my ex best friends from highschool put together one of those 'open when' gifts when i went away to university, i was the only person in our entire friend group to leave town.

obvs. things went to shit with them. it was messy and ugly, and in no small part my own fault. it's been almost 9 years. it's. im not at peace with it. but im not filled with the same bitter (unfair) anger.

im also moving! and not just dorms or uni apartments, moving moving, so im going thru all those random drawers of crap. i keep saying im gonna throw this out. it hurts to look at. but i feel bad? what if i want it later? what if we reconcile? what if the sky falls down, more likely. i feel guilty? looking at old photos and letters in handwriting i havent seen in years and curated playlists on CDs (yes im that old apparently). am i throwing away their love? a final terrible thing in the long list of terrible things i did in that friendship?