i miss the community of church sometimes. i miss sitting through four-hour sermons once a week and eating lunch as a church in the next room. i miss lining up and sitting at folding tables next to a bunch of other kids. i miss a lot of things about it. i miss having shared language, where if i said “the truth of the spirit is in her” we all knew what that meant. when the pastor said “let those who can eat without sin do so before we pray” we all knew that meant someone had been prideful. we all knew that meant someone thought they could exist without sin which is pride which is a sin. when mike stood and faced the room during worship we all knew what he meant by it. it was an understanding that comes from community and a shared foundation. i miss that. i miss the feeling of safety when id refuse communion and people would praise me for being brave and acknowledging my own sin. i miss the way i could go to almost anyone and say “this passage makes sense but i know i’m missing something. what is the context i need to understand?” and get an answer or they would present my question to whoever i cant ask that would know- the pastor or another church elder. someone it would be an imposition to approach directly, as a young person. i miss a lot of things about that particular church.