to shit with them. it was messy and ugly, and in no small part my own fault. it's been almost 9 years. it's. im not at peace with it. but im not filled with the same bitter (unfair) anger.

im also moving! and not just dorms or uni apartments, moving moving, so im going thru all those random drawers of crap. i keep saying im gonna throw this out. it hurts to look at. but i feel bad? what if i want it later? what if we reconcile? what if the sky falls down, more likely. i feel guilty? looking at old photos and letters in handwriting i havent seen in years and curated playlists on CDs (yes im that old apparently). am i throwing away their love? a final terrible thing in the long list of terrible things i did in that friendship?

#the duality of fran #yall i genuinely need advice here it's kinda. uh. killing me #im lying in bed agonizing #im trying to rest bc tummy hurt from HELL rn #even had to cut murder squad bg3 short #and now it's just. well.#been a teenager fuckin sucked and i dont want to go back but also i miss the closeness and the friends and the #idk. sense of community and belonging i havent had since then. not in the same way. not REALLY #i was also super awful trad religious homophobe. but there was still just. yknow.#yknwim??? i obvs am not going back. will not go back.

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byanyan · 5 months

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YOUR MUSE'S INVENTORY.

rules: list the things your muse carries in their pockets or bags in their every day life. (optional: explain their significance.) repost, don’t rb.

ㅤi've talked at length about how byan is most often seen carrying around a huge backpack that effectively functions as a portable bedroom, so for this i'm focusing on the days (which slowly become more common) where they're able to carry a smaller bag.

phone — the screen is a little cracked and the bright pink case with cat ears on top is a bit scuffed, but it still works just fine. it's a lower end model, but they've spruced it up with a few cute stickers plastered to the back of the case.

wallet — it's cute, it's purple, it's kuromi. they've had it since they were twelve, so it's pretty well-worn at this point, but still perfectly functional (and adorable).

knives — always carrying somewhere between three and five on them at any given time, these knives tend to be pink or a colouful iridescent and can vary in type, from switchblades to balisongs to full on combat knives. where they can be found also varies; could be in their bag or in any of their pockets, or even strapped to their thigh, hidden in their boot, or tucked in a secret homemade slot in their sleeve.

makeup — usually just whatever they might need for touch-ups throughout the day, which is typically no more than whatever lip product(s) they're wearing and an eyeliner pencil.

cigarettes — never any specific type or brand, they take whatever they can get their hands on. sometimes you'll find them with a vape pen instead, though it's less common.

drugs — usually, it's only weed; a bag of flower and some rolling papers, or some joints they've already rolled tucked into a tube that's covered in cute stickers. however, it's not terribly uncommon to find them with something a little harder on their person as well; whatever they've managed to get ahold of.

lighter — a cheap thing they've swiped from a convenience store. they always grab a pink one if they can, but unfortunately it's not always an option.

adhesive bandages — given their tendency to end the day bleeding in at least a couple different places, these are a must. they are also always pastel or have cute patterns on them.

sketchbook (and pencils) — an inexpensive wire bound book with a scuffed and torn cover, full of all assortment of outfit ideas, tattoo concepts, their boyfriend's face, and numerous other detailed sketches, none of which you're allowed to see. as long as their bag is big enough for it to fit, it goes with them everywhere.

stolen items — whatever they've managed to slip out of pockets or swipe off of shelves throughout the day. this can range from cash or credit cards and jewelry to snacks, makeup, clothes, cute items, or things that made them think of someone which will later be given as gifts. there are no rules here; if they see something they like, they take it.

sharpies in pink and black — never know when you might want to leave a nasty little message on a bathroom stall.

sachet of glitter — why? uhm, why not?

#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ dash meme.#i went for the 'what they carry when they haven't got all their important belongings on their back' theme so this wouldn't be too long #but it still ended up kinda long anyway :/ kid always has a lotta shit with them idk #honestly i probably missed some stuff too bc i am Not organized #but anyway i wanted to post something while i'm burying myself in bg.3 4 months late #and you know i can never resist unnecessarily detailed headcanon dash games #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

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lilithpleasant-archive · 2 years

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@casualcorvidsims asked abt my favorite not sims simulation games, and i, of course, decided i needed to go all out, lol. so here is a list of simulation/management/gathering/crafting/sandbox-y games, or games that i just think a simmer would enjoy, lmfao. idk they all felt like..... related, somehow. pics are all mine, i used the 10 i had played most recently, but a more comprehensive list is under the read more. bolds are super favs/games i’ve spent a lot of time on:

animal crossing new horizons, apico, astroneer, bear and breakfast, calico, cat cafe manager, cattails, cloud gardens, core keeper, cult of the lamb, cozy grove, deiland, gleaner heights, graveyard keeper, grow: song of the evertree, littlewood, monster harvest, my time at portia, necesse, ooblets, parkasaurus, rune factory 5, spiritfarer, starbound, stardew valley, staxel, story of seasons: friends of mineral town, story of seasons: pioneers of olive town, summer in mara, wytchwood

#mine #nonsims #im gonna do a list of my fav game games sometime too i think i love talking talking abt games!!!!#idk how well some of these fit into the simulation genre #but they just felt like they belonged lol #i feel like i probably missed a bunch but i cant come up with anymore rn lol #other games

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